Hollywood Handbook - Chris Fleming, Our Costume Chest Friend

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

The Boys welcome back CHRIS FLEMING to save the podcast. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. lurches forward to set the clock. What's incorporated in the time that we're now looking at has been the entire process of setting up the clock. Well, I think that I have more content than I do. And content is king! And here I am, a lowly peasant

with not enough content because it's being stolen from me by Kevin's creaky hips you hear him don't you when he has to lean over with the clock to put the clock down and it's like i'm watching the fucking numbers it's like and it's just this is my life like so much of my life i have an actual quantifiable image of how much of my life is just me observing kevin's creaky ass hips fucking struggle to get a clock down in front of it when he remembers to do it to get it in front of his little board there yeah and this is you know shit he doesn't do anything with

this shit this is the heir to bartelt insurance. And he was the Bartelt boy. He was the original Bartelt boy, actually. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. And you decided to come to HeadGum? That's right. And Chris, if you need anything at all, say the word. But this is just so you know, before you say,

I actually would not recommend saying any words. No. Because their whole premise is that money that goes into his hips, for example, is out of his pocket. Right. You know what I mean? Right. And so they're like, anytime you want medical care and stuff, they're like, why would you want to do that? like medical care and stuff they're like why would you why would you want to do that well when i walked in the way kevin kevin was facing me but his his legs were almost facing the other direction

yes he's like uh how off his lumbar he is well he has a playmobile um yeah uh hinge right there so his that's actually normal his his that's the creek where you're getting those kind of yeah it's like a metronome i'm hearing it too no i know it's kind of like a one 110 bpm i've been trying to think about it less and i know i brought it up but it's like yeah the amount of time i've spent envisioning like sort of internal structures in kevin's body just based on like the sounds i hear yeah kind of i get lost man because it's like it's a puzzle right like it's like the not all of it makes sense like what i have the information i have the lungs doesn't fit yeah yeah so like it's like the it's it's contemplating the concept of infinity like i go like what's the very end of the universe like how far is it and

then i picture that and i go well then how is it the end well it's a lot i'm inside a glass jar you know but then what's outside the jar who's holding it something that we christ i suppose quite a lot of men in black we talk we talk about we talk about men in black so the end of men in black people haven't seen in a while or fresher memory it is christ holding a jar the end of men in black people haven't seen in a while or fresher memory it is christ holding a jar within that jar is humanity and the stars it's coming out to christ so beyond the two aliens playing with the alien baby with the marvels it zooms out i i guess i've i've stopped the movie but it goes out a little further to christ yeah those those yes those aliens are inside a jar old smuckers with the label snorks on it

you see like the white name like smuckers it's got to be good which snork is on it um which snork is on the i just i don't remember which snork is on the jelly jar it's all star wait no dat daphne's on it. Okay. Aki is. There's a bunch of snorks on it. Now, remind me of snorks. What are snorks? The snorks are a race of sea creature. They are smurf-like in their society

in that snork replaces a lot of words that you would normally just. You stub your toes. Snork. Yeah. Snork and that snork replaces a lot of words that you would normally just snork. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Snork of a snork. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I yeah the show well it is and there's there's it yeah in the story of the show there's like um aki is a pet octopus there's all-star reggie daphne um uh am i wrong all-stars name is all-star right the main guy daphne doesn't seem to fit in daphne is kind of like a nice english name she's human she's just straight up yeah okay it was daphne zuniga like a nice English name. She's human. She's just straight up human. It was Daphne Zuniga, if you remember her. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. She just ended up under there somehow. And the snorks have a little tutor, like a little spout up top. It's a snorkel. It's a snorkel, but they are always underwater. Does it excrete stuff? Is it like a blowhole? We will never know because it's all underwater. It doesn't there's no bubbles coming out what's their weight how much they weigh yeah like each snore well they're in water so as you know the the weight like if you stand on a

scale underwater it's not gonna be the same weight that we'd have out here so like what you've got them on dry land if i got them on dry land yeah hang would you think? If I got them on dry land? Yeah. Hang on. Back of the napkin. Just scratching out a little quick math. For any of them, I guess. And Taffney looks a little smaller than All-Star. Yeah, they're all roughly.

800 pounds. Okay. Oh, okay. I thought, yeah. They're filming them from far away. Okay. Okay. So, that They're filming them from far away. Okay. Okay. So, that's interesting because they always describe themselves... They're filming the animation itself.

They're like a black bear. The size of a black bear. I think so, yeah. In the opening sequence, they do say, like, All-Star says, like, hey, I'm All-Star 66220. Yeah. And, like, they all do their height, which is all in the 6'4 to 6'10 range. They get their stats. And they're like center frame.

But that's underwater. That's underwater. Cartoon should do that. I think you should say your height. Because often you don't have like any other context. Well, here's what turned up. It turned up brutal NBA light,

you know, or like, you know, with that really bad. Where they went to college. They should all say where they went to college as well. Do you remember this i mean they're scared of another animal and this animal no i don't remember any i don't know well i wasn't asking you but they're scared of another animal and this animal's name and you got you you wonder who named him i think it was the snorks but the animal was called the snork eater yeah this is a big fear they have you imagine oh i can't you're walking around and

it's just like yeah there's a fucking chris eater i'd be scared yeah that was like but this might make you more comfortable there's actually an animal named the snork eater eater okay within the world talk about an ecosystem right talk about i mean the circle of life you know like it's like uh i can't i'm trying to think what would be fucked up is if the snorks eat that then we really could close the loop infinity yeah yeah yeah that's so fucked no that's like thinking about kevin's hips there's something sexy about it you know when you think about that's why we brought it up yeah relax you can kind of like close your eyes and relax when you think about that but the rest of the network is doing well so um we're we're struggling here with the clock

it's been a while yeah yeah since you've been on oh it's nice we started with head gun the network's doing well they've gotten some other shows some bigger shows yeah no it's incredibly quiet in the in the in the quiet in the shared space out there. They leave the space for the creativity to exist in here. It's like a pediatrician's office. I sat down today. Kevin was sitting on the couch. I walked in. Kevin sort of greeted me. I said, hey babe, something playful. I sat down and I think said one sentence and there was a woman next to

us at the table who was on her computer and she kind of looked turned saw me picked her computer walked into a different office closed the door and that's when i walked in there was an energy script they're running it was a it was a very like yeah keep it down she's like they're adding new shows all the time and so like there's not a lot of time to like be silly like we're actually like running a real business here they just added a show i saw outside there's two new posters yeah there's one for a show called touch grass which nobody told me about nobody decided was not made aware of it is that like is that about like the you should get offline thing and i again no one has decided that i was we learned from the poster yeah yeah we that's how we find

out but i do draw inspiration for from that and i'm sort of wondering how we can because i'm trying to get like my phone that's like i'm trying to get off my phone like everyone else and i'm trying to touch grass yeah if we could figure out a way to get the podcast out there in a way that is also getting people off their phones and so it's like a book you want to play it like from like i'm wondering speaker like you know when like there's an emergency piano oh that's brilliant a player some kind of thing that just played it was partly my idea like i we talked about it beforehand and i also was involved in the player piano idea oh sean no i

love that yeah you know how we are the world how everyone had to listen to it at the same time yes that's what this could be it could and i think yeah i saw your hand in the player piano it felt it's really good that you advocated for yourself thanks because i just i saw how much you liked it and i just felt like maybe hayes was gonna get all of the yeah kind of shine off of that which by the way hayes was crucial in coming to the idea of a player piano and that's big it just didn't happen exactly without you know without both of us i think that's what's so cool about us yeah yeah it's like you know uh hayes yes okay great me sure all right first thing you said after hayes hayes what yes oh yeah yes okay great me sure all right but sean and hayes you know that's how you really end up with the

player piano no absolutely but one's so big that like everyone in the world can hear it or there's so many but how do you start them all at the same time that way remember live free or die where the terrorist hacked either the traffic lights or sirius xM radio. The free or die hard, you mean? Sorry. Yeah, yeah. No, I just wanted to be clear for... I knew. It's not a sorry thing. It's a like...

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Well, I think you guys could probably do something like that where you hacked Sirius XM or like the Prius,

like the seatbelt or the backup cam, and that's a little clip of one of your... In this town, we usually get the Tesla... interface, you know, and get in there. Replace the fart machine that comes with that car. You know about this? You hear about this? Yeah, that set me back about a month.

I just covered it up in the bed when I found out about the consumption. Live free or die hard was supposed to be, for New Hampshire, what lord of the rings was for new zealand and then the actual movie comes out there's barely anything about new hampshire no no it's not set in new hampshire it's just using the license plate motto it's just it's just a play on live liver and it's adding a word to it not to pile on you for leaving it out before but it's it's usually the latest play model but that's not the entire title yeah totally totally

no yeah so while we're working that out i don't know i mean the numbers are bleak i think as we're adding more shows to the network people are finding out about different things to listen to. And this was sort of an unforeseen consequence. Of competition. Of people are now listening to other stuff. That's a good way to put it. Yeah, yeah. That we had not necessarily expected there to be competition.

It seems like you guys, because the way I knew you. That we don't thrive in that environment. No, nor do i the way the way i got to know you was over zoom and you were very comfortable over zoom you were probably and and now that you've had to come to the office and you see all the posters i i think that's probably how i'm wilting i mean i'm yeah it's it's driving you to i'm a hot house flower these damn posters are gonna be the end of me yeah i'm looking behind me what the fuck i saw you swatting that one i saw you swatting

at like a bear doing a bear swat of like a some cute you got bears on the brain today friend 800 pounds straight to black bear the idea of a swat bear only for you because i i mean we have posters it's not like we aren't familiar with posters when you're on zoom you don't have to see these posters well i mean and the posters i have are not like competing with they're not trying to take my audience away it's an alien try to pass me a big fatty yeah take me to your dealer like right that's like literally the opposite of trying to take my listeners away one of the promo pieces is an alien passing a blunt to camera it's not this is the thing the posters it's not a promo piece it's just a poster i have just a fucking kick-ass

poster yeah ah sorry sorry sorry i i think of posters as being stuff that's just like cool to think about alien with a fatty right ferrari testarossa you know stuff that i can actually like just trip out on how many times have you have you seen ferrari but or is that what it's called the one where there's no dialogue but it's adam driver it's called ferrari or die hard yeah it's um uh how many times have I seen it? Yeah. Zero. Okay. I got to be honest with you.

Okay. I'm excited to see it. I'm interested to see it. It's right up your alley. What's going on for me right now is at this stage, it's got to be about the work. Well, right.

That would be a treat. That would be a reward for me achieving something with this show that I could be proud of that could go on a poster, maybe that would get hung up. And that's not, that's hopefully happening now with this episode, but that's not what I've done to date. And so until that happens, I don't get my dessert.

I don't get to watch my Ferrari. What you've done. And the last I saw you was on the 101 when you were uh protesting the barbie snub yeah well it's just didn't direct itself yeah go ahead well you were well i just saw you you head out the sunroof just um and you're you have the your vanity plate is ipodcast right yeah and you were you were protesting like when it has a comma drawn and after well it's it's they don't let you do it it's a rebus it's an it's an eyeball it's a paw it's the letter D and it's a fishing rod which doesn't yeah yeah not many people get a lot yeah people think it's iClawRod.

But the misunderstanding that you had was you thought... iClawed. iClawedRod. When people were talking about the Barbie movie, you thought that they were talking about Marc Maron's review of the Barbie movie on TikTok, and that's what you thought had the snub. Yeah, well, I...

And you brought a clip of that, correct? Of course. Yeah. Of course. Can we air it? Can we just and you brought a clip of that correct can we yeah of course can we air it can we yeah can we just read that it's shot on like an iphone 8 yeah okay yeah it's only like it's like one megabyte yeah and i and i was look i see a fucking protest it's like i'm probably gonna get involved yeah right like let's face, there's a lot to be frustrated by. I'm not going to be up on all of it. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, people seem to be, you know, talking about Barbie. The Marc Maron review, of course, I'm familiar with it.

I know what you're referencing. So, like, it's easy for me to engage. Yeah. And I just thought, like, well, that must be related to what they're doing out here so i got out of my sunroof and then that's where you saw me yeah and then did we talk no that's right now i'm remembering yeah yeah well you i mean i think what you were trying to do because like like you said, he was protesting, but he was still in his car and he was trying to block the one-on-one in a way to like, you actually get attention.

And so drift the car so it could cover multiple lanes. Yeah. Ended up, I think, drifting in a way that just took you gently down the the cold water exit yeah you ended up at tapia brothers farms yeah yeah yeah i mean and you seemed really mad well i am still yeah you know and i it's uh i bury it under a lot of stuff but but if we're going to really get in there, yeah, I thought the Marc Maron review of Barbie got snubbed, and it was just a fucking bridge too far from it. It was the last straw.

There's been a lot of things that haven't gone Marc's way, that haven't gone my way, that haven't gone my way that haven't gone sorry to bring you into this haze haven't gone haze's way chris no there's a lot of things well it depends what you're about to say haze's way just for context haze's way is very similar to uh mike's way are you familiar with mike's way oh the words lettuce tomatoes that's the same everything spread oil vinegar salt pepper oil yeah so okay so the this the universe that you guys occupy is dense with uh okay so mike's way is a it's similar to mike's way okay but mine is salt pepper and i basically like turkey dust i turkey as a condiment oh oh or like a spice dry turkey powder you can get onion powder

but yeah yeah it's turkey powder you can powder pretty much anything yeah oh yeah look i mean you just yeah basically they they grind up the jerky and yeah i mean don't talk to me turkey yes not before i've had my turkey yes that classic times square t-shirt you can buy don't talk to me till i've had my turkey powder yeah no the pilgrims used to schwack they used to schwack that shit yeah they used to that's how they kept the shoes so shiny yeah chop up some fucking highway lines of that shit oh my god and putting the belt buckles on yeah yeah yeah talk about drifting off the cold water exit no they were fucking going somewhere they need you need a belt buckle on your hat when you're having too many ideas

from Shwack and Jerky Bar. You got to cinch that on. Too many business ideas. You mind if I have this, Kevin? That's for you. I love to win. I love to win at business, man. So it seems like you asked for water,

but were not very specific in your request. Yeah, I was fogged. There was a lot. I was brought in every kind of was fogged. There was a lot. I was brought in every kind of... And someone brought to me shaking. You got still and sparkling. Kevin, can I actually have that instead? Can I have that instead of him?

Do you want Chris's or do you want your own? He's asking you permission. He didn't have to have Chris's, but if he has one, then Chris can have one. I'm leaving almost like in a noir, like what a woman would leave. Except around not just one part of the rib. Yeah. They call me the 360 drinker.

How many people were drinking this fucking glass? What kind of an event? Yeah. It looks like the true detectives encountered some sort of ceremonial ritual. Yes. My God, yeah. This was no suicide.

There must be 16 hot-ass women drinking out of this. I mean, these are like red lip. These are like Dick Tracy era, you know know kissers on here do you worry that those were there before no because i have a clear image of i remember thinking that's a really clean glass as i zoned out briefly just briefly so they're cleaning the glass is really nice the uh it's really everything except the number like the listener numbers the listener numbers yeah so you said you mentioned that i seemed angry when you saw me yeah and i and i am still angry and and you know i'm really angry at myself thanks man i'm mad at myself thanks sean

and it's and it's me yeah i really appreciate you saying that yeah i i i appreciate you appreciating it because like sometimes i say it and i just get nothing back yeah you know but with you i got a little bit sometimes dudes don't know how to react to that kind of like uh it's a it's a thing isn't it this um toxic dudeularity i do want to propose something uh was trying to spell that phonetically in my head I think I blocked the blood vessel there's a G in it

is it a J? it's a D-G D-U-D-E-G-E-L-A-R-I-T-Y it's one of the most complicated Dugularity D-U Is it in a sentence? Origin?

Toxic deutelerity Thank you I remember us Talking about this at the very beginning Like if things weren't Working the way we needed them to That this would be Break glass in case of emergency type.

This is like 2002, 2003 that this talk was happening. Yes. You guys were 35, 36. Yes. Yeah. And that, what inspired us at the time to do this was the post-9-11, like Nelly and everybody getting together and doing that big song about healing the world.

It wasn't We Are the World, but it was bigger than that. I think it was more impactful. I can't remember if this happened or if i just thought it should happen but nelly pulled one of the band-aids off his face and put it on the globe and like really tried to heal the world and he screamed he's when he took it off he screamed so loud for so long i remember oh yeah and just a beam of light in his cheek and it was like a cyclops thing or something daily fell back just just like shaking it was the cover of what's going on with diddy jermaine dupree

oh yeah of course justin timberlake when a Aaron Lewis from Stained, all the Backstreet Boys. Uncle Cracker? Christina Aguilera. No, I don't think he was allowed to participate. Britney, Destiny's Child, Ja Rule. That's the part I really remember when he was like, What's going on in the world filled with pain? Where's the love for which we pray yeah oh i totally remember that he's kind of stole the show yeah uh and so we're like hey how do we contribute to like we obviously if we had been asked to

participate in that like that would have what would you have done as like with a verse i i mean i think we would that was our question and i think the answer was we would have done this podcast yeah yeah you would have done like an hour 30 yes yeah yes and they would have to cut that down to like a maybe a one two second clip yeah i mean you know it would have been up to them you know i wouldn't necessarily be in the edit with them but yeah we would have done like an hour 30 podcast um there would have been 38 minutes of usable content from that uh it would have been you know it would have jumped around a lot let's face it um but yeah i mean whatever they decided to put in the song i don't think anybody would be mad at a longer song at that time it's like yeah maybe like we didn't even have some time to like yeah our phones weren't what they

are now no i mean i think that would have been really good for like for me as a middle schooler to see you know britney spears like at a time where i'm looking you know two celebrities and pop stars it's it's you know it's britney it's gwen it's bono and then it's you guys what about some guys that are not old yeah and it's you guys sitting down especially at the time yeah and talking with i don't know who would it get who would the guest yeah that's the question right at that time at that time in 2002 i mean i hate to say it we probably would have tried to get kevin spacey do i mean we probably would have at least tried sure you know he's probably

at that time he's like wife of david gale probably he's in character as david gale yeah no he's writing his own ticket so his last podcast appearance i hate to say that now knowing we didn't do it and it would it would not have aged well and i don't know that we could have gotten him because david gale i guess wouldn't want to do the show i appreciate you being transparent that you would probably realistically would have been i think that's probably it would have been disgraced actor kevin spacey yeah i also sort of i mean like and again because mark hadn't really done this like marin had like he was just punching the dry wall yeah exactly yeah could we have done sort of like the equivalent of like his dane cook episode

with ben lodden and just like yeah just laid it all out been like here's why we're mad at you exactly just like this vlogging format like hey part of us was jealous of you yes you know what i mean and like uh you know you had figured something out um but then also saying like there was an element of us um feeling like you were like you hadn't paid your dues right right and we're telling Bin Laden that and you rose to this insane fame this insane fame and then he's going and then he's going like

dude like thank you for saying that to me I had this crazy inferiority complex because I've always been such a fan of you yeah

yeah are you kidding me like you're like you were the guy when I was coming up so we are the world it's the verses the verses and is this are you guys ending it or are you in between that's not we are the

world that's what's going on what's going on sorry it's what's going on and then it's you guys in the middle of this or like it's like a verse what's going on or die you talking to ben laden i actually think it should be i actually think it should be the beginning so like oh so you got to go through an hour and right now it starts right now like i just feel like once the music starts like people are probably not going to be that down to listen to the whole podcast between us and bin laden so you they need to know that there is britney coming if they know that they got all of the yeah out of the way so i think it would probably benefit us and them can you play the beginning because the song already begins with like kind of a podcast i think i think diddy goes yeah what's going on and jermaine dupree goes tell me yeah and so already

this was like that's that's conversational i mean that really was a precursor to like what we do now yeah you two don't listen but I'll tell you if that's how the something like where we can sort of plug in the podcast but and I remember Justin Timberlake looking in a clearly looking in a camera lens as a reflective he's like looking at him you know when you can tell when someone's looking at themselves not looking into a camera yeah that's what I remember of JT in the beginning of this and if we had gotten in there i mean it was like the this podcast would never exist probably because we would have like said what we needed to say there yeah and so now we've had this opportunity to do this we were built for that moment you know what i mean and

now we've kind of been chasing our tails because we missed our window yeah and we're here we've been tapping on the glass for 500 and yeah episodes and okay yeah there is a little conversational piece in the beginning so we just do that for an hour 20 hour 30 yeah or like minus fucking seven eight seconds for like you imagine actually it would have been great to have Kevin's 2002 hips. Were your hips better or worse in 2002? Way worse. Oh, okay.

Yeah. This is the result of a lot of work. That's what precipitated the Playmobil mechanism being inserted, I guess. Okay. Okay, wow. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say, like, hey, I trust you.

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three weeks babbles designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them. They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something.

They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost

and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real life situations at which i have all the time and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others.

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We've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout. Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious. Head to factormeals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off. slash the boys 50 and use code the boys 50 to get 50 off that's code the boys 50 at factor meals.com slash the boys 50 to get 50 off so so so you're saying correct me if i'm wrong hayes you're saying that you guys are hurting for listeners or you think because you're seeing all the posters let's not sugarcoat it and so this is you're fucked because you're seeing all the posters around. Let's not sugarcoat it. And so this is, you're fucked because you're seeing all the other offices sprouting up. We are absolutely busy boned.

We are getting hammer fucked by the goddamn Touch Grass podcast. We don't know who hosts it. We don't know what it's about. No one told us. And I'm getting piledrived by that fucking thing, man. Yeah. I mean, this sounds like it may be anxiety, you know, especially, and i mean this sounds like it may be anxiety you know especially and here's why i say it may be anxiety is that you seeing these posters it's not it

doesn't seem to be any actual data that you guys are getting and then that leads both of you to 9-11 and thinking about if only we had done something that released the podcast you know we wouldn't be in this pickle yeah yeah but i think there's a way forward here yeah and i do want to talk to you about this oh sure uh i think what can turn the ship around um you are you are you leaving i was thinking i mean i was seeing how fast i could get i was in my body I was hoping we could talk about it now. Oh, sure. I can leave later.

I think it's time for us to get out the costume chest. What are you talking about? I think we need to get the costume chest. We have a costume chest that we prepared at the very beginning of this process. Not to use in the first episode. Sort of like a go bag this process not to use in the first episode sort of like a go bag but it's just like not to maybe use in the first year but if we ever needed

it we needed a costume chest like uh the way that like a college improv group would have tryouts they would have like a like like a bunch like in a like a pile like a like a hula hoop and stuff like that just options that we could in case of an emergency draw from we have a very some very persona powerful totems where the the power i think is such that it's not totally under our control if we if we utilize it same for a college improv troupe yeah where this this power can elevate you to such incredible heights who are you behind on stage yes yes but it can also turn on you slip away from you and effectively uh turn itself on the whole universe completely it's like that paperclip like you know the paperclip like if you what if you invented a paperclip that's eats everybody that count i think we may have grown up in different cultures hey i mean i mean

from snork to uh uh the paperclip i don't all these analogies are so far beyond me. My dad was a talking scientist. So he's like the science of saying things beautifully, clearly. A talking scientist? A talking scientist, yes. He understood the science of talking very nicely and well in ways that I sometimes forget. the science of talking very nicely and well in ways that i sometimes forget so like when i'm explaining a concept like i was i've been steeped in this since i was since i was like the like the tiniest baby in the world you're an earl grey tea bag yeah yeah exactly and my daddy is uh not watered not too hot of course that's too hot most of the time that's too hot it doesn't

have to be that hot no you're so that's so true yeah especially when you buy it from from a place yes it's like unlivable yeah it takes like a day it's so cool this is stupid but i get this thing that's so hot like are you you're an idiot why'd you do that you guys talking about uh hey sean sorry i got i got sorry no i just are you talking about like tea water this shit is this is the most dumb ass shit uh yeah i i just i really as you say when i get that handed to me i really look forward to you know a day and a half from them when i get my one good sip the one the fucking it's it's it's yeah 36 hours of this yeah and then and then and then it's ah and then the next step is, and then it's too cold.

Can I please? Yeah. I'll take one tea, please. I'm going to be thirsty this Friday. And it's on like a Wednesday or something. Yeah. Totally. A day and a half.

You guys are so old. Dude, I'm so glad that you're talking about tea water. So you are leaving? No, no, no. I'm not leaving. You got to stay, man not leaving you gotta stay man we found this i know i know we found this we found this yeah and so i think one by one we can just pull some of these items out from the costume chest and you can talk you've done this you've adorned wigs i mean i thought i was over it inspired us yeah oh yeah okay okay yeah if you want to drag me back into the costume chest let's do it let's do it where's the chest okay it's right here you want me to get it no it's right in front of us it's been in front

of us the whole time yeah oh of course of course okay okay and so we crack it open that's kevin walking over to open it oh no oh the dust yeah yeah sorry kevin is shaking like a dog oh my god oh my god oh that dust was coming from kevin yeah his wooden hips or he just sanded them this morning oh my god okay pull something out spider ah i don't want to kill it be sad to kill it if you kill a spider if you kill a black widow spider the venom does the venom get really like do you then get the it's a mercy to me that's an act of mercy of course but do you ever since her husband passed okay she's been hoping that someone would yes she's she's in the courage to do it herself yeah yeah she's mourning yeah yeah um uh no you're

fine okay just to answer your scientific question. How does the venom... Well, it must be injected. Yeah. It must be injected. Yes, they pierce the skin and then the venom goes in. Do you have like an open wound

and then you rub a spider? I suppose, yes. I suppose if you crumbled up a black widow's remains onto an open wound, you may receive some sort of like allergic reaction. Some sort of body backlash but okay i you know okay i'm not that stressed about it for you i would say please don't do that chris

yeah because we need you yeah okay right now we need you yeah right thanks your voice we're gonna need that It's an election year. I can't have you, you know, succumb to the crumbled up black window. Okay? Yes. I know. We might find another what's going on type situation that has to be tackled. Well, I have to come in.

I do not want to be doing that without Chris. Thanks, man. So. Yeah. Hey, guys. Costume wise. Travis Kelsey and mevis kelsey and me taylor swift and me chris fleming we've got an announcement to make we're getting married

right that'd be huge come on yeah i could see i could see myself in a in a three situation with yeah okay so getting totally shafted what i I could see myself in a three situation with, yeah. Okay, so. Getting totally shafted. What I pulled out here. Just never getting to pick where you go to a restaurant or something. It wouldn't even make the news. It would be like, I'd clearly be in a thruple with them and not even Vulture would talk about it.

Yeah. It would be like, clearly, I'm like in the pictures. Travis Taylor and friend pictured here travis travis taylor and uh and the other one in their relationship yes and they wouldn't and no one's gonna and people in the third yeah yes and third third spouse wait so this costume chest i'm seeing i mean it's pretty funny what you're doing with the pool noodle right now sean hey uh you know i just saw it and the shape gave me an idea what if this was a feather boa and and the way you've been slinking around uh-huh with it i can almost see i mean talk about the red lipstick yeah you know no i am moving it's

a feminine way of moving moving around yes kind of touching us that's yeah i mean that i'm doing almost like a a little bit of a song stress you're doing a little marilyn i'm not singing okay mr president it's funny like that's that's fine it's fine to do that for a second that's not what the pool noodle was but maybe i should be singing yeah it that is supposed to be a character a prop for a very large excuse me it's there is gospel in the air it's fine to do it for one second i just want like if we're going if this is going to work it's gonna have to like we're gonna have to stick we have to take the costume seriously they can't be repurposed and the big noodle became marcon it became thank you yeah very much thank

you you might know so you're saying the intention of the pool noodle was actually... The pool noodle was supposed to be for... It's a big noodle and it's supposed to be for the world's biggest Italian man. It's supposed to be what? The world's biggest Italian man. Eating spaghetti. Yes, that's eating spaghetti for the biggest Italian man. Which leads you with the task of miming a giant invisible fork

and then imagining well swirling the pool noodle how many pieces of spaghetti are in a traditional italian dish of spaghetti how many pieces of spaghetti how many pieces yeah oh in a traditional one okay all right back of the napkin man let me scroll down all you numbers here it's a heaping uh regular portion regular not like a nice restaurant where it's like six pieces i'm talking like a you know it's full it's regular normal we're normal guys oh depends on the region the traditional in toscanino they they cut it up It's sorry to keep asking for clarification. I feel like I'm at a family party when I'm talking to Sean. It truly is hard to remember that we're on camera

and that we're being recorded. Is it Bolognese sauce? Bolognese on the postito? Are you talking about Bolognese? Is it Bolognese on the postito? The Bolognese button. Bolognese on the pastito. The bolognese button. Bolognese. Is it a bolognese on the pastito?

Because that could affect how many noodles fit. It's got to be. It's a number between one and ten, you said? No, I don't think I said anything okay i'm not sure i understood the question you think that i had the answer and that's why you're it would have been helpful bolognese i mean talk about lord of the rings with bolognese you know yes bolognese was the bravest of all my god when bolognese yes yes jumped off of that thing. Oh, my God. When he stepped forward.

Into the pit. Yes. Yeah. And my nunchucks. And he had but one seaweed snack. And he's jumping in to the pit of two years. The pit of two years. The pit of two years.

Yes. With but one seaweed snack? Yes. Oh, Bognese. It's akin to suicide. Yeah. And yet. From boredom.

The triumph of Bognese, yes? Yes. He returns. Yes. And has a little corner of the seaweed snack yet left yes and who who played bolognese but jk simmons in 2022 they put him back they sent him back there well they green screen jk and then they put him back into the remastered so we see bolognese and this is over scenes that are already happening so there's no they're not adding any and when the

movie came out originally in the early 2000s they were like we will fill someone into this we will take care of this we know we're missing and we know jk simmons now like and like yeah we're projecting forward in time he will be prepared he's not ripped enough and he's not bald enough there's still a couple big little sprigs like a baby. He had a couple sprouts left. He had a couple little pig tail. He had a couple little piggies. And they couldn't get rid of them.

This one, and then finally this one went to market. They were as resilient as Bognese. I mean, these last few piggies, but at last we did eliminate them and now we have the movie as i always intended to watch it and thank god bulganese found his laptop in the in the two-year pit the pit what was it called and was able to order was able to order seamless no that's obviously not

part of the movie but i mean you were having a little bit of fun with it. You're adding a little creative license. I do think that should be part of the show. Seymour? Or adding fun. Just a little fun every now and then. It's obviously serious analysis of the Lord of the Rings re-edit, but I do think that we should be able to joke around a little bit. So I found here a Civil War uniform.

Yeah. With mutton chops? Oh, I'm looking. war uniform yeah with mutton chops oh yeah i'm looking yeah those are mutton chops those are mutton chops and so people are like oh is it like the south like no it's not the south it's like is it the north no it's not the north oh this was a new state oh that uh we sort of devised at the time because we were talking about a solve war yeah and it's like obviously the south is bad but like the north was like big everyone was being kind of crazy so like who could have shown up and resolved this so this is a civil war uniform from a state that we created called pentatonixico. Pentatonixico. Yes.

And the premise is, what if Pentatonix were, what if basically every resident of an entire state were in Pentatonix? So Utah. Yes. Well, eventually Utah did sort of adopt this premise. Yes, exactly. well eventually utah did what we now know is utah premise okay yeah exactly yeah and at the time we were doing this we hadn't like we didn't really know what was going on in a lot of the middle part of the flyover country at the time i mean we really set up my idea stuff there and they were doing their own thing it's hard to get out we have to traverse the whole range like we got we're trying to do a podcast yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and so

it's a state of like 2.5 million people or something like that they're all in pentatonix it's mostly bison walking west right in that part of the state at that time yes they're just kind of in a constant west so you're trying to traverse the range and it's like trying to get down the sidewalk in new york like does anyone know how to walk in this freaking city at least bison are like coming all these bison yeah right and so what if an entire state of pentatonix were able to like as they're getting ready to fight and stuff, they were like, hey. All of them in harmony, but with a little swag. Yes, there's one guy. Yeah, doing percussion. The most charismatic guy.

Yes. Totally bald. Yeah, he's got this throat. He wears one of those collars so he can make throat noises yeah but at the time like a like a priest collar some of them they wear like uh it will look like sort of almost like an s&m thing but it is for acapella singing it's for boxing yeah yeah it helps them and they're all where like for their music all the pentatonix are wearing what um ethan hawk's character in first reform has on okay okay at the end of the movie

yeah ethan hawk in first reform have you seen that movie remember okay oh he's he's rotting from the inside there's blood coming out of him and so he um is wearing like a has he had myahawk do we want to say he's wearing a suicide vest okay um which keeps now i feel like it keeps coming up because i talked about bognese and now we're and so it feels like we're circling around this and and i do want to say to be responsible like if anyone out there is depressed listen to what's going on like look for the helpers nelly was there ja rule was there you know britney was there where's all the love for which we pray yeah um so macy gray probably wasn't actually allowed in the bill she probably tried to get in and they probably said actually we're

good macy like we have all the verses filled right i yeah i didn't remember her name being listed off oh um no i think that's around the end of her tenure but yeah oh okay so well so pentatonix are kind of going their walk it's almost like the um it's almost like sorry pentatonix ago it's almost reminds me of the band that leads the yes and so the guy in front is miming a flute and then yes the little drummer is like doing drum motions but they aren't carrying any and they're all wearing like express for men tight jeans yes yes and they're just getting mowed down they crest over the hill and yes basically what they're all in a line and so basically one

cannonball and they're doing all you yeah but the blast of the cannonball perfectly provides like a big drum sound that does fit into the song which just makes everyone kind of pause and and recognize the message of pentaton Mexico yeah and then as that goes boom it's just a small town it's just a small town. It's just a small town, girl. And then he gets mowed. Boom! He gets mowed down. And then another one. I'm living in a lonely world. Boom!

And then they just keep getting... Took him in my train going and he... You know. And both the North and South sort of converge on pentaton x ago they forget what it was like what they were fighting about like they just needed to get something out of their system and it and pentaton x ago appeared and they crested the hill and they were all yeah oh so

it's kind of small pentaton x ago this state no the uh the state is huge they they marched over to the like to this battle where there was a hill yeah got you got you yeah i i feel bad because that's such a like fleshed out idea from this costume box and i see the costume that i put in there which is called braces statham and i'm going like i didn't really think it through like the whole story of like the war and the cannonball and that's like such so rich and detailed and i'm going like braces statham like i don't even really have like an impression i guess he's like idea if jason statham had orthodontistry work done where i was coming from that I was coming from. That's kind of you to say. It would undo a lot of- And at the time, that was a really-

It'd feel a little different, yeah. Like, I'm going to kick the shit out of you. And he's just got a full palate. But at first, I got a tight in me palate expander. And then his mom tightened it up. Lost one of me rubber bands. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, he's got a- Yeah, only taught me knee-tight rubber

bands yeah i don't remember when you had it did you think it was kind of hot in middle school when you had the rubber bands i felt kind of sexy when i had the rubber bands attached you could do like yeah yeah dueling banjos yeah i remember when i remember yeah right yeah totally yeah and like the fact that you've basically got two trebuchets in there wow wow yeah i mean the firepower you're attacking like oh yeah yeah blasting paper wasps talk about a cannonball y'all ever shoot paper wasps? No. I've hit the fucking bus driver's hand with one.

While he was driving the bus? Yeah, he reached up to adjust the mirror right at the moment that I was fucking. I mean, you couldn't, you know, one in a million, but. Yeah. You must have been crowned king of the fucking community. Nobody knew but me, man. Oh, you were doing this solo. I had to fucking I had to hi I'd be like who did that? That's crazy, I'm as mad as the bus driver is about this happening maybe matter Which one of you did was this around did you claim to have been identical to Elijah would at a certain point?

No, no you did was this around did you claim to have been identical to elijah wood at a certain point no no i didn't there was someone that you said you were in a store and your mom's friend claimed that you were a famous child actor come on god you're making me humiliate me you really did tell me this story i did probably tell you this story yeah i think who was it i worked at a dry cleaner and a woman brought her daughter to the dry cleaner to show me to her daughter because they had watched the film a walk to remember and she said i think the boy at the dry cleaner looks like shane west and i of course knew this young woman yeah or popular girl from the grade above me. And I was home on Christmas break from college, which, of course, I was not attending.

And I was just being shown. And she kind of had to be like, yeah, I know who this is. I've seen him, was not impressed then. She had to debunk. She just, yeah, she just was like, okay, all right, thanks, Mom. And it was like, see? And then it was like, all right, then they left. You were George Bailey.

Someone had to stick around the town. But imagine a world without you. Yeah, with high-waisted baggy-ass pants. Where a mom brings her daughter into the dry cleaners and there's nobody there looking like Shane West. That hope that they had driving to the dry cleaners and there's nobody there looking like shane west that that that hope that they had driving to the driving to the dry cleaner that they were going to see shane west working at the dry cleaner that that that is a gift you know that the other they otherwise would not that's

true yeah i guess i did i just provided that you know this was before all these phones and stuff so like yeah they didn't have much to do you can just look at shane west like you can now you know yeah right no it's so easy to look at you have to drive to a dry cleaner wanting to look at shane west we can just do it and we don't remember that like that was not at our disposal we had to go to the dry cleaners and have some of the town look at a boy who looked you know i may have said it before but at the dry cleaner you know you got all these everybody's name is stapled to their ticket and you look at a lot of names and there's one customer whose name i remember and he never came in but i was always hoping to come in and see him because in my imagination as we talk about like the hope that you have for something i i just thought there'd be a real character entering and he just his clothes

stayed on the shelf the whole time never was there when he came in but the name was merle jupiter wow and just the idea of what merle jupiter i mean that's something for the costume box huh like what's your merle jupiter well it's a sorcerer's hat that we have right here is my merle jupiter with a with a with like a necklace of a solar system that's merle jupiter and also a weight like there's a stick in here and it's that's to break my legs to make me make me about waist high and that is my real jupiter going where are my clothes where is that i can't seem to remember where the dry cleaner is and that's my real jupiter okay well that that actually that makes me glad that i brought it up that i didn't realize you had one yep these i'm not going to be able to um get away with this i guess because people can see it

on camera one by one these uh drink powder pockets the packets have been falling out of my pocket over the course of the show it's about seven oh do you have a pure one over there raw you mean no they stopped uh ordering the raw one yeah there's one that's raw flavored what are you talking about raw flavor it's just i've never had it it's like original what's the blue one it's for like a real you know survivalist yes yeah yeah who just wants to taste none of this fruity yeah water chocolate caramel flavor grapefruit yeah give me raw uh give me raw i'm not in here every day do you have raw chicken breast yes it's powder you can powder anything unrefrigerated chicken breast refrigerated chicken breast yes chicken sushi chicken sashimi flavor chicken there's a great chicken sushi place

popping up down the street from here we gotta go more competition for us it's exactly perfect yeah so when i pivot away from podcasting why don't we put a poster if my restaurant is also d o fucking a jesus christ get out bye bye bye that was a hate gun podcast