Hollywood Handbook - Cody and Kevin, Our Facebook Friends

Episode Date: October 31, 2016

Hayes and Sean share a disturbing story from Cody online and help Cody and Kevin make a good Facebook.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Doughboys, I think you had to rush out or something. I had to split. Yes. And so I'm outside. Mitch is like, come on, I'll walk you out. And so I'm outside with him, and he's like, can I bum one from you? And I'm like, sure. Yeah, why not? I kind of toss it to him. And he takes a huge drag.

He sucks the whole thing down. The whole one-in-one. Yeah, I've been able to do that. And he's blasting it out his nostrils. French inhale, yeah. Yeah, and he's like, God, I can't believe some people eat that shit. And I was like, what do you mean?

Like the food? Yeah, he's like, dude, that's not food. Oh, yeah, like chain restaurants? Yeah, like chain restaurants aren't real food. And I was like, oh, I thought that you guys actually, like. They talk like they really actually. Yeah, that they actually eat it. He's like, no, man.

The only thing I eat on this show, I want to make sure I get it right. Yeah. I think he said something like the only thing I eat from this show, maybe, is MILF pussy. Oh. MILF pussy. MILF pussy. The only thing I eat from this show is milf pussy. Mitch said,

the only thing I eat from this show is milf pussy. Yeah. I thought they ate the fast food and stuff. I thought that that was the premise of the show, that they were eating the fast food. I guess that it's just kind of stuff. I thought that they were, that that was the premise of the show, that they were eating the fast food. I guess that it's just kind of like a character bid that they do where they pretend that they're eating all this different food when in reality, or maybe it's not like an alternative thing. It was just like, because I think he, because he's saying because he does the show, he gets to eat a lot. Oh, right. Cause they don't, cause I've listened to the show, he gets to eat a lot. Oh, right.

Because I've listened to the show. They don't talk about eating milk pussy on there. No, they don't talk about that at all. No, no. So I don't think it's like that's only real. That's okay. That's what I was – I mean it took me a minute because I was just going like, did I skip – like was the Tournament of Champions about chomping –

like that would have been chowing down, right, on a milf pussy. Because Nick had said to me, we're actually making fun of people who eat this food. Like he was like the whole idea is – When you guys were in the bathroom. Yeah, we both went to the bathroom together. Obviously, I can't hold it myself. And he was like, he was like, you know, we're kind of just making fun

of people. But I thought, like, oh, he's tricking me. Yeah. Because he's such a, he's sort of the Loki of the podcast world. Oh, yeah. But the fact that Mitch said,

the only thing I eat from this show is milk pussy, that's a surprise. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet live back hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Oh, what to talk about today? dropping names of the red carpet live back hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Oh, what to talk about today? Well, it's hard to decide, you know. Every time I show up to make the show, I wonder what it will be about, and I never really know. And when I'm leaving the studio, I frequently don't know what we did talk about. I have a story from the computer that's maybe a good way to begin.

This will be good. Always fun to begin with a story from the week. I've been wanting to get into the digital space. On Sunday, Engineer Sam is helping me look at my Facebook, examine my Facebook. That's nice. Did he try to give you a squeeze when he was, like, leaning in close doing the computer with you? He was acting like he was getting scared,

like we were watching a scary movie. Right. You know? And, yeah, and he'll suddenly grip you, like, all of a sudden, like, oh, sorry, as if it's, like, a reflex. Yes. I think he's sort of firing in a lot of different directions

after... I think he discovered recently that he was in love with Brett. We sort of forgot about that. So I think since then, he's been trying to be like, oh, is it possible for me to love other people? But I don't think... Even as he's doing this with me, kind of sidling up to me,

I think he's kind of acting like this isn't, this is not. He's testing himself. Yes, this is not it. Yeah, okay. Anyway, in my main feeder, the front section, I see a video from Cody. It's not from Cody, but Cody's comments on it. He sent you the video. No, no.

But it's in, Sam explained this to me, it's in my feeder because of him. And he's starring in it? No. Oh. What's this video? Cody's comments on it.

Oh. But when he's doing that, it's in my main feeder. Okay? The video, the caption for the video says, when you promised her round two, but gave it all in round one. And I say, Sam, display video. Sam display video.

And the video was of a monkey flicking another monkey's little little book. Didi. Yes. Flicking it.

Sort of like the second monkey is too tired to get boned out and so the first monkey is too tired to get boned out, and so the first monkey is like, hey, what about, why not? You promised. Kind of like that. Flicking it sort of like, hey, you promised. And I remind you of the caption, which is when you promised her round two,

but gave it all in round one. So it's like the monkey doesn't have. I'm the monkey. The other one. In this, so it's, because it's saying when you. It's saying this for when. You promised her round two. But you gave it all in round one.

You gave it all in round one. So the you is me is the monkey. Yeah. I'm the monkey. And this is when that. And I'm getting flicked by this woman. Yeah. Presumably it's Steffi Graf.

Mm-hmm. She's, yeah, this other the monkey's wife. And the monkey's wife is saying, hey, you promised me round two, but you gave it all in round one. More information on the screen. This video was posted May 15th.

Cody seems to have discovered it in late October somehow. He's the most recent comment by easily four months. Number two. The monkey, whose cans get boned out, is clearly sick or something.

He can get it. He can get that, but he already did it. He just can't do it right away again. He looks sick in the video. It looks like he's sick. The video is sad. Number three.

Cody's comment is just a tag of his girlfriend's name. Like, look at, check it out. Look at this. I'm not the only one this happens to. That's what I took from it as well. That they recently had a very similar experience

and so this has become an inside joke he can share where she's gonna go where he gave it all in round one I remember when Cody gave it all in round one he had promised me round two nice to know that about you Cody thank you and so that got me

to think about what else can we do to help Cody express himself online? And this could be a good lesson for everybody. Yes, I think that it's good for us, through Cody, your simple, average man, to sort of demonstrate to people,

here's a way you could behave online that will help your friends picture you not only having sex with your girlfriend, not only picture your girlfriend having sex with you, but picture the two of you afterwards. She's mad and she won't stop flicking at your... Little Didi. Didi. your little DD and try to make it do the good stuff. So let's here.

Enter Facebook. Pardon? Enter Facebook, please. Right on the computer? Execute, yes. And turn the computer, like? You want me to just log on? Execute, yes. And turn the screen so I can see. Okay.

You don't want to... Put it on the big one. It doesn't really turn. Put it on the big one. That one turns. Or did you forget? Hold on. Because what do we know about Cody online?

He reads the Lad Bible. He worships Lad Christianity. He likes Vice News. Hmm. I don't know if he liked it, but I know he was interested in it one time when we were doing the show. He likes it better than this show. That we can say for sure. Okay.

Okay, now I'm seeing the video. Okay, so we see the video, yes. Round two. Play it. But gave it all in round one. I don't know that there's sound, but if there is... There is no sound. Here it goes.

Oh, there is a little bit of sound. I don't remember this part. And he's flicking the DD. Doesn't he look sick? He's He's very old, this monkey. Stop it.

And, thanks Cody. And it moves a little bit. It moves just enough that you know there's something wrong. And keep it this way. Keep it this way. And don't worry. The song has the N-word in it, Cody's favorite word, and he found a way to finally get it on our show.

And he put it on the show intentionally. He posts the video, knows Hayes is going to see it, knows Hayes is going to want Sam to show it to him, knows that he's going to want to tell me about it, and then we're going to have to hear the N-word on the show, which Cody's been trying to get in here every episode. Cody, go to your main part. My, my, how do you mean?

The front, Cody's page. Go to Cody's page. Cody man. I want to see Cody Man, main part. Here it is. What do you think of that? Okay. Okay, great.

Let's start with Cody's picture. He's posting a picture. Which one? Okay, first of all, Cody Blaze Scully. What, like, you friggin' blaze it? That's my middle name. Oh, yeah? Slovenian.

Is it from getting blazed out? No. It's spelled with an S. Oh, yeah? Do you not blaze, bro? It's blazed at 420 every day. Bro, do you not blaze? And be honest, you seen high maintenance?

No. Me neither. You seen the Broad City thing that they did that was time travel, but it's weed time travel? Vape life in the past? No. You didn't see that? Me neither.

Okay, well, what about this? There's some show coming up that I sometimes get ads for on my Instagram that's maybe like Best Buds or maybe is like Mary and Jane or something, and it's like two girls smoking weed. You seen a commercial for that? I've only ever seen Westworld. I don't know. Cody's old profile pictures.

Okay, some Lebowski shit. All right. Okay. I can think that's cool for sure. Okay, he's definitely holding up a brewski, but he don't blaze. He got no head. Picture Cody has no head. And that's a trick.

I know that. Okay, I don't want to see these old Cody's. Yeah. I know that. Okay. I don't want to see these old Codys. Yeah. Okay. I don't need to see this. Go to edit page. Edit Cody's page.

I don't know how. Computer, edit Cody's page. Hang on. He has a message. Update info. He has a message. He info. He has a message. He has a message in his inbox. Okay, well, first we have to take care of this message.

I don't want you to – I think the show is important, but I also think that it's important to take care of any outstanding business that you have. You want to read the message? Yes. Introduce new message. There's three of them. Which one? This one?

Yes. Who is this? Brock? Brock. Doesn't seem like it's very important. Oh, no, please. No, not Brock. It's very.

Isn't he Ash's enemy from Pokemon? He may be. Okay, Cody. Edit page. We need to introduce new ideas to your page. Because this is what this is about. It's showing people how to have good Facebook. And good fun.

Tell me about Brock, please. It can also be fun, yes. And explain Brock. Brock is very handsome and kind. He grew up many years ago and he's... What? Can I say this and we'll edit this out later?

If what you're saying is true, this is why when somebody is bad and does a crime and Brock Turner, a Stanford swimmer who's actually a rapist, goes to jail.

Cody. We can't make it all about this is because his dad named him Brock because if there's another Brock that Cody knows is a sweetie. Let's make it about he's a bad guy and not that it's just his dad naming Brock. Cody, I need you to respond to Brock, please.

Okay. Okay? Okay. In the text box right now, sorry, I can't be your friends with you anymore. I can't be your friends with you anymore. Friends with you anymore. Friends with you anymore. Thank you. Forever.

Forever. Press send. It's done. Should I send a little? You didn't say forever. You didn't say forever. I can see it. You didn't say no, no, no.

No faces. Forever. Thank you. Okay. Good. I'm glad we took care of that. Is there anyone else you need to get out of your life? It's painful because he's really a good front.

Cody, you cannot go around saying these things. Cody. And the fact that the first thing you thought to describe him was that he's handsome and kind and he grew up many years ago. Frankly, I think he has a little more growing up to do. Possible. Behind jail bars. Yeah.

For being in jail. We all know that he would be fun there. Cody. Did you just say that? I hope that my cans are malfunctioning. And it's pretty likely with you as the engineer that that would happen.

You would be having funs there too. You would be having fun in jail, Cody. Well, that's not what you said before. You said that he would be fun there. Now. Now. Okay. Now, edit Cody's page. Wait, who's your new friend? Who wants to be friends with you today?

Blake. This is another Lad Bible guy who worshiped the Lad Bible? This is, okay. This is one of the main Lad Bible guys I can see from the picture. Yes. This guy wants a job. Look at this guy. Okay, what's he saying?

What's he saying? He says, hey, Cody, hope you're well. I'm a fellow Emerson alum, and I was hoping you could do me a favor. Puke on me. He wants me to do him a favor. I don't even know him. My buddy Want Berkeley is very into audio engineering.

Who? His buddy. Want Berkeley? He went to Berkeley. Oh. And he's very interested in audio engineering at Earwolf out of their New York branch. Okay.

What's that got to do with me? Here's what we got to write back To want Berkeley What's this guy's name? Daniel So dear double D Whoops Don't make it go away

Resume Facebook How do I Okay begin message dear double D Actually we actually need to say... It won't let me type yet. Sorry, we have to go back to the old message and say just Dear Brock. Oh, yes. Because we forgot to start it.

He doesn't know who's talking to him or anything. This is good letter politeness. Okay, good. Dear Brock, thank you. Okay. Okay. And do Dear White People. Right? Do that to Brock? To you. Okay. Okay. And do Dear White People. Right?

Do that to Brock? To Brock, yeah. Dear White People. I mean, honestly. Lately, yes. Well, we think there's a reason he's not doing jail. Maybe it's the complexion connection. Dear White People, thank you. I've heard of that. Yeah, I think Iion connection, dear white people. Thank you.

I've heard of that. Yeah, I think I've heard about it too. All right. Maybe Cody uses it when he promised he'd give a round two, and he gave it all up in round one. And why didn't he go to jail for that? All right. Dear white people.

Dear homie GGD. No, no, no, no, no. Dear double D. Dear DD. Dear double D. Dear homie GGD No, no, no, no, no. Dear Double D. Dear DD. Dear Double D. Okay. Have you seen Daredevil on Netflix? No, that's for you, Cody. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, he said he'd only seen Westworld, so... And we did catch him in a sneaking... Fuck! Fuck! Westworld. And we did catch him in a sneaking. Well. Fuck! He's right to be this upset.

In fact, I'm surprised he didn't react even larger than that. Okay, Cody. Now. Dear Gigi. Dear Double D. Dear Double D. Have you seen Jessica Jones? That? No. You want me seen Jessica Jones? That, no. You want me to ask him?

Yeah, no, that's for him. Oh. Have you seen Jessica Jones? And now we wait. Yeah, hopefully. In the meantime. Yeah, in the meantime. Edit Cody's page. Edit Cody's page.

Edit Cody's page. Any other old messages you need to take care of? Looked like you had three when you opened it, but. Okay, here's one. Who's that? Can you large-ify this, please? This is boring. This is boring.

Zooming. Thanks, Cody. I appreciate it is boring. This is boring. Zooming. Thanks, Cody. I appreciate it. He said that to himself. Pathetic. Ooh. Well, there's Mr. Kiefer. Okay.

Oh, Engineer Sam. Okay. Engineer Sam is here. Okay. Okay. Okay. This could be good. This is from...

What's he saying there? September 13th. Hi, Mr. Buntcake. Okay. So Sam says, I see you, and 13th. Hi, Mr. Buntcake. Okay, so Sam says, I see you, and you say, Hi, Mr. Buntcake. First of all, September 11th was only two days ago. We were glad to see you got over it so fast. Second of all... Right after September 11th, he's immediately forgotten.

Number 11, he's immediately forgotten. Second of all, what is the story behind this conversation? Mr. Buntcake, I never heard you calling that. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. Okay, well, that's funny. Well, that's like James Bond. I know you might not know why that's funny. Okay. But it is like James Bond.

Walk me through it. So what's a James Bond situation? I don't know if you've heard of that. James Bond has a big secret. Somebody's like, tell me about it. He explains to them that his orders. Help me picture it. Is he like a big giant sort of, or is he like a...

Okay, no. So you know James Pond? Yeah. This is like the human version of... Kroll's doing it. Yes, this is the human version of James Pond. So it's James Pond if he was like a... Same suit.

Same suit. Same tuxedo. Bigger. Right. Yeah, it can't be the same tuxedo. Bigger. Right. Yeah, it can't be the same tuxedo because... That's why I corrected myself. ...it could be spilling out. I know, so you're not correcting me.

Okay. Because I did say that first. Well, yeah, but I'm the one who's explaining why it's important that it's bigger. Okay, why is this? I think I typoed to double D. I said dead double D. Dead double D? to double D. I said dead double D. Dead double D? Dead double D.

Oh, Cody. Cody. He's going to think he's dead. Or I'm threatening him. If I got a message like that. Oh, Cody, Cody, Cody. He's going to think I'm threatening him. I'd be so relieved.

Okay, Cody, type please. To him? Yes. Please. No, no, no. You please. Oh. Sorry. type please to him? yes please no no no you please oh sorry

sorry comma no comma oh comma chameleon fuck from James Bond huh

sorry enter what next how do we come back from this huh? Sorry. Enter. What next? How do we come back from this? Because actually we could be a big trouble for this.

From staying dead? Yes. So here's how we I hate having to clean up this mess but I'm kind of like the wolf in Pulp Fiction. Like I'm like the guy

you want to have when it's like emergency time. Yes. Fast. He's so smart. I'm essentially Ray Donovan. He's so smart in that movie. I'm essentially the guy you want to have when it's like emergency time. Yes. He's so smart. I'm essentially Ray Donovan. He's so smart in that movie.

I'm essentially Ray Donovan. Oh, yeah. When he comes in, they're like, what are we going to do? And he comes in and he says, use cleaning supplies. Clean it up. You better clean it up. We needed me here. You better clean up.

I'm dressed nice. The N-word. Get over here. Let's clean this up. Cody likes that part, huh? Where he's saying the N word. So, and then, all right. So now I'm the wolf. So let's clean this up. And I'm also like Ray Diamond. He's a fixer. So, all right. Dead double D we said. Have you seen Jessica Jones? Sorry. Uh, I'm the one who's dead.

That's good. Boo, did I scare you? Please come see my one-man show. And then we have to come back to... Now we reset. Have you seen Jessica Jones? Have you seen Jessica Jones? Thank you. Kevin!

Kevin, we need your pictures. We need to take some pictures of the screen. Take the screen so we can't get in trouble for this. Yeah. We managed to save some pretty big problem. Okay. Now,

edit Cody's page. I don't know how to do that. Update info. Update info. Where are you reading that? Update info. Beep, beep. Oh. These guys are rude. Nobody info. Update info. Where are you reading that? Update info. Beep, beep. Oh, these guys

are rude. Nobody's writing you back. Okay. Change your profile. Profile picture, yes. Do we have any pictures on the computer? No, none of those. Take photo. Let me find you something. Take photo. Take photo. Take photo.

Take it? Take photo. Camera. Allow you something. Take photo. Take photo. Take photo. Take it. Take photo. Camera. Allow. Allow. Camera on. Okay. What should it be? Middle finger?

Let's see. Kit Kat? That kind of captures Cody's attitude. Kit Kat could be good. We have a whole bag of Kit Kats. That's decode. Yes. Kit Kat could be good. We have a whole bag of Kit Kats. That's decode. Okay. Are we dumping them out in front of the camera?

Cody, here. Put all these Kit Kats in your mouth. Dude, you're going to be legend. Dude. This will be legend. Dude, you will be legend. Yo, your girlfriend won't be mad about no round two after this. Yes, and I think also she'll be

asking for round three. She'll kind of see this and she'll be like, oh, maybe he could do something like that with me. Yeah. You know what I mean? She's the Kit Kat. You're the rapper. Could be helpful. I'm the, um, I guess I'm Kevin. I'm taking the pictures. You want them all out like that? Ideally.

No, don't put them all in yet because I still have to unwrap some more. It's going to melt. Yeah, well, that's why I don't put them all in yet, and that's kind of what Hayes was saying. And now I'm explaining again why something shouldn't be what it is. Was your girlfriend – what happened? Was she mad at you after you promised her round two, but you gave it all a round one?

Yeah, was she freaking pissed off? And is that why you put up the monkey say, oh, well, look, this is actually very common? I wouldn't say mad was the right word. It was more like furious. She mental. Estranged. Estranged. That's the word yeah or holy shit this guy's smart it's um sat sardonic sard Holy shit, this guy's really smart.

Okay. Now. Now we have all these unwrapped things. Should you just eat them? Maybe there is something better. Yeah, maybe you should eat them and we'll just look around for something else to do. So do eat those. There's fucking 15 here, man.

Okay, put them all in your mouth. You don't have to eat them, but you do have to chew them all up. Yeah. We got to make a mush out of them, and then maybe make that look like that's your hair. Maybe he's eating all of them at once. Eat them all at once. Don't just eat one at a time. What if he makes a mush and we make it look like that's his hair?

He's making a pretty mush. What if he's eating and drinking at the same time? That could be cool. Oh, that's fucking legend, dude. That will be legend, Cody. Like extreme... Extreme eat drink, Cody. Extreme eat drink.

Oh, make it like the Kit Kat's a straw. No, don't. Cody, it's... No, don't. Okay, put more in your mouth. More in your mouth and then do extreme eat, drink, and then take a picture of that. And then be pouring the water in through the Kit Kats and do it and take a picture. Kevin, do you know how to take computer picture as well as Kevin's camera picture?

Kevin, activate computer picture. How do you use this mouse? Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. That's dope. That's dope. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Legend. That's dope. That's dope. Legend.

Okay, so kind of lean your... Okay, so Cody, lean your head back. Like bend backwards so you can kind of... Bend your head backwards so you can kind of be pouring the water in your mouth. Through the Kit Kats. Oh, legend. Really doing extreme eat drink. That's dope. It'll work.

It's going to go, man. It is going to go. Worst that can happen is you choke and you die. Put the water up higher. It's not extreme. Put the water up high. No, the water's got to be up above it. It didn't work.

Kevin made the computer go away. Okay, no be up above it. It didn't work. Kevin made the computer go away. Okay, no, no, no. It didn't work yet. It didn't work yet. At least get the photo of the Kit Kats and do the water at the same time. All right, all right. Ready? Okay, Xtreme, eat, drink.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, get it. Oh, no. What'd you do, Kevin? I don't know if it's working. Oh, Kevin. Okay, take a picture at least with Kevin's camera. Where are you going? No, what'd you do, Kevin? I don't know if it's working. Oh, Kevin. Okay, take a picture at least with Kevin's camera. Where are you going?

No, Cody! No, right now. Kevin's camera. Kevin's camera. Oh, you're just dumping the water. Okay, but I wish he was dumping it from above, but that is an okay photo. Okay. Lean back.

Lean your head back, and he's going to take a picture with Kevin's camera. And you better dump it and better make a mess. Yes. Okay, that's good. That's rebel what legend. Okay, now, no, extreme eat drink. We have to get a picture. What? Okay, and we can't hear Cody, but he's saying something about a goblin.

Cody, you did all that effort to do Extreme Eat Drink, and now nobody got a picture of you. What kind of pants are these that we're working with here? I must know. The drawstring has, like, a little bell on it. The pockets are zippers. I mean, this is, like, some futuristic shit. Is that steampunk?

We got no picture of that. Oh, okay. That's all right. Yeah, okay. That's pretty rebel. That's the same thing I said. It's pretty legend. Okay.

Kevin, initiate your Facebook, please. Kevin, activate Facebook. Kevin, pronounce last name. Oh, wait. Change your name, Cody. We have to change the Blaze. Okay. What should it be?

Okay. Blaze. That makes me think of Chibok. Sorry. Somebody took that. Because Cody does feel like a total chiba hawk. Dude who sniff, somehow he always knows when you're blazing, when you're puffing down in your room.

Oh, Cody sniff, sniff, scully. It's like chiba hawk. Yes, Cody sniff, sniff, knock, knock, scully. Cody sniff, sniff, knock, knock, scully, and sniff, sniff, knock, knock is gotta be inside asterisks. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't know. Yes, that's you. You don't what, Cody, knock, knock. It's got to be inside asterisks. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't know. Yes, that's you.

You don't what, Cody? Know how. Cody, type it or wipe it, baby. You either type it or you delete your entire page. Those are your choices. So what's it going to be? We either wipe you off the internet or you type it right now. Overview.

Maybe ask Sam what he thinks about this idea, as long as you got him on chat. It doesn't, there's no. Have your contact and basic info. Yes, I know you saw it right down there. Yes. Thank you. You sneak.

My AIM. What about it? My MySpace too. Religious. Wait a second. Wait a second, Cody. Scroll down. What is there under religious views?

Okay. I'm going to read this out loud right now. Cody's religious views. Irrevocable commitment to any religion is not only intellectual suicide, it is positive unfaith because it closes the mind to any new vision of the world. Faith is, above all, openness, an act of trust in the unknown. This is pre-Lad Bible, right? This is before you found your actual religion.

Wait, Cody, are you friggin' atheist? I wouldn't say that. Cody. No, I'm not atheist. What are you? Cody, I'm worried about you. Are you Agnoki? Ad Linguini.

Ugh. Kevin. Kevin. Edit Facebook. Kevin, you don't have anything you need to do right now. Kevin, activate Facebook. Initiate Kevin's Facebook. What are we doing? I don't want to go on Facebook. Kevin. Everybody wants to go on Facebook. Initiate Kevin's Facebook. What are we doing? I don't want to go on Facebook. Kevin. Everybody wants to go on Facebook.

Kevin, pronounce last name. Bartelt. Ugh. Bart, man, that's a name. Yes. Okay, so we are going to have to figure out how to change names on here. Mm-hmm.

I know that you can do that. You entered an old password. Sorry, you entered an old password. At least Facebook's being sorry. Okay. Okay, first, you got any messages? Please check your messages. They're personal.

How do you use them? Nothing's personal. This is Hollywood, baby. Okay. Wait, I'm playing drums. Okay, okay. Can I go now? So what we're finding out now is Kevin is a true operator.

Kevin says, hey, I was wondering if you wanted to grab some fro-yo tonight. If you're not busy, let me know. Am I pronouncing that right? You got it. There's seven O's. So what we're finding out now is one thing, Froyo going to make the girl cold. She's going to need somebody to frigging warm her up,

maybe even take a sweater. He's going to bring an extra one. And he's not wearing anything underneath. Oh, no. The sweater. Yeah. And if you haven't seen Kevin, the guy's frigging chiseled from granite. Kevin, the guy's freaking chiseled from granite.

His body's like... Imagine if The Rock wasn't so lazy. Hey, oh, I have something. Okay, so she said, oh, snap, let's rain check. I have plans tonight. Sounds good. Yeah, that's a polite no. Well, guess what, Kevin? Don't know if you saw the forecast for tonight,

but it's going to start raining about 4.30 a.m. Dude, this is a perfect opportunity. Yes, Cody's catching on. Yes, Cody's there. So this is what you write. It's time to cash that check. Oh, wait, wait, wait. We should bleep it because we don't want to use her name.

That's a good idea. Okay. How's this? Dear Grover, it's time to cash that check. I got my umbrella. Slap on your Macintosh. And let's

splash around. I'm looking to make more than one puddle tonight if you catch my meaning. And I promise you a second round. And then activate Cody's video. Did you remember that? All of that is suggested.

You know what I mean? But she can't actually prosecute any of that. Yeah. Because it's like you could go like, I'm going to make another puddle because we ordered too much fro-yo and it melts. But really what you're saying is the puddle is going to be, you know. Kevin just turned on the AC and and we know that making people cold

is part of some kind of sexual agenda for him. Makes me wonder what he has in mind right now. Just really warm. Okay. Really warm. Okay, should we write that? We have to. Maybe I'll do it after the recording.

That would be good. When you guys are reading ads. Okay. That seems like a good way to get us to read our ads. Kevin is really smart about getting us to read our ads. It's like making us eat our vegetables. Okay, Kevin. So go to your page.

Execute Kevin's page, please. Kevin face face main page see your memories Kevin Bartelt how to change the name you have to change yes how do change name

make number one activate execute I don't think you can you have to make number one activate execute I don't think you can you have to contact and basic info yes that's what I thought before one email hidden from timeline

I must know what it is that's just my email address oh yeah is that when you were born? Yeah. Gross. I'm actually pretty young, too. Have you seen Regular Show?

No. Yeah, me neither. It's too long ago. Okay. My uncle likes it. I'm pretty young. Details about you? No, it's I'm pretty young. Details about you? No, it's never going to work.

Maybe after gender right. Yes, please. Can you do that? Austin Powers. Can you do that? Gender. Yes, please. Very good.

Okay. I'm cracking up at this this Add who you're interested in You have any interest on here? Come on Not even Hollywood Handbook? This is your favorite show, dude Oh, oh, oh, no, okay, I don't care about that Oh, no, never mind

I don't want to know about that Scroll up Where do we add the stuff that you like? Hayes is getting up, walking around the table, and he's going to get... Holy shit. He's actually picking up the mouse and the keyboard, and it's like watching friggin'...

You're hanging out in, like, a dorm, and Slash walks in. And he's just like, hey, mind if I grab that axe? And he's just a fucking maestro. Just starts tuning it up. Check in at Universal CityWalk. Who let you in there? I used to work there.

Ugh. He checked in at work. Holy me, oh my. Some of these pictures. Is this good podcasting? Books. If I ran the zoo, freaking all animals would get hurt.

What an idiot. Okay. Now we get to add some likes. Oh, yeah. Go to add likes. What should he like? What's new stuff that he should like so maybe girls are having to take so many rate checks all the time with him? Okay.

How about the weather? Yes, the weather. The weather, yes. Wallets. Yes, that's really good, Cody, yes. Wallets. Wallets. Then they know that you've got to keep your moneyets. Yes, that's really good, Cody, yes. Wallets. Wallets. Then they know that you've got to keep your money in something.

Cody, that's really smart. Wallets. Cody, that's really good. Wallets. The second one. Dash wallets. You've got a picture of money in it. Yes, good.

Wallets. Penguins. No. No, Cody, stop. You were so far ahead. Just get out of the way. What else? Sarcasm. Sarcasm.

Sarcasm. You love that. What? Now he's using it even. PC Gamer. This is really good. What else does he like? Bill Cosby. Yes, Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby, yeah. Can it be someone else?

Like Bill Huxtable? He's kind of the only stand-up. That's not the cool... The Huxtables. You like the cool old stuff, and I don't think Bill Huxtable is an option, really. So what you like is Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby, verified, yes.

Can it be himself? That's a good album. Like every one of these pages, including Bill Cosby's yes like every one of these pages including Bill Cosby's sexual assault allegations I'm not taking pictures anymore that you could play both sides on

show that you like Bill Cosby's sexual assault allegations because it shows girls that hey look I know the guy's funny but I also know he's not perfect. And something Cody would want you to do, and I don't think you should do this, is go on and like Brock Turner as a swimmer, but then also like his sexual allegations. But I think that one's less defensible. Brock Turner.

Uh-oh. Is that how you spell it? Yes. Okay. He does have a page. Okay. You like spell it? Yes. Okay, he does have a page. Okay, you like Brock Turner. Good. Oh, no.

Well, we were going to have to make a page for his, well, not conviction at this point. Yeah, thanks, Cody. Dear white people. Thanks, Cody. Dear white people. Oh, good. Oh, yeah, okay, good. Like dear white people.

Good. Like our page. I, good. Like our page. I already do. Oh, Kevin. That's really nice. I love that. Kevin. So sweet.

Why isn't this what you show to these women? Hollywood Handbook? Well, why just they don't know about the side of you that's such a sweetie? Why do you always act so tough? Like, I eat all the fro-yo. I don't care how cold it is.

I could do it whenever. I get a ton of toppings. Why don't you show them, like, you're a soft, sensitive guy. It's too cold for your mouth. You can't eat it. I know you can't. I think I'm just insecure. Ooh, that could be the HBO show.

Is Engineer Cody something you could like? Let's see. Should I like? Hang on. What is that? D. Cody Martin, musician, mix engineer. What the fuck is that? Cody.

Cody. Cody, there's another engineer Cody. Go look at engineer Cody. He's getting all of Cody's likes. No wonder you're short on likes. That's why your page had nothing going on. That's bullshit. That's official.

This guy's a freaking mix engineer. Hello, new friend. D. Cody Martin. Write something on this page. Oh, trust me, we will, Cody. Okay, Kevin, write on his page. Dear. Dear, thank you.

And quotes? Probably Cody Martin. Good. Cease and desist. Good. Cease and desist. Could get some spelling with that. C-E-E-S.

And D-E-S-I-S-T. Great. Hang on. This is a lawyer. This is a lawyer. You're doing what should be jail for what you did I know engineer Cody engineer Cody's a friend of mine and you sir are no engineer Cody

and then say like the quote from the Kennedy yeah engineer Cody and then say like the quote from the Kennedy Yeah. And then go would a lawyer know that? Yes. And then say this.

Please don't make me come over there. Can you draw a picture of a knife on this? Just put in parentheses knife picture. I feel like this is where I might get in trouble. Parenthesis knife picture. No, no. It's in parentheses.

Yeah. You're right. Okay. From. From. Lawyer Kevin. Mm-hmm. Great.

Post. Post and then please get a photo of this. Scrolling to become view post. Post. Scroll up. Hyperlink. Let me do it. I'll do the mousing.

Okay. You tangled yourself. Cody stepping up. This is kind of romantic. I'm cold. Okay, Cody. Be careful. This is one of his. I'm cold. Okay, Cody, be careful. This is one of his moves. His only one that I know of. Where does he want to see it?

Dude! It's a view post. There it is. Right there. Seymour. Yes. Seymour. Seymour.

Seymour Bates. Where's the camera? Suddenly Seymour. You guys ever watch a little shop of horrors? The cast. Steve Martin's doing it. Freaking Bill Cosby's in it. Jack Black and Diana Ross.

Is it time to do anything else? No. Bye. Bye. Is it time to do anything else? No. Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions,

a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Oh, baby. That was a hate gun podcast