Hollywood Handbook - Bonus: Carl Calls His Cousin: Food Hot Takes

Episode Date: March 12, 2021

In celebration of Tri Month, please enjoy this un-paywalled episode of Carl Calls His Cousin. You can watch the video recording for free HERE. In this episode, Carl and Ahsohn share their food hot takes and a special commercial.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. the show twice a week, Carl Calls His Cousin. And it's one of my favorite shows. He talks to Ahsan Williams, who is a music producer in LA. And in addition to talking about music and comedy and sports and food and life, Carl and Ahsan also just met a few years ago for the first time, so they're still getting to know each other. This is one of my favorite episodes they did. It is exclusively their food hot takes, and the ending is amazing. I'm spoiling it a little, I'm sorry. But I also, I just unpaywalled the video for this. So if you would like to watch the video, the link for that is in the description. And if you would like to listen to more of Sean and Hayes and Carl and Hasan, check out their Patreon. It's at patreon.com

slash theflakerones. There are episodes five days a week, and there's videos four days a week of all of their recordings. You can check it all out there at patreon.com slash theflagrantones. Now, please enjoy Carl Calls His Cousin. You know what I think is The most overrated food item What's that? Garlic Why do you think that? Because

Explain yourself I don't think there's any dish on earth Obviously unless it's like a Like garlic fries or something like that Where like You could remove the garlic And replace it with something else. And it, and I don't think you'd be missing it.

I think garlic does more damage to food potentially than it does. Good. I do not disagree with that. Oh, this will be the food hot. No, no. What did I say? You said you do not disagree with that oh this will be the hot the food hot no no what did i say you said you do not disagree with that oh no i do disagree with that that's what i'm making okay this will be the hot the food hot takes episode all right i'm with that i have a lot of those but go ahead uh let's go down them let's let's list them and i'll let you know what i feel about i'll tell you this some roasted garlic uh the other night uh um lamar made a garlic aioli oh shit was

hinting like marvin haggler so here's my thing garlic aioli is usually pretty good on a some kind of burger or chicken sandwich right but you could replace that with regular mayonnaise and be just as fine. But if you put too much garlic, if the garlic ratio on your aioli is off or there's too much garlic in a meal, it can ruin it. If it's fresh garlic, I don't... Okay, so the other day

I made a little garlic butter to put on and it's from AB. Oh i trust you and i made some garlic butter to put on uh some lobster tail and how i did it was i took like three tablespoons of butter like a you know a little block a nice little cube of butter. And I threw a tablespoon of minced garlic in there and a tablespoon of parsley and threw that hole in the microwave and little microwavable safe bowl and mixed it up and threw it on that lobster tail.

And then I baked the lobster tail for 12 minutes on 400. The lobster tail was perfectly cooked. The garlic butter was hitting. Now there, there are times where i don't want garlic like if the only option on the menu is garlic fries i'll pass yeah i'm not a huge fan of garlic fries honestly i'd rather have some regular fries and usually people do something like garlic parmesan yeah i don't want that yeah that's not saying it's nasty because i've had it when they hot and crispy yeah they hit but when they get soggy it's don't miss me with that bullshit yeah garlic is ah now i do like truffle stuff like now i love completely

do not do not mess with it do not i don't do it and i'm not. Do not. You don't mess with it? Do not. I don't do it. And I'm not yucking nobody's yum. But that right there, truffle. Yeah. Man, people, you go to a restaurant, they be like, we have a truffle mac and cheese. I'm like, can you take the truffle out?

And they see me and they go no sir we can't that's not how we prepare food at this place that's what that's what it is like this is a fancy restaurant we don't make crafts yeah you're making money now you need to step up your palate like lady how you know how much money i make i see your little truck yeah i know you she's like i know you yeah i was like oh you listen to podcast uh no what no i just i read credits i have imdb pro yeah why but uh yeah no truffle mac and cheese truffle fries like that that sometimes you'll go to like a fancy like cocktail bar and they'll have like finger foods yeah and they'll be like you'll be

on some truffle fries it's like can you just bring me some regular can you just raise them just don't i know i know y'all can make those without the truffle um we fry them in a truffle grease so truffle grease that's too expensive this is i don't know if you read the sign this is a fancy bar i clearly did not read the sign um speaking of fries here's my number two hot take fries do not require ketchup okay fair enough i'll give you that one i don't i don't i do not fully disagree with that one okay depending on the fry some fries require ketchup like well like what fries requires that are fries that are too potatoey require ketchup like dude by potatoey you mean thick? Thick. But not like...

Okay, so McDonald's fries right out of the fryer? You don't need no ketchup? No, you don't need nothing on those. Those are perfect. Ketchup just enhances it. It enhances the flavor. That's all it is. You don't need them.

But I'll say the ketchup at... The fries at Roscoe's just cut... They just cut potatoes. I don't think I've ever had their fries before Roscoe's. Just cut. They just cut potatoes. I don't think I've ever had their fries before. Of course not. Of course not. Because you know what I mean? You haven't lived a life like I lived.

Who orders fries at Roscoe's? People who want fries. Some meals come with fries. You know if you get the Obama special, it comes with fries or a waffle i didn't get to choose uh so it could be three wings and fries or three wings and a waffle i've been there i've gotten everything at roscoe's nothing on the menu i haven't gotten at roscoe yeah i do like fried chicken and fries as a side like that is good i just never when i'm at roscoe's

my mouth is usually tuned up for syrup yeah Yeah. You are. I want that syrup. I won't. I won't. A waffle when I go most of the time. But sometime I don't. Yeah. Hmm. Next.

Next. Next. I'll take. Oh, but when fries get cold, they need ketchup. I don't eat cold fries. I'll throw. I'll throw fries away. They're not freezing.

But like if you if you let's say you stop at McDonald'sdonald's and you wait till you get home you wait till you get home but you had to stop at right a to get some tylenol you had to stop at the gas station because i mean i'm gonna run out and i gotta be up at six o'clock in the morning i know i'm not gonna want to stop in the morning because i'm gonna try to get all my sleep yeah so let me get gas now damn i got this mcdonald's and but at that time by the time you get home if you're frightened got a little bit cold yeah like so i like to get a big mac meal and by the way they have not brought that orange lava burst back yet that high i know i i can't wait yeah i'm gonna mark it on my calendar but um i like to open up the uh big mac box and i like to pour the fries into the top of the box so the only time i i really enjoy ketchup on a fry is if

um one the ketchup cannot be cold i hate that when the ketchup is like fresh out the fridge and you put it on fry i hate hate that. I like room temperature ketchup. Like ketchup packet temperature. You know what I'm saying? Fair enough. I don't. So there's that. But the scenario where I really enjoy ketchup on a fry is like steak fries or like fries from a steakhouse.

Okay. Like, I don't know if you've ever. Have you had Ruth's Chris fries before? No. So we just. I've been to Ruth's Chris. Oh, it's good. Ruth's Chris is really good. We just had it for valentine's day we we because they they don't do deliver but you can go carry out so we did that

their fries are amazing they're really good but their fries are really good with ketchup because they're like a thick fry like a really thick like so you agree with me yeah i would agree with you that if it's a really really thick fry that's the only fry that i enjoy ketchup on for sure do you like ketchup on hash browns not really no also i'm not a huge hash brown fan if i could choose like i prefer a good country potato over hash browns do you not like ketchup on country potato not really they don't really need it now see it ketchup on a nice mixture of country potatoes with some cut up onions and peppers ketchup or hot sauce on that boy you don't know what you missed i just feel like it adds another layer of flavor to the the breakfast that i don't really

want and you don't have to put a lot you don't have to put a lot. You don't have to put a lot. You got to drown it. You ain't got to drown it. You ain't got to drown it. Because you are right that it... But you... A little bit. Just a little squab squab. Now, what about ketchup on eggs?

Do you be doing that? Do not do that. Yeah, that's... Here's what I do. Here's what I do. I do syrup on eggs. Oh, no, Carl. Well, see, it ain't...

I don't purposely put the syrup on the eggs. You just let it get on eggs. Oh, no, Carl. See, I don't purposely put the surf on the eggs. You just let it get on there. I let it get on there from the pancake, waffle, or biscuit that I'm eating on my plate. Pancake, waffle, and or biscuit. Yeah. All right, next hot take. Pickles, there's never a need for pickles on anything. pickles i there's never a need for pickles on anything the pickles on chick-fil-a chicken sandwich and on

popeye's chicken sandwich they they enhance the flavor i just i i guess maybe it's just me i don't like pickles like i don't like i really like relish i do like relish but okay so i'm i'm picky because listen you probably like sauerkraut just dumb ass i've never had sauerkraut oh i probably would not like that i don't like things with like very assaulting flavors like if the flavor is like oh i don't like that that's not my shit like people put like like julie loves uh like wild mustards and stuff like that. No, give me regular yellow mustard.

Yeah, maybe a little honey mustard if I'm having chicken tenders. But don't give me no gray poupon. Don't give me no brown mustard that got a bunch of horseradish in it. I don't want none of that. I'm going to keep it funky, though. McDonald's again. They hot mustard?

Hot mustard with the chicken nuggets? It hits. I'm a sweet and sour guy though i'm sweet and sour you could be all the guys but that's true that's like i i'm mostly i'm all the guys except what could mcdonald mcdonald's barbecue is very good yeah their barbecue is good and the sweet and sour is good the hot mustard is good the only one i don't really do on the chicken nuggets is the buffalo but i do like a i do like a double dip buffalo and ranch on the chicken selects you remember those yeah i believe those are like the worst thing on the menu for you that's what they said yeah it was either that or the uh the mcgrittle was also one of the the worst things for you.

Now, here's a hot take. I know you're going to disagree with. I am. Here's how I prepare my McGriddle. All right. So, I just pulled up to your checkout window. Okay. I mean, I just pulled up to the intercom.

Hi, welcome to McDonald's. How can I help you? Yeah. Let me get a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle combo. First, you got to ask if we still serving breakfast. Because you know we'd be trying to skate by at 11.15.

10.38. Right. It's 10.38. Y'all still got breakfast? Yes, you do. Okay, great. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Dope. Okay, so let me get a sausage, egg, you do. Okay, great. Oh, yeah, okay. Dope. Okay, so let me get a sausage, egg, and cheese regretto combo with an extra hash brown. Okay, extra hash brown. What's the drink? Orange juice instead of coffee. Okay. And then you give me my total, then I pull it back. Oh, that'll be the total.

Is that all? Is that all? Let me get two apple pies. Okay, two apple pies. All right, that brings the total to 14, 14.38. Damn! Let's pull up to the next one, though.

You know, as always, while we are surprised, it costs a lot of money. When you know you ordered a bunch of food and you surprised damn it's 13 what i get you ordered seven items sir you got breakfast and two apple pie and an extra hash brown and you know you're gonna upgrade your orange juice to a large yeah or sometimes let me just get it's 10 30 it's almost 11 let me get it right can i get uh can i get ketchup and let me get uh four jellies okay four jellies uh here you go. Anything else? That's it. Oh, okay. Let me get five jellies. Uh,

now, let's pause the uh, reenacting here. Uh-huh. Scene. Edit. He got one. Now, what did you notice about my order that you may be against? Uh, you got an extra hash brown Um

First of all I don't like the McGriddle I'm a McMuffin Guy you Are tweaking One one and it's not even because Of the bread because the bread is fine that little McGriddle cake is cool I don't like the fluffy

egg. You tweaking. I want that McMuffin, that fried, that weird circular fried egg. That shit hits. Because it'd be crunchy on the edges. It'd be crispy like when you really fry an egg. That shit hard. You tweaking play boy.

I'll treat y'all. So you got two hash browns i don't even i barely even eat my hash brown sometime honestly um now those don't need ketchup if they hot no those don't at all i if i do if i'm in the mood for a hash brown i'll eat that first because that should be hidden when it's hot yeah um yeah no yeah that's that's your pre pre-sandwich meal yeah before you get into it. I eat that before I get out the den when I'm checking my order. Do you think fast food workers get offended

when you check your order before you pull off? I don't. Yeah, I don't think they get offended. I think they get annoyed. Everything is in it. Can I get a straw? It's in the bag. Nah, because last time,

shit wasn't in the bag. I do be checking every time. And especially right now during COVID where they be handing you a closed bag. And I'd be like, can I get a straw? It's in the bag. If this is bad, if I,

if I remove this little sticker and open my bag and I'm coming, I'm shooting this place up. Yeah. Why so many jellies? Exactly. I knew it would catch you. I'm shooting this place up. Yeah. Why so many jellies? Exactly. I knew it would catch you. I knew it would catch you. That's how many I need to fulfill myself. For what?

And they all go on the sandwich? Yeah. Not at the same time. So you want the McGriddle to be something else? I want it to be what it is. A delicious treat. What you want is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. No, ain't no peanut butter on it. So you want a jelly sandwich? You don't, but you don't eat, when you get a biscuit, when you get a sausage, egg, and

cheese biscuit, you don't put jelly on it? I'd get a sausage, an egg, and cheese McMuffin, and that doesn't need jelly. Now, the breakfast that does require jelly, that is not true now the breakfast that does require jelly or not require but the breakfast that is fire that needs jelly is burger king breakfast uh burger king breakfast hits with jelly all breakfast is hit with jelly no all of them mcgrittles i mean excuse me mcmuffins is fine on their own because they're more safe first of all they dry as fuck. Oh, no. McGriddle is the thing that needs the jelly the most.

Or you gotta, because I don't like to mix the orange juice. I drink the orange juice after I'm done eating. To wash it down? Yeah. I don't like to take a bite of my food and then put orange juice in my mouth. That's nasty. I didn't ask for McGriddle with my own.

But you cannot eat a McMuffin without some sort of lubricant I feel like that's some black shit to not drink while you're eating all my uncles at a cookout or something like that they'll clean their whole plate and then once they're done eating they crack

open their shasta orange they'll not need something to drink. Wash it down. Yeah. You got to wash the food down because it's just sitting right there. Yeah. Like, it's not in your throat.

But it's not quite in your stomach. It's in your chest. It's in your chest. So you got to wash it down. Because the food we eat, it don't agree with our bodies. So we got to force it. Because the food we eat, it don't agree with our bodies. That damn egg McMuffin don't agree. I never get a McMuffin when I'm at McDonald's. Never, not once.

I do not like it. Look at how we eat. First of all, it's not just us that eats like this. Don't do us like this. No, but it's like, man. Like, why do we eat stuff that our body doesn't like oh man burps boy we we stay we stay chugging down a glass of milk no we can't handle it nah uh some of that moo juice i drink milk when i make pancakes oh yeah 100 i will never order that at

a restaurant though that's weird when i when i get pancakes i get milk at ihop you do yeah uh the milk at ihop is like so here's why i don't do it and this is like probably the most weird shit the milk at restaurants is never cold enough for me you buy it i'm not doing it my grandpa puts ice in his milk and my brother does that it's so weird and i'm not gonna lie that's a weird thing yeah but you could do i have done it yeah i know i have done it i've done it at continental breakfast my brother puts ice in his cereal that's's wild. Like, you're wild. Like, ice in his Frosted Flakes? Yeah. Yeah, that's bad.

He'll eat around the ice, and then he has a bowl of ice when he's done. That shit is wild. It is wild. I don't know why. Let's see. Any other? Oh, tomatoes. You can get them all the way out of here.

As a condiment. Like, the burgers don't need a tomato. You know what I'm saying? tomatoes you can get them all the way out of here um as a as a as a condiment like as a uh like the burgers don't need a tomato you know but some like pizza is tight like yeah make me pizza sauce make me ketchup all of that speaking of which you see pizza i got the detroit style now oh let's see what that's talking about yeah uh is Pizza Hut your favorite fast food pizza? Nope. And here's a hot take for your ass. Because a lot of people seem to disagree with me. If you say Little Caesars,

I'm hanging up. Hell no. You got to eat Little Caesars in the parking lot. Because that's it. If you try to take Little Caesars home and you ain't got a hot bag, it reverts itself back into just another box. You open it up and it's just two boxes stacked on top of each other.

It's disgusting. That shit is a transformer. If you get your hot and ready and you, if you at Kmart and you get your hot and ready and you... After you done bugging your mom to get you a toy. Yeah. That came on. Ma, give me this football.

Ma, I need this football. No, you need to go home and do your homework. Yeah. I need this football, Ma. I need this can of tennis balls. Like, that was I used to love shit like that.

Yeah. What you gonna My mom be like, what you gonna do with a can of tennis balls? Play with them. Yeah, play with them. Like, what you mean? What did you used to do with a can of tennis balls? Play with them. Yeah, play with them. What did you used to do when you was a kid?

Throw them at the wall? You ain't going to throw them at my damn wall. Break the shit. You can't pay nothing to get broke. Yeah. But the tennis balls would be like $4 for a three-pack or $5 for a three-pack. This will keep me busy for a long time. I won't be in your way.

Let me get these damn tennis balls. Throw them in the couch. Try to throw them in between the couch cushions to practice my... Your fastball? Yeah. But we stop at Little Caesars on the way out and you get your hot and ready and you got to eat it right then and there.

Because it does not hold up. Oh, it is. No, no. My favorite fast food pizza is Papa John. Papa John's is nasty, bro. It is not. It's not nasty. That's it.

Don't yuck. I didn't yuck your yum. Don't yuck. That's true. That's true. I want your kill. I'm sorry. But even the the Papa John was was like our piece ain't good papa john didn't say that papa john didn't say that until he got until shaq became the spokesperson and that's because

he's a racist um but isn't you don't think there's something sketchy about a restaurant that has to advertise now we now our pizza tastes better that was domino's domino's did that oh domino's that wasn't papa john's no that was domino's. Domino's did that. Oh, Domino's. That wasn't Papa John's? No, that was Domino's. No, Papa John's is better ingredients, better pizza. Yes. Better ingredients, better pizza. Meaning like we got.

They've been saying that from Jump. Yeah, they've been saying that from Jump. That's been a slogan. Domino's was the one that was like, we just have to be honest with ourselves. We messed up. And they were showing like opening the pizza box and the cheese was stuck to the top of the box and like we weren't taking care we had to change the recipe of our pizza that was dominoes which i never fucked with yeah but i'll tell you when i was when i was 14 when i

was 14 and my homeboys russell and jovan would come to the house and because so my mom like like our house was always you know i, I have a young mom. She liked to go out. And so, like, she'd be like, call Russell and your mom. Tell them to come over. Y'all can order some pizzas. Them little thin crust that you would get from Domino's back in the day. I liked their pizza before they changed the recipe.

I haven't eaten Domino's probably since high school. Yeah, no. The only time I ever ate Domino's pizza is if it was like like some team i was on provided domino's pizza at the team dinner or something yeah domino's ben whack domino's was the pizza at our high school so we ate it oh okay and we were loaded with ranch you had to like yeah there was these big these big containers that you would squeeze ranch like because they had these big salads big containers that you would squeeze ranch like because they had these big salads too at our high school that you could get for lunch and so you

just like everybody just walking around with a with them little lausd plates of a piece of pizza or two pieces of pizza and just covered in ranch that should be good did you used to have the pizza breads like the french bread pizza yeah but by the time we got to high school we didn't eat those nothing was good not like that's true it wasn't good but it was you know you had to find your favorites what used to hit in la usd was the coffee cakes in the morning was yes the donuts the donuts would hit the cookies the chocolate chip cookies that they would make. Those used to hit. Yes. Yeah.

It's funny. My high school, the nutrition center where they would pre-make a lot of the stuff that they had to send out to the other schools was right next to our school. So every morning, our school smelled like coffee cake and cookies because they were baking it all next door. It was fire. Y'all didn't have lunch tickets, huh? No, we had a number. A lunch number? Yeah, a lunch number.

We had tickets. You used to sell your ticket for a dollar. That way you had some money to stop at 7-Eleven at school, get your hot Cheetos and your Pepsi Blue. Pepsi Blue? That's nasty. Pepsi Blue was good. It was bad. Terrible for you, but it was good.

It tasted great. It was terrible for you. What's another hot? You are full of food. Oh, tomatoes on a burger you don't need at all. Well, yeah, you just said that one. And I was saying, a Carl's Jr. famous star

is good with a tomato it's good with lettuce and tomato but they don't need it though i mean i guess i guess not i guess you could do without it another hot take um hot dog like a good hot dog don't need nothing on it all right now you you tweaking you wiling you smoking like hear me out a good like so a street dog like if you go to la live and how you come out you know after the laker game and you see the little cart yeah everything put everything on that give me run run me them peppers run me that that mayonnaise that ketchup, all of that. But when you're in the stadium and you get a good ballpark hot dog or whatever, if you're at Dodger Stadium, you get a good ballpark hot dog.

Honestly, I prefer to eat those like bears, just the bun and that hot dog, because I like the taste of that hot dog and that bread combination. I don't want a bunch of mustard cloud net up, because that's not the style of that hot dog and that bread combination. I don't want a bunch of mustard cloud in that up. That's not the style of hot dog. I told you. I don't have anything to drink while I'm watching it. While I'm eating it. That's why you got your soda. No, you got your ketchup that you put on there

because that washed it down. You be drowning it. No, I don't drown it. I just do like ballpark franks and try to do a little squiggly line. Now, what you eating your grits uh butter salt and pepper and cheese you say you don't you don't do the sweet grits i don't do sweet grits i do sweet cream you should you should let me make you some sweet grits and i will not i've had i've had sweet grits man from mississippi i is not i'm not i'm not a sweet grit person and that explains because you are a sugar grit person that explains every terrible food take you've talked about well

listen i'm not i'm so it's more complicated than that carl there's layers i'm not a sweet grits person i'm an umami grits person and let me explain um you say i I'm going to jump through this Nah if I ever said the words Truffle grits I would beat my own ass No The way I like my grits is Sugar not so much that they Taste like dessert but just enough To activate like the sweetness you know what I'm saying

That and cheese Specifically American cheese Sugar and cheese Kevin stop American cheese. Sugar and cheese? Kevin, stop the recording. Are you for real? I'm telling you. I am telling you. It is phenomenal.

Absolutely. That is my ancestors are rolling over in their graves. Sugar and cheese. First of all, what cheese are you putting on your grits american cheese sugar and american cheese now i'm not i'm not poopooing the american cheese because ain't nothing like a nice piece of unevenly cut government cheese and american cheese is the best cheese ever like it's versatile it makes everything taste better it's american cheese is amazing but it's a reason why they don't put they don't put gouda in lunchables sugar yeah you know what i'm trying to get you know what i what cheese i think

is too much love what swiss oh swiss don't really taste like nothing that's why i don't like because it it has a very faint taste of something and now i do like provolone though provolone hits on a roast beef yeah you know my love for jersey mike or on a meat on a meatball well you know yeah like yes and pepper is good every time you know and I never really bought Pepper Jack until I went to Wine Country up in Sonoma. And Sonoma's like the Pepper Jack capital. Capital of the world. And you go into the wine stores, and you just be taking samples of Pepper Jack all over the place. And you're like, that is cheese is good.

Why ain't nobody tell me how good this cheese is? Let's see if I got any other hot takes. You wildin'. You wildin'. I'll forgive every other take that you've had But you are wildin' With American cheese and sugar I'm going to knock it I am knocking the boots

I am I refuse Somebody's knocking at the door Somebody's ringing the bell I am Knock knock knock knock Knocking on heaven's door I'm knocking on wood

I'm knocking Mama said knock you out I'm knocking it I'd rather have pie than cake But also cake is very good That's not a crazy Okay The best kind of cake is very good that's not a crazy that's not okay um the best kind of cake is funfetti that's not crazy is that not i think there's a lot of people who would say

chocolate cake is the best well you know i don't like chocolate so i'm not gonna say that yeah funfetti cake it's better than anything in the world yeah you know the only time i eat i like chocolate cake old school style yellow cake with chocolate icing and some vanilla ice cream. That's good. I do like yellow cake with chocolate ice cream. I just don't want no chocolatey ass cake. No, don't give me no rich. Like a white lady in bed

on a Friday night. Yeah. Who's curled up with a good book. Who's eating chocolate cake with white wine for some reason. Yeah, because she's being bad. It's been a with a good book. Who's eating chocolate cake with white wine for some reason. Yeah, because she's being bad. I'm being bad too. It's been a rough week at work.

I'm going to take a bubble bath and get out and have me a nice big wedge of chocolate cake. While she watches Gilmore Girls. Yeah. Contemplates texting her dick appointment. But it's not like a dick appointment. Like a you up. It's like.'s not like uh it's not like a like a dick appointment like like a like you up it's like yeah no it's like she she texts she texts uh his name is uh wallace she texts wallace hey mister or it's or it's like some really like it's some shit like so i saw your sister got engaged yeah yeah i like some shit like that

hope you're doing well yeah can i stop by whose shoes are your bed under or whose bed are your shoes yeah shit like that well i'm in the area if i yeah actually uh i'm just leaving a business dinner at the Morton's downtown the restaurant gave me a bottle of wine I'd love to share it with you I had a meeting with one of the shareholders he gave me a bottle of wine he gave me a bottle of wine for

closing the Nicholson account I'd love to share it with you if you are available look at our business knowledge. I don't know if we should. It's been so long. You texted him, huh? You think that little redhead

that I see you with on Instagram would be okay with that? Unfortunately, we're not together. Yeah. And then once you hit her with that, it's the J.J. Jackson. Yeah. Cue it up.

Down. Well. No, because she has to go in the bathroom and shave her legs. But like a completely uncomfortable way, like sticking out of the tub. And this whole 10-minute scenario is a commercial for a secret.

I'm your Venus. I'm your fire. Your desire. Who shaves their legs hanging out the tub like that? You got to do a crunch to shave your legs. Leg completely in the air like this.

I can't even do it yeah you gotta get your core strength up i'm your venus and then he pulls up in the cab keep the change he says it's a cab it rings her it rings her her New York style doorbell. She's rushing, and then it turns into a Herbal Essence commercial, where she's like, watch the hair. And it's like all fluffy at this point. Like, how long have y'all had?

And then she's in the mirror doing her lipstick, like, with their hair, that weird, like, white people hair tower. Yeah, in a towel. She's like this. it's a rev long commercial yeah yeah and then she hears that she hears the and she goes over and buzzes him in and then as soon as he pulls up she's in like a full ball gown it's like you just got out the tub with the with the uh jessica rabbit swoop like this. You didn't blow dry your hair. May I

come in? Right. You've already been through the lobby, been in the elevator. May I come in? And he looks like 1996 Pierce Brosnan. From the Pelican Brief?

Yeah. He's got one of them long like white lawyer overcoats it's like a suit jacket up top but yeah because it's raining outside but he's not wet he has no umbrella either yeah he got a briefcase yeah he just got his briefcase in one arm above his it's like all this for a dick appointment it's classy ass dick appointment all of that and they still sleep in the bed at 9 30 yeah yeah i gotta be on the upper east side tomorrow morning i should probably get some shut eyes yeah what man and and the sheet the silk sheet is at his waist and she's holding it like right above her titty like who is she being modest for we shouldn't have done that he gets up in the morning and he you know he yawning she's up wearing his shirt hey mister

would you you want some breakfast and you know what she's eating for breakfast some of that bullshit that you be eating oh that's funny no she's eating death she's eating like she's eating like a slice of honeydew. Yeah. And he gets out of bed and he puts his suit pants on and he grabs an apple. Yeah. And he only takes one bite and goes, I got to run and puts it on the couch. And she's already made coffee.

So he just grabs the cup that's waiting for him. All right. So I'll call you soon. Yeah. What? You're just going to leave All right, so I'll call you soon. Yeah. What? You're just going to leave with her mug? I should have done that. We shouldn't have done this.

She calls her friend. Rachel, you'll never guess. She's like, make it quick. I'm at Saks. She's getting sized by the tailor. Hold on. I'm putting the other girls on three-way. And then it becomes a rip-off of Sex and the tailor. Hold on, I'm putting the other girls on three ways. And then it becomes a rip-off of Sex and the City.

Hang on. Catherine's always having her late night high-tune. I gotta go. Bye. Bye.