Hits 21 - 1993 (6): The Race for Christmas Number 1

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

BLOBBY BLOBBY BLOBBYEmail: [e-mail]

Music Hi there everyone and welcome back to Hits 21 The 90s, where me, Rob, me, Andy and me, Ed, are looking back at every single UK number one of the 1990s. If you want to get in touch with us, you can. Just email us, hits21podcast.gmail.com. Thank you ever so much for joining us again. We are currently looking back at the year 1993, but it's our last episode for 1993 because we are covering the race for Christmas number one in 1993. There is a sneaking suspicion amongst some listeners that they may already know what it is because we skipped over a song last week, Meatloaf. I'd Do Anything for Love won the poll, didn't have much competition, I don't think.

So it is time to press on with this week's episode. Not much happens around Christmas. Here are some news headlines from December-ish time in 1993. And then we get through some TV stuff. Christmas Day, top 10. Be True, Born to Run or Up, everyone's looking forward to that. And then we will find out what our favorite number one single was of 1993. So British customs officials seize 70 million pounds worth of cocaine. A man in Yorkshire is arrested on Christmas Eve after three children are left alone in a house and the children were apparently unaware that it was

Christmas. After an investigation the FA concludes that Wimbledon's John Fashionew did not deliberately injure Tottenham's Gary Mabbott. Mabbott fractured his cheekbone in a clash they had on the pitch. And in America, film producer Avi Arad founds Marvel Studios. So Andy, is there anything UK album charts wise to finish out 1993? In terms of what's on the Christmas menu food wise for the albums chart, it's all meatloaf.

We'll see you in January when we finish digesting that meatloaf. So that means Ed, it's time for the US Year Review. How have things gone over the Atlantic in 93? What's the bigger picture, bigger than the one you've already given us over the previous two episodes? Well, the big picture is a lot of poorly delivered puns as a big Christmas gift to y'all.

Would we have it any other way? I think I've gone too far. I think I've gone too far with this one. Right, starting with the albums. Billboard, end of year. It was going to be the top 10, but I noticed what was at number 11. Ha ha, not in the top 10. Everybody point and laugh. Ha ha, you be 40, number 11.

Ha ha. Only, only 9 million copies sold in the States. How the piss has that sold 9 million copies in the States? Is there even another song on it? I've never heard it. I'm not inclined to try. You know, tipping my hand a bit there. But anyway, enough of that bollocks. Number 10, Tony Braxton's self-titled debut sells 10 million copies. Yes, this is going to be a ludicrous year for US sales. At number nine, it's The Briad. What an exciting album title, Mr Adams. So far, so good. You might as well just call it, well, I've got away with it so far. Number eight, it's Garth the Girthman Brooks within pieces and in excess of 10.8 million US sales.

Do you know what though? I've said his name so often on here. I've thrown vague and probably undeserved heat his way. I am actually going to listen to one of his albums and get back to you. I'm going to do that. I feel like I owe it to Mr. Brooks. He must really be struggling for streaming. I'm happy for you to do that. Emphasis on you. I'm happy for you to do that.

Hey, he might be great. I don't know. Number seven. While only at the thinking once stage, Celine the Dream Dion still manages to sell 12 and a half million copies. That's a lot of quib-bucks. Number six. A greatest hits from a band that knows the hardest part of working out a ranking based on an aggregated score isn't the number of constituent scores. It's the

waiting, it's the hardest part, it's Tom Petty and his Heartbreakers selling nearly 13 million copies. And number five, he said he'd be gone when the morning comes but he's conveniently left his sunglasses case behind. Oh can he come and pick it up sometime? Can he come to your house and into your house and pick it up sometime? Can he come and see you and touch you and pick it up sometime?

It's meatloaf anyway, 15 million fall back and forth from hell. And number four, Janet, Janet, Janet. Well, scratch that last one. But she shares 20 million sales with number three. Aerosmith again, with that one with the others on it. Again. And number two, this one, I could not believe.

Right. It's Ace of Base at number two. Wow. 20, 25 million copies. That's extraordinary. I guess all that she wanted was another 25 million. But this is the American one. I'm like, I'd actually forgotten the name of the song.

The one song. Number one though, with her face all big on the cover, loving the dream and living the dream, it's Mariah Carey with Music Box. 30 million copies. It's the 10th best-selling album of the 90s in the States and in the top 30 best-selling albums of all time over there. So there you have it. Right onto the Billboard end of year singles number 10 in former canucks in disguise ontarians do their rapping to enjoy a million sales and then are irrelevant number nine rump shaker just above the thighs it's rex in effect going two times platinum. At number eight, yeah this doesn't

end anytime soon, dream lover. She likes to close her eyes. It's Mariah Carey again. And at number seven, it's shy with if I ever fall in love. At number six, it's sports utility vehicle with weak. At number five, it's freak me by silk. At number five, it's Vreekney by Silk. At number four, Janet Jackson and her love goes all the way up to number four because that's the way love goes. At number three, if you'd be 40, I was hoping you'd get it from the vague air of disdain, the total despair

in my voice. But at number two, where is it and what sound should I make when I find it? Whump, there it is by tag team. Which means at number one, when the Voyager 2 probe reached Neptune, those monitoring were amazed at how similar it looked to the planet Earth. The methanous atmosphere on this orb were an appealing ocean blue. And then of course there were the clouds, the pink fluffy clouds.

Much like Voyager, I have traveled to the other end of 1993, miles and miles and countless miles away from 1992. Or so I figured. Only to find myself staring agog at the fucking bodyguard soundtrack again. Whitney, Whitney, gas giant Houston, wins the cosmos with that one bloody song. I pray for interstellar space, the Oort cloud, the mess of stray gases and rogue planetoids that constitute the apparent void between stars. Though I'll probably just bump into fucking Garth Brooks or something. Right, number three. Finally, this is it. This is the last list then we can get on with the proper stuff. This is the actual, not only week of Christmas,

this is the Christmas day, 1993, billboard singles countdown. Oh my God, I'm gonna puke. Yeah, exactly. Are you ready, folks? Sit down. No. Have you got a glass of water? Eggnog, anything, something stiffer maybe.

At number 10, said I loved you, but I lied. It's Michael Bolton. Who sings a song with the same title. At number nine, what's my name? And look, Snoop Dogg has a song with the same title.

At number eight, now, if I've finished creasing you up, you can breathe again with a Tony Braxton. At number seven, some seasoned rappers do some seasonal gift wrapping. It's Salt and Pepper with Shoop. At number six, an interesting slant on hip hop. It's DRS doing the gangsta lean at number five from the movie the three amigos

ooh it's Briad and Sting with all for love and number four it's meatloaf with I'm not even gonna bother with that joke, it's Meat Loaf. Number three, it's All That She Wants by the acist of all of the bassists, evidently they bloody love them. And number two, it's Again, Again by Janet Jackson, which means the song more Americans were laying down the big bucks for than any other

in the run-up to Christmas 1993 was... now Tina Turner promised us we didn't need another one, but still it came, it's Hero by Mariah Rime Assassin Carey. And that's all from me. All right then, thank you very much. Andy, moving away from American music to British TV, what would we have been watching? Well, what were you two watching? Infants you were. What would I have been watching six months

from being born I was? Were I on the planet and present in 1993 in December? What would I have been viewing? Well, I think, well, that's the thing you're asking sort of three different questions because Edd might have watched some of this, you know, might have been old enough for some of this. I would have been watching like, you know, Postman Par or the like, and you would have been watching Vague Womb Skin probably. I can't think of much else. But we will go through the Christmas TV for 1993 and I promise you that it is Christmas 93, however much it might look and sound like

it's just Christmas 91 and 92 on each of the shoulders wearing a trench coat because it is very similar a lot of the time so bear with me slightly on this. On the BBC we're led by a bunch of comedy specials as per usual, the main one being Only Fools and Horses as is so often the case. Of course. But also Birds of a Feather, once again. And More Come and Wise Repeat, which I think to this day

they still make it onto BBC One on Christmas Day usually. And everyone's favourite far right Snooker Fars, Big Break that gets a Christmas special as well. On Boxing Day we're treated to a 90 minute love joy which I've never seen. If I had to guess which of the three of us might have seen it I have to admit Ed it would be you. Have you ever seen love joy? I have never I've never seen love joy and I've never seen a Morkham and Wise Christmas special which seems vaguely, you know, I don't know.

You must have seen Bits, you must have seen the notes in the wrong order thing. I've seen Bits, I've seen Bits, but I just feel like I need to sit down and watch a whole one with the notepads after having listened to a Garth Brooks album. Rob, have you ever seen Lovejoy? No, but I have watched several times the Morecombe and Wise Christmas special that comes back every now and again All the best ofs and things like that. Their best work is very good. Yeah, it is Their best work. It is from what I've seen. Yeah, the Andre preview notes in the wrong The whole 12 minute thing is is so brilliant. I laugh so much at it. They are very good I was 100% a Two Ronnies kid though

I can definitely talk you out of the was 100% a Two Ronnies kid though. I can definitely talk you out of the room in terms of Two Ronnies references and they get a Christmas special repeat as well. But the BBC actually calls it a night at 9pm on Christmas evening and they put on Ghost as a movie premiere and we will of course check in with the afternoon film showdown shortly. But not to be trifled with, ITV are going one step further, just as they did last year, and are giving up their entire evening schedule to films and not just the evening. The last regular festive programming that we get airs at 5pm, which is

Beadles Daredevils. Yes, this is the 1990s, glad you asked. After that, from 6pm onwards, we get a marathon run of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Field of Dreams, DOA, When Time Ran Out, A Matter of Wife and Death, and The Night They Saved Christmas, which that marathon run takes us from 6 p.m. through to 5.45 a.m. Boxing Day. That's the whole line up.

Mad. And speaking of boxing day, we do get a Gladiator's Christmas special on that evening, which I will definitely have seen as a kid, because I had like tapes of like the whole Christmas special bunch. So we'll have actually seen that, which is nice. And they also have a tribute to Les Dawson

on Boxing Day Evening, a program called Dame Edna in Hollywood, and a spitting image, Pantomime. And not again on my soapbox, but those three shows, Back to Back, on Boxing Day and Night, all featured a drag performer 32 Christmases ago, and no one fucking cared about it, just to say.

Anyway, the afternoon film showdown this year is Back to the Future 3 on the BBC, going up against the never-ending story on ITV. Which one gets our vote? I feel like this is more of a debate than it usually is. Which one do we think is better? I haven't seen Never Ending Story. I do like Back to the Future 3.

I think that's rather charming and rather underrated. Rob, I would have to say the exact same Zed to be honest. I have seen them both but I think Back to the Future 3 is better. I love all three of those films. So it's a win for Back to the Future 3. Well done BBC. Over on the soaps we'll start with EastEnders where Mandy Salter manages to save young Aidan Brosnan from a suicide attempt leading to his exit a few days later. On Corrie, Jack and Vera Duckworth have a showdown with their son Tommy and throw him out of their house and their lives after finding out he has sold his young son for a lump of cash. And for once the most notable soap event is on Emmerdale. Their synopses for the Christmas

episodes themselves are too dull to take in, but on the 30th of December, 1993, arguably the most famous event in Emmerdale's history occurs, which is the plane crash in the village. Don't know if you two have ever seen this, a flaming plane just crashes right onto Emmerdale. 18 million viewers watched as nine named characters were killed off in one fell swoop, which is yet to be surpassed by any other UK soap, along with many other unnamed deaths. It's a genuine national tragedy that occurs there. And the plane crash represented a major reset and a new beginning for Emmerdale.

So that happened over the Christmas period. It makes the red wedding like a kid whose ice cream falls off his phone. The Queen used her speech to praise the work of volunteers in all walks of life and their efforts to bring peace, kindness and community to the world without any pay for all of their efforts. The Queen delivered this message from one of her four inherited mansions. And I sometimes regret not talking to you much about Channel 4, so I'll share with you some of their more unusual offerings for this Christmas period.

I'm going to make a more bigger fuss about Channel 4 going forwards because I'm really starting to enjoy going through their schedules. So on Christmas Day itself, Christmas Day, they have a 90-minute documentary called Twist, tracking the development of the dance, The Twist. Yeah. Yeah. They have a late night Christmas Eve party taking us from Christmas Eve into Christmas day

in the middle of the night called Camp Christmas, featuring Andy Bell, Melissa Etheridge, Martina Navratilova, Stephen Fry, Ian McKellen, Pam St. Clement, Julian Clary, Justin Fashionew, Lily Savage, Simon Callow, Jimmy Somerville and plenty of others, I promise you. Even got Justin Fashionew for that, like wow, that is the gayest show I've ever heard in my life. And finally on Boxing Day they air The Ghosts of Oxford Street, which is an original musical about Oxford Street narrated by Malcolm McLaren

doesn't that sound great? What the fuck? Yeah apparently the commissioning editor of Channel 4 was Alan Partridge because just like Camp Christmas the ghosts of Oxford Street had a documentary about the twist What's next? Monkey Tennis? So yeah that's your lot. Playing crashes, movies and gays. And arm wrestling with Chas and Dave. Yes.

Alright then, so it is time now for me to run down the top 10 on Christmas Day in 1993 and then we are going to play and cover the Christmas number one for 1993 in full. So here we go. At 10 it's up five places despite being almost a decade old but that's the power of love by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Down three places from number six at number nine this week it's Elton John and Kiki Dee singing about their true love. At number eight he's out of hell and up three places it's Meat Loaf and his re-release of Bat Out of Hell. Good news all round for meat. Up three places at number seven, Dina Carroll looks to finish off 1993 in the perfect way, but she doesn't quite make it at the end of her perfect year.

At number 6, it's down 3 places, a former number 1, it's Meat Loaf with I'd Do Anything For Love, but I won't do that. Into the Christmas Top 5 for 1993, for E17 it's very much alright with the song climbing two places from number seven. In at number four the Bee Gees are still climbing and they're at one more place from number five with For Whom the Bell Tolls. At number three this Christmas climbing one place it is Shadadamus and Plyers with their cover of Twist and Shout, with a little help from Jack Raddix and the Taxi Gang. And at number 2, missing out on the Christmas number 1 spot for 1993 down one place, a former

number 1, 1993 is this. Seven, nine, five, four, three, ignition. Press start. Check this out. Your influence will spread throughout the land Let us carry the many-touchable beam That's the copy copy! His philosophy of life will steer him through Oh, copy copy! And as far as we can see He's the same as you and me There's nothing in the world we cannot do

We're never going! No hill too high, no desert too dry, no road too long, no tide too strong, no bridge too far, he's got a car No slope too steep, no thought too deep, no star too bright, no squeeze too tight, no tail too tall, no cap too cool, no base too Joe, he's not a friend to all that's new His philosophy of life will steer him through And inside the limitations of his own coordination He knows he'll solve the world a thing or two Okay, this is Mr. Blobby by Mr. Blobby Mr. Blobby went back to number one after a week at number two. It stayed at number one for

two more weeks becoming the Christmas number one during its second week in total atop the charts and its fourth week overall. In its first week back atop the charts, it sold 99,000 copies, beating competition from the songs you just heard about. And in week 2, which took us into January 1994, it sold 124,000 copies, beating competition from Come Baby Come by K7, climbed to a number 10. When it was knocked off the top of the charts Mr Blobby fell two places to number three and then continued tumbling as he is often wants to do. By the time it was done on the charts it had been inside the top 100 for 14 weeks. The song is currently

officially certified platinum in the UK as of 2025, but we're getting right up close to that pre-Kantar deadline now. We are almost there. So Andy, can you make us understand how you feel about Mr Blobby? Thank you, Mr Robby. Yes, I will try and make you understand, but it's hard to find the words because The song itself and also mr. Blobby himself are amongst the strangest Cultural objects that we've ever discussed on this show. I think I mean, how did mr. Blobby reach these heights? I understand that light entertainment no Edmonds very popular and you you know he's a icon of that show. I understand

that these things happen, I understand that novelty hits happen, I just don't understand why him. Because Mr Blobby, you know to look at, I mean he is scary to look at, like there's a lot of depth in those eyes that shows real kind of mania, but you know to look at he's kind of mania. But, you know, to look at, he's kind of, you know, nice enough. He's this pink, yellow, dotty, spiffy looking guy. You know, he's a bit large, he's very cuddly. You know, he seems alright, he seems like a bit of a goof, but he wouldn't go that

much further. But when you actually watch him, first of all he's got that kind of vocoded helium balloon voice where he can not say much more than his own name. His behavior is to just throw himself at things in the hope that something will happen. And it just I always used to be absolutely terrified of Mr. Blobby as a kid. I mean, his star had kind of faded by the time I was growing up.

Like my first memories of him would have been the late 90s, where he was already a bit of a throwback. Like you bring him in for a walk on. But that made it worse because he'd come on for just like a two minutes lot of the show where he'd turn up and just trash the place. Just absolutely, you know, he'd be like a gangster coming up to put the frighteners on you. He'd just absolutely trash the place. And I used to be really, really scared. I used to have to change the channel when Mr Blobby was on. I had no idea why he was popular. And it does mystify me to be honest, because the concept is so strange. And he's this relatively nice looking guy, but with terrifying eyes.

He has this weird circular pattern throughout, which kind of has this psychedelic quality to it. And to let him into a room, it's just like he has this quality about it. It's not even like releasing a tiger into the room or a rabid dog. It's like releasing a kind of giant talking wasp into the room where it just absolutely anarchy reigns. Like, it just really, he can't be tamed at all. He might go for you, he might go for your belongings, he might go for your loved one and all with that in the background. It's deeply unsettling,

deeply unsettling and I think one of the strangest lines in this song, I mean there's a lot of strange lines in this song but one of the strangest of all is what it says about his worldview which is that his philosophy of life will steer him through. His philosophy of life, he can barely manage cogent thought. You know, his philosophy of life, if he was if he has views at all, on the extreme anarchic end of things, you know, significantly further outside of of normal philosophy than we've ever seen before.

He's a real maverick. I think this is just blobism. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna put up with this. Probably if the world ever followed that philosophy, you know, we would descend into absolute chaos within moments because he just trashes the place and screams. So I hate Mr. Blobby.

I think he's really like irredeemably awful as a person and like I just would absolutely run a mile from Blobby if I ever saw him I think there's a real possibility that he might be the last thing that the last human on earth ever sees It's just oh he's nightmarish As for the song All that considered, considering what a novelty is, you could absolutely understand if they just did some silly little like, blobby blobby, let's go blobby, blobby blobby, you know, noises all the way through it. The fact that they do kind of try and put some expression into this with the kids choir

and those vocalists who actually like, not that bad, you know, you've got some quite nice singers in there with his philosophy of life will steer him through and although he has a unusual hue and lyrics like that like there's been some thought put into this which is quite unusual to be honest but not enough thought to make it like anywhere near an actual decent song like it's still tacky and rubbish but it's not just a pure cash-in like Crazy Frog, you know, so it's in this weird middle place where there's been some effort put into it, so it's not a total absolute shame and stain on the British charts, but it's nowhere

near enough effort to be any good at all, it's in this horrible, horrible bell curve that I don't like. I do think it's relatively catchy for what it is. I like that it has changes of tempo and meter. You don't hear that much in these kind of quick novelty songs. And you've got a laugh at any song that just for no reason just ends on a fart noise. You know, that's just good clean fun, that, isn't it? So I don't absolutely despise it but I do think this is one of the weirdest and most unsettling things that we've ever had to discuss. The artwork for this episode

I've seen in advance, and it's horrific. I don't like it at all. I really, really hope that Mr. Blobby just disappears from history and in a way of like, you know, like when they had a time crack in Doctor Who that was making things so that they never existed at all if you touch it and it got lost from the memory of the universe. I'd love that to happen to Mr. Blobby. No offense Blobby, but you're a fucking weirdo. Sorry. As for me, yeah, we have encountered dozens of examples of this kind of thing in the past where we basically have a very early version of trolling here because the public fancies sending a comedy song to number one over something deemed more sophisticated or serious and you know there was probably a bit of sneering opposition to

things like take that to take into account and maybe a lot of people who bought this were men who saw a boy band trying to get to number one at Christmas and thought, no, it's the man in the pink costume that has my vote, which is how you end up with an old Edmunds kind of brand extension reaching the top of the charts twice around Christmas and then actually being the Christmas number one of 1993 forever. But I will say, to its immense credit, to this song's immense credit, if a song is meant to be bad, and ends up being bad, then has it not technically succeeded? Because there are moments in this, shit as it is, that really honestly make me laugh. Like the, no bridge too far, he's got a car, that's one of them. The, no end to his talents, no sense of

balance, and his philosophy on life will see him through. It's amazing how they build a slightly sympathetic side to a thing that just falls over on TV. This idea that he's desperately trying to be friends with everyone but he just hugs too hard or gets too excited and falls over, kind of makes him sort of adorable instead of scary to me. Of course it's shit. Everything sounds like the kind of circus that would be watched by three people, two of which are under seven, one of which is their mum or dad brought along under duress. There's lots of unfunny fart gags. I am beginning

to develop an immediate dislike of songs that have no obvious plans to endure beyond their release schedule. This is rubbish. But I feel like if I pie-holed it, the joke would be on me somehow. Because you see on Wikipedia, there's all these things that are like many critics have called this the worst song of all time and it's like did they feel clever when they did that did they really feel smart saying oh well I think mr. blobby is that song is cheap and disposable and very forgettable and one of the worst songs I've ever heard it's like yeah well done well done for just kind of stating the obvious stating the point not exactly a hot take is it and there are moments where I get the childlike sense of fun and the feeling of a national craze reaching a bit of an

apex and hey you know mr. blobby still turns up on TV every now and once in a while so fair enough you know he's lasted Blobby still turns up on TV every once in a while, so fair enough. You know, he's lasted a lot longer than the song. As a random note, this feels like if the last scene of Chamber of Secrets was a song and Hagrid was Mr. Blobby instead. Like, you know, we couldn't, maybe it's all the children singing. There's no house party without you, Blobby. Exactly, exactly.

So I don't know. I just, I found myself maybe suffering a bit from Stockholm Syndrome this week, but I have been watching some Mr. Blobby clips and giggling through most of them. So, yeah. Maybe not all terrible, but I mean, obviously so complete shit, and I can't believe that we've actually somehow managed to Put this in a position on our chart not to spoil it much, but it's gonna be above take that babe I actually like I think that's absolutely correct Yeah, I think babe was really really awful and at least this is trying to do something You know at least this is like I say, it's not just a quick kind of boop, here's a silly Mr Blobby song. Like, it's got ideas.

Whereas Babe didn't. It has tempo changes. Yeah. It's got a concept. Babe didn't at all. Yeah. So Ed, Mr Blobby, how are we feeling? Well, first of all, Andy, first, like the last thing you see when you wake up from your nightmare in a cold sweat, is it Mr. Blobby or is it Original Bungle from Rainbow, who wins? Well, it might be Original Bungle, but that's because I grew up on Rainbow a lot. I've seen like hundreds of episodes of Rainbow and so I, weirdly enough, it's so weird that

you've asked that question because I do occasionally have dreams about Rainbow because I watched so much of it as a kid. So I probably have dreamt about Original Bungle and he is nightmarish. Original Zippy's a bit scary as well to be honest. No one talks about Original Zippy. Yeah. Yeah. Now I know what you mean. He's a little dead. Eye, doesn't he? Yeah Anyway, yeah, where was I? Oh, there's a song here Apparently, yeah, I can't really debate that. This is this not good. There's a song I mean, it's you know, I'm never gonna listen to it again. I heard it once I made some notes. That's fine

everyone remembers the The chorus so it did its job perfectly. Now I am nonetheless reluctant to pie-hole this for two major reasons. One of which is that it follows on from what Rob said. I mean, was this ever going to be good? You know, could it be good? Could a Mr. Blobby single ever actually be good? I don't know if that's possible. Now, the single itself was a foregone conclusion. It would and did make money.

It did its job. But I mean, it's kind of, it's crazy frog effectively. And I mean, how are you supposed to do it? And I think, you know, mirroring what you both said, they were very wisely, they sing about Blobby rather than, you know, having Blobby do the whole Blob, Blo, Blobby, Blobby, Blobby, Blobby, Blobby. Which is, I think they just knew that that was

untenable, should we say. Imagine Axel F with just blobby blobby over the top of it. And I think you realize why Crazy Frog is a much worse everything than this actually. I would argue this was a dirty job, but in a capitalist society, someone apparently had to do it and they could have done it far,

far worse. Now, I think a truly, truly terrible release has a disappointment factor attached. You know, UB 40 should know better. They did know better and they still did that limp dead flan of a song. Elton John should know better. I'm spoiling B-True here but fuck me, damn it. Take that as we've discussed. They should know better, they do know better. That was a mistake. Babe was a mistake but it made its money, what can I say? This isn't disappointing. Who's disappointed by this?

What were they expecting? That's why, as you say, Rob, it's just completely redundant to say, it's always one of the worst singles ever. It's like, how? How was it gonna be good? Yeah. Number two, my last point.

Yeah, very comprehensive. Now the whole song plays into how knowingly, you know, how meaningless the fad is itself. It knows. The people who wrote the song seem mystified about why Mr. Blobby is popular. And they write about that effectively. Now not only does the video begin with a celebrity basically seeing Mr. Blobby and then rolling his eyes and that's the response, the lyrics as you both pointed out literally reference his philosophy of life which the song also concedes is genuinely unfathomable. I also laughed at Blobby miming the midihorn stabs in the video.

So bear in mind, I'm a simpleton. So take that, take what I say with a pinch of salt. And half mark off, I've got to say, for Blobby getting close with the female singer and saying, ooh, Blobby, like Newcombe shooting himself up with steroids. Also, credit to Blobby, he does some triplet-based counterpoint on the half speed section. Were you making a note of this, Andy?

No, funnily enough, it never occurred to me to do a theory corner for Mr. Blobby. No. It is. I love a bit of triplet-based counterpoint. Well, I love triplets and I love counterpoint. Blobby brings them both to the party. Who was expecting that, eh?

It's a nothing wafer, but it's got a sense of humour, a genuine sense of humour, and it knows full well what it is, and it delivers what it is as painlessly as is possible which is still fairly painful but really it could have been so much worse. Like having a tooth extracted. There's no way that this won't be horrible but it's the least horrible that it could have been. That's fair. That's a fair summation of blobby. So are we saying that it's not going in the pie hole for many of us? Are we actually doing that? It survived the pie hole! Well done Blobby. What's wrong with us? I do completely agree with what you both said about how like you know it's not intended to be anything other than what it is so it's a stupid assault on the

charts that no one will have been let down by and I was just thinking you know because we've talked about these kind of ironic kind of chart entries before and I was thinking I bet the KLF really approved of this. I bet they thought this was a really good idea to do this. I'm surprised they didn't write it to be honest. You could almost believe it because there's that weird tone to it. You could almost believe that they had something to do with this. Yeah I'll have to have to admit I was thinking about them

with the with sort of like making my notes and stuff. I ended up not featuring them, but they did cross my mind. And we'll just give a little shout out to Mr. Blobby's appearance on the big fat quiz of the year when he does the best thing anyone's ever done to Jack Whitehall, which is scary. The the there are great. There are several great moments in that. But the one that I think everybody comes back

to is when they have that terrific moment where the camera direction manages to get Mr Blobby in the foreground on the right hand side of the frame and Jack Whitehall in the very distant left at the back looking very uncomfortable and Mr Blobby realises this and sort of turns around and bellows out, Juuuck! And Jack Whitehall's head just disappears behind his desk about 30 yards away. Also the best one as well for my personal taste is when he goes to read a question but falls over and slips and bangs into the lectern

and knocks it over and bangs his head. And then he kind of recovers himself and gathers himself. And then he turns to Jimmy Carr and goes, Jimmy! Kiss! Kiss! While pointing at his head and then he kind of recovers himself and gathers himself then he turns to Jimmy Carr and goes Jimmy kiss kiss while pointing at his head kiss kiss lots of great stuff lots of great stuff from his sort of 2010s TV appearances there's the one where he bursts onto an episode of This Morning and shouts, Wagwan, everybody in his voice. Oh dear. He's got life, hasn't he? He's got life.

How does he get through life? Like there must be moments where Bobby is unsupervised and it really is dangerous. How does he survive? He's made it to 2025. That's really impressive. His philosophy, apparently. His unknowable philosophy.

You see, what we don't see is his work and home boundaries in action. Because seriously, the we don't see is his work and home boundaries in action, because seriously, the minute he gets back home, he is remarkably contained. He's very relaxed. You're a totally different person. Blobby's up a foot and over five times today. No, he does.

He just meditates. He puts some enya on, some lovely candles. And then immediately, he comes out the door. The next day, he's like, Blobby, Blobbyop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. I've got to ask, I mean, I do detect the fact that Blobby as, because it wasn't, it wasn't made, he wasn't made for a kids show. He was made for a family show,

but it's a bit like something that would be on Lee and Herring or something as a satire of TV mascots in a sense that it almost feels like a dare. It's like, what's the stupidest immediate off the top of the head idea we can come up with for a character, the most nothingy thing. And let's just do that. It's like, oh, why don't we have sticky the stick? And it's like, it's the same principle. It's like Mr. Blobby. It's not, there's no design in him really. It's like, I bet's like Mr. Blobby. It's not, there's no design in him really. It's like, I bet someone said Mr. Blobby and someone just drew a blob man with blobs on him.

And it's like, yeah, all right, there's you. Go on then. We know nothing about him. Even something as simple and base level as the Teletubbies. You know, we see they've got a home life. They've got a kitchen. We see, you know, some aspects of their lives. We don't even know, he's called Mr. Blobbyby he's got a first name that we don't know what it is

but we don't even know that about I'd like to suggest that it's Bobby mr. Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby it's actually it's actually Ptolemy with a P Ptolemy Blobby I'd like it to be something really plain and normal. Just James. Hello, Mr. James Blobby. Nigel Blobby. Nigel Blobby. Nigel Blobby. Nigel Blobby, MP.

That was an interesting story. Oh dear. But one thing I will say is this. Right. There was a comparable actual kids TV mascot at the time. And I'm wondering whether either of you two actually remember him Because again, it was a persistent nothing of a character Just cheap and no attributes that you can really name beyond what is in its name

Do you remember Ed the Duck? No. Ed the Duck was everywhere and he was on I believe he was on Like live and kicking he used to be on there. He eventually made it onto CBBC How it's a little duck with it with like a green mohawk and he was a hand puppet and the thing was that he was a duck And that was it He didn't say anything didn't do anything. I had no character. It was just on somebody's hand And I mean you might as well just put a glove on, say it's Glovey the Glove. Glovey, it's Mr. Glovey.

If only we could put you on my hand. Ed released a single titled Awesome Dude and served as the official UK Olympic team mascot of the 1992 Barcelona Olympics. What, you did it? Wow, well done. Well, I tried my best. I was only six, but I gave it all a shot.

But by the way, yeah, what was the ranking? What was the chart position for that, Rob? It doesn't say. It's funny that. So I'm going to presume not great. Saying too high to be measured. They just sold too many copies. They were overwhelmed by the count.

It was too awesome and too dutely. It was an Olympian feat. Right, okay, so I've got to listen to an Ed the Duck single, a Garth Brooks album, and watch a Morkham and Wise Christmas special. I know what my homework is. Right. When you don't rank them, let us know which of the three were the best and the worst. Oh, yeah, that sounds fun. When you don't rank them, let us know which of the three were the best. Fair enough.

That sounds fair. Well speaking of rankings, Andy, it's time for Born to Runner Up 1993. So you can let us know, me and Ed, you can surprise us with our own lists that we gave to you, but don't know what the order's like now they've all been jumbled up and ranked and ordered. So yeah, take it away. Yes welcome to the annual be true the annual competition in which the number twos one of them gets gifted with not with a number one but gets an imaginary trophy which is better than a number one that's established.

Yes we had 14 entries this year that peaked at number 2 and we actually were really close at the top. It was quite a tightly fought one this year and we've all picked different favourites this year. There's no like wild disagreements but yeah there's definitely room for manoeuvre in here. I'll just go through all 14, I'll quickly do the bottom four. So in 14th place our worst of the year was True Love by Elton John and Kiki D and then in 13th it was Why Can't I Wake Up With You by Take That. 12th was Please Be Give Me by Brian Adams

and 11th was Informer by Snow. Boring. So our top 10 in 10th, it's Give In To Me by Michael Jackson. Okay, yeah, fair enough. In ninth place, it's It Keeps Raining by Bitty McLean. Oh, I quite like that one. I quite like that one, yeah. Didn't find it to be too bad, yeah, it was okay. In eighth place, I'm gonna steal a pun from earlier in the show, what's the way to eighth place?

Because that's the way love goes by Janet Jackson yes in seventh place it's you got to let the music by Capella in sixth place what's up by four Non Blondes? Oh, I can hear Lizzie's teeth grinding from here Oh my god, oh my god, I'm trying! A revolution! Into our top five so in fifth place It's the first single that shares a title with a common Dalek phrase. It's Exterminate by Snap in fifth place and

Then we had a tie for third and fourth place. So off-screen cameo from Lizzie who has decided which came third and which came fourth. In fourth place it's Moving On Up by M People in fourth place. Yeah fair enough. And in third place it's another one of our favorites of the year. It's Go West by Pet Shop Boys. Fair do's. And so into our top two, just missing out, the Born to Runner Up of runner ups. It's What is Love by Hadaway at number two. Which means taking the crown from the temptations of all people from 1992. This year's winner of the Bourne to Run

a Rob Trophy, the best number two single as decided by us of 1993 is The Key, The Secret by Urban Cookie Collective. Beautiful. Beautiful. Lovely. Yeah, lovely song. Yeah, nice song. Happy with that. Yeah. So, who's favourite then, Ed? So, Ed, what was your favorite and why? It was Urban Cookie Collective It was actually quite close because to be honest it was just a bunch of really good kind of Groovy dance tunes at number two and they were quite close together because I really like that cappella track as well I was like, I was really digging that. It's just that the hook from The Key, The Secret is so

ludicrously catchy without being irritating and I think what pushed it over the edge is as they say in the wrestling biz, the pop that this track got at a wedding I was at recently, it just appeared. And it was one of the biggest sort of unison sing-alongs of the whole evening when it came randomly on, on the PA system. It's just a real feel good dance track. Yeah, that's it, That's my reasoning there. Yeah, for me, my favourite of the year was Moving On Up by M People, but I think it was

largely informed by... I'm not a massive M People fan, but I do prefer their, like, you know, their dancier stuff, their more up-tempo stuff, and this is just kind of, you know, probably the one I remember the best. My mum was quite a fan of them people sort of around the time that was sort of a kid and I think they released a greatest hits album not long after this when Heather Small went solo and so it's always just kind of been around and I think it's more of a memory thing than an actual quality thing but I would say that The Key to the Secret was I think my, my second favourite. It was awfully close to the top. It may have been third, but yeah, very, very high. So Andy, what was your favourite this year?

My favourite was Go West by Pet Shop Boys. I mean, people probably know my tastes by now, to be honest. It's a massive camp classic and I think it's really, really catchy. It's really feel good. It gives you everything that you want from Pet Shop Boys, to be honest. Just a really, really satisfying listen. And when I sat down and did them all, this was the one that was like, I don't wanna keep going. I wanna just listen to that again.

I wanna stick that on repeat. I really didn't wanna move straight onto the next one. I just love GoWes. I love so much of that kind of stuff by Pet Shop Boys. But also there's a big, big dose of nostalgia for me with that one Because when I was growing up that song was a big Everton song and I grew up surrounded by Evertonians and that was the lyrics that were Duncan Duncan Ferguson

To the point that there is a version of that that got recorded and put on an Everton CD that has full lyrics like, "'Together we will score the goals together.'" Et cetera, et cetera, I don't know. But that was genuinely massive. Any Evertonian will remember that. To the point where to this day, whenever I hear Go West,

I think, oh, it's weird to hear them sing Go West. Those aren't the lyrics it goes Duncan, Duncan Ferguson yeah and it's the only thing that anyone remembers about Duncan Ferguson these days if I'm honest but he was like the biggest star of mid-90s Everton football and that's like absolutely enshrined in my memory so it's a lovely big nostalgia thing for me as well but no I do love Go West I am I nearly gave it to What Is Love I think What Is Love is a really really nice dance track. I think we probably did we all put that in like the top three? No it was none of our favorites but we all put it in our top

four and I really liked Cookie the Secret as well and put Moving On up pretty high I like What's Up by Four Non Blondes as well, which I do want to defend. That weird clipped harsh vocal style I think gives it a really unique character and it is a really catchy song. So I do sort of fight the flag for What's Up if I'm honest. I do enjoy it. I think the lyrics are pretentious and kind of dumb, but that's part of the charm really I think. And it gave us the He-Man remix.

Oh yeah, that's true. Of course. It's memetic history we have to say. But I just want to say and I love Go West as well and it might seem like I put it fairly I put it I think number six or something on mine which is still in my I really like this kind of bracket. The only reason, this is dead churlish, is that it's not one of their songs. It's not self written. And I love that album very, and there was a load of great songs and singles off that. And so I think the only reason was it's like, yeah, it's really good and it fits them quite well. But I kind of wish it it was like can you forgive her or something instead? But that's it. It's a really shitty reason because I really like that song but yeah in terms of them your your

Your pit Rob. I did want to mention like M people. I Really like that track as well. There's loads of hooks. I think she's got a really good voice I really like that track as well. There's loads of hooks. I think she's got a really good voice. What do you think girl? Yeah, but I mean, come on. It's easy to take the piss out of, but she's, you know. I'm not taking the piss.

It's a lovely voice. I love her voice. It's great. No, I know. I know. But no, I shouldn't have said take the piss. It's easy to mimic, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just, you know, how distinctive her voice is

is part of its appeal. But the only thing I I Put it a little bit lower just because of again. It was just a personal irk the slightly sociopathic breakup song and I only say that because It's one of those it's a song trope the kind of you walk out that door, I'm absolutely fine, I'm having no troubles here. And it's all like, really? Even when you've been in an abusive relationship, there's a little bit of complication to it. I always find songs like that a bit weird. I guess I prefer my breakup songs a bit messier than that, rather than just, everything's great,

now you can fuck off, I don't remember you in 20 seconds And it's like what what what relationship ends like that unless you are mildly sociopathic. There's always something in my opinion What is that mad am I bonkers? I don't entirely disagree actually Yeah, although I guess like I would argue that moving on up is just about a part of somebody's consciousness as opposed to the whole thing But then you would say that maybe it doesn't look at the bigger picture enough but still you know fun kind of 90s dance track with a bit of attitude so yeah it is it's fun these are these are do you know what it was a good year it was a really good year yeah really good year yeah it was a good year for number twos and now we're going to work out if it was a good year for number twos and now we're gonna work out if it was a good year for number ones so Andy I would say give us our bottom five and top ten of the year but has 1993 Mustard 15 number ones? It has Mustard exactly 15 number ones.

May as well just go from bottom to top then? Well in a lovely little eventuality the top of the bottom five so the 11th place song, is exactly tied on every possible metric with 10th place. So I will just go from the bottom and then as we reach the end of the bottom five it literally just regenerates into the top 10, which is lovely. I really like that. And to answer your question, has this been as good a year for number ones as it has for number two? Definitely not, considering how we've scored them. Like it does not take much to break into our top five let me tell you and I will say just so I don't keep repeating myself all the way through that myself and Ed have not vaulted anything this year. Rob's vaulted two songs which I think Rob that's that's low for you

and for me and Ed obviously we haven't't bought anything so exceptionally low. Two vaultings in this entire year, so it's not been a great one, but let's see how this shakes out. We'll see what we think when we see them all stacked up. So you are right in saying that Mr Blobby has escaped the bottom. In fact, it's not even second worst. Blobby's done all right in the end. Our worst number one of 1993, and it was not close With an average score of 1.8 and pie hold by all three of us the third Lowest scored song in the history of hits 21. It is I can't help falling in love with you by you before To give it its proper name Yeah, I'm glad to see the back of that move on. And in 14th place our second worst song of the year with an average score of 4 and pie-holed by Ed and myself it's Babe by Take That. And then with an average score of 4.3, then it's Mr Blobby.

So he came 13th out of 15, so not that bad, I guess. Everything from this point on was neither vaulted or pie-holed by anyone until we get to the very top. So these next bunch, they're just all plain in the middle for everyone. In 12th place, it's Young at Heart by The Bluebells with an average score of 6. That's a big jump! Yes, it is a big jump, yeah, but they don't get that much higher than that, if I'm honest. There's a lot of 6s and 7s in this. In joint 11th and 10th places, what we're talking about, these two that are exactly

tied receive the same score for both songs from all of us. So 10th and 11th will start with All That She Wants by Ace of Bass, first of all. These both got an average score of 6.2 by the way. All That She Wants by Ace of Bass. And the second one is Oh Carolina by Shaggy, which I literally forgot we covered. Yes! I have no memory of us covering that. Yeah. So in ninth place, just a smidgen up from there, it's Take That Again. It's Prey by Take That with an average score of 6.3. In eighth place with an average score of 6.5, it's Boom shake the room by DJ jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince okay also

with an average score of 6.5 but the way it's shaking out I've put it slightly higher it is five live with a five live by George Michael and Queen with Lisa Stansfield okay in the sixth place with an average score of 6.7 it's I'd Do Anything For Love But I Won't Do That by Meatloaf. Well done mate. Yeah, into our top 5 and we've still not cracked the 7 score yet. In 5th place, landing on exactly 7, it's Dreams by Gabrielle. Oh yeah, seven dreams do come true. In fourth place with an average score of 7.3 and only one small thing divides

them, which I'll get to in a minute, it's Living on My Own by Freddie Mercury in fourth place. Well done Freddie. And in third place with the exact same scores from everyone, the only thing that pushes it up is that it was Vaulted by Rob And in third place, with the exact same scores from everyone, the only thing that pushes it up is that it was vaulted by Rob. In third place, with an average score of 7.3, it's Relight My Fire by Take That featuring Lulu. Okay, yeah, I'll nudge that in. So into our top two, with an average score of 7.7.

In second place, it's Mr. Vane by Culture Beat. Decent. Alright. I did vault that I think I've vaulted three this year I did vault Mr. Vane. Okay okay. Yeah yeah I think that was my fault I think I edited the spreadsheet semi-recently and forgot to add my thing back in so yeah. Okay so that's been vaulted as well and so that just leaves us to reveal the winner of this year so I'm gonna welcome back on Tasman Archer from the moon she's come down from the moon how was your journey in Tasman? Oh she's sleepy of course she is and to hand over the crown to this year's winner and that winner is... No Limit by 2 Unlimited with an average score of 7.8 and vaulted by Rob.

It is by far our lowest scoring winner ever but it does win nonetheless. Well done to 2 Unlimited. Yeah, that's the first winner we've had that hasn't reached a out of 10 average yeah yeah not the best but yes I mean that's pretty good I think those top four no limit mr. vein living on my own we light my fire oh and dreams that's the whole top five is pretty good pretty good just just maybe not top five but yeah yeah yeah I mean it does feel it the number the number twos unfortunate were somewhat preferable I think this time weren't they by a fair margin interesting that yeah I'm looking ahead as well and I don't really see any obvious candidates to take an 8.0 average

candidates to take an 8.0 average next year either we may be in 1995 before that happens if the key the secret or what is love or go west or moving on up had got no if one of them had got number one I think they all probably would have won the year one of them if it got number one it probably would have won this year yeah so yes feel extra sorry for the board to run our entries this year. But yes, we are moving on to 1994, let's see if we get a higher scorer next year. Yeah. All right then, so that is the end of our journey for 1993. When we come back we'll be taking our first steps into January 1994. Thank you very much for listening to our coverage this

year and we will be back next time so see you later. Bye. Bye. Bye.