Hollywood Handbook - Clea DuVall, Our Christmas Movie Friend

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

CLEA DUVALL helps The Boys make a Hollywood Handbook Christmas movie.Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes and part 1 of Chef Kevin’s big video project for free on YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, you know, it's just one of these Eureka lightning bolt moments where you're like, this has been kind of staring at all of us in the face. And I'm just the only son of a bitch crazy enough to put it together but we all have especially lately especially just the past few weeks even we have these fidget spinners don't we we have these fidget toys and it's a craze i mean i just started to see the surge we're in the middle of a full-blown surge. We are.

Yes. The surge is happening. It's real. And so everyone's using them. Everyone's playing with them. And we all have to take a break to eat, don't we? Mm-hmm. You have to put it down when you eat. Does does this have to do just like because as you're

saying it i just like so often i find we're on the same wave like about this stuff is this does this have to do with spaghetti the food spaghetti yes i was just picking up the such a powerful spaghetti connection it's giving spaghetti and i'm here for it it's big spaghetti vibes and i and as i think about and i'm eating my two o'clock spaghetti as i do every day i go this is the original fidget food we we had it all Yes. And so instead of inventing this new category of things to fidget with and then stopping to eat, why don't I just sell spaghetti? Well, here's what you do.

Yeah. No, here's, yeah. Tell me what I do. You have uncooked spaghetti attached to the fidget spinner. You dip it in the boiling water. It's melting and as you as you're spinning it's twisting

the hot spaghetti onto the tines. Hot wet fidget spinner. I think I'm hot wet fidget spinner cook spaghetti while you spin. Like this is just that's just that's the billboard right it should come with the you're driving down sunset hot wet fidget spinner cook spaghetti while you spin is anyone not pulling over and calling the phone number there's a phone

number at the bottom of the billboard as well but can you literally think of anyone you know who doesn't pull over their car and immediately dial to go i'm you know uh uh fry gif uh take my money yeah shut up and take my money call this number call this number and say say the magic phrase fry gift.com hot hot wet no no it's do you have to say hot wet fidgets bitter cooks cooks spaghetti while you spin i mean it's you know so i anyway that is happy you agree i'm happy you see it the same way i do you can get water upgrades because we are often we are often in in lockstep but we also sometimes are at brutal odds but we both have the same idea on this one and so i don't think we'll need to do the show much anymore but let's get this episode knocked out uh and then let's just get into production so our last guest clea hello what up what up and remember not much oh yeah that was that was

really fun i haven't thought about that in a long time yeah yeah clea duval credits boom boom boom let's hit them bing bang boom let's just do let's 10. I don't want all of them. I want 10 credits. Yes. Your credits, then we'll do mine. Dangerous Minds, the TV show. Crisis Center, starring Kelly Martin. Numbers, Bones, Lightning. Numbers.

Numbers. Yeah. Gosh, what else? Ghost of Mars. Mars Attacks, but uncredited. Is that 10 yet? Back up. Boom.

We didn't count. David Bonier-Nez. Okay, I think that's 10. Okay. Now, I hope you're not here to sue us. I hope you're not here to sue us. You know that we have actually recreated an original soundtrack to one of your films. I had not heard that.

Which film? We got the rights. We got the rights to the opening credits of the faculty. Okay. Wow. Okay. And what have you been doing with them? were you hoping to do something with that well i had yeah yeah it and it doesn't it i do not want this to be coming from a place of like okay you have this so now it's something that you've taken from me you know

what i mean it's okay you have, and now we can share it. We can figure out, like, you know, let's come from a place of like, okay, we're not adversarial about this. Like, let's figure something out. This is actually, there's sort of an object lesson, which is, were you listening at all when Hayes and I were talking about Hot Wet? Yeah, I was. Fidget spinner, spin spaghetti, cook it while you spin.

Then say what it was about. It was about the fidget spinner that cooks the spaghetti in the water while it spins. No, no. No. That is what happened. But the theme underneath it was one of collaboration, of friendship, of partnership. And I'd like to carry that theme throughout the episode. If there's something you want to work on,

you got two pretty big brains that could definitely weigh in. We're happy to volunteer our services. But after we do our thing, which is we do want you to be the face of Hot Wife Fidget Spinner yes I mean yes yes

and I think this is I really do appreciate that because when you came in when you brought up the faculty thing and I lied to you because I didn't know about that and I was hoping that we didn't have to get into it but now i feel yeah i can feel when you're lying i could see you have a tell and i and i won't say what it is yet but you lied video subscribers and please do upgrade to the video subscription listeners listeners it's really not that much um makes a great holiday gift as well um you can find uh

video subscribers can go back and look for clea's tell so you will have this frame you will have to spaghetti your hair but this is not the this is not what i this i want to do i want to go in order on this. Let's go in order. Because it's December. You know, December. It's December, all right. When's this one drop?

Tuesday. That's December still. That's December still. Okay, so we have a little time. A little bit. You made... You didn't mention it in your credits. I noticed you became very shy.

Yes. When it came time to talk about stepping behind the camera, co-writing, directing, the happiest season of all. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. For Hulu on FXX. Mm-hmm. And it's a, this,

it's a Christmas movie. That's Christmas yeah what if there were a Christmas movie and more Christmas movies because there's no been that was last year

and there's no Christmas movie this year but what if Hollywood Handbook has Christmas movie Sean and Hayes Hollywood Handbook has a Christmas movie? Sean and Hayes' Hollywood Handbook have a Christmas movie. Sean and Hayes' Hollywood Handbook presents Christmas movie, the holiday season, and it's for everyone, all religions as well. Wow.

Yeah. I like this a lot. Is this like what stage are you guys in? What stage is this in? Yeah, we're close. We're close. We're really close. We've talked about it with you.

Yeah. So we've actually brought in someone who has the experience who has directed who has co-written you know this in this exact space um we got a little bit waylaid uh we we had sort of put down some of the groundwork over the years with our famous santa man ads where santa man was kicking. He was in an action movie. He was fighting his rival Moriarty. The lawn got mowed on us slightly by some releases. Obviously one starring Mel Gibson a few years back and then another one now with the Stranger Things sheriff.

And we are a little fucked but i think uh you know we can always pivot we can always uh fidget spin our way to another direction and what i'm thinking is okay santa's been kicking ass we we invented that let's now reinvent once again a a new version of santa let's see this guy fucking party yes yes clear yes don't you want to see the big man throw down and party it does sound really fun because he is so bogged down like he has so much to do and i feel like that's been covered like we've seen that but this is a really interesting angle yeah but at the same time i don't want you to like now you're you're almost liking it too much you know it's it's because it's like it's not the entire it's not finished it's not like the whole thing that we want to do and

now you're like oh let's have this be the whole thing it feels like you're trying to get out of here yeah it's a little like you just want to agree and leave okay am i am i picking up on that correctly i mean i don't want to leave but i was sort of like okay you don't want to talk about you know i was like yeah but let's get into stay here but maybe we all be quiet yeah that's okay yeah okay we can maybe carve out some space for that later but i do want like the genre wise i don't want you to feel like you have to step too far outside of the zone that you set with the last we're doing the christmas thing i want it to be the same kind of like you know it's it's ensemble it's different people it comes from character does it right it's character it's relationships you know and rooted in relationships moments yeah human beings but also santa's

fucking partying dude like he at some point santa will show up and party dude yeah he's are you guys in it too yeah yeah uh okay we're in it okay we i think have a we are sean and hayes we have a relationship like we live together but it's a very like non-specific kind of... Whether we're related or whatever it is. I'm so sick of this shit. We don't know exactly what it... These people are brothers.

Your roommates. These people are mom and dad. And it's like, I've seen all that before. This is also not how we live today. We're just two guys in an ill-defined relationship just in the same space and we and we true west it we switch roles yeah during the film every okay okay and we are not going to carter's for christ Christmas this year. Carter is another person who we also don't clearly define what...

How we know him, what his deal is, but we just are putting our foot down and we're finally saying, we're not doing it this year. We're not doing it this year. I'm not it i'm not we're having going i call it harders i call it a vase station you vacation you stay at home we're having a vase station this year we're having a vase station we're not traveling to carters and i will not be guilt tripped about this and so we just need a break go ahead go ahead

you have something you have something no no i know we should end up around it yeah well yeah because if in the beginning you say no way we're going like by the end you got to go and you got to be happy that you're there so it's like how do i do we work backwards from there like i know you're really against the carters thing right now but but I feel like for the movie, it might be good to just like, imagine you've gotten to Carters and you now see, oh, maybe I was being a little unreasonable before. But I just said, though, they don't, they will not go to Carters this year. It's literally the only thing that.

Right, but then Sean said. Sean said that then he did end up at carter's have you guys talked about this together because it kind of seems like you guys have different ideas of the movie um we're we're but we do have there are different ideas in the movie you know right which we might go to you know we might not um to me carter's is you know that's checkoff's carter's like if you if you if you set above the mantle in the first act that we're not attending carter's then we have to see carter's by the end and it has but i do want to say we don't have but we don't have carter's and so this is like know, there's the creative and then there's the actual reality on the ground.

We don't have Carter's right now. We don't have that location. And we will not be able to get it. What we have is an Airbnb experience in the amazing pools category. Okay. That's what we have. Okay. That's what we have. Okay. And so something I noticed, happiest season, if my observations are correct, and I think they are because I watched pretty carefully and I hired support staff.

There's not a single pools in the entire movie. Happiest season. a single pools in the entire yeah movie happiest season and there is a there's an opening in the pool space in for a pool movie colin jokes did one a couple years ago and then we said okay so now we can't do so now we did one of these we can't do any more of these well that's what they used to say about movies about pirates of the caribbean right if you remember growing up right what did people say about pirates caribbean movies you get one and that's it yeah you can do one but has there ever been a holiday pool movie and this is and you're saying that as if it's bad to do something for the first time ever no i'm only interested in doing something for like being the

first okay so and i think we should be the first like whatever this movie what do we end up at carter's or not we need to be the first i haven't seen born on the fourth of july i sort of always assumed it was a holiday pool movie fourth of july is a holiday and it is one where you know in my experience people do gather around the pool a little birthing pool but i don't uh i think she said i don't think she was using holiday to me or yes i was trying to be the merry season yeah yes The Merry Season. Yes. A December pool movie. Yeah. Wow. Even worse.

Talk about living a lifelong fantasy. Shadowing. Well, it just also seems like a place where Santa can really party. Oh, my God. Santa at a pool party? Cannonball! party oh my god you know at a pool party cannonball i think i took too much man so maybe he's od'ing maybe the gang maybe the gang is cover the cost of the vase station has rented out their pool to guests as a, as a swimbly.

Oh my God. So Santa, Santa rented it. And that's what I was just going to say, Sean. I was just going to say that. Okay. Well,

if we could all actually all share, are we all allowed to share our idea? Mm-hmm. Who shows up to rent the Swimply but Carter? Oh, okay. And we told Carter that we had swine flu. We can't go. Then Carter said, well, if they're not going,

I guess I'll just go on a little bit of a... Well, I guess I'll get a Swimply. i guess i'll get a swimply and i don't want to like i think this is a really like this is really good for the movie but just to ask a like a logic question it like has the character of carter been to your guys's house your character's houses. Have you done a Swimpley? I haven't done a Swimpley, but I know what it is. I mean, obviously. Yeah. Okay. Carter's been to our house,

yes, but he was asleep. Okay, so we do set that up. That when Carter was there before he was asleep. Because your issue is that as he's renting the Swimpley, he's going to recognize the location. Bingo. But we say here let's do it sean sean okay let's play it that's it i'm finished with going to carter's this year i'm done i'm completely done i'm finished as well carter's this year not me sir and that's final and here's why it's a matter of principle

we always go to carters every year on december and yet he will never ever come to our house unless he's asleep and that we're done you see how economically we got that. Mm-hmm. And I do love that, and I think the dialogue is solid. I wonder, because sometimes it's like show, not tell. So is there a way where we could do like a,

oh, remember last time Carter was here, and we could like maybe do a flashback. Like a family guy kind of cutaway thing? Uh-oh. Yeah.

This is worse than the last time Carter was here. Yeah yeah and just sort of like a quick like and then we see it and then we come back yeah and he's in a little just for a quick read sleep cap yeah long shirt um i don't like it but uh you know it's um it's shootable it's shootable you could's shootable. You just cut out. You said you don't like it. I think we can get it both ways.

Okay. It's good to have options in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. You're the director. That's your whole coverage and all that. But we're collaborating, so I want to...

I don't want to do that. I know, but the nuts and bolts of the production schedule is really not where we shine. We are idea guys and we're talent. Yes. So what I'd like to build toward, if

I may, to start at the ending a bit, I think Santa ODs, he's too fucked up uh santa is not that he has to die but he's incapacitated to a level where you know we along with carter who we've been bickering with ever since he showed up to the swimply and you know called us liars and then we called him you know whatever you're allowed to call people still um and we uh and and we called him whatever you're allowed to call people still. And we've kind of gone at him and been in each other's throats, realized that between the three of us,

we are going to have to deliver Santa's presents. Okay. Because he's fucked. He's flatlining. Blood coming out of his nose and just convulsing on the ground. And we go, this guy's not gonna,

uh, be able to deliver the presence. And we don't, you know, we, we got his roots. You know, we've got access to,

you know, some of his slay technology or something, but we're going to have to work together, uh, to save Christmas for a lot of other people. And it's not about us. It's not about us.'s not about us it's right we're right it's about yeah okay so okay and you said this happens at the end i feel like this should happen like like a little bit before the end because there's not gonna be no the end is the

decision that we're gonna do this. Okay. It ends with us just saying like, let's do this instead. Because I call it like the big, like for me, that would to me be the beginning of the third act. Like, I don't know if you, how familiar you guys are with act structures.

Okay. It's one act. And how long, how long do you see the movie? 40 minutes. Okay. And did and did Santa come with Carter it's called Love and Santa okay and now it's Love and Santa

Love and Santa that's what it's always Sean and Hayes featured in Love and Santa yeah there was a longer title I thought you said a direct of the presentation what's your

what's your prodco my prodco uh Libra Head Sean and Hayes' Hollywood Handbook presents a Libra Head production can we do Zebra Head

yeah Sean and Hayes' Hollywood Handbook presents production. Can we do Zebra Head? Yeah. Okay. Sean Hayes is Hollywood Hammer. Zebra Head production. Love and Santa. That does sound better. Can we do... Yeah.

Can we actually do Zebra Ass? What... Well, what do you want the film to be rated? I mean, it's kind of like up to you. I want it to be rated porno high class not that i need to see not that i need to see um any sex act in it but i just want the people who watch it to be mature enough that they understand that we've all got bodies. Yeah. You know what I mean? Everybody's got a body. Kevin, you talk about this.

Almost exclusively. Every day I wake up, I think about the one thing I have, Clea. That's all he's got. A body. I don't got much in this world. But the one thing God blessed on me you're looking at it he's got a body and he's learning how to use it the the perverts are the one who outlawed certain body parts and you know and so to me if we have uh zebra ass production presents hollywood handbook crinsman's presentation

uh featuring haze and sean in love and santa a direct to hulu feature film 40 minutes total um rated porno high class porno yeah this seems this seems like it's going to be a hit. Hollywood Hamburg. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan work on a movie with the new Chat AI. The boys discuss some podcast housekeeping for the show. And the Flager ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Plus, today's the day. My big video project, Where the Potty At, just dropped.

And part one is free on YouTube. And the link is in the description, so you can enjoy that there. I spent so much time on it, and I think it's really good, and it would mean a lot to me if you watch it, and I love you very much. Thank you. Check out all these shows and the video for today's episode with Clea at patreon.com slash theflagrantones. Eating better is easy with factors.

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That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. They have like smoothies and things like that. Reservation for two. Me walking in my bedroom. What's the second? It's you and your bed. The bed. I guess Clippy.

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Hollywood ham. So, okay, so the end is you guys are delivering all the presents. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're deciding to. Say that we're thinking about it. Okay, so you're thinking about it. I admire this play that you tried to sneak that in again. But, yes, we say that we've basically decided that we're going to do it, and then the movie ends.

We're pretty sure. Can we go back to talking about the body stuff? And this is like your domain as director, like how you figure this out. This is a pool movie, so let's have the obvious conversation. I will take my shirt off, yes, obviously. Okay. I will not be taking my shirt off. Yes, obviously. Okay. I will not be taking my jeans off. And the weave on them is so dense that the water is actually not going to,

it's going to not be penetrating them, at least with any rate of speed. So they're not going to become logged over the, for, for a while once I'm fully submerged. But once they are logged, that's the production that's out. We're out. Okay.

Out for the day or out for just, they will not be, they will not be drying in any kind I mean it's December it's one and done you're gonna get one crack so we need to be mindful we should probably set up a few cameras on that one so we can all

we'll just like shoot up to the point right before you get in the water just to make sure we've got that because if you're saying we have limited time I want to respect that. Because obviously the movie is 40 minutes long. We have to finish it.

So we can't lose it all. Shoot that last. Similarly, I have no problem taking my jeans off. I'll be in like a Cousin It style the he's all hair cousin it's like it's like a hair suit just because just like i was like wednesday's a big show and so i want to

be in like a cousin it style hair suit um i'm also not going to dry in time for us to really do anything else. So that's in terms of how we, how each of us get into the pool. If I'm entering from the top, the legs are very wide on these jeans, and they will trap air in them. And so I will basically bob up and down on the surface at the ankle. Yeah, you can be ankle deep. Until I tip over.

And if I tip over and then the jeans become logged, that's going to be an insurance it's like preparing for that is going to be for the that we're going to need a whole department to be dealing yeah similarly i i i i think the the hair the hair will be a weight that um as soon as i touch the water even if i literally just put a finger in the water it'll it'll become saturated so quickly it will suck me to the bottom of the pool and then even if we have kind of divers waiting underneath in scuba gear i'm gonna be fighting them pretty aggressively as they try to get me just because i'll be scared um and so i i think the best option would be if we can somehow drain the pool before I drown, which is going to happen fast.

I don't know if I talked about this. I have very small lungs. I had heard about that in your cast physical. They mentioned it. And I think I'm always glad we did those first. Yeah. Anyone who is like thinking of working on something before you even conceive of the movie. And before a lot of the records we do, like in case something comes, in case an idea comes up.

Get a full, full underlined physical done yeah think about if we did all this work which i'm fucking pouring sweat during this recording like this is this is brutal and we did all this and then you get a physical and you immediately realize oh you can't be near the pool and then it's like what did we do the work for yeah he did recommend that you not do a pool I shouldn't be near that yeah he said

no pool for me yeah yeah but I think it's worth it yeah it's too good respectfully doctor we're gonna to move forward. Yes. But yeah. I think this is I think that we're basically ready to go and you want to have this out this year. I'd like to have it out. Yeah. Tomorrow or the next day.

the next day okay and i just want to uh-huh we just should acknowledge sort of the elephant in the room is there is another sort of like water-based movie that will be in direct competition to this coming out i think that is very good for us i mean what do they what do you think like rising tide lifts all ships is about it's about like a huge amount of water in every more more water the more the higher the boat yeah they're gonna get out of there and they're like three and a half hours is not enough water we need 40 more minutes you know it would have been perfect 40 more minutes i wonder if we could if we if we use their extra water if like their production they must have like so much and they're trying to like make some of make some of their costs back yeah is my understanding if they were water to us yes even at a fraction of what they paid for i mean that could be huge

because then the pool would have water in it which i think we need for some of these scenes right within reason we want to be realistic but not you know yeah this is good yeah we don't want to yeah we don't want to break our backs so um let's talk about i i guess the cocktail of drugs that Santa ingests throughout the movie. Um, you know, uh, uh, I, I think he should use a syringe. I think he should be, um, schwacking big old lines of powder i'd like to see him drop pills but i'd also like to see him take a couple parachutes of molly um i want this guy to be feeling good i don't want it to all be downers where then we're dealing with this santa who's just kind of laying in a dark corner, you know, feeling his heart operate, you know, and sort of like a tunnel to the afterlife. I do want to see some of him, you know, yeah, love and Santa and Santa.

Yeah. So I wanted to be active for part of it. um does santa are we going with the traditional like mrs claus thing or should he have two girlfriends who can't know about each other and they're both at the pool i like you know is that maybe why he's overdoing it yeah yeah well he's stressed like, you know, he wanted the situation, but now that he's in it, it's, you know, proving to be trickier than he thought. Yes. Yeah. And it's even more, it's like even more presence to deal with.

And like, this is like his entire thing. It's like, okay, now- Is that he's like known for giving such great gifts. Maybe he mixes up their presence too. Oh my God. I mean, can you imagine? Well, that's the biggest tip off, right? This guy who's the master of gift giving

and you get something that's not appropriate for you that wasn't on your list and you go, so who was this supposed to be for? Yeah. Right? Yeah. He tries to blame it on an elf. Then it comes out that they have some sort of history,

you know, and all this guy's dirty laundry is coming out and it just sends him spiraling like and and also like don't forget he's partying man like he's not actually in the best headspace necessarily to come up on his feet with like the you know the perfect uh uh cover story um he's kind of tripping over some of his stuff and i think that we could modify the santa suit huh but he's still happy because we want to keep it like we want to keep it light because it's a holiday. I think it should be light right up until I drown possibly in real life and Santa is OD'd. And I guess whatever we end up calling Carter will probably be a pretty heavy moment when we find the most offensive thing we're allowed to say. But that, yeah, this is just like, these are all just areas, but it should be exactly what I'm saying.

Yeah. Okay. I have a musical number if that will help. Yeah, that'll eat up a couple minutes. I think we only have 38 minutes. We need two minutes of filler. Try this on for size. The pool is right. the water is up we're here tonight so party up swamply having a wonderful christmas time

so i do that three or four times i think you should be a little more shy i you know a little aggressive the way you're can we get that one more can we get that one more time but the shy version here's shy version like should we break out the lyrics a little bit so it's the the pool is right the water's up let's get ready to party up we're here tonight so party up we're here tonight so party up verse two does have party lyrics i don't know if that matters um yeah tracks water's up i just something tells me we could rhyme it with party cup bring your party cup Okay Okay sing it again More shy

Party cup take Pool is right Water's up We're here tonight Bring your party cup Sw. We're here tonight. Bring your party cup. Swimfully happy. Wonderful Christmas time. That's good.

And then you only sing the chorus. You only sing the chorus once. It's very consistent with what a shy person would do. They don't want to do it that many times. Yeah, they just excuse themselves i have a question go ahead clea no i was just gonna say i think the song really works and we'll have we'll figure out the choreography on the day i think awesome okay yeah it's every time you see these movies where they've like clearly planned the choreography like days in advance it's so fake oh everyone knows the same dance at the big party and it's like yeah when has that ever happened it it really doesn't um i know this from experience because i have started a lot of like big dance numbers in public places at parties yes no you know no one joins in or they go like what I mean just everyone has like a note where they're like

don't do it that way or like hey like don't you know stop sticking your hand in the punch or like you're going to knock over the, you know, casket or something. And I just I personally get frustrated. It's like, well, you guys not seen a movie. Yeah, I've come to the point where it's the movie's fall that they sold me something that's not not realistic. Because even if someone is dancing with you, they're watching you to keep up. It's not in sync at all. Of course. And it just looks sloppy.

And then it makes you look stupid. I did a flash mob once on a chairlift where I said, okay, everybody, we're doing... You over there, you're filming this. We're doing a parody version of Macarena. It's called the Macaroni. It's basically an Italian Macarena was the premise. And every single person fucked it up in different ways.

Wow. Do you want to hear my genes question? This is for you not as an actor or as a director. This is for you as an ethicist. Okay. I recently purchased jeans. And I asked for them to give it to me in my house. Send it to my house.

Day one goes by no jeans. Day two goes by no jeans. Day two goes by no jeans. Day three goes by no jeans. And I get an email saying, oh, we gave you your jeans. Congratulations on your new jeans. What? I'm looking around.

I'm looking down. No jeans. You're not wearing them? Yep. Wow. Email. But they're acting like're not wearing them? Yep. Wow. Email. But they're acting like you were wearing them. They acted like they said explicitly that I was wearing my jeans.

And they're sending the email. Is the emailer wearing jeans when they write this? It was a very jeans-wearing tone. And so I respond with a jeans-less email where I say, I'm not going this way with you. I'm not going with this. i refuse to participate in this in this illusion you're creating that i have my jeans i don't have them and they say okay here's some of your money back a couple so i'm in new York. I live above this bodigo. And the bodigo man says,

sir, sir, uh, we, uh, announcement. We have a package for you, your jeans. They sent it to the bodigo.

The bodigo is my, in New York, for anyone who doesn't live here, it's my mailbox. It's my bathroom here it's my mailbox it's my bathroom it's my where i buy candy room it's the library it's the pool it's where like all of like new york life is at the bodigo mm-hmm and so I get my jeans. And so now... And so now I have

two things. My jeans and my money. And a third thing which is no one is mad at me. Which might be the most valuable thing you have. That's one of the most valuable things you can own. And the bodigo is your aquarium as well.

And they have a wide variety of of uh aquatic life for you to see and they're all flavor blasted so we're back back to the aquarium yeah so you want to know what to do or what it what i'm asking you not as an actor, not as a director, but put on your Closterman hat for a moment. Yes. Put on your Charles Closterman hat and allow yourself to embody the ethicist. Is Hayes doing ethical behavior? I think he is because when he wrote like when he wrote the email

it was a jeansless email, no question. Yes, yes. So that was true in that moment. Yeah. And then when he went to the bodigo, it he got jeansed there so that the the jeansless haze that wrote the email

was being true and the metadata proves it and now legit i don't think you need to do anything else because the they were it did sound like the jeans they wrote to you. Charles wouldn't say, I think so much. You know, he wouldn't go, I think it's, he'd go, here's the thing. Here's what you got to know. Thank you for that. It's this. You're right. I know that what you did was, I think you're fine.

I think you're fine. Yes. I don't think we're going to have any problems with the movie like this. Are you asking because you're worried about the i don't think well because if this comes out you know if this story comes out and then we're about to release the film and we're suddenly in this media firestorm and then hayes gets canceled around the ethicies of hayes's genes behavior yeah uh i certainly don't want to get dragged down with him so let's let's cover our ass a little bit just as the zebra ass yeah and it's possible the company first of all this is a company

okay i'm not out here trying to like like do any favors to companies which have ruined Earth. Companies are the most evil of any kind of business. Yeah. Companies have done more damage than all wars and religions. Companies at this point are the big devil that we were warned about.

Demon coming up from under the earth and poisoning us. And it's companies doing it. And my solution has been that largely no companies. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Erase all companies obviously it'll be

the hot wet fidget spinner fidget spinner company is an exception because it's actually a company well it's actually helping people well it is a company but it's but it's

but it's helping people can we talk about casting just in terms of santa i know hayes is playing hayes and sean sean's playing sean and hayes i don't know that we can pull triple duty i think we need a name i i hate to be in this celebrity obsessed culture i do think stunt casting is appropriate i think they should be able to pull off the modified Santa uniform that Kevin has designed a body celebration, tight red velvet booty shorts and a boot and a halter as well. I I'd love to hear a couple of names from you, like how you see this modern Santa, right? That a little bit is defying the expectations of what we've come to expect, come to know. Someone you can get maybe on like someone you could maybe even call now on the show and ask if they want to play. Yeah. Someone famous. someone you could maybe even call now on the show and ask if they want to play yeah someone famous

yeah i mean i do know someone famous um yes but i wonder is that that's how people are going to explain people are so used to seeing a famous santa like tim allen um paul giamatti uh yeah and i'm sure lots of other celebrities playing santa like tim allen um paul giamatti uh and i'm sure lots of other celebrities playing santa what if we there must be there's gotta be there's gotta be so we go the other way billy bob yeah maybe we go the other way maybe we do maybe we do an unknown oh no because isn't what is more is partying as santa forget it forget it'll be different but if we have let's you know like if we have tim robbins as santa people are just going to be like let's just tim robbins in a santa suit like it sort of breaks the illusion you know like that's that's my case i mean that was when you said when

you brought up the movie i was like tim would love this uh he was this is tim this is tim this has tim written all over it he's getting that makes me like mix it up like yeah like sexually a little bit like that yeah that seems like that would be fun yeah what i'm hearing though when you say let's go the other direction is like the statement behind the statement to me is that the the victor garber relationship is not good after the season of all and right under normal circumstances i think that call would already be happening if that if that relationship were not in pieces which is what i'm detecting it's victor garbage well it took us a long time to to get the personal relationship taped back together and that we sort of make

the made this promise to ourselves like let's not go there again. You know, like, let's not go. Like, this is so important, and this has taken every, like, all of us, and it's just like, you got to separate the two. And I think if we explained to people that instead of releasing a movie, we released a typed statement that says,

we decided not to do this movie because of the damage it would inflict on this relationship between Cleo and Victor Garber. Yeah, personal relationship with Victor Garber, yeah. Well, also making this movie kind of like... This movie would also be supporting companies, which. No, not how we're doing it. It's like. Yeah, we managed to find a workaround.

Something to keep in mind is I have a Vogue 73 question set up with whoever's playing Santa. So they have to, like, be good at that, too. He's booked. He's booked. He's booked a's booked he's booked the folks that's day one um well i think i hear what you're saying where it's too predictable to have it be just you know some actor who's famous but i do think we need a name and this is where I go okay is it Dick Cheney

um we haven't seen Meghan Markle in front of the camera in a little while is this where she makes her comeback you know what I mean is you remember suits now it's Santa suits and

uh and so she would be good for one of the girlfriends is that like oh wow i thought you could be santa but i guess uh yeah and you realize there we almost made it we almost made it clear we almost made it all the way through without you revealing your true self yeah just saying that megan markle after everything she's been through is also on top of that is also not allowed to play santa she has to play santa's co-gf and this is some of the same thinking uh that actually fractured the relationship between the raw family and uh so it's just like uh we don't necessarily have to put people in these boxes i mean the whole idea of having Santa Party, which is pretty

revolutionary, is going like, let's change what this has always been. You know, we're not going to Carter's this year. It's time to make a change. Yeah. And I'm realizing that

Clea is radioactive. I am going to have to return the jeans and the money at this point. Yeah. We just need to create distance. Is there something you wanted to plug or something you were here to talk about? Sorry, I mean, we got on our Christmas thing.

I mean, I just't know, our like Christmas thing? Uh, I mean, I just, I, I, is there any way we can salvage the Christmas movie? Nope. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a Hate Gum podcast.