Hollywood Handbook - Amanda Lund and Maria Blasucci, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

The Boys welcome back AMANDA LUND and MARIA BLASUCCI to take on a new role for the show.Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so you know i i'm i'm something of a prankster uh kind of famously i just like love like goofing around and it's my sense of humor and it's weird uh and usually i think it's people thank you that's nice because i don't think it's weird to like how like to do a prank i think is more normal than and in my mind it is because the spirit of mirth and playfulness and the kind of impish sense of wonder with which i approach life i always have thought was a positive quality but anyway that so i finally i'm getting off track but i finally i answer the door and the um agents are like

get on the fucking floor you know like just like guns like in my mouth like just like this get out of the floor get on the floor i'm too scared for you to be standing up it's like well there's 40 of you you're standing up and if only you obviously have no idea how much damage i can do when i'm lying down well that and that's the craziest thing is when the fight gets to the ground that's when you're in my territory yes now i have the advantage yes like i want i want it on the ground jiu-jitsu training it's like okay i was very harmless when i was standing up oh my god and just basic now i can scuttle now i'm strike fighting i'm in scuttle mode strike fighting they frankly they probably have the advantage at least with that much manpower but when we're on the ground good night darling

go to sleep my dear but i you know and i'm going i'm like i'm getting on the ground. I'm like, guys, I'm getting on the ground. But it was a joke, you know? Obviously, ordering that level of pseudo-Phedra, and I know I'm going to be put on a watch list. Yeah. Stealing all of the Erlenmeyer flasks from my local high school chemistry lab. I know they're going to have footage of me doing that. So I'm aware that it appears that i'm cooking meth and yeah i made a little bit of meth to sell the bit that's called commitment

but now all of a sudden they're like poking me with their guns while i'm lying on the ground and they're like twisting my arms which by the way annoying when you have my arm in your hand now i have the advantage that's right you know i mean now you're in my grab radius and that's that's what i can be truly devastated and now i can just like go completely limp and you're gonna have huge problems dragging me out of here oh your ability to move me is so you know it is so diminished and your ability to move me is so diminished, and my ability to manipulate where you move becomes... I guess also, it's not... Equally difficult.

Yeah, it's hard. It's hard for both of us. It's going to be hard. But yeah, so that was my Tuesday. It's the podcast. It's the podcast, fuckers. Welcome to the podcast. Amanda and Maria, we're having you back. Back on the show. It's been a little while.

Tell me every last thing. Don't leave anything out. What happened? What are you doing? It feels so good to be back it does it feels great it feels like a million bucks i love you they poked him with their guns i never get sick of hearing about that can you guys believe that the violation that's so scary down there they were poking him yeah that that was jarring to hear, truly, I thought. You read about this stuff, but when you're getting poked,

you really go like, this is not good. No, it's a violation of space for sure. Uh-huh. Your bubble. And what they don't want to hear about, I could defund them like that. One well-placed tweet

directly in the center of the zeitgeist. Did you say something like, do you know who my father is? Did you use one of those lines? Yeah, like a Reese Witherspoon. I hit him with it. Do you have any idea who my father is?

Yeah. Because I don't. Oh, God. What a twist. Tug on their heartstrings. Yeah. Why do you think I act out like this? I'm lost.

I'm looking for some kind of boundary. You're supposed to humanize yourself. That's what they say when you get kidnapped. You're supposed to humanize yourself. That's what they say. Like when you get kidnapped, you're supposed to go, my name is Amanda Lund. I'm 32. I'm 32. My measurements are 36, 26, 45.

My feet are size 6. Wow. Yeah, that is a very powerful tool. And having been on both sides of it, it's very effective. Right.

Kevin, did you say hi to everyone? Hey, everyone. It's great to see you all. I'm so glad you're back. When people are here, it's just nice for you to come down and say hi to everyone? Hey, everyone. It's great to see you all. I'm so glad you're back. When people are here, it's just nice for you to come down and say hi. Okay. Hi, friends. It's so great to see you.

It's been too long. What made you even think at getting these clowns back on the show? I had a lot of fun in the last time. You haven't brought them up in a while, Kevin. I know. I miss them dearly uh yeah just uh sort of at the whim of whoever kevin is just thinking about it at any given time we had we should have it we should have a man and maria back and he'll go like yeah maybe and then next thing i know i'm in there with king gizzard the Lizard Wizard or whatever. Just because Kevin listened to a song

and he's like Sphere and he can manifest that band's guy to just be on the show like that. And now he's on YouTube and you're here. No, is that Sharon Stone? Yes.

Y'all read it? You gotta read it too. Is it a Stephen King book? Michael Crichton. Oh, wow. It's from the 90s. Michael Crichton. Some of the stuff he comes up with.

Ooh, I like that. I love a scary movie. Mm-hmm. It's psychologically scary. Ooh, that's the best. A psychological thriller. And the sphere is where? In space or is it underground under under the water

and the ocean oh my god yeah oh and it's like making jellyfish like it's like shooting jellyfish out to who at the ship to the ship this is real it's shooting them at the ship. This is real. It's shooting them at the ship. The sphere is? Yes. The schmear. The schmear. That's Mel Brooks. If sphere had been like really, really big,

we could have had the parody schmear. Now, this is different than the abyss or um these seem there was it's well it's a movie they're both movies and what's the abyss underwater as well no sphere no still paxton am i making these are this is my brain is now she was there bills bills bills a cutter I believe in that film a line I cut lines I'm next Amanda

Maria sometime we're recording the show people haven't listened to it yet but sometimes I sort of know what they're thinking as they listen because especially you all have been on the show previously and at the time we got big response as always

people like the episode yeah I thought yeah no I have a feeling they didn't Amanda do you remember that yeah I think I thought people were like they didn't get it they didn't do it right not everyone was was loving it you're never going to get 100% on Rotten I think I felt people were like, they didn't get it. They didn't do it right.

Not everyone was loving it. You're never going to get 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. No, but I think there was like 90%. It seemed pretty overwhelming that people were like booing us out. I think it was this. It was like Amanda and Maria are normally so funny. Did they not listen to the show before they went on? Can I say my experience? Because it's so funny how the human mind works.

And this is reminding me of some of the self-help stuff I read where it's like every negative interaction weighs as much as six positives. Because you guys are remembering the stuff where people didn't like you. What I remember is a very popular comment about how someone listened and felt that the show would be significantly better if it was exactly the same it was hollywood handbook but it was hosted by you two instead of haze and i okay and people are liking and people are upvoting this and they're and they're enjoying it and i'm thinking wow that's hurtful but then on the other you know on the other hand we're thinking that's so nice you know

what i mean like you know who's right and who's wrong well and i'm reading some of the people saying you didn't get it and i'm going yes well often the comment the comment is sometimes we've noticed the comment is sometimes like i was listening to this and it feels like they didn't get it. I have learned that that is often about us. They're talking about like they feel like we didn't really get our own show for that episode. Sometimes we do get it, but sometimes they're like, oh, this time they didn't really get what they were. The general perception is that we don't know what our own show is. Yeah. it but sometimes they're like oh this time they didn't really get what they were the general perception is that we don't know what our own show is yeah well i guess you could say we didn't get

it because you didn't explain it yeah and that yeah that could be explained by us not knowing what our own show is but because people did want you guys to host it and because we're tired what would you say to like what would you do if you had the show like what what would you do you keep the bones but you know it's a it's a gut reno it's not it's not a teardown you know but yeah it's but obviously you want to make it your own and i'd be curious uh maybe we could incorporate some of your ideas or maybe you can just have the show i have you like oh go ahead amanda oh no no you have a question well i had a question i just i would like just like you know if i may say these words the elevator pitch of just like for the bones.

So I can just give me the elevator pitch when you go, this is Hollywood handbook. So I can. Right. Yeah. So you're saying I go, I say, I have a podcast called Hollywood handbook.

You go, what is it about? What do I say? Yeah. I'm first. I say, I first, I,

yeah. First I say, I'm like, could you press six for me? You know, cause we're in the elevator. Right, right, right. Yes. So we're in the elevator but right right

right yes so we're only going six floors but so basically i've had this conversation a lot and i say i have a podcast people say oh what is it called i say hollywood hammock they say what is it about and i say please don't ask me that please please don't ask me that i usually say it's me and my friend sean and so that i guess would be that would change immediately, that's, those are bones that we would have to then, we couldn't use those bones. We'd say me and my friend Amanda or me and my friend Ray. Right, yeah. So some of it you could keep.

Yeah. The bones are there. The bones are still there. Well, yeah. The, yeah, the bones are strong. But my question, My next question would be why do people listen? The hook.

That's called the hook. What's the hook? What's the hook? For me, I always say the hook is probably haze. That would change. Yeah. Oh my God. like that would change yeah um all right oh my god oh my god we did like a we did like a funny comic-con episode once yeah we talked about comic-con you guys have no did you not really

right well that's a fun thing to do a A lot of, a lot of, would we? Of course. Yeah. Okay. What's happened? Like, what's going on to make that happen? Yeah. My dog.

Good noise. Yeah, it's my, I'm at my mom's. Yeah, the woof woof's coming from my mom's dog, Toby. A beautiful, beautiful dog. I am by the window. Toby likes to be around me. All dogs are beautiful. I'm by a window, and it's kind of dog walking hour, I would say.

I would say between 4.30 and 7.30 are kind of the dog walking. Prime time, yes. Prime time. So what you're getting is just him looking out the window and defending me with every bone, bone, spew of bones, in his body. Can you just turn your headphone like facing

out a little bit so he can hear me as I just have to just like put him in his place a little bit for the rest of the show. Toby! Toby! Toby's enough of that for today.

He just nodded. He looked at me. He nodded. He walked away. Other ear. I'll just do it as well. Toby. I am your dad.

Listen to me, Toby. This am your dad listen to me toby this is your dad stop it from dad love dad okay wow yeah he just what's he doing he got the car keys yeah no oh my god he got the car keys and he's yeah he's driving wow he said yeah aaron to run and people will say you know oh they were so hard on that dog if you think about nature right the way that dogs raise one another the way that a community of dogs raises the young, there is some negative reinforcement, isn't there? Biting on the butt. Pinching. Yes, the haunches, but the dog's butt. A paw, a firm paw, right? Placed against the haunch of the dog's butt. know these are all things that naturally happen for dogs to train each other so then actually i'd say haze and i were relatively kind well i'm a cat person oh so sue me you'll be hearing from my lawyer you know because

I'm the cat person a personal injury attorney that's so good the clause in the contract okay let me think of one Kevin do one so give Amanda. Let me think of one. Kevin, do one.

Give Amanda some time to think of one and you do one right now. Okay, I'm going to think about this. Okay, I'm your lawyer, Judge Garfield. Hey, I love that. That was fun. That was like I was looking at the morning papers. I was looking at the Sunday morning papers.

Kevin, do you have kevin do you have garfield is allowed to be the lawyer i you know kevin kevin i have i have i have one for amanda if you have her text number do you have her text number no you could email me oh i thought of um like it could be something with a tail like a tall tail because cats have tails or something about their little sandpaper tongues. The lawyer aspect of it. It has to be a lawyer now? It's a little missing at this point.

I mean, well... I have an area. Meow-feasance. Okay. Yeah, like what if the cat had a billboard? Meow-feasance? Okay, I didn't even get that honestly yeah i was attaching to the meow part but what if the cat was like an ambulance chaser

oh my god i'm not an ambulance chaser i'm a mouse chaser yeah that's so good see See, this is fun. I don't know. I don't know anything else. Maria, do one. Let's see. Let's see. You have to do one. Don't forget that they like to sit in boxes. Maria, you have to. Oh, my God. I don't know.

She's on the spot. She doesn't do good under pressure. Well, we did a lot of the good ones. Yeah, you took all of them. Let's kevin do another one while maria thanks and please remember this time that judge garfield is not allowed to also be a lawyer no the i i've got one kangaroo court great i got one i sentenced you to nine lives wow oh my gosh yeah that's the judge isn't that fun i sentenced you to nine lives. If we were going to pick it apart, it doesn't make sense.

No, it makes sense. Are you kidding? It's the most sound one anyone says. I sentence you to nine lives. Okay, he gets killed in jail. Instead of life. To be served consecutively. Nine lives, yeah.

Oh, I see, okay. Concurrently, yeah. Nine years to nine lives. I sentence you to nine years to nine lives, depending on good behavior. If you're a good boy, cats are girls. You idiot.

Yeah. That's interesting. So what you've heard, like Hollywood handbook 1.0 has basically been the dog version of the show. And then if you took over, which we proposed, it would be, it would be the cat era.

I think that'd be great kevin can you for example are you able to pull up just an image of our logo sure for everyone to look at i think that could be a really good place to start it's old it's busted it's played out it looks like absolute shit oh I like this I like this can I pick something apart though can I pick something apart that honestly be absolutely brutal please yes destroy

me I have a pet peeve of fonts that are meant to look like human handwriting okay yes and you've got this thanks this helped run howard which i love i think that's so fun um but i wish you on your havoc today you give her an inch honestly it's like the mouse you give the mouse a cookie and the next thing you know he's sleeping in your bed with your wife give mar Marianne and she'll take a smile.

One time for my birthday, Amanda gave me a Pinkberry gift card. And on the gift card, it said, if you give a mouse a cookie. Do you remember that, Amanda? Because she was saying, oh, it was basically saying that you were leading me into the depths of a Pinkberry addiction. Yeah, and you can't find a good Pinkberry in LA anymore. into the depths of a Pinkberry addiction. Yeah, and you can't find a good Pinkberry in LA anymore. Well, then basically what you would end up doing is asking her for another gift card.

Yeah, and this time for more. That's right. Yeah, just a Pinkberry gift card with a larger amount. That's basically what happens in the book. Right. I mean, you would go through a series of other requests first. Right. Just going off of the book itself the work which i think is what inspired this it's really a vicious cycle that the mouse is in isn't it

he doesn't just want more cookies because he got a cookie that's not that's not really the story is it there's a deep void void that he's trying to fill. I think it's about addiction, yeah. It's an addiction. You get a little, you'll need a little more. No. That's not it? That's not what happened.

First of all, you may forget, the mouse cleans your whole house are you kidding me he sweeps with a broom well that's part of it it's a journey i mean really the mouse goes on a hero's journey i thought he arrives back where he started having changed okay see the way i recall it might be red wall are you thinking of red wall no i'm thinking of the original work okay the tome if you give a mouse a cookie a cookie and so it's it's not about him you giving him a crumb and him wanting more that's not what it's about like that that's what i thought i think it's about vampires okay well now that is an analysis i'm open to discussing because you let invite him in your house if you invite them in yes

why are you feeding the mice and not your own children kevin can you pull my logo you are a child in the book but so maria you would change... You would have Ron Howard actually write out the post-it that says, thanks, this helped. You're going to Imagine Entertainment. Mm-hmm. Yeah, for a general...

I'm going for a general meeting, and as I'm about to step out, I go, hey, oh, Ron, could I ask one quick favor of you? And then he goes, of course. Of course. And then he goes, what's this for? I say my podcast, Hollywood Handbook, it's hosted by me and my friend Amanda Lund.

And he goes, I'll check it out. I'll check it out. And I say, great. And that's that. So is the general with Brian too? Yeah, Brian and Ron, yeah. Brian is there? Okay.

Now, Brian's hair is very crazy. Are you just pretending not to notice during the general that Brian's hair is absolutely off the wall, crazy hair? Super cuckoo bananas. And if you're not pretending not to notice are you staring are you commenting like what are we doing about how crazy brian grazer's hair is i think you have to call it out right in the beginning of the meeting because otherwise it's all anyone's going to be thinking about they're not going to be listening to anything you say.

So I would just kind of state it matter of fact, like right up top. Do you have a Bon Mo? What's a Bon Mo? What's that? Bon Mot? Bon Mo? Bon Mo?

Bon Mo. Do you have a Bon Mo? Is that French? I believe so. I hope. It better be it's really at these prices what is a bone moat a bone moat prefab witticism do you do you have a prepared comment about his hair yeah i think i would just say you have crazy hair that brian i'm calling you out to the heart of it i'm calling your hair's cuckoo yeah but i i

wouldn't even imbue it with that much emotion oh very chill very chill that understated yes norm core i i would do i would do something like um ah i i i see the fall hairstyles have arrived. Light socket chic. You couldn't get away with that if you were a woman. It's sticking up. It's all sticking. No, I suppose not. I think, I don't know who said this.

Wait, what would they say if you were a woman? Yeah, if you were a woman, what would they say? If I said that, they'd say, get out of here. They'd spray me with the hose and say, look at you, you're all wet, and you'll never work in this town again. Wow. And you guys hate that, right? It's bad because our makeup runs and our hair gets wet.

And we've spent hours. If we're in a meeting in a general, we've spent hours on our hair and makeup. Professionally done. That's why you always wear a bathing suit and flip-flops to a meeting so that you can walk out dry as possible. Oh my goodness.

Well, I always wear a bathing suit underneath whatever I'm wearing. In LA, you just never know when you're going to stumble into a pool. The privilege that I've taken for granted, I never think about how many general meetings i leave completely dry yeah and just that not everyone has that experience i'm sorry that happened to you thank you are there any other brian grazer hair icebreakers that we want to

cover or maria did you have something else maria was gonna do one but kevin if you want to cover or Maria did you have something else Maria was gonna do one but Kevin if you want to like get yours in first Maria needs another second no no no I don't have one no but that so you Kevin is gonna do his and you can think of your your bone moat

I look at Ron first I say Ron great to see you and then I look at Brian I take my glasses like off a little bit to see if I'm like actually seeing it right and then I wipe the glasses off put them back on and I just go

interesting you're soaked no they'd spray Kevin if he were a woman for that too you can't wear glasses yeah what about goggles

and men are seldom making passes at him get some contacts sweetheart oh my gosh oh no wow and now the glasses are all wet from the hose. How sad. That's really tough.

Okay, Maria, what would you say? I wouldn't say anything. I'd come in wearing a wig just like this. A wig that looks like Brian's crazy hair. Okay. Yeah. Does he have a crazy... Oh, go ahead.

Say what you're going to say. No, no. I'd say a little something. crazy hair okay yeah does he have a crazy oh go ahead say what you're gonna say no no i i get i i'd say you know i'd have i'd say a little something i'd say something like whoa uh you know looks like we go to the same barber you know something like that so cute yeah it would be cute see that would be cute yeah he's going he's going we do you know it kind of makes it seem like every barber just does the one haircut for everyone yes but that's fun i mean that's fun like marie's having a lot of fun on the show today and i'm starting to as well because that that idea and you like somebody's haircut you just go to their barber and you go i'll take the you please and that's that's it yeah simpler that's what it should be i think

i does he ever have a like a crazy beard haze brian grazer i don't think so okay then i can't do mine did you want to still say it though well maybe you're going to see rick rubin for okay well it really won't that won't work though because i was gonna say what you never heard of a brian razor okay yeah that's but you ever heard of like rick gruman you ever heard of rick gruman yeah so you guys are quick you guys are lightning quick i don't know if we can handle this podcast you inspire me you inspire me no that that's it i gotta step up to the level of judge garfield you know like that's kind of what's happening for me is is kevin basically alpha'd me pretty early on in the recording yeah yeah and if i want to maintain my position as host number two there's the there's the post-it note so to speak from

maria and then there's anything else i mean like it's it it looks so shitty there's nothing sorry i don't want you guys to get hammered in the comments again for not getting it what did we do did we do something wrong no but just haze was saying there's the post-it no okay like you gave like you were giving a note people just like it when people laugh at my funny little thing i didn't realize they like us to stop down and just kind of deal with his stuff. Okay. Did you want to take it back? I think we could just get the laugh, get a clean laugh.

I mean, it was so silent on both ends of me saying it. There should be plenty of room to just put the laugh in. There's video too. You look borderline pissed. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Were those the laugh? Kevin, did you get those or do you need them clean? I'll turn them up. Do you need me to do it? I'll do one of the... So maybe one where Kevin doesn't have to turn it up. Okay. Okay.

Could you lead us? Could you just lead the line in so that we have something to kind of react to? Sure. Yep. I'll count down. Laughing. One, two, three. something to kind of react to sure yep i'll count down laughing one two three

too loud that's too loud you're gonna have to turn it down okay okay so middle ground okay and we'll meet in the middle laugh in three two one oh that's perfect thanks everyone it shouldn't but it's actually making me feel really good yeah people laughing on the podcast i know it's nice no we're happy to come and laugh like a live studio audience be a better you in 2024 with bab, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say like, hey, I trust you. I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about. But there's one language that I'm trying to learn,

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million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys what about ham. What about this? The tagline. It's really long.

I forgot it. Toby. Toby. Toby. This is Toby. Toby. Sorry. This is your father.

I'm sorry. Hold on. Give me one. Toby. This is your uncle dog. I'm your father. Toby. This is Judge Garfield.

I'm daddy dog. I sentence you to be shipped to abu dhabi nice i don't think she's coming back oh she's gone she took him on a walk i'm back he was he's just got a little scared you know people get scared yeah can i get dive into this log line though let me just can i read it out line yeah i read it out loud wow okay an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lined back hallways of this industry we called showbiz i think you could streamline that okay what do you think about the all the hyphens in red carpet

lined red carpet lined the red carpet lined i actually like that part you like all the hyphens in that okay i think i would keep that i think i would drop okay so an insider's guide to... I would drop kicking butt and dropping names. So just in. An insider's guide to in the red carpet lined back hallways. We can lose the space then. It could say an insider's guide toying.

An insider's guide toying the red carpet lined back hallways. And just kind of stop hallways. Okay. And just kind of stop it there. Yeah. So don't even say it's a show.

Do we need hallways? Okay. To the red carpet lined showbiz. Yeah. I was going to say back. Back showbiz. Red carpet lined back. Maybe you could just combine it and go show back.

Red carpet lined show back okay we call biz well carpet maybe that's all we need we call biz we call biz we call biz a guide tone the red carpet lined back the red carpet line show back we call biz we call biz that yeah that's feeling stronger already so we have you know we have the post-it note and we have uh that's fine it's not even mine but and then we have and now we have maybe we just call the whole thing we call biz do you like the title hollywood handbook it's not really about hollywood is it we haven't talked about anything to do with hollywood today maybe the show is just called biz and the tagline is you talked about brian grazer's hair and the tagline is we call biz brian grazer's hair is the most we've talked about hollywood in a really

long time yeah that's true i like just wood book that's cute because it's broader yeah you could talk about anything oh what about this maria what about holly hand oh i love that that's really what i love i love if that's ours. If that's ours and then Woodbook is theirs. You know, it's kind of a chimp. Woodbook is for boys for sure. Yeah, Wood is good for boys. Holly is good for girls. And Hand is good for girls.

And Book is good for boys and girls. We could split it up then. You guys do Holly Hand and we'll do Woodbook. I think it's really a fun idea. I know. I do. Holly Hand. i think it's really a fun idea i know i do i will say i went on a podcast years ago where the guy uh who was interviewing me only would refer to the show as holly handy i didn't like it he did that for me too the same person i just started uh holly handy and i was kind of like does he think this is what the show is called because i'd watch sean handy and i was kind of like does he think this is what the

show is called because i'd watch sean's and he did it for sean's as well yeah and i didn't know quite what to do that's violent yeah so i'm just warning you that that could happen to you if you take the holly hand part of it and actually be more likely can i what do you guys think about the fact that the the y and holly and the w and wood are touching like that do you think that's a little gross yeah because now i'm looking at the negative space and i'm seeing actually an a and an a line an a line house that kind of um has need some work done on the left yeah it's it's asymmetrical yes make me throw up oh my god but you know what i'm seeing now is a tube of lipstick i see that how cute is that i can't unsee it. That is so cute.

Oh, man. That's all I see now when I look at it. I know. And so we could even fill that in with a little like pink or red or something. Wow. And the lipstick is still sitting there. And that's what Ron Howard drew the note on. Yes.

He drew it in lipstick. Oh, and we'll add a kiss mark to the post-it. He kissed it. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. He's kissing the post-it he kissed it oh my gosh he's kissing a book ron howard it helped him so much we call biz it helped him so much this helped me so much that's what the note says now yeah i think that's really the only changes we'd have to make wow well that sounds really good

and then so all right you give me the elevator pitch for our show which is your show now like now i'm in the elevator uh hey you don't gotta push a button for me i'm just riding around the first thing i say in there okay Do you want to hear about our podcast? Yeah. Well, it's about Amanda and myself. Slow down. I got all day. It's called Holly Hand, and it's a guide tone, the red carpet lined show back of the biz. We call biz.

We call biz. We call biz. We call biz. Of the biz we call biz? Yeah. We'll say biz twice. And it really is just my girlfriend Maria and I. And she's right here. Hi. Hey.

Nice. And we'd love to have you on as a guest. And we think that you'd be so amazing. You're having the guy from the elevator as a guest? Of course. We're recording this right now. Wow. Toby.

Toby. Oh, yeah. It is going to have to get a little more serious. Okay. I'll do this. Toby, this is Snape. serious okay i'll do this toby this is snape toby you must behave for while you are at hogwarts school toby you will never become a master wizard if you're barking like this who are the other bad guys kevin say one of the other bad guys voldemort

voldemort yeah toby it's me voldemort hey toby it's me toby has been put in um uh the the hands of my boyfriend uh outside and he won't he will not be barking anymore he has um you have an outside boyfriend yeah my outside boyfriend wow whoa maria's outdoor boyfriend that's so great because it's like you know one of the things that can be really hard about relationships or that i've found challenging is that when they live in the house it's like frustrating no yeah because they track around yeah yes yeah yeah i'm i'm in here yeah every time they open the door excuse me i'm in here i'm in here occupied Occupied. House occupied. Come back later, please. Or don't. Toby was maybe getting really scared because he could hear.

Obviously, your headphones were sitting on the desk and he can, of course, hear. He's like his super dog hearing and he could hear. Actually, Snape and Voldemort were telling him to stop barking. Snape was saying, don't do it. Okay. Yeah. That is scary. And Voldem saying, don't do it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That is scary. And Voldemort said, hey, Toby, it's me, Voldemort.

He was saying that. Is that the voice that Voldemort has? Do we ever hear Voldemort's voice? That's the thing. We never hear it. Hayes just did it. And I did it a little bit as well. Mine was a little different, but not that different.

Not different enough to bother doing it again. Because you don't remember what you did. I certainly do. I know exactly what I did. Toby! That was it. You do remember after all. Yeah, I know.

I have this incredible mind for my own stuff i have like an encyclopedic knowledge of my own stuff it's actually pretty cool i'm something of a me historian all my own shit i'm very familiar with it i remember my funniest jokes and best voices of all time you know how um quiz me what's my favorite joke of my that you guys like and i'll tell it to you again i know it okay anything i mean you can go really maria maybe while while uh Maria are thinking of theirs, maybe Kevin could just do his really quick. Yeah. His quiz question.

Okay. What about the one where you pitched about the cat in court? Remember that? Yeah, Judge Garfield. That's my famous Judge Garfield material. See? Okay. Okay. Oh,

what about, okay. This wasn't your joke, but it was a joke of Hayes that you repeated. Yes. Do you remember? Yes. No,

I think I know exactly where you're going. Okay. But she's asking if you remember, that's the prompt. She's asking if you remember that one. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah, he does. I could remember. That's the prompt. She's asking if you remember that one. Yes. Yes. Okay.

Yeah, he does. I could tell he's telling the truth. Can we do one? You know how when like DJs are like they're doing a night at the like at the club and they like name it. It has like a special name, you know, like on the invitation. It has like a like a cool name you know like on the invitation it has like a like a cool name for like to get people to show up yeah the name of the night will be something

cool yeah exactly yeah i i fun party i don't know how to do it i don't know how to do like the big machine and stuff for djing but i have a a good name, which it's Fantastic Beats and Where to Find Them. Okay. Fantastic Beats and Where to Find Them, like the Harry Potter prequel. Like the Harry Potter. Was it that a prequel? I like that.

Yeah. So how are we going to make this happen for you? How do we... I guess I have to design a flyer. I do have to learn some of the machines. I know they use different kinds. Hey, I have something you could call your machines too. Okay.

The Goblet of Fire Beats. Wow, the Goblet of Fire Beats. That's super cool. So we're going to need somelet of Fire beats. Wow. The Goblet of Fire beats. That's super cool. So we're going to need some sort of warehouse space. Yeah. We're going to need to rent this. God, we're going to need to rent a whole space. Like a whole lighting system.

Is it themed? Am I thinking? Now, when people are showing up, are they in wizardry cloaks and stuff? I guess so. Or is it? Yes. Or, but are you maybe turningry cloaks and stuff? I guess so. Or is it... Yes. Or, but are you maybe turning it on its head a little bit? They'd have to buy a ticket to Universal Studios.

They'd have to go buy the gear. No, but I think it should be a little bit, like, sexier than Harry Potter. They have to go wait in line. No, it's porno shit, too. It's like porno Potter stuff. I'm imagining, like, lingerie but with like a horse head where's the horse head yeah it's on your head you know it's like the harry potter horse like the harry potter the famous horse that he's riding so he's yeah okay oh okay if you want

so they're harry's lingerie horse from one of the middle books yeah but it's like what are they wearing under their little uniforms is sort of what we're wearing on top right okay and still the uniforms as well yes

those are in a bag like in a satchel we're carrying them in a bag okay Sean has to go on mute for a second Um, those are in a bag, like in a satchel. We're carrying them in a bag. Okay. Sean has to go on mute for a second. Looks like everyone's a little distracted right now. I need to do something really quick.

Really quick. Okay. Bye-bye. Bye. We'll carry the torch. Was that scary for you guys? Yes, it was because I didn't know what's real life and what's the show. Yeah. Scary for me, too.

Are we in the show? Try living it every single day of your life, Amanda. Is this for air? Because when you're done, you can leave that scary moment moment yeah of not knowing what's your real life and what's the show you can leave that behind as soon as as soon as the zoom window closes yeah it's kind of in you for me yeah i the i can only leave it behind when the big zoom window closes you know what i mean yeah when i head to that that huge video conference in the sky god how horrifying that is scary imagine you get up to heaven it's all on zoom no it's cheaper no imagine we have to wear masks up there still what guys you can wear pajamas

yeah that's true yeah no i i could still do like my funny jokes with God about how I don't have any pants on. And thank God for the filter. Hey, I only exist from here up. Yeah. Yeah. I go, oh, as far as I know, you don't even have legs. You said that to God? I'm saying it to God or perhaps his son jesus christ am i the only one

who imagines god to be the genie from aladdin yes you're the only one on this zoom who does that i am okay and then and you know who jesus is who who peter pan oh that's what you picture for both this is sick and this is sick and the same thing like the like the disney peter pan yes yeah but tiny and the holy spirit for you is french stewart's character from third rock right well i think i actually the peter pan's Holy Spirit, actually, because Jesus, we've seen visuals of him. Jesus doing the Sermon on the Mount with like both fists on his hips. I don't want to grow up. The Holy Spirit carrying in a pizza sideways, then turning it over, opening it up, seeing that all the cheese slipped off and going, they did it again.

Well, what else do you guys want to do like so i kind of have to leave but i like don't want you to feel like i'm leaving you hanging so are you gonna leave it but and we carry on yeah we can yeah we can split and you can just keep going for a little bit so you can just like you know feel see how the room feels. That'd be nice. Yeah. With us out of the way, I feel like we're stifling a little bit of your flow. Oh,

so you're both leaving? Yeah. Yeah. Kevin could stay, but I feel like there's been times where like Maria starts to vibe, but she's having a lot of fun today on the show. And then like, you're getting into stuff and like,

you're starting to cope with like these cat jokes or the, and i think amanda found her voice today honestly i think so too a comedic voice yeah i think i really did and as you can even tell i'm kind of talking in a higher register now which i think is better for my comedy i love it yeah it's making me actually feel like light and fun in a way that your original voice which was fine I think will you agree that it was fine it was like just not as funny it was like a rich baritone

yeah but this is great because this also kind of compliments Maria's voice her kind of deeper oh I don't think I have a deep voice I think I have a high voice it's melodic though and it's kind of deeper because I don't think I have a deep voice I think I have a high voice it's melodic though and it's kind of the words together again I should go I don't like this

is a great episode for you guys where it's just like just talking voices you know so I'm gonna go but enjoy the show and good luck to you and I look forward to listening

great thanks so much thanks so much for being on you guys that was a lot of fun don't you think Maria I think it was so much fun and if I could maybe we could just talk about our favorite moments of the podcast

yeah I really liked every time i think it was haze who would do it where he would say while amanda and marie are thinking let's have kevin do something oh so what about this what if while you and i are thinking kevin do you want to say your favorite moment oh amanda look i love that you did that because that's what hazed it i know okay sure um i thought the theme song came in at like the perfect volume and everyone was like sometimes it's too loud and it scares people and the vibe is just fucked yeah and i think it is when it was like you know people were were okay with it yeah a little low for me oh interesting it was a little low yeah it was low for me too but but here's what i was thinking when you did it i thought it was just a taste to kind of know

what we were getting into that was going to be turned up in in post and so i took it as something that was actually very kind to where it didn't blare into the headphones i was going you know what he's giving us a taste of the show and now he's gonna let he's gonna let us ride he's gonna let us ride into the sunset wow that's so cool um yeah kind of a personal question could i bye hollywood that was a hate gun podcast