Hollywood Handbook - Atsuko Okatsuka, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: January 21, 2020

ATSUKO OKATSUKA joins The Boys to play some new games for her game show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So I'm looking at this thing. Give me a sip of coffee. Give me a louder slurp on that coffee. I want the people at home to enjoy it with you. That is powerful stuff. Bam. Woo.

Auga. Looking at this sign. Yum. It says, did you know Awkwafina is Nora from Queens? Right. Okay. Yes. You called me about this. And I was like, Yes. You taught, you called me about this.

And I was like, is this the news? You called me about this. Yes. We had this conversation on the phone already. You want to have it again now? This was a phone call. Well, you helped me. I'm really, the story is about how you helped me.

This was this morning. I understand. But the story, if you let me finish, is about that call you. This was on my way to the studio to record this. You called me about this. We talked about this for over an hour. And I'm sharing. I appreciate it.

No, I know. You were very helpful to me. And I'm glad to hear that. And you said that as well on the call. But other people are listening now like i could i'm sharing it with other people and that's what i'm asking is there so is there something you want to share with everyone else because i know a few times during the call i was saying and we're we're done talking about this right and you would say totally i get it now

oh yeah you've explained the sign like yes and, yes. And definitely that Awkwafina is Nora from Queens. Yes. Yes. Which. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes.

Very good. Do you think she wants to keep having that name? And you asked me that. Or do you think maybe she wants a different name now? A different name. Okay. Than either of those. And you've answered both ways.

So I want to ask. When you say, do you think she wants a different name, do you mean different than Nora from Queens or different than Awkwafina? And they are the same, yes? She is Nora from Queens. She is Nora from Queens. Okay. But when you say, does she want a different name,

do you mean whole new name, not Nora from Queens or Awkwafina? Or do you mean, is the sign informing you that she would like to change her name from Awkwafina to Nora from Queens? Or are you saying that you think she is Nora from Queens that she wants to change her name either to Awkwafina, which it is, or something else? I guess to answer that question I would need

confirmation that Awkwafina is Nora from Queens and I can give you that and I can give you that right now 100% then yes hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook.

An insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names and recovering. How is this interview called showbiz? And what do we have here if it isn't a guest? And it's Otzko. And it's Otzko. And we are always bringing you the good guest on this show. Talk a little bit about how fun it is to be here. Oh, it's so fun to be here.

You really, I got to say, you really set it up. Like for a second, I thought Awkwafina was here. Right? Right? For a second, I was like, is it me? It was so present. Am I? Yeah, I thought I was Nora from Queens.

And you're not Nora from Queens, right? Yeah, no, I'm Atsuka from Chiba. And that's confirmed by the sign. From where? From Chiba. Chiba, which has like- Now that is- I'm a bit of a Chiba hawk myself

oh my god, big fan big fan I want to be like the second name Otsuko from Chiba but I don't know they do call this, that's what they call weed here sometimes they call, that's a word

for weed and weed enthusiasts are Chiba hawks and sometimes you'll spark the Chiba. They call, that's a word for weed. Weed. Oh, just Chiba. And weed enthusiasts are Chiba Hawks. Oh, okay. And sometimes you'll spark the Chiba. No one has mentioned this to you? No, nobody has said, oh, Chiba, you're a weed. Something that can happen is you can, and there's a number of skits on a dilated people's album that will confirm this, but what can happen to you is you can light up some chiba and somebody from down the hall

you don't normally see, who you haven't talked to in a month. Yeah, yeah. Hello. Chiba hawk. They smell it. They know somehow. And they're there to share with your chiba, but not necessarily there when you're in need.

Right. Ah, chiba hawk. Can I hit that? Is this like a patois? It sounds like patois, like chiba. Is that, what language is that for weed? Yeah. Or is that just somebody like who was high one day was just like, chiba.

Hmm. What is the origin of chiba? Yeah. For weed? I don't know. I thought maybe because you were educating me. And so I was- I know. And then I realized- I was on board. I was like,. I thought maybe because you were educating me. I know.

And then I realized. I was on board. I was like, yeah, Chiba hug. Someone comes knocking. I realize I've hit the ceiling of my knowledge. I won't share with you. Okay. Do you ever listen to more Chiba? No, no, no.

Brett, do you listen to more Chiba? More Chiba? Yeah. No. M-O-R-C-A-G-E-B-A? No. Ben? No.

No. Are? No. Are they high? I don't know. Right now? I don't know. Let's keep talking about this more chiba. Brett, find more chiba. Let's go.

The term chiba is a bastardized version of the Spanish word chiba. Which I think means a goat. Which stands for heroin. Okay, and then someone was like, yeah, okay, someone made the connection. Bastardized. You bastard executioner. You changed the word chiva, you bastard. You guys like South Park?

It almost feels like when I'm high on just weed, but. What was I supposed to look up? I found it. That's what a high guy would say let's go we this is just bad have okay conversation on this show we love to chat we love to learn so like i'm mostly here to listen you imagine in this incarnation of the show you imagine talking to the bully it's good right. Right? Like the bully man. Yeah, yeah. And he says, you're telling

an interesting thing and he says, I'd ask for your life story. Right. Did that sound like a bong rip in the song? That. Am I crazy?

They couldn't actually use a bong. They would have had to have used like some other thing. Wow. That's in the song. That's sexy. But so so that's what the bully man would say is uh i didn't ask your life story but i am i appreciate says hey says yeah what's your life story i am asked i did ask for your life story so go ahead because you're anti-bully. Yes. Yeah. I'm against the bully man. You're not that.

You are best. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, my life story. Well, I guess, shall we start in Chiba? Yeah, let's start with, let's start with a little Chiba. I guess we sort of did already. We did that.

We did that. We started with some Chiba and then we had some more Chiba. Chiba, then West LA, and then here, here you know right in front of you guys central la all the way from west la to central that's right yeah you know and that trek is not easy you know now brett has a brett has like 20 minutes on this so don't you said my life story and so here i am talking about traffic yeah you know and it's basically, that is like my, it feels like it was my life story, sitting in traffic on the way here, yes, and that's part of Breast Bitch. That's all we are in L.A., is just sitting in traffic late to podcasts.

No, we're just a bunch of husks riding in their little pods. Yeah. From pod to pod. To me, it's an attitudinal thing where I see all these other people are stuck in traffic, but me, I'm hanging out in the car. Yeah, you're just in the pod. I'm hanging out in the car. I'm listening to music.

I look outside, there's a palm tree. People go, oh, the palm tree, the fronds are falling on my thing. What do I go? Hey, buddy. Here, you breathe out, I'll breathe in. All right, let's switch it back. And we're having a thing, a little exchange. I'm hanging with my buddy. Here, you breathe out, I'll breathe in. All right, let's switch it back. Yeah. And we're having a thing.

A little exchange. I'm hanging with my buddy. Mindset. You know about this? You know mindset? Is that about CO2 out, oxygen in? It can be. It can be.

That's something you have to remember. Yeah. Do you read Carolyn Dweck? You know, I don't read much. It's not a Dweck. Okay. You know, earlier you were like, you do you read Carolyn Dweck? You know, I don't, I don't read much. Not a Dweck, okay.

You know, earlier you were like, you read Dweck 2? Dweck 2, well, how'd you know I only do sequels? Yeah, usually,

yeah, like I do only sequels, so like Little Mermaid 2, Mulan 2. Yeah, Back to Future 3. John Wick 2. Yeah,

Back to, but 3, that's really pushing it. I gotta do 2 first. I'll do 3, 2, John Wick 2. Yeah, back to... But 3, that's really pushing it. I got to do 2 first. I'll do 3, 2, but 2 first. Your philosophy, I believe, is if it wasn't good enough to make a second one, why am I dealing with this movie at all? You put those words in my mouth, and that sounds great.

So, yeah. Yeah. A lot of these movies, they only make one, and I go, let me wait and see. If they make another one, then I know they were on to something. Yeah, and let's fix it a little of the first one. Uh-huh. You know? Let's learn something.

Uh-huh. You know what it is. Paddington 2, yeah. Hot Shots Part 2. Ah, there you go. And Brett is even getting in on it. Yeah, Brett, yeah. That was his, was that your one?

That's mine, yeah. Yeah. My favorite. Was that your one, Brett. Yeah. That was his. Was that your one? That's mine. Yeah. My favorite. Was that your one, Brett? That's my number one. Oh, yeah. Let's go. We got to life story so fast.

Yeah. Here we are, you know, talking to you. We always begin with the life story. Thank you for that opportunity. And so we did that. Oh, please. Now we talk about. Everyone's talking about this show.

Let's go. It's a show. Yeah. I've had to hear about it. It has her name in it. Her name is right in there. She's got her show. Her name is right. People are going to do Atsuko's show, and so they can't do our show, because they're doing yours.

And that's happening. Because, yeah, that's what I get for doing a live show at 10 in the morning on a Saturday. Yeah. In the hottest venue in LA so it's either your podcast or my show you want to say the name of the venue? yeah I'm at Dynasty Typewriter

Dynasty Typewriter quickly get into you know pretty cool name Dynasty Typewriter on the second Sundays at 8pm very hot venue there's all this stuff on the stage. Always stuff.

There's an actual typewriter. Yeah. A rug. Haunted. Definitely haunted, that location. Yeah. I gotta say. Mm-hmm.

By last. Do you think it was named by... That makes it hotter. Do you think it was named this Dynasty typewriter by one of these hipsters? Oh, yeah. And are you sick of these guys? Right? Dynasty typewriter with their vintage corduroy jackets.

I knew it was over when there were rumors that it was haunted. Oh, the ghosts are here. Oh, my God. They're going to start rolling in. But you were just spreading those rumors. I was spreading the rumors. You started. You did that.

Yeah. Yes. Yes, I did. I said, one time I felt, I came in with my EKG meter. Oh, yeah, sure. To test the heart rate. That's right, the heart rate of what is not Koreatown.

It's not, yeah. Everyone says it is. No, no, no. No, no, let us not forget Macown. It's not. Everyone says it is. No, no, no. It's not. Let us not forget MacArthur Park down the street. You could just feel the hauntings of what was many people's Los Angeles dreams. The EKG meter just said, get out of here. It's flatlining.

Their dreams are flatlining. I tried to open up my Pokemon Go app inside there. And what happened? You caught? All ghosts. Just, yeah. Pikachu ghost. Yeah.

Just a Pikachu ghost. Beezle, Borb, ghost. Yeah. Zorba Dub, ghost man. Write about it. And a ghost of it. You should write about this. I would like to, yes.

There's a typewriter right there. Yeah, people love a ghost blog. Typewriter, no paper. Typewriter, no paper. I guess it's ghost paper, isn't it? Yeah. Yes. And then sell some tickets.

Yeah. That's how it starts. Sell tickets to your book. Well, I would love to. I would love to. And if you guys have... So I'm between internet right now. And if you have access or even if you just know you're going to be out of the house at some point and have a spare key,

I would love to get in and use some internet to get the word out about my book that I want to write on the ghost paper. Just to get the buzz going so I know if it's worth my time. You do have to be out of the house because Sean uses the internet in a very physical way. Have you seen, are you familiar with a cat having zoomies? You know, is that like a disease where the cat needs to really take up space? Is it like a fever? It is a bit, it is a bit like a fever. Zoomies fever, catch it.

I picture you. They do like all of a sudden they're zooming around the house. Run and jump and pounce on a piece of lint and roll over and then run to the other side. Oh, yeah. I appreciate the process. Yeah. Yes. And then like stop really short in their tracks and then kind of like whip their head at you.

Like they just kind of realize you were there. Yeah. This is Sean using a computer. that's me on the internet that's and that's just to get to like the browser oh you had me you had me at zoomies at zoomies yes that wasn't that long my keys under the mat my keys under the front door mat you are welcome Oh, thank you so much. Is that just excitement to have the internet? The Zoomies? You know, I don't pretend to be a doctor on this show. I'm not here to present any kind of medical. That's a different show.

There is obviously a show where I pretend to be a doctor. Urgent care. Urgent care, yep. Yeah, if you want to hear me pretend to be a doctor, please do listen and subscribe to that. What's that, Stitcher Premium, Kev? That's free feed that's main feed i thought you do urgent care i didn't do urgent care okay no but i have been to actual urgent care but well i didn't hear about that in your life story yeah it seems like you have made like you skipped a pretty dark chapter

yeah i wanted to hear about the zoomies and how I can provide Sean with the right keys. Okay. Yeah. What did the ghost of Dynasty Typewriter tell you? Look, I knew there were ghosts at the venue. I could feel zoomies. I pretended I didn't know what it was. Yeah.

A ghost with the zoomies. Very unconvincingly. Sonic has the zoomies, doesn't he? He has a very serious case. Sonic has a pretty debilitating case of the zoomies, wouldn't you say? Yeah, yeah. What else? That woodpecker?

Yeah, sure. Woodpecker. Yeah. Yeah. His head is certainly. His head's zooming around, yeah. No shit. Yeah.

These outside living animals. Yeah, it's true. They really get, they're so vulnerable to the outside. Well, because of the zoomies. My cat gets the zoomies. They are cordoned off from the rest of the world by walls and a door. But if an outside living animal, as you so wonderfully described. It's my wall.

Thank you so much, yeah. Goes zooming. You said walls, but like. Well, but the main wall has a bit of a curve to it. Sure. So to me, that's almost like having three walls. Yeah. But at any rate, an outside living animal,

they don't have that luxury of the wall's going to stop them. The futon's going to stop them. They're going to get tangled up in the beanbag chair. Yeah. The lava lamp cord is going to wrap around them and stop them. The futon's gonna stop them. They're gonna get tangled up in the beanbag chair. The lava lamp cord is gonna wrap around them and stop them. They're actually gonna hopefully, I guess, run into a tree, which the woodpecker did. Or

just go forever. Or a palm tree, in your case. Yes, my friend. The sign that you've made it. Let's go. What's these games? Tell me about this. You're playing these, yes? Yes, I'm playing games.

It's a game show. What's the main one? There's a trivia game, trivia round that I play with. You don't know Jack? I don't know. Do I know Jack? That's a trivia game, trivia round that I play with. You don't know Jack? I don't know. Do I know

Jack? That's a game. It's a trivia game that you play on the computer. And it's got a real sense of humor. Pretty wicked one. It's a precursor to the Joker in some ways, Jack. Oh my God. So do you know Jack? Then it's like, now you're the Joker. Jack, I think, is sort of the Joker.

Oh, I see. Yeah, no, no, I don't know. I kind of tapped out after jack then it's like now you're the joker jack i think is sort of the joker before yeah oh i see yeah no no i don't know i you know i kind of tapped out after jeeves so okay for me that was really the original internet trivia game yeah for me it was internet internet was ask jeeves yeah and then i tapped you know and then it was like my space and that's when i i tapped out so yeah uh i never got to an interesting history of technology we're going through, by the way, askjeeves.com is still kicking. That's still a website. Yeah. Yeah. You could ask questions. Hmm. Brett, get me that website.

Give me that. Bring me the website. Yeah. So the trivia plays like, it's like social blunders so you know because uh social blunders give me a bad example yeah no pressure bad example what might that be it's kind of making fun of the fact that like you know in society there's these rules that we have to play right so it's have to. Don't put your feet in the dip. So I make it tricky. Don't feed in the dip. Don't double dip. Historical.

Don't touch the stranger's hair. Don't put your feet in it. Right. So when is it? Yeah, that's what you meant. He likes his. You like your feet. No, he likes his suggestion, his pitch. No, of course, yeah, yeah.

This is just like, you don't know, you don't know. It's fine. Hey, Sean, don't put your feet in it. I heard you. Well, yeah. Yes, right? Because that's what we're being told all the time. And it's all of a sudden like, wait a minute, why are they saying this?

No, I thought you didn't hear because you had said don't double dip. You know, I was, yeah, I heard you. No, because mine, yeah, was like, I kind of came out with it right away and it was a pretty good one. It was great. I acknowledge it. Yes. Oh, thank you for listening. I'm going to make it a game maybe. Don't put your feet in it is the new game. Don't put your feet in it. Yes. Oh, thank you for listening. I'm going to make it a game, maybe.

Don't put your feet in it is the new game. Yes. Don't put your feet in it. Yes. Yeah. So what about this? Like, how do I, how am I playing this? Like, I'm hearing about these things.

But like, what about it is like the game element? And how do I win? Yeah. Well, you know, just like in trivia, there's a wrong answer. I mean, you know, there's a wrong answer I mean you know there's only one answer that's correct so don't put your feet in it

the answer would be why not right yeah and if you said anything else you would be incorrect ah

and in that case you get a fear based an impediment based you get an impediment based on your fear try again you get an impediment based on your fear. Try again.

You get an impediment based on your fear. Yes. Impediment based on your fear. Okay. And what's an example of this? A bad example of anything you want. Well, let's, okay, let's see. Okay, so let's say you two are the contestants on this show. Okay, I'll say it right now.

All right. Okay, yeah, you are a contestant on the show. You're a contestant. So, like, so, Hayes, what's something you fear? We could. We're probably big enough to do this. I think we actually could be a contestant on the show. Yeah, date.

If we came together. This is a case where you would put your feet in the water. I put my feet in it. Yeah, I put both feet in. Yeah. In the dip. So, Hayes and Sean, what are your fears? Boy.

Give me one. I guess it's competing against my friend. Okay. All right. The idea of that is kind of scary to me. Because I know the next, whether I win or lose, the next few days are going to be like about that. Right, right, right.

You know? Yeah. Like. Totally get it. And mine would be, I guess. Like I won or I lost. Yeah. Yeah.

Similar, I guess mine would be the Grinch. The Grinch. Okay. Yeah. That's your fear. I would be afraid of the Grinch. Yeah. Yeah. That's your fear. I would be afraid of the Grinch. Yeah. Okay. He's pissed.

All the time. The guy seems extremely pissed. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not really looking to have that energy around me. Right. Especially when I just got my ass whipped by my friend at a trivia game last week. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And then I got to go home and who's sitting on my couch? The Grinch? So what would you do? You would do that to him? So in this scenario, I guess for Sean, for the lack of being able to Like of what?

The lack of time where I get to really build out the show right now. You're lacking something, not me. Not you. Your feet are totally in. I heard you and I acknowledge your existence and the fact that you're on this game show right now.

I would take it What's the prize? Maybe the joke Crypto? It depends. Yes. And so I would take it, you know, and then like maybe. What's the prize? Maybe the joke, you know, the prize is. Crypto? What you, crypto, it depends. Which one? If it's what you desire.

So we collect three facts about. You have your own? Cryptocurrency. You have your own crypto? No, I have gold. I do gold. Yeah. Cash for gold.

Maybe. You can sometimes discover gold in a crypto. Yes. Oh, yeah. See, I didn't. Archaeology. I didn't think about that. maybe you can sometimes discover gold in a crypto yes oh yeah archaeology didn't mean to sidetrack you but you might want to get your own crypto yeah is that how you're doing so well how am I doing so well

how am I doing so well how am I doing well I think if I just sold my bag of gold that's sitting at home my mom gave me a bag of gold recently this is how i get robbed or but whatever oh right and you also said your keys under the mat yeah this is just for just for for like nice people listening just for sean i didn't i didn't say when when i would put. To cover our bases legally also, we should say, it's not Curly's Gold. No. Yeah.

Thank you. We just don't want to... We don't want to get sued. The show gets sued by City Slickers or something. Is it Uli's Gold something? Yes. Yes. Peter Fonda. Actually, that's Bee Honey. Oh.

Yeah, this is Curly's Gold. It is Curly's gold. It is Curly's gold? Kalatsuko! Brett, can we edit that out? Okay. Brett, do we? Can you mark that, Brett? Well, I can't be sure because I haven't taken it in to get checked, you know?

Okay, you would know. Good. You know, my mom gave me a big bag and she just said go sell this and when she handed it to me it was so heavy I almost dropped it what's the bag

a nice bag it was just this pink you know felt bag I said mom and I I almost fell to the ground it was so heavy

I said mom what the hell is in this and I looked and it was gold just gold chains gold necklaces. Gold chains. I said, Mom, what kind of

gangster activities? It was drip. Drip, drip. I was like, Mom, you came through dripping. She goes, drip, drip. I was like, came through dripping. Drip, drip. And now it's just sitting at home because I don't know the best way to really go about selling, if it's Curly's Gold, whatever gold.

Yeah. If Curly's Gold is drip. Yeah. I smell a sequel, which you would then be able to watch. Right. Right? But that is the sequel. Give me part two only.

Well, part two is Curly's Gold. That's what I was saying. But Curly's Gold being turned into drip? That's a sequel just to Curly's Gold. That's what I was saying. But Curly's Gold being turned into drip? That's a sequel just to Curly's Gold? Yeah. Yeah. Just drip. It should be drip drip.

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i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys so you were saying what you would do to i I guess, make Sean scared of a Grinch in front of people. Yeah, right. Oh, we're back to the game show.

My God. Yeah. I never left. Some of us never left. I guess for Sean, it would just be the Grinch would come out. And then for Hayes, it would be like, you don't want to compete against your friends. Yeah. And then for Hayes, it would be like, you don't want to compete against your friends.

And then this whole time, people were like, oh, we're talking about Sean because he's the friend. And then we revealed that it's another friend or something. Yeah. There's always an inside joke. Yeah. Like, oh, let's bring out your real friend that you'll be competing against. And that'll be the joke or something. Who would that be?

Yeah. And who's that for you? You know, that would be a moment that might be hurtful to Sean. So this is what's kind of tough. And that's hurting me, so I'm getting two fears. And the Grinch is there. I'm out of here. The tough thing is my other friend is probably Max. Which is like the Grinch's dog.

Oh, yeah. And so like... The whole cast will be on stage. I am hanging out with Max. Which is like the Grinch's dog. Oh, yeah. The whole cast will be on stage. I am hanging out with Max. And he and I, I know him totally separately from Sean. But his connection to the Grinch is always like... And does Max like the Grinch?

Not really. No, he has no say. He has a leash on. It, he has no say. Yeah. He has a leash on. It's not even a leash. It's like a rod. It's like barely even a leash. And he has to drag this entire huge wagon.

That's true. And he's small. Yeah. But I think just like, you know. How small is he? How small is he? I guess he's like. He's like.

He's like bigger than a cup. Is he? I see he's in pretty big cups. Yeah. He's like. You ever see those big green grenade drinks they got down in New Orleans? The cups are huge. That is a cup. Yeah. That's a cup. Mm-hmm. Right. You ever see those big green grenade drinks they got down in New Orleans? The cups are huge.

That is a cup. Yeah. That's a cup. Right. Bigger than most cups, but smaller than that one. We've got a range now. Is there a cup he is the size of? Yeah, that's... Ice cream helmet.

You're the best man. Ice cream helmet. Ice cream helmet, baseball game... Ice cream helmet. You gotta ask his... You're the best friend. Ice cream helmet. Ice cream helmet, baseball game. Yeah, he's about that size. That's a cup. Okay, so that's Max. So that's Max. That's your best friend.

And that's... No, he's not my best friend, but he is another friend. You know, I don't do like, I don't do like, this is my best friend. I say like, this is one of my best friends. Best friend is a tier. Yeah. So in this case, this is my best friend. I say like, this is one of my best friends. Best friend is a tier. So in this case, we would roll out Max.

You're right. Yeah. Yeah. It's about who's better than others. Mindy taught me that. Mindy do the show? Who's doing this? Who's doing it?

Who is it? Who's doing the show? Oh, who's doing the show? Everybody's doing this. Oh, in February. Yeah. Paul's doing it. Paul of Tompkins.

How'd you get him? He said, well, you know, it's either this podcast again or I'm going to do the show. And I said, Paul, you're welcome to come on. And then you can do the podcast again the week after. The week after, yeah. How about that? We made a deal. Two weeks.

I wasn't supposed to say that out loud, but that was the case. This podcast. We've had all kinds of people on the show. We've got comedians. We've got comedians. You've got comedians, yeah. But it seems like you've got something else as well. He's saying we have Paul F. Tompkins and comedians.

Uh-oh. That's what she said. Oh, no, no. I mean, yes. That's what she said. I was going back and back. And she did that. What kind of people have we had?

Carl Tartt did the show? One more we had? Carl Tartt did the show? One more time? Did Carl Tartt do the show? Actually, yeah. Yeah, actually he did. And reschedule around us because of it. You pay him to do the show? I did.

I did, actually. How much money? Let's see. Well, however much you guys pay. Minus maybe like $15. Minus $15. Okay. Something like that.

Yeah. Pretty good. So you're making money. So like more than like, you know, what you... More than words, huh? What you would make usually at a slot machine, but less than what you guys pay, for sure. By like $15. Let's go...

$10 to $15. Let's go. $10 to $15. Let me say, like, I would go to the opening of an envelope. Yeah. Hayes. Yeah. I would literally go to anything. Of how much cash. Hayes would go to the goddamn opening of an envelope.

I mean, this guy is available. He is available for your show. Yeah, come see how much. Have him on. Have him on maybe with Paul. They know each other. No, for sure. We do.

Oh, yeah. You guys are in. No, yeah. We talk in the waiting area. Yeah, you can talk in the waiting area. I'm saying that's... I know Paul. I see him out there and we talk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the green room, right? In the green room is where... Oh, God. You guys would be rapping That's where I really perform On the stage, not like as much Freezes up a bit

Some of the shit this guy's doing In the green room has me rolling I waste a lot of it He's got this routine About brunch He wants to change the name of brunch Ooh Well, this is only green room material routine about brunch. He wants to change the name of brunch. Well, this is only three-word material. Long fist.

Long fist. Different parts of the word. It's great. And he goes off about this. There is kind of a G. A lung fist. Yeah, the way I say it.

I love it. Where, the way I say it. And I don't... I love it. It's like, where did the G come from? You know? No, yeah. Where did the G come from? Griddle cakes. It's not in lunch or breakfast, the word.

But you eat griddle cakes. Oh, griddle. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. A little bit of... Gravlox. Gravlox. Yeah.

Right? That's kind of... Maybe we stole it from lasagna. That's not using it that is good who else that was all in the green breakfast was in you who else does this who's doing it and what are they doing carl tar real butcher nicole byer nicole won one time uh andy richter lost i think we're to do like a loser's edition. But here's the thing.

If you lose the game, you know, I always like to remind everyone, people, everyone who's lost, you know, have gone on to do great things. Everyone? Most people, yeah. Okay. That I can think of. What's Andy Richter doing? You know, he hasn't been fired yet.

From his Earwolf podcast? I would say that's winning. Why do we have Eddie Richter on this show? He's doing Otzko's show. I'm trying. Are you actually? Yes. That's worse. Don't tell me that. Tell me you haven't tried.

You gotta show up and play a game. In our show, you just sit here and be confused. And he's great. He'd be down. Yeah, he'd be down a car. That's even worse. He loves the mic. Now I feel terrible that Kevin is trying and he would be down.

And yet still. And still. He almost did it last week. Oh, yeah. Let's play a game. Let's play a game. Kevin, didn't you bring some games? Yes. Let's play a game Kevin didn't you bring some games Yes

Let's play those games We don't have enough We don't have enough Games for us We need Like we don't We don't have enough To do on this show

Kevin's opening up In the general No it is And if we could use Any of these games We need a segment For every episode after We need a segment

That was the Biggest piece of advice We got when we started the show Yeah Scott Anchorman Sat us down and said You have have to have segments for the show. And we said, thank you, but no. Yeah.

And then? And then we plateaued. Here's the thing. Why don't we only play one game? I think you guys could really use the rest for the other episodes. That and then is just going to be like echoing in my head of like, we had that meeting and then I guess now seven years of bad luck. I'm not sure where they went.

I was yes anding. Oh. Yeah. Okay, Kevin, what is this? Okay, wait, if we're only playing one, can I just name all the titles and then you can pick one of the titles? Okay, wait, if we're only playing one, can I just name all the titles, and then you can pick one of the titles? Okay.

We can play more than one. Well, that's a game in and of itself, isn't it, Kevin? Yeah, let's play this game. That's really two games now we're going to get to play. Okay, first one's called Wait, That's What That's Called. The second one is Dude, No Way. The third one is That's Not Lotion. The next one is, um, that's not lotion. The next one is, wait, that's actually

how my vape pen broke. The next one is, wait, was that your stomach or mine? And then the last one is, wait, I don't think that's a Jim Carrey movie. I hate, I mean, I hate

to just go with the first thing I hear, but I believe I would like to play That's What That's Called? Yeah. Wait, That's What That's Called? Oh, yes. They all have weight. Kevin, and also,

the way he's ordering them, he doesn't want you to pick the first one. He wants you to pick The Lotion. Yes. Yeah. That's exactly right. That's cleanup right he yes he wants you to pick lotions batting cleanup lotion right smack in the middle they're in the home run lotion yeah really although like and of course i'm still thinking about it yeah me too i know he wants me to pick it but okay let's play that's

not lotion no i don't like i bet these are all the same game. Like, they're all the same. It's just different titles. That's interesting. I think you're right. Oh, I think that's what that's called. That's what that's called, and That's Not A Jim Carrey movie would both apply to That's Not Lotion. And was that Your Stomach or Mine?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Because he would say, like, you know, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and we'll be like, wait, that's the lotion? What's the game called? That's not lotion. Oh, see, and we would go, that's not lotion. Kevin's tactical error was, he should have called it,

it's okay, it is lotion. That's right. And then I would feel safer playing it. Okay, but what's the first one? Let's play the first one. Wait, that's what that's called? Okay, we'll play that. Someone describes a made-up word.

Oh, have you guys heard of long fist? Wait, what's that? Oh, interesting. Well, it's actually, it's kind of between breakfast and lunch. And so then the other two are guessing. Wait, do you mean lunch? Do you mean, wait, do you mean brunch? And then that first person goes, wait, that's what that's called?

Referring to what? The word that was made up. Thank you, Oscar. Oh. I think you have explained it wrong. Go ahead. Try. Well, here's one way it could work i was that in like in your example

i would be coming up with a new word for something that we already know the word for and then when you said the traditional word for it i would say that's what that's called. Okay. So do you guys want to do that? Yeah. One more time? Play that out with Kevin. Okay. All right.

Hang on. Give me one moment. And you can edit out this silence while I think. Let me retreat into my mind palace. Okay. On my porch today, I saw a shwektangle. Okay, Kevin. You can ask questions about it.

What shape was it? It's a rectangle. Wait, that's what that's called? What? No. I thought that was how you play it too. No, it's too early for that part. Got it. Let's go ask him a question about this.

Yeah. Did it make sound? Brett! Let the guest ask! I thought that was a question for the room. That was a good question. What did I just say? No, it doesn't.

Honestly, that was a good question. No, it doesn't. See, now we got more clues. How does it... What's the smell? It's not good. It gives out. It's not good.

Okay. Because it's old. It's not good It's not good Because it's old It's a rectangle It doesn't make a sound Shwectangle It's a rectangle It's shape as a rectangle I was defending you a second ago Jesus

Sorry No good deed It's a piece of poop No? Is it a piece of poop? No, Brent, it's not a piece of poop. It doesn't make a sound, but it smells bad. Right now it smells kind of bad. Yeah. It's on your porch?

It's on my porch. Is it alive? No. Okay, Kevin's turn. Do you put food on it? No. Okay. Not unless you stepped in food.

Oh. Hmm. I know what it is. Well, why don't you go ahead and guess? It's the welcome mat oh that's what that's called yeah wow gorgeous

great job everyone that was a really gorgeous game yeah wow so what do I get okay go get some crypto

that was good yeah crypto so that Curly's gold yeah yeah mmhmm and sir and and now That was good. Yeah, crypto. So that Curly's gold? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And now, at home, the listeners can say, wipe your feet on the Shwek Tangle. That's right. Before you come inside. And so we're creating a game, actually, for them to take into their lives. Inside joke, like you said, this is important. Yeah. It's important. Shwek-tangle.

See, now. What we do here is important. It is. I bet. This is important. I'll hear somebody in my neighborhood say, get off my shwek-tangle. And what neighborhood is this? Silver Lake.

Okay. Okay. Keys under the mat. My neighborhood You know There was an owl hooting All night Outside of my window Last night

I said This neighborhood's Really changing I said This used to be A nice neighborhood Now it's A cartoon

You know I said My neighborhood Has turned into a cartoon So Yeah it used to be A really nice neighborhood And now it's a cartoon.

Banana peels on the ground. Crazy part? Owls, yeah. There's no tree outside my window. Wow. And so this owl's up to something funny. Just floating. Just mid-air hooting.

Wow. Unacceptable. But the height of my window. Exactly the height. Okay. And I said, wow. Yeah. I got height of my window. Exactly the height. Okay. And I said, wow. Yeah. I got to move.

Yeah. Wow. So I'm looking for a new place. Yeah. Looking for. Yeah. Well, make sure you get the internet set up. Because I am relying on you a little bit.

That's true. Yeah. I made big promises and now I'm moving. But that's a good time to use someone's Wi-Fi is when they're moving. Because the Wi-Fi is the last thing I'm going to take out. So while we're in and out with the couches and stuff, you can just do your Zoomies. Uh-huh.

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On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.com slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Mamia! Life can be ridiculous, but you know what's not funny getting ripped off and harry's agrees

so what we want to talk about today with sorry you said harry's or harry i said harry's we always talk about harry's first and then we talk about you clean harry uh who are sort of our new mask guy, I don't know, for this campaign. Talk about Harry's first. What we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently. A ridiculous or fun situation that you were in recently. That's the prompt, and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i mean i've had things happen to me that i suppose you would find funny okay but that you didn't find

funny and and you have not really and you have things that have happened that you would find funny but the rest of the world would not. Yeah. I guess I'm interested in that one. That I would find funny. Yes. But that others would not find funny. You seem to think that you have like a specific taste when it comes to

what's funny or ridiculous. That is not. I ordered a, um um like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night like a lavender scent okay and uh they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous but but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the at the shipping uh warehouse harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable that's a come up overpriced shaving product harry on the come up. Decided to do something better.

Instead of charging the same stupid high prices, Harry's found their own way to make beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands. Bogo, baby. Exceptional products, honest prices. Is there a bogo as part of this? Because I don't want to be talking about deals that aren't. No, but I, Clean Harry punk harry's two bottles buy one get one their deodorant their lotion their

body wash their hair gel all very high quality products they all smell great german engineer blades made in their own factory they stay sharp longer you get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at harrys.com slash the boys highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find funny? Yes, sure, but that you didn't. Yeah. So you're attuned to this stuff. I got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat,

and it somehow turned on. And you know that that was something other people would find funny based on the responses you were getting. A lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my legs started spinning around and flipping me over. What happened was I was holding my laundry basket with both hands and I saw,

ooh, still a sock left in the dryer. So I stuck my foot in and tried to pick it up with my little toesies. I wear sandals. Punk. And as I'm picking it up with my little toesies i wear sandals punk and as i'm picking it up i just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between there's like slats in there and stuck inside there and then i don't know who somebody pushed the button or what but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and I'm flying in circles. Help punk. Help me.

You punks. Are your clothes staying in the basket? Are you going fast? No, no, no. I'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle. Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at Harry's.com slash the boys. That's Harry's.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set.

What's the URL for tickets? The whole entire thing. Yeah. The H. T. Yeah. T. P.

You have to do that. S. Nice. Secure. Secure. Secure. Should we play another game? W-W-W-Dot. Should we what?

I kind of want to know how the lotion game works now. Yeah, let's play the lotion game. Okay. And I'll tell you the entire website. Okay, Kevin. Okay, this one isn't as complicated. I'll tell you the entire website. Okay, Kevin.

Okay, this one isn't as complicated. Someone lists off all of the lotion brands, and they sneak in a made-up brand that's not a lotion. And if the other two people can guess which one is a made-up one, they say, um, that's not a lotion. Okay. Oh, wow. Who wants to do this one? Okay.

Let's do it. Yeah. Hayes, you want to go? So I'll just go with this. Dove. Atlantic Ocean Lotion. Do I buzz in or something? No, you can just say it.

Is Maybelline... I like the buzz. Is that lotion? Atlantic Ocean lotion. Can you do a list where only one is lotion? Sorry. If we could just stop it down for a second. Brett.

Yeah. Has a little, like, you know. We like to have, with a mighty hammer. Stop it down for a second. Brett. We like to with a mighty hammer. We like to encourage for him to get involved and try stuff. Aiming it squarely at your funny bone and he's prepared to attack.

It's a family. It really is a family. When he says stuff like that, we like to be like, Brett, that's really cool. So if you could just tell Brett that. I don't know if you heard what he said, but I said, is Maybelline lotion?

Brett, just tell her what you said before. Tell everyone what you said, Brett. Maybe it's Maybelline. And that's not as good as the first one, I think, where you would take it. Because we know the tune. But here, she subverted it in a way. She didn't necessarily give it up the first time.

She didn't. Oh. Felt like explaining it a little bit. No one's innocent here. Not really. Okay. No one's innocent. No, thanks for the ring.

Like, I always like to be reminded. Maybe it's Maybelline. But yes, thanks for the ring. Like, I always like to be reminded. Maybe it's Maybelline. But yes, that's the song. But what Brett did that I think was rather ingenious was the way that he said it. Do you want to do it again? The first time I went, maybe it's Maybelline. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yes, and bong, the funny bone has been attacked with Brett's mighty hammer of comedy. Your whole arm is asleep. Yes. Oof, dead arm.

Yeah. So, lotions. Wait. So, I think Atlantic Ocean Lotion is not one. Am I wrong? Atlantic Ocean Lotion, you can do this. Mm-hmm. one am i wrong atlantic ocean lotion you you can do this there are certain like sometimes there's stuff like there's a lot of stuff in there and like some of the stuff you can like reach like pick up from in there right and squeeze it and And stuff comes out that basically is like a lotion.

Like, what is a lotion, you know? Yeah. You can put it on your skin. Right. It's cold. Okay. It's gray. Let me try to list some.

Yeah. Let me try to list some. Yeah. Jurgens, Jow, Luberderm, Bumble and Bumble, Sane Ives, Jack Black, Calcifate, Calamine, Chromio? Oh? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Is that it? that's a good list I think that might be it in one breath you named six I'm going to say that Jack Black is not a lotion it is one Jack Black is one

I'm going to go with Chromio Jack Black is is a lotion. Ask, put in Jack Black is a lotion. It is, actually. I have Ask Jeeves open. It's kind of a pricey brand. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm referring to. It's kind of like a, it's a name brand. It's kind of like a pricey men's nice lotion, because I used it for a little bit. Oh, wow. What the heck? Cool Moisture Body Lotion by Jack Black. It's cool branding too, right? Like blue.

Yeah. Wow. And now Hayes would have to eat this? I guess so. Is that right, Kevin? Yeah, for Luther. That's right. And Hayes would have to swallow the Cool Moisture Body Lotion by Jack Black.

That's right. I get it because you look at him up there on stage, and you're like, how does he get it so smooth? Keep it so tight. So, yes. Yeah. And it's soy protein, vitamin E, and jojoba. That's what it was the whole time.

Yeah, jojoba. Yeah, that's sort of closest to your natural oils in your body. So it's the least disruptive moisturizer you can use. Sean, you know your lotions. Hey, get out of town. Come on now. Yeah. What else is coming up?

I'm impressed lotion wise oh you do any did you go to the iHeartRadio podcast awards I was I did

I did the photos outside you took photos outside selfies I said I'm here did you selfie stick no dare to go long these selfie sticks dare to go along Photos outside, selfies. I said, I'm here. Did you selfie stick? No. Dare to go along. These selfie sticks.

Dare to go along with what God gave you. With your big arm. My right arm. God gave you these big arms for a reason. Yeah. Yeah. I think God made the original selfie stick. It's called your damn arm.

Yeah. You don't exactly need to go messing with everything that nature intended. Yeah. Don't go longer than you need. Please. That's how far away it's supposed to be, however long your arm is. What else is coming up? Well, I'll be at SF Sketch Fest, but I don't know when this is.

It's coming out Tuesday. There is no cushion. May we not have any kind of net. If this episode doesn't work, we're fucked. This is it. You're looking at it. It's great. We're smeared on the floor of the circus.

I've listened to it once. I'll listen to it twice because that's what matters. You're going to do a. I'll be doing Let's Go, Let's Go, the game show. Yes. At Piano Fight. And then I have this... I'm doing half-hour sets with Whitmer Thomas at Punchline.

Will you be playing any sick games that Kevin came up with at the Let's Go, Let's Go show? Really feeling the lotion one. Okay, I remember that one. We're friends with Witt. We're friends with him. He did the show. Oh, Witt. He's a friend of mine. Yeah, we're friends.

No, Witt was great. It's going to be fun. Well, he's not doing the game show, but I know he would have loved that lotion game. So it's kind of a bummer but you know it's like election season so we might have to do like some election type games like the campaign is a game where you have to you know smear your opponent in a minute while evenly spreading cream cheese on a bagel it has to be an even amount sm Shmear campaign. There's the campaign trail mix, you know, where, yeah, you have to separate a big bag of trail mix into the right portions. Like chocolates here, almonds here, you know.

At the same time, you're giving a speech unfaltered, you know. That's the kind of game. It would be very easy for someone to get hurt. And I don't know if you like that. That's what I worry about. You know, it's funny. Like, it sounds funny, but it really also sounds like. Sounds really funny, but my worry is.

Yeah. Somebody's going to get hurt. I mean, yeah. Thank you, Sean. What are they smearing? What are they like doing? Like, what are they smearing with? A knife.

Sounds like a huge knife. That is an insurance nightmare. A knife that big? Mm-hmm. God. Because, yeah, like you think about it. And if you really are smearing someone good and insult your opponent, and they're holding a knife.

Mm-hmm. So not only are you distracted, could cut yourself. You could cut yourself? They actually have a weapon. Yeah. Yeah. Smear this. Oh, I? To actually have a weapon. Yeah. Yeah. Smear this. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean. Yeah, I didn't know. It's okay. Oh, I thought you were the bagel. Right. Right? Yeah, and then you're like, oh, you know, we thought we were playing just a fun game show. Right.

Well, that's what I hoped it was. Yeah, and then. When you told me about it. Yeah. Well, that's what I hoped it was. Yeah, and then... When you told me about it. Yeah. Yeah, that was my hope. I forgot to put the disclaimer. People will die. People have died.

But I'm not going to name names. That's one way to sell tickets. Yeah. On our show, everybody lives. That's good. That's good. Yeah. On our show, everybody lives. That's good. That's, yeah, that's good.

Yeah. Yeah. For now. So we're basically done. You're drinking, you're using the Jimmy Pardo podcast mug,

Never Not Funny. Oh, there he is. You got to keep that, huh? Am I keeping this? Yeah. Yes,

that's yours. It's great. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.