Hollywood Handbook - Chris Black and Jason Stewart, Our Trend Friends

Episode Date: April 26, 2022

The Boys talk to CHRIS BLACK and JASON STEWART from the podcast How Long Gone about the latest trends. Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so i decided to just get the procedure where i'm just like just make me adaptogenic you know what i mean no i know it's like let's cut out the middle man i've had all them taking all the mushrooms and the i'm ingesting every elixir every powder every um you know serum that you could imagine and i'm like why don't you just get in there flip the switch you know oh please like i've got time to forage yeah i've got a job i make podcasts i can't yes i have a job to do i don't i don't actually have a job but like no it's not a jot and something no it's not no but but uh but anyway so they did it so then how are you they know they didn't do it i go all the way there there. So I sign up for the one where I become adaptogenic.

And they're like, oh, we can also make you nootropic. Nootropic? Nootropic. Nootropic? Nootropic. Okay. That's not what I said. Nootropic.

Nootropic. That's two O's. Which maybe was a red flag. They upsell me on that, on the new Tropic. Well, you're already in there. Well, this is on the phone. Which Next Health were you talking to? Which what?

Oh, you're not familiar with Next Health? Oh my God, you guys. Hayes doesn't know about Next Health. That's crazy, bro. Sorry. Yeah, no. When you said Next Health, I was like, okay, yeah. Which one was when you said next health i was like okay yeah which one was he talking to and he was like what and i couldn't even figure out for a second i was

like does he not know next health but yeah he didn't he didn't know but go ahead tell your story hayes just funny you don't know next health i know it but your other friends of my and me we know you can borrow my login if you want it's online this one didn't even have an online so this was kind of an old school rotary style call yeah well they have you they have you come in like which i liked i like that they said we have to like look at you in person and they did just look at me and they're okay, we're not going to be able to do. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. Close on, close on, close off.

Orifices. They look through this button in my shirt. They pulled open an opening between my shirt buttons, and they put their eye and kind of their whole face right up to it. A bunch of people in the office kept coming in. They'd be like, come look at this. And and then they said adaptogenic is not gonna that's not gonna happen today we're not gonna be able to do that with you exactly you will your body will reject it reject what they said yeah the host will yeah it's tough man you're gonna have to do the old-fashioned way so yeah i guess you gotta keep i guess you gotta keep listening to tim fair i just took down a

i took down a sleeve of ashwagandhas right before we right what's your favorite way because you know you could probably boof the ashwagandha and that might get it in your system faster more yeah to me that's like it's too uh i can feel my blood kind of like it's too fast it gets in the bloodstream too fast well it processes too quickly like yeah sure it's a you know here's here's my thing when you boof it it's ashwagandha yeah but when you take it when you ingest it it's ashwagandha and that's really more of what i'm looking for is to sustain that throughout my day you like the time release ashwagandha not the not that you don't you're not chewing off the let's take it slow i base it i mean i later i drop a parachute of it you know like i do open

the capsule but then i just now we're talking i crumble the powder down into just a paper towel, and then I drop that. Taking it the way they prescribe it is boring and kind of for losers. Yeah, the gel cap, I think that technology, nothing has shown me that they're ready yet. So I do melt that down. Sure, sure, sure. I have no proof. I have no proof, so I'm just just gonna go ahead and get rid of this yeah no i i mean if i could see proof sure i'd love it that sounds like a cool idea

when they figure it out but right now i'll stick with paper towels thank you very much i like that not even kleenex for you a thicker paper towel yeah oh yeah i'm going bounty i'm getting the quilted for everything for yeah for the toilet we don't have to get into that but no no but it's just like we have a single paper product that can achieve basically anything you could imagine and then we're going like it's a kleenex which you can't dry anything up with or we're going like it's toilet paper which you is like too it's it sucks it sucks it's a fucking joke man it's all like feels like slick on my hand or something i don't trust it and you can put like a slice of pizza at a party you bring your own sheet of paper towels you can carry a piece of pizza around on that you can't do that with toilet paper walk in with the

pizza oh now you're interesting finish the pizza not feeling so hot head to the toilet boom you've already got a way to wipe it up and welcome grease helps to hollywood ham hollywood handbook an insider's guide to a clubhouse for the chattering classes a staple for many media insiders culture makers very online people and even your average bro i've never heard that intro that's new uh that is new i read it somewhere welcome uh it's how long gone is here chris how How long gone? TJ. Features in New York Times. Vulture.

What else? Paper. Surely paper. No, not paper, guys. It's 2022. No, no, no. We're in the financial times. Vogue Financial Times. I don't want to go. I don't want to go on Financial Times. Babe.net?

I don't want to go on. Babe.net unfortunately passed up yet again. They passed. It's kind of an issue with our publicist, but we don't need to talk about that. Those are the big hits. We just do a podcast to get different newspaper articles written about us. We're having an issue with our publicist as well.

Was that Kevin or was that someone else it's kevin yeah and that's that's the issue yeah the issue is that our publicist is kevin i can look at kevin i can look at kevin and tell that he's not cut out for the hard-nosed world of public relations oh what the henley is the henley signaling that to you they're not going to let him in at the tower with that Henley on. The only thing, the Sunset Tower or the Condé Nast Tower, he's not getting into either one. Take your pick, fellas. No, Kevin's face is too nice.

You know what I mean? I trust him too much. Even the Henley can't even kind of stop that. Good publicist, you need a cauliflower ear. Exactly. All your nose veins exploded. Yeah, I want that alcoholic bulbous nose. Gin blossoms.

That's what you need. The breath just reeks of piss. Yeah. You've been eating piss. A good publicist eats piss. And we've always said this and kevin for some reason refuses what do you eat kevin like crunchy ice foofy or something crunchy ice what what do you mean what do you mean because you're teething or that's like you like the the taste of water

that's old both if you can freeze water, you can freeze piss, Kevin. I don't really know what the hang-up is here. Great point. Great point, Jason. You can dodge a wrench. You can dodge a ball, Kevin. Yeah, I can piss too. Can you milk me, fucker?

And they did a Grub Street too, or Jason did a grub street too or jason did i did do a grub street yeah it was an honor and uh since i'm from la it was uh it was reviewed terribly nobody in in new york wants to hear how a person in la eats people hated it huh i mean some people like it but you know overall everyone hated it if i hated it overall i hate it i mean you don't have to sugarcoat it for me i'm comfortable with everyone hating your grub street you have to make me feel more comfortable i'm okay with it yeah people hated it i mean that was part of what we wanted to talk about i thought i was grubbing pretty good until i until i saw that piece and then yeah until you took it to the street the comment section was fucking

it was a hell hole and they can be really nice in there no they're usually really nice don't read the comments people everyone's got an opinion about food cause we all eat you know damn bro

that's crazy yeah give a sec Kevin only has freaking crushed ice and faux foodie dumbass guy and it's like nobody he doesn't make anyone nervous i i need to feel for publicists like when your publicist wanted to get you guys booked on here i was worried that if i said no something bad would happen yeah one day I'd go to start my car. She told us she knows which blue bottle you hang out at, and she's not afraid to confront you kind of one-on-one. She'll take that catalytic converter right out of that Prius.

She's stealing cats, huh? If you have pets, I would keep them inside tonight. Wow. She'll kill an outdoor pet. I mean, we don't even pay her that much. She just likes me personally a lot. Okay. Well, how long gone?

It's a show. You talk about... Yeah, what is it? Trends. It's exactly like this show. It's exactly like this show. I've noticed that except that we don't really have comedians on quite as much it's more i guess like on then musicians writers

playwrights you know people have a lot of crossover for sure the comedians chefs but people the people said the comedians that come on our show are like very unfunny and so like that that's like i would agree so then they're writers i guess yeah yeah i think writers are funnier low-key i actually think like the chefs like those people those are the funniest guys yeah those guys kill me man yeah their personalities are so good well it sounds like you guys are being sarcastic but we we only have women chefs on and they are funny i don't know why you guys keep saying i just call them chefs that's so interesting that you call them women chefs yeah i didn't differentiate chefs i didn't think of that as a job title women chef i always said like oh you

are a chef like but that's oh that's cool i learned something new you know because i wasn't aware of that but yeah um i wasn't being sarcastic uh when i am you'll know it we're going not the fellows are going to coachella they're identifying they're doing trend reports from Coachella. Coach fellas. Boots on the ground. They're the Coach fellas. Yeah.

They're the troops. We're digging in the troughs, pulling out bottled water, 805s. And we want. We're butt chugging Red Bull and vodka. We want to distill some of your findings, guess from you only you got back what yesterday no you didn't even spend a night yeah we only went for the day uh just friday that's how you do it as soon as when the sun goes down there it's like it's cooked you know get the fuck out of there i know i know you guys have both been countless times. Have you guys been to Coachella for reals?

Yeah, I started going at age 39. Don't come for me, bitch. But this year, I missed out. This year was so crazy for me, and I wanted to go. I want to do what you guys did which is go and then just make sure that i only see music when it's not dark it gets so scary when it's dark there who are who are some of the acts that you guys were excited about this year oh well we gotta see king grizzard the bizzard bizzard oh yeah you guys had the had the

that guy we had the king the king we had the king yes we haven't listened to their music yet i don't know either even though it's tough to get past the name i'm sure they're good good at music though you know it's so long they're my favorite name yeah yeah we were you're a gizzard head oh yeah, yeah. Big giz head. Yeah, I'm deep in the giz verse. Is it like stoner music? Yeah. But you're not a big stoner, Kevin? No, I fake it.

I don't inhale. No, Kevin's little cherub face is definitely blowing down backwards, and he can get away with it because he looks like that. Yeah. Your fingertips must kevin smokes kevin smokes white and even milders you guys have any more milk flavor that's what he says at the local bodega we're just asking you man it's all love baby for sure for sure but i'm curious you know just to

know like and also phoebe's a friend of the show we did reach out to phoebe about uh appearing and yeah i tried to get her a couple times sure we got what no reply she's slippery every six months we get a she's swamped and it looks like she's only getting swampier as time progresses that's true yeah so we'd have loved to check her out but yeah that'd be actually no thank you uh we um we're curious about basically the status of like certain brands i guess guess, went sort of where they're stacking up. Echo Chela also just kind of on the larger. In the world at large, like what's going on with culture.

Well, the YouTube house was looking pretty bomb in the artist area. They had a nice build out. They spent some serious coin. They had some serious some serious coin to give people an experience beyond music. The Heineken house was off the hook. Houses in general are strong. Houses are red hot right now. Shelter is hot.

The real estate market is lit. Shelter is wired. The outside is lit. Wow. Yes. Shelter is wired. Okay. The outside is tired. Yeah. Okay. Exactly. Exactly.

Kind of what we were thinking. We didn't actually go into the YouTube hut, but it looked pretty cool from outside. You know what's hot right now is content uh opportunities you know what i mean like brands creating structures for you to then create content with and i think that was kind of the purpose of coachella i love engaging creatively with some of my favorite brands and just to be able to kind of flex those muscles uh and have so much of the groundwork laid for me so what was going on at youtube did they just have like a camera setup and you just go in and just like be like wow like go like just totally crazy no no act nuts not that not that i wish i i wish no yeah you couldn't go that crazy because there was security and stuff, but it was more like a shoot you on sight if you did something.

Yeah. I say I would do it, but I bet I would get up there and be like, okay, I'm not going to totally be like, wow. Jake Paul would have tackled you, kind of gotten you out of there. I went in there. I opened up some Pokemon cards and I got some new subscribers okay it was good got my numbers up what what pokemon did you get in the cards char uh char man char he did it char's in there well no wonder people were subscribing he uh he's one of the good ones.

How do all three of you know what word he just said? Char? Yeah. You guys feel these two? Cards are back, man. Like, ripping packs. Like, we're all into it now. I thought it was ripping foil, or is it ripping packs?

Either. Yeah. Depending on what part of the country you're in. It's funny you say that. some of them depending on what part of the country you're in it's funny it's funny you say that some of them are hoils like some of the best cards are from oh yeah so you can rip and hoils you can rip hoils i'm blasting hoils in the back seat of the vein oh yeah yeah i pulled a two of clubs nasty hoils rules for card games uh well are there any other are there any brands that you guys want to like shout out and we can give you like let's do that let's just give you like over and under and just like see how they're looking let's do the pitch fork over under yes kevin do the little like cartoons in between the little sketchy thing

that they do do put all that whip something this is coming out tomorrow right so just do a very quick version of those we're gonna need you to do another all-nighter cuff you're a rock star though two nights in a row such a sweetheart bro thanks again we love you dude you make this place run man we can't do it without you you fucking rock man without you we are nothing the best no so yeah kevin throw out a couple brands we'll give you our no kevin no no no don't don't do any of that start drawing the thing kevin could you mute yourself please yeah yeah mute visual this motherfucker really did mute himself also that avatar doesn't really give me the kevin that i know and love in the world this is when you find out there's something dark lurking underneath huh this kid himself uh nautica what's nautica uh

up to these days are they doing content where's the uh over under on nautica i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to kind of look they're definitely doing content you know i would i've never seen it of it. Chris has a non-compete with Nautica right now, so he can't say a ton. I'm legally not able to talk about Nautica, but I do think that it's still nautical-themed. And I also, for some reason, in my heart of hearts,

I feel like they have collaborated with rapper Lil Yachty at some point, but I can't really place it. It's a little too on the nose if you ask me. I would agree. I would agree. But that's called Synergy, which I'm sure you guys know something about. Keep your eyes peeled for their fragrance in Q3. Let's just say it smells pretty good.

People, I think people just like put the navel thing on. My understanding was that it was short for naughty california that would make a little bit more sense with the way i've seen you wear it um but like most people most people kind of wear it in the in a more nautical way but you freak it and the logo the logo i guess kind of looks like sales, I guess, if you squint or whatever. But my understanding is that it's supposed to be two hogs. With an open mind. Yeah. Two hogs.

That does go back to the kind of naughty theme. Who are some of the most naughty people in California, in your opinion, Gus? Naughtiest in California? California's naughtiest. Just like the first top five. California's naughtiest in california cali's naughtiest just like the first you know top five wow he's naughtiest you think you guys are in california you're naughty name name five naughty californians wow well probably uh i i childish gambino doesn't even make the list for me. Doesn't even make the list. California.

Probably the Governator. Gotta be. Some of his policies. Maybe Charlie Manson? He's a naughty little guy. Charlie Manson was... Charlie's out there. Was pretty naughty. I'm going Rick'm going rick rick caruso oh okay

yeah actually i'm sort of a bad boy i think that's what people are drawn to there yeah hey i think hayes knows more about rick than we do i know i know him from his mall work but he's getting into politics if he can run this uh run this city and run this state like the americana i i don't see a problem myself but hayes what are some of the naughtier parts about him i i mean i guess you could call it naughty the fact that he goes around at night uh arresting evildoers i don't i mean like yeah sure vigilante justice so you're outside of the law but is it against the law i mean great that's a dangerous precedent slippery slope and all that um i didn't know you were a citizen's arrest guy

i wouldn't do it myself i don't have the tools the physical tools and also the training that he has so i leave it to people like him i reserve it i mean uh you know i i don't think it's called for most situations if i see dick cheney in a restaurant citizens arrest cuff him we're tagging boys which local steakhouse do you think you would see dick cheney at i'll tell you which steakhouse i'll see him at i'll see him out back yeah that's good stuff right there. That's right. Next brand.

Do this for a living. Next brand. Next. Phillips Norelco. How are we doing? They're a dinosaur on my portfolio. They are not. Really?

We're short on Phillips Norelco. Jason is heavily, heavily invested in Manscaped, so he can't really, again, he can't really talk about this. I got a lot of sweat equity tied up with Manscaped, so Norelko is my Hitler, basically. This guy's leveraged to the hilt. I've got a lot of writing on this one. What better form of viral marketing?

You take a podcaster home, the dickies come off, and you see those free swag manscaped boxer briefs. I don't know how you know about those. It sounds like you might have a pair. Jason has definitely stuffed his hog in the manscaped, and if he's willing to admit that or not i can't be sure the moisture wicking technology on those guys not bad i mean they they actually do feel pretty comfortable i like wearing them my life partner did say that we're gonna have to donate those to

to goodwill i sold them to her he gave them to her dad actually which is kind of weird but her dad likes to wear all the funky clothes that jason rejects it's how we bond he washed them first okay hopefully one of those washing dads yeah so norelco big thumbs down from me okay under on phillips norelco uh what about brad's bras that sounds that sounds you know about brad's bras this is new to me high performance bras for men or women or for i'm. They're for any form of folks. Brad's Bra, I mean, the brand is Brad's. And I guess they are also affixed with Brad's in the back. That sounds like Active Pockets. You don't know about Brad's Bra? Well, it sounds really crap.

I'm trying to understand the materials these are made with because if they're affixed with Brad's. You don't know about Brad's bras. Well, it sounds really crap. I'm trying to understand the materials these are made with because if they're fixed with Brad's... You say high performance. So when the titties are really, just really bouncing, Brad's there. Where Calvin can't do it, Brad kind of comes in. I guess they're for titties that have destroyed essentially every other bra that...

Okay. So you're telling me... If they've outperformed most of the traditional bras on the market. I see. So if my titties have already bust through the Under Armour, Brad is my final stop on this journey to support. Laying waste to outdoor voices and things like that. You need something with a little more

horsepower what's the is this a direct-to-consumer brand or is this something i could purchase at a local retailer it's a uh like a good question it's like a bra the month like you get a different bra every month oh that's nice that's very nice i'm a big subscriber i'm a big subscription service guy actually so and brad sub stock is BraBox. BraBox, and they're not like a mixed size. They take your size, or is it more of a fun grab bag? It's like online where they... I wouldn't mind a different size every month just to see. They can capture your size through the camera.

Yeah, they have a system. Yeah, you sit topless in front of your webcam and do several 360s, and then they're able to sort of drastically reproduce your body's needs. I've seen some stuff like that before online. I didn't know it had an end use. They took the e-news red carpet cam.

Brad kind of licensed the technology, and the world's a better place for it probably can i ask can i ask are there any kind of marquee investors you cannot yeah marquee mark as as an investor uh so i guess that's a marquee investor okay you guys like marquee mark as a person i hate the guy separate the art from the artist i don't like what he's done. I like Marky Mark. I don't approve.

Yeah, I don't approve at all of some of the things that Mark at Wahlberg has done. I'll say that. Say his name, Sean. I don't think we'd be better off if Ted were just running around without a friend to sort of reign him in every once in a while. Literally no one. without a friend to sort of reign him in every once in a while. Literally no one in any way having any governing

of that foul-mouthed, weed-smoking bear. Yeah, that's a great world that he doesn't have a best friend to keep him in line. No, he's a necessary evil in some ways, isn't he? I agree. I love Wahlburgers a friday night is necessary cheat day yes so choice yes this week on the patreon sean and hayes keep working on a new script during the pro version

carl and asan discuss track suits and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball check out these shows and video for today's episode with Chris and Jason at patreon.com slash theflagerones. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language.

And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say like, hey, I trust you. I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about. But there's one language that I'm trying to learn, and that's body language. Can Babbel teach me body language? Yes. Babbel now has visual in-person lessons. Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages, handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Bab babbles designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around

at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. And I need and have needed something like Babel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger

because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others.

Can't feel good to be others there. Continued to prove Babbel is better. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold. All of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now get 55 off your babble subscription but only for our listeners at babble.com slash the boys get 55 off at babble.com slash the boy spelled b-a-b-e-l.com slash the boys b-a-b-b-e-l b-a-b-b-e-l b-a-b-b-e-l dot com slash the boys rules and restrictions may apply with babble we can't promise it'll always be easy but you'll always be glad you did it

kind of like this podcast except it is easy for me eating better is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted diet. Delicious, ready-to-eat meals. Every fresh, never-frozen meal is chef-crafted, dietitian-approved, ready-to-go in just two minutes. Speaking of ready-to-go in just two minutes, Chef Kevin is here with his new show, The Chef Kevin Factor, where he creates fresh, never-frozen meals.

Now, this is different, different Kevin I just want to I just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them?

It's one big add-on and it's you on your bed. You're so tired after you eat my meal. The promises the meal makes a sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah, your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay fueled up

I know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second it's you and your bed I got clippy fuel up fast with factors restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are

pancakes smoothies and more discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day, like breakfast, midday bites, and more. No, we didn't even, this is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple.

It's one huge chicken nugget. Sign up and save. We've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout. Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious. Head to factormeals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off.

That's code theboys50 at factormeals.com slash theboys50 to get 50% off. Hey guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place. And if I see something I don't want, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service. The subscriptions are insidious. They're the scourge of our modern life. And you never realize what you're subscribing to or that

you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money

and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot lot. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys.

That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook. Celestial seasonings. Celestial seasonings. Celestial seasonings. Yeah, it's tea summers upon us. It is.

Yes. High tea. We're all high tea in this Zoom. Kevin, come back. Was it Kevin who we were talking about? Oh, no. That was a different person who was getting treated for being medium tea. Medium tea, yeah.

I'm down on tea. Tea sucks. Tea's overrated they do yeah you're like ted lasso ted doesn't like tea oh my gosh i just realized who you remind me of you're ted lasso he doesn't like the tea and you don't either. Your Ted Lasso character is Ted Lasso. Is Ted Lasso an American in that program? Yeah. Very much so. He's a fish out of water

in London. Well, that makes sense then why he doesn't like the tea. He's a fish out of water drinking hot brown water that he doesn't enjoy. Tea, that is is i never knew i had this in common with ted but i stand with him in this one particular instance celestial season i mean they're they're also doing a new brand of of covet thank god i'm kind of tired of the old ones they're like a covet flavor uh yeah it's like an aromatic version yeah like the cough has like a um the sort of discharge is

flowery and there's like an intense quality it's actually very yeah it's like it's soothing sounds better than my regular cough i'm down yeah yeah that doesn't sound too bad especially if it's like a lily flavor okay it's not you love lily is that okay is that a is that a deal breaker yeah no one else had wanted that at all so what did they end up going with for the day i guess we'll just make a flavor of an entirely new flavor of covid just for you celestial seasonings has to like account for the taste of like everyone in the united states but oh we'll just like shut down the entire flavor factory so you can have lily flavored code the one guy for the so you can have the lily thing that's kind of that's not how it works that's the kind of treatment that i think i deserve i was being serious no that's healthy

that you have that yes you know you hold yourself in such high esteem and and i want to honor that but there's still a business to run so no they didn't go with lily flavored no it tastes like green beans i don't think lily tested well green beans oh maybe i have some green beans from din tai feng when a rick caruso spot it's in my fridge right now i'm gonna chow those down later mug root beer mug root beer i'm not bullish on mug i'm not bullish on yeah no i think i think the the artisanal root beer market is it's surging it's the new ipa and i think mug's gonna be left in the dust i hate to say it i found a lot of other root beers are less clear about what you are supposed to put them in yeah that's been fucking me up as well expand on that my brother

i get another like there's what like an ibc root beer i'm like what's an ibc so you're telling me you haven't had you haven't had cup root beer no well tell Well, tell me more. I'm interested. I'm curious. Tell me about cup root beer. Cup is similar to mug, but it doesn't have a handle. Okay. And it's taste targeted for cups? It's a little more... You know how you decant like a wine?

Mm-hmm. It's kind of like that. No. Okay. It's off gas like you could keep going but no i don't know i don't want to stop down the whole show but when you say you know how you decant like a wine i i do want to be honest with you it's not i don't know i understand he's he's uh i can tell he's an hustler. That one went over my head, man,

and I'm usually good at this kind of shit. No, I've actually never decanted anything in my life, but I'm sure Jason has. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big, bold reds. You got to open them up. Yeah, you got to open them up, and I think a root beer could kind of, you know,

could use some of that. Could benefit from a decanting. That's not a bad idea. For a little air in a cup, gives it a little more room to breathe if you're choosing the right one, of that. Could benefit from a decanting. That's not a bad idea. For a little air in a cup, gives it a little more room to breathe if you're choosing the right one, of course. I'll get Grub Street on the horn, see if I can get a budget for that.

Okay. That'd be nice to do a root beer tasting. I've been looking to try this straw in a shallow bowl root beer. Oh. That requires accessories. That's too decanted man you gotta chill some of these root beer bowls are so deep yeah you can't see what you're drinking you know what i mean the total mystery down there what's in there that's kind of that's more fun especially

if you're using a paper straw so that you can't even finish it yeah what do you guys think about these paper straws taking over okay and now this guy's gonna get me steamed up but that's what we're trying to get a guy canceled in here oh don't want my straw to be a mushy ball of nasty napkin waste by the time I finish drinking my little root beer. It's like drinking out of a toilet paper, you know? I'm sorry, the turtles. Use a paper towel. Put the paper towel in the root beer and suck on that. Get the fucking paper towel, drop it in your shallow bowl of roof

here just kind of squeeze it out wring it out into your mouth i like that a lot for you i like that a lot for you okay and none of those damn bubbles either would you do it that way yeah you could have your climate back at that point yeah what are we trying to save here couldn't tell you the turtles yeah for what for who where are the turtles saving me no they're biting me on my foot you know i mean bastard hewlett packard we just talked about hewlett packard the other day didn't we jason i mean it feels like. Yeah. Oh, shit, you did. No, it's fine.

This is a crossover. This is a crossover for you. Hewlett-Packard also had an area at Coachella. They shut Coachella down every year. They shut, yeah. Hewlett-Packard area. Megan Thee Stallion was there showing people how to download drivers. Drivers. There's always new drivers coming out yeah megan

megan is the authority on those new drivers windows driver drop linux you name it new drivers come out every thursday at midnight on the uh on the hewlett packard store um so you guys just check it's like the new music friday yeah check check for that i have an hp in the other in the office and i'm always printing out look at that wow i mean very clean very clean print job epson's taking a shit lately lex marks oh don't even talk about lex mark jesus christ lex marks fucking horse shit oh does like smart even do color doubt it i got a buddy of mine swears by canon printers i'd like to load him into a can and fire him into the fucking middle of the ocean i can't with that shit no i, I'm HP all day, man. HP Tango X. Believe me, my friend.

Damn, it sounds like you're doing a lot of printing over there. Oh, brother. Yeah, no, I have no ink for it. But when I load it up, I can hear the gears. It's smooth, man. The action is incredibly pristine. It's like getting a fresh pack of cigIGs when that new cartridge comes up. You hear the sound.

You can already taste it. And he's got it juiced up. He's got some off-market pieces on it. Oh, did you put it... You took the governor off? You took the governor off? It can print 8x11s into a watermelon so it sticks.

Come the fuck on, bro. I jailbreak all the printers. Only on HP, man. I play games on there, man. I play like my old TI-82 games on the printer. I'm downhill slalom on that thing.

I hope you can write boobs with the keys. There's probably one of those BI vans right in front of your house right now. They're watching you. Okay, this guy's still stuck in the Brad's Bra segment. That's a dead segment, bro. Hey, do you mind if I throw a hand at him? It's my first time, guys.

Take it easy on me. Yeah, sure. Test it. These are called segments? I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I don't know, man. I don't feel man i'm just like

i don't feel good i'm trying to do the show i like that you're podcasting even though you are sick yeah and it's important to push through and give the patrons what they want what would yeah have you guys ever done a pod solo have their funny pot yeah we have hayes's solo episodes are generally the favorite episodes of all the fans. Really? They've become legendary. Interesting. We've never done a solo pod yet.

Look at him take down that Pedialyte. Sneaky Pede, I call it. Sneaky Pede? Sneaky Pede. Day on the Bloody Hatch. Sean, would you like to share a brand? LG. Life's Good?

Or Life's Wood? This is too close to Hewlett Packard. Can we choose another one? Okay, hang on. Let me... Any brands that aren't just two letters? We can also restore Kevin Mode if he'd like to share aquaphor oh great great products great product yeah it's good for scarring um tattoos tattoo removal laser surgery aquaphor gets in there gets the job done i use it on my lips when they're chapped really as well

yeah that's right i use aqua five that's fucking nasty your hair your head isn't that big bro where do you put it you only use aquaphor on your head yeah bro i gotta keep my shit glistening you know what i'm saying you hadn't had a lineup in a minute that's why that's why yeah hey actually your hair looks very good aqua force for feet next new rule feet for feet only what do you put aqua for your what are you doing aqua force for corns real men have corns i forgot you're doing all that hard podcasting in the ditch all day. Your feet, your dogs are barking. Ballet lessons, stuff like that. It'll eat them up.

I bet you got nasty feet, bro. Well, I do a lot of like juking. Are you a baller? No, I don't like use a ball. I just like I'm just like juking around. Like hot ball in his hand. It would be like like holy shit yeah sure he's ready to juke that's crazy yeah so you're more about dribbling or anything but like

you're more about the juke than like the shot or the dribble you're just a juker it's all ornamental like it's all like designed to distract from like the actual core element of athletics which is juking hey is how many ankles have you broken this season? Mine? Two. Okay. Well, that's why you got to put... So you're telling me the Aquaphor heals a broken ankle? It's like Robitussin. It's for feet. It doesn't

approach... It doesn't get near my ankles. Do you jerk off with your own feet? Is that what you're saying? Feet only. It's feet only. Okay, I've heard just about enough of this. First you said, I bet you got some nasty feet. To my best friend. Then you accused him of healing his ankles with Aquaphor

like he's some kind of moron when that is not even close to what he said. And now we're saying that he jerks off with his feet bro my nasty you know i think we're done with this line of questioning and you are on a little bit of a time out for now chris power play he's in the box oh i'm in the box damn okay well i'll see you guys later kevin mute this fool kevin mute this motherfucker mute kevin has that kind of power and i can have a civil conversation for listeners at home chris is pounding on the zoom screen like it's like it's the boards at a king's game kevin really

did leave huh haze are you drinking tonight putting one back i got it i got a shiner bach okay brand brand check where's shiner bach at actually new brand check true detective what was the discourse on true detective at uh coachella 2022 i mean every other golf cart was just going loco about it talking about the detective pairings they'd like to see yeah kind of dream casts you know who could it be so illy sickness that's so so illy i'm loving this dope dope dope dope dope dope dope. Speaking of other brands as well, Kevin did a... Kevin did a... I just want to point out,

Kevin did do a shirt change. Whoa. And now he might pretend like it was because we were criticizing his shirt, but he has been spitting up a lot during the show. So I imagine that... For the first time, I didn't have to actually see it

because the camera was off. Kevin, you make a little sick? Yeah, I get really thirsty during these recordings and my water bottle is so far away. He's sympathy spitting up with the host. I insist that if I get sick that Kevin also be sick.

It wouldn't have been such a big deal for you to change your shirt, Kevin, if you hadn't put on your most interesting shirt as the second option would you call that tie-dye or would you call it something else it could be beyond uh yeah i call it tie-dye interesting okay pretty tie for me pretty pretty tie for a kevin guy pretty tie pretty tie sean you're good at this stuff i gotta say i'm fucking i i wish i was dead man i'm being honest i'm being honest that's you got you got some of the best singers in america nay the world okay this is feeling actually really good and i think it's what i needed to pull me out of what i've been

having happen yeah who needs wellness formula when you have my when you have my compliments that's the truth can i ask you guys some trend questions lay it on me cuff okay this is hot or not hot or not oh wow very similar from so close yeah what a departure from good or bad we were just doing this is a different thing called hot or not presented by chef kevin pretty tight pretty tie for this guy hot or not getting all the boogies on the tissue on the first try damn that's the most kevin shit i've ever heard in my life it was cool to do it live uh all the boogies i don't know on the first one i don't like i'm gonna say not i like spreading it out i like using a few okay i like to make a meal of it you You know what I mean? It's not healthy. It's not healthy to get it all out at once. Yeah.

And use a paper towel and really rub it on there. Hot or not? Screaming at the top of your lungs at the dentist so you don't have to hear the drill. Hmm. That's hot as hell, man. Chris, it's a good strategy. You're going to let TJ take all of these

I'm sorry nothing to say about screaming as loud as you can at the dentist so you don't have to hear the drill Kevin let's hear your scream Chris you're back in that's not a scream that sounded sexual and these questions are too dumb for me to respond

to that's that one more time really from the diaphragm man come on okay kevin have you ever felt pain in your life see this is so it's just the spit up hurts sometimes because i get the hydrated you know how people in the United States, no matter what insurance plan you're on, often struggle to get adequate care, what they need? Okay. This is Kevin Bartelt of Bartelt Insurance.

I don't know if you made that. Are you saying that? He sort of set that business model into motion, his family. And they are not getting it because he's getting it okay so shopping around on some new plans i'd like to hear more okay shoot me your business card i'll shoot it over chris this next one's for you hot or not when your tummy hurt but you want round two that's definitely hot that's definitely hot because if there's one thing that uh my co-host has taught me it's always smash before dinner that's kind of one of his life rules kevin you fucking before dinner or after dinner so mostly during i can't control it you fucking at dinner yeah i'm a i said i'm a foofy nasty

motherfucker kevin always tells me that a tablecloth can be a condom kevin i didn't know you were a mormon he's like just grab the napkin ring off the top and you're good to go no you know i i never really i couldn't even picture it honestly when he would talk to me about that stuff but it's his his thing and uh you know i'm not here to judge it's all good man thanks everyone you're done yeah i'm exhausted i'm done i know yeah well how do you guys hayes and sean how do you guys feel about sex pre-dinner or is that or is that a little too blue for this show no no uh it's not the sort of stuff we usually talk about but um i don't think that's a bad thing for the show to kind of expand um i guess sex is my dinner

breakfast lunch and dessert breakfast lunch and dinner I feel like I'm podcasting with god damn Trey Songz right now I like this is this the new is this a single sex is my dinner sex is my dinner

calories are going out sex is my dinner and I want seconds sex is my dinner. And I want seconds. Sex is my dinner. The big food beckons. The big food beckons. That is... Sometimes you gotta eat big food, man.

Yeah. Big food is good. Print out on that watermelon and just honk down on it. You got to eat it afterwards. You're severing watermelons with your computer paper. Check out this fork or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Check out this fork. Check out this fork. Y'all looking to pork? Check out this. Yeah. Y'all looking to pork. Watch me hork. Yeah.

Hork. Can you name every snork? And then you just get into that and that's your chorus like and it's like over like a really sexy beat but it's like all-star junior aki daphne like just like kind of whispered like sexy shit that's good first take two i think we got it yeah all. All right. Me too. Me too. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.