Hits 21 - 1991 (3): Hale & Pace, Chesney Hawkes, Cher

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Hits 21! It's time for a new season: Hits 21 - The 90s. At the roundtable this week it's Rob, Ed, and Lizzy! This week, THE THE THE make sure the 90s doesn't forget that the 50s, 60s, and 80s came first. Twitter: @Hits21UK Email: [e-mail] https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7gromlR4BszFVxnFOqZ5iI?si=1388bc774183480d

The End Hi there everyone and welcome back to Hits21, the 90s, where me, Rob, me, Ed, and me, Andy, I mean, and me, Lizzie, are looking back at every single UK number one of the 1990s. If you want to get in touch with us you can find us over on Twitter, we are at Hits21UK, that is at Hits21UK, or you can email us, send it on over to Hits21Podcast at gmail.com. Thank you ever so much for joining us again, we are currently looking back at the year 1991, and this week we'll be covering the period between the 17th of March and the 1st of June, so quite a big period. You will have noticed a recognisable voice in the introduction there, a different voice, a new voice to our 90s series.

Yeah. And that's because Lizzie is sitting in Andy's chair for this week. Andy's got some family stuff to attend to around Christmas, but we thought instead of leaving it a week, which would take us through to Boxing Day in terms of recording, we thought we'd give you a little, it's a Christmas miracle! And Lizzie has returned to the podcast for one night only, for one Sunday only, just to wish you all a Merry Christmas

and to say we'll see you all in the new year, but more about that later, Andy will be back in the new year. Andy knows what he's done, okay. Let's just carry on, shall we? The poll winner from last week. Well, our listeners certainly have a bit of yellow fever because Do The Bartman by The Simpsons emerged victorious

over the KLF, which was a bit of a surprise to me. It's a Christmas miracle. Another Christmas miracle, that's right. So it is time to press on with this week's episode and here are some news headlines from March to June 1991. The Football Association reveals plans for a new Super League of 18 clubs which is aiming to replace the traditional Football League First Division. However, many clubs in the Football League reject the proposals fearing loss of revenue. In other football news, Arsenal win the First Division, Tottenham Hotspur win the FA Cup, while the European Cup is won by Gervénez Vezda, better known as Red Star Belgrade.

John Major's government announces that the community charge, better known as the poll tax, is to be replaced by a new system known as council tax. Eventually unveiled in 1993, the council tax system separated properties into eight different bands of value. The higher the band, the higher the tax. Meanwhile, unemployment hits its highest rate for four years.

As George Carey becomes the Archbishop of Canterbury, two MPs both die of long-term conditions triggering by-elections in their seats. Those two MPs were Eric Heffer, the Labour MP for Liverpool, Walton and Sir John Stradling Thomas the Tory MP for Monmouth. And an inquest into the Hillsborough disaster returns a verdict of accidental death which was overturned 25 years later. The films to hit the top of the UK box office during this period were as follows. Green Card for one week.

Look Who's Talking 2 for two weeks. Dances with Wolves for one week. Highlander 2 The Quickening for one week. Sleeping with the Enemy for three weeks. The Doves for one week, Highlander 2 The Quickening for one week, Sleeping with the Enemy for three weeks, The Doors for one week, and then Misery for two weeks. But no misery for Sweden as they win the Eurovision Song Contest, with Carola's song Captured by a Stormwind taking the title from Francis Amina. The UK finished in joint 10th place with Samantha Janus's song A Message to Your Heart, finishing level with Ireland's Kim Jackson with her song Could It Be That

I'm In Love. Austria's Tom Storchner finishes bottom of the leaderboard with Null Poir. The BBC airs Comic Relief 1991 featuring performances from comedy duo Hale and Pace, as well as Victoria Wood. The Darling Buds of May makes its debut on ITV, starring David Jason, Pam Ferris and Catherine Zeta-Jones. And former footballer David Icke claims he's the son of God during an appearance on Terry Wogan's chat show. So Lizzie, the UK album charts in March to June 1991, what have they got for us? First up we have Out of Time by R.E.M. which stayed at number one for one week

and was eventually certified five times platinum. That was followed by Eurythmics with their greatest hits which stayed at number one for ten weeks and was only certified six times platinum, compared to five times platinum for REM. I guess it's a name value thing, I don't know. But anyway, that takes us to Seal, the debut album by Seal, which spent three weeks at number one and was eventually certified double platinum.

So Ed, the US charts, how are they doing at this time? Uh, eventful actually, particularly in singles, but I will start with albums. Mariah carries her success all the way to mid-May, having ratcheted up 11 weeks at the top of the album's chart. Before, an Athens, Georgia band who had been hammering away tunefully since 1979, finally reached the summit. Yep, it's one week at number one for the rather lovely, I think, Out of Time by R.E.M.

But is it actually out of time for them on this show? This was probably best going before the other segment, but anyway. Oh yes, then there's One Week of Michael Bolton, the André Rieu of the Pop Charts, with some shit that he's done. Singles now. Evidently, One More Try does the trick for Timmy T. Though fails to yield One More Week, it would scale the lofty peak of number 97 in the UK. Whoa. Then Gloria Estefan proves she had a fan,

holding the top spot for two weeks with Coming Out of the Dark, which reached UK number 25. Before one week of Be True Favorites, citation needed, London beat with the firmly agreeable I've Been Thinking About You. Wilson cocking Phillips next for one week with a song that reached number fuckty shit in the UK. Right. shit in the UK. Right, two weeks at the top follow for Amy Grant's unambitious sounding Baby Baby which actually went silver in the UK and will be in our

B-true for the year. Oh. Clinging on from the late 80s like an Atari ST with a spider in it, Roxette are back, stealing a week at the top with Joyride, which would also nick UK stereos to the tune of number four. Then finally we have High Five with the slightly gloomy sounding I Like The Way, The Kissing Game for one week before a UK kiss off. Oh, and Mariah Carey provides nice if-wearing symmetry to this segment with two weeks of I don't wanna cry. If it charted in the UK I don't actually know about it, not even sure if it was released to be honest, so bit of a damp squib at the end there. Sorry.

Thank you both very much for those reports and we are going to jump in now to the first number one this week but before we do there's a little game that I want Lizzie to play through the episode. Alright. Because while Andy's not here this week we are still going to get his thoughts on these songs in the first episode of 2025 and I just want you to guess Lizzie each time it comes up would Andy like each song? Okay. How much would he like it? And then we'll see if you're right kind of like a match game blankety blank kind of scenario

sure that Andy turns his card round and it matches yours in 2025 so well ask Lizzie on the other side what would Andy think of this? It's funky and it's funky and it's impolite You can do it by day but it's better at night S-T-O-N-K Let's stomp to the rhythm of the honky tonk Stick a red nose on your cock And let's stomp Well you can play a fiddle with a lump of cheese Or make a Taj Mahal out of machine beans Or microwave a pussycat for your tea

But it's better little baby if you start with me F-T-O-N-K! Land song! To the rhythm of a honky tonk! Stinger and nose on your tongue! And land song! And now here's some great stompers of our time. Nice to see you, to see you! Ah! Read my lips.

I am a stalker. If it ain't stalker. Okay, this is The Stonk by Hailand Pace and The Stonkers. Released as a standalone single, The Stonk is Halen Pace and The Stonkers' first single to be released in the UK and their first to reach number one. However, it is their only single to be released in the UK as of 2024 and their last number one to date. The song was chosen as the official Comic Relief single in 1991. The Stonk first entered the UK charts at number 10, reaching number 1 during its third week. It stayed at number 1 for… one week. In its first and only week atop the

charts it sold 93,000 copies, beating competition from Rhythm of My Heart by Rod Stewart, which climbed to number 3, The One and Only by Chesney Hawks, which climbed to number 5, and Where the Streets Have No Name in brackets I Can't Take My Eyes Off of You by Pet Shop Boys, which got to number 8. When it was knocked off the top of the charts, The Stonk dropped 1 place to number 2. By the time it was done on the charts it had been inside the top 100 for 7 weeks, the song has never received any official certification from the British phonographic industry. Lizzy, would Andy like this and what do you think about it?

I don't think Andy would. I think it's a bit too silly for Andy, who as we all know is very serious and contemplative. So what do I think? I think it's a steaming pile of shit. I hate this song. I really do. What to say about this? I thought Halen Pace have kind of been lost to time. I feel like the only times I see them mentioned now are in kind of ironic ways. I'll see them mentioned by people like Ruth Husko on Twitter and to think that they ran for 10 series on ITV, something like 66 episodes. They weren't like Small Fry and yet by 2001 they were done. There was a joke in the Armando Iannucci shows about how they were working in a shoe shop to make ends meet. Just how much they don't factor into the

zeitgeist beyond about 1998. And yeah here they are at like the peak of their power, the peak of pop, with a song that is wretched, that seems to go on for an eternity, that makes me think of all the times as a kid that I was forced to have fun and just like get up and dance and stop being such a miserable sod and do the stonk, put the nose on for fuck's sake, cheer up. That's what this song makes me think of. And by the time it gets to the impressions bits like, read my lips, I'm a stonker, I just want to curl up and die, I think it's a horrible sounding record. And you might might say yes it's for charity but that's no excuse we can do better than than whatever this is I'll hand over

just cuz I'm like clearly not in the mood for it but before I do I suppose I should mention the B side like I wouldn't want to be the B side to this single but maybe Victoria would. Oh, very good. There was a bit of controversy about that, wasn't there as well, because it was officially listed as the... It was like a... Well, it wasn't like a double A side, but it was like a shared A side. Yeah. With a different artist, but apparently the Victoria Wood song was not credited. The Smile song, I think it was called, was not credited with as being a number one single.

But this was. So we know where our priorities were. Yeah. 33 years ago. Off the bat with the stonk, I completely understand like that this is a bit of silly fun for charity and that by taking it seriously, the very few jokes on display here are all happening at my expense and by complaining I look like a bad person you old crumb

yeah stick your nose on your conky miserable bastard but like no one's laughed at this in 32 years so surely we're past the point now where you can get away with slagging this off because okay fine great it's for charity. Well done to Hail and Pace for that raising a few bob getting a few comedians in to raise a bit more money starting a national craze even if the craze did pass in less than two months apparently. We've been here a dozen times before on this show where charity singles, as Andy has rightly pointed out, they're relegated to like one time things, novelty things, things

that just come and go, things that try to maximize brief interest instead of going for longevity, which then leaves you doubting the commitment of the people involved. You know, for as much as we've discussed on this podcast, you know, Geldof strikes us all as a bit of a pretentious arse. Very self-involved. And the original idea of Band-Aid was flawed at best and potentially catastrophic at worst. At least he made a charity record that was serious and has continued to be repeated, re-released, paid homage to for 40 years, even if the one released in 2024 is a massive stinking pile of garbage that absolutely nobody cares about to the point where the original got back in the charts for a couple of weeks and then everyone went no we'll just listen to Wham I think which again another

charity single which has lasted a very long time this on the other hand it could be literally any rockabilly song from the 50s or 60s back there in the instrumental and I wouldn't have a clue. Feels like he's trying to turn pub rock into children's music. Like he's shooting for Black Lace via Dr. Feelgood, but instead it just kind of drunkenly stumbles and falls over and trips into a skip that's full of party balloons and a poster for a 1983 Jerry Lee Lewis comeback tour. It's very sub Chazza Dave I think. Yes, yeah. And I understand it's a bit of fun but I even think this stock blues instrumental is uncomfortable.

Even though it's playing a pretty rudimentary pattern there's no real sense of where it's going. There's no plan of how it's going to move forwards, it just keeps revolving somehow unpredictably despite only playing the same four chords. It's segmented somehow, I didn't realise you could do it with such simple music, but yeah. And the Bruce Forsythe and George HW Bush bits, meh. Like, I guess they're a bit of a laugh, but like a bit of a laugh is about the measure of it because it's all very low hanging fruit. It feels like it's trying to bypass people's bullshit filters

and smooth any amount of skepticism that might be remaining in the average person just by having a bit of a laugh. There's a YouTube comment underneath the music video for this, and it just says, we were easily pleased back then weren't we? I think that the answer kind of goes without saying. Although I would argue as Brits that we've almost always had this potential to be this easily pleased. Sometimes that makes me feel good that like novelty shit can get to number one with a bit of a push

and British people like to see you know like little underdogs like that are slightly silly rain at the top. We were well we weren't all there but I imagine a lot of people listening to this were there for Joe Dolce and Ultravox. We like things, we like doing things like that because the classy sophisticated thing that will echo through time, we prefer to remember it as going, yeah but do you remember when that really silly song beat, it's a number one and we stuck it right up their noses and that's kind of how we approach the charts sometimes. But I just feel frustrated with this one because we chose to get behind something like this instead of that really good Pet Shop Boys cover of U2. That would have been very easily applied to a charity scenario, especially for something like Comet Relief,

because you know, where the streets have no name, the whole thing was written with a slightly humanitarian bent on the lyrics, but it's not to be. Nothing appears to be. But I will say, as much as I dislike this, I don't hate it as much as charity songs like Hero, because at least it has set the stall out for this week's episode, which is 1991 saying, Ha! You thought the 90s had kicked in? Wrong. Ed, what about you?

It's crap. Erm, I'm not debating that. However, there's an unusual amount and perhaps a concerning amount of mitigation in my notes here. I will note, keeping in the realms of YouTube comments, there was a linked clip to Hale and Pace because even though, yeah, I was five when this came out, I don't remember H yeah, I was five when this came out.

I don't remember Hail and Pace. I remember their names. I don't necessarily remember them being much of a presence. Maybe that's just their kind of general air. I'm not sure. But there was a clip linked to the video after my second and final listen to the stonk was completed Because it's not on Spotify in its original form And it was to a clip from the hail and paste show or whatever the piece it was called and the top comment on that

was I Never found hail and paste very funny But compared to what passes for comedy these days they were brilliant I'm like mmm yeah that said a word of warning I actually found the attached clip fairly funny I won't go into that but basically lower your expectations for my sense of humor if they weren't low enough already with my penchant for crap puns. Anyway, yeah, Rob, Lizzie, you're both right. Rob, you mentioned this was like, it has that feeling of all bases covered, doesn't it?

It's like it doesn't want to offend anybody too much, doesn't want to be too adult, doesn't want to be too childlike. It's hedging its bets and it becomes very broad as a result. But I pie-holed Do The Bartman because it misrepresented The Simpsons. It was, to me at least, transparently a low effort cash grab, which knew it only had to fill time and exist as a sort of transient representation of comedy to work.

But as that is more or less what comic relief is and always has been, I think the stonk is actually highly representative. So it does have that in its favour. It's like an essence of comic relief where nobody's favourite comic beats by anyone ever have featured on the comic relief night. It's just that the effort is always dropped because, oh you know, come on, it's... Anyway, but that's just me being an old grump, isn't it? Yeah, it did, I'll be honest, hands up here, make me laugh twice on my initial listen. Partly because of the way they phrased one line, which was when they said, if you think you are a bat, instead of as if you were a bat,

because you know that kind of paints a story there. There's like an element of psychosis going on to that, And that pleased me to a degree. And yeah, I even, partly because I looked at how well it had been mixed on the video, I did chuckle at the George Bush senior thing that seems to have filled Lizzie with bile. I am a stonger. Yeah, it's like, oh, that actually syncs up. So horrible. Yeah, but look, that's two laughs on the first listen, one laugh on my second.

That's not a great hit rate, but it's better than Red Dwarf Nine. There are real guitars in this song. There's some good soloing, even though it's not really going anywhere, but it seems to have a bit more, um, bites than anything else without much difficulty. It's nice seeing Tony Iommi watching Brian May solo with Curiosity on the video for two seconds. I'm like, oh, it looks like a guitar workshop. And they're two guitarists. I'm genuinely like, I like them. I think they're both really good. But that's it for the effort basically

there. It is worthless outside its original charity setting. And I don't know if the fact that this, you know, barely sufficient time was a charity single makes it better or worse. I don't know. It is ultimately harmless. It's not offensive to me, but it is insultingly worthless at the same time. It's kind of cheeky. Here thing Rob you mentioned that kids song via, you know agadu It's cheeky in a sexually stunted kind of way. It doesn't quite fall on either side It's like the sort of amorphous Gathered jokes like an eight-year-old would make about sex just like half hearing things on sitcoms it doesn't doesn't mean anything like they occasionally half heartedly do either the humpy hump gesture which when I was seven I thought

was the the peak of of bawdy comedy but I don't know if this means anything to you too and I might be afraid of the answer to that but Hale and Pace were my age when they did this. It feels though like they have a kind of mid-50s energy. I don't mean to be ageist but I mean mid-50s in both senses of the word. They're very kind of Saturday night at the conservative association. They've risen to be the act purely by merit of the fact that one of them can play roll out the barrel on the piano and the other has a piano tie and that my friends is fucking comedy. So yeah, look, I don't know if they were good. I suspect they were good enough for whatever that's worth.

They seem to live in some sort of liminal, timeless comedy vacuum. They're probably perfectly okay chaps, but that's the impression I get from this, but that's not really a super first impression from a comedian. I mean, maybe a politician, yeah, that would work, or maybe someone at the door, that would be fine. But this comedy does need a bit more presence,

a little bit more bite and individuality than that. And this and the song it's attached to have nothing. Now, look, I don't know what else to say. Really, look, we've covered it all. I'm just battering at a long dead horse here. It's embarrassingly meagre, but I don't find it actively hurtful. Is that worth anything?

If you want me to fill in how they were perceived at the time, I've heard good things about what, I say good things okay things about first two series and then I've heard that they very quickly settled into that sketch show mindset where they just repeated the same things over and over and over and over. Williams and Lucas syndrome. Exactly exactly that and even that's been kind of forgotten to time in a sense but I remember seeing a review of Hale and Pace that said they were the first ever comedy double act with two straight men. That seems to carry through what I've seen

of them they don't really have differentiated personalities. I also just wanted to pull you up on, Ed, you were mentioning some of the people in the band, the Stonkers. I'll give you this this rundown right we've got Brian May Tony Iommi David Gilmore oh I didn't know Cozy Powell oh shit right Roger Taylor and Rowan Atkinson oh yeah I saw that yes very briefly plays the drums because obligation I think he's been he has to make an appearance in every comic relief video until he dies. I think that's the, that's the role. Yeah. And, and yeah, considering all of those band members who combined have a net worth of about a billion and have sold more copies of albums than, I don't know, the population of Eritrea.

Like they've they've created this thing that sounds like the demo setting on a Yamaha keyboard. They you know, like when you when you press the demo, when you you press some of the keys of the chord changes with it. Yes. Yes. Got that kind of energy. Like you dance around the room on Christmas Day. Well, you're just pressing buttons like, wow wow I'm the next Paul McCartney. If it wasn't for the guitar solos there would literally be one layer to the sound that would just snake slightly up and down based on the

next blues progression. Yeah I particularly really hate that chord progression you know in the chorus where it's like so you've got lead's talk to the real about the hockey talk stick a red nose on your car, and then it's like Fucking Billy Shears thing from so from sergeant you don't have to do anything to get a comic relief single You don't have to try at all and yeah these these are all all but one of them charted top 10 for like 20 years with the exception being 2024's effort from pull over faith which did not chart oh my god yeah so yeah i think i think these are done probably for the best fingers crossed yeah noses on conks anyway we will move on to our second song this week, which is this I'm gonna be the one to call you I'm gonna be the one to call you

I'm gonna be the one to call you I'm gonna be the one to call you Call me, call me by my name Call me by my number Put me through it I'll still be doing it the way I do it And yet, you try to make me forget who I really am Don't tell me I know best, I'm not the same as all the rest

I am the one and only Nobody I can run from I am the one and only You can't take that away from me Okay, this is The One and Only by Chesney Hawks. Released as the lead single from his debut studio album titled Buddy's Song, The One and Only is Chesney Hawks' first single to be released in the UK and his first to reach number one. However, as of 2024 2024 it is his last. The one and only first entered the UK charts at number 79, reaching number one during its seventh week. It stayed at number one for... FIVE WEEKS! Across its five weeks at number one it sold

238,000 copies copies beating competition from the following songs. Let There Be Love by Simple Minds, Sit Down 91 by James, Secret Love by the Bee Gees, Snap Megamix by Snap, The Hole of the Moon by The Water Boys, Rescue Me by Madonna, The Size of a Cow by The Wonder Stuff, Anthem by N. Joy, Deep Deep Trouble by The Simpsons, and Love and Kisses by Danny Monogue, and Sailing on the Seven Seas by OMD, Without a Woman by Zucchero and Paul Young, and Human Nature by Gary Clale. When it was knocked off the top of the charts, the one and only dropped

one place to number two. By the time it was done on the charts it had been inside the top 100 for 17 weeks. The song is currently officially certified silver in the UK as of but that's based on that pre-cantor data. So Ed, Chesney Hawks? G-Gary Clale! You made that up, didn't you? Yes, Clale. GARY CLALE! I'm sorry, Gary. You're probably a lovely chap, I'm guessing, but anyway, side-tracked. I'll be honest, right, um, I actually like this musically quite a bit, I'll be honest, right, I actually like this musically quite a bit, I'll be honest. I've always remembered that chorus, it is pretty indelible.

It's catchy, the verse is pleasant, if sort of a little sort of loungy. I'll be honest though, the piece clearly has nothing musically to say after the first 30 seconds, it's pretty much just the same like tepid mid-level after that but It doesn't outstay its welcome that much and I think it's pleasant enough however however listening to it more has not helped it and You know what's worse than a song?

That tries or seems to mean something, but doesn't actually mean anything? It's a song that means something, but makes its point so hollowly and unconvincingly, it makes the agreeable somehow disagreeable. It's like, oh, yeah, I wrote a song called, it's called All Lives Matter. It's about oxygen and me and you, but mainly me and equality, but as long as I don't, as long as it's not that much effort involved.

But this is just like a song, it's almost like so non-threateningly all-inclusive that the point per point vaporizes and yet somehow it has this really weird tone it can't quite land on that somehow between Fuck you defensive and a Sunday school Platitude and so it further confuses what it's actually trying to say, even though ostensibly it seems to be a simple message. And one that I think if it is going,

for what I believe it's going for, I agree with, it means something to me. Uniqueness is fundamentally valuable, I believe that. I think that needs to be reinforced. But when I felt at my lowest in my life, when I hated myself the most, and when I was certain no one could possibly want to know me, I still had uniqueness.

The freakiest, most fucked up criminals on the planet have that to their credit and No matter how far you've gone you do have a unique perspective that in theory could inform the way others live their lives or add just a degree of additional Understanding or a counterpoint to something and I think that is valuable You know, it might not be huge value if you, you know, you really are that far gone, but I think it's something and I think it's worth retaining for everybody.

However, rather than kind of solace in the dark night of the soul, this nebulous word cloud kind of, and this sort of,'re not quite genre of it it's sort of style it's genre adjacent it's sort of a bit hair metal stadium anthem II it's sort of a bit sort of sophisticated poppy but it's not really either it's been the middle makes it sound like some sort of clap along crowd control exercise. It does feel very corporate.

Although I think Mr. Hawks does a very nice job of singing it. Now, I would rather, and this isn't my normal stock, but I would rather it was about banging groupies in leather bondage gear or something than just neutering a positive message and turning it somehow disagreeable. But that aside, I mean, maybe I'm just a sucker for a big sort of smooth, maybe I'm a sucker for smooth corporate yearning TM. I'll put it as that. Because I do still quite like the ingredients of this song and

I think it's gracefully executed as songwriting. It just fumbles its point. It is ultimately kind of characterless. And that's a shame because it's a good hook, damn it. Yeah, I think what you said there about it being characterless kind of sums up my whole kind of my whole notes really This episode feels like like I said at the end of the hail and pace bit This episode feels like the hands of the pass are reaching out from the grave and holding on to the ankle of the 1990s Just a little while longer just a little nah hang on a minute Because we've had two episodes of lots of songs where the actual 90s felt like they were coming into view, but now this episode has reminded us that first the 50s, now the 80s and then the 60s, that you know they need to be reminded, we need to be reminded of them, and this is so 80s.

I think hearing this song as a kid might have been one of the first moments in my life where I realised that decades end and begin at different times in terms of the calendar and in terms of culture. Yeah. Because this was on the radio and whoever it was that was hosting, probably Dale Winton, and he said and that was Chesney Hawks. He was the one and only this week in 1991. So I think it was Pick of the Pops on radio too. But from that moment I've always been shocked that this and the Bryan Adams one from later in the year, were 90 songs because they have all that dull, thudding bombast of Regan core as Lizzie You Once Coined It, or Regan Rock. You know, everything's slower, but bigger.

The emotion isn't so much in the writing as it is in the volume and the execution. People like to belt these out like football chants. And even if it's just a one-hit wonder, you are guaranteed for this to be a karaoke hit for generations. And if it's your song, you can guarantee yourself something more than appearing on the look-a-likes line-up on Never Mind the Buscocks 20-30 years later. I won't go in too hard on this because Chesney was what? 18? 19? Yeah.

With this because it was the soundtrack to some film that he'd been in that was called Buddy's Song and this is the song in the film that gets famous and then it gets famous in the real world. He's a teenager with ideas above his station which I guess is ideal for the character in the song and Nick Kershaw wrote this which I didn't know. Yeah? God that makes so much god damn sense. Yeah.

But I, do you know what I was thinking the slight jazziness of the movement of the verses I'm like this sounds like a Nick Kershaw song. Sorry you've broken it for me. Well I'm more interested in the verses than the chorus to be honest. I definitely agree with your assessment that that rise into the chorus, the sort of jump in is pretty effective and that's what's gone down in history, but the verses are quite sweet and they put a bit of emotion through. A lot of the lyrics leave a little bit to the imagination, but his performances and

the melodies and the verse, there's a story there I think. But I will say that I'm much more on the fence with this than I was with something like Hail and Pace because this doesn't fail in its attempt to be what it is. I found it so hard to tolerate the song because what it tries to be and what it ends up as are two very different things in my head whereas with this you get the feeling that it's exactly what they had in mind at the start. What they had in mind isn't necessarily up my street, I find it hard to connect with this in the end because everything seems to be the momentum and the emphasis in the song all seems to be in the I am the and like if that doesn't hit you the first time round a bit like living on a prayer like if you're not grabbed by the first Whoa?

halfway there Sorry, I was grabbed not well It's not gonna grab you if you're not into that first kind of revolution of that this though It's a defiant shout and I'm happy to recognize it as such but it's only ever struck me as like only like little more than that. Really. It just kind of, it's there. It does what it does in a way that is as unsubtle and loud and in a way that I expect so much of this kind of music to be. But not a massive crime. Not a massive crime. Lizzie, I'm gonna guess, I'm gonna get you to guess,

how do we think Andy would feel about this and then how do you feel about it? I think Andy would be kind of lukewarm on it. Not like an outright dislike, but not love either. Somewhere in the middle. Okay. I think it's rubbish. I'm sorry.

There you go. Go on. Yeah. I mean, yes, credit where credit is due. He's very young. He is something like 18 years old, but he's a nepo baby and he came onto the scene because he was discovered by Roger Daltrey. So he's had a bit of help. But like you say, this is written by Nick friggin Kershaw it's not like he's come from nowhere but he soon went nowhere so there you go. Yeah I just think this is I think it's half a song this I don't think it's finished I think it's all in that chorus you know that I am the one and only it It's like, it's this huge, massive 1987 size thing. And then it goes into these verses which kind of plod along just enough to,

well, not even enough to keep it going. I feel like the song slows down to a point where it feels like it's about to stop completely. Like the runtime has got to start going backwards if it goes any further. And then it's like, Oh God. Can we just get back to the chorus, please? And they do eventually get back, but it's not enough and you've both nailed it like This is out of time. This is this is 1987. I feel bad for Chesney Hawks in a way because I think if this had come out sort of four years earlier, he might have had a longer career. He might have been in that Rick Astley mold where he could get stock eight and a water

bit to just throw in numbers and there you go. But instead he's here in 1991. He's number one in roughly the same time that Nevermind is being recorded. Like this stuff is about to get blown into the fucking sea and nuked. Like this is this is done. We're done with these like pretty boys pretending to play guitars. This is like the stuff of the past. But that's often how it is. It can just reach in and like you say, Rob, just grab at your ankle and be like, no, please.

I'm still here. So, yeah, pretty poor overall. But I did just want to add one last thing. Actually, two last things. One, Chesy Hawks has been on some recent podcast appearances and he seems like a thoroughly decent guy who kind of accepted what happened. He's not bitter about it. He sort of appreciates that he could have had the success that he had. And I also want to say, I think there is some pride in being a one hit wonder. I think, oh, yeah, I think it's an accolade and I think it is arguably more dignified than having numerous hits but then reaching a point where you're no longer relevant and you have to like scrabble around to

rediscover that. Yeah you don't get used to it, you don't get accustomed to it. It's a blip in your life, an interesting blip perhaps. Exactly. It's a story to tell like your grandchildren. It's not like, I don't know, I'm trying to think of an example. I feel really mean, but let's say Katy Perry earlier this year, where it's so obvious it's like,

she feels like she should still be in the limelight and she's not and I imagine that would cause all kinds of like fear and anger and upset whereas if you're a one-hit wonder you can just sort of say well that was fun wasn't it anyway now what like yeah. You might be able to actually retain some sanity rather than going full into the The pop star world do you know what I mean? Exactly, I'd hope you would have some sense to not buy, you know, a mansion and a Lamborghini

Like while it's all while you're riding on the high and just you know plan ahead a little bit All right, then our third and final song this week is this. Is it in his eyes? Oh no, he'll make believe if you wanna know If he loves you so, it's in his kiss That's where it is, oh yeah, oh is it in his face? Oh no, it's just his charms Is his love embraced? Oh no, that's just his arms If you wanna know

If he loves you so, it's in his kiss That's where it is Okay. If it's love, if it really is, is there in his kiss? Okay, this is The Shoop Shoop Song, in brackets, it's in his kiss, by Cher. Released as the lead single from her 20th studio album titled Love Hurts, and the soundtrack album for Mermaids, the Shoop Shoop song is Cher's 25th single overall to be released in the UK and her second to reach number one. The single is a cover of the song originally recorded by Mary Clayton in 1963. The Shoop Shoop song first entered the UK chart at number 58, reaching number one during its fourth week. It stayed at number one for... FIVE WEEKS! Across its five weeks atop the charts, it sold 321,000 copies, beating competition from the following songs. Last Train to Transcentral by The KLF, Born Free by Vic Reeves, Get the Message by Electronic

and Ring Ring Ring by Della Soul, Touch Me by Kathy Dennis and There's No Other Way by Blur, Gypsy Woman by Crystal Waters, Promise Me by Beverly Craven and Tainted Love 91 by Soft Cell, I Wanna Sex You Up by Colour Me Bad and Baby Baby by Amy Grant and Shiny Happy People by R.E.M. and Shocked by Kylie Minogue. When it was knocked off the top of the charts, the Shoop Shoop song dropped one place to number two. By the time it was done on the charts it had been inside the top 100 for 15 weeks. The song is currently officially certified gold in the UK as of 2024 based on that pre-cantar data. This was clearly huge, but ugh.

Going past Last Train to Transcentral ring ring ring and now shiny happy people Lizzie how would Andy feel about this and then you can begin our final segment I think Andy would give this a decent thumbs up we'll find out in the new year for all three of them. Yeah we will and I think this is okay. I think it's a pretty good 60s pastiche. I think Cher especially has done a really good job of managing to stay relevant over those three decades and obviously this is not the last we'll be hearing of Cher and she will sound very different in later iterations but yeah this is like I say it's a fun sort of retro vibe I think it really suits her I actually for some reason I thought

this was like a comeback single for Cher but she was she was obviously big in the 80s as well I don't know how I've forgotten about that. Things like if I could turn back time, the ones she did with Meatloaf, like she's been around. But yeah, I'm also not familiar with the film that this is from. Are either of you familiar with Mermaids? Only that Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci are in it. I know of it. That's it. Yeah because otherwise I would have assumed that this was another advert piece but For what it's worth. I I like it well enough

It does the retro thing without either slapping too much 90s production on it or leading too heavily in where it just sounds like It's sort of aping it. It puts its own spin on it, or leaning too heavily in where it just sounds like it's sort of aping it. It puts its own spin on it without making too much of a mess of the formula. And yeah, I don't have an awful lot to say about it, but I think it's decent enough. Ed, the Shoop Shoop song. Yeah, one thing I think, I don't know whether Andy would hold this against the track, but it is a bit more of 1990 and 1991's retro naval gazing coming into view. You know, either direct re-releases or covers. A lot of them.

Very, very strange in retrospect. But, yeah. expect. But yeah, weirdly, I think I might like this the least of the tracks this week, which might seem insane. And looking back, it might be the result of a very tired and very troubled brain. But let's see. I mean, the original song, it's a really well written track. It's very resilient to the sort of, you know, you know early 60s pop most people it gives people good feelings. However, I kind of consider this akin to

My guy which is another good song with a lot of nice stuff about it But it's got this kind of tweaking mid-century light music spritz to it. It's very perky, like I'm imagining someone sort of gyrating while they hoover, very sort of self-satisfedly. I mean, it isn't, it's not got the yearning of the best Motown hits. It's sort of just, it's where it is and it's pleased at that and isn't that great. And maybe it's just me, but I think yearning makes for much better pop songs than just, isn't this great top of the tree. It's like, shut up. But I think that's a me problem to be honest.

A skill issue, as the kids might say. A skill issue as the kids might say. But yeah, both the Vox and the Instrumental are loud and professional and sort of flat. They kind of hang in a sort of completely flat level in the mid-ground. Cher has a unique instrument unquestionably and it can be used very well. I'm glad that she has had a career with her voice because it is completely distinctive, it's got a nice texture but she sings completely without nuance really here or any attempt to give anything but a sort of winking grin to the material. I mean, the only thing I can take away from this track

in terms of what it is, it's like, oh, look, it's Cher being kitsch. Oh, I mean, mileage may vary there. I mean, even the title itself with the kind of, it's in his kiss, the shoot shoot song, it seems to be trying to disassemble the music into basic tropes, like a series of nods and winks. And there's a condescending sort of in-joke-iness

and a kind of commercial all bass is covered. Like, well, let's make sure they know what song they're going to be asking for in the shop. And these things for me simultaneously make it simultaneously more smug and more shallow. I just, I find this just annoyingly empty. And I'm not the biggest fan of the original track to begin with, which might seem kind of sacrilegious to many, but honestly it's not my end of that kind of sound

to be fair. I think that this is such a curious thing that I feel like I've never been able to fully work out because it's sort of silly just in the sense that Cher is too much of a vocal powerhouse for the call and response stuff to really be pulled off convincingly, you're supposed to get back and forth, whereas what you get is back and forth because Cher's role as the instructor is performed with so much gusto that she overwhelms all of the other vocalists. And that means the story doesn't come across as convincingly or as strongly as it should as well, at least to me, but at the same time this is a vehicle for Cher and she sells it because as you've implied there that Cher could sell the entire Argos catalog just by singing her way through it and

It's her star power that keeps this above the surface for me just about because this is a yeah a kitschy cover of an early 60s Number suddenly appearing on here. We've been here before it had me a bit worried But that we were in front of the itsy bitsy bikini or tears on my pillow kind of situation, but as much as this doesn't really touch the original for me, which I do enjoy, it's just a straight cover. So it does avoid a lot of the pitfalls of the modern covers that we were falling into around this time where it avoids a lot of the shitty midi instrumentation, this idea that we need to be poking fun at the past while dredging it up 25 years hence. I think the double tracked acoustic guitars are a bit loud and a bit billowy, but the

majority of this is completely ordinary in a way I find to be kind of satisfactory. It leaves a lot of space for Cher, she uses it like she does with almost everything really. I'll never love this, I barely like it and my emotional connection is basically non-existent but I know something that's at least okay when I see it and I think I've seen it here. Although I have always laughed at the lyric, no no, that's just his arm. Because out of context that would be a great one for those videos you get on YouTube and they're often called things like unhinged genius lyrics cards or something where it's 99% rappers saying something silly or vaguely deranged

but occasionally they'll drop in a pop song and oh no that's just his arm that go great alongside something like fucking gunners like I just fucked a cup of water Yes I did Or the lil' bees that I got one felony I got two felonies I got three felonies

I got four felonies I just wanna say that Oh no, that's just his arm It's my favourite emo pop band from 2007 with the exclamation mark after Oh No. That's just his arm! But yeah, so this is fine. I think it's a fine note to end the show on. Another song that's like, hey, remember the past?

Before you get on with your 90s decade there, how about... and then, you know something is dredged up and reissued or whatever. Also noticed rather a lot of 91 re-releases this week as well, Soft Cell, Sit Down by James, you know the couple of covers obviously Pet Shop Boys doing U2. The early 90s are very odd for like, how do I put this? They sort of, it feels like there's been a lack of established acts getting repeat number ones, if you know what I mean. There's a lot of one-time hits in the top 10, like do you remember Robin Raz from the first episode that we did for 1990? Like are Robin Razz? Did they ever

have another top 40 hit? I don't know but it feels like there's been a few of those where again this week like Hale and Pace and the Stonkers it's their first and only number one, Chesney Hawks first and only number one, Cher it's only her second number one ever and she has two more this decade I think. Was her first one the one with Sonny Bono. Yes Yeah, great track So but it's just and then but the songs that they're kind of surrounded by it feels like more some of the more established acts So at least the acts that have got a better legacy from this period

They're kind of getting towards the top ten I mean, you know, we've had like Madonna and you know a few things like that But I'm not saying there's a total absence We've had like Madonna and you know a few things like that, but I'm not saying there's a total absence But it does feel like with the release of the CD single about three years before this or four years before this it does feel a bit like Hey, it's a cheap piece of media that can be easily produced thousands and thousands of times Let's put some money behind anything and see what happens. It feels like yeah Yeah to the mid 90s for things to kind of settle down again.

But, you know, maybe we do this at the start of every decade because I'm feeling like, you know, in the early 2000s there were things like Madison Avenue, which kind of came out of nowhere. Songs we enjoyed, but, you know, songs that also didn't really have much of a precedent to be number one, if you know what I mean. So maybe it's just like a turn of the decade thing, like, like oh we're just kind of figuring out what we need to do because I've also noticed as well since the start of pop up to this point at the start of decades there is suddenly a lot of like hey remember the 50s because like at the start of the 60s you get a lot of hey remember the 50s and then at the start of the 70s you get hey remember the 50s remember because like glam is you know oh hey remember rock and roll you know like it's the kids of parents who were into like, you know, Bill Haley and, you know, Chuck Berry and things like that, making music.

And then at the start of the eighties, it feels a little bit that way with like, actually like shaking Stephen's was the biggest selling solo artist in the UK in the 1980s. And now at the start of the nineties, we've had a lot of Kylie and, you know, this the Shoop Shoop and the Stonk and feels a little bit like, hey, remember, whereas in the 2000s, I don't really get that feeling, but there is a lot in the early 2000s, there is a lot of, hey, remember the 70s, remember Disco, remember that. And so maybe it's about the decade not really having an identity yet. Well 2000 is the decade of revivals I think for my you know yeah for my book. I just have one more note on the Shoop Shoop song. Yeah. Just to tie it into the charts of

1991 it did give us the lasting image of Bart Simpson in a wig dancing to it. It did! In homeless phobia. It did! Yeah. Yes. Yes, one of many, many times that Bart, either in life or in his dreams, expressed a wish to at least wear some kind of drag outfit. Yes! It happens a few times in The Simpsons. It does. Yeah. Fresh! But yes. Yeah, I, just thinking about it, I didn't realise it was the case with the Chesney Hawks one, but these are all offshoots from another product this week. And I'm wondering if that is why some of the meaning is lost in translation for me. It's like why I was tuning into the lyrics, the word of the one and only and like,

well, this what is this saying seems to be like very disjointed and totally. But if it's actually tied in with the plot of the movie, that might make a little more sense. And obviously, there's a, you know, a side offshoot of what was probably a popular film. You know, Mermaids, citation needed. I imagine I imagine there was a lot more goodwill towards Cher and Mermaids. It was just, you know, well, oh yeah, yeah, she's a singer.

Yeah, that's good, that's nice. It ties in. And I, you know, but I guess I just, maybe that's why it all feels so flat. I have a note on this, by the way. Chesney Hawkes actually uploaded the full film of Buddy's song a couple of years ago. That was nice of him actually to kind of bust the copyright thing there, make sure people remember. That's nice of him.

So, Ed, The Stonk, The One and Only, The Shoop Shoop Song, All Thos, The The The the this week. Piehole, Vol, what are we doing? No comic relief for the Comedian Brothers. They died as they lived, being present and then not. Chesney hawks his cheesy wares but is neither duplicitous enough to be damned nor honest enough to be saved. There you are, Chesney Hope you're doing alright and unfortunately for me. It's Shoop to Kill for Cher getting the bin Really? Yeah I really did not like her version of that. I thought it was pretty much worthless. So Lizzy We'll ask you just for a one-off. The Stonk, the one and only,

the Shoop Shoop song, where's everything going? Well this has no impact, I should point out to the listeners. Yeah, just a bit of fun. Yeah, this is just my two cents. So the Stonk, sticker red nose on your cock and fuck off to the pie hole where you belong. It's only fair. It's only a bit of fun isn't it Lizzie? Yeah well, I don't like fun so... Chesney Hawks, you may be the one and only but you are also going to be in the pie hole with Hail and Face. And Cher. And Cher is going nowhere. I don't know.

It's not quite... It's neither here nor there. Alright then, yeah. For me, Hail and Pace, yeah, that's definitely Hail and Pie-hole for me this week. The one and only Chesney Hawks is sitting exactly in the middle, and the Shoop Shoop song is also sitting in the middle, slightly on the more positive side of the fence. We will find out one Andy thought of all of them in our first episode of 2025, which means this is our last episode of 2024. It's been an amazing 2024 for Hits21, We found out thanks to things like, you know,

wrapped at the end of the year that a lot of people have been listening to us basically all year. We just want to say that that is still unexpected and still amazing to us. We run this entire thing out of our bedrooms and front rooms and it reaches people as we've been told all over the world. So we hope that everybody listening has an amazing Christmas and an amazing new year and it reaches people, as we've been told, all over the world. So we hope that everybody listening has an amazing Christmas and an amazing New Year. We will see you first or second week of January. I am out of the country between sort of like 21st of December and then about the 3rd of January,

so like, you know, there won't be any recording until then but whatever the first Thursday is after I come back that's when we'll be getting back on it and we've got some absolutely massive hitters in that next episode haven't we? I feel like that's the big one isn't it? With Brian Adams. Lizzie that was number one when you were born would you like to contribute anything to it? No. That's contribution enough. So thank you very much Lizzie for helping out as well at short notice. No worries. On this episode prove to anyone who was even slightly curious that we are all still bezzy mates. Oh yeah. None of us have fallen out we're all best mates still. Well everyone here at least. Andy's still on the naughty step.

But Andy will definitely be back in our first episode of 2025. So thank you very much Lizzie for stopping by, we'll see you again soon. Yeah, see ya. And Ed, we'll see you in the new year too. Merry Christmas. Thank you JB, thank you. and we'll see you next year. Take care, bye. I got seven felonies, bitch I'm Bill Bellamy I got eight felonies, I got nine felonies And if I'm fuckin' lyin', turn my soul to a skeleton

Niggas know what's up, I come in and I will get you A hundred grand soul, Gigi, so I'ma pin two Not one felonies, I got two felonies I got three felonies I got five felonies, I got five felonies I got six felonies, I got seven felonies