Hollywood Handbook - Claudia O'Doherty, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: February 26, 2018

Sean and Hayes are joined by CLAUDIA O'DOHERTY from "Love" to help them read their new surf movie written by their friend.This episode is sponsored by  Squarespace  (code: THEBOYS), NBC's A.P. Bio, and  Wargaming  (code: HOLLYWOOD18).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Okay, we have to take it one more time. Stop the song. Last time you said, this is like the third take. And every time you say, no, it wasn't. That ruins the idea. It ruins it. It ruins it. And every time you promise and you say you won't say, no, it wasn't. Well, I won't do it this time, I swear. Okay, good.

Sam, ready? I'm sorry to keep making you do this, Sam. He doesn't mind. It was me and Vince Carthizer. No, it wasn't. Turn it off. What? I would never do that to you.

The reason that this show works is that I'm an incorrigible scamp. No. And that is what makes the dynamic work. And you are sort of a professorial. Obviously, I know that. I know you're incorrigible. But usually, I still get to tell my stories. Usually, it's hands off with daddy.

Yes. You get to draw the boundaries. Yes, hands off with daddy. Well, I think that this is adding an element of danger then for the audience where they don't know where I'm going to pop up and do my nasty business. So I think to interrupt your story, now it's what about for you, Hayes? I mean, if the audience is having a good time, that's good for you. But if I'm not having a good time, then the audience isn't having a good time. And if I'm in danger, then I'm not having a good time.

Okay, well tell the story. It's you and Vincent Karthizer. Yes, and we were freezing our heads before our ice skating routine. No, you weren't. So. We're freezing our heads, our hair, so that it wouldn't freeze while we were out there. So it would be pre-frozen. But I dozed off while I had my head in the water.

No, you didn't. And the whole thing, all the water froze around my head. I pull my head out, and there's a big ice on my head. The other skaters see it, and they say, like, oh, a big ice. I should skate on that. They're going to skate on your head. Okay. It's one thing to skate on your head. Okay. It's one thing to say that it didn't happen.

It's another to say what happened right before I said it. And you know what I'm going to say. Because I've done this, this is now the fourth time. So, okay. So you think that I listened to the story all the way through, ruined it, and then stole the stinger from you. Yes, and then waited until I did it again so you could steal it. And then I get the fucking hammer. Yes.

I get to drop the killer line that they skated on your head. They were skating on my head. Well, I've never been accused of such a thing, Mr. Davenport. And I, please. Ivenport. And I... Please. I'm looking at the officials. Like, is this allowed? Like WTF. Can I get a

ruling on, is this allowed to do? This is freaking bull honky over here. You guys are letting this happen? Spinning on my head? Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet land back hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up?

Claudia. Welcome to Claudia. Oh my God. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. It's so good to see you guys. Our old partner and- Partner in crime.

Yes, and we used to play music together. We played music we danced we were craftsmen together and Claudia your stardom has gone from

unlikely to undeniable undeniable a lot of people will ask you how did you get here but I have a better question

what is it what could have stopped you exactly what possibly could have stopped you and what took you so long? Well, the thing is, this is what people always say.

They're like, you just came out of nowhere. But often that person, me. The overnight sensation. They didn't see you in the woodshed. Yeah, they didn't see me working in Australia honing my craft. What I really wanted to do is just get here and be fully formed. Yeah. And that's what I did.

I worked in Australia since childhood. In anonymity. In anonymity. In complete anonymity. The birth of Venus. Yeah. From the out of the head to Venus's birth. Yeah.

Yeah. That's exactly it. Yes. And I mean, it's so amazing to be here with you, Sean. Oh, no. Stop. I can't. No, please.

I'm blushing. Because, you know, obviously we've worked together in many scenarios. But you and I, we have actually. The history. The history is crazy. It's thick. It's thick. And our most recent endeavor was love.

Yes. We acted together in love. Yeah. Wow. The show. And when we did that scene together, I was like, I don't think we should do any more of this show. I think we've reached.

Well, yes, the show had reached its zenith. And the scene, in fact, that you and I were in together was, of course, cut. Yes, it was cut, which was a shame. So people will not see that. No, people will never see that. But I think in a way to have the rest of the show compared to that scene would have been unfavorable. Yes, because it would have been very unbalanced. For some of the bigger stars.

Were you guys boyfriends, girlfriends on it? We were. No, we were strangers walking by each other. In a hallway. Yeah. That seems like a role for you. I could see you crushing that. Dude.

And I was so in it. Yeah. That it was almost as if I didn't know Claudia and hadn't met her when I was doing it. It was true. It was true. I didn't recognize you. You were so transformed in your costume because your character was cool guy in a hallway. Okay.

And I was like, who is this? Bumming a cigarette. Or no, yes, had a cigarette. Smoking guy. You hate having names. Modern smoker. Names for your characters. I do always get into this battle where a lot of times when a casting comes across

my desk, it will say John or Darius or one of these names and I'll go, can I possibly be chef number two? Or stranger in hall?

What you need is a location. Names are a location. Please. Names are a distraction. You need to know where your character is. I'm an outside-in actor. Some actors take their own personality and try to mold it to whatever's going on. But you're actually more versatile if you can just take the scenario, okay, I'm in this hallway. All right, there are people there.

Okay, I'm holding a cigarette. Okay, my costume, I've got these clothes. Jeans. Let me pull that in. Let's internalize that. Jeans I had. You remember? Yeah, jeans.

This shirt I've got on. It had the pattern on it. And then the jacket. Yes, normal guy in shirt. But you had a little swagger. And that wasn't in the script. That was you. Yes, yes.

In fact. You brought that. Yes, I brought that and I was asked to, you know, bring it back wherever I got it from and just do it the way they wanted. Yes. And you took that so well. Yeah, yeah. And I thought, this guy, he gets it.

And he has it. And what I was thinking was, hey, there's Claudia. Yes, but I didn't recognize you. No, of course. Because you had transformed. Is Bosch allowed to eat the bones? Yeah. It's not for chews only?

This bones he can eat the whole thing. Have the bones. He's eating it. That's what it's for. We were speaking of the woodshed, Claudia. And one thing we do on every episode of the show is we read an episode of a script. Sam, can you go back and put in I ate the bones earlier? Remember that was a KFC campaign?

It seems like I was kind of referencing that. I said almost that, a complete thing. Well, but. It's sort of more of you repeating. I said almost that, a complete thing. It's sort of more of you repeating what I said. Have me say it immediately. Have me say it instead of Hayes. And forget all the Bosh stuff. Just have me say I hate the Bosh.

I wish Sam didn't have to do that by the law. Okay, you were getting into something, Hayes? Every episode we read a script of a movie that we wrote. Oh, wow. That's every show, yeah. Amazing. Every single episode.

Sometimes it makes the cut, sometimes it doesn't. This time, we're trying something a little different, which is Sam wrote this one. Wow. Congratulations, Samuel. Do you guys get it? We're going to find out. Yeah, let's wait until we read it? We're going to find out. Yeah.

Let's wait until we read it, and then we'll find out. And what this is, when we assign the topic, we have been looking for a surf movie. Right. So hot right now. All these surf movies. Every other place you turn around. Are you guys going to produce it or act in it? What are you thinking?

We have produced it by asking Sam to write it. Right, you've already produced it. And we will also be writing it at the end of this process. Rewriting. At minimum, writing our names across the top, yeah. Oh, I see. So the producing is saying, Sam, you write this. And the writing aspect is saying, I wrote this.

I get it. Because it was really my idea. No, wait, we wrote this. And we don't know yet. Okay, but it, we wrote this. I wrote this. I get it. No, wait. We wrote this. And we don't know yet. Okay, but it was we wrote it. Maybe. And every time you see a movie, it's surfing.

And we thought, we want some of that. Exactly. And who better than the person from the birthplace of surfing? Which, what place is that? London. London. Yes. London.

So, do we just read it? Do we just frigging read it? Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Great. Okay, and then do you want to say what it's called? I know that the original title was Smash Wave. This one.

What I have. Okay. Operation Wave Smasher. Okay. I wasn't sure if you were going to finish it. Yes. It's Smashwave colon Operation Wave Smasher. That was our title that we said.

Colon Operation. Yes. Yes. Right. Is that part of the story? Yes. There is a colon operation after Yes. Yes. Right. Is that part of the story? Yes, there is a colon operation after a smash wave. Smash wave, colon operation. There's an urgent colon operation.

Wave smash up. Smash wave, colon operation, operation wave smash up. Right. Okay. So let's play. Oh, and we have a band that's scoring the entire movie. What band? It's our favorite band, Royalty Free.

Oh, wow. I love them. These guys are so hot. They're really good. And it's you also as like the queen's friend. Yes. Saying like, what if one day we were like finally free of the queen's grip on us? Yeah, so I'm the queen's friend, but I want us to be free.

And you want her to just have a normal life at last. It's the glare. You want to free her as well. She's in danger. Well, she's in danger, and she's also very bored and busy from being the queen. She's in a prison, and its name is Buckethead Palace. And it's a glass house, the palace. She's in a prison and it's name is Buckethead Palace. And it's a glass house.

The palace. Oh please. And everyone's looking in. And that's why I want to smash the palace. With the smash wave. Yes. Which I'll bet and that'll come into it a little bit. Yeah. That's why we chose this band. So okay. So we'll play some

just the music that's listed on the script. Sam has music cues. No, we won't. Sean. Not for the script. We never do it on the script. It's too dangerous.

It's too crazy. It's too crazy to say no, it won't. It's too crazy. It's too crazy to say no, it won't. It's funny, though. Then. There might be ads on these songs, but that's part of it if that happens. I know. That feels like a commentary. Yes, that was the idea.

Yeah. Especially for a band called Royalty Free. And the queen's so corporate. Exactly. Yes. She's a corporate entity. So then they're going, now we're corporate. We got ads. And the queen's so corporate. Exactly. She's a corporate entity. So then they're going, now we're corporate,

we got ads, and also no more let's smash the freaking palace. And that we get paid for the ads is commentary as well on this system. So that's good. Yeah, it's good.

Oh. You kidding me? Good? So how much of your money Exterior. Surfboard beach. Yeah, it's good. Oh, you kidding me? Good? So how much of your money? Exterior. Surfboard beach. A wave is flying in front of the camera and then it goes away and you see the wave smasher.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Crab. Crab. Oh, a crab's got my pinky toe. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. He's coasting on the wave, and he's surfing in a safe way, sitting down on the surfboard, and then the audience goes, No! He's standing up on the surfboard.

See you later, crab. A rival surfer comes up along. up on the surfboard. See you later, crab. A rival surfer comes up along his board. Get off. Get out of my beach. This is my turf. No one owns the beach. Nature is

created by God and there's only one true God who I call Yahweh. Is that a shark? It better not be. God didn't make sharks. It's the one thing in nature that's unnatural and I will smash the

shark. There's a shark behind you. Oh, right. I'm gonna fall for that. Oh, I'll just turn around and look at the shark then. Yeah, right. Honestly, there is a shark behind you. Oh, I'm so sure. First, you want me off your beach, right? It's so big.

That's the first thing. And then all of a sudden, it's like, oh, there's a shark behind you. You better get out of here. So then you are mad your first thing didn't work, and now you're trying something as a trick. I know we're enemies on this beach, but I don't want to watch you get eaten by a shark.

Okay, yeah, because you want to eat me yourself. No, honestly, please look out. The shark's getting really close to you. Okay, so here's what's going to happen. So I'm going to turn around, but not because you said there's a shark, because I was thinking about turning around anyway. Okay. Oh, my God, it's a crocodile! Oh, that's a crocodile.

And the rival surfer wins the surf race that they were having this whole time, and he speeds ahead. I'm going so fast. But then across the finish line, he takes off his surf helmet. And long hair comes flowing out of the helmet. And it's a girl. That's right. I'm a girl.

Hey, bro. Bronwyn? My name's Bronwyn. Bronwyn. God, nobody's ever surfed faster than me before. That was a dirty trick, you telling me that that crocodile was a shark. I know, it confused you. You were bamboozled.

I sure was. Hey, do you want to get a slushie or something? I would love that. Oh, my God. I think that would be really nice. Interior slushie store. Two of them are in a very long line for the slushies. Oh, my God.

I've never seen the line this long. So what kind of slushie are you going to get, do you think? Sorry, I'm just going to count how many people in this line because I want to tell my friends later. When you go, it's the longest line I've ever seen at the Celestri store. I don't know if they can picture it, but if you actually can see it, there's 27, 28, 29, 20,

11, 12, 13, 14. Oh my God, there's 22, 23, 24. Are they together? Do you count if there's a couple? Yeah, because they'll place two orders. Yeah, that's right. They'll order together.

They'll pay once, but they've still got to make two slushies. Yeah, so it's going to still be the same length of time as if it were two individuals. 26 people in the slushy line. Okay, I've got to text my friend. Yeah. They get to the front of the line. I'll have one regular slushy, classic flavor, please. Okay, and I'll have one large regular slushy, original.

Could you pay for both of them? Is that an accent I detect? I'm Australian. That's why I'm such a good surfer. No kidding, mate. I'm Australian too. Are you Australian too? I've been hiding it.

Oh, my God. We must know so many people in common. Oh, mate. I'm Australian too. Are you Australian too? I've been hiding it. Oh, my God. We must know so many people in common. Oh, yeah. You must know Logan. Yep. Do you know Rogan? Yep, his brother. Do you know Brogan?

Yep, his brother. And your name's Bronswy? Yep, that is my name. Bronswy starts eating the slushie while it's still too cold. Oh, no. Oh, oh. She keeps going, though. Ow.

Gone. And whole pieces of ice are, she's swallowing them, and they're going straight into her colon like diamonds. Ow. Ow. I really do feel like my colon is hardening. Ow. Well, I used to be like my colon is hardening. Ow! Well, I used to be a surgeon's assistant.

Did you? Yeah, you want me to dig in there, cut out whatever's hurting your bum bum? Right here on the slushy store floor? Oh, I'd need to sharpen the straw a bit. Right, you're going to use the straw. But I feel confident that you're going to be good at this. The wave smasher lifts the sharp straw. Interior, hospital.

Sorry about that. Guess I made it worse. Bronwyn is unable to respond. Bronzwee's sister looks at the wave smasher accusingly. Why did you do that to my sister? I have to tell you why they call me the wave smasher. Okay, why? From my surfing.

Right. So not for your operating skills. Yeah, yeah. So why did you do the operation on my sister? I guess I was trying to impress her, wasn't I? Right. Because were you involved romantically? That was the, seemed to be the direction.

Because she's married. I think she's going to, I don't know if she's going to make it. What, are you single? Yeah. to, I don't know if she's going to make it. What, are you single? Yeah, actually I am. Inside Bronzeweed's head. I hope I survive this time. She is having a dream where she's at Buckethead Palace with her husband, the queen. I am in love with you.

You are my husband. Oh, thank you. That's so kind. I wish you didn't have so many duties as a queen. Oh, well, if only someone would smash this oppressive palace and finally free me to just be a regular citizen. I'm going to try and do that for you. Okay.

I love you. I think I could see myself falling in love with you. You know, it's just I don't throw that word around. I've been burned before by the king. And Prince Charles comes in wearing

a tutu. Ballerina practice? Oh my, I didn't know this room was occupied. Now, I want to stop this dad for a second and just talk about sort of the stuff that we've heard. Yeah. Sam, this is, you know, this is your script. You may want to look up.

I did say, we did say we wanted some social commentary in this. There's some like Python-esque satire we're getting into near the end here. Yes, it's very close to that. With Prince Charles and the tutu. That's really good. I like it. That's the kind of stuff I like. I think it's funny.

But for a commercial film. Yes, I worry about that. It may be too surreal. Is that the concern? Yes. And so that's why I get why he's having it happen in a dream. And that makes it a little safer to me. And that gives you a ticket to being surreal.

And everyone gets why. Because it can all be a dream. But I'm not liking it. It's reminding me of all that jazz. Sure. Sure. But I'm not liking Bronswee. I'm losing my connection to Bronswee if she's having a dream about that.

Yes. Yes. Sam, I think. Well, once she reveals her secret, you guys are going to really enjoy this character. Well, I hope so. Give it a little bit of your time. Because I think we talked about protecting our characters. Is the queen actually her husband?

Keep reading. Oh, okay. I'll say yes. Oh, okay. Okay, she is. So that's the message of the movie. Oh, okay. Okay, she is.

So that's the message of the movie. And it says the quote, there's like a quote at the beginning of the movie, like before credits, that says queens should be husbands. And it's attributed to Sam. It's so confusing. It is confusing. It's so confusing. To me, the opening image should set the sort of mission statement of the film. Sure.

And so if you're trying to make a big social change like that, an idea that's pretty radical. Queens should be husbands. Yeah. I think you do need to be that direct. Right. I wish the quote was attributed to, even in a lie, someone other than Sam. That's what I'm more used to is seeing a quote from like Gandhi or Martin Luther King, Voltaire.

I'm not the one who wrote it. If you say something out loud, that's a quote. No, I know. I understand that now. That's not like who wrote it. Also, it just says Sam. No last name. So you're like the only Sam.

It says actually this is Sam. There's a dash. Yeah. This is Sam. It should have said Sam I am. It's a voicemail. Oh, that's for you, that's a note to me. This is Sam. It should have said Sam I am. Oh, that's for you. That's a note to me, yeah. Okay.

Okay. Multiple people have access to your notes. Yeah. And then when you leave one to yourself, you say this is Sam. So you go, this is Sam. Exactly. Okay. Okay.

Do we want to jump to a certain scene in this? Which scene? I would recommend the battle. The battle. Okay. Do we want to jump to a certain scene in this? Which scene? I would recommend the battle. The battle. Right. Between. I guess, yeah. Okay.

The battle between. The battle between, within. Yeah. Either one. I see. Okay. Let's go to the battle. Interior, the comedy store.

It's time for a roast battle Big Jay Oakerson is on stage Moderating the roast battle Alright everybody Hey, we've heard some pretty nasty Birds And there's no salve that's gonna heal these ones But, uh, next up

We got two newcomers to the stage, and I can't wait to see them just rip into each other with some schoolyard bully insults. And they are not known for pulling their punches. The first guy, he's known as the Wave Smasher, and then his mortal enemy, based on some events that have happened over the past week, Bronze Wee.

And she's fine now. Yeah. And Wave Smasher steps up to the mic, and he's holding a beer. Tread lightly, Wave Smasher. This is a Faustus. Oh, that's a joke about my accent Okay

Yeah, I wasn't really Australian Oh yeah, you are Yeah Okay, and the time starts in 3, 2, 1 So, you know, I know you guys Are always throwing a shrimp on the barbie Well, you look like a

Barbie That got thrown on the Barbie because you got such bad burns. Okay, can I rebut now? And that happened to him? I just want to make sure. She got burned? Is she burned from what happened in the past week? Was that during the operation or was that after the operation?

Was there a fire in the hospital? When she goes to the hospital, she's not burned. She gets burned before the operation or was that after the operation? Was there a fire in the hospital? When she goes to the hospital, she's not burned. She gets burned before the operation and almost immediately after. Okay. Okay, like in the hospital or on the way in or out? There's a pre-roast battle in the hospital. Hospital fire leading to her deciding to get into a roast battle. She runs out from the fire to find a dance battle in the parking

lot. Okay. This is after the dance battle? The cardboard catches fire. Oh, okay. So that's why she's so burned. In the middle of a big spin? Yeah. Oh, no. Wow. That's brutal. Friction that can start a fire. Also, keep in mind, this music is designed to be

you can sing along if you want. Okay. It's like when St. Ferris was in 10 Things I Hate About You. You can see the band in the, they're in the shot. Okay. So we should sing? We should sing. You can acknowledge them.

You cannot. It's designed to be. They're on stage. Yeah. Royalty Free is on stage. Anytime you hear music, they're in the shot. I love when a cool band is in a movie. Yeah, that was my thought.

Well, that's all pretty clear. Yeah, well, let's get into Bronswick. Bronswick now comes in a pocket pack. I can take it anywhere. And this is one of those ads we talked about. This is for Icebreaker's Gum, yes. Yes, the really good ads that make the music better.

So, Bronswick is reeling from the Barbie roast. Yeah, and her wounds are we reeling from the Barbie roast. Yeah. And her wounds are weeping. Yes. As well. From being, her feelings are hurt.

Yes. And then she steps up to the microphone. Yes. And she sort of like tentatively adjusts her

outfit and like touches the microphone. Yeah. And then she starts singing singing. Singing? A roast? She's like she starts singing. Okay

says the judge. And because I'll allow it. Oh yeah yeah Burns by the I've got burns I'm used to smashing waves not getting smashed by a sung roast The sung roast forms arrows that are like flying toward the wave smasher

He's about to be pierced by the arrows but like isn't quite yet And then Chef Kevin jumps in front of the arrows Hey guys, Chef Kevin. And then Chef Kevin jumps in front of the arrows. Hey, guys, Chef Kevin here. Ow! Thank you, Chef Kevin. Oh, my goodness. What are we doing?

Is he? Yeah, this is crazy. Will you look at us? This is insane. We were in love almost. I know. And then you did an operation on me, and I got into a lot of... Well, why the fuck did you eat the slushie like that?

Like, you knew that was hurting. I was trying to impress them. And royalty free... And so was I. And so was I. And the band Royalty Free isn't ready to do, like, the love song yet. And so they say, please start over. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. And they have to find the right one. Start over with a roast? No, start over with the love. I've got one about being from down under. No, with the love conversation, Royalty Free says.

Why is there an argument in the stage direction? It's something about going down under on your dad or something. Right. Sam wrote it. I don't know what it... Okay, so now Royalty Free is playing the song for the love conversation. Oh, okay. What are we doing?

I was trying to impress you. That's funny. I was trying to impress you. You's funny. I was trying to impress you. You were trying to impress me? Yeah, by removing part of your colon with a straw. Do you think you could kiss someone who has burns all over their body and no colon anymore? No, but I think they could kiss me. Oh, I see what you mean.

Great, okay. No, I had imagined in this... But they'd have to ask first. Oh, I see what you mean. Great, okay. No, I had imagined in this... But they'd have to ask first. Oh, may I kiss you? Engineer Sam enters the scene. Yeah. Hey. Hi.

I just wanted to stop by. I wanted to thank the band. I wanted to thank everyone, you know, that's been in it. Oh. I wanted to thank Buckethead Palace and Yahweh. G'day, mate. So, sorry. Am I Australian or am I not?

The queen was about to enter. The queen enters for her wedding. It says her gay marriage to Sam. Yeah. for her wedding, it says her gay marriage to Sam. Yeah. The first let me make bronze we will be to my knowledge the first

female knight. Thank you. This is a true honor. I, it literally is, yeah. Yeah, it is. I know. I'm not being sarcastic. I'm being very genuine, yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I know. I'm not being sarcastic. I'm being very genuine. All right.

Thank you. The way it sounds, it's your tone or something. Thank you, my lady. Okay, yeah. You're welcome, but can I do the freaking thing? You seem sarcastic. Where's my sword? It's just there.

Sorry, I've got the sword there for me. Oh, and Prince Charles comes in doing a pirouette. We adore it. Ha, hi-ya. Oh, thank you for the sword. I hope I don't chop anything. Little queen joke. I dub thee.

Ow! Sir Lady Brunswick. Oh, sorry. Did that get you? Yeah. Did that get you? Yeah. Did it get you? Yeah. It's a sharp one.

Yeah, it's a lot of blood on my shoulder. Okay. And now let's do the marriage. Sam, do you take me to be your frigging husband? Yes, father. Yes, you're welcome. Okay. Sorry, what you guys couldn't see

is physically I was doing like a Mr. Bean. Physically I was doing like a Mr. Bean. No, I know. I saw that at the stage where I said you're doing a Mr. Bean thing. First of all, he doesn't talk. Second of all, the idea is that you're marrying the queen and she's your the idea is that you're marrying the

queen and she's your... The queen is going to be your husband and she's your dad? Yeah, queens can be kings. Kings are fathers. Oh, come on, Sam. This is sort of a play on the John Mayer Daughters song. Yes! Yes! Okay, I didn't get that.

So now I guess what you said, do you get it at the beginning? Now it's kind of all falling into place. It just clicked for me. You do really need to pay attention to that quote at the beginning to truly appreciate the movie. Yeah, I guess so. It does kind of end up coming back a few times. Yeah, it's really a big part of it.

Girls become lovers that turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too. Daughters are queens and queens can be kings. Fathers are mothers, and daughters are wings? Can we do that? Is that allowed? Can Sean do that? Can I say all those?

Or is that a song? Is that a song that I've said all the words? If he can do it over a beat, I don't have a problem with it. Well, somebody would have to drop the beat. Okay. John Mayer featuring Michelle Branch. Here we go. Gonna rap it now.

Coming in on the beat and it's now gonna start. Take it now. Go on. Coming in on the beat and it's now gonna start. Take it down, bring it back around again. Too fast, too fast. Enter Michelle Brant. Hi, how are you? Can't quite find it. Where's my end?

So that, I feel like that was pretty good. That's allowed. It's allowed because we do that. I love that. I like when Michelle Branch said, hi, how are you? No, that's another. That's another energy interaction. You would think she'd just want to talk about herself.

No. She wants, she's interested in you. And she think she'd just want to talk about herself. No. She's interested in you. And she's such a good singer. She can sing anything. Yeah. And it sounds good. And you want to listen to it. I want to get back to the script a little bit.

Just, yeah. Chef Kevin is in it. Okay. That I thought was weird. That Chef Kevin shows up for one second to save the Wave Smasher. And that Sam, you are in it. I will say one thing that I thought was nice is Sam thanking everyone.

I was trying to do like an end of SNL. Yes, SNL is the only nice show. It's literally the only show where they're polite. And can I notice something about Love? It was one reason that I didn't like

the show and I actually hated it. Right. Fair enough. Which was at the end of the show, it just ends. No one says thank you. No one thanks me for watching. No one thanks anyone for writing it. No one thanks you for being the guy. That was very frustrating on set. No one even says

goodbye. No one even says goodbye. No one even says goodbye. They just, it just stops. No, it literally just ends. I noticed that. It literally just ends. It was an incredibly hostile environment. I was frankly relieved when it was the end. And this is like the Michelle Branch thing, the niceness of that, of actually asking how I am in the song.

Love has no interest in anything going on with me. No, I know. Not a single question asked down the barrel of camera. I would often suggest that. It's force-feeding me these stories of these characters who I've never met. You've never met. You don't know them. They're not interested in you.

I do not know these people. I have no idea who these people are. Even me, I was ashamed to be on it because I was going like, everyone's going to be watching me in this hallway. I'm this cool stranger with a little swagger. Not in the final edit. And I'm not asking them, what's going on? How was your day?

You came across as very rude. I know. I know. But that's the job sometimes. Yeah. But I did not feel good about it. And I'm going to probably start only taking acting jobs where I can be very polite. And if you see me in less stuff, that's why.

Oh, that explains it. Yes. Because I have been looking out for you and stuff lately. Not popping up much. And you are not in anything. Because I have to be true to my principles. I think that's amazing. And financially am I taking a hit?

Yeah. It would make sense if in the credits what the characters' names are and stuff. What's your guy's name on that? My guy, my character? Yeah. Bertie. Okay. Yeah.

If it was like, there's like Claudia is rude Bertie. Exactly. You know? Yeah. And if everyone is like rude friend. Yeah. And then you would get it somewhat. Yes. But they don't do that. That this show's about rudeie. Exactly. You know? And if everyone is like rude friend. Yeah. And then you would get it somewhat. But they don't do that.

That this show is about rude people. Yeah. It's like Seinfeld. Who deserve each other, frankly. Yeah. And are honestly, watching the show, the only people who could actually like fix each other. Yeah. And then they get fixed by the end.

And that's it. Okay. That's a bit of a spoiler because the season hasn't come out yet but there is some fixing. Well, yeah, fair enough. Is that saxophone? Yeah. It sounds like Lenny Pickett.

Just from how the saxophone was playing. He has such an ear for sax tone. I know who was playing and that is Lenny. That's Lenny. Okay, so let's end the show how we normally do. I want to thank Sean, and I want to thank Hayes, and Bobby Moynihan. Thanks for watching, everybody.

It's been such a great week. And I'm hugging Alex, the new guy. And he's patting him on the back. Yes, and I'm giving him a little attack. I'm showing he did new guy and patting him on the back yes and I'm giving him a little attack I'm like showing like he did not

get in the show yeah but I'm mouthing hi mom like in the front just like like waving and now I'm jumping

on your shoulders like ah I'm breaking yeah I'm whispering something to someone and then we're both laughing yeah

and I'm consoling Bobby Moynihan. Yeah, he's toweling off. But he wasn't in the show tonight. No, he's not in the show ever. He never is in the show. It just happens, you know? Yeah, he was just there, I think. I think Adam Sachs.

Okay. What for? Just everything he did here Okay And now I'm stealing the guitar from one of the strokes And I'm pretending I'm playing on it And they're kind of laughing but they're kind of nervous And I'm talking to one of the strokes

For the first time all week And I'm like hey that was me That was great I loved what you The first two albums Yeah Oh that ends quick Yeah that was too quick

Usually it's a lot longer Yeah So what are you going to do Okay No sorry Okay Today Today I'm gonna be focusing on sports.

No, you won't. Sean, come on. I mean, I do love it. See? Isn't it bad? It is. I mean, it's like I really feel like I'm getting ribbed. It's so cheeky.

And I felt safe the whole, like he just waited until I wasn't worried anymore, and I thought I was out of danger. And then this little stinker gets in here. Yeah, you are the cheekiest man I've ever met. Oopsies. Cheeky man in recording studio. Da cheeky man. Yeah.

Da cheeky man? Yeah. Da cheeky man. Da cheeky man. It's all one word. Every other letter is capitalized. Except for... No, I'm saying every other...

Let me see how to articulate this for Konya. The D is capitalized. The A is lowercase. The C is capitalized. The H is lowercase. The E is capitalized. The E is lowercase. Thank you.

I get it now. Yeah, if you want to find my SoundCloud, that's the only way. Lowercase. The C is capitalized. The H is lowercase. The E is capitalized. The E is lowercase. Thank you. I get it now. Yeah. If you want to find my SoundCloud, that's the only way. And there are lowercase Xs on either side of the word the cheeky man that are not pronounced. Right. Three. The cheeky man. And what's on your SoundCloud?

Well, it's a lot of sneaky giggles. Oh, my God. Sometimes it is some sort of audio prank where maybe somebody is, like, calling someone, and then I sort of sneak in there, and I go, like, no. Can we play just one clip from Sam's SoundCloud? Can you pull it up, Sam? Yeah, sure. Not from Sam's SoundCloud. I mean, it's on Sam's computer, so I guess it technically is

Sam's. And I give you permission, but yeah, go ahead. We play Sean's song on Sam's... Okay. Please, please. How you... Don't do this. Okay. Wait, Sam, turn that off, and now we'll play the song,

the track from Sean's SoundCloud. Which one should we play? I guess why don't we play the one with the most listens. It's called Be Home in 15 Minutes, and it's just a guy calling his mom. How many listens has it had? 26. 26. Okay. Hey, Mom. Hi. How many listens has it had? 20 ticks. 20 ticks. Okay.

Hey, Mom. Hi. So good to hear from you. I was wondering. I'm out now. I brought the oranges. Fantastic. We'll have everything we need to make the marmalade.

Should I go home? You should come straight here, I think. Okay. In how long? I think you should get here in 15 minutes. Okay. I'm getting ready to hang out now. I can't wait to see you.

Okay. Bye. Okay, bye. So that one, I don't know why it's the most popular because that one. You forgot. There was something about the exchange that was so sweet. I just didn't want to. I thought maybe that you had messed up the, like, your thing wasn't plugged in or something.

So maybe you were talking over it. No, no. But they couldn't hear you. No, I made the choice. Because it just went smoothly. I got to say, what I thought when I started hearing the call initially was that the gentleman was going to say, I'll be home in about 15 minutes. And then I was going to say, no, you won't.

Because the track was called Be Home in 15 Minutes, that seemed to me more of like that the mom was saying it. And ultimately she did. And I wonder why you listening to the phone call thought that the man was going to say that. Did she say be home in 15 minutes? If we play it back, I don't think she did. Okay. I guess we can play it back. Let's play it back. So should I come home?

Yeah. Try to be home in 15 minutes. Okay. Wow. She did say that. It was faster than I remember. I remembered the guy saying, I guess it was just my memory, saying, like, when or should I be home? She's saying, yes, I remember her saying, yes, I think you should come straight home,

and then the guy said, okay, but how long? And then she said, I think you should be home in 15 minutes. That doesn't really matter. That's the most popular track on my SoundCloud. I mean, maybe it was an odd one for me to pick to play just because I'm not in it. There's no cranking. It's just the not in it. There's no pranking.

It's just the call. No. There's no Da Cheeky Man. No, Da Cheeky Man doesn't appear in that one. So it is odd that that's gotten so much buzz for Da Cheeky Man. But it's got so much buzz. But I think that has led people to a lot of the other tracks, and some of them are really good and have some really devastating pranks.

Can we hear them at all? I guess we could. I'll give Sam permission to play another one, sure. Okay, what's the second most popular one, or is there one you have in mind? Yeah, which one? I mean, I have a personal favorite that hasn't gotten a lot of buzz. Oh, that's great.

What's that one called? Who's on that call? Well, the Cheeky man is in it. Okay. I should hope so. And then, I mean, I hope so. And then there's a gentleman and a lady. Yeah.

And they're having a conversation. And they're basically trying to decide where to go for dinner. Okay. Well, let's just hear it. Hey. Hi. I think we should have dinner at 8, but I just don't know where we should go. Okay.

We could go to Chinese. No, you don't. What the hell is going on? Damn it. Who is that? Shit. Is there someone with you? No, there's is that? Shit. Is there someone with you? No, there's no one with me.

Is there someone with you? No, I hear... You said you were spending a day alone. No, you don't. No, I hear... Nah, nah, nah. What? I am alone, I promise.

I'm scared I'm going to be assaulted because there seems to be someone on the line. There's like a delay or something. Is there someone in the room? There's like a delay. Damn it. I shouldn't even put this up on the Cheeky Man SoundCloud. I'm really frightened. Automatically

loading onto SoundCloud. Fuck. Abort. It's up there now. So that one to me is interesting because you get a little bit of a window into the process. It was shocking, that one, I thought.

And that it plays, I guess, into the broadcast when it automatically uploads. Yeah, that's just the way my computer's set up. Sam set it up for me. And basically, once I start recording, it's going to be released on the SoundCloud. That explains why you had that first call, no to Cheeky Man in it. Yes, and that is... Yeah, and it doesn't feel good, you know, necessarily, that the most popular one is the one Tachiki Man's not in.

But... Yeah, that must be bad. This one, I think, is an effective prank because the people are even more scared. They're very scared. Yeah. Even though the timing of Tachy man coming in, not ideal. Claudia, good luck with sports.

Oh, my God. I hope you win. Thank you to Sam and to everyone for the stuff that happened after we did the thank you the first time, which was a natural ending, but we did all this other stuff and thank you for that. Thank you. Thank you, Chef Kevin. Thank you to our fans for listening. Thank you, Boschman.

Thanks to the bones. I ate the bones. Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.