Hollywood Handbook - Aubrey Plaza, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: July 7, 2014

Hayes and Sean invite their newest intern, Rob Reiner's son Andy, to tell them the plot of Edge of Tomorrow so they can be ready for meetings before Engineer Sam derails the conversation with a disturbance. Then AUBREY PLAZA joins the show to help Sean tell a funny chip story and speak on foodie culture, the Latina Revolucion, scary witches, and even more than that! This episode is sponsored by Cards Against Humanity .See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I smell it. I smell it. And he's sniffing all of the markers. Yeah. And I say, you're going to give yourself some kind of crazy head rush and pass out. And what do you think happened next? Hollywood ham. What? I took the markers back. He's such a sensory creature. Oh, yes. You know, it's all about sense and stimulation with him.

Oh, and because it's so tactile, too, because later on he was rubbing his cheek up against the whiteboard. Yes, and he has synesthesia. It's cold. Right. It's so nice. It's cold. Hey! What up, what up?

What up, what up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Quick box office report you wanted to do? Yeah, the movie that is really doing a bunch of money right now is just having all kinds of people paid for tickets. And it's been a big hit. Everybody's really happy about it. And I'm happy to be involved.

We have a new... Oh, and you were going to do just a quick TV rating roundup. Yes. Yes. Everybody's watching TV today, and that's the TV roundup. We have a new segment. Those are our old segments. We have a new segment that we want to do this week.

Those are our old segments. We have a new segment that we want to do this week. You don't really often see some of the people we have working behind the scenes for us. The engineer sort of has to be in the room while we're doing these things. It's just the nature of the beast. But as people who do movies, Sean and I have people who... We can't be everywhere at once. You know, that's the thing is some of the nice parts of fame, celebrity, success, money, is you have a lot of opportunities of ways to spend your time. And unfortunately, you can't fill all of them.

And so we like to have little tentacles out there in the world. And that's how I think of some of these, you know, men and women that we have working for us. Which are extensions of us. Yes, exactly. They're part of our... They're my octopus suction, you know. Yes, and we're the thorax and like the... Yes, we're the thorax and the brain and, you know, and the one big eye and the beak.

Yes, the thorax and the brain and the one big eye and the beak. And so that is kind of what we want to talk about. And we have a new tentacle who I haven't had a chance to interact with. Because they do grow back. What's interesting about tentacles is you can cut one off for being a lazy tentacle. Yes, and for mouthing off or not wanting to do what I want to do. And it turns out that they can just regenerate. Oh, very replaceable.

Pretty much instantly. Extremely replaceable. A tentacle really will just come right back. And you know who I'm talking to. But Hayes interviewed this particular tentacle, and I haven't met him yet. Let me get a look at you, boy. This is Andy.

Andy. Hi, Sean. Okay, we'll get to that later. All right. Let me see your hands, boy. No cussing. Bottom or top? A little dirt under your fingernails there.

You know, the mark of a gentleman is his hands. Bottom or top? What would you say is the top part of your hand prone or supine that's how you remember okay supine is this soup's on soup's on supine is you can carry soup with it right soup's on soup's on prone prone like a drone If you were making it look like a plane, you'd sort of do this, right? So that's prone. And some planes are like drones. That's drone. I get it.

Prone like a drone? Supes on. Supine. But when you show it to me prone, you should have clean fingernails. People look at, you can have the fanciest clothes in the world and the nicest shoes, and if you've got dirt under your fingernails, you're not a gentleman. Yes. And Andy, you're our new intern.

You're very excited to be here. Yeah, absolutely. You're very nervous, which is understandable given the circumstances you're in. We got to know you because your dad is who? Is Mr. Rob Reiner, director, sometimes actor, father. That's right. That's your dad. We would be very excited

to really work with Rob wanna work with Rob yes we have something cooking that we think

he'd be great yes for and we'd love any opportunity to now that we're working with you

sure to maybe have the chance to talk to Rob at some point and see I know and he's very busy. Oh, super busy.

Now that we've done this and we've sort of reached out to his family. Did a favor for him, and maybe there's a favor coming for us. Maybe he could reach out to our family. Well, I could probably talk to my mom, and then she might be able to maybe talk to him. I don't need to know how the sausage gets made, Andy. It doesn't matter how you do it. I don't care which you talk to him I don't need to know how the sausage gets made it doesn't matter how you do it

I don't care which you talk to him or her just we want to do something with Rob every conversation you have in a day

is not it's not of central importance to us if we all talk about everyone we're going to talk to after this podcast nothing's getting done

okay but it's fine because you're new and like we are excited to have you here. This is a teaching experience. And to work with you. It's very nice. What we wanted you to do today, and we sort of talked to you about this, Sean and I are

working in movies. You're expected to see movies. You have to be familiar with everything. If you've got a meeting with so-and-so and you haven't seen who's-it's-what's-its movie, then you might wind up looking like a real dunderhead. There are only 24 hours in a day. If that.

There are so many movies that are happening all the time. Every time you look up, there's new movies. Yeah, and we've talked about how we sleep sitting up in a chair with a spoon in our hand so that every time we doze off, the spoon clatters on the concrete floor and startles us awake. So we do get 22 usable hours in a day, but even that's not enough to see everything. So we like to send our tentacles out. They watch the movie.

They report back to us so that we don't look like, well, dunderheads, quite frankly. And they do it during the two hours a day from 4 to 6 a.m. They have to be watching a movie. So it's like we're awake. It's like we get all 24. And we're watching movies. So, Andy, you went to see Edge of Tomorrow for us. I did, yeah.

Did you keep your receipt? Oh, sorry. I threw it away. Okay. Don't be sorry to me. Sorry to us. I did. Yeah. Did you keep your receipt? Oh, sorry. I threw it away. Okay. Don't be sorry to me. Sorry to you. No, don't be sorry. Well, it's cash out of your pocket. Yeah. You understand we can't do it without... We just can't believe that you take on your word that like, oh, I went to go see

this movie. For all we know, you fingered the popcorn girl and got snuck in through the back for free. I mean, honestly. You know, I mean, you don't wash your hands. Yeah, and you could be coming to us and saying, oh, I went to go see this movie. It was $9,000.

And we have no way of knowing whether or not you're... Movies these days. Yes. See? Exactly right. Movies these days are getting... His dad, Rob, told him that. Movies these days are getting very expensive,

and you know that because your dad's Rob Reiner. So you understand how we can't just be tossing you money whenever you say that you spend a certain amount on the movies. Well, I guess I'm here to learn, so I guess this is a learning moment for me. I guess, I guess. Yeah, a lot of... No guesswork involved, you know?

You are here to learn, and this is a learning moment. Yes. You went to see Edge and this is a learning moment. Yes. You went to see Edge of Tomorrow. Yeah, absolutely. We want you to tell us, just sort of give us a summary of the movie so that when we go into meetings with the guys who brought you Edge of Tomorrow, we'll be informed and we can have smart opinions about the movie and interesting things to say about the movie and,

uh, like interesting things to share. Sure. Um, well, yeah, it's, it's starring Tom Cruise.

Well, you can just launch right. sure. Uh, sort of let us, I will. So alien, speaking of tentacles,

tentacle aliens have taken over the world in this movie. And no, we don't need like the flourishes of like, just, just the straightforward story. Yes. Okay. So your stick necessarily. Sorry. All right. Um, so, The flourishes of just the straightforward story. We don't want your shtick, necessarily. Yeah, sorry.

All right, so Tom Cruise goes to war, and he's bad at war. He's never been to war before. And so he dies, but then all of a sudden he realizes every time he dies, he wakes up the day before. It's almost like Groundhog's Day, that film. Love it. Yeah. It's like Groundhog's Day.

Treasure. This movie's like that? Kind of. But yeah, but with war and aliens and stuff. And so he keeps waking up, and it's the same day over and over again. And so every time he gets better at fighting the war, and he has to use his skills that he keeps learning to win the war. The aliens, they're like killing guys? Mm-hmm.

That's not funny. Groundhog Day's funny. Yeah, that's one of the funniest movies ever. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's more of an action. There are some jokes every once in a while, but it is an action kind of movie. How's that like Groundhog Day?

I guess, yeah. It's not in that it's not it sounds like a battle movie yeah from what you're describing it sounds like it's a movie with you talk about all this war and battling he's fighting war and he's doing the battles yeah i mean is that it's like a battle is it like battle? Battlestar. Yeah, is it that? Yeah, I don't know. I actually haven't seen Battlestar. But there are battles. Very helpful. We found one guy who hasn't seen Battlestar.

And it would be nice if you, you know, educating yourself about movies in this role of yours. Especially if you're going to be referencing other films like it's kind of like this and I'm pretty sure at this point you've only seen two movies you know you've seen Groundhog Day right and you've seen Edge of Tomorrow and you're like they're similar

it does sound like you're saying because they're both movies that they're like the same thing I guess I'm saying that they're more one is so funny and the other is battling yeah they're the same thing. I guess I'm saying that they're more... When one is so funny and the other is battling. Yeah, they're not similar in that way. I guess you guys are right. Sorry, I should stop guessing. Don't guess.

If you're guessing, don't say it. So what else is in that movie? So yeah, there's lots of battle scenes and then Tom Cruise meets him. Did you say he's bad at war? Yeah, at the beginning. What is that?

He's falling down? He dies. He gets killed right at the beginning. A lot of big heroes die in war. So you're saying everyone who... Wait, wait, Andy, wait. You're saying that anyone who dies on the battlefield is bad at war? I guess I didn't mean to say that. Do you laugh when you're nervous, Andy? I know you're nervous. Yeah, I do, I mean, I didn't mean to say that.

Do you laugh when you're nervous, Andy? I know you're nervous. Yeah, I do, I do. I didn't mean to say it that way. I think, oh boy, veterans, I respect all that they've done. Well, not just the veterans. I mean, they're not around to hear what you're saying, but their families.

Sure. All veterans don't listen to this show? They're not around to hear? No, because they died because, in your words, they're bad at war. Okay. My wife's grandfather died in World War II. Was he bad at war? He was saving a baby from a thrashing machine.

Yeah. Some kamikaze guy had gotten hold of a thrashing machine and was driving it right at a baby. And he saved it, and he shot the kamikaze man. And he got all threshed up. He got threshed to pieces. Was he bad at war? I meant that he had never been to war before.

Like, he hadn't fought. Boy, I wish there were more people who were bad at war around. If that's being bad at war. Yeah. Yeah. We could use a couple more people who were bad at war, if that's being bad at war yeah yeah we could use a couple more people who are bad at war if that's what it is because in my book that's a hero and it's because you're new and we are uh like we've said we are very and you agree that this is just teaching for you and we are excited

we are very excited to work with rob so it's not not like... Oh, please don't go to Rob and be... I can see you going to Rob and saying, oh, these guys were saying this and this, and they were talking about me, and they were nice to me. Didn't want me to see Groundhog Day. And it's just like, that's not the case. Yeah, see Groundhog Day, but see other stuff.

Watch Battlestar. He might listen to this, though, so I don't know if... Well, then he'll know exactly what was going on i hope he listened to it and gets the real story instead of whatever whatever bs you're bringing but i don't think he is going to listen to it because i can't imagine that he's that interested in what you're going to be doing on here and quite frankly this isn't for him he gets for the people he's the pleasure of listening to you every night at dinner family dinner time and i can't imagine he's uh going going back for a double dip of that after he gets one conversation in with you a day is probably enough.

What else happens in that movie? Please. Well, Tom Cruise meets up with Emily Blunt. Is his name Tom Cruise in the movie? His name is Lieutenant Colonel Bill Cage. His name is Lieutenant Colonel Bill Cage. Can you imagine for a moment what would happen if we went into a meeting and we said we liked the movie and we said we loved when Tom Cruise was killing those aliens? We'd be laughed out of the whole city block.

I'd literally look like a complete dunderhead. Spare me the Emily Blunt nonsense as well. That's what he was just getting to. He said he meets Emily Blunt. I bet she's got a character name. I know you kids and you're smoking doobies, you like to say Blunt. You think that makes you cool. Well, it's not cool to me, buddy.

I've seen both sides of that story. Do you want to hear more about that? Yeah, you want to know more about that? You got a second, Andy? You got a second? Doesn't end well. Starts out fun and games, right? Looking at blacklight posters

and listening to Dark Side of the Moon and next thing you know you're on Skid Row. Wow. Do you have time for that story, Andy? I do. Are you so busy that you don't have time to hear a story that actually might help you out, Andy? I've got all day. I mean, if that's what sounded like it was.

I don't care if you're Rob Ryan or son or not. That could happen to anybody. You start sparking up those doobies enough, you're going to not know which way is up. And the fact of the matter is, I'll tell you which way is up. It's the opposite of the matter is i'll tell you which way is up it's the opposite of the way you're going you're going down downtown down to skid row and you're gonna be living there and it's not nice so um emily blend's character's name is rita okay that's pretty good and uh rita vertasky and so she we find out that she had the same thing that Tom Cruise has, where the previous alien battles, she was the one that kept getting reincarnated and would start the day over.

And so she is like a super soldier at this point. She's like really, I don't want to say really good at war, but she's like a great soldier at that point. And so they meet up and there's... So V.I. Warshawski can also do the war again every day. Rita Warshawski. Not what you said, but go ahead. And she...

So, yeah, they meet up and they sort of make a team and there's maybe even like a hint of romance, which is exciting. And they have to learn... They have to... There is a hint of romance, which is exciting. And they have to learn. There is a hint of romance? Or there maybe is even a hint of romance? Because if it's you're bringing that to it because you just saw a pretty girl and just lost your head and just maybe started thinking about what it would be like to kiss her and pretending you're Tom Cruise.

When you're watching these movies, put yourself in the mind of a mature adult. Oh, okay. Someone who has had some experience and has sort of been down that road a few times. I can't be talking to these guys, the guys who brought me Edge of Tomorrow, and describing their movie from the perspective of a virgin who's pretending that he's Tom Cruise and then hoping Tom Cruise is going to get a smooch. We can't be going in there saying that Mia has a tight little keister on her or something like that just because that was what you were zeroed in on for all two hours.

We can't be doing that. They care about each other at the very least. But they make a good team regardless, and they work together to try and stop the aliens and keep them from taking over the Earth. Independence Day, yeah. And? Do you want to know the and. Independence Day, yeah. And? Do you want to know the end? I'm not sure.

Oh, I guess you have to. Yeah, well, they're going to ask us what the end was. Yeah. Okay, so they work together, and then they find it happens where Tom Cruise loses his power. You know what? Maybe we should just cancel this meeting. I just feel like this one's a wash.

We certainly can't walk in here with what we've gotten so far. Do you agree, Hayes? I mean, I can't take this meeting with what I've gotten so far. It doesn't cost us anything, you know. We're not paying for this because we don't have a receipt. Oh, sure, it's free. So for that reason, I would be more inclined to say, to agree with you and say it was a wash. You get what you pay for. Right.

It's very appropriate in this scenario. Right. Because it's like, we're not paying anything and we're getting literally nothing. But maybe next time he'll be better because this, hopefully, has taught you something. And hopefully you can tell Daddy, hey, Daddy, Rob, I actually learned

something today. Because here's what I don't know at this point point i don't know why the movie's called that i don't know who made this movie who i'm going to be meeting with because if you're thinking about this when i show up i'm going to have to know who it is that i'm having this meeting and as of this point in this conversation i don't know that no uh i actually don't know who directed it either. I forgot to check that. That's obvious. It's very clear from the substance of this conversation that you don't know that.

And I happen to know that it is Doug Lemon. And I only know that because I'm such a fan of Go. In your version, what you'd like us to do is to go in there and not know anyone's name. And basically be flying completely blind. Saying the actors' names and lusting after V.I. Warshawski and talking about Groundhog Day and doing, you know, Ned Ryerson. Watch that first step. It's a doozy shtick the whole time. And that's just not what we're going to do in this meeting.

Okay? Okay. Do you want us to do that in the meeting? No, no, no. Just say the word if that's what you want us to do. No, I don't. I want you guys to know everything you need to know about this. Because we could do it.

It does sound funny. We've got other contacts. Yeah, I mean, you don't have to act like we couldn't do something like that. We actually could do it. If it sounds funny to you, it's the wrong kind of funny. So just tell us if you want us to do it, and we will. Yeah, and we'll do that in a second. The idea that we'd be scared to sacrifice one contact is like,

oh, that's the last meeting we'll ever have. One bad meeting would even make Doug Lemon stop taking my calls. It's ridiculous. It's actually very patronizing. Well, there's a sync out there if you want to go ahead and give your fingers a good scrubbing on the way out. Okay. Thank you for it.

I really feel like I learned a lot. And you guys are great mentors to me. And you're going to be going home and you guys are great mentors to me and um and you're gonna be going home and you'll and you'll walk in and just and your dad might say might ask you how your day went and in that scenario you you what what kind of thing would you say oh man um i think probably just like it was good and then go to my room. Yeah, that's how your day was? You say it was good and you just go upstairs to your room?

Yeah, or I guess I should mention. To do what? Because Sean might have some words about it. Sean might have some stuff to tell you about the things you might be doing up there. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't want to go down that path. If you have two minutes. I do, but I don't know. I think I know where.

Day's good. it's at. Hey, Dad, day's good. Everything's fine. And then go lock yourself in your room and start sparking doobies. And, oh, boy, isn't this good? And we're laughing at the silly shows that we watch, all this weirdo humor, anti-comedy. This liquid television. Oh, God, it's liquid television.

It's Eon Flux and all that nonsense. Alex Winter is hosting, you know, and it's like, you know, there's a reason that Keanu was the breakout from Bill and Ted and it's that he wasn't sparking psychotropic drugs, okay, in a casual way on a daily basis. And you see where you wound up. Alex Winters down at Skid Row, you could be his roommate. Me and Keanu are going to be doing, going,

we're actually going sledding this weekend. So let's run that conversation back one more time of you walking into your house, the nice house. Oh, yeah, really nice. Yeah. Okay. Well, relax. Dad? He's on the couch, maybe. Really nice. Yeah. Okay. Well, relax. Dad?

He's on the couch maybe. He's usually there. And so, yeah, he asked me how my day was. And I said, well, you know, I met some really bright Hollywood. How should I? Do you want to tell me how I should describe you guys or should I describe you? Describing things, not your strong suit. Yeah, that's true.

you well i describing things not your strong suit yeah that's true if you have an idea like maybe you know hollywood big shots i could say i mean it's like just be natural just like a normal being just like a normal guy i mean jesus say it's good i got a job with these uh these guys sean and hayes they have a lot of good ideas about movies. Yeah. And I'm learning a lot from them. Yeah. Perfect. Perfect. Are you fucking serious?

Sorry. Phone ringer's on. Sam. Sam. Yeah. What was that noise? Phone ringer. No, it wasn't.

I know what a phone ringer sounds like. I've heard a lot of phones ring. I've gotten plenty of calls in my day. I've got phones of my own. That's not what a phone sounds like. That's not what a phone ringer sounds like. Andy, is that what a phone sounds like? Not from what I've heard.

And this guy. Sorry, Sam. And this guy's juiced out of his gourd on who knows what. And even he could recognize that it's not a phone ringer. And Andy, that wasn't one of your hallucinations okay that was really a sound that happened what was that the phone ringer sam i got all day what was that noise it's a clip from uh movie uh-huh sam if you want to play chicken with me, you're going to wind up face first flying off the side of a cliff

because I'm not backing down. Flying up the side of? Off the side. Run the tape back. Clean your fucking ears out. Flying up the side. It was a clip from a movie? Then how come I never heard of it?

I love movies play it again play it again Sam play it again Sam if you weren't my fucking little cousin too what is that what the hell

it's from the movie movies sound better than that. That sound quality is terrible. Even so. It's not from a theater. It's from my phone. Is that you? No.

Is it okay? Is this like a YouTube movie you made, and now you're like, this is a movie? Well, it's your friend. No, it's just a ringer that comes up when he texts. So that is your friend. That's somebody somebody texting you and that's his sound what are you typing what do you need to type right now you're talking to us just making a note to do what edit this out what have you just been editing out? What have you been doing? I haven't edited now.

I was just making a note to later edit this out. No, but what have you just been deciding unilaterally because you're president of the show to just edit out? This part where I made a mistake. No, but like in past shows. Because now that I know, you're just deciding without. We don't have time to listen to this. I mean, I just assumed you were leaving in the good stuff we do.

No, no. Almost any edit I send you, I've edited out anything I've done poorly. Sam, what did I do to you? You don't remember? To make me deserve this kind of treatment. You don't remember. You don't remember Thanksgiving 97? I don't remember? To make me deserve this kind of treatment. You don't remember? You don't remember Thanksgiving, 97? I don't know.

I go to a lot of Thanksgivings, Sam. Yeah, I remember every Thanksgiving. I remember every Thanksgiving. I don't get blackout drunk immediately. I mean, if I'm remembering correctly, 97 is when I took the stuffing out of the turkey, I poured in a bunch of ouzo, and I drank ouzo out of the turkey's sort of butthole.

I remember that. Is that what you're referring to? I don't see what it has to do with you necessarily. And then afterwards when you said, my favorite Sam, cousin Sam, come in here, do you remember what happened next? That's my favorite Sam. Little cousin Sam, my favorite Sam little cousin Sam my favorite Sam

yeah I probably asked you to show me how the internet works or something that's not what happened well then

that doesn't sound like you remember either that doesn't sound like you he crammed the stuffing he had taken

out into me oh yeah he kept yelling yes because you're the turkey now who's the turkey yes because

you're the turkey it was you yeah you were being a little bit of a turkey now? Yes, because you're the turkey. It was you. Yeah, you were being a little bit of a turkey. That's an affectionate nickname. Did you not get it? That's funny. Because you are the turkey now.

It's in every orifice. Orifice? Yes. Orifice. Orifice. Orifice. People call me Orifice. Orifice. Oh, stuffing in my orifice. I've got stuffing in every orifice. People call me Orphus. Orphus.

Oh, stuffing in my Orphus. I've got stuffing in every Orphus. Friggin' weirdo. Okay, well, that was good. Andy, thanks. Thanks, guys. Thanks, Andy. All the best to your dad. Absolutely.

Better luck next time. We have a great guest today. Aubrey Plaza is here to talk about movies on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So I say to Carrie Ann Moss, you know, you want to celebrate Valentine's Day. I have no problem with that. That's really fine with me. But what you're giving me aren't flowers.

Those are toothbrushes. And she gets, you know, now she's sad and she starts eating them to prove they're flowers. She goes to the hospital. She dies briefly. And so now, I'll press a button. When I see the toothbrushes, I just have to sniff them and say, good flowers. But for our thing, that's something I'm willing to do. I don't want to embarrass her.

Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? What up, what up? And to all of you and to our guest, Aubrey Plaza is here. Good morning. You know her from Safety Not Guaranteed.

They probably are listening to this in the morning. They like to listen when they drive to work and get excited for work. Good evening. Yeah, just cover all our bases. Good afternoon. We do have some night owl listeners, and we've got some lunch break listeners as well, and I like covering all those bases. Happy 420s.

Okay, yeah, and so this could be at any time of year. We do have a few people in our listeners who like to partay. Couple weed heads. What's up, hump day? Yes, and some sexual deviants. Just in case it's Wednesday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.

Some people like to hump. And now, so people all the time say, well, it's Hollywood. You guys all know each other. You're all friends. And yeah, we are, but you don't get to see the people you really care about as much as you like. But Aubrey, I saw you just like a week ago. You did.

And then did you want to tell the story or should I about the chips at the party? I don't have a story about any chips. You want Sean to tell it? That's fucked up. Do you want me to tell it and then you finish it? You can tell it so that everyone knows how there was no story. Well, when I arrived at this party, you know. There's literally, I had a bag of chips and that was it.

Yeah. I bought fucking chips. So there is a story. Okay, so you do want to tell it. So there is a story that you like. You do want to tell it. He came in and started talking about the chips. Oh.

Okay, yeah. That you had. And really threw the entire vibe off. Because you were refilling the tortilla chips. These are tortilla chips. They were the three different colors, right? The different sort of grains. All I did was put chips on a fucking bowl.

That's it. And so I love how humble you are about it. So did you remember the story after he had forgot? But you just told the story. It's like if you walked down the street five minutes ago and you were like, I walked down the street five minutes ago. That's it. But it's a story about you and Sean.

Well, it's interesting because of the characters. A story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. But isn't what we do in Hollywood as storytellers is just sort of take things that people do relate to, refilling the chips, walking down the street, you know. But it's the characters we tell these stories about that make it so interesting. And now, because you like food and you like serving people food like chips and things like that, you've brought some food. You brought a delicacy with you.

You brought some cronuts for us. I did. I brought it in real life. And I brought two. They're called cronuts. I never tried these things, but they're all the rage in New York. Speak on that. What is the?

Well, they're a combination. I'm going to open the thing for you and for the listeners out there. Sam, can you get some pics of these cronuts for us? We got two. We got a chocolate one and we got a vanilla one. Now, the thing that makes them cronuts are they're half donut and half croissant. So they're kind of like a flaky, buttery donut with the consistency of a croissant. And you like discovering new foods.

I don't give a shit about it. You have a reputation as being something of a foodie. No, I was just really late and I felt bad so I brought you guys sugar. Sort of a food adventurer. And were you seeing these croissants in Paris? I was just in Paris.

They don't have this in Paris. Don't have the cronuts yet. We beat them to it. This is an American... Beat them at their own game. An American nightmare. The French would not... An American nightmare in Paris, like a werewolf dream.

Okay, so here, live on air, me, the real Sean Clements taking his real first bite of a cronut. I'm excited for this. Okay. I've been wanting to try these things. You did get the picture. Hang on. Because people are going to wonder whether or not it's real. And I'll take out my removable tooth for this.

It's cute. That's not cool, man. Is that real? Yes. Oh, shit. That's fucked up. He went for the vanilla. Let's see what I'm like.

Mmm, okay. Really? Is it worth it, though? Okay. You can be honest. Worth what is buying it? Yeah. Like, worth the combination?

Well, it's hard for me to recommend this to our listeners who maybe don't have the refined palate that I do. But I'm getting a lot of different notes of sweetness and sugar. It's pretty good. What about the texture? That's good.

How would you compare it? Because our listeners I guess would mostly be eating like maize. Like a sort of a corn mash. Is would you compare it? Because our listeners, I guess, would mostly be eating, like, maize. Like a sort of a corn mash. Is there cream in there? Yes, there is. I was kind of upset about it. Oh, Jesus.

Sorry. I didn't know there was going to be cream inside. Me neither. It's not how it was described, and it's not. I thought it was just a flaky outer shell of a... That would be good. Sorry. That would be really good. Just a bunch of cream just going down your throat what you described yeah i've got a lot of a lot of cream it's

trickling down your esophagus yep in the old gullet yep are you sick you like it on my terms i do not I don't like to be I would just put my tooth back in how many times have you had sex um who uh who defined sex you know it's such a it is what does it mean what's hooking up yes these days hookup culture has gotten to this place where like well it's all I hooked up with him he hooked up with me and she's is it kissing is it yeah it is weird my dad is always like hey like when i'm at home he's like you should really hook up with your aunt you know she's been you know asking me and it's like why does your dad want you to have a sexual relationship with your or is it what's happened that we're yeah that we're touching our ants?

Not for you? I don't do anything like that. I do no sugar. Okay. I do no sugar. You should have gotten him one of these green juices you're drinking. That's about the only thing he'll have. Get you one that was made with local raw honey.

We're already starting so far behind. Oh, sorry. It doesn't make sense to get food right now. I don't usually leave my house on Saturdays until like 4pm. A bit of a night stalker. So you're sort of a homebody. Sort of, yes.

Sure, if you want to call it that. Sort of a wampir. What is Mark Duplass like? Really? Really what? Really like? Really? Really what? Really nice? He's really nice. Okay.

Okay. That's great. That's good info. He seems nice. Get your pens out, Scoop Troop. Oh, right. Yeah. He's a great guy.

He's really talented. Mm-hmm. He has really, really good taste. What's Retta like? Hilarious Retta's funny, okay, good Loves The Dodgers

Okay, that's a baseball team out here in Los Angeles LA activities Very social Anna Kendrick Fucking bitch Okay, don't like her as much. All right. Doesn't come across on screen.

She seems very nice. She can sing, huh? Yeah. Hell yeah, she can sing. Enough about Anna Kendrick, though. In order for our listeners to get to know you a little bit, what was it like for you working with Dane DeHaan? So are you asking about Dane or are you asking about...

Well, it was like for you to work with Dane on a movie. Was he nice? Yeah, he's nice. He's a nice guy. Oh, pretty good. He seems very nice. He's nice. Are you...

Now, when you're on set, are you cracking up all the time at what Nick Offerman's doing? I'm just having a whole lot of fun on set. Just rolling around. It seems like you guys are having fun. Best job ever. You can tell that while you're watching the show. You can see

that you guys are friends behind the scenes. Nick's always grabbing a prop and making me giggle. It's a real good time. I mean, I can't believe it's a job. Yeah. It's just. Speak on that.

It's a delight. Just every morning I just smack myself in the face and go, how'd you get this job, you little piece of shit? And I just am so grateful. Yeah, expand on that. I just look at myself and I think, you piece of shit. You little scamp. You scamped around and you just sniffed around

and you just climbed up that little tree and you just made a little nest. Like you fucking belong there. And now and just made a little nest like you fucking belong there and now you just get a coffee drive your car and go ding dong good morning everybody action

cut and I don't know it's a good time I have a good time and keep talking. Okay. Well, the thing is I just, every morning I get up and I just make a little breakfast and think, what do I want to put in my body today?

I have full control over what I can consume and what I can reject. It's one of the only things you have control over. So I make those choices. They're hard choices. I make them. I try to keep a good, healthy perspective on just the things I'm deciding on and the things that I regret. It comes back to food for you, doesn't it?

My choices. Just like your food obsession. Food is big, yeah. No, I'm not obsessed. I'm not chips with anything the chips thing i remember was a big thing for you cronuts no these are these were uh these were a gesture gesture and food can be anything now when you have you ever heard of feeders now that i'm obsessed with no is that like people who? It's people who, it's a sexual kind of thing.

You can look it up online. There's forums and stuff, but it's basically like people who feed each other. My friend told me about it and he got pretty obsessed with watching the videos, but it's just like, you know, you meet someone and you just start feeding them. Feed them. Yeah. And that's sexual. Oh yeah.

It's like bringing them food. Sort that's sexual? Oh, yeah. It's like bringing them food, sort of like what you did. Yeah, this is like a mild form of me feeding you guys. And surprising me with the cream like that. Yeah. It was pretty dastardly. That was. Creamy surprise. When you're choosing a film role, for instance,

you're in this movie about Alex. Was it hard for you that Mr. Schmidt had that beard for the whole movie? No, I loved it. Okay. Mr. Schmidt. Oh, right. Did you forget for a second? Yeah.

You are a Latina. That's right. And you're sort of part of this larger Latina revolution. Oh, good. We're getting into this. Going on in Hollywood with you and Salma and Penelope. Paz. And Paz Vega and Paz de la Huerta. Sofia.

Constance Marie. Yes. Naya Rivera. Yes. Shakira. Shakira. Shakira es la primera. ¿Por qué hace usted las películas muy pequeñas e independientes cuando actrices como Salma y Camilo Díaz hacen las películas muy grandes? El blockbuster. Yo tengo mucha tarea, pero no sé por qué fui a fiera para la noche ayer y comer las mexicanas en la piscina derecha de mi casa.

Eso es, you know, no siempre siento eso. ¿Los películas son más divertidos que las televisiones? ¿Puedes decir eso de nuevo? ¿Los películas son más divertidos que las televisiones? ¿Y qué es la diferencia? Muy diferente. Muy diferente. Muy diferente. Las películas

son más largo. Las películas son muy difícil. Yeah. ¿Por qué? And just for some of our listeners at home who don't speak Spanish, what, you know, obviously Hayes and I are very worldly, but what did you say just now?

I said, why? I said movies are more difficult. I don't know, you guys. They're just apples and oranges. I don't know how to compare them. I mean, one is just a journey that you complete in a short amount of time, and one is a journey that you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you know it's there, and that informs your performance and your choices.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, yeah. But the food on both sets are great. Yeah, so you like food, yes. Got to get that food or we'll die. Yes. Yeah, it's fuel for us. Yeah, it's like food, yes. Gotta get that food or we'll die. Yes. Yeah, it's fuel for us. Yeah, it's like black-eyed peas.

It's also a kind of food. Dime sobre la vida después de Beth. It's a zombie. People are calling it a Zomcom. Zom-brom-com. Too scary. Yeah. It does sound very scary.

It's not. Why would anyone want to do that? Do what? Well, it seems like you really like things that are creepy and scary and witchy and ghoul-y. Oh, okay. Is this just a form of rebellion? Yeah, I want to just go, I don't give a shit. I'm a fucking witch.

I can do spells. I live outside the realm of humanity. I just like the underworld. And I think every girl goes through a phase in, you know, when they're 12 or in seventh grade where they kind of get into Fiona Apple. They think they're a witch. You know, they dabble. I mean, it's something that I don't think guys can fully understand there's like a long history of you know midwifery which is kind of this it's a feminine kind of experience that you probably will never be able to tap into and some people kind of let it go and they say these games

are for children and I just don't I'm one of those people that kind of just lets it continue on in my adult life for boys that's gandalf i think that's gandalf boys don't you agree i actually take offense to that because boys can like gandalf who is a wizard yes but that's very similar to a witch because of magic because of doing because they can do magic he's in the woods for a lot of what his self is doing. Yes. Don't you agree? Yeah, I do think he's in the woods for most things he does. Okay, so that's settled then.

Uh-oh. It's time for the popcorn gallery. That song means it's time for the popcorn gallery. What happens in the popcorn? Why don't you explain? Okay, so... Popcorn chicken. What happens in the popcorn? Why don't you explain? Okay, so people like movies. And people like people who are in movies.

Maybe it's you. Maybe it's Hayes. It's not Engineer Sam, but it's someone, right? Now, what they wish when they're in the movies is most movies don't let you talk to the people in the movies. Jersey Boys does, but I think most of the other ones don't. People in the audience?

I don't think there's a rule that says you're not allowed to say whatever the fuck you want when you watch a movie. Right. Okay. Yes. But the people in the movies don't acknowledge you back queens yes those people say whatever they want yes and this isn't what people are those i didn't say anything about new yorkers yeah that's new yorkers they say hey keep it down in the movie no they talk to the screen.

Well, yeah, one guy's talking to the screen and somebody else is saying keep it down. No, he's saying keep it down in the movie. Oh, he's telling the movie characters to keep it down. You hate Jewish people. Wait, are you looking right at me for that? Yeah. Why would you say that? I don't know. Let's reach into the popcorn bag and we'll pull out a question from

one of our listeners let's get a question slimy for rb okay yeah okay we reached in i hope it's slimy and it was again with the scary witch this question is from chanson aubrey why is shame such a major motivator for you. Shame? Being ashamed. Being ashamed of my body or my personality. He didn't specify. Yeah. I don't know. So I think anything that's coming from kind of like a dark, personal, insecure place,

from kind of like a dark, personal, insecure place, it's always the best kind of motivation. Yeah, more darkness. To just be not myself. I'm ashamed of myself. I don't want to be who I perceive myself as. So I just have to quickly do things to make people think that I'm something else or someone else.

It's just a rat race. It is like a rat race. Yeah, like a rat race. I'm all in. Yeah, you're going to win. And you're winning. You're getting the cheese. Yeah, I got to get that cheese.

Got to get that. Got to get that. Let's reach back into the bag. Crunchy. And Mark's really branching out and doing some feminine stuff. A variety of voices and descriptions of the popcorn. I might try chocolate. The chocolate cronut?

No. What about just if I nibble the end of it? You should try it. I'd love to see. I'd love to know if that one's filled with cream, too. Okay. What a nasty surprise that was. Mm-hmm.

It is. You know, they got you pretty good, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah, you need something. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She's got to wipe up. And isn't eating food messy, and isn't that part of what's fun about it?

I like this. She's loving it. People think that we eat all this clean food just because we live out here. Oh, well, they just picture these perfect little tidy little... Like a single P on the end of a four. Stepford wives and husbands. Saturday's my cheat day. It is a cheat day.

Did we reach into the bag already? Yes, we did. It was crunchy, if you'll recall. Here's a question from Bozos of Basketball. Aubrey, Mark Hoppus of Blink-182 recently changed his Twitter name to Family Stark Hoppus. Thoughts? No. You think that he should not have done that?

No, I don't have any thoughts. Okay. Let's reach back into the bag. That's filled with Nutella. Just if you wanted to know. The popcorn is filled with Nutella. Okay, so this popcorn question is filled with Nutella. Okay, well.

Aubrey, how did they do those scenes in Scott Pilgrim where your swear words were beeped out? Was that CGI or a horn in your mouth? It was a horn in my mouth, you piece of shit. That's from Jacob C. That's from Jacob C. That's Jacob C. who's the piece of shit. Who's really getting what he deserves this round. You didn't explain how to get here that great, just FYI.

It's really, how would you explain it, actually? I would love to hear how you would explain it to someone. You said above ground parking lot, you gave me the code. There was a huge sign that just said exit. I'm not going to go in there. Well, I'll tell you what. A lot of times, if there is an entrance to a place, there's an exit somewhere nearby and vice versa.

Do you agree with that? What is this, a TED Talk? This is your TED Talk? Aubrey, when I Google you, it auto-completes. It says Aubrey Plaza, first wiki, and then the next one is Aubrey Plaza feet. Why do you want people to know about your feet so much? I don't.

That's a weird internet thing. It happens to most actresses. There's a big online foot fetish community. Whose actresses' feet are you competitive with? I've never clicked on that shit, and I'm lying. Yeah. You want your publicist to really push those feet, huh? Well, I'm not ashamed of my feet, if that's what you're asking me.

You heard it here first, and everybody go ahead. If there's an opportunity for me to be barefoot on camera, I'll take it. And I'll like it because I know I'm making people happy. Yeah, you work that into a lot of your stuff. You talked a little bit about having no regrets. Is it important for you to live in the moment? Oh, yeah. Every moment counts.

I like to get in between those you know what i mean get right in between those those moments you know what i mean if you can get in between those that's where you can really make some changes speak on that yeah speak on that. Yeah, speak on that for me. Okay, if I'm sitting in traffic and I know, honey, I'm not moving anytime soon, I don't let it bother me. It's the journey, not the destination. Chop wood, carry water, yeah. Chop wood, carry water. Yes, points, points. And I just think to myself, how can I make this fun?

How can I make this an adventure? How can I do something? How can I be cool? How can I be, how can I make this fun? How can I make this an adventure? How can I do something? How can I be cool? How can I be... And I just... I just am. Sometimes someone says, are you stuck in traffic?

And I go, no, I'm not stuck in traffic. I'm hanging out in the car. Yeah. I mean, it's just that little shift of perspective. I'm listening to a science book. I'm listening it's just that little shift of perspective. That's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say. I'm listening to like a science book. I'm listening to my science books, you know? No, I'm just listening to the Amanda Knox story on tape

and learning more in-depth information about that case. What is it about Amanda Knox that captured you? Oh, I don't know. I was just using that as an example. Well, there's a reason it was right on the tip of your tongue. No, there wasn't. And inventing an imagination can be a big part of being creative. Oh, the old lies.

God bless you, yeah. Andrew asks, she's allergic to the cronuts. I'm allergic to Aubrey what's your dad do? He's a stockbroker Ah For Merrill Lynch Oh

Okay Yes Boiler room Hashtag wolf of wall street Yes Yeah Points You have

dogs. Was it hard for you to decide whether to let your dogs go into acting being that we do live in Los Angeles?

No, you know, I think if you want your dogs to be famous, you do the necessary steps, and you just remember that when we're home at night, you know, family rules apply. And, like, you don't have to give in to every whim, and you just need to stay on your ground and just create boundaries that are healthy but uh also don't let them eat too much because you know you brought up the stand your ground law

how do you feel about george zimmerman um as a fellow latina i don't i don't i can't speak on that not not today controversial opinion on that i just today. Controversial opinion on that. I just, it's not worth it. Whatever people would be upset about, that's probably where you... It's not worth it. There's just things these days. Well, it's true. I agree.

There's stuff you can't really say because it's not PC. Yeah. So you have to just hold back stuff like that. No, it's just not worth it for me. Yeah, it's not worth it to get piled on by the Twitterverse and there's certain things where it's like in polite company, you know. Everyone has to just like march in lockstep and we all have to think the same thing about this stuff.

Here's the assigned opinion on this and let's not look any deeper, you know. And to really think about it, you're getting into some trouble. I agree with you about that. Aubrey, thank you so much for coming and talking about all the different foods that you're obsessed with. Rate us on iTunes, like us on the forums, and buy the pro version of our podcast. Yeah, and if you buy the pro version, and who bought it this week? Was it Think of the Children?

It must have been Think of the Children. Think of the Children bought the pro version this week. And as a little added bonus for them, Aubrey's going to walk them through sort of a real-life virtual tour of a craft services table. Oh, man. All right. That's fun for you. Yeah. It must be fun for you.

You love food and you love the movies. Yeah. I loved the terms, too. Craft services. Yeah. It must be fun for you. You love food and you love the movies. Yeah. I loved the terms to craft services. Yeah, crafty. What a cool term. It's like a fox. It reminds me of a fox. Mm-hmm.

From fables. Mm-hmm. Anyway, you were going to do that? It reminds me of being at camp when I was a kid. Crafts. Sleep away camp? I did go to one Crafts. Sleep away camp? I did go to one, yeah. We got into some trouble there, boyo.

Did you lose your virginity? No, I'm waiting on that. Waiting for the right night. I am married. But I am waiting for the right moment where we both feel like we're there. You know, emotionally. But in the meantime, we do still have fun. We do fun stuff.

But no, we haven't had traditional intercourse. I mean, you asked me about at the beginning of the podcast how many times have I had sex. The way that you define it, the way most people think of it, I guess it would be a zero. But that doesn't mean that I haven't had fun. And that doesn't mean that. In the butt. In the butt. Do we have to do this?

Could you just describe the craft services table for... She says that we do have to do this. Walking up to the craft services table is like walking into the fucking Willy Wonka factory times a billion. You got your lettuce, cups. You got your almonds, nuttles. You got a stack of fruit.

Always got that. Real good fruit, too. The exotic kind. Pineapples, berries berries boysenberries um lichtenberries all kinds of exotic things that you would never get at a normal place that doesn't have crafty um you got your trader joe's section you know dark chocolate-covered pistachio berries and banana clusters. And then you've got your hot foods, and those are always changing out, so they're never mild, moderate temperature.

They're always the right temperature. Your onion chicken wraps and your spaghetti wraps and things like that i don't know you got your macchiato station only for mock only for mock fives as we call them that's a four o'clock drink uh gotta get those mock fives keeps you running whole crew is on the fuel. And you got your spa water. Always have spa water. We don't just do regular water. We do water that's infused, as they call it, with herbs, nettles, rose hips, and all kinds of shit. And finally, you got your big fat cake.

of shit and uh then finally you got your big fat cake because every day um we decided that anyone that works on a set in any capacity deserves a fucking cake every day it's not anyone's birthday it's just a cake to be like you did it you're working on this fucking thing. You're getting paid. You deserve to eat a cake. You deserve to have your cake and eat it too. Have fun. Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook.

This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.