Hollywood Handbook - Ayo Edebiri, Our Interesting Topics Friend

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

The Boys welcome back AYO EDEBIRI to discuss some interesting topics. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so attack of the show attack of the show we're under attack from the show i'm on there it's me it's um diamond dallas page the wrestler and we're playing this like dildo video game. He replaced Olivia. Well, I don't get into the politics of that. I don't know who replaced who or if somebody, I mean, she said it was a mutual decision. I'm actually just making a statement of fact,

and I'm not getting into the politics of it at all. Okay, but she, yes, she said it was a mutual decision between herself and Diamond Dallas Page that he would be stepping into her role and that no one was replacing anyone. One person was starting to do something else. Another person was starting to do a totally new thing on the show. Mm-hmm. He said, actually, Diamond Dallas, as we were playing the game you know i would never

replace anyone like i'm not doing what she did i happen to be on the same show sitting in her chair exists yeah absolutely yes it's not a matter of replacement what it is is like it or not things change and it's not always welcome is it io when things are changing what a psychotic introduction it can be uncomfortable a psychotic lead-in and she wants a better lead-in and she wants a new lead-in no no well sometimes sometimes you get the lead in that you're given. And sometimes that's uncomfortable, right? You get what you give, huh?

The new radicals said that. That's so good. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I remember that, basically. Remember? Yeah. They told Marilyn Manson they were going to kick their ass. There's not. We'll kick your asses.

You got the music in you, right? Is that the same song? Same song. Yeah, I remember now come around we'll kick your asses remember they say that to marilyn manson to marilyn manson yeah do you think it ever happened did he actually kick all their ass speaking of diamond dollars page i don't think they came around oh i he gave himself an out where did say, he lists these people and then he says, you come around, we'll kick your asses.

But he doesn't really say where he is. If I don't see you, if you can't find me in one hour, this cancels that out. Never mind. I've got other stuff to do. Let's pick this up at a later date. He can't just wait. Yeah, that's true. Who's got the time?

Changed my mind you can't find me anymore no no what was that someone is calling me oh no oh i've gotta take this hey hi mom What's that? You're in the hospital. So anyway. Nothing's wrong.

I'm just recording a song. And again, it's good as well. That's all real. That's all real. And that's real. E True Hollywood that. But enough goofing around. What are we here to do?

The show. Ayo's here. Winner of the Earwolf Reddits. Didn't she win like... Prestigious. Yeah. Most prestigious Earwolf awards that Reddit gives. Most improved...

Took home the hardware. Most improved. Took home the hardware. Most improved. Guest of the entire year. Brightest future. Yes. I started from, I started rough. Very rough.

And I'll say crass. I'll say I started from a place where i thought oh i have to be funny i have to impress these people i'm time to swear all the time and i have to swear you use a lot of nasty grossness as a crutch as a crutch you leaned on it afraid of being being vulnerable then i over corrected right too vulnerable too self-deprecating i'm i'm leaning i'm leaning into so much vulnerable shit it's not even true i'm making up lies and people can hear horrible to listen to i i swore again so i'm i'm relapsing crazy excuse me this whole time as i was you know watching you go through this transformation yeah i'm thinking god off mike i was so funny yeah the second we're done doing

the show she's cracking us up and it's so it's like heaven it's just like heaven and the two of them together yeah goosebumps well i mean i think it's one of those things too you know sometimes you you have a person in your or your friend goes oh you're gonna love this person you're gonna get along you meet. You're going to get along. You meet them and you go, what is this? I don't like that. I don't like something is off. You're poking them.

You're poking. You're poking, poking. They're poking you back. You're poking each other. Touch, touch. It doesn't feel right. Can't be human. You walk away.

You go, wait a minute. What I don't like is that they remind me of myself. Oh, we're mirrors to each other. Oops. And isn't that chilling? We cannot truly hate something unless we recognize it in ourselves. And now that's a goosebumps.

That honestly is even scarier than any goosebumps they ever did. Justin Timberlake said that. That quote. I don't know if I agree with every single goose one of them scared the shit out of me what's one that's scarier than that the one with the bug

that one was really scary the bug seemed like it would be that scary I still check when I get home it's a tone piece I get in I turn on all the lights I go the bug's not in here right I say it out loud you know if you're the bug in here? It's a tone piece. I get in, I turn on all the lights, I go, the bug's not in here, right? I say it out loud. You know if you're the bug, you have to tell me.

It's entrapment. If the bug doesn't tell you that it's there and that it is the bug, it's illegal. But at this point, who's going to stop you? The bug? Bugs aren't policing themselves.

The bugs don't give a hoot. The bugs are the one that's rioting. Defund the bugs. Abolish bugs. I believe that. ABAB. All bugs are bugs. All bugs are bugs.

All bugs are bugs. Can we admit that? It's time to say it. All caterpillars are bugs. All bugs are bugs. Can we admit that? It's time to say it. I'm not afraid. We're among our friends. Yeah. All caterpillars are bugs. All caterpillars are bugs.

It's just true. It's just true. And people want to say it's political, but it's just true. It's a statement of fact. And they get mad and you're like, what? I just meant all caterpillars are bugs. And they have to apologize. This is in the process of just

filling you with bullets i'm getting absolutely beat up outside of a tgi fridays what what it stands for all caterpillars are bugs that's all i meant no no blood left in my body but i'm all i'm all all snarky about it. I'm like, all I meant was... What did you think it meant, Mr. Coppicer? Same tone. Regardless of what's happening to your body at that moment. What?

I'm sorry, did you think I meant something else? Oh, I guess technically now you have to take these bullets back out of my abdomen. I'm sorry. You shot me in the ass so many times. Oops. Oh, that's actually you did a big mistake-y. Because all caterpillars are bugs. And you admit it.

And admit it. And admit it right now. Yeah, they are but let's do and i do want to just maintain a little bit of focus here and i love you know this happens on this show sometimes where we like get a little we start talking about something and now we're talking about something else but i know i want to bring it back we've been doing this show for so long that we'll just start talking about something and it will become something else that is so insane yes we gotta reign it in absolutely yeah but no but no uh let's do what we came here to do and also what we always like to do when we get together so like uh the redditors voted io has a very bright future and is and also a very uh bright present as well and it is

sometimes hard for us to find time with io and that's not it's great for you we're very excited but when we get together we have something that we'd like to do that we have less and less time to do so we want to do it today which is uh discuss interesting topics thank you that's awesome i can't wait if i may say even before we get into it yeah of course you brought up something that is interesting to me haze is ever since the redditor in chief did put io on the very front page, above the fold, headline, most approved.

Earwolf performer. It has been harder to make time. It has been harder to make time. Yeah, it's been a little bit stressful. Obviously, I'm happy for the news and for everything that's... I'm happy for the news too. And I'm happy for the news and i'm happy for the news congratulations

to the news what a year let me say first of all it's been a really really big year for news and it feels like it's gonna be even bigger like we have no idea what's what's what the news is gonna where the news is gonna be we're gonna look back and say wow do you remember in the news oh we used to just be able to oh we used to be able to say the news. We knew the news. And things will be different. But you hold on to the memories you, you know, you have before the memories. But anyways, you know, things have definitely, definitely changed for me in a lot of big ways.

I got cast in the all-female reboot of 24, which is shot actually in real time. And so that's mostly what's been keeping me really busy. It's an all-black female reboot of 24. Yeah. And so that's been keeping me really busy. And talk a little bit about the threats the nation uh is facing yeah um well tiffany haddish in that show is um is the president um and i'm more of um and i'm actually keifer sutherland um jackal jacqueline brown i play jack i play jackie brown um Brown. And Tiffany Haddish is the president.

Queen Latifah plays my wife. And then other people just fill out the roles. Marilyn Radjaskub is actually still in it. She's still in it, which is sort of a bus link. And people don't know this. She is black. She is black. she's got a sort of a really there was a lot of dna testing let's just say but um the courts were in that situation the courts were let's just say um and yeah i mean it's just like a lot of everything is basically it's america today i would say it feels real and raw it feels

like america today um except everybody's just a black woman but yeah but i'm just curious the victor drazen mission coming back to haunt you in any way uh yeah salazar's in possession of the cordillavirus like i'm just asking are any of these storylines yeah we cover a lot of really groundbreaking um you know storylines um you know islamic threads and what it's like to be the first black female um islamic cell so sleeper cell leader um is there a black woman playing johnny drama uh you know obviously obviously he was a survivalist hiding in the woods who had like a bomb shelter underneath somewhere in the angelus forest and um saved kim bauer from the mountain lion um if you saw

watchmen you saw sort of how they they stayed true to the comics and like allowed things to lay in in the background and forget where you know where they needed to be that's all i'll say for johnny drama fans there might be little sneaks and peeks so the universe still is true to itself just um just from a different point of view well that's great but we're here to talk about interesting topics we gotta stay focused sorry i just yeah we have to talk about interesting topics it's always happening this is so great so kevin uh i know you have been thinking about some interesting topics to um for us to talk about and that uh listeners submitted a number of them as well uh so let's uh let's let's get into some uh before we get into some i just want to say to the

listeners who submitted and who um i don't know we're just so gracious enough to allow me to be this year's torchbearer for most improved performer on an earwolf podcast um long form um comedy i just want to say thank you so much and it really means the world to me and i will not let you down so that's all i wanted to see thank you and um vote thank you so much they will the crying i will say for the some of these reddit people will be something they will really like thank you okay okay yeah uh-huh the first submission is pleasure wow what what an interesting topic and sometimes what can you say about wow to such a topic as interesting as that no i mean let's get into it let's talk about pleasure uh everyone is thinking about this yes and what is it let's talk about what it is let's start there what is it? Let's talk about what it is. Let's start there. What is it?

What the hell is it? It's a it's kind of a it's a type of gas. Yes. It's like a type of sort of gas. And you can get it. It's interesting that it is a gas but you can also get it from

smoking gas. gas that type of gas yeah um it's more i think of a way a way also that you can carry yourself and maybe that is yes okay thank you so much for saying this i just yeah i wanted to speak on that it's's a style of movement. Yes. To carry yourself through the city with this feeling like you, with this look like you are currently experiencing great pleasure. Mm-hmm.

And people see you and you're just like, hmm. Sort of slither and slide down the busy streets with your swag on a hundred million, sashaying and like kind of smacking your lips. Yeah, absolutely. And that's contagious. And to be, I would say, eyes closed and drooling.

But with a completely short sense of direction. Yeah. And even as you walk, you're essentially reclined. Your arms are completely loose. Loose. Just dragging on the floor behind you. Tipped back, feet together, ankles tied

together, roller skates on and just gliding. Gliding, gliding, gliding. You've also probably got a hat on. Oh, let's face it. It's hard not to be reminded of one of my, I don't know, heroes, I guess I would say when I think of this word, Bruno Mars. Yes.

Who I feel like, oh, that's concentrated pleasure. Bruno. He's not a man of big st stature but he's a man of big pleasure i saw him uh strawberry champagne on ice that's what i like yeah and isn't it something to do a song about what you like instead of a song about being mad at George W. Bush. Oh, shut up. I've had enough. Say what you like. We get it. Say something good. Put something good in the world.

You don't like George W. Bush. Okay, great. Any other thoughts? We've got that one already. I don't think we need another hundred millionth song about it. Yeah, Bruno said, I got something. I like stuff. Here's the list. Oh, now I'm interested. Yeah, Bruno said, I got something. I like stuff. Here's the list. Oh, now

I'm interested. Thanks, man. Good song for once. Thank you. Sing about kicking Marilyn Manson's ass. I saw him. Sing a song about something we actually connect to. He's got that song. He's got another

song, right? The Pleasure. Mm-hmm. So he says it all right all right uptown that was a good warm-up interesting topic you saw him though you thank you so much for bringing it back to that i do have something really good to say i had a feeling interesting knows interesting I saw him reading a newspaper and we talk about the news right yeah

and he was reading the serious news section and he's reading this and he's like reading serious news and he's going ooh ooh and he's just like he is vibing to this honestly yeah to this news yeah i'm just sitting watching i'm just enjoying the show and he's like

and i was like this is so interesting because this is like serious news this is not how i usually react to this he's like thrown away the half of the newspaper that's funnies because your newspaper comes in halves have funnies have serious section and he gave those to someone who was like like an old guy that was like pissed off well it was dennis leary well it was dennis leary yeah he gave to dennis leary he needs it and kevin can i hear another interesting topic please that was really interesting pleasure is yeah pleasure is really interesting something we don't think about and i do want to say that it also is busting well i can't disagree with that okay i yes i will say and let me just correct myself before you even get into it. I am sorry for some.

Yeah. I'm talking about Dennis Leary. How about you come on a rescue? Rescue Hayes. Okay. Hayes needs to be rescued. No, he knows that. Yes.

Yes. I know about your situation. And I'm sorry for implying that that is a pleasurable experience for everyone. Thank you for your apology. I'll say. I will just say. I'm thankful for it. This one's a question.

And that was the, just to interrupt you, Kevin, that was, of course, the public apology. And that was the, just to interrupt you, Kevin, that was, of course, the public apology. And I will be continuing to apologize. Private apology letter. Privately. But I will be updating people on social media about the different outcomes of this, of the different multiple private apologies.

Let them know when you've received the private apology. Yeah, of course I will. Big, big, long, long note. Long, long iPhone note. Really tiny, got, long note. Long, long iPhone note. Really tiny. Got to zoom, zoom. This one's a question. Is there a such thing as a useless talent?

Wow. That's really smart. That's really deep, actually. I like when they're a yes or no, the interesting topics. That's how you know it's truly interesting yes or no opportunity to dig in well i don't want to go first necessarily but i will that's nice that's brave give me the question again kevin is there a such thing as a useless talent maybe yeah maybe there might be yeah I'm gonna say there's a lot of things about this world that we um know but there's even more that we don't

know you know I'm reminded of a top 10 list that David Letterman did sometime in the early 90s. I believe it was Most Pointless Superpowers. And it was these superheroes were popular at the time and they were doing the movies with them. And the one I recall distinctly is the ability to shake exactly two aspirin out of the bottle on your first try. Well, that actually is pretty useful. Well, and as I'm thinking about it,

I want to change my answer to probably not. I remember once I went to summer camp with this girl and she could peel an orange in one peel like with her finger and i think she showed up to camp and she said this is my little thing that i do for myself and who'd have thought by the end of camp she was the most popular girl at camp so i did a

similar thing at camp and i practiced like all through the school year to like show up at camp and I'd practice like all through the school year to like show up at camp and be able to do this, put, uh, an orange in my mouth and, and pull it out completely peeled. Well, a lot of people don't know this because of pictures online, but your mouth is actually,

it goes back really far. And it goes, yeah, I guess you can see it profile. You can kind of see how far my mouth goes back really far. It goes up. I guess you can see. In profile, you can kind of see how far my mouth goes back. There's a few pictures. There's a few eagle-eyed fans would have to dig a little bit deep. Yeah.

It goes back really far into my head. We've caught them a couple times. Yeah. It's up there and it goes back. You need to train yourself to sort of only speak with the front part of your mouth. Is that sort of the front bottom part of your mouth? Mine bottoms out instantly. My mouth is so shallow.

Your mouth? You're just right up against, you're instantly kind of in there. Yeah. Yeah. you're instantly kind of in there. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, both of you sort of taking public figure positions where you speak is just incredibly brave and it's beautiful to me that you found each other. Kissing is very painful for me because there's really no room. There's just nowhere to go. Congrats again on your life, despite this, I just want to say.

Well, you you know hold your Congratulations because if we don't solve this It's been life has been Pain for me and I'm so sorry And it's probably gonna end really Soon let me know if I can reach out To anybody and just sort of like mobilize people Online whether that's

Like finding you somebody to fix your Mouth or any non-traditional medicine i mean i've been you know obviously western stuff is just not gonna cut the muster for me they won't they don't understand the point because they want to fix they want to fix you right and it's not just really how do we fix you it's how do we how do we accept me how do we accept you and make your life as comfortable and true as as possible your life still want to be true yes and i would say you know it made me feel to better appreciate what's going on yeah with me yeah eating for me is not an issue once it's in there

it's you know it's not coming back but for you not coming back. But for you, Sean, I would say the experience of eating, just from watching it, seems like when you take the ping pong table and fold up one side of it so you can practice against it. Yeah. So, like, a lot of it is just kind of coming right back. It's popping. Yeah. It's popping.

Yeah. Well, with you, I mean, I know part of your training to do that with an orange in your mouth was just to get something that small to be able to come back out you had initially been doing it with a watermelon and people were very frightened just pull up just a fully peeled watermelon it's so cavernous that when you put the orange in, you're losing track of it. That's sort of like that art that sometimes you'll see people do on Instagrams

where it's like they can dig into different parts of the skin to create pictures. So some parts are completely to the pink flesh and others are a little bit white and others are green. And that's just because of the sheer power of your mouth and also teeth and tongue, I would say. Well, don't leave out those. They're a big part of his mouth.

They're a huge part. It's already incredibly enormous and far back. The teeth go all the way back. Yeah, unlike mine where the tongue portion of my mouth is essentially it's it's almost like a don't get emotional it's okay no no but i i want to get this right yeah so because there's no depth it's it's kind of like a tombstone for a baby mouse. Yeah, no, it's honestly, it looks like a pencil razor. It points straight up.

That's exactly what it is. It points straight up, and it is something that maybe if you had a community of little tiny, smaller than a mouse. Modern cameras, they obviously have their flaws. I think a lot of people, what they think are 16 teeth, think a lot of people what they think are 16 teeth you know it's a it's actually that's actually not you're looking at something a little bit more complicated much more complicated much more complicated and in another way much simpler and some would say the way that things should be i wouldn't wish it on anyone yeah Yeah, of course. Of course not. But I'm just saying what some people might say.

Sure, I can see them saying that. Sorry, you know my whole thing is being a devil's advocate in this space. Yeah, every time I see you go, I'm just getting warmed up. No, but tongue is looking like a damn pencil eraser. It's true and let's think about another interesting topic what about that yeah please i hope that answered um your question i know that it did thank you for submitting thank you for submitting i know that it did thank you for submitting the name of the person that submitted that, I'm looking at the list, their name was France. Well, that's an interesting topic.

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And what are some of them? It's one big add-on, and it's you on your bed. You're so tired after you eat my meal. The promise is the meal makes us sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah. Your bed plus one.

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That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood hamper. Okay, Kevin. The next topic is loyalty. Wow. Wow. This is a big one.

And wouldn't it be interesting if Lorde had said and we'll never be loyals. Yes. And consider that. I definitely think the election would have been different. The election I think would have been

it would never have happened. I agree. I agree as well. We are not. People hear this and they say uh okay i am pretty sure we are not doing an election i think we're i think we're good for this you know what i think we're actually good i think we're good for this year this person just has just announced that we will never be loyals? And this is our lord doing this? Okay, so you say you're never going to be royals and yet you

yourself are... Our lord. Our lord. Our lord of the dang manor. Clip-clop, clip-clop. That's a horse. On the land. Yeah, the horse is going by on the land. That's true. No, and that happened.

And that happened to us. What an interesting topic. Can I have another one? The next one says, Aw, sweetie. That's not a topic. Okay. The next one says, No, I just want to, I just want to one says no i just want to i just want to like

i just want to well is it an interesting topic what a topic is in a way oh sweetie you don't think that is interesting topic what you've said is not a topic and i'm concerned that uh your texts from colin anderson your boss asking for health benefits that his response to you is getting mixed in with the interesting topic you're right i'm sorry you okay i'm getting there yeah right. And I've also found it's more effective, Kevin, just from as an employee and navigating the workplace to not ask for health benefits when you need them in an emergency. To ask for them before it gets to the point. You'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it they have so much negotiating power if you wait until the whatever the kind of thing you're

dealing with is yeah kind of taking up so much of your sort of skin zone even if it's an audio message help me help me with that do you know do you know how you can do those audio messages we need help an audio text sorry an audio text a sound text you mean yeah I just started fucking with that I'm on another level

abolish that the next topic is all am a cab all kevins are bartlett what that's all it meant sorry who's kevin bartlett you ask Sorry. Who's Kevin Bartlett, you ask? He's something of a featured... Ass absolutely riddled with bullets. Outside the local Applebee's.

He's something of a featured player on a bit of a niche podcast. I always do all the organs are falling out. Oh, why? You're not on Reddit? Oh. Sorry. Oh. It's just a playful mispronunciation of one of the producers of one of the most premier and accessible podcasts in the comedy landscape today. Well, if you haven't started listening years ago,

I don't know how you get in now. I mean, I guess I could tell you some episodes that could be good starters, but honestly, at this point... Maybe pick out some guests that you already like. Start with them. I'm being slid into a morgue drawer. Drugs are being planted on me. Teeth chattering in the freezer.

Would you mind grabbing me a sweater? So anyway, it started as sort of a parody of some show business types. Now it's become a commentary on podcasts themselves. What's next topic? IMDbTV. Okay. It's happening.

We're doing this. We got to do it. All of the actors are already there. Not just that. Not just the actors. Yes. Talk about it.

Talk about it. Because there's more to show business than that. just the actors yes about it talk about it because there's more to show business than that all the writers yeah all the directors all the producers a lot of the crew sound people hair and makeup miscellaneous right special-ers. All the specially thanked are there. And they look at each other and they're like, hey guys, we're already here. The amount of talent we've assembled in this IMDb. Let's do our own show. Let's make it.

Let's do one huge show. I want a TV show i want all of us paul thomas anderson drew barrymore um the guy who plays bosh on bosh i want a random trivia fact from uh from uh money heist the spanish show i want all of it together all the quotes quotes. All the quotes from all of our greatest works. Okay, Kevin. The next topic is themed restaurants. Oh, yes. Yes. Awesome.

Awesome. Epic. Winsauce to the maximum. We're finally onto a topic that I know something about. What was it theme restaurants yep oh niceness okay um everybody clear out i'm gonna take this one to the hole yeah it's true theme restaurants are so nutso the menus hello it's like the names of these things and the dishes no it can be pretty cool okay next topic okay kevin yeah what's the next

one vintage vintage yes yeah i don't mind taking this one i guess i think a lot of people really when they talk about vintage they want to think that oh i understand it i'm cool but it's not just about look it's about taste and feel as well sometimes when i look for example in my bar which is secret and bespoke as well i look at all the pieces that i have collected and refined as well and i go easy secret yes easy yes that is bespoke as well and i look at it and i look at it through my tiny tiny little glasses and I adjust them just so on the bridge of my nose and I squint, squint, cross my eyes to even look through the tiny, tiny glasses.

And I look in the mirror at myself and I tip my little feather cap to myself and I say, Lady, you did a good job. And who are you talking to? And just for the audience, say who you're talking to and just for the audience my parole officer my parole yes i feel like that's important to the story sorry i thought that i might have maybe said that earlier for content maybe you did maybe i missed it maybe i missed no no no no sometimes i

sometimes when i'm writing and speaking i just go a to c so fast that i forget to sort of lay out this crucial details and i really apologize for that can i say one thing about vintage like for clothes when you're shopping don't go do it uh with your like if your nose is stuffed because like sometimes you get it home and it stinks musty it smells like shit it's it's sick it makes you want to barf sometimes i go in and i think i'm being a good customer but i'm actually a mustamer because all i'm getting is just the mustiest shit and it's really making me smell something bad when I get home.

I will say a good tip that I got once, if you're shopping for shoes and bags, always check inside because you never know if there's going to be steaming hot piles of doo-doo in the bags or shoes. Can I tell you a good tip that I got once? Yeah, of course.

30%. What's the next topic, Kevin? The next topic is book club. Flawless movie, I'll say. Sure. Yeah. Mary Steenberg? Yes.

Aphasia recoverer? Mary Steenberg? She recovered from aphasia? Yeaher barry steenberg she recovered from aphasia yeah something like that she got like hit in the head and she could only hear music and then didn't tell anybody and then they and then and she wanted to be cured of that and then she made a show give Give me that, doctor. Please don't heal me, doctor. Doctor, bonk me in the head now, now, now. Yes, that's the kind of disease I want. Yeah, rather than book club, I'd be in a bonk club, just getting bonked on the head trying to get the music.

That is poetic, yeah. I love music. For dancing, it's number one. Yeah. I love it to for singing hayes now i feel now i wish i said that hey i want his answer that's my answer now you made me think of that you made me think of that so a lot of it was you that's really nice it was because of you that i thought of that oh yes that's nice i like it for both i'm sorry i'll say it no don't apologize at all no you can do that it's cheating i more i owe i owe you've got the music in you

don't let go i really appreciate that shot i didn't quite have the the exact number of syllables as are you sure what about now Kevin we have so many more of these to get through the next topic is our little imperfections wow okay where do i start this one is kind of pissing me off sorry yeah it's getting me pissed too i hate thinking about this this one's making me pissed as hell i'm not pretty i'm not a little i'm not really happy well i've talked about my little damn eraser tongue. Yeah. Damn tombstone for a tiny mouse.

I know. You're covered. You don't have to say it anymore. Tongue is looking like a damn bunny's nose. Tongue is looking like one of the foot pads on a little Instagram Shiba Inu. No, unfortunately, it's true. But we don't have to we don't have to keep talking about that no like a dongle tongue looking like a dongle come looking like a damn dongle yeah yeah no we don't have to no good stuff just thinking about even talking about it

to be honest tongue looking like a single button on a remote control. Yeah, you got Roku button tongue. Roku button tongue. Hang on, let me turn the volume up real quick. Let me push on your tongue. No, please don't. It takes me so long to get it unstuck and pop it back up.

Tongue looking like a little light switch on a mid-century modern lamp. But we talked about the little tongue. Yeah. We talked about how my mouth goes all the way back. Which some would argue isn't a little imperfection. It's quite a large one. Not me. Just some.

It's a cavernous imperfection i just wanted to prepare you for the reality when this releases there's a lot of haters and a lot of uh troublemakers on reddit no we're not releasing this oh no i have fully committed to not releasing this oh that's good i like hanging out with you guys just shooting the shit but let's talk about you io do you have any little imperfections that you would like to share yeah kind of like openly oh this is you know it's hard to no no it's hard again she's being super brave no no please stop honestly i guess probably shoot it's hard i just said this is brave as hell many of my talents which sort of overwhelm people and i sing and when i dance and those things of you know offend people by how good that it is is probably number one but you know obviously i

mentioned before part of you know how i've gotten to this place of um marked improvement is because like i had been in a place where i was really vulnerable and i was going on i was going on podcasts i was i was going all confessional comedy i was doing the earwolf tour and every single earwolf podcast i've done you have a secret of mine every single one laying like the just like laying them around like johnny apple secret that's i mean it's like no is it am i lying no you're not lying i'm oh i'm walking the countryside oh i'm on teacher's lounge walking the countryside oh I'm on teacher's lounge

blah blah blah blah blah you'll never guess who I killed mm-hmm they do that a lot on Metro

little secret tree they get that out of you though they get that out of you they have

their ways but that aside I guess all my DUI is probably my biggest little imperfection. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. What about you, Hayes? I already have the mouth. Okay. I just, sorry, I just tried to help you, I guess, and I guess you don't want to take it. So that's fine with me.

How is that helping me? I think that there's going to be a really, and obviously this is just my feeling. I'm not saying that anybody should do this, but I think there's going to be a lot of really angry comments saying hey your mouth is huge that's not a little imperfection that's that's actually a notably big imperfection wide one yeah and up as well and it's big and wide and up as well but it does no it's it's cubed stay true to yourself it's a huge cube yeah i heard um you like optioned like your mouth to m. night shabalon or whatever by the way congrats uh yeah thank you i the deal looking at it now and like you're in the room and even your guys are like this is great this is the best we're gonna get and so you're kind of like you're starstruck i mean it's a little thrilling like

it's like this is the this is like the everybody's gassing your shit up lady in the water guy yeah yeah and it's like so much mr lady in the water and it's like so many papers and you're just like okay and you just are in the spirit of it they've got a glass of rye to give you ready to sip it as soon as you sign on the line that is dotted and the rye is going to my head and you're saying what am i gonna do ask ask mr the visit oh can we look at these numbers again yeah exactly oh can i just like take this home no i mean like you know i want the people to be excited who are in the room so i did sign and now uh knight has moved his entire family into my mouth days oh my god holy shalalon

oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't know it was that deep he's not and it's not like it's not like a huge family but he has one adult daughter okay i i guess i should have expected that i would be surprised by the ending of that story just based on who was involved you know yeah but it really did fuck up my whole shit. And I actually need a minute. Because what I'm realizing is that some of the stuff that I've been telling Hayes, I've been telling to M. Night Shyamalan's adult daughter as well. No, no, no, no. Without realizing it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck. No. She, I will say like oh my god i like whether or not she was listening like when i'm trying to get her attention hey is this is so messy you're messy haze no i know i agree look i i agree you're messy and i've tried you are messy boots right now I agree. You're messy. Because you are messy boots right now.

Hey. Admit it. You're messy boots. No, and I have been saying I am messy boots. I do agree with this. And I told you the whole story. But in this case, with saying stuff to M. Night Shyamalan's adult daughter, she's on her Oculus Rift a lot. Okay.

And so I'll be trying to get her attention. Yeah. But she is deep inside the world of the Oculus Rift. Yeah, of course. So there's a good chance, Sean, maybe some of your secrets are safe? I hope so. I'd hate for M. Night Shyamalan's adult daughter to hear some of the stuff i've confessed to haze recently especially honestly sorry haze not to i'm like i am on your side but if she's playing the oculus rift and she's hearing things she's not playing sean is sorry if she's

immersed in the world of uh she to watch her i would say like she's not playing she is okay seriousing okay copy the oculus rift if she's seriousing inside the oculus rift and sean is saying things that could possibly be affecting the visuals of her trip yeah yeah you know i just i don't know there's there's cause for further investigation. Well, I've had a lot of ideas for new colors. And so I've been calling Hayes up at all hours of the night, you know, just to kind of be like, what about this? It's like, but I don't really have the language to describe it often

because like there's really all the words we have around this stuff is just names of colors we already know. Well, of course, then you call Hayes to try to help you find the language to get there. But it must be making her trip crazy. It's my job and they pay me pretty well.

She's tripping so crazy, I bet. My heart goes out to the poor girl. Do you want to talk about, Sean, just some of the colors that you are most excited about? Sure, yeah. Well, maybe there's one in between sort of yellow and gray. Oh, okay. Well, it doesn't have to be that. It doesn't have to be that. doesn't have to be that no it doesn't feel like we really have that one yet yeah maybe one that this isn't really totally uh maybe clear to you

guys but like if it was a flavor it would taste you know not like salt yeah no actually that's beautiful i like that one sorry i had to think i know and i can yeah and i can picture that color for sure it's not like salt because salt is another color but i like the but i like the it's almost like kind of like a little bit of... Maybe a color that's under an umbrella? Yeah. Underneath it? Yeah. That's open or closed? Sorry.

It's see-through. Okay. Yeah. So, impossible to say. Okay, I like that one. Yeah, sure. Is there any more topic? The last topic is perfecting the jack-o'-lantern.

And these have both had the idea of perfection is so corrosive. It's so important to you. And perverse. Which is so interesting because you are so fucked up and stupid. For the listener, yeah. But isn't that interesting? It makes me feel sad, I guess, kind of. It makes me feel very sick as well.

Yeah. I also feel confused. Perfecting. And a little bit hungry as well. Do you want another one as a side option? The jack-o'-lantern. Hey, man. If it ain't broke.

Right. This thing's scary, funny, freaky. And Kevin looks at this and say like, Oh, I think I make it perfect? Oh, I think I can do it better than this. Mm-hmm. And what's he end up with? Bunch of freaking just mush.

Just guts. Yuck. Yuck. That's kind of between yellow and gray. My jack-o'-lanterns. Now he's stealing my color. Nice try, dude. He just said that.

You know he just said that? Wait, guys, can we sidebar really quickly? Yeah. Sure. I'm worried about Kevin. No, Kevin, you can't be here. Sorry. I'm sidebarring with Sean and Hayes.

Is that okay? Yeah, no, go ahead. Thanks. Okay, sorry. So can we sidebar guys okay i'm just like worried about yeah okay no sean and hayes sean and hayes can be sidebar okay shoot sorry i forgot what i was that's okay yeah ask or maybe say do you remember kevin sorry come back hi hi do you remember what i was saying when you first heard it and then you and then i asked you to leave no i wasn't really listening

but do you know like i have a sidebar in my living room and so i say hey can we sidebar really quick and then i bring them over to my little bar he has this little rolling tiki tray. Kevin has become obsessed with tiki culture. Is that true? Obviously. It's really not good. Underneath your growing beard is a puka shell

chin strap. Jingling, jangling. Haven't you been to the tiki room in Disneyland?land he's making with some dull disgusting yeah concoctions he's making little little wooden creatures so sugary and yeah yeah well and he's got their torches going indoors all the time this house is smoking the hell up dangerous so smoky it's really inviting bugs it's inviting mosquitoes in a in a weird opposite way it's really offensive somehow to like a number like many different yeah many different races i can name them i won't but i could and for why

and every time i enter a room and and Kevin is like talking to someone else, I always catch the tail end of the conversation. He's going, did you know the mask from The Mask actually comes from tiki culture? Which I don't think is true. I don't think it's true at all. And even if it was,

I don't think that it should come up that much. It's the best movie of all time. I think it should come up that much it's the best movie of all time I think it should come up every day so you don't want to sidebar Io? no I'm okay thank you though for asking oh about my color that I stole from Sean allegedly

yes thank you so much you're welcome I think it's okay though I feel like I don't really have anything new to say about it I think I'm alright thank you though that's really nice of you thanks okay last one the dark arts of the irish goodbye what is the jk rowling okay now kevin is very into, like, comedy about, like, social analysis. God. And be like, so, like, he does a lot of the stuff about, like, so you're at the party

and then you say goodbye and then you're on your way out of the party and now this other person is talking to you, but then you see the person that you saw that you already said goodbye to and you're like, no, like, it wasn't that. I really was saying goodbye okay oh no oh oh no yeah that is so true that's really true yeah yeah yeah proud of my audience i don't agree with it though i don't sure yeah i don't agree with that i find it offensive i don't agree with

that offensive i don't agree with that at all like a person or a friend i just i don't really think yeah i don't agree with that at all and they've actually been through a lot no it's a lot i know this has been like a really crazy year i don't know if anybody else can relate to this this year has been like really crazy this has this this has been yeah the craziest part yeah which which year are we talking? Last year. For me. Yeah, I don't know. I'm getting a phone call. I have to go.

Okay. Gotta go. All right. Wait, Kevin. Can we sidebar real quick? Sure. No tiki's though? I'll leave the tiki tray here.

Hey, what's up, man? Ooh. That person hung up after you said what's up man yeah I said it pretty normal not sure what went wrong that seemed totally normal yeah maybe it's like your present it may be something going on for me

this whole year has been like this I really have to go now bye I really have to go now. Bye. Hollywood Handbook.