High Rollers DnD - The Therapy Tapes (Part 2) | Altheya: The Dragon Empire #98

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

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I wonder if my out of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IG Private Wealth. Welcome back to Part 2 of Althea the Dragon Empire. Our heroes have stopped in the small village of Yolt in the province of the Azar Stepp, and here they have met with Scala, a little cobald who runs the Stormbloom sanctuary,

and seems to be quite knowledgeable about the divinity called Althei, and about the giant's wet stone to which Rowan and Fricks are head. headed to. Having long conversations with Vricks whilst the party outside addressed several key things that have happened recently in a couple of heart-to-heart moments. Rowan stepped inside and after drinking of a rather special herbal tea was confronted with some deep questions about who he is, what he hopes for and his journey to the wetstone. Emerging from the little Hermitage, Rowan seems to be deep in thought, and Sister Ophelia Della Rosa of the House of Blood

has offered to go inside and have a similar conversation. You are led once more inside. You see that Scalar puts her claws up against the wall, and the ceiling lowers from its previous row and height to just being sort of above your head. So there's enough room, but it still feels quite cozy and sort of enclosed here. There are candles lit all around the room. There are soft magical lights, like little orbs that kind of give an illuminance to this place.

Shelds full of little herbs and spices and jars of dried flowers and things like that. There is this very pleasant, floral, incense-like smell. And Scala will say, well, you just take a seat there and I'll just go. close this to give us some privacy and the big boulder rolls into place and it just becomes the two of you. Okay. Am I safe? Is this, is this fine? Do you not feel safe? Is there anything I can do to make you feel safer? The door rolling. Sorry, they just felt a little, feel a bit trapped, but that's okay. That's fine. I promise you that you're not trapped. You can leave at any time. You just have to say that you want to leave and you can leave at any time you like. It's just to make sure that you're not trapped. It's just to make

that I think it's always better for these conversations when it's very private. We don't have to worry about your friends listening in or anybody else listening in, so you and I can talk in complete confidence with each other. If there's anything I can do, trust me, you're more than safe in here, but if there's anything I can do. Thank you. I'll take a seat and I'll just see. Please have a seat. Adjust.

Now, do you drink tea? I've not had tea for a long time. Okay. But you wouldn't, would you be interested in some tea? I'll give it a try again if you recommend it. I've got two teas here. This one is just a regular herbal tea with a bit of honey and some goat milk, optional if you like, just to sweeten it.

This one, I offered this to Rowan and Bricks as well. This is a special tea. It's herbal. It helps you connect with yourself. It helps you connect with your thoughts and sense of self. It is a narcotic, but it's not addictive. It's natural. It's grown from several plants and it just sort of helps your mind

connect with itself. I recommend it. I think that it's very helpful to these conversations. But yeah, it's entirely your choice, my dear. choice, my dear. I will give the, not the honey one, honey brings back memories. I'll have the, yeah, the other one. Special tea? Yes, please. There you go. Would you like some goat's milk in it or anything? No, no, thank you. No, just there you go. That's how I like to have it, just on its own. Hi, please enjoy. Thank you. I love the disclaimer.

There's nothing bad by it. You drink it down. I think for Ophelia though, it tastes different to what Rowan. tasted. To you it's, there's a slight sort of camomile, it's floral notes to it. There's an earthy taste as well, but not in a dirt way, but more in just like that kind of earthy, grassy kind of taste. It's not sweet, it's quite mild, but you do immediately begin to feel something, Ophelia. And I think for you, it is a little bit of your nature, the necromancy, your undead nature. There's not conflict. You don't feel in pain or anything like that.

But whatever this is meant to do, that undead nature is fighting against it in a sort of way. Could you make for me a wisdom saving throw? You are fully stacked on fake. Can I spend some faith, please? You absolutely can. 17. 17. You don't feel any adverse effects.

You don't feel unwell. You feel like this T's definitely having an effect. The lights become a lot more vivid. You feel quite calm. but still fully in control of yourself at this point. Scalar sits down and says, right, this is just a very honest and casual conversation. May I ask, Sister Ophelia,

you have a touch of undeath about you. Can you tell me about that? Not enough, frankly. Not enough? No. Why is that? I haven't worked hard enough, clearly. I need more.

You want to be fully undead? I wish to ascend, yes. What ascend? What does that mean to you? To be free of my mortal body. To have an immortal body? Yes. Why is that so important to you?

Because it's all I wish to be. I'm going to spend a point of fate immediately to offer anybody to voice an affiliate. a thought to that question. Why is that? Why is ascending important? And again, it doesn't have to be true. It can just be something you think Ophelia would think.

It could be something completely, you know, not true. She's worked on it her whole life. And if she stops now, then what was the point in all of it? That thought sort of echo in your mind, Ophelia. But you've already answered. But you feel that sort of echoed. Are you afraid of death? No, I've died before.

Mortality let me down. How so? It didn't give me what I wanted, so I must try again. What did you want? To go outside, to play, to be myself. Were you not able to do those things before? No. Can you tell me a bit more about that?

Grew up in a... In a small village in Osseus called Dusk Wolf Shore. My family were not well off. We struggled. Parents were livestock farmers. And I spent all my childhood, sat in my bedroom, the smell.

smell until people in cloaks came to our farm. See my parents were very good livestock farmers. They did very well. My mother was very strong. She dealt with most of the animal handling and my father was more administrative. He managed to, he managed the funds until I got sick and the funds, the little funds we did have diminished, trying to to find healers and curers to help me. Nothing came with it. I just only got older and frailer and sicker.

They couldn't find a cure. They didn't know what was wrong. And as my body was failing me, these figures and cloaks came to my parents' farm. They were very interested in what my parents were doing. And so they struck up a deal. and slowly but surely animals would come and go and money would exchange hands

until I could no longer sit up to look out of my window. I couldn't watch the world anymore. I didn't have the energy. I was failing. So my parents took me to the house of blood. That's all I know. That's all I remember. Can you make a...

charisma saving throw for me before I ask this next question. Again, you do have plenty of fate? Three. Three. The next question, I need Aphelia to answer fully truthfully, even if Ophelia doesn't know it's the truth. So it's Rihanna speaking the truth through it. Oh.

How did it feel for your parents to give you away like that? They weren't giving me away. They weren't helping me. me. I wasn't given away. I wasn't tossed aside. They helped me. That's what you believed that? You truly believe that that's the case? Yes. Good. And so you got help from the House of Blood. They made you what you are today? They gave you this undeth, this necromancy. The second chance, yes. Third chance. Really. Third chance? Can you explain?

We were in Ashen Rest and we were fighting a demon outbreak. There was a cult, you see, Lamplighter's Guild. They had erected this device around the town to spawn demons to the town. We were fighting them. One, I fought face-to-face,

and they plunged this Vapor blade into my body and I collapsed in an instant. I was gone. You died? Yes. What happened then? I went to the Greylands. And that's your part of your bargain with your Greyfather, isn't it? Yes.

So when you died, you went to the place that you're supposed to go to? Mm-hmm. How was that? What did that feel like? eternity but an instant at the same time I travelled the plains of the greylands

I had to fight my way back claw my way back survive were you happy to be there I'm going to spend a point of fate if somebody would like to throw in an answer to that question was Ophelia happy to be in the greylands

hmm Again, doesn't have to be true. Or do I feel better being away, the continent of Illmerra? Were you happy to be in the place of your afterlife? I was closer to my lord. And was that a good feeling? It strengthened my resolve. And that's important to you, your resolve?

Yes. And then what happened? So you came back to life? I was brought back, yes. I remember I opened my eyes and my friend Gruff was standing over me. He had sliced his arm open and was feeding blood into my mouth as I lay there. And that part of your undead nature that... I have to consume blood, yes, to fuel my ability.

How did it feel to have a friend do that voice? It's the greatest honour. Can you make another saving throw for me, please? Wisdom saving throw, please. Okay, ladies. Yes, of course. 24. 24.

This one, Aphelia can lie to herself in this answer, into that answer. So if that answer is indeed true, that it was an honour. Yeah, I think she does. Okay, she feels that way. Yeah. And so your friend brought you back? Yes. She sounds like a great friend.

He is. He, um, well, he's put up with a lot from me. What makes you say that? Well, I'm... I can be impulsive. But it's only because I, I'm outside of my... Theocracy. I... The rules are different here, and I... I'm just trying to do what I... know but sometimes I get that wrong I got that very wrong in wave meet got my friends in a lot of trouble some of us got arrested do you how do you feel about that getting your friends into

trouble these friends that brought you back to life and and honoured you with that offering of blood how do you feel that you got them into trouble shame I thought I could do it on my own. I thought I was capable. I thought I'd been taught enough. It was strong enough to do these things by myself. I can't. I still can't.

Very few of us can do everything on our own, Ophelia. Very few of us can do everything on our own. Why do you feel like you have to? Or that you should, maybe, I should say. Because I'm a burden. What makes you say that? Because my parents gave everything to save me. And they couldn't.

Oh, you're here, aren't you? Only because the grave father let me be here. Was it the grave father that saved you, or your parents getting the house of blood? Well, the grave father is a part of that. I owe everything. So him, he gave me the power to... return to the mortal realm and I am indebted to him.

My parents took me to the house of blood, yes, but it was the grave father. It was Osceus. It was the house of blood that allowed me to return. Point of faith if anybody has a thought to give for Ophelia. Of course he did. It benefits him. The army will get bigger. You seem very devoted to your great father.

Can you tell me a bit about that? Why? Because he is, he is my God. He is the reason that mortals came back to Althe. He saved all of mortal kind during the bright storm. And you feel that you owe him something back for that? Of course I do. I wouldn't be here without him. Of course, my soul is his as much as his is mine.

His is yours? We are bound. You think that would the Grapefather give themselves to save you or give something of themselves to save you? And the way that you have for him? Well, he gave me this and I produced veracity. If it wasn't for me dying and going to the Greylands, I wouldn't have this.

He gave you this weapon. I... The Greylands did. I found it. You found it? Yes. Sorry, I misunderstood because you said the Greyfather gave it to you. Oh, yes, he did.

By letting me travel through the Greylands, if I hadn't gone to the Greylands, I wouldn't have the weapon. Okay. And you went to the Greylands because you died here in Elmira? Yes. There. see.

Oh, if you feel that the Grapefather gave you, and this weapon has helped you, has it? It has greatly, yes. Mm. It fuels me. It drives me. There is so much more to it. It's not just a sword.

It's a vessel. To what? It feeds me. It empowers me. Without it, I can't help my friends. I can't help myself. I need it as much as it needs me. I feed it and it grow stronger.

Before you found this sword in the Greylands, do you not feel that you were able to do those things before? Well, I died before. Because the demon killed you? Yes, but I haven't. I haven't died since. Not of my own fruition, not of my own choice, at least. I do think that that's why you're still alive, because you've chosen not to.

Yes. I see. So I've heard you obviously revere this and you have this, these sorts of feelings. What do you want, Sister Ophelia? What is it that you want most of all? I want the planar wars to end. I want there to be no doubt

anymore about what comes after what people become when they pass to the other side I want people to be content whatever side of the plane they choose

to be a part of whether that's mortal, immortal dead, undead yes that's what I would like so with a war was generally end because there's peace, because someone wins.

Which one do you want to happen? I just, I can't understand why it hasn't ended. That's surely, surely one side would either bring peace or win. I can't go on for this long. But it has. So again, if you could end the Plainer Wars tomorrow, Would you end them by making peace? Or would you end them by having your grave father win?

The grave father can't win. What makes you say that? Either side can't win. There would be... Well, there would... Peace would be the only way to... I suppose keep everyone happy. Is that what you want for everyone to be happy?

I suppose. I suppose so. I've seen how much... Distress it causes my friends. What causes them distress? The war. The planar war. So you would want to make peace?

You're a peacemaker, a diplomat. I suppose so, yes. Yes. It's a very noble thing to do. It's very hard to be a peacemaker, I think. It's a lot easier to win at the end of a sword, isn't it? But that hasn't worked clearly. Oh, no, clearly.

So you're choosing the harder path then? That's I suppose. And do you think that your sword is going to help you do that? Do you think that that's what your grave father would want? I need... I need power. I need to grow stronger. If I can ascend, if I can...

If I can reach... If I can reach a power in which people would listen to me Then... You would... What would happen? I would have a voice. Mm. A voice to do...

What? Would you force people to do what you tell them? What if they say no? What if they don't want to listen to what you have to say? What then? I'd have to make them listen. Ah. point of the sword.

Suppose. Can you make an intelligent saving throat for me, please? Fate, please. Yeah. 15. Your undead nature is

fighting whatever this tea, this concoction is, and at points you're able to sort of exert control and keep in control of yourself. But these questions, you're

seeing these conflicts, you're seeing these complications. And again, I'm going to need the next sort of answer from you to be again that truthful, even if Ophelia doesn't realize it's the truth. Do you think the Gravefather is good for what you want? A dream of peace and ascendancy to have power. Can you accomplish what you're seeking? through them.

The great father hasn't done it yet, so there needs to be a new voice. And you see it that ascendancy through immortality through on death is your path to that? Yes. See. If I may be honest with you, myself, I speak to and hear Ulfay. Althe loves life. bellishes in it, relishes in it, to watch things grow, to see them get strong, to see them bloom. But Alfei also knows that death is a part of life, that strong things whither, they die, that after summer and autumn winter comes.

What you speak of is very much beyond what I can really understand, that idea of living forever. it's not a natural state of being to me. So I wonder, so much of... You seem to love life. You have great passion and love for your friends. Would you make them live forever? Yes. Even if they didn't want to.

Would you watch them grow old and wither and die? They are perfect as they are. So you want to keep them that way? Yes. Do you feel that that's what they would want? Well, we make each other happy and we're friends. Why wouldn't we want to be together forever? I'm going to spend that if anybody has a thought to throw in.

I've got loads, but I want to give someone else a chance. It's up to you guys. If you've got an idea, a suggestion. Yeah, you've got a really good thing. I think instead of you hearing your own, voice, you're picturing a future where we are fragmented but immortal and we hate you. Oh. I love that.

Oh, it's horrible. You see, as she says these words, Ophelia, you see Xanthius a skeletal lich. You see Daisy a banshee. You see Rowan, this zombified Frankenstein-like stitched together monster. You see gruff withered like a ghoul, his fur thin and pale, pure white. And they despise you for what you've done. But what if they hate me? Do you think that they hate you?

I've made them angry. Have they ever made you angry? No, no. I mean, sometimes they misunderstand me and they don't quite fully grasp the Grave Father and they think that I'm a little strange and, oh my God, they do hate me. What makes you say that? They have to, they have to keep saving me. They keep helping me. They keep trying to make me understand. But I do understand. I've always understood. I know what I know. Understood what?

Why I'm here, what I'm doing, my purpose. I know my purpose. I know my path. I know what I'm doing. I do. I really do. What makes you so sure? You seem, you sound, you're saying that you're sure you know your path.

What makes it so certain in your mind? Is this something that you've dreamt of, something that you've wanted since you were little? Is this... It's the one given to me. It's the one I must walk. So your purpose was given to you? It was... I earned it.

I earned my purpose. It wasn't given to me. I had to work hard. I had to train. I had to suffer. I had to bleed. I had to cry. I...

It's all right. It's okay. I've earned this. This is my path. understand it full in myself. I've never heard of a path needing to be earned, a purpose needing to be earned. Purpose is something you choose, something you decide. Even with me, when I heard Ulthay's voice, my choice to follow it. I didn't have to earn it. I wasn't given it. I heard and it resonated with me and I think it was very much the same with

everyone that I've spoken to. So I can't really understand that. But it sounds like you have suffered and you've worked very, very hard. Are you content with that purpose that you've suffered so much for? Not my current one, but it will lead to better things. As I get stronger and I get more power, Countess Ormond also told me one day I could have her position and then one day I could... So this goal that you're pursuing it's something

you say that you will get those things that someone's promised you those things. The work you're doing now, the battles, the struggles that you have now, how do they relate to that? By showing that... My choices are correct. That others can see the strength in me,

see the strength of the Greyfather, and follow that path that I set out for them. I have begun work in Ash and Rest. That path is already being laid. But people still have doubts. Does that upset you? Yes. Why?

Because they don't understand. They've not had my journey. No. They don't know. what I have gone through, what I owe, and what I was given. Do you know their journeys? No. Do you think you need to?

They are mortal. Does that make them less than you? They just misguided. So you're there to set them on the right part? Yes. As I was instructed. You talk about instruction and being given purpose. That's most, was that most of your childhood then?

Yes From the people that took you when you were sick Yes I didn't take me I wasn't taken You were given I wasn't given And did you go of your own choice

I was saved I see I am not a transaction Not trying to say that you are My misunderstanding She just sort of stares at you for a moment I feel Sister of that you come from a different world.

And I don't want to upset you or offend you for your culture. I'm really here to just ask you questions. Have you come up with the answers? Think for yourself what those things might be. So it's not my place to say anything. I don't feel that there's really anything more I can ask you. You sound pretty assured of your path that you've earned, that you've sacrificed for. I guess the last thing I really want to ask you, these friends that you travel with, you seem very attached to them.

What next? You travel with your friend Rowan to the wet stone, and then what? What's next for you? for you. We'll probably go to Ice Heart, I imagine. I really want to see Ice Heart. Or we'll go to Kelskaris. I know there's things happening in Kelskaris.

I have formal matters to attend in Kelskharis. You seem unhappy about those tasks. The task is fine. It's just schmoozing, mingling. mingling, to the people, the person, really. Someone that you knew from your life before? Well, from House of Blood. What makes you so unwilling to meet with them?

Left me behind. Did that hurt to be left behind? Why do you think that hurt you so? Because he was my friend. He helped me. When I came to Osceus, he... taught me how to laugh and dance and have fun. Why did he leave?

Because he had a purpose. He had his own calling that he had to fulfill. But he didn't tell me, say goodbye. And you, would you have done that if you were in his place? Would you have made sure you say goodbye? I would, I would. Yes, yes, I would. Friendship seems quite important to you.

Trying. I'm trying. I don't think you're trying at all, sister, Ophilo. The way you talk about the ones outside, the way you talk about this friend in Kelskaris, you seem very practiced at friendship. You have your whole heart into it. You care very much about it. But that's the problem, isn't it?

What's the problem? The heart bit. What do you mean? Like you said, where people leave. One day my friends are going to... they're going to leave. I don't want them to leave they don't want to be left behind it's a very difficult thing to deal with

you're in a very unique position that most of the people I speak to will never have the opportunity for most of us we have to accept that people are left behind we die reborn

but you're in a very unique position to that I certainly don't envy it. I would hate to live forever and watch all my friends and loved ones go before me. But you have your purpose, don't you? You have your goal. You have your great father. I suppose the question, the last question I'm going to ask you,

again, all of these questions, there's no intention behind it, There's no motive on my behalf, sister. I'm just asking them so you can answer them yourself. Can you make another wisdom saving through me, please? 18. 18. You're in control, so you can lie if you wish to. Is the price you're paying worth all of it?

And you can lie. It doesn't mean you have to. And I'm going to spend that point of fate immediately so that if somebody wants to think of something to add to this afterwards, A little thought that perhaps can follow whatever Sister Ophelia says next. I wish I wasn't doing it alone. That's it. Price too heavy for yourself alone to pay.

Eases for you. She sort of gives you our hands and leaves you up from the table. Takes you to the door. Door opens. Like a... And for Ophelia it would remind you very much of a tomb being opened. As Sister Ophelia and Skis... Gaila emerges from the light, but I would like that one thought as she leaves the room.

Can I go? Mm-hmm. What would it be like to be free of the burden of expectation? Well, I hope that's given you some things to think about. Thank you, yes. And again, no expectation, no pressure. They're just questions. Thank you.

Answer them in your own time. Well, that was lovely. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, that was good. That was fun, too much. Yeah, it was great. Mmm, say, see.

Yum, yum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trauma. Who can well in there? D&D therapy sessions. Did all go well in there, Ophelia? Yes, yes, yes. Fine.

Great. Oh, you can have your chair back. I kept it warm for you. Oh, thank you. It's marvelous, isn't it? It is wonderful. All right. I think I'm next, right? Whoever, if anybody still would like to come and have a chat, you're more than welcome to. They've been badgering me the entire time. I think you might kind of want to now because you know you've seen other people come out and they seem to have had a good time and now you really want.

Oh again, Dantheis, I do want to make it clear. Don't feel pressured by anyone else. It has to be your decision. If don't feel like just because your friends tell you to, you have to. I'm an open book. Just be prepared for a very, very boring 15 minutes. I certainly if you'd like to come in and have a chat. Of course. Why not? It won't be boring. Probably it won't be boring. You step in Xanthias, sort of leaving Ophelia with the rest as you step in.

And again, same sort of position, the same promotion. Do it for the tea. Do it for the tea. Same situation. I should have this tea? I will get to that, don't worry. Okay. You want choice.

Hi. The stone closes. There's blood on this table. Did someone hit their arm on this or something? Oh, Rowan did bash his elbow. He does that. He does, do. It's huge.

Wow. She adjusts the lighting, maybe a little bit more orangey and caldrony and things like that. Push the button. I just did it to wind up. What's the charge for this, by the way? Oh, there's no charge at all. It's just a lovely conversation.

Why would I charge for that? No charge at all? No, no, no, no. It's the assistance. But the assistance you give? It's not assistance. I'm just having a chat and a cup of tea. You're a gold dragonborn, aren't you?

Yes, well, always thinking of money and transactions and you give and take, it's just... This is not that. This isn't that. This is just a conversation. You don't have to answer any questions. You don't have to, any time you want to leave, you just say the words. Well, I'm happy to give it a go.

But like I said, I feel like I've got a pretty good grasp of things. I was wondering, you know, you, not to say the word burden yourself, but you hear these stories, surely they must weigh heavily on you. Do you think that they would weigh heavily on you if you were in my position? Well, absolutely. I would, to hear these stories, but not fully be able to connect with them, you know? They are not my journey. I connect with everybody that I speak to in some small way,

but I never feel burdened by it. How do you... I'll tell you what, why don't we sit down? She'll give you the chair. Oh, the tea, right? Well, there's two, before you drink, I have two types here. Yes. I have an ordinary tea.

It's just herbal tea with some honey and milk. But that tea that you're holding, that's quite a special tea. It's got various herbs and our chemical ingredients. How do you connect with yourself, your inner self? If this is your special tea. I've been waiting for someone to say it. It's been there in my head this whole session. I didn't see it.

Special tea. Special tea. Special tea. Do you drink tea? Yes. Special tea. Yes. Special tea. Sure. Now remember, when this hits your system, it is not magical in the sense that Rowan wasn't able to detect a spell on it, but it is magical in what it does. You have crown steel in your blood, which you want, this magic.

So all of this face is going to my side. I also forgot to add the. the other one. Oh my God. I'm just imagining just fate above just being like, no, on this. This is, I'm glad. Because if Gruff had done it, I wasn't going to do that, right?

But because you've done it, the crown steel enhances this effect. And you... You are so over. You almost start to see other versions of yourself, like very faint shimmering sort of on the periphery of your vision. And everyone else tried this tea? Yes, yeah.

Are you feeling all right? It just went down sharp, you know? My eyes almost looking around the room. The flavour does change. Does it? Ugh. Do you find that magic affects you quite strongly? Oh yes, no, I am fully controlled by that magic.

Well, no, not. Now, hang on. I'm a magical person. I have magics. Yes. But do you feel that other magic affects you more strongly? Well, yes, I suppose it does. I might be having a bit more of an effect on it then, yes.

It's not a bad thing, it won't hurt. Even that or it went down the wrong hole. I could have been. One of the others. Here's some water. Okay, thank you. Now, Cynthia, what made you want to come in and talk with me today? Well, we were having a chat.

Oh, my purpose lines, Jesus Christ. We were having a chat outside, all of us, when you were talking to Rome, and you're talking to Ophelia, and everyone was bringing up these things that I didn't fully comprehend. What sort of things? Okay, so, get this.

A few weeks ago, I died. Now, everyone is saying that that's a very, very bad thing, and ordinarily I would agree when it happened to Ophelia, she might have mentioned this to you, it was a lot to accept for me. But for me though, Oh, whole new lease of life.

So free now. A night time to restart. A burden off my back. What makes you feel that way? What's so freeing about this post-death resurrection? It feels like a presence, so to speak, was lifted. Does that make sense? A presence in yourself?

Um, yeah. Presence in your... I'd say that. Something. that you feel yourself sort of unburdened by... Yes. What kind of presence was this? Tell me about this presence.

It was a... A direction, I suppose. A direction that I no longer followed. What kind of direction? One I didn't want to take. It was leading you to do things you disagree with? Um... Yes.

Not that this is... Now, I'm trying to be. opening clear here. It's um... Just before you continue, does anybody have on that, uh, a direction that you don't want to go down? Zanthias said yes, but would anybody like to throw a thought in? Something you think Xanthius might think about himself, something that challenges what Xanthius is saying about himself? A direction that I feel more compelled to go towards every day.

I literally like put a hand up to this... Well, you see a Xanthius almost say that to you. No, no, wait, no, wait, no, that's not what I was saying. I, I, um... Things keep happening, that I keep dragging people through that I don't like. And now, that's been resolved. So, all in all, I would be happy to say that death was a good thing.

Great thing. We all deal with it in different ways. Like I said, I don't fully understand your ability to connect with people, everyone you speak to, all these stories you hear. That's a question I wanted to ask you. How do you do that? Because when I died and I keep trying to tell everyone

it was a wonderful thing, they keep telling me that they need me around. Do not connect to you. with that. So you don't agree? Well, no, I keep telling them that I'm a, I'm a hindrance, that I keep taking them down paths they don't want to go down, making them do things they don't want to do. And yet they still like to keep me around.

I don't know why. Do you think that they're lying to you? They have to be. They'd have to be insane to, right? If anybody would like to add a thought. Do you think they're lying to you? lying to you. Yeah, go on.

I love them. I love that. And again, Tom's the only one who gets to decide if that is a true thought to Xanthius or not. How many versions of you are there? There's probably like just a slow. Half a dozen, doesn't. So I imagine like the purest, Xantheist, uncrownsty version

says that, right? Sure. Can you turn to the really crown-steer one? Yes. And it says, they want my power. Oh. I'll let you do it. That's technically too, but I'll allow it to happen.

I just want the angel and devil. Even if it is just like the enhanced magical things, I'm happy for sure. Sure, for sure. But yeah, so you have one that says, I love them, and then this other one, they want my power. But of course, I like to keep them close. I like the adventures we've had, the journeys we've taken, the people we've met,

the things that we've done is all amazing. And I didn't have that before everything that happened. But I've had people before. People that I love, people that I wanted to keep close and they didn't stick around. Did that hurt you? No.

No, of course it didn't. Because I didn't keep them close. Because I knew what they were going to do. Because it's what everyone does. What's that? Leave. So you think that everybody leaves you? Yes.

That's what people do. And they'll look back in 10 years, maybe with sadness when they remember my name. maybe they don't even remember it at all. And that's fine. Their story has taken them one way and mine another. And I won't look back on them. I have to on that one. As that, I won't look back on them.

Anybody got anything to add to that? Even gruff. Do you see this tears in his eyes, the most distraught that you have ever seen? cradling your body, looking down on you, the faintest hint of a song still lingering in the air, and just tears flowing out of Graff's eyes when he looked at you, when you were resurrected.

But I can't ever feel like that. Like what? That... That... That... ...hurt. That... ...that broken, that feeling of loss.

of loss because if I do, then it would shatter me. Because I can't look back and feel the sorrow, because if I do, then the waves of all of those people will come back at once, so I just close it off. I just shut it down. I don't think of them, and they don't think of me. And that's fine. Sounds like, well, we're talking a lot about them.

Because that's what you want to hear, right? I don't want to hear anything, Xanthia. I'm just here to have a conversation and a cup of tea and ask you some questions. I don't expect anything from you. But you've talked a lot about your friends and the people that have left you, friends from before. Can you tell me about them? This first friend that you said left you. Tell me about them.

The very first person to let me go. Yeah. Who was that? Well, I'm not from Caldra. Mm. Gold Dragonborn, from Gildai. You can piece that together. I could, but I'd like to hear it from you, though.

You know, I don't think I've ever really properly met my father. Does that upset you? No. How does it make you feel? I don't have the bandwidth to understand how it makes me feel, because what does it matter? It could matter quite a lot. And these walls, it's just you and me.

Nothing's ever gonna go out of here. It's just you and I. So if there was ever a time, this is probably it. Well, unless you want to sit down with your friends outside and talk about it one day. You seem to care about you quite a lot. I still don't understand why.

But do you need to understand why? Do you need to understand why they choose to stick around? Is that important to you? They have to be getting something out of it, right? Do they? It's all transactions. What do you think they get out of it? If you're a merchant, what do you, what do they get out of this deal?

Because you said earlier that you just burden them, that you just... That's the thing. I know what I'm getting out of it. I'm getting everything I wanted, everything they bend over backwards to try and solve this. You. I haven't given to them. And they haven't taken from me. So is it transactional? Well, it's my duty to do something for them, right?

Is it? After all, that they've done for me. So that's what, so for them, let's say your friend's... Gruff was it? You would only help him if you got something out of it. Well... I'll spend a point on that one, thank you. Anybody has something that they would like to throw in?

I think Kim, if you've got something good. You would only help Gruff if Gruff got something out of it, or whichever way I phrased it. You would only help Gruff if you got something out of it. What if Gruff is only using me to... his knightly values. Oh, that's so good. So again, Tom, you get to decide if Xanthius believes that or not.

Or if Zanthias truly doesn't. We're all going on our own paths, right? We're all completing our own little missions. And exploring the Azar step, that's what Rowan wants. Ophelia is spreading the word. Daisy is... Daisy. It doesn't sound like that.

It doesn't sound like Daisy's got something that she wants. There's a whole Yeager thing. There's this giant thing that we just wanted to... And what are you getting out of helping Rowan coming here to the desire step? What does that get you? Away from Koldra for a bit, that's for sure. A chance to explore brave new places. And do you think that that's a fair trade?

I mean... I just want to understand it from your point of view. See things as this transaction. state. Okay. Sure. You don't seem very sure. Have you ever had a conversation like this? No. No, they keep trying to drill down, you know. The friends outside. What does that mean? Drill down. Trying to just get something out of me that I don't fully see, right? It doesn't, I don't wake up and think I'm going to help someone today. I don't wake up and think,

I said the wrong thing and I hurt them, or said the right thing, made them feel happy and safe. I just go from A to B, and that's the goal. You don't think about anybody. Do you think about yourself? All the time.

So for you, that's number one. Making sure that you, Zantheis, you get what you need. Doesn't matter anybody else. Have you ever helped someone just because you could? Well, yes. Oh. But you didn't think about it. You just did it.

Well, I suppose. Got fame out of it. And we saved us from rest. Got money. Did you know that you were going to get that when you did it? Well, I figured it was inevitable. I didn't, not to say that I did it for money, or not to say that I did it for money, or, or fame. Oh. Because that's just what people do. That's what everyone does, right?

Is it? No one just, no one just takes, right? Do you know somebody that just takes and takes and takes and takes? So I'm not from Caldra. You said that? Yes, I did. There's hair in the air, by the way. Sorry about that. I pet mole. Didn't know you had a pet mole.

Really changes the dynamic here. I want to reiterate, Santis, if this conversation isn't here. You can always head out. Writing things down. Literally a mole. Yeah. She's pouring to us life. The boy's trying.

Let him be in the moment. Why has my father not given me what every other father should give? Mm. That's my question. That's a great question. I mean, you've spoken to a lot of people. There are people in worse positions than me, right? I think that very much depends on people's perspective.

I know poor farmers who have barely enough money to survive, but they've got family and they've got love and they're happy. But I know I've met rich merchants who have been miserable and, you know, in unhappy marriages and all sorts. I can't really tell you that answer. why do you think your father hasn't given you the love that he should have? Oh, it's easy, really. He just thinks I'm worthless, right? Why do you think he thinks that?

Well, he all but told me. Because you're not a dragon or for something else? Because I'm not entirely his. Does he have other dragon-born children? See, that's the thing. Apparently he does. Did you learn that recently? I did. Did that hurt to learn that?

If you found out that you had a brother, a sister, a family you've never known about, how would that make you feel? Personally, be quite delighted. I would love to get to know and meet them. But obviously, I don't know who that person is. They might not be a very nice person. They might not want to get to know me. They could be very very... different to me, but I'd be excited to meet them. Well, my father took from me the ability to find joy in family. Hmm. So I never had that.

What about your mother? You talked a lot about your father. Did your mother give you love? Did your mother care for you? Yes. So why do you think that your father not loving you has given you this malady, this curse, where you can't love family,

but your mother's love didn't give you that. Because... Because my father wouldn't allow it. Wouldn't allow what? She was taken away from me, as much as I was taken away from Gildai, we were separated. I see.

She was another one who, you feel, left you. Or was she taken? She was taken. I know that she would like to have come back. And she tried. Do you love your mother? She hasn't hurt me. She didn't toss me aside.

She cared about you? I think so. Do you think it was transactional for her to love you? No, it cost her a lot. Ah. So it is possible for people to care about you, even if they don't get something out of it, even if it costs them.

But I don't deserve that, right? Why not? Just because I'm blood. Blood means nothing. Why don't you deserve that? Because... Why don't you deserve love, Zend? Because I gave her nothing.

All I did was be born and that was a bad thing in her life. Hmm. So you think you have to deserve love. You have to earn it. You have to pay for it. You have to prove something, right? Do you? Do you not?

I mean, I can tell you what I think. I'm really here to try and help you figure out what you think, but I could tell you what I think, if that will help you. Yes. Pay for love. You don't pay to be looked after. There are just some people in the world who just care about you. You don't earn it.

You don't pay for it. It's not something that you. you sell or buy, people just love you and they'll do anything for you. They'll bleed for you. Some of your friends know about that. They'll fight for you. They'll bring you back from death because they love you because they don't need anything else. All they need is your love back. They just need you to care about them in the same way they care about you. But what if you feel like

you are incapable of matching that connection? Do you have to? Does it always have to be equivalent exchange? If I give you a gold, do you always have to give me a gold back? No, I just mean if they are able to to cry for you and laugh with you and all of that.

But that doesn't reach me. When Graff brought me back, I didn't even say thank you. And it was only... Do you regret that? It was only until 15 minutes ago that the possibility that that could have even hurt Graf... It reached me. If you could go back, would you do that differently?

That's the thing. I, it never for a second crossed my mind. Right, but right now, if I gave you the chance to go back, I cast a magic spell, sent you back and you could say thank you for what he did, would you? Do you regret not doing it in the first place? Sure, it makes things a little bit easier. What'd you mean by that? What'd you mean easier? You would feel less ashamed that you didn't say thank you?

I would feel less seen. Mm. You don't want to be seen. I don't like it when... Do you not want people to see you or do you not want people to see inside you? I love it when people see me. Mm. There's nothing wrong with that. Hate it when people see the floors. Floors are what make us, but I think, coming up on, we should get you back to your friends,

but I've got one last question for you. You help your friend Rowan go to this giant's wet stone. You do whatever business needs to be done there. But what's next for you? Where do you see yourself after that? I think we're planning on heading to Kel Scaris. Mm-hmm. And Alphelia's got a thing.

Daisy's got a whole thing. Sure. But what about you? What do you want to do? I think I want to find... I almost said the person who... stabbed me with a crown steel. Do you not say that?

No. I want to find the other one that left me behind. Do you think that that would help you? Why do you want to find them? Because I just want to understand why. I want to go to Gildai. How do you feel about people planning

doing really terrible things? I told you, Santhius. What we talk about in here is between you and me. it's not my place to judge you it's not my not why we're having this conversation I'd rather you didn't tell me about any crimes you were playing this

but it's certainly not my place to judge you sounds to me like you want to confront your father I want to finish up a transaction yeah you got that opportunity when you get that opportunity when you get that opportunity

What do you want to ask your father? What do you want to say to him? I want to prove to him that he made a very big mistake. Mm. And that he should have kept me around because I deserved it. I don't know. I haven't thought about it. I think about it a lot. It's funny, you talk about struggling to connect and not feeling emotions and these sorts of things, but... And you know, I need to keep this a bit of a secret, but... You're the one who's taught the most who's come in here. There's a storm of thoughts and feelings inside you.

I think this is the first time you've really had the opportunity to express them. Do the other people speak a lot? You've talked a lot with me. You've told me a lot of things. Without me prompting some of it, I think there's a lot more to you and a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings. My very last question, when you see yourself confronting your father,

asking him that question, or proving to him that you're not what he thought you are, do you want your friends beside you? And do you think that they'll be there? Two questions, I guess. I'm going to spend my last point on that one. No, I don't want them to see what I have to become. That's what I was going to say.

And there you go, that's a true thought. Or is it? Just because he was going to say it doesn't mean it's true. I don't want them there, because I don't want them to haul me back. And do you think that they would be there? I know that Kroft wouldn't like it. But would they be there? they had to be.

Well this has been just wonderful. It's been delightful zanis. It's been great. Let me give the full control over the boulder, yes. I hope that's been useful to you. Yeah, no, that's good. Hi guys. See Xanthius emerge.

Yeah, that was... Good chat. Just like everyone said, just a real... Time. Who wants to... to go next. Well, we are at the end of the episode normally. We could extend a little bit of people want if there's one more person who wants to go. Otherwise we could wrap it up there. I do have something in mind, but it would be another 20 minutes or so.

Can I have the chair? Oh, oh. Yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you. Let's just share the chair, actually. Yeah, there's a room, yeah. Come screwed on. Sounds like we're continuing for a little bit. But you're sure. We don't have to. We absolutely can any episode here. So,

so. So, the carrots are amazing. I've eaten a cabbage and tomatoes. So you've got to try all of these, Zanthias. Or the... I've been testing what, um, what, uh, pet name. Oh, Gibson.

From my, my mind just broke. Gibson. Gibson. I've been testing what Gibson likes. Doesn't like the carrots, not keen on the carrots. The tomatoes, cabbage? Keen on the tomato. 50-50 on the cabbage.

Yeah, it's been... While they're having this conversation, Gruff just stands up. Scalor didn't say anything, just takes a poor. Have a good conversation, gruff. Also, oranges. Two thumbs up. Manhattan.

He really likes those. Stone balder closes, and Scalus, it's like, oh, Mr. Gruff. course. I can have a sit down. So I've made the same offer to everyone, but this is a regular herbal tea, a bit of honey, a bit of goat's milk in it. This is a more unique tea. It's all about connecting with your inner self and sort of helps you spiritually just kind of connect with some of those thoughts that might be a bit elusive or maybe you're a bit harder to sort of realize. It's completely optional. It is a narcotic, but it's not addictive.

It's completely optional. Well, my wife always said that I should try new things. Please. There's something so familiar about this. It almost tastes like your wife's, like nighttime tea that you've made dozens of times. But as you drink it down, I think that with gruff, things are going to be a bit different.

Up until now, I've been sort of playing with the GM's pool more on sort of some of these hidden thoughts and feelings, um, to try and coax out some of those more, maybe negative or maybe like hidden things. This time, I'm going to leave this player pool to you guys. At any point,

you can spend a point to say, be at one of Gruff's thoughts, but generally it should align, not necessarily more positively, but it should relate more to, um, yeah, I would say, yeah, positive elements,

but not necessarily baseless positivity. But you can spend one at any point. Right, well, Mr. Graff, I've had some lovely conversations with your friends, but what would you like to talk about? Oh, wait, I don't really know. I've never done one of these before. That's right. There's not really anything to do. It's just a conversation. Just want to get a... Let me ask you this then.

Your friend Rowan is on his journey. We talked about that. But what about you? What is it that you're looking for? What are you seeking? Oh, okay, so I left Tramoro with the blessing of my wife, and it's been a lifetime goal of mine to head out and find the order of the loyal hands

and become a night. Fantastic. It must be so exciting for you to pursue your dream. Yeah, so it's taken a while together, but thankfully I'm now at a point of time. my life where I can pursue it. And how do you feel about how it's going? Oh, it's going rather well.

I've met with two moon nights already and I've passed two of my three childs. It's been a bit of a bother. How so? Tell me about it. Oh, well, you know, the first one, it was as I expected, you know, like, you know, solving a problem and bringing some comfort to people

who needed it and helping out and uncovering wicked plots and all that. The second one took a bit more effort. There was perhaps a couple of troubles along the way with my companions. Trouble's like what? Oh, well, I don't want to say. Oh, anything you say is completely private and confidential. nothing's gonna go beyond me and you. There's them all.

I'm not gonna say, but someone in the group perhaps lost the run of themselves and got a few people arrested and delayed our journey. And did that upset you, frustrate you? I love that she knows who exactly. She knows exactly.

I'd just love the idea after she's like, because you told them that you got people arrested. Timit Croft's not gonna. I know, I know, I know. Well, Gus's not gonna be, not gonna dober in. This fucking bitch on my teeth. You have the tea. Well, it was, it was rather frustrating

and I think what upset me was the idea that the delay, we could have perhaps gotten to where we needed to go in time to help more people. And I was a bit disappointed. Uh, that they were a bit self-serving. Have you told them that? Yes. Good.

How did that go? Oh, I don't know. Apologies was said and promises to do better and... And do you believe those promises? From some. But not all. Some in the group are a bit of a work in progress. Mm.

You know, they're young sometimes. can be a bit immature and headstrong. Does that bother you? Oh no, it's life, isn't it? It's the way of life, you know? That's the way it is. Were you like that when you were young? I suppose.

Perhaps. And we all, when we're young, we're, we, we're so full of, we think we know everything. Mm. And you feel, you don't feel that anymore. No. Mm. Good, good, good.

So you had these troubles in part of your test of knighthood, but you seem to be making good progress, and you're feeling good about your next steps where you've got to go next? Oh yeah, well, I think my third contact is in Kelskaris, which thankfully lines up with a few of the others, points of contact and that. That's very convenient, actually. And I don't know what the third trial will be. I have some suspicions, but we'll see. Are you worried about it? I worry about a lot of things. It's not the new.

It's worrying quite a regular thing for you. What sort of things do you worry about? Oh, I suppose all the usual is that everyone goes through. Am I good enough? Can I do this? I'm tired. Why am I so tired? Is that ache in my knees new? Oh, is this ring in my ears? going to go away. I've had it since we were in a proto-maggi vault and I wonder if I should get

it looked at or if it's just a part of getting old. Is that a new white air? Oh, Lordy it is. And those are the only worries that you have, getting older and are you good enough? I worry about my wife. What'd you worry about? Oh, just how she's getting on without me. Well, she's very capable and she's, you know, she's, you know, she's, you know, she's, she's, you She's, well, she's truly my better off. She, she's, you know, she's magnificent. She'll be fine, but, you know, I just, I do worry, you know. I mean, tell me more.

You sounds like you're very confident in your wife. You have a lot of faith in her. She seems to be very capable. So what is it that worries you? Oh, well, um, specifically. Does she, she better off without me. What makes you think that? There's some lookers in our village.

Do you think your wife's the type to be unfaithful? No. Hmm. That's not my express. At all. No, she's very, no, she's very loyal to me and she's proven that time and time again. Not that there was ever any, no, no, I'm saying this all wrong, I do this, this is what I do. What do?

What do you do? I don't... She's the one who... who... She's my North Star. She's my guide. She's... She's better at speaking.

She's a storyteller. She's the village storyteller. You know, she's very good at speaking. She knows my mind. And she knows how to communicate that to her others. And... Well, she knows how I've communicated to me because she's the one who set me on this path.

Otherwise, without her, I probably would have stayed in the village. So why do you... think that she's better off without you then? What is it that makes you think and feel that way? Oh because I'm well apart from fishing and it's useless really. What makes you say is there anything that makes you feel that way in particular? I mean being a fisherman sounds useful. Were you not a good provider? I'm good of practical things. It's what I've been told from a young age. Look, living in Traymorrow

is hard. It's cold. Don't tell you as I said that. It's cold. It can be very miserable. And where Tremoro is, you know, it was a very poor village. So it's a very hard upbringing.

You know, you have to go out and fish, otherwise we starve. And it was the only way to bring money into the village so we could survive, the long cold. That doesn't sound very useless. It sounds very useful. But it's what you know, isn't it, from a young age, from the minute you can walk, you contribute to the village, right? Okay.

Does that diminish it then? Just because you've always had to do it, that diminishes it? No, I mean that it's a very, it makes you a very practically minded person. And you don't have time for, I suppose, nice teas and chats. like these and... Sounds quite useful and that practicality. But I don't necessarily know how to contribute to the household when it's small than myself and my wife. Do you have other people in your household?

Yep. Tell me about them. Children? Yep. How many? Three. Three. What are their names? Mofran, he's my eldest. Talasin, he's the middle. And clearly, she's the youngest. And it sounds like you were saying that you don't feel like you contributed with the children then, so... Is that why you feel you weren't very useful to your wife? She was better off without you because you didn't help with the children.

Perhaps. I seem to more get in the way and cause more problems. Hmm. See. What sort of problems? I introduce you to Seren. Haven? This is Serran. Obviously this is not... Sorry, cover, cover Seren's ears.

Not actually Seren. It's some magical facsimile. Familiar? Yeah. Seren in a sister era. I raised them from when they were a clutch of eggs. And birds are very simple. You give them heat, you give them food,

you train them with a few commands, you work together on the ice. Simple. Children are not simple. No, they're not. No. No. A lot harder than birds and beasts.

They have minds of their own and they don't do what you're not. she tell them they're always off in cause in trouble. Is that something you struggled with? Yes. In what way? Very much so. I didn't know how to be there.

As in be there how? At all. To just to be present at all in their lives, so. I tried. But it was hard and it was... You know when my eldest was born? More fran. And I picked him up for the very first time.

This small, mulling, ugly little fellow. A lot of children are. And I looked at him and I thought, all were the saints and sions, you are my whole world now. And I've never felt so vulnerable and so scared in my whole life. Yeah? Because I have to be there for him.

Yeah. And I don't know what to do. I think the older I get, the more I realise I don't have what it takes to be a parent. Why do you think that? Because I was never there for him. I ran. I left. I committed myself to the idea that if you're not, to the idea that if I did not involve myself in their lives,

they would not cause me pain. So holding your son, more friend, they were their whole world, and you felt scared and vulnerable. And so you felt that your best way to protect yourself was to put as much distance between them as you could. Is that right? Because I didn't know anything else.

Hmm. Do you think other parents do? Well, that's how my parents were. Now I'm worried to go back because whatever's too late and I should just stay gone. And frankly, I think now that more Fran and clearly have had a taste of life without me there, perhaps it's easier without their old man. Being grumpy, being surly, letting them down, disappointing. them by not being there. Is that how you would have felt with your father?

You said that they weren't really around. Would you have been happier if they just weren't in your life? I'd like to think so. It's difficult. My parents weren't neglectful. They weren't malicious. They didn't abandon me. It's just the way of life.

They had to work. Everyone in the village had to work. But if you could have made things, different, if they could have done things differently, what would you have liked them to do? Would have liked them to protect the vulnerable? I would have liked them to pass on the wisdom of age. I would have liked them to bring hope and comfort to those in need. Sounds like those are nightly orders. Nightly tenants. Is that what drew you to this this nightly order?

I think it was. Mm. Mm. So your parents didn't protect the infirm? Were you infirm? Is that you see yourself as the one that needed to be protected? Not infirm, but vulnerable. Mm.

And you wish that they'd pass their wisdom onto you? Hmm. How to be a parent? And that they'd given you hope when you didn't have any. Yeah? You felt like you had quite a hopeless childhood then? Not so much hopeless me. So much hopeless maybe, but a little comfort or anconomis.

When you wake up at night and you cry in. And do you think that that's what your children would want now if I ask them that question? I think they would want a father who wasn't a bit of an asshole really. Surly, grumpy. Just like your father was. Just like my father was. So you're sort of repeating the same mistake. then. Or you did. Would you change that now? Have you had a chance to go back? Do it all again?

The problem is, I didn't realise any of these at the time. Mm-hmm. I've only realised it now being on the road as I have. Mm-hmm. Before I left, I'd designed myself to be in a failure. Mm-hmm. But in your travels, you feel like you've discovered something new, you, you, you, you... you've connected with these nightly tenants, is that it? Travelling with the people I'm travelling with, seeing them struggle. Listening to their problems,

experiencing their anger and their sadness. And their own anxieties, I've come to realise, particularly from that boy, Zanthius, seeing how, angry years at his own father and the damage that man has done by not being there. Not loving him. That's when I started thinking. You felt, did you feel like you saw a bit of a mirror? Not a mirror, not in Xanthus, no. But I did think he reminded me of my second son,

Talism. I don't know where that boy is. So I have a question for you. Go back, you know, you're older, back in your village. It's been years. But your father comes to you and says, I'm sorry, I was a bad father. I want to make it up to you. I want to do better.

How would you feel about that? Well, I'd be bloody well surprised because he's long past the veil. Sure, sure. But this is just... No, a little fantasy. I understand. Imagine it, the scenario of it.

I don't know. have an answer for that. That's all right. I don't have to have an answer to any of this right now. It's just a question, it's just a conversation. I feel frankly that I'm not seeking atonement from my parents or for my parents, but from my children. I guess my head I'm trying to imagine myself in your children's position and in your position and in the position of many children whose parents and neglectful,

or, you know, walk away from them. Trying to think to myself, if they came back into my life and offered me an olive branch, offered me a second chance, how would I feel? What would my response be? I left my family in Kelskaris

and they were not very happy about it. We don't talk much anymore. I often think, like, if they came by, if I had the opportunity to, apologize to try and make amends. Would I? Would they even let me? Think about it quite a lot. I don't have an answer. It's one to think about. You say you don't know where your second son is. So where do you think they are? I honestly haven't got a bloody clue. They left and I looked but I couldn't find them.

and I haven't got a bloody clue where they've gone. And this was back when you were in Tremoro. Mm. Say, left, just vanished. But you searched, you went looking for them. Well, I thought the water, maybe he went into the sea, maybe he fell in with pirates or something, bandits. Do you mourn your son?

I mourn the loss of the time that I didn't spend with him. What about your eldest son, your youngest daughter? You still had time with them, didn't you? Well, they encouraged me to leave. They, along with your wife, they told you to pursue. Maybe they think that if word got out that I'd gone. Maybe they'd think their brother would come back. I see. You think that he left because of you?

Oh, I know he left because of me. We had a bad fight. And that was just before they left. It was another fight in a series of fights. And this was bad. So in a way, I wasn't surprised that he left. And now you fear that you're gone. They're all back together as a happy family.

And if that's the case, then I'm happy for them. What if it's not the good? What if they miss you? What if they think of you and fondly are imagining you on your quests and adventures and telling stories about you? What if they think I've just abandoned them again? To do what their father wanted to do? Sure. What if they are happy? What if they are proud?

How do you feel about that thought? Doesn't sit up with me? No. I'd rather they'd be angry. Why? Do you feel like you've done something wrong? I've done everything wrong. Mm-hmm.

And they deserve to be angry with me? And do we always get what we deserve? That is a question. Do we even always want what we deserve? You say that they deserve to be angry with you, but what if they don't want to be? Do you know something I thought of recently when I was thinking about son?

Being someone's parent is very hard. Being someone's child shouldn't have to be. And I am very sorry I made those children's lives very hard. You talk about Xanthias. You say that he reminds you of your second son, the one who went away. Where you talk about him, do you feel quite fatherly towards him? In a clumsy way, I suppose. way, I suppose.

Mm. It's not come naturally. Does fatherhood? Well, apparently not. Mm. What about the others in your friends? Are they equals? Do you see them in the same way?

Are they children to you, or? They all seem to see me as some sort of father figure. It's a bit odd, if I'm honest. In fact, Rowan said yesterday that he saw me as the dad of the group. That was a bit weird. Why was it weird? Why'd you feel that was? Why does it make you feel uncomfortable?

Well, it's always felt uncomfortable to me, hasn't it? Mm. But has that changed in your travels? Perhaps. Mm. Perhaps something is moving. I think we'll need to wrap up the conversation, but I want to ask you, same question

that I've sort of asked everyone. You help your friend Rowan, complete his task at the wet stone. What's next for Gruff? I know you've got your plans in Kelsk, But think broader than that. What is next for you? Where do you want to go? So I like to imagine that through all of this

and obviously with... Scalar. Scalers. Permission, he lit up a pipe in all of this. Sure, sure, sure. And for a minute he just looks, you know, and looks through the smoke. And in his head, he sees

for a moment, I feel flash of future gruff bedecked in beautiful armor, wielding his axe and riding a magnificent Drake like Sir Gryolz Drake. And for a moment, he looks like the living embodiment of the ballad of Sir Isabel. And for a flash, it's that. And then as the smoke shifts and fades, What he actually sees is he sat at a long table in one of the kind of communal houses in Tremoro. And he sat at the head of the table and he's older, he's got more white fur, maybe a scar or two. His wife by his side and all three of his children at the table. And it's a banquet, or as much as a banquet as Tremor can have.

Perhaps their children and their partners are there and scattered around amongst them are Rowan, Ophelia, Santhius and Daisy and that's what he sees in his mind's eyes. Does he say that? Just sit there silently? I think he would sit there silently and keep that to himself. Well, it's just a question, one for you to think about.

I think it's not my place to say anything. I'm really just here to have you ask, I'm really here just to ask questions and get you thinking about your own thoughts really. You're certainly on a journey and similar to Rowan, I know that you have a connection to Ulfay, to the world, to the land. And Ulfay themselves know that children and parents, well, it's a complicated relationship. in time in time I think answers will come to you I think on those questions

there's not really much more I can offer you I think today but I hope that this has been a useful conversation to help you think about certain things and yeah

I think that last one in particular I think that's an important one for you to think on oh I will I thank you for your time of course stone bolder rolls past and as Gruff exits, that is where we will end the episode.

Nice. Just wrapping that up. Nice. Sorry to take you on a little lace. If people do need to dash off, we can always wrap up with just a few of us for the posting. I didn't even want to interrupt with the little bits that all the questions were being asked, I think. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And Daisy's totally fine. I am fine. So super fine. Daisy's so super fine. Doesn't need therapy. Totally fine.

Your therapy is NEM. Yeah. Kind of. Can always come back to it. Can always come back to it. But with that, we are going to end today's episode. We will see you all next time for another episode. As you will head out towards Althe's Crown on the Giants Wetstone properly this time.

Hope you've enjoyed this one. We'll see all next time. See you next time. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Hi, I'm Simon. I'm G. And I'm Booth. Have you heard about Pickax's hit new old movie podcast?

Yom! We each have a list of six films we want to share. Every week, we roll a dice to randomly pick which one we watch and discuss. MC Bunkerwelt says, This trio is perfect for a movie podcast. G is the casual that has the mainstream movies. Simon is the nerd that is bringing the gems, and Boof is the Cellar Goblin that scrapes.

the bottom of the diaper. Messiah Jones says, such a fan of this podcast, I love the variety and all three have pretty good chemistry. Gee is far too confident in her own intelligence sometimes and Simon can be a real commodgian

but the three work together well enough to keep the flow and make a good product. Serenity indeed says love this podcast so far but the audio is all over the place goes from quiet at the start of a sentence to loud in the middle. Every time somebody stops talking

for even half a second, their audio goes quiet and has to ramp up again. It's very distracting. Edit, this audio issue was with my laptop. Find Yomp on all your favorite podcast platforms. Yompa!