Hollywood Handbook - Clark Duke, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: October 13, 2014

Hayes and Sean start the show by weighing in on the announcement of the new all-female Ghostbusters cast. Then, CLARK DUKE is in the studio to take us on a tour of his career and talk about where he went to college, Weezer,  and golf. After, the boys play a game of "That's Wheely Interesting" and the Popcorn Gallery is back to ask Clark about being a party teenager, cheating, and sharing the spotlight.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So the Starbucks barista is going back and forth with me, and she's getting mad, and I'm getting really flipping pissed, but I never lose my temper in public because it's not cool. And finally I go, okay, I see what happened. I want a tall coffee.'m dating ariana grande so what happened was you had told her both of those things yes when you got up to the counter and she confused the size of the coffee you ordered with the person you told her you were dating.

Who, by the way, is not tall. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names of the Red Carpet Linebacker. Always of this industry we call showbiz. Well, everyone's going to want to talk about this new- What up, what up? This new Ghostbusters movie. And so we might as well just get it out of the way and talk about it right now.

Well, let's get into it the official announcement came out today and it's going to be all female ghostbusters and that seems to be the way things are going these days and that's okay and some people have speculated in the past that sean and i were going to be affiliated in this movie and maybe be some of the ghostbusters and that this was a way to stop us from being in the movie. By some of our Hollywood enemies, of which unfortunately we do have some because jealousy is an ugly, ugly, ugly thing. And if that's the case, well, then good luck. And the truth is we're not actually mad, but we are sort of confused and a little concerned for them because it's actually not going to be that easy to do a movie of all female ghostbusters because of a few reasons well and one thing is fair's fair so if you're gonna make females busting the ghost then you have to make it that it's female ghosts you can't just have

the good guys is now girls but then the bad guys is still guys that is actually freaking a misandrist and so now you're saying okay well so now the female ghosts are girls the ghosts are just female now well guess what there's no such thing as a female ghost ghosts are male ghosts are guys and a female version of a ghost is called a wraith that's known as a wraith and so and they screech and they haunt just as viciously but they are not ghosts and so now if it's going to be all female ghostbusters it's gonna have to be wraith busters and now what about slimer slimer the ghost now he's becoming i guess slimer at the wraith okay yeah so all right well i'll do one okay stay puff the marshmallow Now he's becoming, I guess, Slimerette the Wraith. Okay, yeah. So, all right.

Well, I'll do one. Okay. Stay Puff the Marshmallow Man Ghost is now going to be Stay Puff the Marshmallow Wraith the Ghost. And that doesn't make any sense. And so I don't know how you can possibly script it. And this is how low some people in Hollywood will sink to keep Haze and I, the greatest enemies of spookiness, the natural fit for someone who was eliminating ghosts from a city we love. We had a personal investment in destroying all these ghosts. If you want people to appear on screen hating ghosts, who else would you go to but the two of us? That's our entire thing some might

even say we use it too much and i understand that it was difficult to schedule production because we refused to be on set with anything that could be scary but just do it shoot around it green screen it because you're getting a passionate performance then rather than what's going to be just trotting out. The same women you see in every comedy trying to explain how Slimerette the Wraith is driving a bus and is their friend. Meanwhile, this other Wraith is a bad guy, a girl. And what is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man? He was a sailor.

What is he going to be now? He's going to be Sailor Moon. Yeah. That's what he's going to have to be. It actually has to be Sailor Moon. Stay Puft the Marshmallow Man, Wraith the Ghost is going to have to be Sailor Moon now. So I hope you're happy. Stay Puft the Marshmallow Moon, sailor wraith, the ghost.

And at that point, aren't we making it too complicated, Hollywood? It could have been much simpler if you were just let it be some men and some women. It doesn't even have to be all men. It can be two guys and two girls, and maybe it's Sean and I, and maybe it's like Nina Dobrev. Yes. It's two guys and two sexy women who are sort of want the guys to save them. Yes. Is that so complicated? Then everybody's happy. Nina Dobrev and Carmen Electra and Sean and Hayes are out there busting ghosts,

and every once in a while, like, after a job well done, you go home and who knows what happens. I'm not saying I know. We just, we figure it out. No, we're not going to write the whole thing and give them free ideas. But, you know, it could be they're just as big of heroes as us. Maybe there's one where

Hayes is trapped and Carmen accidentally, you know, accidentally busts one of the ghosts with her curling iron, doesn't even know she's doing it. I mean, that's a scene. So it's not like you couldn't have them involved in the action, and we were never saying that. So it feels like in an effort to maybe

overcorrect, Hollywood has lost the opportunity at a true blockbuster. They've affected the actual product in the name of revenge. Baby with the bathwater is a phrase that comes to mind.

Yes. In terms of our feud with Wolf Den, I want you guys to know that you're doing great work, but we still do need even more people. They're scared, definitely scared, to the point that they've shut down all communication. And we know that that's good, that they're not communicating with us at all about the rivalry. But in terms of listens, we are still in a very distant last place. Yes, very small number. So from a morale perspective, it is really working.

But from an actual listens perspective, it actually appears to have gotten a little bit worse. But that's the next thing to turn around, I'm sure, especially because we have such a great guest today. Clark Duke is joining us, and you know him from all kinds of movies and TV shows, and we're going to say what they are if you tune in to Hollywood Handbook. So Cindy Margolis is like, try my homebrew.'s really good and i'm like well you know it's green it's fizzing very actively and she's like come on let's try this beer you like beer don't you

well you know i do i do enjoy beer i drink it three hours later i wake up all my jewels are gone every jewel in the house has disappeared. And I called her. She says she has no idea what happened. How many times are you going to drink something that Cindy Margolis hands you? She said it was a good homebrew. And Hayes, I'm not going to feel bad anymore. You're not going to drink a homebrew?

She said it was a sour. You know how I am about homebrewed sours. You do enjoy homebrewed beer. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, Insider's Guide to Kicking, Button Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacked Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Great guest today. Very exciting guest. We're so happy to have him. Clark Duke is here. Hi, everybody. Now, Clark, people have called you the Clown Duke of Comedy. And what's the story behind that nickname?

Yes. I think it's just a play on words because my last name is Duke. Speak on that. First Duke on record was Peter Duke. He came from Kent County, England. I think in the 1800s? Or no, maybe it was the

1600s. There's a book on this back home I saw. Back home? Arkansas. maybe it was the 1600s. There's a book on this back home, I saw. Back home? Arkansas. That's where the book is. That's where I'm from. That's where the book and I originate. That's where the book is kept. Yes. Bill Clinton. Yeah, Clinton country, yeah. Well, you should be in the book yourself, because what... The book was published before I was...

Well, you should be in the book. I'm just... Sometimes they'll update for the paperback, and they'll add more footnotes or something it's not a big print run I mean I think they literally made just a couple copies

of it for the family oh well well your achievements are impressive enough thank you that were the book

to be you know the original printing were to take place today we think you deserve to be a part of it like a new preface and then add some new stuff for the last few years for my career. Like, for example, let's talk about your career a little bit.

Sex Ride, Hot Tub Time Machine, Hot Tube Time Machine, the sequel. Tell me about it. Let's get right into it. What was that conversation like telling John Cusack he wasn't allowed to be in that movie? Take us there. Thankfully, I didn't have to personally have the conversation. Oh, you delegate to your assistant. Always delegate.

It's good to have a team, I say. Good to have a team. Yeah, lawyers. Just a team of lawyers. Yeah, I mean, Johnny ended up filing the actually I don't even know if I can talk about it I think I actually might get in trouble oh really it's illegal

it's a weird deal like they're literally like we're not allowed to say like certain stuff I don't know wow well bad first question well speak up well what if you told a story just in terms of no i know you know what about this what if you did this this is a new i don't even have a good anago for this is a new

topic hayes hayes yes hayes is a little bit of a legal genius what if you told a story about another person not john cusack you don't say who it is it's an anonymous person we do say who it is and then we know it's not john and we'll say it's rod steiger and that's that and you tell yes why don't you tell a story about a different person could be rod steiger who not being allowed to be in a different movie not being allowed to be in in the heat of the night too but the thing is even with my rudimentary knowledge of the law i feel like if anybody used the context of this podcast whatsoever they would pretty clearly tell that we were talking about johnny well i think i said it was a different topic i think i clearly said

it was a different topic and as the idea that we can't that anything we talk about from now on is going to be about john cusack i'm sorry to insult insult Mr. Cusack, but every once in a while, I like to talk about something else. Like in this case, how Rod Steiger was not allowed to be in In the Heat of the Night 2. You know, I don't think it was so much that Rod wasn't allowed to be in In the Heat of the Night 2. I think it was that, you know, he had some issues, the studio had some issues, and Rod and RKO just couldn't come to terms. Oh!

What a great piece of Hollywood folklore. Yeah. A little Hollywood Babylon for you guys. It's so interesting, and Scoop Troop, get out your old-fashioned notebooks for that one, because that is a little bit of a throwback, even though it's not Thursday and I am on Instagram. So, are we allowed to cough? Is that okay?

Yes, yes, yes. Engineer Brett will clean all that up. You can take all that out in post? Then you look unwell. It's, I mean, I notice you guys keep it like tropical in here. It's, I don't know if the viewers can tell, but it's about 80 to 90 degrees. Clark, believe me, they can tell. Anytime we try not to do it, they say, maybe jack up the temp in that room a little bit.

Yeah, they say the comedy wasn't hot. Every so often, just this. That's just beads of sweat hitting the microphone. And it should be at face level, Clark, and it shouldn't be so low that beads of sweat are dropping so hard. I was curious as to why you insisted on getting above the mic. Well, I angled it up at me, though, because I like to talk down. Yes, down my body. That's clear.

But you did mention keeping it tropical, and we are planning on getting some plants in here. Oh, that'd be nice. Yes, wouldn't that just really spruce up the place? Yeah. Yes, so that's kind of why we want the room to already feel ready when they get home you should get a girl on that on the plants clark you're from arkansas yep what a trip it must have been coming out to los angeles the first time yeah surprises that you had we we

talk about those parts of the country and places where people, the lifestyle is not the same as here. They don't eat the same food. Not at all. They don't clean themselves the same way. Similar way. Well, but it is actually very different in fundamental ways, including results. Tell me about that.

What was that drive like? What'd you pack? It was a flight. Well, part two remains the same, though. We pack for flights. Yeah, but if you're packing for a drive, I might have an ice chest with some sandwiches, some mineral waters.

It's a different vibe. There'd be more sweatpants for a drive. There'd be more comfortable layers. And you're in a formal suit for the plane. Right. I just feel responsibility when I fly to represent the state of Arkansas in a respectable way. So I always wear a, not like a tux, usually like a,

the technical term is a morning suit. It's not as formal as a tux. Well, go Razorbacks go razorbacks yeah yeah go hogs yes i actually don't give a shit about the razorbacks you guys i didn't go to college there right right right yes you yes and what do you give a shit about clark um in terms of college i'm pretty oh in terms of uh i went to lo to Loyola Marymount University out here in Los Angeles. And let's get this out of the way then. He's not affiliated, and this is a question that comes up.

He's not affiliated with that nasty lacrosse team. What happened with their lacrosse? What? Did LMU have a lacrosse scandal? I don't even know about this. Duke lacrosse. Oh, yeah. But, you know, according to that book that I referenced earlier,

I believe we are related to the Dukes in North Carolina from the university. So you are claiming responsibility. Yeah. I can't totally back off of it. Going well out of your way to connect yourself to it. Yeah. I got to say, my hands are not totally clean in that one either. Okay, well, but you, LMU, what a fun abbreviation for the school you did go to.

Nope. That's kind of like the Spanish abbreviation, LMU. Yeah, it was a great school. I had a really good time. My little brother went there. He just graduated in May. L like E-L. Correct.

El Scorcho, if you remember that Weezer song. They have a new album out. Yes. I haven't heard it, but I assume it's not great. You know, just let me down over the last album. We're total music heads ourselves. I think you meant to say first four Weezer albums. Is the fourth album Maladroit?

It's gotta be. Maladroit? It's gotta be. Maladroit's okay. I know. Yeah, we're total music heads and we've been getting What are you guys into? Quiz me, quiz me, quiz me. Yeah, he's an encyclopedia

basically of music stuff. Who was the original bass player for Weezer? Didn't have one. Gotcha. And you almost got me but now I know. They didn't have one. That was the drum machine, you're right. Yeah, and ask know that didn't happen that was the drum machine

you're right yeah ask me they used the drum machine to play bass who was the producer of the blue album and the green album

the original bass player was doing the production as well and I think what that means is that it was in fact recorded on a drum machine

now yeah that's right I can't dispute that Clark and I think what that means is that it was, in fact, recorded on a drum machine. Now... Yeah, that's right. I can't dispute that. Clark, we like to play a game sometimes on the show called That's Wheelie Interesting. Wheelie? That's Wheelie Interesting. That's Wheelie Interesting. It's so funny that you should notice the difference between the word really and what I said, which is wheelie. I thought maybe you had a speech impediment.

Well, instead, I actually have an interesting game to play. And a true mastery of speech, where he's able to transpose letters and words at will. You may have noticed the wheel, the large wheel when you enter the room. I did not. Well, it's covered in... It's there and it's big.

And it's covered in celebrities' names. You're in the room with us right now? Yes. It's covered in celebrities' names. Oh, in the room with us right now? Yes. It's covered in celebrities' names. Oh, the celebrity wheel. Yes. What we like to do is when we play this game is we spin the wheel and then we will spin a tale, a true tale of the first time we met that celebrity. It's going to land. Whoever it lands on.

It's full of celebrities you know. All right. And we're going to spin the wheel and all you have to do is it's going to come spin the wheel, and all you have to do is come up with a name, and all you have to do is talk about the first time you met that person. Do I spin the wheel and then call out whoever it lands on? Yes, you have to spin it, because otherwise it won't work, necessarily. Okay, I

didn't know maybe you were supposed to spin it. Well, you have to actually put your hands on it. You've got to spin it, and let's warn him it makes some wild noises when you're spinning that wheel and that's just another way to know that it's real and that it's here. So all you have to say is I'm spinning. Alright, I am spinning.

It's really good. Zooming! Zooming! Zooming! It's fed back up. Zooming! Click. John Loraket Zoom-y. Okay. Click. Oh, John Loraket.

John Loraket. John Loraket. Wow. Now, that smells like a story to me. It's funny you would use the word smells, because the first time I met Mr. Loraket, I was actually in a men's room at a golf course, not a country club. It was a public course out in the valley. Okay.

We were both pretty sauced. This is out at Balboa out there past Encino. Not a great course. It's flat like a fucking runway. The wind blows about 30, 40 miles an hour every day all year long. I don't know if you guys are golfers. It's just thinking about a course like that. Just a strong reaction, huh?

Yes. Blows the ball away. Well, yeah, it does. For starters. It blows it wherever it wants. Well, it's not challenging. I mean, the different terrains, that's what I enjoy about...

It's a game of geography. The sticks. Topography. So anyway, I go in there, and there's Laura Kett laid up against the wall in the pisser. And I go over, I go, oh, my God, Mr. Laura Kett from the John Laura Kett Show. What are you doing here? You look like you fell in some kind of hard luck. What are you doing here?

You look like you fell in some kind of hard luck. And he looks up at me, and he said, go fuck yourself. So I got out of there. That was the first and last time I ever saw John Lowercap. Wow. And did you ever hear, he's no longer. I think us in the list I think everybody probably thought The story was going to crescendo In a bigger way than that

But that's about it Yes, yes I remember at several points during the story Thinking that it was leading to Probably seemed like there were some details About the golf course It seemed like we're going to come back into play Well you almost rather not have that one on the wheel

That name If that's the story for him. You'd want, in terms of just celebrities... Well, we've never taken a name off a wheel before. I think you may want to remove Laura Kip. Yes, that's true, but I just feel like you almost wish

that the wheel didn't have stories like that on it, and it only had these sort of richer tales. But that's just not how wheels work. I mean, that's the thing with having the real wheel with the real names on it, it only had these sort of richer tails. But that's just not how wheels work. I mean, that's the thing with having the real wheel with the real names on it and you have to rely on the real stories. Sometimes the real stories are not that exciting. And that's unfortunate. We've run

into that before with this kind of game. The one you don't want is the one that comes up. Yeah, real life can't just be Mad Libs. You know, sometimes you... Speaking of games... Sometimes you just meet John Lorquette in a men's room, he tells you to fuck yourself, and that's the end of the story. Yeah, and it is a good story.

Yeah. It's an okay story. Well, it's got stars in it. And, Clark, you were talking about games and stories, and that's actually a really good segue to another interesting game that we think you actually might really like. And Sean's going to tell you about it. So I've partnered with the For Dummies Company, an adventure that's kind of a big fuck you

to our loan sponsor, Cards Against Humanity. They keep buying ad space, but they won't actually put an ad. So in an attempt to torpedo their company, we've got our own funny cards here. And this is humor at home for dummies. And Brett, can you get a picture of these? Oh, wow. Where do you pick those up at? Something like that.

That looks like something they sell at the checkout at Home Depot or something. That would be a very good placement. Please. That's actually a great idea for a conversation. And even though we're not at home, I think that a lot of the humor on these cards still applies. And so what I'd like to do is have you just draw a card at random. Okay. And read it and we'll have some fun.

All right. And the Cards Against Humanity, you can get a little lesson. This is real promotion that you get when you get the kid on board. All right, I'm reaching for the card. That would have been a good picture, Brett, when he actually did take it out of the deck. When he took the card out of the deck. It has happened.

Nope, nope. He already took it out. We don't recreate photos on this. For the future, that would have been a very nice picture I'm gonna need to have my hair and makeup guy come in too before you take any photos

and so Brett remember that actually would not have been a good picture to take because you should always ask first yeah

you gotta bring Danielle in it's my girl he said guys I gotta go he has no genders he's he's sidebar I know I know I know He said guys. I gotta go. He doesn't know genders. Haze. Haze. Sidebar.

I know, I know. I know. He said bye hair and makeup guy. And then he said girl. I know. And then he said girl. Maybe she's one of these ones that switch. I think he's almost done reading the card.

Okay. Did you guys stop talking for a while? Yes, we were waiting for you to finish reading the card. Oh, yeah. I just wanted you to read the card. Oh, okay. You know what? Do read it out loud.

That's even better. Okay. I'll read it out loud. Many families argue about clothes. Here are a few fashion rules that are intended to keep harmony at home. Never ask if something makes you look fat. Oh, wait, no. Number two.

If your socks don't match, don't worry. You've got another pair just like them at home. Number three. Chartreuse is not anybody's color. And then in bold, I guess this is the kickoff for us. What are the fashion rules for your family? Okay. what are the fashion rules for your family? Okay, so see how it gives you a great opportunity to generate some comedy in addition to enjoying some already pretty finely crafted humor.

These are real products I can buy in a store. You absolutely can buy this, and I encourage you to do it. And when you're reaching for Cards Against Humanity, instead reach just a bit to the left and grab Humor at Home for Dummies, conversations starters sure to make you smile. Just a bit to the left and down. Sean's been sort of laying them on the floor next to where the Cards Against Humanity are. I've been scattering them about, yes, underneath the purchase of that game,

which is currently more popular but not for long. You know where else these would kill? Talking to the ladies. Like maybe in like a nightclub setting? Yes, a way to make ladies laugh. You reach in the old vest pocket, pull these guys out? Isn't that the secret is humor? Mm-hmm.

And you know you're letting them, women like to be included in things. Yes. So if you let them draw the card and demonstrate that they can read and that they understand humor. Yes. And Hayes likes to say if you can make them laugh, you can make them cum. I would say that's – I don't like to say it. Well, I actually don't like to say it because it is a secret.

Old industry secret, but no. That's actually one of the – A big podcast. Well well we can edit it to make it sound like i uh was kind of unable to finish the last word and hopefully that'll somehow disguise the tip so you guys do some editing uh when it comes to secrets yes if there's secrets or if yeah one of us starts down a path that the guest is not on board for. We just full on fucking eliminate that. Yeah.

It's quite for the best. Family fashion rules. What are the fashion rules for your family? Emphasis my own on your. The Dukes of the book. Yes, the book of the Dukes. I guess I'm not sure. Are these rules that I would lay down for my family?

Or are these rules that have been passed down to me? Whatever seems funnier It's also funny, it's hard to narrow it down And this is a bit of a flaw with the card I feel like some of the examples that I've written on here Are so funny That people are hesitant to venture one flaw with the card is I feel like some of the examples that I've written on here are so funny that people are hesitant to venture one. It does make people shrink.

Because they're going to try to top the one on the card. Could I actually pull a different card just to see? I just kind of want to see what the other ones are like if they're all this strong. That's a great idea. All this strong. Brett, you didn't even ask if you could take a picture

Can I take a picture? Oh, this one This one is a winner though If you think that long Man, these are long too These are not Like these are not just like a Hours of enjoyment

If you think that long family car trips are boring Let bumper stickers provide you with a great source of humorous relief. I like the ones that refer to driving issues. Caution, I drive like you do. Or philosophical issues. The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist. That one's kind of a vicious attack, huh? Well, you're taking it more personally than maybe Joe and Jane Q. Public was,

and that's who these are for. There's one more example. Or romanticized issues. Don't come a-knockin' if this van's a-rockin'. What are some of your favorite funny bumper stickers? That is a very good question. We've all got them. that is a very good question we've all got them yes and it's it's confusing because it kind of could be taken two ways right right like it could be like

what's a good bumper sticker you wish you'd seen or it could just be like what's one you've seen before and just go ahead and say it to me. Maybe I haven't seen it yet. Personally, can I start? I like the ones that are just the numbers, the letters and numbers. It looks like it's a robot talking. I think those are town cars, like where it says like TCP and then a number. No, it's just numbers usually. No, it's on all kinds of cars and i have them on my car front

and back i see them everywhere yeah i don't know if i understand what these are it's like yeah it's just like they're so funny they have like a state and then they just have like um possibly like where the car was acquired like around the border of them and then they have these really funny like letters and numbers where it's just like okay i'm sorry is that a freaking robot car i think you guys are talking about license plates those aren't those aren't bumper stickers those are just you legally have to get that to drive the vehicle in the state oh sorry clark this is uh cal California. You can just drive. You can just get in the car and drive here. You don't have to go to some kind of sheriff every time you want to drive a car to get a special...

Yeah, we're not sharing a city car. To get a special... No, it's the DMV. It's the Department of Motorview. It's not the sheriff's office. He just collects taxes and enforces the law. For cars, you got to go they have a special department uh no we don't i'm almost positive this is a nationwide forever

to explain we do not we do not have those here you you just get in the car and you couldn't you're allowed to car you could own your own car you're allowed to just drive they don't keep the cars at like all in one department listen i know that i'm just a simple country movie star but i'm almost positive i'm right on this you guys it's well isn't this a nice thing i will say i can see you like in like a casting situation you come in and like do a thing like the the hayseed thing it's extremely charming charming. I get it. I get it. Yes, it's an authenticity that it brings where it's like, I really think this guy thinks this. That everybody has to have a, what did you call it?

License plate. Yeah, that's good. Do you have any funny bumper stickers that you like, Clark? Yeah. Do you have any funny bumper stickers that you like, Clark? Yeah. They're not really like... I like when there's a really old campaign sticker. Like a presidential campaign from 12 years ago or something.

And you're extremely political. And they're still repping it. No, I'm not at all. Yeah, they're still holding out for... Yeah, yeah. I just like that they've... They're still just not giving up hope on John Kerry's campaign. They still got the sticker out.

And who did you vote for? Oh, I don't vote. I would never vote. Brett, can I have the sound cable? Brett, we need the sound cable. Don't. Just keep going. Sean, keep going.

Oh, so you didn't vote. It's fine. I've got this ace. So you didn't vote. Oh, keep going. Oh, so you didn't vote. It's fine. I've got this, Hayes. So you didn't vote. Oh, Jesus Christ. So what? Hurry, hurry, hurry. What's that supposed to fucking piss me off, man?

No, I'm not trying to get any kind of reaction out of you or the listeners. I just... Yeah, good. I'm not fired up. What are some fashion rules for your household? Oh, it's the popcorn gallery sign. It's supposed to be a surprise.

I'm pretty surprised still. I know you heard me asking for the sound cable and I did try to make it a secret. If the sound cable could just be waiting at my seat when I sit down,

then we wouldn't have to do any of this. And I could just plug it in and I wouldn't have to ask for it in the middle of the show! I didn't hear you ask for it. I mean, I understand you wanted to yell at this guy, but I... Oh, so you were surprised.

Yeah, when you guys talk sufficiently low, it kind of sounded like you were doing like a stage whisper earlier. I can't hear any of that in the phones, or the cans. That's the industry term for headphones. I got nothing in the cans. Only because phones is already a thing. Yeah, we already have the phones on set.

Yeah. Yeah. They bring them out on a little table. I got a phone guy on set. He just has a little, kind of like a server. It's like a waiter's tray, but it's also got legs. You can sit it down, and it's just got the, you know, mine's blue, but a lot of times they're red or beige or what have you.

The phones. Yeah, it's just got like a telephone. Yep. And he'll bring calls to me. Because you can't have cell phones on set because it interferes with the signal to the camera. Yeah, and I mean a lot of people don't know this, but there's a lot of very formal aspects to filmmaking that still exist that have been kind of phased out of most of society. Well, I'd love to talk about that, but we already started the question-asking segment, so we sort of have to press on, and we're going to do that now.

Who's asking questions? Well, it's our listeners, and they're asking questions. The segment is called the Popcorn Gallery. The listeners are the popcorn and the questions are like the gallery. Okay. Because movies.

Let's reach into the popcorn bag. I just got it. Isn't that well? Explain it to me. See, a lot of times at a movie theater, they'll serve popcorn. Okay. That's a great start. That's it. If only.

Let's reach into the bag. It's a literal bag. You guys get a lot of paper correspondence, like in the mail, huh? Which is nice to see. What is this, a license plate? So my friend Mark records these sound drops. It was me, I got it. Well, I don't know who it was, but he records these sound drops for us and sends them in.

Sometimes they fit in with what's going on with the show show and sometimes they don't, but they almost always do. That sounded like maybe it was from Hee Haw, maybe a Buck Owens or somebody. It does seem like it might have been targeted at you, but there's no way to be absolutely sure. Here's a question from Toby Keith Sweat. Clark, how did you prepare for your role as party teenager in Superbad and was the real-life party teenager happy with your portrayal of him?

As far as I know, he died. What happened to him? I don't know. I think it was a friend of theirs that died in high school that they based it on. Like an in-memoriam. Memorial? Memorial?

In memory of. When do you use which one? I don't know. This is one of these things where... They ought to put that on one of these for dummies cards. It's ISIS and ISIL all over again. I'm like, just pick one, you know, because at this point... I said before we started, I don't want to talk about current events.

I was pretty clear about that. Yes, you were. And you didn't want to take a stance on ISIS especially. I don't know if this counts as talking about current events. I did think that was a weird thing to specify up front. It's all part of the... You said that there were shades of gray and that we didn't necessarily have the whole story.

Like I said, it's part of the deal with Mr. Steiger and the studio that I'm not allowed to talk about ISIL. Nuff said. Nuff ISIL. Nuff said. Nuff said. Nuff said. Let's go on to the next question. In the bag. Sandals and socks?

You better not. Oh, okay. Well, that must be a fun fashion rule that Mark uses at his house. And I've heard that one. It's not cool. This question is from Michael Bay of Pigs. Clark, bro. Remember in high school when we had that history test and you said you would let me copy off you

because you knew I was leveling up my Diablo character because you wanted me to do some cool raids with you? But then when Mr. Pinoc gave us the Scantrons, you kept on putting your arm over the Scantron so I couldn't see your answers. And then that night, since I knew I was going to graduate late, I was all depressed and ended up drinking at Smithy's crib, then drove home drunk and hit my ex-girlfriend's dog who was always wandering around off leash and the cops caught me burying it in the park and for some reason they thought i killed it on purpose to get back at her for sleeping with you which was weird because i didn't even know that until they said it so why did you fuck my girlfriend bro i am drawing a complete blank on this gentleman does he does he have a name besides i wish? I think that's his funny web username. And I wish I could give you... We've tried to get these laws changed. The thing is, that's such a common story that it's hard for me to nail that down.

It could have been a number of different people. And you'd love to say, I guess the only distinction is the reason why you fucked the person's girlfriend. And so you would love to specify. Maybe just say some reasons why you fucked some people's girlfriends, and then hopefully it'll apply to this guy. I mean, why does the wind blow? I don't know. Nobody knows.

Because the moon. Scientists don't know. Because the moon is moving in and out, and it pushes the air. Well, I guess I did it because of the moon. Yeah, when it moves closer to the earth, it pushes down some of the sky and it has to go somewhere. And it spins around.

It can have an effect on horniness. Let's answer another question. Such coarse paper. I think what's happening is he's reaching into, and sorry to interrupt the sound drop, Brett, and way to cut it off. I think he's reaching into a bag of popcorn, and that sort of rustles around.

It's popcorn rustling against paper. And then when he finds the question in there, he pulls it out. Oh, I see. Usually has something to say. Used to be about what he found, but now it's. Stop it again, but then fire it back up, Brett. It used to be about what you found, but now it's... Stop it again, but then fire it back up, Brett. I just got the paper out of the popcorn.

Okay, so that confirms for me. Yes. That was Mark saying that, and that confirms for me that that is what that sound is. You know, it seems like since this is a... Go ahead. You know, nobody sees this show. They just listen to it.

You could just have the questions out on the table. You don't even have to put them in the popcorn to begin with. Well, it's not the table gallery. I get the presentational aspect of it that you want to give it a little character, but... Well, we could also not have a big wheel in here. I mean, you know, like there's a lot of things we could do, but then it's not really a fun game. There's a lot I don't understand about broadcasting, and I'd be the

first person to admit that, so I apologize. Because of where you're from. This question's from Joe McGurl. On The Office, you played a character called Clark. How difficult was it for you to play a character that had the same name as you and looked exactly like you? It was actually the second time I've done that.

I also did it in this show called Clark and Michael via Michael Serendip. Oh, yes. So in my mind, I always kind of figured that it was the same Clark, and he had just kind of washed out of Hollywood and ended up working at this paper company. Clark and Michael. Let's speak on that for a little bit. Some people will call that something of a computer show. Yeah, that'd be accurate.

And where is computers in two years from now, would you say? Well, I mean, Prince said on Twitter a few years back that the internet was a fad so I am kind of leaning towards that that the whole thing is going to dry up soon it's going to be like a well but doesn't the prevalence of InnerTube

the site correct that Clark and Michael was initially on yeah wow doesn't that doesn't that... Holy smokes. Doesn't that being the, you know, sort of the website these days go directly against what Prince said, where it's not a fad?

And some of this stuff, like InnerTube, is here to stay. Yeah, I mean, I don't think anybody will dispute that CBS is at the forefront of digital distribution and just 100% knows what they're doing. So maybe the... And have for over a decade. The message is, Prince, computer blue, yes.

Computer expert, maybe not. And I think that's a great way to end the show today. Yes. Very funny thing to say. Sometimes you land on... The last thing we said. Sometimes you land on... We could have gone for a lot longer,

but sometimes you find the perfect way to end it. I have nowhere to be. I can keep going. But I already said the funniest thing, so it has to be the end of the show. Again, I'm not a broadcasting expert. Can I take a picture? Do you mean to reach for another card? We can try to reach.

Let me put the sweater on. Brett, Brett, I'm'm gonna tell you something now and don't act like you didn't hear me like last time we had this conversation do not submit these photos for your class okay these are for the website brett's taking a photography class and he's trying to do all this artsy stuff. These are not for your photo class. I know people are impressed, but I've got a secret for you, Brett. It's not your composition that they're impressed with. So they think you actually know guys like us. Yes. And excuse me for saying so, but I think that might be part of your plan.

Go ahead and take this picture. I can crop out whatever you want. If you're trying to write. want Well why would you take a picture If you're going to crop out all three of us And if I see myself in Funny Business 2 By Brett Morris Well I'm not going to be thrilled I'll tell you what

Get one wide one Brett How about this Get one wide one One really tight one of just the two hands on the cards And you can submit that to your class Okay Do I have to crop anything out Brett One really tight one of just the two hands on the cards, and you can submit that to your class. Okay. Do I have to crop anything out?

Oh, Brett. I need you to take these photos, and I need you to do it quickly because we lose the studio in 20 minutes, okay? Do you want to set up that fill light? I feel like this is going to be kind of flat. All right. Wait, should he be taking the card? Well, he's going to do one. Okay, take the card.

Yes, that's good. And I'll be sort of taking it too. I'm going to give my eyeline to the card. Okay, one, two, three. Oh, everyone wants the cards. People can't keep their hands off. That would be a very good ad, actually. Yes.

Yeah. Well, Clark, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thanks for having me. And please. If you guys ever have a week that Paul F. Tompkins can't come in, you know, I'm around. Were that, in that imaginary world, were that were ever to happen. Yes.

For everyone involved. Yeah, that would be a cool thing. I will take that as a no. Please, thank you for rating us on iTunes. A lot of you rated us on iTunes. A lot of people did ratings and we're going to get you. I couldn't find you guys on iTunes. A lot of you rated us on iTunes. A lot of people did ratings and we're going to get you. I couldn't find you guys on iTunes. I had to go onto a website,

earwife.net or CA or something, and try to listen to it on the laptop, which is not ideal. You guys may want to have a guy look into that. Well, that's part of the problem because my little cousin sam is gonna start doing some that's what he keeps saying is that he's going over to itunes to like talk to them about it but it somehow nothing gets fixed and so i don't just fyi

well don't even bother checking itunes well gowife. Because apparently there's some kind of big problem. Go to Earwife. In the ladies' restroom, the sink on the right, the hot water handle, was kind of loose. Well, that's the second thing I was going to talk about. And so I guess they'll come to our studio and go to the bathroom. The hot water handle is on the fritz right now, and we have a plan of attack, but we don't necessarily have a timeline that's firm. So we will update you. But thank you so much.

Like us on – we're not on Facebook, but we're on something Facebook adjacent. It's a site. LinkedIn? No. Friendster? It's a lot like that. It's hot or not. Anyway, we're on hot or not.

And if you could please click hot and give us a, you know, say we're at least a nine. Thanks. Bye. Bye, everybody. Oh, wait. Thanks for buying the pro version. Take home joke wait thanks for buying the pro version take home joke thanks for buying the pro joke about the pro version uh clark give him a quick prize oh wait can i can i can i um plug one thing before i go yes and your prize is a plug take home joke everybody uh please go watch hot tub time Machine 2 in theaters this Christmas that's only for you

to hear take home joke take home joke your prize is you have to go see Hot Tub Time Machine 2 on Christmas Day in theaters

yes bye bye this has been an Earwolf Media Production Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman for more information visit Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com.

EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.