Hollywood Handbook - Dan Lippert, Our Oscars Friend

Episode Date: February 27, 2017

With the Oscars coming up, DAN LIPPERT from Big Grande's The Teachers' Lounge helps Sean and Hayes make their predictions for the big show. This episode is sponsored by Harry's (www.harrys.com/hollywoodhandbook) and Blue Apron (www.blueapron.com/handbook).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Interior, Santa's house, ding dong. Whee, whee, whee, who's at my door? Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee. Door opens by Santa Van. Introduce character, repossession person. Hello, what brings you here tonight, mister? What's this notice you're handing me? You're here to repossess Harry's razors?

The last possession of value Santa Man has? No! Santa Man falls, throws himself on a bucket of razors to protect them from Repossession Man. Please, these razors compare so favorably to other shaving solutions I've tried in terms of quality and the price. No, don't do that to old Santa Man. Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee. Repossession guy shrugs.

He's just doing his job. You can tell on his face. Oh, come on. He's just doing his job. You can tell on his face. Oh, come on. You're just doing your job? Is that what that shrug's supposed to mean? Come on, man. It's as if you don't even know that, look, we're just two guys here,

two guys like Jeff and Andy who started Harry's Razors. And they were fed up with being overcharged by razors. And can't you just be fed up with this materialistic culture that makes you repossess stuff from good hard-working Santa mans? And maybe we should buy a factory together with a blade-making experience. We'll do the same thing.

The repossessed guy gets out his hand cart and starts loading razors one by one for some reason oh this is gonna take so long oh no oh that one had five german engineer blades on it oh no not the one with the lubricating strip oh don't take my razor with the flex hinge for a comfortable glide and they all have all of those things it's not a one each razor having one of those things. At least leave me the one with the trimmer blade for hard to reach places. They all have that. Oh, please. No, just

leave me one, okay? Just the one with the weighted ergonomic handle. And the guy starts rolling away the razors that are $2 a blade compared to the $4 or more that you pay at the drugstore. Hey, come on. Do you need a spokesman for your repo company?

Tell you what. You pay me the $2 a blade or whatever that it costs to keep this instead of $4, and I'll do a commercial. Hey, this guy's the repo man. He gives a shrug that tells you everything you need to know. If you want something taken away and loaded up slowly, use this guy. I didn't catch your name, sir. The repo guy points to his name tag, which says barn.

Barn. Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee. The repossessed guy looks intrigued, and he's wondering if there's a call to action for a special offer. Oh, no, please don't take it away. I'll do anything. I'm just so confident in the quality of those blades that I think that everyone should try the most popular trial set for free. Please. If it's for free, you can't repossess it, right?

Please, please. It comes with a razor handle of your choice and five-blade cartridge and shaving gel and it's free when you sign up or just pay a small fee for shipping. It's really not a very big fee. It's like not even a big fee at all and it's almost practically free except for the small shipping fee which is very small.

As far as fees go, it's like freaking microscopic. You can barely even see the fee. So it's like, why am I even bringing it up? I mean, it's almost basically free. Please don't take up a reason. Santa Man lies down in the road in front of the repossession car. I'm not going to let you leave.

I got to tell everybody to redeem their free trial offer. Go to harrys.com slash Hollywood Handbook right now. That's harrys.com slash Hollywood Handbook. Go there right now, please. Don't drive over me. Oh, my bones. Oh, God. My centipede bones are getting crushed under the truck.

And the weight of the razors. Razors. So I'm there with Morris Chestnut And Andy Daily And we're doing Like a puppet show with the

Scrub daddy, you know the scrub daddy sponge The scrub daddy sponge So we're doing this really funny puppet show with the Scrub Daddy. You know the Scrub Daddy sponge? The Scrub Daddy sponge. So we're doing this really funny puppet show for all the kids, and I put a mop on my Scrub Daddy. Two cleaning products, but he's sort of like a Rasta Scrub Daddy now. And so I'm doing like, you know,

respect, respect, and all this very funny sort of Rastafarian character. And Ziggy Marley doesn't like this. Yeah. Because it's like he's the only one who can have a funny Rasta character or whatever. I'm like stepping on his. Now, I'm sorry. Is this actual Ziggy Marley or is it Andy Daly's Ziggy Marley?

No, it's Andy as Ziggy. Doing Ziggy. Doing Ziggy. Yes. Yeah. And he, but then Andy separately is really getting upset. Okay. Because Ziggy's going like, hey, boy, that's my voice, man.

And I'm like, okay, like, this is good. I can work with this, you know, with the puppets. But then underneath he's going like, what the fuck are you doing, man? Like, I do the Rasta scrub daddy puppets in here. Yeah. And his isn't even a mop. And Morris is just trying to enjoy the show. Morris, yeah.

I guess. Morris is, I mean, he's cracking up because the way we capture these characters is so vivid. But he's there to fill in if we need not like an extra for the puppet scene, but somebody who's functional. Receptionist in the lobby. You know, a security guard, somebody who doesn't have to really drive the comedic action of

the scrub daddy puppet scene. And this is really the only way to trick him into cleaning up a mess. Yeah, well, that's one of the issues is to back all the way up Morse's apartment is a pigsty

you know and so Andy and I get together and it's like oh this is a fun way to have fun with our friend and also do a big favor and then it became this pissing contest where it's all about whose roster character is better and I'm not even going to weigh in on whose I think is better.

Bob sled team, you know? That's my key phrase. I'll leave you with that. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping. I will say it is too cold currently in this room to do the introduction. Would you agree with that?

Yeah, to do the entire kicking, butting, dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry called ShowBet, to do that whole intro, you need a certain amount of heat. Because it's a hot intro. And here we have engineer Cody saying, well, I have a leather jacket. Intro. And here we have engineer Cody saying, well, I have a leather jacket. So I'm so comfortable in my leather jacket, this fake skin. I've got an eagle sweater and a cow's skin on me. And so I'm warm like cows.

So I'm a happy, warm cow. Because you've seen cows up in the Alps. Can't be bothered. You know? No. up in the Alps. Can't be bothered, you know? No.

And so Cody wants us to suffer so that he can pretend to be a cow, and isn't that interesting? Did you fix it? Is it fixed? My stomach is not like a cow, but everything else about my skin is like a cow. Gosh. Like, when did he, like? And for a while I was like, what happened to cody i haven't seen him no i honestly was like i haven't seen this dude in fucking like six months and now it's like

i wanted this did i wish this i was like oh and when we get cody anymore and it's like why wasn't i just going like i'm so lucky. We got a guest. What is it about him? Every year we, everyone, wants to think about, talk about, who is going to be the best Oscar. Who's going to do the most Oscar and who's going to be, you know, bring home the hardware. And everyone has their pool.

Their friends. You fill in who's going to do it. Your aunt is there. Yes. And they say how do I find someone to help me? How I'm going to win. And so now we will

do the winning. And you, so there's will. Do the winning. Yes. And you, when, so there's a few kinds of winning here. There's winning like Charlie Sheen winning, which is just how the sort of mode we're in. And our guest, Dan Lippert is in all the time. Tiger mode. Say winning. Winning.

Tiger mode. Yes. So Dan's winning, but also there's who's going to be winning the Oscar and helping you winning the pool. Yeah. And it's helping us Dan lips hurt. That's right. Yeah.

What happened to your lips? No chapstick? It's actually not like a nickname. It's my last name. It was like an old ancestor. But your ancestor don't, no, Chapstick? Yeah, I think that was the issue when my ancestors came across as their kind of hard to pronounce Germanic background. And so a lot of times when you would come through Ellis Island, you would just describe how you feel in that moment.

Yeah, you're named after whatever ailment. So there's a lot of people. You've probably met a lot of C6. Yeah. It's a lot of last names that you'll find. Is it possible that he had to do the show in the studio with Cody on the boat? And so it's so cold in there. That is that,

that Dan's lips hurt. Yeah. No, that's very interesting. I haven't considered that. Cody and you know, Cody, when he got his name assigned, his family name, it was, you know, obviously his ancestors were very scully, which means they had more skulls than brain.

Very thick skull, not a lot of room for brains in there. And it can be advantageous. You know, it's an evolutionary advantage because this guy, really, I've seen him conk his head so hard. And he doesn't even appear to notice. There's bruises, bumps. The concrete shatters.

He'll be skateboarding, bonk his head on the concrete. He's bonked! He's taking Jonas' bonk! I mean, he is. Why are you using my surname? Why? So anyway, in terms of names, Lips Her, all this stuff,

Dan's Lips Her is here to help us do the Oscar ballot. And I think it's going to be really informative for a lot of our listeners. And there are a lot of names on there as well. So that's a good segue into what we're getting into, which is who are some of these names? Who are going to be best Oscars? Oh, I would have liked to hang out with the Miss La La Land's ancestors. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

You got to get a new name. What is it? Play that out. It's like, well, so her great-grandmother gets off the boat, and it's like, all right, well, we got to give you a new name. Can't pronounce this crazy shit, so what's it going to be? Yeah. And she goes, and they go like, well, was there anything distinct about you?

And she's like, I don't know, dude. I guess I'm fucking stoned. thing distinctive about you? And she's like, I don't know, dude. I guess I'm fucking stoned. And where does it go kind of from there? Can you help him, Dan? Yeah, well, it seems like from there, I kind of see where it goes pretty clearly.

Great. Because you are talking about Emma Stone's ancestors. So they probably said maybe your last name could be stoned. Oh, no. Oh, Danny. You said it, not me. Can you guys talk about that on here? I'm sorry. That's an interesting question.

Or do you have to just insinuate? We've definitely gotten some angry emails from new Earwolf content administrator, Colin Anderson, who is pissed off when we talk about getting zooted. He is straight edge. He's straight edge. X's on the back of the hand. Oh, man, that's cool. You got to be scared of somebody like that. Yeah.

Because they'll fight you. Well, he's always in control. I mean, me, you know, at know at any time like i don't know where the fuck i am yeah you're you're like late i'm so goddamn zooted half the time my man i've been sparking up that chiba and i just go like am i underwater now is it okay with you to be kind of a weed comedian do you want to edge in on doug benson's territory in that sense does benson work with in that area yeah he's kind of a weed guy sometimes i know him as a movie fan oh he likes movies yeah young guy likes movies and i know like that has always been

sort of where he where his bread gets buttered is he sometimes also involved with something weed-wise? Yeah, I'm actually not aware of the movie thing. I'm so high I haven't noticed. Yeah. Because for me it's so authentic, and I don't even know if there's a market for this, if there's people who, because they smoke weed, just hear what someone else does.

Or hear other people doing it. Yeah, just hearing somebody else going like, I'm high, man, is actually... And it's almost like you don't even need anything else in common doing it. Yeah, just hearing somebody else going like, I'm high, man. The sound of it. And it's almost like you don't even need anything else in common. Yeah. Yeah, that's enough. That one thing is enough. That's just, that's comedy for them.

The sound of the bubbles. Yeah. I don't know if there's a market for that. That would be cool. I mean, that would make my life easier because I'm doing it anyway, right? Might as well get paid. yeah yeah just like getting high it's just like everybody lives their life from like this one perspective right you know like you're just born sober and then people go like oh well this is the only way i'm gonna look at the world. And I have this really cool... Wear a suit. Yeah. I'm going to wear a suit. A fucking monkey

suit. But you're an artist. Work at fucking Best Buy. Go sit in the cubicle like fucking Dilbert. Fucking Dilbert at Best Buy in his monkey suit. And I'm going, well, maybe I want to look at things from a little bit sideways. You know, how do I

get out of my perspective and into something else? And the answer for me, a number one answer is get zooted and that's it so your sideways is not wine you're sideways now do you use wine to get sideways yeah to get sideways i'll do a red wine to get sideways i'll do a merlot or red wine to get sideways. I'll do a Merlot. And I've seen this guy out at Chateau getting sideways, and I got to say, it's a sight to behold. What's the craziest place you ever woke up on? Oh, that's interesting. That's a great question.

I woke up on a flight. I had no idea where I was headed. I just knew I was on a plane. empty plane an empty plane yeah uh it was just me the captain and eight or nine uh stewards and stewardesses it was a dca yeah oh yeah yeah that's a big plane uh and so i'm out of it. I had spent the night. What night was that? I think I had gone to see. Sia? I had gone to Sia to her house just to see how she was doing. And one thing led to another. Uh-oh.

Yeah. Yeah. The veil was lifted. Once you uncork that bottle. Somebody found the wine. Yeah. And then somebody was me. Somebody went sideways.

You guys know Sia is straight edge also. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she got that straight edge of hair in front of her face. Yeah, so wine can't get in. Right. That's a literal straight edge. That hair is designed to keep out wine. And it's done an incredible job.

I learned that that night. You could try to trick her into drinking wine. You could try to dump it all over her face. straight that hair is designed to keep out one and it's done it's done an incredible job i learned that that night yeah you could try to trick her into drinking wine you could try to dump it all over her face the hair will stop it's a wine shield yeah you can try to dump it on her face yeah yeah which it's almost inviting that that's oh yeah i said if you don't you know if you don't want me to try why yeah the hair there yeah and there? Yeah, it's like anyone who's familiar with the Fry Guys knows that that sort of haircut, that style of long, drapey, hangy things in front of you is basically begging to get splashed on with wine, wine dumped on you, wine injected using a syringe. Syringe.

Yeah. Wine smashed, frozen block of wine. So those guys didn't love fries. The fry guys? They hated wine. Yeah, that's right. And so they used fries to protect wine. Well, they didn't really look like fries, right?

Weren't their hair French fries or no? No. No? No. They look like hair was French fries. You know what they look like? Green and blue and stuff. Remember you go through the car wash?

Blue fries? Uh-huh. And then they dump the suds. That's the fry guys hanging upside down. That's the fry guys are coming to wash the car. I wonder if you guys could talk about the discussions you've been having to join forces and create a bong that uses wine instead of water. Oh, yeah. And that's what they've been so far is just discussions.

I don't want anybody out there to expect. Just really the concept of a wine bong. Yeah, we haven't managed to figure out the exact logistics. It's been a lot of schematics, a lot of drawing, a lot of planning. And a lot of times what happens is before we get to the experiment phase, dude goes straight sideways. I go straight sideways. And I am on an outer space planet.

And I know a lot of people. From Highness. A lot of people get more creative when they're sideways. I get less. My contributions become a lot worse. When I get. Your ideas are very straightforward. Yeah, very like kind of direct, very in the box. Very simplistic. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. When I get on an outer space planet from Highness, which has been known to happen, I'm no longer able to communicate with earthly beings. And so it's very difficult to collaborate with a guy who's straight sideways thinking inside the box. And it stalls us out a little bit. We've gotten some questions. Why don't you just pour wine in the bottle? Uh-huh.

And heat it up. Yeah. And that just seems so facile. It's like when you're a fucking baby. When I'm getting asked that question, I'm like, is this a baby asking me this question? There's a cork in there, too, and all you have is a pen to open it. Uh-huh.

So, you know, explain that. Yeah, you know, but these babies don't know what they're talking about. No, they don't. And I don't like being talked down to by people who don't get it. Oh, that's pet peeve for me? Somebody who doesn't get it talking down to me. Pet peeve number one. Pet peeve for me, somebody who doesn't get it talking down to me. Pet peeve number one. Pet peeve number two, people don't want to hit on my frigging cone, my blazy spliff.

When I'm like, you want to get it where I'm at, man? Come up to the outer space planet. And somebody goes like, oh, no, no, thank you. My boots are fine here on the ground. It's like, okay, well, fucking good luck, man. Let me see if I can forge a segue from the movie Sideways, one of the biggest Oscars from that time. Oh, yeah.

And wouldn't it be interesting to talk about Oscars today? Okay. When it's about Oscars today? Okay. When it's the Oscars. Okay. So let's look at it. You want to look at the list? Okay, I'll look at it.

Cody. Yes. Where's the list? The list. The list? Doing Oscar, Cody. The list, doing Oscar movies. So your segue just then was saying you were going to do a segue.

That was your way to relate this? Well, the idea of wouldn't it be so interesting. Oh, if you had done that segue. Talking about the big Oscar movie. Wouldn't it be interesting now to do the Oscars that are today? Yes. Talk about them. I'm not much of a host. I would have just made that segue.

I would have said, speaking of sideways the oscars are coming and this is i wonder if you are so sideways right now that you are so only capable of doing the most basic thing possible that's very in the box i'd say i'm halfway sideways i'm half in the bottle right now so it's you know it's early like the court usually heads up what do you try and uh-huh you shove it right in there. Yeah. Like you're on a date, then you brought a bottle to the beach and forgot the bottle opener. You just have a pen. You smash it in there with a pen.

Cody? I've been on dates. So I'm at the list, tv.com. We have a food list, DIY list, life hacks list, and trending lists. Which one is that that you need? There's three random moments from Ed Sheeran's music video list. Cody, we... Is this BJ Novak's list app?

Isn't he on the list app? I don't know. Listen, he's a friend of the show. Yeah. I would love to take 20 minutes now to talk about some of the lists on the list. I'll go through the list. Some of the funny lists. But not today.

We can't do it today. And just the standard list that they suggest for you, brands I wear every day, stuff like that, stuff that we all relate to. What they put on my Starbucks cup this week. Do you know. Stuff that we all relate to. Yeah. What they put on my Starbucks cup this week. Do you know they do that

on purpose? Why? Do you know that? No. Viral marketing, Hayes. Viral marketing. What they, Starbucks,

who's so clever, realized that a lot of people were Instagramming their Starbucks cup with the misspelled name. And then they encouraged their employees, do the tricky name. Pretend you don't know. Write it crazy.

And now it's a viral. And then everyone's Instagram feed is just Starbucks cups. And now everyone knows about coffee. And now they found out and say, hey, drink your hot beans. And then maybe more people will go like, I don't want to drink hot beans. Yeah. I want to see what crazy thing they'll do with my name. Think about how crazy coffee is.

Like, hey, I'm pretty sleepy. Let me drink some hot beans. I mean, somebody fucking said that, dude. What are some crazy things that your name has become at this at coffee at coffee at coffee man um well i let's see because it's it's dan lippert um and i'll get a lot of and you give your full name i'll give my full name yeah like i'm introducing myself to a studio head uh and so usually the craziest thing they'll do is they'll write it as one name because I guess a lot of people don't give full

names and then I'll gram a picture of that I'll say these idiots didn't realize what a space was forgot to capitalize my last name wage baristas forgot to capitalize my last name they thought it was the second half of my first name and sometimes they'll only do one P instead of two P's and I'm like

hashtag I'm the injured party. That's pretty cool. What's happened to my name? Well, my name, obviously my full name is Shonk. Oh, I didn't know this. Lemons. Shonk Lemons. Yeah.

Chunk lemons. Yeah. And so what I have seen is they'll leave the umlaut off, which for me is real disrespectful of my heritage. And so I'll chew them out. And I don't even post a picture of the mug so much as I post a picture of the barista begging for mercy. I'll use my full name, too, because, you know, like, your local neighborhood Starbucks, you don't need to use, like, your fake Hollywood name. You can use your full one.

So I'll use my real name, which is Hayes for horses. So your last name is for horses? My last name is for horses. And they will write that out as a complete sentence with a period. There's no period at the end of your name. No, my name is not punctuation. There's no punctuation involved in my name. Do you ever get, you'll tell them your name, and they said, I wasn't asking for a fact. I was asking for your name. Yeah.

And you say, no, that's not a fact. They get mad because they get really mad if you try and tell them a fact. Yes. Then my name, yes, happens to be a fact as well. Yeah, which is like not fair. I mean, could there be a worse – Much like Dan's lips hurt. Yeah.

Could there be a worse idea than asking Cody what Starbucks has done with his name? Could there be a less fruitful path to go down right now for this show than to ask Cody what Starbucks has done with his name on a cup? What could hit the wall faster? I'm a champion of the underdog. I say you ask him. You think we should ask him. I'm introducing Cody. So Dan Lipsert thinks we should.

Hayes? Well, it would be tempting to think that given enough time to think about something. Oh, if we front-porched it for a long time, we're talking about whether we're going to do it. You think he'd have time to cook something up? Or is that worse? That's certainly a path that could convince you to do something like this. Because Cody gets a vote, too. It ends in flames. Like there's no surviving this decision.

I think some people have seen Cody going off the cuff and gone like, you need to give him more time to prepare. It's actually the opposite. But at this point, you know, curiosity killed the co-hosts, right? I got to go. I got to know. Cody, what have they done at Starbucks? I will say, just before we do this,

Cody is fond of describing himself as better at reacting than initiating stuff. Yes. Yeah. The truth is that to say that he is better at one thing or another would be to imply that he is not perfectly bad

at all things. Mm-hmm. But this is a perfect reacting opportunity for him to What I always like to say test this theory of his. I don't trust Cody

but I trust Cody to be Cody. So I'm never disappointed. You know? Cody, but I trust Cody to be Cody. So I'm never disappointed, you know? Cody, what have they done at Starbucks with your name, bud? They usually think I said Corey.

And they just drag that on. Hollywood Handbook. Hey guys, wanted to talk to you about Blue Apron. It is Hollywood Handbook. Hey, guys. I wanted to talk to you about Blue Apron. It is fresh, high-quality ingredients, and it comes in the mail. And for less than $10 per person per meal, you get easy-to-follow recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients from over 150 local farms, ranches,

and fisheries across the United States right to your door. I'd just like to say, you know, we've had our own experiences with Blue Apron, of course, here. And we love eating this food. It's a growing Earwolf family. Chef Kevin has been generous enough to cook us a different meal every night of the week. I eat all my meals here at the Earwolf offices, and so does all the podcast hosts. He's going to talk a little bit about some of the recent changes that are being made. Hey, guys.

Chef Kevin here. Let me just say, big fan of Blue Apron. It's kind of my Bible. I can't really do my job without it. And it is not a book. I think we should clarify that Blue Apron is not a book. It's not a book, but the ingredients come on a page that if you kept all of them together, it would almost not a book. I think we should clarify that Blue Apron is not a book. It's not a book, but the ingredients come on a page. If you kept all of them together, it would almost be a book.

Sorry, I should have clarified that. The pages are a Bible to me. So like page one of the Bible, you know, Genesis would be like a cashew chicken stir fry with tango, mandarins, and jasmine rice. That would be like— Tango and cashew chicken. No, it's true. It's funny.

They have fun with the names. Honestly, it sounds like a joke, but that is real. And Exodus or Deuteronomy might be udon noodle soup with miso and soft-boiled eggs. Yeah, and Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John might be roasted pork with apple, walnut, and farro salad and crispy barramdi with quinoa. There is a pronunciation guide right there, and that's not what it says. Okay, so I implied that something was my Bible, but I didn't imply that I can read.

With quinoa and roasted carrot salad. That's my Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. That's my Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. And honestly, all I care about is fresh ingredients, and I'm just glad that Blue Apron can consistently provide that service in a world where that's not always guaranteed. And I've seen you have some conflict with sous chef Cody, who hates fresh ingredients. Cody, can you talk a little bit about your ingredient philosophy?

For me, it's not my number one priority. I think that you should be putting food in that maybe isn't fresh so that you can get that food out the door. Cody always wants to make old soup. Cody, what is the book next to your elbow right now? I just want to point out? It's kombucha. It's kombucha, which is a bunch

of fungus turned liquid. A lot of people are getting sick. That is kind of what old soup is. It's a kombucha book about making kombucha out of old, moldy fungus. Let's just say we don't see eye to eye on everything. But we are trying to work through this difficulty.

I'm trying to... The job is open. I don't know how else to say. I'm using ZipRecruiter to take applications for other sous chefs. And there should be an ad for that, too. We should be paid for that, as well. And we'll see if we can get money for that, yeah. Thank you, ZipRecruiter.

And I also want to clarify that it is an actual book that is next to Cody that's kombucha. There's some discrepancy earlier over what is a book and what isn't, but in this case, it is a book. That's a book book. And so Sous Chef Cody has a moldy book, and he sometimes tries to sneak in ingredients that aren't

fresh, and Chef Kevin is always knocking them away and shoving them in Codyody's face punishing him and then going like i only use the fresh ingredients from blue apron and i go to blueapron.com slash handbook because i love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home-cooked meals with blue apron and then sous chef cody will be like well i don't like that and if you've seen him or you know anything about his health situation, I think you understand which side of this debate you should be on. And you should go to blueapron.com slash handbook,

Blue Apron, and Better Way to Kook. And you get your first three meals free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash handbook. And you stick it to Sous Chef Cody and punish him. See you in the kitchen. Hollywood Handbook. Hey, guys. There's a great show called Hello from the Magic Tavern.

It's for fantasy and comedy nerds alike. It's with hosts. Is this Howl? Yeah. Is this supposed to be Howl? Yeah, this is Howl. Howl. But it doesn't say Howl.

It doesn't mention it at all. Hmm. Where is how? All it says, it doesn't say how. At the top, it says mid-roll, which I know is not what we're talking about. No. And it says if you've worked with any of the guests listed here or appeared on the show or are a fan of them, please say so.

I'm going to talk about how I'm a fan of them. I've heard the show is great. I met the guys and I love these guys. Is this how? But this is my problem. I'm going to talk about how I'm a fan of

John Gabrus, Peter Siegel, Scott Adsit, and Aaron Wood. I'm going to talk about that during my show? That's bullshit. I'm going to talk about that during my show? That's bullshit. I'm not going to fucking talk about how funny John Gabrus is. If you want to know if that guy's funny, listen to his show. Oh, wait, it's not on Earwolf, so I'm not even allowed to mention it. I get beat up by Scott.

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Colin. Colin. Colin. Colin. He's coming. Hold on. What's going on? Now you're the new boss.

Colin, we're looking at this ad here. Right. Hello from the Magic Tavern. I've heard great things about this show. Is this Howl? Is this an ad for Howl? It doesn't say it. I think it's an ad for Howl, yeah.

Why doesn't it say Howl? Yeah, it doesn't say Howl. They used to say Howl. They used to all say Howl. It doesn't say it. I think it's an ad for Howl, yeah. Why doesn't it say Howl? Yeah, it doesn't say Howl. They used to say Howl. They used to all say Howl. It doesn't say Wolf either. It doesn't say Wolf. It's available on Earwolf anyway. It does say Wolf.

It says Earwolf up top. But you're not answering the question, which is, is it Howl? Is it for Earwolf? We're doing a commercial for Earwolf? Yeah. But this is Earwolf. Is that a problem? This is Earwolf? We're doing a commercial for Earwolf? Yeah. But this is Earwolf. Is that a problem? This is Earwolf.

Here's my main problem. Is it how? I'm supposed to talk about how I'm a fan of Scott Adsit from 30 Rock during my show? Is he doing that for me? Maybe. I think I would have heard about it if Scott Adsit from 30 Rock and Brief Roll and Accepted as one of the parents dropping off the kids at the fake college that Justin Long creates in order to trick his parents into thinking he's going to college. I think if he talked about how he was a fan of me, I think I would have heard about that on one of the Accepted message boards. And he's the big hero six as well.

I saw a big hero six. I don't remember it coming up that he was a big fan of Sean. No. Yeah. I don't think it was in there at all and I think I would have heard about it on one of the Big Hero 6 message boards. I haven't seen the film but I do participate actively in their online community.

Another question that wasn't solved in that movie. I'm reading an ad right now. Maybe this is happening just in a studio in Santa Monica or something. There's studios over there? It feels like this is all a dodge for the big question of is this Howl? Hayes is obsessed with this.

He's obsessed. I've got no satisfactory answer to whether or not this is Howl. It's difficult for me to speak on that because I'm executive producer of Airwolf, not Howl. Speak on that. He's doing our thing. Okay. He says speak on that. Well, we love hearing from fans.

That's flattering. Hey, flattery will get you everywhere, my dear. No, okay, so I'll do the commercial. You don't want to miss the show. So subscribe to Hello from the Magic Tavern and iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. Which is that how? Hollywood Handbook.

Where's the list? I need to know which list. Movie list. Best Oscar. It's the Oscar man. Dude, do you guys know who the Oscar statue is based on? Jerry West.

Jerry West. That was his plague style. Standing straight up. Under the basket. Yeah. That was his plague style. Standing straight up. Under the basket. Yeah. Under the basket. Hands sort of folded at his chest. Somebody else could climb up on him.

Ready to receive a crisp pass. How was he associated with the film industry? Because I was kind of venturing a guess just because it did look like the way he played. I didn't know I was going to be right. Yeah. One of the movies he was in won Best Picture. North by North, Jerry West. Basketball Jones. That's right. North by North, Jerry West.

I found it. Hey! Number one is Titanic. Number two, Slumdog Millionaire. Number three is Forrest Gump. And number four is Lord of the Rings. And then Gladiator. Okay, so who did you pick this year?

Okay, that's a little surprising to me. I did have... Who was your pick? Because I know in the past... I had Gladiator at number two. All of these have been picks for you. Yeah. Of course, the Oscar ballot is you rank the movies.

So you said number one's Titanic and number two's Slumdog Millionaire. Okay, for me, I flip them. Yeah. I flip them. Slumdog Millionaire, when the kid dropping the duty and he get all the poop on him, and he's stinking, and he's a baby kid. Maybe that's why it's number two. Oh, yes.

Is that being a funny list? It's a comment. The list is doing the joke. Yeah. Okay. But then it's like Titanic is pee or something. Okay. And I guess the water, they must have been peeing in that water.

They're in there for a long time. And they die. And when you die, you know you piss your pants. People don't want to talk about this when you die you piss your pants a lot a lot it's a huge one it goes forever if you've ever been around to hear the noise it's just like a last like you it's comedic you know because you're going like well surely they must be done now and then it just keeps going but that's you know mother nature or god or whatever you want to call it is at the the darkest times that's also the funniest times yeah and if you

can't you know keep your sense of humor when you're dead and pissing yourself, then what are you going to do? And I know your philosophy, Dan, is we could go at any time, and the pee we do when we die might as well smell very strongly of wine. Correct. Yeah, that is my philosophy, I would say. You could go at any time, and the pee we do when we die might as well smell strongly of wine. And I've been saying that 10, 15 years now. It almost rhymed. Yeah.

Well, I had one that rhymed. Okay. And I thought, a philosophy shouldn't rhyme. You know, a poem should rhyme. Yeah. A rap should rhyme. What was that one? So let me consider it again.

Let you say it back. Life is short. When we die, the pee we do might as well smell like wine, guy. Oh, port could have been. Short, yeah. It was too long? No, no, no. Well, port is a good one.

Why? It started with life is short, and Hayes didn't know if you were going to do something like that. Oh, if I was going to rhyme it with port. Yeah. God. Life is short. Your death pee should something like that. Oh, if I was going to rhyme it with port. Yeah. God. Life is short. Your death pee should smell like port. Your death pee.

That's more the Beastie Boys mindset of rhyming, where you know what the word is going to be that rhymes with. Oh, that's right. So everyone can jump in on that rhyme. Yeah. I like everyone not even knowing when to jump in, so I'm the only one saying the last word. Okay.

Death pee. Can you try a limerick? That's like... I feel like I can try it, but it's really going to slow things down now. We did have some momentum. We were cruising. This was really... I had so much.

Now I have to start all over. What's number three? Forrest Gump. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That could be good. Okay, yeah.

That could be good. What was it last year? Last year was... Well, what number was Forrest Gump last year at the Oscars? That was after Return of the King. Return of the King. The Lord of the Rings film. Okay.

And it was also after Schindler's List. Okay, so last year Forrest Gump was not even top five. Not even. Moving up the charts in 2017. Wow, surging. Yeah. Which I'd expect it to. That movie's more prescient now than it was when it came out. Yeah. the charge in 2017. Wow, surging. Yeah. Yeah. Which I'd expect it to. That movie's more prescient now than it was when it came out.

Yeah. It's more relatable. Well, it predicts a lot of what we're dealing with now. Yes. You know, in terms of just Elvis coming and staying with us. A lot of the things that we're going through at present day, you know? And that's what a good movie does is you watch it and you go, I heard this was made 20 years ago.

It feels like it was cut yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good seed for Forrest Gump this year, but that means they have to play the 14, which I think is A Beautiful Mind. Whoa. The 14, which I think is a beautiful mind. Whoa.

And that is a really tough draw for them just matchup-wise. Mm-hmm. Because you got pro. Because Lieutenant Dan is in a wheelchair. Mm-hmm. And the beautiful mind's Fred is imaginary, and so you can't see him as he's playing. He's very hard to defend. Yeah, it's a sixth man type situation,

if you remember the movie Sixth Man with Marlon Wayans. Yes, which itself was an Angels in the Outfield type situation. Exactly. And so it is going to be very difficult to stop John Nash's imaginary friend. And also, most of his mathematical breakthroughs occurred in game theory. And so, you've got to figure

playing a game against him? Yeah. I've got a theory. Not a good idea. Are you hearing what I mean? Game theory? What is that, like the hookup thing? Cody.

God damn it. So emboldened. How? How do you get so strong? Is Forrest Jump something with this? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. He was a great athlete in the film.

Yeah. He ran. He was running. Remember? Now, is he the only runner to have his own restaurant also? Oh, okay. That's an interesting question. Are there more running restaurants?

Yeah. Prefontaine. Well, there's couscous bolt. Prefondue. Couscousane bolt Couscous Bolt. I don't know. Speaking of Oscars, we got Pistorius. He was a runner.

Oh, yeah, that's right. The Blade Runner, yeah. Yeah, where's he on the list? Blade Runner. Yeah, Oscar Pistorius, the Blade Runner. Oh, isn't Carl's Jr. Carl Lewis' restaurant? That's right. Yeah. isn't Carl's Jr. Carl Lewis's restaurant? That's right. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Unfortunate. He would have been great in the Trump administration. Carl Lewis. I would have liked his voice in there. Yeah, that was sad. What they did to him. Jackie Joyner Hershey Kiss.

I'm just fucking. I'm just fucking... I'm in outer space now. To be able to come up with some of the stuff you would have to be on an outer space planet from high in this. You gotta be so fucked up while we're working on this. People are always like... Kevin, have a seat. We need one more restaurant that a runner would start. Some of the previous examples are Kuz Kusane Bolt, Steve Prefondu.

Lieutenant Dan. Jackie Joyner Hershey's Kisses. Carl's Jr. Lewis. Yeah? Carl's Jr. Lewis. Yeah, Carl's Jr. Lewis. And we need two more. Two more. It's a question I brought up and we were all kind of happy

to be doing it, I think. Yeah. But we need six. We do need one, two more. Oh, six total. Yes. Can I take the pictures first? And I'll come back to you.

What would the picture be of if we don't come up with this, Kevin? There's no show if we don't come up with this. You know what I mean? What would the picture be? What would that look like? You guys would look deep in thought, brainstorming. No, there'd be no show. And we'd just be looking at you because we did ours.

It's a picture of an empty room. Because we'd just have to leave. And now it's your turn. Cody, which one did you come up with? I'm not playing. Cody did just say Lieutenant Dan. Yeah, which Hayes said earlier. I think he was like

just hearing it. Too much wax. The sound has to burrow through the earwax. For me, I just like to think about friendships first. Oh, my God. And then that'll take you. This sucks. This is such a new kind of bad.

Yeah. It's so Cody-specific. Yeah. So if you start with the friendships like Kevin Haddon Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves you start with the friendships in in Crash and

Birdman and Rocky and all of these great yeah no keep going go ahead and A Beautiful Mind with his imaginary friend and The Sound of Music No, keep going. Go ahead. And a beautiful mind with his imaginary friend. And the sound of music. It's like every third thing is something Hayes said before.

The rest is just nothing. So, Kevin, it seems like you've had a little bit of time now. Cody generously bought you time by just crashing and burning. Are you getting anything? have you remembered a runner's name? who's the runner that has the show on E? Kate Caitlyn Jenner? I don't know

it doesn't seem like the best area I was trying to think of something with Subway Caitlyn Jenner? Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't seem like. Like a Jenner thing. Doesn't seem like a good area for this show. The best area. Yeah. I was trying to think of something with like Subway because like that's a healthy thing. Subweight. So you brought up. What?

You brought up a business strongly associated with a pedophile and then you want to make some joke about trans rights. Oh my God. Kevin. with a pedophile and then you want to make some joke about trans rights also? Oh my god, Kevin. I thought you could not do this wrong. And then you brought up Kevin, that is so bad. Who is paying you to sabotage our show and try to get

all the libtards sicked on us? Who's paying you to start the flame war and try to enter us in this controversy? We don't take a position. We don't take a position on this stuff. Pedophilia or trans rights. Or what bathroom somebody's using. No!

This show's not about that. It's about movies and having fun with your family. It's about Hollywood and TV. It's family. It's about Hollywood and TV. It's Hollywood. That's all we talk about. Why do you think I said movies? This show is about the Oscars. Cody was doing way better than you listing movies.

I was moving. He actually got something done. Oh, my God. I thought it was runners. Who did this? Who put you up to it? It's the Doughboys Patreon. The Doughboys Patreon. The Doughboys Patreon.

Of course. This is all designed to funnel donations to the Doughboys Patreon. That's frustrating. That's frustrating that that's happening. Oh, no. How do you guys take donations? We don't. Oh, you do the podcast for free?

You just offer it for free to your audience? Donations, but they spell it differently. No, no. You see all these ads. They should do that. You get the ads. Why don't they do that? Donations.

Oh. Donate to our show. Oh, nobody's done that, yeah. Cody, don't steal that idea. You're so fucking stupid. Like D-O-Dough, the whatever, however you do it. You could probably take that for your show and make it more about just the dough you would make in the industry. That's good, and then they can't steal it.

Yeah, and then you kind of have a claim on that. That's sick. And their Patreon dries up. Just mow the lawn on their Patreon. That's fucking sick, dude. Dan, I need you to strategize with me a little more. Hell yeah. I love this, having a real nefarious sort of Machiavelli type in here with me.

I'm happy to. I'm just really working against the dough boy. We've needed something like this, somebody to work on our side against them. You find a lot of people working on their side. They seem to. People like them, yes. And you don't feel like you get that back. People don't seem to like you.

Not, no. Not like that, no. McDonald's, like the Mick on Fox. Oh my God, what are you talking about? It's a runner. It's got to be named after a runner. Like, don't they run on the, like, she's always running up and down the stairs. I saw that in the trailer.

She's not running up and down the stairs. She's sexually hanging off the banister. So She's not running up and down the stairs. She's sliding off the banister. So it's not movies. I feel like when you said running and food, then you said it has to be movies

and food. Yeah, it started with Forrest Gump, which is the movie. Could you not make that connection? Did you not walk in

and immediately realize, oh, they were talking about Forrest Gump because it's Oscar season? He's a runner who has a restaurant. Who are some other runners who could have restaurants? And what would the restaurant be called?

Kevin. Can you guys? Michael. Who is the runner whose name was Michael that was really fast? Michael Johnson. Johnson fast? Michael Johnson. Johnson. Johnson and Johnson. That is shampoo.

That is, yeah. People eat that stuff, though. Like edible shampoo. Michael Johnson and Johnson. Edible shampoo restaurant? Yeah, now it's a unique product. It's not something that other places are. Michael Johnson and Johnson edible shampoo restaurant? That's really good.

How would they? Would it be like sort of a yogurt-like style? How would they fit everyone? Self-serve shampoo. Yeah. Okay. Well, you're also mixing two things that people love, but, you know, it's two different kind of crowds of people. Yeah.

You got Michael Johnson, which, you know, huge. Yeah. And then you got shampoo eating. Yeah, people are going to line up for just about anything Michael Johnson does, but you almost don't need that hook just once you have eating shampoo. People are already interested. So you basically, what you have now is a real estate problem. That's right.

The line is going to be so long that ultimately you can't fit the demand. Parking requirements are going to be an issue for sure. It's insane. You have to run shuttles. Well, you could encourage people to run there. That's a really good idea. Be like Michael Johnson and run to the shampoo restaurant. If you got some Michael Johnson juniors that can all run back and forth,

you need probably just a crew of people on iPads taking edible shampoo orders. Sort of running around between all the tables. Because if you just leave the poor spouts available for everyone,

then you're going to be backed up. They would be in permanent spout mode. Yeah. In permanent spout mode. They. In permanent spout mode. They might as well actually do a special kind of spout because it's going to be pouring so much where it is only in spout mode all the time. And you just roll through people. And you can't shut it off. No.

And people love that kind of cattle cafeteria feeling too. Yeah. Kind of rolling through there quickly. It's so great. What do you do? I can foresee another problem with this. What do you do if people start washing their hair with a shampoo, which is bad for your hair, actually?

Can we not make it good for your hair? Holy shit. No, see, this is a fundamental misunderstanding. Oh, fuck, guys. Someone's phone is going off. That's my meter. That's my parking meter. You have to feed it?

Kev Brown, can I get a big favor from you, man? Yeah. Where are you? You might want to write it down so we don't say it on air. Sure, yeah. This isn't live, Kevin. More people, I will just say, more people should be coming to these records. And I think it is a problem that we don't say where it is on the air.

Because of that, the only people in here are you and Cody. When really we should have way more people in here supporting us and clapping and being fans of the show. You want that talk soup kind of behind the camera reaction a little bit. Yeah. Yes. It's just Cody and Kevin. I want seven people laughing at every joke. Uh-huh.

Selfish. Okay. And I, so I have been trying to solve this because I'm dropping pins on Google Maps like crazy. But no one is being friends with me on Google Maps except my Maps friendship. And me and Cody. What do you mean and you and Cody? We're friends with you on Google Maps.

Did you not see that? Well, see, this is the problem, that only you and Cody are friends with me on Google Maps. So only you and Cody end up in the studio. Yeah, exactly. I think Sean just gave me a dollar, which means it's time to leave. Well in the studio. Yeah, exactly. I think Sean just gave me a dollar, which means it's time to leave. Well, the alarm is really what means that.

Yeah, you can keep that dollar after you. So I'm like right in front. Okay, so just feed it. Can I take these pictures really quick? Or do we not have time for that? Go ahead. Let's do a real quick. Here's going to be a good way for you to find out.

So take these keys and hit this when you get out in front. And you're going to see one of the cars is going to be like, boop, boop. That's how it says hello. Don't steal the car because he has the keys now. You could. Kevin, please don't drive the car because he has the keys now. You could. Kevin, please don't drive my car. I go for a little joy ride.

I have no insurance and no license. I'm off the grid. And if you don't have a license and Kevin gets pulled over, that's on you. You get fucked there. Don't be like the one black character in Ferris Bueller who steals a car in that movie. I won't.

He's a valet. He's having fun. What about Abe Froman? It's a sick car. Oh, that's right. He's implied black. Yeah, except don't you see him later? Oh, do you?

Yeah. Oh, I never even noticed that. Yes, definitely. You hear Abe Froman, the weenie king of Chicago, you think, oh, yes, this is definitely a black guy. But I think you do see him later when he's trying to get into the restaurant and they're saying, but maybe he's pretending as well. They don't say that.

That's an interesting idea. I think that's the most likely thing because that character is definitely supposed to be black. That's a cool interpretation. Yeah, and I think what the world needs is more fan theories about Ferris Bueller. Like everybody's saying Cameron's the hero of the movie actually and Ferris is the villain. Fascinating conversation. I love to talk about that.

People who say maybe Cameron's imaginary in the whole movie. people who say maybe Cameron's imaginary in the whole movie. Because that's what John Hughes is known for, is surprise twists that nobody ever finds out about in his movies. I like that Cameron wants to see Ferris' girlfriend naked, so he pretends that he has a medical condition, essentially, so that he can change her clothes. And then Ferris is kind of into the fact that he watched his girlfriend get naked. Yeah.

And that all definitely implies that he's imaginary, that multiple other characters are interacting with him. They're having like four-way conversations. Well, if you think about when he calls the principal and is pretending to be Sloane's dad. Yeah. Like who, like he's an imaginary character in that sense too. Yeah. You know? And also, I think the secretary of the school, the principal, and Ferris' sister are imaginary.

That's a great theory. So all of the main characters. They're all, I mean, it's a cross universe with the beautiful mind. They are all John Nash's friends wow so 10 what 15 years before Beautiful Mind

came out John Hughes talked to what was it who directed Beautiful Mind Ron Howard gotta be

it's Ron Howard yeah Hughes and Howard kings of the 80s so they're definitely hanging out with each other yeah wow

that's another guy whoa and so now I'm wondering in some of those movies about planes, was this dude making imaginary pilots as the characters? Were some of those angels in the outfield or whatever the name is? Flying angels? Yeah. Flying angels in the outfield.

In the outfield. The hell's flying angels in the outfield. Yeah. That's flying angels. Yeah. Flying angels in the outfield. In the outfield. The hell's flying angels in the outfield. Yeah. That's a very. Hellcat battalion or some shit. I'm so fucking zooted, man. I'm a freaking outer space planet. It's hard to communicate with you a little bit because you're so zooted.

Look, I'm the first to admit. I can't hear what you're saying. I'm a bad listener to begin with. I only want to hear myself talk. And anything you do is just, in my mind, something that might get me on to my next thing. Yeah. Your thing is, I'm here to smoke weed and like movies and I'm all out of movies.

Bye. Hollywood. Hey, you made the mistake of not turning off your podcast in time. So now you have to hear this cross promotion for hello from the magic tavern, a weekly podcast in the magical land of Foon hosted by me, a human from Chicago and me, you said, or wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesias.

And me, Chunt. I'm a shapeshifter, but I'm mostly a badger. But I guess I've also been an alligator and a tiny horse with a top hat. If you want a fully improvised comedy fantasy epic, this is the show for you. You can start at the beginning and binge your way all the way up to episode 100. Or honestly, just jump in on a new episode. It's not The Wire. You'll get it.

I join us, and we shall entertain thee hour after hour. Hour and hour. Also, speaking of The Wire, who's Stringer Bell again? Wait, which one? Whistles? I don't want to talk about Earth stuff.

Earwolf! I'm a horny girl wolf. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. That was a HeadGum Podcast.