Hits 21 - 2004 (9): Robbie Williams, Eminem, U2, Girls Aloud

Episode Date: August 20, 2023

Hello again, everyone, and welcome back to Hits 21, the show that's taking a look back at every UK #1 hit single of the 21st century - from January 2000, right through to the present day. Twitter: @Hits21UK Email: [e-mail] Vault: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5O5MHJUIQIUuf0Jv0Peb3C?si=e4057fb450f648b0 Piehole: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2FmWkwasjtq5UkjKqZLcl4

Hi there everyone, welcome back to Hits21, where me andy and me lizzie all look back at every single uk number one of the 21st century from january 2000 right through to the present day if you want to get in touch with us you can find us over on x formerly known as Twitter. We are at Hits21UK. That is at... That is at Hits21UK. And you can email us too. Just send it on over to Hits21Podcast at

gmail.com. Thank you so much for joining us again. We are covering the year 2004 right now. This time we'll be covering the period between the 10th of October and the 4th of December It is a super-sized episode At least by recent standards If anything, it's regular-sized

If you compare it to our 2001 coverage Or even the year 2000 coverage When we were doing five songs a week But we'll explain all in a little while Just looking back to last week the poll winner and it was a fairly clear poll winner on our most voted upon poll

so far in the show's history but Call On Me by Eric Pritz walked away with it quite comfortably in the end bit of a lasting impact there yeah so on to this week's episode and as always it's time for some news from around the time that the songs we're covering in this episode were at number one

in the uk david bieber a 38 year old former united states marine is found guilty of murdering pc ian broadhurst on boxing day Day in 2003. Bieber was sentenced to life in prison. His sentence was later reduced to 37 years, meaning that he will be eligible for parole in 2045, by which point he'll be 79. In the United States, George W. Bush beats Democratic candidate John Kerry to achieve a second term as president. And a video of Osama bin Laden appears on Arabic TV in which he mocks Bush and threatens more terrorist attacks on United States soil. And in football, Manchester United beat Arsenal 2-0 at Old Trafford to finally bring an end to Arsenal's unbeaten run in the Premier League,

which remains the longest in English football history to this day. Arsenal have gone 49 league games without losing, winning the Premier League title in the process. The films to hit the top of the UK box office during this period were as follows. Bride and Prejudice for one week. Shark Tale for three weeks, The Grudge for one week, Bridget Jones The Edge of Reason for two weeks, and The Incredibles for two weeks. Former Pantera guitarist Darryl Abbott, better known as Dimebag Darryl, is shot and killed on stage in the US state of Ohio while performing with his band Damage Plan. Abbott was killed by a lone gunman Nathan Kale who then killed three other people before being shot by police.

The BBC announces that Top of the Pops will be moving from Fridays on BBC One to Sundays on BBC Two and the music video for the new version of Do They Know It's Christmas by Band Aid 20 airs across all five terrestrial channels simultaneously, attracting 13.5 million viewers. Do you know, considering it aired across all five channels at once, that's actually a really low rating. Yeah, I wonder what time it was broadcast. It was played out on the 18th of November 2004 at 5.55pm. That's a Thursday.

Oh, that's not great. No. Everyone would have been watching Paul O'Grady's show. Yeah, that's the Paul O'Grady Simpsons slot. Andy, the album charts. Quite a long period to cover, but how are they looking? Yeah, it is quite a long period to cover, so strap yourselves in because I've got six albums to mention to you

that reached number one during this period. And I say strap yourselves in because the first place we're visiting is we're going Around the Sun by R.E.M., which is the first one to reach number one this week. It goes one week at the top and goes gold, just gold, not platinum, in that club again. And after we visited around the Sun we go to the glorious satisfying land of Ronan Keating who gets number one for one week with his compilation ten years of hits I think you could rearrange the word think you'd rearrange the word hits to make a

more apt description four times platinum which is really depressing um as a commentary on the human race so that's 10 years of hits which went number one for one week and then was toppled by a different greatest hits by one robbie williams simply titled greatest hits it went number one for two weeks when eight times platinum one of the biggest albums of the year. If only we had a chance to discuss Robbie Williams in this episode. It's just... I can't seem to think of a way.

After that, moving to a very, very different genre, we have Il Divo. Remember Il Divo? They have one week at number one, and that went five times platinum. You did kind of hear that album everywhere.

It was a kind of mum's favourite, that album. Oh, yeah. Ill Devo, yeah. Then, moving swiftly onwards, for two weeks at number one, we've got Encore by Eminem going four times platinum, which is a major drop from some of his previous albums, just to say. Four times platinum is still a huge success, but nothing compared to the success of his last few.

And again, I just wish we had an opportunity to go into M&M more this week. Can't find a way. And finally, there is a very helpful instruction manual at the top for three weeks, which is How to Dism an atomic bomb by you too which went four times platinum and again i just wish we could talk about you too this week yeah so that's it we still stopped talking a huge amount huge amount at the top during this period and most of them quite big as well so it was a busy old period on the Albums Chart. Lizzie, is it just as busy in the US? Yes, quite a busy period, actually.

Not in terms of singles, though. I only have one to mention this week, and I will save the Christmas number one for our next episode. In the meantime, though, the single this week is My Boo by Usher, featuring Alicia Keys, which got to number one for six weeks in America where it was eventually certified five times platinum however it got stuck at number five in the UK in early November held off the top spot by our second song this week moving on to albums it's a busy period in a busy episode so I will just quickly run through these. So we had

American Idiot by Green Day for one week. Feels Like Today by Rascal Flatts for one week. 50 Number Ones by George Strait for two weeks. Stardust, The Great American Songbook Volume 3

by Rod Stewart for one week. Oh yes. Unfinished Business by Jay-Z and Robert Kelly for one week. And Now 17 by Various Artists for one week. And finally, we have Encore by Eminem, which got to number one for two weeks, went five times platinum in the US, and also got to number one in the UK

and you better believe that it's not the last time we'll be discussing that album on this episode. Nope and definitely not on this podcast either because we have to go back to it a second time but thank you very much both of you for those reports from the UK

albums chart and from over there on the other side of the Atlantic but we're gonna get back over to the UK now and press on with this week's episode and the first song up this week is this Ouch the static he lives in my basement and i can hardly face it my performance is easy i am the god of romance and in my confusion i'll have the right to reign he's stolen my oscars he trades all my jokes he makes all my engines go oh he puts any in the arsenal but call coming my throw Divine retribution and away we go Something's happening, I can feel it

Moving out of time, you'll hear it Falling in the way you fear it Jumping, thumping, shout at something Jumping, thumping, shout at something Listen to the radio All right. My dear Alright, this is Radio by Robbie Williams. Released as the lead single from his second compilation album, titled Greatest Hits, Radio is the 21st single overall to be released by Robbie Williams in the UK, and his 6th to reach number 1.

And this is not the last time that sixth to reach number one and this is not the last time that we'll be discussing Robbie on this podcast. Radio went straight in at number one as a brand new entry knocking Eric Pridds off the top of the charts. It stayed at number one for one week. In its first and only week atop the charts it sold 42 000 copies beating competition from more more more by rachel stevens which got to number three my neck my back by kia which got to number four reach up for the sunrise by joran joran which got to number five what you're made of by lucy silvas which got to number seven do you know i go crazy by angel city which got to number eight, and Whatever You Want by Christina Milian and Joe Budden, which got to number nine.

Busy week for new entries there. When it was knocked off the top of the charts, radio fell two places to number three. By the time it was done on the charts, it had been inside the top 100 for eight weeks, which I think is the shortest stay we've ever had on the show so far. The song has never received any official certification from the British pornographic industry.

Andy, kick us off with Radio by Robbie Williams, although I think the assessment of the single has already been done, as far as I'm concerned. I take it back what I said about the human race, because hearing those statistics, people do have some taste. Yeah, so just to kind of get my wagon on the road straight away, I really, really

don't like this. I think if I was to sum this up in one pithy, pretentious word, it would be hubris. That's what lies at the heart of this, to be honest. You've got a guy here, Robbie Williams, who has really kind of, I think, arguably the heart of this to be honest that you've got a guy here Robbie Williams who has really kind of I think arguably the period before this is Escapology album I think you could arguably say that was his peak in terms of not just mainstream appeal but actual quality as well

there are a lot of very good songs on that album like Feel in particular and Come Undone Something Beautiful like it was a good era for Robbie and he was definitely starting to develop that reputation through his shows at Nebworth and these huge giant arena shows he used to do of being a showman, which I politely use the phrase, you know, a showman. And so those combinations of factors seem to have given him, like I say, the sense of hubris that he can kind of do anything and he can't. I'll tell you one thing he can't do which is a sort of human league Giorgio Moroder style early 80s pop because that's what he's trying to do here and it falls

flat as a pancake. There's just no subtlety to what he's trying to do for starters that I don't know whether he's actually doing this live in the studio or whether it's been put on in post but the kind of wobbly voice thing again like the humanly the kind of wobbly singing like that which just doesn't work for him at all just kind of makes him sound like he's on a boat or something um yeah um and the production is like fine in general but again it's really obvious what they're going for and it's just not Robbie's thing

I've got to say straight away that there is a running theme throughout most of the songs we're covering this week of artists attempting to do something they've not really done before and not being particularly successful at it that's kind of a running theme throughout, but none more so than Robbie this week, unfortunately.

It's just, it kind of makes you scratch your head in disbelief because like I say, he was on top of the world. He really kind of could have just continued on with the very nice niche he'd found himself in and been very, very successful for decades on. And yes, he did eventually recover from this but this period between 2004 and 2009 roughly was such a disaster for him that he had to make an actual bona fide comeback at the end of the decade because he'd fallen off the map so much

and you can see why with something like this i mean the elephant in the room here is that surely there were drugs involved because it just this song is just not worth putting out as it is like it's just not worthy of being a lead single for robbie williams i mean the thing that makes me think yeah they thought they had something here that they didn't have and drugs were probably involved is that central line um of the chorus and you know there are bad lyrics from everyone. Like, nobody is quite innocent of it. You know, some of the greatest lyricists ever have written some awful, awful lyrics, you know.

But very few of them have put that as the central line of the chorus. And this just utterly banal statement of, listen to the radio and you will hear a song, you know. Oh, OK. Hmm. Insightful. It's the kind of thing that he probably thought sounds profound of like, if you just listen to the radio, you'll hear a song, you know.

Just it's like what it really, really reminds me of. Again, this is why kind of i feel like drugs are involved it really reminds me of peep show when jeremy and super hands have the big beat manifesto which is uh big beats are the best get high all the time which when they're high as a cloud they think that it's like they say they thought it was an all-encompassing philosophy and that's what i feel like robbie was doing here like listen to the radio and you will hear some songs you know oh thanks for that one oh thanks for getting that tattooed on my back yeah cheers for that robbie um so yes pretty terrible to be honest and certainly a far cry from the golden era of robbie

there are quite a series of Robbie singles coming up, which thankfully don't get to number one, which are awful. The likes of Tripping and Rudebox, just awful. So time for him to spend a few years in the wild after this. If I listened to the radio and this came on, I'd turn the radio off God Andy, why are you so nasty? Yeah, the thing with this Andy that you've just mentioned there about

the presence of something or other you know I assume, I don't know but this was co-written by Stephen Duffy of Duran Duran, who we mentioned before. But there's someone, there is a lack of presence for one person in particular.

There's an elephant not in the room. Jonathan Wicks? Well, no, he was probably there cheering Robbie on. This was quite notable for being Robbie's first solo single without Guy Chambers and I remember my mum it was while my gran was still alive

my mum's mum so it would have been pre-2006 because I remember sitting in my gran's front room and Robbie's one of Robbie's songs coming on the tv and going and they're going oh he's not been the same without that guy chambers it's just because my mum was big on take that she was big on robbie but she could not get into this era intensive care

um was the album i don't think she bought this greatest hits to be honest because she already had um all of his albums plus uh one of her workmates had managed to get hold of a copy of the ego was landed which i think was the one that was released in the us um and that had like all of his best stuff on it up to that point as well so she was she had her robbie phil and when this came out and she just went nah. Yeah, Guy Chambers is clearly the thing that fine tunes Robbie's talents to make great pop. But the thing with this, you know that line

from The Simpsons where Mrs. Krabappel is like, ha! It thinks it's people! And when she's referring to Santa's little helper. Like, this, funnily enough andy was in my notes and it was in yours too which is just the ha it thinks it's the human league like it it's all i really have to say about this this is a near total misfire that robbie i don't know just it's

there was an attempt you know like i think it's pretty clear that robbie has you know his best singles he works best when he has a partner who's capable of curtailing his worst impulses and trimming him back slightly. I think this is almost barely worth discussing because he would do weirder stuff than this and worse stuff than this, which I think is more interesting. Stuff like Rudebox, which is just like, what? At least with this, it's like yes it really

is but like in a way i find like you know like i kind of rub a neck whenever i listen to it but so it means that like you know this is a misfire but it's not even one of his interesting ones like i'd so i don't know i just feel like it's not even piehole worthy, I just feel like it sits on the edge, and it'll maybe flirt with falling in over the course of the episode, but I'm not quite sure, I've not fully made my mind up yet, but it's just so, like, oh yeah, he's trying to do the human league, and it's a bit funny, because it's Robbie, like, you know, whatever he does, he throws his whole self into it, and so when he throws his whole self into a misfire it's like you sort of have to giggle a little bit whereas with stuff like rude box it's like that there's an added level of just it is slightly more deranged than this and so out of

character where it's like with this it feels like um with radio it's as if robbie is you can see what he's trying to do with radio whereas with rude box there's no other song that sounds like it is there um but just like you andy i think that there is also a running theme through this episode which is male musicians perhaps under the influence of one intoxicant or another pressing ahead with a bad idea because they're too powerful and too popular to have their ideas turned down when it would have perhaps been better to do so um i think that yeah this is not the biggest example in this episode of that kind of stuff but like you were saying Andy it's this hubris thing where it's like I can do what I want and I'm just going to press ahead

because I'm very drunk or very high right now and permanently because I have to be where's the people around him to stop him though because there has to be someone who could have done that who must have been thinking it because I just

sorry I don't think anyone with ears could really listen to this and think that this like if you compare it to you know the glory is if you compare it to let me entertain you millennium and angels and feel and kids and you know all the other robbie classics would you listen to this and really think this is in that caliber that it's worthy of joining those songs i just think any like i say anyone with ears would think no this is not good enough like we're going to damage robbie's brand by putting this out um and so i have to conclude he just must be surrounded by yes men at this point who weren't going to stop him from releasing this yeah yeah it feels a bit

be here now in that sense where it's just clearly Be Here Now is... I mean, I like Be Here Now more than most people, but I don't like it that much. You know, I think it is just a product of about 50 blokes on cocaine going to a studio and getting all excited and no one saying no about an idea that gets put forward. It's like, this was born out of Williams writing the songs distinctive synth pop melody by from the Wikipedia page, attempting and failing to play Harold Faltermeyer's Axl F on a keyboard from memory.

Oh, God. Oh, that's a sad little story. That is attempting and failing. So, yes, not a favorite uh lizzie how about you yeah it's like you've reached into my notes wholesale like you said everything that i possibly could say about this i've i've put we have gary newman at home yes yeah pretty much yeah it's all very very very late 70s earlys, early 80s, this, to me. Yeah, and yeah, like you, Rob, I'm aware that Guy Chambers gave us a bit of a dud last week with Real to Me,

but yeah, his absence on this is notable. Like, Robbie without Guy Chambers seems like Elton John without Bernie Taupin. Like, he still sounds the same for the most part, but you lose an essential part of the act without the person who understands the artist's voice, as in the personality they impart through their writing. And that's clearly not here. So you've got this song that is impenetrable.

It's just, it's's meaningless it's completely meaningless i don't know i've even like gone and looked for meanings for the song on you know google and song meanings and stuff but it's just gobbledygook there's nothing to it and yeah the lyrics barely make sense as sentences let alone as coherent they're all non-sequitur stuff yeah yeah like the best i can gather is that he himself has become like pop music as a whole and he is this sort of multiple personality like dr jekyll and mr hyde type thing going on but even that i think is giving it too much credit um so since i completely agree with what both of you have already said i'll just talk about um so a couple of weeks ago

um me and friend of the podcast kit watched an episode of top of the pops from 2004 it was the first of october episode um it's on YouTube at the time of recording this. It's 1st of October 2004. It's got Girls Aloud in the thumbnail, I think. It's the episode where they do Love Machine. It's While Call On Me was still number one. And it's the episode where Robbie Williams debuts this song. And I think it's notable just because he does an interview with Fern Cotton beforehand,

and he looks like he hasn't slept in a month. Yeah. You look in his eyes and there's just nothing there and, like, struggling to form sentences. He goes in for a kiss. I'm sure they're friends. I'm sure it's fine. But, like, there's this real sense of like who are you you're not robbie

williams it's this weird like i don't know like a replicant's just walked in like he looks like him he sounds like him but he's just behaving like this fucking weirdo and he comes in and does this song and he he rips off a bit of You Spin Me Round at the end as well. You know, the I want your love. Yes. It's a mess. And even the crowd are like, they're doing their best to be enthused by it. But it's just not there.

You can see this is kind of dead on arrival. And the fact that it dropped out of the charts after after eight weeks I think kind of says it all and even like you Rob my mum was a big Robbie fan and she doesn't remember this yeah we looked up just before the show didn't we this was stuffed away at number track number 18 on a 19-track Greatest Hits album. Yeah, the real sign of... Yeah. Is that the Greatest Hits that just come out? The one we've just mentioned? Yes, yeah.

Bloody hell. This wasn't on an album. This was just on the end of a Greatest Hits album so that it could chart on the main album's chart. Just common sense to put it as track one. Give it a chance. It sounds exactly like that. It just sounds like something they either tossed off in a weekend

or that they had lying on the shelves and thought, yeah, we can slap that on. That'll do. Yeah. Yeah, it's rubbish. It's really bad. Moving swiftly on. Well, I say moving swiftly on because we've actually got to go back slightly

because next up at number one was this. Okay, so this is once again Call on Me by Eric Pritz. Call on Me went back to number one during its fifth week on the chart, knocking Robbie Williams off the top spot. It stayed at number one for two more weeks in its fourth week in total at number one. It sold 25,000 copies beating competition from I Believe My Heart by Duncan James and Keedy which got to number two, Come Get Some by Rooster which got to number seven, Let Me Kiss You by Morrissey which got to number eight and Something is Going On by Cliff Richard which got to number nine. In its fifth and final week atop the charts it sold 22,000 copies beating competition from

The Love of Richard Nixon by Manic Street Preachers which got to number two, Millionaire by Kelis and Andre 3000 which got to number three, Happy People by Robert Sylvester Kelly which got to number three happy people by robert sylvester kelly which got to number six enjoy the silence 04 by depeche mode which got to number seven and kinda love by darius which got to number eight when it was knocked off the top of the charts call on me dropped one place to number two by the time it was done on the charts it had been inside the top 100 for 41 weeks. The song is currently officially certified two times platinum in the UK as of 2023. And because we've already discussed it, we're going to move on again. But there's another issue, and you're going to be hearing a lot of my voice for the next like two minutes so um so next up at number one was wonderful by jar rule

and ashanti featuring robert sylvester kelly so ordinarily we would have covered this but because we're not covering songs properly featuring kelly we've decided to acknowledge the song out of respect to jar rule and ashanti but not to give it our usual full coverage for reasons that we explained whenever Ignition got to number one. The song stayed at number one for one week and it sold 24,000 copies beating competition from four new entries that week which were Nothing Hurts Like Love by Daniel Bedingfield, Stolen by Jay Sean, You Won't Forget About Me by Danny Minogue and What Became of the Likely Lads by the Libertines When it was knocked off the top

of the charts, Wonderful fell five places to number six and left the charts after ten weeks. The song is currently officially certified silver in the UK. As of 2023, I think it's the only time we're going to get to discuss Ja Rule on the podcast so I just want to mention that

Ja Rule has the funniest voice in all of rap, I think. He just has such a gruff voice that sounds like he's being slowly overtaken by Homer Simpson constantly. I was going to say, like a cartoon dog. Yes,

it's unusual. An acquired taste. Hey everyone, I'm Ja Rule, the rocking dog. I think the thing that's really stood out to me over the past sort of, like, three minutes while we've been talking is that the sales. 25,000, 22,000, 24,000.

Like, we're only about four months away from the UK record industry finally just holding their hands up and going okay the single cd is no longer the dominant format we need to start including downloads um and that's what they do from april next year but i think for a little while there are going to be some atrociously low numbers um in the charts getting to number one. But we're going to move on and we're going to play some more music. Yes, we like music and I'm going to get to have a break. So the next song up this week is this. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down

Guess who's back, back, back again Shady's back, back, back, back Tell a friend Now everyone report to the dance floor To the dance floor, to the dance floor Now everyone report to the dance floor Alright, stop Pajama time

Come here, little kiddies On my lap Guess who's back with a brand new rap And I don't mean rap as in a new case Of child molestation accusation No worries Papa's got a brand new bag of toys What else could I possibly do to make noise?

I done touched on everything But little boys That's not a stab at Michael That's just a metaphor I'm just psycho I go a little bit crazy sometimes I get a little bit out of control with my rhymes Good God, dip, do a little slide, bend down, touch your toes and just glide Up the center of the dance floor, like TP for my bunghole

And it's cool if you let one go, nobody's gonna know who'd hear it Give a little poot-poot, it's okay Oops, my CD just skipped, and everyone just heard you let one rip Now I'm gonna make you dance Get your chance Yeah, boy, shake that ass Oops, I mean girl Girl, girl, girl

Girl, you know you're my world Alright, now lose it Just lose it Go crazy Oh, baby Oh, baby, baby It's Friday and it's my day Just two party

All the way to Sunday Maybe till Monday I don't know what day Every day's just a holiday Cruising on the freeway Feeling kinda breezy Okay, this is Just Lose It by Eminem. Released as the lead single from his fourth studio album titled Encore, Just Lose It is Eminem's 12th single overall to be released in the UK and his fifth to reach number one. And this is not the last time that we'll be discussing Marshall Mathers on this podcast. Just Lose It went straight in at number one as a brand new entry, knocking Ja Rule and Ashanti off the top of the charts. It stayed at number one for one week.

In its first and only week atop the charts, it sold 63,000 copies, beating competition from Lose My Breath by Destiny's Child, which got to number two, My Prerogative by Britney Spears, which got to number three, Car Wash by Christina Aguilera and Missy Elliott, which got to number four,

Confessions Part 2 by Usher, which got to number five, The Weekend byy Elliott, which got to number four. Confessions Part II by Usher, which got to number five. The Weekend by Michael Gray, which got to number seven. And DJ by Jamelia, which got to number nine. When it was knocked off the top of the charts, Just Lose It fell two places to number three.

By the time it was done on the charts, it had been inside the top 100 for 15 weeks. The song is currently officially certified platinum in the UK as of 2023. So, Lizzy, how do we feel about Just Lose It? It's rubbish, isn't it? Yes, I agree. I mean, what more is there to say about it? Like, it's a disaster.

The lyrics aren't funny. it flows all over the place the backing track's really irritating i genuinely don't think this would be anywhere near the number one spot if not for a the name attached to it and b the controversy generated by its music video this is all it has and it's just part of i think we've mentioned before like eminem seems to have a formula where if he has a new album out he'll put out the the funny track first then he'll put out like the serious track and then he'll come back with i don't know a semi-funny semi-serious track and like this point, it is becoming a little bit too obvious. And I think, like, at the time,

granted, I didn't know what Eminem was going through in terms of addiction. And it's obviously not even the worst part of it. Like, come, like, I think it's 2006, 2007, where he's on this TV interview and he just looks gone, which is really scary. But again, I didn't know about that. I just kind of assumed that Eminem had kind of given up,

like he'd done a self-portrait Bob Dylan style thing where he didn't put out an intentionally bad song on an album of mixed results just to kind of get the pressure off because he's still at this point probably the biggest pop star in the world yeah i'd say so it's close maybe debatable but yeah he's definitely like top five he's even top 10 now we're talking 20 years on and you sort of look at lists of like the most popular musicians in the world he's still up there and it's kind of amazing that he ever recovered from this like um so just to give him a kind of personal experience of this song i was actually in

new york when i first heard this. Oh wow okay. Yeah so I went on holiday it would have been end of October 2004 it was a really nice time weather was quite nice, it was during Halloween so I got to see a lot of people in Times Square in costumes

I for some reason bought a John Kerry badge and someone in the street shouted at me saying, you can't even vote, which was true, but also unnecessary. Yeah, I went on a tour of Madison Square Garden. I think the main album I remember seeing on the billboard outside of the Big Virgin Megastore was American Idiot by Green Day. But this was also gaining a lot of traction.

And I was actually, I think I was in the shop and I saw this video playing. And I remember seeing it and thinking, I've outgrown Eminem. Yeah. And it's the maddest thing because you go back two years to like the Eminem show. I was all over that.

I bought the album probably if not day one and like the weekend of like dragged my shot dragged my dad to hmv to to buy it because yeah i was big into eminem i liked the um you know the marshall mathers lp the slim shady lp and obviously played them with headphones on because if you know you've got parents present you don't want them to be hearing tracks like Kim for example but yeah I was big into Eminem and ordinarily I would have been really excited but I think by this point given that I was into things like Kanye West and Twister and like Common now, this just seemed like kid stuff. And it's not at all because it's clearly not intended for a young audience and it's like, it's pretty tasteless.

But it's just something so juvenile about it. And it's really hard to get on board with that when you're like 13 years old because that's like the cut-off point for I'm too old for this I should be getting into more sophisticated or cool stuff and this just wasn't it I don't I didn't I don't think I knew anyone at school with this album or at least anyone who openly talked about it in the way they did the Eminem show, which was huge. Like everybody had that.

Everybody listened to it. Everybody bought the 8 Mile soundtrack as well and Lose Yourself. And with this, it's just gone. Like nobody has fond memories of this, I don't think. Yeah. Apart from very specific m&m fans who still really really enjoy all the things he releases now and say things like and all like they post memes that are like there's this one little boy who's like cowering in fear while the soldier holds back loads of monsters and the soldier holding back all the

monsters is eminem who is protecting you from the monsters modern rappers apparently eminem protects me from modern rappers i'm never growing up um but yes uh andy how about you yeah i mean you put it very very very succinctly there, Lizzie. Very much covered, you know, my feelings on it, to be honest. The thing is, I do have memories of this. You've got me thinking, though, where you say no one has fond memories of it. And I do have memories of it existing and seeing the video. But they're so minor.

They're so tangential. It's just like a thing i would have seen once and that voice that is like the only thing i really remember and then you compare it to the likes of without me and stan and real slim shady and lose yourself and you think god those were all like massive cultural moments for our generation like they were big especially stan and without me were both like huge and then you think this i just barely even remember it existed and i remember when i was first looking through the list of songs for 2004 that get number one obviously brian mcfadden as well but this i stopped

on and was like that got number one like i barely remembered that song existed and i was really surprised to hear it such a sudden fall from grace but but I'm going to say it again, hubris. That's what this is all about here. I know that he has issues going on, so it's not just hubris, but I think there is a sense here of the possibility that Eminem is so popular that he's self-sustaining at this point, which he is to a point, but no one is entirely self-sustaining at this point, which he is to a point, but no one is entirely self-sustaining. You know, some of the biggest acts in the world have come crashing down within months due to a

bad couple of singles, or at least, you know, threatened to and had to rescue themselves quickly. Look at Robbie Williams just before this, and he may not be one of the biggest acts in the world, but he's certainly one of the biggest acts in the UK, and he's not infallible. one of the biggest acts in the world, but he's certainly one of the biggest acts in the UK and he's not infallible. Now there is Eminem. And I think possibly it's kind of needed. I agree with what you said, Lizzie,

that like the bubble needs to burst with Eminem at this point, that he needs a proper stinker so that people can be, you know, kind of shaken out of the idea that he's some kind of prodigy on a higher plane and they can be dropped back to reality. Whoop, there goes gravity you know it's it's just one of those things that kind of needs to happen to be honest yeah possibly doing a little bit of a thing here yeah um but anyway um i think that kind of needs to happen because first of all like it isn't

sustainable like the previous songs that have all got number one for Eminem have been very high quality on the whole I wasn't a huge fan of Without Me but you know fair enough they're all very very well written songs that you can totally understand why they got to number one whereas this one it's like I just don't really get what the hook is supposed to be I don't really get what this is supposed to be inviting me into as a listener. I think it gets off on the wrong foot straight away with that quote of Guess Who's Back, back again, right at the start. I'm like, okay, so we're doing this, aren't we? We're taking a song that was already a victory lap and we're taking it out for another victory lap

because we're this low on ideas. And it just kind of, I guess it leaves me wondering why I got out of bed at all. But I mean, technically not an Eminem lyric, that one, but who's counting? But yeah, I mean, I just, it's a shame. It is a shame because I was more and more getting into Eminem as we were discussing him throughout the show.

Like I've never been like the biggest, hugest fanboy of him, but I did really like him. I think everyone of our generation, almost everyone at least liked him and appreciated what he was doing it was so big that it was impossible not to get drawn in to some extent but i cannot tell you how much he drops off the map in my head from this point onwards i'm talking to the point of non-existence you know that i know like toy soldiers is after this and that registers a blip on the radar but it is virtually to the point of being erased from culture entirely

in my head at this point onwards and I don't think this song is solely responsible for that but I do think it has a huge amount to do with it because it's just so bad, it's just so puerile, like stopping the whole thing like mid-beat to do a fart noise

come on, he can do better than that it's just gross and silly and puerile and immature and juvenile is the word that stuck with me from what you said Lizzie very very juvenile that blah blah blah blah blah is so

annoying as well, really really it seems like it's trying to attack the senses in a way that I don't like. Because they've kind of got nothing else to bring to the table, to be honest. So it just kind of grosses you out and kind of offends the ear. I guess that must mean he's disgusting, but it's just him. He's just obscene. But yeah. So overall, a big, big thumbs down for this and i i don't think it's like the worst

thing in the world like it does have some interesting bits in it like he still knows how to carry a little bit of a hook there are little bits that i'm like yeah i remember this now this is coming back to me and it did kind of awaken some very deep unlocked memory of the song being a thing but not to the extent that any of his other hits have done so far and at some points it was so annoying that it made me want to bust my fist through a window i guess that's why they call it window pain but i had to include that was a bit of a deeper cut from a later record though i had to include that because that i actually like love the way cut from a later record I had to include that because I actually like Love the Way You Lie you know I do actually like that

but that line is just makes me wince every time suddenly getting into like you know RuPaul style pun comedy in the middle of that weird yeah Eminem has remained fascinating to me from this point because he

has released for 20 years now nearly, he has released almost nothing but garbage and yet he still is getting number ones into the 2020s. And everyone who really likes him takes him dead seriously and I'm listening to fucking Revival and Kamikaze and I'm just sat there thinking, what are people seeing in this that they like you go on the youtube videos for certain songs from later albums and there's people

commenting underneath saying saying things like oh god this just takes me back we don't come to these songs to hear the songs we come to feel the memories and stuff like this and i'm just thinking what are you seeing in this worshiping an altar isn't it it is yeah it's a bit cultish it's gone a bit that way with kanye in recent years where as much as i really like donder i think um yay was a little below his usual standards and jesus is king was definitely below his usual standards and Jesus is king was definitely below his usual standards and I actually maybe slightly controversially think that the life of Pablo is there's like a third of it is pretty is really good and then the rest of it is basically like a glorified mixtape that doesn't sound finished and there's a lot of people who are just so so devoted to him that nothing he can do is wrong and i feel like it's a similar thing with eminem um with just lose it though this feels like the beginning point for like where i jump off

it's kind of hard to know where to start with this you know we have alluded to it on the podcast in the past but this is where i get off the eminem ride you know relapse is all right but everything else that he's done everything else about his career after this point is a struggle to me a real struggle um I like toy soldiers which we'll discuss next year um I'll make my case for that. But the thing with this is, this isn't even the worst thing on Encore. Like, you know, Encore is a record that's one third pretty good, one third meh,

and then one third just stuff like this, the most obnoxious, like, lazy bullshit you've ever heard from someone who would be in the conversation as being, like, a genuine great. genuine great like uncle starts off completely fine like a little below his usual standards up to that point but all the six songs you know standard eminem stuff and then jesus christ after that it's like a black hole opens up and this is in it like you know just as an aside there are probably some people listening out there who are probably wondering how could eminem go from lose yourself to this in the space of 18 months and apart from the

vicodin and valium that he was mainlining by this point basically i think d12 is the answer especially my band oh god yeah my band and it is like it's just lose It is like a My Band Part 2. Similar tempo, similar atmosphere, really silly, stupid lyrics alongside a silly, stupid juvenile music video. They did a song for the longest yard film that was called My Balls with a Z. And it just, yeah. So, you know, don't get me wrong. On previous records, on very rare occasions,

Em would drop a clanger. And it's not like his first three albums are totally perfect. You know, sometimes his targets were a little easy or a little strange. Like we talked about him going after Moby for some odd reason on Without Me. But that's because, you know, like he could balance it out because he often did balance it out

with, you know, really erudite, sharp observations on pop culture and society to balance it out because he often did balance it out with you know really erudite sharp observations on pop culture and society to balance it all out you know whether it was about celebrity culture or american society or what have you you know you got the sense that he was a bit of an outsider who was someone managed to break into a fancy party and was smashing glasses and flipping tables because even when he wasn't on his a-game, it felt like he had something to say. You know, he always wanted to make sure it was said in a way that was emotionally urgent as well. His first three albums are great in my book, and at worst, you know, they at least come from a point of sincerity. I will say, like I said before, that I will be probably making a very strong case for Like Toy Soldiers because it's part of that third

of Encore that's the sound of Eminem realising that he's changed and realising he's now become part of the system, analysing what that means, questioning his identity now in rap, you know, that sort of thing. But then there's the other two thirds of the album and this is where this comes from. And it's the product of a guy, I think think who has said everything that he wants to say is really wired on pills and is deciding that he's just going to have a laugh like but i don't get what the joke is here like the from what i can just about work out from the lyrics the joke seems to be michael jackson touched kids but i haven't done that and that seems to be it over and over and over again in various different ways and it's like watching

a South Park episode that hasn't aged very well, you know South Park has always been hit and miss for me when it hits I think it's brilliant but when it misses, Jesus Christ Eminem has produced a South Park kind of miss here, unfunny and annoying

and it really is worth stressing again that eminem like you were saying lizzie is out of his mind on painkillers at this point he's like he's living on vicodin and valium and he's wired permanently and then he's knocking back sleeping tablets to get like three hours of sleep a night and then apparently like Michael Jackson did in a later point of his life he was waking up at two or three in the morning asking for more painkillers more vicodin you know more sleeping tablets more opiates you know that sort of thing um and encore is a scattered mess because of that and so is this um Andy you were referencing the fart gag before if I say that this song only contains about

five percent of the fart and or puke jokes across the entire album then you will get the point of what encore is like um i do think you know i could say like toy soldiers is good but um and so i'll try and make a more positive case for the album at that point maybe but I think Encore is the place where, you know like you were saying Lizzie where he'd release the joke song, the serious song then try and do two together as like you know the three singles he would release

Encore is the place where I think Eminem's two personalities, Shady and Marshall, they kind of split and then he beats them both to death and then he replaces them both to death and then he replaces them with these like weird clones because from this point on you can just about see the resemblance to the older records but something's off something's wrong like he always knew how to balance comical stuff with more serious stuff in the past but on encore the songs are rarely both

simultaneously it's like he gives sections to more serious stuff and sections to more jokey stuff but it means that you know you get songs like toy soldiers a mockingbird and it's not my favorite but mosh you know he's at least trying to say something there and yellow brick road but then you get just lose it and ass like that and puke and big weenie and fucking my first single the so-called funny songs that just great on me so much and i think eminem still has the technical smarts but he has none of the energy none of the hunger but all of the vikadin in the usa like running through his veins um he even admitted like seven years after this he says around the tale of encore the song started getting really goofy rain man big weenie ass like that that's

when the wheels were coming off and i think that's why there's more actual screams in this song than lyrics worth listening to um i was actually looking this up, and M has admitted to taking over 50 Valium on some days, and 30 Vicodin, which, like, God. Like, we're not far away from his overdose in 2007, where he nearly dies. And I think this is a slightly worse example than radio, of a pop star pressing ahead with a bad idea because he's got too much money, too much power, and nobody is saying, Are you sure? Like, there's nobody checking with him even dre appears in the song and the video and is he seems completely fine with the content of it yeah like he gets involved in one of the

jokes and it's like a whole gay panic thing which again this song is full of the the gay panic jokes like i just don't i find this all very i find it all very cringe worthy and you know i give him props a bit for you know still managing to be eminem with his you know rapid fire staccato flow uh and that sort of thing but yeah this is poor and this is the point where with one brief stop with Light Toy Soldiers this is where I jump off the ride pretty firmly

I have gone through all of Eminem's albums numerous times over the years and he does better ones from this point, Relapse is listenable but yeah this I mean we'll come back to him a lot and we'll talk about songs like

River when we get there but yeah this is shit and that's not a joke about like the toilet humour in the song I mean speaking of shit and toilet humour

would you say this is as bad a comeback single as Lift Yourself, Rob? oh god yeah, scoopity whoopity scoop yes it's probably a little better than that because Lift Yourself

was, I mean god god but yeah lift yourself is an experience i think i might play that at the end of the episode because that's like one of those things that need to be heard to be believed um yeah really spectacular miss from kanye on that occasion but um yeah okay we'll we'll move on i, I think. Yeah, we'll just move on. Chubba, chubba, chubba, chubby. We don't have any words to go here, so chubba, chubba, chubby. All right, next up is this. Four, three, two, one. Sure enough, Captain. Your head can't rule your heart A feeling so much stronger than I thought your eyes are wide And though your soul, it can't

Before your mind can wander Hello, hello Hello I'm at a place called Vertigo It's everything I wish I didn't know It's a jewel, give me something I can feel, feel The night is full of holes, there's bullets ripping sky of ink with gold

They twinkle as the boys play rock and roll They know that they can't dance, at least they know I can stand the beats Rasking for the check Girl with crimson nails It's Jesus round her neck Swing into the music Swing into the music

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Okay, this is Vertigo by U2. Released as the lead single from the band's 11th studio album titled How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, Vertigo is U2's 38th single overall to be released in the UK and their 5th to reach number 1, or their 6th if you count LMC vs U2. And this is not the last time that we'll be discussing them on this podcast either. Vertigo went straight in at number one as a brand new entry knocking eminem off the top of the charts it stayed at number one for one week in its first and only week atop the charts it sold 52 000 copies beating competition from curtain falls by blue which got to number four

and out of the blue by delta goodrum which got to number nine when it was knocked off the top of the charts vertigo fell six places to number seven by the time it was knocked off the top of the charts, Vertigo fell 6 places to number 7. By the time it was done on the charts it had been inside the top 100 for 19 weeks. The song is currently officially certified silver in the UK as of 2023. So Andy, Vertigo, let's hear it. Yeah I'm gonna be honest I have not got a huge amount on this one. To me, this is, if I could pick the most average song ever written, it would probably be this, to be honest. That it's just very, very bland.

Very bland. And it's kind of a running joke in our household of, like, a boring song to just break out into, to be honest. I don't know what it is about U2. I'm thinking about it. Actually, we've only discussed U2 once, haven't we? So I don't know how clearly I've put this across, but I really do find them quite tiresome.

There's three or four songs I like about U2, but none of them would really go beyond I will leave it on if it comes on. You know, if I listen to the radio, I might hear a song I know with you two it wouldn't really go any further than that that wasn't a planned scripted joke by the way I'm not going to keep up these references

but yes with this it's fine but there's just something passive about you two something that's like it will never ever shock me it will never offend me it will never excite me. It will never offend me. It will never excite me.

It just is. It's not nothing. It's something. But that's all it is. It's just a thing. And that's what I think about this song, to be honest. I mean, it's got its little moments of interest, like the uno, dos, tres, quatorze thing. What's that about?

That's a bit strange. But overall, the production is really teeny and um it's just kind of it's really brief it feels like it's over before it started to be honest um it's kind of just very straight down the line stadium rock for everyone at home um and that really is all i've got to say about it to be honest because i think i would be undermining my opinion of the song to keep going, because really, I cannot emphasise enough how average this is to me. I couldn't understand why I got to number one. I can't, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.

I think it's the epitome of mainstream, bland, what can laughingly be called rock music, making it to number one. So, yes, not completely condemnatory, but there is a genuine chance I may never think about this song ever again. Well, Lizzy, how about you? Well, actually, Andy, it's deceptively simple. That riff, you can think, oh, yeah, another rock song. It doesn't become great the first time you hear

it it becomes great the thousandth time you hear it and that's true of a lot of rock riffs so we have to get the density of exposure for that to be a hit and you say i need to listen to this a thousand times because you're onto a real loser there if that's what i'm expected to do yeah there's right there's nothing in YouTube's catalogue that sounds remotely like Vertigo. It's completely fresh. Vertigo is actually quite a gem, contrary to what you say,

and it's very new. And there are beautiful little moments in there, but they're subtle. Not my words, the words of Bono. Right. I was really wondering where this was going there because I was like, have I misjudged this entirely?

No, I had to find something to say because this is just advert music. Yes, yes. Like, I really sort of balk at people who talk to me about adverts. They don't do it very often, but when they do, it's like, why have you thought of this as a thing that would be interesting to talk about it's an advert it's to sell you something

and the way this is constructed it is purely just like yeah well it's from an ipod advert but i was gonna say it sounds more like the new toyota rav4 with two horsepower engine like i don't care i just don't care but i don't have anything to really say too negatively about it unlike you know just lose it and radio because there's nothing truly horrific other than the Uno Dos Tres Catorze intro but yeah there's just nothing great either it is kind of rock by numbers and

I don't know who needs that in 2004 it just kind of exists and I don't hate it but I don't have anything to say about it either. Glad it's not just me. Well, I've got loads more to say about this era of YouTube,

but I'll save it for a day when they come back in 2005. What I'll say about Vertigo is that Bono is hilarious. Like, he keeps doing things that threaten to derail the entire song. Like, all the stupid lyrics that say a lot but evoke nothing. All the fucking ad-libs that nobody asked for and don't suit the song. Especially the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

at the end, which he was rightly mocked for because, for God's sake, man. At the beginning of the song, there's the una, dos, tres, quatorze. This is from the Wikipedia page um in english this translates to one two three fourteen when he asked when he was asked about this oddity in an interview for rolling stone bono replied there may have been some alcohol involved so it's very druggy substances getting you know it is it's more substances getting you know it is it's more male hubris I think more let's do this because

no one will tell us not to but honestly I think that this is sort of new territory for you too at least going down the fast hard rock route with a riff that sounds like it was pulled from a quiet riot song like I

think if you just ignore what Bono's saying and focus more on how he's saying it, then I think you'll have a better time because the leap into the chorus is great. The hello, hello, that's great stuff. The way it keeps building and rephrasing the chorus in a similar manner to Beautiful Day is really great, especially at the end where they go with the, I can feel your love teaching me. I think that's a bit of YouTube's late-day speciality, actually, where they manage to keep developing post-choruses so that everything sounds a little different

and you feel like you have the sense of progression um through the through the composition i agree with you andy i think the production choices are a little weird um the guitar and bass in opposite ears um is a strange effect that's a very strange effect um i am mostly into the song though um i see you two and bono the same way i see lin-manuel miranda in hamilton in the sense that bono and lin-manuel miranda are simultaneously the best and worst things about the thing that they are part of they would probably the productions themselves you two would probably be better off without bono at this stage, and Lin-Manuel Miranda, you know, would, Hamilton would probably be improved if he wasn't in it, but they wouldn't exist without them either, and so they become the most important part of it, and it wouldn't survive without them, and I'll talk more

about why I'm more forgiving of U2 the next time they come up um nostalgia is definitely playing a part in this um but I think that um the next time they get to number one uh sometimes you can't make it on your own um it feels like it's a more appropriate time to discuss uh sentimental value and things like that but I will say I did see them on this tour and this album was a big deal in my family um and it became a big deal for me personally but again 2005 is the more appropriate year because I go through more as a kid in 2005 because it's the year I leave primary school and everything kind of coincides quite nicely um but yeah I think this is generally pretty, but it's Bono that is the simultaneously best and worst thing about it. I will also give a shout out as well,

because we don't get much of a chance on the next song to say that I think that The Edge is a really interesting guitarist. Like, yeah, he doesn't have the technical, you know, you'll never hear him shred, but his grasp of effects and his grasp of how big a guitar can be i think is sort of unparalleled in pop rock um just in terms of how you can make something that sounds sparse fill so much space and decorate the song so beautifully i think his best moments in this, away from the lead riff,

come in the verses, the more kind of ambient clean tones that kind of sparkle like little stars in the mix, you know, this kind of like grungy you know you've got some lovely tones going on from the edge and the cleaner bits. There is a song that you to come back with in 2009 where they try this thing again and you can make the point quite convincingly with those two songs alone vertigo and get on your boots um which are i think i think the point that you could make is that 2004 and 2009 are only five years apart, and yet they are entirely in separate worlds. Just entirely in separate worlds. So much changes between now and 2009 that when you two come back with something like this,

like, it's... What are you doing, guys? Like, it's the first time I think you two really do not sound current when they come back with No Line on the Horizon. That's the first time, I think, where they really start to sound their age um and the fact that they can't keep up with uh with recent and current trends um but yeah so i'm generally defending vertigo but you know not enough to like really go into bat with it for it if you know what i mean i think my one of my bigger problems with it actually is that it kind

of reminds me of well in the next few years we encounter a couple of these like dad fantasy rock songs oh yes there's one prime example next year and there's another one in 2009 which is considerably worse but yeah i i don't like this sort of thing at all i will say when i was listening to it before it did evoke i know the song you're talking about it's dakota right yeah it's like top gear driving anthems volume one like that yes yeah no i totally get it yeah it does evoke that um and then dakota obviously i feel like is a bit of a harbinger for a few other things that come down the line but yeah i mostly think this is okay but i will in fact i think it's slightly more than okay i think if i just preferred a fuller mix and all of bono's ad libs gone

because again it's all a bit non-sequitur I don't think you could really explain what this song is about apart from being at a place called Vertigo I find it hard to get an emotional handle on this it's just to me it just sounds like hello we're U2 and we're back

yes we have a song on an iPod advert now go us so punk rock that is a reference to a comment they made about Songs of Innocence which is the one that they stuck on everybody's iPhones and iPods where they described it as so punk rock

to have done that which they were paid like 10 million each to do so punk rock thanks guys, thanks The Edge it was The Edge who made that comment very silly of you The Edge and you've got a stupid name yeah my mum is a, well my mum and dad are both

massive U2 fans and my mum to this day has still refused to listen to that album on principle it's genuinely terrible as well, it's a terrible album yeah it's not good I can remember one song from it which is the bit at the start where they go

oh oh and that's it that's all i remember and that's because it was on an advert and i heard it like 10 times a week in 2015 or whenever the fuck it was but yes okay so fourth and last song up this week as we take you through to christmas is this You look so sad Tears are in your eyes Come on and come to me now Don't be ashamed to cry Let me see you through Cause I've seen the dark side too When the night falls on you Don't know what to do

Nothing you confess Could make me love you less I'll stand by you I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you Okay, this is I'll Stand By You by Girls Aloud. Released as the third single from the group's second studio album titled What Will The Neighbours Say?, I'll Stand by you is guild's allowed seventh single overall to be released in the uk and their second to reach number one

the song was chosen as the official single for children in need in 2004 and is a cover of the pretenders original version which reached number 10 in the uk charts in 1994. i'll stand by you went straight in at number one as a brand new entry, knocking U2 off the top of the charts. It stayed at number one for two weeks. In its first week atop the charts, it sold 58,000 copies, beating competition from If There's Any Justice

by Lamar, which got to number three. What You Waiting For by Gwen Stefani, which got to number four. Room on the Third Floor by McFly, which got to number five. And Baby It's You by Jojo and Bow Wow, which got to number 4. Room on the Third Floor by McFly, which got to number 5. And Baby It's You by Jojo and Bow Wow, which got to number 8.

In its second week at number 1, it sold 30,000 copies. Beating competition from Ride It by Jerry Halliwell, which got to number 4. Tilt Your Head Back by Nelly and Christina Aguilera, which got to number 5. Irish Sun by Brian McFadden, which got to number 5. Irish Son by Brian McFadden which got to number 6. And Party for Two by

Shania Twain and Mark McGrath which got to number 10. When it was knocked off the top of the charts, I'll Stand By You fell three places to number 4, standing no more. By the time it was done on the charts, it had been inside the top 100 for 14 weeks. The song is currently officially certified

silver in the uk as of 2023 i'll feel this one first because i have precisely one sentence and three lines about it this sounds like a year 11 girls cover of an early 90s song for charity means you get to go on but then forget about it and move on with your life. Similar quality to Atomic Kitten's Eternal Flame, but just slightly less charming. Andy, how about you? Oh, wow, that was brutal. I don't feel as badly about it as that.

I just actually would include it in the broader theme of this week, which is experiments or slightly out-of-form artists in spaces that they probably shouldn't have entered. I feel like all four songs it kind of applies to. Less so U2, but this one I actually would include. Obviously it's nowhere near as egregious as just Loser, but it's still, like, it's not what Girls Aloud do best. They're fun. They're really fun.

I've said it before that I describe them as like girls you go out with on a Saturday night and have a great time with. Like that album title, What Will The Neighbours Say, that really captured it really, really well. And Love Machine in general, which that comes from obviously, is just a really, really fun song. They're not balladeers.

And that's not for me to say they should never do ballads, and they should never slow it down, but it's definitely not their forte, and so it's a little bit frustrating, to say the very least, that Love Machine, and Biology, and Sexy No No No, and No Good Advice, and Something Kinda Ew, and the list goes on and on and on, but all of these don't get number one, but this does, because it's just not very representative of them, and obviously the main reason that this gets to number one is because it was the Children in Need song, and I will say that this choice of song for Children in Need is quite a nice one, it's quite a good choice. The original, I think, is fine, I think it has some nice cadences to it. It has a nice little movement in the chorus.

And I like how sincere it is. But because of how sincere it is, it's quite a dull song. It doesn't suit Girls Aloud one bit. I think the production really doesn't help them as well. I totally get what you mean, Rob, about it sounding like a year nine group of girls singing this in a performing arts festival or something. Because they're just left to the wolves they really are like there's almost no reverb on them at all for some reason it's just their voices sitting alone in this huge production um it's a very odd

stylistic choice that they just sound so small and they just don't sound powerful at all even in the bits that need them to sound big like the when the nights will die like that bit it's just it's just not given any help by the mixing on their voices at all which really distracts um but like i say i don't like hate this i think it's really like low down on girls allowed singles so it's it very frustrating that this gets to number one when so many absolute classics don't but um it actually considering that what a slow week it's been it might actually be my favorite song of the week this just from sheer lack of competition um so yeah yeah it's it's fine but god I wish we were talking about

other girls allowed songs I will say just on that the kind of competition we've had this week I think this episode and the last I think for me represent probably the weakest few months that we've ever been through on the show so far like these last few months

if you include My Place Real to Me by Brian McFadden, obviously, and then you've got Just Loser, Vertigo, and this. This is a slow, slow period in pop music, which I'm not a fan of. So I think this is probably my most difficult era that we've ever gone through on the show so far. I don't know if you two would agree, but this in general is is fine but we really need a big stomper come on give us something good yeah i think just on what you've said there actually i think that 2004 single sales have dropped an almighty amount and it's because people are downloading songs now and it mean but the uh

charts aren't they're still not accepting downloads as like legal tender uh if you uh want to quote michael mcintyre for some fucking reason from 13 years ago um like um but i do think that there is a a of a, hmm, should we say, this is a lull in terms of sales and it's also a lull in terms of material to go off as well. I think that the end of 2004, beginning of 2005 is basically a big wake-up call where it's like, something needs to happen. There needs to be a new wave of pop.

Something new needs to happen. And I think this is new wave of pop. Something new needs to happen. And I think this is why the X Factor managed to pitch itself so successfully. Because it was like, here's the new thing that you've all been waiting for. And it's like, it wasn't. We're definitely waiting for something. We really are.

Yes, it could masquerade as something. Because in the first few weeks of 2005, you also get loads of Elvis songs getting to number one with like 20, 000 sales because they just get re-released like we have to cover elvis three times in two episodes because for elvis week yeah and i mean you know they're decent songs and everything it's elvis you know but like it's songs from 50 years ago or 40 years ago at that point uh you know refilling the charts again because nobody's nobody's buying physical singles and then things get back to normal when finally the uk charts sort

of acknowledge like okay fine we'll just let downloads be counted because there needed to be something to shake it up and ringtones are a thing that are going to have a big impact next year as well um ringtones and downloads are the future for this little period of pop and i think that we're just on the cusp of it i think there is a similarly we've talked about this before andy there is a similar lull period in 2008 where it's like something new needs to come along something new needs to happen like we've had four or five you know we've had four or five years of the x factor dominating everything and giving us all these artists and stuff.

Where's the new stuff coming from? And the new stuff arrives, and in my opinion, everybody learns the wrong lessons from it. But the end of 2004 and the end of 2008 are similarly like, come on, what have you got to offer? Is anything happening? Is this it now? Are we just supposed to be bored forever? I think there's so many songs in these last few weeks what have you got to offer? Is anything happening? Is this it now? Are we just supposed to be bored forever? Yeah.

I think there's so many songs in these last few weeks that I just really can't believe how little competition there must be if this stuff is getting to number one. I mean, particularly Brian McFadden last week. But, I mean, I would probably say the same of this. I would certainly say the same of radio, I would certainly say the same of Radio, considering that only stayed in the chart for nine weeks as well.

Like, it just feels like if things were firing on all cinders in general, these songs would be wiped off the map. Nothing we've discussed this week would have got number one if we had a year of the quality of 2000 or 2002. Like, we just would not have these songs in the mix at all. They'd be footnotes in Rob's little bits at the start of each song and that would be all you know it just I don't know it's it's not a good yeah it's not a good time for pop music this no no not particularly uh Lizzie how do you feel about this yeah pretty much agree with you both it's it's boring. And, like, I know I said to you earlier this week

that Girls Aloud are very underserved by the number one spot. Like, we only discussed them four times. They've got two really good ones. They've got one, like, OK-ish one and this. And, like, you just imagine the alternate universe where we could have been talking about love machine or biology or i know can't speak french or call the shots like so many good songs that just for some reason don't well they're all in the top 10 like every one of their singles up to 2009 gets top 10 but it's just strange that something like this can

rise to the top despite it being so ordinary. Like okay it's for children in need, that's probably why but yeah it's a real shame. I think Andy I'm With You is probably my favourite of the week purely because a I don't like the other three, and B, it has given me a bit more of an appreciation for the Pretenders version, just because nobody really sounds like Chrissie Hynde does. No, no, they don't. I agree on that, yeah. Yeah, and I think, like you say, Rob,

it does sound like a sort of Year 11 talent show cover, which is fine, but there's none of the gravity of that, like I say, Chrissie Hines sort of husky voice. And even she admits that it was a cold-blooded attempt to get something on the radio, and it worked. And yeah i i really thought i was going to have an aha moment like i did with eternal flame where i was i was going to be listening to it thinking this is obviously cynical and commercial but there's something about it which is quite affecting and it's just not despite the fact that it's um co-written by the same person, Billy Steinberg, which I didn't know until this week, so there you go.

And, yeah, I really thought I was going to get that from this, so I actually tried more with this than any of the other songs, and it just never came. And inevitably I went back to the likes of Biology and The Promise, which are just better songs. So, yeah, not great. I think, Andy, I agree with you. This might be the worst period we've covered.

Because even back end of 2001, you had Can't Get You Out of My Head. We had that one terrible week where everything went in the pie hole, which I think was because it got high, If You Come Back by Blue, and yeah, Queen of My Heart by Westlife. That was a terrible week. But these last few have not been much better. Just to say though, Lizzie,

it's funny that I'm exactly the same, that this is the one that I gave, I mean, I wasn't keeping count, but I'm sure this would have been the one that I gave the most listens to for this week purely because I am like a proper Girls Aloud stan like I love them, I really love them

they've got so many great singles and I thought, it's so rare I get an opportunity to talk about them on the podcast like, let's have something give me something that I can rave about with this and fly the flag for them because they deserve to have their flag flown because the Sugar Babes who obviously they're

nearest competitors all their biggest bangers get to number one they're really well represented whereas Girls Aloud they just hit the post so many times they're always the bridesmaid yeah so that is really frustrating but yeah i gave it the most listens

because i wanted to get something from it and i didn't really too yeah i just really thought that one like on one occasion it'll click and i'll get that personality that i get from again something like biology when like they all have their own sort of personality within the song. This is just they're just playing it straight, which is fine. But I want more than that, you know? Yeah. Is that too much to ask? No, it isn't.

It isn't. But it shows you where we are right now that it feels like a lot to ask to give us something different. But anyway, yeah. to ask to give us something different but anyway yeah and they also they do kind of go back to this well next Christmas as well with a song which I would actually say is maybe even worse than this one but it doesn't get to number one it gets to number nine is that see the day?

yeah I can't believe that only got to number nine wow well even Cheryl admitted that she hated it the rhythm is the weird one with that it's got this kind of stop starty it's a waltz yeah it's just you can't possibly unless you were doing a

fucking waltz yeah you couldn't possibly do any dance to it not even a slow dance very strange song that one yeah well yeah I think we're gonna call time on this week, but before we go, we're just going to check. So, Radio by Robbie Williams.

Is that going in the pie hole or the vault for anybody? Andy? Yeah, I'm putting it in the vault. Not the vault, the pie hole. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, that's going in the pie hole. Yeah. Lizzie?

Careful with that. Yeah, I'm putting it in the pie hole, definitely. Cool. Just Lose It by Eminem Pie hole Pie hole I'm also pie holing it, yeah I'm not putting radio in the vault or the pie hole

It's teetering close, but I think I'm going to leave it out Vertigo by U2 That's not going anywhere for me. Andy? No, no. Solid five. Yeah, right down the middle. Cool. Yeah, excellent. And I'll Stand By You by Girls Aloud. That's just

about safe for me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, me too. But you're on thin ice. 17th place. Just avoided relegation. If they're on thin ice, then don't stand by them because you'll fall in with them Terrible joke of the week That is it

for this week's episode Thank you very much for listening, when we come back we'll be covering the race for Christmas number one in 2004 You've got through this supersized episode and Santa's been So yes, we'll be back for that one. Our three monthly tradition on this show.

Looking forward to it, sort of. So we will see you then. See you then. Bye bye now. One more thing. See ya. This next verse. This next verse though.

These bars. Watch this. Go. Whoop dee dee scoop. Scoop dee dee whoop. Whoop dee scoop dee poop. Poop dee scoop dee scoop dee whoop. Whoop dee dee scoop whoop poop. Whoop dee dee whoop scoop. Poop. Poop.

Scoop dee dee whoop. Whoop dee dee scoop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop.

Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoop dee dee scoop poop. Whoopdee-dee-whoop, whoop-dee-dee-scoop, whoop-dee-dee-scoop-poop.