Hollywood Handbook - Arden Myrin, Our #MovieRank Friend

Episode Date: April 3, 2018

Sean and Hayes invite ARDEN MYRIN to help them finally rank all the movies and do #MovieRank.This episode is sponsored by LaRue Entertainment ( www.apocalypsesoonish.com ), Blue Apron ( www.blueapron.com/HANDBOOK) , hims ( www.forhims.com/HANDBOOK ), and Rehabs.com (888-893-3052).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So it's me and Jessica Jones and Praz Fuji and we're doing the tower heist. Of course. And we're doing the thing where like we get to the elevator and Prowse is the demolition guy. And he'll go up to the door and he'll check it out and be like, it's bomb proof. And then Jessica is like, oh, we'll see about that. Let's see if it's high heel proof. And she lifts her high heel blaster.

Uh-huh. And it blasts a big hole in the door. And we just sort of keep doing that on every floor. I love how that challenges the idea of femininity where something so associated with women and glamour now becomes this brute force. It's now a weapon of death. Yes. When I first heard they were doing that, I thought it was a bad idea.

Sure. I thought that people wouldn't like that. That it would be sexist to give a woman a high heel blaster as her main power. But I guess people do like it. Oh, and we all do. So we get up to the highest part. The top? The tower top.

And we blast open the final door. With high hail blast? Yes. Does that feel at all like a double beat to you? Well, we did it on every floor. Oh. We just continuously are doing this. Well, it's the rule of 37.

So the answer is no, is because we did it on every single floor. And we finally get there, and who's there but the original Tower Guys crew the nice guys from it Casey Affleck

Eddie Murphy Brett Ratner is there Gabby yeah Gabby who was riffing in that and was so funny. They're all there, and it's kind of like a real showdown. Yeah, who's going to heist this tower now?

This tower. There's only enough tower in this tower. Tower for the Tao of Us? Or wait. There's only enough heist in this tower for the Tau of Steve. And so then we

start to get ready to fight. They've all got high heel blasters too. Oh no, even Ben. Because they heisted the technology. And so everyone is like... You can't be surprised. Everyone is standing on one foot with their heels pointed at each other to get ready to blast. To blast, to blast.

And so everyone is kind of wobbling around. It's hard to maintain in a standoff position. I know. Except for Jessica, who's like not even feeling it. Because, yes, she's so used to that. And then finally, we were like, what are we doing? So we blast the safe. We all needed to get together and blast the safe.

It just felt like the story was getting too long. Of course. To all of us. Right. Who were there. And so we're just like, can we just quickly. And everybody just sort of stopped paying attention. Can we just quickly.

People who had been participating no longer even were looking for a way in. They were just waiting for it to end. So can we just quickly stop doing the heist. Yeah. Is what we all sort of mutually thought. Blast the safe open. Seemed like the fastest way to just go home. Yeah.

What was in the save? The money. Ah. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacked hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? We're here with Arden Marine.

What are we doing today in terms of a show and a podcast that everyone can hear? And Arden, say hi to everyone. Hi, everybody. Hi. And it's Arden from the podcast and TV and the movies. TV and the movies and the podcast. But. Remember.

But then this is a great segue. Yes. To what we love to do on the show. Yes. Arden, you also, do you watch the movies? I love the movies. And you watch the movies as well. I do watch them.

I'm so sorry. I didn't fully understand. I did. I watch the movies. And we've caught her red-handed. She admitted it. But it's actually, for this show, a good thing to watch the movies. We've been wanting to do this for so long. Okay.

Our official movie rank. Great. Hashtag movie rank. We have also been looking for a hashtag. We have not really ever done a hashtag. Oh, you need a hashtag. It's all about hashtags. We haven't gotten one going.

We've said hashtags for sure, and I think maybe something gets lost in the translation or people are spelling it differently because we can't seem to find them online. Then we go look and it's not anywhere. Yes. You didn't hashtag rule of 37s? That, I guess I'd be okay with people using, but we're really trying to get hashtag movie rank going.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I feel like we're going to split the vote a little bit. Right, right, right, right, right. So you can save that for something else. Yes. Well, and you can use it if you want. Oh, my. I'm sorry. I feel like we're going to split the vote a little bit. Right, right, right. So you can save that for something else. Yes. Well, and you can use it if you want. Oh my god, thank you. I mean, I'm like super generous with that stuff.

You emailed me in advance that you guys were givers and I appreciated the heads up. That's what we say to some of our guests. Right. We don't want to hoard the ideas. No. For me, this stuff is, you know, a freaking Crosstown bus, another one coming

any minute. And if we did hoard on all this stuff, Sure. we would, it would fill up the whole house. Right.

And we'd have no room to, And we'd be hoarders and you'd find like a flat skunk underneath all our newspapers or something. Our ideas.

Again. Underneath all our ideas. A lot of ideas. It would squash the animals. In this case, a lot of our ideas Are for newspapers

Because let's face it The press The press Oh my god People think print is dead But it's not The media Yeah we have a lot

Of good ideas For new newspapers Do you? Yeah Oh yeah One for Canada Just for all of Canada? Yeah

How about one for space? Oh that would be fun. Like the Space Weekly. Well, no, no, not that often. Okay, sorry. There's not really enough stuff happening there. In space? To do it every week.

Okay, that's true. My favorite space story was the lady astronaut who drove from Texas to Florida in diapers with a gun to murder her rival at the Orlando airport. Are you referring to the movie Rough Night? I'm referring to the movie Rough Night. I loved it. Okay, that was a movie. Okay, I'm sorry.

I thought that was a news story. I got confused. No, no, no, no. I just see things and I just take it as fact. No, that was Paul Downs in Rough Night. Okay, I'm sorry. I got confused. I got confused.

It was a wonderful movie. It seemed very real. I see images on screens and I'm like, wow, that's a crazy news story. And whenever a movie ties in with the news, what is happening with space, because everybody wants to go. Right.

So for somebody to have a diaper and a gun to try to get to space, we all relate to that and we say, well, I would do that. Maybe they really did. Yeah. And now people are thinking, oh, are we going to start with Rough Night for the movie rank? Is that the first movie rank? Hashtag movie rank? I think what we have to do is introduce the movies in chronological order. Yes.

So we start with the first movie ever. Ever. Yes. Dirty Dancing. Well, I understand why you say that. If you actually really study the movies. Yes. Yes.

It's before that. I understand maybe that's the first movie you saw. Right. But much before that, way before that. Right. Was The Croods. Yes. If you think about it.

An ancient movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so old. Yeah, it's so old. It's this artifact that we've discovered. The Croods followed very quickly by Year One. Yeah. Yes. Yes, yeah. It's so old. Yeah, it's so old. It's this artifact that we've discovered. The Croods followed very quickly by year one. Yeah. Yes.

Yes, yes. So let's rank those. Okay. So let's just, and obviously these could move later if we find a movie that we think is. Is earlier. Is earlier, but also is higher. Oh, if we discover a new movie. Oh, okay.

An ancient new movie. If that happens on the podcast, hashtag movie rank is going to be on every newspaper on the planet and in space. Oh, okay. If that happens on the podcast, hashtag MovieRank is going to be on every newspaper on the planet and in space. And in space. So, for me, The Croods is a very good movie, but it's not one of the best movies. I would

say that it's probably, for me, going to be ranked somewhere around number six or number seven. And how many are we? How many? It's like, what's the... All of them. Oh, okay. We're doing all of them today.

I think the only way we can do this is do them in compare to each other. Okay. And so... Crudes versus year one. Crudes versus year one right now. Okay. Crudes is full of good funniness. Yeah.

And year one is full of funny crudeness. That's so true. Interesting. But the crudes has even the most crudeness of all in so true. Interesting. But the Crudes has even the most crudeness of all in a way. Who's in the Crudes?

I don't know that I'm familiar with the Crudes. There is the dad. Okay. Okay. There's the little baby.

Yes, who's I believe is very strong. Okay. Is this an animated movie? Yes. So you do watch the movies. I do watch the movies. I do watch the movies.

I do watch. And we caught her. And so here's a little bit. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

And so if you remember the Croods, you're going to want to talk about the freaking big tiger. Yeah, the big tiger. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is very scary. And I think there must be a mammoth as well. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not to mention a grandma. Yeah. Yes. So even in old times when everyone was very new, some new people were old. Think about that. Did the Croods have a sloth in it? Well, you're thinking of Ice Age, which I believe comes after. Which we have discovered was an earlier movie.

The Croods. An ancient movie. A pre-Crood film. Oh, wow. Okay, that's good. This is Ice Age is from the BC film area before Crude. Right, pre-Crude. Yes.

Yes. And so Ice Age, now we have to rank that with year one and the Crudes. And we didn't do year one and the Crudes. And I am so sorry to do this. Is Land Before Time prior to Ice Age? It was before anything. Wow. Yeah. You guys am so sorry to do this. Is Land Before Time prior to Ice Age? It was before anything. Wow. Yeah. You guys are a wealth of... Okay.

Alright. So Land Before Time, I think because it is before time, we can't put it on the list. No. No. This list will only include time. Within time. We said we were ranking them by time. Yeah, if it was before time, they've already taken themselves out of the race.

Yeah. They did that. They shot themselves in the foot. And there's no funny crudeness in that. No. I think they're actually lucky they don't get into the hashtag movie rank. Yeah. They would not like where they end up on the hashtag movie rank.

And for them now saying, like, hey, let us into hashtag movie rank. I don't, I'm not really sure you want to be in there. Careful what you wish for. Yeah. Because you will get hashtag movie ranked and you will not like that you want to be in there. Careful what you wish for, because you will get hashtag movie ranked, and you will not like that you come out hashtag movie stank. So true.

So let's try to order these movies against each other before we move on. Crude, funny crudeness. Year one is year fun and then I guess

ice age is a nice age so given that Arden just processing that information so we've got funny crudeness we've got year fun and then we've got nice age

I'd start to me I feel like in order. Nice age feels like it's a nice sort of beginning. Starting in the nice ages. The nice first. It's early. But it's like people feel good. It's nice. It's of an age.

There's a time there. Okay. Yes, that's very important. We have. Then I would go with, I mean, everybody loves crude fun. Yes. I mean. And funny crudeness as well.

And funny crudeness. It's like, you know, you're being a little saucy. Yes. Sometimes breaking the rules can be a real thrill. It really can. You know, it's like we all just like Monday through Friday, you know, just like punching the clock. We follow the rules.

And then you've got some steam to blow off. Uh-huh. And it is movies watching on the weekends, I think, a lot for people. And that is when you could really get crude. When your boss isn't watching all the time. Yeah, exactly. You can Google anything. Anything you want.

Imagine clicking out of the crudes at work right when your boss is about to come up. We've all been there. We've all been there. We've all been there. And it's like, oh, Mallory, are you still looking at, you know, like every time. How many times can you get sent to HR? Yes. A lot. We've all been Mallory in that situation.

Oh, fucking Mallory. She's fun with Secret Santas, though. Well, of course. That's why she hasn't lost her job yet. No. People want to get her gifts. I remember she gave me a candy, like one of those edible bras, which she couldn't do now.

Candy bra. Candy bra. We can't do that now. You can't do that. 2018, you can't candy bra, but in. Hard candy bra. Hard candy bra. It was like the Smarties.

She gave me a candy bra. It was like a Necco bra. It was like a Necco bra. You can do that in like 2011. You can't do that in 2018. Yeah. Unfortunately, that is part of the fun that we have given up. Yeah.

Time's up. Has to have equality. Time's up on candy bra gifts and Secret Santa. So Mallory's sort of in a stump. Like she's not sure exactly where to go. Yes, because her sauciness and her funny crudeness was so much of what made her gifts exciting. And now in the workplace, time's up on Mallory's Secret Santa Gifts.

That's so true. Those Necco bras would really smash into dust. Yeah, they would. They really would. Into a fine dust. They sure would. Yeah. And sweat is not the friend of the Necco bra.

No. Sweat is not the, no. Because not only will it, it'll also get sticky. It'll get sticky. It'll leave color marks on your person I wore it to a wedding and I gotta tell you when I hit the dance floor

it did not age well on the dance floor to my cousin's wedding but men that must have been it was pretty popular people kept saying they were hungry and I'm like there's hors d'oeuvres being passed around but people were like no no no

something a little sweeter. Yeah, something a little sweeter. And at first I thought it was just my winning personality. Yeah. Oh, these men want to eat my bra. These men want to eat my bra. I should have sprung for, like, a Rent the Runway dress. Like, I should have rented a dress.

That might have been the difference maker. Yeah. So we did. We ranked the movies. We ranked those three movies. It ended up being in chronological order. Yeah. Just by coincidence.

Which was very easy for us. So now we have to figure out what the next movie is. Mamma Mia. Mamma Mia is a very old movie. That's a very early movie. Yeah. And so I'm gonna ask and these are

legitimate questions yeah and you guys can just order these for me because I'm aware of them but I'm not a student of history necessarily

yes you are I mean I dabble but I can't say that I am he always says that he's not on every show but he really is he just yeah he was

you know it's good to have some modesty. And everyone knows that he is. Well, it's, we don't know. But I'm just going to throw these out there and you guys say, hey, maybe you know when this is. Let's do it. All right. Robinhood? Yeah.

King Arthur? Yeah. Lego Batman. Okay. And so when did these take place? And Mamma Mia has to be in there too And Mamma Mia as well When did they take place?

Because Robin Hood and King Arthur Feel close Robin Hood That they were maybe enemies Or worst friends I mean they're frenemies most likely Yeah I think Robin Hood

Robin Hood If you remember what he was doing in the movie He was He wore tights I think Robin Hood. Robin Hood. You remember what he was doing in the movie. He wore tights. So we can know that was at an era when men wore tights. Right. And he wasn't like a ballerina. He lived in the woods. This is making me think of Shakespeare.

What was Mamma Mia that she liked to wear? She liked to wear blousey, like gauzy outfits. Some fun jumpsuits. A fun, almost like a space suit. It could be like, that could be a future movie. That feels like future. That feels like future. Okay, so that's later.

So that's later. That's going to be last. That's last. That's the future. That's probably the very end of the list, I would say then. Yeah. She wore like space suits. Yeah.

And Pierce Brosnan. At least back to the Future, there's part of it in a time that I recognize. But this, it sounds like the old things in space. The 1850s. I recently re-watched Back to the Future. Didn't we all?

Are you allowed to do that? You know what? I felt bad. Did you get permission to do it? I had applied for a permit from the city of Los Angeles. There was a website that you could apply. Well, they changed some of those ordinances lately. Yeah, they did.

I did apply. I had to pay $75 after the fact. It would have been cheaper if I'd done it before. I'd taken an EMBN and I just started watching it. It wasn't fully in my right brain. Ask for forgiveness not for permission exactly permission

there is a scene I don't know if you guys remember that one time that you saw it where the mom is in the car in the parking lot at the dance

getting like actively assaulted by Biff do you remember that? yeah well Biff's a bit of a scoundrel he's a scamp

he's a bully let's be honest he's a scamp he's a mean rate up bully he's a bit of a scoundrel he's a scam he's a bully he's a mean rate up bully he's a scam no he is he bullies and I think we can all agree that the ink's not dry the dye's not cast on bullying how we feel about it

we think there's obviously positives and negatives we don't do that on this show. We don't judge. Yeah, we don't take sides on this show. It's a fun show. It's for fun.

It's for fun. I want bullies to be able to listen to it. A lot of bullies like this show. Look, bullies love movies. I mean, what are we going to say? And the bullies

are going to get your hashtag going. Oh, yeah. They're going to really strong arms. forcing the nerds to tweet our hashtag. To rank movies. No, yeah. We'll just forcing the nerds to tweet our hashtag. To rank, to rank, to rank movies.

No, yeah, we'll just have the nerds do our hashtag. That'll help. No, the bullies have to really muscle it through. It builds character. Yeah. To be bullied. It can, it can. I mean, when you look at the people who are truly super successful, they either are bullies

or they were bullied so hard that they had to take revenge. So true. I mean, how I got my revenge body is really just through being bullied into finally getting into the gym. I was wondering why you weren't wearing a shirt. And I was intimidated by it. I'm glad you brought it up because you've been flexing the whole time. Well, and that is what it looks like I'm doing. But actually, that's just me moving around because my revenge body is so taut.

I mean, you do have written all over it, revenge body, like it's like, I didn't know if it was henna tattoo or if that was actually tattoo. These are tattoo concepts. They are in permanent tattoo, but I always have an out. I always have a window to do a different tattoo on top.

Over revenge body down your bicep? Yeah, that's why it is written so thin. It's great that Chef Kevin, that he has come into the room while we're talking about these Biff-type characters because Chef Kevin to me is someone who does Biff behavior but is sort of a George-type. George McFly. Yeah.

And that's millennials, though. Doing Biff stuff. I feel like with the millennials, some of the George McFlies have become the Biffs. So true. Yes. Hi, Chef Kevin. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here.

And you were on Nerdist for a long time, so you know about that. Yeah. The nerd body? Yes. I do. I do. so you know about that. Yeah. The nerd body? Yes. I do. I do. You know the nerd body. I know the nerd body.

Very well. In order to be on Nerdist, you have to actually spend a lot of time and just get to know nerd bodies. Studying the nerd body. They lock you. You go on vacations. You do Airbnbs with various nerds. And you hang out with them and you get to know. There's different types of nerd bodies.

There's a very scrawny nerd body. There's more of like an egg-shaped nerd body. Yeah, and there's a great big fat nerd body. There's a great big fat. They're starting to come out with those. They've started rolling those out. Well, there's a prototype. Yeah, there is a great big fat nerd body.

That's often skinny at the legs and arms, and then just really it's all right in the middle. It's right in the middle. Yes. I was fascinated by that. Chef Kevin, do you have like a – if somebody wanted to get a nerd body, like could you sort of prescribe like a food plan for them? We should have asked that. Yeah, I think there's two extremes.

There's like bulking up but just eating a lot of crap all the time to get that egg form or just don't eat at all and get the scrawny form. Great. What about someone like me who only wants to drink my food? I think you would have to. Stomped him. You did stomp me. And we finally got Chef.

Years. Brutal. This has been years. Oh did stomp me. And we finally got Chef Kevin. Years. Brutal. This has been years. Oh, yeah. We've been looking to trap this guy. Okay, so we did. God, Back to the Future is so tough to rank. Chef Kevin, get some of this.

Where's your revenge body at? Who you were getting revenge at with your revenge body? Bullies. Biff, et cetera. Wow. Wow, look at that. So Back to the Future is an ancient movie and a future movie at the same time. I feel like we can't put that one on the list.

I know. When you look at the DeLorean. Because it's all over the place. It's outside time. It's outside time. It is outside time. When you look at a DeLorean even now, it's clearly from the future. Like a door with wings like that, that's not from now.

Let's say some movies that just are going to be off the list that just are going to break so many rules that we can't put them in order. Yeah. Freaky Friday, too freaky. Yeah. Can we agree on that? Yeah, too freaky. That's too freaky. Too freaky.

And Lindsay Lohan, if she's in it, it scares me. Any scary movie. All the scary movies. Anything scary, no. No. No, no, no, no. But I meant the movie, scary movie. Weird stuff.

Any weirdo stuff. Weird science. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. The Wizard. Yeah, it's freaky. The Wizard. Was Fred Savage in that. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. The wizard? Yeah, it's freaking. The wizard.

Was Fred Savage in that? Yeah. I love that. I love that. Yeah. Did you have anything else about it? No, I just needed to know if Fred Savage was in it. Oh, he's in it all right.

Was he the wizard? In a way. No, actually, his little brother's the wizard. Ben Savage? No. In the movies, sometimes someone with a real brother will have a brother portrayed.

What? Yes, that also was a movie that was not his real brother. I don't understand. It's similar to the Rough Night scenario. But I don't understand. If an actor is an actor

who has an actor brother, wouldn't it always be played by their actor? And I know, it's very confusing. And in Little Monsters. This is my brother. He's saying,

here he is, this is my brother. And I'm like, but that's not Ben Savage. I don't understand. But in Little Monsters with Howie Mandel Because he's saying, this is my brother. He's saying, here he is, this is my brother. And I'm like, but that's not Ben Savage. I don't understand. But in Little Monsters with Howie Mandel, he isn't. And his little brother is played by his real little brother. So then it's like, what movie is this?

They're giving us mixed signals. And that is what's so confusing. Little Monsters is another movie, obviously, that will not be in the list. No, no. So scary. And so, no, we're not going to do little monsters. Are we going to do big monsters? Yeah.

Are we going to do Monsters Ball? Yes. Yes. Yeah. We are. Monsters Ball is a nicer version of these monsters where they are dancing. Yeah. And they wear gowns.

Yes. Did you guys hit Monsters, Inc. or Monsters University? Chef Kevin. You were here the whole time. Chef Kevin, have you not been listening? Did we hit that? You've been sitting here through the entire conversation. I don't want to be controversial, but I understand that in the chef community,

sometimes people do a lot of drugs to stay up all night in the restaurant world, like Coke or crystal meth. I don't know if you're coming off of like a four-day bender. I'm looking at his face as she says this, and he feels exposed. I mean, I'm not judging. I'm impressed. When she was like, people do a lot of drugs, all of a sudden Kevin's eyes went wide. Oh, no.

Yeah. He knows my secret. He looks panicked. Has he been up since February? He does nerdier kind of drugs. He does he looks panicked. He looks panicked. Has he been up since February? He does nerdier kind of drugs. He does like Jolt Cola. Yeah, twice the caffeine. Shouldn't even be legal.

Oh, my God, Jolt? I forgot about Jolt. And he's really into like, oh, I just had a whole Jolt. He won't do energy drinks, but he will do Jolt. He still has some original Four Locos, but he's too scared to open them. I got them on eBay. Yeah. But he does a bunch of Jolt Cola.

And I heard he once took a Vibrin. Wow. Chef Kevin, confirm? Confirm. It's true. I forgot about Vibrin and Jolt Cola. Yeah. A lot of us did.

I forgot about that. Yeah. And for anybody who took one too many Vibrin and their legs started shaking, hey, we're with you. We are with you. And Serge. And Serge. I guess we have to rank Chef at some point. Oh, yeah.

We're going to have to put Chef in there. Okay. John Favreau feels very present day. There's nothing about him. Very present day. He feels very... He's modern as hell. 2018.

He feels very modern. Mr. 2018. Yeah, Mr. 2018. Yeah. He feels... I mean, this version of him. Mm-hmm. Yes, the chef version of him.

The chef version of him. Yeah. Well, and let's take a look at it in the movie. He's freaking doing Twitter. Yeah, he's doing Twitter. Right. He's got a food – he's friends with Bobby Carnival. Carnival.

Carnival, yeah. And that's a very present guy to hang out with. Oh, please. Yes. He's modern as hell. He's modern. Between the two of them, I feel like I'm almost in the future because it's so right now. It's so at the moment.

Bobby Carnevale, who's telling him, hey, you're not on Twitter, man. What's the matter? You don't like fucking chicks? Yeah. Is basically what Carnevale says to him. That's right. He's right. You got to get on it.

If you want to fuck chicks, you have to get on Twitter. Yeah, that's exactly right. It's a fuck fest on it. If you want to fuck chicks, you have to get on Twitter. Yeah, that's exactly right. It's a fuck fest on there. It is. Chicks aren't going to fuck themselves. You got to go out of your way. You got to get a handle. The chicks are waiting for you on Twitter.

Oh, my God. They're just waiting. Well, you got to at them. Yeah, and you might have to put a period before it if you want everybody to know, like, hey, Emily Blunt, I'm going to fuck you. You got to put the period before it. you want everybody to know like hey emily blunt i'm gonna fuck you you gotta put the period before it i write that every morning to her and john krasinski i don't think appreciates that i notice he's been getting very strong in the last few years and i wonder if that's to protect his wife from me from me that might be that might you know

what i like what i like you know i saw her in that movie that she did. Oh, gosh. Are we going to have to rank this one now? Hashtag movie rank. She did a movie with the guy, with Colin Firth. It was the worst movie I've ever seen. It was called A Good Man or something like that. A Good Man.

A Good Man. And she was in it and I saw it and I watched it. I watched it. Well, you did watch the movie. And it was terrible and it made me angry at her but she was so lovely. Was it called that? A Good Man? It was called like A Good

Man. So that I guess. So we gotta rank A Good Man and we're gonna put that certainly behind the Croods. Yeah, it was really bad. It was really bad. So that I guess. So we gotta rank a good man and we're gonna put that certainly behind the Croods. Yeah, it was really bad. It was really bad. But that started my obsession with having to try to make love to Emily Blunt. When was it set? It was set

it wasn't as modern as like a Jon Favreau piece. Okay. So, but it felt maybe like 2015. I can picture that. That's gonna have to be then near the end. Yeah. But we already know it's going to be. She said it's the worst movie ever watched.

It's the worst movie ever made. It's the worst movie she's ever seen. I've watched it. I watched it. But Chef Kevin's probably seen some real honking pieces of shit. And I got to say, Hayes, sometimes you're watching just trash because it's so bad it's good. It's so bad it's actually hilarious. Can we rank Lifetime movies? Those can be so bad it's good. It's so bad it's actually hilarious. Can we rank Lifetime movies?

Those can be so bad they're good. Yeah, I guess we can't. Well, we have to do all of them. Oh, no. We're doing all the movies, so yeah. Oh, right, it's confusing. Except for the ones that are not of time or are just too scary and monstrous.

What happened to your ceiling? Oh, I've never looked at it before in my life. Okay, cool. Never mind. We're back. Something fell off. Yeah. I hope it doesn't.

Kevin, look. Sorry, guys. Something fell off. Sorry, guys. Kevin, can you take care of that, please? I think that was Cody. Kevin, can you please just take care of that? Yes.

Kevin, did you get any photos today of a certain good boy who's, yeah, maybe brought his special fox toy to show you? And he said yes, but now he's going to do it. So I sort of wonder if he actually did do it at all. You don't have to wake him up and give him his toy, but. Yeah. So. So we still have to ring Robin Hood, King Arthur.

Oh, yeah, King Arthur. King Arthur, Robin Hood. So I guess I would go Robin Hood is Robin Good, and King Arthur is sporting some bling, Arthur. Can you imagine? Can I just pause at a comedy scenario? Please. It's King Arthur, but it's Arthur from...

Arthur. It's Dudley Moore. No, no. I don't know who that is. Okay, okay, okay. No, the real who that is. Okay, okay, okay. No, the real Arthur. Russell. Mr. Brand X himself.

Whoa. You remember when Russell Brand was Arthur? Oh my God. I blocked that out. And Greta Gerwig was his friend and you were like,

oh, I guess you wouldn't just be laughing all the time. You're absolutely right. I couldn't go to work with Mallory and hang out. I couldn't show up every day. Yes, because thinking about Arthur's being rude. I couldn't go to work with Mallory and hang out. I couldn't show up every day. Yes, because thinking about Arthur's being rude.

I forgot all about that. But imagine if he were king. Oh, my God. He would be really hard to please. He'd be really erratic. He would. He'd be pinching gums. I hate to do this.

This reminds me King Ralph. And we have to do that one, too. We do. And that, I guess, was an ancient movie. Yeah. Which one? King Ralph. I don't remember King Ralph.

Oh, please. Are you serious? Which one's King Ralph? It's before your time. I'm sorry. John Goodman, not from a good man. Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

I got so angry for you. You brought it up, but I wanted to tweet it Emily Blunt. I was like, where's my Twitter? John Goodman is like an everyday blue color. Were you going to tweet? I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you. Wake up. I'm going to fuck you. And this is just

for when you're telling people that you're going to fuck them. You at them in the AM. The A is for at. DM's in the PM. Yes. So at night, slide into the DM's and then in the morning, put a period and hit them with the at. Yeah. At is for AM.

And DM in the wake up. It's like waking up with morning lady wood, and I just got it. It's locked and loaded on Emily Blunt. And I just am not going to rest until I fuck Emily Blunt today. We also have to rank Jiminy Glick in La La Wood. And then are we going to rank, you mentioned morning lady wood, We also have to rank Jiminy Glick in La La Wood. And then we, are we going to rank, you mentioned Morning Ladywood.

Are we going to rank just the term lady boner somewhere on the list? Yeah, I think we should. Some terms should be eligible for hashtag movie rank. I think that's pretty important. I think that Meryl Streep talks about it.

Meryl Streep talks about it all the time. Oh, yeah. Her lady boners. Meryl. Meryl. Are you mad at Meryl? You have a feud with Meryl Streep talks about it all the time. Oh, yeah. Her lady boners. Meryl. Meryl. Are you mad at Meryl? You have a feud with Meryl?

She just always has these eclectic necklaces, and she's just sort of pulling at them. I heard she was going to be the new Princess Leia, and I'm mad. You're mad at them. Yes, I think they should resurrect that dead person for the rest of her life. You should dust off. For the rest of the movie, they should resurrect that dead person for the rest of her life. You should dust off. For the rest of the movie, they should reanimate a person who is dead. It doesn't have to be Carrie Fisher, but it would certainly be someone who's dead and we're piecing together footage and graphics and stuff. Sure, sure.

Is nothing sacred that they would have some other person do it rather than taking a dead body and having the face moved and pretend to be alive. Like at the Super Bowl when Justin Timberlake sang with Prince and people got very, very pleased about that. They loved it. People loved it. And anyone who could be mad, and I can't imagine, it's like, well, what would they have us do? Not have a dead body dancing on stage and instead have someone else sing?

Or have someone else playing Prince? You want Meryl Streep to play Prince? Meryl Streep's Prince? There's nothing sacred? Yeah, I don't think so. What I want, and that was even different to me because Prince was just singing a Prince song. But what I want, please, is let's have some of these dead bodies say things that they never

agreed to necessarily say. Like, very controversial statements. Well, I don't care what it is as long as they can't have the freedom of choice about how their image and voice is being used. Or what their performance is like. Or even if it's inevitably

going to be kind of weird because it's entirely built from a computer. They don't get a say. But the most important thing is that they don't get a say. Nor should their family or estate get a say. Please. I looked down at your hands for a moment. I thought you had like pale pink nail polish on. I was like, I was wowed for your revenge body that you also like revenge hands.

The blood, the muscles in the rest of body that you also like revenge man the blood the muscles in the rest of his body has sent a lot of the blood the blood's all in the tips yes yes

fair enough it's in the tips and I will say I also people say like oh you could have there was a moment in the last movie

where that character could have just died with dignity right but no I think it was good that they said, no, no, no. No, no, you don't get to die. You get to die on our terms. We are going to use the computer to make her fly through space

and come back to life forever. Well, because some people think that death is the ultimate epic clapback. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That term should also be in hashtag movie rights. Yes, it has to be. But some people think of death as the ultimate epic clapback, but what I always like to say is that, in fact, it's not. Because we have the technology.

I have a question for you guys. How did you feel in Fast and Furious 7 after Paul Walker died, but his brother looks just like Paul Walker when they were like, did you want him to keep going in Fast and Furious 8? I missed Paul Walker's brother being Paul Walker. His brother, yes. I totally did. I missed it. Why are we seeing more over-the-shoulder Paul Walker in the eighth one. His brother wearing a green bodysuit with Paul Walker's face lasered onto it by a

computer. I cried like a baby when he drove off to go be with Jordana Brewster. And I was like, poor Paul Walker and his brother who looks just like Paul Walker. But then I saw the next one and I was like, bored without Paul Walker. I know, they should have had him

fly back. He should have flown back through space, gotten into the car, started racing with Vin Diesel again like old times. Hey, I almost had you. Hey, you never even had your car. And just remind us of some of that stuff. That magic. Have you guys

seen, I'm sorry. No, I will answer this question, but I have a question related to what you brought up, which is when I wake up and tweet, hey, Paul Walker, I'm going to fuck you. With a dot.

Is that inappropriate now because he's experienced the ultimate epic clapback? No, it's great. It's great. It's great. It's flattering. It's like saying that he still got it. I think so's great. It's great. It's great. It's flattering. It's like saying

that he still got it. I think so, too. It's flattering. I think so, too. It's flattering. Someone, please tell his family this. So we should,

I guess we should rank all the fast movies with the ones we have so far. Okay, so it goes, number one, Nice Age. Number two, Fast 2,

Faster Than You. Number three, Tokyo Drift, you're super swift. Yes. Number four, fast four, was this one Japanese too? Number five, the Croods. Number six, Fast Five. Fast Five and Paul Walker is clapping back at you from heaven.

Clap back to me. He's clapping back at you from heaven, and I am here for it. Yes. The people are here for it, and I'm screaming. Mm-hmm. Fast. Number six. Mm-hmm, Fast 1.

Classic. The Faster Than Furious. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Number seven. Year 1. Year 1.

Year 1. Eight. Eight. Back to the Future. Back to the Future. Fast 5, Back to the Future. Yeah, I love that one. Back to the Future is not on the list. the Future. Yeah, I love that one. Back to the Future is not on the list.

We took it out because it was unlistable. Oh, okay. Yes, it broke too many rules. But we did have another one. Oh. Mamma Mia's last. Robbing Hood. Oh, yeah.

Robbing Hood. Leprechaun robbing the hood. And then probably Tales from the Hood has to be in there. Yeah, it does. I'll probably put that after Fate of the Furious. Okay. Don't be a menace to South Central or drink your juice in the hood. It's too long.

Well, we kept Scary Movie off. We can't have that. And the whole list has to fit in one tweet. Thank God they made more characters available in tweeting. Did they do that for you? They did. You know what? Because when I was saying to Emily Platt.

I still have not gotten access to that. I couldn't get what I wanted to do. You couldn't necessarily describe how you were going to fuck her. Yeah. So I had to do multiple tweets. Yeah. I was like, I'm awake. Thread.

Thread. You had to thread the one slash question mark. I'm going to undress you. I'm going to first show up. I'm going to show up. I'm going to find off John Krasinski at John Krasinski. Then I'm going to slowly undress you. Yeah. And then we're going to read from Devil Wears Prada.

We're going to read, and I get to play Meryl Streep with my chunkly necklaces and stuff. And you still get to play the Emily Blunt part. And it just goes on and on it's like 15 thread tweets you know what you just reminded me that maybe has to be even in front of the Croods Ricky and the Flash for me

it was Ricky or the Flash and I choose Ricky all day every day yeah you loved Ricky oh please get the Flash out of here the war of the Flash who has the daughter in that? Who played the daughter in Ricky and the Flash? Ricky Lake? This would be very confusing

for you. She has a daughter. I know we said that the daughter is not the real daughter, but in this case, I think it is. See, that's what I'm talking about. It's either the rules of the movies, it's either only the Afflecks can play the Afflecks brother.

And I think now, with the number of examples that we have, I think the brother of the wizard was just the real brother. Of Ben Savage. We have more examples now of the brother being real and the daughter is the real one. So this is a brother that we didn't know about, because I feel like the kid in the wizard is also the kid from Daryl. And we do have to rank Daryl. Which one was Daryl again?

Yeah, which one was that? Well, Daryl is an acronym and he is sort of a robotic child and then his best friend Turtle plays baseball with him. I don't think that's a nice name for a robotic child. Daryl, no. An acronym. Oh, yeah. Okay. They're just kids.

Have you guys seen the video of a drunk Vin Diesel singing Rihanna to himself in a tank top? Well, I've seen a lot of videos. I love film. He does wear a tank top a lot. So I don't know why that is the essential detail.

You haven't seen him drunk? You haven't seen him in his house? Like exposing his abs, singing at himself, like shit face, singing like Rihanna songs to himself? And they are just people like us, aren't they? They really are. Stars are just like us. And you've met some of them. I've met three. And Dish.

Okay, I met Helen Hunt. Can you Dish on that, please? I met Helen Hunt. Okay. You were reading her mind in that movie? I read her mind in that movie. I met, who else did I meet? I met Goldie Hawn.

Wow, Hunt and Hawn. Hunt and Hawn. I only meet stars that have H names. Blonde ladies. Only blonde ladies. Got to stick together. They got to stick together. We've got to stick together.

Truly. It's not easy. It is not easy. Time's almost up. Time's almost up. Is this a joke to say that Goldie Hawn is Kanye West's favorite actress? Because he goes, Hawn. Is that a joke?

Yes. Absolutely. It's so good. Absolutely. Kanye West. God bless him. He's a designer now. I got to go to a baby shower.

He's very on the news. I got to go to a baby shower once at the Kardashian house before they were all, like, famous. And I was like, these are a lot of very attractive girls. And all the women. Was it? It was a baby shower. And all the women there. I was like, I can't tell if the women are 30 or 70.

Because they all had, like, tit jobs. Not the Kardashians, but the guests at the party. And they all had, like, lip jobs. And the hair was. Dish, dish, dish. The hair was, like, curled out. Dish, dish, dish. And I just couldn't figure out, like, this is what's happening in Calabasas.

It was confusing. Bitch sesh. Hey, girl. You have found yourself in the middle of a bitch sesh. Yes. Yes, bitch sesh. Bitch. Bitch sesh.

Bitch sesh. So we don't want to, obviously, get involved in any copyright lawsuits, but this is a bitch sesh. We are doing the show, bitch sesh. Are you? Yes. That's great. We're now doing it, yes.

This will really help. Oh my God. Open the portal into bish sesh. Yes, hashtag movie rank is going to explode. Oh my God, it's going to explode. It's also hashtag bish sesh. It's so good. Well, thank you for that news. And so... You're welcome.

You're welcome. It's the least I... I'm sorry I derailed us. was Lord Disick there? you know what it was before Lord Disick any man that can confidently wear driving loafers

have you guys ever worn driving loafers? not on my feet the muscles again the muscles they're on his fingers on your balls

he every morning I sometimes try to hide my pink fingies. Your pink fingies. Yeah, with the little driving loafers. Little like tods, little tiny tods. You just drive in those.

I will say, so Arden, this will be hard to catch you up on. Please. But we used to have an engineer named Cody, and every time I would look over at his computer, he was looking at like thechive.com or some incredibly stupid thing. But now I look over at Engineer Ryan's computer and he's always looking at the script's

calendar or just doing his job in a very basic way. That bums me out probably even more. I miss Cody. Where's Cody? He's in Mexico. Cody, Engineer Ryan,, where's Cody? He's in Mexico.

Cody, Engineer Ryan, can you be Cody? Wait, did Cody and Brett go to Mexico together? Why are they in Mexico? No, it's a coincidence. Wow. Where is he in Mexico? Is he in trouble? Maybe. Probably.

Engineer Ryan, look at 9gag.com. He's probably in TJ, Engineer Cody. Do I have to find 9gag? Yes, you have to look at 9gag.com. He's probably in TJ, Engineer Code. Do I have to find 9gag? Yes, you have to look at 9gag. Oh, no. And you have to keep calm and chive on. What's 9gag? Is this like a 4chan type thing?

I don't know. It's for lads. It's like the lad bible. Oh, okay. It's a lot like the lad bible. See that gif when you see your crush. You know what? We should rank probably some of these Bible movies.

I love the Lord. That's right. We forgot some of these ancient Bible movies. Those may even come before some of the other movies. And we forgot the good dinosaur. Yep. Okay. Okay. So we've got the Passion of. Yep. Okay. Okay.

So we've got The Passion of Christ and Jesus Christ Superstar. Okay. Yes. Okay. Those are the two Bible movies that I know. Yeah, those are the big ones. Those are the two big ones. Those are huge.

Those are the two big ones. Well, Jesus Christ Superstar has rock music, which makes it feel a little later to me. Yeah. Because that music is pretty much brand new. It is very modern. The kids are listening to that. John Favreau type music. That feels like if I could see John Favreau play Judas.

Oh. Dream cast. If I could only. I've been tweeting that out. John is Jubus. He would be a wonderful Jubus. John's Jubus. I think I would make

a great Peter oh yeah you would make a good Peter you've got the wrong man lady oh yeah I don't know him

oh yes imagine oh my god and I wasn't where he was today nowhere near the plane

I think I could destroy that. How much? Profile. Are you going to watch it tomorrow night? I know that John Legend is Jesus. What? Yes.

A faded man ran. A faded man ran. I only know the one part. I'm sorry. I just know Judas' part. I only know the one part. Okay. Fair enough.

Oh, you know the Judas part. Okay. I know the Judas part. And I know the freaking that one guitar riff. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know the Judas part. Okay. I know the Judas part. And I know the freaking, that one guitar riff. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ryan's back on the literal slack. What do you want to know?

Don't you mind about the future? I don't. I'm not familiar. I'm sorry. I know the one part that Peter sings. Okay. You'd be wonderful as Peter. I mean, I would.

It's the only part I'm qualified for because I do not know the rest of it. You should see if you can get in on the live one tomorrow night as Peter. Yeah, and if they try to cast you as something else, you can just say, like, I don't know this. Well, I will. You should just dive in. I'm comfortable being honest about what I want. I mean, just ask friggin' Paul Walker's family. Check the thread.

So many tweets. Arden. Yeah. So we did all of hashtag movie rank. We really did. We've really done it. Do you... Did we miss any movies?

No, because we did the Bible ones. That's right. And all the others were illegal for hashtag movie rank. Starman? Starman is outside of time, unfortunately. Okay. What is, for you, the, like... Best.

I was going to say, do you want to plug? But if you want to say what what's your all time favorite movie? Of all of these? Yeah. I would say of all of them, it would obviously have to be the Paul Walker with his brother one. Well, actually,

no, I like the one with them in Brazil. I would go Fast and Furious 5. Brazil. The Brazil one would be the best one where they drag the safe through the streets, chain to their car. That was a wonderful film and they did logging trucks. It was very

exciting. What do I want to plug? I host a podcast called Will You Accept This Rose? It was on Nerdist but now you can find us since somebody stole our as we were building our website they stole our it was going to be rosepodcast.com and somebody stole it so now it's

rosepodcast.com and somebody stole it. So now it's rosepodcast.vodka. Thanks, asshole. And I have a show. I'll be on a Netflix show that comes out this summer called Insatiable. I wonder if it was that Rose McGowan who took rosepodcast.com. It was Rose McGowan.

I bet it was. I would put money on that. I would put money on that. I encourage your bravery at coming down so hard on her. Thank you so much. I really came down on her, and she wrote a whole book about it. Yes, so Rose Podcasts at Vodka, an insatiable on Netflix this summer. I'm the bad guy.

I'm the villain. What made you decide to leave Nerdist? You know, actually, Chris Hardwick left, and our producer left with him, and she was like, you're coming. So that's why. So basically our. Chris Hardwick, the pied piper. So he left, and then Katie was his producer and went with him, and she was like, you're coming with us. We loved Nerdist.

I just love to get inside and forget behind the scenes. It was so weird because I really liked being on Nerdist. It was strange. Dish, dish, dish. It was strange to leave. Dish, dish, dish. That's why we left. That's on Nerdist. It was strange to leave. That's why we left. That's why we left.

That's why we left. Fish set. Yeah. Nothing exciting. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. Great. Well, thanks so much for coming by and ranking all the movies.

Please use hashtag movie rank. Please. Even whether you're tweeting at a celebrity that you want to have sex with them. In the AM. Or whether you're just tweeting even about movies, use hashtag MovieRank and hit Chef Kevin up to keep the list if you find a movie that is just coming out that we don't know about yet or one that we forgot.

And I know they're making movies all the time. That's part of what's so special about them. Is there a new one? Does anybody know of any coming up? Sherlock Gnomes. Ah. Bye. I'm a horny girl wolf.

This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. That was a HeadGum Podcast.