Hollywood Handbook - Bang Rodgman, Our Choose Your Own Adventure Friend

Episode Date: January 1, 2019

The Boys and BANG RODGMAN have a little fun making a Choose Your Own Adventure episode. This episode is sponsored by Harry's ( www.harrys.com/HANDBOOK ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So I am with Alexa Vega and Daryl Severa, the Spikids. Backtrack a little bit. I was browsing sites. I'm on Upworthy. You just, you know, obviously. If anyone's looking for me, that's where I am. Oh, you'll find me on Upworthy.

Yes, I'm on Upworthy.com. If it's Upworthy, then it's worthy of my time. And I see a little picture at the bottom that says, see what these kids look like now. What are the spy kids doing now? And I, yeah, I was like, okay. Don't be like full grown spies probably. And I click it and my doorbell rings. Bing bong!

You just play the... It plays like a G-6. It plays what? Like a G-6. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. So it goes... Getting slithered.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. That song is Far East Movement featuring Dev, who is... Did you know that is Engineer Devon? Engineer Devon, yes. Yeah. It's true. He says the getting slithered is engineer Devin? Engineer Devin. Yes. Yeah, it's true. He says get the getting slithered part.

Mm hmm. Yeah. And I opened the door and it is the spy, the spy kids. Yeah. And they're like, Hey, you want to see what we look like?

Right. And I'm like, sure. Yeah. Not like a lot, but it makes you think about what that really means when you click something like that. When they go like, so you're like, want to know what I look like now. Okay.

And they're kind of like, here it is. Get a good look. They're wearing masks, right? Yeah, I mean, until I make the transaction that they will take off their masks. And you're wearing a mask, right? Sure. I'm at home. Of course.

And so they're like, okay, well, we came all the way here. If you want to see, give us like whatever, like 50 bucks. Right. If you want to see what's under here which obviously you do because you you click the thing and you've only got three 20s yes and so like i don't know is this a is this a tipping situation i don't know i've never been in something like this before so i just give them the whole thing i don't know if it's like each it's for both of them i guess they right yeah and then they're like it's for both of them i guess they right yeah and then

they're like it's like one of the 20s they have to go and spend together at the same store and then they each get to take one of the other 20s home so it's nice because when they do go to do this and i'm and i know daryl a little uh not a big deal but i know Daryl a little. We hung out on a roof after a Childish Gambino concert in 2000. And we... This was good Childish Gambino. This is, it's all to me. But this was like before it, like before he sold out and it got bad. It was when he was doing the good stuff about

backpacks. AOL chat rooms. Well, to me it's all good, but what I was going to say is Daryl and I wound up spending a bit of time together.

He was dating a girl at the time who now is dating someone else i'm friends with so i've spoken to him of course about doing these appearances yeah and what's fun for him is he said it's really the only way he would keep in touch with Alexa. Okay, that's nice. And so often they run into the three. Because they're not great correspondents. No, neither one of them is on texting and all that. They're spy kids, you know? So you'd think, oh, they're into gadgets, they're kids, they're texting.

But they don't. They don't have time. And so what happens is so often they're in this 320 situation that they always do the appearance and they grab lunch after. Oh, that's nice. And they'll go get lunch after. And they'll get sun chips with their footlong. And if they've got the Harvest Cheddar, great.

And if they don't, they'll try one of the others. So you got it for free is what I'm hearing. You didn't have to click anything. I get to see what Daryl looks like. Alexa, I've never met. She was not at the Childish Gambino concert, and she certainly was not on the roof afterwards with Greg Walter from 3Arts.

Who else was there? I'm trying to remember. Well, what's crazy is if you saw her, you wouldn't even know. I may have seen her. That was my experience. Great point. I may have seen her. That was my experience. Great point. I may have seen her.

Well, this is sort of my issue. So I want to be cool in this situation, so I rip the three 20s in half, and I give them each half the 20s, and I'm like, you get the other half when I see the goods. Yeah, and then they're able to put two of the three halves together. Yes. So that does defeat the purpose a little bit. And they didn't want to see what you look like?

I feel like you could have done a little tip or tap. Oh, yeah, you could have gotten 20 back for them to see what you look like. You're a public figure in your own right. I know, but I look pretty much the same as I did at the beginning of this. Well, honestly, so does Daryl. He takes great care of himself. That was what I thought.

Daryl looks exactly the same as he did in the movie, which, by the way, is much more notable than if he had grown up into an adult. He looks the same. I was almost in a movie called Worst Prom Ever that Daryl was the star of, an MTV film. I did, I want to say, 16 auditions for a one-scene role. Had to redo them several times. Director came to my house, filled me in my apartment.

He wanted me for it. MTV wouldn't approve me. And ultimately they were right because we all are now now talking about worst prom ever to this day. We remember the iconic guy who I think was like selling them weed. Right. We were just talking about it before we were recording. On the way into the record, it was that scene. It just kind of came up.

Yes. I didn't mean to tell a story about someone who seems like it was like a big part of your life this yes this kid who d-dog yes yeah we know we're we're of course buddies uh we hang out after concerts and we almost were in a film together anyway i i i am still not sure if it was Alexa. Because like you were saying, it is. He could have just grabbed anybody. Yeah, it is.

It's definitely Daryl. He looks exactly the same. I mean, if I had to say for sure, I would say it was not. It was not Alexa at all. So he's paying her like maybe 10 bucks. Yeah. Right. She was Chinese. Okay. And we can say that. There's paying her like maybe 10 bucks. Yeah. She was Chinese.

Okay, and we can say that. There's nothing wrong with that. If someone's Chinese, you can say they're Chinese. This is what gets confusing in the PC culture of today. Are you allowed to call someone Chinese? She's from China.

This is a Chinese woman. So you can say, hey, she's Chinese. And I'm also, this is more of a dicey area. This is sort of a gray area where I could get in some trouble. I'm pretty sure Alexa Vega is not. So this is what I was, it was not something I was going to bring up in the moment. But I did sort of want to be like, come on, I'm not paying for this. Sure. Yeah. And it makes the mask incredibly useful

because it's you do get the money handed over and then yeah hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insider's Guide we don't have to choose your own version of this do we? let's explain what we're doing

we're doing this huge thing Black Mirror fucking trips us out freaks are being so hard we could barely stand up afterwards i've fallen off my couch and been trapped underneath it for weeks at a time from a single episode it's good safe under there yeah i've been in a wheelchair because of the show because the show makes it that you don't trust your own feet. And also, isn't it funny? Wheelchairs make you rely on technology, just like the people in the show who are all stuck, and the black mirror is actually the screen. Imagine if the wheelchair just started driving you around to where it has a mind of its own. Somebody hacked my chair.

Yeah, the NSA hacked my chair, and now I'm the frigging Manchurian candidate. So we're watching this thing, the new thing. Yeah. The Legend of Bandersnatch. And it's, yes, it's the Legend of Bandersnatch, and we are so into it. And I don't know what it is, but I'm loving it. And it's this new way of doing TV. And it's better.

And it's better. The Legend of Bandersnatch really is all anyone's talking about. And it was an experience. It changed everything. And I'm still discovering new secret paths through the narrative. I've done this thing two times. And I'm still like, what? Yeah, I made it all the way through and

there are actually other options that I can be doing. So it's choose your own adventure and we said anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. Annie Oakley, Annie get your gun.

Look it up. You guys have to see this. Oklahoma, you have to see this fucking show. The songs are awesome. We're taking the songs and putting them on the podcast. We're not going to sing them. We're going to put them into

practice. Hey, Black Mirror, anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. So we are going to do one of these where we tell a story, and we give you choices that you can make for which kind of story you want to hear and what you want us to do in this story. Objection, Hayes! You don't have the technology for that.

And that's true. We don't. We don't. Sustained. Aha. And so this is the thing. Yeah, you can proceed, counselor. This is the fun of it for you as you get to participate in this and actually do something yourself instead of just lying down and listening to the show like you normally do.

We will tell you how far to jump ahead and backwards. We're going to take you on a fun adventure mission. There's no button option that we're going to throw on this video. Where would it be? There is a button. If you're listening on Stitcher, which is the only app for me, there's a skip forward.

The Stitcher app's pretty clean, right? It's certainly better than some of this other stuff that's out there, these viruses. We are going to need the woman to be a character. If we're stopping and starting, we do need the... Absolutely. Resuming episode.

Resuming episode. Resuming episode. She has to be a part of this story because she's going to be in it so much because there's so much stopping and starting. Sometimes I go to resume an episode. There's a lag where I know she has wokenoken up but she can't remember what she's supposed to say so it's like it's about to start like almost the the time is starting to move and then there's like this pause where she is panicking and she goes oh. Resuming episode. So we will let you use the button to skip forward 30 seconds.

We will skip forward in increments of 30 seconds. Yeah. We'll do everything. And Devin will keep track of this. Oh, yeah. And, like, normally we would kind of stitch it together afterwards. It is a condition of our new deal that the engineers will no longer, they'll like take a look at each episode after it's done but they're not going to like get in there.

So that'll be kind of fun for the listener. Yes. Well, it's super active listening and it's you're getting a workout because you get to click the button and think you're getting a mental workout. So we'll be presenting you with stuff and then you can skip to the different scenarios.

What is it that you're allowed to do in the edit now? Like, you're just allowed to change the volume once? I think one time. Yeah. Okay. You can cut just the beginning or just the end, but not both. Okay, so let's keep track of not trying to use that functionality. You can't suture anything.

Yes. Yes. No. If it takes a long time to get going, you can cut up to four minutes off the top, right? Yeah, I believe that's right. And at the end, it's like 80 seconds. Yes. Which is great. Oh, it's off.

Which is great because we run over by almost a minute and a half. So let's start it. We obviously need a mission we need an adventure uh to choose i was thinking that perhaps we get together our crack squad of earwolf engineers hosts stars guests comedians funny informative people and people, and even Bang Raj Man. Hi. Oh, wow. Bang Raj Man is here.

I'm going to be playing myself in the mission? He's the guest? Yes. Okay. Oh, yeah, that's right. The guest is Bang Raj Man. Hey, fuck you, pal. You know what?

At this point, you don't even need to introduce me. Hey, man. I agree. Let's use some of our edit time to edit that out. Okay, we do want to be really good. We haven't even started yet. I don't want to commit to using the time.

If we're going to edit anything we've done out, I'd probably want to take out the whole run about the Chinese stuff because I don't know if that's... I don't know what the line is anymore. All I said was that this woman was Chinese. She was wearing a t-shirt with the Chinese flag on it

too, to really send a message home. Drive it home. It's not like a Chinese American person. She is from China. She's Chinese. Okay. Now, Hayes, you wear a mask of your own face, right? At home? It's of my own face as like a as like an older man it's like

an aged up so you gotta change that mask yeah you're giving away the the fucking milk for free what i'm gonna look like yeah yeah yeah but you what i like about the mask is that you look shocked so when you answer the door in the mask... Well, I'm shocked at how the time has gone by so quickly. You know? Oh, yeah. Okay, so what's...

Where are we breaking into? I think that the crack squad of Earwolf, Engineer Stars, guests, and everybody is going to be busting into Vulture Headquarters, the most secure building on the planet. We're going to get into the vault where they keep all their year-end best-of lists, and we're going to fix the list.

Put Hollywood Handbook, Hollywood Pro Version, Hollywood Master Class, and the flagrant ones at the very tops of the list. And Chef Kevin is here also, and he can play himself, I guess. Chef Kevin, you want to be a part of this? I guess this is where, I think there is something wrong with my headphones because Chef Kevin got a present today, and he must be saying thank you,

but I think, are your headphones, Devin, is there? It must be the whole system. I'm not hearing a thank you either. I haven't heard a big thank you. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. I did receive a present. The, I'm not hearing a thank you either. I haven't heard a big thank you, yeah. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. I did receive a present. The mic is up now, and thank you very much. I'm so excited to open it.

And it doesn't sound like he's weeping with joy from his two heroes honoring him with this present. And so it is maybe just a funky, a staticky thing where the levels are off devon and you might want to check on that for one of the shows that you're allowed to do that for yeah not this one obviously not no um so i guess we'll start our mission where uh in the bushes outside the building uh waiting. The security patrol of Vulture, which is these jackbooted thugs, is sort of walking back and forth with their AR-15s, which are still legal to buy for some reason.

And they've got the clip. And they've got the bump stock. And they are walking back and forth just looking, itching for any excuse to take somebody out. And so in the bushes are Junior Engineer Devin, Chef Kevin, and Bang Rajman. Okay. And they're like, okay, so you guys talk for a second. Hey, I think we should knock these guys out

Kevin has a different idea I think we should just run right into the building real sneaky And Junior Engineer Devin I guess we'll distract them by doing the stanky leg He's going to blow kisses at them He's going to do the stanky leg and blow kisses

If I know Junior Engineer Devin he will be doing the stanky leg Engineer blow kisses. And then, hey. If I know Junior Engineer Devin, he will be doing the spanky leg. Engineer Cody comes running up from behind. No one's seen him in months. He looks like a fucking coyote. And he's got. He wants to go to bed. He's got a steak with sleeping pills stuffed in it.

A raw steak. That he wants to toss to the guards. Okay. So now. And so then there should be like a sound. Yeah. That he wants to toss to the guards. Okay, so now... And so then there should be like a sound. Yeah, what do you, the listener, want to do? Ah-wooga! Okay, so you heard the honk.

Which choice did you make? So, yeah, do you want... Did you feed him the steak? If you want to feed them the steak, fast forward four minutes, right? Yeah, fast forward. Each one is one minute, right? Well, maybe we should just do the steak one right now. You want to do the steak one first?

We can't just decide to do the steak one because if we just start doing it, we have to be able to go right into the next one. So we have to get the order clarified before because again devon is not allowed to get in there well the order that they were presented in right was that ben wants to knock the guards out i think we have to go in order kevin wants to sneak devon he wants to do the stanky leg and blow kisses and then engineer cody wants to throw a steak filled with sleeping pills so i think we should go in that order. These all have to work.

Some of them might not work. That's the problem with choosing your own invention. You have to shut off the podcast. You have to shut off the podcast and you have to throw away your phone. That's honor system. That's honor system.

I'm getting a timer out. We have to decide how long each one of these is going to be. Well, they got to be in 30 second increment. Exactly. Some might be short though. And then we'll just have to explain that if it's very short. But we'll just say how many button presses it is. Rather than saying the time, why don't we say, you know, hit forward eight times or

something if you want to hear about the steak. If you don't want to hear about the steak, but you do want to hear about the stanky leg blowing kisses, hit forward five times. Okay. So then we'll have 90 seconds in between the steak and the stanky leg. Well, here's what I suggest. If you immediately die, so let's say I knock this guy out and then he shoots me

then I'm dead then we got about 29 seconds to vamp a little bit and we can catch up with each other that's good we can hang out but at the end of the 29 seconds I would also say

hey hit backwards hit backwards hit the 15th second and that'll be double the amount of times but hit it so for instance if you died from throwing the steak I don't think you would but if you did you would hit backwards 16 times okay all right so let's do this first one so i think i get it okay so we'll say if you want to hear the guards

get if you want them to try to knock the guards out keep listening when we say now that's when this all begins listening now we're not saying now now, but we'll say now. Yes. And you'll know when it's the real one. Okay. And then from now, so we'll lay out the other options first. Yes. We know we have to. If you don't want to knock the guard out, you're going to hit it eight times, six times, 15 times, whatever it is.

And then if you don't want to do that, keep listening now. Right. But that's not the real one because we have to lay out the other options. But at now, when we do the stake, that will be when you should hit forward also if you don't want to hit the stake so then now is your cue to either listen or or do whatever you else you need to do if you want them to go in on sneaky what was yours sneak into the building sneaky if you want them to sneak into the building hit 30 seconds he said sneak into the building normal this time but the first time he went we should try to get in all sneaky he was being like a baby and now he's trying to be a

doll about sneaking in the building it's already it's already documented as oh sneaky yeah and you know we can't change it we can't do a big sneaky we already used the edit getting out my introduction. And so if you want to hear them go at all sneaky, hit 30 seconds forward twice. Okay? So we have one minute to do the knocking out part. Okay. Or catch up.

If you want to, if you want Adjir David to blow kisses and do the snanky leg, hit 30 seconds forward four times. Right. So then we'll have one kisses and do the stanky leg hit 30 seconds forward four times so then we'll have one minute to do the sneaking after the um yes that's right uh and if you want to throw a steak he's gonna do the stanky leg for a little extra time probably so that's probably 90 seconds so okay so if you want so if you want to throw the steak then hit forward seven times seven times okay okay so now uh here we go let's knock out this guard motherfuckers all right boom crack oh damn damn son why'd you do that

shut up old man get get hey come on ow damn he's not knocking quick help me take his uniform off looks like you have a boo-boo. I'm going to hurt you. Oh, Jesus Christ. Damn, son. What the hell, dude? I'm distracting him. Hey, get your hands off that. Hey, don't take my pants off.

Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, no. You can see my whole butt. I didn't wear any underwear today. Oh, my God. Disgusting. Shove a napkin down this guy's throat so he'll stop talking.

Oh, no. That's on my throat. That's my butt. Why are you putting a napkin up there, man? Kevin, what are you doing? Come on, man. Come on, Kevin. Come on.

Stop. Oh, God. I thought that's your mouth. Oh, no. Engineer Devin got absolutely Swiss cheese. I've had enough of this life. Okay, that's it. Next.

Next one. Okay, now we're going in all sneaky. Okay, if we crawl really quietly, they won't see us. Ben, throw that rope to the top of the roof. All right, great. Ooh, the perfect lasso. Lassoed on the top of the vulture's antenna. Let's crawl up. Hey, Mike, you hear anything? Oh, shit. Shut up. Shut up. I think I heard

something. Almost sounded like a rope. Perfect lasso going up on the roof. You want to look up or should I? Damn, why don't you look up? Okay, but I gotta say, my neck don't work so good these days. I've been sleeping on the couch. The missus kicked me out. Oh, that sucks, man, but at least you got a couch. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on, Mike? I'm living in my...

You lose your couch? I'm living in my car. Jesus, man. No wonder you don't want to look up. The twos of us both got bad necks. Can't look up. Oh, God. I wish my neck worked right.

Okay, next one. Okay, Andrew and Devin, this is your big moment. Blowing kisses and stanky legs. Okay, guys, don't distract me here. Hold on. Holy shit, it's working. Oh, damn, this guy's making me horny as hell. God, I'm forgetting all about how bad my neck hurts.

Yeah, Jesus. Why, your neck hurts? Oh, right. I'm sleeping in my car. You got to hear what's going on for me. That's worse, but of course the missus booted me out of the boudoir. I got to sleep on the couch. Kevin, come on.

They're distracted. Let's go in. Okay, let's go. Jesus got me worked up. Man, the missus wouldn't like what I'm thinking right now either. I'm going to give this guy a kiss back who's doing kisses in this stanky leg. I want to watch you guys kiss. I didn't think this through.

Okay, we're inside. What should we take? This door on the left or this door on the right? There's 45 more seconds in this part. So, what was your name, sir? Engineer Devone. Devone. I like the sound of that.

I like that name a lot. Yeah. Hey, Devone, what time do you get off work? I mean, I'm just standing outside the Vulture building. I'm not at work right now. I'm off now. I'm free. Okay, well, we're on the job right now. What time do we get off work? That's a better question.

Let's see. Today is a Thursday. So, on Thursdays I work a full shift starting at, I guess, like noon. Okay, next one, next one. Okay, and that one has now two options that we got to cover. On the B side of it. We have to somehow go back. A lot of those will have that. So we'll have to go back.

Okay, because the first side of it. A lot of those will have that. So we'll have to go back. Okay. Because the first one we died. Well, now we have one we're supposed to be doing, which is- Eat steak. Edgerton Cody throws the steak and then- Hey, Mike, you see that steak over there? Ooh, baby, that looks delicious. Hey, man. I love it rare like this where it's not cooked at all.

Yeah, eat it like a real man, rare. I like it basically crawling across the plate. Oh, God, if it ain't mooing, it ain't real steak to me. I'm a real man, and risking getting sick is part of my meal routine. I'm a real man. Check this out. It's my man card. Oh, shit.

That's fucking huge. Jesus Christ christ you ever seen one of these i mean how hard it is i've seen a man card like that but i never seen one that big would you get it blown up at the kinkos or something it just came this way baby oh i can barely fit it in my pants. The guards bend down to pick up the steak and eat it, but Edgier Cody scurries over like the guy from Split in the glass trailer and eats the steak before that. He gets jealous and eats the steak before the guards can eat it.

Oh, God, that fucking human animal just got that delicious-looking steak. Oh, no, it's the 13th personality, the Beast. Jeez, Luis. Goddamn, I read about him. They unleashed the friggin' Beast. He's a superhero walking among us, or a supervillain, in fact. Yeah, he's a villain.

His powers are incredible. If only we had a hero. He's got insanity so bad that he's strong. God, we need a hero. Where's that security guard fella? Oh, yeah. The stadium security guard. Yeah.

I wish he was fucking here, dude. If only he would come out of the shadows. So we didn't- There's no time limit on this. There's no time limit for this one. No. Yeah. It's unclear, I guess, if a lot of these worked or didn't work.

Hang on. Hey, let's go get a steak. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, let's go get a steak. Okay, so now they can go. Let's go to Sizzler. Go on, let's sneak in.

You want to drive or should I drive? Oh, you know what? Okay, so they are still there. You know what? Why don't we let you decide? And then we're pointing out of the podcast. And hopefully Stitcher has the technology for me. Awooga.

Okay, so now we are committed to this thread. Okay, so we're committed to this one? I think so. So who should drive, Mike or Ernie? Now, keep in mind, Mike does live in his car. So there's positives and negatives. It's probably a little messier in there. But there's more stuff that you could probably use.

Ernie's car probably is cleaner, smells better, but probably less in there. Yeah, not as many tools. So how much time do we need if Mike drives? If Mike drives, I think we need 30 seconds. Okay, so that's one button. If Ernie drives, we probably need like 30 seconds. Okay, so to...

Wait, no, sorry. If Mike drives, keep listening. Yeah. If Ernie drives... Go back. No, don't go back. If Ernie drives, go forward.

Do one button forward after we say now and so and then now maybe I should drive this baby okay yeah sure let me just clear this out and

yeah thanks for moving that yeah no problem it's my manifesto I almost sat on it I almost sat on your manifesto oh hang on actually I'd. I almost sat on your manifesto. Oh, hang on. Actually, I'd like to leaf through this a little bit. Yeah, sure. Hey, they are kind of like that.

Yeah, yeah. I'm afraid to publish it, but... Next. You know what? I'll drive. All right. Yeah, great great I'm out of gas Yeah, it's fine I said I'd drive Go ahead and get in

Just sit right down There's nothing stacked up on my front seat or anything Oh yeah, and you got a bead cushion Yeah, it's good for your back I wish I put it on my driver's seat i love how much my passengers enjoy it but i'm always like why do i not get that okay stop so well we didn't really say put a limit on that but if you chose the second choice you made the right choice because mike's back feels a little better than it would have right in first version. There's no right or wrong, though.

Well, we did say that some of the music, you have to throw your phone away. Sure. But it's honor system. But that's also part of the story. We haven't done that yet. That's an experience. We haven't done it yet. No one has fully failed yet.

There were also two doors, obviously, at the end of the, or in the middle of the stanky leg scenario. There were also, they did get onto the roof in the sneaky Kevin scenario. Right. But now I think they did die. Well, no, it's okay. What we'll do is

now, if you did not want to follow the cars, because imagine you had done that other scenario, you need to hit backwards. So I would say hit backwards maybe 30, 45 times. See, this is tough because it's such a great opportunity. If you're going to do a show about having infinite choices,

sending your characters to Sizzler is such a great opportunity. It kind of has to be in there. Right? Yeah. Should we just stick with the guys to Sizzler is such a great opportunity. It kind of has to be in there. Right? Yeah. So should we just stick with the guys at Sizzler? I mean, like, you get to choose what they eat? It's kind of the more interesting one, I got to say. Yeah, no, that's great.

But all I was saying is you can go back 34 or 35 times, and we'll catch up later and do those. Oh, yeah. Because it's easy. But do we want to, yeah. Because it's easy. But do we want to see what combo they get at Sizzler? Absolutely. Absolutely. All right, so we're back with Mike and Ernie in Ernie's car.

Right. And they're just leaving now. And they're pulling up, and the only spot available is a handicap parking spot. Right. So if you want them to keep circling the block and see if there's street parking uh you know i guess fast forward uh okay so we'll do that second so hit forward twice forward twice if you want if you want them to park in the handicap

spot and just kind of roll the dice and hope they don't get towed or get a pretty pricey ticket then i would say just listen now i. I'm going to reverse those. Yeah. And say, if you- Let's keep circling? If you want them to keep circling, then you have to listen to the next 60 seconds. But if you want to make the time efficient choice and have the park at a handicap spot and think of all the good things they could do with that time

like that could help the world yeah so it's actually kind of a nice moral choice to park on the handicap spot but it's up to you yeah if you're lazy you can just circle around uh so it's two clicks if you want to park at a handicap spot. Okay, now. Hey, man, I think we should just keep looking. Maybe there's a meter nearby or something like that. Yeah, I always have good luck with this stuff. Yeah, you know what?

I'm going to pull back out because I'm worried. What happens to us is we pull in here, and then somebody who watched the latest black mirror pulls up and they got to use a wheelchair so they're not able to park in normal and then they'll hunt us down that somebody will hack that wheelchair and then they'll manchurian candidate us oh yeah that's absolutely something that could happen on that show good example so all, let's just keep driving. And I'm putting it in. Hey, should we pick this guy up? Oh, probably. Hey, get in, pal. Thanks.

Oh, wow. What a deep basso voice you got. Oh, God. That whole car smells like English leather. The cologne whose tagline is, all my men wear English leather or they wear nothing at all. That's me. Damn, you're a cool guy. Well, we're going to Sizzler.

Sorry, I had to keep my eye on the clock. It's hard to kind of do two things. Okay, sure. Sorry we kind of threw you in there. Okay, so now we'll park in the handicapped spot. Handicapped spot. And now we're parked and we're, yeah. Fuck this.

Let's just do it. I'm starving. Did you see? It's so crazy see We're doing a Black Mirror episode And during the record The TV just turns on And no one even touched the remote And the TV goes on Turn on

I've never seen that happen before Alright, let's get out of here Yeah, okay Oh shit, they stepped through a wormhole. Oh, no. They're in an alternate universe. Where they decided to drive around the block again. How'd we get back in the car?

Was that some kind of wormhole? I think we walked through a wormhole or something. Oh, my God. A wormhole right at my sizzler. What's next? You know what I mean? Oh, God, I wonder what TV is on in this world. Yeah, well, we work at Vulture.

You'd think that we would know what's on TV, you know? Kevin just Googled timer. He wants to do it himself, I guess, and we got a lot of pictures of people holding clocks. What are you guys looking at? Here's a copy of Vulture. Oh, okay. Alright. What's on TV in this alternate

reality Vulture? Confederate. HBO's Confederate. I remember that being on. They actually handled it really well. Kind of a sticky premise, but they... Where the fuck this guy come from? Oh, no.

They made it work. They made it work. Oh, God. This guy smells just like Drakkar Noir. Dude, I'm starving. Let's plunk in that handicapped spot. Yeah, let's just fucking do it. So now we are in an alternate universe.

Like, from the one that we were in originally. It is going to make it a little bit harder to go back to the storyline. Well, I think that's interesting. It's very similar. I think when you go back to the storyline that we are in. It's very similar. I think when you go back that you might find that Engineer Cody is able to

functioning, high functioning. That's cool. And stuff you do in this universe can affect what's going on in the other one. Exactly, when you go to the other one. Oh, that's so Black Mirror other one oh that's so black mirror oh that's so badass and it's the choices that people made that brought them to this point of the episode so if they're mad about it what they're really mad at is themselves oh that's so metal that is so black mirror oh shit that fucking. Okay, so now you can either get out and go to the Sizzler.

Yeah. Right. Or you can get out and check out the street fair that is happening in front of the Sizzler. Oh, God, I forgot the frigging street fairs this weekend. No wonder we were having such a hard time finding parking. Yeah, geez Louise. Oh, no. Tell me they don't got fried dough. Oh, boy, and I don't have my Rolaids. Ah, let's just go to Sizzler. So now you can either listen to him and just go to Sizzler, or you could go to the street fair.

And the choice to just get out and go to Sizzler is a pretty short one. Now, there's a third choice this time. Oh, okay. You can also, these guys are listening to a podcast in their car, and they're into it. Now, do you want to listen to the end of the podcast these guys are listening to? Have a driveway moment. Do you want to listen to the end of the podcast these guys are listening to? Have a driveway moment. Do you want to have a driveway moment?

You could have a driveway moment as one opportunity. It's a handicapped parking spot in this case. Not saying that's good or bad. You could have a driveway moment where you just gotta finish the podcast. Or just get out and go to Sizzler or go to

the street fair. Getting out and going to Sizzler or go to the street fair. So getting out and going to Sizzler, I think, is one 30-second button forward and then one 15-second back. That's just a very short thing. It's just getting out of the car and walking into Sizzler. And you're in the handicap spot. Yeah. But you don't know. You're going to be hurting.

Maybe. It's really short. Yeah. That one's short. Right. So that one. We don't know maybe it's really short right yeah that one's short right so that one we don't know what just taps the forward once but don't let it go all the way through or maybe just hang out and then for the street fair one i guess hit it twice and then for the podcast one don't hit it at all wait for the for the street fair one, if you're just going into Sizzler, then you just listen.

For the street fair one, you hit forward once and then back 15 seconds. And how long do we want to spend at the street fair? Two minutes? Yeah. You could spend the whole day. Oh, God, those things are incredible. There's so much to do.

Yeah, well, there's all these great artisans. Spoiler alert. Spoiler spoiler alert this is a good one not to say you should do it some of them aren't great some are bad I have an inside scoop that this is a very good street fair so that is really cool

so there's going to be a lot of stuff to discover there and they might even meet someone and the guy's coming with them too there might be a celebrity there from Star Wars but if you want to listen to the podcast Star Wars might be there but if you want to listen to the podcast

which I know you like podcasts you're listening to this you can do that too and what would they do for that? You hit it uh five times five times that'll give us enough time at the at the street fair i think that was a ton of shit to do with the street that would be two minutes and 15 seconds okay i think uh so let's do the sizzler thing first oh yeah okay now uh all, let's go in. Yeah, let's go in. Oh, God, I tripped on a crack.

Yeah, okay, well, throw your phone away. Throw your phone away. Throw your phone away. You died. You fucked up. You fucked up. You fucked up. If you die in this, you die in real life.

Next. All right, this is the fair. Yeah, street fair. Come on, man. Get out of the back there. We're hitting this fucking street fair, dude. Oh, God, it looks fun. Yeah, street fair. Come on, man. Get out of the back there. We're hitting this fucking street fair, dude. Oh, God. It looks fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This looks like it's actually a good one. I brought my own gun for the water pistol shooting range. Oh, shit. Put that away. Wow. That's a 3D printed single shot gun. Oh, my God.

With a bump stock. Untraceable. It's made of like, yeah, plastic. Yeah, it's 3D printed. It's more likely to blow up in your hand than it is to be able to shoot the clown. Is that why you were asking us all those questions about the Star Wars

cast the whole ride? Yeah, I was sort of wondering if Star Wars was going to be at the street fair. Alright, anyway, that seems unlikely. But, hey, it is Vulture Headquarters nearby. Anything could happen. Everybody goes in and out of there. Engineer to be Star Wars.

Yeah, okay. All right. Hey, excuse me, sir. Can you move out of the way? I'm trying to get into the street fair. I'm coming through. I'm due on stage shortly for a presentation. Mark Hamill. Holy shit a presentation. Mark Hamill?

Holy shit, it's Mark Hamill. It's me. No autographs yet, please. That's not till later today. God, your Twitter's inspiring. I love seeing you appear to surprise people on Jimmy Kimmel. Are you scared of retribution for what you tweet?

Down with Trump. Okay. Okay, well, I disagree with that, but I love your movies. It's gratifying to me, Fez. So, by the way, what was I going to say to you? Oh, what's Yoda like? No, what's Yoda like? Oh, Yoda's great. Yoda's really great to work with. Okay. Oh, what's Yoda like? No, what's Yoda like? Oh, Yoda's great.

Yoda's really great to work with. Okay. Good, good. I love hearing that. Very small. God, what game should we play? Oh, man. Is there like a pop-a-shot type hoops game?

No, wait. Sorry, no, wait. You have 10 more seconds. There's a hoops game. Ring toss. There's a ring toss. And then there's a ring toss And then there's a Squirt gun game Okay

Which one should we do? Okay next And we can go back And play that one But right now We have to have a driveway moment Have a driveway moment So

What made you decide To make The Good Place Sort of Like a crazy TV show a good place sort of. Like a crazy TV show. So it was interesting. I was watching Lost and I was thinking We love Lost.

We love Lost. That's so cool. That's cool, man. And I thought are we doing this? Are like are we gonna do this right now are we really doing this and and the network was like yeah sure go for it oh my god wow that has got to be scary yeah just amazing like what was that like um and were you scared and like walk us through that. Yeah, honestly, I wasn't sure if we were really going to do it.

Jamila, where'd she come from? Where'd she come from? Honestly, I don't know. Wow. Okay, so that's our driveway moment. Is this over? Okay, so that's our driveway moment. So. Is this over? Is this over or should we get out and go into a sizzler?

Or is there another podcast that'll come on right after this one? I guess Stitcher will probably automatically play something else. Okay. I guess Stitcher will probably automatically play something else. Okay, so we have to decide whether to get out of the car. So we're leaving the street fair behind. I guess. So we got a few different options. We can go back to the roof. That's true.

We could get back on the roof with Chef Kevin right now. Yes. We can get back on the roof. So if you want to go back to that roof. That's true. We could get back on the roof with Chef Kevin right now. We can get back on the roof. You just hit backwards. 50 times. 50 to 100 times. And then they will hear what they have already heard. They won't be hearing any new stuff. No, no, no.

And then from there, hit forward. Go there, listen to us describe getting on the roof as a refresher. Then hit forward 50 to 100 times. If we do that. If we do that. Or get out of the car. There are the two doors. We can go to the street.

Oh, there are the two doors. Inside Vulture. Inside Vulture headquarters, there are two different doors. There are two different doors. Let's go to the two different doors. Yeah. Okay. And so. Yeah. Okay. And so then that.

Okay. Let's go to the two different doors. We're inside Voltron. You hit back. Well, then you hit back like 35 times. I think that's even more. I think that's like. That was before the roof?

I think that's like 70 times. I think it was. Okay. It was the one after the roof. It was the stanky leg. Oh, that was the stanky leg? That was stanky leg. Oh, not the sneaky.

It was within that one. Okay. So. So that's 30 times. And that was 20 minutes ago. Okay, great. Okay. Oh, that was the stanky leg? That was stanky leg. Oh, not the sneaky. It was within that one. Okay. So that's 30 times. And that was 20 minutes ago. Okay, great. Okay, great. So that's hitting back 40 times.

And then forward. Well, no, because it's 15 seconds when you go back. So it's more like 80 times. It's 80 times. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you. Good idea. And this is 80 times.

This is Bang and Kevin. We've made it inside Vulture headquarters. Devin and this one is outside. Devin is outside. Devin is outside. Devin is distracting the guards. doing outside duets. Devin is outside blowing kisses, distracting the guards. Okay, so there should be a kind of quieter version of the Sanky-like play because you can hear it

outside. And there are two doors in front of them, and just to clarify, one says men and one says women. Okay, great. And that's if you want to do that one. If you want to have them get out of the car and go to sizzler uh we'll probably need like two minutes for each of the earlier possibilities so hit yeah hit forward and

just hit forward eight times uh or if you want them to stay in the car and listen to whatever whether and see if a podcast comes on next we don't know if one will come on it probably does autoplay but they're going to decide that. They might just end up talking. Then, since it's only 15 seconds to get inside and go to Sizzler, you hit forward nine times and back one time. Okay. Now. So, sorry.

So, hang on. What? So, now we're in front of the doors. No, now. That's not me then. That's Kevin and Bing. Right, we're inside. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. All right, we got an option here. Should we take the men's room or the women's room? Let's take men because that's what we both are. Occupied! Somebody's in here. Throw your phone out. Okay, we have two minutes for this one.

This is just what we budget. now well now we got time to kill so we can actually catch what we can all catch really nice so let's because this is getting fucking confusing so i it did make me think of something that happens with stitcher which is like when i go to like my home page there's all this shit that i don't listen to yeah isn't that weird i i always kevin what's up with that uh what do you mean by stuff you don't listen to yeah isn't that weird i i have kevin what's up with that uh what do you mean by stuff you don't listen to like like it's trying to sell you on stuff like it's yeah it's like trying to sell me podcasts but i'm like why isn't my home page the fucking shit i like yeah it does the same to me like why does it have uh duct tape marketing The top four marketing twins for 2019

is like the top podcast. And then one called Blackjack Justice. Like this isn't even the kind of stuff I listen to. For me? Does Bosh use your phone at all? Okay. I guess he has access to it, sure. If it's marketing podcasts and stuff like that,

it does seem like he might be listening to it. Yeah, I mean, he's really interested in like branding. he's really into yeah um i only listen to our show on it which i've heard is what a lot of people do uh and if you search hollywood handbook it doesn't say when you search it just says hollywood handbook or hollywood handbook it doesn't you have to actually click it to find out if you're listening to the ad version or the normal show or the pro version because the ads version is listed it's listed as the ads version hollywood handbook for some unknown reason so that's that's better it's not that way it's not filed next to the other one if we could stop the music that's devin yeah sorry about devin could you stop no

okay there's a chance That the guards Will come inside It's the snaky leg Well no They fell in love Yeah I think that's I understand But the spell is broken

When he stops doing The snaky leg He's still blowing kisses Right And that's in the Rear view mirror I mean Kevin and Bang

Are inside They're inside the building Whatever happens to Devin Out there We don't even know Okay he's getting Swiss cheese Yeah that's good No Okay, he's getting Swiss cheese. Yeah, that's good.

No one cares. He's getting fucking spit-roasted. But what were you saying about Hollywood Handbook? Because I can't listen to a thing with the music going. I can't understand. So you're saying that you can't tell until you click on it which thing it is. But the pro version has a different graphic. It has a different graphic.

Very slightly. I know. The ads version has no different graphic. It has a different graphic. Very slightly. I know. The ads version has no different graphic. Ads version looks exactly like regular. You know who does a better job at it? Reddit. Like labeling which is which? They put an orange background on it.

Oh. Oh. I think, okay, so I think we did eat the time for whatever the second thing was we were supposed to do in the past so now we can go to the women's room right uh huh

um well the men's room was occupied the men's room was occupied and you lost and you fucked up it sounded like Guy was going through something yeah

um now you can now I think we are actually getting out of the car and going to Sizzler okay now alright

if you wanna end up going to the women's room we did try to going to Sizzler. Okay. Now, all right, if you want to end up going to the women's room. We did try to go to Sizzler already, and we did trip and fall. I understand, but this is one of the options that we put forward. Because who knows what's going to happen. Yes. And the first time you got out, there was a wormhole. There's three games at the street fair to deal with as well. Because this time.

There also are the games at the street fair to deal with as well. Because this time... There also are the games at the street fair, which we should investigate that. This time you are stepping out of your car having listened to the Good Place podcast. That's true. So it is a little bit different. Yeah, that's right. I'd love to go into the women's room and see...

Okay, you do seem to keep going back and forth. Because I am curious what that guy in the men's room is going through. Okay, so maybe we could listen through the wall or something. Okay. All right, come on. They won't expect us to go through this door. We're a couple of guys. Look it, there's a vent, and I feel like I can hear someone mumbling.

We make all the lists, and we only put up the bad podcasts. We don't tell anybody about how it's Jesse, David Fox. I don't get to that way. And watching, watching SNL is kind of like a sport for me. And so in some ways it's like the new, it's a second city.

It's like a farm team. And Kevin, this is exactly why we came here. Follow track. My favorite players. And I can see who's, if you're having a good rookie season. Then there's the Wiley

Vets. We gotta crawl through the vents. Let's do it. Alright. Oh, God. Don't worry. I brought a map. Oh, good thing. Because then we, otherwise, we'd have options. Oh, the map blew away in the vent. Oh, God. Oh, damn it.

Which one of these pathways should we go down? So good. Okay. Okay, well, it seems like we're on to something there. It does, yeah. But now I think we've got to go forward to that street fair. Okay, and we do still also have to sit in the car and see if another podcast plays. Okay, which one do

you yeah you guys humored me uh which one do you should we go down now you guys pick so unfortunately i'm not in charge of this the listener is so we can either right see which i mean they can go wherever they want but for us to just continue to put out see what we've made this is what I'm feeling right now

just before we go any further is this should probably be three or four episodes I yeah I we we bit off a little too much

and but I think it's like a it's a luxury problem that we landed on something that does that works so well that we've discovered

that we didn't make enough time for it no wonder Black Mirror did it yes because those people are fucking insane

so genius they're insane and I they should be locked up I'm realizing that I'm terrified that they're out walking among us

someone could be a Black Mirror and you wouldn't even know yeah I mean maybe I'm a Black Mirror honestly I don't

think you i mean just like i knowing you i don't think you are no offense right yeah but wouldn't that be the perfect cover you're smart you're like an interesting guy but i don't you're not like a black but exactly but that's exactly what a black but you would do it in a way that was more devious and convincing. But don't you think me even bringing up that I'm a black mirror is a good cover for a black mirror? I guess. And I have to say, I'm now convinced that you might be a black mirror. And it took a while, but I now think that you might be a black mirror. And I'm shaking in my shoes, and I am not sure that I'm

going to have full use of my legs it is true that one of us must be a black mirror for this to have worked the way it did uh there is no way to execute something like this without a black mirror in the room or on the other side of the partition. Oh, it worked insanely well. It worked insanely well. At the end of one of these options, you will find out which one of us is the black mirror. Oh, wow. But that could be for a,

it has to be for a future episode. We could keep it going all year, ideally, because we do have to keep doing the podcast. Oh, well actually, no, we haven't done our new negotiation.

That's right. We don't have a new contract yet. Oh, so this is a great idea. Now we've got them fucking over a barrel. Because we hang on to which one of us is a black mirror. We record it now, and we just say, we'll plant it in a future episode, even in the contract negotiation. See, that I can edit out.

As soon as we get what we need, I'm allowed to pull that out. You know in some shows where they'll write a variety of endings so even people in the cast don't know right yes so they can't spill it out maybe we should record

all of us admitting that we are a black mirror that's great so none of us really know which of us is black mirror that's cool even Chef Kevin

has to say it okay Chef Kevin starting with you I'm the black mirror I think we're good I don't think we have to do it no I don't think we do

that's so obvious that Kevin is the black mirror yeah that's so clear just that reveal it's so satisfying even Bosh got up maybe this should be

the last episode oh that would be amazing for me oh I'm honored bye this should be the last episode oh that would be amazing for me i'm honored bye on the last episode bye that was a hate gum podcast