Hollywood Handbook - Chuck Klosterman, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

The Boys are thrilled to welcome author CHUCK KLOSTERMAN on the show so he can weigh in on some of their ethical dilemmas. Check out Chuck's new book, Football, on sale now!   Get a Hat Pack Hat here!   Check out Sean and Hayes’s bonus shows at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook   Listen on the iHeartRadio App!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Last night, a blown call changed a game. This morning, the internet lost its mind, and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo, and every episode, we're cutting through the noise,

breaking down the biggest moments in sports and giving you the real story behind the headline. And we're going straight to the source, the athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions in the moment, and the stuff nobody gets to hear. Listen to Sports Slice on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow Timbo Sliced Life 12 in the TikTok podcast network on TikTok.

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel. Help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter.

Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. Ready for the theme? Ready. I'm not hearing it. Is it playing? It was playing, but we're not hearing it either. Okay.

I don't need to hear the theme. I've heard the theme before. I don't need to either as long as I really trust that it's happening. Oh, he loves. And he's leaving. And I don't blame him. Okay. I got my fireplace.

No, that's fine. And just in terms of the theme case, are we going to try again? Or are we just going to kind of say, like, forget the theme this week. Who needs it? We had it for a second. I don't, that provide for, and now we lost it. Yeah. We done it.

So this is, I think, Chuck, just so you know, episode like 635 or something. And so what we're finding is they don't have the audio for the theme song, which is totally normal, totally fine. At this stage in a podcast like, 600 of these? How many do you do? We do. Oh, no, sorry. That's 600 just of our main show. Yeah, this show. We also do a bonus show every week.

And a show about basketball. Yeah, we do. Okay, wow. Hey. And we're back with Chuck Closterman. The book is footballs. The book is football. And I, can I actually launch in just with a

Can I get the gripe of the week off my chest as long as we're talking about football? Is that okay with everybody? It's okay with me. I'm okay with you, Chuck. Go crazy. Chuck, for me, it's the hypocrisy. For me, it's the hypocrisy. That's what's making me insane right now.

In this day and age, in the world I'm raising my children in, for any journalist, nay, any human being, to behave as if they have not gone on a romantic vacation with Mike Vrable. Like, it's disgusting. And it's like we all want to, any embattled figure, you know, we all want to pile on, right? It's not me, anyone but me. And we're going to just kick them while they're down. And it's, you know, for me to have to look my son Vrable in the eye and try to explain to him that this kind of thing goes on

and that people are just willing to pretend like, look, we all love football, right? We're all in the same place. We go to these stadiums. We're in the same hotel. You think nobody else got in the hot tub? And Chuck, I noticed in the book you did not talk about

the extramarital activities of Coach Vrable. Is that because you were yourself conflicted out having like let's just say it every single person in this room every single person here participated yourself just jumped down into the tub did something happen with mike rable is this about the combine oh chuck oh sweetie you've been on such a such a whirlwind press to you haven't seen i i i kind of you know i try to i don't want to you know dabble too much in the news So I just, you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, so, so like, so like, so something, what, what I went on with Mike Vrabel? I mean, you know, he's, I thought he was a really underrated guy with the Titans.

Mm-hmm. He's having real success with the Patriots, uh, you know, loved by the media generally. So what? Really loved by the media. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it is something, what's happening? What's, what's happening? Yeah. I, I, so I don't want to be the one to bring this news. Hey, is. Can you handle it? Apparently kissing is illegal now. Now you go to jail. Apparently in Mr. Trump's America, you are not allowed to smooch to...

Have affection to show love, to express physically any kind of tenderness or warm. No canoodling anymore, I guess. In this fascist state. Go ahead. So this involves what Drake May, I'm guessing? What's he, who, what happened? I hope Drake's been as busy as you are. I hope he hasn't seen any of this.

Or I hope if he has, he's been inspired by the idea that you can actually show love to, for example, multiple receivers as he did this season, distributing the ball equally among his entire core and not just having one person that you could shoot it to. For the entire season going, okay, well, I guess, you know, Stefan Diggs has the sacred ring you know and then I can only throw to this one man because he's you know he's been here the longest or something

when there's other people who deserve to have a shot to them and we're back with Chuck Closterman the book is the book is football what made you want to do about a football what made you say football uh what made he say football and why like that you're pluralizing it as well that's that's it um Because obviously the game involves multiple balls. It would be ridiculous to just talk about one. It's only one.

One football. Think about how filthy it would be. Well, you know, I... But, we'll play this out. Yeah. Is it kind of unfair? And this is... I mean, this is what they said to Tom, right?

Oh, this is a different footballs. Yeah. This is different. They said it to Tom. That's illegal too. Too many footballs that he used. So I guess what they want is you should just use the same footballs. Let's have it be fair.

Everyone has one football for the whole season. And if you don't take care of it, that's your fault. So you're saying like one per game, one per team? No. Each one per game as in the game of footballs. Oh, and they play the games one at a time. I was going to say each team gets a football. That's your football.

When you're having a home game, you're in charge of it. Not fair. And if you, and if something goes wrong, that's on you. They stagger the games. Obviously, they have to be either played in the same place. Mm-hmm. I think it just happened. And the footballs is just there.

And that's where the footballs lives. Mm-hmm. And then everyone gets it when it's there turns to get in. Oh, that is also for little kids. Boy, that'd be a shame. Wouldn't it, Chuck, if the sport, the most popular sport in America, was teaching us about sharing and taking turns. Well, that'd be bad.

But, like, Grable's not allowed to do that. Yeah. It would be unfortunate, but, um... You just didn't take too long, you think? Well, I just think this idea, this football idea you have is kind of intriguing me, because you think of valuable that football would be... Oh, my God. Sell it, you know?

Breaking in to steal the other teams football the night before? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Who better... Check would have done. Who better to ask a question? Oh. It's...

Everyone thinks. Oh, we use a different football for every single game and sometimes a bunch in the game. But what if we're wrong? Hmm. Ah. Yeah. But what if we're wrong? That's a great point.

Great point. Well, you know, I, I, uh, you give me a lot to think about here regarding the football itself because, you know, I'm writing, I wrote this book about football, but I only, like, I only spend a few pages on the actual ball. Yeah. And, and you, and, and you talk about, you talk about, you just about it. He's not with the shape of it. So it's like, you know. You talk about the sport, how it can only kind of get bigger and grow, and that's kind of the nature of it,

and that's going to ultimately lead to its demise. But what if it became smaller in terms of just there was only one football? And whose version do you prefer minor Hayes? A version of what? So my idea is each team gets one football for the whole season. If you lose your football, Hayes' idea is that there's actually only one football in the NFL. In the world. I think that is the one.

That is the one I prefer. Only one football in the world. Yeah, I mean, because it would become such a just sought after item, you know? It would be like, and, and its future would be meaning, you know, I like the idea of all having, I mean, I mean, that's a lot of sharing. Yeah. And my, and my idea obviously was canon fodder. Yeah. It was canon fodder for me.

I know Hayes is only, one of football the world. That's obviously, you know, the right choice. But I have to provide some cannon fodder. So you're making choices too on the show. Now, going back to the book, it was sort of a revelation for me. What you taught me in the same way I remember reading you talk about Muhammad Ali and his influence on rapping years ago. In the same way, you sort of laid out the connection between Stewie the baby being the inspiration for the shape of the football. that the shape of his head

was what originally inspired the football to be shaped like Stewie the baby You're talking about the family guy character This is what Stewie the family guy He was on family guy He's got his own show now

But he certainly was involved early on a family guy He was I had sort of forgotten That Stuie the baby was on family guy But where did you know? Yeah yeah I mean people forget Huh There's space off for something is he has got a different show now, this baby.

Yeah. I'd say so. Yeah, Stew's got a show with two season commitment. Yeah, so I'd say he's got his own show. It's basically, family guy is basically a distant memory at this point for Stewie the baby. But Mike Grable's not allowed to do that. He's not allowed to stop. Yeah, I was like, no, Tom Brady got drafted by the Expos or whatever, but that's not how we think of him.

It's not really how we think of him, is it? No, that's true. That's true. They do not associate him with the Expos. Yeah. I don't know. We're back with Chuck Kloosterman. The book is football.

Chuck, we have a question. You were, of course, the efficacyist. Yes? Answering. Do you recall this? Questions?

We have been trying since you were first, the efficacy, to get you on the show because we have so many. questions for you. The show, the world of the show is rife with moral quandaries.

That would be, you know, I feel I haven't done this in a while, but I would, I would love this. Go ahead. I got a feeling the, the muscles still work in there. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Where to begin? So let's, I mean, and we don't want to use real names in this. Yeah,

just, it's sensitive for some people, because they are real issues. Say some men are on a podcast. Yeah. Okay. And that podcast is on a network. Like a television network or like a podcast? Well, they're filming it.

But it is a podcast network primarily, but you know, they've all got to do video now, don't they? Or the computer network, just on the network of computers. Okay, sure. I can imagine this. And the network, the face of the network, is a famous man. Okay. Who is friends with Pete Carroll from your book. Okay.

And is in a movie and another movie. A dozen or so movie. And another. And he has not. done the men's podcast yet and he has not been asked it's been there's been a bit of an overture made um there's uh so let's say he has a shingle on the network that has a label maybe it's big money players and we are required to display this label promoting this brand.

And yet this man, let's say he was in two movies called Incerman. Does he have a moral obligation to appear on the show as a guest? If he has time to literally do two movies that are both called Ackerman, is that suggests that he might have time to go on his old podcast?

I need to go to revisit the thing you mentioned earlier. He has not been asked though, you said. You've not asked this person to do this. Now, I don't think I use the word overture correctly, but there was some sort of, okay, good. So like, like you said, like, this individual, whoever this, you were like around

him and you just mentioned like, hey, we have a podcast, we're always looking for guests. No, we've never been around him. That's not part of our experience. Okay. But you've never met the individual. There's people who work with him. Okay. More directly.

By choice? By choice? Or are these like slaves? Are these, like, are these employees? Like, what is the, what is there? God, I've never asked. I've never asked what their financial arrangement was. And that could be a really interesting topic for the podcast. And it could explain, it could explain the reluctance to participate. There's certainly a power dynamic there where I think the general idea of there's a new podcast joining the network.

And it could be good for them to have you as a guest was maybe spoken aloud and immediately shut down. But does? The famous anchorman have the obligation to take the initiative to appear on the show, even in a fun way where he just pops out sometimes, where it's a surprise. And he's just hanging out around the office. Oh, hey, guys. Yeah. And we hang out after?

Imagine he just plopped down sort of in the corner here with a bag of chips and said, don't mind me. Okay, this might be an impossible question for you guys to answer. but do you suspect he is aware that this desire even exists from you guys? Like, are you under the impression that he consciously knows that people want him to go on a podcast and he's just not doing it? We so far have not determined a piece of that question, which is, is he aware of the men? the do the men exist in his mind at all so whether the awareness is there of whether the men want him to be on the podcast the men on the podcast the men on the podcast the men on the podcast podcast

podcast is not called the podcast is not called the men you're talking about the two men or the the the in the hypothetical though where someone were to ask him do you think two men at a certain age with a podcast on your network would want you to appear. I think he would have to say yes. He knows that they would want that. Well, I guess it's my responsibility and funny. I have learned from the world of podcasting. Okay.

And kind of from the world of which kind of you guys exist in the world of Hollywood and all this. It's kind of a transactional world, right? Isn't it though? So what would you talk? You said it. Boy. What would you, what would be the, what would be the transaction from the end of the men? Like, what are they, what would they provide?

What would we offer? I would say, well, this is you guys. Oh, oh, oh, uh, uh, uh, oh. I, you know, it's easier for me to talk about this, if I sort of take on the role. Okay. Uh, uh, you can't guard me, you son of a bitch. Boy. I don't know.

I mean, now, now, so. I had really convinced myself for a second that this wasn't my, I was, my life. I did not set out today to play chess with the grandmaster. And now I'm a checker. So is this what you used to, and I remember how you used to do this on the efficacy now where you would spend most of your time and answering the questions, revealing the identities of the asker and the subject. Yes. For your own pleasure, exposing them. Mm-hmm.

Yes, it was honestly my first exposure to true gotcha journalism. Hmm. Oh, no. That was a real stressful job, though, I have to say, for a weird reason. For a weird reason. Well, yeah, because, like, everyone thinks of now, like, newspapers are just on the internet. But, you know, they still make the old physical copy, right? Yeah.

Physical magazine. So, in order to get that printed, I had to sort of have the, entire thing done like nine days before it came out. So then once it was locked and it was going to be in the magazine, I would spend nine days thinking about how I might be incorrect. It would just be, it was terrible. And standards change. Society evolves. Yes, in nine days. People's relationship to, for example, adultery changes on a day-to-day basis. Nine days ago, the way I would have thought about even throwing a football to multiple receivers. Yes. And how morally objectionable that would be to me.

And now to look at it from my current purview with the perfect information that I have, that actually that's good for the team. I would not, I would not want that job. Next question. Yep. Okay. Okay.

A producer. A man. A man, podcast producer, I guess. This producer is actually producing a podcast. Okay, podcast production. So you're thinking of a man. You're thinking of a producer. Okay.

Yeah, okay. This is a producer and this is a man who actually produces a podcast. Okay. Produces like 17 of them or something. And then every time he drops one, he goes like, good news. Okay. Good news. I'm doing one less.

Okay. I'll have more time for you. This is how this guy talks. Really? Anyway, he's a podcast producer. Okay. And he is, um, he's a little boy

he's from an insanely wealthy insurance dynasty so then what he even does is like the fact that he's producing podcasts at all I think is just to fuck you to his old man it's sort of a joke to him or it's another way to profit off people's illness I guess

would you classify this man's father as as like wealthy or very rich is he very is the father very rich Like if you looked up this guy on Wikipedia, would it mention the wealth of his father? The producer likes to say he has freak you money. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, so this producer.

He's a producer. And he has over the course of several years, sort of burrowed his way under the skin of this podcast. So that he is kind of, inextricable without pulling out something crucial to the sort of existence of it. Is this troubling or is this positive? It's just part of the,

it's become a body part. There was a time when there have been different times throughout the length of the relationship that it has been both. Oh, really? At the same time? You know how you have like a tick sometimes it gets in like to your feet and you're just like, okay well that's like another toe now basically

like well that's kind of outside the box thinking that's not really usually simultaneously positive but okay I guess it could be I mean I guess it well you know sometimes it feels kind of good I mean I well you're you're you guys come from more of a tick place like I feel like boy I'll say in New England there are ticks or like you're like you know like Fire Island places like that brother you said it yeah I get that one tip that you're not like red meat or whatever the lone star tick

you familiar with this? No, no. Yes. Every single one we're familiar. There's not a tick under the sun. I don't want to get you off track. So this producer kind of has kind of the

Michael Jacksony voice you describe. Wealthy, comes from wealth. Michael Jackson, yeah, like 1981. And I'm dating myself. Off the wall, I should. Yes. And this little boy has moved,

has also burrowed himself into a woman's affection somehow. And the two of them have moved to, let's say, let's call it Clitzberg. Yeah, let's use a fake name. So it's like Plitsburgh, Plensalania. Okay. For undisclosed reasons. Mm-hmm.

Well, I'm disclosed to you or to anyone? We haven't asked. Don't care. Okay, okay. We'd rather not know. Simplize it. It just would, yeah. And this man, as of right now,

the financial arrangement with the podcast is unchanged. Does the podcast have an ethical obligation to adjust the production? to adjust the producer boys payment according to the cost of living in his new home. Just in terms of the ethics of it. So let's say, and just as an example, the kind of thing this producer might do, let's say just so you have a sense of kind of what he does for the show. So he's, you know, for a long time.

I don't know what I ever know what producers do on these shows. Yeah. So for a long time, boots on the ground in Los Angeles. You get to the studio, you know, not really do anything we could see, but there was an assumption that something had been set up for us. He'd make it something, if you'd make a pizza sandwich for us. We ever had a pizza sandwich?

Delicious. Is that like a, is that like a subway sandwich? But it's just like, there's just pepperoni and cheese. No. No. No. There's cheese and marinerar sauce, but it's on bread, like sandwich bread. It's not hot. Oh, that, what? What? It's cold. Mariner sauce. Cold marinerara.

It's not cold. It's not like. And the bread's cold. It's not like ice cold. The bread's actively cold. The bread comes out of the free. But it's not like frozen. It's like.

The mariner sauce, yeah, as room temp. It's a cold room. But the, anyways, that's one thing he does. So that's what he used to do.

Now that he's in in Plitsburg, maybe a guest is coming on the show. Hell, maybe he's the ethicist. And, uh, you,

would maybe see him torturing this person with little technical nitpicks. Yeah. Here, pull down menus in quick time, et cetera. Completely ignoring that. Completely have a microphone.

Yes. This is bullshit. And the host may sit down and sort of try to engage a little bit, have a little bit like warm banter with the guest prior to the recording starting, and that would be forbidden by this producer who needs to play his sick sort of jigsaw-like games with the different recording menus. Okay, okay. Just for power.

The attempt to say warm the guest up, get him comfortable that's undercut by these technical, this technical jargon. Which, by the way, is what these podcast hosts would be known for is making everyone so comfortable doing the show. Gass is supposed to be hot. The pizza sandwich is supposed to be cool. Yes. And podcasts are just like guys talking.

They always say guys, people will compliment a podcast by saying it just sounds like dudes at a bar chatting about. Free flowing conversation that occasionally touches on mature subjects. Yes. Yes. Yes. Real friends. Yes.

Instead, we have an expensive boy in Plitzburg. who imagine this if he had been living in Pittsburgh and moved to Los Angeles I have a feeling we would get a yet another text

about how hey it's really expensive to live here how about a cost of living adjustment some sort of some sort of transportation fee yes some sort of housing you know, stipend

and something like hooks to area median income for example is our ethical obligation but now this guy moves to a fucking palace in the middle of the country

I mean this is complicated for a couple of reasons for one you keep calling him a boy is he a minor is this a child or are you just sort of is that kind of

a pejorative way you refer to him and he's a major child okay as they go fucking little baby the cost of living thing is confusing because I've been seeing these ads from a mayorial candidate, Spencer

Pratt. It actually looks real cheap to live in L.A. It seems like there's lots of places you can just live. So I don't know if the cost of living is really a problem. So he is actually the one making those ads. He's been very involved in. Really? Yeah, the producer is again, he's moonlighting.

He's always doing 19 other shows. And then he's got. got time to work with expenser Pratt. That's what he calls him because he has an expense account with the campaign. But you're wondering if ethically you can reduce his salary because... I'm wondering if we have a moral obligation. Obligation. Okay.

Are you? Yeah. Just from an ethical standpoint. Yes. Well, I mean, I suppose one could argue that like you need to even, you've referred him as a boy like needs to learn the value of dollar right boy could help him huh yeah and maybe it might be to his benefit in a way to make less chuck it's for him possible i don't want to take his money away but how else is he going to understand exactly and he makes the same amount in pittsburg he did in

l.a oh it's actually it's pitts oh you know what is the town because i thought maybe some kind of weird like sex town outside of Vegas the way you were describing it before but it was like um that's a Pittsburgh you know kind of underrated he did go to Vegas a lot and he didn't gamble he and that's now making me wonder is there Pittsburgh there that was actually we would spending a lot of the time go to Vegas to smoke cigars and now that I'm thinking about it like that doesn't really why would you go all the way you can do that here yeah that doesn't seem like a it requires travel but he does say you can have a sex town anywhere.

Like, yeah, that's sort of a famous thing of his. Okay. And a guest on an epic rock adventure. Live in Toronto, with flights and hotel, entry to the IHart radio sound check party and a thousand

dollars cash. Download the free IHart radio app. Listen to IHard Heavy Rock for 10 minutes for your chance to win. Fifth, the Don't Miss the IHart Radio Evanescent Sanctuary album release party featuring their new single.

Who will you follow? Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guide, not quite unhumored me with Robert Smygel and friends, me and hilarious guests from Jim Gaffigan to Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman, help make you funnier. This week, my guest,

SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. There's that more singer in the The worst? Yeah. Me. Is there anything to the idea that because you're from Harvard,

you only got in because your parents made a huge donation. The group. The yard herds, right? That's the name. The Harvard yard, but they're open. Do you have a name suggestion? We're open. Since you guys are middle aged, one erection.

Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you. get your podcast. Cuba me. I need some jokes to make me seem funny. Last night, a blown call changed a game. This morning, the internet lost its mind. Highlights are trending, opinions are flying, and nobody's telling you exactly what

happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo. Every episode, we're cutting through the noise. Breaking down the plays, the controversies, and the stories behind the headlines. We go straight to the source, the athletes themselves. Their locker room stories, their reactions, the stuff, nobody's. gets to hear. The laughs, the drama, the triumphs, the moments that never make the highlight

real. From viral moments to historic games, from buzzer beaters to controversial calls, we break it down, give you context, and ask the questions everybody wants answered. Sports Slice brings you closer to the action with stories told by the people who live them. Listen to Sports Slice on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow Timbo Slice Life 12 in the TikTok podcast network on TikTok. Welcome to my new podcast. Learn Learn the hard way with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, Kear Games. And in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm bringing over a decade of my own experience in the mental health field

and conversations with so many incredible guests. I'm talking. Tripp Fontaine, Ryan Clark. Sometimes when we're in the pursuit of the thing, we get so wrapped up in the chase that we don't realize that we are in possession of the thing. And we're still chasing it. And we don't know when we've done enough. Because people scoreboard watch.

Life becomes about, wins and losses. Steve Burns, Dustin Ross, because you find it important to be a good person while you hear on earth, or are you a good person because you're afraid? Because that's two different intentions, bro. Absolutely. And that's two different levels of trust.

I want you to just really be a good person. Join me, Kear Gaines, is we have real conversations about healing, growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose on my new podcast, learn the hard way. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search, learn the hard way, and listen now. Okay, question three. Okay, so we're back with Chuck Closterman.

The book is footballs and we're coming back from. You keep saying, are there going to be ads dropped in here? Is this like real lucrative? Fingers crossed, you know. We're going to do the beginning of this at the end. So like we're going to, so like, sorry, did he not explain this to you? Like, we, this is why we have to cut his pay. We always kind of like, we heat up over the course of the show.

The show gets really good. We're fourth quarter guys. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And we want that energy at the beginning to launch us because otherwise people will turn the show off. If people hear the beginning of the show first, they turn it off. It was boring.

Our early interaction was boring. Yeah. The whole thing has been bad. But the other thing I'll say, Chuck, is when you ask whether, you know, whether we're going to have. ads, dress for the job you want, you know, host for the podcast you want. And there's sort of a fake to you make it. I think if we do enough coming back from an ad break, those ads are going to find their way to us. Well, I've always thought a good idea for a podcast. It would be two ads for, like, you have no relationship to the product yet. Like, you think you actually like the

thing, you pitch it. And then you'd think the company would hear that knowing, that it's a sincere endorsement and then they would come in later and say like okay, keep, like, you know, promoting, you know, like, whatever it is, whatever, whatever the problem is.

I'll take that. Yeah, so it would be like, these guys love this shampoo. Obviously, they love this shampoo. Modern mammals, etc. Yeah. Or just send the invoice, right? Don't even do it. Yeah.

Just send out, send out, whatever. They're going to check. They're going to listen to the whole thing. Yeah, not everyone. is going to pay, but like maybe three will. Kind of a gamble, more of a gamble. And that's 75 bucks, you know, like. Really picture it.

I guess the third question would be if there was a man. Maybe he's a podcast, maybe he's not. Who through some sort of deceit or trickery, was able to get the Mandalorian's friend Grogu to use his force choke powers on him in order to participate in some sort of autoerotic asphyxiation activity. Is that morally wrong

for Grogu to be unaware that he's participating in a kink? Just before you answer, before you answer, before you answer. Okay. I just need to say it because I guess, can already hear the comments. This is a hypothetical question anyway. The term baby Yoda is a misnomer.

Grogu is at least 50 years old. It's not his name. Which is older than me, older than this man in the example as well. It's not canon. Like everyone calling him that is actually the sick one you could argue. Yes.

Disgusting. This is a transaction between adults. Everything else aside, like this is two adults and potentially you know Grogu may be willing

to participate in this with the knowledge but that would then not feel as good to the man waste like oh this is this is interesting now so you're saying that in order for this to have like the maximum

erotic power the baby Yoda has to be in some way tricked into this He's choosing to force choke. Maybe it's a training exercise, something like this. He's going to leave him quite tired. At the very least, can we please call him Yoda the grownup? Yes.

Okay, yes. Okay. Or I don't know. Like, what's... Yoda of a certain age. You can't really call him an adult Yoda though, right? That wouldn't make sense. He's not old Yoda, but I think he is, I think he's a grownup.

and it's also what is what is this one's relationship to Yoda? Is that explained? I didn't watch the Mandalorian. Is he is the me either. Some people call the baby Yoda. I guess I initially assume that was just really young. They have they have a they do sort of imply it he wears a locket with a with a broken heart picture inside that has. as like real Yoda in it.

So they are divorced. I'm one half as Yoda. But divorced. So they're, what? Grogu and Yoda. And again, it's not like spelled out in the show.

Like the implication is that it will be addressed more detail. I haven't seen it. But one thing I like about it is the way they do sort of bury these. They kind of leave the information there for the audience to come pick it up. They don't force feed it to you. And so, yeah, there's this lock it and every now and then at the top or bottom of the scene.

You'll see Grogu's. we're looking long and get the broken heart photo of Yoda. Okay, so we're, first of all, so we're all in agreement. There's no element of use of a child. We're looking at this thing as an adult. The thing is an adult. You know, the way to look at it. He's over 50 years old.

Everyone's an adult. Yeah. Okay. Then, you know, I guess, I mean, what, what's even the potential problem? I mean, what do you like, this individual, if I can just say, if I can just say, this individual is committed. crimes on behalf of the empire

in order to goad this oh wait okay wait a second now you finally frame this so what the idea here is is someone is using this

oh is Groku he says his name is baby yours is Groku is that it? Groku Okay Groku it's fine someone

someone is is is meaning like genocide or whatever blowing up plan is unhappity. Come on. He bought a mine. He's bought a mine. He's enslaved in the entire town. He's a minor character. He's sending the... Somebody minor. He kills a taunton for fun.

But this causes the little, the creature to then... Grogajoo. Punished him with a force joke. And then, and the idea is then he will masturbate while this is happening. You're going to give it his best shot, yeah. Yeah.

Well, I don't know now because it's like, I mean, is what do you've committed? You caught up on whether the crime is wrong. Oh, what do you have committed the crime if not? Like, was, like if he was going to kill, and just in this hypothetical, he's going to just kill the Tantan anyways for sport, then this is just sort of an add-on. Yeah, it's just a consequence. But if he's killing these things, if he's doing these crimes in order to cause this thing to do it.

otherwise what never happened, I guess I gotta say it's unethical. That's like, then the ethics becomes sticky. Yeah. Yeah. I barely got on the episode too. Mm-hmm.

It was implied by Mr. Favro that it was going to be potentially like a star making. Like if it could all be filmed. That this, that this character would then become, yes. Potentially like a backdoor pilot. to like sort of the new lando or whatever.

See, this is why it would have been much more interesting to be the ethicist for like the L.A. Times, where the questions would be more like this. This is this. Whereas like most of the questions I got were mostly from rabbis or lawyers or women who were breastfeeding. Those were the three people who asked the most questions

to the ethicist. What they want to know about breastfeeding? What was the... Well, it was always issues. There was always issues about the ethics of us. And I plus it out wherever I want. Yeah. Well, not that much that.

It was more like, if I recall, it would often do with like the idea of kind of shaming people or forcing people to breastfeed. Yeah. Some people couldn't the use of formula. It just came up more than I would have, I would not have anticipated that. Yeah, no, I wouldn't think,

I wouldn't think the question of should I be shaming people would come up that much. And you would say, what, just like, I can't remember. I was a lot of time. It was like 10 years, a few years. Okay. All right.

What do you want to talk about? We're back with Chuck Gloucesterman. The book is footballs. It's huge. He's telling us Jim Thorpe's the goat, not Tom Brady. Okay. I didn't mean to spoil the whole chapter, but let's hear it. Not the whole thing.

Just, is that true? Well, the argument. is that yes, that for greatness, it's really an argument about how one gauge is greatness. Okay, let's do this. Tom Brady's Paul McCartney, Peyton Manning is John Lennon, Drew Breeze is George Harrison, Phil Rivers' Ringo. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm wrong, Chuck. No, actually, it's not, that's not bad.

Well, hold you a second. Tom Brady was Paul and Peyton. Brady's Paul and. and Peyton's John, you want to flip them? That needs to be reversed, I think. Flip them. Brady's John. Patent's Paul.

Breezes George. Because, you know, Peyton was more of the technician, you know, it's sort of like, you know, and whereas, you know, and Tom Brady is sort of the grit, you know, all that coming. So that's, but it's not bad. Philip Rivers is Ringo. That's kind of an interesting one. I don't know how, you know, Ringo doesn't have like 19 kids or whatever. at first I was trying to figure this. That was the connection.

But, you know, I was thinking more about the football part of it just because of your book or whatever. But just to be, you know, the thing about that is the argument that I make in this book, that if you're trying to classify something, because the most talented football player of all time is always going to be who's ever the most talented player right now because of the way the world improves and technology changes. But if you're going to call something great, it needs to be. the first elite rendering of something whose qualities still exist in the modern version. So that would mean that the podcasters who are doing a podcast right now

today, this morning, are the best podcasters to ever do it before in the world. Well, if somebody, do you feel like, the best podcast of all time are in our past

that there was a golden age of podcasting that's all over. I don't know if that's... Oh, no. Our best episodes are ahead of us. That we are looking forward. If you even think about how much better this episode has gotten from when we started and didn't we tell you that we were going to warm up into it and isn't this feeling now that we started

talking about music and football like all of a sudden it's like, whoa. This is like, yes, we are on a really. Rocket. I think the next episode we do after this, that is going to be number one, baby, ever. You can, putting that aside, what was your greatest episode? Do you feel like you guys look back on these 600 and some pods you've done and be like, that was the apex?

This is when it was, this is when we really did it. Yeah, I guess. Who was the guest? Who was it? Who just popped into your head? Well. because this is this is this is malcolm right it's blink it's blink whoever whoever yeah whoever just popped into your head is who it is yeah and i'll tell you who mine is too but you say

today at the same time okay go ahead one two three mike lorence well there you go i guess there's a real kind of grieving on this that was amazing he's right Malcolm was right Yeah Malcolm's I mean you know I see something about people that they don't necessarily see in themselves

Chuck writes about it and the book is footballs and we're back with Chuck Closterman You are He's here You brag about being friends with the octopus That predicts a Super Bowl in the book What's he saying about this season

And how did you guys become such good friends My Octopus friend I, you may be, that was not in the book, I don't think. I don't think in the final version. Again, it's a little Mandalorian asking that we read between the lines. Kevin, are you there? What's up? You explicitly said that he would exclusively on our show

talk about how he's friends with the octopus that knows about the Super Bowl. and would tell us what was going to happen at every single game this season. I did. Period. Sorry. That sounded like in between a question and a statement. But I did. There are different kinds of intelligence, aren't there, Chuck?

For instance, your occupist friend has a... Also, did you listeners realize that you, the one, I'm talking to you, wears the exact same hat as the producer? Why is that? Are you supposed to wear the same hat? This is like part of his, you know, part of his control he has over us. It's Ripley's game. He's playing Ripley's game.

But he's not even hiding it. Oh, okay. Do you want one, Chuck? Is that why you're asking? Why? We can get your hat back hat, Chuck. Well, I just, it was, I didn't expect it. We have to pay, you know, anchor back some of the money, but yeah.

Same hat. Well, I, you know, I would love to have insight about, you know, this octopus scenario. but I was there is this are you basing this was there like some news story about an octopus who did this it seems vaguely familiar to me probably yeah you try to stay away from the news several dozen yeah well because you know

often like the animal picks something and you have for the NCAA tournament or something they'll like put like every team all 64 teams and under like golf balls or something and they'll see like if a bananas yeah because then it's which banana the octopus eats

yeah this isn't that this is a super intelligent octopus who chooses the winner of the Super Bowl maybe is influencing who wins in the choice it's unclear always correct

yes if the octopus can see the future or create it whether it's an alien life force that actually is able to manipulate reality to fit whatever it decides or sees time as a cohesive block is already aware the Super Bowl has already happened

for the octopus and is happening right now and will happen again. I mean, the octopus is a pretty interesting creature. I'm sure you've seen the footage of like the octopus who can like escape from its cage. This is the same one. Same one. Same exact guy. And he like kind of become different colors. Camouflage.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's how he announces what Tim's going to. He puts on a helmet like. Yeah. What if you throw in the idea that it can like travel through time or? No, that it is experiencing, that it is experiencing time as, I mean, we're all traveling through time. Yeah, I mean, I've been traveling from time the whole episode.

We're not really like, you know, astral projecting, I guess, into the future. I mean, that would, I suppose though, if we think the octopus can pick the Super Bowl, he has to travel through time, right? And we're back with Chuck Closterman. The name of the book is football. It's about an octopus that can travel through time. What's the, what's the, what's the, what's the name? name of the next book? What are we doing next?

No, there's actually a book coming out in the fall. What? Weird. You have two books this year. I wrote one book. I wrote one book entirely. The publisher declined to publish it, so it was too weird. So then I wrote the football book.

They put that out. So then I took the other book to a different publisher, and now they're putting out in the fall. Rub their nose in it. And what's the weird one? It's just called rock. And it's fiction, nonfiction.

I know we do both. I had sort of wonder. Chuck, and I didn't want to correct you about this at the time, but when you wrote sex, drugs and Coco Popes, I was like, I think this is a mistake. And that book was supposed to be called sex drugs and rock. And so now that you're doing rock, is it sort of making amends. It's a make good, isn't it? We have to do those for our advertisers all the time.

A little bit of a make good comes up frequently. Yeah, it was In retrospect, I mean, I don't know if this is a makeup, but it was pretty stupid to have Cocoa Puffs in the title of a book when I look back at it now. Oh, you know, it's like that was because I had a different title for that book and then they were like, no, no, this title makes no sense whatsoever.

And then like I said, well, you just want something like, I don't know, sex drugs and Coco Pops? And they were like, yes. And I was still, yeah, I wasn't successful or anything. I had no leverage. I couldn't say like, we're, you know, we're not. sticking with the American you know they wouldn't stick with the original

title so then you know now I have to live with this that I don't love the title of that book it seems kind of but that's what the title is what's the original title that you want to American Minotaur oh interesting

that was there yeah because they were because they were horny the guys in it were horny uh no bye that would be uh that would that would that would that would that's uh seemingly that you would even suggest that would be well we're experiencing now a little bit of the Tory

paradox aren't we bye really you've learned you're making all these references wow you know it's like this is this is proof that you were well informed right how old are you guys bye

last night a blown call changed a game this morning the internet lost its mind and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo, and every episode, we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the biggest moments in sports and giving you the real

story behind the headline. And we're going straight to the source, the athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions in the moment, and the stuff nobody gets to hear. Listen to Sports Slice on the Iheart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow Timbo Sliced Life

12 in the TikTok podcast network on TikTok. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest,

SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere,

but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor? It signals to the world that you're not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to. Listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get your podcast. Life is full of hurdles, so how do you keep going? On Hurtle with Emily Abadi, we're talking with the most inspiring women in sports and wellness from professional athletes, coaches, and Olympic champions about the challenges that shape them and the mindset that keeps them moving forward. At our level, at this scale, being able to fail in front of the entire world.

Like, I can do anything. I can do anything. Listen to Hurtle with Emily Abadi on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of IHeart Women's Sports. This is an IHeart podcast, guaranteed human.