Hollywood Handbook - Bonus: The Flagrant Ones: Listening to The Mismatch (with Jake and Amir)

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Please enjoy this un-paywalled episode of The Flagrant Ones with guests Jake and Amir! You can also watch the video of this episode here. Check out all the shows and videos at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Jake Hurwitz and Amir Blumenfeld join the Ones to listen to an interesting clip from The Ringer's "The Mismatch" podcast and discuss the playoffs. Here's what we looked at:Watermelon steakAll the Smoke adsLeBron's tequila partyThe Mismatch opening bit (starts at 2:10)Bill de Blasio's message to Trae YoungMalik Beasley's apologyShaq speaking to Jokić Plus, a heartfelt song from Jake.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. we release episodes five days a week. The shows include the pro version, the flagrant ones, the ads version of Hollywood Handbook, and Carl Calls His Cousin, which comes out on Mondays and Fridays. Plus, if you join the higher tier, you have access to videos four to five days a week. Oh my gosh, there's so much content on there. I can't even believe it,

except I do because I work on it and it's a lot of content. It's so good so please be sure to check it out at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones and enjoy the show hollywood handbook recording in progress whoa well i know andy is yeah locally andy told me that's his girlfriend jesus he was, have you guys met my girlfriend? He's dating Siri. She's here with a little message for you.

Siri is his side piece. He kept being like, do you mind if my girlfriend sits in on the recording tonight? And I was like, well, is she going to be on the camera? Because we released the video feeds and he said, no, she's just going to talk to us a little bit when we start recording. She just has one important thing to say. Yeah. I mean, let's just get right into it. Amir's here, and he brought his friend Jake.

Hey. My dumb cousin. Okay, easy does it. And I intern. Their dynamic is nuts. It's like right into it. Like, it's literally, we're less than a minute into the show. He goes by dumb cousin.

Way less than a minute. Way less than a minute. That was like second four. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to get bogged down in the amount of time. We're still less than a minute. But you're agreeing with me actually, which is like crazy that it's.

It's still not even been a minute, but yeah, it's less than a minute. Yeah. Let him talk, man. It's his podcast. Sure. I don't give a shit of all of our podcasts yeah we kind of all do stuff equally and i do a lot of really funny stuff on it too uh the i'm so excited to have a mirror because it's so nice to have another laker fan on the show uh lakers uh lakers going on the show. Lakers going on the way this year. And I want Amir here, because we had a setback

in game one. We lost to the Suns. That's a feel-out game, but that's a feel-out game. Exactly. We were feeling them out. Famous LeBron feel-out game. And yes, they have. How does it feel to lose, he wondered. I was watching the jump the day after the game,

and they had this little segment called Panic or Patience. And when they talk about the Lakers losing game one, very ugly fashion, they did not look good as a team. They say, should Laker fans, should the Lakers be panicking or being patient? And Kendrick Perkins says, I'll tell you, Should the Lakers be panicking or being patient? Patienting. And Kendrick Perkins says, I'll tell you, Laker fans should be sleeping in bed with the AC on 60 and a fan blowing right in their face because they should be patient.

You know, this game, game one don't mean nothing. LeBron lost game one last year. Every game one he lost, they should be patient. And then they get to the Clippers. Now let's talk about the Clippers. Still game one. Oh, they're panicking. They need to jump off the plane.

They need to jump off the plane. And it's like, okay, all right, well, I guess we need to jump off the plane. So, Amir, we want to know, are you panicking or are you patient? I'm patient. He's right. It was a fluke. Game one was a fluke. Sorry, I was just answering the question.

Do you think Montrezl Harrell is going to let this get to him? All right. I mean, I guess. I don't know. I was talking about that. Is Montrezl Harrell going to get in his head? I don't think so. Do you think Kyle Kuzma is going to react weirdly to this?

Cool Kuzma. And also, our main guy's legs are hurting, in case you forgot. And that's why they both put themselves on the injury list as day-to-day for today's game. Davis' leg? Davis and LeBron,

both are game-time decisions. Both of their legs actually really hurt. You mean both of their legs? They wait until it's game time and they see how they feel. Yeah. A. Disney and La Mickey. Nice. Nice.

Both our guys are basically being the most brave out there. And also, we won the offseason. Yeah. Okay. We got Marc Gasol. Yes, he did see the floor in game one. Right. Secret weapon. That's called resting.

That's called keeping him fresh for game two. Exactly. I'm hoping they play him as well. Talon Horton Tucker? That's the future right there. He's still 20 years old, that guy. That's the future.

THT, dynamite. THT, start him tonight. I mean, that's definitely got to happen. For me, if you recall last year, they lost game one in an early series. They lost game one in an early series, and then the team that had been blowing people off the floor with their big guys in their stout defense became a small ball juggernaut when they put Markeith Morris into the lineup.

And guess who didn't play game one? Markeith! So I think the answer's right in front of us i've seen this one before uh i think i remember this movie but i'll watch it again nice uh yeah totally i also think that the lakers should maybe consider small ball five whether it's ad or yeah like you said keith marcus all would be an upgrade probably too um but i appreciate the optimism for sure i'm a little nervous but yeah i'm not me man i know bring that energy around hayes man you think cantavious caldwell pope is gonna go one for seven from three again yeah i mean remember we're talking about cantavious caldwell pope

i'd like to remind you who we just and And remember, we're talking about Contavious Caldwell-Pope. I'd like to remind you who we just met. And just a reminder, we're talking about Contavious Caldwell-Pope. KCG, yeah. Career 34% three-point shooter. I mean, that's average, I would say, a little bit, maybe. Yeah, it is average. It's not one for seven. Yeah, I mean, I'm on your side.

I agree. I think he'll shoot better this game. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yup. Yes. Yup.

Move on. And if they do lose, it'll be because... And now LeBron's arm hurts as well. His arm's been killing him. And I'm sorry. When are we turning the keys over to Mr. Caruso? Okay? Okay? What do you mean okay?

Alex Caruso? This is David Caruso's cousin, everybody. There's a reason CSI Miami is the most watched show in television history. I'd like to see Alex Caruso put on the cool sunglasses and have the Who queue up. You guys want to hear my David Caruso impression? Yes, please. We were on a break. I'm so sorry, man.

That was Ross. I was actually noticing, because I'm such a huge Lakers fan, I was really paying attention to this, that LeBron actually, like, did you see, like, he was acting like it wasn't hurting him at all, but I could tell, like, when Chris Paul pulled on him in that game from how he was, like, lying down and, like, crying and, like, grabbing his arm really hard, that it actually did.

He was, like, trying not to show it, but the way he was, he was rolling around on the floor for like 10 minutes made me be like, that actually did hurt him. He was being so brave, and he was trying to act like he was just rolling around for fun because it can be fun to get dizzy and spin.

But actually, because I've watched him a lot, I could see that he was tired and that it killed and it was hurting. Where's Jared Dudley been? I mean, Dudley so rarely plays, even when he's healthy. He's like a 15th man. Where has he been? Can we use some veteran leadership out there?

Somebody who's been there before? LeBron's been there, man. He has more career playoff games than the Suns. It's such a young team. They could use a little better leadership. Let's get a general on the floor. I think he is 35. If not, then he's really close to it.

He's Dennis Schroeder, coach on the court. This guy sees all the angles, you know? Just, hey, Vogel, take a step back, man. Make, like, your namesake, the bird, and fly off for a minute. Let the players play. We were on a break. Hey, we were on a fast break.

That's what the Lakers say a lot of the time. Alex Caruso, David Caruso's cousin. Listen, fellas. Where you at? Where you at? Where you at right now? What do you think? Lakers taking a six or seven, Amir? Probably five, right?

Because we got a game tonight. Yeah, baby. Five. That's one. So one-one. Get the broom for the next four at least. I picked them in five. I picked them in five. You win at home because that's what sort of you're supposed to do

in the playoffs. You win at home. Unless you're a trash organization, you don't lose in the playoffs at home. So that's the real one. The gentleman's sweep. And then you go back to Phoenix. At that point, Chris Paul is probably hamstring something. His legs hurt.

Yeah, his legs hurt. And they've given up at this point. LeBron's broken their spirit. And, yeah, Lakers in five. Again, like you guys mentioned last year against Portland, against Houston. Lose the first game, win the next four. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Unless you're a trash organization, you don't lose at home is what he said. Exactly. Exactly. That's what he said. You got the fans there. You don't want to let them down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you guys think it's done?

The odds makers certainly agree that clippers are favored by seven in this game the lakers are favored by by two and i bet on them i took lakers minus two in this game i took that i took that yeah and i took and i took i took mavs plus seven okay all right yeah i mean i wasn't i didn't even bring up the clippers i just said any trash organization you said the clippers i didn't go bring up the Clippers. I just said any trash organization. You said the Clippers. I didn't go there. I was just talking about in general. Well, we lost at home, so I assume that's what you were referring to.

I was thinking the Knicks, honestly, but then the Clippers did, I forget, lose to the Mavericks at home. That's true, too. Yeah, I feel like you were talking directly to Carl when you said it. I don't really know. Didn't it feel like it, Jake? Didn't it feel like it, Jake? Didn't it feel like it? Honestly, I barely even know what happens in the playoffs, but it felt

like you targeted Carl. And Jake's generally impartial. He's not really a hoop head. He doesn't have a team per se. Are you closer to the mic, or is it mixed in a way that all I can hear is you yelling when you talk to the microphone? It's definitelyeningly loud.

You know what it may be, Amir, is just something about my voice and this connection that we have. Because I feel it too when you start talking. I go like, man, me and this guy are on the same wavelength, you know? I was separated at birth. Did you think I met the Clippers? When I said trash organization, did your mind go to the Clippers too? Wasn't listening. When you were talking about that, I was thinking about what I might say next.

So I didn't hear. If you said trash organization, I take you at your word. If you meant the Knicks, even though you could have been looking right at Carl and Carl's wearing the Clippers hat and they did lose at home. No. If Amir says he meant the Knicks, then that's what Amir meant. Appreciate it. Thank you.

Thank you. He also knows that I'm the biggest Knicks fan on this podcast right now. Yeah. So I'm a part of the Randall Dandle. That's good. That's the best Dandle. Yeah. Rose Bros.

I'm a Rose Bros. I'm a a randall dandle yeah keep going you can squeeze a lot more i got i got the knox pox i love that actually good i'm a natilla kina uh ballerina ballerina i'm a mitch bitch mitchell robinson mitchell robinson owns my ass i was gonna say hi jew for iq that's emmanuel quickly what else is there so jake another rhyme could be like for rj barrett or something like that yeah you can get in there with one of those yeah i'll share it for barrett that's like you're a nix gif that's nice um yeah the barrett guy pretty good pretty good jake what's your uh your relationship to all this you watch basketball

you know nothing about it like i used to watch a lot of basketball when amir and i lived together so i cared a lot about basketball for a few years and now i have like residual giving a shit about basketball okay but i basically only like i think i only like lebron so that's pretty much it so i like the lakers right now okay but you're turning the tv like you're his roommate and you're like turning the tv on for him to be like you want to watch this for a while like kind of like turning the tv on for me what's that supposed to be just cuz you're like he wants to distract you they're like hey maybe want to watch some TV just to like get you to like sit down and like just to like stop just like come on like I'm a hyper weird

like get off the pogo stick or whatever and yeah hey we're really no way we're gonna lose our security I'm very mellow. I'm really mellow. I don't know why. Yeah, whenever Amir was just bouncing off the walls, I was like, hey, come on, let's watch your show. Why don't you sit down? And he would just sit on the carpet. And that was really the only time he would sit still. He would sit cross-legged on the carpet.

I would never. I was blinking at the TV for hours. With a cowboy hat and a little plastic pop gun and a vest. I would bring him nuts. I sat on a couch like a normal person. I sat on the couch, crisscross applesauce on the fucking carpet with a cowboy hat on. No way. Yeah.

Remember you had the little cap gun? You had a little cap gun. You were playing outside. It was fucking bothering all the neighbors. They said, come inside. Not Dennis the Menace. They said, it's getting dark. Come inside.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't we set you up in front of here? You were taking off the neighbor with your pop gun and your slingshot. I made you a bowl of hot fruit loops like you like. I threw the fruit loops in the microwave just the way you like them. 2017. I definitely did not eat microwaved.

I got your hot loops. That one has nothing to do with anything, though. Now you're just making shit up. I'm talking about the snacks you like. Yeah, because he wouldn't eat the cereal unless it was hot. I don't even like oatmeal. I really don't. He wants everything as soup.

He wants everything to be a soup, including the cereal. Fruit soup. Fruit soup. I mean, I do like a hot fruit salad, but I don't eat fruit soup. That's not anything that I would have. I like a warm watermelon gazpacho. Is that a fruit soup? Yes.

So that's one, but you're making it like it's my whole personality. Have y'all seen people cook watermelons as if they were prime rib? No. That's insane. A watermelon on a barbecue? Pull that video up, Andy. Andy, it's time for our first video on the basketball podcast. It will be a watermelon cooked as if it's a prime rib.

Let's see. I see one watermelon. For 12 hours. I'll sue you a pair, but that's it. Vegan prime rib is what it's called. I see. It's like getting a carrot dog from By Chloe. Instead of a hot dog, it's a sauteed carrot, and that's like their vegan version of a hot dog.

I was on NBA TV today. I saw that. Hey, nice, Carl. I didn't see you, but I saw that payment tweeted about it. How'd that go yeah it was fun it was fun i got to ask kevin mckayle a question would you ask him why he went to that festival yeah i was like hey man why was you out there trumping huh and where do i sign up and then uh asked him i was like like, Kevin, be real, man.

Y'all wouldn't be able to play in today's game, right? He didn't like that. Oh, no, it's way too hard. The guys are way better. I get blocked by Clint Capella a lot. Like, I wouldn't even stand a chance. I say, you right now, Kevin, as a 60-year-old man, you wouldn't be able to play today, right? Thank you.

I rest my case. That's good. He was like, I could barely jump. I would do a pump fake, and people were so confused by it. They'd never seen that before. Yeah. And I would pivot around on my foot, and people would be like, oh, my God, look at his arsenal of moves. I was going to ask a question about the computer that wore tennis shoes.

The 1995 Kirk Cameron outlet. But I was like, nah, this is going to alienate. Jason Terry's not going to remember this movie. Roe Parrish is not going to remember this movie. So I didn't ask. How was Roe Parrish?

He was cool. Nice guy. I don't know. Why does he have that job? Was he like a writer? That's an interesting question. I don't know the answer to that. It feels like he just kind of showed up pretty recently.

We're seeing more and more of Roe Parrish. Did we get this video andy what happened yeah i have well okay so i have one where it's not a prime rib it is a watermelon ham that looks great actually but it's not a ham okay this is like when everything is cake but maybe even better because watermelon is good. It looks great Yeah, um so I don't know play the video play I mean I could if you but it's actually yeah What's up guys that's food beasts and you're watching What believe this footage we have for you today

It's coming from ducks eatery and what they've done is smoke this watermelon for eight hours, they brine it in a mixture of salt, ash, and spices for four days, then they smoke it for another eight hours, and then they put it in a pan and roast it in its own juice and rosemary, and then it's sliced table-side

and it looks like a rare fucking melon. This thing has split the internet in two. People claiming vegans will do just about anything to get... I mean, I bet that tastes like your hot loops that you like to eat. I have to... Honestly, let's nip that little fucking bit in the bud right now. I did not eat hot cereal.

End of story. Full stop. That watermelon looked pretty good, though. I like that hot fruit. You like the hot fruit, and you think it might be even a little bit better if there were some milk, right? I like chunks of that hot watermelon in a milky sort of brine or broth situation. Yeah, some kind of nice milk broth. Yeah, like a coconut curry situation.

Like, who among us doesn't like Indian food or hot fruit soup? But, like, to say that that's all I did when I was living with Jake four years ago is a... I think that's all you did. Sometimes you would run around with your slingshot and your cap gun, your potato gun. You got all those silly... Terrorize the neighbors.

You would wreak havoc on the neighborhood. I had... Yeah, I got all my toys from an ice cream truck. Didn't you get... Didn't you get the whole neighborhood, like, all the kids lived in the neighborhood, to go to a haunted house with you? When? When? 2017.

Yeah, I think so. He's out. He's out. Jesus. He comes back. He's looking like a vampire or something. Are you guys recording the video or is it just the audio of it? The video, yeah.

So people are seeing an empty hole where Sean once was. It's the video. It's the video. I'm here. Just give me a second. He'll be back. What do you guys think he's doing? Dookie.

That quick? Oh, my God. He was fast. He's got good back. That's a virtual background. He's on a toilet. I can totally tell. This is like the movie fast. He's got good back. That's a virtual background. He's on a toilet. I can totally tell. This is like the movie Speed. He's looping the background.

He's definitely on a toilet. Hashtag toilet face. Hey guys, tweet at the Flavor One's account with your best toilet face. We all make one, and it's time to share yours. If you tweet hashtag toilet face at Flavor One, Andy Neese will respond with his own impression of your toilet face. Flavor at Once, Andy Neese will respond with his own impression of your toilet face.

Let's get trending. I went into our Patreon DMs the other day, which is just Andy three or four times a day people asking for their name to be Travolta-fied, and it's just Andy saying that they have to pay $25 a month. It's one time. For that service.

Because it's not really a thing. It was just like a bonus thing that we invented. What's the Travolta thing? What is that? The people who subscribe to the highest tier of our podcast, which at one time got you a t-shirt, now the special reward is I will Travoltify your name. God, it's a new me, just as an example, so I can know.

Or me as an example. You would have to pay $25 to get it. We may have some names on the list to Travoltify, and I could give you an example of those, but I'm not going to do yours for free. I'll send you $25. What's my John Travolta name? I'll Venmo you. Okay, hang on. I would get the money first. Yeah, I'm going to need the money up front.

We don't let the patrons pay afterward. I don't know why I'm doing that for you. I'll give you $10 now. I like a lot of them better than you. I'll give you $15 after. That's not a deal. The patrons don't get that deal. I'm not leaving it

to you to decide if it's bad or good. Of course, it's Magic Spoon ads. I read the copy as is. No, you don't. It's hard to get Amir to fake it. That's the thing. You're mostly Tassie Turn. I don't have to fake it.

When you say that it's best served hot i don't know why you say that i heard you asked if they could mail it to you hot it's like you know how sometimes they have like they have like cold bags if they could like somehow do the reverse of that like an insane request yeah like have y'all heard the all the smoke guys have y'all heard that all the smoke guys read the ads at the beginning of their shows? Yeah, I have. Do they not care because they're all millionaires and they're just talking underwear? It is rough.

They really want you to know they're reading it. Those should be producer read. Andy, will you pull up the latest All the Smoke and see? It's usually at the beginning. And Andy, just to get some stuff out of the way, like based on. It's usually at the beginning. Andy, just to get some stuff out of the way, based on what happened with the watermelon video, when you find it and pull it up, go ahead and play it for us.

Yeah. It's happening. But now we've got to deal with there's ads and there's all... The ads before the ads. We've got to get a Flavor One's premium account. An ad to hear ads. Okay.

There's another ad here, too, but I think we can fast forward. This is Steven Jackson. 2020 is crazy. Tell me one thing you took from 2020. We went too far, huh? Yeah. Let me see. They might not have one.

Go like those whole 50. Oh, no. Did they do the ad reads for the video? This is actually a pretty good ad. They're doing a really good job with this one. It sounds a lot like the Gecko usually does. Andy, go to that Shaq one. I think they do one earlier in the hour.

Imagine the ads that we're going to get hit with. On the Shaq one? Hopefully it's that commercial of him in that. Wow, 1.5 million. Here we go. Skip ads. Yeah, fast forward another streaming ad. Yeah.

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for more details. They did a pretty good job. They edit out them going at the end of each sentence, now you go. And now you go. And it's your turn to go. Also, they go, make sure you can really see your eyes reading. Andy.

They hire a cue card holder for those. Do you have any Grey King news? I do. Well, I also have the mismatch speaking. Oh, yeah. I do want to get into this. Am I losing a mirror off the video oh but he's gone he left he's there i just had to reheat his cereal but i can't see

everyone when it's like this yeah i see like steam lines coming out of something just below frame i'm making a soup it's not a cereal right what's in the soup what's in the soup it's chicken broth it's tomatoes it's like rice krispies or like it's like it's like italian meatball soup perfect uh i mean are you ever listened to the ringer nba podcast the mismatch sometimes yeah it's not in my regular rotation but i'll occasionally i'll occasionally listen to it, yeah. You ever steal one of their takes? Make it your own?

We've got to come up with a lot of takes all the time, you know? It feels fair enough. I watch the games and I have enough takes. Next question. Jesus Christ. Okay, can I hear one? Trey Young. I mean, I'm fucking being bombarded with this specific headline but i was

literally gonna say trey young is becoming the nba's next great villain and now it's like yeah so that's what this episode is called yeah it literally says that as the title verbatim feels like they're at it but i had it like i guess it's not in your texts that regular rotation before that before they even said it. Between me and fucking who gives a shit. You don't know him. I said literally Trae Young. I really think Trae Young

is becoming the NBA's great during our podcast. You were texting someone during our basketball podcast. You were texting someone else who none of us know about basketball with a take that you had not chosen to share with us that just so happened to be the take that we were going to see on the mismatch as their headline.

I believe you. You know that you're my guy. You said you take him at his word. You said that earlier in the episode. I do. die you said you take him at his word you said that earlier in the episode than that yeah i do but you understand why it's hard for me to defend you to people like andy who are going to be coming for your throat and i do appreciate you having my back like ride or die whether i get vaxxed or not you're not going to throw me under the fucking bus but you have to believe me i did text someone that headline it wasn't today and it wasn't during where are you on that uh decision i mean that's a personal

decision okay yeah i was noticing jake saying that the only player in the league that he likes is is lebron and we don't know if he's gotten vaxxed or not he hasn't he just it's not that big of a deal and he's let us know that and that's that and it then i agree that it's personal right i mean do you say it's personal and people saying that he flagrantly violated the league's covid protocols now everyone got tested at that tequila event yeah not even like realizing that he had to promote his tequila. It was like he had to go. Drake got a PCR test. Drake was there. Michael B. Jordan was there. All those people.

Who is that guy on the end? Is that Alan Baldwin? No, no, no. He used to have brown hair. He used to be in a lot of stuff. Oh, it's Michael B. Jordan. Yeah, yeah. No, I know him.

He was around the 90s. Who's hugging Drake? Tom Bosley? He used to say, we're on a break. No, that's David Schwimmer. That's not David Schwimmer. That's David Caruso. This is a 65-year-old fat white man.

Y'all know who that dude is. Imagine him with brown hair. I don't think it's Ross. I just can't. I feel like David Schwimmer is like Bob Ryan. He's like 50-something. He said that line in something else. He said that a long time ago, but that's him now.

I don't think it's him now. He said it wasn't that long ago. It was like 20 years, and he was like 26 when he said it. This guy is like 70. How is Gideon getting the hang with LeBron James? Mad about that. I'll tell you how. He got a negative test. He showed up and they

confirmed that with him so that he didn't have to wear a mask next to LeBron who may or may not have been vaxxed himself. He doesn't want to answer that question because it's personal. And it's not that big of a deal. Everyone's outside. Everyone is outside. They're all facing the same direction so they can't breathe on each other.

What's the next photo, Andy? It's a grilled watermelon. Looks very COVID safe. Drake turned to face him, but that's why LeBron opened his mouth to blow out. Like, hey, don't get those breathing near me. LeBron is yelling at someone to put their mask on. Hey, I see you. You're going to get me in trouble whether I've been vaxxed or not.

It has to go over the nose. Well, I guess if I was given the choice between a world where LeBron announced that he got vaxxed and was either wearing a mask or somehow otherwise like you know showing like covet safety protocols were being followed but he wasn't celebrating and promoting his tequila or living in this world where we get these photos i say uh i'm quite happy where i am thank you very much what is the tequila brand just so we can give it a quick shout out as well. This is the thing that's so ironic about doing this. Salsa.

The idea that Lobo 1707 even needs to be promoted at this point. That's right. Lobo 1707. Can you Travoltify it? Sure. What would that sound Travoltified? If they give you $25, they'll find out. It's actually not very expensive. All right.

I thought you'd get me a really quick one if it's easy to John Travolta-fy, which I think just means to say his name either like John Travolta... It's actually not easy. If it was easy, everyone would do it and no one would pay for it. But I'm able to do it.

And so people do have to pay for the service. Just tell me, is it like you saying the name like John Travolta? Is it like you morphing my name with John Travolta, like a mirror on, why don't you send them 20? Are there like goods and services that you provide for a fee that then I would be able to get an exchange?

Like if you don't want to pay the money, is there something that you provide to your Patreon subscribers that now now i could get for free is that something you want to do i mean yeah there's stuff that we there's videos that we put online that you can i guess have access to for five months i guess i'm less curious about watching your videos than you are about getting your name travoltified so it doesn't really feel like a fair trade i'm curious what it even means to travoltify set you up for that man yeah all right never mind i'll fucking yeah i'll i will pay you 25 do you do you personally respond when people are like hey i'm considering applying uh like signing up for this patreon can you just like describe for me the content of all the videos

that i'm gonna be seeing no i'm curious what that even looks like curious about is what happens in all the videos and then i could i'll be able to make my decision about whether i guess i guess i yeah i guess i wouldn't reply to that no but this even if they offered to pay you half the money up front and then half after if they gave me yeah if they like the videos yeah if they give you 12 and then they get to decide whether they like the video or not. Or is there possibly an impartial committee that could decide? I said forget it, man. Let's talk about something else.

You obviously either don't know how to John Travolta-fy my name or you don't want to give it up in a specific way. Whatever. John's not part of it. John's not part of it. No, John's not part of it. It's just Travolta-fying a name. I do know how to do it. I do it almost every week on the show.

People are pretty happy with the results, as you can tell from the Flagrant Ones DMs, which Andy has to respond to four times a day telling people that actually it's not free. And it's not even $10. No, it's $25. It's too much. It costs too much. What was that, Andy?

Okay. Chris Vernon, one of the hosts of The Mismatch, is a big Memphis Grizzlies fan. We love Chris Vernon on this show. He's like 23 years old. He sounds like a very old man. And so I was like, oh, I got to listen to this episode. I want to hear what his voice sounds like after he old man and so i was like oh i gotta listen to this episode i want to hear what his voice sounds like after he's been screaming all weekend because the grizzlies won

their play-in game against the warriors uh and they won game one against the jazz trash organization kevin o'connor his co-host was very publicly predicting that they were going to lose first that they were going to lose to the warriors and then that they were going to get swept by the jazz so i wanted to hear how chris vernon responded to kevin o'connor and and this is this is how i do all the different series uh but what i'm most excited about today, Kev, is I was unaware that the mismatch voicemails that were intended for you, no less. They didn't have my number. I couldn't get it. They didn't have your number, but they were able to get mine. And so they said, Kay, can you deliver these voicemails to Kevin O'Connor for me? i said you know what it just it turns out we're recording on tuesday

morning this will be perfect yeah and then i can and then i can just let you hear them and then you'll be able to say whatever you want to say i probably should have sent you off the air but we're gonna play i just want to make sure the premise is sufficiently set up there's gonna be a little more explanation just in case but just like is everyone clear on i think i think when i get the rest of it because you did pause it kind of while he was mid-sentence i think when i get the rest i'm gonna have a feel for what's going on you can go back 15 seconds if we need to hear it again too we could it seems like people have kevin o'connor's phone number am i getting that right no so. It seems like people have Kevin O'Connor's phone number. Am I getting that right?

No. So, actually, they didn't have Kevin O'Connor's phone number. They only had Chris O'Connor. Okay, I'm glad we stopped. So they sent him the voicemails. And as I'm thinking of this, I'm like, well, then, what's Kevin going to be able to say after? And according to Chris,

Kevin is going to be able to say whatever he wants to after these voicemails. Because they don't have his number. Or that's just separate. Them having his number is not part of it. It's kind of part of it. That's an explanation for why they didn't leave him the voicemails. These are voicemails for Kevin O'Connor.

So it kind of is part of it. But they left them on Chris Verdon's voicemail. Okay, and then Kevin has to say what they want after they... Yes, and he's... Because they were recording Tuesday morning.

Yeah, so that's perfect. Yes. Right. Okay. Go ahead, Andy. You didn't get... You got permission. This isn't like Shannon Sharp and Julio Jones, right?

No, no, no. This is okay. All right. Yeah, yeah. No, these guys knew what they were doing when they were sending these to me. The first one is from Steph Curry of the Golden State Warriors, who evidently is a big mismatch fan, was listening to the show on Friday and wanted to send you a voicemail.

Hey, Kev. It's me, Steph Curry, number one scorer in the league. My voice has been like this since I got my nuts kicked in on Friday. Anyway, I'm really sorry I let you down. I heard how good you were talking about us on Friday and you even made me forget that we started Kent Bazemore at 2-1.

I did everything I could, but Kev, that Dylan Brooks would not leave me alone. And he was saying mean stuff too. He was like, you ain't getting the ball, small fry. Because that was happening, my teammates had to shoot. And you saw that Draymond tried to break the backboard on the last shot of regulation. In overtime, Andrew,

he tried to break the backboard too. We got in the huddle and I said, Andrew, pass the ball. You're not a Timberwolf. And another thing, that John Morant sure is incredible. I know you said you'd rather have Lomelo, but I don't know, Kev. Anyways, I heard you say I was going to crush Chris Vernon's heart, and I sure didn't do that. Sorry. And I remember you also said that the Jazz would murder the Grizzlies and sweep them.

Man, I thought, my season's over, but at least I didn't say that. Oh, well, sorry, man. Keep your head up. I've got a tee time to get to. And thanks for the MVP vote. Wow. That's it. Wow. He does another voicemail after that.

I was curious if he would do another one because he covered so much with this one. Yeah. Steph really seemed to have a checklist of things he wanted to get through in the voicemail. It's funny, the voicemail that Steph Curry left for him is longer than

the video he made to be played at the television show pitch that i attended on which he was an executive producer but it is consistent in one aspect which is that he was going to go play golf right after yeah it's true i guess he was playing at the time he did yours he basically was in the process he was on the golf course yeah and he did sound like Tao Ali from South Park in the video clip too yeah

wow what I like is there's a laugh there's a spot where Kevin and I laugh at the exact same moment and I think we're both laughing at just the fact that it's still going but i think but i think chris verdon believes he's getting a laugh on the the sort of writing and performance of it i think kevin o'connor was actually enjoying it yeah i think so too uh and so was i by the end. I enjoyed it myself. I came around to unironically liking it.

I did like it, but what I'm saying is when he is done and then he goes, and you also said the Utah Jazz. I feel like that gets a laugh from me and it got a laugh from Kevin at the same time. But I think it's because it's like, I can't believe we're going to go into the next game. And I did enjoy it, and the whole Dylan Brooks run. Yeah, the delivery of, but I don't know, was... The classic Vernon. Very Talley-esque.

And it's Shades of Cousin Sal. You know, if anybody used to listen to Guess the Lines, Russell Wilson would often leave a voicemail for Bill Simmons for Cousin Sal to play. Or I guess it was, no, it was Bill Simmons leaving a voicemail for Cousin Sal when he was drunk about how much he liked Russell Simmons. But it was a similar sounding impression, and a lot of the same notes were hit.

Russell Simmons. But it was a similar sounding impression and a lot of the same notes were hit. Andy, do some Great King news for me, please. Okay. We have Mayor Bill de Blasio has some thoughts on

Trey Young. This is about basketball. I have an important official announcement. This is very serious. I have an important official announcement. This is very serious. I want to get this out. Message to Trey Young on behalf of the people of New York City and anyone who cares about actually playing basketball the right way, stop hunting for fouls, Trey.

I want to quote Steve Nash, one of the great players, great coach. He says, quote, unquote, that's not basketball. Trey, Trey, that hawk's not going to fly in New York City. Come on. Play the game the right way. See if you can win. I think the Knicks are going to teach you a lesson. This guy is so cool.

I'm just so sad I can't vote for him again. The Knicks are cool. I like the Knicks, but I'm a big de Bl's the swagger. I can't vote for him again. The Knicks are cool. I like the Knicks, but I'm a big de Blasio head more than anything. Well, that is New York. The Knicks come and go, but de Blasio is part of the DNA of that city, man. Eric Garcetti actually told the Lakers to have patience, but told the Clippers to panic. De Blasio, you got to know de Blasio when he would return a mirror every night. He told the Lakers to have patience, but told the Clippers to panic.

De Blasio, you got to know De Blasio when he would return Amir every night. When Amir was out with his little toys. Yeah, because the doorbell rang. Bill De Blasio was standing there, and he's got kind of one hand on. On a handle of a little red wagon. When we lived in the city. Amir's out cold. Amir's on this little train. Oh, hey, Bill.

Thanks for bringing him home. I'm so sorry about this. What? He's like a Mr. Wilson style foe for me? No, I've never met this man. It was cute because you were... He would come... Like, he's tall and he would bring you home. So am I. He was carrying

you, like, by your collar, your feet fully off the ground. I'm 5'11". And you were, like, kicking the air because he didn't want to come home. He wanted to stay out with you. He wanted to stay out with your toys. He's 6'5", and he has a long reach, so he would hold you up, and you would be wiggling your feet in the air because you wanted to be out.

But I told you, you needed to be home when the streetlights come on. When the streetlights come on. Unless you want to eat out, but I told you you needed to be home when the streetlights come on. We call 5-Eleven, Tom. Unless you want to eat your cereal cold all week. Which is fine for me. I like to have it that way. And if Bill de Blasio carried me home by my underwear, which again, happened maximum two times the entire time I lived in New York with Jake,

you definitely didn't threaten me with a cold shirt. This was back when de Blasio was a comptroller, I think. I don't even think he was mayor yet. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don't know. Again, I've barely met this guy. Sorry, Amir. One second. Andy, can you pull up average height male? The hell?

I feel like I'm being put on trial here what did i say five feet nine inches okay okay so what what were we trying to catch me in like why did you know you said i'm tall i'm 5 11 and i thought is that tall or is that sort of the upper end of average height and what would you say based on the data that presented i just got presented? I've just got this one source. I don't even know what Healthline.com is. What is the answer, though? Could you also look up Bill de Blasio height? Bill de Blasio height?

Well, can you click on 5'11 average height for a guy down here first? What? It's extremely tall. Extremely tall. For a man as white as Cora says. You would tower over the average 5'7 American and Canadian male. 5'11 is extremely tall. Many Canadian males are actually 5'6.

Oh, this is Quora.com. That's my words. I answered that question. That was taken from Yahoo Answers. That was fan submitted. Amir, something about you awakens my curiosity. I was genuinely curious. Can you find Bill de Blasio's height now?

Yeah. I have first. A lot of people are curious about this. Oh, you're right. He has 6'5". 6'5". Only the true heads know that. I want him to say his famous line.

Y'all know what it is. I'm married to a black woman. That famous line. That's what he would say when he brought a near home to. It's not even true. It's so insane that that's his line.

Well, he married her after he started saying that he did yeah prophecy yeah when he was when he was doing whatever to me which is i'm not even saying he did anything i think they were just engaged they were on a break at that time nice savage absolutely savage one of my savage moments okay what else happened his name is warren wilham junior yeah i'd go by bill too well look cuomo is also extremely tall extremely almost 5 11 that's what he's known for, I think. Well, he towers over an average height Canadian.

Andy, give me more news. Okay, Malik Beasley had an affair and made an Instagram post where he apologized to his wife. Oh, no. to his wife. Oh, no. People are saying Malik Beasley, but it actually is Malik Beasley. He renamed his pronunciation after director Terrence Malick.

Terrence Malick. Terry. Yeah. Oh. I thought it was when, was it Rami Malek won the Oscar for playing Freddie Prinze? Freddie Prinze Jr., Is that who he played?

Yeah, he was playing Freddie Prince Jr. I mean, I didn't see the movie, but my understanding from my friends that he was playing Freddie Prince Jr. and that Malick Beasley was so moved from that story of like, I mean, I think

they actually recreated,reated like they got the whole cast of summer catch back together other than freddie prince jr sure and uh how tall are you i'm six one fuck one of the tallest heights someone could be no yeah going. You can cut that part out. I don't know why I was like... Why would they cut it out? Because you looked bad. I was going to say like...

You think I'm fucking short, you're five... I didn't think you were short. I didn't think you were short. No, I know. You said I'm tall, I'm 5'11". And I don't think...

You know, I don't necessarily describe myself as I'm tall. I'm sorry about that. I don't know why I was like... It was like... It's almost myself as I'm tall. I'm sorry about that. I don't know why I was like that. It was like almost impossible to be that tall compared to what the average is. But anyway, yeah, they did some scenes from She's All That. I know what you did last summer. You're 6'1".

6'1". Is that true? I haven't seen him in person in a while. You did last summer. You're 6'1"? They were. 6'1". Hayes, is that true? I feel like I met you guys. I haven't seen him in person in a while, but like, yeah. Hayes, you're pretty tall. I don't remember Sean being taller than me. Hayes is 6'3", and he's four inches taller than you, and I'm two inches taller than you. Okay.

I know Carl's tall. I know Hayes is tall. If you're 6'3", tall, they tell you, like Google sends you a warning saying you have to go to the hospital for being too tall. Andy, do you want to pull up any photos like me with Hayes and Carl or anything? Is there something where we could get some scale here? I think. I do want to hear Andy read an apology to Malik Beasley's wife. Sure, yeah.

That's true. That's a lot of words. I want to hear you read the whole thing. I read it while you were on the page. Sure, yeah. That's a lot of words. I want to hear you read it. I read it while you were on the page. It's a nice apology. Read it really sincerely, Andy. I'm going to read it as if your name was Malik. That I was going to do either way.

I want to say sorry for putting you in the situation you were put in in the last few months. I love that. That's crazy. My head wasn't where it was supposed to be i was looking for more when it was right here the whole time i'm telling the world that there's nobody like you for me for the record i was the one who ended my last relationship off the fact that there is no one like you also for the record i wanted to do my own ish because i because i just left you guys and i def ain't the type to set up pictures at the mall in ish as that's some childish ish because i because i just left you guys and i def ain't the type to set up pictures

at the mall in ish as that's some childish ish and i'm trying to grow individually and grow a family a real family i ain't looking to be judged i'm looking for forgiveness to forgive me for hurting my family the way i did at the end of the day i'm lover boy, and I miss holding y'all and loving y'all. I love you, Mooshy. I love you, Kai Kai. My family over thing. Apology accepted. That's good.

And she did accept it. She appreciates the apology and considers... Okay, so she says it's hard to own up to bad decisions and apologize especially publicly so it is appreciated yeah so that's not exactly accepting it but it's it's pretty good amir how's this look to you it looks like you're standing in front of hayes and he's like still a little bit taller than you but well he is two inches taller than me and i'm two inches taller than you even with you being like a foot in front of him, I feel like you would be even or something. The fact that you're still shorter.

Those are three guys about the same height. Roughly. I remember hanging out with you guys and you were not responding to it. I see it. You'd slide in there really well. You'd just stand right next to me. You'd be just a little bit under me. I see it. You'd slide in there, right? You'd slide in there really well. You'd just stand right next to me. You'd be just a little bit under me.

We're all what they call tall boys. Tall boys. 5'11 and up. Assemble. 5'11. 5'11. 5'11 since 8th grade. Same. Well, I was 5'2.

Line up in height order. You would be last last in that i'd be in the tall group and then everyone else would be in the small group is what i'm saying five nine and under i think is what it came up as on google was it which sounds pretty official anyway was health line the health line was the result which i don't know google just shows you the result it didn't say which which the height was okay yeah sorry about that i feel like i shifted the tone or the energy of the show i don't know i think it's good i mean the whole time yeah yeah next news next uh shack has decided to try and speak to Jokic in his own language in Serbian First of all and when is it going to take you to go into

Portland and win game 3 There's nothing wrong with your headset That's okay Thank you Speak the language Tell him Jokic Anja Igra Brate. Anja Igra. Ah, yeah, thank you. Yes, yes. I speak the language. Tell them, Joker. It's going to take the same effort, you know.

Of course, the fans were on our side. That helped us a lot. I think we actually two years ago lost the first game against them, even two years ago. So we are going to their place. We need to bring defense with us, and we need to create open looks. There you go.

They cut the clip too long. So, Janja, Edgar, Barate. I like how he always says, this is Shaq at the beginning. Yeah, you sound very different from everyone else in the world. What do you think he said? Oh, good game, bro. I see.

Yeah. Barate. Oh, thank you, bro. Well, this is good news for the Randall Dandles. Oh. Yeah. Randall Dandles is a symbol. Oh.

A moment ago, he was named. Tall boys. Julius Randall was named the most improved player for this season. Beautiful. Beautiful. Look at that. Randle Dandle, stand up and be taller than 5'11". I just want to say that...

Taller than all of us. Not like a dick thing to say. Okay, I do feel like I have to share that amir texted me and he said no fucking way he's six one which i i don't know who that's about sorry but yeah he didn't say he didn't say who it was about but amir one thing i could do is i could send you wedding photos of mine because my wife is 5'11". And so you could see that when I'm standing with her, I'm a little taller than her. She's your exact height.

I realized that your wife was so petite. That's nice. No, it's not petite. Tall for a lady and tall for a man. Tall for a lady and tall for a man. 5'11 is pretty good to me. Basically, me to Carl is the equivalent of Carl to Julius Randall. We're all, scale-wise, wise tall carl how tall are you what are you six fucking nine or some shit you're like yeah i'm

six nine but i i dip down when i uh when i talk to the fellas you know because we all equal over here on the flagrant ones right that's true but uh for having me, by the way. I'm a big boy, though. I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy. I don't like to tell my height because creeps love to hear it too much. I fucking hate talking about height, too.

I don't even know how this came up. You're obsessed with height. Sean fucking... You're talking about it and texting about it. ...on this show and was like, I'm talking about it and the e-brakes on this show and was like average height like it's the fucking like it's an ad kid at a guinness book of world records wow you're having another meltdown yeah not i mean you're having a meltdown and you do you need

your you need cereal he just said that bill de blasio was tall you said so am i i'm 5 11 and it got my gears turning about what's considered tall. That's all. Totally. And I don't even know why we're still talking about it. Me neither. You won't either. Me neither.

We're talking about it because you made a song about it. Just a second ago, we're singing a height song. What else is in the news, bros? I think we're out of news. I mean, I think there's probably a picture of the two of us next year i mean you've done handbook a few times in person yeah we might have been sitting we probably were in fact we have a if you guys came on if i were you too so we would have taken a photo in front of the head those are standing photos for oh yeah they're all standing

photos i'm you're probably posted it i am i deleted a bunch of my old photos like 10 minutes ago don't even pull it up don't even google you deleted it already i think so i think it's gone baby gone irish oh my god this is a fucking spanish inquisition this was a good episode it's not there it's true yeah it's not there and here's a couple you know you could tell just from the like perspective a couple of tall guys yeah shocked at how high up they are yeah andy do we have any songs, any good songs to play? Yeah.

This is a pretty fun one. It's a pavement cover by Jake. We can check this one out. Jake? Jake? Different. Not me. Sounds great.

Sounds great. Sounds great. After the game, the ball, the rim, the net A sigh of relief, but my husband's work isn't done yet He is the Celtics GM. Got those Brooklyn picks for Garnett. Up in his office, he's always trading. He works on Christmas, it's a little much. I bring him meals, tells me to shut the door.

Guess I'll just let him be. I'm Danny Angel's wife. My name is Michelle. We have six children. One's name is Tanner. I'm Danny Angel's wife. I love basketball. And my family.

And basketball. That was good. I like the original song a lot. It's a nice song. Just as much. Flagrant Pavement. Is that a song? Is that a song? Pavement is the band, and the song is called Range Life that they did a parody of.

It worked well with this one. I do want to say we had asked not to get any more songs from the perspective of Michelle Ainge, Danny Ainge's wife. Yeah, fair enough. No, we should mention that just because we don't want this to start another flood of these. If you guys could find another angle, just something fresh, because I think, again, I like this song,

and it really matched this time. It was probably the best one we've received in a sea of submissions that are all a song from the perspective of Michelle Ainge. And let me tell you something. I know what y'all are doing. And I don't know why I'm always the victim of these situations. Y'all know I used to date her. Y'all know we used to go together. Wow.

And so that's what the fans do. But they do that to me. That's how these fans, this fan of this show treat me. We never talked about it on the show once. We, like, never asked for this. You once did. Danny and his wife. It's Tom Hardy meme, right?

That's bait. He says, that's bait. And that's what the song is, Carl. Talk it, Carl. I mean, maybe it is. Maybe this can end by you talking about it a little bit That'd be nice Listen we met on Hinge

When? A couple years ago And they were Listen Denny H and her Were on a break And she got on H in la a couple times yes in la went out a couple times and she kind of played me because she went back to danny you know i'm saying she wasn't honest with her feelings and that's that i'm just gonna leave it at that damn i'm sorry man you see the sunset

yeah is everything okay yeah sons don't let the sun go down on me yeah and i do want to say during the song amir did text me holy shit sorry i mean like we're like i'm i'm doing this show i do not want you i don't want to have this conversation with you this way we can have it out loud he texted me is he six even by any chance and then he said not to read out loud mostly curious you're not curious you're obsessed oh yeah now i'm on trial for something that haze did which is read it out loud even though i specifically not nobody's on your six fucking even six one

it doesn't matter i'm 5 11 i'm six feet who cares we're all boys yeah exactly okay and so now for someone that paid for this service which does cost 25 a month uh do we want to travolta fi one name yes so now we have yeah let's just get a mirror off and then we'll... Yeah. My God. You have to do it. I'm already here. Let me fucking hear it. Yeah. For 25 bucks, you can stay in the Zoom while I do it.

Absurd. We have Jason Cam. K-A-M-M. Jason Cam? Yes. What music do we play for this now? We've done a lot. We've played the Happy Birthday Pauly song from Rocky IV that the robot plays.

Who's Johnny? I'll drop that in. Oh, yeah. Who is Johnny from... The Bard? It's a short circuit. Mm-hmm. Do Happy Birthday Pauly.

Jason Cam. Jason Cam. Jason Cam. The wickedly talented jeans man cum. He was. It's so bad. Look at his face. I see what it is now.

It's the Adele Dezeem fucking all over again. Damn, that was respect. From one tall guy to another, right? For real. From like two six-footers. Give or take. Give or take.

Give for you, take for me. Have y'all discussed Tuesday Night Hoops coming back? Is that for real? I'm asking. I'm asking. Oh, like I haven't been vaccinated long enough to play, but I think some of the dudes are playing still outdoors on Saturdays. Oh, I can't do that.

That David Futernik game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can't do that. That David Futernik game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can't do that one. Can't play outside on these tall knees. Yeah, I don't think the gyms are open yet. Maybe June, June 15th. I mean, I'm tall, too, and it's not easy. Let me tell you, it's not easy to play basketball outside.

I suck at basketball compared to you. I thought Jake was really good at basketball, but then it turns out it's the other guy that works at Hague. Marty, yeah. Marty's good. Marty's been playing. Jake, are you good, though? At basketball?

No. Terrible. Okay. Very bad. But damn, I wish I could keep on living the lie, and you could just think I was good at basketball. How tall are you? Six feet.

I think he's also six, right? I'm a little bit taller than you are. I think he's also six. Marty's like six above 6'1". Yeah, Marty's 6'2 or 6'3". We're about the same height. About?

We're about the same height. About? We're about the same height. About? All right, bye. What a weird-ass ending. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.