Hollywood Handbook - Carl Tart, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

Sean and Hayes discuss helpful tricks. Then CARL TART joins them in studio to talk about some other famous jokers and to help teach the boys. This episode is brought to you by Blue Apron (www.blueapron.com/handbook) and Casper Mattresses (www.casper.com/handbook)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, it's me, it's Rory McElroy, Bubbo Watson, Jordan Spieth, and it's Brockmire from the new IFC show. Brock Meyer on IFC. Congratulations on season two, Brock Meyer. And we're digging a trench.

I think that some people call it a French drain because our driveway is on a slope. We all live in a house together. We're renting one just for this summer. And doing some heavy work on it. And we're doing heavy work. We're trying one just for the summer. And doing some heavy work on it.

And we're doing heavy work. We're trying to flip it. Your rental. Flippy for real. Yeah, we're flipping the rental to try to rent it at a higher price for the second half of the summer. So the driveway is on a slope where when it rains, the garage floods. So we're trying to put a French drain in front and run it in the neighbor's backyard, make it their problem.

And as we're doing this- Into their garage. We're digging. Yeah. And we're aiming it at the garage. And we're digging and we keep getting shovelfuls of gold and we're throwing it over our shoulder and just going like, well, I don't want to deal with melting this down or anything. But all these old minor 49ers.

All gold is fool's gold. Well, yeah, because it's fake. Think about it. Just a rock. Think about it. So these minor 49ers are sort of starting to gather around and snatch up all the gold. Suddenly it's a boom town. Yes.

And so this house rental that was just a simple way for four or five friends to make money and hopefully rent out for a higher price for the second half of the summer after we did a lot of work has become this boom town where all these minor 49ers are camping in the backyard cooking beans over the fire. And I am thinking, how do I get out of this now? Because nobody's going to want to rent this for the price we're asking with all these minor 49ers cooking beans in the yard.

Yeah, I guess the minor 49ers would, but I guess you don't rent to them. Well, no, and they only want to pay in gold, which, as I said, all gold is fool's gold. And actually, you said it, but I was agreeing. But I was going off a lot of the stuff you were saying. Yeah. And so suddenly it occurs to me what the solution is, and it's to start shooting them all with a gun. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, and it's Tanner's Guide to Kicking Button, dropping names in the red carpet linebacker, always in this industry

we call showbiz. Well, look who it is. If it isn't all the Sean and Hayes, and we're back for another episode. Isn't that strange? April 1st to all of you. Merry tricksters.

And that wasn't necessarily successfully done what we intended to do initially, but now it's a nice big trick. Uh-huh. God, everyone. Don't you think? So obviously a lot of people thought last episode was the last episode. That last episode wasn't the last episode.

The next episode is the last episode. Next, not this upcoming one, the one after that. But we're doing two more from the last one next not this upcoming one the one after that but we're doing two more from the last one so this one and then one more and then that will officially be the end of the show and we've had a lot of fun doing it and thanks for everyone and that's the end of the show or is it or is it the end we're doing a prank and so you never know what to expect and this is what what we do now this is um our new thing that we do. We have a guest coming in later. We're going to impractically joke the staff and have a lot of positive fun with pranks. But we also have been thinking about some larger scale things because we do want to end the show.

We never want to do it again. People say like, are you ending the show? It's like, yes, ideally, of course we are. As soon as we have something to end it for. We must get something else off the ground first because what happens to us is like let's say last week we do the final show it's over people are going oh i missed the show but it was a great way to go out and we're going like uh-oh we don't have anything to do next and if we don't keep it going yes if something had come up in

between then yes which is part of the advantage of ending a lot of our shows with like this is our last show because then if something comes up we're already out the door literally any opportunity we would take if anyone has anything for us we would rather be doing anything else we don't have any ideas left for what to do with this show we are rarely having fun. I don't like the show. I understand why people can't get into it. I'm just at a complete loss. So if you have something in entry-level position, a mail room I would work in, I will do anything. In the meantime, let's be proactive.

Let's think of some pranks, some big-scale ones. But that's what we're doing later. We do have some other ideas for stuff to do with the show that could maybe lead to some other things, other opportunities. Some people, because we now have a brand as Merry Tricksters, some people, there's a certain type of person who, to me, seems very susceptible to getting involved in a large-scale prank project. And these people are, of course, DisAmerican Life producers. Yes. As far as I can tell, if I call them up and tell them I found a body, they have to come spend like six months with me. Yes.

Recording everything I do and say. And you can be very cryptic about it and that's good because they like stringing it out for a long time. So they're loving it as you're being like, I don't,

not ready to talk about that. Well, no, when they get there, you start talking about totally other stuff and you go like, well, I'm actually really interested

in pine cones and then you just do some other crazy shit and then you go like, yeah, no, that old body still sticks in my craw a bit

and they go like, oh, we got to find out more about the body, but we've got to pretend to be friends with this guy for a long time. And that, to me, is going to really benefit us because way more people listen to that shit than the shit we're doing. And then we can do more of these body shows. We can be constantly discovering more bodies, and it's unclear what we were doing there and stuff. Yeah.

We could go to jail and call them from jail. And they are in love with us. A great use of Cody who already looks like he washed ashore. Mm-hmm. No, Cody's a textbook floater. He's bloated. He's got bruises. And he doesn't –

Well, no. His blood has all kind of sank to the back of him. Yeah, he doesn't breathe with any regularity. He gets it in spurts where he won't be breathing for a long time and suddenly we go – like he's like he was right at the edge of something bad happening so

so I think that could really help us and Cody if you want to call up Starley Kine I mean who do we like who's a thing like the cereal people? Sarah Kane and Gable? Yeah, I mean, we start with Ira.

I don't know. Let's call Ira. Yeah, let's call Ira. Can you dial Ira up for us? Okay, one sec. Hold on. Searching for the number here. Okay. Are you getting the number here. Okay.

Are you getting a number? No. One sec. He's you. I call him this time of day every Thursday. It's Ira Glass' phone. I'm Ira Glass. Hey, Ira. It's a real guy. it's Ira Glass' phone I'm Ira Glass hey Ira

it's a real guy normal salt of the earth type regular person kind of guys you do the stuff with yeah yeah

calling found a body in a tree looked like a punk rocker grunge guy. A body in a tree. What kind of town

was this body found in? The town's so fucked up, man. But does it seem like a normal town? Yeah, it's normal, but the normal world is kind of fucked up. People in the big city would be really interested in this

because it sounds like, oh wow, this is really how towns are. Okay, and what is your relationship to this body? I'm humping it. Okay. And are you generally a little more withholding about that?

Yes, yes, yes. Just for the purposes of this phone call, you're just trying to download me on the information. I understand. Yeah. Oh, I can't really say how I know the body, just that I do know it quite well. And that I was in the tree because of the pine cones. I just want to make sure.

Rita, are you on the line? Are you getting this? Yes, I'm getting it all. Okay. Because of pine cones? Yeah, I was in the tree because of the pine cones. You know, conifers, in a way, sort of represent to me the truest form of the life cycle. They get big and round and then they fall.

So, you know, that's maybe something you could put some music under and that's now a powerful message is there any way I can speak to do we have access to the body itself is there yeah I'll stomp on it and make it make a noise I didn't hear any noise

it seems like the body didn't hear any noise it seems like the body didn't make any noise okay what was that it's like he did a thing with his lip like a that's disgusting that's good

okay any other details about the body we should or like we have the town we have that you're interested in in nature yeah any interesting family history that we can get into

I've got a long sort of Berbiglia style story that's great oh god that's fantastic we love Berbiglia high school you know okay like having a best friend or something yeah is it and growing apart is it unusual in any way from what other people from like what most people deal with how long i talk about it uh that's great that's uh that that that sounds perfect um so we'll send him out

uh we'll send out um is that not gonna be white on white if he's here and i'm doing this uh it helps to just like once we are really getting some momentum with an interesting story on the show, it helps to bring him in to start doing his thing for a little while. Who else? Hannah Joffrey-Waltz, I guess we can send out as well, if that sounds good. Could be good. Jack Hitt, Scott Carrier, Jonathan Goldstein. Okay.

All people who don't work there anymore, I guess. What's a good name for it? Body Town? Yeah, Body Tree. Oh, yeah. Body Tree. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Okay, Body Tree. Body Town. Maybe it's Body Town. I'm like next door to a brothel or something, or a burlesque house. Okay. Like, does that feel like there's some, or do you feel like there's not enough elements? No, I think we can do something with it.

Oh, and one other thing. This guy, his girlfriend really doesn't want to be a part of the story, so maybe we start just camped out in her house or something. That's good. And we just hear her a little bit saying no, that she doesn't want to be on the show. And then we give all of her information out for people to kind of get in there.

That's good. This will be good money for me. I'm sort of a master of making it and spending it frankly alright podcast man well I gotta go do something normal cook a dinner or

cut the grass I'm gonna make up the Tori Malatia joke we do that first we come up with a good Tori Malatia the Tori Malatia joke. We do that first. We come up with a good Tori Malatia joke. Tori Malatia first and then and then the show

and then we sort of hopefully sort of can engineer the show around that. Tie the show into the Tori Malatia joke somehow.

Yes. Okay. Okay. That's our show. Bye. He got to say that's our show to me. So great.

Yeah that's great. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you hear the phone call, Hayes? Yeah, I was on the headphones. I wish I were more involved. It was something that we came up with together. Yeah, but that's weird. Two people, that doesn't really work.

Now it seems like it's you and Cody. You got like, you know, like you can only have one sort of Adnan figure. Yeah. I don't know. There are lots of characters in all these things. I don't know why the idea that there could only be two characters, I think. Well, one of the characters is a reporter. Right.

One of the characters is the unusual guy they're in love with. Right. The girlfriend, I guess, who doesn't want to be. I guess I could do that. That would be great for you. That's huge. That would be good. You're in love with. Right. The girlfriend, I guess, who doesn't want to be. I guess I could do that. That would be great for you. That's huge. That would be good. You're in the living room.

You're going like, please don't record me. They give all your information. Then people are like showing up in your yard or whatever. I'd like that. Am I still a floater? Cody, you're not a floater. You were found in a tree. Now, how is a floater in a tree? Dude, there used to you were found in a tree now

how is a floater in a tree did there used to be a river in that tree is that yes you know is that part of the story

this whole town's changed so much there used to be a river in the trees and that's sort of like how America's climate change is ruining everything

or whatever we have a different thing that we're doing now with Carl Tartt on Hollywood Handbook so it's me it's Nick Van Axel all all nighter doing the apartment newsletter you know like for our apartment building we print out the newsletter where we're talking about who's pet has a birthday and who's been making noise. And we hand it out.

We slip it under everyone's door. And it's good natured. Yes. The apartment news. And so we finally, there's final copies and the news is done. And so we're printing them out. And we print them double-sided because we don't have that much paper. And you can't afford the paper, yeah.

And I see on the other side is these drawings. These beautiful drawings. And I'm like, Nick, what are these drawings? He's a secret artist? He secretly is so talented with his art. Oh, my gosh.

And he's shy about it? Yes. He doesn't even like to talk about being such a good artist because I guess he got made fun of by Dikembe Mutombo or somebody. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's so sad to me. And so he draws him like beating him up.

When people have these secrets, because Nick draws himself beating up Dikembe Mutombo. And those are the beautiful drawings you saw? Yes, they are really nice. Wow, oh wow. And I said, Nick, guess what I said? You said, Nick? What did I say first?

Oh, first you went, these are so good. No, I had to say, stop the presses. Okay, oh wow, that's really fun. But it's just a printer. It's just like a laser printer, right? Yeah, but you have to stop it. You have to hit cancel on the screen, yeah. And so guess then what I said.

Then you said, Nick, these are so good. Yeah. You have to share these with the world. We have to put these in the news. And yes. Hey, welcome to Hollywood. Hi, welcome to Hollywood. This is Guy the King by Dropping Names of the Incorporated Lines of this Show Best Ha! Week! What a week it was so interesting this week has been insane we learned a lot about ourselves we learned a lot about other people

we at the end of our last show said that that we weren't going to do any more shows. And it was a devilish, mischievous trick that we play like Loki, the trickster god. Yes, that we do about every five weeks. Uh-huh. And we were being Thor's, you know, brother. And. Yeah. And people, all these people we think are going to say, just nice prank.

That's what we're expecting. Yeah, thanks for trying to prank me. You've done this 15, 20 times before, and I'm not falling for it again. But instead what happened, everyone followed for the trick. Everyone followed for it. So many people cried Cody called me saying basically like I'm so sorry yeah Cody called me

at 4am he sounded like he was on something and I don't know you know that world I told him to take something after he called me I said that he needed to take something. Was he down?

Because he was way, like, he was very excited when he was talking to me. And I said, you need to take something to bring you down. With me, he sounded, yeah, like his jaw was moving slower than his mind. So, which is hard to do, you know. So I said, come on. Move slower than that mind. Clean my bath. I made him do that.

But he called me very upset about the show and about stuff just going on for him. And basically, it was such a thrill to me to have done a trick that big and tricked the world and fooled the whole world. And I thought, now I know why these impractical jokesers. Yes. We have to talk about it. We have to explain what that is for people that don't know it. It's an underground thing. Because I'm finding out about this power experience.

I'm saying I have to keep doing this again for the rest of my life. I'm Googling tricks. What are some other tricks? And coming up over and over again are these guys, these impractical jokers. Do you know about these guys? Who, me? I mean. This isn't even on.

Oh, Jesus. Okay. I guess that's what. Can you believe his jaw was moving slower than that might? This guy. These guys. All right, well, let's bring in our guest. I mean, maybe Carl could explain a little bit about these guys.

They've gone viral at this point. These guys, yeah. Because I'm still kind of figuring out this thing, these impractical jokers. And Carl Tard is here. Hi. From comedy, from shows, from making jokes, from just being an exciting talent. Carl, talk a little bit about your stuff. You do practical jokes.

I do practical humor. Yes. Like Gallagher. It's practical. Yes. It's something you can use. It's useful. Yeah.

Not impractical. It's Gallagher. You're feeding people. Yeah. Feeding people crushed watermelon. That's practical. In practice, the watermelon's here, and it's smashed. People could have it.

You have to smash it. You got to smash it. Oh, gosh. Yeah. So, obviously, we talk about Gallagher almost every episode. But here we're going to talk about somebody who does the opposite. They do these impractical jokes. And these guys have gone viral, basically.

Yeah. I wouldn't mind going viral myself because what I see is that's a gravy train. So can you talk about the impractical jokers and your relationship to them, Carl? I can talk about the impractical jokers and my relationship. We all went to high school together in Long Island.

And Staten Island, I'm sorry. I get them mixed up. I was a transfer. Well, you used to transfer every other day, right? From Long Island to Staten Island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because times were hard back then in the early 90s. You were stowaway on that boat, I guess, huh?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Ellis Island, Long Island, Staten Island. My family came in. Fire Island. Yeah Staten Island my family came in Fire Island yeah Fire Island all the boys play yeah

all the the whole you know the boys do like to play out there don't they Ghost Island Scooby Doo

now that one yeah that one I didn't know so much about so I guess in between Staten Island

and Long Island it only appears I guess in between Staten Island and Long Island, it only appears, I guess, for an hour a night. There is a ghost island where the spirits gather for their ghoulish. They roam. Ball, yeah. And on Ghostfire Island is where the ghost boys play. Yes. They do like to play out there.

Those ghost boys do like to play. So you went to high school with them, and then your relationship was, are they pranking you at this point? Can we talk about these guys? Because these are your guys, these jokers. What are they? It's Yertle. What are some of the other ones?

Damien. Yertle. Damien. Fixrow. Fixrow. Fixrow, yes. F-I-X-R-O. Yeah, Fixrow. We played football together.

Yeah. He was the front back. And Rudel, Damien, Fixrow. Rudel, Damien, Fixrow. Fixrow was the front back. Yeah. And then Rudel was Damien, Fixro. Rudel, Damien, Fixro. Yeah. Fixro was the front back. Yeah. And then Rudel was the side to side.

And Tane. Ah. Tane. Tane. And that's bringing me back. Yeah. Tane is the guy who, I'm just going to say, Rudel. Rudel.

Yeah. Fixro. Fixro. Fixro. Damien. Fix Fix Roy Damien Damien and Tane and Tane and when Tane shows up

and Tane shows up now it's the pain shows up okay and that's true and I so of course I mean I should say

I was the headmaster of the school so I know all these guys I have a little bit of a different relationship and I was hard on you Carl but I was hard on you, Carl, but I was hard on you because I saw potential. You are. You kicked me out of school

every day and then told me I could come back every other day. Yeah. That's why I kept having to transfer from Staten Island to Long Island. But a light kick. It's not really... It's kind of the equivalent of face mugging somebody. Put his foot up against your butt gently and then just give you a little. No velocity to it.

Yeah, just sort of guiding you with the foot. I'm sitting in a rolling chair, and I'm sort of rolling myself along with the foot moving you towards the door. Yeah, and you're propelling backwards, I guess. Yes, that's right. That's right. I don't move because I'm a brick shithouse. No, and that was your position.

We should talk about that. Yeah,'m a brick shithouse. No, and that was your position. We should talk about that. Yeah, you played brick shithouse. You were obviously, no wonder you were so close to the front back. I mean, you guys are basically partners in there. It's front back, side to side, and it's brick shithouse. Yeah, and if you got those three positions locked down, it's going to be hard to score a goal, you know? Man, I could have gone for anyone.

Yeah. Yeah, what happened there? You know, sometimes when you're a brick shithouse, the foundation on that house gives. Let's just say I'll leave it there. I'll leave that to the imagination of the listener. And I'm just, you know, an earthquake. An earthquake.

I'm looking at your feet. Sounds like there was an earthquake and your feet crumbled. And his feet got swallowed up by the earth. That's what the event was called because everybody saw it. All the college scouts were in the audience.

California State, Arizona State, New Mexico State, Utah State, Texas State, Mississippi State, Alabama State, all the state schools,

none of the universities, all the state colleges were in the audience and they called it the earthquake in Staten Long Island. When the brick shithouse lost its foundation. You can Google it.

Yeah, you can Google it. Nothing comes up, but it's just a great thing. You can literally Google anything. I'm just telling you, you can do it. Were there pranks? Then, like, even before. Yeah.

I mean, you mentioned Tane bringing the pain. Tane brings the pain. Yeah. Fitzro, don't want you to know. Oh, yeah. Damien. You can go to Rudel next. Rudel likes toasted strudel.

And Damien? And he's going to get next. Rudel likes toasted strudel. And Damien. And he's going to get it by any means necessary. Yeah. Yeah. And Damien brings the painting. That's the truth, man. Oh, gosh. Brings me back thinking about those guys and having to kick them out of school every other day

and then invite them back the following day. having to kick them out of school every other day and then invite them back the following day. But you're in that rolling chair and it became that in order to move in one direction, you would have to kick someone out of school. So that, I think it became just kind of like practical for you just to move around. Yeah. Because how else are you going to... Yeah, we're going to talk a lot about practicality and impracticality today. And yeah, it was a practical method of movement for me. I had had so many tacks put on my chair that my butt was pinned to the chair. And that's part of being a headmaster at a school like that, that you are going to get pinned to the chair

and you are going to not want to admit that you can't stand up and you're going to pretend that as you're sort of pushing with one foot and have the other foot stuck out straight from another prank that happened to you where you can't bend your knee anymore, that that's what you're choosing to do. And that's a power dynamic that we have. So, Carl, you're watching these guys, your friends, and you're watching them do these pranks, and you're saying, like, are you, like, learning from them? Are you studying some of these impractical jokes that they're doing?

Yeah, I'm kind of checking it out. Because after the earthquake in Longstead, I needed to find a new lane, you know? Yeah. Because football wasn't going to do it. No. So. Construction on that lane now. Yeah.

Yeah. Cones. Yeah. You know, Tane also brings a lane and he gave me the lane of impractical jokes

yeah and I said nah I'm over practical jokes is there a pain lane that he brings yeah there's a pain lane

that Tane and he walks a great day on that Marmaduke yeah like Marmaduke like Marmaduke. Like Marmaduke. Like Marmaduke. Yeah. Wow.

These guys were getting college scholarship looks for impractical jobs. Montana State. Idaho State. Yeah. North Dakota State. South Dakota State. That's a lot of people's ticket out now. Yeah.

It's like if you go to state school. Look, that's the only way off the island. You don't behave your way off the island, they say. That's for sure. You prank your way off. No, there's a lot of skeletons on that island of guys who thought they could behave their way off and just became just bones. That's the Fire Island slogan, too. You don't behave your way off that island.

No. This is where the boys play. No, that's where the boys play. You play your way off that island with the other boys. Yeah. Yeah. It is the way. You've either got a jump shot or a slingshot, they say these days.

You're either firing a slingshot at the principal. Dennis O'Menna style, firing it, you know, paper wasp into the dude's rear end. Yeah. Or, you know. Or your Van Axel. Or your Van Axel. It all comes back around.

So, obviously, you were inspired. You saw some of these impractical jokes. You saw this as a window, maybe. Okay, if football's not going to happen for me, this is another way for me to find my ticket out. Do you remember your first prank? When did you first realize you were pranking? You know, I started running with that crowd, and it was a bad time.

So basically, Fix Row walked up to me. He was like, yo, girl over here, this is what you need to do. You need to go up to that guy over there. You need to put this post-it note on his back. Did it say anything on the note? No. It was a blank post-it note. It was blank.

And I'm like, you know, I'm not just going to waste a stack of Post-it notes, okay? I'm just trying to make it out of high school. And they were like, this is what you need to do. I'm calling over Tane. Tane's going to run down the lane. He's going to bring the pain. He's going to bite you with his great day. Oh, no.

Tane's very effective for the pranks being implemented. Yeah, because people wouldn't do them. Just the threat of Tane. Yeah, because people wouldn't do them. Just the threat of Tain. Yeah. It's going to make you go insane. Yes, and as far as I know, Tain's Great Dane has never actually brought the pain.

It's the idea that he's going to. Yeah. Is it powerful enough? I've never seen it, but the leash is very long. Seems like it must be a big dog yeah and it's a and i should say this it is a leash that is long that is fully extended it's not one of these leashes that pulls out further from you're not supposed to use those they encourage pulling oh i don't i don't have any dogs no no but I'm just saying, if you see Tane, let him know. That's why he's telling me.

I don't see Tane much anymore besides on Truth TV. Truth TV, yeah. It's not reality, it's actuality. And there's a fine line to distinguish the two. One is real stuff. The other one is just called actuality. Right. You know what I mean?

Can you explain that a little more? Okay. It's kind of a difference between a lawyer and a catfish. They're pretty similar. Yeah. But you can't find a difference if you poke around a bit. I don't have any pits. Well, I'm sorry.

It's going to be hard. I do so many animal metaphors on this show. We want to see one of these things because we want to be doing more of this viral stuff. We'd like to go viral and we thought we'd bring in somebody who knows how these guys operate. I knew how they operated. We were in high school 20 years ago. I can tell you

how they operated then. I can give you, I watched their show on Truth TV and I can tell you a little bit about what they do now. But let me just warn you now.

There's a reason that there's a ghost island. Okay? Oh no. Oh wow wow it's from pranks they send everyone to ghost island and that's where they have to resolve their you just you just let me just tell you this you're playing with hot water people who were pranked in life then yeah have to go to ghost island yeah that's in order to take their revenge. This is different for me because I am usually playing with warm water. Give me a nice big cup of warm water, and I'm good for the day just in terms of entertaining myself.

Yeah, you can play with that. That's a great toy. You can do a lot of stuff with warm water, but you're playing with hot water when you start pranking. Okay. It would help to maybe watch you do it first. I hate to invite you back

to this dark place. It's alright. I'll do anything for you guys. So maybe we do one where you go up to Cody. I tell Cody, yeah, okay, so go to Cody. Cody, turn your things up. Don't be listening, Cody. I'm never listening anyway so

go to cody and uh and ask him like to or to order uh like a hot dog or something oh my gosh ask him you guys start me oh wait oh wait kevin's kevin's okay oh this is earlier than we wanted kevin just yeah go thank Okay, come back later. Okay. So, go up to Cody, and what are you wanting to say to Cody? Well, you were saying you want Cody to order a hot dog. Oh, have Cody order a hot dog. And then ask Cody if he thinks Hayes is cute.

Okay. All right. Okay. This is crazy. this is nuts I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't love you too guys I love your ways I want to tell you I love your ways

we all have a lot of love for one another and we wouldn't have asked you to do something this fucked up you know and devastating if we weren't all so close to do something this fucked up. Yeah. You know? And devastating if we weren't all so close. I think people are really going to dig this. I think it's good for people to hear.

I think we could go viral. And we're all best friends. Yeah. Okay. Do the hot dog thing first. Here it goes. All right, here it goes. Hey.

Hey. Hey, Cody. Yo. Can I talk to you? Yo, yo, yo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I wanted to know? Yo yo yo Yeah yeah yeah I wanted to

I wanted to know if you could I just opened up a hot dog business And I'm giving away free hot dogs today here In the studio art And I want to offer you one What would you like to order? You want to offer me a hot dog? Yeah.

All in for it. You want a hot dog? He's been here the whole time. He thinks there's a hot dog. Do you want a hot dog? Dude, I'll take a hot dog. You want a hot dog? I'll take a hot dog, man.

All right. But first, what do you want? You want ketchup? Ketchup sounds good. Sure. Mustard? Yes, ketchup. You want mustard? Stop doing the voice. sure mustard you want mustard

stop doing the voice honey mustard honey mustard you want honey mustard and ketchup what you want honey mayo no mayo

no mayo no mayo you want relish no no no no no no no just how it is now that's fine ketchup and honey mustard no no no

how it is now wait there is a hot dog and also he can see it I gotta ask you something. What? You see that guy over there? No, he's doing it.

His right here? Hayes. Hayes. He's looking at me. Or Sean. Hayes. Hayes. Do you find him attractive at all?

What? What the fuck? Do you think he's cute? What the fuck do you think he's cute what the fuck actually i'm gonna get ahead i'm sorry i have to put a stop to this yeah cody does have a girlfriend i didn't why didn't you tell me then i know i'm sorry i didn't think of that at the beginning i don't like to prank people in relationships i know i know i know i know i know i I know. I know. I'm sorry, Cody. I know. I'm sorry. I forgot that Cody has a girlfriend. Cody has a girlfriend.

I'm so sorry, Cody. This was a prank, Cody. This was a prank. We planned this all out. We forgot that you have a girlfriend. It's not nice for you to have to think about cuteness of other people. Cody is a loyal lover. Yes. And for him to consider whether Hayes is cute is going to shake up his whole relationship.

And he's been working pretty hard in that relationship. He brings his girlfriend to work a lot so we can see her. And we'll say, yes, that's right. Why is she here so much? It must be just so we can behold her and we'll say yes that's right why is she here so much it must be just so we can behold her and remember that the cody can't be that many reasons for her to be here cody is a boyfriend and cody is very bad at his job uh he is very bad at everything else that he likes to do outside of his job just uh skateboarding and walking around and stuff.

But he has a very sweet boyfriend. So I guess this is a good example of how these things can go so wrong. Yeah, you've shown us that this can blow up in our face. Oh my God, Kevin, get out. Kevin, get out. Get out of here, Kevin. Okay. That was close.

So we've learned a little bit about these things can go pretty wrong. If you have somebody whose whole identity is wrapped up in them being a boyfriend and doing very small Venmo transactions with their girlfriends and keeping their settings to public so everyone can see it, it's like if he thinks Hayes is cute, then what's he going to be paying Hayes for now? Why is he sending Hayes $350? I'm just starting to see mysterious tiny Venmo payments

showing up in my phone. And I'm starting to think that Cody's going into boyfriend mode again with Hayes. And he's going to expect something back from you, and I think that could have really destroyed Cody's life in a way just from doing this one small and practical joke prank. Yeah, I mean, so that's

what I'm saying. Like, Carl, I appreciate the question and stuff, and that's cool. Like, I'm usually down to answer questions, but in this case, like, why do you guys shake me in my core? But you saw it almost made him explode. It was close, man. I don't know what kind of guy I got. When do you guys tell him? What?

Tell him that this that this was a prank? Yeah. Okay. That it was a prank that we were doing a prank? I feel like I did do that. We did say that.

I feel like I did spend some time doing that but you were writing your name on the table which is which is When do you guys tell him? Do you want to double

reversey prank him where we then say now that this part was a prank and try to get him back into the other prank? When do you guys tell him that that first one was a prank oh gosh i really okay we went over it a couple times i feel like we told him and i think then we did just tell you that that it was a prank but you were writing your name on the table no i get that i get that

i get that i just wanted to know yeah i understand no go ahead you have a question we keep interrupting what do you want to know this is all i wanted to know. Yeah. I understand. No, go ahead. You have a question. We keep interrupting. What do you want to know? This is all I wanted to know if I could just get this out. When do you guys tell him that that original thing that I did to him was a prank? Are you guys going to tell him that or do we just like let it go? You know what? Maybe it's best to let it go, right? Right.

That's fine. And maybe we can move on to a nice one with Kevin because that one was so nasty, so mean, and nice to pull it back a little bit. Well, Prince can be positive. And I think that if you recall, there was a little group called Flash Mob Everywhere that would bring movies to life and have Tyrannosaurus running in New York City and all these events that were viral. Oh, you did?

No. Yeah. The whole flash mob? The whole flash mob. Oh, that's right. I was headmaster for the flash mob. It's rough at those schools because the class sizes are really not built for all these flash mobs in class.

No, yeah. People dancing. There'd be one teacher for a 200-person flash mob. It's hard to learn because there's a frigging pillow fight going on. It was like lean on me. Yeah. Oh, it's Kevin. Kevin, leave.

Kevin, get out. Get out. Get out. Well, I remember they'd all be dressed as Best Buy employees, and they'd just bust out these dances. Yeah. What was that? Tell me. I was too caught up with the Impractical Jokers to really notice the flash mobs.

You didn't even notice the flash mobs. Yeah. It was not until you were going through your yearbook later and saw that the entire flash mob had signed it. Yeah. It was like three pages full. Over people's pictures, too, which I didn't like. Not over the picture. Do it to the side.

Do it to the side. Do it to the side. That's what the space is for in the back. Flash mobs don't give a fuck. They're just rolling through school. Okay, maybe we do a flash mob on Kevin? Yeah, let's try to do a flash mob style prank on Kevin. It's positive.

After that, we tell him that that was a... Tell Cody? Yeah, tell Cody. That the original thing was a prank? Yeah. Sure, sure. Cool. Kevin! Kevin. Kevin!

Kevin! Kevin! Kevin. Kevin! Okay, okay, Kevin. He's here. He's here. Okay.

Hey, Kevin, stand in the corner. Just stand kind of back there in the corner a little bit. Okay, so Carl, this is Kevin. I know Kevin. Yeah, this is one of our Kevins. So maybe if you look at him, he... Let's go together. Oh, you did. What kind of click was he in?

He was a part of the Daily Dallies. Oh, no, and they're always a little late. Okay, so Kevin did hurt himself over the last couple days. You can see he has his arm in a sling. Maybe you can look at him and think of a good flash mob to do on him. Kevin. All the girls in the party, look at that body, shaking that thing like you never did see.

Got a knife in the back of your heart. And I'm just reading a newspaper. I'm just like, keep going, keep going. And I'm just like a business guy, and I'm walking around and I'm being like, what's going on? I'm a lifeguard up in a chair just sort of surveying. And now I'm going to blow my whistle. Everybody into the flash map! And I'm the business guy.

Now I'm grooving too all of a sudden. I'm dancing the same as you guys. Look at us. We're doing the synchronized dance. Oh, knowing the shark swam up out of the water and it's actually engineered. Okay, now I am going to have to put a stop to this. That's much too scary for what we're trying to do here. This was supposed to be a fun, positive flash mob for Kevin.

Kevin needs our help right now. He's a sexual deviant who has an injury. Can I be like, I was just one of those harmless sharks, not one of the dangerous ones. Like a nurse shark? Tiger shark. Or a killer whale. What about a killer whale?

Humpback whale. Yeah, with the baleen. Humpback whale don't have teeth. And Kevin, you'll appreciate this. They have what's known as baleen. Hop-back whale don't have teeth. And, Kevin, you'll appreciate this. They have what's known as baleen. And it is

a semi-permeable membrane inside their mouth. Carl doesn't have any pets. I don't have any pets. I don't have any pets. The plankton come through. Well, okay. Carl doesn't have any pets, so we'll have to do this lesson another time,

but I can't get out of headmaster mode sometimes with these kids. So I hate to see that go so badly. Kevin comes in here. He did hurt him. So just to explain to you, Carl, Kevin takes these pictures. He takes them back to this little layer of his and he uses his dungeon for a little like a little fratage play where he brings himself to the edge but never gets like a full release which you could say like probably a way to do that is to use your

left hand and we noticed today kevin does have his left arm in a sling, probably from bringing himself potentially too close to the edge. Well, and what Kevin is telling people is the story of how he got hurt, is he's pretending that a woman hit him with his car, and he did pretend to the woman that is Kevin's pickup style. Kevin, do you want to talk a little bit about your pickup style? pretend to the woman that is Kevin's pickup style. Kevin, do you want to talk a little bit about your pickup style?

Yeah, I'll often jump in front of cars and say like, hey, you almost broke my heart there, sweetheart. Often they call the police and it doesn't go to my benefit. And the T doesn't need to be hit so hard in the word often. Often. People think they're going to sound smart when they do that, but I actually read an interview with Will Smith once who's kind of like a grammar maniac. I don't have any pits.

And he said that it drives him crazy when people hit the T in often because they think they're sounding smart, but that's actually not how it's pronounced. Kevin and I are from the islands. So we say often. Often. Longstead Island. Ghost Island.

Fire Island, where the boys play. That's where we're from. That's what we say. You know, Kevin used to kick it with Tane. What? Kevin, you're tight with Tane? Did he teach you this pickup style? Did he bring you the pain?

Yeah, he brought me the pain figuratively and literally and gave me a notebook with all these pickup lines. I don't have any pets either. So, okay, so your pickup style is based in pain and trickery, which are the two things we know Tane really loves. Although Tane does have a pet. He does. He has a great Dane.

He stands on the lane and follows the rain on Kapiti Plain. I thought Dane was his roommate. No, that is a Great Dane. That is a dog. That's the name of the kind of dog. Oh, I thought that's what he called his roommate, Great Dane. No.

I wasn't there, but I know that's not what happened. I know it was a dog. You were his best friend in high school, Kevin. His best friend. And also, this is high school. You lived with him. It's not really a roommate situation. Maybe there is, because you described yourself as a headmaster,

which is kind of like a private school-y thing. But this is a school that seems to exist on multiple islands, as part of an island chain. You were the closest person to him, other than his girlfriend, Dominic Swain. Yeah, we would hang out often. And so, Kevin, I get it. I saw you did that on purpose. I'm sorry that we scared you

and you did hurt yourself and that we threatened you with additional shark pain, which is, that was not a good prank to do. That was not a nice flash mob. Yeah, and the intention was to bring something positive to try to sort of heal you on a couple levels. Yeah.

One, physically your arm is busted up. Two, you're so fucked up. You're so fucking sick. Your sexual experience is so tied up in all these like freakish sort of lies and just secrets and just nasty little dark corners of your life. It just, it's a spiral or something. Like it's only going to get worse and more intense. Imagine what he would do with a pet. When we were talking about pets, I saw him get an idea and I don't know what it was, but he licked his lips.

Yeah. What was the idea, Kevin? I don't want to share it. Well, and that's part of the problem is you're not sharing these things. Yeah. It's creating a shame spiral. Part of the pleasure is not sharing it with you guys. It's keeping it to myself.

That's not pleasure, Kevin. You're creating a shame spiral. What's a good, maybe we bring Josh in here or something, and we do a nice, really get this right, do something that can go viral in a nice way. I wouldn't. I wouldn't either. I wouldn't do that.

I'd be very cautious. Oh, I don't care about that. I just wouldn't. I mean, I don't give a shit, but I would not recommend it. See, these guys have been the little stars of the show for so long, and they're like, oh, no, you don't want to bring Josh into this. I think they're scared of potentially a good new energy that Josh could be bringing to the show.

Are we going to tell Kevin if that was a flash mob? Okay. So I see you've written your name a few more times, Carl. We did tell Kevin it was a flash mob. I don't expect you to hear this. I get that. I get that. Yeah.

But you have a question, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to tell him, though? You have a question, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to tell him, though? Sometimes your name is written as Mr. Tane, which I don't, is it like, are you hoping to marry Tane? Yeah.

I'm hoping to marry Tane. Tane is a guy who brings the pain. I want the pain. Yeah. I want to kiss him in the rain on competing plane. And you won't rest until all his other suitors have been slain. Yep.

Including Dominique Swain. Yes. His main dame. Swain spiral. So, maybe we get Josh in here What's a sort of concept for a prank We could do with Josh

That's really going to be positive And not become scary like Kevin's Or challenge his entire identity Like Cody's Yeah so maybe we think of It's not a prank it's not a flash mob It has to be something in between Josh! Josh! Oh and Great Dan is here too It's not a prank. It's not a flash mob. It has to be something in between. I'll get you.

Josh! Josh! Oh, and Great Dana's here, too. Oh, yeah, Great Dana. Dana! Josh and Dana! So what's a different kind? You do all these pranks.

What's another kind of thing? You've seen some of the stuff that Josh and I do. Just stand in the corner until we're ready. Just stand in the corner. Yeah, just stand in the corner until we're ready. Just stand in the corner. Yeah, just stand in the corner. Okay, so what would be something the impractical jokers might do that would maybe be a little bit more positive? The most prominent one I remember is the post-it on the back. Okay.

Okay, I don't know how to do that. There's also another one where they drive up in a van and tell strangers to get in the van. Okay. That could be cool. You could give them a pair of yoga pants and say, like, hey, put these on. And then say, you actually look really great in these. Like, it really compliments, you know, your figure. I think they did that once.

That's a great prank right there. It's a positive body image prank. You could steal their identities. I think Kevin wants them to change in front of him. We just found something that we like.

And it is obviously to indulge Kevin's desire to have people change clothes. I'll look away. Somebody's got to tell Kevin about that flash mob because he is coming in with great pranks. Yeah, he deserves to know. But then Cody's like, oh, but what about this one? It's like, no, we just got it. Cody just saw the Identity Thief movie.

Okay, but let's go with that. So, Carl, you go up to them and take these yoga pants. Okay, you let's go with that. So Carl, you go up to them and take these yoga pants. Okay, you know what to do. Alright. Hey guys. Hey. I got you two pairs

of Lululemon yoga pants. And I'd like you to put them on. Here, here's your pair, and here's your pair. They're doing this! Extra small. Yeah, you guys are smaller framed, folks. You know, I have some

friends who would love this. I mean, thank you. I don't know if I feel comfortable wearing these. I'll put them on. I'm going to put them on right now. Put the pants on. Put the pants on. Both of you. Not over your other pants. I feel really uncomfortable with this. I'm kind of ashamed of my lower body.

He's blowing it. Put the pants on. Josh is ruining it. Just like turn your head a little bit though. I don't want you to get like the full look. Yeah, yeah. Dana wants you to have like a peripheral angle on her. Okay, just like, hold on. I'm going to.

These actually fit like not bad. You look great in them. Hold on. Thank you so hold on. These actually fit not bad. You look great in them. She's taking them back off. I want to put them on and off again. It feels good putting them on and off. You look great in them. You know what I got? I got most of this leg in there.

Josh, his lower body is so bad. No wonder he didn't want to do this prank. This is not a good look. It's so wet. Slipper. I get really sweaty when I put on tight pants. Lycra?

It's falling apart. Ew, Josh, you're getting the material all over me. My sweat's also acidic, and it dissolves the pants. I'm sorry. Now I feel pain. Oh, no. I ruined these pants. Those were expensive.

I hope you didn't want them back. Oh, Josh ruined it. I told you not to. So I would say this was like a success for the most part. That this prank was a success. A net success for sure. Which is Dana liked it too much. Uh-huh.

And Josh ruined it. Yeah. But there's no way we could have predicted. It wasn't something we did to Josh. No. M-R-T-A-Y-N. Are you guys going to tell them about this prank? Bye. Y N are you guys going to tell them about this print bye bye

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