Hollywood Handbook - Dan Klein, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 29, 2014

Sean and Hayes finally weigh in on the Cosby situation and explain why Bill has yet to respond to recent allegations. Then, hot stand-up comedian DAN KLEIN is in the studio to talk about his pay to watch model of his self released comedy special “Dan Klein: This Is Comedy,” how comedians can get sad, what kind of SNL characters he has in his arsenal, how LA is different from New York, and being inspired by Seinfeld. Plus, Dan gives us an exclusive look behind his infamous Starbucks joke.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. you were like trying to print your own valet card and it's like well the secretary wasn't there to do it for me so it's like i had to i had to do something what am i gonna do just like stand there all day or like pay like take responsibility you are supposed to to validate you know and so what part of that is someone has to be sitting at the desk and when there's nobody there then yeah i'm gonna get on the computer and i'm gonna try and print my own valet card. I love how people try to pass the buck. I know. It's like, Amy, have your secretary not take a bathroom break, write what I'm trying to validate, and maybe you won't have your emails leaked. Even then, it's like the secretary, you know, like blame it on the secretary.

Why would it be me in the situation when there's someone who's like so clearly at fault, who's supposed to be sitting at the desk all day long and validating valet cards? Frustrating. like so clearly at fault who's supposed to be sitting at the desk all day long and validating ballet cards frustrating hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insiders guide your kicking button dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz what up what up we've spent a lot of time this week uh and last week and maybe even part of the week before that uh getting emails about like, what are we going to say about a certain issue? And one thing is, stop telling us what you want us to talk about. Yes. And just sending us emails asking us, what are you going to say? It's like, just listen to the thing and then we'll tell you what we're going to say on the thing.

Keep your ears open and you'll find out what we're going to say. I'm not going to write you in an email. Here's what we're going to say. the thing. Keep your ears open and you'll find out what we're going to say. I'm not going to write back, here's what we're going to say. Plus, I don't even know. I just sit down and I say it. I don't know before. No, I don't think about what I'm going to say. So anyway, the thing in this case is people know Sean and I had a relationship with Bill Cosby in the past. Are we going to take a position on this thing lately?

I don't want to get into the details. For people who live under a rock, Hayes created the Cosby Mysteries. Let's get it out of the way right now. It's an hour-long mystery show. It's our Bill Cosby. We call it Some Mysteries. And does that make us best friends? I wouldn't say that we're best friends because of that.

No, you're professional associates. We worked closely together for quite a long time. Am I best friends with Engineer Cody? Yeah, you know. No. Right. I work with him. We do something together. Am I best friends with my cousin, my little cousin Sam?

No. Engineer Sam, tell him I'm not your best friend. I'm sorry. I actually wasn't listening. Well, that just about does the same job for me. Yeah, just turn it back off. And push it. You were right to have it pointed away from you.

Yes, and it is an opportunity when we throw to you. Be ready for the luck is what they say. Yes, it's when luck meets us thrown to you yes no that's right that's what yes uh success so there's this whole sort of it's a this whole kerfuffle going on with bill uh and people ask us oh what are you gonna say you must say something everyone just has to say something all the time now what do you everyone's expecting to weigh in uh about just every little thing that's happening have you noticed this about social media just as an aside that it does feel like all of a sudden everybody's opinion is getting out there and it's ridiculous there's just like there's this whole outrage machine now

where somebody rapes 20 women and everyone now is like all gets so upset oh and the echo chamber of the internet yes and and it's just like everyone's just so ready to like so just ready and waiting like when just like anything happens and it's like i mean when people are saying stuff i'm like are you saying that or are you saying just sharing that what you somebody else said i mean i can't even you don't even know who is the one yes supposed to be even speaking yes it's because they don't say and with the hashtags and yes it's insane but anyway don't use hashtags uh come up with your own way to you know to to summarize you you know, the thing.

Anyway, there's this stuff with Bill. There's a reason. If we don't talk about something, there's a reason why. And the reason in this case is when you get accused of something like this, you can't dignify it with a response. Bill has said this. Bill has literally said. He doesn't want to even dignify it. He doesn't want to dignify it with a response the bill has said this bill has literally said he doesn't want to even dignify it with a response by you know addressing innuendos and so you wonder you know you look around and you say why has no one in this person's life come to defend him yes why is not one single person who's ever known him

come out and said, even I don't think he did this thing. I suspect it didn't happen. It's not in his character for him to rape all these women. Why is nobody saying that? Why hasn't anybody said that? And it's like, oh, well,

the answer is in Bill's response is they don't want to dignify it. They don't want to dignify it with a response. And saying that someone is likely not a rapist based on the interactions you've had with them is really dignifying an innuendo in this case. And please don't make a joke about how innuendo sounds like in your rear end or something like that. Please don't do that because that is dignifying that sound-alike joke because this is the risk this is what you have to understand if you're

out there listening and you're wondering why people haven't why bill and all these other people haven't spoken up about this not anyone who's worked with him not a single person no comics some of i've seen some of like raven simone and um some of the little kids on the show have spoken up to say, like, I don't know. I was not molested. Yes. To say, like, I was a little kid. Like, yes, I was. Yes.

I mean, that's what Raven said. Which is actually she's overstepping a little bit. I actually do not think she should have said that. That's getting very close to dignifying it. Yes. Let me. This is what I think she might have been. Not by Bill.

But this is what I want to – Well, now I think she might have been, not by Bill, but I mean if she's dignified. This is what I want to explain because if you – if someone accuses you of raping 20 people and if you respond and say – Minimum. 20 people minimum we should say. That are out there, that we know of. Yes. And so thus many more. There's a chance that it could be – that could only be a small fraction. Almost certainly many more, yes.

If someone accuses you of that. chance that it could be that could only be a small fraction almost certainly many more yes if someone cues you that if you say no i didn't do that then you run the risk of people starting to think that you did do yes and that i think it might be what bill's afraid of is the perception that maybe he did it people might start to think that he actually might have done this thing whereas instead by maintaining his silence and not dignifying it with a response, now people are saying like, oh, these people are just crazy. Because like, why would Bill just act like he doesn't even care if this were like, if he'd actually done this, it's like a pretty serious thing. Why is he just being so quiet about it?

Yes, he'd probably be out there dignifying it. It's like, does he even know that people are talking about this? And you look at who's talking about it and you go, these are the people dignifying it. So maybe they're in the wrong somehow. Yes. And look at who profits. Yes. And this is always follow the money.

Yes, always follow the money. And often it's the person. It's in this case. Well, hang on. I'm trying to think of who it is. I actually do have a guess. It's Temple University's athletic rival. Ah, yes.

It's whichever. I don't know who they're. It's maybe like Villanova or something. Yes, they're in Philly, so I guess, yes. It could be Villanova. It probably is, actually. They probably hate Gonzaga. So it's probably the Gonzaga Bulldogs.

And don't go Zags. Don't go and do that. Don't go and say this about Bill and put us in a position where we either have to dignify it by saying he didn't do it or do what we're going to do right now and say that he almost definitely, no, he did do it. And that is the way to, the only way to counteract this sort of conundrum yes because now people are saying like well did he really you know well he made it he he made up the point that if he says he didn't do it it seems like people might think he did do it right so what i'm saying is yeah he did do it yeah so now you know he did it. Yeah, people are reacting to that saying like, well, yeah, probably not. And in order to, yes, in order to defend Bill and to protect him, what I have to say is he must have done something very bad.

And the idea that all these women would have said, told very similar stories for no financial gain of their own not for money not you know beyond any uh opportunity for a criminal trial for many of them at this point so really for no gain other than like what some people have said was fame and i'm not sure you want to be famous for being drugged and raped. And say you're like a Janice Dickinson who said this at the point where she was already pretty famous and it could really have only done damage to her career saying she was raped by Bill Cosby. She had absolutely no reason to say something like that.

It's not exactly on brand for her. Well, yes. And I think that's the kind of thing Bill doesn't want to dignify by denying. Is this Janice Dickinson? And what I would say to that is, okay, well, then he probably did do that to Janice Dickinson. And now isn't it murky? And so now the only thing left, I guess, is for Bill to say that he. If he says he did do it?

Did he just say that he did it? Yeah. Then I'm going, hmm, I guess he's innocent. And then to even do it one more time, because then people look back at these other ones and be like, well, someone who was suspected of doing it that many times wouldn't just go out and do it again. And so then it becomes like, then it's open and shut.

So, of course, our, you know. I'm in this mystery-solving mode because of cereal, I think. It's like everything now, I just you know. I'm in this mystery solving mode because of Serial, I think. It's like everything now, I just look around and I'm like, I want to be a case solver. And wasn't Cosby Mysteries really the precursor to Serial? I mean, isn't that kind of how they got that idea? Yes. To kind of look at a crime. That did occur to me.

A lot of this stuff because, yes, because he did a crime in the beginning. Yes. And now they're going through solving it, which is what Cosby was doing on our show. Well, it's so funny to trace back when you see these things explode and become popular like Serial has. And you go like, well, what is the real grandfather of this? And more often than not, it's Cosby Mysteries. Because, and I understand that. Like you are usually going off of something that's been successful in the past.

And you have to, it's the risk takers. Like, Cosby Mysteries shouldn't have worked. Like, Cosby was known for just being a nice dad. And, like, getting him in this world of mystery and intrigue was like, that was at the time a pretty big risk. Pretty daring. If you can believe it. But, no, I love that it's still out, that it has a legacy, that it's still out there and um and i can enjoy it i'm loving it good for you there's a fucking guest

we have a great guest today dan klein is here uh in the studio you you you guys all know dan he's um a really really hot stand up right now he has a great special that he's just self-released uh dan klein this is comedy uh and we're really excited to have him here and we also want to give a special shout out to all of our new listeners who are fans of dan we hope you stick with the show uh and that you enjoy the interview coming right up on Hollywood Handbook. So at this point, you know, and I've witnessed the whole thing. And Ed Koch turns to Rudyard Kipling Jr. And he says, connect four.

Yeah. Rudyard is furious because he said you cheated, yeah. And he says, connect four. Yeah. Rudyard is furious. Uh-huh. Because he said, you cheated, Ed. Now, I know he cheated, but I'm not the referee. You know what? Yes. I think makes him the maddest about the way Ed does that,

because I've played with him. It's because you said he turns to Rudyard. So the way he turns away when he knows he's going to get Connect Four. Yes. And you're playing him. And you're like, what's he doing? Is he distracted? And then he turns around in his chair.

And it's all distraction. And it's all pulling focus. You know, that's his whole game. Sleight of hand. Yeah. Anyway. Hey. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook.

What up? What up? It's Scott, the kicking butt and dropping names on the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We have a really exciting guest today. His name is Dan Klein. You've seen his- Not quite a corker.

No, he's a, well, come on. He's a- I tease him because we're friends and so we can do- And it's like, yeah. Yeah. He does jokes and we do jokes too. Yes, we're just proving we're funny too. You've seen his stand-up special that he uh

self-released on on youtube uh which is totally changing the model of the way stand-up is done today um well you used to have to go through the big boys yeah and it's a it's a huge honor to have him uh dan klein thank you so much for being here dudes thank you so much for having me like i i love this podcast i love that you guys are like changing the game and i like it's dope as hell this is this is awesome this is so chill to be here well speaking of your dope as hell i mean you're changing i know it makes me want to it makes me want to do like him you know no yeah it is really it's so cool and uh and and what you're doing with your special uh just putting it up online, just putting it out there. So anyone can, is it pay what,

pay what you want? It's like, if you laugh your ass off, like maybe throw in like a few bucks and like, if you think it's like dope and really like it, but like, or like, I think you can get better.

Cause like, I'm always trying to get better. Like I know in a few years, like I'm going to be so much better. Cause like, I'm always doing shows, always coming up with material. So like, maybe you don't kick in as much, much but like you don't like pay whatever you want like

you don't have to go through the the regular channels anymore like it's like a new era for creators i'm like so happy to be a part of this community and has it been working out oh yeah like i mean i get kids coming up to me all the time being like, you're so, like, you are the funniest. And I'm like, honestly, that's awesome. That's so cool. That's chill. You're coming up to me and I'll take pictures or whatever. And like, you know, if it's a girl, she'll probably be like hitting on me or whatever.

But like, then I'm like, it's going to get better though. So, you know, like save your money. Because they're always like, when's your next show? I want to give you money. Let me sign up for your email list i'm like i can't even manage all this shit you know that's badass and i can't even imagine it being much better but what i was going to say is with this model you're trying out it almost makes me want to pay my money even more exactly and then i don't have to pay the money you don't have to dude it's like if you don't

want to pay like don't even worry about like money. You don't have to, dude. It's like, if you don't want to pay, like, don't even worry about it. That's totally chill. You want to prove that you can. But you'd feel, I mean, you must feel like a real piece of shit if you don't. Exactly. Especially if you watch and you're like me at all. Yeah. And you're just laughing and just busting up, just busting up in a good way.

And this is, you know, this special I make, like my comedy, it's for everyone. Like everyone can enjoy it. I'll say. And I i will take money like i'll take money from anyone like if you know like your grandma like she fucking thinks it's hilarious like you know however much she thinks is cool to pay for like an awesome like an amazing comedy special little kid however much he thinks is cool to pay for like a full comedy but it is nice also you wouldn't expect like a guy who's homeless or like someone who's like really struggling with their job. It's almost for them in a way. Yes, I would say mostly.

Yeah. Yes, now they're allowed to actually have the jokes. Maybe they're too actually mean to it. They don't get left out and they should kick in as much as they can. It's like, okay, you don't have a job. You don't have that much. You don't have a home, but like how much do you think this comedy is worth to you? And it's probably worth more to them because they don't have as much.

That's so cool. I have a lot of homeless people coming to me all the time. And they're like, you're so funny. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's amazing. I never thought, growing up the way I did, I never thought I would get this famous and shit. It's awesome. I wonder why all comedians don't do it this way.

Don't just release a special and have it be sort of pay what you want. Like, I bet a lot of people... Because it works for Louis C.K., it worked for Aziz, and now it's working for you. I know, and it's so cool to be, like, lumped with those guys. You know, like, that's... I'm right above them for me. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I didn't say that. I didn't say that. No, you don't want me to say that. And you asked me not to say it before we started recording. But it is for me because we talked a little about Louis and how some episodes of his show, I don't fucking get it. Yeah. Dude, he's like, he is like, I try to explain this to people. He's like kind of like an artist.

Like there's a lot of guys who aren't always that funny that are comedians like have you guys heard of woody allen yeah i have seen i have seen some of his stuff i saw the big movie yeah a lot of stuff he makes is not that funny and that's like a cool because there's love there's a lot of love in it as well yeah and like so it's like you know when you're young and you're doing shit like me like i'm super young and i'm like doing as much i'm being funny i'm being cool but like as you get, when you're young and you're doing shit like me, like I'm super young and I'm like doing as much, I'm being funny, I'm being cool. But like, as you get older, you want to be like, you want to make like serious stuff. And I hope to one day like do that, like direct and shit too. Like, just like those guys.

Do you have anything in mind now? Something you would do in the future? Like a real artistic project? Yeah. Like, yeah. Something totally artsy I think is like in my mind right now. That's what I would do is something like totally artsy. Danny, I heard a rumor about you.

Yeah. That you growing up actually are kind of – were a nerd. Yeah, you talk about that a little. It always catches up to me, dude. And to me, I mean, I don't want to – you seem so cool that it's just – I mean, do know I don't want to you seem so cool that it's just I mean do you get that? it's hard to resolve it in a way

Sean and I are self confessed nerds oh gosh I read comics you do? get out of here I watch like Doctor Who and shit what are some of the comics? dude like Spiderman

what are you kidding me? dude like spider-man and what are you kidding me so you're so he's marvel and not dc i told you dude i'm totally like dude i love like marvel superheroes i love going to like the movies and seeing how they like make them now and i'm like i'm so nerdy for this stuff you know it's like it's not for everyone it's just like for nerds and like even like you know like uh you know kids will be like oh spider-man it's like no dude like i used to like read this shit yeah that's like crazy and like you would be surprised but a lot of comedians like weren't super cool in school well and then and that goes to my point is like how is this cool guy funny because to me being funny almost comes from having had nerdiness in your past and it's like a

defense mechanism yeah dude like that's what i turning that pain yeah firing it's like a clay pot and we're sort of the same way a real thing is like like comedians could get like sad i know it sounds crazy because it's like people are like you're like funny all the time like you're probably doing like the funniest shit like when no one's around and it's like i am but like there are times where you're like sad and shit and like that's like the an awesome time to come up with like funny stuff like when you're like oh i'm like it's like dark outsider like i'm sad and stuff that's when you're like oh i'm now i'm being super funny and it's hard for people to get that because they're like i don't get that way and it's like well because you're not a comedian is there a specific time you want to talk about where the where dude like if you ever get have you guys ever gotten dumped yeah

you guys ever get dumped by a girlfriend dude you can get so much material from getting dumped by like a hot girl because like hot girls are crazy oh please yes is that a I mean is that yeah am I setting you up I feel like we should just let it go. I mean, do I get out of the way? Because they are. Hot girls are crazy. Well, this is something that I like about your stuff. It is something that I do relate to. I have had this experience getting dumped, you know, boo-hoo.

But it's sad when it happened. But I also don't – I relate to it, but i don't hear anybody talk about and the fact that like with hot girls that for a while you think that like everything's okay but then eventually you're like wait it's like what yeah like what's going on you see like how many shoes they have and you're like record scratch like wait a minute uh nasa get uh take us back home you know what i mean because you're like on a fucking spaceship straight to crazy. How much do I pay for this? Yeah, this shit's free, man.

That's the wave of the future. You pay what you want, though, right? You can donate and shit. Now, it's interesting. You talk about relationships. Watching your special, just like I've watched it a few times, and you, at different times in the special, I pay it every time, don't worry. At different times in the special paid every time don't worry i at different times in the

special you talk about being single but also you say you have a girlfriend and then you talk about being married at at some points and it's all just like stuff that's like relatable you know what i mean like it doesn't when you're on stage and like here's a tip like sometimes i'll be like yo the other day like i was like fucking this girl or some shit like that yeah yeah yeah in truth and like that might have happened like a month ago but it's just a way to get people to like listen to your shit like that's all you're trying to do is you're just trying to entertain you're trying to make people laugh and you're allowed to like you know embellish just a little bit but like it's all true it's all like really a part of me because you might be telling a joke and there are some single people in the audience and you tell the joke for them about being single you want to

make them laugh but then you want to include some of the married people i guess as well yeah i was gonna say leaving out the married people the people who are just dating and like so then you can just suddenly be married and now they can be laughing exactly and you like you just want to make everyone laugh and like it doesn't always matter what's real what's like it's just about making people laugh it's just about fun it's it's just comedy you know and i guess and i guess that's part of it for me too is like he does want to make everyone laugh haze is like that's kind of why because aziz really only wants to make the aziz fans laugh right and i want everyone to be a fan of mine you know like a lot of people i don't get that like i mean i guess they're like trying to be

cool in this weird way and it's like i think they're like trying to be cool in this weird way and it's like i think the coolest thing is to be like the most famous like richest person in hollywood that would be like so cool absolutely i think that's a way to protect themselves you know i honestly think it's looking at themselves and being like i don't have the chops to actually take this all the way right and so then saying like okay i'm gonna do like this other thing that like seems cool but it's actually just a way for me right it's yeah it like okay i'm gonna do like this other thing that like seems cool but it's actually just a way for me right it's yeah it's like i'm just trying to be like as cool and famous as possible and like i i love it you know i love like driving down the street

people recognizing me i'm always talking to my fans i love getting tweeted out like tweet at me anytime you want i'm always on my phone like checking with my fans i love it you talk about fans and you talk about being famous there's a great part and if you haven't seen the watch is special this is comedy which is a cool that's almost like a dimitri martin yeah it is minimalist i love that guy like tree and inspiration he's not for everyone but like he's like really smart and like he's very all yeah yeah it's so yeah there's like this whole other other scene that not a lot of people know about. It's really cool.

Go to New York City and go to the comedy clubs there. And there's all these guys you've never heard of. But they're doing some funny kind of stuff. Do you have any favorites? Who do people, the general public, don't know about but you know about? Demetri Martin is a guy. Tim Meadows. the general public don't know about but you know about like dimitri martin is like a guy um like well tim meadows yeah tim meadows is like guys say like tina fey for a while like she's super cool and like she ended up on snl which is like a such a cool show they do like all this um that'd be

awesome stuff like i would love to like host that that would be so cool one day if i got to like host snl that would be like a fucking dream you know what i mean but like i'm just like a kid from jersey so whatever you know who knows yeah i could see you being good at that all right like dude i could do like characters yeah do you have any characters yeah like um the guy that works uh that like at the corner store like uh hello uh put that down dude i'm not gonna fucking steal your shit man like put down the shotgun i'm like see it's like you could do the whole sketch just you and i wonder if that's why they don't bring you in yes you'd be getting held down because you're showing up their cat they want yeah to me is not as strong as it was when it was dana car Who is that? Well, this was a guy, this was a little before your time, honestly.

I've watched some old SNLs with my dad and stuff, and that wasn't funny, but I got how people might have thought it was funny. Right. You've seen the Will Ferrell ones before, you know, Anchorman. Yes. Yeah. So this is even before that. Oh.

That's awesome. And there was this guy, Dana Carvey, but the guy would dress like a girl and he would do we're not special wait some dude's name was Dana yeah were his parents

hitting the bong what should we name him maybe Dan what'd you say I'm writing Dana on the birth certificate I'm so ripped and the doctor's like

I'm ripped too dude that'd be ripped. And the doctor's like, I'm ripped too, dude. That'd be so dope. Like a doctor's like ripped. Keep going, keep going. He's driving away and like the parking guy's like, uh, I'm ripped too, dude. Right? And the guy on the sidewalk's like, what's

that? I'm like ripped right now. Welcome to California. It's legal. Oh my God, dude. Don't even get me started. Are you enjoying it here? Because you're New York based. Do you like when you get the chance to come out here?

It's LA and California. It's like a cool place to visit, but it's like a little different than New York. I've noticed like a lot of differences. Like, first of all, like you're sitting in your car a lot. In New York, it's like, I'm not in your car a lot in new york it's like i'm not in a car i'm on the subway right you're like and here you're like uh like that's how it starts but in new york you're like uh next stop on the old train you know what i mean it's like different shit you know yeah and you go like underground here you're like i'll be above

ground thank you not gonna go underground there's like earthquakes and shit you know yeah and you go like underground here you're like i'll be above ground thank you not gonna go underground there's like earthquakes and shit down there oh no yes no that's frightening yeah but i kind of like being in my car and i like the space and i and i like being in my little pod yeah yeah like you know a little space to yourself and like i need that to like write and stuff like people think again like people always think like I'm being super funny and I'm like I'm always doing crazy stuff and like I am in my own time I'm always coming up with characters and ideas and like I see something I see like a fat guy or something I'm gonna write that down but like

when I'm by myself like I'm writing I write stuff like and I do it like in a notebook and shit like again like I'm a nerd and like I like to write stuff down like you know like a moleskin notebook or something I've seen some of my heroes do that so I started to do that too yes I really get that off of you the way you get when you talk about writing I can tell that it's really special to you and there's a lot of depth there isn't there Dan that's like what

you're supposed to like that's what you know like again like going back to like Woody Allen like who we kind of talked about he's like yes you know he's like this comedian he's like super funny when he was like young

but then he's like not because he's like trying to be artistic and like I do that too like I'm gonna like try to be like artistic and shit and like say stuff and like

I want to do a movie where like I'm in like a serious relationship or something like you know and like obviously my instinct is gonna be be to be super funny, but it'd be awesome to do something dark.

Picturing that movie, too, I can really see that being something that people would watch. Are you taking meetings while you're out here? Are you sitting down with anyone? Yeah, it's meetings all the time. I just go in there, dude, and I do this crazy thing. I'll kick my shoes off, and the people are like, what? And I'm like, I don't know. i'll just make myself at home and shit like and like i was

about to ask you about the furniture meeting move oh my god i'm just there to make people laugh and like they want me to they're like what ideas do you have and i'm like i got this one like like a bird or some shit and i'm just making them laugh and it's just dope you know like it's like to me that's like me and them just doing like a one-on-one kind of show. Yeah, that's amazing because there's so many people in comedy who, you know, they'll go up on stage and they'll do like the whole funny show. But then when you get them in a meeting, it's like, hello, it's just Mr. Normal Guy. Yeah, I don't totally get that. And it's like, that's the one time when you should really be pushing it the hardest.

Yeah, yeah. I always put, whenever I see see anyone i always push it i always push my comedy like right in their face and stuff and they love it like you know it's like i'll even like stand above them a little bit and if they like bend down and i'm still like making them laugh and stuff like as close as my face can get to theirs and just being as funny as i can it's awesome the thing i yes and that's one of the things i love about you that i always tell people is you're never going to catch him not doing the shit that he's doing on stage and stuff. Dude, it's awesome. Like, you're always doing that, and you don't seem to ever wear out.

And now, you brought up Woody Allen a couple times. How do you feel about people seem kind of mad with him? Like, all I could say is, like, you know, like, he was awesome at one point, and now, like, whatever he did is, like, not so awesome, but you know like he was awesome at one point and now like whatever he did is like not so awesome but like he did some awesome shit so that's people do seem to be forgetting that though and that's an important thing to bring just part of the conversation it's really something to bring up yeah like he did some awesome shit and it's like dude like that was awesome shit so i don't know like it's hard for me like i just care about the comedy you

know like i i don't want to get too involved in other stuff like i just love the comedy so much i love learning about comedy i'm a student who else growing up you you came from jersey yeah famously uh when you were growing up there who else were some of your inspirations and what just really made you want to do this um well like you know i growing up as a kid i saw like seinfeld and like i read about how much money he was making how famous he was and he was all over magazine stuff and i was like yeah that would be so dope like i want to do that you know and yeah that was awesome there's anything wrong i even did that like i did like a yada yada

oh my god and it was like it was just what he did, but I was like doing it myself, you know? And it was like, I'm doing what my heroes do. And have you ever gotten the chance to meet him? I haven't yet, but like if I do, dude, like I would, I'm going to like snap a selfie, man. I can post that. You know how many likes that show yet? Like my fans would love that.

And I would love it if they loved it. So you are on all kinds of social media. kind of social media out there is that important for a comedian working today to be part of the internet i would say yeah totally i think like for me it's like it's all about the internet like i i think that's like the wave of the future for content and like even my special i put it out on youtube because i didn't want to go through the traditional channels i don't you know it's like i YouTube because I didn't want to go through the traditional channels. I don't, you know, it's like I get to do what I want to do. Yeah.

And that's what made it all possible. And that's what people kind of love about it so much. I did notice one thing about your Twitter. It used to be a lot of jokes that you post jokes on there. Now it's pretty much just show dates and like when you're going to be on TV and stuff like that. And that's awesome. Yeah.

Like if I'm going to be on At Midnight, if I'm like whenever I'm going to be on TV and stuff like that. And that's awesome. Yeah. Like if I'm going to be on At Midnight, like whenever I'm going to be on anything, I think it's awesome to get the word out there. And like people love it. They're like, come to my town. And I'm like, dude, for booking, contact, you know, Seth Pinkies. He's my manager. Anyone at LTA.

All those guys are so awesome. And just contact them and it's like I will be there you know yeah it's awesome points from Matt Midnight you get some points I will do any of that shit I will do anything to be on TV and make people laugh I'll do anything

should we get into something we wanted to do with you I think people are curious watching your set where it comes from as with any sure and one thing i want to say too is you know you mentioned being a sort of a studier of comedy and a studier of jokes and i think that that is what makes you uniquely equipped to do this next turn the magnifying glass onto yourself that's awesome like i love talking about this shit i love showing people the process like great like those nerdy kids at home like this is their chance to be like

how does my hero do it that's so great because well it's well honestly i mean you act like it's nothing but a lot of people would say this is a secret that i need to protect you know to keep other people from getting into the industry i'm totally open you know like i'm always coming up with like different shit like even in this room i'm like trying to come up with like different ideas like about the lights or like yeah doors and shit i was hoping i stay out of this cross who invented doors you know what i mean yeah who invented floors and walls and shit you know what i mean who named ceilings okay this is a floor that makes sense this is a wall okay i get that ceiling seal like seal like what the fuck so i don't know that's just but i never think about that right like who named that shit well there's so much

we take for granted yes exactly and i like to do that like little slice of life stuff and just like observational and and that is good because everyone has floors everyone's around walls all the time exactly and no one's laughing at it. And I just want to make everybody laugh. Yeah. Well, let's go into, this is a joke that a lot of people listening to this will have heard before. But we just want to play it and maybe have you describe the process that went into it.

So this is from your most recent stand-up special. It's been in all your other stand-up specials as well, right? But. I use some of the same stuff because people love it so much, and I just love to give it back to them, you know? Yes. So we'll just play it, and then you can talk about it. You wouldn't go see Lynyrd Skynyrd, and they don't play Freebird. Exactly.

Right, yes. So we'll just play it, and then you can talk about it afterwards. Is that okay? That's dope. Okay. Unless there was an accident or something, they wouldn't play it. then you can talk about it afterwards. Is that okay? That's dope. Okay. Unless there was an accident or something, they wouldn't play it. This is from a dance special, This Is Comedy. So, uh, I'm at Starbucks the other day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that place can never get my name right, you know? I walk in there, I'm like, uh, yeah, I'll have a Grandy coffee. I mean, I say their dumbass names. They should be able to say my normal-ass one, right? Dan. D-A-N. That's like the easiest name there is. The only way my name could be any easier if it was like,

Duh. Duh. So I wait 20 minutes or however long it takes to make a dumbass drink there. Guy calls my name, he's like, Darnoosh? Darnoosh? Darnoosh? What? I didn't get Darnoosh from Dan. Is Darnoosh even a real name?

What the fuck? Alright, now I definitely can't top that. Good night! And see, but before we get into this, yes, I was noticing that you are smiling and nodding and just sort of going through it with the audience. Are you able to surprise yourself still?

I do. Sometimes I just crack myself up, and it's so awesome because I'm just loving it so much. I just want to be a part of it. Comedy's just so awesome. I just love making people laugh and getting famous. One thing I got to ask, is this true? Yes. I mean, did this really happen to you?

Did this really happen? So what happened was I was at a Starbucks and like, so I don't know if you guys know this, but Starbucks, they don't have like small, medium, large and shit like that. Okay. Yes. I mean, you almost blow past this. I was going to say, you just kind of blow past. It's just a little throwaway.

It's a spice. Right. On the meal that is the name joke. And so they have all these crazy-ass names for their sizes and shit. And it's like, okay, so you guys are going to give me these crazy-ass names for your sizes. Then I tell the guy, my name's Dan, right? So it's like loud or whatever and some shit. I'm sure, whatever the fuck, the guy messed up but he messes up my name and like my name is like a normal like american name and this guy like messes up my name and it's like what the fuck and and did he actually write darn you sure it was like some shit like that you know like you were like something down

but like you know again like in shaping the joke and the joke kind of becomes its own thing like what's more important is that it's like funny and people are laughing and it's just important that people are just like laughing, having a good time. Yeah. That's what's important. So it wasn't that exact. Do you remember exactly? Like, it's just, as long as the people are laughing, you know, like it doesn't matter

exactly what happened. Like, it's all about just like, they have like fucked up weird names. I have a normal name. Like I'm like a normal, like dude. they have like fucked up weird names i have a normal name like i'm like a normal like dude and they like fucked up my time and so like then i like burned him you know so he did get it wrong he did get your name wrong he like sort of did it like he sort of did and like trust like the joke kind of has grown but like like he fucked up you know yeah yeah it's like you uh yeah you uh you're folding the sword you know? Yeah. It's like you, yeah, you, uh, you're folding the sword. You know,

the weak part gets hammered out and you sort of, exactly. So this is where the big laugh is. And so, yes, maybe that, you know, and Hayes,

you seem obsessed with the specific of the name. Well, I'm just curious. Please don't take it as a criticism. No, no, no. But you've asked three or four times.

I feel like he's answered. I feel like I'm trying to, I thought I was done learning. And for everybody, Dan, you know, just, just let them know they got the name wrong. They didn't say— That's what's important. That's what I'm asking. They often do.

If he did get the name wrong. They fuck up, like, a lot. Like, that's what's important, and that's what makes people laugh. So that specific time, like, whatever, dude. Like, what's important is that they mess up a lot, and that's what's— He said it was loud. I mean, they could mishear him the same way they could mishear him can we talk about the sizes yeah oh my god dude i used to have like a whole riff on that and that's in like some of my older stuff but like grandy or whatever

it's like are we like spain like are we like christopher columbus or some shit even if we are even if we are yes what language does grande mean medium that's funny that's really funny that's their medium size that's really funny and small is tall tall means small

tall means big tall means big yeah I don't I honestly like don't get it and that's what's like funny about it yeah

that's like what I love to kind of point those things out and just make people laugh you find things in life that confuse you and instead of them making you upset, you turn them into something to make you laugh.

Exactly. That's like, yeah, that's the exact formula. Like you find the thing and you make everyone laugh about this thing where someone else fucked up. I'll tell you the most miserable son of a bitch in Hollywood, the guy who works at the coffee bean, and their sizes are normal, small, medium, large. But people are ordering tall

and grande to him and he just knows okay well you're not a loyal customer. That's really funny dude. Yes. That would hurt. I thought you were going to say Liam Neistat after his wife. That awful thing. That awful accident. Yes. The skiing accident. But I would love to hear the

early versions of that joke. If you said it's like it went through these different evolutions sure like do you remember like you if you were to start and be like dude i went to starbucks and they got me they got me this like great coffee like people aren't gonna like laugh at that yeah because there's not like a comedic take and like my talent like what i've always had just like in me because because I'm super funny, I just can see the funny part of that. Wow. And the funny part is that they have to write down your name.

Yes. And sometimes they get it wrong. And that's what's funny. But they have these crazy names. So that's when I started to change it and shape it and massage it. And I work hard on this stuff. I've been doing stand-up for almost three years now. and like i work like super hard like i did like open mics at the beginning and like you know then i like did my own shit and like yeah i am so yeah so

that's that do you ever look back on those open mic days like what was so crazy back then yeah it was like i'm just like i'm just like going to make it. Yeah, you must have been worried. That I wasn't going to make it. And everyone at home was like, I hope you make it. I really want you to make it. And I was like, I want to make it too. Family supportive? Yeah, dude. They were totally chill about it. Because they all knew I was super funny.

And I would go home and crack it. And they're like, you have to make it because you're so funny. You must have been the funny one out of your friends. i was like always like the funniest one i was cracking everyone up like and like all the jocks and stuff would be like yo what's that like what are those guys like laughing at yeah and i'd be like wait they want to like watch me be funny and like i would like start doing shit and they started laughing like it was Being funny, be a way to get girls. At first, like at first you're like,

this sucks. Like I'm not getting girls. But then as you get more famous and shit, like then you start getting like hotter girls. Yeah. And it's awesome. It's going back to high school. What's sort of interesting about being funny.

It's sort of a way to be a popular nerd. Yes. Yeah. That's like kind of what it is. You're like still nerdy. Like I was reading comic books and shit. And like, but but then like people are like i want you to like do something like make me laugh like you know i'm having like a bad day or something and like then you're kind of like playing both sides like it's it's awesome so it's like being a nerd except people like you

and you get a girlfriend and you're popular yeah fine yo you know what it's like everybody else is trying to open the front door and you're like oh i can't get the front door front door doesn't work for me but you go and around in the side or maybe through you know a different entrance exactly like you're like a nerd but you're successful popular having a fine time relaxed and happy yeah the inside of the house yes and that's all happening inside the house yeah but getting good grades but yes getting good grades everyone's proud of you you have a good family life but like you're like a nerd and a lot of options like and i was like kind of poor growing up too oh yeah i like wasn't rich wow yeah like yeah what is tough yeah that makes your achievements even bigger

what'd you do i mean did you have to hustle to get where you are exactly like i didn't like holy fucking excuse me i i'm sorry to interrupt but i mean i don't tell a lot of people realizing how much you must have had to hustle yeah if you're coming from more of a poor background maybe your town like a lot of rich kids like they come to town here and people are like oh you're rich so here's like a job or something yeah yeah like poor kids like or you know poorer like you know like i wasn't the richest kid in school so like i had to like do extra stuff like i had a job in high school and shit and like and then so like to make it in the business like i had to like work another job for like a couple months and shit and that was hard oh you know what i'm putting

together as you said yeah you're from jersey yeah and like jersey that kind of implies yes yeah i'm just like i was just like a kid from jersey you know like i live Yeah. And like Jersey. Which that kind of implies, you know. Yes, yeah. I'm just like, I was just like a kid from Jersey, you know. Literally, yeah. And now like I live in LA and like I'm doing great. Whoa. And like school was hard because, you know,

I was a nerd, but I was getting good grades and doing well and getting girls and stuff. But that was like, I was like a nerd. Yeah. And like now I'm like getting successful.

Did you have one crew you fit in with? Or did you kind of float among a lot of crews? Well, that's what's like crazy is like, you know, like there was all these cliques in high school. But because I was like this curly haired kid and like, you know, I wasn't like one of the rich kids. I wasn't one of the jocks. So like I would just kind of make everyone laugh. And that's what I realized I loved about it. And that's like what I still just want to do.

Let me ask you, speaking of success and you're certainly not poor anymore. Speaking of success, and you're certainly not poor anymore, have you spoken to any brands? Are you using Starbucks so much in your act? Is that something that you could parlay? Dude, I would love it. I would love it. But straight up, Starbucks is paying me nothing. What?

I'm still kind of poor. I still do my own laundry and shit. I'm not exactly rich yet, but I think I'm getting there. That's so funny because you talk about it in your act, and I'm still thinking, no way. I'm not exactly rich yet but uh i think i'm getting there talk about in your act and i'm still thinking no way i'm like i'm not totally there yet okay but like i can tell like things are happening like seth you know my manager and she's like getting stuff going and like i'm gonna be in a couple like small parts like um you know fluffy you guys know that yeah comedian like he's super hilarious like i'm gonna have like a small part in one of his things and like okay it's gonna be awesome like I'm gonna go

on tour again could you do some of his stand up material can I use some of it could you do it like I mean we've talked about it he would be totally cool

with that but like part of doing comedy is you're supposed to like respect each other's like material yeah oh really

yeah and even though I'm like this is so funny and I think I could do it like really well and like we talked about it he explained to me it's awesome it's like

this is yours and this is mine. Cause it's like, I came up with it. That's so interesting because when you go to a music concert, sometimes they will do a different song from another guy. Right. Yeah. It's like a different kind of world though. Like it's funny though. Like I am kind of like been hanging out with more musicians and stuff.

And you know, like I'm learning how to like play guitar and stuff. Wow. It's really cool. Like musicians are are it's like a totally different kind of person you know like comedians like you get in a room with comedians you're like okay these guys act this way you get in a room with musicians like oh these guys act this way different yeah it's like a little different yeah that's so interesting it is really interesting and like when i'm thinking about it i think you might be right right like you would think that everyone just acts the same but then when i start to point it out you realize people act sort of differently yeah it's really cool and like i don't know musicians are cool like i think deep down i've always kind of like wanted to be like a rock star you know like i've always like wanted to be like on stage but like comedy is just like the way you carry yourself when you're up there it is sort of

like that aggressive stance. Yeah, like rock star. I like that stuff. So I like chilling with those guys. Yes. You know what? Your shows do feel less like a stand-up comedy show and more like a fucking rock concert.

Yeah, that's kind of what I model it after. I want to do stadiums. I want to do that kind of stuff. I want to have my name in lights and stuff. I just want all that stuff. I can't wait. I in lights and stuff. And I just want all that stuff. I can't wait. I really can't wait. We're pulling for you, Dan.

We really are. Everyone is. And it's been so dope. And it's been so cool having so much support from literally everybody that I know. Not one person has ever said I've done a bad job or done anything wrong. So it's awesome. Do you have stuff you want to plug just while you're here in town? Or are you doing any shows?

I'm not booked for anything yet, but like I'm looking to get up on stage like anywhere like for paid bookings, like contact my manager, like LTA, like they're going to hook it up. But like I'll do any big shows or anything where I could kind of close out the night. And I just want people to watch my special. Like I can't wait to get more material to do another one and, you know, just like keep hustling and making that money, you know. But it is a hustle. And I so admire that because so many of these guys go up there and act like it's just like a normal another day for them. Exactly.

Yeah. But you really show how hard you try. Yeah. I try so hard. And that's a funny thing, too. Yes, it's funny and it's nice and I'm likable, I think, like where people can cast me and stuff. And I like that about me. Well, I mean, basically, you're a nice-looking guy.

Yeah, you know? In terms of if you want to do acting in movies, I think that's available to you because you are a good-looking guy. And it's like I'm unlucky in some ways. I wasn't the coolest guy, but I don't know. Something about this feels lucky in some other ways. I feel lucky that I got to be this funny. That gratitude's going to take you far, Dan.

Now, let's figure out who got the pro version this week. Yeah, let's look that up really quick. And then you can talk about the different social media and things, because we are on social media as well. Okay, well, if you're a fan of Dan and tuning in for this, and let's see who qualifies for that, everybody. Dude, yeah, follow me on Twitter. It's huge for us, honestly. I do just see who qualifies for that. Everybody. Dude, yeah. Follow me on Twitter.

It's huge for us, honestly. I do just want to thank you for you coming on here for a show like this. This is not a small show, but to get someone like you, it's a lot of listens. And I know we were going back and forth

with my manager and stuff about getting on here. Timing, and we understand. We know it's so hard. We get some of the danimals get those danimals out there dude i got people tweeting at me right now oh you get blowing up yeah i can feel it buzz i love getting notifications on my phone yeah okay well okay i'm gonna do this the social media stuff so please like us on facebook um if you could uh go on the

earwolf forums and talk to us and let us know if you have a question for Dan, we'll try to relay it to him. How do you plug your different things? Dude, I'm just like always on Twitter, put my show dates out there. I just tweet constantly. I will tweet about 150 to 250 times a day and just get out there. And that's awesome. And people love it. That's what's so cool.

We should do that. Okay, Dan, not your fault. But, Hayes, you did interrupt me and I was still going and I was going to say. Well, I just think it's good advice. You know, I just want to. But you did interrupt me.

We only have him for, yes, I understand. And so we can do it after. Okay. We only have him for so long. Dude, this is like a comedy. Rate us. If only.

It is funny. He's right. It's funny. No, it's funny, but it's. There's something funny about it. Yes. There's something about the tone of it that's kind of funny. He's right. It's funny. No, it's funny, but it's... There's something funny about it. Yes. There's something about the tone of it that's kind of funny. But at the same time, you interrupted me.

Now rate us on iTunes and give us a five-star rating and write a review. There. That's it. Now ask him whatever you want. Well, I did. I did. I asked him the... It was just the one thing.

Brandon Dryrock got the pro version. mean am i overreacting well are we i guess we're even because i was saying i was talking just there and you were speaking in the middle of me talking so is that even is that the same now i feel like mommy and daddy are fighting. That's right. See? Thank you, dad. I mean, it's like, it is funny. There's always something funny. It makes me look at how silly.

Yes. You know, it just totally diffuses the tension. Yeah, dude. And like people are always acting silly. Yeah. Brandon Dry Rock bought the pro version of our podcast this week. We have a big package coming your way. Thank you, Brandon.

Dan, I'm sure Brandon would really love – he paid a lot of money for this thing. And I'm sure Brandon Dry Rock would love just a little bit on his name. Brandon Dry Rock, I hope you're not in the ocean because if you were, I think you'd be a little bit of a wet rock. We didn't tell him anything beforehand. Did we tell you his day beforehand? Dude, I never heard of this dude in my life. That honestly was off the top of my head. That's just part of being a comedian.

Sometimes you just got to be funny. Your mind. What is going on in your mind? The twists. Dude, my mind is crazy crazy does it scare you like does it scare you sometimes dude like i don't know where this stuff comes from but like it does so i guess i'm lucky but but bye this has been an earwolf media production executive producers jeff ulrich and scott

ackerman for more, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.