Hollywood Handbook - Alex Anfanger and Jon Bass, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: April 27, 2015

Sean finally sets the record straight on offensive changes that were made to his original script of Adam Sandler's Native American movie "The Ridiculous Six." Then ALEX ANFANGER and JON BASS of The Comedy Center's "Big Time in Hollywood, FL" join the show to exchange notes with Sean and Hayes, come up with great new twists on Jon's character's name, and reveal the secret of Alex's vertical hair in the Popcorn Gallery.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. his voice so I'm not even going to try. No. Hey, I totally love to drink that. And I said, no, Cheech, that's not what you said. You said not to finish your juice boxes. This is a Squeeze It. And if you remember, Squeeze It is a plastic bottle-shaped juice treat. I remember. And so he tells me, you know, and again, I don't do his voice, so I won't even try, but he goes, that's semantics. And I said, I made a joke about something about being romantic.

He collects all those 90s drinks. Boku. He hass drinks. Boku. He has a lot of Boku. Squeeze-its and Ecto Cooler. That's so funny to say. Ecto Cooler. All the cool old drinks. I remember coming home from school and having Sunny D.

Oh, yeah, and passing right by the purple stuff. And if you remember the commercial ad. Yes. Yes, he collects those, and I guess I did drink the last one that was around of his squeeze-its. And so he was pretty peeved. The last squeeze-it, yeah. I cooked him a four-course meal. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Button Dropping Names

on the Very Carpet Line Back Hallways of this industry we call showbiz what up what up and that's what what would you call that one it's sort of a sultry sleepy sort of well there's no pressure on us what up what We've got all day. It's a weekend. And come back to bed, sweetie. Now, we got to talk. Something we are pissed about. There's something that's made us a little pissed. We, reading the news, this movie, Adam Sandler doing the movie, Ridiculous 6. doing the movie ridiculous six uh people who are happen to be native american walking off the set of this movie because they thought the jokes about them were mean and if anybody didn't think of me

right away when they heard that authentic native americans were pissed get a new thinker yes replace your thinker with one that actually works. So obviously I'm going to talk about this. Obviously we had the idea originally for Ridiculous 6. We saw a million ways to die in the West and we said, well, this is good, but what about a Western that's a comedy? And so we started cooking up some ways to do something like that. Seemed like America wants it. Anyway, we wrote the script in a way that was very sensitive to my people.

I'm one-eighth Native American. I don't know what kind. But that's part of the controversy. It sounds like there's all different kinds that are mad about this. See, this was something that you figured out because you trace your heritage and finding out recently that there are different kinds. I can't just be Native American. No. There's all these different things. There is.

There's a whole – and some of the names are outrageous. And I'm so proud of my people for coming up with some of these crazy noises and the imagination and no wonder where I get it. And so... Well, read some of the scripts because the script got leaked, the Ridiculous 6 script that they ended up using and talk about

some of the changes they made. Well, one thing, you know, that people were pretty upset about was there's a joke and i hesitate to even call it that where somebody walked off set uh because one of the women is named beaver breath beaver breath and i think you know what that's a reference to and they completely butchered our version of that joke because native americans do have interesting names sometimes and they'll be named around things in nature things that they see things that they do um but beaver breath is

very insensitive uh and he i think calls her beaver breath and she says how you know my name which is not how we talk um but i had written a version of that scene that worked that was not offensive and her name was pussy breath and that is because being an actual real native american from here i have met a woman whose breath stank like pussy and I don't know what she's doing and I don't care. But that's a joke that you can relate to. But when you make it a beaver. Was she Native American? Ah, Christ.

I don't know. She was definitely not white. But anyway, when you make it a beaver, it then is like, oh, look at these guys. They all like animals or something. And it just becomes so offensive that no wonder they walked off. And I can't speak. I have none of this blood. I don't know if we call you gringos or what we say about you.

I mean, I'm so curious about this world. And so naming a Native American character pussy breath is not, you're telling me that that's not an offensive thing to do. No, not if you do it right and you handle it like an adult. I mean, that's what we would say, me and my guys. But you had an excerpt from the script. Yeah, let me read another section of this that the guy, the main guy's talking to the character sits on face.

What was that originally? Oh, they kept that. Oh, that was the original. It was sits on face. Yeah, well, I've seen a guy do that. Okay. Well, they made it a girl, I guess, is how they changed it.

Oh, that, oh. Very offensive. What? Why? Why? And so to sits on face, the character says, say, honey, how about after this we go someplace and I put my pee-pee in your teepee? Okay. Record scratch.

Stop the tape. You can't say that stuff. Pee-pee in my teepee. tape you can't say that stuff peepee in my teepee now i had written a very tasteful version of that where i meditated went into like a sweat lodge thingy got in touch with my manitou my spirit animal and when i came out i wrote a scene that spoke to the trials of my people and it was sits on face who was a guy said to either pussy breath or some other chick he goes uh hey later on tonight why don't i put my fig wong in your wig wong and that's because we don't call them teepees we call them wig wongs now And a figwam is? Figwam. Yeah, it's supposed to sound like what is being a penis. And that is maybe a little bit of a stretch, but.

So that's not a Native American term? Because I don't know anything about this. I mean, you mostly educate me on this subject. If it's a term, it's not one that my guys use or that I've done. But it does kind of sound, once you just put it in context, like it could be. And we went through a bunch of different drafts on that where it was my pig crumb or my jigwam. And it just – we realized figwam, well, fig is kind of a long, thin, brown thing. Could that be a penis, guys? Penis. Yeah yeah you look at your well when i hold a fig next to my penis i go shit that ain't too far off and so that's what eventually led me to using that terminology and

if they had asked me about my process i bet they wouldn't have done this peepee in the teepee stuff that we can all agree is not very good. I sort of wonder if you are holding a date. Are you thinking of dates? Oh. Is that the issue? Because I don't think of a fig as being brown or long or thin or any of those things. It's kind of a fat purple object. That's what I think a date is. That's what you think a date is.

Now, maybe in our culture, we reverse the two names because we did have plants first here. And so what we sometimes do is you guys just got the names wrong when you saw us pointing at the trees. And then you go, oh, now this is what it is. And sure enough, the white man wrote the dictionary. But let's just say that we were here doing plants already. Well, there's one more excerpt in the script. And there's a character named Cicero speaking to Sits on Face,

who is a girl in this version. And he says, so why don't you give me the money you stole and we'll be on our way? And Sits on Face says, you go now. And Cicero says, settle down now, strawberry tits. And Sits on Face says, my name not strawberry tits and sits on face says my name not strawberry tits I am sits on face and Cicero says well then I'm stiff in pants and I know that has that took sort of a long journey from from yes from what an original your original version yeah yeah well uh let's start at the beginning uh

she wasn't called strawberry tits in my version she was called date tits now you're apparently telling me that it should have been fig tits but oh well i'm not saying it should have been it just depends on what you were trying to accomplish So if she was called date tits, that would mean that you associated with like kind of bluish purple, round bluish purple things. Yeah, that's right. Because that's what you think a fig is. Yes. Yeah. So when I had written that, I thought this is funny.

And then when the man at that point corrected the woman in my version and said – All the genders were reversed. Yes. His name was sits on face. She didn't say, well, then I'm stiff in pants, which doesn't make sense no matter what the gender is. What she said was, well, then I'm hungry turkey, gobble, gobble. And then what he did was he sat on her face.

I see. Which I don't think happens in this movie. It's just a name they said. That's the end of the excerpt from the script that's i don't know what happens right after that it could be that they did keep that so there was still stolen money sits on face because this male character's tits look like what we think of as figs. Yes. Does that come from real experience? Did you hold a fig up to your own? To my tits?

No. No. No. Sometimes when you're writing, especially if you're in touch with the earth and if you do use a dream catcher properly, properly what happens is you capture these fantastic um imaginary images uh and you wake up and you just see like oh man with tits that's it states and you go this has to be there for america and you put it in the script. And when it gets changed to strawberries, you just have to wonder, are these guys terrorists? Can I hear you just describe a strawberry?

Sure, yeah. Because of the different fruit, you know. Like, what's a strawberry to you? Well, it's got a coarse, thick rind. And when you slice it open, there are bugs inside. Okay. And it's about the size of 10 hot dogs. 10 hot dogs end to end or just kind of bunched together?

Tied in knots. And it makes a sound like a high humming sound. When you were shaking it. When you shake it by your ear, yes. And it floats, but you can't surf on it. Found that out the hard way. And it's, I'm not allergic to it, but I can't be near it. Or I get very sick.

But you're not allergic to it. No. But if you get close to it. I do get sick. We got some mail we want to talk about. Well, let's. A lot of people have been sending us money. That's nice.

Don't. We have enough money now is what happened. You could send to the show, I guess. I don't know how that works either. But we just hit our max and we have enough money i guess we could spend it all on scratch off cards we got for so kevin o'brien michael bay of pigs sent us a letter dear haze and sean what the fuck is popping hook your boy up with that pro version asap put a little cash in here so y'all broke boys don't starve to death,

enjoy the Doritos. And there were, I guess, what were once whole Doritos in the envelope, but we're now sort of crunched up into dust. And then there's a picture of a guy lifting weights, and he's got a big dick, and there's an arrow that says me? And then from Bruce Reed Robinson, we got a very long letter. Oh, and Kevin O'Brien sent $4. And Bruce Reed Robinson,

send any snippets from that letter that you'd like to read. Okay. Okay. Sean, you're cool. It says, hey, you don't seem to have any insecurities. There's some stuff about the weather. That's cool. And he sent us each $50.

Yes, that was big. And that's as much of his letter as I could stomach just because it's written all crazy. And then we got two DVDs from Bozo's, two Because of Winn-Dixie DVDs that he wants us to sign and send back to him. And he sent an envelope, a self-addressed stamped envelope, but it's way too small. It's like a letter envelope, and it would never fit this DVD. So I guess we will just be hanging on to these. envelope but it's way too small it's like a letter envelope and it would never fit this dvd so i guess we will just be hanging on to these um thank you guys thanks for all the mail and uh thanks for sending the stuff uh and the money um made my stomach hurt to see that somebody had to put 50 bucks. I don't want your money.

I want my money. I will take it. Hazel will take it. He buys all the scratchers. I'll accept Sean. Whatever you were going to give to Sean, you can just. Well, never mind then. Well, then if you're going to give it, I want it.

We have two good guests today. We have two good guests today. Alex Anfanger and John from Big Time in Hollywood, Florida. New show. Comedy show coming right up. Talking to the boys. Hollywood Handbook. I'm sitting across from Liz Fair.

And she's taking these big gulps. You know, she'll like eat like a thing of broccoli and just kind of swallow it. And I lean across the table and I'm like, Liz, do you not know how to chew? And she's like, you know, like, of course I know. Like, it's like chewing. Everyone does it. But I think she had seen people do it. And she's like kind of imitating what she thinks it is.

But she doesn't know that there's like a teeth component. Right. You know, like if you just watch someone chew with their mouth closed. No, you can't because you can't tell what's going on inside there. You can't see what's going on inside. And there's so much stigma attached to speaking with your mouth full or chewing with your mouth open and people don't want that to happen because it's considered

rude, but in the interest of transparency maybe we should introduce a little bit for people like Liz. As a teaching tool. And you said she was taking big gulps. That's a 7-Eleven thing. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Insider's Guide to guide to kicking, button dropping names of the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. And what up, what up, and hi. Exciting.

Two exciting corkers today. Two corkers. One primary corker and a secondary corker as well. Woo. Well, let's let. We'll do the first one first. Yeah, we'll do the first one first. Okay.

Two stars of new show on the Comedy Center, the show Big Time in Hollywood, Florida, Alex... And I like the title. Well, we'll... We'll talk about it more, but yeah. Alex Anfanger. Yeah. Yeah, Anfanger, but... Alex and Fangier yeah and John Bass Bass

are both here today now that's confusing because have you heard this all about that bass song yeah I have no treble what about it well isn't that the same spelling?

Yeah. Well, what's going on there? Is this the first question? Hmm? Is this the first question? Is this the one we're starting with? Well, we don't count questions here. Is this officially the first question?

Is this the way we're going to start it? Well, we should explain. We only get six questions for John. Okay. And that was in the contract. Well, let me get down and dirty on this one, okay? Okay. I want to give you guys a 4-1-1 on this one.

So, yeah, I have done that before. I have said all about the bass. And then here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's what's crazy about it. My sister is married to a guy named Adam Savelle. So we go all about the bass, no sevel. And we just laugh.

And I want to be invited to that family barbecue. What a Thanksgiving, that. It's so much laughing. That's good. The show. And fuck Adam. Fuck him so hard. Big time in Hollywood, Florida.

Interesting that it is mostly about two boys. Yeah. Which also podcast named Hollywood in the name. And two boys. Also two boys. Yes. And there's a tertiary character who is a stupid guy. Well.

Almost like an engineer. Yes. Almost like an engineer. Yeah. Sort of stupid in the manner of an engineer. Yes. Almost like an engineer, yeah. Sort of stupid in the manner of an engineer. Yes, he's fucking it up, and he can't get anything right, and he seems to have some sort of brain disease. And it reminded me of seeing the engineer and how they try to do stuff and they can't.

Is it based on the engineer in any way, that character, John Bass? It's Bass. No. No, it's not at all. I mean, he's right here, first of all. Engineer Cody, do you feel like you're watching yourself up there on the screen? Duh. Yeah, boy.

That's a classic engineer sound. When asked a question, you usually get a, duh. I mean, I hope, I don't know. We don't need to talk about engineer stuff. I don't want to make him feel, you can't be being so mean. Yeah, you know he's right here. Yeah. Right next to me.

I know. I'm right here. Oh, yeah, I guess it's fine, actually. He seems like he doesn't understand. One cool thing about engineers, one great philosophy that I think keeps them ticking in a way is any attention is good attention. So you're saying their name, you're talking about them, they are all smiles. That's a win. That's a win.

Yeah. Sure, sure. So the show has two boys, and they're doing... And their dumb friend. And dumb friend, and they're doing – And they're dumb friend. And dumb friend and they're doing movies and they want to be famous. Hmm, where did you get that idea? You know, that's kind of – yeah, it was just life experience sort of. You were friends with a boy.

Yeah. I had two boyfriends in Hollywood, Florida. And they wanted to be famous. And I agreed to make this documentary about them. And then in the course of that, I listened to this podcast. And I started to hear some stuff. I heard about your engineer, the moron. Yeah.

If you just hold up your hand, so he can't see your mouth. He doesn't know who's talking. I was listening to your moron engineer. That'd be such a good character. We get this guy. I know he's such an idiot. His name's John Bass.

Play this character. And so we made this show and, you know, also want to be clear. you said Comedy Center before, and that doesn't exist. It's Comedy Central, just to be perfectly clear about it. Well, comedy. Well, we're in the Pacific time zone, though, Alex.

Yeah. I don't think that matters. I think it's always called Comedy Central. Well, it does matter because that means the time it airs is different. Comedy Mountain Central. And if you want to tell people what time your show is on, explain that it is on a different time. Yes, and please do walk people through the zones. Explaining where they are.

Okay. Yeah. Well, it's not at 1030. And in the Rocky Mountains. Right, 930. But I think it's always Comedy Central, isn't it? John, you seem exasperated. It's Central.

I don't see where the problem is. No matter where it's playing, it's Comedy Central. Right, I don't think the time zone changes where it's playing, is what he's saying. Or it changes what the name of the channel is. Well, the channel's different than different TVs. You go to your friend's house, the number is different sometimes. And apps. And talk about the apps.

Yes. Because there is actually different models and they're changing and they're streaming now. At my house, it's 42. Mm-hmm. See, that's a channel.

Comedy channel. Oh, right, right. That's what I'm saying. Right, that's, yes. You're making his point for him. But at my friend's house, it's way up in the 800s right yeah and there's a 1000 one and i seen it last time we were watching on the um uh when we were at the uh restaurant we

were seeing how high up it could go yeah at a restaurant you're using their tv and just... My TV? Well, it's the one I rent, yes. You rent a TV? Well, rent to own, yes. Oh. But I don't have a TV in my home. It's a whole thing with my dad. If I watch it too loud at night, he can't sleep, he says. And you're living with your dad, too?

With? I mean, you know, I'm in a sick basement. Oh, okay. Condo. And he is upstairs in a, you know, the house, the more house part of the house. It's not the same room. I mean, that would be.

Yeah, I'm not living with him. We're not like sharing a bed. Yeah. You know, I have his old bed. Oh, okay. Cool. That would be so weird. And sometimes he does want it back. And so you are, in that respect, you are sometimes sharing a bed. Oh, okay. Cool. That would be so weird. And sometimes he does want it back.

And so you are, in that respect, you are sometimes sharing a bed that it has to. Well, he got a water bed because he thought it was going to be cool, but I think sometimes it messes up his back. Yeah. Cody, can I have the sound cable, please? Oh, yeah. We might need that. Because I thought we could play a clip.

Oh, yeah. Oh, you're going to do a clip of the show? Yeah, so we could just play a clip of the show. Sick. This is great. Because you were saying apps. This is so exciting. Yes, and so you don't even have to have the TV or be in the restaurant or any of it in order to watch this.

You can just have the show from online. Yeah, no, from online on the, or on Comedy Central.com. Or in a restaurant, if that's the way you watch it. That's totally cool. It's such a weird place to watch the show. It's so loud and people are eating. Let's do the clip. Suffocate you with the bone, hear me?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's very short. Maybe you can help me with this because you start the download, and then it stops, and you try to jump to the middle to kind of jump it, the download again, and it does it a little bit. You get that much, but then it stops,

and you keep opening and closing the computer to try and get it going again. I don't think you can skip that step. Which step? Opening and closing the computer. I've never. Yeah, I would say that's mistake number one. You probably shouldn't open and close the computer constantly. It's a refresh.

Yeah. How's it going to know that you want to start over? Yeah. Here's a refresh button. Well, maybe you can just talk about the clip. Or you just let it load. Well, I'll tell you one thing. When you want to refresh it, don't pour a cold lemonade.

Because that's how I find that refreshing, but a computer won't. Even as a joke. Even as a joke, the computer... Does not think it's very funny. Either doesn't get it or is mean because we have had problems with that. Sure, sure. So when you say there's a refresh button, I'm thinking maybe you mean refreshments or something and you're misinformed. But you do have to open and close it.

Should we talk about that clip that we just heard we well it was something about a bone wasn't it short it was i i so short all that we right can we play it again or is that it i don't think it's not gonna go yeah let me try here okay let me try yeah oh i yeah okay so i know what you're playing oh yeah we're playing let's talk discuss that what a fascinating clip do you like that better than the other clip i don't i mean both of them are very short and hard what uh both of them weird you choose that clip that's the end credits yeah it is it is a weird it's definitely a weird clip to choose I think from it specifically what you played

were the production are you worried about spoilers at the end no I'm not worried just because we're trying to turn people onto the show and he's saying it's the end part so is it that it's going to give it away should they not know that there's a there's a a globe guy

being crushed no I you can absolutely yeah I There's a globe guy? Being crushed. No, you can absolutely play it. Yeah, it doesn't give anything away. That must hurt. Yeah. Every episode ends with the production credits. There's nothing about the show. Okay, so you're not worried about scoring it. It's like Bugs Bunny where the globe can get crushed in one episode

and then he just comes back okay in the next episode. No, let me be clear. It's the production company's just card at the end. It has nothing to do with the show at all. It's just to show who made the show. So he's saying it ends the

same way every time. So is this like Groundhog Day or something? I don't know. Here's some insider biz stuff. Speak on that. Some insider biz stuff. At the same way every time. So is this like Groundhog Day or something? I don't know. Here's some like inside. I don't want to like, let's get into it then. Let's speak on that. Some insider biz stuff. Speak on that. Yeah. Some insider biz stuff.

At the end of every episode of our show, there's some production credits. And those are, and they're the same every single time. Yeah. We got to be really simple here, Alex. We got to really get into it. Okay. No, I didn't realize these were the, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, this is yeah yeah those are so at the end of every episode like we're talking episodes over the show is not happening i'm sorry i we're this is big time episodes is on showtime okay so it's not showtime it's big time time yes that can get yes and there's been a lot of time discussion today. But Episodes is on Showtime. It's Matt LeBlanc. It's a wonderful parody sort of how your vision for a television show can get compromised by the process of network notes. Sure, yeah.

No, we know what Episodes is. I think John knows. I don't think that's what he meant. No, not at all. I was talking about the episodes of our show. Episodes of our show, of Big Time. I feel't think that's what he meant. No, not at all. I was talking about the episodes of our show. Episodes of our show, of Big Time. I feel like this is going to get lost. We've gotten so confused.

I apologize because I think it's our fault. The episodes of your show. Yeah, do you say that in the writer's room? Like, what's the episodes of Big Time? How do we capture that? How would episodes do that? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's a lot of time is spent in the writer's room figuring out what the episodes are, which has nothing at all to do with the Showtime show. It's the episodes of our show, big time. Which Showtime show? No, no, no. Episodes. Episodes is the Showtime show. The Showtime show with David Spade.

It's called Episodes. David Spade, I don't think, is in that. The Showtime show. The Showtime show episodes? Showtime show with David Spade. Oh, I didn't know that was a show. It's on the Comedy Center.

No, it's not. Let's do... Should we do the notes? Let's do this because we did touch on and you guys did bring up episodes and that is a nice show about notes.

And so we want to do a segment that we do called Note for Note. And what this... And do we have a theme song for that yet hayes yes cody will you do the thing the theme song the theme for note for note code man are you gonna sing it yes oh that's great we rehearse this a lot oh this is awesome uh note for note take a note from from your pocket and take it out and read it out loud because it's note for note. That's close. That was good.

That was close. Very close. So what we wanted to do was, you know, anyone who makes any kind of art has to at some point receive notes. who at some point received notes, and we wanted to kind of have a little bit of a heavyweight match, a slobber-knocking throwdown where we'll give a note on your show, and then you give us a note on the podcast, and we see who does better.

Because we love the show. It's so loved. So good. Loved by millions. We are loving it. Thank you so much. We're crazy for it. Thank you. We're crazy for watching the show. We are loving it. Thank you so much. We're crazy for it. Thank you. We're crazy for watching this show.

That is so cool and can't wait for it to sort of get there. Yeah. I don't know what that means, but thank you. And we're truly rooting for it as well. Yes. And over the hump, yes. And maybe this will be the thing that gives us the big pushy. The big final pushy.

Yes, the final. Yes. Okay. Great. So who goes first? I guess. Yes. Okay. Great. So who goes first? I guess we should. Okay. To teach him how to do note.

Okay. What if you guys had on the show, doing the show like normal like it is now, but then every like five minutes or something like that, you're in a comedy club and it's standup about the show or it's like about the stuff that's going to happen on the show. So we kind of know what was happening and one of the guys is in a car. Is it going to be a car scene? But before that you're in the standup doing like,

you ever be in the car and the seat just goes back all of a sudden? You're driving and the seat just goes all the way back? Yeah. That's an idea. That's totally an idea. It sounds a lot like Seinfeld maybe. Are you talking about Seinfeld? No, because that was only the beginning part.

And this, it should be all the way through. Every five minutes. And maybe replace some of the other scenes I mean we could see that's what you're supposed to say after accepting every note just keep it true

I mean that's that seems it feels like you haven't watched the show, you know, at all. Oh, so are you doing that already? Uh, no, no. It just, I think it would be out of, it would be out of place. Just take the note. No, I mean, I, it's.

Just do, like, don't make a big deal. Don't, like, make them feel bad. Just take the note. John's got a future. I'll tell you why. Thank you. Okay. Okay.

Come on, man. Don't, like, make them feel weird. I'm trying to think of what the equivalent is. It's like, I don't know, taking a break from your podcast every five minutes to shave a dog. Is that your note? That's our note. Is that your note? Oh, yeah.

That's a good note. Well, as good a time as any to bring up Harry's Razors. Harry's Razors. Harry's razors. From a factory in Germany. You can shave pretty much anything. Even if it's during your podcast and you want to shave your dog. And give the dog a little bop on the head first because otherwise he's going to be moving around a lot during the shave. And sponsored by Alex Anfanger, that idea.

So we'll take it under consideration. It wouldn't work, but here's the thing with your show. I love this show so much. I would like to really like these guys. Yeah. Sympathy. Yeah. Maybe one of them gets sick.

Okay. Yeah. Maybe one of them gets sick. Okay. Okay. They're all, everyone's sick in the show, and they're all, everyone's dying. Throwing up. I think if everyone's throwing up, dying, Del maybe is dead. Maybe Del dies right off the bat. I don't know. He throws up too much?

I don't know. It is a personal problem. Because I see what you're saying. Free pitch. Okay. Dude, you're getting free pitch okay dude you're getting a dell i love it i thought about that so many times free great thank you man thank you thank you okay you might have to pay it's delicious okay like apples. Yeah. Deletante.

How many more do you have? Delby. Delby? Yeah, like Delby. Like Delby Digital. Yeah. Delby. Oh, Delby.

Delby Surround. Del-ing it out. Del-ing it out. Del-ing it out? What does that mean? You know, you're del-ing stuff out. Del-ing it out. Yeah, del-ing it out. Like del-ing the cards out.

Yeah. Yeah, like I'm del-ing the hand. Don't del-ing Delling it out. Yeah, delling it out. Like delling the cards out. Yeah. Yeah, like I'm delling a hand. Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me what to do. Yeah. And then you, I mean, I see you've got your notebook out. He's only got six or seven more. Do you want to just rip through them now?

I'll just rip through them. I can't believe you brought all these. Delicious. Delicious. That one I feel like we heard. Oh, shit. believe you brought all these. Delicious. Delicious. That one I feel like we heard. Oh, shit. It was, it's delicious before, but. Oh, yeah.

Well, you know what? The underline, the Del part of it on this one. I'm confused at what this is, though. Are these just taglines for you? Just let me finish. Okay. I'm Del. That's just screaming Del?

Not really scream. This is the scream one. I'm Del Dolly Parton Deli Parton Deli Parton Del Del Delphin

Delphin Taxes Delphin Taxes That one's written out And it's very scribbly And you've started and stopped it several times I got like four more let me just finish these off

Bob Dell like Bob Dole he's holding a pen in a funny way when he says that one guys dude you're getting ale is on there. Okay, yeah. We did that one earlier, but that's also on the list. Yep.

Oh, okay. You said four. Did you not want to read Salvador Dali and Delth Vader? It says, don't forget to say farmer in the Dow on the page. There's a drawing of a pretty cool looking plane. It says it's a Delth bomber. And this is page one. This is his character's name on the show.

So now you can go back and really enjoy this bit. Now that you know that the character John plays on the show is named Dell. Well, yeah, but who cares? The character John plays on the show is named Del. Well, yeah, but who cares? It may be as good a time as any to let Alex know that John had contacted us independently and wanted to confront you live on our podcast about how you weren't really using his character to the full potential. And you have him doing antics on the show, but you're not really ever saying his name in a way that sort of sounds like another word. Yeah, I apologize, you know, John.

Well, we can, you know. I just had a full list of stuff that you could have used throughout the season. I just, I don't know how to use that. And there were times on set, I want to make sure that I know, there were times on set where I would go, hey, what if I like all of a sudden just went. You just want us to refer to you as like a farmer in the jail? Yeah.

Or me or like any other characters. And like the whole time that we were on set, I would like come up to you with those suggestions. And you'd like just like smile and like walk away. Yeah. I thought you were totally kidding. But now that, you know, that I know that you're serious about it and, you know, we can refer to you as several of these for next season, this is Farmer and the Dell. Great.

I think we just settled it. And I think we might have saved the show. Yeah. That's a very good note. And yeah, so, Delbert. And I don't work there, but, you know, Felbert and Dogbert, whatever. The characters, I know it's because I do watch the show,

and this should prove that I do watch it. The characters, I like the clothes they wear sometimes, but they're changing clothes a lot. And so then sometimes it's like, who is this now? Is this a different guy? Can be confusing. Or is it the same person? And so maybe do it's like, who is this now? Is this a different guy? Can be confusing. The same person. And so maybe do like Bart Simpson, where you're always wearing the same clothes, unless you're

going to church, in which case you dress up. Mom makes you dress up a little bit more. Or you're doing the barman. But then you can see some of the same clothes underneath Bartman's clothes. Are you trying to just prove that you've seen the show? Because I feel like most shows people change outfits. Well, we've named one where they don't on The Simpsons.

And actually Delbert is an example of another show where it's never changed. And they would want to change their ties on that show because they are sticking curled up in a way. But they don't change them because it's too confusing. Oh, sure, sure.

Okay. Yeah, so I guess Delbert, he'll be Delbert for season two, and he will never change clothes. Yeah, that sounds good. Okay. Great. Great note, guys. Now we're in the episodes territory where I'm starting to think, hmm.

What? Starting to think, hmm. What? Starting to think, hmm? Oh, you mean the Showtime show? Yeah. Oh, right. Oh, Matt LeBlanc. Are you talking about episodes or the Showtime show? Did you guys want to give another note on the podcast?

I don't know, John. What do you think? I think you guys can... I don't know if you've gotten this you think? I think you guys can... I don't know if you've gotten this one before, but you guys sometimes will say the wrong things. I would also just be familiar with the shows. And I know that you've watched it, but it seems like...

And just be familiar with names and stuff. There's like Comedy Center is not a thing. It's, I think, something we can put right off the bat. Definitely not a thing. The clips that are production cards has nothing to do with the show.

Now we're giving them way too many notes. No, no, no. I'm saying... But I mean, while we're getting it out there, yeah, I think definitely... I just don't know

what that would be. It would just be a scene or a real moment from the show. I'm trying to picture it and what would that be doing it that way? What would be...

What's happening? You know? We're? What would be the – what's happening? We're not doing any clips. We're not saying anything. We're not even allowed to talk. That's not what we're saying at all. It's a podcast. Yeah, we're not allowed to say anything. We have to only do what you guys say.

No saying anything. Just following the rules. Yes. Nobody is allowed to produce anything, I guess. And it's all just listening to you guys and you guys are mean. Like that doesn't sound like something people would like. I didn't think they were being mean. You know, we offended.

I don't know. I mean, I think we were just trying to give like a constructive note. How important is making a woman cum? Is that just a non sequitur question or? We've been dancing around it. Yeah. I think it's important. It has been weird that the whole time you've been sitting there

you've just been like tapping on the table like just ever so slightly like as if you're like trying to like well it's also you're like practicing trying to what go on i don't want to get too graphic about it but you've just been like rubbing the table i mean i also don't know why you have porn on your computer. Out in the middle of the- That just started playing after the clip. Also on your phone. Oh, okay.

That's different. That's a phone call I'm getting. It's just a video. Do you want to take that? I don't know. I mean, if you don't mind. Yeah, just take it real quick. On mic?

Yeah, sure. Hello? Hello? I agree. That's so obviously a video. I agree with that. I don't know why. Well, thank you. That's very nice of you to say.

Well, you're welcome. I'm glad that that's how that feels. Well, you're welcome. I'm glad that that's how that feels. That's clearly a porn video. Then I'm going to leave too, and thanks for everything. Well, that was a successful phone call. You weren't on the phone. That was absolutely a video That was playing in your ear

No They have the new phone Speaking style With the face Not to do another version of time But it's like a face kind of time I mean but then it's just somebody Who's having sex while you're talking

At them Even if they are like skyping you Which I guess is what you're saying is happening. It's still – those were two people having sex. Yes. And you were – Minimum. Clearly pretending to have just a very generic, very polite conversation. Is there no place for that in the bedroom?

Was that too – I mean we like to get rude sometimes. I mean, we all have a nasty boy inside of us, but I think that we also can be nice. Please stop rubbing the table like that. It's just a table. Was that two people minimum or having sex minimum? Oh, it was having sex minimum. It was exactly two people.

Yeah. But they were at minimum having sex and probably more. minimum. It was exactly two people. But they were at minimum having sex and probably more. I think that was clear. You know them? Yes, those are just old friends. And let me understand this. So they Skype you and you just talk to them quietly

while they have sex. Well, he pulls up the file of how you speak to them, which is you search for hot friends. Oh, no. Then this is just definitely a porn video. That has nothing to do with Skype or anything. You're talking about just porn. It's in his phone.

It's in the phone. It's literally inside the phone. And you literally are seeing it on the screen of the phone. You're talking about just a... You're talking about porn. It's a phone, Alex. Okay. It's a phone.

Just let it go. Okay, okay, okay. Just let it go. This is a losing battle for sure. ET porn home? Is that what you think it is? Okay. I mean, is that your thing now?

Imagine what that would be. They never would have won the Oscar with that. It's a phone. So, yes, you, whatever, search Hot Friends. Absolutely. Yep, I understand what you're talking about now. I was confused. Yeah, I was confused.

It's great. It's great. Thanks. And John gets it. And John, this table's probably having a good time, huh? Hannadale. Hmm? Hannadale.

Ah. Hannadale. Hannadale. Hannadale Lecter. Like Hannibal. Let's do the popcorn. Find it. Gallery.

The popcorn gallery. This is a song. You know that. It's a segment on Hollywood. Song about the show. The view was asked. About our show? No, no, no, no, no.

It's a song for the podcast. Yes. Questions. It's a song for the podcast. Okay. Yes. Called the popcorn. Questions. Gallery and Sean. Asking them. Viewers.

You guys. Doing all the questions. Yeah. Other guys. Time for. From them. The popcorn. Gallery.

It's such a confusing way to put it. Let's reach into the popcorn bag and pull out a question for the guys. Woo. Yes. I'm so excited to get some real questions. That feels so good. Are you going to munch me up and put me in your mouth on popcorn? I pulled it out and I'm putting it in my mouth.

So that's the popcorn. And I will say, Engineer Cody really responded to that sound. He just dropped his water. It caused his both limbs to just kind of lash out uncontrollably and knock over some liquids on the engineering board. On the mixer. Which somebody might say, professional sound engineer, maybe not a good idea to always be drinking fluids right next to the board.

To always be sure to have an open glass. Yeah, it's in a container with a cap on it, is it not? Oh, no, it's just a straight-up glass with a big mouth at the top. Oh, interesting. We have a question from Valerie Bryant. Mm-hmm. And so we didn't know for sure that John was coming in the beginning, so it was just that Alex's friend.

And we knew that it was from Alex's friend, so we have some questions for Alex's friend as well. He's on the show also. I'll take what I can get, though, honestly. from valerie bryant you know it's got to be alex you're a trendsetter i heard before you came along people were saying that isn't anything but a chicken's wing what other popular phrases have you coined uh um that's sensitive subject for you. Yeah. I mean, this, this hits home.

Not so proud of some of the phrases you've popularized. Are you Alex? People have taken them in a direction that maybe was not what you anticipated. There's a lot of, there's been a lot of, you know, hateful, hate speech. And I don't want to talk about it because, yeah, I'm not proud of it. You didn't want, that's what she said, to have anything to do with sexual stuff, did you? No. No, I didn't.

You wanted it to be nice things. Yeah, I did. And, you know, so so yeah, that was mine. That's what she said. Can you talk about on and popping a little bit? On and popping? Yeah. That was another one that I coined.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And what did you want it to mean, and how are people using it now in the club? On and Poppin' was, I mean, it was supposed to be about popcorn, actually, which is. Perfect for this segment, yeah. Yeah. And it was strictly for my machine. I had a popcorn machine, and it was when, and I would say it's on and popping and that means quite literally

that the popcorn machine is on and that the kernels are popping and get ready to enjoy a treat and that also was taken and it was used by all these youngsters in the clubs in a very derogatory way but you're proud of biznatch. That one worked out. Biznatch, yeah. Biznatch was fine. I used to scream Biznatch a lot. Yeah, better way to say bitch. Oh, I thought it was like business naturally.

No, it was my way of saying bitch. Yeah. Yeah, I would scream it a lot. I think that one's very funny, and I'm proud of it. She also has – and all the answers should have something to do with popcorn. People don't really – It's so rare that in the popcorn gallery people relate their answer to popcorn, and this is maybe the first time.

I have not caught up to this. It's a coincidence. The segment's about popcorn. The answer should be about popcorn. Yeah. This is to Alex's friend from Valerie Bryant. Have you ever committed a

hate crime? No. But it should be something about popcorn. I don't... I just figured out a way to answer the question, but the subject being popcorn. We have popcorn in there, yeah.

I would say it's a hate crime the way that you eat popcorn. I will take that. I've seen you do it. It's John. It's a question for John. I know, but I've watched him. I mean, he can help me out. It's totally fine.

I don't want to like – because I don't really know. Oh, I'm sorry. He can? Oh, okay. I didn't realize you were making the rules inside the studio for the show. Oh, well, John's help me out. It's totally fine. I don't want to like – because I don't really know. Oh, I'm sorry. He can? Oh, okay. I didn't realize you were making the rules inside the studio for the show. Oh, well, John's making the rules. Okay. He can help him out.

And I guess I'll just leave. You don't need me here anymore. Oh, come on. Except then there's no show. Come on. A guy playing basketball, he takes a shot, goes over the basket, and then goes to the ref and being like, it's okay that I did that. And it does count for points.

It's nothing like – It's the guy, the ref. And it does count for points. It's the guy, the ref, the ref decides how many points you get. It's like you're playing your own version of John Basketball. It's like I lean over to Hayes' board and I write in a funny pun on his thing and then

he goes, oh, it's okay, he can help me out. And then he gets the points from the points guy on At Midnight. No thanks. No, you're not allowed to do it. You can't do that. The guy catches you doing that, the nerd, you're in big trouble. Have you guys done that show?

Alex is about to. I'm about to. Oh, scary. You got jitters? I'm scared. Doing it with Stephen Tobolowsky, I'm very excited. Good to look up what's in the news. Okay.

That day. Okay. Imagine a picture and then imagine what you could say about it. Add cream to a movie. Add cream to a movie. I'm trying to understand what that means. Let's see. You're going to need to be ready for something like that.

They don't let you repeat the question out loud. Mm-hmm. I beat up a gay person when I was eating popcorn. I should... That's probably what I should... I should have led with. I mean...

And that's... And this is just... And to be clear, this is just because we did want popcorn in the answer that John's saying this yeah sure so do you want to just say what you did i don't want to get i don't want to get into it i just

thought i'd get it out there now we're done it's good it's good i think that's the next question let's get another question out of the bag was it because you were eating popcorn come on no no i don't we don't. We don't. We really do not need to rehash this whole thing. Next question. Come on, guys. Okay.

You feel bad about it, though. Come on. No. Yes, obviously. But come on. You said no. Well, at first, I didn't. It took years to finally figure out what I had done was definitely wrong.

But that's. It wasn't just because you were. You wish there were a rule book. I didn't finish it. All these new rules. Ugh, gross. Next question, please. Hey, as long as we're apologizing for things we did,

I'm sorry I blew past that John basketball thing you said before. It really was very funny to me. I was already trying to work in something about points, and I just, I literally steamrolled right over it. There was a real danger that that would never, you would never have been able to say that. If I got even five more seconds away from what had initially led me on to that idea, I would not have been able to do it.

After doing it, not worth it. Yeah, I appreciate it. Sorry. And John Basketball, if we want to talk about that later, let's to do it. After doing it, not worth it. Sorry. John Basketball, if we want to talk about that later, let's all do that. Back into the popcorn bag and let's play the sound drop from my friend Mark. Yeah, you know all the right spots and how all my pieces

work. That's what she said. Oh, well. That was a dig at me. I don't know if it was. That's how popular the phrase is. Okay. Here's a question from Dixon.

This is a short one. It's, Alex, what do you think of these and fangers? And it's a picture of Anne Hathaway holding up two fangers. And so the question is, what do you think? Yeah. Yeah. I'm into it. I am. Yeah. Yeah. I'm into it. I am.

Yeah. Okay. Let's get another question out of the bag. Sure. You're so close to making me... To making me... God, your code, he just spilled all making me. To making me. Engineer Cody just spilled all over me.

And see. That's great. A lot of the times we wonder like how he knows so much about what's going on. So Mark Johnson from high school does a lot of these sound drops. Does them ahead of time. Often he seems to know an unusual amount about the show. He got a promotion recently, actually. Within, for our show? Oh, from his job. Yeah.

He smashes dumpsters together for his job. What? He pushes dumpsters into one another. For his job. Yes. Although I guess not anymore? Well, yes anymore, but he got a faster cart. Cool. Cool. Cool, man.

One of the dumpsters goes on a cart. The cart he used to use was very slow. Okay. Well, one dumpster goes on a cart and gets placed, and then another dumpster goes on the cart and gets put into the one which has been previously placed and smashed into it. That's his profession. Yeah.

Someone's got to do it. Did you ever see that Mike Rowe show? I don't think I did. I think I have. This is a question from Bozos, formerly Bozos of John Basketball. The question is, Alex,

do you want more room to talk about that? John Basketball stuff? Maybe less. Okay. Alex, you and your bud, that's you, John. Cool. Sure. Seem to have mastered the small computers movies format so much.

Because you did small computers movies for a while. Small computers movies. With Next Time on Bonnie, the Bonnie Hunt. Oh, Next Time on Lonnie. Yeah, small computers movies. Yeah. Yeah. You seem to have mastered that format so much. the Bonnie Hunt oh next time on Lonnie yeah small computers movies yeah yeah you seem to have

mastered that format so much is that Lonnie Ross from 30 Rock no no it's just it was just a character that I

that I played well he did a lot of characters he did impressions yeah oh really next time on Bonnie Hunt that sounds good

let me finish okay the thing I was saying if you don't mind you and your bud Next time on Bonnie Hunt. That sounds good. Let me finish the thing I was saying, if you don't mind. You and your bud seem to have mastered the small computers movies format so much that now you're just in regular small movies. Isn't that moving backwards? Because you think about movies. You get movies. Right. And then TV is really just small movies. because you think about movies, you get movies, and then TV is really just small movies,

and then there's small computers movies now that you're seeing more and more. Sure. Sometimes even, and this seems to be something you don't understand, but sometimes you can even talk to them on your phone. Yeah, I haven't even, I've never thought about this. It's kind of blowing my mind right now. I mean maybe, yeah, maybe we are moving backwards. Maybe we don't know where we're going. Yeah.

You know? Things are getting smaller and smaller. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys seem to be moving to – Bigger stuff. The bigger stuff. But like not good bigger.

You're just saying bigger in the way that it's it's harder to carry yes definitely harder to carry harder to carry a television yeah for sure sure i mean it's just i don't know it's crazy because the show is just such a fucking smash success you know so it's like crazy that you think that it's like you know a move back i know this isn't your question this This is someone else's question. But just being like the biggest show on the small movies. Yeah, in the world. Definitely in the world.

But are there any other shows anymore? They're not going to be, I don't think. Not after this one. A lot of people were talking about just doing. Big time all the time. Bing time. No, big time. Bing time. No, big time. Bing time.

On all the, yeah, on everything. Because as people move their shows over to small computers more and more, at some point, are there any more shows on TV? Yeah. Just ours. Yeah. Answered. Next.

Let's take a question. Okay. And then get another back? Yeah. Okay, I'll mark to it. Sound drop starting now. More like bing time. Oh, so that was good.

That's what we found out. Here's a question from Blink. Dear Alex, what made you want to start taking your hair vertical? How has that decision changed your life? Can you give us any tips? You know, Blink, it was a, it was a choice made very early on in my life. Uh, I was, when I was very young, I experienced, I experienced something incredible. I experienced something incredible.

I was visited by an alien. And he showed me pictures of the man that I could be. Not the man that I am. The boy I was for. And he showed me these sketches of these aliens. And they all, they were very advanced creatures. Pictures of you, then he's showing you sketches of aliens. Yeah.

Pictures of you. Uh-huh. But he's got sketches of aliens. Yeah. And he's an alien. Right, right. Yeah, what's not to understand? I'm just for everyone else. For the audience. Yeah, we get it else He's showing me

Sketches of aliens Pictures of me and sketches of aliens He's an alien And it's about hair? Well we're getting there I guess And he gave me some sauce It's called hair sauce And

Dude that's not hair sauce Why what do you mean? Dude i'm taking a look at that right now dude that is not hair sauce dude you've been putting that in your hair this is a jar of white hair so let me take a sniff dude that is not hair sauce dude that alien fucking trolled you dude what are you dude smells like a towel I used to have in my adolescent bedroom. Could have doubled as a lampshade if you know what I mean.

You got trolled, dude. That is not hair sauce. Dude, you've been trolled. That alien trolled you, dude. Hair sauce. His name was Steve. He's an alien. Oh, dude.

Dude, Steve. Steve did that? Steve's not an alien, dude. Classic troll. Steve's not an alien, dude. He's. Oh, dude. Dude, Steve. Steve did that? Steve's not an alien, dude. Classic troll. Steve's not an alien, dude. He's a troll, dude. Steve's a fucking mega troll, dude. He's the king.

What are you talking about? That ain't hair sauce, dude. That's Steve sauce, baby. All right, well, this is where I get my hair sauce. Steve gives it to me, the alien. He brings it to me every night. And I don't appreciate you fucking with me and doing all this stuff but he shows me sketches of aliens he shows me pictures of myself and he gives me

hair sauce dude that et porn home joke i made before must have really hit hit you hard huh all right i and i'm sorry that i'm getting annoyed that I'm getting ticked off because I was, you know, from when I was four to now, I have been given hair sauce from Steve. So if you don't stop effing with me here on this podcast, I didn't come to this podcast to get effed with about my, my, this Steve alien that's been following me for my life, giving me jars of white hair sauce. Does he look like an alien? Yes. He's got glasses. He has doughy face. alien that's been following me for my life giving me jars of white hair sauce. Does he look like an alien? Yes! He's got glasses. He has doughy face. What are you... He has glasses, doughy face. He wears a plaid

shirt. He has shorts. He has very hairy legs and he wears sandals with socks. I don't know why this is funny. And he's an alien and he comes in a ship. What's this ship look like? A jar.

A small jar. So he just, what he's doing, he's holding a jar. He's got one jar of hair sauce, and the other one's a jar. He goes, this is a ship I flew in, and you should have seen it land. He says, I came in this. Yes. And you think that says, I came in this. Yes. And you think that means that he arrived in it. Yes, he arrived in a tiny jar.

He might not even be trolling you. He might. He might be being pretty straight up. Did he say he was an alien or you said he's an alien? I'm saying he's an alien. He says that he's my neighbor, Steve. And I say that he is an alien that has followed me through time. Dude, you trolled yourself, dude.

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, man. The effect is good, though. Next question. You can see it on phone screens. Your whole hair is here now because the screens are straight up and down, and so it's been good for you. because the screens are straight up and down, and so it's been good for you.

I have my career because of Steve, the alien, that comes in the jar to my house. Guys, thank you for being on the show. A lot of Secret Life of Walter Mitten questions. Oh, you mean Walter Mitty. What was that like? The Secret Life of Walter Mittens. I don't know what that is, so I can't even answer that.

That sounds like they're probably trying to ask about a movie. And what was it like? What did you do? It was great. I was on. I was in it. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And what's the deal with it what's like the deal with it? What's the deal with it? It's just a, you know, yeah, it was a movie that came out that I was in. Not Walter Mittens. Been there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was great though. You know. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thanks. and thanks, John Bass. I could see you mouthed, big mouth Billy. That's a good way to memorize it.

Thanks for being here. What we're going to do is tell people to like us on the iTunes and the Facebook and go talk to us on the forums. Rate us. Write a positive review. Be friends with us. Like us. Tell your friends about us.

Want to listen to us more? Go ahead and do it. And that's not all. Somebody's going to get the pro version. It's your Senator Harry Reid. Okay, your Senator Harry Reid. And he may have gotten it before, but who cares, you know? And so if he gets it again, then he's going to get it from Alex and John,

and they're going to give him a little sneak preview of some of the things that Dell might be getting called on the next season of Big Time in Hollywood, Florida. Yeah, let's just do 10. Just rip off 10. Just do a quick 10. Just a quick 10. Nice round number. All right, here we go.

Is this for the pro version? Yes. So I got to pro it up. You say his name too. What's his name? These are the good ones. Your Senator Harry Reid. Your Senator Hairdell Reid.

It's Dell Computer. That's two. There we go. Eight more to go. Eight more to Dell. Three. Three rhymes with me, rhymes with Dell. Four.

Dell. Deliva. Oh, that's a good one. Deliva, like Godiva? Like Elvira. No. That would be Delvira. That's another one.

That's five. Delo. Oh. No. Oh. Yeah, keep it coming. Hold on. Leave it to Delver.

Del's, which should be friends. That would be the friends. Sean, Claude, Van, Del. Oh, man, that's a good one. Heil Deller. Heil Deller. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes baby that was a hate gum podcast