Higher Learning with Van Lathan and Rachel Lindsay - How to Manage Your Mental Health During the COVID-19 Pandemic

Episode Date: November 13, 2020

Van Lathan and Rachel Lindsay are joined by Dr. Jess Clemons to discuss mental health in general, as well as how to handle it during the COVID-19 pandemic (16:00). Then they give a recap of the latest episode of ‘The Bachelorette’ (42:00), answer a few mailbag questions (1:04:00), and give their Unexpected Allies of the Week (1:11:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yo, yo, yo, thought warriors. What is up? Higher learning is on in his eye, Van Lathen. Are you okay, Van? It's me, Rachel Lindsay. You seem, you know, tired, a little like, I don't know. You don't have the same energy you normally have when you come in. I just came from acupuncture.

You told me that. You didn't tell the thought warriors that. Oh, yeah, I just came from acupuncture, man. So the last time I got acupuncture, I got an acupuncture. I got an acupuncture and I was laying on my stuff. stomach and she acupuncted my back. She punked it up. And then, but this time, I got an acupuncture and I was on my back.

And it was a different experience. Better? Much more tranquil. The center for stress and anxiety, pain and anxiety here in Beverly Hills. And it, um, it's very relaxing, man. You seem very relaxed. It's crazy. There's only one part of the acupuncture that kind of hurts me a little bit.

For some reason, like my ankles. It's like tight down there. You put it in there and it's a little. It's not a lot of meat. Yeah. Lala. No, but like she acupuncted my head. She acupuncted my ears and all of those other places, it didn't, it didn't bother me.

Behind my ear. How many of the, are they needles? They're, yeah, no. No, they're not needles. They're, nope. They're knives. They're knives. They're small knives.

They're, like, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, No, stop. Is that really what she refers to them as? No. Of course they're needles. You know that they're needles. No, but I, okay, it's never happened to me before. So I didn't know if they just look like needles and if there's another term for it. Okay, anyways, how many do you get put on you? I can't tell. I would say, because there are people that get a ton if you've been doing it for a long time. I would say if I had to guess how many needles I had this time, I would guess probably about 20.

or 30. Okay. Okay. That's not bad. Because I couldn't sit there and have like a hundred put on me. Just the number increase as you get further into your acupuncture experience? It seemed like there were more needles this time than there were last time.

Okay. That's for sure. And this time with the cupping, because I got the cupping too. Oh. This time with the cupping, she turned the cups and then she left them on me. That did her? And she didn't just cup and take them off. No, it was a little suction.

but it didn't hurt. Y'all, if y'all saw his face right there, it hurt a little bit. It hurt a little bit. It didn't hurt. It didn't hurt a little bit. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I'm telling you,

I was laying there and it's like, even the acupuncture itself is cool, but even just to be able to put yourself in sort of that type of round, man, it's like water sounds playing in the background, like the ocean crashing type of joint, and there's a warm heat on you. It's a dimly lit room.

And you just relax. Exactly. Is there music? Yeah, there's music. No, no, music. They got the wave crashing. Oh, even better. Oh, let me tell you something.

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Sign up and get a $25 bonus. Offered by Fandul Prediction Markets LLC, a registered futures commission merchant, Plus, bonus is non-withdrawable and expires seven days after receipt. Trading derivatives involve significant risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Manage your activity with our consumer protection tool. Restrictions apply. See terms at vanduil.com slash predict slash bonus dash offer dash herms. So I got a phone call this morning. Actually, I was I was talking to my parents this morning on my ride into work. And my mom tells me about my nephew. So my nephew is apparently the only black boy in his class.

Right. And he has taken an interest in what's, obviously he's five. He's in kindergarten. So he doesn't know what's going on in the world. But he is very, very talented and gifted. And he pays attention to what's going on. So in my sister's neighborhood and my brother-in-law, there's a lot of BLM signs up. So he's been like, what is that?

What does that mean? Why do these people have it? Why do they not? So the point where he understands what's going on and was actually, nervous about going to his school because he didn't want to be one of the few black kids there with what was happening. I mean, that's how self-aware he is about what's happening. So my sister started to notice that his colors were changing. You know, they give you one color if you're good, like a medium color, another color if you're not. So he's getting these yellows, which means like,

it's like a warning. And she's like, why are you getting yellows? And he says, well, because I was kept twirling my pen or my pencil. And she's like, why are you twirling your pencil? And he's like, because I'm, I'm sad. I'm lonely. And she's like, why are you lonely? Because the teacher has him sitting by himself in class. And every other student is paired with someone else. And there's a pairing because of COVID. They can't all sit at the table together, but there's an odd number. So she has the one black child sitting in a corner by himself. while he's looking out at the rest of his classmates sitting and coupled with other people. And it really bothered me, obviously, because it's my nephew and I'm protective.

And, you know, my sister and my brother-in-law are handling that with the school. But when she first texts the teacher, the teacher said, okay, I'll take that into consideration. My sister was advising her how problematic that is, especially with what's going on, what he's noticed. He's got to come to school every day and be the only black kids sitting by himself. Teacher didn't get it. Teacher didn't care to get it. My sister had to go to the principal to handle the situation. really, really bothered me, really made me sad because despite with everything that's going on in this world,

people still don't get it and they don't want to get it. And it bothers me too because as a teacher, they're children, but they're paying attention and they're watching to what you're doing and they're watching to what's going on. And the psychological effect that that could have on my nephew, knowing he's the only black boy, this is how you treat black children in your class, you separate them from everybody else. For whatever re-quarantine, whatever, Why him? Why is he the only one? I mean, my sister said, even his friend spoke out and was like, I'll be the one to sit by myself. She's like, no him.

He's going to go sit by himself without any type of explanation. It's just sad, man. It really made me upset this morning. Yeah, I was walking up Lassienega a couple of days ago. And when I was walking up Lassianega, there were these kids that were playing. There's like a Jewish school there on the corner of Lassianca and Olympic. And there are these kids that were playing. Outside, early in the morning.

Like, when the kids were first coming to school, you know, I take my early morning walks or whatever. And there's this kid, and he sees me. And he goes, hi, how are you? And I'm like, hey, how are you doing? And then all of a sudden, he, like, laughs and smiles and runs away. And then he brings back, like, three other kids. And they all go, hey,

Hey, how are you doing? Hey, what's up? Hey. And I stop and I go, hey, guys. How are you? You know, that how when you see kids, you immediately go, hey, guys. Hey, how are you guys? And they're like, hey, hi.

And we're just standing there waving to each other. First of all, that interaction made my day. Secondly, it made me think about something. Those kids didn't want to do anything more in their life at that moment, then connect with someone. then say hello, then be a part of something. They were happy to say hi.

They weren't scared. They weren't trepidations. They didn't say, hey, big six-foot-four black dude. That is what America says is dangerous. Don't want to talk to him. Don't want to be around him. And I started thinking my mind,

that is innate, that feeling of connection and wanting to be around people and wanting to laugh and play and be one. For those kids, for that to change, someone for some reason is going to have to intentionally kill that in them. Yeah. Either under the guise of keeping them safe, telling them what to fear, or to the guys of telling them who has done them wrong in the past, or just under guys of some sort of superiority complex. Someone is going to have to kill that that is inside of them and make them into what we are.

Yeah. And I just wonder if that teacher is doing that right now for your nephew. She's absolutely doing it. What an unthinkable and unforgivable crime that actually ends up being in somebody's life when they're that young to do that to a kid if that's happening to him right now. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, if he hadn't said anything to my sister, who knows how long he would be sitting there observing. that. Why am I different? Why am I getting different treatment? And here's the thing, even if the

teacher, let's just give her the benefit of the doubt, which I don't believe, did it, you know, just because, I don't know, she picked a straw out of a hat or something and his name was on it. The fact that she didn't explain it to him, the fact that she didn't tell him why he's the one sitting by himself is, it's so detrimental. Yeah. So detrimental. So detrimental. So I wonder if they draw straws. I wonder if she put a little black, straw in there for him. You know, if it was just a bunch of little white straws. And then it was like, hey, look at this little straw. This is a Jamal. And we're going to put this in here. But seriously, though, teachers got to watch out because I tell you what will happen.

I'll tell you, I'll give you the best, I give you the best reason why the teacher should stop doing what she's doing. Me. You don't want to create another one of these, lady. Did this happen to you in kindergarten? for hell yeah it happened to me all throughout I was in a gift program you're gonna just create another loud mouth who is going to love making you uncomfortable

and telling you about yourself that same I bet your little nephew is very bright cultural of a very bright family you're going to write books about this moment and you're going to write it's going to be everywhere you got to deal with this I'm telling you stop this all you're going to do is

is make another racial cyborg. Oh, I already told my sister is like, can he wear bracelets to school? I will be mailing this tomorrow. This BLM bracelet. That's not enough. That's not enough.

He's five, man. I know. He wears a uniform. He can't wear it. He can't. What you want? What should he do? I'm going to put a Malcolm X shirt on him.

He can't. I'm a man. Tell him to call Uncle Vang. We got to have a talk. Now it's militant. Now we try it the other way. We tried it. See, this is what happened. We tried it the nice way. This may happen because my sister is a big shout out to my sister, Constance.

She's a big fan of this podcast. She listens to every single episode. She's going to be like, give me Vans number. Let me go ahead and go on. You know what's going to happen? Like, they're going to be in the class. It'll be talking about reading and reading the fundamental in the ABCs and ask them a question. Hey, why don't you ever raise your hand? Raise my hand for what to participate in this white power system that you got going on in this school? Let me tell you about yourself. Let me tell you about the original Asiatic black man and woman, the lineage of which I come through. Okay, follow me, the lineage of which I come through, the original man of this planet, the Asiatic Black man, and his queen of the universe, the Nubian, of course, goddess of the whole world, the black woman.

Tell you about yourself. Tell you about where you come from in the Caucasus Mountains. Do you want to talk about this? So my nephew is by rai. So what? Don't matter. No, I'm not taking it away. I'm just also putting that out there. I'm just putting that out there. He'll go home and tell that same

shit to his dad. He'll go home and tell that same shit to his dad. You're right. You're right. You're right. Make it plain, little man. Make it playing. Make it playing, little man. Talk, talk. Make it plain. Talk to me. The other brother being told them about

everything all the way back. Like calling himself a more. I'm going to get him a coofy. Not a more. Not a more. He's a more. He's a young more. I'm going to get him a coofeck.

See, because here's what is the... We try to do it the regular way. We do. We try to do it the regular way. But then now, now we've got to unleash the real knowledge on you. You feel what I'm saying? We've got to unleash the real knowledge on you.

Oh, you know what? Where are they in Texas? Dallas. This is the best. Just send them in there with a picture on a shirt of a black Jesus. It's Jesus. Like basically, Samuel L. Jackson. You want to really upset him?

Put them on his. Put a black Jesus on it. Put a black Jesus on it. Because it's messed up, man. Poor little Alice is going to get kicked out of the school. That's okay. We'll homeschool you. Come to the class of higher learning.

Yeah. Is he license? Yeah. It's like how light, what gray of light skin we're talking about? Like, Marmore to Drake. Like what? Like Drake. Like Drake, maybe lighter than Drake.

It don't get no lighter than Drake. what you're talking about. Maybe like maybe like his brother Hendricks is brown. He's brown.

See, and that's probably even more like confusing for because he's looking around he's like, yo. Like I'm you,

I'm basically you after your parents trip to Cape Cod or to like Anguilla. I'm basically like why y'all doing me this way? I feel sorry for him.

But it's okay. Don't feel sorry for him. I like it. I like it when they're, when they radicalize them young like that. Well, this might be the moment. You're right about that because this might be the moment where, oh, wait, this might be the moment where he's like,

he will always be able to point to. Oh, handsome little, oh, that's a handsome little man. He's so cute. And my sister said, never let anyone steal your joy. I'll always advocate for you. That's what she posted before he wants. He's going to look good with a neck tattoo. Don't you do?

Don't you do you? young Allison like that. It's the way it starts. It starts. It starts. It's seen. It doesn't start this way. He's going to look good with a neck tattoo.

Where's your neck tattoo? Where's your neck tattoo? Of Africa right here. I don't get any tattoos because they won't show up. They'll show up. That is not true. He got the same compression as a canvas. Like he's going to look good with a neck tattoo of Africa right there.

We'll have Marcus Garvey, Ella Baker, all on his, you know. But by the way, you're going to be doing all of this while he's in Harvard. We're going to the top. But they don't know what they created. They created a little monster. And I love this. You're taking him under your wing. Under my wing.

I'll have Alice to call into the show. Yeah. Have him go in. It's been great. It's great. All right. Real quick, let's take a little break and pay some bills. This episode is brought to you by WeatherTech.

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Made to keep up with whatever comes next. New sweetgreen wraps hit different. Order now at order.com. Now, we've talked a lot about during this time of COVID and election anxiety and all of that stuff, just how people's mental health is. But it occurred to us that we had never actually had a mental health expert on here to talk to you guys about maybe some techniques, maybe some ways that you can invest into some self-care, some things that you can do to make sure that your mental health is tip top. We're going to do that right now. We have a titan in this here mental health space.

Dr. Jess, how are you doing today, sister? Welcome to higher learning. Thank you so much. I'm doing well, all things considered. You know, I think we all had some pretty good news over the weekend. And, you know, that definitely has helped to boost my mood a bit. But all things considered, I'm doing well. I'm doing well.

What would be, and that leads me into my first question. You say that you're doing well. When you say well, what should be our expectation of well in terms of mental health? What is doing well? I know it's different for everybody, but what would you say doing well is? Oh, I love that question. So I think the important thing to think about

when we're thinking about our mental health is really about being in a place where you feel sort of centered. And what I mean by that is, you know, not being so overwhelmed with feeling anxious, like uneasy having that tension that really can bleed over to how well you can function, right? So functioning means if you're really, working that now your anxiety is contributing to not showing up to work on time or not being

able to reply to emails, right? And then even in your personal lives, like your home life, not being able to be an ideal partner or parent, whatever the situation is. So wellness is really about the stability and being able to function and sort of roll with things as like stressful things come up, like the pandemic that we're all living in. It's all about about just being able to still perform and function at a level that really is your baseline. Like, what's your normal everyday sort of ability to cope? Dr. Jess. So there's so much to be, you know, anxious about or worried about whether it's race relations,

the economy, public health. And to add to that, there's this new study that's just come out that says, says one in five COVID-19 patients are developing mental illness within 90 days, or maybe it starts at 90 days after the diagnosis. Why is that? Because I'll just ask you that. Why is that? Yeah, I think that that study may be showing the ultimate unknown that we all experience around this disorder, this disease, this condition, right? A person can develop this, get exposed to COVID-19 and have absolutely no symptoms, right? And then we also hear about people who have been exposed to this condition

and then develop symptoms that last well beyond the time that the virus is, you know, after the virus has been treated. So I think those feelings, that mental illness that develops really comes out of the uncertainty. Like, what is this condition going to do to a person in three years and four years? There definitely have been studies that have shown for some people, they develop changes to the muscle tissue of their heart. heart, right? So what does that mean down the road? Let's say if you're asymptomatic today, but then, you know, 15 years later, that tissue that's changed, is that going to affect,

you know, how well a person's cardiac function could be later? So the anxiety, the mental illness that may be developing may come from that. And then also just this sort of mark of shame a bit, you know, I think there probably could potentially become stigma associated with like, oh, you got COVID, I didn't. And so like that starts to separate people or, oh, you didn't get COVID. now we can all hang out. So I think that's also a part of just like, what is that going to mean when a person does share their COVID status? And maybe some of those symptoms may develop from that.

Just like, am I going to be ostracized, whether I got it or not, so to speak. Yeah. You know, when I am in crisis with anxiety, first of all, people that know me know that I like to be around people. I like to hang out. I like to be, I like to be connected. I like to be in the world talking to everyone at all times, you know, whatever. but something specific happens when I am in crisis with my anxiety

is I start to feel like I am the only person on planet Earth. Like everybody that talks to me, they sound like Charlie Brown's mom. You know what I mean? And it's really, really isolating and debilitating the loneliness. You add that to people who are actually lonely because they can't be around anyone, and it's a recipe to quickly, quickly lose any sort of sense of, like, who you really are. So we've all talked about it.

Like, how do you stay emotionally connected to people who you cannot touch? I know that everybody's FaceTiming and stuff like that. But is there anything more substantive that you can do? Or should maybe you be looking to learn ways to cope with the solitude? Like, what's the better route to go? so that you don't drift off? I mean, that I think will be, the answer to that question,

I think we will really know with the test of time. But what I try to do when I'm caring for patients, you know, virtually, that's also the way that things are now with that, is trying to help a person build as much as I can that's sort of on their tool belt, right? So yes, if right now what's the most meaningful level of interaction a person can have,

if it's virtual, let's make that intentional. Let's not just get on FaceTime and be having the screens, you know, watching television and doing all this other stuff. Let's make it meaningful. Can you get on FaceTime with a buddy who like cooks really well and you all have planned that you're going to together learn a recipe, right? I have a good friend who's like a big cook. Like what can we do to make that time meaningful, right? So again, using that example, let's plan to go to the grocery store, get the ingredients. We're going to set up a time. you're going to tell me how to cook this meal. So that's one way to think about

when a person is having these virtual meetups, like how can I really make it meaningful and intentional and not just kind of shooting the crap, right? So to speak. You know what you just said, Dr. Jess? Just real quick. You just told all the women that's hassling their men

for playing Xbox with the homies for five and six and seven hours a day. You just told them to stop. they're doing something meaningful together virtually and they're connecting with each other. Dr. Jess just told y'all you better let that man play Madden. Leave him alone. I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that.

We were listening to two different things. That's what I heard. No, you're not going to do that to Dr. Jess. She doesn't say that. That's what I heard. That's what I heard Dr. Jess say. Now, listen, that's a whole other conversation if we're going to talk about the fact they can have on a relationship. But, and everything's in my mind.

moderation too, right? So let's say you are trying to be intentional and making these virtual meetups mean something bigger than just, you know, the screen time. The other piece that you that you ask about is also like what other ways that we can sort of get comfortable with the solitude. And I love the way that you frame that. It's very important for us to think about the language that we used, right? I don't say like previously when we were all really sort of quarantine. I don't say, oh, I'm quarantine. I say I'm safe at home. think about the language that we're using. So if we're going to get comfortable with our solitude, that can mean going back to things that you used to love doing before life and work really took over, right?

Reading, for example, I used to be a big book for him when I was a kid. So much so I would get picked on about it, frankly. Like now is the time I can go up and pick up those books that I never really got a chance to read and really develop that aspect of my life that I put away. So start to think about what are those things you can do in your life that you haven't been able to do before. But don't let the social isolation become something that can become sort of deleterious, right, where it can have negative effects. So you want to find ways to socially distance, maybe have some of those meetups where you can get out and see people, take those nature walks,

get out, see the leaves changing colors. Like in New York, that's been really beautiful to see. But the point is, is don't just sit alone and do nothing and sort of let the anxious thoughts take over. Yeah, I mean, I kind of want to piggyback on that because let's just say I've been affected by what's happening with the pandemic. I've lost my job. I no longer have insurance. I don't, I can't afford therapy. You know, some of us on this podcast go to acupuncture. You know, they have other outlets that they can, but just say, I'm listening to this and I'm not able to afford that. What are some at-home tools that I can use that can help me. you know, kind of control the whatever mental health disorder or illness that I may be going through. I love that. So I encourage people to journal, right? I think everyone has access to pin and pad,

you know, and at the very least, most people have access to like their notepad in their phone. So journal. And when you're journaling, write about like what you're feeling. And so I know growing up, we used to say the term, like, I feel some type of way to sort of describe everything that wasn't pretty. That's not really an emotion. And so I encourage people to. That's true. Yeah, you're definitely right about that, right. It's not. I hate to break into people, but it's not. So I have a tool to help people. So you can look up what's called the feelings will, and it may sound really corny. But what it can do is help you to identify the word for what you are feeling. So if you're feeling some type of way, but actually you look at the feelings will, and it's really frustration that resonates or erie.

that resonates, that means you're mad. So when you're journaling, try to capture those feelings, because it's when you are able to identify your emotion that you're experiencing, give a name to it that you free yourself of that psychic tension, that pain that's in our mind. So journaling is an excellent way to start that. The other thing is think about like support type groups. You know, if you can't sign up for therapy, that's, you know, okay.

But think about what are ways when you, are having these conversations with people that you can really make it about what you really need to get off your chest. Make it a supportive conversation, not just like, I'm doing okay, like really get into the stuff that's challenging. Because the other part about our minds is if we share the burden a bit, that also helps to free us up of that baggage that we feel we're carrying alone, just if we pass it and share it with others. So journal and use those friendships and relationships to really talk about real stuff and not just everything's okay because it's not okay right now. Most people are not going to okay right now. So I was talking to one of my homeboys

and, you know, we're talking. We keep it real as the fellas do when it's just us on the phone. And he looks at me and he goes, you know, we're on the face time and he says, hey, I realize something that I never realized before. I was like what? He's like, I don't really like my son. And I was like, what do you mean? He was like, I love him. But being around him a lot now, as I've been around him, I realize he's mean. He's mean. He is needy.

He is like, he is like, I always see. By the time I see him, he didn't run all of these. He's tired and it's like, give me a snack place before I go to sleep. But he's like, yo, every day, like, I'm scared of this little dude. Like, he run the house. Like he kind of a little bully. Like, you know what I mean? And this conversation, it seems humors, but he was really confiding into me,

not into me, confiding in me that he is having a tough time in this proximity with his kids and family for this much time and that he needs a break. Is that fair? Is it, he's struggling with those feelings of guilt from wanting to be away from his family for a while. Like, is that fair? Is it fair for those people out there saying, I don't want to see the kids anymore? I don't want to watch Tro's World Tour again. I don't want to do all of that stuff. Like, how do you deal with those feelings of guilt when you're supposed to be safest and the most centered around the people that you love, but you've just been around them too much?

Yes. Look, that I think is the reality of what we are dealing with with this pandemic. This is like the most extreme amount of time that any individual can spend with other people. people that we can sort of imagine. Like I never imagine that this would be the world that we're living in, right? So to your point, I think it is absolutely within reason, if not sort of normal, to have a reaction to the experience that we have with some of the people that we're all spending, you know, time with our family members, right? So, yes, I think it's absolutely reasonable for your friend to maybe feel like he's noticed

some things about his son that he probably wasn't. doesn't seem before, right? Because work and life and all that, that ability to sort of only get pieces of a person. Now you're seeing them 24-7. Um, so that's normal. So that's, that's the first thing I would say to anyone experiencing that. It's like that, that is a variation of norm, um, of the norm. And with the feelings of guilt, I think it's just important to maybe to talk it out. So, you know, I'm glad that he reached out to you to make, to maybe share that as the first step. And, and, um, I certainly hope that he would even talk to you if there's a significant other spouse to talk about or partner to talk to that person about what they're feeling.

And it might also open, open his eyes a bit to maybe some help that, you know, his child may need. Maybe there's some reason why he's noticing some of these signs, right? Like, is his child actually struggling with also being isolated at home with parents? Like, who wants to live like that? Our young people are really struggling right now, too. They're completely cut off from their friends at school. And so, of course, they might not be, like, the best people to live with every day.

I think everyone is experiencing that to some degree. Yeah, I sent them some, I sent them some different brochures and websites on adoption. So we'll just see where that goes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank God we have Dr. Jess on here because the advice that you're giving out,

Aid help, but Dr. Jess, okay, we talked about this a little bit earlier before you join on the podcast, and I'm going to speak on the opposite end of what children go through. So I was telling a story about my nephew who is the only black child in his classroom and the teacher has him sitting by himself. My sister listens to the podcast and I know that there are other parents out there with kids as well. And we talked a bit about this, but my nephew is going through understanding what Black Lives Matter means and representation and being the only black child in his classroom with the way that his teacher is separating him. from the other students. Long story short, it's COVID.

So they're in twos. It's an odd number and she chose the one black child to sit by himself. That's another story. But for the parents who are listening and have children that are watching what their parents are doing, watching maybe picking up on conversation that's happening in the news, and I mean parents with children of color, black children. What advice can you give to them about how to approach having these. conversation, these difficult conversations with their children, because they are watching.

Ooh, yes. You know, I'm a big, I really encourage being as vulnerable and honest as possible with our young people, our children especially. And when I say vulnerability, what I mean by that is just the sort of openness around what you're actually feeling and thinking and trying to give honor to that and not vulnerability is this weak thing. not at all. It's actually a sign of strength to be able to express and show vulnerability. So vulnerability. So I do encourage that. So I think an approach is using family time. I do hope people are also using this time to like sit around the table again, go back to some of that old school stuff that, you know, our parents maybe grew up to. Using that time when you're sitting around the table

to start to open those questions up, right? You're watching what your child is seeing on the news, Right. Use that as an opportunity to say, hey, I know you may have questions about what you saw. Now is the time for us to sort of talk about that. And just allow your child to be messy in how they articulate and help them to put a language to what they're feeling. And it's okay to identify. Like you probably feel afraid if you notice that that's what they're trying to say. So be vulnerable. Use the family time to begin those conversations. And to be honest about not necessarily having the answers because we don't. unfortunately, but showing that you are doing everything to keep your family safe. And so you're demonstrating that by having that safe space where they can talk and you're praising them and you're validating their emotions and you're being sure to build them up, but also giving them that space to talk and process. But if you open up that conversation, just be sure that you end with a nice, warm sort of ending around what you as a family are doing to get through and help your child

ultimately achieve those things that they want to achieve, like in the media and even in the long ground. All that makes sense. No, it makes perfect sense. Van applauded it because he said, great, my nephew's now going to be militant. That was the advice that I got from Van. So thank you, Dr. Jess.

Much appreciate it. No, they don't know what they've created. Shout out to my homie law. Send him over to us. We'll get him right. We'll let him know what he comes from. The original man. What I'm just saying?

Like, well, like, they. Do you see what I deal with each episode? We'll let them know. Let me know where I decide up for some sessions, Dr. Jess, because I need it right after this podcast. We'll get them right. We'll get them right. Send a little homie to me to send him back to school with a coofy on his head.

You know what I'm saying? Let's say that earlier. Make sure he knows what's up being in there. All right, Doc, I got one more question for you. So like Rachel talked about, I go to therapy. twice a week. I get acupuncture and all of that stuff once a week. So I am doing my best to keep this demon of mental health or mental illness or dysfunction or whatever at bay because it significantly disrupts my life and it's not, right?

But there are other brothers out there, some of them who are my close friends, that I recognize these same things in. My homie hit me up one time. I never forget to he goes, bro, man, I woke up in the middle of the night. My heart was racing. And then I was just, I walked over to the, to the bathroom. I tried to put some water on my, went to the doctor. They said, ain't nothing wrong with me.

I have no idea what's going on. And I'm like, fam, you had an anxiety attack. You had a panic attack. It's like, that's what happened. It's like, remember that something used to happen to me? It started happening to me when I was in my 20s. Like, nah, no, that would never, no, no, no, no, it must be something else.

I must have been drinking too much caffeine. I'm like, all right, doc. I'm telling you, the chances are you're going to have, have another one and like there's something you can deal with the chances are you know and they don't want to face it they they can't face it it's it's too significant a development for them to face it what do we do how can we get specifically black men to take their mental health as seriously as some of these other things like what's the have you have you seen this changing is there anything more we can do like what do we do well i think you know i think it starts with continuing to have

conversations like these. And, you know, I want to salute you and for being open and talking about it. I think it's going to take black men seeing other black men, be honest and vulnerable about their own experiences and also engaging with treatment, not just like, oh, I go through that, but follow it up with I'm in treatment. So I think these conversations are important. And I also think for, you know, therapists and psychiatrists listening, black psychiatrists and therapists specifically, it's going to be so important to make ourselves available and out in the forefront. So a lot of why I've even been able to get recognized it so much is because I took it to social media and said, hey, I'm a black psychiatrist. Here I am. And I found an overwhelming

response where people are like, I've been interested in getting treatment, but I never knew where to start. Or I never knew that this was something to take seriously, but you have now made me see this is important. So I need people who also do the same line of work to go public and be very open about their availability and the type of issues that people can have that they treat. Because there's a lot of mystery around what it means to get this treatment, right? It's before I even became a psychiatrist, I had no clue what this really was. So there's a lot of mystery. So I think we have to demystify it. And then I do think that it's also important for people to just give it a try, right? It's just like dating, right? You have to go on a few dates to find the right one. So

if you approach, if someone is telling you that, look, you could benefit from seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, give it a try. You can look up resources like inclusive therapists where they have a whole bunch of therapists who say, I'm comfortable treating people of color or black folk or I'm comfortable treating people of this sexual identity and gender identity. So looking at resources like that, psychology today, but give it a try. And I had a woman that I was talking to once that shared to me, she's been very open about her experience with OCD that it took her just continuing until she found the right one. And so that's something that resonates with me

that you've got to keep trying once you start. So those would be some of the things I would recommend to start with. But listen to people if they're telling you that it's time to get help. Because oftentimes we can't see it in ourselves. It takes someone else holding that mirror up and take heed to that.

It's not easy, but take heed. All right, Doc, doing the Lord's work out there. We're happy to have you. Tell law, I said, what's up? Where can where can people learn more, get more? I follow you on social media. I've seen all

of your appearances and stuff like that. But tell me, tell us what's going on. Like, where can people get more info from Dr. Jess on how to keep their brains healthy? Yeah. So social media is a great place to interface with me. I run my own social media account so I respond to people so you can visit Instagram,

ask Dr. Jess. I'm also on Twitter. Very soon I will be releasing an audible book. Yeah, so I'm excited about that. And that's going to sort of help people to get comfortable with mental health and some of the challenges that I've noticed. So the great way to say in touch with me is there. And then I also have email where people can access and visit me there. And then very soon I'm probably going to do a few groups because I realize this is a time where we really could be more engaged in therapy. And group therapy is a great way also to get

to get acquainted before starting individual therapy, which I think everyone should eventually do. Okay. But we really appreciate you stopping by today. Yes, thank you. Dropping some knowledge on us. Thank you, Dr. Jess. We appreciate you. Thank you.

Thank you for having me. I really appreciate this. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thank you. Did you know about one in three people with plaques psoriasis may also develop psoriotic arthritis, which causes joint pain, stiffness, and swelling? Does this sound like you?

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Ask your doctor about Trimfaya. Tap this ad to learn more about Trimfaya, including important safety information. This episode is brought to you by Spectrum Business. Fast, reliable internet means everything for your business. And even this podcast, that's why I trust Spectrum Business. They keep companies of all sizes connected with internet, advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV, mobile services, plus 24-7 U.S.-based support, millions of business owners already trust Spectrum business.

So visit Spectrum.com slash business to learn more. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. Rach, first of all, Dr. Jess, man. Do you feel more mentally aware and like you have some tools now? Did you learn something from Dr. Jess, Rach, because I know you struggle to keep, you know, your head on straight. I have to thank you for introducing me to Dr. Jess.

I wasn't familiar with her until you brought her to my attention. She's amazing. I haven't stopped following everything that she's doing since she first came to my attention. I thought her advice was not just great for you and me, but for the rest of our thought warriors in different situations, just really how to cope and manage what we're currently going through, but just also skills in general of how to manage whatever mental health, illness that you are, or disorder that you are currently going through and experiencing.

Fantastic. Yeah. Great. So look, we have to get to it. You know, you know it was coming. It is, it's the Friday podcast, which means we have to have a batch recap. Give the people what they want, Van. Yeah, give the people what they want.

Now, listen, this episode had a lot of batch craziness in it. Okay. It had a lot of batch crazy. To me it did. To me, it was a crazy episode, okay? Do tell. The first thing is, we already got a new Dale. What is it?

Spencer. Why? Why? Because number one, it wasn't quite the same I'm having twins moment. Okay. That with Claire and Dale, Chip and Dale, the Rescue Rangers. It was, however, it was, however, some facsimile, of that when she saw Spencer,

it was kind of like, ooh, a little bit. You felt a little, ooh, because he got the jaw. You know, he got the white boy jaw, Spencer. And then Spencer came in first, Spencer came in shooting shots. Spencer came in like, which one of you ran clear off, dudes? And right away, everyone hated him,

just like they hated Dale. It was the same thing. I felt that same Dailish energy. I mean, we'll agree to disagree here. If I hadn't seen the rest of the episode, I would be a little more inclined to agree with you. But I will agree with you in that he came in. Like, like, I'm here.

I'm Spencer. I've arrived. And him getting the first impression rose did not help that. Rather than trying, you have to play in a game. That's the thing with Bachelor. You have to play the game where you're trying to get to grow the guy, whoever may be the lead. But then within the house, you spend more time with the people you live with.

You got to play both hands. You can't, you can't, you know, make an enemy of the people you're living with. I know you don't understand the rules of the game, damn, but this is one of the key rules to succeed on the show. But why, though? Why can't you make an enemy of the people that you're living with? It's a competition. Like, why?

There is something called a two-on-one that you have yet to experience yet in Bachelor Nation. And that's why you don't want to be the villain. I have experienced it. I said in Bachelor Nation. Yeah, it was one of the things. I've been checked that one out of my box back in the 2000s, Go ahead. Okay.

You know what's funny? I say two on one all the time when it in regards to The Bachelor, and I never have thought of it that way. That's why it's so funny and dare I say refreshing to talk to someone who is not a part of Bachelor nation

because you don't hear things the same way that I do this terminology. The Bachelor is a freaky-ass show. Yeah, all this, I didn't know that it was all of this kissing, all of this fucking. Now you're talking about some two-on-one, I didn't know all of this stuff was going on in The Bachelor Pornhub Mansion

that you guys got going on over there. I didn't know that was happening, but you were saying, though. There's something called... So now you're happy you subscribed then. Yeah, what happens to the... What happens during the two-on-ones? The two-on-one is where,

and you're already starting... Actually, no, next week you'll start to see it being set up. So the two-on-one is where you have two people in the house who do not get along. They can't get along at all. And you see this as a storyline throughout the season. So they eventually

put them on a date with the lead, but she's got to go with both of them on the date. So instead of it just being one-on-one, a group date, you've got the two guys who don't like each other or girls who don't like each other, and she has to make the decision on who she wants or he wants to keep. So why is that bad then? Because that becomes your storyline, right? You become that person who's so caught up in the drama rather than focusing on the girl, because that's all they're going to show of you.

You also got to win the audience over. There's so many games that have to be played here. You don't want to be on a two-on-one. So right now, the two-on-one looks like it's going to be Riley and Spencer then. Because Riley punched Spencer dead in this shit. Here's the thing. Spencer's scared of Riley. I got to be honest with you, man.

Spencer are a hoe. Like Spencer is Spencer a hoe. Spencer is scared of Riley. First of all, I'm not saying that it doesn't make any sense to be scared of Riley. And nigga Riley Swole as hell That nigga Riley Use his Yoda ears

To work out his body And get buff as hell He's like When he took the shirt off He looked even more buff That nigga swole But so yeah So when he

When he reached back And got that man And the kisser That was on purpose If you're Spencer We gotta go Like we gotta go. by the way, that happened to me.

That same thing happened to me, fourth grade. Fourth grade... There's always a story. Were you the Spencer or the Riley? I was the Riley. Okay. And it was fourth grade. And for some reason, there was a new guy in school

and something said test this dude. I don't know why. I really don't know why. Some said test this guy. Some said test this guy. I still, to this day, have no clue why I did this. Some said test this guy. And we were singing the Pleasure of Allegiance or some songs and I went, yeah, I went play on my arms

and smacked that man in the head. He did not hesitate. And then we was going, Bousat, ta, ta, ta, eh, eh, oh. And I had them all, this girl named Debbie I used to like and she used to wear like the bike shorts. And I had them all down by Debbie Des, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. But then he caught me with one.

It was the first time I ever been buzzed. I'm like, oh, shit. And then when you kind of saw he buzzed me, he stopped. The fight went on a lot longer than fourth grade fights to go. But here's the thing, though. He wasn't no hope. Okay. Smithsler went out like a hoe.

He knows that Riley did that on purpose. Everyone could see it, and he just took it in the chops. He took it in the chops. But one, if he would have started fighting, he wouldn't be on the show anymore. Does that thing? That's a rule? Yeah. Even if a nigga run into you?

I mean, I don't think, I don't know. It's never happened like that before. But I think he wouldn't be on the show. And two, he got the attention of Tasia, right? She came over to comfort him, check on him to see how he was doing. So who was really winning here? Riley. So here's what happened.

And then after that happened, we move on. And they confront Spencer. And all of the guys, the leftover guys, they confront Spencer. And boy band manager comes and Spencer. Spencer says he's kind of a dick. Spencer goes, how could I be a dick? You know that you are.

You know what you've done. You know what you've said. You know how you've acted. Don't play dumb, Spencer. Don't play dumb. All right. And then Riley, basically, because what happens is,

this is what happens. Once somebody busts you in your choppers like that, they bust you, now they're going to fly off the handle. Now they're going to violate to a high degree. Because he said that to him, then he looked back at him. He's like, yo, if I'm wrong about you, I could be wrong.

But if not, we could go at any time. He parked him to his face. You know why he did that? Why? Because Spencer did nothing after he got bust in his mouth. If you Spencer, you at least got a, yeah, you at least got an elbow on or like, I don't know, kick him in the back of the shin or something. You do, like, I'm telling you. Is that a thing?

No, you got to do something. Like, you got to, you can't just do nothing. you got at least push him. Hey, man. And then at least push him real hard and then wait for everybody to break it up. At least go out like a fake tough guy. Now he came right at him.

That took all of the wind out of Spencer's sales to me. So two strikes for Spencer, for you. Two. Two. Okay. Two strike, two hoe strikes. Spencer is known as Spencer the hoe. Wow.

Two whole strikes for Spencer. Okay. Because you know what? You know what? You know what? You know nothing that bothers me about Spencer? He started it. Riley was in there.

Did he did. Riley was in there, seriously, doing force exercises, meditating, trying to be in tune with Obi-Wan Canobee and the rest of the people while he was in the pool. That's what Riley was doing,

talking to Luke Skywalker, not even worried about Spencer. And Spencer's all over in the pool like Pat Beverly. He's all in the pool. He's getting all up and people grill and stuff like that. He's going way too hard.

He was the Pat Beverly of the pool basketball game, right? And then after that happens, obviously, somebody going to get with you a little bit. But after they get with you, you came back down. He started. He did. All he did was grab his lip. He grabbed his lip and ran over to Tasia.

Like, he grabbed his lip. And then Tasia ate it all up. That's how I can tell Tasha. That's why I said who's winning. Because she didn't give Riley anything. Yeah, Riley might have his pride in it, but he ain't got the girl. She didn't reward him in that instance. She's Spencer, which gave reason for the guys to not like Spencer even more.

They said he was milking it. Then, of course, we all saw that Big lineman, he had to go home, man. Big lineman couldn't get his, big lineman couldn't get his heart out of Claire Crawley. Like, he had to go home. I can't believe he did that, man. He really went out. He really was into Claire. He went out like a sucker.

And once again, Tasha rewarded it. Tasha was like, man, this really could. He was. really one of the good ones. I didn't think he went out like a sucker because here's my thing. If I'm Tasha, I don't need you to be here. I don't need you to be here. He went out like one of the biggest suckers. He's trying to, he was

obviously trying to become the next bachelor. That's the only reason why. Now I can't disagree with you on that. He was all honestly trying to because he went out like one of the biggest suckers in the world. So bachelor's a suckers, okay. I'm not saying it. I'm not saying, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is he was

trying to play the long game, the Yosef game. You know, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make a big deal out of it and try to get something. And then everybody comes back like, bro, you're one of the strongest people. You walked in here.

This can't mean this much to these guys. Like, they act like he's... Did they say that? You're one of the strongest. One of the guys said, you walked in here. Like, you walked in here. One of the strongest people.

Like, you're going to walk out of here way stronger than you walked in here. You can't be fucking, what are you talking about? You know what I think it is? They aren't. used to sing what Jason did, right? Because most people, as they say in the bachelor world, are there for the wrong reasons.

They are there to stay long enough to get on the next show, Paradise. They are there to be the next bachelor. They are there to raise their Instagram, social media following. Jason really fell for Claire. I don't think that's true. He would have stayed then. Why would you leave? Because I think he'd leave.

First of all. He didn't want to dateation? Maybe. Maybe. You try to say he wasn't into a black woman? Where is he from in the world? Is he from? Where is he from?

I don't know. Was Tupelo, Mississippi? Shout out to Mississippi. That's a joke. The only reason why Louisiana person can make jokes on Mississippi is because we're brother and sister. Yeah. That's that right. Right.

Be careful. I mean, you said. You said it. Be careful there, Texas. You all Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama. Mm-hmm. Texas. No, no.

Deep in the hall. The Shars at night. Shibrig and bright. Deep in the heart of COVID. Wow. Texas, one million cases. Don't get me started. Oh, come on.

Texas, one million cases. You picked the wrong week to do the Texas shit. I'm not playing with you. Deep in the heart of COVID. Yeah, move on. Move on. Anyway. So, you know, and so he goes home,

I guess he did it for love. They said, of course, bro, we love you because that's not one less guy. But the thing about the episode that really, really was very, very interesting to me was finally the rescue rangers came back. We saw them, Chip and Dale. And you got to see an interview with Chip and Dale. I can tell you right now, there is trouble on the horizon for the rescue rangers. and I can tell one part of that interview because Chip is sitting down there

and she's talking. Dale is only jumping in every now and again, right? And Chris Harrison asked the Claire and Dale a very, very straightforward question. What's next for you guys? What happens next? Do you guys move in together or what or what? And she goes, babies!

And that nigger Dale, okay, T N, D. That n, Dale looked whiter than he's ever been before in his life. He looked like he had seen a ghost. He looked like he had seen a ghost. He don't want, he's not even thinking about that. I wouldn't be surprised right now if Dale was in a clinic. having a reversible vasectomy as we speak.

Stop. Dale is not ready. He's not ready to be harvested. Just yet. He's not ready. I'm going to stop you there. So everything, obviously, I'm sure this isn't an edited piece.

And having been in person and around, both Claire and Dale almost said chip. Claire and Dale, she said the exact same thing in front of me and Brian. And his response was totally different than what you saw.

Don't matter. I'm just telling you, he didn't look all white and like the color was flushed out of his skin. He was like, yeah, and they were talking about it. Is Dale biracial? Yeah. He went from being, in that moment, he went from being

straight biracial to straight white. He went, she was straight European Caucus Mountains. Straight up. Like, he did. He's not winning. Now, in front of you and Brian, everybody is sitting around. right? You guys are hanging out. Nobody's watching the conversation,

Rachel. Nobody can see it. He didn't have to. In that situation, it's a lot more chill. He knows that the whole world is about to see him give his loins over to Chip and he's sacrificing his loins. He's not ready to sacrifice his loins quite yet.

You put a ring on the finger of a 39-year-old woman who you know wants a family. You got to know the baby conversation is on the table. I'm not saying it's not something that he don't have to know. I'm saying I looked at that and I watched it a couple of different times. I'm like, oh my God, is there trouble in the rescue rangers plane? But I do hope that they're happy. They look happy.

I hope that they're happy. I'm just saying that's not the response that you want from the kids thing. You want, yeah, hell yeah. Can't wait to have a wide receiver. man. They're teaching to run all the routes and stuff like that. You know, I can't wait. It's me.

It's Dale. It's the way it sounds to me. I can't wait to do it. That's actually a really good impression. I saw Claire and I just kind of fell over. It's like, you know that like I don't eat mushrooms because they have like just a little bit of pork in them and I got to stay lean. But if I did eat mushrooms, that's what the softness. Excuse me.

I'm in marshmallows. I'm sorry. It's just a little bit of pork and marshmallows But if I did eat them If I ate a marshmallow The softness in the mouth Would be like what it feels like to kiss Claire That's what it is

It's like sucking on a marshmallow But I would never do that because it has pork in it That's Dale Now I enjoy I enjoyed the episode though It was crazy It was like it's an emotional roller coaster

This show Yeah it is It takes you on one they're going through one. You got to think it's like such a social experiment. You're in this space. You can't go anywhere. All you do all day is live, breathe, eat whoever the lead is.

That's it. That's it. No TV. So much sexual innuendo coming from you. What is up with you? No, that's just how you're taking it. That's where your mind goes. You called it Bachelor fordum.

Like so much sexual innuendo coming from you. It's so weird. People are going to pick up on that. You're going to. ruin your wholesome image if you keep talking about eating bachelor's. Do I have a wholesome image?

Yeah, you definitely have a wholesome image. Thank you. From the high planes. Yeah, you're wholesome. I think there's nothing wrong with that. I said thank you. Yeah, okay. Well, it'll be interesting to see

kind of what happens next. I like the spiciness. Okay. Are you liking the switch? Because now you're seeing, you're going to see a more traditional episode. So. It was cool.

It was fine with me. After Tasia is like now more of how the show normally is. It's how it is. Okay, yeah, it was cool with me. It's been very entertaining. Good. You know, and the shot of her getting out of the pool was, it was money.

It made sense seeing it that way versus how they first showed it to us. Right. Tasha fine. There's no doubt about that. The beautiful, beautiful lady. I am getting some mail from the brothers. I'm getting a lot of mail from black men about Tasha. A good way or bad way?

They think Tasia's fine, but they don't think Tasia really cares too much for O-L Chocolata. You know, they think, they think. Why do they think that? Why? That's more of the question. I sent you some of the, I haven't talked to. I didn't ask them. I can't tell.

To me, it seemed like she was, you know, to me it seemed like, you know, she, it was, it's like whatever, right? But I couldn't tell. It seems like they were like, man, Tachia ain't going to pay. No brother. I always wonder that when dudes or even women automatically size somebody up and they're like, they're not for us.

I always wonder why. What makes you say that? Do you ever feel like, you know, when you pull up on the set where Brian and people are looking at you like, yo, what's popping with her? All the time. It happens.

And what do you say? We're in love. Fuck you. I don't say anything. We're married. It is what it is. But when I came on the show, I was very cognizant of that

because I was like, these people are going to see me come on this show out on The Bachelor, where a white male is the Bachelor. I thought they're going to think that that's all I've ever dated. When in actuality, that couldn't have been farther from the truth. Do you ever think to like just fuck with people about it? In what way? Just rubbing in their face?

That I'm with a non-black man? Yeah. Like for Halloween. No. Go as like Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings or something like that. Absolutely. Absolutely not. Just be like, hey, fuck y'all.

Like, think about that. Think about the, think about the skin. Think about what I'm saying about myself. The joke is on me, man. If I do that, the joke is on me. They would be like, what? She clearly doesn't get it. Yo, that would be so crazy.

Yo, man. Like, Al Sharpton would probably hit me. Yo, has Rachel lost a fucking mind? You wouldn't be able to do this anymore. But people have done that. Remember back in the G. I don't know if you remember you might have been too young. But whoop you Goldberg and T.

They're dancing. Do you remember that? Yeah. They did like people fuck with people like that. They did the black lace thing and then it fucking backfired at the prize court. Of course it did. This podcast would be over. You would or I would be replaced.

Hands out. Change your cover art. This would be in the people wrap. You'd have no credibility. All right. Get towards the end of it. That's the best recap. A good episode.

I'll continue. I'm going to start giving favorites. So these are my top three favorites right now in the clubhouse. All right. Fratia. Number one is Spencer. Oh, he's a favorite? To me, he's the favorite.

I think Spencer's the favorite. Not your favorite. Got you. No, no, no, no. This is favorite to win. So these are my favorites. Number one is Spencer. Number two is actually easy.

Okay. See, all of these brothers that were hitting me up saying that she didn't look like she was going to pick a brother, I felt like besides Spencer, it was easy and Riley that it seems like she's making a connection with. I mean, there are other guys in there, too. but those are the guys that I feel like she's making a connection with. I don't know how you couldn't put Brendan in there. Oh, Brendan as well. We just saw that one-on-one date and she was like, he's everything.

I mean, she was, that's probably why you have dudes hidden you up after how she responded to him. The way she responded to him, she didn't respond to anybody else like that, not even Spencer. I'm sorry. Forget about Brendan. Yeah, Brendan, Brendan is definitely. Brendan is tied with Spencer. Put them out there. So we got two and two.

So two and two. Those are my favorites. So we're going to keep tracking this as time goes on. All right. Don't have too much time left. Jordan Melbag time. From Jessica Fisher, what is your favorite holiday tradition? I feel like we don't have, I don't, we don't really have like a specific holiday tradition.

But what I will say is, I guess I think back like how we used to do it. We used to spend Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family. And we used to spend Christmas with my mom's side of the family. So to me, that's the tradition and the camaraderie that I get with family members, knowing that that's how I'm going to spend my Christmas. Either the grandparents came down to us for those holidays, vice versa. But no like specific tradition. I see.

Other than I will, like when we were kids growing up, we decorate the Christmas tree together. We either play on the piano ourselves or we would play Christmas music. And it was like really, really sweet. And then the presents that came from Santa would be by the fireplace. And the presents that came from our parents or other relatives or each other would be under the tree.

My favorite, that's by the way, that's precious. I have two. Holesome. A host, very wholesome. Very wholesome. One was like me and my sister were waking up early.

Me and my sister had a cold word. It was turbo. So I would come to my sister or she would wish she would whisper turbo to me, turbo or jumbo. And that was, it's time to get up

and go down and get the presents, right? And that was like something every single year until we stopped doing that. Boy, child. is the best. Every single year until we stop doing that. That was amazing. My second favorite one, Christmas tradition

or holiday tradition, is my dad fucking over his relatives. Okay. If there's ever more than 10 latins, my dad is going to fuck over somebody. Why? Because everybody gets on his nerves. He never wants to be around.

What my father has, more than anything, is undiagnosed social anxiety. Okay. Doesn't like to be around lot of people. Neither does mine. Just doesn't enjoy it, right? If he's at his crib, his 10 of me and my friends and stuff like that, for some reason, he's cool. When he gets around the rest of the family, he gets irritable, right? He gets super irritable, and anything can set him off. And before you know it, like, everybody's having a good time. They know, normally once everybody relaxes, you hear,

you know what, nigger? and then my mom would just and then my mom would just look and it's time to break out. It's like it's time to break out. It's time to break out. I'm like, what happens? I'm like, what happens?

She's like, it doesn't matter what happened this time. You knew it was going to happen. We're not going to make it. We'll come back and get your prayers. Every never fails. Jordan, next question. From Janet Gardner, Red Vines or Twizzlers. Twizzlers.

I like Twizzlers. I like Twizzlers. I mean, actually, I prefer, I kind of like those equal, but I like just the licorice, though. I don't like, look. Have you seen, have you seen the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode with the licorish? I have seen it, of course. But Twizzlers, twizzlers for me. It doesn't matter.

I never buy them for home. But if they're in the office, like right now, Billy Bush has them in his office. I constantly sneak in there and get them off the top of the refrigerator. It's something about them. I can't pass by Twizzlers. I love them. That don't even really taste. like anything.

Not really, but it's just kind of fun to eat. We're gonna go, next time you're going in his office, put a little mic in there, then we're gonna see what we can get. Okay, you know what? Belly blush. Last question, Jordan. From Alex Lumina,

if you could have one superpower, what would it be? Oh, I've often thought about this. Have you been? I have. I know you have. Of course. I know you have. Oh, I go between two.

Okay, three. I really have thought about this. I used to say all knowing. I don't want that power. I don't want to know everything. But it's either to be invisible or to fly. Okay. Did you go be a freak?

The invisible shit. The invisible shit. Anybody who, the invisible, when you ask this question, to people out there, when you ask this question to people, when you ask this question to people, if they say invisibility, look out.

That's not true. Why does that? Why would you want to not be seen? If you can fly or if you're super strong on all of that, what's the point of not being able to be seen? You either want to rob banks, you know what I mean? No. Or you want to, like, why would you want to not be seen?

It's, I mean, there are reasons to want to not be seen, but it's all to do sneaky, sometimes freaky shit. Sometimes for me, it's just about getting away. Like, I want to be able to move without being seen. Like, I want to be able, not because I'm trying to rob a bank, or

maybe I want to listen to a conversation. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's true. See? I want to be able to move around, though, without being seen. Like, it doesn't mean that that's a bad thing, right? I'm not necessarily thinking of robbing. Like, what if I'm sitting in a meeting so I can hear something and I'm using it for good, right?

Like, I take that information and then I'm able to use it for something good. Maybe I'm able to sneak into like the White House and I'm privy to certain information. I'm able to take that and do something good with it. I like the fact that I could move around and nobody knows what I'm doing. Yes. I like that. Sorry. That'll make me a freak.

Go ahead. Sneaky shit. Go ahead. Involnerability. And the reason why is because that would be the easiest one to like, fuck with people. You're a sociopath. Right.

Involveility, right? You talked about me. That is a characteristic of a sociopath. No, it's not. Think about it if you're invulnerable, right? And like your nephews come over and you have like a live 45. But they don't know you're invulnerable. And you walk out, you're like, oh, you shoot yourself in the arm and then it just bounces off.

You're like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's funny. Or like you could do all kinds of stuff, you know, you can help. You know, invulnerability, you just walk. walk around you can't be hurt. It's dope. You have no feelings. You aren't able to empathize.

Why would you not be able to empathize because you're invulnerable? You can empathize? You can empathize about what the other motherfuckers is going through. You're like Wolverine. No, that's different. Wolverine has a healing factor. So whatever happens to Wolverine, he heals from it. So he feels it, but he heals.

Okay. You don't want to feel it. I'm talking about like Superman. You shoot a gun at Superman. Bing, ping, coming back at you. You know what I mean? Like, you can't hurt him. So it's not an emotional thing.

It's more of a physical thing for you. It's a physical thing. Like Wolverine, every time Wolverine's claws comes out, he talked about it. It hurts. It hurts every time they come out. That's not what I'm into. Either that or I've plain old,

being able to fly. Now, I could get nerdy with it. I could say I want the powers of Franklin Richards to be able to create pocket universes all over time or psionically link with beings from other dimensions and stuff like that. I know enough of these powers,

but I keep it simple. Thank you. I know you guys aren't ready to talk about Franklin Richards. You're not ready to talk about people. like that. Nate Gray and all of these different comic book characters that have these fantastic powers. You don't want to talk about them. That's fine. We're not ready. You don't want to discuss them. Who's your unexpected

ally of the week? Just fly. Thank you. By the way, mailbag is over. Thank you, Jordan. For mailback. Thanks, Jordan. Yeah. Unespect the ally of the week. Who you got? Marin Morris. Do you know who she is? No who that. She's a country singer.

Very popular, successful country singer. And when she, CMAs were this week and when she stood up to accept her award, she decided to honor all of the black women in country and talked about their influence. I wish I had the list to name them. That's amazing. But talk about their influence and talk about their presence and how influential they are

and will continue to be in country music. I thought that was beautiful. She named people I had never heard of before. So, yeah. Yeah. I didn't watch the, I didn't watch the country music awards. You watched them? No.

Yeah. I'm just asking. I saw it trending. It was trending. I know who Marin Morris is. I didn't know. I mean, look, when I listen to some country, I don't have any problem with country, man.

I don't either. I used to be a huge fan in the 90s. I used to, you know, listen to it. I also liked when Garth Brooks went away from country and did the whole little Chris Gaines thing. You remember that? That never needs to happen again. Garth Brooks is great at what Garth Brooks does normally.

Loved it. No, I like Garth Brooks. All right. My unexpected ally of the week is not unexpected. These are allies. I think sometimes if you are too far to the left of things, people get the impression that you do not love and respect the military. It was veterans today this past week.

And I come from a family of men who served in Vietnam, in Korea, in skirmishes, in Desert Storm, all over the place. I come from a family of guys who have really done that. I want to take the time. right now to tell everyone that I appreciate that sacrifice more than anything. I think about a friend of mine named Jeffrey Kirk. Jeffrey Kirk was a guy I went to high school with. Jeff always knew he wanted to be a Marine.

Jeff then became a Marine, went through, got out of high school, joined the Marines, and then was sent to Iraq. Jeff served bravely in Iraq. And then after having served a tour in Iraq was sent home. The government called Jeffrey up, asked him to go back to Iraq, to which Jeffrey said yes. He never made it back to Baton Rouge. They were clearing a room in Fallujah.

A grenade was thrown. Jeff apparently tried to pick this grenade up and throw it back, and he was killed. All right. Known this kid since he was about 12 years old, he didn't die for any particular president or any bullshit agenda. He died for his country and would have done it 100. more times. And just whatever we say, there are men and women like that everywhere. And they're serious about it. The people that have to be serious about them are the people who send them

into harm's way. So whenever you hear about troop buildups or massing troops here or sending 30,000 troops there, but putting guys there, remember, that's 30,000 lives, 30,000 families, 30,000 sets of friends. Those are living, breathing human beings who are putting their body on the line for this country. So I might not respect the war, but I always, always, always respect the soldiers. So shout out to those guys and to everyone that I let you know, that serve this country for causes just and not so much. All right, we're done.

You got anything else, Rach, before you go off and do your 10 other jobs or something? No, I'm good. All right. You guys, take the thing caps off. But do not stop learning. Our learning is gone. I am Van Lathen. I am Rachel Lindsay.

We out. When the protest started this summer, I decided not to join. The main reason was that I didn't want to be let down again. I've been here before. I've marched. I've yelled. And not much changed. But when I did finally go out there,

I found some people and stories that got me thinking about this movement in a much different way. And I want to show you. My new podcast, is out now. Follow and listen on Spotify. It's Blacklaws, baby.