Hollywood Handbook - Betsy Sodaro, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: February 2, 2015

After exploring why the media is scared of using terms related to the show, the boys dig into another installment of "The Write Stuff," reading a scene from a movie Casablanca. Then Betsy Sodaro, a fellow member of LA Weekly's Best People of LA Class of 2014, arrives to share stories from the ceremony and issue hot takes on Deflategate and offensive awards show routines. There is a Popcorn Gallery as well.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. everybody else. Yes. So I've got him now. I've got him on a string and I just go like, okay Howie Mandel. I go JK and he's like, oh you got me. But then tap on my shoulder is JK Simmons. Wow. And he goes, I thought I told you to keep my name out your mouth. And I go,

oh no, JK Simmons don't beep me up. And he goes, now I'm JK.K. Simmons, don't beat me up. And he goes, now I'm J.K. Man. Simmons. Because you see him in that little shirt. He has very big muscles. His arms are big and his shirt's small,

and that combination can be terrifying visually. You never told me what the original prank was, though. You told the story, but you never told me what you original prank was though that you told the story but you never told me what you were doing to howie mandel you just said that he was scared oh yeah you said you were pranking him he was very sick oh i had a loaded gun in his mouth geez yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah loaded with hot sauce oh okay so a nice prank ultimately because when you fire it well because he's eating tacos. What kind of hot sauce?

Tapatio. I mean, I like Cholula. Unfortunately, the place we were at just didn't have it. So I grabbed a Tapatio bottle. I go to the bathroom and then I fill up. Yeah, and then I squirt in his mouth and he was like, oh, geez, I'm scared. Because he also was scared that maybe he'd get too much, be too spicy. So. So.

Hey. What? Welcome to Hollywood Hits. Look at Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Lineback Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up. Because I think, I agree with you. Yeah.

These people, we don't do it for them. You you know we should say what we want at the top of the show if people don't like it they don't listen to the show i am scared sure it is you you have to be the one that says it i'm the one who's going directly against their wishes and some of these guys on this internet are real freaks they live i mean i live in my dad's basement but they really live in their dad's basement you know what i mean in their dad's basement. You know what I mean? I've noticed that when people are covering this whole controversy, like in the news, they don't even use the what up, what up phrase in the coverage of it because they're so scared of reprisal. They don't want to beckon the ire.

Yes. They don't want to beckon the ire. Yes. They don't want to beckon the ire. And so they just say, like, that thing they've been saying at the top of the show. Well, actually using the W word is just straight up beckoning the ire. Yes. They just say, like, the guys don't want them to do that anymore. We're not going to say what it is. But you know they don't want them to do it. It's just cowardly.

they don't want him to do it. It's just cowardly. And Brian Williams got to go ahead and grow, you know. Yes. You know, he got to, maybe, I feel like Brian Williams has had Tom Brady snooping around his balls because they're deflated. Deflated them, yeah. Because then that's why he's not brave enough. This is Brian Williams, who I expected more.

then that's why he's not brave enough. This is Brian Williams, who I expected more. Brian Williams, who drew a Mohammed cartoon on the air. But then won't say what up, what up, what up. Because he's worried about what will happen to him. Well, and it's because the mean guys who don't like the Mohammed stuff are far away, I feel like. They do like it. Or no, wait. Oh, yeah. They like the Mohammed stuff so much that they don't like anyone else to do it. Don't want the Muhammad stuff are far away, I feel like. They do like it. Or no, wait. Oh, yeah.

They like the Muhammad stuff so much. So much that they don't like anyone else to do it. Don't want the cartoon. Yeah. They want to have all the cartoons. That's what it is. I read about that. Yes.

They are the only ones allowed to make the cartoons. But the what up, what up people, that might be his neighbor. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's so close to home because it is really this show, as much as we are worldly and have traveled, this is an American, a truly American creation. I mean, you know. Yeah. I mean, don't you agree with that?

American mics. We use American mics. You hear that? Mm-hmm. Those are from the factory. Brett's getting upset again. Engineer Brett really doesn't want you to touch the mics in any way. Thanks.

Thank you. That's true. Brett, I'm making fun of you. But you're right. I'm fucking with you. And Brett, we have you wear American clothes. You have me wear American clothes, yes. One time he tried to come in in Uniqlo, and we stripped him down in the hallway.

Because the thing about like America in apparel and stuff is like they're not PC. They're not PC, but they have good ethics. They have good ethics. And not being PC just means being in your face. And I think I know a couple dudes who could relate to that. Hayes, me. So they sort of got our attention with that, and we had Brett wear their little shorts,

the ones that kind of sneak up in there. The nice thing about American Apparel, not afraid to beckon the ire of the public. What did we want to do today? That's exactly what I'm about. We wanted to do something we've done sometimes, a segment called The Right Stuff. Right as in correct, but that's... Yes.

We're talking about... In reference to writing as in with a pencil. Writing. So we're talking about writing, W-R-I-T-E. So the segment's called The Right Stuff because we want people to do the W-R-I-T-E writing the right way, R-I-G-H-T. So it's the R-I-G-H-T stuff, which is a play on what it could be called, which is the right stuff. So the people who ask, like, oh, if it's not, like, write the correct stuff, do you want them to do the wrong stuff? No, we want you to do the correct stuff. So the people who ask, like, oh, if it's not, like, right, the correct stuff, do you want them to do the wrong stuff? No, we want you to do the correct stuff.

It's just not the name of the show. It's not the correct stuff. It's the right stuff. Yes. Right. And it's writing stuff. It's about writing stuff. This is something, we read all these scripts, stuff crosses our desk.

You know, like, you remember dilbert's desk yes it was always covered in papers well yes well his boss is always stacking up even more too and it's like i'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in this week what he would do his his boss sometimes he had this hair i don't know we don't have to get it look like a dog do stick out of his ears. Sometimes he would, Dilbert would get everything from his inbox into his outbox, and his boss would come in and just switch the names on the boxes. So what was now, and I don't even know if that actually was a Dilbert cartoon,

but I think you have to agree that it would be a pretty classic cartoon. I think that might find its way onto some cubicle walls. Well, it's a potential Dilbert concept, which we've always talked about. Like when you're thinking about office scenarios, does it have DP? Does it have Dilbert potential? And if it doesn't, it's probably not relatable it's probably not funny so we get all

these scripts to read and they're mostly something like from the trash like you read it and you have you like look in the trash to see if it actually came out of the trash instead of your inbox and occasionally it is a list of ingredients or something and it is like it was a snickers wrapper but more often it's a bad script by somebody who doesn't have the right stuff when they're writing stuff. So we wanted to read some of these scripts that we get. What I like to do is we read some of the old classics because we get all kinds of scripts.

And we get sent a lot of scripts for movies that were made and were successful. Very famous. Just for us to read and see, should we do it again? Yeah, or is it good, or was it a mistake that this was popular? Yes, yes. Were we right to make this a classic movie or not? Mm-hmm. And so we read this one.

Casablanca, you read this this week. Yeah, I mean, I tried to anyway. And we just want to pick out some sections of this. I don't know if it's like the medium has just developed in such a way so that we're just like doing things better now and they weren't really sure what was happening back then. Because you read this now and you get a sense of confusion. I think it's since that show Medium with Patricia Arquette

where she's investigating crimes and she could kind of see some of the future and ghosts. I do think that since the Medium has developed, writing has gotten a lot better because those stories were true classic stories that everything since that show has kind of been a play on those ideas. Like when they say. And so this is pre-medium, this script, and you have to understand that.

Like when they say the medium is the message. It's kind of like the show, the message of the show is make a good show like I am. Yeah, the medium, yes. The medium show, the message is, hey, here's how you do it. I'm a good show, be like me. Yeah, the medium, yes. The medium show, the message is, hey, here's how you do it. I'm a good show, be like me. Yeah. And that's a hot medium because she is attractive.

So we wanted to read a scene, go through the scene machine, which is where a scene comes out. Did we forget to turn it on last night before we came in? It takes a long time to warm up. Well, Engineer Brett. Brett, go ahead and turn on the scene machine. Can you turn on the scene machine?

Okay, it's on. No, it doesn't sound like that. It doesn't just go on. It does the whole thing. Yeah, there's a whole series of sounds. You have to do the whole thing. It's not sound like that. It doesn't just go on. It does like a whole thing. Yeah, there's a whole series of sounds. You have to do the whole thing. It's not going to work. Hit the one that's going to make the whole series of sounds, Engineer Brett.

Okay. No, that's your keys. You're just jingling your keys, Brett. We can see that that's your keys. Actually put your hand on the machine, plug it in, and hit the on button so we can hear the sounds. We need to hear every step. Come on, machine, plug it in, and hit the on button so we can hear the sounds. We need to hear every step. Come on, Brad, do it. Kids, it's been a while.

Please don't reference other shows. Sneak in a reference. Oh, my God. Makes me so ill. Use your mouth. Use your mouth to do some of the music. Don't use anything but your mouth Use your mouth to do some of the music Don't use anything but your mouth Okay

Well, finally he's starting to plug the machine in Okay It'll only be a couple minutes now I know Okay Okay, stop for a drink of water What happens now probably okay good engineer sam is here on his motorcycle

maybe he can show you the machine yeah you know what you do here sam going to really turn on for real. It should be like beeping and stuff. Thanks, Sam. Oh, yeah. Sam just found Brett very attractive. Gave him a nice little whistle. And then now it's probably going to make some beeps.

Thank you. Yes. Okay. Now it's probably gonna make some beeps and something thank you yes okay now it's finally on okay and was that so hard sorry it took a while so this scene begins it's i have a script it just came out of the machine um it took a while yeah i just do it because he said that you know it's like that's a fucking show. People, that's what they like. Love it. They honestly really do like that. And they like to do it themselves. They like to write it down.

Yes. That is satisfying. Writing down an auditory joke that just is, and I'm using the term joke so loosely right now. God, I have to say what a generous spirit you have. Oh yeah, I mean Christmas was over a month ago, yet somehow here I am fucking

Santa Claus himself using the term joke when let's be frank it is a reference. What we doing they're writing it down okay what do we need what do we need the scene machine is fine tell us what we need to do yeah what do i gotta do don't tell us to do that please okay this scene takes place in rick's cafe we know this is on page 50 but they don't tell us who rick is it's in the main room and it's nighttime okay stage direction the customers have all gone the house lights are out which is like it's dark it's totally dark what are we looking at what am

i gonna see am i supposed to put the lens cap back on the camera to shoot this one? It's nighttime and the lights are out. Okay. It must be total darkness. So say, this is a good tip, just at the beginning of the scene, say, the lights are on and you can see what's happening. Oh, yeah. Or it's sunny outside. Or it'd be daytime and then we don't even think about the lights.

Or it's sunny outside. Or it'd be daytime and then we don't even think about the lights. So, Rick, I guess it's his cafe or it's a cafe about him, sits alone at a table. There is a glass of bourbon on the table directly in front of him and another empty glass on the table before an empty chair. Bear in mind, we can't see any of these glasses like if it's nighttime and the lights are out don't bother describing the glasses all these details none of this is going to show up in the movie so just say like it's everyone it's totally dark if you're going to say anything just say it's totally dark or describe sound it's dark everyone's asleep you

go to sleep too i mean that's what mean, that's what they're really saying. So there's all this stuff about the glass and the chair we can't see. There's a bottle nearby. I'm just going to write in, he turns on the lights. I have to, you know, you read something, you just have to edit it yourself. So Rick gets up, he turns on all the lights. Well, because we're so used to punching up, giving notes, and it's just like, it's automatic. You can't resist.

So now, when we're reading the rest of this, all the lights are on, and you're welcome, Casablanca. Rick turns on the lights, fills his glass, and drinks it quickly. His face is entirely expressionless. That's impossible. Okay. That he would drink that whole thing. And his bourbon?

He's not reacting at all? He's going to be making sort of a PU face, like a Bernie face. It's like burning his gullet. That stuff's strong. People are going to think if he drinks that and it's expressionless, people are going to think that it's Diet Coke. I'm going to think, well, yes. And even that hurts a little bit. Well, it's got fizzes. And so it's it's diet coke i'm gonna think well yes and even that hurts a little bit

well it's got fizzes and so that it's got fizzes so it's gonna be that's gonna be making bubbles make a noise and i would think is this guy android machine because he yeah now can't feel the thing you know but he's not like shorting out either from drinking water from like before we get too far away from this just i forgot to do it can we say one thing about the title casa blanca that's house white right yeah it should be white so i think i'm like this guy must be the president i don't know if i want to see the president in the dark drinking a whole glass of bourbon. That's pretty scary. And this guy's got his finger on the button.

He's drunk in the dark. No, thanks. And he's not even at, he's at some, what is he doing owning a cafe? No, he should be doing the country. God almighty. Okay. Great golly, Miss Molly. His face is expressionless.

The beacon light from the airport sweeps around the room, creating a mood of unreality. This. We're at the airport? We're making up words. Unreality. Airport? And also, the idea that there's a light in the room is unreal to you.

Jesus Lou, great googly moogly. That somehow is surreal to have light shining in a room. Yeah, who's serious? I mean, I really am going through something. This is wild to me. This got made? I mean, it must have been during the era where there's three scripts and they just have to pick one.

Three guys wrote this, too. I was looking at the beginning. Oh, my effing gee. If it's one, if it's two normal guys and then one guy who snuck in at the end. Yeah, I mean, I can't imagine these mistakes getting through three people. Okay, now it says, Sam comes in and stands hesitantly beside Rick. Engineer Sam, do the motorcycle noise again. Wow, this part I like.

Okay. And Sam says, boss, no answer as Rick drinks. So he's got an ear problem or something. He's got an ear infection. He's drinking, so he can't hear. Can't taste anything and can't hear anything. Okay, cool character. Oh, I'm drinking something.

It's impossible for me to hear. He's drinking with his ears. Makes him more like Andrew Machine. Sam goes again, boss. And Rick goes, yeah. And Sam says, boss, ain't you going to bed? So he's like from the south or something. And Rick says, not right now, even though it is nighttime.

And they already did say that. And so this guy who is not going to bed even though it's nighttime. And it all comes back to this sort of robotic hints. Well, yeah, because he's got a charged battery or something. And it says, Sam now realizesick is in a very grim mood because he wants to stay up at night like that like if you're in a grim mood you actually want to go to sleep no yes and that is a symptom of depression and if you're sleeping an unusual amount and you still feel tired i mean i'm talking 10 12 hours day, and you get up and you still feel like you need a nap, then see someone.

Talk about it. And this is just to get very personal with me. I've had this kind of experience where if I get road rage or something, and I yell at somebody on the road, and I'm having a bad day in the car, I just come home and say, I just want to go to sleep. And truly, you do sometimes feel that way. And it's not weak to visit an analyst anymore. I feel like that's an outdated concept of machismo.

And I just want to say, a lot of your favorite comedians go to therapy. And if you just listen to any other podcast, they'll tell you about it. You just listen to any other podcast. They'll tell you about it. Sam says, lightly, which is, it's a lack of understanding, I think, about what light is. Okay? It's a little parenthetical. It says, Sam says, lightly. Is the person who wrote it an android?

It all comes back with this guy to thinking light is something else, which is not something that you see. It's like you hear it. Well, if you have computer eyes and so it's almost like you're wearing night vision goggles all the time because you're an Android machine, you wouldn't really know how to write what kind of light there is. No. Because it's all red.

You see everything is red. So I don't know who this guy is, but let's just say that that's probably what happened. Sam says, lightly,

ain't you planning on going to bed in the near future? And Rick says, no. We went over this. I don't want to watch a whole movie.

I don't want to watch an entire movie about whether or not a guy is going to go to bed. Well, also, this is your boss. Like, if you ask him once if he's going to bed and he says no or doesn't hear it, just leave it be. You're not his mommy.

You work for him. I mean, I hesitate to even say the next line, which is Sam says, you ever go into bed? Oh, my gosh, Sam. And Rick says no, which means now it is for real that he is some kind of mechanical man. Because if he's never going to go to bed ever, he's...

No, then he runs on gasoline or something. It would be impossible for him to be alive unless he runs on gasoline or something. And the one thing I'll say they got right, it is kind of true to my little cousin Engineer Sam, because he is very annoying and asks you the same question a lot. So, okay, you're in the neighborhood with that, and that's about it. So Sam says, well, I ain't sleepy either.

It's impossible. It's nighttime. Rick says, good, then have a drink. Sam says, no, not me, boss. And Rick says, then don't have a drink. And it's like, yeah, he just said. This is the worst conversation I've ever heard. And this is something

that people would pay to watch in a movie back then. Imagine the kind of conversations that people were having in the 30s that they want to say, I want to go to the movie. Medium! They'd never seen Medium! The dynamic conversation. In that show, if somebody asks if you're going to bed, it want to go to the movie. They'd never seen Medium. They'd never seen Medium. The dynamic conversation. In that show, if somebody asks if you're going to bed, it happens once.

If it's at night, you probably say yes. And then if somebody says, I'm not having a drink, you know they're not going to have a drink. And you don't have to tell them. Sam says, boss, let's get out of here. And Rick says emphatically, no, sir. I'm waiting for a lady and sam says earnestly and all these little like directions in the in the thing these little parentheses things it's like just say it actors hate or just have him say like i'm being earnest as a sometime performer as well

actors i'll tell you i'll tell you how I'm going to say it. Loud. The camera's got to hear me. Sam says, please boss, let's go. Ain't nothing but trouble for you here. And it's like,

it's his, isn't it his cafe? I don't know. And also he's the president. I don't know. Yeah, he's the president. What does he have to be?

What kind of trouble? Is someone going to beat him up? Is Gorbachev going to kick in the door? Try to fight him? This is so crazy. I mean, like, I don't, I was barely born when this came out. And so maybe it's just like not really remembering what it was like back then. I remember none of this.

This is the way people talk to each other. Yeah, no, that's not my recollection either. Although I was mostly talking to the goose. Sure. And maybe this is like... You know, that was probably my best friend was the goose in the barn. And it could also... I do remember we had to...

I grew up as a farm orphan. We had to use a lot of war code, which I don't remember all of. And so it's possible that this is some kind of like war code that people just understood back then and that means something else. Okay. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, what it should say instead of earnestly and those little parentheticals, it should say speaking in war code for every single line.

And then Sam goes, there's nothing with trouble for you here. And then Rick says, she's coming back. I know she's coming back. We don't know who that is. He's talking about they're supposed to be both boys. I give up. Let's just say at this point, they don't have the right stuff.

They shouldn't have written, written this stuff. That was only one page. stuff and there's only one page and this scene goes on for another whole page and there's a song in it thumbs down casablanca should have been blanca casa white house and if i want to see my american president on the screen i want to see him behaving like a human, not an Android machine. Okay, we have a great guest today. Yeah. Betsy Sedaro. Mm-hmm. Is that it?

Uh. Is going to be on the show. Coming right up on Hollywood Handbook. Ooh. So, you know, I look at Travi, McCoy, and I nod, and I'm like, go, go ahead, do it. Right. And he gets pretty high in the air, but as he starts to get into backflip motion in the air, he doesn't get all the way.

Like he is doubting himself, and he doesn't fully torque. You can see at midair that he's thinking about stopping, and you have to just go all out. You've got to commit, baby. You actually have to have started the motion before you even get in the air. And mentally, you have to have started the motion. I mean, that's the secret. And so it was too, like he does get like 180 in the air,

but he kind of landed on his chest. And it's just like the wind, you know, he's, like, got the wind knocked out of him. But it's like, if you can't, this is my whole point, if you can't do a standing backflip, then you're not a gym class hero. Like, why would you call yourself that if you can't do a standing backflip? And to speak to that joke, ultimately, I had an idea of something that I was thinking where I was going, take a look at my backflip. Oops, I can't do one.

I was sort of in that area. But that should be what he's singing. Well, ultimately, he's going to have to, because now this is out there. Hey! Hey! Welcome back to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. So, so excited about our guest today, and we do a little clap for Betsy Sedaro, who's

here. Hello! And we've been trying to get you on the show for such a long time because we have something very special in common, of course, which is that the three of us were named LA Weekly's Best People of 2014. LA Weekly is the magazine of Los Angeles, which is the cultural center of America, which is the cultural center of America. Of everything.

Which is the cultural center of the world. Yep. And so when you think about it, they're really calling us the best, most interesting favorite people in the world. Yes. And I forget how many people there were. I think it was 10. But it could have been 70.

Do you remember? Do you remember the exact number? I don't know. It was enough to fill a whole magazine. It was us. It was at least three. It was definitely us. And then Swaggy P.

Yeah, that's right. Swaggy P was in there. So that's four. That's four. And that may have been it. There's a chance it that may have been it. There's a chance it was 70 to 80 people. But I can only think of four right now. I remember Anthony Hopkins was not in there.

Yes. I definitely remember that. I think he's very good. I think he's very good. I remember thinking he was snubbed, but then when I looked at the four of us, I thought, well, he shouldn't take any of our spots. Right. And so then at that point, I go, hmm, maybe they got it right.

Well, and then he went on Twitter and made his own article and was like, I'm fine with this. Yeah. You know, he's like, I have my own article. And Twitter doesn't normally let people do that. It was just one. It was just within one tweet. What was, I think, what was the whole article? It was something like one tweet. What was the whole article? It was something like...

The entire thing. The entire article was like, I'm the best. I think that was it. Oh, yeah. He didn't even close to how much he could have used. Well, I think he said, first is the worst, Hopkins is the best. Yeah. And then he said, LA Weekly told you all the rest.

And I was like, okay, well, that's a bit of sour grapes, isn't it? And so, grape ape, grape ape. Remember that cartoon? Whoa. Don't you guys love old cartoons? Just thinking about them and like the specifics of them, like freaking

what do you think was really in those Scooby snacks? Oh my god. I think they're smoking reefer i like how like simple they are like just simple you know but fucked up like yeah super fucked up why does gargamel hate the smurfs like is he tripping on shrooms it's like oppression man it's all oppression if you think about some of those cartoons, they're messed up. And kids were watching those. Yeah. I think that's why I'm so

twisted. Haze. You know, they don't even have Saturday morning cartoons anymore. I just think that's so sad because you remember when a kid used to wake up and eat, get a bunch of bananas, like a big bunch, but still on the vine.

Oh, yeah. And just sit down and watch all the different grape ape. There was one about a shark. Yeah, Jabba Jowl. Yeah. Jabba Jowl. There was, I think. You're talking about Jabba Jowl, right?

A mouse. There was the one with a mouse. Mighty Mouse? No, I didn't see that. No, not Mighty Mouse. I would know that. It was like not a strong mouse. There was the one with a mouse. Mighty Mouse? No, I didn't see that. No, not Mighty Mouse. It was like a... I would know that. It was like a...

Not a strong mouse. No, he's like... Oh, a weak mouse. Mm-hmm. Okay. Weak, but did he have an ability of any kind? Was he clever or fast? I don't even think he could talk.

Okay, so he's just hanging. Yeah. Was he the one who ate the cheese with the alcohol in it? And got drunk! You know what? I do remember that. So he's just hanging. Yeah. Was he the one who ate the cheese with the alcohol in it? And got drunk. You know what? I do remember that. Well, anyway, back then, kids were really using their imaginations. And now everyone gets a trophy.

And these kids are going to grow up to just be, you know, cogs in the sort of Dilbert-style machine of the American office industry. Yeah, I mean, they're already, like, using iPads and stuff. They're already, like, halfway in that office, you know? No imagination. It started with that Dilbert cartoon, I think, is how they sort of snuck it into these kids' minds. They made that a Saturday morning cartoon, and then they phased out cartoons altogether. Dilbert, goddammit.

Well, I don't want to bag on Scott or the concept, because I think he was trying to shine a light on some of the hypocrisy and funny things that were happening in the office, and I think it got used in a negative way. Well, he has a lot of interesting things to say about women, actually. This is great that you're here. Oh, wow. Oh, great, yeah.

Because he has these points. He has a blog, and sometimes he'll talk about, like, well, if you're giving women an advantage over men, is that being equal? Oh. You know what I mean? Or, like, here you go, you weak woman. Yes. Is that being equal? It know what i mean or like help here you go you weak woman yes is that is that being equal or is it yes you don't need that stuff no i don't fucking need that you're not a baby i

i'll call that shit out hard too what do you do a lot of times i just i i i say get the hell away from me you dick like if a man tries to to help me out of a car or something, sometimes I'll just kick him in the nuts. That's great. I'm so glad to know that, actually, because watching you get out of a car, sometimes I'm like, should I help her? It takes a long time.

It takes a while. Yes. Okay, it takes a while for me to get out of a car, but do not help me. I got this on my own. I think it's the way you sit where you sort of get Indian style and then you weave the seatbelt in through your sort of legs. And I think that makes it quite a process to get out.

But hey, I'm still alive, right? And I get in car crashes all the time. And I'm doing great. I mean, because you're driving. With my hands, one on the wheel and one on the pedals. Yeah, and one on the pedals. And it's hard to see. Because if I'm Indian, yeah.

Yeah. Can't really use your feet for that. But I'm still alive, so. Yeah, well, fair, fair, fair. But don't help me. Thank you for the thought, but do not try to help me. And I haven't, and I won't. Yeah.

Are you going, Betsy, to the, for the best people of 2015, we hand off the scepter? Oh, I'll be there. That whole thing? Yeah. Okay, great. I'll be there. I remember being so scared when they, when we were on the other end of that. When I was accepting it, yes.

And I thought, are they going to drop it or try to hit me with it because they don't want to give it up? Yeah. Who handed you yours? Mine was, you know that apparently kid? Do I? He gave his scepter to me. Oh, wow. What a treat.

Yeah, it was. Hayes, do you remember who gave you yours? Emm to me. Oh, wow. What a treat. Yeah, it was. Hayes, do you remember who gave you yours? Emmett Smith. Oh, yes. Oh, man. Which was cool. I don't think of him as Los Angeles, but he is. Or it's like notable for 2013.

Yeah. But he is, you know, all-time leading rusher. He still had that year. Yeah, that title remains. Yeah. I got mine from Sherry Stringfield. If you remember ER, she was a nurse who had a bit of a romantic involvement

with Anthony Edwards' character, I think. Okay. 2013. Yeah. Kind of a slow year for LA. Yes, it wound up being that they had to reach pretty far back. A lot of retro. Really, all that happened was the apparently kid was on the rise,

and everybody else was sort of a fading star. Yeah. Yeah. Betsy, fading star. Yeah, yeah. Betsy, deflate gate, go. What is, so it's about footballs being deflated? Yeah, keep going. Yes, yes, you're in the right track. You're on a roll. And I actually, I talked about this,

or I heard about this last night. So the Patriots, right? Yeah. They're deflating footballs and that's helping them win or something? Yeah, it doesn't add up. That's a pretty hot take, actually. That's a much hotter take than I was expecting. Yeah, I was sort of hoping that you wouldn't get us in hot water.

Sorry, I had to get you in that hot Patriots water. Well, we knew when we got you in that you didn't pull your punches, and we've been having this a lot lately with these bold women. Yes, we've had some very bold women on the show, which we love, by the way. Yes, yes. So you heard about this. Yes, we did successfully get three in a row with you. Congrats.

And a lot of people are talking about it, and it's sort of a controversial thing that we did okay uh but well we don't really think of it that way because we're just going who's a great guest yeah who freaks my bean in terms of just like really juicing me up you know and and i go and i go is that grody who freaks my bean and really juices me out. Yeah, and it's just so happened that the past three weeks, the answer to that question has been a woman, a female comedian or actress, and that's fine. Now, when you say comedian, do you add the E-N-N-E?

Is that something? I mean, not to me. I don't spell in my mind when I'm speaking. I just shoot from the hip. Okay, good. Yes, I mean, is that an interesting question, Betsy? Would you say you are a comedian or a female comedian or a comedian or something else entirely? A comedian.

A comedian. Okay, and spell it. C-O. A comedian. A comedian. Okay. And spell it. C-O-M-E, wait. Yeah. C-O-M-E-D-I-A-N. I didn't know there was going to be a test. I mean, I'm doing your internal monologue.

Thank you. You nailed it. Yes. You nailed it. That was exactly it. That was the pause, yeah. Huh. Hey, I know I just got to do a test.

Okay, yeah. Well, that's sort of my joke Betsy I'm noticing I just can't take my eyes off your keychain Which is Marge Baby Marge It's a baby Marge And I'm just thinking about

And you think of her as the adult in the clan And the decision to Were they out of Barts? Oh, it was a thing where you like pick a box and then whoever's in it, that's what you get. Oh, man. Okay. I'm sorry.

Because I would just think to have Bart on the keychain. I don't know. It seems like that would be such a cool thing. So you hate Marge? No, I just like for, no, Marge is fine. No, Marge exists and she allows Bart. You can't have Bart without Marge? No, I just like for... No, Marge is fine. No, Marge exists and she allows Bart... You can't have Bart without Marge. ...to exist.

And so you need to have the backdrop of Marge for Bart to just burst off the screen the way he does. But at the same time, if I'm going to single one out to be representing my keys to everyone around the table, you're going to want to go with a Bart, I would think. Okay, I'll just keep buying them until I get a Bart. Yeah, where was the box?

It was from a weird store. You know, like a store where it's a lot of kitschy stuff where you're like, oh, this is kind of like bacon band-aids and stuff. Where you're just like, why would I ever use this? A funny store. It's a funny store. Oh, yeah. That's what I should have said.

Just it's a funny store. And it's like these little mystery boxes and then you pick and. And was that the only thing inside? And did you know? That was the only thing. Okay. I knew it was a key chain because I needed a key chain because I lost my keys. And I needed a new key chain. and the chain summoned the keys back to you

yes you lost your keys they ran away because there was no chain and I'm personifying the keys and that's just a humor technique I mean that should be a Pixar movie a bunch of keys that are personified.

You can have a really sassy key. Well, what if it's the 70s swinger party and all the keys are in a bowl and they're friends with each other? Off the chain. Off the chain. Oh, no, it should be called Key Party. Key Party. And they're all in the bowl. And then they go home with different owners and they go like they miss their dad or whatever.

Key party off the chain. Key party off the chain. Okay. Yes. Hayes, this is a full pitch. There we go. Let's go to Disney right now. I could make some calls. The quality of the key parties, I don't know. It's going way downhill.

It's not the ice storm anymore, you know? Part of it is, like, the Tesla keys say Tesla on them, and so if I see that in the bowl, I want to go home with whoever owns that key, you know?

Well, you know who it is. Right. I mean, you know who pulled up in what. And people kind of are cheating by putting the name of the car on the key. It's not random at that point.

No. What we should do is get something that's not translucent or that you can't see what you're reaching into. A secret box from a fun store.

That is excitement. A secret box. Was there any of those at the funny store? Yeah. Yeah, that's how you got the key chain. But what you get out of them. Were they selling that, I mean, you know?

Were they selling the secret box? Yeah. Yeah, but in the end, it was just tissues that came out. Like it was this huge elaborate box and then tissues, which I guess is funny. Well, it's from the funny store. So, yeah, I would say it's funny. Yeah. You know what? I am cracking up about that.

Yeah. Yeah, that's busting me up, and that's great. It's taking me so long to find the Popcorn Gallery song. Yeah, well, it's hard. Just do something. Come up with a long game while I find this song. A long game? Yeah. Sean is going to play a long game with you find this song. A long game?

Yeah. Sean is going to play a long game with you, and I'm going to find a song to play for a segment we'll do after that. Okay, great. And Brett, while that's going on, you pass me the sound cable. Well, I had thought about us just catching up a little bit, but you want to do a long game? Well, Brett, can you name some comedy bang-bang games?

People seem to love those. You're going to have to speak louder because you're up from the mic. We've done Riddle Me This. We've done it. We've done that. Gangsta Freestyle Rap. Okay, what's this? Uh-oh. What is that?

That's where I play a backing beat and then you guys all take turns freestyling over it. Do we want to try that, Hayes? We're just trying to figure out, because you know this show. People like this show, Comedy Bang Bang. Everyone's listening to it.

Everybody now. And we're trying to figure out why or what it is. Because we feel like we're doing as much or more than they are in a lot of instances. And people are not hearing our show. So at this point, we go, well, what's the missing ingredient? Is it one of those games? Probably. Yeah.

Is it the freestyle one, do we think, Hayes? Yeah, we could try it. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that's freestyle. Ready? Yeah. You have a rap song ready to go? Yeah. Okay, who's going to go first? Are we not allowed

to say it? Do they decide that? What if people just start doing it at the same time? Have you done it before? What if people just start doing it at the same time? Oh, God, we'll look like idiots. It just seems like that would be an issue on the show. But it's going to be too sort of dry and predictable if we say who's going first. I think we should just feel it.

I will say I don't want to. What if nobody goes? I don't want to look or sound dumb. Right? No. Okay. No, that's death. Yeah.

In this business, that's absolute death. I don't want to look like a weirdo ever. No. In the world of comedy. Please, no. It's about looking cool and it's about being slick. Yes.

So how do they avoid that with this show, Brett? That's really funny. How does Scott Ackerman still look so cool while playing this game? That's why Jon Hamm is always on these comedy podcasts

because he's so funny because he's so sort of debonair. Yeah. And that's funny. Mad Men is a funny show. That cracks me up. Because the clothes are so funny. They're really funny clothes.

They're really funny clothes. Kind of like they fit nicely. Yeah. And that's so funny to me. Like what? Those clothes fit? God. What a funny show. Brett, do you want to play this game or not? Okay. Are you going to play? I'm. Brett, do you want to play this game or not? Okay. Are you going to play?

I'm just saying, do you want to play? Scott usually says... Why don't you do it, Brett? Show us how to do it once. That would be helpful to me. Play the clip and then you do it. If you're the big expert on the game, I would like to hear you do it once and then we'll know how to do it. And we'll edit that out, but just so we get an example

of what it would sound like. And look less queasy, please, when you do it. Yeah. Okay. We just said. Aw, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

My name is Engineer Brett. I'm here to say I'm engineering in a major way. Scott always starts that way. His show is huge. That's how he does it. He really does. Is this part of it?

His show is huge. And that happens on his show? That's how he always does it. Uh-huh. He always starts with my name. My name is Rappin' Brett and I'm here to say... Wait, I lost the beat. My name is Rappin' Brett, and I'm here to say. Wait, I lost the beat.

My name is Rappin' Brett, and I'm here to say. I'm ready to engineer this Hollywood hand. Is it supposed to rhyme? Does it rhyme, or what happened? Well, the cool thing these days is not to rhyme, I think. Really? Yeah. That's happened with poetry as well.

Yes. That's started to happen with poetry lately. Yeah. The cool thing is. Is that really? with poetry lately. Yeah. Really cool thing. Is that really? People like that. People enjoy listening to that. They love it.

What do we do? What do we do? So my name is, and I'm here to say. Are you willing to do that? I don't think I can. I don't want to look. What do you think, Hayes? To imagine myself doing what Brett just did?

Uh-huh. Oh, God. Well, and Brett was attached to the beat. I mean, he was sutured to it. I don't know that I'd be able to find it like that. Uh-huh. I guess if we all go at the same time, maybe none of us will feel like... Okay, that's not good.

Yeah, that's good. That's good. Okay. Okay. All right. Uh. My name is Hazen. His name is Anthony O'Brien.

I'm doing the show on a Saturday. His name is Brad. After this, I'm going to watch the Lion King. I like the part where Simba goes into the jungle and he makes new friends. One's name is Simone and I forget the other. But he's like, I'll have to go to that. He's a pig and I remember that he farts once. And he's Boyz K. Shinn by Nathan Lane.

That's the first one. Not the second one. I have to go to the bathroom a little more than I like. Mine's over. Well, hopefully that'll result in some big listens. Okay. It would be no less confusing to me than what's already happening. Now let's do the thing that we like to do.

What's that noise? And Brett, when you give me the sound cable, then the sound for my computer should be turned up. And so now the result, do you hear the result of what happened instead, which is the song was already playing silently. Do you understand? Do you hear what just happened there? Yeah.

The beginning of the song was silent. And so when you come in, it's already halfway into the song. Right? Right. People want to hear the whole song. And so part of the signal, and I can say it in the future. And it's Betsy who suffers because I actually know the song. Yes. I am so curious.

Betsy's never heard the song. And so now she has to enter this segment. I'm not going to play the beginning. She has to enter the segment. You don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. We're in the middle of this segment. Well, it's like the beginning of Casablanca for her basically because it's like the lights are out

and it's at night and she's operating completely in the dark. I don't want to look or sound like an idiot. Well, very dangerous. That's death. Yeah. In the comedy world? It's, ugh, I can't do it. Let's reach into the popcorn bag.

Who else is super funny, you know what I mean? Just to think of an example, like the people who I find really funny. Matthew Willard. Okay, that's funny. Because he's edgy, he's cool, he's punk rock. He's in good shape. He's been working out, yeah.

Yeah. And I feel like that kind of brings comedy up to the fucking in-your-face level where you can really laugh and be like, holy shit, I want to have a beer with this dude. I'll explain to Betsy what the segment is while you play the sound drop for the popcorn.

Me look cunisks funny. Yeah. Really funny. So let's reach into the bag. Natalie Portman. Yeah. It's questions. It's questions. It's easy.

We'll ask you a question. It's from our listeners. And it's a question for you. Okay. Is that okay? Totally. Okay. Oh, it's Katie Heigl.

Well, that's another really funny person who happens to have a sort of sheen on them. Well, that's another really funny person. Who happens to have a sort of sheen on them? Oh, yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. On her skin. Yeah. I think people who glow are funny. This question

is from... Like Elizabeth Taylor. She was funny. I'm losing my fucking shit. Cracking up. I'm busting up and laughing my whole frigging butt off, like the entire thing. The butt is going. It's gone. Gone.

It's gone. Gone. How I'm going to sit down. I mean, that's the question you have to ask. Ironically, because I never want to look stupid or like a goof, and you've mentioned this, Betsy. stupid or like a goof, and you've mentioned this, Betsy. It's hard because in order for me to enjoy a lot of comedians I like,

Elizabeth Taylor at all, I do have to look pretty silly because it's going to make me bus up, laugh so hard that I do... Yes, that I do have to show up with no butt. Yeah. And you try to sit with no butt. What? Well, you fall off your chair.

That's exactly the kind of comedy I hate. It's like a bottomless pit. Morticae is funny. This question is from, I already started to say this question is from, but I'll say it again. This question is from Spunky Funerism, and he says, Spuds McKenzie, where's the beef? Crying Native American man. What do these sentences have in common?

They're all references, and you're already laughing. Betsy, we aspiring comedians want to know what is the funniest reference. Oh, either Spuds McKenzie, where's the beef? I don't know. I don't think it's a choice. I don't think it's a multiple choice. Yeah, I think it's from a professional comedian like you. I think he would like you, in fact, to say something different. These are the references he knows, and he knows he's not doing great.

Who's this from again? Spunky Foonerism. He's not doing great. Okay. I think a really great reference is 9-11. Yes, because everyone knows about that. Everybody knows about it. It's just, and it's just about.

You're not losing anyone. It's not really about the content of the reference or what it makes you think of. It's just, do you recognize this? Cue score. Yeah. It's cue score. It's tracking. What are your guys' references?

Like, what's your number one? Mine's, like, being a baby. Oh, that's funny. Everybody was at one point. Yeah, just, like, talking about, like, not even the experience of it, but just, like, that we all were one. Just, like, calling back to that. Yeah, that's good.

Something just that we share. Yeah, that's good. I'm probably eggs or dogs. Yeah. That's good. It's something that we share. Yeah. That's good. I'm probably eggs or dogs. Yeah. Everybody, even if they don't eat eggs, they definitely know. They've had to see them. They definitely know about eggs. They know what's up.

Yeah. And they might not think they eat eggs because maybe they don't order an omelet for breakfast, but there's eggs in pancakes. There's eggs in everything. Like pancakes, yeah. Yeah. So no matter what you had, you go, oh, I don't eat it. I don't get eggs. And it's like, well, yes, you do. Yeah pancakes, yeah. Yeah. So no matter what you had, you go, oh, I don't eat it.

I don't get eggs. And it's like, well, yes, you do. Yeah, you do. And so that reference has layers to it. Mm-hmm. I like it. There must be a way

to combine all of those things. Eggs, dogs, being a baby in 9-11? Yeah. Now that's a hit show. In like a way that's funny. Yeah. I'd watch that show show I guess if it's Dogs eating eggs

Off a baby's stomach The morning of 9-11 That's the opening To your pilot or whatever Oh great I'm tuning in Yeah I'll watch that Or they're all forced to

If like An egg A dog A baby In 9-11 We're all kind of like Forced to live They're stuck in an elevator

Oh Yes I would love to watch that show 12 seasons of those 4 things getting stuck in an elevator that sounds fantastic or what if they have to move back in with their parents in the basement

that's actually normal how would that go Betsy what do we open on oh boy first of all 9-11 is just a mess. They fade in. We fade in, and 9-11 has just destroyed the kitchen. Oh, boy.

Trying to make a cake for mom and dad's anniversary, but 9-11 is... Well, how's eggs feel about that? That sounds like a good opportunity for eggs. Some conflict with eggs. It seems like you can naturally... 9-11. Well, how's eggs feel about that? That sounds like a good opportunity for eggs. Yeah. Some conflict with eggs. Yeah. And 9-11, of course, wants to use eggs, and eggs is like, no, I'm your friend. That's my girlfriend. Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. That's cool. I wonder if even dog is eating the cake batter before it's done. Yeah. I think dog is definitely eating it. And then baby is just crying the whole time. It's done. Yeah. I think dog is definitely eating it. And then baby is just crying the whole time. It's being a baby.

It's being a baby. Yeah, baby is just being a baby. Being a baby. The concept of being a baby, yeah. Just the concept of being a baby. It's like probably, what's the girl on the nerd show? Oh, yes. It's like teaching them how to be.

Yes, Kylie Cuckoo. What's? Oh, Kylie Cuckoo? Yeah, yeah, yes. He's like teaching them how to be... Yes, Kylie Cuckoo. What's... Oh, Kylie Cuckoo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. She's good. Oh, gosh, yeah. She's blowing up now! The Wedding Ringer? Oh, man, yeah. Let's reach into the bag. What a play on The Wedding Singer. They made a

comedy out of The Wedding Singer, and they changed the name. Cool to make a play because you think of The Wedding Singer, that classic wedding movie, but they're doing a comedic twist on it, The Wedding Ringer. The Wedding Singer. But they're not otherwise connected. A lot of people think that those movies are related in some way, like they share characters or anything like that.

No, it's totally different. But interesting to do a play on a more serious movie, comedic, and you do a twist. I've been trying to say. Do a question? Yeah. You know what? I've been interrupting you all day.

From now on, I'm letting the show come to me. And it's funny. It is funny. And I'm letting the show come to me. The stuff that you're doing is good, but just like. I don't know if it is. We have to hit these points we got some yeah we got a and so when i say like fire lit under the when i say let's reach into the

bag and then you well do we have i mean do we want to have a safe word a key phrase some kind of symbol you give me uh anything i guess the safe word should be let's reach into the bag because that means i want you to let's reach into the bag. I don't know why I would have to use code. I think it's very clear. It's Dax. Oh, Dax Shepard. This question is from Rigel.

Ms. Sedaro, Monsters University, why would you teach them? And this is an interesting question because it just seems like you should be imprisoning them or something. Yeah, why would you teach monsters? I mean, but in that world, man, they need monsters. Oh, God. Betsy, please calm down. Betsy, please calm down.

Put that down, Betsy. Put that down. Betsy, don't. Betsy, no. I can't do this anymore. Oh, God. Betsy, your breath. Get it out of her hands.

Oh, God. Okay. Okay. She put her whole hand in her mouth. Okay. I would... You got to teach... But what was scarier is what was in her hand.

I put her hand in her mouth. That's one thing. But what was in her hand, that's what scared me. That was scarier than Monsters University. What? Were you thinking about monsters? Yeah. And they scare us.

We all get scared sometimes. Which one specifically, if this is okay to ask, which ones were you thinking about? And try to say it slowly so it doesn't scare me right out of my seat. Mine is a monster dressed like a bride. Creepy, right? It's supposed to be such a happy thing. Is it a bridezilla? Yeah.

A giant lizard that's dressed like a bride. Okay. Now, I would never make this because I don't like this stuff, but bridezilla of Frankenstein. Is that a thing? Is that an area? And we're coming up with some pretty good ideas for movies, TV shows. We got a lot of pitches. We got a lot of pitches.

We're writing them down, right? And then we're heading to the networks. Networks are dying. The models are changing. It's all streaming, man. Interesting for you to speak on. Yes, thank you, Betsy. Can you talk about the new way that we watch these things?

And what about with phones? Watching stuff with phones? Is your computer going to be in your phone? Wait, what? Is your computer going to be in your phone? It's already in our phone, man. Our computers are moving into our phones. Yeah.

Yes. Our phones are getting a little bigger. Our computers are moving into our phones. Yeah. Yes. Our phones are getting a little bigger. Our computers are getting a little smaller. And then you're going to be able to watch anything you want on your phone at any time ever. There's no more tuning in. Is that scary to you? No, there is no more tuning in, yes. I think it's exciting, right?

Well, I hope they figure out the back end on that stuff. Oh, yeah, that's the scariest part. How are we going to get paid? You do a good thing that I appreciate. When I watch you on my phone, you are sort of like playing as if you're trying to get out of the phone. That's everything I book, I try to get out of the phone that's everything i book i try to get out yeah phone because a lot of people when i'm watching them on my phone it's like they don't know they're inside a phone yeah idiots but you every roll your head i assume on set you're clawing at the camera oh yeah i'm like this

phone now they let me out get me out of this. I get yelled at all the time for it. But it's like, hey, we're in a phone. I'm not going to bullshit and lie to the audience. And it's truth. And it's truth in the heart. It's truth. And if you remember My Pet Monster, which is a movie I saw when I was little, I think, where I believe that in the movie,

he watched the movie and the monster came out of the screen. And the entire time you're watching it, you're wondering if the monster will come out of your screen as well. I think that kind of what you're doing is a modern update of that, where instead of coming out of the TV screen, you're coming out of the phone. And people wonder, am I going to get to then keep Betsy? I tried to let you out.

Did you? Thank you. I've destroyed a lot of phones. Yeah, thanks for trying. Because you look so scared. It's horrifying. Oh, so you really do feel like you're in a phone. I'm an actor, yes.

Of course, I feel it. I'm in the moment of being in a phone. That's brisk, baby. That is a good reference. I used to love those. That's a very good reference. The like Rocky. Yes.

Like the little clay base. I loved the shit out of those commercials. Those guys should all be in that. That's a good reference, yeah. That should all be in that apartment. That's a reference. Yeah. That reference way better than 9-11.

Brisk, baby. 9-11. Brist, baby. 9-11 is sad. It's sad, but hey. The Brist stuff was funny. I don't know because it makes me think of Tailspin or Launchpad McQuack or something. Right. Crashing planes. I just love the cartoons from when we were kids, like Disney Afternoon.

What was in that gummy berry juice? It feels like it was cocaine. Jumping all over the place now? Yeah. When I do cocaine, all I do is jump. You have to. I'm bouncing off my rear end.

Assuming I haven't laughed it off. I dunk. You dunk a bunch. Yeah. I do a lot of dunking. That's funny. You'd be good at sports. Let's reach into the bag, and I give you a nice little pause there.

So now we can just go reach right into it. Come to me. There's a deep bag it's fucking Larissa from Nickelodeon show or whatever oh great a reference

oh what a great reference that's a good reference and I do really like Ferguson's here too oh yeah oh great yeah it's fucking just one step beyond the most obvious name Oh, what a great reference. That's a good reference. And I do really like, Ferguson's here too. Oh, yeah. Oh, great. Yeah. Just one step beyond the most obvious name in the title.

And suddenly, you know, you're dealing with an actual joke. This is another question from Spunky Funerism. We should get different people. Different questions. Oh, yeah. This is a double dip. Yeah. But at the same time, we got to reward the people who ask the good questions.

I just realized I was going into a little bit of a... And is that a good reference? It will be in time. Well, this is something that I like to talk about, actually, because when Amy and Tina did that voice, I mean, is that... it's blackface, right? What's the difference? Is that interesting? What do you speak on that, Betsy?

Oh, man. Betsy, yeah, could you spearhead this one? You have a lot of opinions on it. I don't think, I didn't think it was, like, blackface. Hmm. Hmm. That's a pretty hot take. Yeah. So you think's a pretty hot take. Yeah.

So you think. I'm getting nervous. Getting hot. Pretending to be a black person. Oh, man. As a white person is like, you think it is cool? What? Is that the word you would use?

No. Hey, just. We like to bring guests on to talk about this stuff to help us figure out how we feel about it. Well, because Billy Crystal does Sammy Davis when he hosts the Oscars. And he does that jazz band. So now they're hosting Golden Globes

and they're doing Bill Cosby. And so, you know, everyone is kind of the same thing. Mm-hmm. I... And in their defense, I'll say this. He talks like that. Betsy wanted to speak on that. I'm sorry, Betsy.

No, keep going. I'm sorry, Betsy. I promised to let the show come to me. You're the star of the show right now. I'm not. You were starting to deliver your big take. I was starting to deliver just a big breath of, I don't know.

That's interesting. That's an interesting take, Betsy. Thank you for bringing that up because that did make me really think about some of it and I decide I am offended spunky funerism is like listening at home and being like oh that's my question they were going to ask my question

they were almost at my question give me a break dear Betsy some people feel that sound engineers are dumb and bad. Can you speak on that? Stupid.

Some people, he said, Brett. Some people do feel that way, Brett. You can't deny that some people do feel that way. Let Betsy speak on it.

She hasn't let us down once. She's had a hot take on every single thing we brought up. She's hitting it out of the park. Why don't you let her speak before you chime in

and say stupid? It is good that you're looking at Brett when you're about to do this. Right in the eye. To help make your decision. I find that it does help a lot to take a quick look over at Brett. I mean, without him, this wouldn't be a thing. And I agree, it is funny, Brett. That is a funny

joke for her to say because we've tried many times we have actually swapped places with Brett just to see

what was like going on back there and we tried to see if he could host the show it turned out that he could not host the show and what's back there

is basically like a set from like a like a very bad school play. There's a board that's like... I think it's a cardboard box. Yes, it's like an old... With just like painted on.

It's an old FedEx box and it says it painted sound on it. Which fooled me for a second, but... And then levers that are frozen in place. And a plus and a minus. And they're in the wrong areas. And some numbers, really crazy numbers. Someone who doesn't appear to have a concept of what order they're supposed to be in. Really what a number is.

Yes, because some of them are not the numerical designs that we are familiar with. Yeah, it looks like the kind of script that... There's like Greek letters and stuff. So, France stuff. It was a funny joke take. So that was a funny hot take, and you had a couple serious takes on blackface and stuff like that, and then you've had a joke take as well. So it is a cool variety.

You're welcome, world. That we've gotten to dig into. Let's get one more question out of the bag. Okay, I'll see if I can find one even. Let me play the drop. My hand's getting sucked into the bag! I'm in another world. I don't recognize anything.

Wait a minute. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the right corner. We're going to bounce. It's a boxing match. I meant a boxing match. In the corner is Amy and Tina. In the other corner, hailing from Betsy's at arms. Oh, my God.

Betsy is fighting Amy and Tina. Does she look mad about something they did? Hayes, are you asking the sound drop a question right now? I'm sorry. It was such an immersive world. I really apologize for that. I was there. I actually felt like I was there.

Mark went above and beyond. Yeah, that's like good old stuff that we used to get. You know, that's a good sound. Yeah, not just a lazy reference. We actually take you on an adventure with it. I loved when he used to do that. I'm glad we did four. We usually only do three.

I don't know why he would save that one for the fourth one. Yeah, I almost wish that was the first one, and then we could find out more about this parallel world he went into. But this is going to be the fourth one. Yeah, I almost wish that was the first one and then we could find out more about this parallel world he went into. But this is going to be the last one. It's from Ranran, who is a woman, we have learned. Okay. Nice, right? Yeah.

And so, the question is, Betsy, what's your favorite BuzzFeed quiz and what result did you get? Oh, man. I don't do those. But what's your favorite one? Probably anything having to do with get? Oh, man. I don't do those. But what's your favorite one? Probably anything having to do with food. Oh, yeah. Like, what kind of food are you?

Okay. Right? Yeah. I'd like to say I'm pizza. Oh, wow. Yeah, but you don't get to say. Oh, yeah. The quiz tells you.

You can kind of tell from the questions sometimes what result you'll get. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And so the question Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so the question is, it's like, do you have cheese on you? Yeah, the question would be like, yeah, do you have cheese? Do you want pepperoni on you? And so then you would say yes? And then I'd say absolutely.

Is there a Hawaiian version of you that kind of freaky, kind of freaks people's beans? Freaks people's beans to make them juice up. And so did you end up getting pizza or did you get something else? Pizza. You did get pizza? Yeah. I had pizza. Any specific kind or just regular pizza, it says?

Pepperoni. Just straight up. Oh, because you did say you wanted pepperoni. Because I said I wanted pepperoni. Was the quiz just what kind of pizza are you? Maybe that was it. That might have been it, yeah. Yeah, it's like, are you cheese?

Are you pepperoni? Here's a cool question. Are you veggie? Here's a cool question they should have had. Does the Ninja Turtles eat you? Now that's a reference, right? That's a good one. Cowabunga.

And then to take the formula, you go one step beyond and just mention like Bebop. Oh. You know what I mean? Because everybody knows the name of four turtles. You go Bebop or Rocksteady. Now you're doing an actual joke. Yeah. Taking it to that next level.

I had an action figure. Yeah, just one layer beneath. Bebop. Wait, you had a. An action figure of Bebop. Betsy. I had like all the Ninja Turtles stuff. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. To listen to this, forgive me if this is out of bounds. I don't want... Yeah, I don't want to cross a line. Uh-oh. I think you're thinking the same thing I am. It sounds like you're, at least at one point in your life, were something of a nerd. I mean, are we out of line here?

Shit, I mean, I was a stupid kid. I mean, are we out of line here? I mean, I was a stupid kid. I mean, are we out of line here? I was a stupid kid, okay? Betsy, you don't have to get defensive here. Hang on, hang on. Betsy, I know in a lot of other podcasts, on a lot of other podcasts, you would have to get very upset about being called a nerd.

Look, we all hear these other podcasts where people have to hide and disguise the fact that they grew up as nerds. Yeah. But here, we actually think nerds is cool's okay. We actually think nerds is cool. Yes. You guys think nerds is cool? We think nerds is cool, and we think nerds is in charge now, and the bullies are pumping

our gas. What? And they all got fat after finishing playing sports. And we like. Yeah. We like to read a comic book. Or knocked up. Yes.

By the fat. All the bullies got knocked up. By the fat sports guy. Pumping our gas, yeah. Yeah. And that is what they're doing. Preg gas, yeah. Pregnant bullies. Pregnant bullies. Trying to punch their own stomach.

Yeah. And I feel bad for their kids. And nerds is the boss. Nerds is the boss now. We should pitch that. Nerds is the boss. Is that an area that maybe Hollywood could get excited about? I think like nerds taking over.

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah, I think so. And bullying, like getting rid of bullies. And nerdy, being a nerd and nerding out is really just being a fan, isn't it? Just liking something a lot. Yes. That's it.

It's okay to like something again. Right? Can you speak on that? Yeah. It's fine world to like something again. Right? Can you speak on that? Yeah. It's fine world to like something again. Okay? Even if maybe in middle school people were like, that's not fucking cool.

Who cares? Be yourself. Like something again. Like what was that for you? I feel a lot of stuff. I gave up a lot of stuff in middle school trying to be cool. You know? Pizza? Yeah, pizza.

Yeah, I stopped eating pizza. I stopped eating pizza. Because people would say, it's like a Ninja Turtle thing. Because people were like, that's not cool. Yeah, it's the Ninja Turtles, you loser. Yeah, Ninja Turtles, and that's a comic, and that's a cartoon, and that's not for grownups. Yeah.

It actually is cool. And when people would were like no one's allowed to eat pizza anymore and then people would have those pot roast parties oh yeah yeah like kids are always having pot roast parties yeah and i was pretending to like that very this would get scary for me quickly it was just beyond what I was equipped for at that age. I developed sort of late. They got pretty wild. Yes,

they would get very wild. That's like where like, I touched my first dick. Was at a pot roast party. That would be, and Brett looks very surprised by that.

Did that make you sort of uncomfortable? Did you get your dick touched at a pot roast party? Are you guys at the same party? Yeah, because you don't know. Some at middle party? Are you guys at the same party? Yeah.

Because you don't know. Some at middle school. Because you don't know. You don't know whose dick it is. Middle school is when I got my dick touched first. Oh, wow. And it's nothing like it was not a good touch. It was just kind of more of a like, oh, my.

Like, oh. Like, whoa. Does that sound like what it was? Was that it? Yeah, that's exactly what happened. Oh, like, whoa. Does that sound like what it was? Was that it? Yeah, that's exactly what happened. Oh, my gosh. Here's my hand. Does it look familiar?

Well, I can look at it, but I just remember the feel of it. Yeah, there is a way to do it. I mean, yeah, I could just touch a dick right now. Okay, well, let's do this we're pretty much out of time so while you guys like kind of get this ready

we'll do the stuff we have to do like rate us on iTunes okay rate us on iTunes and you deal with figure out your thing okay great

and please like us on Facebook that makes us feel nice talk to us on the forums zip to double back to the iTunes thing what rating do you want us to give?

I think it would be nice to, if you like the show, just get to give us a five. If you like the show. And obviously you do because you're listening to it. And if you don't, keep it to yourself. And the guy who got the pro version this week is Marshall Mello. I think a nice prize for him for the pro version would be you to sort of describe what you're feeling. Okay. What's his name?

Martian Mello? Marshall Mello. Marshall Mello. Marshall Mello. Right now I'm feeling the shaft of a dick. And is it normal? Yeah, it's normal. Congratulations.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That went very well for you, Brett. Congratulations. That wasn't what I was expecting at all. Really brought me back. That's what you said at the time. Okay, bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.