Hollywood Handbook - Chris Gethard, Our Beautifully Being Anonymous Friend

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

With The Boys missing the recording, CHRIS GETHARD does an episode of his own podcast. Also, check out Chris’s new stand-up special Half My Life. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. yeah no i'm happy to hang out i have um like shocking shockingly little else to do so oh yeah yeah how's your lockdown been dude uh you know big ups big downs um mostly i just take care of my lawn take care of my baby how's the lawn looking these days oh it's not good it just got overrun with mouse ear chickweed just the other day. Like totally overrun with mouse ear chickweed. Yeah. Oh no. So I'm out here in my hands and knees like a mess hole. What do you kind of,

what do you do for the mouse wood chicken weed? The mouse ear chickweed. Really? You can pull it by its roots. Not much else. Cause it spreads in mats. I'm just going to try to keep it mode and chalk it up to experience. Try to,

you know, I mean, I feel like last year it was the crabgrass. I think a lot of people know that. And this year it's the mouse or chickweed. Yeah, so I'm happy to wait for the guys because I need a break from the weeds. For sure, for sure. Yeah.

I mean, the only thing is it's funny. I'm happy to hang out, but I haven't even – I usually haven't recorded an episode of my show this week yet. So it's a little silly to be sitting and waiting for the guys to do their show. That comes out like tomorrow or. Yeah. Tomorrow.

We have Tuesdays, right? Tuesdays. Yeah. There's been like a whole production log jam and. Oh yeah. A lot um those log jams man yeah and ever since we switched to serious there's just been so much uh so many team building exercises that a lot of a lot of times actually getting like studio time all together has been

taking a back seat so but it's on me you know i got obsessive about the mouse your chickweed too so have they still been doing the ice breakers they started to do that when i left like two truths and a lie trust fall yeah it's jam it's uh i don't know at what point they stop being icebreakers and just become recurring activities because once you've heard like 26 truths and 13 lies about a person once you've done that so often yeah i don't know that qualifies as an iceberg anywhere i don't know at a certain point the amount of lies like start to tell like a different story like you notice a pattern with the lies of like maybe what this person's in into on the weekends or something oh and the lies are getting dark the lies are getting very they're getting

fucked up yeah it's it's actually you know a lot of the a lot of the remaining earwolf hosts the uh the lies i'm hearing are revealing as much as the truths you know oh yeah yeah some of the things adam conover hasn't done oh boy oh man oh boy talk about factually two truths in a factually that's what his show should be called i don't know if you've have you heard like if it's gonna be are they gonna be more than an hour because if so i don't know if you'd be down to help me yeah one of my episodes but absolutely i i mean we got the the zoom up and um i can i already got my great how about you do that i'll grab the the theme song i think this is awesome this is a huge weight off the shoulders

it's like you know yeah get to do my show and then still get to talk with uh with the the guys that's awesome thanks so much thanks for helping me out. Yeah, of course. All right. Well, if you, yeah, the numbers up there. So if you just want to

catch someone through. All right. Yeah. Um, can I still play the theme song or did you do that in post? No, play it.

Go ahead and play. Okay. All right. Why not? Yeah, I'm just gonna, we're gonna have some fun. It's a good song.

It's a great song. Shell Shack. And then I go like, hi everybody. It's a great song, Shell Shack. And then I go like, hi, everybody. One hour, one phone call, no names, no holds barred. Yeah. Cool. Beautiful and honest. That's good, yeah.

Yeah. All right, I patched someone in. Okay, cool. Thanks so much for this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, I pad someone in. Okay, cool. Thanks so much for this. Yeah, yeah. Hello? Me? Yeah, the person who just said me.

You're on the line. Is it me? Yeah, it's you. Welcome to Beautiful Anonymous. Welcome to... Well, you think... I can't believe I just did that. Welcome to, do you ever do that when they're, it's like, enjoy the movie and you say, you too, but only you're going in?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've all been there. No, yeah, no need to, you can just take a breath. No need to be nervous or anything. I started to say welcome to Beautiful Anatomy back to you, but I see you're welcoming me. It's all good. I can't believe I did that. Yeah, no, I don't. I'm not going to judge or anything.

We can just do whatever we want it to be. That's what I love about the show. You don't judge. That's what I need right now actually is like not riding my ass about the whole saying welcome to beautiful anonymous from you're the host

I'm just you know yeah no no I'm happy to follow your lead I'm just a guy who has a big issue right now well if you want to talk it out I'm happy to I'm happy to has a big issue right now. Well, if you, if you know, if you want to, you want to talk it,

talk it out. I'm happy to, I'm happy to lend a lend an ear. Well, I mean, yeah, that's okay. So,

um, yeah, I didn't know if we get right into it, if you want to know anything about me or, you know, I'm following your lead. Okay. Yeah.

Well, so this is like it's obviously a little embarrassing but it's synonymous and it's like you know it's not it's more embarrassing than saying welcome i said welcome to you when you were welcoming me but the um so Um, so, a goose stole my wife, so, like, my, so, okay, so there's this goose in my neighborhood, or was in my neighborhood, now he's in my marital bed, but he was, like, we actually started out actually being really cool with each other like i was like oh sick like this sick goose is huge and like um i wonder if he could be even bigger so i started bringing him bread and then he started following me because like i had so much bread and i was bringing like whole like huge like sourdough loaves and stuff and um which I just it's easy for me to get just because of my job but are you a baker no no nothing like that okay so you were saying I was saying what?

Oh, I interrupted with the Baker question, but then I felt like I threw you off telling me about this huge goose. Oh, good. Yeah, no good. So anyway, I guess we're even now, right? Yeah. Touche, yeah. So anyway, he started to follow me home. I think it's a he.

I guess I don't even know how you check on them, but I was calling him he. Maybe that's my own hang up. started to follow me home I think it's a he I guess I don't even know how you check on them but I was calling him he maybe that's my own like hang up but anyway he started following me home cause like I had all this bread which I got like next to free cause of my

job and I do you work in like a supermarket or a food store or something? No not even close and so I so Do you work in like a supermarket or a food store or something? No, not even close. Okay. So anyway, I left the door open one day and the goose just like walked right in. And I thought it was kind of funny. And I started like filming like, oh, the goose is inside. Like he's sitting on the couch. He's watching TV. Like this is so funny. And I started like filming like, oh, the goose is inside. Like he's sitting on the couch.

He's watching TV. Like this is so funny. Like it's like a cute animal video. And then my wife was in the kitchen. I was like, get in here, you know, like come sit next to the goose, you know. And they sat next to each other. And he like put like his wing around her. And they started to kiss. The goose and your wife yeah um yeah uh and again i thought it was pretty funny at first you know the goose this goose is kissing my wife

and she's playing along um and it was a really big goose so you know visually i thought this is you know this will be great for um one of those like the dodo videos or something of like this man found this goose and you know he kissed his wife or it i don't know right but they can i ask can i ask just a clarifying sure very simple question about my, is it about my job again? No, it's about your wife. I just want to say, your wife is human, right? She's, yeah, very much so, yeah. Got it, cool. Just making sure.

Yeah. So they were just kissing, and the goose started to honk a lot, like honk into her mouth, and it was, again, I'm laughing because it's creating this kind of funny echo where it's like honk into her mouth and it was again i'm laughing because it's creating this kind of funny echo where it's like honking in her mouth the honk is like coming you know it's like muffled but it's somehow louder and um and she's kind of honking back and that's there's something going on like there there's like a connection. And then, um,

the, the goose kind of flap, you know, flapped at me and I backed up and I stepped out the door and it closed the door and locked it. It locked. Yeah. Cause I know they can be nasty,

but I didn't know they can lock doors. So what, like... Okay. I'm just reacting. Okay. I'm not... It just like wasn't... The whole thing was that there wasn't any judgment. You know what I mean?

Like that was sort of why I felt safe calling with this. I'm really sorry about that. I did not mean to judge it. I was just genuinely... I was just surprised to hear. Because there's a pond in my hometown. Not as surprised as I was. I bet.

To get locked out by a goose. But no, you had a pond story. I'm sorry. I'm being rude. I'm a little upset about all of it just because I haven't... This was almost six years ago and I still haven't gotten you know, this was almost, this was almost six years ago and I still haven't

gotten back into my house. Your wife's been with the goose for six years? They've both been inside. Yeah. I mean, she's come outside just to like get the mail and stuff, but. Do you, when she comes out, do you ever talk to her and ask her what's going on? Well, I ask her if there's any mail for me. It's, does she, it's not, mail for me. Is she choosing to stay there?

Because it sounds like you could probably get her out of there if she was looking to flee the goose. The geese have rights in this country that you would not believe. The animal protection laws, what you can and can't do to a goose in terms of like forcibly removing i guess this one is like a rare goose i mean i always thought of them as mostly like a nuisance but this one is like some kind of special goose where like basically when i called and and asked about doing something About it the sheriff beat my

Ass Physically not like a tongue lashing Like beat your ass Like the sheriff like Started beating my ass And really took the goose's side And physically like Kicked my little happy meal

Ass up and down main street in front of everybody and it was the night of the homecoming football game and everyone walked out of the local football stadium like off the bleachers and came to just watch the sheriff kick my ass up and down and the goose was there in the stands i hadn't seen him leave the house because, of course, I went to the sheriff's. He takes this opportunity. I'm assuming it's a he. I don't know. Takes this opportunity to go take my wife on a date to the homecoming football game.

And I guess he was performing at halftime. And I didn't even get to see the performance because, of course, I'm in the hospital because I just got my Happy Meal ass kicked up and down Main Street by the sheriff while the whole city watched. This is intense. I mean, we've had a lot of dark stories on Beautiful and Honest.

This one's really dark. I'm so sorry that you've been going through this. Well, I'm sorry I said welcome to Beautiful and Honest. I mean, I just feel like a perfect clown like that clown town all day with that no you don't come off as content at all mayor of my town with that welcome to i'm saying welcome i gotta i gotta ask again because about my job why i get the bread no i'm not that interested in the job honestly um it was more

i wanted to say like i understand that apparently there's like you know uh laws in place you know animal rights conservation you can't do anything to the goose you suggested it to the sheriff kicked your happy mail us all over town i get that part. My question, though, is your wife – Just up and down Main Street. Up and down Main Street. Sorry about that. Is your wife looking to get away from the goose, or is your wife into being with the goose?

It's been six years. Unfortunately, we haven't talked about it a whole lot most of our conversation is focused around the mail she gets the mail that's always kind of been her role um and i whether there's anything for me she looks happier than she's ever been. She is glowing. Okay. You'll wait by the mailbox. She'll come out. You'll ask her if there's any mail for you. She tells you yes or no.

If I'm lucky. As she's on her way back up the front walk, you're like, hey, are you happy with the good? Before you can even get the answer, she's gone? A lot of times, yeah, before I get the question out, she's back inside. Wow. Yeah, it's not ideal for me. And especially, it's been pretty embarrassing with the guys at work.

I bet. Yeah. Does the goose fly south for the winter? Don't geese generally fly south? Not this one. Just hangs out. Yeah, I mean, he's... Some of the guys at work have made some off-color jokes

about him flying south on my wife. Oof. That's not. Which obviously doesn't feel good. And I actually feel like a perfect clown in Maric Clown Town over here because not only this, but it's like, this is probably the third or fourth time this has happened to me. With your wife and geese? Not the same wife. Certainly not the same goose.

But you've had multiple wives and you've lost them to multiple geese? No, one goose at a time. But I mean a series of geese. Never any other types of animals, never any other humans. Oh, well, don other humans me about it no it's fascinating it's just fascinating because i've never it sounds like the goose community because this is not a thing that generally happens so it almost feels like geese have somehow sensed that you have a very um you're very prone to just not fighting. Oh, no, the sheriff's at the door. Oh, no, the sheriff's at the door. What?

Somebody told him I was making a phone call about the goose. Oh, no, are you all right? What can I do? Hang on real quick. Hang on. Shh, shh, shh, shut up, shut up, shut up. Uh-huh. No, that's not my...

Oh, no. No, please, not down Main Street. Oh, no. No, please. Not down Main Street. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. I gotta hang up. Wait, but where do you work? But where do you...

It's not a bakery. He disconnected. Oh, boy. That's... Oh, that guy's all right. That's crazy that one didn't ride at the hour. I hope he's okay. It wasn't a bakery.

It wasn't a supermarket. Can you think of any other professions that involve a lot of contact with sourdough bread? Maybe he's a waiter. Maybe he worked in a restaurant. Yeah, maybe a bread restaurant, like an Italian sourdough bread restaurant. Why? I did say bakery. I mean, I that i don't know anyway have you heard from sean and hayes yet or um one of them said haha that's hilarious whoops

in reference you didn't really give me any context. I think the whoops meant like wrong chat. Got it. They didn't mean to send it to me. Well, if it's going to be a while, we could try another call. I mean, usually when I put out the phone number, people keep trying to call for a while. So there might actually be someone else in the queue. I don't know if you...

There's someone else in here. Let me connect. Cool. Thanks. Hello? Is it me? Yeah. Hi. Welcome. Welcome to the show.

Come on! It's me? Yeah. Is this... Help me. What's the... What's your... Chris? Yeah, it's Chris. Yeah. Chris! Oh my god. I love you I love um the uh the NBA commercials that you did oh old school the ones I did uh for ESPN but I have a friend who's like obsessed with like um and so I thought I would call I had some extra time um was that commercial was that funny to do

it was really funny I did them two years in a row I did one with Paul Pierce and one with Carmel Anthony yeah I know I was saying that I like them so no thank you I was just for anybody who's listening I wanted to give them the context okay and yeah it was really

fun they shut them up in like Rockland County New York and actually spent the whole thing um okay and yeah it was really it was really fun but they shut them up in like uh rockland county new york and i actually spent the whole normally i i think of this as normally like uh i don't know what this is but like i thought it was kind of like a you and me conversation and it wasn't like uh like how much of this is going to be like for the benefit of an audience and how much is this going to be like you and me talking so you're not really like a regular listener to the show, it sounds like. No, I love those commercials. I'm normally kind of busy.

Yeah. Okay, no worries. No. So you're a fan of mine based on two commercials I did, I believe, in 2007 and 2008? So this guy, he's not even really my friend, this guy I kind of know is obsessed with you. Oh, that's cool. Okay. And actually, he and I have not really spoke.

Okay. Well, this is kind of what I'm calling about. Okay. So I am... I honestly do not even know where to begin with this. I am living with this woman. And the way I got into this situation,

and she's great, by the way, but I met this guy years ago. And he is bringing me, at my place, he's bringing me stuff. So he works at the um at the san francisco chowder company so he has these like he has like not only does he have uh like a huge amount of bread he has all the extra you know they they serve it in a bread

bowl so he has all the insides and so he's like coming to me with these like fistfuls of sourdough bread weird why is that weird this is the story like there's there's stuff that's unusual in the story but like this aspect of it i don't i just want to orient like why yeah no got it i'm's weird to you well just the idea that someone would bring you fists full of sourdough bread as a gift the amount is weird but like honestly people are

and I'm sad for you actually that this kind of stuff doesn't happen for you people are you know bringing me people will give me bread okay yeah no that's awesome it it is awesome uh you said it was weird but it like to me it is like it's great but i don't want to i don't want to get in you know i don't want to get nitpicky like but one of the things i like about this show honestly

is i get to like listen more than i talk i get a chance to learn about other lifestyles so it might seem weird now but i'm gonna hear you out and i'm gonna learn more about you and it's not gonna seem weird by the end because i always learn well this is i mean that part is over the bread issue is like basically done so like we're like the it's it's not really what i want to talk about or focus on at all. So, this guy, you know, he'd bring me stuff, he'd bring me this, hesitate to even bring up

the bread thing again because I don't want to get stuck in it, but he'd bring me bread. I'm not hung up on the bread thing, per se. And he

will like leave kind of a trail and he'll do this thing where he'll like start to walk away and he'll kind of like look over his right shoulder and it's kind of like look at me and there's a little

trail of bread behind and he'll just like keep leaving a little trail and like look over his right shoulder and i want to you know i'm gonna eat this bread yeah and so i you know i'm following i'm following this guy and i get a little close every day i get a little closer to what i'm starting to realize is like this guy's house this guy's like trying to bring me back to his place that's okay that is weird yeah so great because i agree with you that that is that like that is to me an abnormal experience the bread aspect now does he think everything is weird i'm wondering but like we're on the same page about this being weird this does not happen to me often and so event you know like before i know like one of these days i'm just like in the house you know and like, before I know, like, one of these days, I'm just, like, in the house. You know? And I don't even, like, know exactly how we got here. But I'm just, like, eating the bread.

And then I'm, like, in the house. And I'm on the couch. And this guy is like, honey, come in here. Come look at this. And his wife enters. And I can see, like, you know, I have honestly kind of been like wondering if that's what this was uh like a hot wife situation what's that hot wife is like um it's like a sexual fetish almost like a cuckolding thing where like like like sharing of sharing of one's spouse um

okay i don't have a name for like you know i'm not part of this world and once again i'm sort of wondering if if i've called the wrong person because like you think that this of all things is normal but to me this is like and i and again i'm not shaming anybody but like you know this is now my situation too and to me this is like i'm not super comfortable you know okay yeah no that's horrible but i can see like you know and i like this guy has been so nice you know and i want to do right by this guy so i'm like kind of like the wife sits down next to me and he's like looking at us and i kind of like bring in the wife and, you know, we start to like go at it a little bit. Whoa.

Just like that. And he's just watching. He's not saying, he's not saying like stop. He's just like watching. And, you know, we end up back in the bedroom and I I can hear him kind of pretending to try the door and be like, oh, no, the door's locked. I can't lock a door. The door's not locked.

The door is actually, I think, even open a crack, and he's kind of peeking in. When you say you can't lock a door, that jumps out as interesting to me. Okay. Again, it's not the bread and not being able to lock a door. It's just not the core of the story for me. Yes, I can't do it.

It's not possible for me. Oh, you know what? I could do a push lock, a knob that has a little push button lock. I could do that. Are that are you the twisty lock yeah that i that i that i cannot do i don't have i can't do the pinching do you have you have like a some sort of condition or something you were born with did i not say I'm a goose? Did I forget to say I'm a goose? What? You're a goose.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I am so sorry. No, you don't have to apologize. Oh, my God. No, this is, I'm going to be honest. I was so nervous at the start of this. You are not going to believe this. And I was like playing it really cool, but like,

I, yes. So, ah, yes, I'm a goose. Uh, and the bread,

that's why the bread you thought was so weird. Yes, face full of bread. No, I eat bread. I'm a goose. So you want to hear something really weird. Um,

and I, this is kind of unbelievable. Did you want, have you been living in this guy's house for six years? Does he get his ass beat up and down Main Street with his little happy meal ass? By the sheriff. By the sheriff, yes. His little happy meal ass, yes, gets beat up by the sheriff. And I have more I can say about that, yes.

I want to hear it all, but I just have to give you full disclosure that when I tweet out this phone number, thousands of people try to call. The record, we once had over 20,000 call attempts. So it is really shocking. You're not going to believe this. That guy got through right before you. Right before? Yeah.

The sheriff showed up and started beating his ass up and down main street, so he had to go. Okay. sheriff showed up and started beating his ass up and down main sheet so he had to go but there's no way there's just no way that there's there's two stories like i can't imagine there's two okay yeah he says that you stole it i i'm too late no well you know we could whatever you want to do i'm happy to keep hearing you know i thought it would be weird to not tell you. You don't understand. I'm too late. I was calling you to warn you. What? So.

He. The way I know about you. Yeah. Is from this guy. He has like framed pictures of you all over the house. And I'm like you is from this guy. He has framed pictures of you all over the house. And I'm like, who is this guy? And I'm checking your stuff out. And a lot of it's not really for me.

The NBA commercials I love. But that's how I got connected with you. There's not anything in the 14 years hence? It's okay. Anyway, you were saying? 14 years hence? It's okay. Anyway, you were saying? So,

he calls it endgame. Is the call to you when he describes this experience is when he will finally release. Release? In what sense? He'll goosh. We call it gooshing. Like he's been...

He's been edging this whole time. He's been edging this whole time? Yeah. For six years? And so his plan is for the entire call he was going to be just like absolutely gushing the whole time so that happened already i didn't get the sense that he was gushing after six years of edging i mean i feel like that would be he said that's part of it is that he was going to be like he's going to be like playing it cool.

But yeah, he was. He just seemed kind of... He for sure was the entire time. And I, the sheriff and I have been talking. Part of the reason he calls the sheriff is to like get him over. He's like, oh, come over to the house and like take care of this goose. And like, you know,

and then it's supposed to like continue from that. You know, now the sheriff is involved in our, like, little thing. But so I got in touch with the sheriff and I was like, hey, do not, like, you know, I'm okay here, but, like, we don't, you don't want to, like, really get, like, trapped in this, you know? Because I don't want to hurt her feelings now. But yeah, so anyway, I was trying to stop that call from happening, but I guess I can just go. You're just going to go?

Well, there's honestly no reason for me to be here anymore. I just thought it would be so gross if that happened, but it seems like it already did. Yeah, I mean, I had no idea. So I guess I'm glad you told me. I'm more confused now than I was before, but if you feel like it's time to go, yeah, we can just try another call. I just walked you through the entire, like, what's confusing? Well, it was already sort of confusing. And then all of a sudden at the end, you say the sheriff is somehow in on the whole thing.

And this was all a sexual fantasy that revolved around me. God, okay. I'm sorry. Again, I think this is on me. I'm less nervous now, just having kind of gotten to know you. But the sheriff is not the sheriff doesn't want to be in on it this guy wants to get the sheriff involved and but instead when he like tries to smear the sheriff like into this dynamic then the sheriff yes i just happy meal ass up at

dumb man street i'm just very i also think it might be part of it for him. Because I know you only know me from the NBA on ESPN commercials from over a decade ago, but I have a cult fan base and it can be intense, but the idea that somebody would cuckold himself to his...

He calls it a cuckadoodle-do which is not what I say. The idea that he would have his wife have relations with a goose for six years and he would pretend he wasn't into it when apparently he was and this was all just an edging situation so he could eventually...

Culminating in the case that he calls you and ejaculates on the phone with me i was part of it from the start so for six years he's been having his wife hook up with a goose how long you've been doing this show uh just over five years okay so there you go but you were probably like talking about well i do another. I did a TV show that had a ton of phone calls too. Okay, yeah. And that's been since 2009. He talked about the pivot at some point, I guess. Yeah, when you started to do the podcast.

He was like, okay, then we'll just do it there. Yeah, that was 2016. That was a few good years for me. I also had an HBO special come out shortly after that. Mike Birbiglia had a movie about improv I was in. I don't know if you caught any of that a lot of that was pretty

critically praised I had a TV show that was on Fusion and True TV not for me I was kind of happy when everyone in that movie

just like moved on from the improv stuff I was like that's good well I mean I got people said nice things about my performance at least but i'm not i'm not going to try to convince you to be a fan but it was pretty like you know like it was good thanks

i feel like i should it's pretty close to you. It was a guy like... Yeah, definitely. What was that? A guy who does improv. I'll say this. It was a very good performance, but if it were bad, that would be so weird. Right, because a guy who does improv while all his friends get

subsequently more successful than him and he has to deal with the emotional fallout of that is oh i don't want to i mean you had all those calls you were saying yeah i should maybe i'll just go take another call thanks so much for warning me i'm okay you should cleanse the palate do more of those those commercials, okay? I would love to, yeah. Thanks so much. Okay. All right. Bye-bye.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook. Eating better is easy with factors. Delicious, ready-to-eat meals. Every fresh, never-frozen meal is chef-crafted, dietitian-approved, ready-to-go in just two minutes. Speaking of ready-to-go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a

pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart, protein plus and keto. Which is this? It's a little bit of all of them. Okay. It shouldn't be. There are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling

good all day long. How many add-ons? And what are some of them? It's one big add-on and it's you on your bed. You're so tired after you eat my meal. The promises the meal makes us sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed.

Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. A lot of these, I know, give you a ton of energy. They have smoothies and things like that. This is wrong. Reservation for two?

Me walking in my bedroom. What's the second? It's you in your bed? I guess Clippy. Fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant-quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are. Pancake, smoothies, and more. Discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day,

like breakfast, midday bites, and more. No, we didn't even... This is not even up for consideration, so let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget.

Sign up and save. We've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout. Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious. Head to factormeals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off. That's code theboys50 at factormeals.com slash theboys50 to get 50% off. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get,

people stop me and they say like, hey, I trust you. I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about. But there's one language that I'm trying to learn and that's body language. can Babbel teach me body language yes Babbel now has visual in-person lessons part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations.

What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them. They're pulling it. What does that mean?

Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. And I need and have needed something like Babel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like

almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others. Can't feel good to be others there.

Continued to prove Babbel is better. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold. All of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee.

Here's a special limited-time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash the boys. Get 55% off at babbel.com slash the boys, spelled B-A-B-E-L dot com slash the boys. B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L. Dot com slash the boys b-a-b-b-e-l b-a-b-b-e-l b-a-b-b-e-l dot com slash the boys rules and restrictions may apply with babble we can't promise it'll always be easy but you'll always be glad you did it kind of like this podcast except it is easy for me hey guys rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills.

You can see all your subscriptions in one place, and if I see something I don't want, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service. The subscriptions are insidious. They're the scourge of our modern life, and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think oh that was got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the

dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was

i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket moneyoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood Handbook.

Whew. This is a weird day. Wow. Never had that happen. Should we try one more? Yeah, let's try another. Okay. Patched in. Clear the palette from all that., let's try another. Okay. Patched in.

Clear the palette from all that. Let's get back to usual beautiful anonymous calls. Someone just tells me something like really, you know. Is it me? Profound and sad. Oh, hi. Yeah, hi. Is it me? Yeah, it's you.

Howdy. Welcome. Welcome to the show. Thanks for calling in. Welcome to the show. I did not just do that happens all the time you don't have to oh damn if you ever go to a restaurant they say enjoy the food and then you say you too yeah it's like but they're handing you the food you know they're not i, they could eat it. Happens at movie theaters too sometimes. They say enjoy the show. Son of a gun.

That I haven't encountered. Okay. I mean, it happens, but that's okay. I've gone to a movie. I know what's going on. You know what I mean? But this reflexes, I don't know what, but you said welcome, and then what did I do? Like a perfect damn asshole asshole i absolutely humiliated myself

to start the call welcome to you to your own damn show this motherfucker no these things happen it happens all the time actually i had to chop down an electric wire just end it all right what i'm just saying because i'm so embarrassed but uh howdy howdy it's chris right yeah it's chris can i call you crisp crisp with a p on the end may i call you crisp yeah i mean if you feel like it sure absolutely man and that's what i think you crisp crisp Crisp, crisp comedic mind, man. I'm a big fan of you. I love Liberty Inn. The improv group I was in with Anthony King and Zach Woods? And Zach, yeah. It was at least 12 or 13 years ago.

Top three, one of my favorite members of Liberty Inn. And I'll tell you what else. I used to love to see the rafters the rafters i was even i'm having trouble placing that but i remember that i would see the rafters and i'll tell you what i loved was a big part of the conceit was that every scene had to be a three-person scene. And what you'd get is a two-person scene with this kind of dangly thing on the end of it, didn't know what to do with this other element. And you'd go, man, this scene would work better if it was only two people.

But it'd be you and Delaney having like a pretty good scene, and then you'd have an Anthony King or a Zach Woodson, there you go. Man, nothing to do with that one. But man man i'd love to go catch the rafters are you sure i was a part of that because i remember that name but i i don't remember was i in that group geez i mean in my in my recollection you were part of the rafters i believe it maybe only happened once like an 11 o'clock show immediately after herald night yeah i mean when you said the rafters i remembered that that was a thing that happened but yeah i remember very little about this sure well anyway between that liberty

in man i gotta say you're one of my top three to six improv guys that I would see around that time. And I'm so happy you found this show now after all what seems like a bit of a dry spell. Yes, yes. Very long. Yeah, like, I mean, I've done some other stuff in the meantime, but yeah, I'm just psyched. To my knowledge. Can I tell you, I'm in a pickle. I'm stuff in the meantime, but yeah. I'm just psyched to be... Not to my knowledge. Hey, can I tell you, I'm in a pickle. I'm at a crossroads, my brother.

Okay. I'm in a bad way. The Rafters. What was that? I wasn't... Was I in that? Do you want to work through your stuff? Let's just both take a moment here, because I'm really...

I've had a weird day. I mean, it's not about me, so we'll get into it, but. I bet. Yeah. You think your day is weird, man. You're not going to believe what's going on for me. I'll remember the rafters later. You tell me what's going on with your day.

I want to say maybe Brett Christensen was around for it. Somebody was in the rafters. Yes. Was. Yes. You're right. You're right. I haven't heard that name in like well over a decade.

But yes. What was that? This is driving me legitimately insane. Okay, but it's not about me and the Raptors. This phantom. I didn't think it would be, you know, but if that's what. You've had a weird day. You've had a weird day.

A little strange, I'd say. So I've sworn to uphold the law. Yeah, okay. That means protecting the citizens of my community. Sometimes from themselves. Sometimes the citizen will be townsperson. Waiter at the San Francisco Chowder Company. Sometimes they'll be a big-ass goose, biggest son of a bitch you've ever seen.

Just a huge goose. Yeah. But you've got to treat them equally in the eyes of the law. Hold on. These are like hypothetical examples, right? Well, I wish. I wish. You gotta be kidding me. Are you the sheriff?

I'm the sheriff, yep. Guilty, guilty. Actually, I'm the one who tells people when they're guilty. Well, the judge does that. A jury, really? Okay, I guess, if it's a jury trial. I mean, I think most people, when they think who tells you if you're guilty or not,

they think, I guess, technically the jury for a person. Right, if it's a jury trial. Which I think in most of our minds, that is what we think first. Right. I guess you'll speak for me then. The rafters. Anyway, I go to respond to this damn call, you know? And I got an inkling this guy might have called me on himself.

But I open up the door and the man is screaming and huffing and puffing and he's got the phone in one hand and he's made boo-hooing. And I got to do my job and it's not my first encounter with the fella, unfortunately.

He drags me into these situations all the time. You know, I start to wonder, is he creating the situation? Because I've got to get in between him and Goose and his wife and all of this. And you've got to be this happy ass up and down Main Street. I know. Well, that's the job, you know. Of course. And I open the door, and he, you know, I know the guy.

Frankly, I've dined at the chowder company enough times that I know him when I see him. And I've always suspected he's maybe been stealing some of the bread from in there, which they don't look too kindly on. I can say that's an almost certain fact, yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. Good. Well, good. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. Good.

Well, good to have that confirmed. On this day, what it looked like to me was he must have stolen a whole bunch of chowder. Because the guy was so- Is there a big giant bird behind you? Am I the only one who heard that? There. Bird. Well, yeah. there bird well yeah so this is a bird that i have hired actually to go and

confer with the goose the situation i have now is the goose has information that i need i can't always trust to be honest with me goose don't you know goose don't trust a man You know, goose don't trust a man. Never. And so I walk up to the door and the guy's got the phone, but he's, I mean, he's drenched in chowder, head to toe. Wow. And I'm thinking, has he been stealing chowder from work and taking a bath in it? Because the only other explanation for this amount of fluid would be if he was in some sort of six-year edging situation whoa yeah that's not shouting and i had happened upon the end game

itself and i just can't can't be right i mean it doesn't make any damn sense i mean are you looking up the rafters online i am i am trying to look up the rafters right now. I'm a little distracted, so I just need to know if this was an improv group I was actually a part of, but there's no evidence. You may want to text Anthony King. Maybe I will. If that's okay with you, Sheriff, just real quick, I'm just going to text Anthony

King, was there an improv group called the Rafters? And was I in it? Let me just do that real quick. Anyway, Sheriff, I actually have some information. I know for damn sure Michael Delaney was in it, and I know Anthony King was in it. Okay.

Would they have left out the Chris Gethard in that era of the UCB theater? Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of... It doesn't seem like he would be riding the bench on one of those shows. A Tuesday night at 11? Banger? Who knows?

Sheriff, I might be able to connect a lot of dots for you because I feel like you and I have been sucked into a sick game. And I've gotten two other phone calls today from people who are intimately involved in it. And that wasn't Chowder. Oh, no. people who are intimately involved in it and uh that wasn't chowder oh no apparently that guy is very obsessed with me no no no the goose likes some commercials i did with paul pierce and carmelo anthony i'm gonna need a new set of boots um apparently there's been a six-year scenario where this guy has been cock-a-doodle-cuckled-ing himself with this goose.

Cuck-old-a-doodle-do. Cuck-old-a-doodle-do with his wife and the goose. And all of it has led up to today where he apparently wanted to get on the phone with me. And that's... Pleasure himself to just unleash... That was the release. Six years worth of voluminous cum. I'm so sorry.

And here I am kicking his Happy Meal ass up and down Main Street with my new boots. Yeah. Oh, brand new boots? Oh, not brand new. I mean, new-ish. Anthony doesn't remember a group called the Rafters.

Okay. The conceit of the show, if you may want to remind him, is that it would be all three-person scenes. Okay. It was not executed successfully, and therefore, it was not executed successfully, and therefore, we didn't really see the Raptors ride again.

Just a one-off. Could have damn well sworn Chris Gethard was a part of that. I can't imagine them having him hugging the pine for that one. I mean, I remember that name when i say so vaguely i can't underline enough how vague a flickering memory this is somewhere deep in the back of my brain well damn man mean, would Zach remember? Feels like something he might have been involved with. Listen, Zach takes a long time to answer texts, so I'm not going to be able to get any resolution during the course of this phone call anyway,

but I'll follow up with him some other time. Yeah. Wow. No, that's probably best. You don't want to call Michael Delaney at this hour. So I'll say this it seems like you have some missing puzzle pieces for me

I was actually ready to turn in my badge and gun because I said I'm not doing my job what I'm doing now is playing a role in some sort of sick psychosexual goose man wife fantasy and that's

not why I took the oath. The sheriff's oath. Well, you know what? I mean, at the end of the day, this has been a strange situation for all of us. I feel like this guy has been like a real gamesman in the middle of it, pulling strings,

arranging puzzle pieces for six years. I don't feel good about it. I'm sure you don't either. I think the goose, let alone the wife. I mean, this Rashomon-like tale has unfolded via three male perspectives for me, assuming that that goose is male. Actually, I didn't ask. So none of us can feel good.

But at the very least, this sick bastard finally ejaculated. So I have to imagine, at the very least, it's over and we can all move on yeah no after the original you know initial kind of hooting hollering from him as he hung up the phone he was actually as calm as i've ever seen him yeah it's got to be so relaxing six years he's got to be like so chill right now i guess so i guess so hey the missus is calling me in the other room i'm supposed to watch sleepwalk with me uh you ever see that one i have seen it yeah and uh if you need it again he's got another one called don't think twice

i actually play like the sixth or seventh lead in that one if you ever just check that out don't think twice yeah I play Bill some kind of play on don't think uh I don't I would see that on the sweatshirts when I go to see you

in Liberty Inn back in those days yeah Liberty Inn that one I remember vividly me Anthony King Zach Woods named after that hotel

on the west side highway that you can rent hourly to have weird sex yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no yeah i just uh yeah that's what that's that's what the title comes from i don't know i've been told no but it it also seemed like a coincidence to me but i really

big coincidence if it's not uh-huh uh-huh yeah i think would be odd i don't know the track for this old chair i'm just a simple lawman you know but they do pay me to get to the bottom of some of these things yeah hey i'm with you i didn't name the movie though so i don't i can't really speak to you name it you just played this what'd you say six lead six lead, yeah. I found it hard to get answers to that particular question myself as well, Sheriff. But if you ever need to bring me into the station house to talk more, I'm happy to do it. Happy to do it. Ah, nah, I can't see that happening, really.

We get big stars at the station house. Well, thanks for that. Thanks for that. Brett Christensen types. You could probably get one of the first five leads of, you could probably get Kate Micucci down there. Well, my cat's getting mad, and the missus again, she said she's going to start sleepwalking with me without me if I don't get in there.

No, go get in there. It's a really good film. Yeah. I'll check out this other one. Can I ask, what kind of character are you doing? I play an improviser who's kind of a big fish in that small pond. He has a friend who moves on to Saturday Night Live, and it kind of fills him with a lot of insecurity and questioning about

if he has what it takes to ultimately get to something of that level as well. That don't sound like acting? Yeah. There was one scene where I had to cry because my dad got in an accident. That felt like real acting.

Did they do the drops? No, I actually... Blow the air in your eyes? No, I actually went into a corner and thought horrifically dark things about what it's like to lose people until I had a nervous breakdown and then they just pointed a camera at it.

Should have just done the drops. I'll watch that part but anyway I'm all messed up about all this goose stuff and come on my boots and all you know this and that so go get out of here Mr. Burbiggs just take me away from all that

enjoy it great talking to you Sheriff thanks for everything you do thank you welcome I said what the fuck wow this is i gotta i mean i know it's you know i'm sure you know jared who usually saw my show like yeah i gotta tell you i know this is the first time you felt me out it does not usually go like this geez it's really chris hello chris it's jim rebhorn jim rebhorn who played my dad on big lake on big lake sorry to cut in i just i just have a real quick question for you yeah i got a big one for you too. You go first. You can start. I know it's been

a while since we've chatted. I'm excited to be speaking with you. It's amazing to be speaking to you because you are an absolutely incredible person to watch work. A true professional taught me about... We had a good time together. I was in over my head. You're a true pro, but I

am 99.99% certain that you did pass away a few years back. I'm calling from heaven. Oh, beautiful. Good to know. Good to know. Okay. I was wondering if you saw, when we wrapped that show, I had this belt. This is my favorite belt.

And I left it on set. That stinks. And I'm up here trying to enjoy heaven, but I've been thinking about this belt. You didn't see it? I didn't see the belt? No. I mean, I know.

I liked it so much, I had my character was wearing the belt on the show. Yeah, that's rough. That's rough. I'm so sorry about that. I mean, I guess it doesn't matter now that you've passed away. But yeah, I can see how that would stick in your craw. It matters to me. That's really rough.

that's really rough. I know Griffin Newman had a day player part on that show, and he's really weirdly into belts. I don't know if it's like a sex thing or just a fashion thing, but he asked him sometime. I would know if it were a sex thing. It's so crazy. I imagine that you're,

part of why you're touching base too is, because I mean, it hasn't been announced publicly yet, but if if you're in heaven you saw the phone call I got earlier today or is this do I get to break the news to you no I saw the phone we see anytime it's incredible somebody blasts off it kind of gets

wait blasts off what are you referring to it gets patched through to anytime anyone's blasting off anywhere in the world it gets patched through. Anytime anyone's blasting off anywhere in the world, it gets patched through. But what do you mean by blasting off? Nothing. Oh, no, that's not the phone call I had. That was a different phone call I had today. Oh, what's the other phone call you had today? I only saw the one where the guy just had an enormous nut. No, yeah, no, that was a whole other thing. No, I was on the phone with my agents all day. After 11 long years of debating it,

Comedy Central has decided to pick up the back 90 on Big Lake. It's happening. Yeah. You're kidding me. 11 years of waiting on bated breath. They finally said we're ready to commit to 90 more episodes of Big Lake. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah.

I'm really thrilled. I don't know how we're going to replace you. If I were down there, they'd be seeing a shot of me patched through up in heaven hearing that news. Oh, I mean, I do, I gotta say, I mean, we only really knew each other for a

brief burst of time, but you're a great man, and it's going to be so sad to do these other 90 entire episodes of Big Lake without you. Yeah, yeah. No, it was great big weight without you. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was great. Uh, it was fun.

It was fun, but, really was just calling about the belt. So I'll keep my eyes peeled for it. And now that the gang's getting back together when we're back at silver cup, I'll see if anybody found it lying around. The Cheddar Creek set is still, uh,

still up just, uh, just in case, uh, it's been waiting there for you. And so if you do see my belt there, I would appreciate it. I will. I'll keep my eyes peeled, yeah.

Okay, goodbye. So good talking to you. That iguana, that iguana bit. It's a good bit. This is, I don't know even what to say to you, Kev. I feel so bad that you've had to witness all this. It's a very weird day in my life, and I've had a lot of weird days. Hey, sorry I'm a little late.

Hey, buddy. How are you? Good. Hi, Chris. Good to see you. I'm so sorry. Hi, Framski. Hey, what's going on?

Yeah, I saw that your name on the thing the thing is framski sean which is actually yeah my you know that's my old aol instant messenger handle right oh my god no i just use it i have like a it's my screen name on zoom i have a funny story about like having my video off and doing some zooms with a guy and then showing up at his dorm room later being like it's me it's framski and like surprising him scaring him that's so yeah i i have a i did a story on this american life i i i i had a story like that my aim name was framski and i went to princeton and tried oh wow yeah yeah oh yeah i went to um i went to dart and Harvard and Cornell, and I did it to three different guys,

and mine was on this global life, and it was actually the whole world heard it. Yeah. Yes. But that's awesome. That's really cool for you. That's such a crazy coincidence. Do we want to do this?

You want to do something? Or you want to do the show, or do you not really feel like it? I was going to say if we could not, that would be amazing for me. I don't feel like it. Just on my end, I've been waiting an hour and 20 minutes. So it sounds like you are desperate to do it. But as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't say desperate. I've got a lot of other irons in the fire. That is great. So if we could do it another time that would that would just kick ass i'd love to get it done just because i dedicated time to it and i'm you know i have a new special that i'd love to promote and everything but i mean if you guys really don't want to well what's the special let's just see like if that sounds good like maybe we'll do the show like what if the special sounds like it's got legs and we'll do the show you know yeah it's uh it comes out june 1st i self-produced it it's uh kind of like a tour documentary style

stand-up special kind of like akin to a lot of the music specials not really selling me on doing the episode saying kind of a lot do you want to figure out exactly what it is it sounds like we have time this might actually be great for you because if what you're doing is promoting it you don't even know what it is maybe we should do the show because we have until june 1st it's actually the beginning of a different month altogether well you know you you want to promote things and give people a little lead time to find them and i i want to be clear i'm very well aware of what it is it's just i'm sort of taken aback i've just been are you shy i mean i'm an introvert myself i've been sitting here waiting and we actually were doing some beautiful anonymous calls while we were waiting for you guys and

they were really jarring so you weren't sitting here waiting different ways and to just wait an hour and 20 minutes me and kevin kevin was helping me produce some beautiful anonymous calls and they got real weird so i'm just sort of taking it back that i would wait all night for you guys okay my wife put down the baby without me and now you guys just want to bail it's like not the coolest thing in the world but okay did we figure out like the cost of kevin's time i have you know we pay kevin yeah you i mean if exorbitantly well you would have been paying him to just sit there and wait for you regardless i would imagine no kevin no sorry the clock kevin punches in when when we're both on the zoom i will not be paying for kevin i will not be doing that

i self-produced okay okay well then probably somebody will release beautiful anonymous then someone has a bird or a cat that's and i don't know if like casper mattress is still like you know if if like maybe they could pitch it a little bit are you asking me to reach out to casper mattress you seem to have a pretty good relationship with them they haven't advertised on my show in four solid didn't you have a whole sponsored show that yeah and they did they were not happy with it it's i think it's actually extremely funny but no one really understood it was a joke for a long time and it was kind of a disaster but in a way that makes me really happy it was called in your dreams but rather i feel like now i'm plugging in your dreams and what i want to be plugging is half my life which is my new special that we haven't had a chance to talk about that's kind of something almost something no it's like it's

it's 10 small venues out there on the road comedy bits there's alligators involved it shows what it's like travel from city to city is a good good thing I can talk at length about it where can people see it? on a variety of streaming platforms it's one of those just any of them? there's a big list okay again if you want to figure out yeah I'd love to give you

an opportunity to just kind of nail down maybe once we get actually closer to it how to watch it people can find it that's a that point i'll concede that one actually yeah that was fair that was fair because it's not it's also based on the name it doesn't seem like it's super seo optimized yeah i have this sort of brand of reputation as framski at where like when i'm hosting the show like my guests have their shit together and we like know exactly what they're promoting and like yeah and my sc card is gonna run out yeah mine's all mine's all full up as well yeah tv to be it's gonna be on to be everybody's got to be everybody's got i'm gone 2b or not 2b

this week on the patreon carl and asan discuss grilling the boys make a reality show with rob sesternino and the flagrant ones are almost talking all things basketball check out these bonus podcasts and videos of the full episodes, including today's with Chris Gethard at patreon.com slash theflavorones.