Hollywood Handbook - Alex Goldman, Our New Podcast Friend

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

The Boys welcome back ALEX GOLDMAN to discuss his new advice podcast Hyperfixed.Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I mean, so what I'm gathering, it was... Halloween candy rink. Go. Okay. Sorry, I'm sick. It's just COVID. Hollywood handbook. Some of these candies, you know, I don't know. I miss just getting to eat a piece of candy. A disc? Mm-hmm.

Or even like a little ball. That's one color and one flavor. That's it. And the flavor is whatever color it is. If it's red, the flavor's red. Can I tell you what I miss? When I was a kid and I'm showing my age here, but you guys will maybe remember you would go out and it wasn't all about candy.

You would walk to the, you would walk to the door. They would either give you a penny or if you were really lucky, you'd get an apple in a shave. Which is you'd eat most of the apple and then there'd be a nice razor blade inside that you could use to give yourself a really close shave. Now, of course, as a kid, I didn't necessarily need it, but it was good practice. And I feel like that has completely disappeared from the Halloween tradition.

Even the TP the kids are using these days to TP my bushes. Seventh generation. Exactly. And so. It's like one ply organic. I'm like, well, that is the bush. You're using, you're putting the bush on the bush.

I might as well use the bush. It's a hat on a hat. At this point. I bring that inside. I'm like, did I accidentally get some of the bush? Yeah, did I just grab a leaf? Because this stuff is all plants. Everything's made out of plants.

Maybe not everything should be. You know what I mean? Maybe some stuff should be made out of whatever else we used to do. Because some of it's worse. Ah. Wasn't toilet paper always made out of plants though? One second, Alex. because some of it's worse. Uh. Wasn't toilet paper always made out of plants though? One second Alex.

Ha ha ha ha. One second. I feel like maybe I cut you off when I said Halloween candy rink go. Let me think because it was like, so what I was hearing was, this whole Madison Square Garden thing, you see this, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was like, so what I was hearing was this whole Madison Square Garden thing, you see this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone was being awful, being so crazy. It was just a misunderstanding with the dates. I heard that that audience thought they were going to the dropout show. That makes so much sense. And so that's why they were going to the dropout show. That makes so much sense. And so that's why they were behaving that way. Well, where else would you get such a collection of heathens as well?

Yes, that's right, heathens. Than the disgusting fan base they've cultivated over there. You lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas, I like to say. Am I right, Alex? And now you can come in. I've never laid down with a dog. The gold man is here. Yep. Sup, dude?

Hi. He might as well just shoot out of his fingers. Mm-hmm. King. Might ass. More like mighty ass. Mighty ass. Might mighty ass mighty ass Mighty, I think they ever seen each other right here the what the chest up. Mm-hmm

Hmm I Said I think we've only ever seen each other from like the chest up I don't think well not a head gum here. They show our entire fucking body for some reason ups They hear where they show our entire fucking body for some reason. Just stops, Roastig, got a podcast wire. And they make sure that the seating kind of forces your pelvis forward. This fucking place,

just give me a fucking chair, dude. I, at one point I was like, hey, the new studio is better and it's like, but better than what? I need a better, I need a higher standard. I will always need a new one after some amount of time. Even just remembering that this is the new studio, I was like, oh, that's not, it's not interesting to me anymore.

This is not fun being here. It was fun for a second. Yeah. Well, wherever you go, there you are, right? You bring yourself to the new studio. You're finding that with your new podcast, eh? Oh, you've got a new podcast. Well, my... Yes, I do.

My studio is my basement, so, you know. Is that what we're looking at right now? Yep. A lot of wires back there. Yep, that's for all my... You look like you're training to defuse bombs. The basement tapes. Is that what we're looking at right now? Yep. A lot of wires back there. Yep, that's for all my training. The basement tapes, right? The basement tapes.

Yeah, the wires are for my rock and roll jamming. It's for all the cool music I make. Are you gonna play us something today? If you insist. I didn't feel like that's what I was doing. Tell me about this show, I didn't feel like that's what I was doing. Tell me about the show, it's called something I'm sure. You always have some kind of name for everything.

Yep, it's called Hyperfixed. The premise is that people, listeners come to me with issues, problems, big or small, and then I try and solve the problem. Well, this is great. This is really good. Because we have this thing here that we're trying to deal with. God, this is so perfect.

I can't believe that it's just like written in the stars sometimes. Mr. God has smiled on me once again today. Thanks, Mr. God. Alex, we have this thing here where we're doing this, right? And we come in and we're doing it now, right? Doing the show, yeah. You agree with that.

It's hard to argue. It's me and him and like, we like come in and the show is happening and we come in and do this show and then it goes out and it's this. Yeah. Okay. Unfortunately. Yeah. We are looking at you did what you did and it's different. It's a different show. Uh-huh, right? Yes but every time we like every time I try to like Get a new one started. Mmm sounds like this ready I'm pulling the thing. It's given me no, uh, like freaking, I'm pulling the thing.

I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing.

I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing.

I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. I'm pulling the thing. Oh, yeah, when you try and rev them up. Yes. I'm pulling the thing. It's given me no, uh, like fr it's just like the pole string is like coming out. Like it's not like rubbing up against anything. You know, it's like, it's totally frictionless. The pole string.

So it's like a lawnmower. Um, I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to visualize it. I got this show. Mm hmm. Um, yeah, I don't know how to, I don't, well, I can't say I don't know. Cause it's like literally my job now. I used to mow lawns, you know, and, uh, and whenever I'd see one of those shirts, it says, uh, ask gas or grass. No one rides for and whenever I'd see one of those shirts that says, ask ass or grass,

no one rides for free, I'd go, that's easy, grass. I have so much of it for lawn mowing. Lawn mowing, you know? I mostly do lawn mowing. That's an easy one. I mostly do lawn mowing as a result of this show. Give me that. Bom, bom, bom, bom.

Right? I agree. Yeah, you say that, but there's no enthusiasm behind it. Is this what the show is gonna be like? My show? No, my show, there's a lot of enthusiasm on mine. You're excited about your show, okay. So it's just us.

Which is why I'm on this show. I guess I'm relieved. Okay, so. So I take it into the shop. I wheel my podcast in. Okay. They're looking at, I mean, and of course they're trying to tell you like,

that like you need to like toss it and just like get a whole new one. You take it in, they're always gonna hit you with like, ah, this thing's shot, buddy, we got one in the back, we got a podcast in the back that's just actually a steal, perfect for you, perfect for your needs. And then you come back a few weeks later, you sell them, you trade in your podcast.

Yeah, we can give you, yeah, we could scrap this podcast for parts, so we'll give you a little discount on the one we're sending you out the door with. Yes, and then you come in a few weeks later and you see it on the floor on a raised platform, rotating around. Yours is on display because, because fundamentally the concept of yours was

sound. It was something that actually could sustain and they're sending you home, you know, with a cast off some sort of unfinished Mike Detective script or something. You're going, well, I don't know what to do with it. It didn't originate with you. You have no idea how to handle it. And they've taken yours, which I mean,

say some of the ones that you've brought in there, Hayes, that they've gone on and resold. I mean, some of the biggest podcasts, like cereal. Yes, yes. He was doing cereal. Some of the biggest podcasts, not the first one. No, no, no. But some of the biggest ones that they did.

Not that one. Not that one. Some of the other ones. Not the second one either. Which cereal did you do then, Hayes? There was one where like someone had hit somebody. And they were like, what? Like just a punch?

No, it wasn't even with a hand. Not even, yeah, not even a punch. And not even with a hand. Yeah. They just kind of like, kind of like, puffed up, kind of been running forward and just kind of like mush. Like a, you know?

Yeah. Mushed them with their. Oh, like a chest bump kind of situation. Kind of. Yeah, kind of. Kind of. Not really. Yeah, that's not a good,

well, but this is why the podcast was so valuable, is it really did. Kind of like got them mostly with their neck. We couldn't, yeah, it wasn't the kind of thing you could just call a punch or a chest bump. Like it was more complex. And so, over a series of episodes, serialized episodes, Hayes was unpacking, you know,

what was the point of contact? Was it an accident? And was it an avoidable accident? So we decided to ask the question, why did you do that? So we decided to ask the question, why did you do that? The mushing someone with your neck, which is the sort of what I've gotten from you so far. Well, who's the real victim? Right, yeah.

Who's the real victim? It sounds kind of romantic, or like it could be romantic. It's the corruption as well, yes, of the school board. Mm-hmm. That they suspended both of these students. It was kids. Oh.

No, wait, sorry. Did you say they were being romantic? I thought that, I mean, mushing someone with your neck does sound a little romantic. Okay, it's kind of weird to say that about kids, though. All right, well, I wasn't aware when I said it that it was kids, I do regret saying it now. So that's what the podcast is, I guess.

Boy. Are you gonna clip this and put it on TikTok and make me look bad? Don't think so, don't think so. Doesn't feel like a TikTok clip episode so far. Oh, I better step up my game, I'm sorry. Oh no, no, no, no, no, you kidding? I better step up my game. I'm sorry. Oh no, no, no.

No, you're kidding. So how do we, like, how do we get this going? I mean, even just like the picture, right? We have this, like we're, so we're doing this. Right. And it's the, there's the picture. Okay. You understand when he says the picture, what he's saying? I have no clue what he's talking about.

Okay. I mean, I thought you were like the guy that did this stuff, but like, and I also thought you were doing a show where you help people or at least try. Yeah, I mean, in fact, we're calling into you to say, help us, at least with this episode, if not with our whole show.

Can I just sort of lay out what I understand so far? You have returned a podcast to the store. They said they would scrap it. No, it's not returning it to the store. Now it's on the floor. It's not one. It's you taking it into the shop. You take it into the shop.

Okay, I'm sorry. Getting hosed by a smooth operator. Your podcast won't start, so you take it to the shop. They say you gotta get a new one. The next week you see it on the floor and then. The raise platform that turns around. Yes. Rotating.

Yeah. I go home with maybe don't in my backpack. Yes. And then there's a picture. What's the picture? That's actually your job, but. Oh, okay. Well, okay, well I would have covered the picture. They put on a raised platform,

they put all this, it's not like a light show, but the lights are moving in a cool sequence, and they have Cool for the Summer playing by Demi Lovato. And it's making my podcast look good as shit up there. Oh no. They're able to sell the sizzle. Yes. And we're over here with just a big hunk of steak.

Why weren't you able to sell the sizzle before? Like what was your problem when you were trying to? That's why I'm asking you too. We went to the shop to get the problem, but you also come in and you go, I got this show where I fix things. And then we go, we got stuff that we have to bring to the shop that needs fixing.

You go, why didn't it work? Why didn't you fix it? And it's like, motherfucker, what are you here for? What do you do? This is what happens if I call up with a problem. And you go, why'd you do it wrong? Now I find myself being like, do I buy my own podcast back?

It looks so good up there. The song is like and like so ill cool for the summer and so and I'm like drawn to it and then the tongue of my shoe is getting caught in this rotating Platform. Mm-hmm. This. This sounds dangerous. And so I wanna just like, I wanna play it cool. Obviously these guys already think I'm like a total dumbass. And so I can't be like getting caught in the gears of this rotating platform.

And I certainly can't show how scared I am. Yeah, so I have to like be very cool, just like walking around with the platform, with my other foot. Just kinda like pretending to be looking at it, like that I want to see one part of it, so I have to keep moving with it. And just like, oh, hmm, like leaning down like,

oh, okay, interesting, as I'm walking and the platform's moving faster and faster. And I'm crying, I mean, I'm crying because- It moves with the song, it goes to the tempo of the song. Yeah, so it's picking up speed and I'm thinking, I cannot ask for help. I cannot get my shoe out of this thing.

I cannot get my foot out of this shoe. I'm going to lose my leg in this podcast shop. Yeah. Sounds like the kind of thing that needs to get hyper-fixed. I do have to say that one of the things I say on my show is that there are problems I'm not going to be able to solve. They feel too big. I don't think this is one of them.

I wanna be very clear. I think that we can probably work this one out. Okay. So, I mean, I wanted to start with the picture. Jesus. So, like, let me try and start over and explain this a little bit. Yeah, this'll be good.

We have this show that we're doing this show. Okay? Maybe you're familiar, you're on it. Yeah, I know it. And it happens here. Could have fooled me. And it's this. It has the picture, right?

And it's the one picture and that's the one, like that's the one you see. No matter which one it is, okay? Do you mean like the podcast cover art? Are you talking about the video that we're filming right now? Art, wow. I guess you think that's art. Wow, I guess he really thinks that's art from a museum.

This guy goes into his podcast app, looks at all the little thumbnail images, and goes like, what a culturally enriching day I'm having, looking at all this art. I have such an appreciation of art. Wow, I guess he thinks that he's looking at art at the museum. When he looks at the podcast picture.

Oh wow. I'm like fucking degoss over here. Loving art to being an artist. Degoss. Grass or degoss. You could, okay, so do you have a problem with the picture? Well, Oscar. Dude.

Do you have a problem with the picture? That's a good question. If it's a new one, it needs a new picture, is what I'm saying. You have to have a picture for yours. I do have one. You have a picture, right? I have a picture for mine. Okay. What is it?

It's sort of like a... I do know. So, first of all, I do. Second of all, it's sort of like a 1930s cartoony style caricature of me. Okay, it's sort of like that. So what is it like? It's exactly like that. That's what it is.

Okay. And then it just says hyperfixed above it. That's from the 1930s? It's in the style of animation from the 1930s, like Popeye or early Warner Brothers cartoons. It's not from the 1930s. I was negative, now I have to do math. I was like negative 50.

It's just kind of weird to be like, let's go back to the 1930s. You know what I mean? It wasn't the best time for a lot of people. And it's kind of almost saying like, this is how I'm gonna fix everything is I'm gonna make it like the 30s again. It's a little maga-coated.

Uh. Shit. Do you think that's unfair? No, that's very fair. I wish that I had you guys as consultants before I launched the show. Oh my god, that's the opposite. That's the opposite of this. We are trying to get consultants. Yeah, we are trying to have you consult us.

Do what? And then all we do is hyperfix your shit. Is your show, God, I wish you'd called earlier to help me with some of my shit. Yeah. It cannot be this. You just offload all of the emotional labor onto your collar? Some of it, certainly.

I mean, they have responsibilities as well. I can't do it all by myself. They can't just sit back, they can't be passive. They have to be active in the process of helping me solve the problem. Where do you put out, okay, it's time to call me now? Yeah. I don't understand this question at all.

So, okay, so, okay, okay. Chris. So, the callers, your show is you take callers, they call you? It's more like people send me emails and then like I will, I will call them myself. So I'm the caller. Okay. I'm just-

I'm the caller. I'm the caller. And then I get a better idea of what's going on with them and then I try and figure it out. And also try and figure it out in like the larger context of what other people might experience. They email you and you call them. Yes.

What's the email? Problems at hyperfixedpod.com. I have a, actually, I think I have a way to streamline this system. They call you. Okay, should I? That's a good idea. We are planning on putting together a phone line.

I just haven't done it yet. Hyperfixpod.com? Yeah. There was already a hyperfix.com? Yeah, it's some kind of, it's some weird website that is definitely not what I'm trying to do. Yeah, no, you're normal. They're the weird ones.

It's just the amount of judgment coming from you. It seems like it is a website to try and sell ADHD, like herbal ADHD medicine and ADHD strategies. Oh, that's so weird to try to cure something with natural ingredients. Isn't that bad for, is acting like he doesn't know that hypersexuality is an ADHD response? Mm-hmm.

Oh, I know. I've seen that ad quite a bit. Yeah. That's another problem I'll probably- You haven't yet seen it. I'm not horny, I'm neurodivergent. Val, you haven't seen me do it, or you haven't seen it?

Yeah. You think you've seen it? You have no idea. Remember MTV's Diary? You think you know, but you have no idea. That's you with the ADHD hypersexuality ads because you haven't seen Hayes do it. So you think you know, but you have no idea. I haven't seen it. do it. So you think you know, but you have no idea. I haven't seen it.

Because I'm in it. Because you're doing it. I'm spinning around so fast, I can't see shit. Well, I was thinking, so I've been thinking about this problem with the pedestal and how you're trapped in it. There must be some, do you have any, do you carry with you anything like a set of keys

or something that you could maybe throw at the circuit breaker to try and turn it off? Well, that's a great place to start. If you shoot, um, shoot the pedestal enough, it'll probably, it'll probably, uh, stop going. And that's problem one solved. You can disentangle yourself. I might be on the hook for the podcast at that point.

Yeah. Well, you just have to shoot around the podcast to make sure you're not damaging. Here's an idea. Here's an idea. This could be a good movie. Head cemetery. This could be a good movie. That's where the pedestal goes.

Mm hmm. It was the ped cemetery. So the pedestals have been buried in this one particular sort of lot. Do they come back mean? Yeah, when the pedestals come back, they're like, they're meanest, they're pissed, they're not the same as they were. Oh, my beloved pedestal has returned to me.

I thought you'd never turn again. And then the behavior's a little bit strange and we start to realize, maybe not such a blessing to have something come back Again. And then the behavior's a little bit strange, and we start to realize, maybe not such a blessing to have something come back from the dead, especially a pedestal, to whom we felt so close. If you take it to the ped cemetery,

you don't even have to worry about replacing anything. The manager might come out and get very upset. Ah, my pedestal. And then you could say like, buddy, just give me a couple days. I'll get this thing back to you. And then you don't have to worry about its behavior because it's not, you don't work at the store.

Problem solved, I think I've done a great job. Yeah, that's what I say often about things that are like going on in the store that people are mad at me about is, do you think I work here? I don't work in the store. I don't have to worry about this. If you're gonna are mad at me about. It's like, do you think I work here? I don't work in the store. I don't have to worry about this. If you're gonna get mad at me, pay me first.

We have no contract for my behavior in here. The contract I thought was that the customer is always right. See? And I am always right, because I'm turning. Oh, I imagined it clockwise, not counterclockwise. Me too. Yeah, I know.

That was part of how I got stuck in the first place. Well, I know which way this thing's gonna spin. Got it. Before you know it. I'm fucking, they shoot horses, don't they? What am I thinking? Oh my God. Yeah, no, it is like that. It's like the dance marathon.

Yeah. Because there's other people stuck in it too. Yeah. Obviously. That wasn't obvious. You need, see, I feel like, okay, I don't wanna sound rude, but I feel like you're not laying out important details

to help me solve your problem. Like, I don't want to sound rude, but I feel like you're not laying out important details to help me solve your problem Mm-hmm, like I don't need that much. But the fact that other people are trapped in it Are they there deliberately or if they just all been like flies to honey? They're just I'm just like Sorry, I'm just like reeling from this attitude of yours. I don't want to sound rude, but unloads a fucking barrage of rudeness on me. Yeah, I guess they're like flies to honey,

even though that's a bee thing. I mean, several, I mean, I've, I've seen ants in honey before too. Like I've seen a lot of bugs apparent in, in honey. Yeah. Did you then create a sort of societal association between ants and honey that has existed, you know, basically for all of time? I mean, if you ever. societal association between ants and honey that has existed, you know, basically for all of time. I mean, if you ever heard the concept of-

Bees have done that. Bees have done that. Bees have put in the work. So talk to me. I could put a fucking grasshopper in honey. And I have. Talk to me about Sticky House, Alex, because I know this is a project that like, outside of kind of the, or maybe it's related to the podcasting thing.

We had like the different hype houses, like the things that the kids were doing, like pre pandemic and they would like all live in this one house and be like a party every night. And your idea was a version of that that was sticky. And like, I can feel you around, like, you're like, I've seen all kinds of bugs, like stuck in the thing. Like, this is feeling like- You're going, they're flocking to sticky house

like a dead leaf mantis to honey. It's like, okay. So it's like, this is feeling very Sticky House coded to me. So like, do you wanna just get into Sticky House? Sure, well you remember the old Bud Melman bit where he would, you know, run up, the David Levine. I know mostly the new Bud Melman bits.

I don't, I'm not as familiar with Bud Melman's early work. I know the very recent Bud Melman bits. So what do you say, like, you know the old Bud Melman bit, I have to stop you there. No, I love his new stuff. But tell me what the old one was. I didn't even know he was doing stuff earlier. I thought he was kind of a new face on the scene,

Bud Melman, but tell me the old Bud Melman bit. He would wear like a Velcro suit and then leap at a Velcro wall. And I kind of wanted to extend that to an entire house. Like there'd be Velcro chairs. But not, but like not Velcro, like something sticky. Yeah, the difference is this will be, it'll all be honey.

It'll be, there's a thin coat of honey on everything except for stuff that you need to stick to really bad. There's a thicker coat of honey. But you were calling hunty for a while, at least on socials, and I think it was good to stop calling it hunty for a while, at least on socials. I think it was good to stop calling it hunty. When I was on Drag Race, I was saying. You called it hunty. Yeah. Yeah.

That felt a little, it felt like I was co-opting someone else's culture, so I thought I'd give it a rest. Rest. But, good to rest it. What I say about cultural appropriation is like, need to rest it sometimes. Obviously we're gonna do it. Obviously we're gonna do it again.

I've done it on this show. I will do it on another episode of the show. But right now I'm in sort of a resting period where I build up my strength to do that. And I- Well, you have to learn about other cultures in order to do that. And I'm happy. Well, you have to learn about other cultures in order to appropriate them. So that's sort of what I do in the rest of my life.

Yeah, it's sort of a research. You gotta fill up the tank. Creatively, I need to fill up my tank. And I think that we all need that. And sometimes you'll say, oh, I did nothing today. I didn't get any work done today. I'll say this. And then when I look back, I go,

no, I observed another culture. I saw some things they were doing that I could then take on as a sort of comedic behavior. Like imagine if I did this. And I will say like, oh, well, wasn't that actually work? Wasn't that sort of loading up my quiver so that I could come on the show, you know, try to get a laugh and offend some people

and sort of debase myself. You spend the day, you look back on the day and like, oh, I spent the entire day right inside my front door, on my knees, with my forehead on the ground. That's a wasted day, right? Oh, it was a whole wasted day. But then you think about, oh, that gave me the energy

to go to the bathroom. If you're in Sticky House, you're gonna have a real hard time getting your head up from off the floor. Mm-hmm. And that's like an episode right there. How is he gonna get his head out of this? I could actually, like, and I saw some of the things

that Sticky House people were doing, and I was like, God, I could actually destroy in there. Because I am, like, I'm basically in Sticky House when I walk in my front door, and it's not even that sticky in there. It feels like gravity works harder inside my house because I, the second I cross that threshold, I am so heavy and I am dropping to my knees

and my forehead is hitting the ground. And so I feel like I've been training for Sticky House my whole life because I am so rarely upright. Yeah, but that's more of a metaphoric thing. This is like actually literal. Not only will you have the metaphoric weight of life on your shoulders, like you're actually gonna have to unstick your body from certain parts of the house.

And it's gonna be exciting to see if it can be a cooler. Certain parts of the house, so you got some parts that are like not sticky or not that sticky? I feel like there's a couple- I just wouldn't be shopping that around necessarily if I'm out here talking about sticky apps. If it's a budget restriction or something, then you can't make it all sticky. It's like, well, why aren't they sticky?

Yeah, I think you're gonna get that question. I mean, there are safe spaces in all of the reality TV shows, you know, where they go, the confessional and whatnot. I think I'm Gen X. I think I might be too old to be a millennial. Well, could have fooled me, providing a safe space for everyone.

Yeah, yeah, he's Gen X, right? Jennifer Xaniston. Hey, Alex, I've got a safe space for you. He's gone off the Xan. Alex, you know, I've got a safe space for you. Gone off the Zan. Alex, you know I've got a safe space for you. Six feet underground, pretty safe down there. I would be inclined to disagree. Say you remember that.

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To touch, yes, touch the monkey, now leave him on an Opshminke, and it's not, it's really not, and the one thing they did send me, I guess that was a positive was a black turtle neck. So you get to, yeah. But not worth it. No, not worth it.

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Hollywood handbook. Okay, so, but this is unrelated. Hyperfixed, even though it is what you would call the condition of being in Sticky House, is totally unrelated to Sticky House. It's not like some kind of effort to move on from Sticky House. I'm gonna start a separate podcast called HyperStix,

and it's gonna be about being stuck in Sticky House. I can't deal with that right now. I can't deal with that right now. I can't deal with that right now. It's an interesting idea, I'm sure. I don't have the space for that right now. We're dealing with your podcast, Sticky House is a separate thing. That's gonna then generate a new podcast.

I don't know if you'll be able to figure out a picture for it. I don't know if the picture will be offensive. And I just can't cope with that. You said at the top of the show you were going to play us something. If you insist. What are we, what's our weapon of choice these days?

Well I got a synthesizer in here. Don't move, you're like, you're gonna punch me. Don't put your hand right up, just say you're gonna punch me. Don't put your hand like right up like that. Just say you're gonna do it. Yeah. Yeah, don't do it. Okay, I'm gonna, is it okay if I point my camera at the keyboard or no? Should I just keep it on my face?

Maybe do it from the side or something. Yeah, the synthesizer. So you're just playing the sort of Axl F Beverly Hills Cop song all day. Could I do that is the question. Hold on a second. Let me see if this works. Can you hear this?

Oh, I heard something. We're off to a good start. Yeah. We lost you. We lost you. I stopped being able to hear it. I think it got too high. Yeah. Oh, okay. We heard like a We lost you. I stopped being able to hear it. I think it got too high. Yeah.

Oh, okay. We heard like a note or two. Yeah. It was suggestive of being able to play it. You can hear it or no? No. No, no. Wow, God, if I had just successfully done that, like in one try, and then I realized

that no one could hear it. You guys are just gonna have to take my word for it I just go up on the roof it I Did do it in one try and it was great really good The basement maybe one more wire back there Maybe that's what we need one more wire to get yeah one wire that runs into the sort of get those high woods One more wire to get that. One wire that runs into the sort of. Get those high ones. Thing that, a wire that makes things audible to others.

Still nothing, still no sound? I can hear that note. Just the first note. I can hear that note. And then it cuts out. Damn it. I wonder why. Yeah, if that's me, if I play that the first time, first try, I'm not, and no one can hear, I'm

not recovering from that. I did my best. We aren't coming back from that one. I'm also playing, I'm also, it's also off to my side. So I'm playing with one hand while I'm looking at you. To try and. Yeah, and that's what would have made it so amazing if we had been able to hear it.

Yeah, that would have been. But we didn't, nobody did. That would have been. But you can only hear the first note. I can't tell if you guys. No, I like to joke around as much as anyone. This is real. We cannot hear it, but we do hear it when you start.

It's actually frustrating to me. I can't imagine what you're going through. I know I wouldn't recover from it. I know that would be a wrap. Alex, you might have to go into the music performance mode on Zoom. Do you know that setting? No.

Oh, Kevin's about to fucking school your ass. And Kevin's gonna hyperfix your shit right now. Probably going to audio menu, right? So far. Do I have to share my, do I have to share? Please don't, no. I will not. Go to settings and then audio and then audio profile.

Audio audio profile. Got it. See live performance audio. Yes. Try hitting that. I just did. And now should I try pressing the button again and see if you hear it? Yeah.

All right. Wish me luck. You hear that? Was that, was that a yes or no? We heard something, but it was actually less of a sound than before. Less than ever. Nothing?

I guess it doesn't feel like you're really, like really performing, you know? Yeah, if I were doing a. Take a little something to help you perform, you know? Maybe take a little something to help you perform. You know what I mean? Like a performance enhancing drug? Do I have to take? Hey, you know what? What if you turn the volume down on the synthesizer?

Is it spiking too much? Is it blowing at? There you go. Oh, this is better. All right, so I'm gonna play a second note. Tell me if you can hear the second note. No. Are you kidding me? I wonder.

Okay, and we shouldn't keep working on this, so let's not keep playing with it. But I wonder if okay, and we shouldn't keep working on this, so let's not keep playing with it, but I wonder if you go outside. That's a, like, for this episode? Yeah, what if you just go outside, touch grass, you know what I mean? You've been in the camp basement for so long. That I'm doing a terrible job of fixing everything.

Can you do me a favor and touch grass or touch gas? Or touch degas. Degas, yeah. And what was the thing, I guess you've stopped doing this too, around the same time that you were doing Sticky House, you were calling it the skinthesizer. What, was something different about it then, or was something different about like your?

Your relationship to it, or what it was being used for? That's just a slang term I use for a specific part of my body. Okay, so that's not what the skynthesizer was. So you have a skynthesizer and a skynthesizer. Yeah, so you know there's like, some people say, you know, the skin flute, which I think is pretty crass. Yeah, yeah.

But, skynthesizer sounds pretty cool. Okay. Mm-hmm. And that's, that's just. You don't seem to. It's a specific part of your body? Mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm. And again, without getting vulgar,

it's your whole entire ass? Yep. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Yeah. Okay, good. Well, you know I need to get vulgar. Yeah, I just feel like this episode is gonna be That's what I thought. Okay, good. Well, you know I need to get vulgar.

Yeah, I just feel like this episode has been a massive failure. It doesn't give me a clear idea of what your show is. Kevin has a pitch for you on your show. Okay. Kevin, do you wanna present? Is he gonna tell us? Like a business opportunity? Yeah, can you give him a fucking second? I'm sorry. He's in the middle of something. He's sending emails. I'll call you back. I'll call you back. Alex, I have actually a business opportunity for you. Okay. Would you say on your show you're there to help?

Yes, I am. I'm here to help. That's perfect. I actually have in front of me an email inbox that has 10,000 emails from people trying to get help. Okay. Does your? Oh, is this?

Go ahead. Is this the show with Jake Johnson? It is. It was. It is, except not with Jake Johnson. Does that make sense? So he's not here? Like he's not gonna, you guys aren't gonna be like,

and surprise, he's here right now. No danger of him listening to this show or even really appearing on it again. So we're kind of here right now. No danger of him listening to this show or even really appearing on it again. So we're kind of safe right now. And gee, 10,000. Are they really gonna notice if one or two emails go missing?

Are they really gonna recognize if one or two of those emails end up getting hyperfixed rather than here to helped. Do you think that I could maybe solve all, like maybe all of them in the course of this? No. This conversation, I feel like it might be possible. No, you wouldn't be able to solve all of them.

How about maybe a couple of them fall off a truck in exchange for some very organic promotion for Hollywood Handbook on Hyperfix. Hyperfix that. Oh yeah sure. One of the thing that would would Hyperfix a lot of these people's problems is like you know you got to? Just subscribe to the Patreon of Hollywood Handbook. Yes. It solved a lot of my problems. Well, don't say that. Okay, it hasn't solved any of my problems.

Well, don't say that either. Just try to take yourself out of it for the purposes of this. It could potentially solve one's problems. Alex, that's perfect. What's one of them, Kevin? This one is from Lars. He says, Hi-

Lars and in-chars. Lars says, Hi-shark. I ban Metallica's, right? Everybody else think of Lars. Once again. You're the guy. I, imagine I'm on, we're here to help, and they say this one's from Lars,

and I say Lars and then Chars. Well, you'll have to continue just imagining that. Because I just, I never even was given a chance. It never came up. It was sort of mentioned as like they would do it, but never they are going to do it. I guess I didn't have enough of an in over there. Lars needs loms, I might've said. Lars needs loms, I might have said. Lars needs loms.

I could have said that out of here to help. Lars says, hi, Shark. That's my nickname, Alex. Hi, Shark. I'm Lars and I live in Baltimore. I'd like advice on if and how I should tell my neighbor that everyone can hear him vigorously jerking off every day. I wish I was kidding, but here we are.

Thanks. That feels like a really easy solution. Okay, hold on. Oh, sorry. It shouldn't be that easy. Yeah. Okay. It's just like you're not going to have an episode if you make be that easy. Yeah. Okay. It's just like, you're not gonna have an episode

if you make it too easy. That's a problem that we deal with as well, so. Is this gonna be sticky? Is this sticky? Is this gonna be like, if you make everything sticky, it's like everything gets a little less vaguerous. He's not gonna, if you make it, if you make his hand sticky enough. He's not gonna be If you make it, if you make it his hand sticky enough, he's not going to be able

to get a shit off like that. Yeah. He's not going to be able to, to crank it. So that, I mean, that wasn't even a solution I thought of. So congratulations. You should be on. We're here to help. I feel like, well, that's kind of what we've been saying.

I know that I was just agreeing with you. I was presented agreeing with you. I was presented as if it was a new idea. Ha ha ha ha. Bye. I just think that he needs to write a note. Bye. He's writing a note. Whoa.

Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast.