Hollywood Handbook - Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

The Boys welcome BECK BENNETT and KYLE MOONEY into the Headgum family.Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash wondering. That's audible.ca slash wondery. So we're like, we do the show. They're here and they're talking, but we're not allowed to say who they are. Yeah, to give me the exact parameters, Kevin. Because for weeks, it's been like, there's a new show. It's a big secret.

But it's like it has to be a secret. Don't talk yet. Because I do, I just want to make sure that we're not like. I don't want to, I don't want to fuck up and get in trouble, which seems to be what the threat has been this whole time. Are they first say if they're allowed to talk and then like we can. We're going to hold this episode. So they will be allowed to talk by the time this episode comes. But they can't talk until the episode comes out.

I don't understand what's happening. happening. Holy crow. No, they can talk. I call the shots around here sometimes. They can say as much stuff as they want or they can say like... Yes, I'll have to run it by Marty, Anya, Katie, and we'll do a couple passes, but let's say everything, no holds barred and we might have to do some edits. It's more like who's this podcast, right, fellas? Yeah, well then it's fucking on. What's up? What's going on? What's up? We can talk, right? Hey, everybody. No, go ahead. I'm going to... I I never care. I never, to be clear, I never gave a fuck what you did. Like, I was never like, oh, they should talk. They shouldn't talk. Oh, like, you're talking about right here right now. You're not talking about, like, ever.

Yeah, but I would say, like, globally, I just, like, was not, like, worried about it. Not I didn't care. Your experience here is, it matters to me. Thank you, like, if it, you know, like, the success. Rising tide. Is it good for the network or whatever? Like, the network is. the talent. Like the network is

us, the podcast is going to be hard for you guys that we're coming into the network that we're the new headgum boys, like we're the new hot thing on the street. That's so easy. If that turns out to be the case. No, but no, but we are, we're just new. It's just like, it's hard to have new. Obviously, the show

has to start. Yeah. We've seen them come and go. Yeah. Yeah. If it, like, if that was hard at the beginning. There have been other new head gum boys. I mean, Rachel Bilsom was the new head gum boys. Not a long ago. Really? Really? Yes. And so, like, that, and which, by the way, has been fine. So, like, I'm coming in, like, being like, yeah, you know, totally confident.

Kyle's sitting over here. He hasn't even talked yet. Yeah. So Kyle's not allowed to, but Beck is allowed to. Kyle's a little bit of a sniper, though, isn't he? He's an absolute assassin. It's interesting that you say I'm not confident. It's more that you're just actually, you're sort of taking the control of the couch.

And I mean that in, like, a very, I think, caring way. But it's not that I, I didn't feel like I had to. to build a moment yet it felt like you sort of did from the from the right hearing or carrying yeah did you say caring or carrying i said caring he's my friend oh wait so you said it's very caring you're not hearing me say caring he's not getting which one it is or the camera's not getting it or the mic i'm not able to understand what you're carrying i care for my friend caring caring and i care for my friend too i'm caring for my friend i did feel like you came after me a bit.

Dude, I'm just, I did not mean to come after you. I support you so much. Has that been an ongoing? I mean, this is still new. Like, has that been an ongoing thing on the show?

Yeah, we're trying to figure out our relationship. It's hard to find it. I was asking Kyle and I noticed you. You answered right away. And that is something that we're figuring out. Thank you, Haynes. I actually really appreciate that.

And this is the dynamic we're talking about, right? Like, he jumps in. I'm a bulldozer. And I'm, I'm, you know, and I'm learning that on the show. And it's very real. You didn't know that before.

Bulldozer and a cherry picker. What's that? Bulldozer and a cherry picker. Yeah. Would you call yourself a cherry picker, Kyle? I only know the phrase cherry picker from like playing basketball. Just like staying at the one in while everyone else goes and plays defense. And they try and huck the ball to you.

Yeah. Cherry picking. Just one of cheap stats. Yeah. But is that, is there another version of it? Yeah. There's a construction vehicle. I was categorizing you most of the construction vehicle.

Right now I can't tell what you're saying. It's a basket. Construction vehicle. A bet you get rate. get like lifted really high up in a basket similar to the brain you got the snipe you got the scope up there yeah and you're washing the windows you're pretending to wash the windows but you're actually screwing on it's also it's also a way to like if you want to um people cherry pick data as well it's not just basketball oh like in tech and i just to be clear so i know how am i the cherry

what am what am i doing that's cherry picking see so he's doing a lot you move fast and break things exactly right right you're picking your moment you're cherry you're picking your cherry yeah so it's like what you do is surgical it's i like that i like that but you're waiting you're not we're not using you all day to knock down all the walls we're going man there's one thing we can't reach i wonder who could get it Kyle it's this guy Kyle can get it i've never seen him smile so good no it's a cool it's a cool idea and it's honestly you see us very clearly and that's what our pod our new podcast is is all like We got to have them off.

What's it called? It's called, okay, we're going to get right into it. The way he said we got to have them on made me think like we're not, are we, we're booked, right? Are we not booked on that? I haven't heard anything. Okay. It's sort of felt. That didn't feel, that didn't make me feel secure the way he said we got to have them on, where I kind of thought that we got to have them on.

I thought we got to have them on. I thought that we had actually. You thought you already booked on our show? I thought it was sort of an exchange thing. Yeah, like, I guess this is. But the way he said that makes me think that we don't. have this is a like I scratch your back you see how it how it goes yeah we're going to see how you scratch our back and then we're going to see if we scratch your back also just to say it like

I and I'm just meeting Kevin for the first go on time today really I can dole it's just I don't know he's Kevin sometimes and I know about fucking with people I love that shit yeah that's actually amazing um I don't know what your process is for uh for getting guests I will say we have of producers who do a lot of that work for us. So I don't know sometimes even who's coming in or who's been invited. But if you, we would love to have you and consider this a formal invitation

if you've not gotten it yet. Yes, that's awesome. This is a former invitation. We would love to have you guys on the show in this studio and just mess around on our podcast. What's our podcast? That's a huge. Joke around.

And it's what's our podcast is the. It's called What's Our Podcast and it's me and Kyle hosting this podcast. I don't want to get lost in a big who's on first thing. Okay. But is there not potential for that? Absolutely. That actually, have we done anything like that? We haven't, no. If anything, we have it. If you haven't, I think we would like to do that. I think that's something we would like to, I think we would do that really well. Maybe on our episode, we could tap that comedic

vein. Yes, that would be great. And we're not supposed to know what it is until you come on the show. So what happens is for the audience, I'm going to go into what it is. We don't know what our podcast is about. So we have our guests come on and tell us. they give us an idea okay we don't know what our podcast is about that sounds like us you go in the other studio in the other studio so when we're doing the podcast we're talking but thank you Kyle

okay and why is it that you have to and so this is actually this is what I was going to say I'm so excited to do your show because that's basically the only way I can set foot in this building anymore because of the five hour blocks yeah both studios yeah exactly because you have to switch studios to do the new

podcast yeah and that's just a get your mind right to yeah to clean slate starting a new studio it really helps we tried the first one all in here it didn't work as well we didn't know where we were we didn't know when the new podcast started or when the old one was over etc so now we go over there and then we come back here at the end of the show it's can you bears buying a new laptop for every project i'm sorry what it's can you bear can you bear's buying a new laptop for every project i didn't know she did that oh and she I didn't know. He's saying it like a huntie.

Beck is being cunty. Kenny Bearers buys a new laptop and Beck says, and she did that. She did that. She's treating herself. But we, like, look. Are we, we're not exactly the bell of the ball here anymore.

like we like you guys are the old they they they they know they can they can get away with shit with us because we need this yeah well you guys are you guys are the old guard you guys are the backbone yes honestly headgum wouldn't be here without you guys and i want to thank you for honestly just championing people talent and creatives creatives yeah pushing people pushing it forward yes and i got to say like you like you you you did say it must be hard for us to see people come in uh and be like the new podcasters on the network i would say it is hard in a way it's like living on the farm and when the new sow shows up when you're on the old old sow yeah well what you said that he was talking about the new sow but you know when

you're the old sow. Yeah. And you kind of don't feel like you're getting the best sow food anymore. Right. And that maybe you're being made to sleep in the filthiest sow bed available. And only when, only when all the new sows, you know, I guess don't need it. Now, can I, sorry. And I do know that feeling.

No, please. Please get in here. Is it really that bad? Because I feel like Beck and I have our own separate schedules where we may be do these five-hour blocks, but I feel like it's been maybe like two separate weeks over the course of like a couple months. Yeah, and meanwhile, you guys are sitting here talking about all the numbers and stuff. I'm getting so fucking lost.

Two separate weeks. Two separate months. Why do you say two once and then a couple of the other? We've done two separate weeks over the course of a month. I'm just trying to say I can't imagine. We're two different people. Without the numbers, to say it as basically as I can, I can't imagine. you've been in that circumstance so many times where we've blocked off five hours. I can't

because we haven't done enough episodes in the past. I agree that you haven't done enough episodes. Okay. They're old sows, Kyle. But how do you become the old sow? Mm-hmm. Right? When you see an old sow, that means it that you can know about him. He's a survivor. That's right. How do you do that? You befriend. Beware the old soldier. You befriend. You befriend. You befriend. You You befriend the farmer's daughter. You become a pet to the farmer's daughter. You know what I mean? Maybe show you can root around for truffles a little bit.

See what I'm saying? So that's what you guys have done. You guys have become friends with the farmer's daughter. We're the old soul. We're the pet. We're the pet. And we show that we can get in there and like, root around for troubles. Find the trouble and give it to dad, you know.

And the new sow. The farmers are dead. We're a soldier as well. Beware the old soldier. The new sow, you don't. get that way huh we don't name them you know what i mean you don't want to get too attached to the new souse because they might be killed for dinner seen sows come and go yeah trying i'm thinking about and thank you for all of that thank you for the advice and looking out for us and i appreciate you

is keel bherin still at headgum can you repeat that name keelb heron keelb here and keel abe oh yes he is i've been haven't been hearing about him being here as much yeah i haven't been hearing about him being here as much Yeah. I haven't been hearing about him. I don't know. That was a no. That was a big. No, what's wide? No. What's the deal? What's the deal with that person? It is so true, he will not do anyone's podcast. So he's, so he hasn't been willing to come on. He went on a little gun shy after the Kenya Barris and the she.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, who's that person? Who's she? Who's that label on it? Uh, we, we, when you, you, you, you, You asked, I want to go back to your question, Kyle. Like, can't be that bad. You haven't done that many episodes. Well, and the way you frame it there, I do. Now I feel bad if it is a situation where I'm like,

it can't be that bad. That's definitely one way to react for sure is to say, like, well, how bad can it be? Yeah. Yeah. I will say, like, dismiss our feelings. It does affect our show, our inability to have our own five-hour block. Copy. To just get in here.

Like, I know what you guys. are doing with that. We've been in the game for a little while. We know what the five hours is for. There's some extracurricular active. Right? There's a little pre-game. You got to get everything, you know, mentally lined up.

There's a lot to unpack. You got to clear the decks a little bit, right? Clear out the cobwebs. Clear the pipes. And then the two of you. Clear the pipes. That's why there's two bathrooms, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're getting some way. five hours too you know what I mean and so then you two guys come back in here and sort of I mean clear the cobwebs really like with you got like clear out all the fucking bullshit you know a lot builds up between you when you co-host a podcast yeah it's got to have been crazy you guys doing this for 13 years 30 that is so that is actually incredible that's that that's back to what how long ago when was that that was like 20 I don't know 20 13 years 2012 yeah wow again these numbers he's so good at these numbers but it's crazy with it i don't know i said i don't know but it's new every time you know it's like it's like the first time every single you got to keep it new you yes you have to keep it what do it takes five hours to record an episode that's ultimate this one's probably only going to be like 25 minutes really oh yeah you cut them down we don't we i think we raw dog ours fully raw no cut downs ever you think that yeah yeah and it's okay for me to think it if it's not even even if it's not true

can i also add sorry before i forget go ahead go ahead go ahead he both yeah go off come on brother you're my boy i've loved you brother love you brother i hope i don't want to apologize i feel i feel like i felt so fake that was not that's very performative what are you talking about come on brother that was what do you what do you guys are you show are with each other what do you do podcast How we show love? Okay, show me a natural Dap-up. What do you guys do? Come on.

Bro, that's just so, yeah. Never met. These guys have never touched each other before. That's nobody, you got to go like that shit. Come on, no. That's my brother right there. Come on now. Slap-a-doo-da.

I was going to say, Beck is going, Beck is going to be out of town for a while. So we're not going to be recording for months. We've been talking about it. Yes. You will have, it's all, yeah. You will have time. And that's exactly what I'm.

I was thinking. You can have the studio all to yourselves for as long as you want, C.I. Oh, and now he's- Get those pipes cleaned, if you will. Okay. What do you think? Do you think we're gonna jerk off?

I thought that's what I really did think that's what we were talking about. Yeah, yeah. You said like you get the bathrooms and- Okay, what did you think? What do you say you have to go peepee first? You have to go pee before, after and off and during. You jerk off? No.

At the headgum bathroom? You go at the bathroom, but it's called headgum. What do you think that means, dude? I think it's like something for your brain to chew off. Like the podcast or like content that like your mind can chew the same way that your mouth might chew gum to sort of like get, you know, flavor and kind of occupy yourself. It's like that's what the podcast do for your brain. I think headgums mean, I think headgum means jerk off in the bathroom. Do you jerk off into the urinal?

yeah that's there was a urinal in there there's one has a urinal oh shit i think i used the one without the urinal yeah the bathroom so what did you use the sink uh my hand you jerked off into your hand no no i use my hand to jerk oh you're saying oh you thought i was asking if you oh so you think there's a potential that the the friction would be created by the sink i'm assuming you use friction no my boy never said that he uses the sink yeah yeah yo yo you i think There's like a mad mix-up right here. That's what Hayes was saying. Straight-up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's the mix-up around that? He even thinks it's like possible that that would. I asked if he used the sink. Yeah, yeah. I said, I'm thinking that he exploded into the sink. Oh, no, no, no, no, I explode all over the place. No, wait, what is he asking? You use your hand and you just explode wherever your face.

No, no, no, I didn't say that. Yes, you just, yes, yes, you did. And by the way, wait, yes, you did say that. You just said you explode all over the way. I don't know what is he. What is he said? He came up after he had been like, wait, there was a urinal in there. Like, he would have liked to have used the urinal.

Yes. That would have been like, I wouldn't use that. Because that's another bathroom. I didn't know about that bathroom. How would you- He didn't say that he wanted to use the urinal to jack off. He was, but he did. But is he was.

But what did you use in the fucking studio, dude? And this is just not exactly the, what I thought we were doing. Okay, okay. Well, it's not what I thought either. I've never heard of this before. I didn't know about this. Yo. I'm sorry, I'm mad mixed up right now. What was he, what were you asking? I said, you jerk off into the urinal. Right, right. And then you said, oh, there was a urinal in there?

Yes. I would have used that. And I said, what did you use the sink? And you said, no, I use my hand. Yes. Which suggests that you thought I was, that you would like to use a urinal, not to jerk off into, but to jerk off with. No. And that you are, and that you are in. And that. And that. that you could see that as a possibility for a sink as well. You're seeing what I didn't know. I'm on the side of truth. Like, I just want to like boil down. I would love to see playback.

I just, it never would have occurred to me if someone asked like, did you use the urinal or did you use the sink? That I would answer, no, I used my hand because it implies that I think the urinal or the sink could be used for what my hand does. Right. And what my hand does is, it generates right the pleasure exactly and that's why i actually i was actually and i and just to clarify

real quick and like um and just so we don't leave it completely behind you did say that you just like you explode all over the place that you don't use i i don't want to let that fall away either i mean yo come on now Kyle passes out when he's gone you know and so it's so so yeah for for what is We'll only enjoy the audio. I will again. Use the bell to choke himself. Okay. See, the thing, I was just trying to clarify, because I thought you were, give me one second.

Sorry, boy. All good. You're asking, are you using the sink? Are you using the urinal? I'm like, no, I'm using my hand. That's the way I jerk off. That's the way I get down. Will I go all over a place?

Sure. Will I go in the sink? Maybe. Will I go in the urinal, maybe? That's why I wanted, that's why I didn't know there was a urinal. I'm not using, I'm not fucking the urinal. I'm not putting my cock in the urinal. Well, because that's what it would be, right?

But now knowing that there's one with a urn, I know I can go creaming that. Does that make any sense or cream in the sink? Does that make sense? He's asking if it makes sense. So you say yes or no? Okay. It does make sense. I'm curious what Dick is.

You said, like, maybe you'll do that. Like, if what, I guess. I can do that. Yeah, I can do that. But I have been doing something else. Now that's private. And I have been doing something else is what I'm hearing. Now that's private.

Yeah. That's his own personal thing. Do you leave? If you use a belt. I'm having trouble seeing what the boundary is. Because, yeah, we've been pretty open about, like, a podcast. I'm not going to talk about how I jerk off. Why would I, like, spend it to have a podcast talking about how I jerk off, right?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I would never have taken it there. I never brought up jerking off at all. It's like totally normal. I don't know. Like, when I think about using the bathroom before a podcast, it's like, that's going peep to me. And I didn't think I didn't want to say that either. Hey, hey, I think we can get a good.

So you're getting rid of everything in your body that could ever make you cut that far out. Excuse me. I think I'm going to do some. that I think will clear up everything for a lot of people. So Hayes was talking about going peepy. Yeah. So if you said to Hayes, when he said I'm going peepy, if you said to him, did you use the urinal?

And he said, no, I used my hand. Yeah. Wouldn't that generate some confusion on your end? No. That maybe what he's doing is not really lining up with the traditional concept of going peepee. Well, your first thought would be, oh, this guy pissed off, pissed directly in his hand. Pissed into his hand and used his hand as the receptacle instead of a urinal. And I don't know where it went after that. It was I don't know where it went after that.

I think it's just a miscommunication. There was a miscommunication. It was a miscommunication, but you're seeing, I think this is illustrating, right, how the miscommunication happened. Because when I take peeing, which I think we can all agree. Yeah. There's not as many ways to do it. I do use my hand when I pee. You can use the, you know.

urinal. You can lay, there's a shelf for, for guidance. Yes. Direction. To aim. Yes. And also to catch the pee. So that's not all over the place?

You can do that. You're allowed to do that. Do I have to be washed your hands after you go back? No, I tried. I mean, I, well, why are you washing your hands at the end if you're not? I feel the same. So thank God we're all actually on the same page about something. We're just wasting a hand wash unless we are actually catching the pee.

Like, what are we washing then? And that really helps you guide it. Sometimes you go straight into the urinal sprays everywhere. So you help it with your hand. Doing it right on your hand kind of like it dulls the spray. Well, you're saying I use my hand for guidance. And what I'm doing is I'm then directing the spray. You know what I mean and letting it trickle off of the end of my fingertips.

And there's nothing wrong with like you urine is only, is only toxic for you. It's cleaner. If you drank your own pee and then you pee again. but it's cleaner than the purest water yeah that's like a copy of a copy yeah but like straight up pee is actually very healthy you can drink out to drink that and you can't leather with yes yes on the first time through it's really healthy yeah on the first time out dude look look at look at where we are right now this is why you need this is why this is why we need so much time

is because there are i do you get clear out the fucking bullshit i do feel like i if i may back and i and i don't want to misrepresent our podcast what's our podcast we're just coming out I didn't, uh, I feel like that was a big reveal in certain ways that I don't want people to be turned off or feel like, oh, that's sort of overstepping the line. And I do want to apologize for taking it to that place. And if do, I don't know if we can can, can we get, take that out of the episode. Yeah, that whole that whole. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, uh, yeah, we can probably take out. Oh, no, we raw dog it. right oh no oh sorry oh you edit your show oh you oh you actually have like I wonder what he meant by that now I meant by your show was like perfect every second he said we raw dog it what did he mean

because I don't know that we're speaking the same language with our show without a condom because that's another form of raw dog but I don't do that's not even was that what you were talking about no okay what were you talking about I was talking about not really knowing what you mean a lot

of the time yeah and that's fair i don't know what i mean a lot of the time i thought it was i thought you're talking about not wearing underpants oh that's what i thought but you were talking about too fucking the show having sex with that yeah the f word hollywood handbook before we completely move on yeah sure i guess it's because of the belt thing that like maybe i never said anything about yeah dude i was messing with maybe you that wasn't real no Okay, you brought it up, but you didn't seem to correct him.

And that's why it goes everywhere. So you lied? Oh, no, no, no, no. So you were lying? No, I was joking with you. I was messing with you. He was doing it. You didn't.

I loved to laugh. Like, I'd like to be in on some of these jokes. You weren't laughing. You didn't like to give me like a tap like this. You guys don't do that. You guys joke around all the time. You're not going like that every time. We just did.

Yeah, we were joking around with each other. Well, everybody jokes around differently. That's what makes the world beautiful. And that's what makes every podcast. Okay, but let's... Okay, then it's less clear to me, number one, why it goes all over the place, which is what he was answering.

I will answer that question right now. That is just a... That is just me sort of spinning around, finding different corners, going on different floors, like trying to spread it out as much as I can, just to sort of see where it will land. Different floors?

Oh, no, sorry, different parts of the floor. I'm not like going upstairs or nothing, but just like kind of different areas of the room being like, oh, that's a bigger puddle. That's just like a little drop. just sort of seeing what I could do and like how sticky you get just a general sort of

I'll come wherever I can sort of thing okay that clears it up for me a lot and you put your thumb on the end what do you mean by that so it kind of like to create more spray or there's actually

I actually didn't even know that was thing that people are doing oh yeah you can almost like see a rainbow in it oh no this is just like and if you want to stop it you can just break it kind of in half like that it's kind of like a hose this is more like

I'm trying to think of what this would be like it's like you have different attachments different attachments you can put on like an action hero type you have it come out like a star

kind of like Arnold Schwarzen well if there's no belt I assume the belt issue is why the door is always unlocked and like that that was like that's a safety precaution if you're using a belt then like yes you need the door

to be unlocked yeah and a little bit open because 75% of the time I try to go in there to go pee I like I don't see you because I guess of the corner thing like you're deep in some corner and you're kind of dancing

between the raindrops right now yeah no I lock the door you do not lock the door or maybe it's Beck I don't know I hear I don't see who it is I open the door and someone I hear this is all here I hear a voice go whoa

and I don't know if he's talking to me that was Beck that's a Beck sound it seems are you talking to me or is that just something you're doing no that's something I'm doing that's something you're doing you're reacting to something okay

because you have given no specifics at all about like you I mean like you made clear that you both jerk off before the show he has he's gone pretty deep into his process

and you were sniffing that including some stuff taking that step out right I mean if unless it's the raw dog over here I just feel like we haven't talked about anything else I agree with that I don't think we're covering much else

I think we wanted to talk about We don't have the same block I thought it was just about Once again Like we would love to be able to just like Have a five hour block If you know the first three and a half hours Of an episode

Right, right, right So anyway He delivered around the specifics Which you, like I don't think it's totally fair And you're supposedly the bulldozer here Right, but I'm not But I don't want to go into how I'm jerking about that. Can he say something?

Look, if I could say something, I haven't heard that, like, whoa sound that you've heard. The only thing I have heard is it. I walk by the door. It's a little bit open. I know I can't go in there because there's like some sort of strobing effect. And what I have heard is, no, no, no, not again. That must be some other podcast. Is that right?

Is that Jake and Amir? I think that's maybe Jake and Amir. They never come to work. okay yeah they haven't they haven't set foot in this building i think i was first wait what i think i said it first you said never come at work yeah oh i didn't hear that i was bulldozing see we're being too loud you know but it is i'm i'm glad to finally clear the air and just like to clean the pipes as it were in the pipes with you so you're saying you don't want to get into any of the details what happens with you like that sounds to me like

that's that's my business me the way i jerk off at the headgum bathroom is my business and i'm not i'm a lot of taking a mirror's business yeah business model i suppose now it i mean you're the what is your bright new shiny toy do you have some sort of break contractually what is your deal with them yeah how much you guys get paid oh um are we getting paid for this kevin uh not hmm okay not in money necessarily we get headgum bucks okay which we can use at the headgum store oh just coming soon wow and so what so what we get to do see those grapes on the table yeah those aren't real obviously but we get to take them after to the store and say hey i'd like to return these and trade them for some other stuff at the store and those

could be grapes whatever we can be whatever and like sometimes they'll take these and be like hey these are like counterfeit these are not real grapes like you can't return these but other times they'll just be like counterfeit grapes is a totally different like legal area than counterfeit money so it's not like so these the grapes that are here on the table sometimes you bring them to the store and they're like these aren't actual these aren't actual good grapes i mean not sometimes yeah but these are being paid to you by head gum right like are they not we're allowed to we're allowed to take them and we're allowed to take them to the store and try to return them for something else whether whether it's a different set of grapes

or whether it's just like a cash value of what a bundle of grapes would be. Okay. We can cut the Kirikov stuff, right? Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna be like doing it. To Marty. Who's Marty? Oh my God.

I am gonna cut that. You are so fucked. We gotta cut you. I promise you as much as I would. Because what you think Jake and Amir do, that's what money does. Don't worry, yes. Where, does she work here?

This is not gonna be good for, I'm just saying this is not gonna be good for a premiere episode. Like everybody starts talking about what they, what I'm doing in the bathroom. You're misgendering everyone. You're making everyone, you're making everyone a miss.

I think everyone is a miss. No, I'm not with that. I think everybody comes out. I'm with that right. Everybody is a miss. Oh, come on, brother. You cannot be doing this. No, no.

You can't be out here like this, Beck. Come on, dude. Just saying that everybody's a miss. You can't be like sitting next to dude saying that. like dude right here is not I can't right now he's got shit he needs to be doing like he cannot be involved with that

and that's your boy you know this is my this is my dude perfect right here we went watching a lot of dude perfect it comes through it comes through that they throw and they like goes through all this can you know I believe some I believe a couple of them are twins

oh wow so oh wow so we'll definitely cut the jerk off stuff talk to me about the what do you mean I believe two of them are twins who do the do perfect and they're like doing

crazy I think they do how many dudes some people don't like is it I don't know I just like to some people

it's a little it's tough to watch that kind of thing why because you want to be them it's a little show off you don't you're not athletic yeah because you can't do it

stuff like that like it kind of looks it looks like the ball could like hate you It kind of looks like it's like coming. Like it could like come out. It could be really dangerous.

It could like pop out and like. Yeah. Could get hurt really. And just because it didn't happen last time you watched it like one of these times. You're playing with fire. They're throwing the balls from a plane. Playing with fire. Yeah.

And it can and it's one of these times it's going to pop out of the screen and someone is going to get really hurt. Like I'm under where the plane is. We can agree. Yeah. I think we could. That's up way higher than me. So how am I not going to get hit by that? Yeah.

If you're under, because you're underneath. Sooner or later. And you're worried about getting hit by the plane. You're worried that the ball's going to pop out of the computer screen. Well, I mean, this is a, excuse me. This is a whole other thing. I mean, like, it's two different things. Yeah.

So if I'm looking at the screen and this guy's throwing a ball somewhere, then I can't see if it's going to, like, fall out of a plane and hit me. All I hear about is how much better AI is getting. That's true. Yes. and how it's going to change lives and like impact like jobs you don't think that I would lose my job if a ball came out of a screen and hit me and killed me no I do think you would lose your job which apparently technology and we lose our jobs because like we're content providers also yes and we can't make shit come out of the screen yet no right but AI can't this guy I mean with this Kyle on the show probably will this episode someone will come out of the screen on this one no I deserve that shit that's my boy right there no but do but i do i do you make a good point that dude perfect will not exist with a i can do i can make that shot every single time absolutely which is really sad but this is

but i do apologize for all the misgendering stuff i was just like joking around um i was just kind of making mistakes and just kind of be a well that's also like just and i'm not not trying to you know force a plug in here but like that's part of the the fun about our podcast what's our podcast is because like we are sorry wait you are still figuring out you think you're plugging your show by saying part of the fun of your podcast is him misgendering everybody oh no no no yeah that was the time you wanted to come in and say but this is part of the fun of our show no just that we're figuring stuff out they're just sort of figuring stuff out and that like we're not obviously going to be perfect we're not always going to be dude perfect no but that we're still figuring stuff out yeah we're

still figuring out we like don't know how to do you you guys are legends in the sphere you guys have killing it for I didn't even know they were doing podcasts 13 years ago yeah yeah now that must have been before headcom even existed so you guys were like going way back to win like crazy to think that there was a time like that that's fucking because that I mean like most podcasts last like what three four years like you're still doing that shit that is wild yeah that's awesome I guess and it's like you got the bits you got the shit you got the shit you're like oh you got the rapport it's it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's guys oh it's got the harder because we haven't i mean not to keep coming back to this but like we haven't had the time

because of these five hour blocks across both studios we haven't we haven't have the time to like clear up some of our own bullshit because like it does accrue like you're saying it builds up because we're figuring things out you go oh whatever we didn't do it around many years and it's like oh you guys must have it down where you don't need any of the like sort of aftercare uh for your relationship but you don't you know you guys have after care for your relationship you don't you know you guys have You don't care for your relationship. You don't need, well, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Sean, Sean set up his, I mean, like, we didn't really have a chance to talk about this before the show. Yeah. We don't have time. Sean set up his respawn point in my room, like right at the edge of my bed. Yeah. His respawn.

I don't know what that is. What's that? That's not a dude perfect type, like. No. Not one of those points. Not like. No. Oh.

You got to understand. what were you talking about what's the response it's the response so like when he like when he dies like he responds and I generate and like essentially I arise from a portal

yeah okay but it's like right at the edge of my bed yeah he's smoking probably probably something crazy well he's out like he's I'm sober yeah he's sober

oh California sober are you still allowed to you can smoke weed no I'm sorry I apologize for that that's really that's really no okay is that actually not it's really insensitive

you telling me that I can smoke weed is really dangerous okay that and now I just you shouldn't make that decision but now at least I know what our aftercare is going to be about for this episode which is me

basically needing like a big rope to tie like fully tie him up like snidely whiplash where he is unable to be released, because he will smoke weed after this. Remember in Buffy when they knew that Oz was going to turn into a werewolf, so they had to lock him into some kind of special room?

Because the full moon was going to transform him. When someone gives him the idea to smoke weed. That's me with the idea to smoke weed. You've got to apologize, man. You have to say that. No, and I do apologize for upsetting him. He becomes Puffy the Nug Slayer. And here's, and here's Beck's apology.

I'm sorry, ma'am. come on i said him i said him and i do i i had to you know which by the way i don't care i i do feel like to some degree we've got off on a to to some bad got off this guy okay i deserve okay come out me yeah yeah come at him come he deserves that he deserves that yeah but like i feel like misgendering the like me that actually takes out a different meaning that common phrase actually takes on a different meaning in the context of the episode i like that oh i didn't realize I was doing that. I said, stop jerking him off. Yeah. Stop jerking them off.

I just want to apologize. I want to, I would love to have a sort of a reset. Like, we came here, we love you guys. I love all the shit. I love the hat pack stuff. But you didn't want to let me, like, I started talking about a problem that I'm having in my life and you were like, what is that? And now you're like, oh, let's talk about something else. You're talking about a portal.

Oh, no, I'm reset. I just want to apologize for him. I apologize for me. Say, like, I love you. I would love to know more about the reset. Then you made that about like he, respawn. You made that about how he should go smoke weed. That would actually upset me when you did that. And I played it pretty cool, actually. You did.

I think I actually kind of went with the flow. You did amazing. You were incredible in that. I was so proud of you. To be transparent, I had a moment there where I was actually pretty upset about what you said to me. That's fair. And that's fair. The grace of God that you're still alive.

You want a grace. You got it right there, pal. Thank you. I appreciate you. That's a proof. Sorry about that. Sean. I'm sure it's been top of your head is still on. But I do

I have some gummies in the car if you want just back don't it that's not I know you're doing a bit but that's not cool there's more there's CB there's so much there's so much more dangerous that we can joke around there are people struggling out there any euphoric any euphoric

so you even any whatever kind of euphorics you're peddling no thanks I guess I want my brain to still be able to generate its own positive chemicals. I guess I don't want to be reliant on

whatever fucking compound the pharmaceutical industry is cooked up and put in a new fancy coat this week because it's just grown in a field. Hmm. Well, nobody ever

does anything bad to stuff grown in a field. Monsanto. Right. Sorry, Sean. I don't want to apologize for Beck. And again, I was... Kyle, it's so not you. The joke you initially made, what's this guy smoking?

That's funny, man. Thank you, man. That's funny. You know what I mean? It's a humorous way to communicate. I'm not exactly understanding what's being said. And I'm always going to defend my guy, you know? So, like, yeah, of course, I think that's funny too.

But I'm always going to be like, is this cool? Like, is it so, like, are we all good here? He's going to pop a bear mode, which I appreciate. And like we're trying to get there. I mean, we try to look out for each other. You know,

sometimes I think we both make our own individual mistakes and don't know how to cover up or like kind of make sure that the other one's good or that we feel good about it. So we're trying to, I think you guys again have 13 years. That's incredible. That's where Beck and I want to be in 13 years.

Yeah. Like you guys are our role models. So I do apologize for offending you because you guys are the last person that I would want to I'm gonna I don't know how to respond to this I don't know if I'm being missed I don't do well with like compliments and stuff

I'm just like for sure I'm not used to getting them here at head gum for sure you're hurt by them I hate when people are like you're so fucking hot dude yeah damn look at you look at your fine ass

it's exhausting I'm like don't do stop yeah yeah I hear well that I'm not gonna say it I was gonna say body yeah body body body body body body body body yeah okay but dude body like a damn dude perfect yeah speaking that that that should be that dude perfect that body okay and what's happening Kevin wants to show us his armpit real quick oh my gosh you can find some dude perfect you can pulled the tube who's up next for uh I had the wrong apple mart up so we have to start over

I'm sorry oh okay all right that's right we're we're gonna well I think we actually found kind of I'm a nice groove now, though, to do the episode. So the wrong art. So before it said, like, pro edition. Yeah. What's that? Pro edition is nothing. Proversion is what it's sad.

And now it doesn't say pro version. Yeah. Okay, the theme song is playing. Fight. Hollywood Handbook. That was a hate gum podcast. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan.

And this is the outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. You know, we're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew?

Who knew? Who knew? The mob's involved. All that and more, subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday. What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody? I'm Beck Ben. And, man, ooh, we got something to tell.

Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on Headgum. That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep, and that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast you'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Brittany Brosky, Caperland, Bobby Moynihan, Mike Stalter, and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Joey, Joni McGreeze, and Dender.

And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday. So subscribe to what's our podcast. On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah. I'm going to go do it right now.