Hollywood Handbook - Chris Fleming, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

CHRIS FLEMING returns to help The Boys make an important commercial.Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast i'll let you guys start out i'll take i'm gonna lean okay okay all right all right yeah that's how you want to do it okay we can start this one we'll do it that way this one is that not kevin this one yeah just chris just told me yeah hayes and i are going to start. Guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was controlling of me. I don't know why I took a leadership role. So mark it. Take one.

Sean and Hayes starting version. You might want to record a little opening thing. I didn't. So people aren't freaked out. Let's get a header on it. I didn't want you to think I was being rude by reclining. That's the only reason I said that. I didn't want you to think, oh, Chris is lazy.

In a chair that's not really, oh, no, that reclines pretty nicely. Yeah, it's built for it. It's got a little lean to it. It's got some give. No, I'm pushing it. It doesn't do that naturally. Oh, you're just pushing it really hard? Oh, so are the front legs coming up off the ground? No, no, this is steel.

This is steel. Oh, wow. The combination of heat and pressure is gracious me and velocity 35 mph kevin slows down chris's footage yeah because his movements are so jerky and violent zoom is doing it naturally i have i have it on a on an mph smoother because i'm I'm moving so fast that you guys would throw up. Wow. Oh, no.

Tom Cruise is going to hate that you're smoothing your footage. Yeah. Ryan Johnson's going to kick in the door and adjust your video window. But let's... I like that. I love that idea idea let's do it i will start let's do it here we go let's see if it works let's see real real quick actually before we do chris do you mind if we play the song oh my god i regret i i am regretting just say i regret so i regret is i is a catch-all.

I regret. Yeah. Yeah, I regret. That's going to work for the whole episode. I regret. Here we go. Yeah, please. Please play it.

So what I have so far is He was a tater boy. She said, I'm your waiter boy there's no potato for dinner so the idea like he he's a tater boy he went to a restaurant and ordered potato yep and the wait she says wait the server says we don't have potato you can't just order potato for dinner and so this is kind of the message that the whole potatoes council is trying to send that why is it like why can't it be an entree we're butchering the potato every time we serve it why can't whole potato be something that you order at a restaurant but they want to do the whole like for this spot i guess for the extended

spot they want the entire song so okay so they're all right so yeah so they're doing like a three minute version yes and then they want to be able to chop it down and segment it into a 60-second or a 15 if it's tagged on the front of a Hulu badge or something. Yes, they're doing a huge digital buy pop-up that appears behind the window that you're currently using. And at the bottom of the screen, not even really on screen, you have to drag it into position to see the window it's completely invisible it's so funny like because you they request this full

length version which great you can luxuriate in it although three minutes is a little too long but i guess uh google's algorithm says that that's like the ideal time to get click i would think i wouldn't want a video to be that long but i guess most people do but they're ignoring the fact that most people will only ever see the 30 and when you have a long cut like that the brutality of the 30 is not at the forefront of your mind the brutality the the viciousness of how aggressively you need to chop down so you may not have time to ever say the word potato in the 30 oh great so it may all be oh great so let's get it all let's get it all let's get tater instead of potato because you don't have that third syllable.

Right? And then it's the potato council. It's not the tater council. So don't make me drag it out and extend it if you're not prepared to leave time on the day to get these alts where we can say instead of like so yours was he was a tater boy yes and we probably just have tater boy it just says tater boy well it's supposed to line up with the song i know so it just comes in on tape sorry it just comes in on tater boy don't like that yeah tater boy okay okay wow but it's but i and i agree with the premise i actually think it's a good idea to get it out there of like potato should be an entree we don't have to like

fuck it up and like just like mutilate it every time it's like put the potato down and let's have dinner like a family. Yes. I mean, and the whole potato council has been, they fully anticipate that the French fried potato council is going to come try to bury this campaign. Is there any kind of social media push separately? I just think that once you've built the world. And this is where i want chris uh to like i'd like chris's song parody and i want his input on the hashtag campaign as

well uh you were instrumental sort of behind the scenes in saving ap bio saving the good place which i don't think was ever really under a yeah i remember right necessarily but like just in case are you being served i was instrumental in that one yeah hashtag safe served yeah yes you canceled brooklyn 99 but then you also did help it get saved i didn't help i think you felt like the home no i didn't help that no no i just watched it die and then someone else brought it back yeah i want yeah i wanted that one off i had heard that you brought it back to life just to kill it again you saved babar yeah yeah yeah you say babar huh well that's well i did the live action remake with richard gear as babar and they americanized it too

with those tiny little eyes you know um but yeah no i think i think tater boy i mean it's hard to fully grasp what it what it exactly it is that you're just that you're talking you're trying to push the potato as an entree right the whole potato as something that you can go at a restaurant and you can just order potato and they will bring you just you sit down and say potato or i guess tater. This is a campaign that you guys must have been discussing prior because you definitely started this in the middle of it, right?

As we started today? Or is this the first few folks? This is a continuation of a discussion that we were having very, very late last night. So we had it. We both fell asleep in the middle of the conversation we both woke up started the show got it and so we just sort of picked up right where we left up we both fell asleep on the phone so that was that was off air and then so that important preamble

was off air and then you jumped in i got it i got it okay well from what i understand and you're talking about the the goring of it which is going to happen to cut it down on socials sean right and it's just gonna mentality of the 30 it's like a woman getting gored at yellowstone like how that how that happens like yeah yeah that happens every six almost every day yeah yeah it is it is it's less than six months i i'd say it's every couple weeks and they always say gored it's always gored but bison gores are always and yeah it's less than six months i i'd say it's every couple weeks and they always say gourd it's always gourd but bison gores are always and yeah it's always that and it's like well she shouldn't have been so close and it's like but the bison's on the walking path like they have these walking paths that you're not supposed to move away from so i don't know who's to blame the bison's have

the right well they're european they they pass on they they use left and right and that's so much of it isn't it it's the american bison is european it's so much of it but i think what you're saying ultimately sean is that you're gonna miss i mean you're gonna be lucky to even get tater boy in the let's plan it let's write it to the 30 because primarily i mean you're gonna be playing during you know uh big football game m&m store oscar the big football game yeah yeah and so it's we're going to see it there more so than people will see it on well yeah on gas station tvs so i i just think these long ones we put so much time into it and like, yeah, okay. In a perfect world, everybody's going to click on this three minute videos.

I don't know that people will seek that out. When I ask about social media, I want your help, Chris, because my vision is post the story of the commercial, whatever this song ends up being uh-huh that as you're scrolling through twitter your facebook your instagram that there's a promoted post which is a direct to camera video from the perspective of the the server who was helping the tater boy say you know saying how her perspective has been changed how she offers potato now she can't believe she didn't she's embarrassed from the tater boy how happy he is to get his food now and from the potato saying this is how i like to be eaten you asked how old age yeah how old is the 38 38 year

old oh 38 yeah oh got it he's in his late 30s. Okay. He's Tater Boy. Okay. So I don't know if boy is exactly the right term for that. You know, that's an elder millennial. That is a Tater. Well, you're not going to get Tater Boy in the jingle at all. But for the 30 seconds, we got to write around the 30 second cut. The 30 seconds. Well, let's write it to the 30 and then build off it rather than writing this big funny

awesome thing and then and then getting in there with a scalpel and like taking you know stealing these little moments until it doesn't hang together at all it's just gonna be a snare drum is all it's gonna come down to that's what we going to hear if we do it this way so like i appreciate the effort you've put in haze and and i actually think um it's good we have to cut it down actually okay yeah yeah this is good wow great yeah i think it's going to be i think we need to think like industrial soundscape and i think we need to use uh cold imagery cold okay kind of think like kind of uh color corrected blue imagery very slow and um uh we're only gonna have time for two shots ultimately i think sterile yeah a sterile room with steel walls. Okay.

We have, just as you're thinking about the color temperature and things like that, we have rich boss as the, as the tater boy. Got it. He can play 38. Yes. So you have 38.

You have rich. And he can change his, his own color temperature. Just, you know, give him a couple couple minutes and he will personally change so so he's going to be doing a lot of ad-libbing he's going to be kind of uncontrollable and he's going to be doing a lot of like very tourist friendly uh negging of the crew

which for the 30 is god just like the the abattoir that the editing bay is going to become. With Rich's tourist-friendly ad-libbing, trying to fit that into the 30. And Bonnie McFarlane texting him, where are you? He didn't tell her. No. No, he doesn't tell her shit. He's just there. He's there in like a leather vest.

Wreaking of re-wreaking of one Michelob Ultra the night prior. Well, and you get, you know, you get him there on the day and you roll. Sean, you keep, you keep using the term on the day and it's it is turning me on a little bit i got excited too about that level of you know that production uh yeah when you're actually there and it's a live set it's a hot set lock it down yes and it's sound speed right mike mike moving mike moving through mike flying sounds good yeah and we're holding for the plane holding for yeah i know you're making me sweat right now that that no it's incredible the the the feeling of being there but you know do you know sean that i'm on set right now do you know that do you know for what um did you read about it actually is it for a competing uh vegetable

ad campaign slightly i mean it's it's it's we're on the same lot and uh i didn't want to tell you about this but we're michael mann is reshooting collateral with me and randy rainbow and i'm playing tom cruise's part it's for 20k he goes i want to he goes i want to remake collateral with people who were famous on facebook in 2016 i liked collateral and and randy rainbow is playing jamie fox he's got these tiny shitty glasses he looks like shit and i'm and i'm tom cruise i'm tom cruise's part i got gray hair and i'm holding a gun to randy's head saying drive the car motherfucker right yeah it's really so i heard that you're both getting paid 20k and it's being shot in 20k that will see people are throwing up seeing the early screening people you don't want to see randy rainbow in me in in beautiful 20k you're

seeing i you're seeing cells of the eye and if we showed it at con and everyone threw up facing each other everyone started and we were just showing the daily four minutes standing throw up yep yep yep and uh randy timed it and then wow and randy and i aren't on speaking terms because i had a thing with his wife and yeah he has a wife he has a wife he's faking it he voted for trump and he has a wife oh no yeah angela rainbow rainbow wow yes yeah i heard i heard that you can really see you can see randy rainbow's eye floaters oh this guy's never had a fruit or vegetable in his life this guy's living off a hot dog buns that's his primary source of protein oh my god this sounds so good to me because i like collateral but i you know the i look at these movie stars up there and i go right can i please see someone who looks like me on screen like i have i have scurvy you you know, I have a wife, right? Right. I'm very sick.

Right. And I never watch that. It's always Tom Cruise. And I go, oh, this guy's got a lot of problems. Yeah, right. Tom Cruise. No, he's doing well. What about me?

I'm very sick. You know, I go to the theater. I assume this will go to the theater. I assume this will be in the theater. Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, we're shooting it on 24 hours. So I go to the theater and I go, can I see one person on screen who looks like me, who's physically ill and who was not prepared to be filmed? Right, right. physically ill and he was not prepared to be filmed right right yeah someone who looks like like a like an older cousin that that doesn't leave the house and that's why michael man said

i want to do it with you too and uh and yeah so i i didn't want to i didn't want to distract from i just wanted to let you know we're on the same lot right now and so no i didn't want to distract from, I just wanted to let you know, we're on the same lot right now. And so. No, I didn't know. It's not distracting at all. In fact, it really fills in the world for me. Good, good, good, good. A Michael Mann says, he says, let me be clear about this.

It's going to suck. He said that at the table read before we even started it i love i love that take charge attitude just get in front set the mission statement yeah um yeah it does uh yeah it sounds like it could uh could really suck and which is which is cool like that's the thing for me now is i want to see something that sucks like i go to the movie theater and it's tom cruise or whatever and i'm going like why doesn't this suck like my life sucks i don't feel good it is very hard for me to do just about anything yeah so like where's that where's that experience yeah like why doesn't it feel like i guess sometimes the guy on screen is having a hard day but he's tom cruise how hard could it be what i want is the guy looks like he's not doing well and it feels

unprofessional like i go like oh whoever was doing this like behind the camera was going through something very unfortunate similar to my life circumstance oh has never had a proper victory in in his life and also has never had a glass of water at best sparkling water is the that's that's how we're hydrated by sodas you know is drinking yeah is drinking sparkling water and not a name brand no so like can't like no higher than the michael buble bubbly brand sparkling water can they get access to good and gather is primarily what it's the combination of two words from other brands it's like crystal springs it tricks you exactly if you're in a rush it tricks you yes it's like people using like coffee shops using the starbucks font aero geyser didn't didn't joe biden uh send out

that michael buble seltzer with all those covet tests yes didn't we get those yeah it was great blue it was grape i got blue raspberry okay oh they did mix it up i was wondering i said did everybody get grape my parents got grape too, too. So I got sake. Maybe it was alphabetical. I got Michael Bublé's sake. He goes, buckle up. This is Bublé sake. Sake Bublé.

Wow. Sake Bublé. And his son, he makes his son chug it. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. He gets his son sake buzzed. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah, he gets his son sake buzzed. I was at the store yesterday. They had Pokemon flavored Buble.

Not even any specific one? No. Just Pokemon? No, it was just Pokemon Buble. I didn't recognize your voice. I thought that was a fifth member of the chat right now coming in and sharing that. I didn't even place that with you.

It was like a totally different man. Chris, when I get fired up... The conversations about the store will sort of break out. When I think about the store, that's where I'm really alive. The store. Like we're one family. Yeah.

Yes. We talk about the store. When Sean thinks about the store. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan check in on their fantasy football team. The boys help producer Josh with his email fishing class. And the flagrant ones are joined by Nick Weiger to mostly talk all things basketball. Check out all these shows and the video for today's episode with Chris at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones.

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Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on. It may be police. Yeah.

And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost. And they're really aggressively like pushing it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to pull over and get out of the car? Yes. Or just do it out the window as I'm going. That's what I've been doing. That seems dangerous.

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yeah i mean i think that i think the tater boy thing i think boy thing, I think it's a really good campaign because it is important to push the idea of a potato as an entree. And I think you need to think about who you're gearing it towards. What's so fucking big? The potato? Yeah. I mean, really think about it versus like some of the other stuff we eat. Totally. It's starchy and it's big you're talking about

this motherfucker's big like that's not an entree no you're right it should be seen as a chicken the potato should be seen as like what's the fucking difference it's a meat it is so if we uh you there's no potato for dinner yeah it go that um potato for dinner i was in the part of the song i guess is the end where with the guitar now he's a superstar slamming on his guitar so oh you don't want to change the lyrics at all you want to just keep the eyeball no i'm sorry i'm just anchoring this this discussion in the lyrics rich boss just ground no he's orienting uh yeah yeah rich boss just started splashing water on himself hearing about the idea of him playing a superstar he just well there is a boss water too that could be wow see that could see that could be the second ass or he just scratches it up with his finger because he's nervous.

He's actually really shy. What if it's silent? And what if we ditch all this? And this is going to be more subliminal. And what if it's an image of, so we take Rich Voss, and then through computer animation, he slowly morphs into one of those pristine glass bottles of vos water over the course of 30 seconds three minutes would be even better because it would be well chris to stop you yeah uh when we talk about the 30 second spot you actually have more like 22 seconds

oh wait so you're adding an ad into the ad within there's there's bumpers there's there's bumpers on it we need you know we have to make room for the montage there's a there you know there's the potato council the french fry has bought an ad within the whole the whole potato the potato men yeah have bought a account okay so french fry potato man yes got it got it but you have more like 22 seconds to tell your story and then they're going to do their work and then the eight second ad on top of that hasn't has an ad and but so it's basically you're adding an ad tessellation right so for every ad so eight that's not yeah that has nothing to do with me you may be right i just the the 30 second spot we have we have 22 seconds to tell our

story so if you want him to turn into a water bottle uh i like it we're gonna have to speed it up there's stuff about it i really like yes thank you yes okay uh it doesn't get me to potato in the same way Tater Boy did. How? How though? Huh? I'm asking how no. Voss becoming the water bottle? Voss water bottle?

How don't you see the idea of a potato in there? I'm going to need a moment just because I'm afraid that I should feel embarrassed. Okay, I have another idea. Instead of, okay, to be more potato, you're right, you're right. You shouldn't be embarrassed, Sean. You're right. There's not a lot of potato in there. I guess the Voss water bottle, more than any other water bottle on the market,

is just a tube. And a potato is a tuber. And Rich Voss himself, think about that. You're not thinking about looking into that man's eyes imagine he's trapped now he's tiny he's trapped in in a boss in a boss water bottle he's screaming get me the fuck out of here get me the fuck out of here where's so for the ad just because the ad is gonna run on network and stuff ideal if we want to get eyes. He's not going to be able to say, Swear.

Fuck. Yeah. You can say bitch. You can say, get me the bitch out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Get me, comma, the bitch out of here. Get me the bitch out of here. Rich Voss is the bitch.

Starring in Tater... So it's called Tater Boy. The bitch is Tater Boy. So we never see Tater Boy. It's almost like waiting for Goodell. We never see Tater... So it's called Tater Boy. The bitch is Tater Boy. So we never see Tater Boy. It's almost like waiting for Godot. We never see Tater Boy. What we see is Rich Voss playing the bitch. So the Tater Boy is this very, very loud off-screen presence

that we never... We feel, but we don't see. I think that the imagination is stronger than any visual. So this is going to get people salivating over the idea of a potato is it possible to format the bitch like the witch did with two b with two b's yeah it said it's two b's two b's stacked vertically like bunk beds yeah the the bitch the ditch the ditch the ditch I think is how you would pronounce that in Old English. Waiting for Godot. Is there like an S&M element to this thing? Like, is there like a kink thing happening?

Yeah, I don't think so. Am I crazy? Yeah, you see, I don't think so. Okay. You mean between the two men? You think they're aroused by the waiting? Somebody's like on a leash in this thing you're you are absolutely is it ponzo or whatever on a fucking leash like we don't think

the guy who wrote this pongo pongo and purdy yeah are on leashes and qu. And Queequeg, is it one of them named Queequeg? Yes. I think so. And one of them's on all fours, I think. So it's like, we're all like, ooh, this smart play. It's like, this freak's just trying to get off. He's just got a fucking kink and he goes like, can I make people do this in front of me and

everyone says it's good and it's okay and it's like yeah just tell everybody it's smart and act all weird it's like dude why aren't you like me just get right out in front of it and go this is what i'm into okay rich boss trapped in a water bottle is how i get there it's the only thing that's gonna get me there rich boss trapped in a beautiful tank not able to text his bride bonnie mcfarland screaming get me the bitch out of here that is that's the only way to get me there too right now we're gonna have to write against a little this could actually really work uh because when the french fry potato council ad comes in it comes in in the middle and they they did get vos they that was a big l for us we took a major l when the the star of our campaign signed with the competitor for an ad

that was going to take place in the center of our ad yes wow and so he says that undercut us and for less money than we paid i think both sides losing that that did us that's not good for either of you guys yeah i don't know if it's a win for them but it's an l for us yes yeah and so i know from the cut i've seen they he says that he was lying uh and he says that they uh he says don't watch the rest which is like gonna kill us yeah and the back half when we've in the test markets that we've started to roll out, sort of dummy versions of this. Because people obey. They obey.

Yeah, they do end up not watching the rest. I got to say, him signing, I haven't taken an L that big since I was in Chicago. Wow. Wow. I mean, Sean, I have to ask. Because the L there is huge. It's so big. i have to ask because the l there is huge it's so big i gotta ask i mean it's can you tell me about the big the major l that you took in chicago

yeah giant metal bean fell on me oh my god talk about it talk about it yeah you took a major l there yeah that big ass fucking bean fell on my foot i thought it was steady sturdy you know i thought you could like mess around with it push on it and stuff yeah take a date there no but it fell right on were you humiliated in front of your date yeah my date didn't want to you know she don't want somebody with a big fat foot like that my foot swelled up like a balloon immediately i think i was allergic to the metal on the bean in addition to getting my foot hurt a lot of people are allergic to the bean yeah and the chicago the giant one yeah it is there's like a it's like an old metal nah my date was basically like you know this is it in terms of you getting lucky tonight last time last time we talked sean i am i did i

was in tallahassee i remember i flooring it to my airbnb to to spend spend five beautiful minutes with you guys and i hate to bring this up but something that i've thought about quite a bit since at this time you were you were you were in the midst of a sick there was sort of a sexual game with my wife taking place yeah i i haven't stopped thinking about it was this cuck kink fetish that got so out of hand she was she was so kink plays a major role in your life and and you were you were saying that she would just stare at you from the top of the stairs and just kind of like because i think i was wearing overalls and you said it reminded you of what of the game yeah that she would sort of remove one shoulder strap one of mine fell yeah and yeah

and it was um it was rather enticing i suppose to most but what was actually exciting to me was that i knew it wasn't for me it was for a guy standing right behind me he was a young artist in town oh my god just passing through really like just a passing artist what kind of art was he making a touring artist yeah well he was sculpturing he was he was sculpting my wife oh my god yeah wow he was doing something else to her too right right now i remember i remember hearing about that and meanwhile i'm now in a position where in order to get her excited i have to murder him and then the only way for me to calm down is to go out to my snail snail and just sort of smirk just kind of smirk at these beautiful creatures and their

mucus covered bodies the smirk it wasn't the snails it was you you have to smirk at them for yourself to calm down i smirk and then they sort of ooze their way around my hand and forearm this this does not sound like an ideal adulthood sean well you won't believe what i did next chris is i i put the man's wallet the victim of my murder in this cuck kink fetish at the very bottom of the snail tank inside my shack well that's evidence it's almost like i wanted to get caught not unlike my wife so you come home from your date to your wife with with this balloon foot she obviously like put together everything oh this was a separate date from your wife this was another woman this is part of it maybe it could maybe it could work both ways. You know, okay, she's out doing all this like...

Doing God knows what with this traveling artist. Yeah, I actually know what. I watch them. But I think, well, maybe this time she'll have to kill someone. She'll be the one in the snail shack, although I don't really want her to go in there. It's kind of mine.

But I think we'll mix it up you know it's gotten a little stale the cut kink fetish oh so it hasn't got a psychosexual game that's what i remember it's a sick psychosexual game it was sick but i think well maybe this will make it healthier i go on a date and i take my date to chicago you know we go to see the bean you flew from you flew that's a pretty big flight so a good three four hours flight yeah we were in new orleans i think uh my wife and i and then i say well let's you know i i'm not gonna go on a date right here like let's go to chicago i've been meaning to get a look at that bean anyway kind of to push it around oh yeah yeah you want you wanted to see it but you also wanted to do what everyone's doing to it right maybe to feel like you're impacting because you you haven't

had access to your wife i think it's one of those trick photos people do where they're you know where it looks like you're like you know holding uh the eiffel tower or something but you're far away oh i always oh i always love those i always i those really brighten up my day i can't get enough of the damn things chris and so i like you're getting pegged by the empire by the statue of liberty you know i love that's the big one that i like yeah the the tower of pain is right up bring a fucking bring a prop on the ferry with you how many times you get on the ferry and you realize you forgot forgot the i'm holding up the tower and i oh it's leaning guys little help i see i crack up every time when i see those i can't i just never see it coming i can't get enough and i'm so i'm thinking you know not that the bean is one of those but as i look

back everybody who i see sort of like with their hand on the bean or pushing the bean they must be doing an optical illusion because i went up and pushed it and the fucking thing is loose as all hell it just drops right off the platform and see that's that is such a liability my foot smush your foot roll into lake michigan you were just looking to get a fun photo like the guys that go to easter island and make it look like they're getting sucked off by the heads yeah you just were trying to get one of those fun facebook photos that people get some head right from the yeah from what's weird is how people in those photos they put both hands behind their head. Right.

Or sometimes like put them both like at their sides, kind of like jauntily. Just do it normal. Just let both your hands hang at your sides. Be real. Yes. Be real about it. Just do it. Exactly.

Just do it how you would do it. Put your hands in your pockets. Put your hands in your back pockets. Put them in your back pockets and sort of crook behind you so we can see what's going on. Yeah. Or put one on your holster for your, you know, on your hip holster for your sidearm. And then have the other one buried deep in your lower cargo pocket. Yeah.

But, yeah. You're talking about concealed carries right now? Or through the hammer loop on your painter's jeans. Just put it there. through the hammer loop on your painter's jeans just put it there and i like the one i you know i like the ones that are hashtag bonehenge where you're fucking stonehenge that was hurt you need a special you need a special lens yes it's forced perspective no peter jackson inspired yeah yeah you need a lot of help you need a lot of vfx to pull off bonehenge but but a lot but it's really worth it it's really really worth it yeah well the elves and elf are big but it's just the way they shoot

it makes it look like will ferrell's even taller will ferrell's yeah yeah do you remember at the beginning of the pandemic just like how crazy well went and we were all we were all buying those rancho gordo giant metal beans of course we're like oh we need this to be like shelf stable like oh I'm gonna use it like I'm gonna become like someone that uses dried giant metal beans now instead of just the canned ones we all thought we were gonna become

bean dad no it was that type of it's embarrassing it's embarrassing to me you're gonna a lot of that and a lot of everyone everyone everyone also bought a gimbal i remember that in the beginning everyone was behind everyone got gimbals it's just yep and it's lying around the block and it's like sorry sir that was the last gimbal you're just like fuck me man and i got up at 2 a.m you know to go to

the gimbal store you stayed up all night i guess it's okay you got you got up it's okay we can say you got up at 2 a.m yeah yeah no i'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, no, no. No, I'm sorry. No, you guys called my ass out. Let's deal with it. It's inappropriate. I'm sorry. I'm fudging it a little bit, you know. But yeah, I didn't sleep at all. I stayed up the entire night.

I mean, you were pretending to sleep, but you were. You were. I pretended to get up at 2 a.m., but I wasn't asleep. My eyes were wide open. Sean, I called you out. I called you out. I'm sorry to get up at 2 a.m but i wasn't asleep and my eyes were wide open sean i called you out i called you out i'm sorry no i need like overstepping in the beginning of the episode where i told you guys i need that yeah i'm sorry uh it's that's whatever man that's the past no i i need my friends to call me on my shit sometimes i stayed up the whole night that whole got up at 2 a.m i was just trying to sound cool well i get it i mean it's because you were you were up all night and every second

you were saying the word gimbal i got an image to protect and then you you said that you had gotten i remember you i said i got you video chatting me you said you had gotten the gimbal but your hand is clearly fully closed around your phone it's like it's it's it's obscuring the lens there's clearly no gimbal like positioning happening like you're yeah no and i've got got I had like I had a shopping bag that I just put like some old cans in. Yeah. And I'm just like crinkling them around and going like, you hear that? That's the sound of a fresh gimbal. But it's it does.

Yeah, it didn't. It didn't sound like it. And it wound up one of the cans had a mouse living in it. And then the mouse came out and I said oh that's a good gimbal when the you know when the mouse bites your arm you went live on facebook i think to debut this too i remember and everyone was like there's clearly no gimbal here and you're getting you're getting bit by a mouse like yeah yeah that was a pretty big l as. We don't need to keep going over your L's. I mean, I guess I asked about the Chicago one, but.

No, but this is what I've been saying. You know, I look up on screen and I go to these movies and it's like maybe somebody's taking an L, but it's Tom Cruise. How big an L could it be? It's like, you know, I want to see Randy and Angie Rainbow on there. Just not talking. Well, that's the thing. Angie refuses to let Randy out of her sight now.

So part of her is in all the shots in the car because she's sitting shotgun and I'm in the back, silver hair. And Randy legally can't even drive because he's never had any vegetables or fruit. So his eyes, he's legally blind. So he shouldn't be. He's day blind. He can see perfectly at night.

Legally and outside the law. Like the law has nothing to do with it. The law has no jurisdiction over his sight. Yes. Yes. So look, it's taking a long time, but we only have 24 hours to shoot because we're each getting 20K and the budget is 20K. Yeah.

So there was a go. It was a go fund me. Yeah. Hollywood. Hollywood budgeting. Yeah. Some fancy accounting. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Classic. Right. It was a go fund me that did it. That is giving me and Randy the salaries. Wow. By like a hospital.

It's a hospital. you're you know what i say when somebody sends me a go fund me for their little short film even if it's michael man i say go fund yourself argue you say our go fund yourself our goat sorry sorry sorry take that again kevin back it up to the beginning of the episode okay okay i say our go fund yourself uh chris hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook, the insider's guide to kicking butt, dropping names in the red carpet line. Back always is.

I'll show this. Chris. Now that we're, you know, we're all going back to work and stuff. Like things are, you know, this thing is kind of, kind of over. Let's face it, it's over.

It's done and so right we're thinking no more videos time for you yeah oh you're cut are you cutting me off i let we're giving we're actually opening up opportunities like your future we're giving you some okay okay okay so i'll listen i'll listen i'll listen i'll listen oh it might be time for that so um i think the structure of a workplace could be very useful for you a schedule yes uh you know someone that you're accountable to i I hate to use the B word, but a boss. I'm sorry about fuck you guys. Well, I don't want that. This whole good time Charlie routine.

Fuck off. Here's the deal. Fuck you, Sean. And fuck you, Hayes. And fuck you, Kevin. I knew this was going to turn into this. I knew this was going to turn into an intelligent conversation. 10 a.m. You're doing this.

Let's meet at 10 a.m. Oh, what a sophisticate. Yes, no wonder people watch your videos. Mr. Van Winkle is live streaming himself. Having a big snoozy.'re talking about you call me van now chris listen and just let me get that i listen to you with all your talk with all those f bombs flying around now you listen to me now if you don't want to get a job okay but you will go back to school so you can go out there

you can apply i've pulled some stuff from the classified section i think you'd be good for fine go back to school or you can always come join me at the hardware store and we'd love to have you and curtis has been asking where you've been so you can come with me to the store and that would be great but what you're not going to do is you're not going to make these little videos i like curtis this is what you're not going to do you're not going to make little videos all day fine insulting our elected officials with your parody songs your jaunty parody songs about elected officials people that gave up their lives for public service service they have jobs chris maybe that's what you're poking fun at because i'll work at the hardware i'll work come to the hardware store i'll work

at i'll work i would love to have you store do you your finger tell me the way you cross i see you're crossing your fingers but it's extremely in a way that looks like it hurt this is how i was really painful they're turning i mean i'm trembling my body my adrenaline don't show me that your thumb's doing something unusual we might need curtis to get the key making machine to separate those fingers i have dissociated from the pain of what of of what i'm doing right now from what i'm doing i can't i can't even i can't even think straight i mean i can't tell if it's the anger or the or what i'm doing i can't i can't even i can't even think straight i mean i can't tell if it's the anger or the or what i'm doing with my fingers but i'm yeah i said this is normal right

all right i just crossed him a little i also i also i also i snap weird too i i i do a i do that people don't like it how i snap yeah it's yeah that's pretty it's pretty quiet well it doesn't yeah it doesn't it doesn't really matter what you do with those fingers up top snapping is just the sound of you know you can do this finger hitting your palm yeah so yeah so just slap just do this people say what's the sound of one hand clapping i go snapping yeah it sounds yeah it sounds like that sounds like a snap you gotta do it hard but no, I'm not going to the hardware store. And I'm not. And yeah, maybe I'll go.

Yeah, I was lying. I was crossing my fingers. I think that's why you had your fingers crossed. You guys think you can get up early. You do your early podcast. You get me in here. You have this intervention. I'm not.

I am. I am beyond, beyond livid with you too and you chris cover is ovid and it's and it's time to get back to work or go or maybe go to the store or you can go to school fine you're not going to get a communications degree okay you're going to learn a trade fine yeah fine a ba and little videos not happening fine i'll go back to school to be a nurse good and no no becoming like a like a tiktok influencer nurse yes no you are not going to be in your scrubs and then throw a shoe in the air and then you catch the shoe on your foot i got a song for you a high heel that you could guess what it is.

Tater Boy, what is it? No, it's no scrubs. No, I didn't see that coming, to be honest. Kevin has something he wants to say as well. Kevin has prepared a little something. Kevin, I swear to God. Chris, I know you're interested in nursing, but if you were, come to the hardware store.

Wow, the thing you prepared was exactly like following up on the nursing stuff. I never heard the nursing thing before. I guess this really is a passion of yours, Chris. You and Kevin must have discussed it. Well, everyone knew that I gave up nursing to make little videos. It's obvious.

At the beginning of the pandemic, you quit nursing when the pandemic started to make little videos to become a micro influence real nice very little videos what was that john for the gas station tv kevin please please if you were to come to the hardware station tv called me a one pump chump the other day wow wow yeah i guess to get my attention they were like hey you one pump chump was it like i'm supposed to be pumping my gas multiple times is it seth meyers calling you that it's usually him on the tv yeah seth seth meyers for heineken zero because you can you can get what fun to like be pumping your gas at the gas station.

Go in the station. Get a hiney at the AMBM. Drink it while you're pumping your gas. Yep. Get in the car and then peel out. You can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah.

All right, Kevin. Tell me what you want. What can I do for you? How can I change my life, my peaceful, lazy life, to make you happy? Thanks for asking. There's two departments you could join

at the hardware store if you were to come, and I manage both of these two departments. There's several departments, but there's two that you could be a part of. Copy of the keys. These are I... Oh, okay, okay, okay. departments but there's two that you could be a part of copy of the keys these are i oh okay okay okay i just said that curtis runs the key making machine you don't and there are no departments there we have that's gonna create so much animosity yeah it's gonna be really he has the

machine i do it from scratch so you could join my key copying department which is fun do not hold up your keys on the video feeds yeah can i screenshot that so i can so they can like copy the 3d print right now people watching this feed at home there are 3d printed key copies just coming out of the like the special drive that these people have they just do it automatically yes copy the keys okay hiding the other side now um and i do those from scratch or you can help me build the play place uh we have a lot of that's a very cute drill yeah yes well we need to make a big play place we need to make a play place in the hardware store like it's an aisle the plate for the men to play in for the men to play in yes uh we need

something for them to do okay you know what this doesn't sound that bad i've been looking for structure actually to be i mean i didn't like the way that sean i it's good that you came first you know because you you're bad cop hayes you're good cop and then we have uh kevin just sean did you have it she said did you have it that's what she said a second ago i thought i saw that's what she said on your face am i wrong about that i've always got one in the chamber you know okay okay maybe it was related to something else i just wanted to make sure that that one because i mean it's good that you went first what what happened he said he said came and i thought that i just yeah i thought i thought you i thought i saw you do the deep inhale that

in preparation for and hey that's really nice of you because what happened it's like the rays in the sun poem what happens to it that's what she said deferred? Does it fester or does it explode? And it can really live in a body if you don't let it out. And so I think it's really good that you offered that release. Does it rupture like a zit? Does it blow its brains out? Like Randy in the end of Collado. Oh, that's important.

He at the end of it. What?'s that's important that he at the end what and he plays the jamie fox character he ad-libs it yeah he gets yeah oh no oh yeah yeah every character that's a big change it's one of the only changes every character kills themselves extras too yeah everyone what background everyone's got it michael man said everyone's got to go yeah um kevin yeah man you know i'll come with you and i'll build the play place and i appreciate this intervention i get that i get that it's been going on too long and this is a long coming it's just i and i this episode do you think it's been going

on too long i don't see a little video no No, no. No. If you think so, what I've been doing. Yeah. Chris, too long for you. Bye. Hollywood. That was a hate gun podcast.