Hits 21 - [RE-UPLOAD] 2000 (5): Eminem, The Corrs, Ronan Keating, Five & Queen, Craig David

Episode Date: February 28, 2026

Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Hits 21, the show that's taking a look back at every single UK #1 hit..You can follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hits21UKYou can email us: [e-mail] 21 DOES NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO ANY MUSIC USED IN THE EPISODES. USAGE OF ALL MUSIC USED IN THIS PODCAST FALLS UNDER SECTION 30(1) OF THE COPYRIGHT ACT 1988

Hello and welcome to the beautiful world of the beautiful course. You know, a lot of people say to us, hey you, you're beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful course. It's your beauty, skin deep. We say, course not. Even our internal organs are beautiful. Beautiful.

Even our pets are beautiful. This is my beautiful poodle. Beautiful. Beautiful. This is my beautiful budgie. Beautiful. Beautiful. This is my beautiful pet tortoise

Beautiful Hey what about my pet hamster Can I show them to the nice boys and the girls Well okay Jim Be quick though Because you're not very beautiful Beautiful All right there everyone

All right there everyone And welcome back to HITS21 Where me, Rob Me, Andy and me, Lizzie, look back at every single UK number one of the 21st century from January 2000 right through to the present day. If you want to get in touch with us, you can find us over on Twitter. We are at Hits21 UK, that is at Hits21 UK. And you can email us as well, just send it on over to Hits21 podcast at gmail.com. Thank you so much for joining us again. Just like our previous episodes, we're going to be looking back at five UK number one singles from the year

2000. This time we'll be covering the period between the 2nd of July through to the 5th of August of that year. Before we get going, Andy, you let us know in the week that we'd had a message, a letter from a lovely listener out there in the world. We did. We had a lovely, lovely comment about pure shores, which I think we all agreed was an absolute classic, and it seems we were not alone in that. So the comment reads that, this song is such powerful, this is 2000 energy. I don't particularly remember liking All Saints much. I don't even remember that song specifically at any point, but it must have been everywhere, because the second I hear it, it's a teleport back in time. Instantly, I'm in Woolworths buying Pokemon cards. I'm in game, wishing for a PS.

one and I'm in the back of the car playing my game boy on the way to Blackpool. I'm at a school fair eating an ice pop. How lovely is that? Well, thank you very much. And thank you for really now, Andy. That was a lovely retelling of that, lovely story. And I completely agree with that, by the way. It is definitely a moment in time.

Yeah. All right, then, on to this week's episode. And as always, we are just going to give you some headlines from around the period that these songs were all that. number one. Colin Fallows, driving the vampire turbojet propelled dragster, sets a British land speed record, a mean 300.3 miles per hour, which is 483.3 kilometers an hour at Elvington in Yorkshire. Wow. I'm going to refer to myself as a turbojet propelled dragster from now on.

Meanwhile, the Queen Mother Elizabeth celebrating. her 100th birthday. On the day itself, more than 40,000 well wishes gathered on the mall to watch the Queen Mother and her two daughters step onto the balcony of Buckingham Palace. Happy birthday, Queen Mum. Meanwhile, in West Sussex, police find the body of missing eight-year-old Sarah Payne.

Chief suspect Roy Whiting found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. News would then emerge that Whiting was a convicted sex offender at the time of Sarah's abduction, prompting the news of the world to campaign for as well, which would allow increased public access to the sex offender registry and expose the identities and addresses of known sex offenders. This resulted in rioting in Portsmouth when

more than a hundred people besieged to block of flats, allegedly housing a convicted sex offender. That was the Pauls Grove riots of 2000. Yeah, I didn't know about this. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I completely forgot about it, but I guess you were a couple of years older than I was at this time. Yeah, I definitely remember the sort of moral panic And the kind of the return of the stranger danger mood around Because I was, you know, around the same age of Sarah Bain at the time So yeah, it was quite a legitimate worry That this was going to fuel like, I don't know,

more of the sort of crime wave Yeah, yeah In pop culture, the films to hit the film's to hit the top of the UK box office during this period that we're covering in this week's episode are as follows. Chicken Run. Mission Impossible 2, Stuart Little, and the perfect storm. I saw chicken run in cinemas and Stuart Little in cinemas. I think I did too. Chicken Run is fantastic. Chicken run is like a 10 out of 10 for me. Love that Phil. Lees-Tarbook presents her final episode of The Big Breakfast. Later that same day, it is confirmed that Denise Van Elton will be returning

to co-host the show with Johnny Vaughn. I should have chimed in a minute ago, just to say that the chicken run game on PS1 is hard as nails. It's like a kid's version of the metal game solid. Yeah. Super scary. Yeah. And also, Stuart Little was the first DVD I owned at this time

when we bought a DVD player for around 400 pounds, which is too much. Wow. Yeah. And the very first episode of reality series Big Brother airs on Channel 4. The first season is marred by controversy when contestant Nick Bateman, known to the public as nasty Nick, is evicted after 34 days for attempting to influence the public vote

by attempting to turn the other housemates against one another. The series was eventually won by Craig Phillips, and this is definitely not the last time that we'll be coming back to Big Brother. Oh no. Definitely not. No, no, no. Big moment.

Andy, how are the album charts looking? The album charts are looking very healthy, thank you. Thank you. Thanks for asking. This week, the album's chart, it's very much mirroring the singles chart in terms of a lot of who's appearing. But not an exact mirror. There are some differences. We start with the Verves Richard Ashcroft making a number one at the start of this period with his solo effort, alone with everybody,

before the monster hit, the Marshall Mathers LP by Eminem returns to number one for one more week. Then we have the debut of Coldplay at number one. one the week later with parachutes for just one week. And then we're into familiar territory for what we're covering in this episode as first of all, the cause reached the top for two weeks with In Blue. And then Ronan Keating then follows them to the top for another two weeks with the imaginatively titled Ronan by Ronan Keating, an album which defies all sense of logic and taste and achieves four times platinum.

Okay. How are the US fairing at the moment? The US albums charts were still being dominated by the Marshall Mathers LP, which was continuing its eight-week run at number one before finally being dethroned by Now 4, which is of course the fourth entry in the Now That's what I call music series to be released in the US. It would stay at number one for three weeks in August of 2000 and featured the likes of All the Small Things by Blink 182. It Feels So Good by Seneke and Blue Dabody by Eiff by Eiffel 65. which was almost two years old at the time of NowFor's release. So thanks for that one, guys. In the singles charts, it was a much busier affair.

Enrique Iglesias continued his three-week run at number one with Be With You, which would eventually give way to everything you want by vertical horizon for one week. Anyone? No. No idea. Followed by Matchbox 20's Bent for one week. Anyone? I know Matchbox 20, but yeah.

I know the band, I don't know that. No. And finally, NSYNC topped the charts with It's gonna be May. Oh, well, we know that one. May. May. Which held up to the top spot for two weeks between July and August.

Okay, then. All right, thank you very much for those reports, guys. We're going to get on back over to the UK and we're going to look at the number one singles on our show this week. And the first one up is this. white person before. Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst on the door. They started whipping her ass first than before they first were divorced, sewing her over furniture.

It's the return of the... Oh, wait, no wait. You're kidding. He didn't just say what I think he did, did he? And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiot. It's Dr. Dre's dead. He's locked in my basement. Feminist women love him and them. Chica, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, slim, shady. I'm sick at him. Look at him. Walking around, grabbing as you know what. Flipping and you know who. Yeah, but he's so cute, though. Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose, But no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms. Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose but can't,

but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moves. My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips, and if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss. And that's the message that we deliver the little kids and expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is. Of course they're going to know what in their courses. By the time they hit fourth grade, they got the Discovery Channel, don't we ain't nothing but mammals.

Well, some of us cannibals who cut other people open like cannolopes. But if we can hump that animals and antelopes, and there's no reason that a man and another man can he lope. But if you feel like I feel I got the canadote, women wave your panty holes, singer chorus, and it goes. I'm Slim shady, yes, I'm the real shady, or you all the Slim Shady's are just demuditating.

So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, please stand up, please stand up, please stand up. Because I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real shady, all you other slim shady, so won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, please stand up, please stand up, please stand up. Beap, pip, pip, p pyl-l-l-l-l-d-du. All right, this is Eminem.

with The Real Slim Shady, released as the lead single from Eminem's second major label album and his third album overall, the Marshall Mathers LP. The Real Slim Shady is just his third single to chart in the UK and is the first to reach number one after My Name is Reach Number 2 and Guilty Conscience Reach Number 5 in 1999. The Real Slim Shady jumped from number 84 all the way to number one, knocking Kylie off the top of the charts and staying there for one week, beating off conference. competition from Gotta Tell You by Samantha Mumba, which got to number two, and yellow by Colplay, which got to number four.

When it was knocked off the number one position, it dropped one place to number two. And by the time it was done on the charts on that particular run, it had been inside the top 100 for 15 weeks. It then re-entered the top 100 in February 2004 for two weeks, peaking at number 72, before re-entering the charts again in May of this year, 2022, peaking at number 97 after Eminem was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And to date, it has spent 18 weeks inside the top 100. Lizzie, going to come to you first.

Okay. How are we on The Real Slim Shady and Eminem? I feel like it's going to be hard to talk about the Real Slim Shady without talking about Eminem as well. But we've got so much of Eminem to come, I think. Yeah, inevitably. Inevitably. And like, I can't lie, I was absolutely dreading this one.

I fully expected to listen to this for the first time in about 20 years, maybe. And I was expecting it to have aged like fine milk. You know, like, in the first verse alone, there's an uncomfortable bit about Tommy Lee assaulting Pamela Anderson. And there's a comparison between gay male relationships and having sex with dead animals. It's like usually internet edge law types who do with this. dodged the issue by claiming it's satire and you could make the case that that started with Eminem in

this period but the difference with Eminem is that Marshall Mathers the person and Slim Shady the character are clearly two entirely different entities you know rather than simply a nasty extension of the real person behind it slim Shady is this overblown like Frankenstein's monster created jointly by Marshall Mathers and the media's response to his music. Well, whoever the artist is here, let's go with Eminem for the sake of convenience. They're on blistering form.

It is a welcome reminder of what made Eminem such a potent force in both pop and rap music at the time and why his legacy is still held in such high regard despite much less impressive output in the past decade and a half. And it's a good thing that Eminem's flow is on point here because some of the sharpest bars of Eminem's entire career show up in this track. Like, Rob, there's one you mentioned to me this week, which really stands out. You know, and there's a million of us just like me, you cuss like me,

who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me, walk talking out like me, and just might be the best. I can't even do it. Because it takes skill to do that. That's a great bar, and it just sums up the whole ethos of the song. And, like, he's got really good comic timing. well, you know the whole bit about, and Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiot, Dr. Dr. Dr. that pregnant pause, like, how often do you hear that in, like, even like, modern hip-hop

when, you know, you hit a beat perfectly? And the instrumental is really good too. It's like a more cartoonish take on what Dr. Dre was doing in the early 90s g-funck scene. So it's that, the combination of the dense, witty lyrics, which I don't want to go into, because I will just end up reading all the lyrics and you can do that yourself. But yeah, those funny, sharp, witty, acerbic lyrics and that irresistible like electro-funk beat just makes this a total success. I've really enjoyed listening to this one.

Yeah, yeah, me, me too. Andy, what about you? Because I, from some of our sort of chats over the past couple of weeks while we've been listening to these songs and stuff, you sort of mentioned that Eminem's maybe not someone that you're that up on in terms of like, you know, like that interested in really? I mean, I know as much as, you know, the average person would, you know, he obviously Eminem is of my generation and I was, I would say I was a fan at the time.

It never really went beyond that. And I do think, as a general point about Eminem, I do think that for many people, he was the very definitely. definition of an artist that you grow out of, that he is your absolute favorite when you're at a certain age and then you move on to other artists. That's not a criticism of M&M, but I think that he filled that slot for many people. And he certainly filled one of those slots for me. And I've not, I must say, I've not revisited him basically since his height. I've not revisited him at all. So I wouldn't really have the same level of authority to talk about it as perhaps you guys

would. But nevertheless, it was a great nostalgia hit for me this. I do enjoy this song. I think lyrically, I absolutely agree with what Lizzie said that it's absolutely full of content. You kind of see the full pantheon of what Eminem can do, really, that you've got great comedy,

you've got some really, really good wordplay and some genuinely clever writing as well, and you've got a sense of who he is. You can listen to this one song and know what Eminem is about. It's a manifesto of a song, really. Yeah. Which, you know,

it's something that it's a great time in his career to be doing because it's not the very first song, you know, where we're all sort of familiar with my name is by this time, but it is, you know, from the stats you gave earlier, Rob, this is alarmingly early in his career. This is really, really early on. So he sort of hit the ground running with this, that we all know what he's about straight away. And I really respect that. I think that's really, really admirable. I wish it developed a little bit more musically. I know that that's something about the genre in general. And I know that that's not really what this song is trying to do. But I,

just wish it, there was a little bit more development in that bass line and in that riff, that it just kind of stays there all the way through. But that's, that's my personal taste. I'm not going to hold it against it, really. And I do like those very slightly out of tune sirens at the end, which really, really catch the ear. I do really enjoy that. It's kind of abrasive deliberately, that it kind of annoys you deliberately.

It's really kind of grabbing your attention, which I do really, really like. I think that speaks to Eminem in general, really. really, that he has what parents perhaps would have called a dangerous quality back in the day, that he was not someone who parents wanted their kids to like, that he had a sense of excitement about him. And what is excitement to kids, perhaps is danger to parents. And I definitely remember in my household that my mum would kind of disapprove of me having Eminem videos on.

And certainly this, because I would have been very young at the time. Perhaps the reason I'm not as familiar with this as I am with some later Eminem hits is because it was kind of censored in my household. I do think it's interesting, though, not to open up a whole separate topic, but I do think despite the fact that there was a bit of a sort of moral guardian aspect about shutting kids off from Eminem, I do think he was still the one and only rapper who you could get away with listening to. You could just about manage it. and yes he had a more mainstream sound yes he had a more mainstream approach but I do think as well it's not a coincidence that the one rapper who kind of made it into

most households at this time was pretty much the only well-known white rapper I don't think that's a coincidence at all and I do think that's something that we should all look back on with some contemplation I will just say that that's something that I don't think a black rapper as fresh on the scene with as much excitement

as this about them would have had a relatively easy ride in the way that Eminem did. Despite the fact that people disapproved of him, he was still a huge success. You only have to look at the treatment that Lil Nas X gets these days, who is not only black but gay as well, and very, very upfront about both of those things. And the way the right-wing papers talk about him, imagine 20 years ago how hard it would have been then.

So I do think that's something to think about as well. But yeah, I really do like this. I'm not an enormous fan of it, just because, like I say, it's not really part of my. my Uber is not really kind of my field. But I do really, really enjoy this. I have no specific criticisms of it at all, except that I wish it's slightly developed musically.

The only other thing about this is I thought I would mention is that because I'm the kind of cool, trendy person who does this sort of thing, I recently re-watched all of the original series of the Twilight Zone from the early 60s. Oh, cool. Nice. And there's an episode. It really shocked me when I saw the title of the episode,

which was called Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up? and me, perhaps naively, that was the first time I'd ever realised that that phrase existed before Eminem, that he didn't invent that phrase. And there's a whole history

about this that we've talked about, haven't we? Lizzie, you found this out, didn't you? That it comes from a game show in the 50s, that the real blank, please stand up, was this old phrase

that we now associate exclusively with Eminem, but it was a phrase before that. Yeah. I don't think any of us remember now. It was from before the Twilight Zone, even. It was a show called

To Tell the Truth that debuted in 1956. Yeah, it's just, it's a great little idea to use. And he took full ownership of it and deserves credit for that. Yeah, yeah, great stuff. I will try and get through my stuff as quickly as possible because I've got a lot. That's a good caveat right at the start. I've got a lot on this.

Yeah, take the floor. Well, looking back at this, this was probably the first Eminem song I ever knowingly heard and recognized it. as Eminem because I wasn't really aware of the actual pop charts when he was releasing singles from Slim Shady LP. I'd just reached the age where I could start to actually recall stuff and have opinions about things. Like music wasn't just sound to me anymore. I could actually start to have a very basic appreciation of things like melody and tempo and rhythm and things like that. So looking back, yeah, the gap between me listening to Eminem as a kid and how I kind of consumed him up and

about being like 19 was normally just through like the radio, seeing him on TV, like the big singles that he had out that were going to talk about. And when everybody except me on my street went out and bought curtain call in 2005 and everybody

was talking about that, but it just wasn't a thing that was going on in my house. I don't think he was ever censored. It just wasn't encouraged either. You know, in like 2005, I think I was sort of into like whatever was on Radio one and Eminem was kind of kind of, you know, just as I really started to get into pop music, Eminem went on that sort of

short hiatus. And then by the time I was kind of leaving the radios behind, that was when he was coming back. So I had to go to Eminem after the fact, and I've only really picked Eminem up in my 20s, like properly. The entire Marshall Mathers album, like this song, I think Lizzie you were sort of saying that it's written in response to the reaction that the Slim Shady LP got. plus a couple of songs about how much he hates his wife or how much the character hates his wife will never know that's part of what makes him very interesting

well they did divorce so that might be your answer yes um but and so a lot of the songs on that album explain how he feels and what he's learned from being in the public eye like the title track is like he's sort of saying I'm a regular I'm a regular guy don't know why there's all this fuss about me

nobody ever gave a fuck before and now everyone tries to take shots out me like why is everybody concerned about me um my actual thoughts on the slim the real slim shady are that it is uh excellent like really excellent as you two have both said this is the essence of early m and m like he somehow manages to capture the zeitgeist pierce the zeitgeist laugh at the zeitgeist and be the zeitgeist in the same song and i think the marshal mather's LP, and as we find out later the M&M show, they both display exactly what happens to a person's mind when they become the centre of attention and not just in a room or on a stage, but across

a whole country. Maybe across two or three continents, like his rise was so extreme and so steep and so fast that his life basically changed overnight. From like 1997 through to about 2000, his life just completely did a 180. And the real slim shady covers a lot of this ground, I think. I think. I think the song is about America's hypocrisy, at least as Eminem sees it. Like, Eminem came out from the underclass of Detroit. Like, growing up, like, he saw some shit.

Like, he moved around a lot. He didn't have any money. And to make it in the game, because he was white, he had to be meaner and braver and sort of more vulgar than the people around him. Because it was, I mean, 8 Mile is all about the fact that it was hard for him to be taken seriously as a rapper because he was white. you sort of like you get the Beastie Boys in the mid-80s there's a big gap and then Eminem pops up it's not racism it's just like you know you have a perception about you because you're white

it's like oh this kid won't be any good and so he finally makes it to the top and he offers this reflection of himself the Slim Shady LP and then he gets a negative response from some quarters and it's the kind of negative response that if I was Eminem it would make me sit there and think now hang on a minute Like, you're coming at me for things I say in my songs when much worse, X, Y, Z are happening daily in this country.

And I've seen it all. Like, I've come from the underground. Like, I've seen what America's really like. And now I'm at the top, down on a vantage point. And you're telling me that my things are vulgar and disgraceful when, you know, I move schools about once a month because my family never had any money and et cetera, et cetera. And I think, like, you know, we'll find out kind of later this year with another song of his that being someone that everybody has an opinion about or feelings about comes with

major negatives but in this moment for the real slim shady he's having a lot of fun with it think he's happy to play the comedian that people hate because he knows that enough people love him to send him to the top of the charts like this and as we find out this album eventually went to like diamond status and it was number one forever um i imagine that like the majority of the comments that make it through to Eminem and actually resonate with him to do with the censorship and the genuine kind of panic amongst middle America that he was going to turn everything that was secure and safe about the world upside down. And at least on this song, he likes playing that role,

basically laughing in the faces of people like Tipagore and Timothy White, who was like the head of Billboard magazine at the time, the various pressure groups that were trying to shut him down, get his music off the radio. And I think he uses this to great effect because he is so funny in this. His flow is unpredictable. It's hard to actually pin down like a rhythmic pattern

in any of his verses, yet it never sounds uncomfortable. It's constantly changing it up to the point where nobody, I've never really heard anybody effectively imitate or cover this. It sounds completely in control the whole environment.

Like, within a... There is an episode of Brass Eye where Chris Morris does a great parody of this. Hmm. There's an episode of Phoenix Night where... It's Jerry Sinclair does a great cover of it.

Yes. But like, within about 20 seconds of him starting this song, he's already done the nothing you idiots, Dr. Drey's dead, you know, that sort of thing. And when he gets, when M really gets going on those first three major labour records, I do think he's in the conversation for like the greatest to ever do it. His output after the M&M show puts a huge dent in that. But for me, at his best as a protagonist, he is just as unpredictable and controversial

and entertaining as your likes of Kanye and Ice Cube. I always want to know exactly what he's going to say next. I'm never quite sure if this is what he thinks or if it's a character. Never know whether to be frightened of him or enticed by him. The verses are full of so many couplets and triplets and individual little moments that get like burned into my brain. Like there's the Dr. Dre's line that we've already mentioned. The, um, chicka, chicka, chicka, shim-shady.

I'm sick of him. And the line you mentioned to Lizzie in that message, Will Smith don't got a cuss in his rap to sell records. Well, I do. I do. So, fuck him and fuck you too. Like, the way he's, sets that really bizarre scene at the Grammys

with all the references to Christina Aguilera and Brittany and Fred Durst of all people. I was going to say with Fred Durst, like this whole thing about like who is the real Slivodey and all of these people who think they might be and if that's anyone, that's Fred Durst. Yes, possibly.

I'm preparing a defence of Fred Durst for a later episode, but we'll come to that. That line you mentioned, you know, the ones about the people who copy him, but they're not quite me and then maybe my favorite rhyme scheme in the whole song is the I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting pinching nurses

asses while I'm jacking off with Juergens and I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working and every single person there's a slim, shady lurking, he could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings. Like it's... I mean that top of the past performance like the audience is dead

but watching him do that is just incredible even even with Top of the Pops decided to reverse the audio to censor what he says. It still doesn't ruin it. And then you get to that chorus when he double-tracks his vocals and he sounds like he's shooting darts. Great, really catchy hook, just the please stand up, please stand up.

And when you get into that final chorus, you are begging for him to do something different. Like Andy said, and add something else into the mix, and you get those screaming overproduced, like, I thought it was like a guitar or something like that, but it's so overproduced that it does sound like some kind of whatever noise it is. You don't know what's originating it. But just a bit of variety.

That's all I asked for, and I got it. If I was going to criticize the song for anything, it's the Cannibal's Cantalopes couplet, which is a bit lazy to my ears compared to everything else on the song. I think, like, he probably means well, but, yeah, acquitin's same thing. sex marriage to humping dead animals kind of sticks out with something

that's definitely very 22 years ago. Yeah. I think he sort of means well because he's sort of saying, oh, you're all up in arms about gay marriage, but like look at what's going on on TV and it's like, yeah, I get the point, but like you still kind of tripped over yourself there a bit. But I do have to admit that rhyming cantaloupe with can't elope can't work if it can't work out if it's either genius or terrible.

And I'll never answer that question. to myself. Let it be both. Let it be both. Yeah, it can be both. Yeah. And I think it's a measure of how much of an excellent pop song this is that it ends up being used on Phoenix Knights.

Because Peter Kay, like, whatever you think of him as a comedian, that guy is a cultural connoisseur when it comes to, like, the top of the pop charts. That guy has got an excellent memory and affection for pop music, and it informs so much of his comedy. Like, not just all the performances in Phoenix Knights, but I'm also thinking about the copy of now 48 that turns up in Carson, A lot of his live performances are based on songs that get played at weddings and things like that. A lot of his sketches are about how pop music intersects with his life.

And I think that Eminem making an appearance on Phoenix Knights, less than two years after this point, where Dave Spikey dressed up in the dungarees and the chainsaw mask, is probably just about the best tribute this song could get. And it's very worthy of it. And I'm hoping that, well, I'm going to slam it right into the vault. I don't know about you two. I'm not.

I was going to say I would, but I'll open the floor to Andy. Well, I mean, it doesn't really matter. If you two want to put it in, then it's in. But I don't feel that strongly about it. I just don't. But if you want to, I won't stop here. Yeah. Okay.

So, Lizzie, is that a second vote? Oh, yeah, for sure. Cool. There we go then. All right, then. Next up is this. Okay, so this is Breathless by The Cause. Released as the lead single from the Corps' third album in Bloom.

Breathless is their 13th overall single to be released in the UK, and their first and only UK number one. While they were a successful album's band in the 90s, the cause initially had a pretty slow start on the singles charts, with their first seven singles all failing to make the top 40. But when the band's cover of Fleetwood Mac's dreams reach number six, and when a Tintin Out remix of their song, What Can I Do, reach number three, the cause capitalised on their newfound success.

They re-released a special edition of their second album Talk on Corners in 1999, which contained another remix by Tintin Out, this time of the band's first single, Runaway, which got to number two and was only held off the top spot, would you believe it, by Baby One More Time. Breathless went straight in as a new entry at number one in July 2000, knocking Eminem off the top spot and holding off competition from Limp Bizkits Take a Look Around,

theme from Mission Impossible 2, which got to number 3, and Sunday morning call by Oasis, which got to number 4. When it was knocked off number 1, breathless fell one place to number 2, and by the time it was done on the chart, it had been inside the top 100 for 16 weeks.

Andy, go on. Tell us how you feel about the song. Well, well, go on, go on then. Yes. I really, really like this. It's really nice. Really, really pleasant sound to it. Clearly inspired by the pop country wave

that was sweeping the early 90s and the early 90s. Shinai Twain, the obvious comparison, but I think the really pertinent comparison would be with the chicks, then known as the Dixie Chicks, with the whole female-led country band with a very, very similar sort of sound as well. Of course, there is a man in this group as well, which is something I'll come back to.

but yes, really, really enjoyed this. It's got a lovely hook in the chorus. It's just got a really nice beat to it throughout, and it has momentum to it. It's very strange that this was, the cores in general, they were extremely uncool to kids at the time, I think. They were really, like, not someone you ever heard about in the playground.

Like, it was just not a thing, for me, at least. But much, much more enjoyable as an adult, they certainly fill in that adult contemporary kind of category of this area that we've mentioned before. I think for me, part of that is that I don't know if you guys ever watched SM TV. Oh yeah. But they had a running thing where they relentlessly took the Mick out of the cause.

They just had a thing with them where they'd all wear the three of them would all wear wigs and just keep like advertising their songs. Because where are the beautiful cars? Here we are, the beautiful cores? It would just like do it all the time I would constantly make fun of them Then they'd have a fourth guy

With a bag over his head To represent the man in the band He would just be completely silent Throughout all of these sketches And I think that kind of coloured it That they were just sort of figures of ridicule Back in the day Yeah

The other thing about this which As soon as I heard this song Is I don't know if this is a common thing I think I feel like it probably is But my husband at least said He really thought for the longest time until recently he genuinely thought that the lyrics were

Leave me Bradley Come on leave me Bradley I don't know if that's a common thing but I can certainly hear it I sort of can't unhear it now but yeah I really really enjoyed this it's got the right balance of pop with a slight

sort of country hint to it while still being I don't hate to use the word authentic but I guess that's the word I am going to use here lovely vocal performance just really really nice I don't think it's anything particularly special I think it could be elevated.

I think it's one of those songs that I'm not going to listen to all of the time. I enjoyed revisiting it, and I enjoyed the nostalgia of hearing it, but I'm not going to be revisiting it that much. But as a kind of time capsule of a genre that very briefly had a really big moment, but there weren't that many British or Irish, in this case, artists piping out this sort of thing, I think it's a really, really nice little moment for us to cover. and it was something entirely different from Real Slim Shady. How lovely is it that something like this could follow the very week after?

What a period of variety in our pop charts, and I kind of have to admire that as well. Yeah, really nice. Yeah. Absolutely. I actually kind of agree. I'm sure everyone will be relieved to know that I don't have anywhere near as much to say about this one. But it's interesting that you mentioned there,

that the calls were thoroughly uncool to kids around this time. I think they just didn't exist, to be honest. I think I was being a bit unfair. They just didn't exist at all to kids, I don't think. Well, I was introduced to the cause, and I knew about them, thanks to that re-release of Talk on Corners, because my mum bought that, and then immediately bought the best of the cause,

which comes out, like, a year after this. So... Beautiful chorus. So I'm going to keep doing that. So, like, this song, as well as their surrounding singles, have probably been in my life for about 20. 20 years. Like, seriously thinking about it,

their cover of dreams might well be the first version of that song that I heard. But yeah, I think that this is a very pleasant piece of pop rock. And just like you, Andy, I noticed a tiny hint of Shania Twain, her popier material somewhere beneath the surface. I felt there were little flecks of Irish folk in there as well. Yeah, definitely. But it is that they know at the start of the song that, go on, go on, is a very easy hook to get somebody involved in this.

Like the way that Andrea's voice kind of floats into the falsetto and then back out of it in a really short space of time really sticks in their head. It's like a lovely siren call and I love the overlapping vocals in the chorus as well. I'll always have time for any group that understands the value of vocal harmony and they get treated with warm vocal production. and vocal is the sticking point. And to kind of come into my criticisms of it, though, I find it kind of strange

that quite a lot of the aesthetics of the Corps' promotional material around this time, like the videos and album covers and posters and pictures and live performances and stuff, they go for really cold colour combinations like blue and white and black and all the various like silvers and bits in between. Like if you Google the cause 2000s to go to Google images,

It's a lot of the pictures of them from this time. Or they've got jet black hair, dark clothes. They're normally backed by like cold blue lighting. Like the name that, you know, obviously the album that Breathless comes from is called In Blue. And the reissue of Torcon Corners changed the cover from like loads of autumnal browns and greens and stuff to this fully washed out sky blue.

And then when they perform this on top of the pops, they all wear black and they all have really heavy blue lighting. And I don't think any band made a stronger case for the colours black and blue until Evan essence came along. But I don't think the colours and the promotional stuff suits the song. And I think it speaks to a confusion that's inherent in quite a lot of the core's most successful music, especially those tinting out remixes. Because the original version of what can I do, for a full minute,

it sounds like something that like the Flying Pickets might have done in the 80s. runaway is a really sparse and quite gentle ballad with barely any percussion, but then they both get souped up and they both have all these trinkets added to them. And like as it happens, I kind of prefer the updated version of what can I do. But the contradiction is also present in Breathless because its true nature feels slightly trapped, I think, behind the super clean studio production. The vocal production is gorgeous, but the production on the production, the backing track, it's very slick and it's like a big budget interpretation of what was probably

once, a very small and quite intimate song once upon a time. It's like, don't get me wrong, like, you know, studio bells and whistles, like they can often enhance small songs, turn them into something really glorious. The Fear by Lily Allen is a really good example of that, I think, but I'm rarely able to grab onto anything this song does behind the vocals. That bass, I can hear it wandering off in really interesting directions but it feels like that should be the proper backbone of the song but I think it's just got too much gloss

on it to feel completely real to me I do agree with that when I was talking about how I wish it was a little bit more elevated I think that definitely you've hit the nail on the head there Rob that's what I was getting at that everything except the vocals is sort of generic and is just

kind of standard kind of pub band sort of performance really and yeah I would have liked a little bit more points of interest apart from the vocals because the vocals are gorgeous, really gorgeous. Lizzie, what about you? Yes, a very successful

week for the Irish, whilst this. You know, you've got the cause, you've got Ronan Keating, you've got Eminem, I'm sure he's Irish as well. But yeah, no, I have to agree with both of you. I think this is really nice. Like, maybe nice is the operative word, but, like, I haven't heard this one

for a long time before this week. I was much more familiar with the Caroline Bouldechuk cover. Like, compared to that, the production of this is quite, I agree, it's quite flat and it's dated in parts. And the lyrics are fairly standard country pop fair for the most part. But there's some really nice hooks in this. And there's some lovely vocal harmonies which helped to elevate it a bit more than what it usually would be. Like I'll have another note later on about songwriters relating to,

you know, the selection we have this week. And with this, I should note that it was written by Robert John Lang, who co-wrote many of Shania Twain's late 90s hits. Of course. Yeah. So, like, if not for the tin whistle in the verse, this could very easily be another Shania Twain hit. And I'm sure she probably would have done a great rendition of it.

However, I think Andrea Kaur has this particularly beautiful quality to her voice. Like, she has a similar effortless-style, Twain had around the time, but she also has that, you know, like, yodel that she does in the choruses, which would usually stand out like a sore thumb, but it just blends in seamlessly because, you know, that's the power of a good singer. It's like something you very rarely hear in pop outside of, say, Dolores or Reardon. Have I said that right, Dolores or Reardon? Yeah, cranberries, yeah. Yeah, in the cranberries, yeah. Who was actually involved in a feud with the cause around this time. Like, as, as, as,

far as I can see from reports, Dolores said in an interview that she wasn't a fan of the cause, but then Jim Corb bumped into Dolores at a nightclub in Dublin and confronted her about her remarks. They patched things up a year or so later, but I found it interesting. Like, I would have maybe assumed that this song, and even, you know, the kind of cover art style and the blues and the blacks that you were talking about a minute ago, Rob. I thought that was an homage to the cranberries and to Dolores-Ori-O-R-Irion. I thought that was the whole kind of point. They were just taking that sort of foundation and making it more pop and more accessible. I think it depends where you draw the line between homage and bandwagon jumping,

because I think the context for this is that, you know, we've just come off the back of what had been a very big decade for Ireland. Irish music in general, you know, in the 90s, that there were loads of breakout stars. It was cranberries. There was bewitch if we want to go down the more kind of pop-end. Yeah. But, you know, we even had artists like, well, you too sort of peak in the 90s as well. Yeah, Westlife, Boise Zone, you know.

Westlife and Boysown, you know. Yeah, exactly. There was all sorts. Even the pox at the very start of the decade. That's true, yeah. It was an Irish music was definitely having a bit of a moment in the 90s, and it was slightly tailing off at this time. And I do think it might have been an attempt at bandwagon.

jumping, especially because Bewitched in Sailor V made such a shameless song and dance about their iriness. Literally, yeah. And it worked, and that was a big hit because of that. So I do think there's an element of let's just throw that in there because it sells, which may well have pissed off the cranberries because they weren't doing it purely to sell records. I think that's maybe my take on it.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I didn't have much else to say other than that. Yeah, I think it's a really lovely pop song, which does, for the most part, successfully managed to balance gentle affection and that burning desire for so much more. Yeah. Okay then.

Next up is this. Here we fucking go. This is Ronan Keating with Life is a Roller Coaster, released as the second single from his debut album, Ronan. Life is a Roller Coaster is Ronan Keating's second UK number one since going solo from Boy's Own after his cover of Keith Whitley's

When You Say Nothing at all, hit the summit in 1999. The song was not Ronan Keating's final number one, however, we will be revisiting him on this show fairly soon. Life is a roller coaster went straight in at number one as a new entry, knocking the cause off the top spot and staying at number one for one week. It fought off competition from Aaliyah's Triumph. Again, which got to number five. When it was knocked off number one, it fell one place to number two,

and by the time it was done on the charts, it had been inside the top 100 for, you ready for this, 22 weeks. Jesus Christ. Lizzie, what do we make of Life is a Roller Coaster? It's unfathomably dull. You would expect a song with Roller Coaster in the title to have some energy about it and take some, like, exciting twists and turns.

But if this song were a roller coaster, it would be one of those roller coasters they have for children that never goes above five miles per hour and has a maximum broth of about 30 centimeters. And like I've never liked Ronan Keating's slimy baritone honk.

You know, much like with Rick Astley and other pop baritones that we're bound to encounter, he has so little emotional range as a singer, but insists on singing these drippy ballads and love songs. So the only way that they can express a strong emotion is just to sing it slightly louder and just do it over and over again and beat you over the head with it, which it isn't the same as conveying emotion.

And so, like, the voicing is always going to be a hurdle for me with this song, but the actual lyrical content is so thin that you could pierce it with a feather. Like, I was genuinely shocked to discover that this was written by Greg Alexander and Rick Knowles of the band The New Radicals, who wrote a little song you may have heard of called You Get What You Give, which is an amazing pop song. Arguably one of the best of the 90s. It didn't get to number one, it got to number five, but if it did get to number one and we were covering that period, it would be in the vault guaranteed. Like, no questions asked. So, like, I spent the better part of this week wondering, like, how the same duo could produce something. so brilliant and then write something as tepid as this, with only about two years between the two

of them. But then I realise that the two songs are pretty similar composition-wise. Like they both have a fairly simple verse. They have a pre-chorus which introduces some tension, then into that pleading chorus, then repeat again, then the bridge which adds another layer of tension before a repeat of the chorus. And then one more hook in the outro to see us out. It's the exact same structure, but where you get what you give is carried by Greg Alexander's desperate, exasperated vocal style and urgent lyrics. This trudges along with Ronan Keating's signature catawall and sentiments straight out of a cheap Valentine's Day card, bought out of a sense of obligation rather than true affection. Like, if you get what you give is deceptively simple, then life is a

rollercoaster is insultingly simple. And so it boggles the mind to see Ronan, in the press at the time, acting like a big shot. Like I've shown you to this article where he's moaning about how, quote, cheesy pop was dominating the charts and having a pop at singers who mined on live shows like anybody gives a fuck. And then having the gall to talk about how his new album has, quote, a bit of an edge. Like, sure, we've all said stupid things in our mid-20s. But when you're putting out something as tedious as this and acting like it's something, how superior to what was happening in the pop charts at the time, you really ought to start

considering your life decisions on to that point and wondering where it all went wrong. Like it smacks more of bitterness and jealousy than it does of a genuine ambition to make pop music better. Like artists who reach such a high level and they get there and that all they do is complain about others while clearly doing nothing to advance the form themselves should be reminded that the people you meet on the way up are often. the same people you meet on the way down, I guess you could say,

life is a roller coaster. Well, the thing is with that, though, like, with him trying to say that he's got a bit of edge, who is he appealing to? Because the people who buy his music don't want edge. No. And the people who want Edge don't buy his music. Just to play Slidell's advocate with it,

I've never listened to the album, Ronan. I'm guessing you to have it either. Maybe there is more interesting stuff. I'm not saying, you know, every other song is like, welcome to the Black Parade. But, you know, I, I, possibly there is a bit more of an edge in there, but it's not showing in the single. That's for fucking sure.

Yeah, he does a cover of real slim shady. I'm the real Ronan Keating. Yeah. Andy, I'll give you final word on this, so I'll skim through my notes. Go on. Because I have less to say about this. Just that, I think this is only slightly annoying,

and I kind of wish it was more annoying. The repeated kind of squeaky is the most kind of irritating bit of the song and I kind of hate how like that is the crux point of every verse because it just goes and it just goes and it just goes on

the rest is just kind of you make him sound like the annoying orange the rest to me the rest to me is just kind of pretty inane, inoffensive pop rock. Like, it's very lightweight, doesn't really want to be anything other than what it

is. Find it out to come up with words. The song just makes me think of somebody sighing. Like, it's forever destined to be on those sounds of summer compilation albums, or forever to be played at two minutes past five on, like, Radio 2, you know, and

it's, you know, whoever's playing, and it's drive time, and here's Ronan Key, the other one of those is have a nice day by stereophonics. Oh, God, yeah. But I think this manages to offend by being ever so slightly, by being so inoffensive. Like, it exists to be lifeless. Like, I know basically every song is a promotional vehicle for the artist that's performing

it, but this feels like a pretty egregious case of that. Like, it doesn't feel like it wants to be a terrific song on its own terms. It kind of wants people to hear that it's Ronan Keating so that they can go, oh, it's Ronan Keating and then buy it. And I can never tell if the chorus is actually memorable or if I've just heard it so much over the years.

It's that. Yeah. And the only bit of the song that sticks out to me is the fade out because the way that the song fades out makes me think of a universe where Ronan Keating never stops going, fight it, fight it, fight it, fade it.

There is a universe where that song just goes on forever and that's it's just the fade out and if they didn't fade it out that would just be what the rest of the song was for like the rest of time uh something that maybe the caretaker might have had an experiment with over the course of six hours and slowly degrading the sound until it resembles static but um yeah don't hate it don't have any feelings about it it's just bleh um so andy have the floor oh i will thank you have the whole theme park that this rollercoaster sits within. Presumably it's boring towers.

You know, sometimes I don't like going last because like last week with them, it feels so good where we all matched on the notes we'd written, it's happened again, where you've just used, Rob, you just use an exact quote that I've got written down here, which is so inoffensive that it's offensive. So well done.

We're on the same page with the... Oh, boy, oh boy. This is the most middle of the road, bland, beige, tweed, bit of fluff imaginable. There have been some songs on the podcast so far that I don't like. This is the first song that I hate.

Like, I hate this song. I was really depressed when I saw it coming up next week. Last week when I looked up, what have it got next week? And I was like, oh, fuck's sake. Life is a roller coaster. Great, okay. There's four minutes, so we'll get back.

And, you know, what's interesting is that you said, Robert, this sounds like a sigh. And Lizzie, you said as well that it sounds like a sigh. that it sounds so compared to you get what you give it sounds so empty and low energy and it does kind of have the feel of like I'll just phone it in just to quote peep show, oh we're doing the

fucking song, Wednesday can around. It sounds like that and you're like this is so phoned in, this is so like whatever but then you think no it's not that this is probably Ronan Keating's idea of a huge bangor like when he's doing that interview

like oh I'm sick of cheesy pop making it to the top I'm going to do stuff with the real edge, like life as a roller coaster. Isn't this an exciting song? Like, he's such a boring man that this is an idea of excitement. And I feel quite sad for him on that part. This is not just me being mean. Like, it's been backed up by other people.

I remember an episode of Nevermind the Buzzcocks where Simon Amstel commented that Ronan Keating was the most boring man he's ever met in his life. And I can totally believe that. I don't think anything sums up Ronan Keating more than the fact he's now a backup presenter for the one show which just yeah I can see that

I think if there's a piece of music that rivals life as a roller coaster for insipid boringness it's the theme to the one show to the point where I wouldn't be surprised to hear that Ronan Keating wrote that but anyway to the song itself

and to stop the character assassination slightly but come on how can you think that this is going to be oh this is going to be exciting you know what will really knock my listener's socks off. Why don't we have a tempo of 90? Why don't we have handclaps? Why don't we do it in C major?

Why don't we have no key changes other than CFG and A minor? Why don't we have my thin nasal baritone? Why don't we just try saying every word sounds like it's spelt with only the letter R? Why don't we top that off with lyrics so banal and empty that they're almost an art

form? It's just I agree with, I was going to make the same analogy about a roller coaster that you did, Lizzie, that if it's a roller coaster, it's that Wallace and Gromit one for babies. Yeah. It's insulting to Wallace and Gromit to say that and to the brilliant work of Nick Park,

which required more imagination than the entire output of Ronan Keating. It's just... You know what's the worst thing about this, though? Is that he's right. He's bang on. People buy this. People bought this song.

It got four times platinum this album. This song is still so well known, even to this day. And it genuinely angers me that he's absolutely right. This is what people want. And it's proof. if proof were needed, that getting a number one is neither a sign of quality, nor is it a badge of street cred.

Sometimes, rubbish gets to number one. And I do think this is the first song we've had so far. I will perhaps come back to this, and a later song in this episode. But this is the first one we've had so far. I'm like, yeah, this is actual crap that's got to number one. Like, this should not be there. But the fact that it is so bland that it's so middle of the road seems to be, actively its selling point.

It's really bizarre that it's sort of like, you know, the way elections are won from the centre ground in politics, it's like if we just offend as few people as possible, maybe that will win. Maybe we will win. Maybe we will become popular based on that. And I just despair, absolutely despair at this. And I don't care if this doesn't work.

I've got to make my feelings known. I am nominating this for the pie hole. This is awful. So am I. Right, it's in there. I'm not as, I'm not as impassioned about it. I'm not going to vote for it to be in the pie hole, but I think it's, Andy, clearly it's,

it's been around in your life so much that it's a personal vote for the pie hole this week and I'm not going to stand in your way. I haven't been in my life that much to be fair. It's just that like, whenever I hear it, I'm just like, I could be listening to anything else right now. There are a few other songs I feel the same way about. I feel the same way about Lady and Red. Like, that's just the same.

I feel the same about True by Spandau Ballet, you know. But those two are, like, famous for that. Those two are the ones that people say. And I think this should be in that echelon of ones people always talk about as like the most boring song ever written, because I think this really runs Lady and Red close for boringness. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, if you were looking for Edge, it's coming up next. Oh, boy. Here we go. It's this. world someday you got blood on your face your big disgrace and this is We Will Rock You by Five with Queen. Released as

the fourth single from Five's second album Invincible, We Will Rock You is five's tenth overall single and their second number one after keep on moving reached the summit in 1999. The original version of We Will Rock You performed by Queen has never charted in the UK, although it has been reworked

and released as a single on four separate occasions since the death of Freddie Mercury in 1991. We Will Rock You went straight in at number one as a new entry and stayed at number one for one for one for one week, knocking Ronan Keating off the top. That's it, roller coaster off the tracks. And it put off competition from two-faced by Louise, which got to number three,

and jumping by Destiny's Child, which got to number five. When it was knocked off number one, it fell two places to number three, and by the time it was done on the charge, it had been inside the top 100 for 15 weeks. This is fucking hysterical. This is just baffling and confusing and very, very annoying. Like, I'm not a fan of the original song.

I've got to be honest. How do you two feel about the original version of We Will Rock You? I don't think it deserves the level of fame that it has. I think Queen have so many classics. And this is, you know, We Will Rock You is. It's got that whole shtick that you do live, obviously, with the claps and hands. Like, I get why it's so famous. But I don't think it's anything special musically.

I'd never kind of listen to it on a playlist. I'd always skip it, really. It's fine. Yeah. Lizzie, what about you? Like, the original isn't one of my favourite tracks of theirs either, but I can at least recognise that there's something unusual about it compared to the rest of their songs. Like, it's just over two minutes long, and about three quarters of it is essentially an acapella track.

There's no physical instruments played on it until Brian May strums that power chord signaling the start of a quite angular guitar solo, which plays until the fade out. It's arena rock in its purest sense, you know, using the audience itself as a musical instrument and trusting them to be the rhythm section until Brian can burst in with his solo. Yeah. I'm not a fan of the original, but like you were saying, I can appreciate how confrontationally sparse an audience gives. it is. It's made to fill two minutes of a long live set and keep the crowd going. That was the sort thing that Freddie really specialised in,

so fair play to him on that one. So, of course, it's ready made for the various members of five to come in, and apparently the surviving members of Queen, to just shit all over the memory of it. The guy that they bring in to do Freddy's bits,

I think it's Richie. Fucking hell, he has a lot of trouble with those high notes, don't he? Do you know what It's a sad thing that he's probably the best singer in five. That's what's really sad. That's why they got him to do it. It's just the way that he's going like, that's out there.

You're like, he can really, really pull in his voice. The production is so loud and overbearing. Like, there's a lot of empty space in We Will Rock You. And so they've decided to fill it with all these stupid little record scratches and the adlibs. Oh, my God, the ad libs. Like the guy that keeps going, ha ha! Ha ha!

Woo! And the guy goes, and he goes, we're going to rock you baby! And all the theatricality of the original has been replaced with volume and fuck all else. Like, the verse is rubbish. You know, we step into the place and go, go, go, we go. And it's just, it's the same beat all the time. And occasionally it might switch it up with a little triplet where they go, better believe, like that. And it's just, oh, and I don't know how Freddie would have felt about this.

I'm sure he would have just taken the paycheck and been very happy with the fact that he was still alive, probably. But I get so uncomfortable with how the other members have treated Queen, like the other members of Queen have treated Freddie's memory ever since he died. Definitely. I saw them live about two months ago. And they put on a really good show.

And Adam Lambert is a good standing for Freddie Mercury. They're all very open about the fact. Adam Lamber's like, look, I know I'm not Freddie, but, you know, we're here to have a good time. Hope you can carry me as much as I carry you, et cetera. They pay nice little tributes to Freddie, and everybody feels like they're on the same page. And you go away, and you sort of think, like,

Brian May and Roger Taylor consulted on Bohemian Rhapsody, and they do things like this. And I just sit there, and I just wonder, like, why? I don't know how they feel. I don't know whether they're, they're comfortable with everything that kind of happens with the way that it just feels a bit like they're kind of ringing out as much of like ringing with WR, I mean, of Queen's 70s and 80s output as they possibly can. Just to, because even like recently there was a, they've gone

into the vault and found an old recording of Freddie singing something or other. And it's just, if Freddy didn't want it out there, then why are you putting it out there now? And why are you doing this and this honestly feels like a sketch from comic relief that just went too far like it just that's how it feels to me it's like somebody was spitballing for comic relief or children

in need oh wouldn't it be funny if we got five and queen to do it and then it just turned into a song and it by that by that point it was some Frankenstein's monster that was already just out of control um Lizzie what about you um

yeah I can completely agree with what he said and like yeah it's it you know it's easy to see where the cover went wrong like where the original is like you say it's initially sparse before building to that power cord blast

this one starts off loud with what sounds like a gunshot before going into the drumbeat which replaces the like authentic stump of the original with like a dull synthetic thud like closing a cupboard then you get the obligatory record

scratching because hey it's 2000 and you get the generic brag rap, horrible squawking rendition of the verse, a chorus with some mad lad vocalizations on top of it, which sound like, I think we mentioned a couple of episodes ago, like the settings on those old keyboards where you press a key and it's like, DJ, DJ, woo, yeah. Yeah, and like five claims to bring the funk, but I've yet to find any evidence of this in their back catalogue.

The guitar, the guitar, the guitar, like, just like the original, and you think it might be enough to save the song but then it just gets bigger and louder and stupider and it builds to that horrible final group wank of a chorus as Brian beats his guitar to death and the fake audience cheers out of politeness so yeah it's pretty wretched

and this would be a saying on Queen's legacy but let's be honest this isn't Queen on the record this is 5 featuring Brian and Roger like by this point Freddie's been dead for almost a decade and John Deacon has retired from public life in 1997. So why are they still using the Queen name? It's like if Andy Rourke and Mike Joyce got back together and started doing gigs to dismiss.

Like, you're pivotal members of the original band for sure, but it creates this kind of philosophical question where you start to wonder how many members of a band have to leave either by choice or by nature before the band is considered non-existent. Is it like Looney Tunes or the Muppets where the original actors are just replaced for as long as there's an interest in the product? It's the name of, oh, what's that all philosophical problem where if you replace every single part of a ship,

is it still the same ship? Yeah, yeah. The sugar babes, this got brought in with the sugar babes of are they still the sugar babes anymore? Yeah. Or they calm death as well. Yeah, definitely. Like, yeah, we might be stuck with Queen for a long time yet if that's the case.

But as far as I'm concerned, like you, Freddie Mercury was Queen and the band died with him. Like nothing Queen did after Freddie Mercury matters. And especially not this pointless collaboration. So, Mandy. Ship of Theseus, by the way, is what I was referring to. Thank you. Ship of Theseus. if you replace every single part of something,

is it still the thing? Interesting question for another time. Anyway, so this, I'm not going to afford it any more airtime than it deserves, which is very little. Oddly, although I think this is even worse than life is a roller coaster, oddly I must say it doesn't anger me in the same way. It doesn't anger me as much because life is a roller coaster, it really hits a specific nerve of me that if you're at the top,

if you're at the top of fame to be so boring as such a crime whereas I have to at least I'm not going to say admire but I can at least acknowledge that five have gone for it and tried to do something a little bit

interesting shall we say with this oh what if we add rap to queen music that's everything that people are calling for especially when that rap as you've said is so insipid that it's so generic it's like yeah oh we're such thud even though we're like a 90s boy band, we're such thugs.

Yeah, we rap instead of sing, and we've all got a big penis, and that's because we're it. It's just, it's like, and to put that with something that, I know We Will Rock is not one of Queen's finest, but it does at least have that sense of awe that, like you say, it encapsulates arena rock in two minutes, that it's, you are in a time and place, and to tinker with it even slightly takes away from the effect of the song. That song is what it is. Like, it just, you can't really change it or you change the effect of it. You change the intent of it.

You change the impact of it. And that has been completely lost here, that if you start turning it into this weird genre hybrid that I can't see that anybody would have asked for, what you get is, as Rob said, a total Frankenstein monster, where this is far too poppy and rappy for anyone who likes rock music. and also far too bad for anyone who likes music as simple as that really I think really it's just so ill-conceived and I completely agree with well another thing that you said Rob as well

that I assumed like you said that you said that you thought this is for children in need or comic relief or something I assumed this must have been from a movie because I thought nothing as specific and odd as this just exists it must have been from a movie it's not they genuinely set out to do this. It's absolutely crazy. Shame on Queen for being associated with this. I say Queen,

shame on Brian and Roger for being associated with this. It's awful, really, really awful. And I think it's dated so badly, so so badly. I know that in the present day people still do ill-advised covers and they still step over the legacy of songs. But to do it in this specific way where you add 90s British pop rap from a boy band to Queen. Oh, it hurts me just to say that. And it's that specific kind of British pop rap You know, like, Das Sampson.

Yes, yeah, exactly. It's really like, you know, that's the thing. I don't have a problem with rap being put over the top of it. If it was Eminem quality to hark back to the start or if it was, you know. Yeah, like JZ, yeah. For example, if it was, yeah, if it was like Jay Z or Kendrick Lamar quality,

hey let's try that that could be interesting if you put that with the Queen song to have it be five come on I really hate this thing in general where it happened a few times in the early naughties

where I assume that boy bands sometimes had enormous bottomless pits of financial backing because this happened a few times where Blue managed to get a duet with Elton John for Sorry seems to be the hardest word

they also managed to get a duet with Stevie Wonder for Sign Sealed delivered and now you have five getting a duet with Queen, I assume it's just they just throw money at these artists so that they get the seal of approval. And that's awful, and we shouldn't endorse that at all.

It's really awful. And it's, yeah, I have nothing good to say about this at all. Except that it's not boring at least. I remember that this happened because I cringe listening to it. So it gets a point or two for that. But other than that, this is just awful. Really terrible. Yeah.

Sorry, Rob, can I just quickly interject? Yeah. Because I have another philosophical question of, like, is it worse to aim for something big and completely miss or aim for mediocrity and hit like, you know, like a bull's eye? Oh, definitely the latter, I think. So that would make life as a roller coaster worse. I think it's better to try and fail than it is to not try.

I would usually agree, but I still, like, this is unlistnable. But, yeah, I would... there's at least something in this that there isn't in life as a roller coaster. But don't get me wrong, this is worse because they fail so badly. Oh yeah, this is definitely pie hole material. I don't know if you agree.

Oh God, yeah. Yeah, definitely in the pie hole. Okay. Here's a nightmarish thought to keep you awake tonight, right? Imagine this, but it's a rowing keytink. It'd be like that.

Have you ever seen them take that and do it a cover of Smells Like Team Spirit? Oh my God, no. Oh, Andy. Andy, Andy, Andy. I'm going to ruin your evening after this. Thanks. The only other thing I sort of have to say is that they're kind of going for that really early,

I think they're going for that really early Beastie Boys, Rundee MC, kind of like rock instrumental, or pop rock instrumental, but with like gang vocals where like one of them will go, and then the other two or three members will say the last word of every line and it's like but that's so over at this point that's so over it was like 10 years ago

it's even longer died with I don't know it's like that maybe it's like the death of that really even earlier really wouldn't DMC is sort of the end of that well it is I think they're going for like the foundations

of how hip hop hit the mainstream but I, yeah, this is not great. So, we have one more song this week, and it is this. You know what? I guess I want to say. Yeah, great day, it, seven days, check it. Yeah. On my way to say my friends,

to look a couple blacks way for me. I'm as I walked through the subway must have been about quarter past three in front of me stood a beautiful honey with a beautiful body she asked me for the time I said the cost of her name six to the number and a date with me tomorrow and night did she decline no didn't she mind I think so but was it for real damn sure but what was the deal a baby girl is 24 so is she key she could away cinnamon queen let me update what did she say she said she loved to around every who she asked me what we were gonna do some stop for the ball of the more and more for two monday took her for a drink on tuesday we were making love for wednesday and on ferns day and Friday we chilled on Sunday I met this guy on Monday took her for a drink on

Tuesday we were making love on Wednesday and on Thursday and on Thursday and Friday and Friday Okay, this is Seven Days by Craig David. Released as the second single from his debut album, Born to Do It, Seven Days is Craig David's second solo single overall and his second to reach number one, after fill me in top the charts earlier in the year. Check out our third episode for more on that one. This was also his final number one in the UK, with Rise and Fall featuring Sting, coming closest when it reached number two in two.

2003. Seven days went straight in at number one as a new entry, knocking five off the top of the charts. It was number one for a week, holding off competition from Freestyleer by Bon Funk MCs, which I think is a bit of a shame. That got to number two. And funnily enough, Maria Maria by Santana and the Product GMB, which got to number six. Am I just imagining this, or is that like the fourth Santana song that's hit number two now in the last few weeks? We seem to always mention them. Yeah, big, big domination of the American charts and obviously it's smooth as well with Rob Thomas of Matt 12th 20. When it was knocked off number one,

it fell one place to number two, and by the time it was done on the charts, it had been inside the top 100 for 19 weeks. It finished a year as the 17th biggest selling single overall, and eventually went on to sell 1.2 million copies. So it's a million seller. Fair play to him. Wow.

Nice. I'm going to let you to kind of take the lead on the actual song discussion on this one because I have a story that's going to take up too much time and if I add that in with my actual critiques of the song, we'll be here for seven days. So, Lizzie, how do we feel about seven days? Or Andy, do you want to take the one unconscious that I've led the last couple of times? I don't want to steal all your notes.

No, it's fine. I appreciate that. That wasn't me being passive aggressive. No, no, no. Nice how we all have so much in common with our notes. Yeah, but anyway, for this one, it's quite nice. It's very, very listenable. I think it's, I have really a lot similar to say to what I said about Fill Me In a few weeks ago,

which is that it is a game of two halves, music and lyrics. That musically, I think it's really, really nice to listen to. I maintain, as I said, a few weeks ago that Craig David knows how to write pop music. He's really, really good at getting a tune stuck in your head. really good at it. He's a rare talent to that, especially considering his younger age at this time. Very, very talented guy.

But the lyrics, yeah. It's funny, I think the lyrics fulfill me in are worse, that I really gave him hell for that a few weeks ago. But this is the one that is kind of famous for it. This is the one that people tend to joke about the chorus in particular. Yeah. It's just,

it is another example of how he's really, like, focuses on things he doesn't need to focus on, that he's overly literal and overly prescriptive to the point where it does kind of defy basic sense, really, that few people would bother to recite the events of every day of the week as part of their track, especially not when one of those days doesn't have anything on the agenda. That seems really bizarre. I know that chilled on Sunday thing, that's, you know, it's, oh yeah, we chilled, that's cool and stuff. But it just kind of inescapably sounds like he ran out of ideas.

It just kind of sound like, oh, we did this on Monday, we did that Tuesday, and then on Sunday we just kind of chilled. Yeah. It just kind of feel like, and I know that's not the intent. But, you know, I think that's a fair cop, it's a fair criticism really, that, you know, your intent is not coming across well there. It kind of sounds bad. Also, interesting, I don't know if I'm maybe reading into something that isn't here, but I do find it quite odd that he, like, on the seventh day he rests. Like, is he intentionally trying to invoke the creation of man and follow God's schedule in this song? It does be like six days of intense action and then on the seventh day, Craig rested. It does seem a little bit like that. And I really don't know if he intended that.

But I thought that was interesting, at least. I think other than that, lyrically, it's not that bad. Although shout out to Cinnamon Queen, let me update. Whatever the hell that means. That's really, really strange. some fairly gross flirting at the start, where there's this whole bit where she's like, can you tell me the time?

And he says, well, I'll tell you the time if you give me your name, number and address and confirm the time for our date, like at their first meeting, which is a bit weird. But, you know, that's just kind of part and parcel with sort of flirty lyrics in this sort of song. It's really, really nice overall. Once again, let down by the distinctive oddness of the lyrics,

but it's a really good tune. I remain committed that I am going to give Craig Davis another chance. I'm going to listen to that album, but to do it, and I'm going to really give him a try, because as a musician and as an artist, I would say, he's very interested and he's very fresh for the period, but his lyrics really do let him down, and that's a bit of a shame. But yeah, I like this. I do like this. It's good. Yeah. Lizzie, what about you? Yeah, I have to echo a lot of what Andy said about this. And, you know, I will say that I I like this song.

I don't have, again, I don't have a lot to say about it other than, you know, beyond what I already said about Fill Me In a couple of episodes back. Because it's the same kind of formula as that one. But with Craig David talking about enjoying a week of hedonism with an older woman, rather than having to sneak around his girlfriend's overprotective parents. Like, I maybe slightly prefer Fill Me In just because I feel like there's a bit more personal drama in it to keep me invested in the story and it's more relatable than this angle of

meeting an impossibly beautiful woman in a subway and I'm assuming he's referring to a subway as in like the footpath under a busy road rather than the sandwich Shane even though neither is a particularly realistic or appealing place to meet an partner no and Craig I can totally say it being subway like we met we met in a caster and then we went to be in him We got a meatball mariner on Sunday. We had points to redeem on it.

Yeah, like, maybe the idea here isn't to be relatable or realistic. Like, I might be reading this wrong, but this song sounds like pure fantasy to me. It's the sort of thing that young lads that age make up or exaggerate to impress their friends. Yeah, I think the music video kind of clues you in about that because he's kind of, he's just relaying the story to his barber

and they're all just kind of sat around going, oh, what happened next? And I think, yeah, I think that's kind of, it is just a dream. Yeah, because it has that call and response part as well, whereas mate,

like, inquired into, did she decline, did she mind? Was it for real? Tell me more, tell me more. How much I'm saying that? I imagine texting you made that,

did she decline? Did she decline? I know. It's like, it's like, you probably could have gathered by the way I was speaking, but no,

she didn't. Like, yeah, I don't mind that angle at all. And like I said about fill me in, the lyrics aren't amazing or anything, but they feel genuine. Like, they're almost sort of conversational at times, which I guess was kind of his thing around this time. It does run out of steam quite a lot towards the end when Craig starts to talk about how he's not the kind of guy to play around and how he can't get this special lady off his mind. Like from the first couple of verses in the chorus, I, expected this to end up being a song about meeting a girl who was out of his league and having a

great time but inevitably getting his heartbroken because, you know, she's more of an outgoing kind of party girl or because she doesn't want to commit to someone being so young herself and with someone as young as Craig David. So while I do think it's a fun and occasionally clever little R&B track, I can't help but think that this tells a story which doesn't really have a climax. And like, sure, there's nothing wrong with pop songs about finding a person who you fall madly in love with and that's that. But to me, seven days suggests a relationship that's far too good to be true and is bound to crash and burn. So it's like, it's still a decent song, but it's lacking something in the latter parts that I feel could have easily remedied, you know, just introduce

some tension, like some doubt and like something that fractures that relationship. Because clearly this isn't built to last the only kind of comments I have that are different to yours is that I'm surprised this wasn't the first single I just that you'd think so wouldn't you

yeah that instant guitar the that guitar lick is just I don't know it has something that film me in doesn't instrumentally which if she wasn't an older woman it could be the prequel to fill me in yeah

it's just something like that just I'm not sure why it just maybe it's just because I remember it more and I just always imagine that this was his big big breakout but yeah I think I think the song is nice but I don't really have anything different to say to you two but I do have a very odd story and I won't identify the people involved except my mom who is crucial to this and what I will say before I start the story is that nobody was hurt Okay. Oh wow.

That's a great way to start a story. Yeah, as far as I'm aware, everybody's fine. So my mum had this friend that she knew. Let's call her, I don't know, Alison. And Alison had a son about my age. We'll call him Stephen. Ronan Keating. Ronan.

Yeah, it's okay, Ronan. Right, okay. And I think Ronan was a little older than me, maybe by like a couple of years. I was about seven. I think Ronan was about nine, ten. Anyway, sometimes, like, you know, we went away together as like a group of four, me, my mum, Allison and Ronan.

And, like, they got, like, my mom and Allison, they became really, really good friends. Like I say, we went on holiday together, and it got to the point where, like, on just any given Saturday morning, we would meet up and just go shopping and just have coffee and tea or whatever. And Alison and Ronan, they loved Craig David.

I remember them talking to each other, like, oh, it was like this shared thing, like, oh, we both love Craig David, like mother and son kind of thing. And they love seven days and walking away and all those songs. And I remember them singing it a lot on a particular holiday that we went on. I actually nearly drowned on that holiday because I thought I could swim and I couldn't,

and I got saved by a lovely lifeguard. Jesus, sorry, it was everything. But it was like a Haven, Butlins thing, you know. She was a little bit younger than my mum by about five or ten years maybe, but, you know, they liked each other and we all got on really well. So on one of these any given Saturdays where we all went and met up and went shopping, Alison and my mum were walking in front of us. My mum was nearest the road, and Alison was nearest the wall.

the pavement and Ronan turned to me and said watch this, I'm gonna go and run out into the road oh we should both do it and I looked at the road and there wasn't any traffic but I just said no I don't think I'm gonna do that and so he just kind of like I don't know call me a chicken or something and he just ran out into the middle of the road

like just halfway across to the other side of the road and it was a pretty wide road where we were he just ran straight out and was running in circles in the middle of the road. And my mum saw him first because she was nearest the road. And she turned round and she realised what was happening.

And obviously she was like in complete shock. And so she was like, Ronan, what are you doing? Get out of the road. What the hell are you doing? And so Ronan runs back to the pavement. And Alison, my mum's friend, is obviously a bit shocked

and shaken up by this and doesn't really know what to say. But my mum is also just the stunt, but she's responding in quite a different way. And she keeps asking Ronan, like, why did you do that? Like, how could you do something like that? And Ronan, instead of, like, responding or something, something like that, it just went crazy.

Like, he just went, he started trying to actually full-on lunge at my mum. And Alison had to hold him back and to stop him from, like, wailing on my mum. And anyway, Alison dragged Ronan away, and my mum took me back to our car. And I just never saw them again. Ever. Just never Just never saw them again They just didn't meet up after that

It was enough to kind of Break the friendship Between Allison and my mum Because she just That's dark ending And every single time I hear seven days I am reminded of The moment when Ronan turned to me

And just Said that And then severed like a year long friendship Wow So so odd And then you should. I think he chilled on Sunday. Yes, then we chilled on Sunday, exactly.

And I always wonder where Alison and Ronan are. I always wonder where they are and what they're doing. I might ask my mum and see where they are if she's... Because I don't know the end. A lot like seven days, I don't know the end to that story. You should send them a friend request, and then we can say, Did they decline? No.

But like, I need to ask my mum about the ending to that story, because I imagine she thought Ronan is an older boy who does things like that and I don't want Rob following on doing silly things like this and maybe we just shouldn't hang out anymore. But, yeah, I'm going to have to work out

what actually went on there and I'll try and come back with an actual conclusion. Let's get him on. Let's get Ronan on. Oh my God. Let's prove that not every Ronan is that boring because he sounds more interesting than the Ronan we talked about today.

Yeah. He likes dangerous music like Craig David. But yeah, anyway, that's it for this week's show. That's it for Craig David as well. We never see him again. No, yeah. It's so strange. He's defined these early episodes so much, and yet we won't see him again.

But next time we'll be covering the 6th of August through to the 9th of September in the year 2000. We will get out of this year eventually. Eventually. But yeah, thank you very much for listening. And we'll see you next time. Thank you. Bye-bye.

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