Hollywood Handbook - Andre Vermeulen, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: August 22, 2016

Hayes and Sean are joined by Angie Tribeca's Andrée Vermeulen for a freewheeling discussion of her showbiz journey that's barely interrupted by stuff going on in Hayes and Sean's personal lives.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast ah god i want to say 81 yeah because it was like it was early when me and Brooke early in like our sort of thing. Yeah. And it was Montauk, I guess. It was a club that that Chip and Dale belonged to.

And it was Chip, Dale, me and Brooke and Gadget. You know Gadget. Do you know Gadget? No, I know Gadget. Yeah. Monterey? No, I know Gadget. Yeah. Monterey Jack's niece.

Yes. Yes. And we're swimming at the club. It's late. They sort of let it stay open for those guys. Because at the time, especially, it was like, you know, early 80s. And, you know, Brooke is swimming, and I can see Chip and dale talking to each other

and sort of looking at brook and i'm like okay like something yeah what what is this about and i sort of approached him to be like hey guy you know we can talk about this openly just to show that like i'm cool i'm cool you're cool we're three cool guys. Yes. Let's have it on the open. Let's talk about it. We sort of start to negotiate a swap, which, again, at the time, it wasn't like the 70s anymore, but it sort of was. This was when these things were happening more often.

So me and Chip and Dale talk. I go back to Brooke, and I'm like, hey, you know, I don't know how much you've done these kinds of things in your previous relationship. She had not had a lot

at that point. Well, yeah, she was, I don't, yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter.

Don't need to put a number on it. And so she, I say, look, here's the deal. I spend eight hours with Gadget. Whatever happens, happens. Yes.

You know, no boundaries. And you spend 16 hours with Chip and Dale because there's two of them. Yeah. That was sort of, you know, it seems fair. Eight each. Yeah. You know. yeah that was sort of you know it seems fair eight each yeah you know um and she's like i don't know if that's like you know like oh come on i know i know and i but and her thing was like

she's like dale oh right well because he's a little bit more of a less Like red nose. Yes, and who knows what he likes to do with that. But she ultimately, just for her comfort, she wanted me to be there too. So it all just went down in the pool. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Well, that's such a great compromise. Now, what I would say is, obviously, I've been in a similar situation where I'm dealing with kind of a wife-slap,

you know, kind of thing involving Gadget. And, you know, whoever I was with at the time, I think it was Diane Lane. But that doesn't matter. When was this? Like, 76.

Yeah, yeah. So, but when I've done that, you know, I get up in the hotel room with Gadget. I'm trying to make her comfortable. And to me, romance is you bust out, like, some wine and cheese. And I take out the wine. Cheese for them, especially, because they're mice, basically. Well, but this is what I'm getting to. The second I take the lid off the cheese, who comes floating in, guided by his nose,

and actually elevated off the ground and following a trail of the cheese smell, allowing him to fly through the air into the window. But her uncle, Monterey Jack, whose sense of smell is so keen, and who is... He's named after his love of cheese. And he's essentially psychotic for it.

And where Monterey Jack goes, so goes Zipper the Fly. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insider. It just feels so good to be able to have fun. Just talk and have fun with my friends. King of Budger. Our names are covering linebackers of this industry. We call it showbiz. What up, what up.

We talked for a little while about whether to air this show. It could be disorienting. Yeah. Now that we're farther away from it, it's like. It's silly and I think it actually was probably fun and funny anyway because we're so naturally charismatic. I don't know if you even know what was going on but just to explain because like at the time we were like oh god this is like so scary for us we're sensitive about it we thought maybe the interview didn't flow as well as they normally

do normally we're really smooth interviewers and the guests have a great time and so do we uh this one we're distracted obviously because uhes and I, both of our daughters, had been kidnapped the morning before we recorded. By Anonymous, yeah. Yes, Anonymous grabbed them. We went to wake them up. They sleep in one bed. Sorry, if you don't know who Anonymous is, they're the V for Vendetta guys. We pull back the covers on their bed, and it's just three phones.

It was three phones, a broom a coconut yeah i think it was a bag of leaves yeah it was supposed to like simulate girls yes but the and the effect was very convincing it was shaped like my daughter's coconuts are not necessarily that developed no and my daughter's coconuts are not necessarily that developed. No, and my daughter's bag of leaves is not so bushy. But that said, we answered the three phones when they started to ring, and we were instructed to bring them to the studio and to only talk about on air with our guest, Draven Mullen, exactly what we were instructed to talk about. They would call us and tell us what to talk about.

They wanted to control our content. Yes. But also did not want Andre to know what was going on. I think they were just invested in making sure she had a good time. Yes. On the show. Which I think she did, and I think the listeners will too. But it's not a traditional episode because we are talking about some stuff.

We're saying that we don't like some things that obviously we like um we're almost disavowing one of our heroes uh and i am uh getting mad at adam for ruining everything uh just because dre has worked with him before and honestly he's the one who taught me that juice actually has a lot of sugar in it uh which I wouldn't have known. And that was something that they told you to be mad about before, I guess, Anonymous is mad at Adam. They wanted me to be mad he ruined nutrition when actually he's just trying to educate me. And I think that's why they were mad at us too. Us, Adam, Anonymous, we're all getting inside the system and pulling out all the wires and destroying people's preconceptions.

I don't understand why we can't just work together on these things. Listerine invented bad breath. Why we have to... Listerine invented bad breath. Combine, by teaming up on these things instead of all this infighting between us and... If we all work together,

we could really take down the system. And Admirance everything. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, there's these sort of three separate factions. Schoolyard politics. We have the same goal, but we're going about it different ways. Yes.

He's doing a funny show on TV. Sort of a triangle of kidnapping each other's daughters. I don't know. I think obviously now we do have to do it to Adam, who then in turn does it to Anonymous, and then round and round we go. But at some point we have to break the cycle at some point. But it did just happen to us, so we do have to do it now to Adam and then Adam will do it to not

and round and round we go and so we're going to do the ads people like when we do the ads you guys love this the front loaded ad so ads and then maybe go back and refresh after the ads listen to this again

so that you have a little bit of context because there are a couple key moments maybe one two moments in the podcast that are different than how it would normally sound i think yeah uh and just this is why we're talking about it so you'll hear it and be like oh yeah that's what yeah if it just pings you a little bit just like hits your ear a little funny and you go like, oh, this isn't the Hayes and Shaw necessarily that I know and love. And like, I think at minute,

I don't have the exact time code down, but I think it's minute 28 and 13 seconds. And then again at minute 49. So anyway, at those two moments, I think we're a little bit off just because we are dealing with our kidnapped daughters and their lives are being threatened. And we do kind of save them. And it turns out there was no real tension to begin with.

On Hollywood Hairbook. Michelle Pfeiffer, Rupert Grint. I was, um, I was with Tom, I don't know, Cruz. Yeah, uh-huh. I was, like, water skiing. Great.

With Tom Cruise. Uh-huh. And we did, like, he did a trick oh good I don't know yeah great you said Tom Cruise did a trick

and then so that must have been a big splash hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook an entire guide to kicking butt and dropping names. I'm Red Carpet. I always have this industry we call showbiz. Showbiz, yeah. This is a show.

We talk about Hollywood stuff. We do. It's a normal show. It's a podcast that's fun. And we talk Hollywood. You said that. And the guest today is a very sweet girl. A good girl.

A nice girl. And I guess we have to, right? So she has not been on any other Earwolf podcasts before. So as, you know, tradition. Yeah. Yeah. We do have to tell. Do we have? It feels, for today.

Well, timing wise, yeah, it's a little inappropriate. But I mean, it's a little inappropriate but I mean it's this is the show I mean so we have to

we do have to tell invite other podcasts that get down and suck on these yeah so hello from the Magic Tavern please say hello to

these these big ones in your face in your mouth and the longest shortest time i mean i feel terrible yeah the longest shortest time uh why don't you try the longest thickest uh these one of these in your mouth so uh and i guess elizabeth you've been on totally lame uh elizabeth lame's like a gray area, the Totally Lame show. She was an earwolf, yeah.

Yeah, maybe. But then she became earwolf, so maybe just Psychic Andy has to just suck on one of these. And he doesn't have to get all the way down. He can do it from a chair or something. So our guest is a nice girl, and it's Dre Vermillion. Vermillion. Andre Vermillion. Andre.

Dre. Andre Vermillion. No one can say it. Vermillion. That's a color. Yeah, what about names? Your names are so interesting. Names are crazy, aren't they? Vermilion. That's a color. Yeah. What about names? Names are so interesting.

Names are crazy, aren't they? Names are difficult. They can be. Just go on that for a second. Yeah. Just see if you can just carry us for a minute. Yeah. Names, you know, I guess they define us, but do they? They don't.

Speak on that. No one can really ever say my name. I've just become used to it. And it's like some boys have it. Yeah. Yeah. Some boys have my name. Some famous boys.

Andre the Giant. Andre Kirilenko, yeah. Andre Agassi. Then there was Andre the Seal. Uh-huh. Yeah, that must have been tough for you growing up. Whenever people eat with me in the evening, they refer to it as my dinner with Andre. Okay, yeah.

Have they seen the movie? They haven't even. They just know the reference and they just want to annoy me with it. I mean, you know, to act like that is a problem. I don't know. To complain about something like that.

Bad things happen to people. To be like, that's a big deal. I mean, I don't want I guess it's lower down on the list of worldly problems yeah but anyway so you have been

doing this for a long time the comedy and TV the things that I've done yeah well oh

you're gonna go phone call are you gonna no mine's not going hello oh my god you sick son of a bitch

oh god this is mine they're on with you now hang on you guys are calling Hayes too Oh my god, you sick son of a bitch. Oh god, this is mine. They're on with you now. Hang on, you guys are calling Hayes too. Hello? Should we just merge the calls? Yeah, let's try and merge them. Let's see if we can... Do we both have to do it?

No, I'll... So tell him you're going to hang up with him, and then I'll call you from mine, and then we can add a... He that he's here okay but he says I can't hang up they're in the same room well if you don't hang up then you'll get then you'll wind up disconnecting okay they're in the same room okay so dude so okay okay I can do this so I'll call you back don't hang up with them when you answer mine I'll hang up on them

then you call them back or wait we don't have their number uh okay uh hold on it's blocked okay uh I accidentally hung up trying to call you hello yeah sorry about that I was trying to merge with. Hello? Yeah, sorry about that. I was trying to merge with Hayes, and it was just like,

you son of a bitch. If you harm one hair on her head. Sorry about this, Dre. You were saying something about college humor or something? Oh, yeah. Why does Adam have to ruins everything? Could you talk about that for a minute? Oh, yeah.

Are we sick of him ruins-ing everything for us? Yeah, Adam does ruins everything. It's so frustrating, isn't it? Yeah. Well, you do want to enjoy comedy sometimes and just things that you know in life. What the? I'm sorry. Sorry, Dre.

You were saying? Do you want me to just keep going while you take this phone call? Well, Dre. You were saying? Do you want me to just keep going while you take this phone call? Well, yeah. Why don't you two? Here, I'll take this one. And you two talk for a second. So Adam ruins all this stuff. Like, does he have to ruin nutrition for me?

Oh, did he ruin nutrition for you? That's one of the episodes. And I found out that kale is basically only as healthy as spinach, which is granted very healthy. Oh, yeah. I don't think humans should eat kale, personally. Oh, yeah. Well, it's only as healthy as spinach, it said. Yeah.

It's harder to digest. Yeah. And so. Just put her on. Just put her on. They said, like, that it's not more healthy than spinach. Yeah. So I guess you should just eat spinach?

Yeah, well, you could. Where are you? It's the same thing, essentially. Yeah. And, you know... Just tell me where you are. Did you realize that diamond rings are just... Like, De Beers just basically did an ad campaign.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's how they add value. They're not more valuable than like sapphires and stuff. But yeah, they only have sentimental value and that's apparently nothing. Andre, we do a thing sometimes on the show where people put these sound blankets on the wall over their head. Oh. Like a little.

Yeah. A sound blanket? Yeah, it's a sound blanket. It's like a sensory deprivation thing. Oh, so it helps me. And then you come out, and then you tell us sort of what you experienced in the chamber. This is a thing that people are doing now. Oh, interesting.

It's a big Hollywood thing. We put you in the chamber for a second. Okay. And then... You can just get into this blanket all the way in. We won't talk. We won't talk while you're in there, but you'll just be in the chamber. It'll be quiet.

You'll be in the chamber, and then when you get out, maybe you can tell us where you went, you're in there, but you'll just be in the chamber. It'll be quiet. You'll be in the chamber. And then when you get out, maybe you can tell us where you went, you know? Oh, sure. Like if I went to an astral plane. Well, ideally, but let's not try to force an astral plane. Right, right, right, right. Because if you go in thinking about that, then it's going to be this other sort of false version of it. Yeah, do astral plane.

Do whatever you want. Yeah. So you want me to go under this blanket now? Just get in the blanket. You know, it should be comfy in there. It's a hot day. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. And if you want to talk while you're under there, if you want to talk about the stuff that you're saying, we won't stop you from doing that. Sure. All right. Okay. So here I go. Great. All right, okay.

So here I go. Great. They want us to point out some of the logical inconsistencies in Suicide Squad. I can't do that. I love that. I know. I know. I wouldn't even know.

No peeking, Dre. Does this have to be a wool blanket? This is very hot. That's how you make the senses go. It is a hot day. That's how you deprive the senses, though. So I guess the sense that I'm having now mostly is just itchy. Go with that. It's just very itchy, and I might actually be slightly allergic.

Go with that. That's the thing. Can we get your mouth under there, too? Oh, sure. To just see your mouth peeking out from well yeah i wasn't sure if you could like hear me how are you doing that with just your mouth oh i made a fold i can make i just made a little pocket for myself okay i took the two ends and i wrapped that's kind of crafty okay yeah no so come on out andre oh okay, okay. Yeah. Much cooler out here.

Yeah, so movies, we talk about movies. We always talk about movies here, and you... Never been in one. Actually, that's not true. I was in one, and I got cut out. Isn't that fun? Oh, okay. What's the name of it?

Gangster Squad. Oh, that is a great segue for... So... Squad. So, squads. Squad life. Squad. So squads. Squad life. Yeah. What do they mean?

Haz, you had something about this squad. Yeah, there was the Suicide Squad movie, and I guess I didn't like it. There was some stuff that was really fun, but I guess it was still some things that were weird. Don't do this, Hayes. God, they're making me betray my essence. Yeah, so some of the stuff was weird. I guess I didn't like that the incredibly powerful supernatural being at the end of the movie who was essentially unstoppable

had only one weakness, traditional explosives. And there were just like these two little bombs lying around. There were two of them. And the way all the superheroes with special powers stopped them was with essentially a stick of dynamite. Yeah. And that they had to be very close to them to do it. I guess it was kind of weird that the Suicide Squad is made up of normal guy who can shoot guns, normal girl who has a baseball batang normal boomerang guy super god

who turns into like the most powerful fire demon it could take these guys on one by one but he's sort of like the fifth or number five or six kind of the least essential yeah part of it guy and a girl with a Yeah, and then I guess there were a couple more. And also, see, like, maybe something went wrong in the introduction of Slipknot, the Native American character, who appears very abruptly, is on screen when they're introducing the members of the Suicide Squad in that conference room, but has not been referenced up to that point in the movie.

Maybe seemed like his backstory was cut out as Viola Davis is introducing each character. So he's just introduced. There's a really rushed introduction when he shows up. Seems like it might have been a very speedy line of ADR where the guy's getting out of a van. He says, that's Slipknot. He can climb anything, but he's also very dangerous.

That's Slipknot. He can climb anything. Then you see him climb one thing. You see him climb, but he uses a rappelling machine. Similar to what Batman has. The only thing you see him do is climb, what Batman has. The only thing you see him do is climb. But that event is not as interesting

as you'd expect from a climbing hero. This is great because I haven't seen the movie and now I don't have to. No, you do have to. Oh, no, I won't. No, you do have to see it because it's so bad. Oh, yeah. We don't like it.

And I guess it was. And it's not about friendship. I guess if you do track the Joker narrative, it's basically he works extremely hard to get a phone to Harley Quinn. But the text that she's getting, don't change her behavior at all. They just say, like, I'm coming. I'm coming. Like, get ready.

And then when he comes, it's not like a secret. But is she ready? Well, he's just like, come over here. And I guess if she were not ready to do that, I don't know what would necessarily be different. Anyway, so that's his big plan. And then he has Harley Quinn in his little helicopter for like 10 seconds. 10 seconds, yeah.

And then he's blown out of the sky. Oh, and the explosive device in her neck has been deactivated, so she has no reason to actually participate with the Suicide Squad. But she does hang out, I time and then they do threaten her with it again and she does act like it is part of why she's staying yeah so and there's the one they are very close friends at the end because she says that like you made one mistake like you mess with my friends and El Diablo does call the Suicide Squad his family at one point so they're really close but basically all that happens leading up to that is this one conversation

in a bar where El Diablo sort of tearfully admits that he accidentally burned his wife and children to death and Harley Quinn is like you fucking piece of shit she's like you can't undo that you suck

yeah that's true that's like their real like coming together conversation oh and just to double back and everyone else is like mad at Harley Quinn

yeah they're like she's being too hard on him yeah but she like wants him to like face it maybe she's right but to double back

to the dynamite quickly Dre she just doesn't understand because she's never been murdered before well she's been through a lot double back to the dynamite quickly, Dre. She just doesn't understand because she's never been murdered before. Well, she's been through a lot. Yeah, she actually has been sort of murdered before. Yeah, she does get thrown into, I guess, acid.

And then somehow there's paint colors. Yeah. Those Joker saves are there in love. Yeah, and Joker is hurting her really, really badly in one part. Just to double back to the dynamite really quick, I did like that you didn't see how the croc got the dynamite, even though the big moment at the end is that the croc has it. It's good that he's just got it in his hand.

And that it can only be activated by shooting it. Even though it's going into a fire. And Will Smith doesn't want to shoot it. Even though it's going into a fire. And Will Smith doesn't want to shoot it. And also, if you track basically what the whole movie is, is Viola Davis puts together the Suicide Squad for no purpose at the time. No reason.

She's just like, we need this. It's a lot of the red tape of her trying to get it approved that she would be able to use the Suicide Squad if anything goes wrong. And then the villain, who is a member of the Suicide Squad, becomes like a super bad guy. Kind of only because she had assembled it

in the first place. Yes, because she assembled the Suicide Squad. It's because of the assembly that the bad guy exists. And then that's why the Suicide Squad has to be called in, which you would think they would be sort of hesitant about the Suicide Squad at that point since one of them became the supervillain that they're now going to go after. But anyway, the reason they're called in is to save Viola Davis. Yes, that's right.

And then they take her out of a building where she seems to be safe. And the entire city is completely empty of innocent people. And so why was this very high-level person the only one who was not able to get out? And the only reason I believe that they're not just shooting the person who has the explosive device remote in their neck is because she is watching them from afar. And so they can't do that. But then they're just with her and could shoot both of them because Will Smith is the best shooter in the world. Yeah.

But he still doesn't because just be careful, you know. And also, Ike Barinholtz's character is a prison guard who basically spends the entire movie beating up the Zozad squad. And torturing them. Yes. And two different people threaten his life. They say, I'm going to get out of here and I'm going to make you pay for this. Yes. So you think the problem is maybe like, oh, well, one of them.

That can really only be true for one of them. I did think that. Who's going to get him? Do they have to pick? But ultimately, what happens to him is nothing. Yes. He beats them all up and just gets away with it. He gets abandoned later.

He's down a lot of money at a casino, and then he gets brought into a back room and threatened by the Joker. And then you don't see what happens. This is great. This is like I've been read the book. You should still see it. You should still see it, Dre. No, if I been read the book you should still see it Dre

no if I've read the book I don't want to see the movie and this is essentially like I've been read the book you probably need to see it and do stick around for the Arclight Presents

afterwards I always stick around for the Arclight Presents interview have you ever seen these I think I've I've just heard of them I don't think I've stuck

around for one stick around after the credits because they interview some of these people right in the lobby. Of course, for this one, they got the two biggest stars, Jay Hernandez and the Japanese woman who plays Katana. Right. And Katana, who has never been in a film before. And then the interviewer says to Jay, you know, Katana, this is sort of your first foray into film.

says to Jay, you know, Katana, this is sort of your first foray into film. And then Jay, this is by far your biggest and maybe really the main, like sort of the only thing you've ever done. And then Jay says, I've been doing this for 10 years, three or four times after that. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. So tell me about Angie Tribeca.

You got this, right, Hayes? Yeah. Oh, no. So tell me about Angie Tribeca. You got this, right? Yeah. Angie Tribeca is a show that Steve Carell created with his wife, Nancy. It's like a police procedural, a spoof on one.

Is she still Nancy Walls or is she Nancy Carell now? I think she's now Nancy Walls Carell. Okay. Is he okay? He's fine. He's fine. It's a lunch emergency. Oh. Oh, God.

Not bad. This is my agent. More Hollywood stuff. Yeah, I got the photo you sent. Yeah, she looks like a little sweetie. Yes, she's a pretty little sweetie, and I don't want her to get hurt. Can you, okay, can you send

with today's newspaper, but this time don't have it be the front page of the newspaper, have it be the funny pages? Because then I can actually use the picture to read some of the comics. You son of a bitch. He cut the comics out of the newspaper. For wrapping paper.

It's going to seem lazy when you give that gift. No, don't hurt her. It is cute. Okay, I'll call you back. No, I don't have your number. Yeah, that's right. So, Nancy. Is he going to wrap her?

What? He's not wrapping her, is he? I didn't even think of that. Did they tell you? We do the chamber thing multiple times a show. Oh, you want me to go back in? That's always part of the show that the guest gets in the chamber. Yeah, every like seven minutes or whatever. Yeah, seven or so minutes. The guest the guest gets in the chamber. Yeah, every like seven minutes or whatever.

Yeah, seven or so minutes. The guest has to be in the chamber. Okay. You keep getting calls and then like... I know. Yeah, and that's so... And now you're talking about a rapist? Somebody...

Well... So, I wonder... God, I hope that wasn't a mispronunciation so yeah if you could get in the chamber just for the show because it's a fun show

about Hollywood yeah somebody took my sweet lunch his lunch is gone oh from Sweetgreen you got lunch from Sweetgreen? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. What do you get at Sweetgreen? Oh, I usually get the Hello Portobello. So good. God, that's a really good one. So earthy. Goodness. Bunch of mushrooms and like miso ginger dressing.

And you get a smoothie. And Hayes gets the OMG Omega. You do? That's so good for you. There's no smoothie there, but he does get an Agua Fresca. I call them smoothies. Because they go down so smooth. Yeah. Anyway, I'm just going to toss this blanket over to you.

This is going so great. Do I have to go in the blanket? No! It's so dark. I want us to go in the blanket? No! It's so terrible. They want us to disown Schumer. Wait a minute. For her tweets. I know. I know. That's not fair.

I know. She just had a book come out. I know. This is the time we're supposed to be celebrating. Her book just came out. I know. What about her book? Do you know what this would do to her?

So did we just say? No, my agent just called. Did we just say no? We're big fans of yours, though. Oh, I just mean it's so hot in here. Like, can I have a fan? Sure, yeah. But that's how the senses go away.

So I'm sensing dripping sweat. So, Dre, why don't you get out of the blanket? Okay. And thanks so much. And did you go to the astral plane there? No, I was just too distracted by the sweat. By the heat and the sweat. Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting. That's what the Indians did and stuff. Yep, that's how you find your manitou. Oh, yeah. It's like a... That's how you get your manitou. Oh, yeah. It's like a... That's how you get your Manitou. Yeah, it's like when you do the... What's that stuff?

Manitou. You know when you go in a tent and you take that drug and you hallucinate and you sweat and you throw up? Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca, yeah. That's not Indians, but... It's not? Well, no.

That's like South America. It doesn't matter. That's a good segue. Some people were tripping out on, there was like some tweets the other day that there was this Kurt Metzger thing where, do you know about this? I don't.

I wish I did. I don't know about anything you guys are talking about today. I'm glad that you're catching me up on everything. I don't need to go see anything or read anything. You don't have to read any think pieces. Okay. No. So a guy was accused of improprieties sexually at the UCB in New York.

Okay, I know about this. Yes. at the UCB in New York. Okay, I know about this. Yes, and then someone did some tweets essentially, could be viewed as defending him, could be viewed as attacking the victims, could be viewed

as attacking social justice warriors in general. A comedian named Kurt Metzger. And there's a lot of different ways to parse what he did. But one person in particular really had to answer for this man's tweets. Amy Schumer, who got roped into the controversy. Tweeted a response that was some people had sort of a cowardly avoidance of the association. And we don't feel that way.

Or we do, I guess. It's complicated. No, I can't. No. No, you know what? No, I can't do this. You know what? Do your worst, my agent,

because I'm not going to do this. I don't know what else she was supposed to say other than he doesn't work for my show. Okay, so this is what happened. Amy said maybe we can just clear all this up. Maybe everyone will understand. Amy said, I'm sad

and disappointed in Kurt Metzger. He's my friend and a great writer. I couldn't be more against his recent actions. Then she wrote, Kurt does not work for me. He is not a writer on my show. Please stop asking me about it. His words are not mine. And then people seemingly willfully misunderstood this. When she said, he doesn't work for me. He's not a writer on my show.

They were like, well, he's written for every single season of your show. Okay. Right. And there's another one coming up. And then she said, I didn't fire Kurt. He isn't a writer for my show because we aren't making the show anymore there are no writers for it and all these and then dummies were like again we're like oh is the show canceled like you're not making the show anymore do you

mean ever yeah and it's like no when we say we're not making the show anymore we mean we're on tour uh inside amy schumer is not canceled Comedy Central has provided us with a wonderful home. You couldn't be happier there. I'm just touring. And it's obvious from her earlier tweets that that's what she meant. When she said there is no show, she meant basically we're on hiatus because I'm touring. When you're on hiatus

for Angel Charbeca, what do you say? You say, we're not making the show anymore. And if I say, oh, I know a guy who writes for the show, I say, he doesn't right now. You say you say no you don't say right now that's confusing you say no he doesn't work there yeah and it's like because it's just being in the moment yes thank you it's about mindfulness yes can we at long last get to this very mindful and sometimes like after you after work somebody calls you and and is asking about something about your show. And you say, what are you talking about?

Like it's after 5 p.m. there is no show. Right. Yeah. Because right then there isn't. Yeah. There's only dinner or family. It's nighttime. There will never be a show.

And you have a show that I think sometimes will air like multiple times in a day. Oh, does it? show that I think sometimes will air like multiple times in a day. Oh, does it? Yeah, I think. But if it's like the show's on and then there's a commercial. Then there's no show. Even if the show's coming back, then you go like, that show's not even on TV anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

Which is so obvious to anyone with a brain in their head. And then when it comes back on, you say, oh, the show's on. Yeah. Because it is. Yeah. Because it is. Yeah. And like, for instance, if somebody asks me like, how's Hayes doing? I go. There is no Hayes.

I say, I don't know Hayes. Yeah. I haven't seen Hayes. And a lot of times I say, Hayes doesn't exist. Mm-hmm. Because if they're asking me, he's probably not there to be asked himself. Yeah. You know?

And where is he, if anywhere? And this is some of the stuff you might learn inside that blanket, you know, is like. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. These human husks we occupy are just a vessel, you know? They're not who we are.

No. And so when somebody says, where is Haze? I'm like, get in the blanket, you know? Ask the universe. Yeah, who is Haze even? And he's not anyone. He's a fucking loser. Okay.

Okay, I would love to deal with that a little more. He's a fucking nobody. You guys could put your phones on silent. Yeah, no, we're going to. It's just my agent's calling me big deals going down. Can I talk to my lunch, please? Hi, sweetie. Does that make it taste better? Why does Adam have to ruin his internships? You know what I mean? Oh, sweetie. Does that make it taste better?

Why does Adam have to ruin his internships? You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess he just— Are they making you say that? He must have an ax to grind. Yeah, right? Tell me they're making you say that. You did High Times Office.

Were you smoking all the weed? Oh, man. I personally go to the moon, so they had to hold me back. Oh, no. They had to keep you on the moon. Yeah, because I was just too—I wasn't on this planet. Oh, gosh. I didn't know my lines.

Space. It was bad. Yeah. I was starting to hallucinate and think that parts of my body were—they would break off and become different things. They would break off and become different things. And did you get a sense that BB-8 was going to be able to make all those noises when you were working with him on that? I felt like I would expect like one or two noises, but there was like a wide range. Yeah.

Like a much bigger range. Blanket! On it goes. Oh. Okay. I just got off the phone with them. This really is my agent. Hey, what's going on, John? Yeah. Kevin.

Well, that's exciting. Come here. What time? Yeah, I can make that. You're sending the pictures to the fans? They're not fans, Kevin. They told you they were fans. They're not fans, Kevin. They told you they were fans. They're not fans.

Yeah, that's great. So now they know. They can see us in here. And Cody, you said it. You patched the sound feed through because I just got a call from them. And they're mad about, first first of all what we're wearing because we were supposed to be wearing anonymous masks.

You should tell them I've worked with them before. I'm here with Dre. She knows BB-8. Cody, don't do a scary voice especially now. Don't scare me. Cody, put that away. Do you want to be in Star Wars next week? You can't scare me. What time is it again?

I could do anything after two. You're patching the sound feed through to the bad guys? Cody, put that down. I don't want to do the scary voice thing with you. Just do normal Cody, please. I mean, I could try and be available before two. Oh, sorry.

This is the other guy. too. Oh, sorry. This is the freaking other guy. Hi. Oh, no. No. Okay. It's probably the same thing, but I can just tell you. Yeah, what's up? They're mad because Kevin has been sending them the pictures directly.

Kevin thought they were fans. I don't know. Did they call you? Kevin, they're not fans. And also, why you would agree even for a normal fan, if they called you and said, please instantly email me the pictures as soon as you take them. Kevin, the only fans in this room is the one that we're not offering to Dre

when she gets under that blanket. I would really like one. Why would you agree to that? They said they were Hollywood heads, and I told me to put it on the right. Well, it's handbook heads. So right there, you should know that. If you're a real handbook head,

which we did ask you to become one, then you would know that. You're right, they got me. Dre, what do you call the fans of our show? Handbook heads. Thank you, everybody. What do you call the fans of Age of Tribe Handbook Heads. Thank you, everybody. What do you call the fans of Andrew Tribeca?

Tribeca Heads. Okay. So it's always the second word. Anyway, they're mad because I got the pictures and we're not wearing the anonymous masks like we're supposed to. Yeah. And Cody has also been sending them through the feed, so they know that we refuse to disown Schumer for her tweets.

Cody. We're working together. Yeah, Cody doesn't even have an excuse. I'm straight up working with them. Can I just ask who they are? Oh, they're Scripps. Yeah. Yeah, ever since Scripps acquired Earwolf, Cody's working with them.

That's how he says. Hey, Scripps kind of sounds like Scholls. You play Dr. Scholls. Uh-huh. I do write medical scripts. Uh-huh. Prescriptions. Yes.

So we're still doing an interview with you. Now, look. Hey, if Cody knows who these guys are, maybe we could offer him a sweeter deal. Okay. Tease it out of Cody. But we still have to kind of be doing the interview. I know. I'm trying.

Okay. How about this? Dre, you're an actress. Do you guys know that I can hear your asides? Like we're right here next to each other. You're not using the blanket right. Well, like, some people will use their hands and, like, block off so the person can't see

or they'll, like, quietly whisper. You guys are just talking straight up full volume in front of me. Right, because we thought you knew how a blanket works. Okay. Just sweat it through some of the blankets. I just want you to know that I'm not that easily distracted. Let a hole clean through the blanket.

I've been doing this weird cleanse that makes my sweat pretty acidic. You know, everyone's trying to be alkaline all the time. I'm just trying to be acidic. Go the other way. Yeah, go all the way through. I'm like, no, I don't believe anything that people say. So I'm trying to be as acidic as possible.

What about we do, sometimes we do actress games where what if you played a role and the role is someone who can tempt Cody into giving up information. Saying where scripts is or what he's being offered by them. Where like a sweetie might be found.

Okay. I mean, I'll tell you where they're at. Great, tell me. Because you're an actress. Yeah. Well, here's the thing, Cody, is I feel a connection with you, and I feel like...

No, you don't even have to do this, apparently. Say no more. I feel like we can share things with each other. And like whatever you tell me... I worry it could only be ruined at this point. They're in Cincinnati. Ohio. Oh, that's a funny place name.

Oh, wow. What's round on both sides and high in the middle? Okay. Please don't give me any more hits. middle. Oh, okay. Please don't give me any more hits. This was actually the riddle that we were given.

Oh. It's an old stick stickly joke from Nickelodeon. Oh, no. And I just got a text from Scripps. He sees people like twisted cartoons. He wants me to do more stuff like that. Just like, you know, sort of brain teaser-y witticisms. Oh. So I guess, Dre, can you tell me why Hawaii has interstate highways?

Because it's all in the one state? Well, then it's not inter. So if Teflon is nothing sticks to it then how do they stick it on the pan in the first place are these to be answered or is it I think you're supposed to be like oh good question oh good question

yeah okay thanks I like that okay okay so good it does stick to your insides though Okay. Okay, so good. It does stick to your insides, though. Apparently it gives you cancer. Those Teflon pans.

Oh, no. Yeah. The pans. Okay. Pans Labyrinth is another movie. I loved that movie. Okay. Is that the one?

That's not the one that Bowie's in what do we say I always get the two confused are we allowed to make her feel embarrassed tell her explain so we were talking about stick tough on pans and then pans labyrinth and and then we were

sort of talking to Dre and she said I love that movie but then clearly she doesn't know what movie Pan's Labyrinth is and she

and she didn't know she didn't see Suicide Squad and she didn't really know about that and she didn't see Suicide Squad and she didn't hear

about Kurt Metzger and the Schumer thing which is a really big internet but somehow she knew about the thing that incited the

Metzger and Schumer stuff which is like how did you get that information and not the rest? So it just really seems like she's like fucking with me in a way. And then, so then she thinks it's Labyrinth, but she calls Labyrinth the one with Bowie in it. Are we allowed to just freaking roast her or what?

No, I have to be a big sweetie. Yeah, it is the one. It's so good. Remember all the creatures? And Bowie's wearing the creature costume. He's the big creature. Yeah. And he comes for the little girl.

Blue 2016. I hate 2016. So she thinks that Bowie is the creature in it. And I feel like if I don't say something, she's also going to say that Bowie is the bog of eternal stench. Yeah, that's where they're going to fall through.

They're going to fall through the thing. Bog of eternal stench is going to be there forever. Yeah, have you not seen it? Okay, he hasn't seen Labyrinth. Wait, have you not seen it? Okay, he hasn't seen Labyrinth. Wait, whenever you're on the phone, Cody is down on his little phone attachment. Wait, call that number back. Okay, I have to...

I thought you didn't have it. I don't have his number, but I can make him call me. Okay. Should I answer? Yeah. And I'm just going to turn this one mic up a little bit. Hello? Sean.

Yeah. Hey, Mr. Scripps. Sean, I need you to come through for us here. I need you to pull that content out and make it good. Pull the content? Pull the content out. Just promise me that...

Sounds like someone isn't sure. It sounds like they're not sure exactly what they want. Promise me that me and Hayes' daughters are okay. Put me on the phone with Sasha and Malia. You know that's something I can't do right now. Just let me hear them giggle. In case Sasha or Malia is just Sean. Just let me hear them do a sweet girlish giggle and I'll do it.

No. No. You have to do this. No. You have to produce. Let either Sasha or Malia do a high-pitched giggle. Okay, I'll do whatever you want. That's Malia do a high-pitched giggle. Okay, I'll do whatever you want. That's Malia.

I know what my daughter sounds like. Cody. So you keep this shit, Disney, and you keep it good. Cody, Cody, Cody. I know it's you now, Cody. Cody, put on Miss Independent. Is that the home with Bowie now hang up

and it almost makes me feel like just take him you know just to not have to have those conversations yeah what is he gonna do yeah Dre was there anything you really wanted to cover No. He's not going to do it. Just did not have to have those conversations. Yeah, what is he going to do? Yeah.

Dre, was there anything you really wanted to cover? I mean, I feel like we got to a lot. Oh, yeah. I mean, let's see. Started at UCB. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. That was fun.

Was that awesome? That was awesome. Yeah. Did some college humor. Yeah, right. Yeah. That was fun. Was that awesome? That was awesome. Yeah. Did some college humor. Yeah, right. Yeah. Did some commercials. Yeah.

Then I auditioned for a long time and didn't get anything. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Then I got a pilot and it didn't go. Uh-huh. And then I got this show. I've heard of that happening to people. Yeah.

It happens. And then you got this show,'ve heard of that happening to people it happens and then you got this show Hollywood Handbook yeah then I got Hollywood Handbook and I thank you and I think it's worth every dollar that I've paid to be on yeah it's expensive to be on the show but obviously we have a really high overhead

and because we've been hearing all this stuff about women paying 75% of what med pay yeah we tend to charge women a little more because we have you know like we want to be progressive um but the result is we have fewer women fewer female guests because it's so expensive it's expensive i borrowed money from my grandma okay Okay. Well, thanks to grandma. Does she want to be on the show? Yeah, does she want to be on here?

Sure, she'd probably love to be on here. She has to pay even more. In movies and stuff? She's in them when she watches them. She gets really into them, yeah. Okay. Gangster Squad. What was that voice he's doing?

Oh, he's like, stick them up. Okay, yeah. And then what do you say? And I was like, no. And then he's like, yes. And I was like, no, no. What are you, the bank? Yeah, I'm the bank.

And they're just trying to get the money out of me. That was very uncomfortable because they literally shoved a bunch of coins and stuff down. They were saying, they're just like pills. Just swallow them. And I was like, I don't know, guys. Because they know for saying, they're just like pills, just swallow them. And I was like, I don't know, guys. Because they know for you, you're like, oh good, pills.

Right. Yeah, I'm like, can't get enough. Yeah. So that was super uncomfortable and I felt very heavy and weighted. Oh, God. This is, again,

I should have put this on silent. This is not anything important this is just my friend I told you to keep it fucking Disney what are you doing Cody it worked what do you mean we got a great show out of it

yeah that was exactly our plan the whole time Cody well I hope they like it up in the Great Lakes area. What? Oh, God. It's so, every time you swing, it's like just such a stiff breeze. How did you do such a good job kidnapping our daughters?

Just every specific expressing yourself in the most basic way is such a torturous process it would be so easy

and you make it so much harder oh god no like Great Lake Erie yeah no don't do it

don't name the lakes maybe if he goes I would love if he could name all the lakes yeah I guess it's fun to see Cody try to name the lakes. And Cody, really try.

Okay. There's a song for it. Why are you whispering when you're at the end of the table, Cody? You know you don't have to duck down. We're all just sitting here. Cody, you're ducking under the table and you're whispering, but I can see you. Cody, we figured it out. Coming from the girl who doesn't know how to use a blanket, I don't know.

And he feels safe saying that because he's doing his scary phone voice. We figured it out. Coming from the girl who doesn't know how to use a blanket. I don't know. And he feels safe saying that because he's doing his scary phone voice. But see if you can say that. Put the phone down. Put the phone down and just be you and see if you actually would be that aggressive. Hey, Dre. I am going to use this experience and write my new book, The Girl with the Wool Blanket. Is that like dragon tattoo? Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay. Oh, I guess it's sort of a play on girl with the lower back tattoo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and like girl with the train. Right, girl with the train. The girl who owned the train. Pearl earring or something.

The girl who found a pearl earring. She found it under the blanket. Yeah, and the girl who discovered fire. Yeah. That's the series of the books. Yeah, the girl who found the earring and the girl the tattoos. Just about girls discovering things. That's the biggest thrill in entertainment.

Right. Is just seeing a girl be like, oh. Look at that. How did I not notice that before? Fire. Yeah. Yeah, that's always a good part of movies. It's a pretty short movie.

She just sees the fire and she walks up and she touches it and she gets burned. So when you say she discovers it. She just found it. It's her individual discovery. She's not a cave girl or something. No, she's in 2016. Okay, yeah. The movie takes place this year.

Boo, 2016. The worst year stop taking all our artists right I'm so sick of them stealing all our good artists she did die after making that movie

yeah well she became engulfed in flames she touched the fire too much she touched it it went up her sleeve it engulfed her

her whole body whoa yeah yeah wool tattoo sleeve bye her whole body. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. We'll tattoo sleeve. Bye. This has been an earwolf production executive produced by Scott Ackerman and Chris Bannon.

For more information and content, visit earwolf.com. That was a hate gun podcast.