Hits 21 - 1995 (6): The Race for Christmas Number One

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

WHATABOUTCHICKENSHello, everyone! Welcome back to Hits 21, the show that's taking a look back at every single UK #1 hit.You can follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hits21UKYou can email us: [e-mail] 21 DOES NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO ANY MUSIC USED IN THE EPISODES. USAGE OF ALL MUSIC USED IN THIS PODCAST FALLS UNDER SECTION 30(1) OF THE COPYRIGHT ACT 1988.

Oh, God, he faithful, joyful and triumphant, Oh, God he, oh God he, oh God he, to Bethlehem. God and beholds him, Born the king of angels, Ocomit us and are he. Oh, come let us adore him. Oh, come there, everyone. And welcome back to Hitton

21 the 90s where me, Rob, me, Andy, are looking back at every single UK number one of the 1990s. If you want to get in touch with us, you can email us Hits21 podcast at gmail.com. We're also back over on Twitter at Hits21 UK. Thank you ever so much for joining us again. We are currently looking back at the year 95, although this is our last episode of 1995, because we are covering the race for Christmas. That's number one. And a thank you.

First of all, must go to the Leavers class of 1995 at St. Teresa's Primary School in County Tyrone, Northern Ireland, who brought us in with their lovely rendition of Ocome, All Ye Faithful, for this episode, wherever you all might be, 30 years on. I thought that in the middle of September, well, in the early week of, in the first week of September,

with the sun shining outside, I thought, hey, why not make it Christmasy for the listeners with some, oh come all ye faithful. That's not it. Ding-dong-tastic, Rob. Hits 21 does not own the rights to any music in this episode, but usage of all the music in this podcast falls on to the section 30 Clause 1 of the Copyright Act 98.

All right then, it's time to press on with this week's episode. Andy are the UK album charts doing anything around Christmas 95? The only thing that they are doing is absolutely disgracing themselves by allowing Robson and Jerome to remain on top all the, the way through into the first weeks of 1996. We just can't be rid of them. We just can't wash them off.

So, no, that's all that's happening on the album charts and the less said about that, the better, I think. Merry Christmas, everyone. Yes. So, Ed, that means you're about to give us the US perspective on Christmas 95. What are they doing? What are they buying?

I've got pages of shit puns that look like that've been scribbled by a child. Can we just keep it simple and say that for some reason they really like boys to men, for some reason they really like Mariah Carey and just fucking leave it at that. Come on.

All right, fine. No, we want the puns. We want the puns. You think you want them. Anyway. All right. Let's get this over with. US best-selling albums of 1995.

Number 10. Another soundtrack and from a film that I thought was, A, a porno, and B, a Simpsons joke, and nothing more. But 12 million sales tell me that waiting to exhale is, in fact, a thing that people saw. And it doesn't look like a skin flick either. A skin flick. Goodness, me. Wow, that's an old phrase.

Wow. I'm an old person. Yeah, but that's like something out of Dickens, if that had been invented in Dickens' time. That's war. Wow. Another skin flick, please, sir. Skin flip, put through a penny bit, governor. You'll be happy with your peep show, lad.

In my day, we just had to make our own sexual entertainment. Goe blimey. Come on, I'll never get this done. This page is a bollocks here. All right, no. Let me do my bollocks. Please, sir. Number nine

This gun may be for hire But it was also quite clearly for sale As Bruce Springsteen's greatest hits Takes residence in 12.6 million homes By offering one song of youthful optimism Two love songs And 15 bruised indictments of the American dream You can't spell morning in America without you

Number eight, Todd in the Shadows introduced me to Jewel, jewel But aside from an episode of train records All I know of her is that Pieces of You, the album sold 13.5 million copies in the US One might say, if there is a crown, then she would be wearing it. Number seven, the second Simpsons reference of the list.

as Eric Stefani was both the founder of No Doubt and a long-term animator on The Simpsons. True that. That album which has Gwen Stefani holding a peach on the cover and Don't Speak on it sold close to 14 million copies. And at number six, sales really leap up at this point, as Shania Twain does impress people much, selling 20 million copies of The Woman in Me and also of her album. at number five Did I miss number six? Oh no, it was Shania.

Sorry, Shania. At number five, it's posthumous thrift store mainstay Made in Heaven by Queen containing everyone's favourite Exumed Queen hits, including X, Y, and a Misk. At number four,

did you ever stop to notice that the chorus to Earth song on paper reads Ah, A, A, O, O, O. Ah, ah, ah, ooh, ooh, ooh. Did you ever notice that MJ's at number four? Ah, ah, ah, ooh, ooh. And number three, like the pilgrims with their beads and their disease.

The Brits sell the Americans a mountain of hype as what's the story morning glory sells faster than a cannonball, evicting all opposition, and making out that they were just animals that needed colonial guidance all along. It's a decent album, actually, but still, disease. Number two, from supersonic to ultrasonic, what a year for a daydream. Mariah sells 25 million units for some reason. Number one, she's got one hand in your pocket and the other

one's ripping off black and white. Alanis Morissette sugars her jacket, no, I'm not even going to say that because that's even hackish by my standards. Right, singles. U.S. best-selling singles of the year 1995. And number 10, I think it's an alarmingly low placing, actually, for, this is how we're doing it, by Montel Jordan. Are people down on Friday or something?

They've got to be down on Friday. Friday. Gotta be down on Friday. Number nine, it's don't take it personal, just one of Dem Days by Monica. Good old Monica, the emboss, we used to call. Her? Citation needed.

And number eight, many artists have taken many bows in many songs. Muses may have the mental C64 arpeggios and the botched drum fill. Rianas may have had the four chords. And the American Archery Association may have had the heteronym. But few have likely sold as many copies as Madonna's. And number seven, it's Mariah Carey. And I Carey, very little indeed. Six, consecutive calendaring fun with another night from the real McCoy, as opposed to that fucking fake McCoy.

Fuck them. And number five, boys to men, fuck them. And number four, on the subject of great chastity, seal seals the deal, possibly, with kiss from a rose. And, and this is a first time I'd think for the show. Am I wrong? You can both correct me. three and two are tied by the same group because TLC

are tied with both creep and waterfalls has that happened before? I have no idea. Let's say it's the first. Let's just say it. How does that happen? They must be basing that on certification alone because there's got to be like one or two

more or less copies of each. Sure. Yeah, we can't actually be tied. But let's say that's the first. Because let me ask you this. Who the hell is going to stop us? Let's do it. Let's just decide that that's a record.

It is. It is. It is. It's bringing added value to my, my endless spiel. And at number one, it's been spending most its life at the top spot. It's Agsta's Paradise by Culeo and LV. Quintuple platinum in the US, rather like the UK, including 1.9 digitally sold later. So Jesus Christ, it kept on giving. It sold a million in Germany alone and four million copies in Greece. um it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's a evergreen this one it would appear right and now finally the point of this the apex and yeah to be quite honest it always seems a bit anticlimactic it's the top ten singles in the week where not many fuckers are actually buying anything for themselves and you know how many CD singles did you actually get for Christmas did either of you get a CD single for Christmas not for Christmas not for Christmas really yeah yeah well Park at thee.

I got one CD single, second hand, and I was bloody happy with it. And then you'd walk five miles to get it, and you were flipping grateful. Please, sir, can I have a double A side? No. You'll be happy with you. Anyway, number ten, they said, what about breakfast at Tiffany's? And nine people with no one to buy for said, shit, yeah? And at number nine, what did Madonna get you for Christmas?

You'll see. Oh, goodness, me. And you can spell that Y-U-L-E for added festive value. Ah, that's fun. That's fun for all the family, that one. Yeah, this is really warm in here. At number eight, name Goo-Goo Dolls. Occupation?

Doing that Waltz time song, everyone knows but doesn't know the name of. Iris. Well done, because I can never fucking remember it. I know it's the... to see me because I don't think I did understand And where's Iris in that?

I presume there's only two lines But anyway Number seven They got it Oh baby They got id They're the pearlist They're the jamest

Double A side Yeah I'm not sure if it's supposed to be I got id As it's written on the billboard chart Or I got ID But given the Yarlings post-grunge minge baggery of Pearl Jam. It's probably

id. I'm not a huge fan, but I do like the penis song. Number six, it's total... No, sod that. It's TLC, with Diggin on You. And number five, oh, whoa, it's Mariah Shitbags. Number four,

Cooleo and LV, with a song that sounds more fun than it is, because I always expect it to be about James Cagney-Tap dancing. Jeez, Christ, it's a terrible joke. Number three, it's Hay Lover by L.L. Cool J. Don't call it a comeback. Don't worry, LL. No one does.

Number two, exhale. Shoup, Shoop, from waiting to exhale by Whitney Houston. If your breathing is making a shoup, shoup, sound, please do not come into the surgery. Number one, the fox, the fuchs have all gone. It's Mariah. And boister men. Oh, who keeps a shit about that?

I can scarcely imagine a creepier and less enticing combination. Maybe R. Kelly and Fred West. Goodness me. I'm skipping Kanye and going straight to the meat here. Gary Glitter, doing an album of duets with Myra Hindley. I don't know. She has a very sexy brain. Jesus Christ That sounds super weird

If you haven't Bloody seen brass eyes So maybe you can give that On the fucking sniff Anyway Fucking why Why? What does that offer?

What could that possibly offer? I don't even know it And I hate to judge things Without seeing it But what can Mariah Fucking Kerry And boys to Pissing men offer anybody?

American Fuzzies That's what it offers. That sounds like an illness. We already gave him a wasis. Just to say as well, we will come across that moniker again, but as part of Brandy and Monica, the boy is mine. Oh, shit. Years later.

Yeah, just, you know. Oh, I know that one. But arriving on our own, you're less familiar, whereas with Brandy beforehand, unmistakable, apparently. Thank you, Ed, for that big US report there, big year-end review and Christmas 95 update. Andy, Christmas TV, back over in the UK in 95. What's going on? What are we watching?

Yes, welcome to TV Christmas, 95. It's the second Christmas that all of us, all three of us, were alive for. And whilst Rob was still barely sentient, I was starting to enjoy videos of Mick Hucknell on roller coasters and old episodes of Rainbow. That was my jam. And I'm hoping, Ed, you might be able to actually recall. some of this this year, but

maybe not because it's not the most memorable TV Christmas, I'm not going to lie, but let's see if it stares anything. The BBC does not change the formula up from last year basically at all, with two comedies sandwiched around EastEnders. The two comedies in question are

keeping up appearances in which Hyacinth holds a penchant but doesn't go quite as she expected. Oh shit! And one foot in the grave, where the Meldrews have to clear out the haunted house, of a deceased cousin who suddenly died while watching Noel Edmonds. That's a sentence that I never thought I'd say.

I might have watched One Foot in the Grave. I think the whole highest in the bouquet thing was something that I felt I didn't, I couldn't conceive of understanding at that point. No, I mean, I've never seen that either here. Boxing Day also gives us a goodnight sweetheart special, another show I've never seen, and the TV premieres of the film's Patriot Games and the first Beethoven movie

that's about the adorable dog not the great composer over on ITV there's an airing of take that performing at Earl's Court because the last few years they just haven't had enough take that it's been a quiet period for them

I'm sure we'd all agree we just need some take that fallow good to hear from them at last just to check they're all right and speaking of people that we just goddamn haven't had enough of in 1995

guess who gets their own primetime slot on Christmas Day? OJ Simpson? It's Robson and Jerome. It's even worse. Yeah, so Robs and Jerome get to do half an hour of general shit-housery for about, I don't know what they do, yeah, about half an hour on ITV on Christmas Day at 8 o'clock. Disgusting stuff.

If the song's shit, you must have quit. Both ITV soaps get a special documentary looking back on Christmas's past, and Boxing Day gives us Golden Eye the secret files cashing in on the film of earlier this year although the rather more bland reality is that GoldenEye is just the name of Ian Fleming's holiday home

making this actually an awesome title but basically just a very fancy episode of Location, Location, Location The Beatles Anthology is also airing during this period on ITV on a weekend basis Yeah, I've seen that too, a very good documentary and it broadcasts the final two episodes on Boxing Day and on New Year's Eve. The Christmas Day film showdown now. And this is a bit of an unusual one for me, possibly unique so far for me,

in that I haven't seen either of the films that take that afternoon movie showdown slot. So you two hopefully will have to decide this between you. So the BBC has Hook and ITV has Ghostbusters 2. Who's the winner, do we think? Ghostbusters too, I think It gets a bad rap It's a fun movie I don't know it's a little bit of a rehash

Rob I'll have to trust Ed on that one I've not seen either of them Oh Ed has unlimited power Just just total I've not seen Hook It's probably not bad It's how terrible can it be

It's I was going to say Stevie Wonder Cinematographers bad That's the laziest fucking joking the world. I've not, but I've not seen Beethoven or Patriot games either. I mean, I think I might have seen the first Beethoven, but I think we might have to declare this afternoon movie contest void, because five out of the six necessary viewings that need to have happened for us to make an informed decision haven't happened. So I think purely the fact that Ed's seen Ghostbusters

2 is not enough for it to be a better film than hook. So maybe let's just leave it as a tie for this year. I think I qualify for this role as chief film reviewer of the BBC. You've seen a film. Over to the soaps, and we'll start with EastEnders, which, as mentioned earlier, dominates the Christmas Day evening

with two separate episodes, with a cliffhanger in the middle. This Christmas on Albert Square, Arthur Fowler is spending the period in jail and is desperate to get through to his family on the prison phone. While the cliffhanger of the two episodes has Frank Butcher returning

after a long absence to attempt to reunite with a strange pat who's now moved on with her next husband, Roy and his son Barry. Drama! On Corrie, Steve McDonald's crimes catch up with him as he is arrested during Christmas dinner for bartering stolen alcohol, while Raquel and Curley face the music from their families after having a secret Christmas Eve wedding. And on Emmerdale, Albert Dingle carries out an armed robbery on a posh house

that goes badly wrong when a shot. shotgun is fires, and Frank Tate has rushed to hospital with a second heart attack. For once, I think Emmerdale wins in the misery stakes on the soaps. It's usually easy for EastEnders to win that, but this year, armed robbery, gunfire, and heart attacks. Then the helicopter misses Brookside and lands on Emmerdale form. The Queen used her Christmas message to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the end of World War II and reflect on present-day conflicts, paying tribute to the armed forces and volunteers helping to keep peace around the world.

She also spotlighted a nun called Sister Ethel for her humanitarian work in South Africa, which is fair enough and I'm not going to take the piss. And finally over to Channel 4, which is fast becoming the most interesting part of the TV recap for me. In previous years, they've really delivered since I've started looking into Channel 4. This year, they have the alternative Christmas message, which is delivered by Brigitte Bardot, of all people. Really don't know why, but she does it. They probably, in all of our opinion,

they outdo the take-that concert on ITV on Christmas morning by airing a Blair concert on Christmas morning. I think that's definitely the better choice, definitely the cooler channel there. They lose that cool factor, though, because they inexplicably devote three hours from 9 p.m. till midnight on Christmas night to the brand new TV movie

England My England starring Michael Ball and Simon Callow about a playwright attempting to write a play about the composer Henry Purcell I speak for everyone I think when I say What the fuck? What?

Three hour TV movie Simon Callow playing Persell What? It's a non-bulk. bio. Oh, dear me. And they also devote two hours on Christmas Day to the big breakfast, like a big highlight show slash special show,

then at its height, which includes, and I won't be able to answer any follow-up questions, The Crunch with Zig and Zag, Dane Barbara Cartland's Christmas message, the Yo-Ho Who competition results, and Gabby talks to Barbara Windsor. Was that show really as cool as people say?

days? Joy's out, I think. So, yeah, there you have it. A bit of a weird Christmas, 95. We've got lots of soaps, lots of sitcoms, lots of women called Barbara and friendly nuns. I can smell the mulled wine from here. Oh, thank you very much for running that down, Andy.

So, toys and games for this year. So the biggest selling toy, or toys, based on my internet research, from 1995 in the UK Buzz Light Year doll apparently and also the Sega Game Gear as well was apparently Fault

so yeah but I thought what I'd do is I'd switch to focus slightly and play a BBC archive clip for this year's Christmas and this report is from December 1995 and it comes from Belfast

and it's about the efforts of the local community in Belfast apparently sending food and toys and aid to families and children who are recovering from the recently, only recently concluded war in Bosnia. So I'll play that and you can enjoy that. Last minute donations arriving in support of the Christmas delivery from Northern Ireland's Bosnian medical aid appeal. Volunteers spent the morning loading the truck with food, medical supplies and toys donated by people from throughout the province.

The organiser of the appeal is Reggie Donnelly, who gave up his job three years ago to devote his time to raising money for the people of Bosnia. This is our second truck. We sent a truck a week ago, it arrived on Wednesday, and this is our second truck. This is the biggest truck we've sent. We have about 28 tonnes of food, medical aid, and we have over 70 to 100,000 individual presence for the children of Bosnia. The trip only took place when a local company gave the appeal the youth of a truck and the loan of two volunteer drivers. So with the loading done, this latest consignment departed on the first stage of its three-day journey to the former Yugoslavia. All right, so we're back from Belfast with that report, and it means that now it is time for the Christmas Day, top 10 from 1995.

Of course, our previous episode only went up to the first week of December. I'll address that in a minute. So the top 10 on Christmas Day was as follows. At 10, it's up three places and we'll continue on its way up to number 7. Eternal are very much blessed. This Christmas, they might be up on the roof, but Robson and Jerome are on their way down the chart. The double A side with I believe is at number 9. At 8, they may be free as a bird, but right now the Beatles are free falling down five places from number 3 on Christmas Day.

Will Oasis be number one this Christmas? Initially, the public said maybe, but ultimately they said no, as Wonderwall sits at number seven. At six, they never gave a gift to a child that didn't deserve it. It's former number one gangster's paradise from Culeo and LV. Into the top five on Christmas Day, they looked under the tree but found that the presents were missing. Everything but the girl are a non-mover. At four, Bjork steps out. side into the snowy streets of a quiet rural village in Oxfordshire on Christmas Eve and

declares that it's oh so quiet into the Christmas Day top three it's boy zone singing a song written by a man who eventually converted to a religion that doesn't recognize Christmas father and son and just missing out on the coveted Christmas number one Mike flowers pops fights valiantly for top spot but after all the Christmas number one for 1995 is... Flamenco gypsies. Jamaicans were a close third. Sorry.

Yes, the Christmas number one for 1995 is this. what about sunrise what about rain what about all the things that you said we were to gain what about killing feels is there a time what about all the things that you said was yours and mine you ever stop to notice all the blood we've shed before did you ever stop

this notice this crying, girl, this we've we've been sure ah what have we've done what have we've done to the world look what we've done

what about all the peace that you pled your only son what about flower and fills is there a time what about all the dreams that you said it's yours and mine did you end stop to notice all the children did the

Did you end up to notice This crying earth This we make sure Okay, this is Earth Song By Michael Jackson Released as the third single From his ninth studio album titled History

Past, Past, Present and Future, Book 1 Earth Song is Michael Jackson's 48th single to be released in the UK and his sixth to reach number one and it's not the last time we'll be coming to Mr Jackson during our 90s coverage. Earth's song went straight in at number one as a brand new entry.

It stayed at number one for six weeks, becoming the official Christmas number one for 1995 during its fourth week atop the charts. Across its six weeks at number one, it sold 814,000 copies beating competition from the songs you. just heard about, and these other top 10 entries. One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boys to Men, Disco 2000 by Pulp, Gold by Tafgap, The Best Things in Life are Free by Luther

Andros and Janet Jackson, The Gift of Christmas by Childliners, Winter's Tale by Queen, If You Want a Party by Malella and Out Here Brothers, So Pure by Baby D, and Creek by TLC. knocked off the top of the charts, Earth Song had taken the UK charts into a new year. It fell one place to number two. It originally left the charts in April 1996 but made re-entries in 2006 and 2009. By the time it was done on the charts, it had been inside the top 104, 26 weeks. The song is currently officially certified two times platinum in the UK as of 2020. Andy

Earth Song Go He invented cool Yeah Tell you what What you like about Michael Jackson I mean really say what you like about Michael Jackson But one thing I think he probably wouldn't have done

Is publicly rank ethnicities I will say that in his favour And you know That actually oddly enough Does sort of figure into one of the main points I want to say about this Like I have a lot to say But the kind of headlines

for me is that this genuine sheer sincerity of this is what sells it. I'm going to start by acknowledging my own very, very deep nostalgia for this because obviously we say that, as I said last week, that my musical sort of history began with Fairgrounds and Disco 2000, but this is a clearer memory, and through like 96-97, this was like my favourite song. This was why we had the album, History, past, present,

in future book one, awfully titled album though it is, and which has a colossus of Michael Jackson on the front, which is just like, certainly not helping his messianic image from this song. But I just kind of was so struck by that music video, which is amazing.

And I'm not necessarily mean in terms of the quality, because obviously it's really like ridiculously over the top. But the scale of that music video where it's this dead planet, like the, like the end of time enough at last that he's starting to walk through at the end at the beginning. And then this wind-swept resurrection of all life on earth happens around them.

And he holds on for dear life like, Jesus Christ, it's a bit blowy today. And the two things I always used to imitate from that video, like, was whenever it was windy, I used to like find two things to hold on to and pretend those being like blown away and hold on in the way that he does with the two trees. And so you probably used to do the other thing that I was used to do was whenever I went to a beach and get on my knees

and like pick the sand up in my hands and let it drink in the way they told. Which made me look like an incredibly pretentious kid that whenever I went to the beach, it was like, I was like, ah, precious sand, sand, sand, sand. You know, and I was just copy what I saw in the video

because I think both the scale of the video and also his quite bizarre, like, level of quite high acting in that video was just really striking. And I think that has actually aged pretty well, to be honest, because I think when something is genuinely sincere, and I do think it really is that he really means what he's saying here, I think that kind of gives it some longevity, really, that, like, it doesn't age as badly as something that's like, oh, you know, trying to tap into an issue of the moment. I almost think that if he picked one issue then that might have made it look very dated but the fact that he decided to just think about everything

and like make this more about a sense of sadness at the ills of the world and that he doesn't pick a specific target but gets into genuine anguish and angst about the world in general has given it this oddly timeless quality and that's the thing that strikes me about this as an adult that I don't get any sense of him trying to

cash in on the world hills here or trying to get some charity points. There's other songs he did which sort of do feel a little bit that way. But this one, I think what gives it a way that actually he means this is that lack of brevity that this is six and a half minutes where he talks about every bloody issue in the world. And we all get like this sometimes. I certainly get like this where you think like, oh my God, there's so many problems with the world where do you start. You know, there's war, there's famine, there's climate change, there's political strife,

there's social injustice, there's wealth inequality, there's poverty, there's just so much where do you start and all of that in every country and like where do you start with any of it? And Michael Jackson decides to do all of it in one song which you know you hear it in sort of vague terms in songs I can imagine and stuff like that but here he decides to actually name all of the stuff and spend most of the second half of the song just listing oh what about this? Let's worry about that. What about this? Let's worry about that. And I get that, you know, I get that sense of anxiety of like, well, I want to focus in on this one thing, but I'd feel guilty for ignoring other issues. Like, if I want to focus on like social injustice, then I'll

feel bad for not doing anything about war and famine. And if I concentrate on war and famine, I'll feel bad for not really doing anything about politics and wealth inequality. And I'll feel bad about not doing anything to save animals in the world. And I get that sense of frustration and not being able to do much about the size of the problems in the world. And it helps that he expresses that very well, musically. I think that central refrain, I'm not going to call it a chorus. I guess it is technically the chorus, but it's just, that's all it is. There's no words to the chorus.

But it does have something to it. I don't know what it is, but there is just a sense of sadness to it, like a melancholy to it that you don't often hear. in Michael Jackson's music like usually he'd throw in you know some sort of flourish to that or it would hit some more major chords on the way but no this is like an unusual level

of genuine sadness and grief that we're hearing here and I think that makes it quite distinct in his back catalogue because one of the problems I have with we are the world and heal the world and stuff like that more heal the world to be honest is that that's needlessly saccharine

and tries to make it seem like the problems of the world are easily solved if we all just hold hands and say prayers, you know, that it'll all just sort itself out. This doesn't feel that way at all. There's anger in this and there's grief, like I say,

in this. And then we've got that last three minutes where the drums kick in and the world starts coming to life and he's holding on in the hurricane and he just starts screaming at the top of his voice about, what about anything?

I mean, I think he does say what about anything at one point. He says, what about everything, actually? And I just get really taken away with, like, the size of it, the epic scale of it. And I just to admire the ambition. I really do that, you know, this is ridiculously over the top. And a song that goes for as many targets as this, every target in the world all at once, it can't ever fully succeed. Because if that's just, music can't cope with that.

You know, even six minutes can't cope. with what you're trying to do here. But the gist of it, I think, really works. And the more he keeps piling on line after line of, what about this, what about that, etc. I really do get carried away. And I think it really works. Most of it works, I should say,

because there are a few lines that, what about this, what about that I think could have used a little bit more quality control that could have used a few more rewrites. And my husband and I, I mean, we joke about Michael Jackson quite a lot, we quite like to just randomly throw in Shimon and Keehe sounds like all the time

but the number one Jackson joke that we make in our household is the line what about elephants have they lost our trust I didn't even know that was the line fantastic whenever like and it's like it's like

whenever anyone like makes fun of us for being preachy vegans which we sort of are like yeah what are elephants have they lost our trust or like just just whenever like you hear stuff of this kind of language that's like oh what about this what are we doing about this we always say what about elephants again I admire the ambition I don't disagree with the sentiment at all yes it's pretentious yes it's sincere to the point of not being any fun a lot of the time but I don't doubt what he's trying to do here and I think given the size of what he's

trying to do he's astonishingly far in the success rate of it really i think i think it actually does very very well and it becomes an easy target to joke about because it's this saccharine over the top sort of cod charity single band-aid type thing that he's doing but just on a sort of more like geographical scale um but i think it's unfair to be an easy target because i think actually musically it's quite good vocally he really goes for it and i never doubt how committed he is to this which really sells it so yes there's a lot of nostalgia baked into it but I do think this is genuinely incredibly striking

and I love it I think it's great I really love it I don't know how much of a hot take that'll be because people generally laugh at this but I love it I think it's aged really well and you can do a song just like this today and it would resonate which is sad but yeah I love this I love this

oh Ed what about you I realised that at one point what you were doing and that, Andy, you did that, yes, it's this and yes, it's that, but, and I realized I started mine with exactly the same sort of, you know, rhetorical device. It's one of those songs that rather like the song itself, it sort of charges up in size and maybe esteem as it goes on. Because, yes, it's pompous. Yes, it's holier than thou in its own way. And yes, the messianic overtones, as you've mentioned, and implied on the fucking album cover, are ridiculous and worthy of mockery, which they were, indeed, quite famously mocked. And yes, the synth strings

are a bit naff. I mean, I know it was like mid-90s, but he's like, he is Mr. Multimillionaire musician. Can't you afford some better fucking plug-ins than that? But, but, but, you know how I like dynamism, and I say the word dynamic in every single one of these reviews ever do. Yeah, I love songs that build and contrast their ingredients to bring out, you know, tension and to actually make the most of each element and that they actually end in the sort of the strongest place. It's not always the loudest place. In this case, it definitely is. But I think this is a magnificent piece of songwriting in terms of the way it uses elements and build them. builds them up the way it layers things on before, you know, and it could theoretically be too airy, fairy and large and elemental and full of wushing and fucking timpity and all this shit. But there's a little bit of that old school kind of off the wall and thrill a bite to it.

Because in the later choruses, it's got that synth bass in the in the chorus. It's that beo do do do do. And it's like, that's cool. And then, yeah, there's the possibly ludicrous key change, but it's already at like, you know, literally end of the earth scale. So I'm like, fine. You know what? And he manages to build from there. And his vocals, Samal, get stronger and stronger as it goes through the bloody song.

So by the, it just keeps throwing in all of the different tricks and vocal textures he has. And it's great. if you want an illustration of Michael Jackson as a songwriter, as an artist who could utilize his very unique vocal tools, there's not many better than this. I mean, it is completely, you know, monolithic for better or for worse. But again, it's like because he's so earnest about it, it's fine, really. You know, it doesn't, I know what you mean, unlike he'll the world, it doesn't feel cynical. Um, I mean, I don't, I don't think he's thought any of this through. I mean, you're, you're highlighting the elephant line, really. Um, sorry. Oh, that'll, that'll stick with me. But, um, yeah, I, I really like this as well, because I, I do have this habit, I realize of just going straight into the feel of the song and the texture and the building blocks of it. And I sometimes, uh, I can't see the, the trees for the woods. as it were, and I miss the lyrical underpinnings, and I rely on you and Rob to actually tell me what they're actually saying. Sometimes in songs like this, there are big, earnest, broad message songs.

I will only notice the lyrics if they do something fucking embarrassing. You know, something that really takes away from the feel of the vocals or the feel of the song. A wonderful song from an album I adore, and I think it's an all-time classic, there is a lyric in a Stevie Wonder song, a brilliant Stevie Wonder song that is bloody awful and you know what I'm going to say, don't you, Andy? Is it a haystack needle by any chance?

It is. Rhyming haystuck needle with coloured people. And it's, oh, I mean, yeah, I know where he's coming from and he kind of sells it with his delivery, but haystack needle, fucking hell, Stevie, come on. But he doesn't, you know, even, Even the bit in this song, where I thought it was like, oh, that's a bit cringe. It turns out he isn't saying what I thought he was saying, which is the, this, you know, this something Earth is weeping sure, as in to say like, oh, it's sure weeping, it's not, he's saying this weeping sure, which in some ways is orders of magnitude more pretentious, but it works in terms of, you know, scanning and sibilants and basic sense.

sentence construction. So, well done, Michael. I've been thinking about this, that his word choice is quite, like, sometimes it's very precise and it really works. But sometimes it's like, oh, just a slightly different turn on the dime that would have made it a better line. Like, I really don't like that did you ever stop to notice thing. That implies that, like, he's the only one who's noticed that there's war in the world.

Like, did you ever stop to notice all the children dead from war? Like, yeah, I have noticed that. I haven't before. I wonder what all these bodies I was walking over were. Thanks, Michael. But does he say it twice, or does he say something else the second time? Does he just not articulated? All the bloods we shed before, I think he said.

Yeah, but he says, do you know, no, no, no, notice? It's like, is it, is it, is it, did you ever stop to notice, or is it something else? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he says that both times, yeah. All right. Okay, I'm just being really picky. So I've interestingly gone from ignoring the lyrics to picking up slight faults in delivery. Boy, I'm a twat. Anyway, look, that aside, any little niggles like that aside,

I think this is a really good song and it's very hard to put it down because it does exactly what I think it sets out to do. And it does manage to keep growing and becoming more impressive as it goes on. And not many songs actually accomplish that. They usually hit a hard wall, but it's so well plotted and uses so many different tricks and contrasts and yeah, I can't dislike this song. It's too well-made and well-performed for that, really, isn't it? It's good, I like it.

This Earth Song is fascinated, isn't it? You know, I was reading Freaky Trigger, Tom Ewing's review of this, and Tom gave it a 7 out of 10 after writing a review that sounded like he would have vaulted it, were we on our show. Someone in the comments of that review said they didn't know if Earth's song was a 9 or a 2 out of I've gone back and forth over whether this belongs in the vault or the pie hole a few times, definitely leaning more towards the vault after a few days of it kind of on repeat and hearing it over the years as well and finally now sitting down and making my mind up.

I just think this is so massive and so audacious that it does that exciting thing that some pop songs do where they shoot for something so big that they end up flirting so closely with total and abject failure, but then they kind of pull it around into something amazing at the last minute. it every time, you know, that this song is as tall as it is wide, its sense of scale and scope feels never-ending at points. After the last Jackson song that we covered, this feels like a return to him making event pop, releasing it with that short film of a music video, filming it across the world, combining it with the song to make a giant multimedia project like you did with thriller or black or white or, you know, that sort of thing. This is about as cinematic

as pop gets, really, you know, using modern studio environments to reach out and build and grow to a a gargantuan size, you know, this really is an epic in many senses of the word. You grow from those very slight beginnings with that delicate and pretty piano line. Michael kind of cooing softly and then the elements are carefully added to that big jump into the second chorus. Even for me, the unexpected key change kind of works because this song has pulled me into a place where I believe the planet, the planet Earth on which we live is screaming out in pain. And so you think that more wailing's just going on.

You know, Michael trying to embody the earth and sort of pulling it off. So you kind of go along with it. They bring in the more rock-oriented instrumentation to bring you home. And, hey, you know, I think he makes a good point in this. You know, a lot like sleeping satellite, Earth song kind of looks at the ostensible progress of the 20th century and wonders if something went wrong somewhere, if we made the wrong kind of progress. It also puts a hole in the myth that the 90s were the end of history. I think Jackson, he was conscious enough to look beyond the West and really,

realize that history never actually ends. The war in the Balkans is only just finished. We're not far off the Rwandan genocide. That's it in the past. We've covered that in the news. We've actually had two genocides go passes in our news segments recently. And I think this was Jackson's way of saying, hang on, you know, you love your liberal democracy and that's great.

But what about? And it's that what about, you know, and for better or worse, I think it does make a big impact. And I think it makes the impact that it wants to. But I say for better or for worse, because I think the things wrong with the song make it more fascinating. I've talked about the appearance of Marta Michael

in the late 80s and early 90s where he's risen to the very, very top now as an adult and he's looking down and he's decided he doesn't like the picture that he sees. And so he's going to use fame and pop to deliver messages and enforce change. He's quite similar to Geldof in that regard, actually, who decided that politicians and red tape

were slowing down progress instead of encouraging it. So we try to bypass it with pop music and spread the word that way. But I think Jackson's reaction to Jarvis Cocker, having a bit of fun at the Brit Awards shortly after it gets to number. It's in 1996. It's a bit after Earth Song is on its way out of the charts by this point. And Jarvis Cocker, obviously, I think everybody remembers, but just in case people don't,

Jarvis Cocker runs on the stage and pretends to far into the audience during Earth Song, before being chased off by Jackson's security, who seemed to emerge from within the wall of dancers on the stage. I think Jackson's reaction to that tells the, it kind of tells the whole story, really. Because Jarvis said afterwards, like, well, Jackson seemed to position himself as some kind of Jesus or Moses figure, and I wasn't having that. I thought it was distasteful. And yeah, you know, I think if someone puts themselves on a mantle of that size,

without much justification, like being a famous pop star doesn't mean that you can take on this like messianic, like you're saying Andy, the colossus statue on the front of history, part one or whatever, even then calling it history part one. Ooh, I think someone else is within their rights

to see that and think, ha, smug bastard. Because ultimately Jarvis and Jackson were both at the same event and up for similar awards. So in that environment, forgetting their respective previous, successes for a moment. Who's really the bigger man in that room? And if I was in Jackson's shoes,

I'd probably have been a bit annoyed at my performance being interrupted, but ultimately it wasn't interrupted. The performance carried on. And then maybe I'd wonder why it had happened, but ultimately I'd have a bit of a laugh about it and I'd move on with my life. Because who's he? Like, who's Jackson? Like, he's a very successful pop star, but he's not a god. But ah, no, because Jackson said the incident left him feeling, quote, sickened, saddened, shocked, upset, cheated and angry. Six feelings at the same time, and they're all very, very emotive.

Sick and saddened, shocked, upset, cheated and angry. What about dopey? Dibble and grub. So let's go back over what happened at the Brit Awards. So in the middle of a performance of Earth's song, Jarvis Cocker emerged from the back of the stage and stood at the front for a second before turning round, bending over

and starting to wave his hands a bit around his bum for a second before he then ran off stage being chased by security. If you were watching that live on TV, you'd probably think it was part of the performance at first. Then you'd see Jarvis run off and you'd think, oh, who was that? What happened there?

Was that Jarvis, was that guy from pub? And then you would just carry on. The performance carries on, you know, and that's it. Earth Song just continues. The only way you could end up feeling sickened, saddened, shocked, upset, cheated and angry

is if you have incredibly thin skin and if you genuinely think you're capable of change in the world and that some snotty little Brit pop guy from Sheffield ruined your sermon on the mount. You're writing a song about famine, the destruction of natural areas, the ethnic

cleansing of indigenous primitive populations over consumption, and your sickened, saddened, shocked, upset, cheated and angry by Jarvis Cocker waving his hands around his bum. Since a couple of weeks ago when I compared you are not alone to Kanye West Jesus is King, I've realised there are far more parallels between West and Jackson than I initially realized. Because do you know who else would be sick and sad and shocked, upset, cheated and angry if someone dared to stand on stage and make fun of him these days?

Yeah, exactly. but I think like West Jackson's belief that he was capable of changing the world with his music and that maybe he was the Jesus or the Moses of the 20th century that maybe the world's leaders should listen to him about pollution and climate change is exactly what makes the Earth song feel the way it does and make it as great as it is only someone with an ego the size of the Earth would attempt this Jackson cannot be divorced from the Earth song and I don't think I want him to be because his ever-inflating ego at this point

and his own demons, which I think he was partially compensating for with all of this, that's why I find Earth's song so fascinating. I think someone who has such a war, an unsolvable war inside themselves, would attempt to solve the world's problems to the extent that Michael Jackson tried to in his music. I think there's such conflict within him,

but there's clearly a mirror there between the conflict within his soul and the conflict in the world and he thinks that, you know, if I start as the man in the mirror, make that change, you know, that sort of thing. But then we're kind of hence from that now and now we're kind of in

maybe I, you know, maybe the world is the issue. Maybe the rest of humanity's the issue and it's kind of him blaming. It's very, very, very fascinating. I love the song. I do love the song. It has grown on me. an incredible amount.

I didn't have many thoughts on it before this week, to be honest. I always just thought, like, okay, ambitious, decent, whatever. But sitting with it, I've had a lot of fun with it this week. I really, really have. And one last question I do have for you two is, you know, the perception of this song among the British publics, for me, as I kind of remember how people felt about Jackson in the late 90s when I was coming into being,

is that the Earth song feels like the point where people maybe started to get a bit sick of him. Apart from his most loyal fans, obviously. He has a few top tens after this, and one more number one, but his image became wacko jacko. You know, we're seven years off him dangling his son off that balcony in Berlin.

The paedophile allegations were mounting up and another court case is brewing. I have no memories really of Michael Jackson being a beloved pop star. Since I've been born, he's always cut a very lonely and disturbed figure that people are sort of afraid of if you're not like one of his cultists. That episode of Atlanta, that Teddy Perkins one, that kind of sums up how Jackson has always been characterized since I've been alive. And I don't know, do you think the Earth Song is the start of that process of people to sort of tutting whenever he appears and here we go again, lectured by that guy again, that weirdo and he's telling us how to live our lives. Like, Andy, like, I don't know, what do you think?

well i mean i in terms of like actually at the time i was three four years old around this time and he was i remember him being massive that the history era was a huge success for him so i don't think it's right that this is sort of the time this is the last chapter before people start to turn on it but i don't think it's really because of this i imagine it's probably more because of the allegations and the court cases it's probably why all kind of rolled in together but i always think that what you can point to with this, the clear, not exact timeline, but a clear before and after you can point

to, is Stark Raven Dad at the start of season three of the Simpsons, where Michael Jackson is treated as God on Earth, and then Bart sells a soul at the start of season seven of the Simpsons, where there's a quick throwaway gag about how Michael Jackson is something that's invented to scare children at night.

That's only four years difference. So that's where it happens. Yeah. That's, and that's from 91 to 93, So yes, it's about now that that joke is in Bartels of Soul. You might be right, Rob. I think, because I remember

there being a hell of a lot of excitement about, oh, Michael Jackson's going to write the score for Sonic the Hedgehog 3. And apparently he did. But they decided not to use a lot of it.

They used stuff done by his collaborators because that was the time in late 94, that a lot of the allegations came around. I think that might have been more of the crest and then drop off. I remember at this point, people weren't in a sort of cancerly kind of mood when a song like this came along. There was this general sense that everybody knew it was ridiculous posturing. It was like over the top.

But everybody was like, but it's Michael, you know, he's good, but he's in, he's in fucking space somewhere. You know, it's, I think there was just, but I think heal the world might have started that process because that was like the level of schmaltz that normally doesn't penetrate that high in the UK charts, and it really did leave an impact. I remember my trumpet, well, it wasn't my trumpet teacher, but a trumpet teacher at my primary school, choosing to win over the class first time we met him by playing trumpet along to the video of that song. And it was like, oh, that really impressed the kids. And, you know, it probably

did. I thought it was a bit fucking weird, to be quite honest. It's like, this is just very overweight man with the trumpet playing along to Michael Jackson. But hey, you know, it was better than maths. But, yeah, I think the ridiculous. of it doesn't actually negate it being great this track and I'm fine with you know

ludicrously over the top pop if it can sustain its own weight and this has the rare achievement of actually being able to do that and just thinking about it and thinking about the fucking elephant line

and so many ridiculous things that he sells 100% I must mention aside from me and Andy evidently both doing their crub onto three stumps and a what a bird it!

which just seemed fun at the time and everybody knew what it was referencing because the video was just as famous as the song if not more so but I also I think it came out in about 96 would have been probably or Christmas 95 maybe no must have been

96 shooting stars book and CD as a little stocking filler do you remember you used to get those for like never mind the buzzcocks and things there would be like very vertical thin looking books that had a CD attached to the front with like a

guess the intro I mean this is this is foggy stuff this is mid-90 stocking fillers but we got the shooting stars one we fucking loved shooting stars me and my brother we always used to watch it

and this on the disc and even at the time I thought they they themselves did this that there is a disc a full disc of I think 40 or 50 songs sung actually

by them with Bob doing the little yes that's right it was not blue times on the in between just so you can have a club sing around and they ever see it in 15 but at the end the last track as I discovered when I rooted it out of an old DVD case earlier on today the last track and evidently from the sound of it the end of a day long session was their take on earth song which by the time of the reiteration in the correct style at the end has become this screaming nonsense where at the end Bob's like, yes, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And then it

stops. But he starts shouting at the end of it, what about chicken? What about chicken? With this drum machine going, do, do, do, do, do. And I think only that song could have could have done that because it has Bob doing backing vocals and just screaming I'm gonna not listen to this because I feel like

I might actually laugh myself to death because as the years have gone back in the last few years Bob Mortimer has become like just I literally can't watch anything by him without laughing

he's become like the funniest person in the world to me so if I watch something as ridiculous as that listen to something like that I think I'm making for sale the seizure, so I'm not going to listen to that. Well, then, maybe if you're listening back to this, you might turn off early. Am I right, Rob? Am I right?

Rob? Outro, Rob. Spent half an hour earlier on trying to find CD. Yeah, yeah. It all go in. And I found your birthday presents that I'd evidently forgotten to give you while I was looking for it. coincidental nice bribe there and I got that t-shirt for you don't forget

something that I did want to mention and I was thinking about having us the outro but realized I probably couldn't because the effect would be diminished if you don't watch it if you only listen to it a word has to go to Mr Oncar Judge who performed Earth's song

in his X Factor audition about 10 years later and gave us one of the best moments in X-Factor history, not just his, well, enunciation or lack thereof of what have we done to the world? Look what we've done. But the moment in which he pretends to be in the music video and runs backwards into the wall behind him, which he finds out in the moment is made from cardboard,

before walking forwards again saying, I thought that was, I thought that was a flirt, I thought that was a solid wall. Then he suddenly slams down onto his knees before having to pretend that it really didn't hurt while Sharon Osborne and Paula Abdul both grimace in pain for him and then he says, it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt

before trying to do the big vocal for the key change which makes it sound like he's crying in pain because of his knees and then when he finishes his audition he says, sorry, my voice wasn't there. Seriously, I am a true performer. I've been in karaoke final. without looking at the screen

and as he leaves he says there's only one judge that's me, Encar judge don't judge the judge please because there is only one judge because my name is Mr. Oncar judge Oh he's a professional wrestler I hope he's all right

I found his Instagram page and he still uploads he does video messages for people's birthdays posts AI pictures and apparently does meet and greets as a Michael Jackson impersonator so you know he's out there and he's alive and he seems to be thriving

which I'm very happy about. Encore judge should have impersonators he has a very uniquely earnest face I think etched in the annals of history oh god but yeah I had to bring that in

I love that clip sometimes that people just crop the what have we done to the world look what we've done whenever there's anything I don't know anything that gives you as Bo Burnin would say that funny feeling or as

Lily Allen would say the fear you would just know what have we done to the world like on the last day of the previous Premier League season

I was watching three games at once on a laptop one on a TV and another one on another TV and I took a picture of that

and I thought watching three football games at once and in my head on Carr Judge's voice just what have we done to the world

and yeah so he can live on in my head rent free for that for as long as he wants do we have anything more to say about the earth song I mean have we lost the trust of elephants

when you look into an elephant's eyes do you think it trusts you because it's one of those chilling thoughts you think off before you go to sleep at night where you think that elephant can I trust it you know is it going to come for me in the middle of the night

have I lost that elephants to trust I just have all the lines in the song I just think, that's just so strange. What did he mean? What did he mean? So I'm just going to leave this. Leave it on that. Like, something to give you the chills as darkness descends this evening is,

watch out for that elephant. You might have lost its trust. Don't be fool, Billy. That elephant will lose its trust in you and come for you. Kill everyone you know about. Oh, dear. So, that means that we've got next, born to runner up for nine.

So Andy, give us our top 10 number two singles of 95. I have to mention something that's happened at the bottom of the chart this year. So to recap, we listen to every number two single and we rank them all in a secret scoring system and only I know the result until we go live on the air. I get to be the, I'm going to say the Kate Thornton or the Dermot O'Leary and I accidentally said the Kermit O'Leary for a second then, which would be fantastic. Shane, Shane, you've won the X Factor. Way on!

Anyway, so at the bottom of the chart, something has happened this year, which is really a horrible thing for this artist, which is at the bottom two songs that we voted on, are both by the same artist. So out of the 21 number two singles, of 1995, we've decided that the very worst was father and son by boy's own. It's just awful. It is shamed. That the second worst

is love me for a reason by boy's own. It was close between the two. It was a breakneck race to the bottom between those two. So, yes, sorry, Ronan. Not sorry, Ronan, actually. You tortured us in the Nauties,

so not sorry, Ronan. Anyway, let's go straight into that top ten. although I will quickly shout out that one of Ed's absolute favour just missed out on the top ten which was shy guy by Diana King which just missed out on the top ten

unfortunately so into that top ten in 10th place it's Draglione by Perez Prado Oh yeah yeah the one where I didn't know it from the title and then I heard the and I thought yeah okay it's that one

it's the advert one And I immediately, and my husband as well, we immediately thought, what advert was it? And I thought, was it alcohol? Of course it was alcohol. But yes, it was a Guinness advert. Anyone who's wondering right now, it's a Guinness advert. That's what it was.

In ninth place, we've got, Don't Give Me Your Life by Alex Party. And I'd like to imagine that name of that act is when you have a party that's only the people called Alex. And you've got just everyone there, with the same name. What a party is that. And they're letting Homer Globlet.

In eighth place, we've got Wonderwall. But oh no, not that Wonderwall. It's, for me, as far as I'm concerned, the better Wonderwall by the Mike Flowers Pops, which I loved at the time, and I hadn't heard in nearly 30 years, and I absolutely loved revisiting this. I think this is spectacular.

But yes, the Mike Flowers. hours, Pops, getting an area on our show. How lovely. In 7th place, it set you free by Entrance. Ooh. Yeah. Okay, yeah.

More taken with the instrumental than the vocals on that one, but still, great track. Yeah, the vocals is what lets that down for me. If they had really hard vocals, that would have made it sore. Absolutely, I think we're all in agreement, yes. In sixth place,

we're revisiting the Battle of Britpop because this is where we have put Roll with it by Oasis Fair dudes Oh yeah Okay yes that's a little higher than Okay yeah I'm still Yeah fine with that being in the top ten though

I'm happy with that Absolutely it's decent Into our top five This is a really good top five This was a good year Bronsmoner of this was stacked This was tough It's already been like that top ten so far

I really like all of those songs So this top five is good in fifth place we've got All right by Supergraph And I think we would agree that they've done All right In Volunteer for Rock haven't they Yeah but that being fifth

That shows how high quality The top four is in my opinion Yes Well we've had to have For the first time in this episode And not the last we've had to have some adjudication From our fourth judge From the, let's call them the fourth official

of 5th 21, which is Lizzie, who's broken the tie between third and fourth. So these do have the same ranking from us, but Lizzie has decided that in fourth place, it's Wonderwall again, it's Oasis. Yeah, I mean, it's... I found it really hard to rank Wonderwall, because it's like ranking, like, you know,

the sky or, like, a roast dinner. It's like, these are just concepts that exist in the world. Yeah, it's like, ranking the theme from Ghostbusters. I mean, it's like, what... Is that good? I don't even know. Yeah. on rank something. It's like ranking what you think of toast. It's like it's just

part of life. Like it's just yeah, well toast is a big part of my life in any case, but that's a topic for another time. So into our top three and the third place as decided by Lizzie again was No More I Love You's by Annie Lennox. Okay, yeah, happy with that.

Which I really liked, I'm happy with that. That's honest to God, that is a real personal favourite of mine. I totally adored that when it came out. If you were asking, like, nine-year-old me that probably would have been the pick here's what's even more remarkable than that

fact that I told you about the bottom two which were both the same artist I'm going to reveal to you now that the top two songs are the same artist as well in second place in this year's Born to Runner Up it's a double A side of mischapes and sorted for reason with

by Pope that's the real winner of Born to Runner Up this year because it's been number two twice yes yeah and we all ranked it really high. It's a testament to this song that, like, it, well, these songs that it did actually run the winner relatively close.

It's just got such a great opening coupler as well. I mean, it's everything. It's got a great everything. It has. It's just raised on a diet of broken biscuits. That's such a great way to start, like, an anthemic song. It's very pulp. Before we get ahead of ourselves, I'm just going to quickly call over Kylie Minogue, who's been

sat patiently waiting through this whole episode. She enjoyed our conversation about the Earth song and she thinks she can trust elephants. So thanks for that, Kylie. And Kylie hands over the golden tiara to pass to this year's winner. It's common people by Polk. Oh, could it be anything else?

It was the unanimous winner and that was not a hard decision for me. I want to be for you to, but for me that was not hard at all. It's one of the best singles of the 90s, let alone just number ones. It's tremendous. really, isn't it?

Yeah, and it's such a shame that we never got to talk about it, especially because it was beaten by freaking Robson and Jerome of all people. But it's recognised here. I mean, yeah, it still wins born to runner up

and I will say I think it's going to be in with a very good shout at the Be Truecock, the Champion of Champions at the end of the decade, I should say. I will quickly recap where we are

with that. So we've had Tom Steiner by Suzanne Vega from 1990. Crazy by Seal from 1991. My Girl by The Temptations from 92. The Key the Secret by Irvin Cookie Collective from 93. Confide in me by Kylie Monogue from 94. And now common people by Pulp from 95.

What an EP? I will say, I don't think it's a done deal for Pulp just yet, depending on what wins over the following few years. We've got some mighty contests coming up and born to runner up towards the end of this decade, where it gets. ridiculously stacked. So watch this space, but that is turning into a real fight. So for now, well done, Pulp. And we'll see if we hear from you again as we go. Yeah. All right then. So that means it's time now, Andy, for you to let us know what our bottom five and top 10

songs were of the year. I think you could just do them in a straight list, to be honest. Is there 15 this year? They're 17. 17. So, well, no, I'm going to do our countdown at the bottom five. and then we'll just, yeah, I feel like I kind of want to rub salt in the wound of the bottom, I will just say that. So our fifth lowest song of the year with an average score of 4.7 and put in the pie hole by Ed,

it's You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson. Yeah. Wow, only fifth worse. Yeah, only fifth of us. I mean, it's quite a leap as well. He had an average score of 4.7 and now we go down to 2.8 from there. There's four songs that are 2.8 or lower this year.

We had some really bad stuff. Our fourth lowest rated song of the year with an average score of 2.8 and put in the pie hole by all three of us. By Cher, Chrissy Hind, Nena Cherry, Eric Clapton. I think I was on that at some point. They drafted me in. Ed, you were there on the drums.

Rob, you were there on the bass. Everyone was there. If you weren't there, then I don't know. know where you were that day. It's love can build a bridge. Yeah, a bridge to the pie hole. In third lowest place this year, with an average score of 2.7,

put in the pie hole by all three of us. It's don't stop wiggle, wiggle by the out here. Oh, atrocious. Just a nothing track in it. Just, I know. Just, I know. Yeah. But it's happened again.

The lowest two songs of this year are the same. So our second lowest, our second lowest double A side of the year, it's double A side again, it's Unchained Melody and White Cliffs of Dover by Robson and Jerome, with an average score of 2.6 and put in the pie hole by all three of us. Yeah, bollocks. But there is one that's done even worse than that. Test your knowledge of how closely you've been listening this year, because it's the more forgettable and the more regrettable

of Robson and Jerome's number ones this year. I can't remember it. What is it? Seriously. With an average score of 1.3, pie-holed by all three of us and given a flat zero score by Ed, it's I believe, slash, up on the roof by Robson and Jerome.

And I want to stop and recognise this moment because it is the lowest rated of 1995. But it's also, statistically, we have decided the worst song to have ever appeared on hits 21. It's got the lowest thing. Taking the title from Sexy Chick by Acon. From 2008, I think. Or 2009, I think.

Yeah, 2009. That's 1.5, that one, sexy chick. Yeah. So I feel sorry for the people of 1995, but then I think they had 14 years before they heard anything that was possibly as bad as this, and number one.

So, yes. That's a hot five. Don't speak so soon. Well, yeah, we'll see. Yeah, so that's our bottom five. I will briefly touch on 12th place. It was Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom by Outier Brothers. And in 11th place, it was Boombastic by Shaggy.

It was The Boomers in the middle. It was booming. And so into our top 10, with an average score of 6.3, it's Think Twice by Celine Dion. And I'll be honest, I had to think twice to remember this one. Because it feels like that was so long ago that we covered that song. So, yeah, but well done, Celine, I guess. It's right, it's right, isn't it? In ninth place, with an average score of 6.5, it's Cotton Eye Joe by Rednecks.

Wow, making it into the top ten. That's awesome. It's a long time ago. Hey, it's fun. Yeah. In eighth place, we're revisiting the Battle of Britpop coming eighth. It's country house by Blair, with an average score of 7.5 and vaulted by Ed. and Ed alone. Yeah, country house. Do you know what?

I think I'm perfectly fine with it being mid-table. I think that's about right, to be honest. In seventh place, vaulted by me and Ed, and with an average score of 7.8, it's Love the Farrell by Simply Red.

Of course, I mean, Fairground by Simply Red. And I'm happy to see that do pretty well. I was really wondering before we put our scores in for this one, am I any of anyone who likes this? And I'm really glad that I'm not. So, yeah.

In sixth place, vaulted by me and Rob, also with an average score of 7.8, it's some might say by Oasis. So I'm going to tell you there's been dramatic events that have happened with this top five. I'll just give you one element of that drama, so I messaged Lizzie to decide this tie, because there was a direct tie between fifth and fourth place, where they had the exact same score for each song for all three of us, vaulted by the same people as well, both with an average score of eight. Lizzie's decided that tie. So, in fifth place, it's back for good by Take That. A classic.

Okay. Yeah. And I think that's like where I would put it, but I'm not sure I would have ranked it above the one that's beaten it. We'll see what you two think. In fourth place, it's dreamer by Living Joy, with all the exact same numbers, average score of eight. Dreamer. Hard to compare. Hard to compare those to.

Very different songs. Very different songs. I'm very fond of both of them for totally different reasons. Yeah. Yeah. But all is not lost for Take That because in third place this year,

it's never forget. By Take That. Okay. With an average score of 8.2 and vaulted by me and Ed. So, I will tell you where the drama lies. And even if you two

were to look at our secret scores right now, you still wouldn't know what's won this year because while we've been on the air I got so passionate talking about the earth song that I decided to up my score by a point and to my horror after doing that, realized that meant it was now a tie between the top two songs of this year

and we were already on the air and I didn't know what to do. So both these songs scored an average of 8.3 and have been triple vaulted. What about the integrity of the level? list, Andy? What about that? So while we've been talking, I've messaged Lizzie

and Lizzie has decided this year's winner. I will tell you the two songs are Earth Song by Michael Jackson and Gangsters Paradise by Julio featuring LV. One of these songs has won the year.

I feel like I could call Lizzie's verdict to mile away on this, to be honest. I think you're right here, Lizzie. Let's inject a bit of attention. I've never had a chance to do this genuinely in front of everyone I'm going to get to do the the 2009 Christmas chart thing in second place

it's a song yeah yeah that's right so yeah that's yeah I'm kind of pleased about that as well because I do prefer gangster's paradise to yeah it's fair it's fair I prefer air song actually and Ed gave them the same score so it was absolutely triple deadlocked but Lizzie has broken the deadlock which means First of all, before I give out the winner,

I'm going to invite on Wigfield. Hello, Wigfield. Oh, hello. Did he do that go over? Did we know that for you? Yes. We both had the same idea there. And do you have any final words

before I pass over the Thierra? And she just says, oh my God, there's an elephant over there. I can't trust it. You go, Wigfield. Off you go. It'll be fine. Yeah, go and speak to Kylie about trusting elephants. She knows what to do.

Yes, Kylie and Wigfield are off to form their own kind of Thelma and Louise style journey. So thanks to both Kylie and Wigfield. But this year's winner is Gangsters Paradise by Culeo, featuring LV. And it truly is a paradise for them because they've reached the lofty heights of number one on the Hits 21 chart for 95.

Congratulations, Cooleo and LV, yes. And Cooleo, I look forward to seeing you many, many more times in this program. All right then, so, that's 1995. When we come back, we'll be looking at 1996. Really? Wow. I know. I cannot believe we have made it so far through the 90s already. I can't believe we're, well, we are now over halfway.

We've got, yeah, yeah, wow. Well, there you have it. So thank you very much for listening to our 95 coverage, which lasted a bit longer than we intended. Thanks again, Spotify. 1996 should hopefully proceed without any problems to copyright

I've been sourceded it now but yes we will see you for it bye bye now take care Michael Jackson with the Earth song and bringing us straight back down to Earth here's Vic with a correct

rendition What about Boos What about dogs You're all about chickens Ha What about chickens

What about chicken chicken That's chickens Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you.

Thank you.