Hollywood Handbook - Ben Rodgers, Our Boo 2016 Friend

Episode Date: January 2, 2017

Ben Rodgers helps the gentlemen you love say goodbye to the evil 2016 with a memorial of someone they lost. This episode is brought to you by Blue Apron (www.blueapron.com/handbook) and ZipRecruiter (www.ziprecruiter.com/first).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. and snap it up a notch or two. Bing bang, the food. Ba-bang-o. And we see a golf ball and we're going to get this golf ball and we see it's in an alligator open mouth.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So we're creeping towards a hang on. Get out! Uh oh So we're creeping towards the Hang on Get out Get Out Yes

Out Sorry What What happened Well You know I'm going to Sorry. What happened? Well, you know, I'm going to, I'm headed to camp. I'm going to camp. Yeah, every year.

Yeah, for my week, my archaeology camp. Yeah, and for deprogramming. Yeah. Well, that's at the end. yeah uh well that's at the end um and my son is like let me go because it's like he found out that it is like mostly it's the camp that i've always gone to and it is like mostly like people his age that are there and he's like i should be able to go too. It's mostly for people like me. And I have always been kind of reluctant to take any of my kids.

Can I just say, Hayes, can I just say, I mean, obviously he's your son. I don't want to be disrespectful, but what a piece of shit. What an entitled piece of shit. It's supposed to be my fun. What a fucking scumbag.

That makes me just nauseous. But go ahead. And I've never said he can't go to his own camp. If he can figure out a way to get there, he's welcome to go to any camp. If he can pay for a camp, and this is how I am with my brood. If you can pay for a camp, and you can get there and get back, and I don't have to hear about it, if you can pay for a camp and you can get there and get back and I don't have to hear about it, whatever you want.

Yes, do not tell me about it. Because it's your thing. Exactly. And I don't want to be jealous. I'm obviously hearing stories from camp when I get home, but it's exciting. It's like I know my camp is so exciting. Well, you're so good at camp.

You're one of the stars of the camp every year. Yes. Okay. Yes. So there are a lot of songs about me at this camp because I have been going there for 50 years. And so I'm having, I have been trying to teach my son some of the songs about me being the hero of the camp. So he can even fit in at all. Yes! Yes! And so, anyway, one of the songs I don't, I'm not going to do the original song I'm not going to do the song parody.

Do not ask. But he did a song parody about one of my camp songs while i was on the phone with you and he did it very quietly so i'm not positive you even heard i'm guessing it was very quiet it was a whisper song okay yeah i didn't hear that song i mean i know the one song about you from camp i just never won i don't know. It's, he's a big fat bitch. He's twice the size of me. He's got pimples on his ass the size of apples on a tree. He'll drink a bottle of whiskey.

He'll drink a keg of beer. And that's the kind of haze you'll see at camp this year. Yeah. So, yes. And it was a disrespectful parody of that song where he called me Gaze instead of Haze. Oh, no. Oh, I'm sorry, Haze.

And so he was asked to leave the car. And so now I get to go to camp by myself, as it's supposed to be. Good. Better for everybody. And good for him to learn to hitchhike. Well, it's not really a hitchhike-y road. You know, it's like a very, it's archaeology camp. It's like a very long, it's not like a car road.

But it's creationist archaeology, right? It's proving that there's no such thing as fossils. As what? It's proving that there's no such thing as fossils. It's creationist archaeology. As dinosaurs, yes, yes. We don't find anything. And as I mentioned,

I have been going to this camp for a very long time, and we have never found any big bones. Well, you know, that's so nice, and I'm happy that you're doing that, and I don't even care about the rest of the Emerald story. I just like picturing his famous catchphrase,

Kaboom! Oh, yeah, it was something like, we use the alligator as like a golf club or something i don't know it was it was funny yeah that's great that's so funny so uh i'm here obviously bang raj man is here with me we're in the studio how you doing we miss you hey welcome to hollywood hamburger this guy's got a kicking button dropping names with red carpet linebacker we call showbiz what up what up you up? So energizing. Mm-hmm. You know, I feel great.

Yes, no, and so exciting, and it's so great to finally be out of the garbage fire that was 2016. This is our first episode of the new year, the good year, and the universe, I think, can feel when the year changes over. Don't you think the universe knows about the calendar? What a year. Yes.

Ugh. What I'm so happy about is, you know, all these dying, all these dying that happen. Well, what was it? Yeah. Well, it's not that we have more celebrities now than we used to so that so that people are just going to be dying every day like really famous people some people say like in the next you know starting like one or two years from now it's just going to be like one really famous person is going to be basically dying every day because we have so many more famous people. It's not that it's 2016.

It's 2016. It's the year. It's it's the grim Reaper being aware of the year and having picked this one as a bad one. It's the other thing that it's not about. Some of them happened in January. Some of the big ones. Well,

and it was already in January when I was going, okay, 2016 enough. When I was saying, I'm done with this. Excuse me, 2016, not funny anymore. And I hate hearing people say that a lot of these celebrities have just ravaged their bodies with famous drug use. Just for people to mention that even, it's like, guys, it's not about that. It's about 2016. Are you even paying attention? Well, I like that you said the universe feels when the year changes over.

I love saying that. I appreciate that none of the problems from 2016 can creep their way into 2017. They stay right there. They can't find us here. No. They can't cross over that December 31st cross line. They stop there. They can't jump us here. No, they can't cross over that December 31st cross line. They stop there. They can't jump over that wall.

And that's such a comfort. The cross line is impenetrable. Yeah, it's an invincible cross line. You can't get through the cross line. Hey, guys, I'm going to build a wall. I guess he's going to pay for it. 2016. 2016 is going to pay for it? 2016. 2016 is going to pay for it.

Now, Hayes, we said goodbye to a lot of influential figures in our lives. Obviously, grandmaster artists. But I think that the three of us are here to talk about probably the biggest loss we suffered and somebody who I think is going to stick with me, their art anyway, more than anyone else. And of course, you all know who I'm talking about. It's a man who goes by the name of Castle. Yeah, he's a man.

He's a TV show. He's a man in the TV show. Yeah. And his name is Castle. Mystery writer turned mystery solver. Who better? And the mystery now is where do we go from here? Well, it's a real loss.

We didn't just lose a guy. We lost a guy and a show. Yeah, we did. We lost a guy and a show, and the show was an hour a week, and it was on for a long time. Well, we just scratched the surface, too. Oh, God. There were so many more stories to tell, so many more mysteries to write and solve.

Yes. And it was taken away too soon, and it was a tragedy, and it's befitting of the year. Some people might be saying, was this canceled in 2016? And the answer is, I think, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely, I think it's yes. I think it's probably yes.

And the people who are saying that to those people, I say, I envy you if you weren't aware because you're not feeling the loss that I am. if you weren't aware because you're not feeling the loss that I am. Now, we're all, Ben, accomplished comedic actor, writer, Hayes, same, me, three, who let these triplets in here? We all have this same background. And likewise, we all got here the same way. We were inspired by Castle. I know when I was a little boy, I looked up at that screen and saw Castle and said, hey, maybe I can do this, be a comedic writer actor. And that's how I met you

guys. Oh, that's right. Tell that. Please tell, tell, tell. Do tell that story, Ben. Well, I got into an elevator and these two guys were in it and I didn't know who they were. I was at the time just going into office buildings looking for elevator pitches to participate in. I thought these two guys were big wigs. I go into my elevator pitch and I drop in a couple choice lines from Castle and these guys picked up on it right away and said, hey, hey, hey, now that's from Castle. And these guys picked up on it right away and said, hey, hey, hey, hey now. That's from Castle. And we all let out a hearty chuckle. And it's like, you don't bullshit a bullshitter, and you

don't drop Castle lines to a Castle-holic like me and not think that you're going to get busted. And they busted me good. I would love to hear a couple of the lines again. Oh, yeah. What was one of the ones that I dropped? One of my favorite Castle lines.

Yeah, the one I remember clearly where I went like, okay, I think I found a brother in Castle Hood is when you were doing your elevator pitch and you said, wait a minute, look over there. Yeah, I dropped that one. And you guys didn't even look. A lot of people get confused when I drop that line and they start looking around. I looked right at you and said, okay, hang on.

Okay, season two? Yeah, season two much? Yeah. What was another classic one? I think I wrote about this Uh huh Yep This reminds me of a book I wrote

You know you would say that Oh yes yes yes Hayes do you remember any Uh yeah let me say There were so many Just in that one elevator ride. Yeah, it was every line. I wedged my umbrella through the door so we could stop and talk a little.

We all wrapped in there pretty good. And, you know, let me just point this out to the listeners. I've seen, you know, behind the curtain a little bit, these guys are funny guys off the show. Oh, are you talking about us, Bang? Yeah, if you guys are in an elevator with these guys, funny guys off the show oh are you talking about us bang yeah if you guys are in an elevator with these guys you're gonna laugh if you know something about castle well you got something to talk about yeah it's very inside in general in general i wouldn't actually recommend our sense of humor to other people because it's so inside you know what i

mean it's not something that everyone is going to think is funny but the castle stuff uh the you like you being like wait i think this body has fake hair you know and then like bent kneeling down and like kind of ripping like fake ripping off the hair off the body and what a great example of how castle would work against the grain where they don't say wig, they don't say he's wearing a toupee. What they say is, I think this body has fake hair. And it really paints a picture. And they were always so illustrative in their language on Castle in a way that other people, I think, are too lazy to do. And no one even questions it. No one treats that as, you know.

Well, no, because the writer creates an idealized world. They do. The writer creates an idealized world. And in the idealized world of Castle, which is that writer's creation sprung from their mind and then was brought to life by the great actor who played Castle. Oh, yeah. It was, you know, he's brilliant and he's a literary mind and he says things like fake hair and everyone else in the world accepts that. Yeah, even the lady cop, she's even into that too. And the guy, Chief, the Chief

of Police is okay with it. Oh, the Chief. Okay, can we talk about the Chief for a minute? I don't want to get totally derailed. Well, that's why I'm mad it got cancelled. I mean, you could do a whole 10th season about the Chief. You could, and I still am holding out hope that the Chief gets a spinoff

where it's just like Chief time and you really get to find out. Yes, I will tune in. There's more there. I can finally fill the hole of my Monday nights. Did you get the sense that they were hinting that the Chief was adopted? Are we ever going to find out where he was? Oh, oh, oh, Hayes. I don't think we are.

I like that. I mean, that's part of the show. But I think I know where he was. I think he was meeting his birth parents for the first time. Does anyone else feel that way? Well, they definitely threw a lot of hints at the adoption thing. That the chief was. The chief was.

Yeah, I remember when they were going through the filing cabinet and Castle pulled out those adoption papers? And the chief went, that's for a different case I'm working on. And he like pushed him aside. Yeah. And he clearly, I mean, it was about him. I don't think it was about another case. No, I don't think so.

Because we didn't hear about another case. God, this is driving me freaking crazy. 2016, what a terrible year. I mean, just this is getting me so fired up. Screw you, 2016, you son of a bitch. Yeah, Apple, mark this one explicit because 2016 was fucking bullshit. Okay, Apple, you're going to have to get out your explicit stamp and stamp it on this episode because Bang Raj Man had to tell us the truth, which is it was fucking bullshit.

I don't want this to all be so negative, though. Can we talk favorite app? Oh, yeah. Onomatopita. Where the murder at the Mediterranean restaurant. He's speaking my languages. Yes, the murder at the Mediterranean. That one was good.

Uh-huh. And the witness is blind, so he can only go by the things he can hear, so he's making a lot of noise, and they got that funny... The whoopee cushion? They got the funny whoopee cushion. Yeah. Yeah. That was so good.

That was so good. And Jackal had already written about that in a book. Oh, yeah. He went, I think I wrote a book about this. This is the last book I wrote. Yeah. And he's doing that. No, that one was great.

Hey, do you have a favorite episode? It's so funny. I mean, we had talked about how we were going to do this, so I had so much time to come up with a really good one. There's so many good ones. I mean, I can go first, which is, you know, for me, There's so many good ones. I can go first.

For me, it was Schwarmageddon where it was that mass killing at the Mediterranean restaurant with the deaf witness who had had his eyes closed at the time of the murder. That reminds me of my favorite, which was organ donor kebab.

That one was a Christmas episode. That was a Christmas episode, and you saw a whole new side of Castle. Yeah, where he said, I'm not leaving without my heart! Because they were going to donate, I believe,

the heart of one of the victims who had thankfully been shot in the head, so his heart was still good. Right, and he does not believe in that. Yes. And he said... And everybody thinks he does because his characters believe in it.

Right. Yeah, well, the books he writes, you know, he's always saying he believes. And he does not, at the beginning, he doesn't like Christmas. Who are you telling, Hayes? Who are you telling? Because I'm the one who was like, can you believe this guy doesn't like Christmas, the beginning episode, and I was

pissed. And I said, they better fix this. But at the end, he does like Christmas, but he does not change his mind about the organ stuff. Yeah. Yeah, he still feels that way about the organs, which is a fun surprise. Like, I didn't see that twist coming. That's a great twist. And they're so famous for their twists.

And they always were able to surprise me going from not liking Christmas to liking Christmas, going from not liking organ donation to liking organ donation. Or wait, to still not liking it. No, the other way, other way. Yeah, from liking it to not liking it. I used to like it, I used to like it. Oh gosh, yeah, and the twists and turns. I was the beneficiary of a lot of them.

Oh yes, no, you were a huge proponent when you needed them, but now you've got them all up and running and you've kind of realized like, hold on a second, this is bad. Yeah. It was really good. And look, I, it's to give them back would be such a huge, like Michigan.

So I'm not, you know, the paperwork alone, you'd be under underwater with it. And I'll say this cheese episode. Okay. Yeah. The paperwork alone. You'd be underwater with it. And I'll say this. What was the feta cheese episode? Okay. Yeah. No. Yeah. I didn't have time to go back.

Yes. The Confederation. And there was all those Confederate flag guys. Yeah. That got murdered in a Mediterranean restaurant. Yep. That's right. That's right.

That's another classic. Because one of them, they had been poisoned, and they're all eating their Mediterranean food, and one of them grabs his stomach and goes, I falafel. Oh, I falafel. And they're all thinking, like, no, I had the falafel. You ordered the feta dip. And he's going, no, guys, I really falafel.

And Castle's like, that's really his last words? I couldn't have written it that well. And then he goes, oh, wait, I did write something like that. No, that was so good. Yeah, the show was good. The show was good. I love it. What the fuck? What the show was good what the fuck 2016

are you kidding me can I make a quick confession I mean most of the listeners are smart enough to know that these are recorded they're not recorded live that's right a lot of our listeners are real true brainiacs they're huge nerds, in fact.

They're nerds. They know that these are actually, and sorry to, again, reveal another secret of the show. These are recorded ahead of time. Yeah. And we are still in the hellhole. We're still in the hellhole of 2016. I loved pretending that we weren't up until this moment, but you're right. We do. Translucency is a big part of our show.

We want our listeners to be able to see most of what we're doing. And so I think it's fair to say it is 2016, and I'm tempted to go to sleep immediately after this show and not wake up until it is 2017. I think that's a good idea. Yeah. To sleep straight through the next couple months I'm jealous I'm jealous of everyone

listening to this enjoying the fruits of 2017 mmhmm mmhmm yeah imagine oh gosh

and I'll say this to 2016 hey buddy if I see you if I run into you in a dark alley and we're alone you better hope

you know that you're far enough away to get away hope you're fast see you, if I run into you in a dark alley and we're alone, you better hope, you know, that you're far enough away to get away. Hope you're fast. Yeah, hope you move fast. Hope, if it's a fight or flight? Better wear the good sneakers. Oh yeah, yeah.

No, you better not be in like pumps. Hope you're in flats. Yeah, because I'm going to have good sneakers because I have ankle problems. And I read that book about free running and I have the free running shoes and I'm going to toast your ass. Yeah, about those guys.

Yeah, which guys? I think I read it. It's the guys that run with the sandals. Yeah. So, come on, 2016. They don't have much money and they don't get to eat very much, but they're actually very happy and

they are happier than we are even. Okay, so Ben read that book, so 2016, he's going to toast your ass. Good luck. Castle's gone. It's gone. It's over.

We have to accept that. Question for you guys. What the hell have you been doing on Monday nights? Like, what do you do? Like, I'm finally past. For a while, I reflexively would grab the remote, turn on the TV and put the chant castle channel on there. And even though I know it's gone, I couldn't stop doing it.

Now I'm not doing that, but what do I do with my hands? You know, I, do you guys have a solution? Because yes. So, because I'm used to on Monday night,

both of my hands being on my cheeks. You know what I mean? Oh, on Monday night, both of my hands being on my cheeks. You know what I mean? Oh, because you're so surprised at what's happening. The twist in Castle just may give you a Home Alone face. I've been there. My mom walked in and was like, Kevin? My hand naturally migrates towards my cheeks.

So I don't know. I don't know what to do now. It's only been a few months months I'm still in that same place okay I can say something I know that helps is making models you've been doing that too

yeah I've been working on models on Monday nights and I do models of famous actors, what their outfit would be if they were cast as a guest star on castle. So if they were part of the castle cast, um, then I put like, so it might be Dame Judy Denchch in a Dame Judi trench coat because she's like a rival sleuth. Their clothes always did rhyme.

Mm-hmm, yes. Well, and the true fans know that on Castle, your clothes are going to rhyme. Your clothes are going to rhyme with, not with your character, with your actual name as an actor. With your actor name. That's right. Yeah. So like... Yeah, and there were a lot more examples of that.

There's so many. I mean, I think we'll have one. Well, because the first, I mean, the most famous one, I guess, is like in the pilot when Josh Groban walks in, he's got a Josh robe on. Oh, right. Yeah, the pilot is so funny. And that's a real...

The show's full of Easter eggs. I mean, it's basically an Easter egg hunt every episode. Because there's little fun things like that. Because you need to know the actor. You have to recognize what he's wearing and figure out... And not always an actor. Yeah, you can reverse engineer the actor from the actor. You have to recognize what he's wearing and figure out. And not always an actor. You can reverse engineer the actor from the clothes. In the season 3 finale when Apollo Ono came on

he had a kimono. And I remember thinking, this is really good. And it was actually the same kimono, also known as a robe, Asian robe, that Josh Groban had worn when he had a robe on. It's both.

It took me a while to figure that one out. I call them Asian robes. Yeah. I had to look up that they were also called kimonos. Didn't we all learn so much from Castle about what the names of Asian robes were

or a specific kind of hat, you know? Yeah. Yeah, we all learned so much. Yeah. Because I'm not a brainiac, alright? I'm not as smart as the listeners of this show. I thought this was recorded

live until I got here. Yeah, I know. But I learned a thing or two I'm not a nerd I'm a fucking cool guy Yeah I definitely did know I just want to say Ben, I definitely did know Before you said that it wasn't live

That it was not Because I am one of the hosts Of the show, that's obviously something I would know. That's not a surprise to me that people can't hear me right now. You know what I mean? Right. And that's kind of a twist. That's a castle-like twist.

Yeah. And that's something, you know, we can address. Like, since it's been off, I'm trying to incorporate a little bit of castle into my life. So I've been known to throw a twist in here or there. Yeah. You also have been doing some model work. Yeah, I've been doing model work. I have been making little models of my friends and family.

And I incorporate those into the castle world. So it's your castle family meeting your real family. That's right. To make one big family. Yeah. And it makes me, it tucks me in at night. It makes me feel good. It warms my heart knowing, hey, here's Castle and my mom.

And they're getting along. And when he's having problems with the lady cop, he can talk to my mom. Yeah, which is what you would do. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. And they can getting along. And when he's having problems with the lady cop, he can talk to my mom. Yeah, which is what you would do. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. This explains a lot, Sean. Yeah. Because I remember you told me that it worked so well for you to make these models.

But I thought you said to make it with models. Ah, yes. So I have been making it. I have been making it with a few models. So every Monday night you've been making it with a model. Wow, that's a really cool thing to do. Christy Turlittown? Linda Evangelista, Stephanie Seymour, you know, I've been making it with all these models. Seymour, Stephanie. Did you say, hey, Stephanie Seymour, Stephanie Did you say, hey Stephanie Seymour I'd like to see more Stephanie

Because that could have been a pretty good line To make it with her Do you use that to make it with her? I'm sad about Castle And it doesn't work Oh, right I'll do more of the

Now that I understand what you're saying, I think that will, like, actually making models, I think, will help. Okay. The models don't get hot and bothered seeing you expose yourself and your emotions about Castle? Being vulnerable can be a pretty big hit for DGAKs. No, I'm sorry.

No, no. When I say it doesn't work, I mean it doesn't make me feel less sad about Castle. Like, no, it works. Like, I'm fucking. No, no. When I say it doesn't work, I mean, it doesn't make me feel less bad about hassle. Like, no, it worked like a bottle. It works. And everything on you works really well.

Ever since you got those new organs, I think you're finding that it's all working now, right? It's working again. Yes. Uh, with some, I mean,

I don't know. I got new gonads from, uhhmm. From a very tough guy who got in a motorcycle accident. Oh, wow. Yes, and they've been working really well. And he is also as attracted to beautiful women as I am. Because, you know, like Sean and I have talked about this. This is one of my things is beautiful women. Yeah. That's your weakness. Yeah. Your one thing is your one weakness. Yeah.

As like you have this unique body, a really nice face and hair. And I hate to hear you admit that. Cause I hate to think of you as weak. And, uh, and I also don't want to think about women that way. Um, I want to think about their brains, but I feel like I'm also doing, you know,

kind of doing a service to the memory of this very tough guy. Um, you know, I feel like that's what he would have wanted. He had the same weakness as you. How insane, like what are the odds? That's why your body didn't reject it.

Yeah. That's why your body was able to accept those gonads, because he was one of the rare breed of man whose weakness is beautiful women. And what an unusual thing. Freaky coincidence. I've only heard of maybe two or three other men having that. You know what it is? It's another castle twist. Yeah, it is.

This would be a great episode of Castle. I mean, God, I'm sorry to be a broken record here, but what is up with 2016? I mean, me personally, I don't think you've said it enough. No. I don't think you've said it enough

because I think it's effing bull ass. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo 2016.. Boo. Boo. Boo. 2016. Off the stage. And I never boo anything. No. When's the last time you heard me boo something? No, we went to see Our Town and the

guy playing the stage manager was racist and was going off script and using the n-word a lot. And we applauded. And yeah, we did not boo. We didn't boo. Because he made a real, that's an artistic theater choice. And I'm a stage actor. I understand

what a boo feels like. I don't like to dish them out. You don't take it lightly. No. Yeah. What's one time you received boo? Oh, yeah.

The wagon, when I did, the wagon comes this way. And it went the wrong way. Yeah, I started, I thought it'd be a fun twist to move the wagon that way. I got booed. I got booed from the cast, which hurt the most. Yeah, fellow stage actors who know what it feels like. They should have your back, yeah. They say, you know, if you've received some of these tortures, like getting booed, you know, you're less likely to do it yourself.

Should we stop talking Castle and start living Castle and just hear a clip from the show? Let's listening Castle. Let's listening castle. Let's listening castle. This will make me feel good, but bittersweet. Darling, we have a visitor. Oh, pretty butch castle. I know, right? Come, grab a chair.

Oh no, I just came to return your mom's jewel. You saved my life. The least I can do is make you some eggs. No, really, I have to get going. Nonsense. You sit down right here. Tell us all about last night. We've only heard his version. All right.

Shall I begin at the red carpet? Yes, please. So. Wow. Whoa. Takes me back. Ah, feels good. That's Takes me back. Feels good.

That's a time machine. Now, I haven't seen this particular episode of Castle. I don't know what's going on in this episode. I couldn't recognize what was happening exactly. Don't remember it. Didn't really recognize the characters' voices or have a concept of the story. They said the word Castle, and it sounded like somebody had heard castle's version of a story, but they wanted a woman to tell a different version. Okay, you got more out of it than I did.

Okay. I could piece together castle was making eggs. Oh, good. Okay, I didn't get that. Yeah, and that was all I got. Between the two of us, we got a lot of what happened there. And Hayes, you can't hear this, correct? And I, of course, cannot hear it at all.

But just to hear you guys enjoying it, I can tell. That's Castle for me. Oh, yeah. That is so Castle. That is so Castle. What a classic moment from the show. And it had a twist like we're used to. Do we want to play another clip?

Yeah, sure. Hey, Deming? Hey, Castle. So you know that little place in Asbury I was telling you about around the corner from our beach house? Well, they just had a reservation open up on Friday for the early knock. They'll probably make it.

Yeah. Will you let me check into it? Great. I'll see you later. Wow. Whoa. Whoa.

I was just, you know, I was so distracted by the fact that pretty much the first word we heard again was castle. Now,

confession time, I haven't seen this episode of Castle. I do have to come clean. This one, particular episode I didn't catch this episode of Castle. I do have to come clean. This one, particular episode I didn't catch. I'm a fan. I've seen them all. I think, missed this

one. These are some deep cuts that are coming up on our initial YouTube search for clips. You got us, man. I don't know if you're trying to bust us. Whoever was trying to stump the champs here is doing a good job. Hayes, you couldn't hear it, but from what I get is... Could not hear that

one, no. Couldn't hear it. They do say Castle right off the bat. So I know it's the right show. Okay. See, I also feel like I have, from your description, I don't feel like I've seen that episode either.

What I have seen of Castle is a print advertisement. Yes, and this had the same feel where it's twisty, it's turning around, it's subverting your expectations all the time

and it's, you know, and it's got a Mediterranean element to it. There's a restaurant element to this one. Yes. I can't believe I missed it. I was surprised he was making eggs in the previous clip and not tahini or something. Yes.

He twisted it on us. I guess let's play another clip. He needed to hear at least one more just to sort of, and we'll for sure know this one, and go ahead, Engineer Ryan. Oh, thank God you're okay. Thank God you understood my message. First time that I cuffed you, you wouldn't give to be back there now.

Come on. Yeah. I knew I couldn't call once I left. Castle, how did you do it? How did you escape? I've got a great lawyer. Come on. Someone owed me a favor. The less you know, the better. But the good news is, I'm still alive.

The DA has branded you a fugitive. Every cop in New York is looking for you. Yes, well they won't be the only ones after the 5 o'clock news. By now they've tagged my phone, my house, my accounts. I'm not going to last long out here. We have to act quickly. I've got teams at your place looking for any trace of Dyson. Ryan is wading through paperwork at Tessa's office to see if there's a connection. Well that could take weeks. I think I've got better seeing you. The whole thing, I kept thinking, how could he possibly pull this off? How could he get video of me buying those earrings? And then it hit me.

Broadway casting. You want someone to play a role, you cast it. Look at this notice from four months ago by a celebrity lookalike for a private book club party. Look who they're looking for. James Patterson, Stephen King, JK Rowling.

And me. Wow. Whoa. That one sounds good. Okay. Wow. I actually haven't seen that one. What happened? Didn't sound familiar at all.

Yeah. I know that was a long pause for you where just it was a lot of silence. Yeah. Very exciting. Wow. This sounded like a great episode. I don just it was a lot of silence. Yeah, very exciting. Wow. This sounded like a great episode. I don't know how I missed this one. Yes, I wish I'd seen this one because this one sounded like a doozy.

Now, I'll admit something. I didn't even know it was an episode of Castle until about the middle when she said Castle. For a long time, I thought Engineer Ryan had goofed. We did happen. And even towards the end he did he said you know they're looking for me and i'm thinking me who and then i remembered oh earlier she did say castle right uh and it dropped a lot of writers along with castle i mean this was oh yeah great castle episode i missed this this one, but just a great episode,

and what a twist that it was Broadway casting. Hayes, what you missed was she's helping him. Go ahead. Who's helping? I love helping. She's helping him, but he's figured it out kind of already. I don't even know if he needs her help. Yeah.

Okay. That sounds, I mean, so the print advertisement that I have seen of Castle says Castle and it says a whole new chapter in crime solving because I think his books famously have chapters. Yeah. He's one of the ones that use that technique. So for me, that's what's so exciting about the show is this big twist of that it's this new chapter and that's what has me so excited about hearing you guys listen to these great clips. I gotta say, I love

the technique of using chapters. I think it's a cool way to kind of break up a story. Okay, and obviously I'm on the other side of this debate, famously. I think chapters are a distraction that they don't allow me to enjoy things in one big mush like I like. And we argue tooth and nail about this, but we're still friends. You can fight with your friends, you know? You can fight with your friends and your family. We always talk about that.

And we've had some knockdown drag outs about chapters versus a big mush, which is what I like. I used to not like chapter book. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Yeah, you were a mush guy. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like the mush, but then I, and sometimes I have to remember to tell Sean this,

Harry Potter is chapters. Ah, the exception proves the rule for me because it's the only example I can think of of a book that fully changed my life, changed the way I look at literally every moment that I'm alive, taught me every lesson I need. Politics. Politics. Politics. Personally, my problem with the Harry Potter series are there's not enough chapters. Oh, yeah. I think that's— Yeah, I could use about a Potter series are there's not enough chapters. Oh, yeah.

I think that's... Yeah, I could use about a thousand more. That's a miss. Yes, make more chapters. I don't think they need more content. No, I think you guys misunderstand me. I think you just need to break up the actual book that have already been made. Chapters are too long.

The chapters are too long. The chapters are crazy. They're too long. You can break half of those chapters into smaller chapters. You may be right. I haven't gone over it. For me? Look at the actual per chapter page count, but you may be right.

I mean, this is maybe why you like it, because to me, it's like a bunch of segmented mushes. It's practically a mush. Yeah, that may be why. Each chapter is a's practically a mush. Yeah, that maybe would have attracted me. Yeah, no, you're getting a mush one way or another, which is one way that I always win. So I guess we'll sort of leave off here with saying once and for all, 2016, you know, sit on it and rotate.

And I'm talking about my middle finger and it's going right up your kazoo and I'll say and this guy hasn't clipped his nails in a while so that thing's gonna cut baby nasty and up your nose with a rubber hose and rotate

okay and he's spinning everything now and the hose is misshapen. So I'll say that. And if you want to just give us, Hayes, you know, we all have these castle moments that stick in our head and these lines that stick in our head, and we remember obviously all the sentences from the elevator pitch,

but what is your sort of secret castle line? Maybe it's a mantra for me. Maybe it's a line I use around my family. Obviously we all saw our families over the holidays. Oh, castle line. I use around my family. They don't even know I'm quoting it, you know? Uh, is there anything like that? It's just a secret joke Just for you or just for us You know Wow that could be so fun for me to say Let me do that Let me just say one

Don't even think about it man Just let it rip Is it okay if I Do you guys mind if I just say one of my favorites? Yeah no I actually would prefer it if you would. Okay. Yeah, I think you're getting asked directly to do it. I would love to.

So you've got the floor, and when you decide to say it, man, we're all ears. And what Ben Rodger and I are going to do is just step out of the way and give you room to say it, man, we're all ears and what Ben Rodger and I can do is just step out of the way and give you room to say it. If that's what you're asking for permission to do. Okay. Okay.

It's from the one where the murder there's a murder at the beginning. Oh, right. Robby McGuire oh remember when Toby McGuire was wearing that robe, that's right and it's

something about books where like it has to do with different book stuff where Castle wrote a book about it and it takes place in um the bookstore and castle's mad because he they never wanted to sell his books at the bookstore yeah he's got something to say about that oh god why should i even stall this murder this bookstore that i hate oh yeah I've said that around

My mom a couple times Yeah No mine's the same It's that same line Bye Hollywood Handbook Is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions

A subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes Ow Baby It's a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby. That was a HeadGum Podcast.