High Rollers DnD - High Rollers: Rogue's Gambit #9 | The Old Windmill

Episode Date: November 16, 2018

The gang try to find the Old Windmill, and make a valuable friend along the way! Check out Idle Champions here - https://bit.ly/2MJSdYy - to earn us those valuable D6s... we need all the help we can get. All you need to do is play the game! We're playing the brand new Waterdeep: Dragon Heist module! More information here: https://bit.ly/2JdEX8M Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome back to A Rogue's Gambit. This series is sponsored by Idle Champions. Download the game now to earn us some dice, which will help us with our ability checks. The team have escaped the eye catcher and have some leads to follow. It's time for the party to investigate the old windmill. Let's play a rogue's gambit. So, a little recap for you for last week. Half the party were captured by Jarl Axel Banre's forces

and held aboard the eye catcher, a ship harboured just off of Waterdeep Dock. The other half mounted a rescue. Rescue. Escaping a slow death trap. That was a good one. Yeah. We're alive.

In a James Bond-style death trap, Bertie and Boomer rejoined Aquamumber and Fleur, who had used an apparatus of kawash to find them, scuttling along the harbour floor. I'm not doing that. I am not doing that. Come on, you're the only one. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Thanks to an illusory shark and some interesting decisions,

the party managed to escape from Jarl Axel's ship with some clues about where a certain vault is located. Hidden in the vault, half a million gold coins, of which lots of parties are after. And the party in this group have been hired to locate. You had some clues, with Jarl Axel letting slip

a couple of things in Bertie and Boomer's presence. And we begin with you guys arriving back at the harbour aboard the apparatus of Kowalish. You scuttle in to the harbour and I want to know what you guys are going to do now.

Well. Complain. Sure. Oh, you've got one hit point, don't you? Oh, yeah. You look terrible. I mean, well, thank you. So Boomer is currently I'm probably sweating a little bit

Frostbite all over his little body Still a bit cold I have a really expensive chess set now don't I You do have a very expensive chess set How much does that weigh? Two and a half thousand gold Oh my god yeah Oh I have stuff too

Yeah I just wanted to make sure of the value Because I wrote it down And since then I've been like That can't be right. Two and a half thousand gold chests. It's made from jade and obsidian. Custom made figurines.

I have 500 GP of pearls and three pistols with bullets and gunpowder. I've got some antitoxin. Four packets of gunpowder? You didn't specify. It's four packets of gunpowder. I shall specify now. Four packets.

What have you got, Aquamumba? What? Nothing. I've got some soap. You've got your ring and your cloak. You've got a bunch of magic items that were gifted to you by Lariel Silverhand, the open lord of Waterdeep. Bertie also has his own collection of items that

he salvaged from a dungeon uh from the mountain itself um you're basically a wizard now but yeah i've got a staff a huge helm of teleportation and some winged boots so you are basically a wizard i'm basically a wizard harry harry yeah nine back oh Harry. Nine. Back. Oh, yeah. Now Francis can just boom into the harbour. Six. Forward. Sure. At this point, just tell me what you're doing,

because you know how it works. Going forward. Yep. To where? Retracting the claws. It just turns into a barrel. Claws. Opening the windows. Hey, what does this one do?

Don't push buttons. Well, two of you are inside and two of you are outside. Is he inside or outside? In fact, I think it's just Aquamama's inside and then the three of you were like, you're stood on the outside using your cloak. Bertie's like flying alongside it, holding Boomer, I think. We're just walking away from the ship.

You can now see the crowd assembled on the water deep harbour front are beginning to kind of cast a curious look at this very very strange sight of a floating golden barrel, a half dead goblin, a goliath

with a fancy looking helmet, some winged boots and a big stick and then a tiefling with an enormous gun just kind of stood horizontally on the side of a barrel. I'm just going to be like... And a big Spider-Man cloak coming out from behind. I'm going to be languishing in Bertie's arms, just, like, singing to myself,

Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me. We pillage and plunder and steal. Slowly close the shutters. Shut our windows. I'm like... Drink up, me hearties, yo! Is it my turn? Muffled.

Sweet release. I might just start. Six and going back and forth and shake everybody off. Well, we're floating above her. Well, Fleur you can't shake off because she's basically stuck like Spider-Man into it. And Bertie's flying beside it. But I don't appreciate it, though.

She's going to be like, what are you doing? Bash on the top of it. Nice. So what's the plan? I'm going to walk to shore. At this point. I'm just going to keep walking forward to get to the shore, I guess going to walk to shore At this point I'm just going to keep walking forward To get to the shore I guess

And then you land on the shore He does a little chuckle to himself Hey Bulma We almost died I'll open the rear hatch Yep Opens up on the back of the barrel How damaged is the barrel?

It's got some dents. It's got some dings. Yeah, it did pretty good. It did pretty good. It has clearly like a shark has bitten it twice and then it's got like bullet like, you know, dents in the side of it. But they'll buff out. They'll buff out. Hey buddy,

look. That crab farted and Aquamamba came out. Wait, what crab swimming is that a crab I mean yes barrel just bobs with blood stood on it I'm going to go into barrel and press

the homing thing okay so you hit the homing thing it just begins to the thing begins to shut once you leave and then it just kind of like sinks down into the water and then scuttles back to its little base

leaving you guys in the water it's probably for the best that we don't take it back because otherwise she's going to charge us for damages

and I don't want to be charged for damages could have just pressed that button would have done all the work for me yeah but then we wouldn't have

had a nice escape but if you pressed the button it would have gone home yes but you've been spending the last few minutes pulling levers and

driving. I just wasted all my time figuring out all the levers I'm never going to use. Well, it just means you've got to work out those skinny little arms of yours, Aquila. Skinny little noodle arms. What are my key points on? You're going to hit him. He's on one hit point.

Skinny little little arms. Don't test me. Don't test your leader. I love you, Aquamumber. Why have I told you that? Okay, buddy. Huh? Hold Boomer real tight.

Okay. Like, real tight. Don't you ever let Boomer go. I won't. Real tight. No, he's my friend. Damn it. Why?

What do you want? He's trying to get you to crush me to death. Do you want me to? No. Because I can. You're real strong, but I'm not actually seeing your strength. What? I punched through a wall once.

If you do it, you're never going to get your teddy bear back. Okay. Here you go. You go on the ground. Thank you. It's been swaying a little bit. What have we got? We had an apparatus of crab-like stuff.

It's gone. Had. It's gone. It's gone. We had the leader of this renegade, hidden, luscan, drow outfit in the grasp of our hands. Yeah, but we did get some good information. He's gone.

We had the Steiner Galore, but that's gone too. Yeah, I don't know how. It's very true. No one of you saw that, so. You were the last person with it. Yeah, it got away from me. So all of that's metagaming. I don't imagine you...

I don't think he would have told you what exactly happened. There was an elaborate tale of how 40 armed guards... Well, then immediately Boomer knows it's bullshit. Come on. You have to roll for it. I'm rolling for bullshit. Deception is plus six. Was it insight?

Sixteen. Thirteen. Yeah, I've got a clue. Slight bullshit. Slight whiff. No. It's a small whiff. Fine.

Stone of Galore is gone then. We do, however, have a lead, don't we? The old windmill. The old windmill. That old Joel Axler as well said something about a third key and one painter standing between him and half a million dollary do's. Hey, he was real nice. He was, wasn't he? I liked that guy.

He was, apart from the bit where he tried to kill us. Oh, yeah, he did do that. It was real cold. Yeah. Yeah. He owes me some fish and chips. That was a spider, too. Who doesn't at this point owe you fish and chips?

Well, he did. You don't. I'm glad. I never will. But... Big spider. Wait, what? I think you saw a spider.

Yeah, didn't you see the big spider? Creepy little spider. Oh, that thing, yeah. A spider. It was a spider. Great reminiscing. So, how are we going

to get all the money? Where are we going? The old windmill. I need a fucking great nap. We should probably rest and a curry and then I'm going to contact my friend

I have friends yes don't look so surprised you have great company I've got a great friend I assume your other friend is just as useful she was talking about me by the way if you missed that. Hey.

Hey. Hey. I like to think that it's not necessarily that Tom keeps getting that you're playing a male goblin. It's that Bertie just doesn't understand gender roles. Says he, she, them, whoever. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize. Depends on the time of day. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. She thinks, like, whoever. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize. Depends on the time of day.

Yeah, exactly, yeah. She thinks, like, he is in the morning. It's like a good morning, good afternoon. Where are we going, little girl? It's a bit different, but yeah, it's a bit creepy. So you want to take a long rest, is my understanding. Yes, please, Lord. As a team, you would like to take a long rest somewhere.

Where would you like to go? There are many taverns in the docks. You can go to, I mean this is Waterdeep it's a huge, expansive city full of wonders and places to go and places to see. Can I curl up in a pile of ropes? Yes.

You're not sure how long it will be until you are undisturbed. Who just does the goblet? It's a working dock. It's a working dock and you imagine you're not sure how long it will be until you are undisturbed. Because this is a very busy... It's a working dog. It's a working dog, and you imagine if you sleep... It might just push you into the water.

Yeah. Yeah, true. Or they'll just kill you because you're a goblin. Oh, they're... Frejudice, man. Yep. The fluffy cat, where did he go?

He went to the... Tiger's Eye. Okay, so you're going to search for a place called the Tiger's Eye. Or we could just go back to the Yawning Portal. I mean, that... That's quite far from here. Wait, do we know where the old windmill is? Off the top of your heads, no.

You could spend some time researching old windmills. Let's go to the local pub slash hotel slash inn. no, you could spend some time researching old windmills. Let's go to a local pub slash hotel slash inn. And yes, the Yoring Portal does have rooms. It is an adventurous tavern. It supplies rooms, board. And how far

is that from the docks? I mean far. It will take you several hours or you could hail a carriage and it will cost you about three gold. Hey, wait, do you guys want to go to the portal place? Oh, yeah. It's quite far away. Do you have any uses left?

There's one left, I think. Do you have one use left? Yeah, I think I've got one left, and I recharge them every dawn as well. Oh, that's true. Yeah, okay. Come here. I don't think you can lift all of us. Come here, I don't need to lift you.

Oh, let him try. You're really smart. Come on, let him touch you. Come on, gather in. Gather everybody in a fight. Get all tight. Come here, I don't need to lift you. Let him try. He's really smart. Come on, let him touch you. Gather everybody in a fight. Get all tight. Come here. Get all cuddled up. Come in here.

Lean forward and then use the teleport helm. So in the middle of the docks there is a crackle of arcane power as this helm upon Bertie's head begins to hum and glow. And then in an instant, you all vanish and reappear outside the yawning portal, scaring several horses.

Bertie throws up. Several horses are bucked and frightened. A large crowd of onlookers gasp and stagger back. Ta-da! You can't just play with that stuff. We're here. You wanted to come, eh? Look, there's protocols and teleporting

directly into a public place. I'll take it back. No, don't! You also note that the helm no longer seems to have any power left in it. I believe that was your last use. I'll take it back.

No. Nothing. Oh. Just get it. Did you break it? Oh, God, maybe. I think it's broken, stupid thing. No.

No. Birdie. Yes, you threw that. Birdie, pick it back up. Don't. Birdie, carry me into the portal. Come on. Okay, come on.

So you pick up Boomer, carry him into the tavern. Okay. It is as normal. There is a few people inside. Most seem to be keeping to themselves, sticking to little booths, having discussions.

I'll go in saying, another successful adventure for Aquamamba and co. Sure. Wow. We got all the heirlooms and powerful enchantments. Who would have thought? Just gives you a nod.

Greetings. We have returned successful. Hello. Good. Hello. You're not impressed Nope Nope You want a drink? Yep Okay

Go up a little steps Two copper reeds Up the steps I'm not going up the steps Is this guy Aquamon Because it was pretty bad What do you mean? Well

The Aquamon that we were with It was a bad mission It sucked And he's saying it was real good that's what he does that's what he does throw coins up it's like a little

can you get someone to bring it down he just holds it over the top thank you reach up take it down like gathers the coins

puts them in his little pocket so you know anything about old windmills it's the next part of our legendary quest pocket. So! You know anything about old windmills? It's the next part of our legendary quest. You know, saving the world and stuff. Know about some windmills?

There's loads of them around. Just here to save the world. What do you want to know? Just kind of looks at you and leans on the bar a little bit. Is there any new? You want new old windmills. Nearby.

Windmills? There's loads, yeah. Windmills generally make grain, and this is a big city. An old windmill. Anyone that's not making grain no more. Yeah. There's a few around. I can't really...

I mean, there's tons. I mean, the city's old. Plenty of old buildings being unused anymore. Most of the outer city used to be hills and farmlands and it's been developed, so... Viewers! Gonna need some more information. The eye catcher.

Was there anything else in the book? Ship? The book that just said... Nothing that would be useful in this scenario. With the accents They come in here see maidens fair. No, they're over by the dots. I won't come up this far is my old buddy Matt come in He's busy. He's a busy guy heartbreaker What how many windmills are nearby?

looks at you give me a persuasion check. There's dice here. Did you forget your dice? Yeah. That was not a good roll. Ten. Ten? He kind of looks at you, he's like,

I'm a barman, I don't know that much. If you want to find out about old windmills, you're probably going to have to get out in the city and ask people. There's no one to be talking about old windmills. There must be someone in here that we could talk to about that matter who might know a bit more than you do. You can ask around. Any of your regulars that you know?

Could it be like the name of another pub? You want the name of another pub? Yeah. I mean, he gives you a bunch of names of other pub you want the name of another pub yeah I mean he gives you a bunch of names of other pubs sweet have you got any rooms I need some sleep no rooms how much depends on how what kind of room you want you want a good room you want a bad room I want a brilliant room I want an excellent you want the best room I have best for Goldeneye excellent I love that does he

have a bath in it? Yep. Sweet. It's magic water. Heats up. How many of those you got? Two. I'll take the other one.

All right. Four gold. Yep. Yep. Do you want a room? I got some other good rooms. They're not as good as those rooms. I have literally no money.

I'll just... Wait. No. I have no money. You have a 2,000 gold chest but I can't pay for a room with a chest hey what does this get me and I dropped 75 gold onto the thing good room and a lot of drinks I'll do that good you and he's like Here just take the 75 Please No tabs

We'll take that money back It's his money He's not giving it to you He's got like the money That's too much money You want food and drink I will give you He's got like the money Birdie What? That's too much money Is it? I mean I'll get You want food and drink? I will give you

Don't exploit this man Gold's worth of food and drink That sounds good Oh Birdie could definitely Eat that amount of food Yeah that sounds good Okay I'd like to see it

I'd love to see it I mean it's food It's a wonder Can you set us up a table? It's a magical experience Ooh feast Yeah Excellent thank you

Yeah of course I will Hey can I sacrifice Some of the food and you tell me about the old windmill? I don't know about this old windmill. If you want to find out about old windmills, go out into Waterdeep and ask people. I'll take the food then.

All right. Nice. He'll take the food. 70 golds worth of food. He nods to a side room and you can see that there's a blonde woman, quite, you know, classic-looking tavern wench, but she's got, like, blonde hair.

And he kind of just nods at her, and she kind of is like, oh, yeah, no problem. And then she disappears. And then sort of coming out of nowhere are dozens of these, you know, men and women all in sort of, like, you know, service kind of wear. So sort of, like, loose tunics, little aprons. And they begin putting a bunch of these tables together. They bring out, like, a big, service kind of wear. So sort of like loose tunics, little aprons. And they begin putting a bunch of these tables together.

They bring out like a big long tablecloth and they begin bringing out like, you know, silver platters and things like that. And you can hear a bunch of orders and shouts coming from a kitchen. Fine bottles of wine are being found and placed on the table. A bunch of them come up

and offer to lead you up to the rooms prepare baths clean your clothes basically with the 75 gold that bertie's paid he will basically for bertie and fleur as they paid for it provide a bunch of services you guys because you paid for the more expensive rooms get somebody to take care of your clothes and prepare baths and for you anyway um so yeah that poor fucker who has to deal with boomers' little shorts. Yeah, it's pretty close. They'll probably have an unseen servant. Use Tom's.

They'll use a magic. They'll be like, magic servant, deal with it. But yeah, you guys can enjoy a very comfortable long rest. Yay! Can I also enjoy a very long, uncomfortable eating session? Yeah, so when considering, like, how many of you are going to sleep? So I'm guessing

are any of you going to sleep or you're just going to take time for a long rest? Basically eight hours of non-activity. Can I, like, before I settle down, can I send my... Because I've got Thieves What's It. Thieves Can is a language. Criminal Contacts. Right. Can I send my... Because I've got Thieves, what's it? Thieves can't is a language. Criminal contacts. Right.

Can I send off a little note to... I don't know who would be best. Probably that one. Okay. Maybe. I don't know. What do you think? I mean, I'm not going to tell you... I'm not going to give you a free ride. You decide what your little character wants to do.

I just want information on the old windmill. I don't know. Whatever. Give me information on the old windmill. Or I could just do it with General Thieveses. There is an immense banquet prepared. There is a full roast boar. There is

fruits. There is fine breads, fine cheeses. I don't think what's about to happen is going to count as a long rest for bertie no this did i roll initiative if you want to there is an apple there are two bottles of the finest wine in uh water deep uh very but this is very expensive wine okay and then there is basically unlimited like kegs of ale that are just free to tap. You just help yourself to them.

There is a bard brought in who plays a little jaunty tune while you have your banquet feast. Nice. Hey guys, you're probably going to want to turn away. Do you just go Oh no! I'm going to pour myself some of the fancy wine and sit back this is gonna go

okay i'm gonna just really go to town on this ball yeah well you're just like ripping parts off i'm just tearing it to pieces okay some of it i don't even eat do you eat a bit of the table by accident? I don't. I just black. I just see red. What does that mean? I rage. Right, okay. What does that mean, Thomas? I don't think he knows. Explain this vision inside your head. Yeah, please.

Enlighten us. What do we see? I just really tear shit up is what I'm saying. What does that mean? What does that look like? Are you tearing? Are you just gouging yourself? It starts with eating.

And then I'm just biting it and throwing it at the wall. I just have a real... I just make a meal out of this. Oh, yes. I would imagine so. It is a meal. But I just go wild. Okay. And this takes place

for you know you have like eight hours so it's like eating, sleeping taking time to unwind you get washed your clothes washed

you take baths You're okay. Cut my toenails. I think probably make a constitution saving throw for me. See how long how many hours

it takes me to pass out. Yeah that's 21. I mean, yeah, you just endure this feast and drinking quite well. You just engorge yourself and live this life of luxury

for the brief eight hours of this rest. And you savour it. And once the eight hours are left, I am just covered in food. I walked away like ten minutes in when I knew of where this was going. Grotesque. Okay.

See you in the morning, buddy. Occasionally like serving staff like when you're not raiding, when you calm down, they probably come over and like they have like water like they have like these kind of balls with like they have what they just Throw water on him and clean him down Because eventually you know I go into a corner is like I'm in a boxing ring

Someone comes over like wipes the sweat off my Legitimate like you sell a little stool and they're like like white face They're like a tent like where you've got food on your face. They'll attempt, like, you've got food under your nails. About halfway through, people are pulling me back. I'm like, no, I need it! No, you don't need it. You don't need it.

I need it all! As the debris is cleared around him, they clear it away. They bring out fresh sheets of what you got on the table Is there a chunk missing from the table? Yeah, he might have taken the chunk out of that I imagine from upstairs

there's still that slight muffled sound of him just tearing it apart Oh, you can't avoid it It becomes a bit of a spectator sport There are people making bets on if he's going to pass out About six hours in, I start crying.

That's on if he's going to cry, pass out, or throw up. Yeah. Tears, there's tears. You can't be out

and throwing up with the two major bets. There's some sweaty, greasy tears coming out. I think the only person, there's one person who bets that he makes it the whole way through,

which is Minsk. And Minsk puts a bet that you're going to, he's like, no, he will eat the doll. He is a big, strong man. And he wins. Like, you see, he probably rakes in about 100 gold out of his bets from betting on Bertie. And he comes up at the end and he's like patting you on the back. He's like, good show. Very good.

You make Rashemi Bar barbarian proud very good I fall asleep you deserve rest good warrior you fought well today means very proud my maximum HP has been drastically reduced no you made your con save you're fine oh god but yeah it's just you know you wake up or you made your con save. You're fine. Oh, God. You wake up or you finish your long rest, but he is brought to consciousness. The tavern, apart from this missing chunk out of the table,

nothing looks like out of place. It all gets cleaned up and cleared away like this was no big deal. What the hell happened? Did I dream that you spent 70 gold on food? I was hungry. 75, technically. I was real hungry.

It was food and drink. Did it happen? It was like an empty keg of ale. I swear I remember drinking wine and watching you. No, it happened. Like breathing really frantically. He's got the meat sweats. Like your stomach is pushing on all your other organs.

Everything hurts. I'm going to stand a safe distance from him the whole day. You're not sure how this will affect you in the long run, but it will affect you. The whole day I'm going to stand at a safe, vomit-free distance, just in case. I called mum, but I made a mistake. About half of the eight hours, whilst you're having this conversation, a very intimidating-looking half-orc. He's probably about 6'10", bulging muscles.

He has an eye patch over one eye black leather armour and an enormous longbow we're talking Uruk-hai Fellowship of the Rings style longbow

with these huge arrows just comes snarling in looks around where's Boomer you recognise this as Ziraj the Hunter I'm just coming down the stairs

And I'm like complaining like Alright who starched me trousers I don't even know how you starch leather trousers Ziraj Bloody Don't give me that shit High five Down low

What's this garbage It holds up your message Figured I wanted to see your beautiful face again No. Down low? What's this garbage? To your side. It holds up your message. Oh, yeah. Figured I wanted to see your beautiful face again. He, like, just crumples it up in his hand, throws it behind him. I'm a fucking assassin, Boomer. I don't find old windmills. Well.

I don't do field work. I'm a fucking assassin. You're a tracker as well, mate. I track people work I'm a fucking assassin You're a tracker as well mate I track people that I'm hired to kill Alright Not windmills Fine Let me explain buddy

You seem a little bit peaky Do you want some food? No I bet if there's none left I think the food's gone Let Boomer buy you a little drink Fucking yes Yes

Fucking yes Too Too right. Let's catch up, buddy. Why did you send me this fucking message? Because I miss your face. He gets up to leave. Wait! I've got a man.

I need you to track. He needs to be a little bit dead. That would be nice. Okay, now we're talking. Who's the target? Have you heard of a man called Jarl... Well, man, drow. Maybe keep it down.

So did you just say Jarl Axel? Yeah. Jarl Axel Banre? Yeah. You want me to find and kill Jarl Axel Banre? Well, they say you're the best of the best. I'm pretty fucking good. Better than all the rest.

But Jarl Axel is also pretty fucking good. You better be paying me a fucking fortune for this. Bit Jason's thing. That was not intentional, but it's not happening. Bit Mark Strong?

No, it's more Jason's thing. God, dreamer. To kill someone like... Oh,, dreamer. To kill someone like him, I mean, you're talking like 20,000 gold. He is one of

the greatest duelists in the Sword Coast. Probably across most of Toril, right? He is a killer.

What about to find him? How about that? Does that bring the cost down a little bit? A little bit, yeah, yeah, it does. You want me to find him? Okay, that'll be nice. I'll find him for 2,000. Yeah?

Half now, half when I find him Do we get a best friends discount? Nope Buddy This is coming out of your wage Not mine Not my idea Well what's your plan?

Now use this guy Have you got any friends that aren't huge hulking men? Oh yeah Well has this guy your best friend is he compensating probably oh good just trying to get a discount you know

you're my best friend thanks do I get money off I like your weapons for nice great it's like it just reflects off this guy. Like, whatever...

He just looks at you unimpressed, miserable. He does not look like he was happy to have received a message. Got any work right now? Things a little rough and slow? No, I've got plenty of work. Funnily enough, a lot of work for an assassin in Waterdeep. So, uh... No job?

Finding fee is 2K? 2K. To find Jarl Axel. Yeah, sounds like you've beefed that up a little. Sounds like you don't like Boomer very much. What if I have? What are you going to do about it? Try and bring it down like a gentleman. Well, good luck with that, mate.

1.5. Come on. I'll show you my apparatus of qualish. No. I've seen it. You have? I've seen an apparatus of qualish, yes. There's more than one. I'm sure there is. I don't care. Look, if you're trying to convince me to drop the money down, good luck. There's more than one. I'm sure there is. I don't care. Look,

if you're trying to convince me to drop the money down, good luck, make a persuasion check. Yeah! Die. Eight. He just looks at you,

he's just like, no. All right, no trade. Two thousand, I find him. Half now, half when I find him.

If you can keep an eye out for some old windmills along the way. Fucking windmills. Why do you care about windmills? I don't know. He mentioned something about the old windmill before he tried to kill me. Okay. There you go. We've made your job easier. You know where to start. Vaguely. But yeah, two thousand. Half now, half when I find him.

Maybe we should just go and look at all the windmills. I mean, I feel like we deserve a little break. Why not get someone else to do it for you? Because we don't get all the money. This is what we're meant to be doing. We don't need money. What? I'm leaving.

The whole reason that I've been here this entire time. Gunpowder's cheap, mate. Bombs are cheap. Fire, pretty much free. Gunpowder is not cheap. Just as a point of fact. Gunpowder is not cheap. It is when boom is around.

No. No, because he's stealing it. Yeah, I get it. It's very rare and very expensive. I want four of it. Yes. In my pants. Four of it in a massive safe.

In my pants. All gunpowders. Yeah. We don't need them. We don't need you. You're clearly very busy. I need them. Great. So you've just wasted my time. He did. I remember that. He did. I was going to pay you. Pay me then. Look, I've got 500

now. When we find When you get 500 more. Let me explain. Right. Let me explain. Just call me a little keks. Right. We're trying to find this thing, the money that's gone missing, the half a million dragons or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. So this Jalexil has the thing that opens the vault. Right. When I open the vault, I can get you the money. I've got 500 now, and I can give you everything, maybe even a little bit of interest after. Or,

I can just go find Jarl Axel and work for him. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your time, sir. It's been an honour. Too much information. What? I'm an honest guy. I gave you my terms. They're my terms. You got no money, have you? Yeah, an honest guy. I gave you my terms. They're my terms. You got no money, have you?

Yeah, I got 75. Yeah, you can see that he's basically going to leave at this point. Bye. You guys are a bunch of party poopers. No. Party pooper. Okay, put it this way.

If this guy's as good as you say, if he's given him a lead on a lot of money and now we're up against him... I mean, Joel Axel knows I'm probably going to try and find him anyway. Yeah, but that's now us against Joel Axel and also this guy that's also after Joel Axel. No, he's fine. Just pay him off. You just told him that he had, like...

Just pay him off. Half a million. Just pay him off. Money. It makes the world go round. If he takes half a million, that's a lot more than we can pay him off with. Oh, well. Has he takes half a million, that's a lot more than we can pay him off with. Oh, well. Has he gone now?

Yeah. I'm curious. Why are you doing this job if you don't care about money? Shits and giggles. You're a very odd little goblin. I mean, look at me. I know. Wait, so is that guy looking for the jelly guy?

He is now. Let's follow him then. Yeah. Let's follow him. But he's going to know. Wait, so is that guy looking for the jelly guy? He is now. Let's follow him then. Yeah. Follow him. But he's going to know. Yeah, he'll probably know. I'm quiet. He's an assassin.

He's going to know. How about you follow him? Because you're good at that. Can I leave? Yeah, you leave. You look around. Is he gone? No sign of him.

Go up to the roof. Yeah. I leave. You look around. Is he gone? No sign of him. I go up to the roof. Yeah. Climb up to the roof. I won't make you make a check because you're not under any pressure. You can take your time. He's gone. Get up to the roof.

Looking around. Big crowded streets. Big, busy, fantasy city full of people. You make a perception check. Use the dice. Roll like a hundred dice and then you'll definitely find him. Oh wait, if we one of those rolls that's like, yeah no he's not there. 30.

30. So getting up on the rooftops and searching around you see this half-orc, Ziraj. And you are able to track him. Now with your perception check you can keep track of him, follow him as he goes, but you need to give me a stealth check to see if he are able to track him. Now with your perception check, you can keep track of him, follow him as he goes, but you need to give me a stealth check to see if he's going to notice you. Dice it up. Do it. Dice, collapse, spell for me.

Live big. Let's grab ten. Good job you rolled those extra dice. 25. Okay, so you managed to as far as you're aware, Good job you rolled those extra dice. 17 on dice. 25. Okay. So you managed to, as far as you're aware, keep yourself hidden. He weaves his way through various streets and he heads towards an old-looking district where he enters what looks to be like a dilapidated apartment building.

It looks kind of like ramshackle, fallen apart and he heads inside as far as you've folded him as best as you can without making a way inside actively okay I can go back and report actually, I could

I'll stick around for a little bit and can I just crouch down real low on a rooftop with my rifle and look at it through there so there are a number of windows most of which are have wooden slats that you know are all closed um I mean he's inside the building you're not sure where he is you scan around you can't really see inside because the window is being shut. So yeah, you don't really know where he's gone inside itself.

Can I look near around the back of the building? So you make your way around to the back. There is like an alleyway that kind of runs parallel alongside this building. You don't see anything at the back. You watch it for a bit of time.

Nobody comes and goes. Okay. I will go and report to these guys. Okay. Yeah, you go back to the yawning portal and tell these guys what's happening. While that was happening, I've bought Bertie a really hearty breakfast.

And a huge mug of ale as well. Okay. Bertie! Hey. Bertie! Hey! I want to congratulate you! On?

On the work you did on the boat! Yeah, I did good! Here's a huge amount of food for you. Okay. And a big amount of food for you Okay And a big glass of ale Please Thank you Don't disrespect me

No I Please enjoy it You're my friend This is for you You're my friend I'm a part of the questionaries Tuck in Okay

What's wrong? Natural 20 You eat it up Delicious as always A couple of breaths and then I just go Go at it Polishes it all off Licks the plate clean quite literally

Oh man that was real good thank you You're still feeling very full though Yeah But you finished it Thanks Aquaman but that was real good That's 2 gold for the breakfast I'm in shock Yeah. But you finished it. Well, thanks, Aquaman. That was real good. That's two gold for the breakfast. I'm in shock and disbelief.

I just wander away speechless. So after Bertie's breakfast, Fleur comes back, reports what she found, that Ziraj went to this kind of abandoned apartment building. I'm shaking. Can we buy potions here or anything? In Waterdeep, you can buy whatever the hell you want. You want to buy stuff? Buy stuff. I just mean specifically here.

I mean, at the Yawning Portal, probably not. Do they have a little site nearby? I don't think Durnan has stuff like that, but you could easily go, like, you don't have to go very far. There'll be dozens of alchemists and enchanters and all sorts. Whatever we decide to do next, Boomer wants to buy some potions.

What kind of potions? Do you just want to buy regular ones or do you want to buy the more impressive ones? Some more impressive ones. Okay. So I think greater healing potions, we'll say, are 200 gold. And how much are regular? So, I'm just trying to find it. So, regular healing potions are 50 gold, and they're 2d4 plus 2 HP regained.

Greater healing potions are 200, and they're 4d4 plus 4. There is superior healing potions, which I think will price about 600, and they're 8d4 plus 8. And then that's... They don't have the supreme healing. They only go up to superior. Sorry, did you say regular was 50? 50 gold, 2d4 plus 2. Okay, can I buy one greater, one regular, please?

Yep. So you have one greater, one regular. That's 250 gold. Cool. Can I see if I can find someone to look at this chess set? Easily. We're not going to roleplay it, we're not going to roll it. There will be a collector who will give you 2,500 gold for it.

Is it magical? It's not magical. Okay, I'll take that. It's just a very fine piece of art and some collector. You notice all the obsidian pieces are drought, and then all the jade pieces are surface elves. And yeah, he snaps that up. Two and a half thousand gold.

I'm gonna do... He probably gives it to you, like, the jeweler or the art collector or whoever buys it probably gives it to you in, like, various denominations, so you don't have to have just a massive bulging sack of coins. He probably gives it to you in, like, rubies, gemstones, platinum,

gold. Maybe a couple of thin gold sticks, literally pure gold sticks that are worth X amount each. Just ways of breaking it down. Damn. Can I trade in my necklace as well so it's 500 GP worth of pearls?

So I just have the money for that. Sure. I also bought the same amount of potions. So one greater, one standard. How much is one greater, one standard? 250. I'll do the same. Okay. Yeah.

So you're basically spending the rest of the day at this point with the long rest and then going around doing the shopping. You basically, until evening, you spend the day buying supplies, exchanging art goods that you've got. And yeah, we come to the evening. I think there's untapped potential here. Or here, with us?

Within this team. There's something very special. It's a man that can inhale and devour everything and I don't think there's any end to it. No. No, there's not. How can we use such incredible power?

Side shows. That could work. After this job. Yeah? You're going on stage. Yeah? We're gonna make you big. With food?

He's definitely gonna get bigger very quickly if he eats that amount of food. We're going to enter you in food competitions. You're going to win all of them, get loads of money. We'll get you a nice suit that expands. Oh. Oh, hey. That expands. I'm going to be honest.

I don't know how much of that I actually ate. What? A lot of it was on the walls, on the floor. I had a bit of table at one point. Slide of hen. I like it. What? No, I just see it through it. I punched a bit of table at one point. Sleight of hand. I like it. What? No, I didn't see it through it.

Like, I just really... Oh. I punched a bit. Anyway. Getting a move on. What have we got? We got old windmill and a half wall that's now against us. We might not be.

He's got a busy, very busy schedule. In my line of work, it's best to assume the worst. He's such a pessimist. But if we tail this guy and he gets the job, that's a bonus. And then we just kill a huge hulking half-orc assassin who's extremely good at their job.

I'm going to punch him. Really hard. You do that. All it takes is one punch. Yeah, one punch. Well, I hope so. I hope so. I just do everything in one punch. Never needs two. No, I never need two. Actually, when you broke me out of that lock, you needed two on that. Oh yeah, but locks are tricky. Okay. I don't know how to. Fair enough. Face is easy, locks tricky. Yeah. Smaller. I don't know how to... Fair enough. Face is easy, locks tricky. Yeah. Smaller.

I don't know how to pick locks. We've got any more than just an old windmill. We've got the painter. The one painter and a third key. So there's three keys. Where are the other two? He's got the other two. He said he's got... All he needs is a third key and one painter stands between him and the...

Was the stone a key? Probably. Damn. It's a shame there's 40 guards. Help me back. I'm getting them. You've already made one check. He's saying it again. Yeah. And he's the same story as last time. Very persuasive. So if you want to

try and get more information on the windmills on this painter, this mysterious painter that is basically... Yeah, the painter might be a good one. You will need to go out into the city and gather information. And that will make that into a sort of skill

challenge. Okay. So you guys tell me how you're going to use your skills to try and go and speak to contacts or fences or research, whatever you want to do. However you want to try and find this information, you tell me how you're going to do it, and if you get a certain number of successes,

you will succeed. Well, because I'm like a thief background, I have like these kind of criminal contacts. Like, is that enough or do you want me to... No, you will need to make some active thing. You can use those things. And if you want to say, say because i'm a thief i've got a thief background i want to go and speak to my criminal contacts you can do that but what are you going to are you going to try and persuade them to give you the information are you going to try and intimidate them are you going to try and

like sneak in somewhere and steal city plans like what how are you what are you actually going to do just saying i'm a thief give me answer is is not going to be enough it's like what are you actually going to do? Just saying, I'm a thief, give me answer, is not going to be enough. It's like, what are you actively going to do? So if you want to go to your criminal contacts and get them to help you, that's a persuasion check. Okay. You know? I will be doing that as well. Going to my criminal contacts with my...

So you want to go and reach out to your spy network. I use my thieves can to go to the place of War Deep. I always go to a toilet stand and put my runes on the wall. And they know that the next person in the next urinal, they know where you are and they'll give you the information. There's a certain sequence of fighting at a certain pitch. Sure. So make a persuasion check. And it somehow sounds like, painter, I need information.

like, painter! I need information! This is a persuasion check to convince your criminal contacts to give you relevant information. Or a fontanel. But it can also be things like, you know, going around and asking a bunch of people, like, do you know any old windmills? And asking enough

people that then you could, like, you know, for example you could make an intelligence check to filter out the useful information versus the bad. He's roll it. 10. 10. Your contacts seem reluctant to give the information. So you spend some time trying to reach out to your contacts

and with a 10 persuasion, that's a failure. And what is the case is it seems that most of your contacts, most of them work for organizations that are also after the gold. And so you have this difficult thing of you don't want to give them too much information, but they're not really giving you enough back. They don't trust you enough to get enough back

either. So we'll mark that down as a failure. And you can't attempt to do the same thing again. Once you've tried, you've reached out to your contacts, they're a no-go. So you need to think of something else Aquamumber could potentially do. Does anybody else have anything they would like to try? You know when I bought Grundle? Yes.

And I went down into the sewer and there was that person who knew my name? Yeah. I want to go meet her again. Okay. I'm not going to roleplay out specific things. Okay. What are you going to try to do? Are you trying to convince them to give you information? Are you just trying to ask them for help? I'm just saying, like, hey, we're looking for an old whim.

Okay. So that would be a persuasion check. And there's a painter person, apparently, with some keys and stuff. Yep, persuasion. Wow, that is a bad deed, 16. That was a really bad roll. 16 plus persuasion. That's 18. 18, that is also a failure.

Wow. Well, you have a lot of dice to use. Yeah, I used a lot of dice and still only got 18 yeah making the difference you did roll pretty bad yeah that's gone the difficulty is pretty high because obviously you have the dice and stuff like that I ask a lot of potion speed does it turns out it's just piss yeah well that's not mystery solved sister Wow maybe some slight drugs in it Oh man Psychedelics Psychedelics, yeah

They'd certainly make you think you were going very fast Oh, jeez Why? He gave that up willingly I fished in a bottle It's got some drugs in it See you later, birdie Oh, okay

Can I go to Grinda And see if she might be able to help yeah well you just want to try and convince her yeah be really nice to her

because surprise you you're being so lovely and nice like nobody's like where are they I haven't gone yet no I figured

I wouldn't do that to my own content no that's fine yeah natural 20 ah look this is going to be a success plus

12 so 32 on dice 32 Natural 20 Ah look this is going to be a success 12 So 32 on dice 32 Yeah and you were asking about The windmills and painters and stuff like that In general right So Grinda tells you that There are a number of old windmills

In and around Waterdeep Most of which were part of The settlements before the city expanded There tends to be and around Waterdeep, most of which were part of the settlements before the city expanded. There tends to be... She'd probably give you a list of ones which still exist and have something about them

where they're just not normal windmills. They've either been bought as housing, they're abandoned, or things like that. She can give you a breakdown of those. But that information on its own is not going to be enough. It helps you narrow it down, but it's not going to be enough. There's too many, they're too spread out.

They're not really going to help you get any closer without more intel. Does she say anything about painters? She probably doesn't know anything about that. Okay. But certainly your companions can keep Plugging the city for more information I'd like to intimidate some people So you just want to go around

The scum of Waterdeep Yeah I'd like to kind of like maybe threaten them With my bombs like tie them up Like you know put some bombs on them And be like do you want to know how I got these scars wow okay how cool you're super cool i set fire to myself it was a really big mistake don't fuck around with gunpowder for sure it's probably still gonna be enough because she rolled enough dice I've also got plus 8 intimidation

21 on dice 29 total on dice no 29 with your intimidation what he said I'll trust Tom Hazel you spend some time going around intimidating street thugs

and going after minor gangs anyone who looks at me funny. Anybody that looks at you funny but also people that know the city pretty well and yeah you get some more information so there's been an active amount of interest around a couple of these windmills like from gangs and groups looking for the treasure hoard and so they help you narrow down the number of windmills itself. In terms of painters there's a few things it could be there are the number of windmills itself. In terms of painters, there's a few things it could be. There are a number of wealthy painters that live in the city, you know, kind of famous art collectors. There's also a couple of crazy, you know, old painters that were, you know, mages

that created like magical paintings and things like that. But they're all, again, there's a bit too many of them to really help, But it helps you narrow more information down. Yeah, they give you some tasty, juicy goss. Tasty, juicy goss. Any goss about this prick, Aquamumba? Because you weren't asking about it. Just, you know, just general grapevine, you know. Let's probably talk about, yeah, like a bunch of four of the adventurers going around teleporting.

Oh, that's us! Yeah, it turns out it's you. But yeah, nothing else really pertains to it. But any skill you've used, you can't use again. So you've exhausted your intimidation, you've gone around, you've beaten up people, you've gone to all the people that you knew you could muscle. Set fire to a few people. Yeah, exactly.

So what else do people want to try? Can I use investigation? Tom's done. I'll just, no. I'm not going to bother. Carry on. No, please do. I was going to say that I spend the next few hours just shitting up a storm.

There's Tom's contribution. It doesn't help. And it lands in the shape of a windmill. I go to the cubicle that I come up away from. And the reason it didn't work so well is because I punched out all of the... I'm not there. I'm going to go to a mystic.

Watch it, I'm a big believer in mystics. Well, I think Boomer had something about Investigator. You wanted to do something... So with the information that they've given me, can I, like, you know, maybe get a map, pinpoint the ones that they mentioned, and use my brain? Can I come together with Boomer and try it? Oh, with our powers combined.

Yeah, sure. So you make an investigation check for me then first, Fleur. It's amazing how Tom can do so little and also do so much. He's eaten a lot. 24. 24. And then Boomer'd make the same mistake.

Just shack him, Tom. Like, he's done a lot to contribute to the campaign and then he's also done so little. 14. I don't think I've done a lot to contribute to the campaign. I mean, without you, they wouldn't have got in and out of a lot of places. Oh, true. You did great last week.

We had a whole side quest because of Birdie. In a prison. 26. Yes, so the two of you begin mapping it down, and you spend some time in the city archives, going through lists of property developments and things like that. And there's a couple of things you find. You find that Lord

Neverember, who was the one who originally embezzled the fortune, bought up a lot of property in Waterdeep. And that included several windmills. And it also included several art galleries and several painters' residences.

He's done. He's done. I'm ignoring him. I'm trying to ignore him. Please ignore me. It's really hard to ignore you. I can just see you dying in the corner. Are you just imagining? I can't read. There's some guy walking past,

and Bertie's just screaming. Creates his own imagery that makes him like die laughing I'm not doing that that's Tom in his own mind imagining this scenario for podcast listeners who can't see Tom laughing

he's been bright red silent laughing for about a minute oh god I've been crying as well I can't write now he's like sniffing like because he's gone you know when you laugh so much that you can't write anymore i've doubt that's just happened which is great um but yeah so so you find a number of these these properties were bought by lord never ever okay um and you're pretty close you think you're pretty close to finding out the information But yeah there's just a couple of things There's a lot of dead ends as well

There's a lot of mislaid records You kind of have to double back and check stuff But we've eliminated some though From this And you wanted to go to a mystic Big believer So this is a religious mystic Or is this more of a wizard, a divination

More divination actually So you visit a wizard more of a wizard divination more divination okay so you visit a wizard who specializes in divination and what kind of skill would you like this to be I just want to pay yeah you could pay you're not sure how effective this will be but sure you have the stones you always use buddy you know the ones yes I know the ones Aquamumber Welcome You have the payment As agreed As agreed

Oh good What was it again? This is my wrong spell book I thought you said You weren't RPing this Yeah but this is too good Yeah This is

This is gold This isn't a skill check This is Trot Throwing his money away Which Mark always has time for. How much was this again? Oh, yes.

Let me consult my book of spells. He's enjoying that way too much. Yes. And what was the nature of the question, Aquabumba? I like it to see where a person is. Oh, you wish me to locate a person? At this very moment. Ah, I can do so.

That's an extremely powerful wizard. Yes, yes, I actually am capable of such a feat. Yep. Locate creature. Yes. Now, you are familiar with the creature yes yes

I will charge you 400 gold sir it is a it is a spell of the fourth circle hundred gold a circle

fourth circle I don't know you wizard talk all I know is 400 400 gold too much well that is the price

Of power How often do you get people Asking and paying Give me a persuasion check then Use the dice Jeez No I want Chris Trott to do this This vanilla

He's like I don't need your dice Persuasion Natural 20 anyway No, I want Chris Trott to do this vanilla. He's like, I don't need your dice. I'll sweat your shin. Oh! I'm not through 20 anyway. Plus, uh... All right, I'll do it for 200. 200 and not a cup of less. You do this every time.

Not a cup of less. 200. Every time. 200 fine. All right, here we go. Daddy is eating well tonight. Take a trip to? A trip to the butterfly farm, if you know what I mean.

Please tell me you're not actually a dad. Please tell me you're not actually a dad. I have four handsome children. Oh, God. Six grandchildren. Anyway. Yeah. Six grandchildren.

Anyway. Describe or name the creature you wish me to find, Aquamumber. Jarl Axel. Jarl Axel? Jarl Axel Banre? The famous... Very well. I must try and sense if he has any ability

to overcome scrying. I thought you were a good wizard. I am, but he is also very powerful. Don't saw yourself. He would be under J. Are you going through a dictionary in your mind? Shut up! The mind library.

It's more like a Rolodex. Let me see. It does not appear that he has the ability to hide himself from my scrying. mind library. It's more like a Rolodex. Let me see here. It does not appear that he has the ability to hide himself from my scrying. But does he get a saving throw? He will get a saving throw. What jargon are you

speaking with him? I'm not sure if he does actually. Really? I'm sure you've never used scrying. Let me read it from my spell book. Describe or name a creature that is familiar to you. You sense the direction to that creature's location as long as that creature is within a thousand feet of you. If the creature is moving, you know the direction of its movement.

The spell can locate a specific creature known to you or the nearest creature of a specific kind. So as long as you have seen such a creature up close within 30 feet at least once, if the creature you describe is named or in a different form, such as being under the effects of a polymer spell, the spell doesn't locate the creature. The spell can't locate the creature if running water at least 10 foot wide

blocks a path between you and the creature. Like the ocean? What's 1,000 feet in miles? Lots. It's like everywhere. We don't... We succeed. Do a quick conversion for me. We don't... We succeed. Do a quick conversion for me.

We don't use this. No. Measurement! No. 1,000 feet into miles. 0.189 miles. So it's not very far at all. No.

I'm afraid Aquamumber is beyond my reach right now. I want a refud. But I can concentrate on this spell for up to one hour, and therefore we can have a wander round the city. But I will need your sense of direction to guide me. You're not going to hold your hand like that the whole time. I have to, it's a modern spell. I can wander around.

You're going to embarrass me. I can't let go. Can we come together and look at the logical places that we think. Right, I'm going to take you to the Yoni portal. And then just like take you to the Yoni portal. Keep concentrating. So,

one of you four make a survival check for me. Or a, um, just a straight up intelligence actually Oh hey Can I use dice on this? Sure, that's a check Intelligence 19

So that's 19, 23, 24 25, 26, 27 So you're looking at the data you've collected so far You take this guy within an hour and maybe you have to spend like 15 gold on a carriage just to get you around as quickly. Or to fly him around.

Yeah, winged boots. You just fly this wizard around. He's like classic old wizard with a big beard. His name is Zebzot Zwindle. Zebzot Zwindle. Wow. Zebzot Zwindle.

Zebzot Zwindle. Zebzot Zwindle. It's a wizardy name. Yeah. And you fly him around. He's like, very good, Bertrand, to the next location. No. And eventually, you visit a...

He starts beeping. You visit a windmill that was converted into a series of housing that Never Ember bought and he's like, wait! Wait! I sent him! I sent him! He's currently in a very nice hotel. That one! And he points at a very

luxurious looking building which overlooks this large square where there is this worn quite elegant, maybe once, but now it's a very dirty windmill. It's kind of, it's like a square has been built around it, and this windmill is in the middle, but it looks very dilapidated and kind of not well looked after. But it's been converted into some sort of grand residence. And the hotel that Jarlaxle is in is watching this windmill.

It's like, he's in there! You're floating above, like way above, right? He's in there! You can see the wizard is pointing at this hotel. Thumbs up. Bring him, come down. I've lost the spell, Aquaman. And then he flies down.

All right, there you go. For fuck's sake. Quite exciting. Thank you. Thanks a lot, there you go. For fuck's sake. Quite exciting. Thank you. Thanks a lot, Zabzandar. Zibzatzandor. That's a different name you said earlier. That's definitely a different name. But I'm a wizard. I have to be mysterious.

Wow, that's so cool. Zabzan Zindalar. I'm just saying. Zanzanzoodle. And then he teleports. Zabzan. He flaps his hands and then he's gone and you see him appear

30 feet away he just missed his steps because he doesn't know how to hide a spell so he's like he's like hiding behind a box trying to save his story oh damn

why do I deal with these people where bring him back I want him to come on the adventure with us. You can pay him. Do you want to go over and be like we'll pay you to come with us. What would he charge? What would he charge?

What do you need my help with? What do you need Zandalin Zim Zam to do with me? A morale boost to be honest mate. I mean yes. I'll come with you. Are you after this famous treasure? Yeah, I'll come with you Do I get a... Are you after this famous treasure? Yeah

I'll take it for a share Hey, I'm getting 250 gold I'll take what his share should be What? I don't even know what a share is at this point What will we promise? You can have his share I'll have his full share, not his idiot share

His share minus his share. Yes, yes. Very well. Hey, Zin-Zam-Zin-Bab. Zinzor Zandalim! Yeah, I like this guy. He can take it all. Very well. At your service.

Yes. Nice. I'm afraid I have not... Well, I used one of my fourth tier spells and just now now second tier. I still have many more tricks up my sleeve. Goddamn, this guy's mystical. Right, well...

He strokes his big beard. Hey, birdie, I heard if you stroke a wizard's beard, you get luck. What? Hey, can I... Can I stroke your beard? He doesn't... He's not. As you get closer. I like slide my hand all the way down his face.

As soon as you touch the beard, he's just like, Ah! Also give a wizard an erection. I'm joking, Gloucester. Or am I? I don't feel lucky anymore. Or do I? It's a feel lucky anymore Or do I? That's a guess for listening to goblins Don't you be a racist as well

I'm not racist but you don't give the best advice Let's be honest You just made me give a wizard a boner But What would your mother say? Successful skill set accomplished And we got a fun new friend Which Mark is going to enjoy say. Successful scholarship accomplished. And we got a fun new friend, which Mark is

going to enjoy. This character was a natural turning creation. Yeah. Zen Zen Zimbanim. I genuinely can't remember what the first one was that you said. Zeb Zot Swindle. Nobody remembers. Have you been writing down

every single name? Zeb Zot Swindle. Was that the fifth name? Exactly. Who knows? You don't know. It was the fifth name that day. You don't know, my little goblin friend. Anyway, so what's the plan, team?

I don't even know anymore. How stealthy can you possibly be? This stealthy. And he turns invisible. You can't see me now. I can only do this for another hour. You need to think this stuff through before you do it. Can you go check if there's anyone in the windmill?

All right. You just hear like a pound of feet. That's pretty stealthy. You watch him like you guys are like maybe like in an alley like on the outskirts of the thing and you just hear him scoot off. Well, at least he's enthusiastic. Hey, why didn't the Hoopers or whatever they're called just hire this guy?

He's doing great. I like him. We'll probably find out why not very soon. It's probably because we're expendable. I don't know. I'm a good guy. That's exactly what they said. I believe they said that we were expensive

Oh god He's like well I have some interesting news I don't know who lives in the windmill Because it's all locked up quite tight The doors are all closed So are the shutters But more importantly They've been sealed with magic

What? With the arcane lock spell. Are you able to unlock? I can, but I will need some time to prepare a different spell. Okay. How much time? About eight hours. Oh, man, that sucks.

Unless I need to memorize a new spell. Can you go and see if Jarlaxle, where is he in the hotel? I certainly can. While you're still invisible. Be careful though, mate. I think he can probably see invisibubs. Don't want to do that then. He might also be trapped

to high hell in the... In where? The hotel? Yeah. Or at least his room. Ah. Well then, perhaps what was shown you should come with me. Some of you. Ah. Or I could have... Or I could make one of you invisible. I could have a little toot on my chime.

What's a chime? But I wouldn't lift the magic. I rummage around in my pants and pull out my little chime of opening. Chime of opening? Yes, that would undo the arcane lock spell. Why do you keep saying toot? Because that's what you do. You toot on it. a chime it's like a little bit yet triangle no oh it's a

child it's like a little thing triangle triangle but it's like a like a shooting Keep listening This entire time The lowest blow My noise has just been He needs some fucking stats For Zimzor Zamsley He's sticking around He is

I'm going to have to write stats for him Luckily I'm just going to use Generic mage stats for now Okay You'll never get my teddy bear Mike 30 What? Time though Okay Boomer Yo made stats for now. Okay. You'll never get that teddy bear back, 30. What?

Oh! Chime, though. Okay, Boomer. Yo! You got the chime of opening. Mm-hmm. Did you hit on itself

without any air required? So, why don't we just get Zim Zam thank you, man. No, three Zs

to make you invisible. Three Zs, please. I No, three Zs To make you invisible Three Zs please, Aquamumber Get it right Make him invisible and you can go open Alright, invisible And then he appears and Brimidisp is Oh, this is great You don't know where I am

I am now out of my second tier spells I don't know what that means. Me neither. I'm just going to start messing with Aquamama's hair. Get off me. Go do your job. You haven't got long. What am I opening?

The windmill. Why did I have to be invisible to do that? Because someone spots you. Just toot it. Okay. I'm going to go toot my chime. Go toot it. Be quiet.

You hear a little scurrying away? Out of the three remaining, and I guess Zimzor Zimzilim, everyone make perception checks. Okay. Zimzor doesn't notice anything. What did I call him originally? Zerb Zot Swindle.

It wasn't Zerber. Zerb Zot Swindle. Zer't Zerber. Zerb Zot Swindle. Zerb Zot, that's it. 28. 28? Anything else? 10. 10?

You don't see shit. You and Zemzit. Zimzalor. 20, 21. Zorzor Zindalos. 21. 21? So the two 20s.

You spot watching the, you know, the hotel is kind of. So the 220s, you spot, watching the hotel is kind of overlooking the windmill, but there was various alleyways and stores and things like that. And from an alleyway, you can see, kind of half-hidden in the shadows, those

Luskan sailors. No, they wouldn't have the Luskan disguises, they're too far away. You see, kind of cloaked in big hoods, five drow are watching the windmill very cautiously. They're now kind of scanning the crowd. They haven't seen you yet, but they could quite easily. If you try and approach the windmill without disguises

or without being invisible, they'll notice you. You get up to the windmill, Boomer. There's a main door, a big wooden door, and then there is two windows on the ground level door and then there is two windows on the ground level and then everything else is obviously higher up. It's like built into this windmill residence.

Can I toot my chime? On what? On the main door? Main door. So you just go up to the door and you hear it open. Can I cautiously poke it open but not like go in? So you're just like... Yeah, you cautiously open it and

If there are any spiders, I'm out. So, you see that it's fairly dilapidated, very dirty, dusty, just kind of covered everything really. And you look in and you can see that there is a long hallway where there would have been like a grain storage and like the actual mill and things like that. It's all been kind of pulled out and turned into a series of wooden walls. It looks like almost like a series of apartments kind of split around. And there is a stairs leading up.

There is also what appears to be the stairs themselves. Part of it's been stoned off to form like a spiral staircase. But you look in and you don't notice anything initially. There doesn't appear to be anybody here. Cool.

Can I get the other people who haven't noticed the sailors into an alley so that they don't see us? Where are we going? We're going on an adventure. Yes, I'm aware of that, my dear. Oh, don't mean one of those sorts of adventures. Definitely, definitely

not. You know, I'm quite a virile man. Definitely not. Four children, six grandchildren. Strokes his big long gravy. Stop stroking the beard, I know what that does to you. And I'll point out the drone to him and to

Aquaman. No doubt, working with John Maxwell. Yeah, I mean, we saw him. I'm going to send a communicative message to Boomer. You cast the message, Cantrip. What's happening? Are you inside? Uh, yeah.

I cast it again. Cool. Come back. Okay. Do you want to tell Boomer that there's people watching the windmill? I'm invisible. There's people watching the windmill, so don't open the door too much. Bye. About that.

I have to keep casting the spell every time. Okay. See you in a bit. Roger. Right? Fine. Let the message across. Boomer will be back in a minute. Roger. Right? Fine. Let the message across. We'll be back in a minute.

Probably to scare you or something, so... And as he says that, I'm going to... On actual number. Damn it. Watch out, mate. Did they see you open the door? I don't know. Is there any movement in the hotel windows?

I want to go onto the roof and look at the windows of the hotel, like through my... Okay. Give me an athletics check. I don't need it. Do I? Stealth check. Can I make a perception?

See if you can get up to the thing without anybody noticing. Oh, without people noticing. Can I make a perception while I was wandering back, just to see if they spotted me? Sure. Nope. Oh, no. Nope.

I rolled three, plus nothing. Sure. Yep. Oh, no. Nope. I rolled three plus nothing. Yeah. As far as you're aware, nobody's noticed anything. 18. 18.

So you get on top. Yeah. You just climb up onto the top and then what, you're looking at the hotel to see if there's any movement there. Yeah.

You just look in. There doesn't seem to be any movement. You can see that one of the rooms is unnaturally dark. Okay. Like, you can't look in. It's so dark. Right.

You got it open, right? Yeah. So we can't just wander across with these people looking. So what do we do? We teleport in? We teleport in? You gonna teleport in? Oh, yeah, we could. Yeah, we could do we do? Teleport in? Teleport in? Get them teleport in? Oh, yeah, we could just do that.

Teleportation? Bertrand? Yeah? You must be a powerful wizard. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, look, it's... I'm in the presence of a master.

Oh, man. Zin-zin-zaloo. Zin-zin-zaloo. Yeah. Oh, man. Let's go, everybody. Hold it. Fleur is currently on top of a reef. Look up.

Birdie, not all of us are here yet. Oh. Jump down. I'm going to send a message. Jump down. We're going to teleport into the windmill now. We're going to have to hold Birdie. Okay.

One of the rooms in the hotel is really dark. It's going to have to hold birdie. Okay. One of the rooms in the hotel is really dark. It's probably where Jal Axel is. I'm going to go down. Let's, uh... Wait, what?

Isn't he in the hotel? Yeah. Yeah, that's what we're talking about. That's the dark one. The most, yeah. Where the drow are all watching the windmill from.

Oh. Yeah. Man, I went full birdie there. Never go full birdie I didn't think I was going to come back Was that rain Yeah It's so heavy

Oh no Anyway Source the fire Let's teleport The bird comes down And then you're going to teleport them Into the open room That you can now

Is there enough space for us Actually I regain 1d3 charges Well let's roll and see how many you get back. How do I do a D3? I'll do it. Don't worry. Three charges.

Oh! Okay, well, I used one of them. Huddle everyone up. Oh, here we go. He's just got a helmet. He's not a wizard. I know. I knew.

He's not a wizard. Look at him. What? He hasn't got a beard. He's got magic boots, a magic hat, and a magic stick. I figured what they were. And no beard. Yeah. Go. I can grow a beard. Oh, okay, let's go.

You teleport inside into the open room that Boomer saw before. I'm just gonna stroll back. There is a crackle of energy as you appear inside. Yeah, you appear inside. As you arrive, it does sound like somebody is making their way down

the stairs slowly. Everybody hide! Am I still invisible? Yeah, for now. Zon-Zon will look around. He will. He's like, wait! Quickly! What do you mean quickly? You're the one doing stuff.

I know. Hang on. I have to remember the spell. What do you want us to do quickly? You said quickly and you're going very slow. I'm not doing it at all. Zin, Zin! Hang on. Like Tom. Seriously. Don't pressure the DM

The DM is trying to find a thing Don't pressure I'm not getting inspiration today My kitchen roof has a leak in it That sounds horrendous out there I really do not want to walk home in it You want a kitchen swing, Paul? Well it is, it literally is right now

I'm not even joking It's going to cost a lot of money to fix The audience definitely can't hear it, but the sound of rain just got real bad. I thought I could do something, but I can't. Hide, then. He dives to hide. Oh, yeah, he's badly...

He's literally got under a chair. Okay. It's like a couple of dilapidated like moth-worn sofas and he's currently under one. Are we just in a... Is there any ceiling? So there is a ceiling.

Yeah. There's a ceiling that stretches the whole way through. There's a curved staircase with a kind of... Most of it's been stoned off

so it's just a staircase so it probably would have once been the central chamber where the mill would have been. Now it's just been turned into a staircase and then the rest of it has been the central chamber where the mill would have been. Now it's just been turned into a staircase and the rest of it's been stoned off. There are selections of rooms behind you.

The doors, they're all shut doors. And then in this kind of main corridor, there are a couple of moth-eaten sofas, some old paintings on the wall showing different monsters. Sixteen. All stealth. Do I make one and can I do advantage? Or you can just stand there. 16 on stealth. Okay.

Do I make one and can I do advantage? Or you can just stand there. Well, if people can see invisible stuff, they might see me. Sure, then you can make a check. Can I get advantage? Because I'm invisible? No, your stealth check will be the same.

If the invisibility wears off or they can see through it, then you don't get any benefit from it anyway. If they can't see invisible creatures, then the invisibility just off or they can see through it, then you don't get any benefit from it anyway. If they can't see invisible creatures, then the invisibility just means you're hidden anyway. 13. Can I find the best corner on the ceiling to press myself up? Yeah, sure. Still self-checking.

Spider-Man. Can't wait to see what Birdie does. 21. She's going to stand there. Okay. Well, I got 24. Thank you very much. I combat roll under the stairs.

But you can't really get under the stairs because the stairs are built into this stone, like a stone town. Yeah, but I'm a Goliath. He is the stairs. I combat roll into the wall. He's the stone I got that rolling into the wall into the stone and hope that your

grey skin camouflage yeah I don't know chameleon yeah I got 24 you hear like this grumbling like

it's them they're finally here they're going to kill me the assassins they've finally come he sent them that fucking bastard

he sent them and then you see this kind of woman, tattered robes, gray hair kind of tied up into a bun. Looks probably in about her late 50s, early 60s. Kind of comes down, shuffling down the stairs. You can see like her sleeves are covered in like paint splatters. There's like a brush kind of half tucked into a sash at her belt. She comes downstairs and in the first second she just looks at the open door

grumbles like gestures and you can see a spectral hand kind of pull it shut and then she's like who undid my arcane? And then she just sees Aquamumber and ZimZim who's like under it. And you see ZimZim who's like under, and you see

Zim Zim kind of just like, why hello dear and he like pats his hair and strokes his beard and she also looks at Aquamumber, what are you doing, you're them aren't you you're the assassins here to kill me no way to protect and save you

you should do see if you can talk your way out of it. Okay. 14. Everyone else should roll as well. Okay. Just in case. I'm just going to put Zim Zim as three Zs.

Because who knows what the real name is put Zim Zim as three Zs. Because who knows what the real name is? Zim Zim. We said Zim Zim. He's at like nine. I'm at seven. Boomer. Sixteen. Sixteen.

Bertie, twelve. And then Flo, you said seven. Seven. Okay. So, Boomer, you're the actual first one to react, and you can see this woman, and she's got this crazy, paranoid look in her eye, and she's kind of bringing

her hands up. What'd you do? Nothing? I'll allow it. Okay. So she turns on you, Aquamumba, and she will, in fact, on both of you, can you both make wisdom

saving throws, I believe. Yeah. There's dice. Oh! That's a bad roll. Eight. Ha! You've become paralyzed as this spell takes hold of you.

Zim Zim kind of looks down. He's like, that's quite good. You're quite talented, my dear. Look at him. He can't even move. How ridiculous. What a little funny fellow. And yeah, she just kind of like furrows her brows. You can see her

trying to affect both of them, but this other wizard just resisting her spell. Aquamumber, it's your go at the end of your turn. You may repeat the saving throw. 16. 16. He managed to shake it off, but it's at the end of your turn.

You can still try and talk, but it's pretty much the end of it. Bertie, so you see this. You are just pressed against the stone as this crazy woman is like... I mean, I saw Boomer not do anything. Well, you didn't because Boomer's invisible. Well, yeah, he was visible. I didn't see anything. So, I mean, I don't really know what I'm doing here.

So, yeah, just do nothing? I'm just going to wait. Okay. Until further instruction. Until further instruction. Okay. ZimZim, like, looks at her. He's just, he's like, oh, my dear, there seems to be some sort of misunderstanding.

You may have heard of me, I am ZomZomZoomDla, a famous wizard here in Waterdeep. Perhaps you and I could have a lovely drink, just for a moment, while we discuss my funny little friend here. No. She's just like, you're a fucking assassin, I'm gonna kill you! And just seems to completely be lost in this paranoid thought of hers. He's like, oh dear, I think she might be

quite mad, friends! Fleur. I'm just chilling on the wall. Just gonna hang out. Can I get... Am I near enough the stairs to try and, like, kind of... Sneak up.

Yep. You can just, like, while she's distracted, make another stealth check for me. See if you can sneak past without being noticed. Cool. 18. Is that an 18? Yeah, she's got plus 9 stealth. Yeah, you absolutely just...

And then you sail, yeah, easily sneak past. And then you're walking along the ceiling and you begin making your way up to the thing. You notice that the second floor comes up quite quickly and it seems to just be a series of abandoned rooms that don't really have anything in them except dusty furniture. One of them appears to be some sort of painting studio. But you don't find anything out of the ordinary.

The only thing which is a bit strange is that the tower gets quite narrow. Like the staircase, the one that you first came up was quite wide. And then the second and third floor, the staircase gets very, very narrow. That's about it. That's what you find.

Boomer. She's pretty wound up, right? Yeah, she's like babbling about assassins and is like, go ahead to kill me, aren't you? He's finally done it. He's finally sent someone to finish me off. And just, yeah, she's just trying to magic these people that she's just trying to magic

these people that she's seen. I don't know what to do. Sounds like you might be delaying your go, Bulma. I'm not delaying my go. I'm just carry on watching. Carry on watching. She sees you kind of get out the spell, kind of like,

seems to struggle at what to do, and will... Make another wisdom saving throw, Aquamumba. Aquamumba. I'm pretty sure it's a wisdom saving throw. Seven. Seven. That's the last time. You are polymorphed into a mouse.

Aww. Little mouse. And then she just is like... And you can see her probably teleport, polymorphs you, and then turns towards the wizard. As a point in mention, you have the mind of a mouse. You have the intelligence of a mouse. Oh.

But you do retain your alignment and personality. Oh. It's your alignment. Could you imagine a chaotic, evil mouse? Yeah. It wouldn't do a lot. It'd still be a mouse, but... And then she turns to the wizard like,

You! How much did he pay you? It's not worth it. still be a mouse, but... And then she turns to the wizard like, you! How much did he pay you? It's not worth it! I'm going to throw you from the top of my tower! And just babbling away. And he's just like, oh my dear, that's not at all what I'm interested in. You can climb my tower if you'd like. He's very

inocent. He's a rude boy. He is very rude. Zim zim zim de lim dim. Aqualumba. Mouse. Do you get another saving throw against it? I believe you do don't you? You use Pelimorph a lot. Katie, do they get a saving throw?

Yeah. I don't remember. Just roll it. Let's see what we get. 20. Let's see what you get. 20. Let's hope that it does end. I hope so too. Does it just last the duration? You probably might.

It's last the duration. Also, you'd use the mouse's wizard. Yeah, no, it's until you get damaged. Or the concentration ends. Yeah, so you're still a mouse. So just, yeah, what do you want to do? Remember the mole incident. Yeah.

So you're just like squeaking around. Yeah. I guess I've got the intelligence of a mouse, so I don't really know. She's trying to usher you out the door. She's like, get out. But she closed it. She did, yeah.

So she's probably ushering you to the door. I'm just going to back away from her. You're like, meow! She's looming down at you. Yeah. So that's Aquaman. Let's go Bertie. So you watch Aquaman get turned into a mouse,

but she still hasn't noticed you. And Zimba... Zimba-Zimba-Zabba-Boop, he does nothing at all. Well, he tried to flirt with her, and it was not met very well. And now he seems a bit put out, and he's like, no. I mean, I'm going to look at him, and then look at her, and then look back at him, and I'm like, hmm? He sees you.

He's like, okay. And I am going gonna go over there and punch her in the back of the head with my metal fist okay yep go for it

oh boy advantage she's not expecting it that means I get my sneak attack oh boy for the first time ever I do an actual sneak attack you do them all the time

you're a swashbuckler no I mean I mean an actual I'm sneaking and then attacking so you have advantage. Natural 20. That's actually a natural 20.

Fuck. She's dead. Double all your dice and sneak attack. Yeah, and sneak attack, yeah. So you do your normal damage. You just killed a woman. I think I've killed her. D4.

An old woman. A creative. Who might have had information. Yeah, so there's the four. Now I've got the sneak attack. So double all your dice. Oh my god. This is pretty bad.

12, 20, 15. Podcast listeners, Tom has rolled pretty much max damage. 30. Plus your bonus. Plus six. 36. Is that then doubled as well, the plus? No. No, it's just that.

So you clock her in the back of the head and she stumbles. You can see blood pouring down, but she's not knocked out. She turns around bleary-eyed, like, Assassin! I'll burn you! And she begins to throw her arms up while you're doing. Is that it? You done? Fucking bee in the face. She's punching him in the face again.

She's aware of you now, so normal attack. As an ally within. So you're like, but she's already stepping back, and you can see how flames beginning to erupt into flame. That was your go. Zim, zim. Like, she turns on you.

He steps to the side and he's just like, all right, you frigid bitch, freeze! And you pass cone of gold. Wow. She fails. She takes someone roll 8d8 for me? Oh my god, she's so dead.

What? She's dead. She's a dead bird. There's 2d8. No, he stepped to the side to not catch bird. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. I need one more d8. I don't want. Roll that for me. to see if you're in it though. Seven. I need one more D8. I don't want. Eight.

Roll that for me and then, yeah, we'll have Boomer and the mouse make con saves. Ten. Work that out. 14, 20, 24, 26.

26, okay. That's not as bad as it could have been. Yeah. I don't mind that. Con save, okay. Yep, and then Boomer and the mouse make con save. 19, 20. You've passed it. 21 my dice are. Conce, okay. Yep, and then Boomer and the mouse make Conce.

You have passed it. 1, 2, 23, 24, 25. 25, so you pass, which means you take half damage. The mouse would have to use the mouse step. So, yeah, so you fail. So you take 26. Boomer, you take 13 cold damage. You take 1, then revert back to Aquamumba,

and you take 25 cold damage. You take one, then revert back to Aquamumba, and you take 25 cold damage. You watch as this woman is turned into a solid ice statue, and Zim's like, Ah! Jeez. Oh! Oh, sorry,

Aquamumba didn't see you as there was a little mouth. Oh, my nipples! This frosty ice breaks off of you. You're visible now. He's like, Oh, sorry, goblin. Not again. Fucking taught her a lesson though, didn't I? Nobody turns down Zim, Zim, Zim, DeLoo.

Yeah. Yeah, we real got him, Zap, Zap, Zap, Zim, Zim, Zim. Nice one, big man. Yeah. Ah! Ah, you broke my fingers, you bastard. Oh, shit. Only joking.

Oh, that's a good one. All right, come back downstairs. Oh, look. Hello. Did we just kill a spider woman? Are you a cow? No, a she-fling. Can you thaw her out?

She's dead. Oh, no, she's quite dead. That was the panel. Come on, look. And he pushes her over. No! She could have had it. Oh, I love this guy.

Okay, I'm going to go upstairs and look And see if I can find a key Oh yes please go ahead The key could have been her Okay The pinkie has become Zim Zim Go ahead Oh well let's hope not eh

She's dead now She was going to kill us she was going to fireball us We could have stopped her Yeah we stopped her pretty good have stopped her. I did. We stopped her pretty good. We stopped her right good, didn't we, big man? Yeah, she ain't going to hurt us now. Wait, do we need her? I might. What?

Did we need her? Probably. We kind of did. We don't know that. Now we'll never know. Now we'll never know. I mean, you could get some glue and stick it back together, but it'll take you a long bloody time. Yeah, you've got heals. Just heal it. I don't even think it works.

Just be shattered. Ice statue all over the floor. She's already melting. I'm like picking up like one piece. No. Oh, buddy, put that down. You don't know where that's been. I do. It's gross. Yeah, just put it down. Put it down. Oh, that was my Fizz level spell.

I'm gonna mark that one off the end circle. I don't know what that means, Jell. You're a disgrace, ZZ. Am I? That better be something in this Wibmill that leads us to the money. Otherwise you're out, the team. Oh. All right, well look, I'll have a look around.

Yeah, you better. All right, I will. Can I look for a look around. Yeah, you better. All right, I will. Can I look for a key? Was there anything? What, are you looking for a key? Well, you said the key was here, right? Wait, no, the key's on the... You said the third key and the painter was all he needed. Everything.

Everything was frozen. No, like gems or anything. So there might not be the key. She was the painter. Yeah. I'm going to look in the art... She's dead. ...and see if I can find anything in the art.

You find art supplies, really old worn pots of paint. There's a few unfinished canvases. Is there any room that has any diaries or anything? Yeah, there is. You probably find a diary and reading

through it, you learn that this woman was called Colleen and she was a lover of uh daggolt never ember the previous open lord and they kind of had a bit of an affair he cheated on his wife and you know he did the usual thing if he'd said how much he loved this woman this painter woman but she grew very very obsessive and it looked like he very quickly ditched her. And he let her keep the house, but basically ruined the rest of her reputation

and said that if she tried to expose him, he'd basically destroy her. Damn. But he was the one who paid for the windmill to be turned into residence. He bought the building and then renovated it for her. And it's kind of all detailed like going back years in this diary but over the years

she just became super paranoid turned pretty crazy but recently she's been fending off she writes about a foppish drow that keeps trying to get win her attention and her favour to let her let him inside and she

just rebuts it and doesn't want to let him inside she doesn't like him i'm gonna cast detect magic lots of things detect magic so pretty much all of the windows and doors arcane arcane locks and the alarm spell on them um which was set to trigger if anybody entered um there's no... I can slowly wander around the whole windmill. How long have I got? Ten minutes of wandering. Fast wandering.

Efficient. Fine, we flew a guy around an entire city. We're good. That was all Bertie. It was mostly Bertie. Bertie, Bertie, man. How come Bertie can What's all birdie? Birdie, birdie, man. God damn it, how come birdie can fly better than quill?

Because you chose to be that way. Yeah, that was literally a choice. Birdie's better birdie. You don't find anything magical. There's nothing magical apart from the locks and the alarms. Are there any secret? Well, that would be investigation checks, yeah.

Can I do investigation as well? If mean, I guess I'm also investigating. If you're just searching the windmill trying to find, like, secret doors, secret, you know... Secrets! Ah! Secrets! 28! Okay, 28. Tell me your secret! 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20,

22, 23. Yeah, so you both find that the stone wall, where the stone staircase is, there's this kind of, like, stoned-off area of the tower, and there is a secret door in the wall. It takes you a long time to find. It's very, very well hidden. But you find that, yeah, by pressing certain stones, you can unlock it,

and you swing it open, and it reveals an old stone staircase leading down. It doesn't look like this door's ever been opened. Like, you really have to, like, pull it open and it reveals a old stone staircase leading down. It doesn't look like this door's ever been opened. You really have to pull it open. It looks like it's never been opened before. Hey, Zamzud Zavl. Yes? Can you reapply an arcane lock on that front door? Oh, I'd have to. No, I've run out of my second tier spells and also I need to memorise that

spell from my spell book. Is it because you went too nuts and froze a person? No! It was when I was doing that invisibility business. So... Okay. But I could... No.

No, I can't do that. Yes, I can do something. I could seal off this room as a Mordenkainen something. What do you mean? Private sanctum. So it takes me ten minutes to prepare this. Walking through this door will make them... I can make this area magically secure.

The air is a cube. For how long? It lasts for 24 hours. When I cast it, I decide what sort of security it provides. I could choose to have it so that sound can't pass through the barrier. The barrier of the warded area appears dark and foggy, preventing vision. Sensors can be placed around the perimeter.

That will let me know if anyone comes through. I can make it so that creatures in the area can't be targeted by divination spells. I can make it so nothing can teleport in or out of the warded area, or planar travel is blocked. Is that a yes then? But I have to pick one of them. So I can make it so this becomes, that there are invisible sensors.

Oh no, nope, sensors can't make its way through the area. So I can make it so it's really dark inside. Or that no sound can pass through it. Or it can't be divined. Yes, I could do that, yes. No scrying. Yeah. It takes me about ten minutes to repair.

Well, if we put it in the way of the door, and we go through the door, that's something. Yes, I could do that. Okay. Is it going to really benefit? Yeah, it's going to block the route It will stop any divination sensors, so they won't be able to scry Can they just walk through it?

Wouldn't it be better if we just set a sensor so that we'd know if someone came through after us Do I have that? Hang on You said it could make a sound No, no, I was wrong Clumsy I could cast the alarm spell You said it could make a sound. What have I got here? No, no, I was wrong.

Clumsy. I can cast the alarm spell. It will take me ten minutes. Do that. That'll be good. Do that then. All right. We use that other spell when we need a rest.

Yes, that's exactly what it's for. What does it sound like? The alarm? I can make it so you all hear it in your mind. What does it sound like? And it will do this. That'll wake me up. The alarm, I can make it so you all hear it in your mind. What would it sound like? And it would do this. Ah! Oh, yeah. Well, that'll wake me up.

Yes, very well. All right, this will take me about ten minutes. It lasts eight hours. Do it. Great alarm, spirits. Come to my aid. It does that for ten minutes. All right.

In the door. Right. Close the door behind us Here we go, into the vault Actually no, I don't know it's a vault Into the stairs It creates a little wall Do we find a vault?

So you Make your way down the stairs And This place is particularly baldy The walls Are made of mortared stone Make your way down the stairs and... This place is particularly baldy. The walls are made of mortared stone. The doors are solid stone slabs. You come across a 20-foot high, 20-foot stone corridor that ends in an adamantine double door with dwarvish runes.

Almost like a vault door. Yes, it looks like a big fallout vault door. Oh, wow. And there are dwarvish runes. Almost like a vault door. Yes, it looks like a big fallout vault door. Oh, wow. And there are dwarvish runes. The door has neither handles nor hinges. This is where we need those keys. Who can speak dwarvish? Oh, wait.

No. No. I thought I wrote that. Goblin and halfling. I'm going to speak goblin. Giant. The zib-z Zib Zib Boo. Can you detect languages?

I don't, but I can cast a spell that allows me to comprehend all languages. Such is the might of wizardry. Just do it. All right, it takes me ten minutes because I didn't have it prepared today. What's that spell called? Compreh languages after 10 minutes he's like ah and his eyes glow purple he stands mightily wind blowing around him like where's that wind coming I'm creating it myself It says The three keys

Bring them forth Ah Well we found the place We need to get to That's all it says Doesn't say what these keys are Yeah we know Are there any keyholes?

He's got two. No, it just says, bring them forth. He's got two, isn't he? Keyhole. Try the charm of opening. Yeah. Can I have a little...

Toot! Oh, shit. Can I have a little toot? Shall I read out the text? This will be a hilarious oversight by the adventure writers. This hollow metal tube measures about one foot long and weighs one pound. You can strike it as an action, pointing it at an object within 120 feet of you that can be opened, such as a door, a lid, or a lock.

The chime issues a clear tone, and one lock or latch on the object opens, unless the sound can't reach the object if no locks or latches remain the object itself opens chris perkins your beautiful adventure and your excellent keys locking system have been undone wait by an uncommon hang on are you sure does it have a lock like yeah it doesn't have a lock that's Go on. Does it have a lock? Yeah. It requires a lock. That's true.

Does it say it requires a... It says a door, a lid, or a lock. It says an object within 120 feet that can be opened. It can be opened. It doesn't have hinges. Somebody tweet Chris Perkins immediately. It can open the door. The door can be forced open. I won't lie.

When you offered all these items, I did take this because... Here it comes. the door. The door can be forced open. I won't lie, when you offered all these items, I did take this because... Here it comes. ...can be forced open or damaged in any way and attempts to circumvent them with magic fail automatically. There you go. That was close. I was like reading this, I was like, no! Just this little goblin.

Yeah, so no, so you hit the chime and it And it does not open Great, now Chris Perkins Is going to watch this bit And be like Fucking assholes Fucking idiots How dare you doubt my powers

Sorry To be honest We shouldn't have doubted him No That was my mistake Which is why I asked you To make sure It was this one line

It's like a sentence At the very end Of this whole section Your face I was just like By the way i did wonder though when you offered us these items like i drew it randomly yeah i literally went through and got a bunch of um items of similar power level yeah shuffled them and went one two three

four fire they're your items you can pick from i just you know that's why i took it just to see nice okay no no no no joel axel has two of the keys. We know. Well, he might have the third by now since we've taken so much time. That's very true. But he can't get in here without the alarm. That is true. Do we wait for him? He can come inside.

We'll just know about it. Well, yes, but why hasn't he done that so far? Why is he? Because of the lady. She might have been arcane locking it. He's been trying to get in and woo her. Get in her pants. He doesn't have a chime of opening.

I don't know. Maybe he's biding his time. He could be. Should we wait for him to come to us? How many keys has he got? Two. If we're going to be waiting here, I need to get some whiskey. How?

I'll go buy some. You're going to go out? What? Am I supposed to sit here sober for eight hours? I'll go buy some. You're going to go out? What, am I supposed to sit here sober for eight hours? I don't think so. Not with you four. How are you going to go? It's called walking on my legs. You'll be spotted.

What about the alarm? You walk through your own alarm. Yes, but that won't set it off. You can open the door and then they're going to see you. Yeah, that's all right, I suppose. There are a group of them in an alleyway. If we wait eight hours, I can turn invisible and then I can

go buy my whiskey. I've got some alchemist fire. I've got some anti-toxic. It's pretty alcoholic. I'm not going to drink anymore. I'm a wizard of the fifth circle. Please. I'm a goblin. My intellect is vastly superior to yours. I'm a goblin. My intellect is vastly superior to yours. I'm

a goblin of the ninth square. And I'm pretty clever too, mate. I'm not going to drink your alchemical nonsense. I've got an hourglass but I'm warning you, it doesn't taste good. I've got a gun, I can put you out of your misery. You could try, mate.

You could bloody well try. End old poor Zimzal's life. Be a bit of a blessing, to be honest. I'm going to unfurl a bedroll and just settle down. Well, we got the jump on him. I reckon we wait till he comes to us with all three keys. But if he comes down here, this is just a corridor with a dead end.

He's blocked in here with us. But then he's got probably all those drow from the ships. It's going to be a tight corridor. He's pretty powerful as well. I mean, you saw Ziraj. Oh, I can't go through. I'm too scared. The best thing right now is he doesn't expect us. No one would have been really useful freezing all of the drow that were in that alley.

I can't do that for another eight hours. I know, you can't. I say we hide. Where? This is a corridor. Oh yeah. In the corridor. Windmill. In the windmill. She won't do that again, we'll see. How many hit points did she have left when he did that?

She had four. I mean, I hit up the third. Nine. She had nine hit points. Overkill. Massively. We hide in the windmill, and if the alarm goes off for the

next eight hours, we got the jump on him. It's the best we got. He's got two keys. We have to face him at some point. Why not bring him to here?

He said he needed the painter. I want to figure out why. Because he needs to get into this. There's that all? Yes. So now that needed the painter. I want to figure out why. Because he needs to get into this. Is that all? Yes.

So now that she's gone... Literally. Now, yeah. He needs the painter because she has the property over the vault. Well, she was in the place where the windmill...

I just refuse to believe that he couldn't get in here. Well, she's dead now, so... Anyway... We know where the door... He's staying in this corridor by the vault door? Can you teleport past it?

You have to know where you're going, right? You have to know where he's going, yeah. It doesn't actually say on this card, but, like, teleport spell, I probably need to know where I need to go. Yeah. You can try. She's going to get mangled in the door.

I'm going to need your character sheet. It's been suggested to me. Is there any air in the vault? Is Bertie trying? It's a familiar location. Answer my question, Tom Hazel. I am the DM. Does Bertie try?

Does it work? Would it work? I don't know. Ask the wizard. He knows magic. Wizard, would teleporting through work? I'm a powerful wizard. Can I get a name with this?

Do you need to know where you're going? Do you need to know where you're going? I can't cast such a powerful spell. It's pretty powerful because I'm a powerful wizard. Bertie, when you took us back to the yawning portal earlier, did you have to envisage it? Did you have to see it in your mind? Or did you just know?

Did I? Is Bertie clever enough to really know? I mean, you probably just went, I want to go there. When I teleported out of the prison, I also went to the yawning portal then as well. You just went, I want to go there. And you went there.

In Bertie's mind, that's how this item works. He goes I want to go this place. So dead. Tom Hazel knows. So dead. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how the teleporter spell works. I don't know. Which makes sense because neither does Bertie. Who wants? Come on. Just say it. We know what you're going to do. Say the words. Say them! Mark?

Yes. Don't let him bully you, Tom. Don't let him bully you. Come on. Don't metagame it, Tom. But he would. There you go. There you go.

I would like to teleport into the vault. Okay, when you try and teleporting doesn't work It doesn't look like the vault allows teleportation The spell just doesn't activate He said no magic He said no magic He said no magic would open the vault That whole build up I was just like

It doesn't work, I know it doesn't work But I like making Look, last time someone put their head in a sphere of annihilation we don't know That's funny Anyway Do the spell, Bertie I'm doing it

Doesn't seem to work I'm doing it You know what Don't It's okay Big thought like this I'm doing it Bertie, stop

I'm really scared you're going to poop yourself If I was making a big play store a half a million gold coins I'd probably make it so you can't teleport in there what do we do

we could always go to his little hotel and ransack his room yes we could go have a sleep upstairs

I mean I could do with getting my big cold he knows us can I have a look and see if there's anything valuable around the

I could do with warming up corridor adamantine door who put valuable stuff outside of a I mean up in the okay yeah so when

Flo you go upstairs you pass through the doorway rob a dead old lady out of the window slats you can see this watch tower has been surrounded by about 20 swatted deep city guards there are a couple of griffin cavalry circling around um and there is witnesses like hushed witnesses, like, talking to them. And kind of peering out, you can vaguely make out a giant explosion, like, coal, like magic. Some sort of fight. A goliath punched a lady in the back of the head. I did do that. How did they see that?

Oh, shit. Can we go back down and report all of this? That's amazing. We're fucked. They didn't see a goblin though. No. Because I was invisible. No, the only one they seemed to see was Zim Zim and Bertie and the woman.

Well, that's the only thing that they're reporting anyway. My reputation is ruined. I used to be one punch guy. They saw I didn't even take down an old lady in one punch. I tried for two, but that didn't even take down an old lady in one punch I tried for two but that didn't do it that struck me odd that they managed to see us but still seemed we're pretty fucked eh that's what we're going to end today

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