Historically High - HH 1v1 - The Most American things to ever America

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

We finish our Independence week with a new format and short podcast. Historically High (HH) 1v1's. We each selected what we feel is the Most American Movie, Event, Vehicle, Food, and Wildcard. Join us as we go head to head to see who really knows America the best. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want more. Support the show Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I can't do that. She's like, Jesus, she's like, Jesus, you've been, have you been looking into this? You're really committed to the cause. All right, so as today is July 4th, we, let's go into some stuff that is, is it going to be our, I forgot what we say, is it the most American things we could think of, or is it our favorite American things? Yeah, we can call the segment, one on one since it's just my best one against your best one in each category, but we'll go five different categories of most American things. Okay, so most American things. So it's going to be

most American movie, the most American event. Now, event, when you say to event, do you mean like it could either be an ongoing event, like monster truck rallies or something, or is it going to be like the most American? Huh? Don't tip picks. I'm not. I'm just, that's the first one I could think of. But what I'm saying is, is in an event like, so it sounds like that's what it is. It's not like an event like the Boston Tea Party was an event. I feel like it can be all encompassing. Okay, that's fair. No, because I think I might have something, yeah, depending on what you're going to pick. Okay, so most American food, the most American vehicle, and I think we had a difference on this one of what we thought it was. Like, I picked out a specific vehicle. I got those two. Okay. I did everything. I got a lot.

I'm going to see what you pick or what I pick and then I'm going to mesh my picks. We're going to figure out who goes first because then we don't want to fully or you know, we're going to have to like each take turns. And then our American wild card. Huh?

We'll flip the Zen can. Just flip the Zen can. Yeah, and then you said most American miscellaneous. It's the American wild card so it could be literally anything. Oh, that's a good name for it. Are we sponsored by them?

Is that why we're using the can? It's just the only thing with the heads and a tails. Do you want to speak? Do you want to do a, you got a quarter? No, no, no, I was just going to say, like, are you doing this because you're hoping we're going to snag a sponsorship? That'd be nice for you. Yeah, well, I mean, our number one, we don't give free ads, but I feel like we do need a free ad here.

Oh, that's the other thing. I had a couple, before we get totally into it while you're looking at that to do our non-ad ad. I'm going to do a thing where I'm going to go ahead and do a couple shoutouts for, Just things I've come across that I thought were actually really cool. So I have a fuck you shout out and I have a respect shoutout. So the respect shout out is shout out to Woody Allen. He was actually the last surviving Medal of Honor recipient from World War II. He just passed away.

But Woody Allen, Woody Allen. Oh, sorry, did I say Woody Allen? Yeah. Sorry, Woody Williams. Okay, that sounds better. The last surviving Medal of Honor recipient from World War II, all 472 of the them have since passed. So respect to that. And also, you know, independence day and everything, fighting for our freedom. Um, the fuck you, actually,

I might have a couple. No, I'm just going to do one. So, um, I mean, this will go into another topic that we're going to talk about, but my fuck you is going to be, they asked this guy, Danny Kruger, um, about, uh, woman's right to bodily autonomy and he says that women, he does not believe that women should have an absolute right to their own bodily autonomy. And I know that's going to go into other topics and everything like that, but just that statement in itself is like, fuck you, Danny Kruger. It's a very bold statement. We're going to get into later on, not this, not this episode, but some bold statements, another one. All right, so do you, you want to give a shout out? I don't have a shout out or

fuck you. So I feel like we'll just go in today's free sponsor. Today's episode is brought to you by our unofficial sponsor, Tommy Bahama. You can't spell, we got that money-hungry mountain hiding bitch Osama without Tommy Bahama. I like that. It's very hard to figure out letters in Tommy Bahama in sentences. There's a lot of letters. When you said that to me, I had to look through it.

I was like, so where's the H? Where's the A? I was like, is there two M's? What I was writing all these, I kept having to ab weird, like, letters and adjectives to things just to make all the letters work. Okay, so, yeah, flip the can to see who goes first. So are we going to start in the order? So movie, event, food, vehicle, and then our wildcard last? Yeah, it works for me.

All right, call it in the air. Heads or tails. Heads. It's tails. Okay, so. You go first. You go. Okay.

So movie. This one was actually the easiest one. I'm going Rocky four. Okay. No, do we provide a little context for a choice? Okay, all right, a little supportive argument. Okay. So it's the first Rocky movie where his main opponent is from another country, so he's against the Soviets.

Yeah. James Brown, the entrance music to Apollo during his Andragos exhibition match is living in America. Yeah. Rocky has to go to Russia to defend. Well, Apollo dies. Spoiler alert if anyone hasn't seen that. He has to go to Siberia on Christmas, and he wears Apollo's American flag shorts. He beats Ivan Drago and even turns the pro-Russia crowd to where they're like, Rocky, Rocky.

And then even, like, I don't know who the guy is supposed to be like the Russian prime minister, their version of Putin or something like that. It would have been before that. It would have been before that. So it would have been back during like Gorgbechoff. So he even has to stand up and do like the clap and acknowledgement after Rocky beat Strago. So I don't think, yeah, I don't know how you get more American. I'm sure you're going to try, but what's yours? I feel like you kind of cucked me.

I'm going with it anyway just because it's probably my favorite action movie from the time. but I'm going to Bloodsport. Okay. Jean-Claude Van Dam, obviously in import, we're a big melting pot here in America, so we're going to bring in John Clause. I was going to come at you straight out of that and say your leading man isn't even from the States.

Well, that's fairly American. We're talking about U.S. Army Captain Frank D-Doo. Frank D-O. Is it Frank? Just D-O? D-U-X. Okay. Also probably... Less American, more French Canadian.

Is he French or Cajun? He was a U.S. Army Captain. Okay, no, I'm just wondering. Like, D.E. He's French Canadian American. Okay. So that's where the do comes in. Okay.

We're talking about... It used to be Ladoo. Huh? He used to be Ladoo, and he's... Probably. He wanted to Americanize it. But actual real person. So we're talking about somebody who really was real. I'm 70% sure. getting trained in the art of karate

and multiple different disciplines goes over for the Kumete in Hong Kong. He has a fantastic motorcycle riding buddy and this is going to play a big part in it. They meet over there, they're hanging out, their boys. And during the fight, I'm trying to remember what his name was. It's been a while. Ray Jackson.

You can't get more American than the name Ray Jackson. He's the big bearded dude, right? Yep. Big bearded guy with the Harley bandana on. We got the foreign agitator, Chong Li. I just remember Lee. Lee's coming up through the other side of the bracket. Lee has to run into Ray Jackson eventually.

And Lee is like the Brock Lesnar. Like Brock Lesnar was introduced. He was the big dude that was just plowing through everyone. Yeah. Tough foreigner. Ends up beating Ray Jackson, breaking his knee. knocking him out Does he kill him?

Kills him, reaches down, plucks the Harley Davidson Bandana from Ray's head, holds it up, squishes it, throws it on the ground, stomps it down. So now it's up to Frank Duh to come through for America in Hong Kong, ends up beating the foreign ally,

beats Chong up, ends up being blinded by a salt pill in the middle of the kumete blown in his eyes. I think we're all familiar with the scene where it's the slow motion. And God, this is when I wish we had a video component with it. And he's like clawing in his eyes. And then he opens them. And he just can't see anything.

And you can tell he's just, he's like, yeah. Yeah. Just a beautiful look. And thank God he was trained to fight blindfolded before. So he knew exactly how to take down Chong. Just all-American great movie, super sensationalized, great fight scenes in it. A lot of America overseas interwoven in there. But I feel like Rocky 4 was more American.

Okay. I didn't want to have to ask that, and I'm glad you just came out and said that. And I will say this. Sylvester Enzio Stallone was actually born in America. First generation, probably. I'm guessing so, yes. All right.

So Rocky, Rocky Four takes that one. Yeah, Jean-Claude was born in Belgium, so I guess he probably won right out of the back there. The muscles from Brussels, baby. All right. So now you could go. So what is the quintessential American event? I think I know what you're going to pick for this.

And I actually purposely steered clear of this because I was like, there's no way I'm even saying it because I know what he's saying. Well, number two on my list was Monster Truck Rally. So as soon as you said that, I knew that wasn't going to happen. So you pushed me into it. I'm going to WrestleMania. Of course. Yep.

WrestleMania is the quintessential American event that happens every single year. WrestleMania attendance is insane. It's so many people show up. They do it in the biggest stadiums all around the world. They did it. I want to say it was in the Superdome last year. And the amounts, they do it in two nights now. So it was held over a two-night event taking place.

Oh, this was in Jerryland down in Arlington, AT&T Stadium. 156,352 people were in attendance over two nights. And that's just in attendance. Yeah, that's not the people that watched everywhere else. We're talking one of the oldest sports entertainment events. We're back to like circus days. Did you wear your WCW Nitro shirt just like in spirit of this? I want to say yes.

Okay. Okay, we'll call it a happy accident. but I just don't see how you get more American than that. You get people of all races, well, not all races, most races, some colors and a few creeds that show up in their mullets, in their sleeveless shirts that they bought, their wrestling shirts. It's just an all-American event. Yeah. I believe they still start off with the Star Spengel banner.

That's different. That's a great American badge. I know, I know. All right. I think yours is more fun than mine. But I think, you know what I'm going to go with the event? I'm going to go with the 1992 Olympics, which was the first formation of the dream team. Oh, God damn.

When they just, they, the dream team in 92, I'm going to go ahead and just pull up some information on it. So their win average was 40 points. And this was before I think other countries had really got a feel, because now it's a lot more competitive with international basketball. but the dream team of 92 was Matt Johnson, Jordan, Bird, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, Malone, Charles Barkley, John Stockton, Scotty Pippen, Clyde Drexler, Christian Latner, Leitner, and Chris Mullen. Yeah, just 40 points. No one had ever seen anything like that. Cruised to gold. I don't want to give you more help with this, but it truly is an American story of just the country coming together and rallying together. Because the Olympics before that, this was the first Olympics that America sent over NBA players.

So before this, there was some success, but it was all college kids that were playing against grown men overseas. So that was like, it was like the equivalent basketball-wise of the after the miracle on ice. Pretty much. But it was the year after that because they were started using NHL players after that. They were just so tired of getting their asses kicked and getting beat by these grown men. You're talking Euro League guys playing against college athletes. Yeah. And America finally put its American foot down and said, no, we're not going to let this happen anymore.

We're not going to be the laughing soccer. Listen, guys, we're not bad at basketball. We're just sending over the guys that aren't good. Yeah. And they had a practice over in Barcelona that there's snippets that have come. come out, but it was Jordan on one side, and I want to say it was Magic and Bird on the other side, and they just picked teams and went after each other, and it's supposedly the greatest basketball game ever played, because it was everybody on that team. Is that the one that

he makes reference to in The Last Dance that he's talking about? It was just, and they played for like a wild, didn't they? Forty-five minutes just crushed each other the whole entire time. And then still went out and beat the next team that they played. played by a healthy Morgan. Because in that situation, other than like an all-star game, when would they, and that's just a one-time event? With the Olympics, how often did those guys ever get to be in the same place at the same time with the sole focus being basketball and get to play each other?

Well, your egos, your time practicing together. The egos in that alone are insane. Yeah. And Bird has said on different occasions that Michael Jordan was just in fuck you mode. He was going to be the best player out there. and those guys just absolutely battled. It just, the crazy thing to think about that a practice might have been the greatest basketball game if I played is nuts. Oh, it was an average of 44 points.

God, that's a lot. So, that's mine. I don't like that because you didn't help me, so I probably have to say it is more American for you. I don't, here's the thing, though, is yours happens every single year. how many people actually know about this? Like if you ask them to name people on the 92 dream team, not people are age,

but younger people, younger people get to go ahead and be introduced to WrestleMania every single year. That's true. You get different stars that show up and wrestle and do different things. So I'm going to actually,

I'll give it by a slight here to WrestleMania on that one. Okay. I like that. Because that was also one of my first thoughts, too, but I knew you're going to do it. You know that that was coming. That's your thing.

I was like, I'm not going to touch that. All right. What are you got for food? Food. I have three, and I can't decide which is, you know what? I'm just going to do this. So it's corn dogs for me. It was on my list.

And the defense against that, or not the defense, the argument for, the argument for corn dogs is. Don't talk yourself out of it. The argument for corn dogs is that it's already a hot dog, which is about, the most American thing because it's basically just a bologna tube, a collection of meats. And they were like, okay, well, we don't want to have to have the bun anymore. We got to figure out a way to serve this without the bun. They're like, what if we fry it? And they're like, hell yeah.

So they just dip it in batter and it's fried and it's on a stick. And you got your melting pot there because a hot dog used to be a Frankfurter from Germany. So we brought it over in a debt today. Or were actual Frankfurters like the hot dogs that we know? Because Frank, like, I feel like we take stuff. from other countries and then we just butcher the shit out of it like we made it way less quality yes

and now that's what it's known because like isn't bologna isn't that from like baloney it's a cured meat i think it's from italy it's from italy but the thing is is it was supposed to be and i do think it was a collection of meats but i think it was a much higher quality now it's literally just meat paste patty we don't we don't discriminate against bologna

i know okay so corned is a great drunk food corn dogs and they're fucking delicious. Like you can't go to the fair without having a cord dog just slather that shit with just standard yellow French as mustard. Do not get fancy with it. Uh-uh. And just, oh God. He went main course. I'm going to go glue guy. Okay. It's named after us. It's American cheese. Okay. And it's not even cheese. It's hydrogenated oil or something like that. But when you put

that on something and you start to see it melt and it goes from solid to whatever just gooey delicious liquid that comes out of it. It's not even the best cheese, but it's named after us and it's a glue guy. It held us together just like the Americans held everybody else together during the wars. There's nothing that makes... If I'm making a grilled cheese,

I make it with like nice cheese. I try to. It's a perk of being an adult. Spend a little bit, get you some nice cheese. But whenever I make the kids, get a grilled cheese sandwich. Yeah. I use the American cheese just because, like, let's be honest, the American, it's delicious.

It's never bad. And you, like, the way it melts and stays in a grilled cheese sandwich, you get a couple, you know, you double it up, get a couple pieces in there to make it nice and thick. And then you fucking cut into that and you see a little bit dripping out this, yeah. You can go super basic and just do like Wonder White Bread, which is, you know. It's gross. There's plenty of stuff in that. It's not good for you. But there's something about that teamwork. Put a little mayo in there. Are you a, when you make that grilled cheese, are you a, first of all, when you, the bread that gets toasted, the side that goes down, do you do me or butter? I butter up both the insides and outsides and then toast both sides off.

You better both the insides and the outsides. You got to get a good, good toast on all four sides. Wait, what do you mean on all four sides? I toast the insides before I put the cheese on. So that way you get the double crisp and then I put it together. You're playing the outside. You're out here playing chess. See, I just go, I don't go anything on the inside but cheese and I don't even toast that.

Oh, man. You're missing out. I know. I've also, I don't think I've had legitimate, like, just meat and cheese or just bread and cheese in so long. I usually take like a couple slivers of like we get this rosemary, sun dried tomato, ham and heat it up a little bit and put it in there again man it's it's a perk of being an adult you get it you get it makes up fancy you know what's good you buy some of that crumbled bacon from Costco grilled cheese you crumble up spread them that crumbled bacon in there i just i feel like when you see

a piece of american cheese though when you're at a barbecue or something like that when you're an american event you're not looking for the fancy cheese you're looking for something that's just going to go gooey immediately it's something that finds its way and be infuses with burger. Yeah. It almost melts in and then just coats the whole top of the burger evenly and it just... It doesn't give you the string. It just gives you good.

It's fantastic. All right. I'm giving that to American cheese. It's named after the country. All right. Vehicle. Uh, are you going to go make model? No, mine was an actual vehicle.

Okay. I'm going to go Hummer H1 Okay the original Hummer The original Hummer The military Hummer That was big It got like six miles to the gallon And somehow no matter how big it was on the outside

It was impossible to fit into on the inside Everything was small That like the front seat Yeah that's the thing that always threw me off about it I remember the big thing was that like Arnold Schwarzenegger Was one of the first people to have one like outside the military military and I didn't get to see the inside of one for the longest time and I don't know if the military and the civilian I assume for a while they were pretty similar there's four seats in it

and it's the seat immediately by the door and the entire interior of the thing it's like it's a transmission I don't know if it's transmission or if they have to have like just a big area for switches for different things or what but it's it's this huge it's like a coffee table in the middle of the goddamn between you and all the seats yeah it's a coffee table console right in the middle. There's just zero room. And it's the biggest thing on the road. It almost takes up a full entire lane. Like you can't park it normally in a parking lot, but it's so damn big and it's so American because it's just heavy, it's slow, it gets terrible gas mileage, but it's damn near impenetrable. I mean, could you imagine getting in a car crash? It'll fucking go over

everything. That's what it is. Yeah? Could you imagine like a Prius or something getting in a car crash with a Hummer. There'd just be nothing there'd be no Prius left. Yeah, it would just be a Prius. It would just be Prius dust. All right, I went with an act, like, I went with a, we went a little bit different on this. So I went with that famous jet-powered school bus that you always see at drag race events.

Oh, yeah. The one that does wheelies? Yes. I don't know what it's called because I think there's a whole bunch of of them throughout the country, but just to me, there's nothing more American than being like looking at a school bus. something meant to keep kids safe and transport children. Yeah. And being like, I bet we could strap a fucking rocket.

How fast do you think we can make that thing go? It's race day. We're six netty lights in. You see the school bus pull off the drag strip. That had to have been, it's not just someone like, we should strap a rocket in that thing. They're like,

how fast does this thing go? They're like, I don't know, you can get up to like 70 or 80. And someone's like, let's put a bigger engine in it. And then they did that and they couldn't get it to go fast enough. They're like,

what if we like, what if we like strapped a rocket in the back of it? And they're like, what? You just fill this thing with nitrous boosters and just let it go. Yeah. Any bus that does burnouts is a pretty sweet bus. Yes. Any bus that runs a quarter mile in like, what would that be like, freaking nine seconds?

Well, and I flash back to even being a kid and seeing it, my first thought is I wish that was my school bus. I know, right? That's all you want. You go school so fast. You show up the next day to school and you're on the bus and you're like to have the bus driver. Like, hey, step on it. Step on it. See how fast this thing can go.

I watched one this weekend. It was crazy. fast we can get this thing going. Where do you hide the rocket? Does it like come up from the floor? Which button does that? All right, I'm going to let you take it. What takes it on that one?

I think the Hummer, like thinking about it, that is probably, I was thinking about the Hummer or I was thinking about something like the, like the Dodge Viper. Very American. And then I was thinking of something like something that they just came out with recently, which was that like, um, When they start putting like Hellcat engines in like a truck or when they do that into those. Did they ever put one of those? They put the hemies in those Dodge, were they magnums?

The ones look like a station wagon that came out that were really popular. Yeah, they did have those a station wagon with a hemie and it was definitely American magnums, I think, is what they were. I literally just said that. Yeah. Well, apparently I was trying to figure out what you were talking about instead of listening. Yeah, I feel like as much. As much as Hummers are American, the bus driving is just, the jet bus is just nostalgia. I don't, here's the thing.

You see it as a kid. Everybody, I'm sure has seen it. To me, I could see another country creating some, like, wildly outrageous, like, military vehicle. And that being their Hummer of that country, I don't see any other country looking at their school bus and being like, rocket. Yeah. That's American ingenuity at its finest. So we'll go bust on that and leave the miscellaneous, because I feel like miscellaneous. because I feel like miscellaneous or the wild card is going to be the deciding vote.

So we'll go two to two. My honorable mention on that, I don't know if it's just American, but three-wheelers seem like the most American thing ever. Like a big, long three-wheeler. We decided that four wheels was too safe, so we're only going to do three wheels with one in the front. You've got to cut cost. These wheels are costing us too much money.

We had one as a kid, and I remember the only thing more fun than riding it was rolling it. Because there was always that sense of danger. Yeah. Any speed and you would go to make a corner and that thing is just throw Ford and off. If you could time it right and you could jump off and bail without getting caught underneath it. Can you imagine that sales pitch? They're like, yeah, well, you know, we have four wheels.

Like, what if we could do it with three wheels? So like, what do you mean? They're like, think about it. Any, for every three bikes we make, we're getting an extra bike out of it. Yep. We're getting extra bike full of wheels. Yeah, those things were, you couldn't turn. They were.

Got to be American, right? Death traps. Yes. Yeah. So that was by honorable. mention. Many, many collarbones

still click today due to three-wheelers. So, all right. Okay, let me go honorable mention on my, or can we do

two honorable mentions on wildcards? Yeah, okay. So my first one is, yeah, okay,

uh, Burt Reynolds is going to be my honorable mention. Just, Burt Reynolds. Like Smoky and the Bandit or just all Bert Reynolds?

All Bert Reynolds. Fantastic mustache. More of an American mustache because it was full and it wasn't, pencil thin. Yeah.

Ed did Smokey and the Bandit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Original longest yard. Yeah, he was running back in that. He did both of them, didn't he? Yes. Yes.

He was in both of the longest yards. Yeah, you did the other one when he was older. That's right. No, and if anyone, you know, aside from, you know, Burt Reynolds, maybe like Tom Selleck and everything, for what they considered to be the epitome. Like, after John Wayne,

I think Bert Reynolds was that next generation's like that's the American man. It's Bert Reynolds. Yeah? Yeah, I don't hate that. That's a, I didn't think of just like a man. My first wild card to go against Bert Reynolds is the scholarly.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait, so what was your honorable mention before? Oh, the three wheels was for the vehicle. Yeah. Yes, okay. Okay, so yeah, what's your, What's your honorable mention for Wildcard? Oh, my Honorable Mention for Wild Card?

Yeah. Or my Wildcard? No, no, no, your honorable mention. Because that was my honorable mention for Wildcard. I'm going honorable mention Buffalo Wings. An American invention. We smother them in hot sauce. They're absolutely delicious.

You get a good fry on them. No baked. Bakes just, it's a sad attempt to make something healthy that shouldn't be. See, maybe I haven't had. Because doesn't Buffalo Wild Wing, do they do fried or baked? I think they do fried because you usually get a decent. They bread theirs, I think, though. Okay.

They don't just let the wing speak for itself. Because I do mine on the smoker. And then I just, I guess I must sauce the shit on mine enough to wear. But then I do actually sauce them and then put them back on so it might crisp up a little bit more. You get a little bit of that crunch when you bite into it, a little bit of that sugar caramelizing. It's just, to me, there's very few things that are as American is being like, all right, we're going to fry this piece of chicken. and then we're just going to douse it in buffalo sauce and make it hot as hell. And you're not going to shit right for a week.

Are you a boneless or do you do bone? Bone in. It depends. If I'm lazy, I just like popping them in my mouth. But if I'm stoned and I like a little bit of a challenge, I like to get in there. I like to bite it off.

You've seen the trick where you grab like the drumette and you push it down and then you eat it. I like to do that in my mouth. I like to get it on the top. teeth and just pull it out like a cherry stem like a porn star with a cherry stem is how I treat some of my wings see I always have to go bone in and if you go bone in you have a preference between drums and flats I think I'm more of a flat guy I like flats I feel like you can get everything off of a flat so much easier because then you can peel those two bones apart and then you can just literally just strip the meat right off of them and then do you are you traditional buffalo or do you

have another sauce. Do you like more, like a hotter sauce, like a less hot sauce, garlic salt, like what do you like? If it's going to be just like dry, lemon pepper is always good. Just a little dry shake on their lemon pepper is good. I love barbecue wings, but if I'm feeling saucy, you got to go just a little hot buffalo. I just like standard buffalo. Yeah, I like standard buffalo. Yeah. And you do ranch or blue cheese. Ranch or ranch, yeah. But I've, I've actually started liking blue cheese more, like not more than ranch. It's an older taste profile. It is. I think. You know what they should start doing?

Why don't they just mix a little bit of that ranch and blue cheese? Like, give me a half and half. Some blanche? Like an Arnie Palmy for ranch and blue cheese. Yes. That's a perfect example. Arnold Palmer could have made that honorable mentions list, too. Okay.

Do you want to go first on... I blew mine. I know you're not going to take it, so you go first on Wildcord. Okay. I think Las Vegas. And it's not just... I have an argument on this. Not an argument.

Well, I keep saying argument. I have a I have supporting facts Yeah support it Okay So to me the wild card for America Being Vegas is You literally get all of the like vices

And I'm not just talking about like The gambling and spending money And all that stuff You know the shows But it's everything that Vegas has like The heart attack grill Like the fatter you are you can eat for free Like we're here just to make you fucking fat

and clog your arteries. Every place has a fucking buffet. And not like regular buffets. No, like eat everything. You get people paying like $80 for these buffets and just shoving their faces. And listen, I'm with you on this. But like crab, lobster, prime rib, all that kind of stuff. Prostitution.

You can come. This is a place where you can just come and have sex. We have a designated spot in our country where we're like, paying and fucking is okay here. It's just a written warning. You can't pay and fuck here. But if you come over to this little area, we let you pay people to have sex with them.

We have ranches just outside of town that are just still whorehouses in existence. And I feel like you're with me on this one. We both agree prostitution should just be legal everywhere, right? It's already, like, to what degree is it not? The fact that you have only fans and porn and everything, it's you're already having sex on camera for money and being paid for it. So I don't,

I don't get what the distinct difference is between offering someone privately to pay them to have sex or perform sexual favors. And then being like, I'm going to pay you, but we just get to fit. To me, one of them seems more acceptable. The private one seems more acceptable to. Not to mention, regulate it. Make it safer. It's easier if something is legal to make it safe. And that's a valid argument for it.

everything. If it's regulated, that's the whole point is when it's unregulated is that's when it's unsafe. And no, I'm not saying just fucking do everything under the sun and the moon and just regulate it. What I'm saying is that like, you're going to have people doing this as a profession regardless. You have girls and guys and, you know, them's and days online doing sex work. And they make a ton of money. And guess why? They make a ton of money because there's always people out there that are going to watch it. Yeah. And those people are just as responsible.

And half those people are probably the people that are like, no, it shouldn't be legal. But I want to keep watching it. Make it safer for the women. Make sure that they're not being trafficked or taken anywhere against their will. You're giving them licenses. You're screening them. You're making sure that, you know, safe sex is happening to the point where

nobody's getting STDs. Nobody's getting pregnant. We're making all the bad stuff that you have to hide come to light. And if it, you know, and if it was legal, you could have businesses whose job it, whose job it, you know, would be to keep these women safe, to go ahead and screen people and to provide like a safe environment. So it's, it's a very, to me, it's a very simple argument.

It's just, I don't know, it's, again, it's. Oldest profession in the world. It's been around for forever. Yeah, no, that's, that makes Vegas, I was trying to think while you were saying on that stuff. Like, I'm sure there's probably places in other countries where things get wild. Well, they have places in Vegas that you can literally go to. you know,

seeing all the, like, ads on the billboards driving up and down the strip. They have a place that you can go out and you can rent a tank and just drive tanks

over cars and you can rent construction equipment to go ahead and, like, dig holes and crush cars. You can go out and you can run like mini guns

and machine guns. They have, it's everything. It's just literally all of the crazy shit is just allowed there. It's the fucking Wild West. It's adult playland.

Yes. You can take helicopter rides anywhere you want. Yeah, it's, that's badass. I don't think

there's anywhere else in the world that does it quite to that degree. No, it's the gathering place, it's the prime

gathering place for people to come and watch men beat the shit out of other men and women beat the shit out of other women.

They're like, hey, did you hear about these two guys are going to fight and be like where's going to be Vegas.

Not only MMA stuff, you've had massive boxing events that happened there. I know with you as a Raiders fan, you probably are happy that they're

out of Oakland and all that. But I feel like it's the biggest... Well, I'm happy as long as you're not fucking around and slamming your fucking Corvette and killing a woman. Yeah. That should go with that. I think that could happen in Oakland, too. It could happen in Oakland, but I'm going to say that the odds of it happening just bump up a little bit if you're in Vegas.

Having professional sports, though, in a place where gambling is legal is the biggest gamble ever. You're just basically setting yourself up for issues. But the fact that they want to take that gamble on it and make it worth it. that makes it even better. I know. Yeah, that's a great one. Like I say, Macau and all those other places

across the world, I'm sure they're great, but they don't have, like, the outdoor activities. No, like, you know, gambling is not whole, it's not American, like, you know,

you have places, gambling is probably the second oldest profession. Yeah, hand in hand. And the whole point of gambling was to make enough money to go pay the horror. Yeah.

That's why they had been gambling downstairs in the horror house upstairs. Whenever you see, like, saloons and everything, They're just like, ah, he won his money and he was just like, upstairs, I go. Yeah, you hit the cash out and then you go upstairs to your room. They're like, would you like this to cash you completely out?

You're like, not completely. How much are you an hour? Yes. Okay, I owe 500. But yeah, you get Monaco and you get places that are famous for like casinos and gambling. But again, it's that American, what do we want to call that? We've talked about this a little bit. That, it's that American ability to just take something that was already like,

well known in the rest of the world. for another country and we just like, I don't want, sometimes we make it better. A lot of the time we just like make it fucking cheap and mass produced. What do we? It's just Americanized, I guess. Yeah, that's probably the best way to do it. It's got to just be that.

And how much cooler is it than all the other places around the world to get to do it because it was just basically invented in a desert by the mob? Yeah. Like the mob started everything. It gives you just a little bit of edge, a little bit of rub. Vegas back in the 70s was Like if you got caught cheating You weren't just going to jail

You were losing a finger And okay so we are going to do an episode on Vegas Just the simple fact that like with law enforcement That the mob was just like Let's just like kind of get away From all these guys and go do this shit In an area that they will never think of Like where do you want to do this

Let's go to the fucking desert Just a little valley in a desert We're going to put all this fun shit out there And it's just going to grow to the point to where we can't even handle it. And now it's worldwide. They have, you know, businessmen from all over the world

flying in to gamble and fucking shows. Like that, and that's the prime destination for any talent act, any type of like artistic act. All right, what do you got? I'm fucked.

There's nothing. I can't beat Vegas with any of my four. So, yeah, I just got to have fun with it now because mine's a clear second place. I'm just going the skullet haircut. how American is something that

Benjamin Franklin has one and then potentially one of the greatest Americans of all time Hulk Hogan two great Americans that have one of the most god-awful haircuts I would argue mullet and skullet are probably one and two but I don't know which one takes ahead

I'm trying to think when that like because I was watching that John Adams thing on HBO and they, at one point they're wearing wigs, but then they just like stop wearing the wigs and they let their hair grow to try to simulate the wig, but most of them have no hair on top or one don't have hair on top. So you do, like John Adams had the same thing

where it was literally just like balled up top, but then they'd let the back of it grow so much that it was like a nomate ponytail type thing. The most asshole confidence in the world to think that this is going to be okay. And I don't know if maybe they didn't have like razors that were good back then or what, but if you're so confident in yourself that you have a horseshoe pattern and there's nothing up there.

It's just a wasteland, but you're still just growing the flow out and back. The thing is there's so many of them, it seems like had that. Like look at the like first like four presidents. I feel like a lot of them had that haircut. All of Washington's pictures, you can tell it's receding. Was that like the hairstyle to let someone know like you were in politics? They're like, oh, you're running for office. We're going to need to take that hair on top down.

Somebody's got a fantastic kind of hair. You have way too much hair on top to get. to get votes. We're going to need you to, like, we're going to need you to shave that. It's going to make you look more distinguished to make you look a little smarter. It just seems like the hairstyle that happened back then. And you have, like I say, a man that used to come out to a real American, a guy that body slammed Andre the Giant. I've been looking for that song.

Do you know how hard it is to find that song where does The Whisper at the beginning? The fight for your right? Yeah, because most of them just started. out with the music, you don't get that, I am a real love. Yeah, you don't get that part on it. That's, that's the best part. Yeah. Because that's what let the crowd know. It didn't just smack you in the face with it. All the crowd was like, what? And you would hear that and they would know. It was like the glass breaking for Stone Cold. Yeah. As a child, I just had this vivid memory of hearing it. And it was, I don't think it might have been a WrestleMania, which oddly could tie in.

I just had this vivid memory of seeing Hulk standing in the ring after he beat Macho Man. And he embraces Miss Elizabeth. And you hear the song playing and he puts her up on his shoulder. And they just walk around and wave to everybody. Then he drops her. He walks over, does the ear thing, just fires everybody up for like 10 minutes. They put the song on a loop. Like you heard it restart.

He was just out there hamming it up. It was so great. Vegas wins that one. What else did you have on Wild Card? Just go through them. We won't talk about it. Wild Card honorable mentions. I had wife beaters because I feel like there's no more American redneck sweet shirt.

The fact that we took a tank top that was probably used in the other part of the world and we're like, I, we've got to rename this. Well, supposedly the myth behind it was not Haynes, but one of the other companies that used to make underwear and stuff. Because before underwear, you used to wear like long underwear. Like shitty stuff. And that was an undershirt. And they were called wife beaters because the guy that ran the factory ended up beating his wife. So that was just where the name supposedly came from. And we've just celebrated domestic violence.

Did your old old white beater has another idea? Yeah, he wants to make a shirt where it's cutting off the sleeves and everything like that. It's going to be ribbed. Yeah, we can wear it under everything else. We just openly supported domestic violence for like 100 plus years. The fact that nobody ever really slowed down to think, like, how long did you use that term without stopping and thinking and been like, what am I, wait, what am I saying? It never comes to mind until you're probably like 16 or 17. And you hear somebody call it a rib tank and it's like, that's not right.

Like, wait, what did you just say? Yeah. You mean a wife beater? Like, what did you just say? We don't condone violence on this podcast. No, but. But, well, domestic violence on this podcast. I just talked a lot about how I love wrestling.

But that's that stage and agreed upon domestic violence. Okay. Yeah. For the most part. Just something that we say, common phrases that we say where it's just, that's just what it sticks. And I'm sure it probably cringes people. But I hate domestic violence. And when I hear it, there's nothing, like I get no visceral reaction from it.

I know. It's just an accepted term. Okay. So. Do you have any other honorable mentions for the other ones? Yeah. Oh, honorable mentions for the other one. Yeah.

So food, the turduckin, because I thought that don't. we could take a turkey and then we got to stuff it with something a duck and be like what's something smaller and then we did with the chicken uh fried twinkies i did fried oreos nice we were close there i think just fried yeah anything you can just put fried if you can get it at a fair it's probably that way uh for events i had the miracle on ice and then the nathan's hot dog eating contest hot dog eating contest is great movies i had armageddon and greece robocop god damn it yep robocop very american roadhouse also very american Other events, I had Beer League softball tournaments because it's something where Americans feel like we're still athletic enough but you literally throw the ball underhand. Honey, we're playing a game.

It's not just drinking. You take it seriously. Yeah, we're running around. You're drinking beer while still getting ready to potentially blow out your ACL and ruin your entire like other career that you have. The fact that the beer increases the likelihood of you injuring yourself and the fact that you're just like, you know, it's happening anyway.

Yeah, I have a nine to five that I have to support my family with, but I'm going to dive. I'm going to lay out and dive for this ball and potentially wreck myself. If you've ever had to take a sick day the next day because of a softball game, that's pretty American. I've thought about it. I don't know if I ever have had to. Yep.

Yeah. Okay, what else did you have? That's about all my honorable mentions. I had coal rollers, the shitty trucks that for some reason guys think that it's cool to build and put the stacks in the back. Oh, yeah. usually in between like 5-4 and 5-6 so they have to get a little ladder to crawl into but they're still cool because they open the door and they go it's like RV stairs

they kind of pull down like multiple stairs a fire ladder that they have to crawl up you got any others uh let's see uh vehicle the batmobile uh bigfoot the monster truck very cool um and then my other wild cards were Elvis Presley uh buffets which i merged into uh Las Vegas. Barbecue. Yeah. Very American. And then Planet Fitness.

Because I believe that only we could take a gym and uses a marketing material for that gym. Fucking free pizza. And there's always something unhealthy around Planet Fitnesses, too. Oh, yeah. They're always in a strip mall. So there's either usually like a Chinese restaurant or ice cream shop. Ice cream shop. Cupcakes.

Yeah. There's something. My last wild card that I just thought of was Seinfeld. Seinfeld's a very American show. You're in the big city. It was a different time. I love watching Seinfeld, and I feel like you're either like a Seinfeld or a friend's person.

No, you can be both because I like both. It depends on what you wanted at the show. Like, I like, friends, you know what you're getting. I think friends did, friends cared about fan service. So they were like, oh, they like Ross and Rachel together. will end up with having Ross and Rachel together. Is that how they actually, like, wrote it? Yeah, I mean, and I'm sure it changes as you get fan reaction for stuff,

but that's, you know, they knew that that worked early in the season, and so they brought it back at the end for, like, fan service. Where was Seinfeld? Same time. Friends. Same time as Seinfeld. Where was it? What?

Like what city was in New York. They were both in New York? Yeah. Huh. Yeah. But the thing about Seinfeld that I really like is, and Seinfeld is, when you watch it when you're younger, it can make you laugh. But it's the more like outwardly easy to get stuff that makes you laugh.

It's almost more of the sticky stuff like, like Kramer and stuff and like George. Kramer walking into a room will always make you laugh. Or George getting upset. Uh-huh. Yeah. The summer of George, him slipping on an envelope falling down the stairs. But when you watch it, when you, you know, have some years behind you, you get like all of the psychological, like all of the like deep humor and all of the, it's a big.

It's obviously it's a much better show, but it is. Like you, these are like not good people. It's like always sunny. It's like a dialed down version of always sunny. Yeah, they're in a different city, really. Yeah, they're not, you know, Sunny's taking it to where these are like, these are shitbag people. In Seinfeld, there was still some redeeming qualities about these people and there was enough to like about them where you didn't dislike them. But, you know, they were all self-serving.

Self-serving. George just being like the ultimate loser. loser and them calling him Biff after the not back to the future I don't think that was around back then but the uh like death of a salesman or something like that the fact that he just could never win and even when he does win and things go well like when him and Susan get together and Susan dies from licking the stamps and the envelopes right before their wedding yeah and Susan's parents are like this was all

going to be yours we were going to give you the lake house up on the uh up on the for the summer. Like up in the Hamptons or whatever, yeah. All this stuff. And he's sitting around with the foundation. He's like, would this have been mine? They're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that would have been yours.

The $10,000 doll collection would have been mine. Yeah, yeah, definitely would have been yours. Just as close as he gets to winning, he can never do it. And then the end of the series ends up being positive. You haven't watched Seinfeld, I guess, but they end up going to jail. At the Puerto Rican Day parade, huh? No, what it was is they go to jail because, Um, they refuse to help a guy as a good, so they get him for like a good Samaritan law where they see a guy getting mugged and he's like a fat guy and he's,

mugger comes up and he's taking money. They're like across the street and instead of stepping into help to do anything, they are caught making jokes. They're like, oh, he's still in this money. He's like, he's doing him a favor. He's like less money for food. Like George makes a joke. Like they're all making cracks about it. So they end up getting arrested and put on.

Did you never watch? the finale or has it just been so long? I thought the Puerto Rican Day Parade was the one that was the finale. No, so the finale is the one where they're all on trial and it's, it's not in New York. So they're not getting like a jury of people that are like New Yorkers that are used to that kind of like that asshole type attitude. It's up in like Connecticut or something like that and they have all of the people from like that George Elaine Kramer and Jerry had wronged throughout all Seinfeld come in as character witnesses. So it's like the soup Nazi. It's, I don't know if I've ever seen it.

I've seen every other episode of Seinfeld. Oh, yeah. They bring back a ton of people. Like the chick that Jerry thought had fake boobs and so, like, was breaking up with her because of it. The real and they're spectacular. Yes. Johnny Cochran is their lawyer, I think. Yeah.

Jesse something. It's not Johnny Cochran, but it's... It's Johnny in the show. Yeah. Because Elaine calls him, it's Johnny Cochran in the show. But, yeah. So, yeah, I recommend watching that. I got to see that.

I actually bought a pair of show. shoes because of the Puerto Rican Day parade episode. There was a Puerto Rican Day pair of shoes that they made. There were Air Max 97s that have the flags on them. And just so cool. But as soon as I saw them go up for draw, I was like, I got to get these just because of this episode. Nice. There will be one day we make it to a Puerto Rican Day parade.

And we write these out. Take the box out. Your day has come. All right, man. well, America, happy birthday a couple days ago. Hopefully you enjoyed your fourth in a safe manner, and if you didn't, hopefully you've gotten out of the hospital. They either found the fingers and reattached him or they've got to benched up for you.

JPPed yourself. All right. Well, guys, later. Bye. All right, guys. Hey, thank you so much for making it through another episode and sticking with us. If you want to kind of follow up on the next upcoming episodes, get some teasers, Adam, can they get us on the Twitter?

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