Hollywood Handbook - Brandon Wardell, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: October 3, 2016

Hayes is in the studio with famous young comedian BRANDON WARDELL to talk about computers and doing Tough Mudder while Sean calls in from abroad.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I'm at Petco getting a bath and a shampoo and all that. And but to the people that say that that's a bad way to get a bath, I've seen the kind of like showers that they take, these other people, where the water just falls on you.

Do you know about this? Yeah, well, yeah. Again, I've seen a lot of diagrams. I obviously can't get wet right now just because of my condition. Sure, yes, yes. No, I just know if you know about it. Have you seen these things where people take a shower and the water is falling on them and nobody's controlling where it goes and nobody can cut the knots out of their hair?

It's a joke. These other showers are a joke. Yeah, it's a sick joke. I'm so sorry. If I have trouble hearing you at all, it's just I thought that I would be surfaced by now, but we're still on the submarine mission and we're still looking for the Russian sub. Yeah, you did say that you were going to be surfaced by now. I thought we were going to surface. Well, you said you were going to find it. You said you were going to be surfaced by now i think you thought you said

well you said you were going to find it you said you were going to find it really he's gotten very clever and uh you said you were going to find it really fast you said it was going to be the fastest anyone ever found it yeah yeah and i thought that it would be and it still could be but it's just not as easy to drive these things as I thought. Yeah. I thought they would kind of be like bumper cars because they do have the thing sticking up and hooked, and that actually is a looking thing and not a sort of steering thing. Do you know that?

I don't know. I believe you when you tell me these things. Yeah. So the driving of this has not been easy. I mostly have made it sink. And... And... It sounded like a big bubble there. It's gotten hurt.

What? Did you just run into a big bubble? It sounded like the submarine just ran into a huge bubble. Yeah, it was a really big bubble, and now we are... Yeah, this is what I was afraid of. Okay, Davy Jones is coming aboard. Oh, yeah, okay. He's going to want you to pay the ocean tax.

Can I finish my story? Sure, yeah, whatever. So I'm getting a bath dan is there dank whale uh he the guy the guy who's giving me a bath is like spraying with him with the hose sometimes because he like he says he doesn't like it but he's like laughing he does like it and he does also know can i just say this something about this dank whale thing when is he ever gonna need to know how to spell that? When he's being the president's friend or whatever.

You know what I mean? Yeah, that's one of the last things I'm worried about in terms of the government. It's like, I don't need you to be able to spell something that's already on the menu written for you. Yes, it's already on the menu. Yeah. Like, you don't have to write it down to order it. Potato. You just say it. Or just point, even.

Yeah. So, anyway, I had a lip in. You know, because while I'm getting out of the bath. And so he, him laughing is like kind of making me laugh and so infectious yes infectious and so i open my mouth because i'm laughing but i have a lip in and the water gets kind of blasted in my mouth and it's kind of it kind of shoots the dip what was it? I think it was Cope Hickory.

And so it gets kind of... It was a hickory flavor? Yes. Okay. And so it gets kind of blasted down my throat. And... Straight out of your butt or what? No, sort of back up through my sinuses.

And so then it's kind of like sitting in my sinuses. Oh no, so it's going the wrong way. And so I'm sort of accidentally... I'm like kind of... It's sort of sitting right under my brain. I can sort of feel the cope fumes. I don't know how this happened, but I got lucky and it just, sure, they shot the water in my throat, but the lip just came straight out my butt. Oh, okay.

But this was when you could get wet. Oh, well, no, that's a great, that's a great point. By the way, I'm so nervous being in the submarine. I'm just so nervous about getting out because I feel like I'm going to get wet. But, yeah, no, I wasn't able to get wet, but that was when I still had that suit. If you remember, I got sort of shrink-wrapped in one of those. Like a latex bubble? sort of shrink-wrapped in what are those? Is it a Vapidoprop?

When you climb inside the latex bubble and then they suck all the air out? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm picturing is what happened to me. And then I just put a straw up my nose. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names

on the red carpet line back hallways of this industry we call showbiz can you get we're doing can you get off your phone please we're gonna do the show no thanks thanks you know we're just gonna start though is your brain oh i'm sorry is your brain okay because or is the stuff is the lip still in there it is still in there but it's like now it's like i'm smelling and tasting the hickory all the time without even having to have it in my lip you know what i mean oh wow so in a way they did you a favor they saved you a lot of money on that hickory yes i never have to i don't have to spit during the day i just have to do like one big spit where i sort of like tilt my head and it all comes kind of like gushing out my nose just at the end of the day before I go to sleep. Uh, we have a guest today. Brandon Wardell is here. Hi. Uh, I'm sorry for yelling at you before about your phone, but it's just like, and I know your

whole thing is that, um, that you're like young and like you do like all this stuff that to me is not impressive. Right. And I don't know if to sean like like because we have young people on the show we are basically young also yeah um and definitely our friends are uh i'm one of the youngest guys in hollywood yeah and shelby farrow came on the show and afterwards she was telling us like how much younger than her we actually are. She said that after the show. How much younger? She was like, you guys are actually a lot younger than me.

She did say that. Oh, yeah. She said it, yeah. And I, and just in terms of like our friends, I hang out with like my daughter's friends all the time. Yeah. And they're only like 10 years older than older than you are probably wait your daughter's friends my daughter's friends yes okay we like they were originally my daughter's friends now

they are now they are like your daughter's not there not anymore no uh we have sort of become we have sort of cut her out of the group a little bit um because like when we're all hanging out like i don't know there's like a certain we just like to be able to talk about whatever and just be like so just be random and like not be random random and awkward yes and just be awkward with each other yeah yeah uh and her being there i I don't know, was weird because she's my daughter. I don't feel like she can necessarily be as random. Yes, exactly. So now it's kind of just me and her friends.

We have like a little boat that we take out together. I have a friend with a plant that is very young. Yes, and Sean has this new friend he's sort of been hanging out with that's a plant that is one of the youngest plants. You can barely see it. It's just kind of poking out. I mean, yeah, plant is generous. At this point, it's really just sort of the beginnings of a sprout.

And Sam, can you get off your phone? I guess it's a – I'm sorry, guys. I feel like I'm in 28 Days Later, the virus, and everyone's a phone zombie. Yeah. What do you mean?

Because Sam was using his phone too, and Brandon was using it. Oh, he's looking at his phone. Oh, I wish I saw that before that joke. Sam has... I'm really before that joke. Sam has. I'm really sorry, man. Sam has tattoos. Have you seen these?

Oh, he's real tatted up. Wait. Brandon? Yeah, Sean, go ahead. Yeah. What do you think about this whole Brangelina thing with your name being so close? I feel like you must have quite the take. Oh, yeah.

I feel like closest to it. You feel closest to it. I do feel closer to that situation than Brad or Angela. That was kind of my point. And then what's your take? My take is I think it's good. Brangeline is good. Yeah.

That's cool. I think it's extremely good. Sometimes this is a joke that you guys can use. If somebody asks for your take on something, give them a take five bar. Yeah, there we go. Sean has like a big bag do you get it

yes yes i have yes i'm starting to get it sam's tattoos are uh what it's a lot of anime guys do you have anime sets yeah all his tattoos are like these anime guys that are he can move his body in such a way that they that he can actually be an anime yes um is that wait he's he's flexing and like yeah sailor moon is flexing when he flexes yeah have you guys his arm is like Sailor Moon's bicep. If I see an Akira, yeah, you've shown it to me on your body, yes. It's my favorite anime. It's a deep cut.

That's not a deep cut. Akira? Akira? Have you seen it? Yeah. I'm surprised. Akira's like, that's Kanye's favorite anime. I don't think that's true.

It's like a secret one, yeah. Just Sam and Kanye know about it. Yeah. Yeah, and then the tuxedo is on Sam as well. Isn't that right, Sam? Uh-huh, I have one of those tuxedo shirts as a chest piece. But it's Jackie Chan's tuxedo, which you think is an anime, which I think is, I think it's fucked up.

Nobody told you that. Sam, have you gotten the tattoo I asked you to get where above all your anime characters it says Lemon Warning? Wait, what does it say? Lemon Warning? Above all his anime characters? Yeah. Well, that's what I wanted, but the tattoo artist misheard me,

and it says Lemon Party on the top. Okay. That's not the kind of meme. Those are old memes. And we have Brandon here who's like a meme guy. What's the newest meme? Right? Lemon Party is an old meme, right?

Yeah. But I think enough time has looped around. What's a think enough time is what's in loops around a now meme i'm sorry what's a now meme did you did you ask him a question yeah okay i'm done with this kevin kevin i hear his feet hi sam has been um it's gotten to a point where he asked Brandon a question that's like a very traditional interview question, like trying to be one of the hosts, I think, because Sean isn't here. He lied about someone telling him that the tuxedo is an anime. And he used an old meme.

So can you fire him, please? We could call Brett from Germany. No, I'm not asking you to call Brett from Germany. I'm asking you to just fire Sam. Fire Sam? And you'd be the engineer. I can't do that. And do it like Donald Trump.

Do it like Donald Trump. Sam, you fired him. Oh, my God. That's really good. And now we don't want to like take side like it's not that kind of show is to do like that kind of political stuff right and so sean that got really got really political i know i know i know and i and i sometimes i feel getting into that territory and i want to like kind of stop it there because it's a comedy show we just like want to be fun and so sean does an

impression of hillary clinton that he's gonna do just to like have it be even sean has to do his hillary clinton impression do you is that fair sean well well in that special that's good thank you so now it's all even and so it's not being a political show anymore brandon you everybody got everybody it's in we're and so it's not being a political show anymore. Brandon, you have... Everybody got... Everybody... We're equal opportunity offenders, Brandon. Brandon, you have a pair of shorts that you sell. Yes. This is like my favorite shorts that any comedian is putting out.

Your shorts are the best comedian shorts. It's definitely in the... It's in the top five of... Comedian shorts? I would... No, no, no. It's the best. Shorts put out by comedians. These are the best comedian. These have to be the best comedian shorts? It's definitely in the it's in the top five of uh Comedian shorts? I would No, no, no. It's the best These are the best These are the best comedians

These have to be the best comedian shorts. No, Joe Coy has some comedy shorts Yeah that are really climbing up the charts and um

What are his shorts? Joe Coy's? Yeah They're like I know Eliza Schlesinger has shorts. They look like they're cell phone buttons over where your parts are.

And it says, call me. D'Lea's really been killing it. Chris D'Lea and his shorts. What are his shorts like? It says, so cute. On the butt. It says, S apostrophe. S apostrophe. Krophe k y o o t yeah yeah yeah delia has good shorts but your your shorts are like not just for funniness your shorts are the funniest

shorts and the most comfortable yeah thank you it's and is delia really stoned Brandon do you know about this he is completely sober which is oh my god that makes it even funnier I mean honestly you know it's like sometimes I see him do some

of these bits and I was like he was smoking a little gange yeah then I then I found out from some you know some insiders that uh he doesn't he doesn't partake you know he's just like oh wow he smells like I don't know how funny that is Ben just naturally I know yeah I was like the first time I saw him I was like oh this, this guy should be called Kush D'Elia, you know? And then I find out that he's never even, yeah.

Seriously, dude. Like, oh, my God. Seriously? Seriously. Honestly? Literally? Can you talk about your shorts? Describe your shorts.

Oh, they have, I made them with my friend Robesman. Yes. And it has the verified check in the center. On the DD. On the D. So you have the check on... And my logo on a corner. Your little DD.

His logo in the corner, you know. Milo, Ianopolis' logo. Is that what you just said? my my my look my logo okay so you have the check mark and milo's logo no i no i didn't collab with milo um i want to end that i want to end that narrative and the check mark is for Like the teacher check your homework And so the Like a verified check The DD is your homework? No Is that what it's saying?

Is it like the teacher Saw that you did No That your DD did the homework Or the DD is the homework? It's No it's not homework related Who

So who It's just like a Twitter check Wait if we say Wait if we don't do our homework, we're going to get in trouble. It has nothing to do with homework. Teacher is not going to like that. Are you trying to get me in trouble? Oh, God. I don't know.

I don't know how a teacher is going to feel about it. I don't think so. Teacher is not going to like these shorts. No, no, no. I mean, yeah, these are shorts that you don't want your teacher seeing these shorts, you know? Well, what am I gonna do with them?

That's a good question. If a teacher is not gonna see them, then what are they for? They're for skipping school. School skipping shorts. These are some hooky shorts. School skipping shorts. Yeah. If you're not wearing undies underneath the shorts,

can you see the outline of the DD? Yes. You can? Yeah, for sure. Probably. I mean, depending on... Not anyone's. Not anyone's.

Okay. But yours? I don't know. I haven't... Yeah anyone's. Okay. But yours? I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Okay. That's interesting. Yeah.

Let's talk about... Guys, my neighbors in the submarine are getting pretty loud. Uh-oh. I think they're fighting. Your neighbors are fighting in the submarine? Yeah. Is this Davy Jones? Oh, yeah. Well, it's not...

Are they fighting with... Davy Jones and his girlfriend. They're yelling at each other. Davy Jones and his girlfriend are fighting. Okay. And is she like... Does she have the same kind of fishy face that he has? Well, he has more of like a squid face. Right, squid is

a kind of fish. Well, oh wow. I would really like to argue with you about that. It's in the same part of the store. It's in the same part of the store. The squid fish debate?

It's in the same part of the store. The squid fish debate? It's in the same part of the store. If you look at the squid and then you look up, the sign says fish. Here's a take. Squids are fish. See? Oh, God. Brandon, what has he done to you?

I know. This is why I should never get on a submarine because Hayes gets the guests on his side. And because I can't drive it in because it's filling with water and I can never get on a submarine, because Hayes gets the guests on his side. And because I can't drive it in because it's filling with water and I can't get wet. Will you explain what happens to Brandon if you get wet? Oh, sure. It's honestly not too bad, but have you ever seen when a bloated tick, for instance, gets turned inside out? I haven't seen it in person.

You found a tick on your dog and it's been on there for a few days and it's gotten really big and fat like a watermelon seed? Not necessarily, no. Okay, let me tell you. It's so hard to describe to someone. We're on the same side again. I didn't know how young you were. I mean, you've had no life experience. Because the kind of baths that I'm taking lately, all these other people that are running around

with huge tics all over them, tics are barely even a part of my life anymore. No fleas, no tics. I have like six fleas. And everyone else is running around with all these fleas. So, Brandon, picture this instead. Have you ever been to a barbecue where there's a bunch of frozen watermelons? No.

Wow. Okay, wow okay wow yeah all right i mean i mean maybe it's easier if you tell me something you have done and i try to somehow like uh to forge a connection that would help yeah brandon what's something you did and not don't say the phone i mean i've been to i've been to like barbecues with uh just regular watermelon and nobody froze it and then nobody took a drill and started drilling into it and then nobody took like a big giant straw and started sucking the frozen pieces out what about what about watermelon with the big bottle of sky inside take a take the big bottle of sky take like Take the big bottle of sky, take a handle of sky, put it upside down in the watermelon.

Oh, wow. That does sound pretty sick. A lot of it's bill everywhere, but... And you put Skittle inside it, and then it turns kind of brown. You do that with your daughter's friends? With my daughter's friends, yes. We will take the boat out. It's like kind of a pontoon uh-huh and i'm learning how to do flips off the top without

hitting the side and uh and yes we'll take a watermelon i have kind of like a special drill that can like cut a hole in it that's like big for the sky bottle, so only a little bit of it spills. Wow. Are we going to be able to use that, Sean, for your analogy? The pontoon boat? I mean, that's your experience. That's not Brandon's. Well, now it's kind of Brandon's experience because I've told it in a way

that makes him feel like he was there. He's going to take me on the pontoon. I will talk to... Brandon, that was vivid enough for your picture? Okay, so you're with Hayes and his daughter's friends out on the pontoon boat. Yeah. And it's really...

It's just so hard for me without a tick or a watermelon involved to really get this image ready for you. Can we do the frozen watermelon one? Would that help? Okay. I can envision it help I can envision it I can envision it pay me the picture okay it's a frozen watermelon but it's not

shaped like that it's shaped more like a tick and it's much smaller anyway and it's not cold right is it cold no not at all um and what happens is if you were to get inside there with like a speculum or something and um inside out it uh not see it's different emotions with characters who need to find some sort of balance with one another.

Yeah. But inside out it, like, reverse the outside part of it. You remember Bing Bong? Weren't you so sad because of Bing Bong? You remember? Oh. Were you sad because of Bing Bong? Oh, yeah, I cried about Bing Bong.

Oh, I remember being so sad about him. Well, anyway, I mean, I guess the shortest version is if I get touched by water, I become made all of blood. Yeah, he has this sort of chemical effect where any part of him that is touched by water becomes blood. Oh, wow. It's like one of those little pills that you would put in the water and they become dinosaurs.

Yeah. Except for him, it just is blood. And then the water is blood as well. It's very bad during Shark Week. You guys like that stuff? Yes, Brandon. What's your take? Do you have a Shark Week take?

Shark Week? Yeah. Shark Week is good. This is like a good stand-up thing. I don't know if you do this where you say like yeah like almost shark week yeah i'll be like rant uh hey permission to rant permission yes i'll i'll say i'll be like uh hello permission to rant and then people will be like this is tower one you have permission to rant okay and so then you do your rant.

And I'm like, Shark Week's coming up. Let me... Pretty hardcore stuff. Yeah, it's pretty... And then I just sort of like... I don't know, it's kind of controversial. Okay, what's the take? I'm just like...

I'm like, uh-oh. I watch Shark Week. I get spooked all week. I get scared to go to the damn pool. I go to the damn pool. I'm like, uh-oh. Is there gonna... Uh-oh.

You know? You think there's sharks in the damn pool. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, that's how Shark Week... Yeah. It's a bit I've been doing for like five years. That the dimple. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, that's how sharks... Yeah, that's a pretty... It's a bit I've been doing for like five years.

Yeah. For how long? Five years? Five years. I've been doing that bit for five years. Guys, quick ocean question. If you're in the submarine, there's not supposed to be a horse down here, is there? Well, this is the question about what kind of horse it is.

Is it a seahorse i don't know is it though huh is it a seahorse how big is those uh seahorse is like well it depends if you're looking at it through the uh top looker you know the like if it's like that then it can be huge if it's right up against it it can be so big okay that would be good news for me because this thing is really big okay and are you looking at it can you um is it possible to figure out if you're just looking at it because it's like right there with you or are you actually looking through the top looking piece right now well one thing is as i am touching it it is seeming to be here with me and it is mad it's mad what what's it doing that makes you think it's

that how mad it is trying to kill me okay and what does it have to do that with i guess this would be a big thing to decide if it is a horse or if it's a seahorse it has a sword okay um i mean wow it's just becoming such a bizarre situation. It's just sort of now it's out of my... Is it just you and the horse? Yeah, where's Davey Jones? Davey, I think, broke up with his girlfriend in the other room of my submarine. You know what would be so funny?

Did you live tweet the breakup? How many rooms are there in the submarine? In the submarine? Yeah. It's pretty small. There's like 14, 15. Oh, okay. And it's open floor plan.

Yeah, very Asian inspired. Yeah, I didn't mean to blow past the live tweeting. Live tweeting Davy Jones' breakup. Wouldn't that be huge? There's a breakup on my submarine right now. Oh my god, this guy Davy Jones is breaking up with his girlfriend on my submarine right now. And then you make up a bunch of stuff

that they talked about. You get one picture of them sort of looking like they're mad and then you make up like 200 things that they said in the conversation and then they write an article about you on uh mike.com oh wait so this is my new twitter feed is like davy jones breakup stuff yes this is

brandon brandon knows we're doing we're doing viral strategy right viral strategy yes branding marketing some consultant shit right like and it has to be Davy Jones? Can't it just be something that my kid said? Like a joke I wrote that is not good enough for an adult to say, but if I say that a kid said it, it almost feels clever. A fake thing that your child said? Yeah, like about politics and stuff? Yeah, you could do that. Or just like, oh my God, my kid is breaking up with this girl right in front of me right now.

And then you make up some stuff that they said yeah viral strategies brandon will you um speak on that that's a good that's a good one the the child one yeah to be like sometimes uh like uh the other day i was like um i was like my my baby son just said yeah donald tw bad. Yes, and it's like... And I was like, oh, wow. Sometimes the young ones, sometimes the babies are wiser than the adults. Yeah.

And that got 50,000 retweets. Guys, my five-year-old just asked me why Donald Trump has hemorrhoids on his head. Oh, my God. That's really good. That's really funny. Did that really happen? No, but I mean, imagine if a five-year-old said that. There'd be like three concepts in there that he shouldn't have.

It sounded like a lot of water just came rushing in there right now. Did that, is that resolved? Is that making me nervous? Yeah, where are we on the water rushing in? I've had to cut up a lot of the galoshes and make them into kind of a tuxedo. Okay. Sam,

I know you'll like that. Hey, Brandon, can you tell me if it's true? Brandon, can you tell me if this is true that Martin Scorsese is remaking Mean Streets, but it's going to be called Meme Streets, and it just stars you, like, doing tweets? Yeah, I mean, that's a Hollywood Handbook exclusive. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Okay, and what's some of the memes that you do? Oh, like, there's a very controversial Pepe scene. Yeah, okay. Yeah. So what is it that you it's already it's already it's super um super controversial what is it that you like about uh pepe and being racist what is it about being racist that is so irony i don't i don't like no i don't i i'm not

racist and talk and i don't and no i don racist and this is part of my irony this is his whole irony thing that he does I'm not being ironic this is a thing that people don't know irony is dope, irony is kush and irony is actually I've been hearing that it's kush and pretty soon

it is I hear it's going to be Netflix this is like something that we're doing in new media now, this new irony. And so when Brandon says that he's not racist and that he likes Pepe for different reasons, it's like this new thing where he says something that he doesn't believe. No, look, Pepe was an innocuous you know figure yeah he was an innocent uh

not racially so he believes that white nationalism is innocent no and that it is innocuous and it's just like no stop no if the jewish people natural thing in the world if jewish people get their own homeland why is it so wrong that white people should make america theirs it seems like an interesting question i would say the burden of uh explanation is on people who don't agree with that take then it's good for brandon to get out in front of this you know you know who i wish understood irony my dry cleaner did that really your five-year-old said that which one how many five-year-olds he's got uh

how many five-year-olds not that many 13 14 maybe oh so there's every every room of the submarine has a five-year-old has its own five-year-olds do you have now? Not that many. 13, 14 maybe. Oh, so every room of the submarine has a five-year-old in it. Has its own five-year-old. They each have to have their own room, I know. Kids these days, everyone gets a room and a trophy. Yeah, damn. Okay, so speak on what we're doing with some of this irony now. What are the exciting things happening with?

What are the new happening things in irony? Yes. Becoming more and more mainstream where we can do irony on the movies, for example. Or like talk about some developments in this world. Yeah, I mean, irony poisoning is a real epidemic now. Yeah. Talk about some developments in this world. Yeah, I mean, irony poisoning is a real epidemic now. Yeah. I think it's broke our brains.

Did it happen to you? Probably. How does that manifest itself in your day and in your body? and in your body? I think you get irony poisoning, and then your tweets are good, and then your interpersonal skills get really bad. Yeah, and it's an excuse for any kind of behavior. Talk about some train stuff, Brandon.

I was on one yesterday that's right I saw that in the Twitter news were you in the Mumford & Sons train? oh there was a moment there was a Twitter moment did you take the Mumford & Sons train where they go to like Marfa, Texas on like an old train

and they like play on top of a very slow moving train oh uh no I'm not playing on the Mumford & Sons train and they play on top of a very slow-moving train? Oh, no, I'm not playing on the Mumford & Sons train. Okay, when people say the train, that's just sort of what I refer to. Unless you say, so you're on the non-Mumford & Sons train. Right, you have to clarify. Okay, and who is the musician on that train? No, there wasn't a... It was just like an amp track.

No one was doing any music. Yeah, I know, it's weird. Oh, guys, you're going to really like what Davy Jones just said. Okay. What did he say? Well, he came out on the main deck of the submarine out of his room, and he went, I'm the captain now. Wow.

I've seen him do that a lot, that specific bit. Yeah. It is, I guess it's close to not being fresh anymore. I don't really think so. I don't, and I say that I don't want it to happen. I don't want people saying I'm the captain now to stop being funny, but I just worry since he does it so much. You know what I mean?

He's been doing that, and then he's been saying that it almost feels like we're in the upside down. Yes, he talks about the upside down a lot. That's still fresh, at least. Thank goodness. Brandon, you know about the upside down? The upside down? Yeah.

Oh, you got to get up on this, Brandon. Okay, so now we have to do an episode of Get Up On This. Oh, now this is an episode of Get Up On This. Yes. Yes.

Do you want to be Jensen? Yeah, okay. I'll be Jensen. Okay. So who are you then? Brandon? I guess I'm anyone famous that you might know.

Oh, no, I'll be Brandon. This will be great for me yeah and I'm I'm Matty okay and Matty's the other guy yeah okay but who's Kanye West

oh he's Kanye West okay so Sam I'm rehiring you only as Kanye West yeah

not as an engineer because you remember you lied or something I forget exactly what you did you owe this guy $300 yeah so you this guy $300. Yeah, so you owe me $300, and that's my plug. This week?

Okay, so I'm being branded. Sorry. Is Sam responding as Kanye? I'm your co-host, Maddie Robinson. This is your host, Jensen Karp. And this is me, Jensen Karp. And this is Kanye West, and he owes him $300. I forget what my rap name was.

Hi, Carl. Thank you. This week, we're getting up on this on Stranger Things. There's a monster in it, and he's like Donald Trump. And we also, one of the worlds in it is the Upside Down, and I only saw the first two episodes,

but what about Barb? Everyone remember Barb? Like, help save Barb. Jensen, do you know any basketball players? Yeah, so I did a rap song for Jamal Crawford of the Los Angeles Clippers, and he told me that he really liked it. And Kanye West owes me $300. Oh, wow.

Do you think you've made more than $300 just by telling the story that you met Kanye West once, basically? Like you sold a book about it? It's about that, yeah. I'm close to breaking even on the Kanye West thing. Yes. And so you're Brandon in this case? Yeah. Brandon, you're getting real confrontational on this podcast.

Yeah. Sean, are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay. What's the matter something happen on the submarine yeah nothing big what happened okay so um

I guess there's somebody down here in like a Vietnam helicopter who's been just like flying around in the ocean for a while okay so he flew under my submarine and he was making fun of my galoshes suit.

So I tried to punch him and he caught the punch. He caught it? He caught it? Yeah, he was able to catch it. I mean, he's got some kind of army training or something because pretty much no one can catch my punch. And then he squeezed my punch pretty hard can i ask this i don't know how to say this is he like one of our guys or is he

like charlie are like is that i don't like are we doing i don't know if that's okay now because at the time i remember we were we were all saying charlie and it was not a big deal. Is Charlie no longer something you can call those guys? It's Charlie Hunnam. Okay, great. Charlie Hunnam. Yeah, Charlie Hunnam. He is really Charlie Hunnam. Charlie Hunnam.

Is he an undeclared? No, he's the Pacific Rim guy. He's the Pacific Rim guy. Okay. Yeah, he was supposed to be in Fifty Shades of Grey, and he's mad about it. I guess when he got taken out of that movie, he just started flying this friggin' helicopter through the ocean until he found me, and now he's taking it out on me. Wow.

And he was supposed to be in the Pacific Rim with his brother, but then his brother got eaten by one of the kaiju. Are we allowed to call them kaiju now is that okay because like i you know i don't know if it's like calling them kaiju is like a cultural appropriation or whatever in this you know what i mean yeah speak on that i don't think you're allowed to say that speak on the kaiju are we scared of drove into the kaiju kaiju appropriation? Yeah, are we scared of the kaiju? Like, are we scared that the kaiju are going to come back? Well, we were talking about irony. Yeah, yes, yes.

I think because of irony, kaiju appropriation is extremely good shit. Is good shit. That's my take. Yes, this is a move that I am learning from irony, which is calling things that are bad extremely good shit. I am starting to figure out how this works. It's a pretty nuanced concept. Now, Sean, you drove into the BP oil spout?

Yeah. What happened? I'm just friggin' all slick. Okay. I got slicked by oil like a friggin' one of those cool ducks. Yeah, you remember, like, that campaign for Dawn's soap

was like, if you have a duck with, like, a bunch of oil on it you could buy our soap and it'll wash it off hey deep water horizon is coming out i always buy i buy the oil i buy the oil and the dawn at the same at the same time yes they have them in at costco they sell them together just wrapped up in the same as sam is Isle is the ducks. It's the ducks, the oil, and the Don. Yes, they're all wrapped up in the same package. I went on Amazon.

It has the normally bought together option. All three boxes are checked. Ducks, oil, Don soap. I got a duck delivered. The duck died by the time it got to my place even without you putting the oil on it yeah but it still works you can

still work but i still i still got the experience amazon's actually bad now sean did you read about that? Yeah. What? Amazon's actually bad because the way they do their boxes or whatever is against the environment. Oh, no. Not YouTube, Amazon. Not Bezos. At two Bezos. At two Bezos, yes.

We're not supposed to be doing Amazon anymore. Well, can I watch Bosch still? Yes, you can watch Bosch on the computer only. You can't have Bosch delivered to your house unless you use Jet. If you use Jet.com, then it's okay. I'm not going to do that. Because they have clean box policy. They're taking back all the transparent Emmys.

Yes, they are. And the way they ship their Emmys is not environmentally sound. No, it's not bad. I mean, I'm sorry. It is bad. I have irony poisoning. Oh, my God. Irony poisoning, man.

Irony poisoning. Hoo boy. Brandon, do you want to plug some future tweets you have coming up? Oh, Jesus. What are some tweets that you have in drafts that you would like to promote? Oh, Brandon, are you going to drop any hot fire? Yeah, I got a...

Open up your drafts folder. Yeah, okay, let's see. Let's see what's going on. What's going on in these drafts. I've got this one where it's a... It's a guy making a face

Okay Yeah it's like a guy making like a face And then it's I haven't figured out I haven't figured out the tweet totally yet But he's like making like a really like funny face Is it like assy It's um

No no it's like a Just like a guy I took a, just like a guy, just like a guy on the street. I, uh, took a picture of like, could it be that this is one of those? And then it's a way it's a win. It's a win format. It's a, yeah, it's a win blank format. Yeah.

No, it's not a TFW. No, we're no, no TFWs. It's only a, it's only a, we're,'re skipping the TF, and it's only when. Okay, when. Okay. TFW is FTW. Yeah. Okay, this for when.

Yeah. And then could it be, and I'm just, this is out of left field. This is even too crazy even for you. But if the guy's making a funny face, maybe this for when he nut. When you nut but she keeps sucking. Sean has a thing. He's trying to make he has sort of a

competing acronym where he says that TFW is this for when. This for when? Yeah, like this is when you use this or something. Yeah. Yes.

It's competing with that feeling one, but it's not articulate. So when he uses TFW, he thinks it's this for when. Right. Whenever he's using it. And he thinks that's how other people are using it too now, but I'm not sure. That would actually be really helpful for him, if when you use TFW from now on, you were actually doing it as this for one and it doesn't actually have to change your tweets at all

that's just like when people ask you what that stands for you say are you asking me to start saying this for when yes yeah yeah like i i i should start using this for when and sort of instead of that feeling when yeah yeah that would be huge that would be really huge for sure that would be that would be big for the movement yeah sean would that be huge for you oh gosh that would just about make my month i think this is not a submarine what okay so i have been wait no i don't i have been starting to wonder if you were at the movies because you're seeing Davy Jones and now it feels like you are maybe watching Deepwater Horizon. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I think I'm at the movies.

Okay. What about the horse? It seems like that might have been the war horse. That might have been Hidalgo. Oh, it was a dog um okay so what it does feel like you could have been here tonight then i'm not saying like you know like the circumstances that brought you to this place i don't know maybe it was like tough but it does feel like you could have been in the studio today okay now you're mad just because i've been sitting in the movie theater seat and thought I was driving a submarine and now you're pissed.

And watching a, but one very new movie and a bunch of old movies, not that old, but movies that are definitely not in theaters anymore. Classics. Yeah, sure. Brandon,

what? Uh, so the funny face guy and no other good tweets. Uh, it's, you know, I, it's, you know, I, it's,

it's just like putting in, you're putting me in a really vulnerable position, you know, right. Because sharing, sharing, uh, memes that haven't dropped yet.

Okay. Cause Brandon, I just feel like, yeah. Are you, can you hear me? Yes. So,

um, what if you do something called first round draft tweets? And it's just sort of like, they're drafts, they're tweets from your drafts folder, that you haven't sort of, I mean, obviously you craft and you edit these things for months. Right. But the concept of this would be, you know, there's a day that's just like first, it's draft day, and you do your first round draft week, and you just don't, you just let it fly.

You just let it all fly at once? You just put something out there and it's not polished, and you say, hey guys, like this is some of the effed up stuff that my mind comes up with. This is the effed up stuff that I'm mind is the stuff that i'm that i'm thinking about yeah i'm down yeah can we talk about vulnerability for a second you are sort of a confessional comedian uh with like you talk about your sick grandma and like stuff like that my sick grandma yeah how your grandma's like dope my. My grandma's fucking sick. Right, and also how she's like, ill. Yeah.

I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't mean anything. She died because she drank too much Monster Energy. So getting vulnerable on stage is really big for you. Yeah, well, that's what my one man show is about. It's Brandon Wardell, my sick grandma. Yeah, and how she was so so i do it at a black box and uh okay just sort of yeah you know and how do you use i get into it the the set to pretend that it's your grandma's house um well i i play my grandma also right Right, yeah, sure. Brandon, this might be a sensitive question.

Okay, go ahead. Yeah. This might be sensitive, and you let me know if it's too far. Yeah. Monster energy drink, that's made by a monster, or it turns you into a monster? Wow. I mean, who's to say?

It makes you think, you know? This idea of being problematic, when you play your grandma. Well, when I play my grandma, it's a long one-man show. Right. Okay. Well, calling it a one-man show is problematic.

Yes. I don't want to call it a one-man show because I'm also playing my grandma but i go through uh i i i go m to f right to play my grandma but you give everyone a big warning when you're to m when you're switching yeah right you said here it comes well yeah like i have a doctor i have a a doctor there at the Black Box Theater. Yes. And it's a long show. So he is.

Are we okay with that name for the theater? What's that? Are we okay with calling the theater that? Is that not problematic? Oh, yeah, right, African American Box. Yeah, we should probably. Is he a sweetie? Yeah, Brandon is being a bit of a sweetie today

what does he look like? I don't know him he's like a very I don't know how to really describe this you're like a cute boy you're like a cutie pie and like a sweetie and like did he have like a

Steve-O thing happening? he has like a young yes I'm say he's like a i'm getting young steve-o vibes for sure uh his voice uh does not really sound like he's been eating glass the way steve-o does every day uh but uh sort of like a yeah young young steve-o when he was like running away from alligators and stuff just when he was doing the goldfish thing yes okay yes uh but yeah uh cutie pie sweet boy and body wise what are we working with uh what would you say body like this this is we should have done this at the beginning because this is very helpful for yeah like what would you slim slim thick yeah yes he's like slim in some places but like thick in other places but it We should have done this at the beginning because this is very helpful for Sean. Like, what would you... Slim thick?

Yeah, yes. He's, like, slim in some places, but, like, thick in other places. But it works. Like, it definitely... It comes together to make, like, a nice, you know, something that's, like, very cute and, like, adorable. Is he ropy at all? Is there any ropy parts? Yeah, he's got, like, John Hawk's arms. You know what I'm talking about yeah the way

john hawks's arms are like a one giant vein those are kind of yes those are kind of the arms that he has uh but his legs are like uh much much. Yeah. Not ropey at all. There's, like, a lot of, like... More like the Michelin tire man. Bulk to the legs. Yeah, I mean, I can really see... Okay. Yes, his legs look like the Michelin man's legs.

Yes. So what I'm getting is the legs are kind of a pile, and the arms are kind of a rope. Yes, the legs are like a... His body is really like a tough mudder obstacle course oh okay did you ever do that's fun did you ever uh do tough mudder brandon it's actually not easy like everyone says it is oh tough mudder yeah i'm not it's actually really hardcore you have to like crawl on the ground at some point oh right

and you have to climb a wall oh right but yeah it also gives you an opportunity to help to help girls so you can stand at the top of the wall and when girls come you like put your arm down and you're like here here and it's a bunch of guys like competing to get girls over the wall and then I'm not leaving you here and then afterwards you can approach the girl and be like hey you were awesome out there uh and hoping she thanks you for helping her get over the wall yeah and if she doesn't you inspired me to keep going i was ready to give up when i saw how hard you were working i was like all right we're finishing this thing what are you doing after this and if she doesn't seem very thankful or doesn't want to compensate you in some way for helping her over the wall, you can get mad.

You have permission to get mad. That's so rude. Your endorphins are really like... Why do you like it? I like to get electrocuted, too. electrocuted too yeah i mean it's weird because i'm like on my stomach getting electrocuted and that like it's impossible not to get boned out when you get electrocuted this is like i'm not saying anything new like when you get electrocuted you get boned out but you're yeah this is not breaking news yeah we're just saying the same thing that

everybody said for 200 years gonna let you cut it out of your stomach you're gonna get you know charged up so basically what i mean it's like a tough mutter tip i guess before you crawl on your stomach under the electrical wires you tuck it under your waistband like i because i see a lot of people like when they get boned out it's like going backward it's like in this very uncomfortable position but if you tuck it under your waistband it's just like kind of feel yeah gently inflating against your stomach it's fine it's great yeah yeah accidentally you know when you're boned out and you got it you got it against your waistband you're not touching it but

you know there's some friction it against your waistband. You're not touching it, but, you know, there's some friction. Yes. With the waistband, you ever... There's a lot of friction, and if... Yeah, go ahead, Sean. Brandon, what are some things that you yell... What are some things you yell at women when they don't appreciate your help?

When they don't... When they don't appreciate my help? During, like, a tough mutter course? In a tough mutter situation or like a door or anything holding doors and stuff or like pressing an automatic door for a woman i i just like i respect the sweeties too much to ever to ever yell ever yell at them so you just kind of whisper threateningly no no no i mean i want them to yeah i'm like i i want them to yell at me. Oh, okay.

Because I respect them. That's your thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting yelled at is the sweetest. Well, yeah. I want to get murdered by a woman because I respect them. I think a good technique that you're bringing up is you say it loud enough

that they can hear you so you put them in the position of going like well he's kind of doing it under his breath but he's like begging me to respond and that's kind of a kind invitation to engage in a dialogue about whether she is the word that you're

calling her what do you say? hmm? what do you say? Hmm? What do you loudly whisper? Well, I'm talking about you, Brandon. But he wants to know what you do. Yeah, but I'm like...

I want to hear your pick-up message. The stuff that you say. Well, I guess in this situation, I'd maybe be going I agree with Brandon. Can I just say also, once you've tucked it under your waistband, you don't want to get in a situation where you finish the race and you're like putting your hands up and you're like, yeah, I did it. But your shirt kind of comes up a little bit so people can see kind of the top

of your DD sort of like picking up through the waistband. Peeking. Yes. Before you get to the wall especially because once you raise your hands up to jump out of the wall you're like kind of slamming your body against it and sometimes the exposed tip can get a big splinter so just before the wall untuck it uh and get a big splinter? Yes, you can. You can. That can happen to people. Has it happened?

I have heard of that happening where a splinter kind of... Because, you know, there is a hole. There is, like, you know, I'm not, like, we should be able to talk about this. There's a hole in there. We're not breaking news here. And it's bigger than a splinter, so splinters can absolutely get in there. Yes.

And I've heard of that happening to so many people and i people are scared to talk about it but you can absolutely get a splinter in there and this is just men's can we finally talk about that you do get splinters in there when you do a tough mother can somebody finally say that and not get crucified online for it yeah thank you i mean these are health issues that we have to be, I don't know, that we have to be talking about. Who are we helping by being so sensitive, by being so politically correct about this?

No, it's not. There's a hole the size of about 10 splinters, and that's how many I know some people have gotten in there. Yes, I've heard of some people absolutely getting 10 splinters. Yeah. Bye! absolutely getting 10 splinters yeah phew boy bye this has been

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