Hollywood Handbook - Allan McLeod, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: September 28, 2015

Hayes and Sean start off with a discussion about the totally badass new show Bastard Executioner. Then, Allan McLeod joins the guys to talk about his successful showbiz career, including the FXX show "You're the Worst" and "Master Robot" and his audition for SNL. Then, the Popcorn Gallery asks about cars and bullying.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I'm sitting on Green Goblin's lap doing Cruise in USA. And I'm like trying to tell him which way to turn and stuff because he's reaching out and driving. Because like, but I don't think like, because he insists that's like how you're supposed to, you need the one person who to like tell you what to do. And the one person to actually steer the controls. Yes. But I think it was just that he didn't want to wait his turn right well so when i've done it i find that his hands are rarely on the wheel

yeah which is the he's like because i'll be like turn this way and he goes like this and he'll be touching my chest and stomach and trying to um stick shift uh and i just feel like that's definitely not going to get us the winning score of the game and meanwhile like you're saying like put on the brake because you don't know any other way to say it say stop other than put on the brakes and you don't know any other way to say it. Say stop other than put on the brakes. And that, of course, stops the car. And meanwhile, everyone else is just blowing by you. Oh, and don't think you didn't try to pull the emergency brake. There's the stick shift and then the emergency brake.

I got two of them. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet line back hallways of them. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Button, Dropping Names, and the Red Carpet Linebacker, Hallways of this Industry we call Showbiz. We're going to get into our guest segment in a second with Alan. McCloud. But, Sean, I mean, I think we can be candid about this. You're feeling sort of cranky, and so just good to get through this first part as fast as possible.

Just a fast one. As fast as possible, yeah. Because I've been in a pissy mood today, and I've been rude to everyone. But we did want to talk about Bastard Executioner for a minute. Yeah. This is a show, like, when we can be fans of TV. That's one thing that makes my mood actually good is talking about this. Yes, and that's why I want to talk about Bathroom Executioner because by the time our guest comes and see now I can see you're already.

Yes. I'm really having fun thinking about that show. You're already getting very excited because we're fans of TV as much as doing it. hands of TV as much as doing it. And when a show comes along, that seems like it's really fresh and like a new take on being bad ass of our time. Yes. Yes.

Because it is taking place in ancient England, but the, I have the whole idea of first of all, it's not about English stuff. It's about us. Yes. It's about us. Uh, idea first it's not about english stuff it's about us yes it's about us uh and it's the same guy who

did sons of anarchy uh-huh and who came up with the idea for southpaw yes uh and what it is it's this bastard executioner i haven't seen it yet but um just the idea of it just like being this like bastard just like son of a bitch you know just being like a badass just this mean motherfucker you know yes and just a real hard ass and chopping with an axe and the thing that gets the thing that's really exciting is i like seeing white guys who are being really tough. Tough and strong. Yeah. Like the motorcycle, the guys.

Motorcycle gang, tough white guys. Yes. Southpaw. Southpaw. White puncher who's the strongest one of them all. Yeah. Over everybody. Yeah.

And I like thinking about like that means like it makes me almost like wonder if I could do that. Yes. I have a tough time sometimes imagining myself being the tough character in a movie. And that's what I really want or in a show. And I wonder if I could lift an axe and smash through a sharp head or whatever. I need to see people who look like me being the toughest one in the universe of the show. And one who's stronger than even the other guys who are different looking. Yes.

Although sometimes in order to do this, we do have to go back into ancient times in order to establish a world where we don't have that kind of competition that we have now yes medieval england that's maybe not making it not as fun anymore maybe there's not it's not so hard to buy necessarily that we'd be the toughest ones it used to be as in modern times it feel like we. Yes. And so that's why we can go back and pretend to be like, cowboys, we're there. Isn't all this stuff like messing it up? Yeah. Like there is today. Ruining it.

Trump will build that wall. And also that's why I like those Boston noir movies. I like seeing gangsters, but gangsters like, like you know gangsters and like the shooting and all that but yeah i want it to look like me and my friends oh al capone al capone old chicago and yes and the mob even like that's something because that is white guys and they're fucking strong. But like a lot of the other stuff with tough guys and strong guys and guys who are gritty. Yeah. Is not. It takes me out of it.

For me. Yes. And is really not going to be popular. Let's face it. So this is going to be finally a show for me. I've been missing Sons of Anarchy, and let's get into something new that's good in the way that we like. Was there anything else you wanted to say about Bastard Executioner?

Oh, just I heard Ed Sheeran's on it. And what better way to like show your toughness than if you're friends with a little British fop singing about love. He's friends with Taylor Swift and getting him in there. He's already got the look. So, yeah, that is cool too. Do you want to say something else about it? Yeah, I want to talk about how Ed Sheeran is in it. He plays, he lives in a tree. And, like, he gives the bastard executioner advice.

And he tortures him. Yeah, not in, sorry, not in the top of a tree. No. Inures him. Yeah. Sorry, not in the top of a tree. No. In the trunk. Yeah. Or it's just a wooden place, right? Yeah. Is there another word for that?

No, I don't know. I mean, but it's just a place made of trees. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's wooden pieces. Yeah, it's got- It's boards out of the tree. It's got wood on the outside and what I mean. It's wooden pieces. Yeah, it's got, yes. Boards out of the tree.

It's got wood on the outside and on the bottom. It's like stone. Right, but there's wood there too. Sure. And then the top is wood, like a tree. And he's burning wood in the fireplace. There's like a stone fireplace. Yes.

He lives in a tree. Anyway, I'm excited for that and uh and look out for us you know because now this is going to give me the um courage to be as strong like these men we have a great guest but people don't like you know we like to go through these fast also because people don't like to wait so long for the ads after the first one they they you know they just heard the first one at the very beginning, and then they want to hear the next one to know sort of how the story ends.

And so you'll hear part two of the ad story, and then we'll bring in our guest on Hollywood Handbook. So everyone's cheering this we and it's uh because it's parade yeah on the float me joshua i love this song jackson do you ever really listen to the song? And the float is like Free Willy's tank on wheels. Because somebody made a mistake with the word float. I don't know. But it's my 40th. The parade is not for my 40th. The parade is.

The parade is St. Patrick's Day. The float is for my 40th. And this was when the first Free Willy had really gotten around. Total phenomenon, yeah. And so talk to Joshua. Jumping over the raised fists on the rocks. And that's what I wanted for my party to sort of be about on this float. And so at some point the zookeeper comes up, which is like the animal.

She says like I'm the animal supervisor or whatever, but it's like you're a fucking zookeeper. And it's like you have to stop the flow. What? Because. You don't stop a float in a parade. Because girls are throwing their bras into the tank. They're like missing me and hitting the tank. And Free Willy is eating the bras because he thinks that they're like circly eels.

You know how bras have those circles? The fronts part. Yes. Yes. He thinks they're like circly eels. Okay. He's not supposed to. The strap.

They have like long parts on the side. Yes. That's the eel part. Undone. that's the eel part undone that's the eel part yes yes that's the part he thought was an eel and so zookeeper's like he's not almost like two jellyfish humping i guess the problem was that he was embarrassed that like he that the zookeepers worry that he's going to be embarrassed about eating bras. That Free Willy will? Yes.

Or that it's just bad press. And so we all start eating the bras as well so he doesn't get embarrassed. And that was the most bras I ate on my birthday. So he had wanted you to stop the flow because the whale was embarrassed. Because Free Willy was being will is and then you guys and then you guys ate the broth so you didn't stop the float no wow it almost feels like part of the story got skipped or messed up which part just you like you said you can't stop a float during a parade. So I had to come up with an alternative reason to stop Free Willy from being embarrassed.

You know what I missed was you having that idea even. Yeah, I should have said I had an idea. You're right. I love to see that part of every story. You're right. Some things that I love about stories and storytelling number one why now, why today you know

like yes, you're having parade which I did do I hope that's not a note I hope that's not a note why is this happening now to this character Hayes I thought I did establish that. I thought I actually did almost too many of those because it was both my 40th birthday and it was St. Patrick's Day and it was right around the time that Free Willy was exciting to people.

And I like to feel like the protagonist is active in the story. That they made a choice. And that's having the idea. Things are just in the story. Right. That they made a choice. And that's having the idea. I like to think things are just happening to them. Right. You know? Because that's not how life is. Nothing ever happens to you.

You create it. Hey! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. An insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We're so excited to have a corker of a guest on the show. Mega corker, and it's blowing my fucking tits off, brother. Guess who's here?

In Haze, I'm trying out a new persona. It's almost like dirtier and edgier and more in your face. Wait, what did you say? You said guess who's here i said mega corker it's blowing my fucking tits off guess who's here oh that is that yes that is bad and it's alan mcleod and hey fuck you buddy what's up alan hey fuck you guys hey that's really sweet yeah happy to be here thanks for me Alan, tell me who you are Well, I'm Alan

I live right here in Los Angeles I do comedy stuff and I'm an actor and a writer I love it Yeah, yeah Yeah I sing sometimes and Great, you'll lay a couple bars on us This feels good

The range I love the energy here And on Emmy's weekend no less Oh yeah Predictions? Well Well you know who's going to get one. Well, yeah.

Yeah. Say it, though. David. David. David's going to get one. Bringing home the hardware. Sharon. Sharon bringing home the hardware.

What she does with the hardware, I don't want to guess. Oh, man. Once she gets it home. I heard they get very nasty at those Emmy parties with the little gold hardware. They make them do, yes, because they make the awards act like they're doing stuff with each other. Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah.

They make it seem like the awards are rubbing up on each other in a nasty way. Yeah, the Emmy awards are the new Barbie dolls, you know? Yeah, and if you do ever win two awards, if you're a hyphenate like me and you win two awards, you can make them 69 and stick that sort of wiry globe up each other's butts. Oh, yeah. And I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed of it. No. Because at a certain point, they've been on your shelf.

What else are you going to do? And how else are you going to teach your kids how to do that stuff safely? Well, yeah. I mean, you can't get pregnant from 69 unless you do. There's a way you can, but I'm— Yeah. So, Alan, enough about 69s. there's a way you can but I'm yeah so Alan enough about 69s

you of course love the Emmys you love Hollywood you have had many roles which you loved and tell us about

some of what you're in right now and you're the worst and more like it's the best yes you're the friend on it's the best yes yes I'm a friend we call it it's the best. Yes, you're the friend on It's the Best. Yes, yes. I'm a friend of It's the Best. We call it It's the Best.

I'm a husband of one of the best worsties there, and that's a lot of fun. It's like just the perfect amount of medium pressure. I'm not having to carry the show. FX or FXX? FXX. Even better. It was on FX.

It was on F, and then it was on FX, and now it's on FXX. Andy Greenwald said it's the funniest comedy on TV the past two years, and do you like that? Do you like that, or is that embarrassing? Were you hanging out with him? Do you want him to? No, he's writing it on the show, and is that dweeb somebody you're friends with?

Well, no, no. Well, that's really nice then if he's not your friend and he's saying that. Yeah, that's really cool. None of us do. But yeah, you know, it's been great. You like it then? It's not embarrassing? I like it.

I like when people like stuff that I'm in, you know. All people? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if Hitler liked You're the Worst, I'd be like, oh, maybe we shouldn't be doing this show. This isn't that. Yeah.

Yeah. But Andy Green. Dude's just a dweeb. Yeah. This guy's a dweeb, but you know, whatever. He's not, honestly, not cool enough to, I mean, imagine him like trying to do like a Hitler. Like, yes.

Trying to be a Hitler stuff. Being like, people would kind of be like, no. Anyway. Yeah. be a hitler stuff being like people would kind of be like no anyway yeah i hope you try to hyperlink to his like manifesto or something yeah and check out these other ones i did last year but here and here and then it's the different color the letter on the screen and then you click it it's like a old speech that he gave i don't like that when sometimes the words would hyperlink to a thing to a longer i'm in the middle of reading this thing though yeah but then if it if it if the hyperlink takes you to a different uh to a different page that i can then bookmark that page for later but if it covers up the page that i'm on

well then it's like i have to go all the way through being curious, then go back up to the top. Yes. And then one thing this guy would do maybe is it always hyperlinks just something else he said. Yeah, and imagine, Alan, you're clicking the hyperlink inside the first article and you're starting to read the second one, but guess what, Alan?

That one has a hyperlink as well. And so now you have to go inside that one how are you supposed to do it are you supposed to do it when you see it and suddenly you're supposed to go back i don't know if you're supposed to remember the hyperlink but when you finish the thing you were reading are you supposed to click it see the headline go back finish you have to read the whole thing and then if you liked it really that's how but there is hyperlinks in it yeah you have to read you have to go in order you'll never read you'll never finish reading i mean sometimes it's important to get that hyperlink out of the way right away because they're hyperlinking it because it's important to to the next word of the article that you're about to read. You're going to be lost. Are hyperlinks just a nasty trick, Alan?

I think they started off innocently enough, and now there's just too many darn hyperlinks. Speak on that. Well, you know, when kids get hyper, they call it ADD, and I think, well, maybe we need to prescribe uh a you know that sort of medicine riddling and whatnot to for some of the internet you know some of these links yeah yeah for some of these links because i mean it's like hard to pay attention to what's going on it's like it's hard enough you know it's like i'm trying to read the internet and then there's like

this hyperlink and that hyperlink and then maybe a car passes by that's a really cool car. And I'm like, well, I don't know. I'm just dragged by that, too. And it's like, that car's got a hyperlink on it. And it's like, well, I've got to see what that's about. Oh, OK. OK, Alan. And that's maybe too much now.

I'm at a cafe. I should have said, now, this is a problem. I should have said I was outside at a cafe when I'm reading this article on the internet. And that's why a car passed by. That's why you could see a car. Yeah. I'm still working on my storytelling, too. You guys were talking about that earlier. OK, OK and that's why a car that's why you could see a car yeah that's a i'm still working on my storytelling too you guys are talking about that okay okay that's why now

and that's maybe too much on why today because what i really want to talk about is these you've done these roles you're the best friend on the on it's the best and then i'm the husband on the it's the one it's the one of the main best friends, and so, but there's a lot of roles that you almost had. Oh, yeah. And isn't Hollywood a town of just these almosts? Oh, my God. You don't, you know, it's some forks in the road and sliding doors and all that. Oh, I've come very close on a few things.

Mm-hmm. The path isn't a straight line. No. I mean, well, most of the time it is, I guess, actually. Oh, well, I mean, it depends on it is, but it almost wasn't right. It almost wasn't a straight line and you think it's going to be, well, I might have to take a twist or a turn today, but not just one foot right in front of the other, you know? Tell me about you almost became Master Robot. Well, I went in for this Master Robot show and for the role of Master Robot.

And who we all know went to Christy Slasher. So we go in there, my team and I go in there. All your agents are there at the audition with you. Bring your agents, please. We haven't talked to this group troop in a long time, but this is a good opportunity to shake them awake and say, get your pens and say, bring your team to the audition. Shake your pen and suck on the tip of it a little bit so that you get the ink flowing.

And write down, bring your team to the audition. Because even if so that you get the ink flowing and write down, bring your team to the audition. Because even if you don't get the role, your agents might be like, that guy could really do it. You want your agents to see you perform every time. Every audition is really a performance opportunity. And you should be performing for your agents just as much as any other audience. So we're in there. I've got my sides, which also, by the way, sides are the little pieces of paper that you write the script on and stuff. Not the sides of the paper, which is sharp. No, that'll cut you. I've got my little sides, and I'm going through the scene

with the master robot. And were you reading with the actual actor who was cast? Pete Davidson in a hoodie? The main guy from Master Robot? I was reading with him. He's wearing his hoodie. It's his. This is an interesting thing.

It's his hoodie. No way. Get out of here. But it's so perfect for the character. I know. But it's his. It's just one of those things. Anyway, so we're reading, and I'm just about to start.

Whose is the other clothes? The other clothes is they did a clothing swap. Some of these shows they do, they have people that are called wardrobe people. Ah, and you switch clothes with them. Yeah, you switch clothes with them. It's the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe people. Ah, and you switch clothes with them. Yeah, you switch clothes with them. It's the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe people. And so you might get a lion's hat, and you might get a witch's broom. Detroit lion's hat. A Detroit lion's hat and a Detroit witch's broom.

And then you go into the wardrobe, and then you're on the TV show. Yeah, wow. So that's how everybody else. you know, in the, in the, you go into the wardrobe and then you're on the TV show. Yeah. Wow. So, but, but, so that's how everybody else. Yeah.

I hope everybody keeps on writing this stuff down, but I'm in, so, but, but the audition now, now it gets to this and, well,

lo and behold, I trip and I fall and I drop all my sides everywhere. They just scattered all over the floor, all up in the air. Tell us what sides are. The sides are the little pieces of paper where the script is writing down so you can read it and, uh, you know, uh, read it with another actor and perform it and that sort of thing. And did you have an easy time picking them up and reorganizing them? No, I didn't. And this was my downfall ultimately where I while I'm not Master Robo and Krishnish is,

is that I dropped all the sides and they scattered to and fro and I couldn't. Slipping on them. I was slipping and sliding on them. I was getting cut by the actual sides of them, so then I start bleeding. You fell into a soapy tub at one point right there is a tub in the room and it um there was soap all outside it all inside it was very

bubbly fell into that get out and uh there was a moment of silence i was worried and then we all had a good laugh but then i still couldn't organize all the sides again some of them when we started back were upside down so then i'm reading you know yeah all the sides again. Some of them, when we started back, were upside down. So then I'm reading, you know, in upside down language. Yeah, the sides are bloody and the tub's full of blood. Yeah. Oh, you did upside down language, yeah. Which seems like for a hacker would actually be very useful,

that sort of code. To be able to speak that code, yeah. But maybe you don't know how to speak it so well. I wasn't. I hadn't. I'd done the research, but I didn't do a good job on that day because my hands were also wet. So then that got the sides all wet. And then they became brittle.

Wet sides have ruined more auditions than almost any other thing. But I think it's these tubs in the room. I think the soapy tubs in the room don't help that. That they're always there and they're taking a bath between auditions so that they can always see people fresh and not be carrying the old auditions. You say that until the one time you need a bath. That's true. Well, for me, having been in the casting chair and having seen multiple actors, if I don't fully bathe in between each audition, you're coming in and I'm maybe still thinking about the last guy who was in right before, whether it be Jon Hamm or Rinaldo, the soccer player, or any of the people that we're seeing for the role who's in your sort of same milieu.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the people you're constantly with in those audition rooms. Now, speaking of Jon Hamm, it's not just Master Robot that you almost played. You were up for Don Draper. You were almost Breaking Bad's brother. I was almost the Madman. You almost happened to have the Hulk Catch Fire guy. You were the one who spray-painted all the guys. This was another, because I get a lot of these hacker computer master guys.

Yeah, I see that. It's the headphones that you're wearing, I think. Yeah. They've got a wire. They have a wire, and it's like, well, this guy's ready to go. He's ready to plug in. He's ready to jack in, um,

hack in, smack in. Let's get a pack in. Feel good. To come on to the, you know, the sack in. Yeah.

That's been the last one. It's not quite. Yeah. Well, it's a, it's a, it's a phrase that I don't know. They were using on the show at that time.

But I didn't really get on the show. This was a mishap, too. You know what it was in that room? They had one of those rainforest showers. Yes. Which are beautiful and refreshing. I like them because it's not like a nozzle, like a showerhead. It's just built into the ceiling. So I didn't even know I was standing in it's not like a nozzle like a showerhead. It's just like built into the ceiling.

So I didn't even know I was standing in it when they turned it on, when they said, and start your engines, which is what they say to start reading. Get the engine going, yeah. And then the water, the rainforest poured down on me, and I'm trying to – and I'm like in the – it was funny because i was in the

middle of saying halt uh you know and uh and i was about to say and catch fire but it was like i was like i can't read the science now because they're covered in uh rainforest can i tell you what i think it was maybe the problem with a previous auditioner somebody saying a master robot catch fire oh oh halton catch fire and inadvertently like a johnny storm yeah setting that you know you say catch fire if he auditioned right before you you would need a rainforest shower to put him out after he says catch fire yeah well there was a lot written up about that. A lot of fire marshals had a problem with the title of Halt and Catch Fire. It's like that phrase

yelling fire in a movie theater. Do you feel like the fire marshals run Hollywood, Alan? I do, you know? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Maybe that's not PC to say, you know? No, I mean, they still wield a lot of power. It's a cabal. Not as much as it used to say, you know? No, I mean, they still wield a lot of power. It's not as much as it used to be, but.

Yeah. Alan, talk about your SNL audition a little bit with us, because I know that was one where you were so excited to be on that stage and you were in the elevator on the way up. Yeah. And then you, you know, fell down the shaft. Yeah. Can you tell us more? Yeah, so I was excited down the shaft. Yeah. Can't tell us more.

Well, yeah, so I was excited about the audition. Well, because there weren't sides involved in this case because it was all my own material that I knew from my brain. Nothing to get wet. Yeah, there was nothing to get wet. Thank goodness. Yeah, thank God no sides for once. Yeah.

And I had asked some of my friends who auditioned before, are there any tubs in the stage where you audition? Because you audition right there on stage 29. 6F. Wow, right there. Yeah. Right on stage 29. Right on stage 29F.

So is there a tub? Is there a rainforest shower? Is there a leaky faucet even? Because at this point, I'm just not having any luck. Exhausting all the possibilities for things that could get you wet so you aren't surprised. Don't get me wet. Even if I don't have sides, I don't want to get wet

because that will flash to Master Robot. It is New York, and there was a time in the 60s that there was a hydrant there on stage, and somebody would just whack the front of it off. Kids would in it oh god remember that summer yeah and so i'm in the elevator on the way up and um crooklyn i'm hearing some commotion up in the up above and um and what happened was there was like what's's going on? Take me inside your brain. You're thinking what? I'm thinking what?

Yeah. You know, so, and then, but then what happened was a man with big scissors cut the wire of the elevator. Oh, no. And it was. Finesse Mitchell. Finesse Mitchell. It was Finesse Mitchell Finesse Mitchell if it was Finesse Mitchell he who auditioned in you know

a while back but he had only just gotten those big scissors and so he came to kind of finally do what his revenge was for whatever happened for him leaving the show or getting fired from the show

and he got his revenge on you. On me. Because it's the same type of thing with you and John Ham, Sean Ham. You go in with these same people. I'm always going in with Finesse. Yes. It's a lot of these same hackers. So anyway, he cut the thing and then the so the so you know uh 30 rock where snl um

takes place this show it is um a 200 story tall building and i was on floor 139 or between 139 and 140. And so then it falls. And it doesn't fall slowly. I'll tell you that. It falls very fast. In that building? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because everything moves really fast in New York City.

Yeah, the pace of it. Yeah. And it can be a little much. And so it fell fast. It fell fast and then crashing down. Yeah. The doors open up and it came crashing down. Yeah. The doors open up and there's Lauren and then I go

right into my bit and I booked SNL. And do the bit. Hey, what you talking about now? What you talking about? What you talking about? I got these

ollies. I'm a skateboard man. I'm a skateboard man. Mm-hmm. Uh, was one, the first character that I like to open up with, Skateboard Man.

Did you do any impressions? Well, I cannot tell a lie now. I cannot tell a lie. I'll chop down that tree right now. And that's an impression of a couple different presidents mashed up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. American presidents.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, American Presidents. And then I play... I don't play an instrument, but I'll play if there's a hard surface around. I can play like... I don't know if the microphones are picking that up. Yeah, if you're not picking up that microphone, he is drumming his brains out. Did we get that, Brian?

Did we get that? Yeah, coming in. It's almost a Blue Man Group thing. Yeah, it's kind of a stompy, a stompy stomp. World music. Like using the world to make music. I was in my own head.

I wasn't even paying attention. At this point, I was like, I'm just doing my thing as I practiced and rehearsed and is Lauren even paying attention? I was like, at this point, I was like, I'm just doing my thing as I practiced and rehearsed. And is Lorne even paying attention? I don't know. I opened my eyes because they were shut the whole time. And I opened them.

He was still there looking at me. Just looking right down in my eyeballs. And then he said, Alan, this is the best thing I've ever seen. And he said, and I've seen Rob Schne ever seen and I've seen Rob Schneider before I've seen Rob Schneider I've seen Will Ferrell seen Eddie Murphy

and you he didn't really see Eddie Murphy so Hayes does the vibrate not turn off on your phone

he saw him at SNL 40 he watched him on TV oh yeah the vibrate yeah that's Ryan it's been going oh Ryan that's you yeah he's hungry He saw him at SNL 40. He watched him on TV. Oh, yeah. SNL 40. The Vibrate? Yeah. That's Ryan. It's been going. Oh, Ryan, that's you?

Yeah. He's hungry. Oh, no. That's the sound your tummy makes, Ryan? Would you bring some crackers or something to the studio? I had a granola bar before you guys got here. Yeah, you can smell your breath. Yeah.

And if you're going to eat a granola bar or crackers, can you soak it in water first so that it doesn't make such a crunch when you're eating it? Because it really distracts the guests. Okay, sorry. Now. I thought it was an earthquake. Yeah. Well, yes, we should have made it soggy first. Soggy.

That's like, remember Shaggy Mr. Boombastic? But it's like if he was having your problem where he fell in a tub and he's trying to do Boombastic. It becomes Shaggy. Possible SNL sketch. Oh, man. I'm going to write it up this week. I'm excited to see it. Now, we have some questions for you, Alan.

Yes. Am I wrong, Hayes? Let me see if we can play the theme. If the sound has been turned on by the engineer and it has not. Nope, nope, nope. Too engineer and it has not too late too late too late uh this is the popcorn gallery where we the questions are the popcorn uh and the gallery is like your mind uh and it just has whatever it has these paintings that sort of describe your experience in hollywood so they're my questions well no well the questions are popcorn and you can have some

but is it is your gallery and they tell the paintings like a chronological story you know when from like you like when you first dreamed of performing is like a picture of that you know when from like you like when you first dreamed of performing is like a picture of that you know like you as a baby thinking like oh well what if oh right right because you flash to that image of when you yes when a thing happened and then you look at that picture and then you've gone to you in your school play and just like it's like it's play. It's the gallery of your mind. Does that make sense? Yes. So this is where you have to reach and get the popcorn.

And that's where the question is. That's where the questions are. Yes. Okay. Do you want me to reach in? Oh, wait. I have to reach in. We have to play the sound drop.

If you want to hit the button for the sound drop, you can do that. Okay, great. But it's small. My friend Mark from high school made it. The button's very small. The button's small. My friend Mark from high school made it. The button's very small. Yeah, the button's small. It's hard to reach. Sometimes you need like a long chopstick or something to get at it.

And are you getting any closer? I did pass a Chinese restaurant on the way. Oh, you're going to go back and get one? No, I grabbed one chopstick. Oh, that's good. So see if you can get at it. Hey, did somebody need a towel? It wasn't me.

It was me. It was me. So I think this is a... So I think what Mark was trying to do was the soggy character. And I get how he had some trouble with it. Because what you really want to hear from Shaggy is, it wasn't me. But a soggy would need a towel. Soggy needs a towel. Yeah.

We haven't used Mark in a long time, but it sounded like he was very excited to be able to do something for the show again. That was a fresh drop right there because that was a real recent reference. Yeah, I mean, he may have independently just had the idea for Sagi. It's been in the ether. Yeah, it is sort of out there. It's about time. I'm not one of those people that's like, that person stole my idea. I think a lot of parallel ideas happen.

Well, they did that study. Yeah. Talk about that study. Well, they did the parallel thinking study. Harvard did it. And at the same time, Yale was doing it. And then they couldn't really get the study done because they started accusing each other of who had the idea for the parallel thinking study. Do I sound crazy if I'm talking in a cup? I thought Master Robot – I honestly thought for a second that Master Robot was here. I am Master Robot. You know, like, is that what you were doing? Yeah, yeah.

He does talk into a cup on that show. Yeah. Okay, go doing? Yeah, yeah. He does talk into a cup on that show. Okay, go ahead. The question is from Abair, which is his name. Abair. Yeah. I mean, I think it's supposed to be to get me to say that. The question is from Abair. It's like a funny, like the sound of me saying that is,

it's like it's supposed to be a trick on me. It's exhausting. But it actually is the guy's name. And so it doesn't even work as a trick. But his question is – it's actually something you were talking about a little earlier, which is interesting. And it's what's the coolest car? Because remember when you saw that cool car? This goes back to when I saw that cool car with the hyperlink on it.

What's the question? What's the coolest car? What is the coolest car? Is it that one? It was that car. Oh, it was that car. Well, because not only was it going at hyper speed, it had a hyperlink that you could click if you could catch it,

and it makes you want to catch it, and it makes you want the car. Do you know what the hyperlink was too or did you were you ever able to find out yeah i i ran after it oh wow because you were sitting still i was enjoying a meal i was sitting dead still and was it to a true detective season one recap or something i I was reading a True Detective season one recap. The hyperlink was? Yeah. No, that's what he was reading. I was reading that. Sorry, sorry, sorry. But that happened to be what the hyperlink was too, was to the article that I was already reading.

Oh, did that disappoint you? I was like, well, I just ran after this Corvette for nothing. It was a Corvette, by the way. So that's the coolest car. And then I walked all the way back to the cafe. That's the coolest. And my laptop was gone. For me, coolest car, And then I walked all the way back to the cafe and my laptop was gone. For me, coolest car, no question, Batmobile.

And so you – and the way we're doing this now is this is sort of a new thing. We're like you – Everybody answers? You answer the question and then Sean gets one chance to – To top you. Oh. Yeah, to beat you. The Batmobile is a good one.

I like that too. Can I change mine? Yeah, but as long as afterwards. It's sort of a rebuttal. Yeah. The intended goal is for you to change your answer. You do get one change chance per question, I think is what we said. But it has to be two Shons.

But then Hayes can try to convince you, if you do change, he can try to change you back. Right. Okay, okay. So I'm changing to the Batmobile. Hayes, do you... I don't want to use my change back. Okay. So this isn't the time for it.

I want to hang on to my change. Does that change back... Does that mean you could get two change backs? Next time, it carries over. Yes. So because he did change, I didn't lose my change. Like if he didn't change, then I lose the chance to try to change him next time. But because he did change, I don't lose my change.

He did change, you don't lose it. Yes. But you didn't announce either. You have to announce that you're using your change. No, I know. I'm just telling you for next time. Well, you're being- I think it's important to-

I don't think you're even being a stickler for the rules. I think it's good to- I'm always happy when somebody- I agree. I want the rules to- But he's being- Upheld. Do you want to keep doing it wrong?

Or do- No, but you're being pissy about it. No, I was not pissy about it. Yes, you were. That's ridiculous. I used a completely normal voice. you're being pissy about it and you're being yes you were that's ridiculous i used a completely normal voice did i feel pissy i know see that's how i know i use a normal voice because i felt a little pissy about it working so hard to keep it underneath well it came to sound normal believe me and it's and alan i'm sorry you had to see this but you know now we have to get another uncomfortable we have we have to get another question alan and i'm a little

worried because it sounded like when you did hit the button last time, it did sound like you were exerting yourself a little bit. It wasn't easy. I mean, I had – well, the chopstick is heavy, is pretty heavy. Yeah. And the hole is sticky. Yeah, the chopstick gets stuck to the side. And the button is in a hole.

But I'm happy to do it again. It wasn't that crazy. I'm happy to do it one or two more times. Okay. Do you have an out? Do you have a hard out? You said one or two. I mean... If we do one, then we're only doing two questions

if you only do it one more time. I have to be out in like eight hours. Okay, great. Okay. So I've got the stick in my hand. I'm curling my hand into a fist around the stick, and I'm pushing it into this gooey hole. There's an ant clawing up the stick now,

but I'm just going to push a little deeper. I thought this is about where I reached it last time. It receded a little deeper. I thought this is about where I reached it last time. It receded a little bit. There it is. They call me Mr. Boombastic or Zimmy Fantastic. Master Boombastic. Okay, so here's what I think is happening for Mark in this sound drop. I think that he sort of heard

the master robot talk got a robot voice and then was like oh i was doing that soggy thing that went over so well that maybe like soggy is somehow now a robot and then he'd be master would be master boom bastard i i mean it feels like it's in that master boom it's said Master Boombastic. It's in the, ultimately, I think he said that. Maybe he meant to say it right away, and then he had to double back to say it later. But he did say something about that. And I think he started to do the chorus of Hot Stepper, too. But then found a piece of the Mr. Boombastic chorus.

But then found a piece of the Mr. Boombastic chorus. And then realized that he should have said master instead of mister. So it was a very good sound drop by Mark. And I think he's not out of practice, even though we just kept him on the shelf. That was a good sort of digest, like a 33 and a third type of digest of that sound drop. Oh, thanks. I love those. Oh, God. I have them all.

What's the best one for you? People always ask about them when they come to my house. The one that's for the Beatles. You know? That's a good one. They rock. Explaining the Beatles and some of their, which one did which of the instruments and stuff.

Yes, because they do rock, but when I first listen without a book, I don't get it. If you just listen to the Beatles, it sounds like four men or women, if you're just listening and you're not visually seeing, all playing the same instrument simultaneously. Yes. Or maybe two instruments simultaneously.

Thank you. Thank you for saying women. Thank you. We used to have a lot of women on this show, actually. So we totally get that. Yeah. Well, we should be cognizant of women, I guess. So is there a question for the guy?

The question is from Ran Ran. Hi, Alan. Your character on You're the Wor worst is a real dweeb how much do you get picked on in real life because of it and what's the worst anyone has bullied you in hollywood well there are a lot of people that don't separate that character paul on you're the worst from me alan in real life and then in turn, a lot of football players that are on – L.A. doesn't have a football team. Except Blue Mountain State in L.A.

The Blue Mountain State football players, though, they do pick on me. They push me in the locker. They put my head in toilets and done swirlies. They've pooped down my chest. Down it? Well, yeah, because I'm standing up and they're standing on a ladder and they poop on my chest. I said chest.

Were you going to say something else? Well, the first time they pooped on me, they pooped into my butt. Their poop went into my butt. Well, because you said down. So you said they pooped down my butt. Yeah, because you said down and you said poop down my butt. Yeah, down my butt because I was on my head getting swirly. Then they were on a ladder.

Yeah, then I skipped it because I was like going to be having to... I've made my Emmy statues do that to each other. Yeah, if the Emmy statues were here, I could show you what I'm talking about. But to suffice it to suggest yes, I have been bullied, cyber bullied as well. Yeah, MySpace.

MySpace, they go to town on me there. It's like a field day on MySpace when I log on. Because then they just start going, your space? It's MySpace now, you dweeb. And then, well, then I'm, you know, I'm an emotional guy. Is that why Greenwald likes it?

Huh? Greenwald, he likes it. Yeah. Is that why? Is what why? Did he see Alan as a dweeb too? Yeah, it might be. It's a thing we have no do you think he's making fun of you because nerds nerds are cool nerds is cool but then at the same time dweebs are not yeah no they're not like that's still not is that what's

next maybe but i don't know i think if if dweebs get their own candy the way nerds have their candy then i think that's a step in the right direction for equality. What would a dweeb's candy be, Alan? It would be a chewy version of nerds. They have that. They would each be... Oh, really? Well, let me take it one step further.

They would gush into your mouth when you bite into it. Something would gush out. And what exactly? What specifically gushes your mouth when you bite into something would gush out. And what exactly? What specifically gushes out? Glue. Horse glue. Okay. Well, I thought I was going to trap him. Is that made

of horses or is it to attach horses to something? It's to attach horses. I don't want to hurt horses. I don't mind attaching them to things in a painless way because if you use normal glue it would hurt them yeah because glue is made of we all know mashed up horses what are you attaching them to um spikes

the sides of the spikes not the pointy end of the spikes it would have to be yeah seem like to the side okay and now we did do do we did say we were gonna and i you know i hate to ask you to do this again because the second time it was even harder with the chopstick but uh and the chopstick has gotten so gooey that i now do wish that when on the way here when i stopped at the chinese restaurant i had gotten the second chopstick because the guy was like would you like a second chopstick so i think that the button uh is only in a whole that is one chopstick size. So I think I think I only need the one

chopstick. Yeah. And he said. What if it gets an ant on it? He said okay but it could get an ant on it. Yeah. And I said well yeah I like the Ant-Man too buddy. Okay. I gotta go. I got to go.

I can't, I don't have time to sit here and talk to you all damn day about the chopstick. You know? Yeah. It was one of those. How much longer were you there? I was there for, uh, for two more hours. Just, uh, just, just really having a go at this guy. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah. Um, they have an A on the, um, on the outside of the restaurant. So you know the clue is good. It's for Alan. For me. It's for Alan. I left my mark, if you will.

Oh, but I think that this chopstick that I have will still work, though. Okay. I don't know where the ant went. Oh. It's in my ear! The ant went into my ear! God. Oh my God.

Okay. Well, I put the ant back on the stick. I didn't think the headphones would stop. The ant was trying to be headphones. Well, the ant went subatomic like Ant-Man and went underneath the headphone pillow.

So I know that it is Ryan's stomach that keeps making the buzzing noise. Yeah. But if it was, let's say, a phone and we didn't want

to turn off the vibrate, maybe what we could even do was take the phone off a hard surface so that the vibrating would be quieter. There's like a chair next to it. In that situation, I would think that that would make sense. I would agree with you.

If that were the case. Yes. Were that the case. But it's just not. No, it's not. It's almost weird that I'm bringing it up. We could have Ryan not rest his stomach on the table. You could rest your stomach on a chair.

That would be good for us. Or just on your lap. Yeah, just have it sit where it is in your body. And just have a lap that could support your own stomach instead of needing something to prop it up on. Well, Alan, this is maybe sidetracking us a little bit, and maybe you should put the chopstick in the hole and hit the button for the last question.

Did anybody see where I put the chopstick? Hmm. Now here's my concern. We know Ryan was hungry. And you put something down next to him that looks like sort of a long cracker,

which is what you did tell him to eat. That's true. But if he ate it, I would have heard it crunching everywhere. That's right. That's true. Unless you just swallow it whole. Did you swallow it whole? No, I didn't swallow it at hole.

Or crunch it. So he says. Okay, so he's saving it somewhere. Oh, no, there it is. I found it. It was in my ear. The ant carried it in there. So, okay, so I'm wrapping my hand around the stick one little digit at a time.

He's telling the truth. Two, three, four, five, six, seven. Those are how many fingers he has. Then I'm inserting this choppy into a little hole here. I think the hole got smaller. The hole feels a little tighter, but no matter. I'll just use a little more force. Here come the wet stepper. Me, inika, something about wet or soggy, but inikamazi, kahozi?

Inikahospre. We got a little insight into the process, I think. And a very interesting part of it to me is that Mark was thinking in Soggy's accent. So was that supposed to be... Didn't want to break character, I guess. Okay, so that wasn't supposed to be Soggy thinking of something? Like Mark as Soggy not knowing what to say in his song? Well, because last time, if you remember, he accidentally did the hot stepper thing.

And I think that, you know, because Shaggy became soggy, maybe hot stepper becomes wet stepper. Like the Sufi Weaver, he did not want it to be a mistake, but rather to become part of the pattern. Yes. And so I see where he's going, but I just wish he would have come up with any cohoes spray before he started recording the sound drop or that he did a second take. I liked it. Oh, great. Alan, okay, good. I thought that was a good sound.

I think that's going to be a good another 33 and a third. Do we have a question for the guy? This question is from Steve H. Steve Agee? Yes. Alan, what was the information for your famous character, Additional Voices, in Monsters, Inc.? There's a mistake in this question. Was it information?

Yeah. Inspiration. Inspiration. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, the inspiration for additional voices was... And that was in Monsters University. I don't know if he's trying to make a point about how Monsters University is like a corporation.

But anyway. Well, I mean, look, we could get into, you know... Student loans. Pixar being kind of basically a corporation now, you know? It's starting to become almost a business. And it used to just be our hangout.

It used to be like, come on over to Pixar if you want to hang and we'll play some... It's like a clubhouse where we just animate our ideas. If they wind up being a movie, great, but who cares? Now they're like intentionally making movies with budgets and the whole animate our ideas. And now it's about money. If they wind up being a movie, great, but who cares? Now it's about dollars. Yeah, now they're like intentionally making movies with budgets and the whole thing, and it's disgusting.

I don't like it either. But the inspiration was that they had two characters coming back for Monster University. Eyeball Man and John Goodman. coming back for Monster University. Eyeball Man and John Goodman. And I said, I was at Pixar kind of in the little corner where we all used to hang out, where it just used to be a chill hangout. And now there's like a secretary over there.

And I said to the secretary, hey, maybe there should be some additional voices, you know, because there's only two. You got a whole movie, right? And it's a prequel. And maybe we should meet some of the other people that, you know, made Eyeball and John Goodman who they are, you know. Co-eds. Co-eds, you know, before we get to Monsters, Inc., you know? And so she was like, prove it.

She was like, prove it. I said, okay, I will. All right, now we're going to have a real good time here, Sean. Oh, yeah. I'm a little purple guy. I'm a skateboard man. I'm a skateboard man I'm a skateboard man and then I tap it in on the thing

what a treat for SNL fans yeah and then they were like you're hired you're hired the skateboard man has that ever failed for you no skateboard man is has that ever failed for you? No.

Skateboard man always kills. It always annihilates. The result is always that you end up being hired. Because you know when to use it. Yeah. Alan, the tone and everything of that story just seems so great. I didn't listen to any of the words, but it just felt like a good... Sneeze! Sneezy.

Sneezy. Sneezy. The sneeze was unavoidable, but I knew that I needed to warn you somehow, you know? So I tried to say the word sneeze. Well, during that story, you got up and you walked into the corner and you started tickling your nose with a feather. I don't know. But I love that you came and told us that. Bye.

Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Adam Sachs, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Adam Sachs, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.