Hollywood Handbook - Adam Pally, Our Bumper Recorder Part 2

Episode Date: December 24, 2018

ADAM PALLY joins The Boys again to record some promotional bumpers for his show Champaign ILL.This episode is sponsored by NHTSA.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so we've been practicing all day and i'm feeling good and i turned up blithe dinner and uh she's ready eye of the tiger and dat fan is also just in the zone. Yeah. And I'm like, this is going to be great. This is going to be great. Lights come up. Blythe starts banging the drums.

And I am finally hit with the weight of what we're doing. That I am now in the little band that plays next to the Groundlings stage. And I'm actually here in person like about to do it and because you think you always think you're gonna be ready blank yes yes and i and i know the songs like the back of my hand yeah but with the pressure of these you know the sunday company is about to step out and actually like start to do some of these unusual conversations that they perform where two people are both being weird characters. And they're at an airport bar. And either could clap at any moment.

Well, yes. And it's not your turn yet, but yes. But it's coming to be my time, and I finally reach out to the keys, and I just go like, you know, Satan take the wheel. Yeah. And I hope that it comes out. Is it comforting to know that you can't ruin the show?

You can't make it bad. Well, these guys are fucking pros. They're going to turn it into gold. But you feel a pressure to contribute, but even though you must be thinking, well, this is going to soar no matter what. But I want to make the audience comfortable. I don't want to have to get bailed out. I want it to go, and

the drums are going, and that's shredding, and I reach out to the keys, and I reach out to the keys and I go. Do-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo. Do-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo. Am I coming out of left field? Woo! I'm a rebel, just a kickspin.

And of course it's the Christmas show. We were supposed to be playing First Noel. Yeah. It's not unlike this is the christmas show of our episode or the holiday show right where we also didn't have mad respect mad respect we didn't have like a seasonal theme or anything like that but they but you know they're playing they're playing christmas music yeah i don't think they were playing the same song i think blithe was doing good king wenceslas but at any rate they did not want me to play feel it still by portugal the pan although it is sort of holiday themed isn't it and it is your turn adam

you know i've been put in my place you know and i feel bad hey fuck it so uh so at any rate uh you know i i do sort of manage to pull out of the skid, and I just kind of pretend that I fell asleep. And the growlings make a lot of hay out of that. Oh, they're coming after you. What a gift. Yeah, the one guy comes out and just goes like. Is it my turn? Huh?

Is it okay? No, no, no. Okay. You had a little window. There was a moment for you. I really don't want to step on anyone's toes again. Yeah. And the guy comes out and goes, I'm here to steal all the eggs from the grocery store.

And then the grocery store manager is like, hey, now you actually have a nice body. And then they somehow have a romantic link. But anyway, that was the show. Two boys? I don't know. I do not know. And then the director comes down and goes like, we're going to do an improv for you.

And then she goes, name 10 sound effects. So anyway. That's the prompt? They get 10 sound effects? That is what I saw. Yes. yes hey welcome to Hollywood Ant Book an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz what up holiday what up what up we have what Adam Pally on the show Adam Palladay. You have done this. Am I allowed to answer?

I don't want to get scolded again. Hey, man, fuck off, man. Come on. What's this shit? You know you're allowed to answer now. We were saying your name. I thought it's a podcast you could chime in whenever you want, and we're all playing the same game here, but I guess it's...

You've done the show four fucking times, dog. We have a thing where we're pretending to finish up a fake story. Do you know how many podcasts I do a week? Yes. Okay, so I don't remember everybody's specific intro where only they can talk. Where's yours? When you do Bang Bang, how long before

you talk? A solid hour 45. I give Auk a solid hour. Let him cook. I don't want to take him out of the oven too soon let the chef do his work of course man you know he's got four burners going it was the last thing you want is a creamy risotto you know there i mean you know i'm looking at the stuff that you have gone like where is your podcast there is money in this i have been i i know that so i started a podcast uh it's called vino diesel um okay the unfortunate thing is that uh every episode is uh unlistenable to you you can't hear okay

because that's i guess my question is where is it it's on soundcloud okay uh it's for free. And go download it. Each episode, there's a special guest and it's super interesting. You can get each episode for real. It's up there. You cannot make out a single word. They're an hour and a half long each. And you drink wine

and you're talking about the different kinds of wine. We talk to celebrity guests. Surely this is the first show to do this. The one with celebrities? I think it's the first show to do it for the purpose of no one can listen to it. Okay. Yeah.

But which is, I think, you know, everyone has a business model and mine is going against the grain. Managed to get Jake and Amir? Fingers crossed. I don't know. They have a competing wine podcast. So fingers crossed. Uh-oh is have a competing wine podcast so fingers crossed

uh oh is right again once again there's a difference between mine this business turns us against each other doesn't it Adam

a small difference between my podcast and Jake and Amir's is that you can hear theirs you can hear theirs which I guess is for amateurs

I no shots fired for real that was a podcast yeah shots fired it was about rap yeah I talk about rap. Yeah.

I talk about rap quite a bit. Who's on your Mount Rap more? At long last. Eminem. Mm-hmm. G-Eazy. Yeah. That's good.

Really solid start. Post Malone. Yeah. Yeah. And- Gotta be Rapzilla and MC Record deal. House of Pain. Rapsilla and MC Record House of Pain are Rapsilla and MC Record

doing that? no House of Pain they're on the outside there's only four Danny Boy and no Hot Carl?

no Hot Carl manages all of them on my Mount Rushmore he's off to the side with a Bluetooth headset so for House of Pain you're doing both Danny Boy

and Everclear Everlast Everlast yes Boy and Everclear. Everlast. Everlast. Yes. But is Everclear on Mount Ratmore? Yeah, of course. Just for the Santa Monica riff.

They'll kind of, yeah, speed up a little bit sometimes. Yeah. Are they still alive? Because he was like 62 when they broke, right? Art Alexaki. Art Alexaki. Yeah, they're alive. Good songwriter.

And they're pissed. Ready to come back. I want to say thank you for having me on it's been I've been working a lot to get the word out about my new TV show it's so nice to be

like not at a real thing we are yeah well that's good that you feel so comfortable and we have already talked about your TV show we had your

co-star Sam was just in here oh great sort of told us a little bit about the show and like working with you. Your process. Great. Do you want to say kind of your side of that?

Yeah, sure. I thought it's nice to like click with someone right away. Uh-huh. You know? And then unclick with them. And you're talking about Sam. Sam Richardson. Yeah.

You thought it went great. A hundred percent. I can't even imagine a world where he would say otherwise man and we keep in touch still he was just in here but he got out of here

really fast really we had asked if you guys wanted to do it together yeah and I said let Sam shine. I don't want to, you know. He really did.

Good. Yeah, of course. He would. He's amazing. He's amazing. That's the last thing I want to do is be in the same. Really steady. Hand.

Such a steady hand. Steady hand. Yeah. No, for sure. Even keeled. That's something that he picked up from me, for sure. And I feel like the last thing I want to do is, you know, two suns and the world burns out, you know? So let's let one shine.

When that goes down, you know, another sun will rise. Two suns. Two sun Arizona. Yeah. That's right. That's where I went to college. Too hot there. Oh, yeah.

Let's talk about that a little bit. Fine. Whatever. I mean, that's what's so nice about this is that it's talk about that a little bit. Fine. Whatever. I mean, that's what's so nice about this is that it's just... It doesn't matter. You could do fucking anything. There's no rhyme or reason. And it's just me doing a favor for you guys.

It's so nice. Yeah. So, yeah, let's talk a little bit about you going to college. What's going on? Books or what are you doing? Books? Yeah. Thank you for asking that question. Yes yeah there were thank you for that for

asking that question yes there were a lot of books um i didn't read a lot of them i was a bit of a scoundrel yeah yeah yeah you know okay so it started it started then a little bit uh it started yeah just like that's when you kind of started being a scout troll. Sure, yeah. Yes, it started then, I guess. And I don't know what, where did you go, Cornell? Brown? I actually, I went to Second City. You might be thinking of Sean.

Sean with the Harvard. Yeah, of course. Me and my Harvard cronies. Hartford. Yeah. I love that. All myonies. Hartford. Yeah. I love that. All my friends got into Hartford. Yes.

It was great. It's so fun. Yeah, it's nice there. Yeah, it's beautiful. Right smack in the middle of the nicest part of Connecticut. Yeah, well, what's great about that city itself

is the disparity of wealth. Yes. I love that about Connecticut. Always. That's my favorite part. Always a recipe for good vibes. I think Connecticut is kind of slept on as far as the next place for a super racial tense war, you know?

Yes. And that's kind of why I love it. It's so real. A very real place. It's very real. It's like, I would feel tense in Connecticut because it's so real. The opposite of how I feel here. Because this is like... This is fake to you. You think that this is fake? No, I just feel tense in Connecticut because it's so real. The opposite of how I feel here because this is like...

This is fake to you. You think that this is fake? No, I just feel like it doesn't matter. It's just like in the ether. You think that water doesn't matter? Well, when you're this close to the beach. You know what I mean? There's so much water at the beach. Yeah, but you can't drink that water. Well, I mean, it's still water.

Are we talking about drinking? Boy, this guy really didn't read his books. Yeah. No, but I am happy that you're here for our holiday episode. Thank you so much. And it is, of course, since Adam Pally's here, going to be a very white Christmas indeed. I'm not white. That's a misconception.

I'm a Jew, and Jews are not white. I have seen you talking about this on your press tour. Yeah, this is one of my big topics. An unexpected amount for people keep asking for a funny comment people keep asking if you're white there's a lot of jewish lately there's a lot of anti-semitism in my interviews uh oh they're coming at you they don't think they are okay but they don't realize i would say that a large portion of non-jewish people don't realize the day-to-day anti-semitism that they that when they encounter a jew okay what's an example of

that so just in case so i don't i can be on the lookout yeah okay so here you guys you know i'm sure because just because of the bubbles that you live in you're not even around like you guys, you know, I'm sure because just because of the bubbles that you live in, you're not even around. Like you guys have known how to deal with Jews. But just like, you know, an example would be I was recognized by a civilian, a non-Jew at my gym, who said, uh, I just stopped me. She said, I just, I just want to tell you, um, uh, oh my God. And then she stopped. Right. And I was like, oh, what's going on? I said, oh no, I thought you, I'm so sorry. I thought you were my best friend's husband. And I was like, I looked at her and I could see, you know, what? And I said, that's okay.

What is your best friend's husband's name? Is it Josh? And she said, no, no, it's Jared. And I said, okay. All right, thank you. That's an anti-Semitic hate crime that was just committed. You thought I looked like every other Jew. Wow, she did a hate crime.

That was a hate crime to me. Wow, did a hate crime. And I wouldn't do that. Good. Not that one. That's an example. So that happens a lot. And so I feel the need to remind people that I'm not white because of it.

Okay. But when I said white Christmas, I just meant that you were going to be hitting the slopes. I don't ski. I told you that. I think we've actually gone on a friend's trip where I said, like, I've never skied before. I've only snowboarded. Isn't that weird?

Isn't that a sign of, like, the time? Aha, yes. Snowboarding, yes. Yes. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you must i do i uh i mean sam was saying that

you were uh really into snowboarding carving really carving the powder yeah well i did i did we had a week break so i did uh go to chile we shot in the summer i went i went to chile with my wife and we snowboarded like for a whole week for a week it was awesome we barely slept we just were uh snowboard because the sun doesn't like it doesn't set so you have the you have almost the whole 24 hours to snowboard so we did that a lot well that is so awesome to hear that it's something you share with your wife um and it does sort of track with what sam was saying just in terms of like yeah lack of sleep and uh followed by maybe too much sleep um and just the energy level being uh you know that's showbiz, right? Hurry up and wait. So it's moments of frantic intensity followed by just a complete crash

and almost a zombie-like. Well, I tell you, I have been trying to stop eating sugar. Yeah. Because I know that that can happen. In fact, I will say it. Yeah, why eat it when you can... Yeah, when you can donate it or something.

Because I just had this feeling on set, like one time after lunch you know the crafty came around and they had these Reese's Pieces and stuff and I was like hey guys are we going to get all out of our heads for two minutes and then not be able to function the rest of the day

let's get some like real protein in here was that anti-semitic in a way well the fact that she came to me first yeah and Mike Reese one of the Simpsons guys Anti-Semitic in a way. Well, the fact that she came to me first. Yeah. Yeah. And Mike Reese, one of the Simpsons guys, is a Jewish guy. There you go. When Reese is pieces, you want him to be in pieces?

Yeah. I think the whole name of it. That's fucked up, dude. That's fucked up. I do want to do, just because you are here to promote the show, we should record a couple quick promos for champagne ill thank you haze and i'll just be sort of sound engineer and you could just go ahead and just give us just a super clean read on just go hey champagne ill dropping this tuesday sure uh here with you

know the homies haze and sean sure and this sounds that's what a great like again like let's just keep it moving you know and organically talk and not have to feel like we have to like do certain like chunks of time and set up and premise everything let's just like have stuff planned or anything like that let's just do this well yeah so what did you want me to do while you guys do something else what was that that's such a trap it's such a trap what should i do while you guys are set up to do something to like, what's going on again? Tell me. No, I, I was saying that for your sake, let's do some promos. You're on the mic. Yes.

We're having professional recording. Everybody get in here. It's not a vino diesel situation. Everybody get in here. Let's do some promos. Yeah. Um, okay. Uh, um, and did you bring any vino diesel gear?

Do you have any fucking shirts or whatever i don't know i you know i i would i would have brought them to you guys i just didn't think because i know you guys are like big on like not influencing anybody yeah and like you guys are big on just being who you are and you don't need you don't even want free shit right like it's like forget that you don't want to it's certainly definitely have clothes right so i would never give you i would never also never intimate that you need anything yeah yeah um vino diesel does i mean like doesn't really rhyme with vin does that ever come up like yeah that it's not like you're looking at it yeah i may like for example, something that might work is like Vino Stamatopoulos. Sure.

I hope you don't mind if I steal that. He's gotten pretty huge. That's terrific. Do you have anything, Sean? Vino Gershon. Oh my god. Seems closer.

That's pretty good. That is pretty good. Um, I don't care. What's the next thing? What were we supposed to do? So you really want to keep your momentum going. I just want to look back.

I feel like we had something organic that we got to. Are you worried if we slow down too much, then the, the, the crash will, will come or something? Cause you seem really wanting to like, just keep moving forward.

I want to plow through. Okay. All right. Like a snowplow. You're sort of a snowplow. Sort of. Okay. Yeah, sort of.

Yeah, or a snowblower. No, I don't think I would blow anything out of the way. Sure, okay. Like a reverse one. Right. I see what you mean. Like hoover yes like a vacuum that's no vacuum sure that was a weird nickname they used to call me on the set oh really yeah i think this was like i was always in your clean up man i was like oh yeah okay there's a vacuum again you know why is he the last one on set? Sweating. I'm like, well, I'm hungry. Yeah.

Okay, let's do one bumper. Let's do one bumper, take a break, have a couple drinks, come back and do another bumper. One bumper, ten push-ups. I have a theory about baseball. I'd love to run by you.

And then we'll get into it. And if you want to get Vino Diesel in this promo. No, no. Just champagne and all. I did not come here to talk about Vino Diesel. It's just a bit of organic thing. I definitely didn't start talking about it.

You 100% did, but thank you. I've never even heard of it. Well, that's very nice of you. I wouldn't want to talk about another podcast on my podcast either. Okay. We wouldn't's very nice of you. I wouldn't want to talk about another podcast on my podcast either. Okay. We wouldn't talk about anything. Exactly. Well, I would be, but you wouldn't be able to hear it, which is kind of a next level

thing. It's what we call a way homer. The wind down. So, uh. It's a good name. A way homer. A way homer. Yeah.

Figure it out on the way home. Refrigerator logic. So. Wait a minute. What's refrigerator logic refrigerator never is that a writer's room term of course adam you know i i love writer's room terms isn't it so nice the secret language this i love getting a peek behind the curtain especially with you two who are like right like in the middle of the industry it's like you know you've done a little not a lot but enough to know what's funny about this little language we've definitely been in writers rooms within the past five years at least one or two right and that's what's so funny about it is that like that you guys would like talk about it so comfortably but yes well like to me

one of my favorite writers room terms is blue sky. Oh yeah. Yeah, let's blue sky this. Let's blue sky this. Let's start over. So to hear refrigerator logic, what does that mean? Oh, well, it's sort of like logic that only makes sense when you're cold. So it's like, so let's say I was to say to you, hey, man, put on a sweater. You'd be like, that doesn't make any sense.

But all of a sudden, when you're in front of the refrigerator trying to decide what to eat, you go, Jesus, man. Maybe I should have done that. So it works like that. So it's kind of like once you've gotten yourself. What's a way homer? A way homer is something you figure out on the way home. It's like if a joke is not landing, but it's smart. It's like you don't want to give anybody way homers.

That's a lot of mine. A lot of ours on this show. You don't want anyone driving home like an hour after being like, oh. Right. You know, because then they don't even feel it in the moment. People will drive home from listening to our podcast. Yes. And then tweet at us and stuff and be like, I've started to figure it out.

This whole thing is kind of a way home or in a way because you can only really experience it on your way home. What do you mean? Why would you listen to it when you're at your destination? There's something else going on. I was just saying people are mostly

going to a place to listen to to listen to the show yeah like where do you where do you guys think this show plays the most like where it's like on and where do people listen to it the mall the mall yeah the outdoor mall the outdoor mall yeah like the americana the grow we have we would love to get into the Americana. God willing. Yeah. No, but the outdoor mall. The modern American outdoor mall. Yeah. Yeah. Do we do any, we haven't been doing any anti-Semitic stuff?

No, you guys have been great. Okay, good. I mean. I don't even, I want to be, I don't even want to be neutral. I want to be like pro-Semitic. There's our first bit of anti-Semitism right now. Oh, he was doing so good. Why wouldn't you want to be neutral? Because I want to be like pro-semitic there's our first bit of anti-semitism right now he was so doing so good why wouldn't you want to be neutral because i want to be pro i want to be pro-semitic the lady

doth protest too much what do you guys why you got to be so pro so you just want me to so if people say how do you feel about these guys i these guys if people said not me. If people are saying it. And then what do I say? And you want me to just be like, you know. You know? Yeah. People say it to me. If people say that to me, yes. I want you to just be like, yeah.

Just to be like, I don't. Let it roll. Who? Yeah, I go like that. Who? Hang on. I think I'm getting a call. Okay.

You don't have to squint or do that long voice that weird voice that he just did which felt also anti-Semitic you have to get the promo done so just hit us with it ladies and gentlemen thank you for

listening to quick idea ladies and germs great ladies and germs great ladies and germs ladles and germs oh that's great yeah ladles and germs thank you for listening is there anything we can beat thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you ladies and germs spank you for listening feels kind of vanilla too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vanilla is actually, you know, it's like a strong flavor. That's good.

And people think just because it's white, it has to be boring. Yes. I was always a vanilla. And you wouldn't understand this as a non-white person. Right. But as a white guy, people are like, oh, vanilla sucks. Right. Why? Because it's white.

So then what ice cream flavor would you attribute to me? Okay. And I'm feeling like this is a dangerous area. They're all... First, let me say, they're all good. I think what you want to have a bad ice cream. I think what you want me to say... Oh, so you're saying some of the flavors are bad?

Savory gelato. Gelato. You ever have savory gelato? Italian ice cream is bad. No. Okay. bad savory gelato gelato savory italian ice cream is bad no savory gelato okay like what kind of savory flavor anything that ends in a vowel like stracciatella yes is a tough flavor okay ricotta gelato i don love. I like olive oil gelato. Do you really? Yeah. Isn't it so like slimy?

It's so like viscous. I don't know, I just like it. I just want to know what race he's talking about. But I think when I... It's slimy. But I think what Adam wants when he goes what flavor am I is for me to go like,

Oh, go filter fish ice cream or something. And I'm just not going to do it. I'm not going to fall in the trap. That's what I want. You would love to pin me to the wall. You would lose your shit. You would,

you've been trying to cancel me for 15 years. You're, you originated cancel culture. You, you've got a target on my fucking ass that is true no come on and and you know what i never think about you i think you're gonna get it sooner like oh god you will love for the listeners to think that if you actually turn up the volume on the vino diesel podcast it's all you just swishing wine and planning my downfall i know

exactly what's going on with your celebrity pals. I don't even know your last name, Sean. Well, it's a tricky one because it's just silent. Not silent, but there's a sort of tea that gets skipped. Tukalescu, right? Sean Tukalescu. No, but he also

is someone who can do so many crazy voices. That's very nice. It is. So Sean says thank you for that. He's living rent-free in your head. I love that expression. Yeah, oh, rent-free.

Let me do, all right, so what did we lend? Can you pay me rent for living in my head? Ladles and germs. Spank you, vanilla. Spank you vanilla spank you vanilla maybe instead of listening you say lifting love that ladies and germs spank you vanilla for lifting to the and then do you want to do hollywood handbook or no we don't we're good i don't give a shit oh you don't want me to barely do this show right you what you can do is plug your show right right but yeah that's okay it's a promo for champagne l if you want to get be no diesel in there well no i i turned over to you because

once he said that he barely does anything in the show there's always one person who like clearly is carrying the load and is more responsible and like does more of the work and there's probably resentment oh yeah but i need it he's letting me he's coming in oh it's this is like a clearly spoken yeah i didn't want agreement that we had and i certainly need this to keep going i just need him to show up okay like just like be here for it that is not the aesthetic that is presented in all of the photos. But yes, I get that. All of the photos. This guy's like, I don't even think about you. I don't even know your last name.

And then he goes, all of the photos. There's photos when you walk in. Where? On the shoes. This motherfucker's looking at the shoes. Well, it's right in your face. This bitch look at the shoes. It's behind glass.

First of all, I really, again, I know you're not trying, you're this, it's a racist voice. It's a voice that is coming in with a tinge of racism. I don't even know if you know that you're doing it, but I want to be a bro, I want to be a friend and tell you

that voice is no good. He wants to be my friend, but he doesn't know my last name. And now it's like, I'm in the room. I have headphones on. This motherfucker. You gotta stop with that. This wild bitch. You gotta stop with it.

And then wants to be my friend. Is that a thing you can't call a Jewish guy a wild bitch? No. Is that suddenly against Jewish people to say that you're a wild bitch? I'm not saying it's against Jewish people. You said it. You said you don't read books in college because you're such a wild bitch.

And you said that's what I'm up to. You said college was when kind of the whole thing started. Yeah. You guys said all that. When you picked up your main hobby. Nope. And I didn't know they had a lot of slopes of arizona with huge mountains in arizona okay it's a valley but it seems like two different things what

arizona's a valley yes i don't i'm not i'm not catching up to this euphemism what like i don't it's not a you are we have we been talking euphemism i'm not part of this culture really i don't really do that stuff so i don't really know have you been talking in euphemisms? I'm not part of this culture, really. I don't really do that stuff. So I don't really know. Have you been talking in euphemisms? I've been out of the scene for a while. Yeah. Out of the scene? We don't know what the terms are and stuff.

Kind of when Studio 54 closed, I was like, that's it for me. Me too, honestly, because I used to do this comedy show there. We're talking about the comedy scene, right? Because I... Can be pretty funny. Yeah. I've had some of my funniest ideas sure on some of that stuff

on stage on stage yeah sure ladies and germs spank you for lispening to do the lisp ladies and for the whole thing

no just for lispening ladies and germs spank thing no just for ladies and germs spank you for lispening to me Adam Pally and my two good friends Sean and Hayes

and please turn in oh good thanks turn instead of tune turnt okay ladies and germs do I do you have an engineer back there Oh, good. Thanks. Turn instead of tune. Turnt. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, do you have an engineer back there? Do we? Let me see. Yeah, we got someone over here.

Do I have to keep going back to the top? You definitely don't. We can chop it in. Just, yeah, pick it up where you're, yeah. And no one asked you to? It wasn't coming from us. Yeah. Did you feel i just it wasn't coming from us yeah did you feel not comfortable with it i i just felt that i didn't know if you had the tools here to take multiple takes and edit them into one yeah

just based just on view of how janky this whole setup is alone i just didn't want to like over extend it's however you want to do it because this is for you this is like getting it you know you've got this thing coming up obviously a huge amount riding on it my yes uh so however you want to do it yeah someone said to me this might be your last chance i was like yeah okay go back and do kinky boots on broadway or whatever you were doing yeah whatever the fuck was going on there i don't know if that's supposed to be homophobic You could always go back and do Kinky Boots on Broadway or whatever you were doing. Whatever the fuck was going on there. I don't know if that's supposed to be homophobic or what that is, Sean. No, it's nothing like that.

Go back to do Kinky Boots. Were you just doing Broadway? I did do Broadway, Sean. I don't know what the show was. Off-Broadway. We're kind of near Broadway. It's on 8th Avenue and 44th. That's pretty close.

Did you see the new one? The new Broadway? The play? No, the show is called The New One. No, I haven't. It's Mike Birbiglia's new show. When you say The New One, people know. Birbig.

That means it's Mike Birbiglia's new show. Birbiglia for Oscars. I didn't see The New One yet, but I'm going to go. Imagine he goes and just tells a story. That's the Oscarsars instead of all this fucking awards shit you know honestly it would be awesome

art's not a contest man I always thought Spalding Gray should just host the Oscars from behind a table and have all the awards on a little side one and just be like

reading the name and making you come up and get it yourself you know like yeah nothing else and then at the end he just kills himself in front of everybody walks into the ocean yeah reading the name and making you come up and get it yourself, you know, like, yeah, nothing else. And then at the end,

he just kills himself in front of it. I got, I got, walks into the ocean. Yeah. That's sick. Yeah. Yeah.

That would be better than when they said, accidentally said, la la land. Now, can I, they thought that was embarrassing what they're going through now. Yikes. Oh no. Egg on their face.

Can I ask, I have sort of an idea for maybe a button on the promo that you're doing great and it's so and again it's so nice how organic this is it's just like topic flows to the next topic it's almost like stream of consciousness great yeah anyway what were you saying that was so planned yeah well so I have an idea, like sort of a joke that I wrote. Oh, something you wrote? Yes, for this promo that maybe at the end of it, when you go like, because it's, what's this show on? It's on the computer, yeah? Yeah, it's a webisode.

It's called YouTube Premium. That's great. They say it's like the biggest webisode. Yeah. So you go, like, you're sort of encouraging them to watch the show and you go and hey next time somebody uh asks you to go to a yoga class you just tell them namaste in bed and watch champagne ale you know what i mean i love it yeah so it's because namaste actually is and i hope i'm not being racist in saying this, like a yoga thing.

I love it. And I also love that that joke is the prime example of refrigerator logic. So now we've shown the audience a little bit more about what goes on in a writer's room. Yeah. You know? Okay. And it's part of the selling point of the show that you can watch it anywhere. Anytime.

Except a TV. Yes. you're not supposed to watch this on tv a phone a tablet yeah uh hopefully airlines maybe yeah um gas stations have those little we're the number one so far there yeah which is great um bus stops like my apparently there's a bus stop those are becoming tv in seattle that like Minority Report that we play on all the time. Wow. Yeah, in the suburbs of Seattle. And it frees up buffers? It does.

You do have to sit through the little thing rolling every couple seconds to kind of freeze up, but there's no ads. I love that because I get some time to myself. Me too. It's relentless. And with our show, there's so many jokes. The joke per minute is nuts. Okay.

And so what kinds of... Tell me one of the jokes. Yeah, what's one of them? I'd love to tell you some of the jokes if that's okay. Is that okay? If it's helpful for you, yeah. Okay. So one of my favorite jokes.

This is from the pilot yeah oh good so like obviously our two I don't have to wait too long to hear it not at all

yeah like our two main leads have gone have gone back to their hometown and they're all coming out at once right all 12 at once

okay I just want to say because he was he's worried about waiting too long to hear it but you can watch them all you can watch all 10

on 1212 yeah so in the pilot or none you don't have to hear it, but you can watch them all. You can watch all 10 on 1212. Yeah. So in the pilot, we are. Or none. You don't have to watch any. Oh, you don't have to watch any. But that seems odd. It's going to be hard to avoid it if you're taking the bus.

Yep. Well, because it's playing probably on the bus and at the stops. Yeah. Especially if you're in the suburb of Seattle. But we see our childhood home, Sam's childhood home. And he says, has my home always been this small? And then I say, I, we, we see our childhood home, um, um, Sam's childhood home. And he says, has my home always been this small? And then I say,

I don't know. Maybe your dad put a subtraction on it and it's going to be like a lot of stuff like that. So it's really quick. So you got to keep up really fast and, uh, you got to be able to digest, you know,

a lot of stuff. What? So you're saying that to Sam? Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. you know a lot of stuff what so you're saying that to sam exactly exactly yeah yeah a lot of people have this same reaction where at first it's like a slow build and then they have to go back and pick up from the same point and why do you say that to him because i think his i'm like being like well maybe the house has gotten smaller you know like to your eye right you know does it piss you off that paste already did uh their 10 best shows of 2018 yeah and you guys are gonna miss 2019 for for sure but uh um yeah it bummed me

out you know i sent them a letter um and i've said it's like december 3rd and they do the best shows of 2018 well they might not weird it i what i said to them is like i guess paste magazine operates on a different calendar than all other human beings because december is still a month of the previous year yeah unless something's new to me yeah unless all of a sudden pluto's not a planet anymore and no one told told me, you know? Yeah. And you know, honestly, and this is like, I'm being totally neutral about it, but you guys have your own calendar.

Thank you for being neutral about it. And we do have our own calendar. And it's totally fine to do. Is that like, is that okay? Yeah, it's great. Okay,

good. Again, I'm not saying I like the calendar. I'm not saying it's good. I would like earlier. I would have said, I don't know why you would need to say how you feel about the calendar exactly and i'm not well that's what i'm saying that i like it right right so you don't like it no i'm not saying if i even like it but say when i say if someone says to you do you not like it and you say no that is agreeing you don't like it well i don't not like it and he said no right so he goes no i don't like it. Do you not like it? And he said no. He goes, no, I don't like it.

He would have to say yes. Bring up anything. Do you like Morgan Freeman's narration? I'm not saying I like it. Don't ask me if I like it, but just bring it up. Thought process.

What's the first thing you think of? Morgan Freeman's stepdaughter. That's because I thought of something and you... What? So if the answer is Jewish people, is that bad? No, but that's clearly been on your mind since I walked in. Okay, but why? But we wouldn't be in trouble for that.

You're allowed to think about anything you want. It's so nice to come in here. Whoa, it is like Minority Report at the bus stop these days because this is the fucking thought police. So you are thinking it. I am allowed to think about it. That's not the question. Well, no, no.

You know, it's so nice to come in here for real for, I guess, I don't know how many times because I don't remember any of them. I don't either. I wasn't sure. I said four, but it's got to be three. You have done this? I guess, I don't know how many times because I don't remember any of them. And to have you guys... I said four, but it's gotta be three. I guess so. And it's nice to see that you guys are revealing yourselves. I'm seeing you reveal yourselves and take off the masks and hoods.

Yeah, and I understand why you prefer to keep yours on. Yeah, of course. It's armor. Yeah, and just kind of pretend to be... Well, I'm walking in here to the lion's den. Your mask is slipping. Remember when they say that?

In what? I don't know. Isn't that in a movie or something? Batman. It happens to Batman in the third movie. Yeah, your mask is slipping. Oh, Bane says it. Yeah.

Oh, well, if Bane said it. Then he fixes it. It would sound different. Do your Bane. Come on, really? Do your Bane said it he fixes it it would sound different we gotta do your Bane come on really do your Bane

and it's Bane what should he be doing can you do the Bane no remember remember when I helped you with your SNL tape sure yeah and you did

Bane doing all that normal stuff yes can you do a couple of those yeah absolutely absolutely yes can you do a couple of those yeah absolutely absolutely you have my permission to make a half-calf soy latte put him at starbucks give it of course. What a normal thing. Hey, how come

it's grande? That means medium? What? Yeah, oh, we're still at the Starbucks. Okay. It's cool, too, because it's like it's a Bane, but it's also a lot of other things. Yeah.

It's universal in a way we're all bane that's awesome man that's so nice it's uh so um am i cool to leave my stuff here for a minute while you watch this it's not specific like a stranger in a place yeah can you watch my laptop and stuff we uh we really should get this one, this promo. I do want to say before you, like,

as you're talking about it, I maybe wouldn't talk about Sam too much in it in case he doesn't do like a,

like, like season two, for example, like in case he doesn't come back. What does that mean? In case he doesn't do a season two? Well,

he was just in here and we were sort of talking to him about it. And so like, just in case he doesn't come back what the hell does that mean in case he doesn't do a season 2 well we was just in here and we were sort of talking to him about it and so like just in case it ends up being just you for season 2 I mean that be weird to do a promo with like someone who is like not I'd leave Sam out of the promo

this doesn't strike me as strange and here's why Sam is such a good guy that he probably sees that I that I need a full season to shine. Right. So he's probably like, you know what? Let him go. And I'm sure he won't even take a paycheck.

Where's the next Happy Endings reunion going to be? Oh, Vulture Fest. Yes. Maybe Cluster Fest. Yes. We're on the fest circuit right now. Yes. Yeah.

It's cool to see just the hundreds of people that love that show. It's cool to see the hundreds of people that love that show. It's awesome. You've done almost a new season of Happy Endings in just Vulture Fest. In reunions. And for free.

But the tickets are only like $50. $75. Yeah. It's a gift bag. Don's they give you a gift bag they give the six of us a gift bag they don't give the audience one got a Chemex the last gift bag I got was terrific Trevor Noah's book in there

yep I got and a copy of his special which was weird because I could also get it on Netflix I got all four episodes of Patriot Act. It was all former Daily Show employee stuff. All four episodes? Yeah. I guess they didn't think it would go more or that there was a need to.

Okay. Yeah. So speaking of that, it might not be good to mention a specific number of episodes in this promo in case they end up, I know they're all shot and in the can, they are in the can, they are in the can, but just like in case they end up like not releasing all of them. We were like,

we were just talking to Sam and like, it would be weird to say like, Oh, go watch all these episodes. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. If there's like three of them or something. I'm not surprised that Sam wants to hold his episode where he was really featured more until next season.

Which one was that? Seven through ten. Okay. So I'm not surprised that Sam wants to take a backseat a little bit. That's one of the jokes from episode nine. Okay. So let me dial it in. All right. okay so uh let me dial it all right so um uh so i have been relegated to a new a new job okay what was the old job well i never had one

before because so i'm working now at a candle kiosk you're relegated i'm relegated from not working to a new job well i'm sorry I'll explain a little bit about the show. Okay. He's like friends with Mount Ratmore in the show. Right. Oh, okay. Like I'm on Rapper's Entourage. So I don't really have a job, but then I'm forced to take one.

And so I take a job at a candle kiosk. And I do this really humorous run about the scent of the candles and how they all end in wood. And I got to riff a little there. Oh damn, they let him off the leash. They let the clad sail out of the barn.

Let that wild bitch do his thing. Is that? Sorry. Yes, no, it's okay. We can cut that. That's bad. No, it's fine. Let's let everybody know who sean really is and then they they didn't the fun thing was like once i was off on these woods man they did not pull me back in yeah i would love i would love if people would tell me who i really am because this whole podcast has really just been an investigation for me uh-huh really it's it's sort of like searching for Richard Simmons or whatever.

But for me, it's just like, I'm just searching for the Glam Dog. You know, let's face it. They may, you know, that's part of life is coming to terms with the fact that you may never find him. Yeah. Well, that's what it's starting to seem like. With Richard Simmons, you mean? Yeah. Is he, have they found him? I don't know. I don't know. I didn't listen to that. yeah well that's what it's starting to seem like with richard simmons you mean yeah yeah is he

have they found him i don't know i don't know i didn't listen to that it was too morally everyone got paid that's the important thing thank god that thing was a sundance sensation uh so that fucking joke kicks ass man i know thank you sandalwood and there's probably another one that's where we ended up candle that's where we end oh wow yep yep as fast as that pretty much there's only three three lists there's only three i could come up with but in the moment yeah they're not that many i mean like actually it's not even a true statement which is also as you say that they all end in wood it's just and then i i have to come to that realization in my eyes. Candlewood. Yeah. Okay.

Love it. Yeah, we got to get some of these off. Yes, please listen to my Love It or Leave It appearance. Yeah, Hayes was on Love It or Leave It. Yeah. Do you know the show? His friends. Not really a politics guy. Love It or Leave It, I'm not.

No, explain it to me. It's kind of a smart show about what's going on in politics. Remember when Pod saved America? I do. I remember when Pod made America great again. What does that mean?

Paga. What's that? Nothing. Alright. Pumaga. Pumaga. Because it's Pod. Pod America great again. Pod America great again. That's great. We should make Greenhouse. alright Pumaga Pumaga because it's yeah pod pod America great again pod America great again that's great yeah

we should make Greenhouse make America pod again make America pod again we could do a million of these what are we gonna you have plans for like after this after this show

like am I like what am I gonna do next yeah yeah I have a couple things in the can okay um um

and then that's pretty much it. What's in the can? Freaking baked beans? What do you got in the can? I like that joke a lot, Sean. Sure, yeah. I might even use that, if you don't mind, in season two or three. But it's not going to be no diesel thing.

Yeah. Sure, no one will listen to it. No one will hear it. Yeah. If you go out, he's scratching at the. But I don't know if they're going to be in a diesel thing. Sure, no one will listen to it. I don't want to hear it. If you go out, he's scratching at the door. I don't know. Kevin could deal with him. Kevin, deal with my dog. I got my one dog walking my other dog.

I'm going to let that motherfucker out. Wow. That was... Oof. It's just tough to see you kind of treat employees that way. Yeah, my employees. My boss. He's a producer on the show.

Oh, my gosh. I'm like a junior sidekick in training. Oh, my God. Wow. Now, let's talk about this. What is in the can? And don't say baked beans. I shot a small part, big movie, Sonic the Hedgehog.

Wow. What? Yeah, that's right. BB-8? Voiced by BB-8 himself. BB-8. He gave you a leg up. Chopped it up.

He made it happen for me. Wow. Yeah, and he told me so. That's sick, man. Yeah, it's a thrill. It's a thrill man. Yeah. What's the part? I play a small dumb cop. A small

dumb cop? Part small. But dumb is big. And I get to mix it up with Jim Carrey a little bit. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Mr. Pickles from Kidding. That's how he referred himself to me. Oh, wow. Yeah, Oh, wow. Mr. Pickles from Kidding. That's how he referred himself to me.

Oh, wow. Yeah, stayed in character for that. Damn, man. It's that. It's Mr. Pickles. Shit trips me out. So crazy. He hosts a children's show.

You know what? That's what was so. But he's decidedly adult. That whole concept to me was so fresh that I honestly had a hard time with the first couple episodes because I had to wrap my head around like, is this what these kids show hosts are really like?

No, it honestly completely shook me to my center of my bones. Yes. And because I'm used to seeing kids show hosts on like Death to Smoochie where they're all friends and they're all nice. Yes. I thought we were all like TV hosts in general.

They're never depicted being depraved or like unhappy. But this guy's like breaking the mirror in his dressing room. He's clearly miserable. He's got all these kids that he has to put on a smile for. Yes. Must be gut wrenching. The name kidding. So smart. Because to to me he's not i don't know if anyone feels that way too but i don't think he is i think he's actually

hoping that but it's hoping someone won't kid with him it's almost inventing a new word though because he's working with kids and he's kidding oh Oh my God. I didn't even think of that. But we think of it like he's kidding around. Oh, wow. Which he sometimes is. I got to text Jim. I got to text Jim. Wow. Text him. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. I'll text his assistant. So what was the conversation with BBA? Does he expect you to initiate a thank you for that? No, he did not. He was, that's the thing. He was so generous. He called me right away as soon as it was announced in deadline, right away. And he goes, I'm so happy I can make this happen for you.

And I was like, thank you so much. Thank you so much. That's a bro. And it must've been like a lot of work. For me? To get you to do a voice. It's not a voice. Are you kidding? To be in a live action with a cartoon that undoubtedly will

not work is an honor and a thrill well and it's just so crazy to me because he did wait for a deadline which had to be killing him because he must have known he must have known pretty far ahead of time like I've been greasing this up and if I know anything like I haven't been the lead voice of an animated anything so I don't know if this is always how it goes but I'm pretty sure that the studio and the director

do check with the lead voice on all casting so he must have known for a long time well especially a part like that yeah who doesn't interact with his character must have known for a long time. Well, especially a part like that. Yeah, who doesn't interact with his character must have known a long time. They gotta go, hey, you're not gonna be in this scene, so you gotta put your stamp on it somehow.

Exactly. Who should play the dumb cop that's small? Yeah, and in my head, they're all sitting around, head of Sega, head of, I believe it's Warner Brothers. You got Neil Moritz, all these big Hollywood players, BB-8. They're all sitting around and they're reading the script.

They're giving notes. BB-8's like, I don't know if I would say this like this. Would Sonic really run over there that fast now? And then he goes, ooh, you know who would be great for this small part of a dumb cop? Yeah. One of my best friends. One of my best friends. And so I'm just honored and thrilled.

Number five. Honored and thrilled. We don't share the screen, but we're in the same thing. Yeah. And so is it true that the only thing Sonic don't do fast is cum? Absolutely. You should see this guy. Slowest cummer. Oh, Sean, I don't know how Sonic cums. absolutely you should see this guy slowest comer

oh Sean I don't know how Sonic comes that's a question for BBA okay it's blue it's really blue I do know that he's obsessed alright anyway I don't want to be involved in Sonic

yes come on I have a career yeah no i know that's why that's why i was asking what's in the can and i told you yeah sonic baked beans yeah baked beans and i know i got but i just want to say that fine what fine i just want to say that's fine why are you so fucking pissed i'm not so sensitive i'm not sensitive You're so sensitive. I'm not sensitive. What a baby. That's one big favor that's called in now. Yes. With BBA. I don't think I got another.

That one is cashed. Yeah, I got no chamber. Nothing in the chamber. Any other people who- Could help me out? Yeah. Yeah, could somebody sort of throw you another bone like that? Honestly, there's a lot of people that could that haven't.

Right. And I think that that's so beautiful because they're saving it and they and they know that i don't need it i don't want it but you would absolutely take but i would in a heartbeat right yeah which is sweet sort of a beautiful thing to me it is that sort of relation with friends like these yeah and. And I just want to Because you don't spend like a ton of money except on like one thing. Yeah,

no, I, that's right now. Yeah. But in the past, I spent a lot of money on a lot of things. Oh,

okay. Yeah. But now you, yeah, you're pretty much buying. Now I'm just, I'm just all in on real estate. Real estate.

Is that what you're talking about? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because I got a few. Before, I remember you would, you went to like a special shoe store. Yeah.

So, so blazing. Mm-hmm. So, I. Well, because I had invested in the shoe stores where it was located. Because I lived above it and rented it for so long that I then purchased the building. This is a shoe store from the cobbler? The same one? Yeah.

This is the holiday episode, so we should talk a little bit about... The Sandler special? Yeah. Eight Crazy Nights? No, the Netflix special. Come on, dude. Oh, okay.

Eight Crazy Nights is, of course, a holiday thing, so the Sandler special is not i'm just kidding i just it's like what else is everybody going to talk about so what did you want to say no we should talk a little bit about and then i didn't really have anything oh well then i saved you are we allowed that's the thing are we allowed to talk about the sandler special are we allowed to be pro the sandler special are we allowed to say that it is good i don't know why you can't feel kevin's pointing at an invisible watch. He feels like there's a time

Kevin wants us to get him a watch for Christmas. What do you want? Can you guys give me a watch for Christmas and there's another show that's supposed to start 15 minutes ago. Who? Teachers Lounge. Who's the guest? I don't know. Can you tell Teachers Lounge that

it sort of just took a while to get ramped up with Adam, and we're trying to get a lot of extra stuff so that we can cut out some of the shit that was sort of flat? I'm sure that this has happened before to Sean and Dave, so it's not a problem. No, it is why we've sort of been trying a lot of different stuff. Well, how many times have you been on this show? I don't remember. I guess this is the question. trying a lot of different stuff.

Well, how many times have you been on this show? I don't remember. Ladies and germs, thank you for labeling Vanilla. This is Adam and Champagne Ill on December 12th. All 10 episodes. And next time. And next time. At least three.

At least three episodes. And next time, And next time. At least three. At least three episodes. And next time, possibly just Adam with no Sam. Maybe someone else, but probably not. And if anybody tried to get you to do yoga. And if anyone tried to get me to do yoga, tell them, namaste, away from, in bed, so that they

can watch this. They can watch Champagne Ale. Yes. Traction on your house. Are we done rolling? We were talking about cocaine, right? That was a HeadGum Podcast.