Hollywood Handbook - D'Arcy Carden, Our Close Friend Again

Episode Date: February 11, 2019

D'ARCY CARDEN returns to the show to let The Boys fix The Good Place.This episode is sponsored by Squarespace ( www.squarespace.com/THEBOYS  code: THEBOYS) and hims ( www.forhims.com/THEBOYS ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so it's after hours i love it and it's really just the three of us at this point it's me John... Larrikin. McCain. Oh. And Bob. Dole. Oh. And we are inventing mocktails. And basically... After hours of mocktails. Nothing is off limits. Oh, yeah.

Juice. Because everybody's gone home, nothing is off limits. Juice. Soda. Different nectars. And we're at this point willing to mix in even like bitters and tonic and bitters with juice and soda. A mocktail is kind of like a suicide, basically, at camp. Well, it is. Or it can be.

It is. But don't say that to Bob Dole. Because to him, there's a true artistry to it. Uh huh. And those wild kids who just want to mix all the sodas, you know, it's, it's like, I guess the way that Bob phrased it was it's the difference between a master painter blending that perfect color to match the autumnal sky. Yeah. And a finger painter just mushing them all together

until it's brown. Now, when was this? Brown is the autumnal sky. When was this? This was... It had to be more than a week ago. More than a week ago? Is it less than?

Just so we can find a range yeah less than well it had to be less than 100 years ago because i'm not even 100 years old okay so it was somewhere in that spot but man did we cut loose and the funnest part days is coming up with the names of some of these things okay and are they like plays on the names of like other cocktails like at tom collins you say okay this is a mom college is that because this is something for mom uh yeah during the day yeah yeah and so instead of like a harvey wall b, we were like, this is a Harvey Wall poster. Because you're not banging anything. Yes, instead of banging. You're just really just putting up a nice poster.

Okay. So we did do some of those, but also we would try to invoke some of the flavor to it. And not a beer, it's what's for dinner poster. Remember that guy that's like, beer, it's what's for dinner. Oh, and the same exact guy, Hayes, people don't realize, also was telling us beer helping ugly people have sex for over 50 years. And it was the same guy selling you both beers. And he was talking about weed sometimes, too.

I never saw that, thank God. But, yeah, and the mocktails would try to invoke a little bit of the flavor. We'd say, this one's the spicy caballero. Wow. You know? Is that okay for the three of you to be making mockocktails and Call You Up the Spicy Caballero? And maybe it was a different time. It could have been 90 years ago.

Let me ask, is that okay? If the flavors are, it's got a tamale, it's got a tamale, blend it up, it's got hot sauce paprika paprika

yeah habanero jalapeno and pizza sauce is that anything other than a spicy caballero in your mind it would actually i think be offensive to call it something else that is where i wonder where the lines are with some of this new pc

culture and i'm learning on my feet like a lot of us i am learning on my feet as i go so i don't want to be out of bounds i'm educate me why can't i call it a spicy caballero that's what it tastes like i'd love to bring in darcy for this i mean it's a little i haven't even said the name of the show but i think this is and i know darcy's like so excited to get in i've seen her itching she's leaned into the mic a couple times opened her mouth oh keeps putting her finger up to shush me so let's hear it Darcy where is the line these days hi guys thanks so much for having me thanks for being here wow um gosh it's hard for all of us and I appreciate that you you know say it right because I feel like so many people are afraid of saying they don't want to admit they don't want to admit I've always been woke to admit. I've always been woke. Oh, we were born woke. Not me.

Yeah, guess what? Or like when they have a question, they're like scared to ask a question because they'll like get yelled at. Right. I want to like, for example, I want to know what's on Devin's t-shirt under his shirt.

But I'm scared because it's like a green color t-shirt. And doesn't it seem like, don't show me, but doesn't it seem like on that t-shirt it's like something like... It's going to be like really offensive. Yeah, something kind of crazy just from the color of the t-shirt. It's not the color of t-shirt that a traditional brand would make.

And so we know that he's gone off the grid to acquire this t-shirt. Spencer's Gifts. Yeah, something like that. Something dark. Something dark. Some of the underground shit that he's into into and he ain't looking to show us either but anyway I appreciate that and I know I've had such a hard time with it too

it's a new world it's a new dawn it's a new day well we were doing comedy back in the underground days oh remember that? disgusting the most offensive disgusting shit we could imagine. We loved it. We were slurping up

I would sniff it. Oh, I would sniff it and I would rub it all over. Oh my god, I would bathe in it. I'd eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a damn midnight snack. And we were up until midnight. Oh yeah. We were literally up.

We would actually have a real midnight snack at midnight because we'd be awake. Because our body's- Bedtime was midnight 15 every night of the week. I mean, snack at midnight and then right to bed. Brush your teeth and then bed. Yeah. Because you were eating all this- It was grimy.

You were eating all this slime and grime. It was the nastiest. You really had to brush your teeth. Yeah. But you brushed with a freaking toilet brush. Yeah, you brush with a toilet brush. Thank God there was even a toilet brush. Yes.

Otherwise, you're brushing with your freaking finger. Yeah, using your finger and then using, guess what, for toothpaste. Just more grime. And it was insane. So, I'm learning on my feet like everybody else. Good for you, honestly. It is Hollywood Handbook. Yes.

Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Lined Back Hallways of this Industry We Call Showbiz. Darcy, you're a fan of the show. Talk about some of your favorite episodes. I love a Joe Wingard episode. Okay. Yes. Live safe. I love a Joe Wingardert episode. Okay. Yes. Yep.

Live safe. I love a Joe Wengert episode as well. He's done a few. He's done a few. He's done three or four. I love a episode that he did. Yeah. One of them was magnifique.

I can remember a Ben Rogers, a specific Ben Rogers episode. Sure. A part of one. A part of one. It was like a bit. Yeah. In the middle. Yeah. In the middle, right? Yeah. I think it was like a it was like a bit in the middle I think it was one of the commercials took a while to find it we found it

it's a bell curve bell curve bend bell curve Benny beautiful so we love reliving this stuff with a true die hard band oh I remember a Jen Statsky episode that I love reliving this stuff with a true diehard fan. Oh, I remember a Jen Statsky episode that I love. Uh-oh.

Okay. Trouble. Okay, trouble. Okay, now we're getting into trouble. Now we're getting into risky territory. Hot water. And she did only do it the one time. That's true, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Scheduling conflict the rest of the time. We tried to get her on our basketball podcast, Hashtag If Lager It Wasn't. Yes. Oh, but she's very excited to do it But not this time Or that time

Or any other time Yes What's she waiting for? Statsky, hit him up Thank you, that's part of why we wanted you here Hit him with the three pointer I guess I should be the one Okay, and now we found out

Another secret talent. Jump shot and a pick and roll, baby. Okay, and she's naming every kind of thing in the game. You hit the jump shot and then you go right into the pick and roll. Mitch Richmond. Hall of Famer Mitch Richmond. She's calling her shot. Damn, dude.

Hit him with the jump shot and the pick and roll. Darcy Bard roll. So. Darcy Barden. Yep. But Darcy. You did the show the other time. Yeah, the other time. What did we do?

Who cares? I do. Stupid. It's on my reel. You have our podcast on your reel? It's on your reel. What do you have as like the still image? It's a picture of you guys. It's like a picture.

I took it from one of your Instagrams. Just of you guys at a barbecue. While we were eating hot dogs. Well, not you, Mr. Vegan. You caught me. I decided today to go vegan. And that was retroactive. And I'm scrubbing from the internet any record of me eating that nasty meat.

And again, I'm learning on my feet like everybody else. I didn't know I was supposed to be vegan back then when I was at the barbecue. How could you? We were all doing it. It was grimy. It was the 90s. We were grimy as hell. I was taking a meat bath.

Now, you're on this fucking show. Grilling hot dogs on the floor of the shower. Hang on, hang on. I'm talking. Oh, shit. You're on this fucking show. Okay, it's the good place. Yeah.

A little pretentious the name or just the the whole thing the name yeah but essentially what i want to know is are you willing to let us help you fix this thing and we're like you know i i love starting out the show like laughing and talking about like old times and stuff but i do want to acknowledge kind of the seriousness of the problem here. Yeah. We only have a little bit of time. Right.

And I believe you're going into possibly the final season. Oh, well, I hope not, but maybe. Well, maybe. Yeah. You hope that doesn't even happen. You hope they don't even do one more. Well, then you're going to love it because we have some ideas to change it. Okay.

Because we don't have much time. Right, right, right. Do you, just as we're getting into this, you have any sense it would be helpful for us for you if you know why the show has been kept on television well i mean i think it has found like you know an audience maybe it's not for everyone okay you think that i think i think it feels like you you know, there's so many people in the freaking world, right? Okay. Who told you that? I guess it's something I feel like people know.

I mean, I've heard it too. But who are we talking about here? I've been using this as part of some of my pitches going out for TV and stuff. It's like there's so many people in the world. Somebody's going to watch this. Someone's going to watch this. It kind of feels like someone's going to watch this. Someone's going to watch this. It kind of feels like someone's going to watch this.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I've tried that. But nah. But nah. But nah. It'd be nice of me to take it easy on ya. But nah.

That's what the executives say. They start going into this whole thing. They do the finger well. Oh, yeah. Right. And then they tell him that they're sorry executives say. They start going into this whole thing. They do the finger well. And then they tell him that they're sorry to get his hopes up and then they say that they're not sorry. Oh, damn. It is

brutal. Okay. So, yeah. I mean, it's hard because I do feel like some people are into it, but maybe it's not for everybody. So then it's like... And my suggestion would be great. We have this audience. That's step one.

Now let's give them something to watch. So some of our ideas are like, first of all, the good place. You don't feel like that's a little bit like, come on. Like, uh, on the nose or. Well, here's what I noticed when I'm seeing it. It looks expensive as hell because you're all over the place sure i don't know how many cameras they're using shooting in heaven yeah and it's yes you're filming in heaven on location in heaven or is it it's not so then

beyond that also it's like they're moving around all the time. What I'm thinking is we call it the food place. Okay. We set up in a food for less. Oh, like a store? Have you seen Superstore? I have. How's that?

Well, it's critically acclaimed. Whoa. Would we like some of that? Yeah. On the food place? I think. And just to make it more gradual, do you pronounce it the food place? So it does kind of rhyme.

Ease people in. Yes. And then you just kind of are out there pronouncing food, food. But like all over the map with food, right? Yes. Not just for the food place. Every time you're saying food, you say, yes.

You say it like that. And then gradually, given the platform that FUD, right? Yes. Every time you're saying FUD, you say, yes. Yeah. You say it like that. And then gradually, given the platform that you have, other people start saying FUD. Yeah. And then we're just sort of easing our way into this name change, which can be very shocking for people. And what I've noticed when I'm at the FUD for Less is they got cameras in there. Yeah. Oh.

Uh-huh. In the corners in there. Yeah. Oh. Uh-huh. In the corners? Yeah. Yeah. And they get a pretty decent angle. We'd maybe want to get one more, maybe take our phone and do one trick shot

through the shelves. And it's like, everybody has one. Well, yeah. The characters now would be on their phones a lot. Right. And then we can just cut

to that POV. Right. So would it still be like, I mean, would like Kristen Bell be in it and Ted Danson and like, would it be the same that POV. So would it still be like, I mean, would like Kristen Bell be in it and Ted Danson and like, would it be the same cast? Okay, so it sounds like

you are circling the same area that we are, which is potentially cutting out some of the dead weight on the show. Right? Just what I'm getting, oh, like, would these people still be there? It's fine with me. It's fine with me that they are.

But again, they seem expensive to me. Oh, right. And you're not necessarily getting the return on investment when some of these people I've seen at the Food for Less don't want anything. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Some of these people I've seen around there when I've been hanging out

don't look anything like Ted Dancer or Kristen Bell. Like at the, at a FUD for less. Yeah. Right, right, right, right, right. Uglier? Well, it's not for me to say. I mean, beauty is, look, I'm learning on my feet like everybody. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Beauty is subjective. It is. I mean. That's good. Yeah, it is. I guess it is. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Yes, totally. And someone who is ugly could actually be very hot. I guess. Yeah, it's like to us, we're like yikes. Somebody's fucked up looking. Sometimes what that really means is like wow, that's thinking somebody horny. And let's say it, you know? Even everybody.

Even everybody, once you just kind of tell them. Yes. If you say it, then it's like, I guess I am horny about that. Yeah. I've looked at people before that I had initially thought were fucked up looking, and when I heard everybody was horny for them, it made me really reconsider. I've totally been there. Yeah. I've looked at people before that I had initially thought were fucked up looking, and when I heard everybody was horny for them, it made me really reconsider. Yes, I've totally been there. Yeah.

That's a crazy feeling, right? Oh, being horny? And then you're like, hold on. Yeah. It's out of control. So basically, we've got some stuff covered. so basically we've got some stuff covered

I also think that the ideas that are talked about in the good place in terms of morality philosophy religion

the afterlife right is that as relatable as cereal peanut butter hot dog and hamburger

not for me but for somebody yeah meatball meatball right right okay chicken biscuit mix right chicken lunch hamburger. Not for me, but for somebody. Meatball. Meatball. Right? Right. Okay. Chicken. Biscuit mix. Chicken lunch.

Chicken lunch. Chicken lunch, yeah. See? I mean, but this is like, and it's a comedy. We sit in these ivory towers. Totally. And we're talking about books and school. Not everybody's reading books, but everybody's eating chicken lunch.

Yes. Right. Okay, I see what you're saying. Right, I know. I guess I was so excited to just have a good acting job on what I thought was a good show that I was just wrapped up

in this world. And now I'm like, But maybe you're blowing it. Right. Should I? Okay, well, here's my question is, what do I do? Do I march into the writer's room room do I talk to Mike Schur

like how do I change this because I feel like I'm just like an actor you know what I mean is that how they treat you kind of they're like I hate hearing that yeah I hate hearing that and they made you play every part for one episode and you had to just do it

yeah I like got the script and I was like I guess I have to do that. Right. Ugh. Right. Because everyone else is like, like tired,

busy, or is this stuck in traffic or something? Oh, summer. They all went to the beach. on the beach.

It was a weird week because like nobody posted any Instagrams or something. So I'm like, oh, did they have like a don't post this

type of week where they like all went on vacation together? Secret hashtag. So I'm like, oh, did they have like a don't post this type of week where they all went on vacation together? Secret hashtag. Speaking of weird week, this show's coming out what, once a week? Yeah. Oh, this one? No.

Food place or this? This one. Yours is, yeah, this one. Okay. Wait, which one do you mean? The original food place. Okay. Good place.

Okay. That's doing what, every week? Or is that the Good Place? Ah. Is that the transition we need? Soften them up. A season of Good Place. A season of Good Place.

And then switch it on over to Food Place. And then Food Place, yeah. So we need two more seasons. We're going to need a little bit of runway to execute the change and get us into a show that the people can actually enjoy. So yeah, it was coming out once a week. It i mean when when it's on yeah but you prefer you're saying as an actor to kind of like keep your blinders on it's really much the way that you're wearing a winter hat over your ears and then headphones over that well this is a great joke but the

fucking viewers don't know what you're talking listeners can't see me can they now hayes oh boy wait wait till kevin gets in here oh no oh no okay he's gonna get so many pictures and then the fucking viewers as you call them i know i know i know jeez and darcy said the language darcy said that she that she didn't want to take her winter hat off but i did she was adjusting it i did sort of see that there's no hair under the hat the hair starts at like basically basically it's all sideburn what we're looking at well and it's not just that because that would be one thing i don't even think we'd bring it up if what was under there was like a scalp sure but in fact it's sort of like a spiky ball yeah it's like a translucent spiky ball and there's a glow coming out of it i feel like

this is so fucked up of you guys i'm just saying what i saw off mic i was like is it cool if i keep on my hat and i know you could tell that I had... I insist that you keep it on because the glowing spiky ball, I could hear it. But I knew it wasn't making any noise. Does that make sense? It was inside me in some way. But far away at the same time.

Oh, as was I. So that to me, please keep the hat on. But we should discuss it because this is either something medical or this is maybe something for the food place to deal with and something exciting happened we can talk about it Darcy pointed me she was really impressed I tipped my drink all the way over but I caught it just before it it was masterful and like superhero like it's almost the opposite of what I did a couple weeks ago.

Which was? Go into it. Spilled all over myself. The opposite. Okay, do you guys want some real Hollywood... This is Hollywood Handbook, right? I think so. I mean, we've been thinking about changing it. To the foot plates?

Holly food. Hand food. Yeah, Holly food hand. Holly food. Hand food. Yeah, holly food, hand food. Holly food and juice. Just like empanadas and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But you got some juice?

Well, the juice is that, do you want to know why I'm wearing this hat for real? Oh, no. I want to know how I got this hat. Yeah. Okay. I was shooting something the other day. Oh, no. With a gun?

No. More with cameras. No guns at all. And a lot of times when women are on camera, they have so many extensions on their head. Do you know this? Okay. Fake hair after hair. A head extension. A head of extension. Yeah. Like the head. Do you know this? Okay. Fake hair after hair. A head extension. A head of extension.

Yeah, like the head. The head, right? Oh, a head extension? No, like hair. Yeah, a head extension. Yeah, no more like hair. From Liquid Television. That MTV where he had an alien that lived inside his head.

His head was extended up to make room for the alien that would come out. Right, right. So there's that, but then there's also like hair extensions that clip in. Yeah. So anyway, I had a head full of extensions. Not a head extension, but hair extensions. At the end of the thing, the guy takes all the extensions out. I'm feeling

great. I go home. I go to bed. I wake up in the morning and I touch my hair and there's some extensions glued in that I didn't know about. Oh no. Can you imagine? The glued place. The glued. But if we did make it that, we've already got a story.

That's true. You know what I mean? Do you think that that's more relatable? So this guy, you think, kind of just had notes on your head, basically. Yeah, I think so. And just made little tweaks that he decided to be permanent. Well, yeah, he made an executive decision. This guy sees a lot of hair.

Right, that's his job. So I kind of am like, I get it. But also, I don't know how to brush my hair with it. So they are still in there. Yeah, I can show you. Oh my god, we'll be seeing this live on the podcast no not on the podcast

no but we'll see it and freaking and we'll have to react in real time to the hairs she's doing it I'm taking my hat off you can't really tell can you no it looks great I'm taking my hat off. You can't really tell, can you?

No, it looks great. It looks fine, yeah. Well, that's it. All right, that's it. Keep it. Oh, so keep the hat off? No, put the hat back on, please. But keep your fake head.

Wait, do I look normal? Now, yeah. But I guess the problem is that it looks like I haven't brushed my hair in a couple days, right? There's a pretty defined separation. But that's cool. Right here? Yes. Yeah. It's not that bad.

No, it's not bad. Yeah. I wouldn't have noticed it if you had said anything. If I didn't make a big deal about it? Now, of course, it's all I see. But you don't want to seem like one of those like brushing like try hards you know right those guys that are always brushing their hair oh god it's like we get it yeah so you want to seem like you are doing other stuff like you know yeah reality yes

of course we're all brushing yeah we all brush our freaking hair we brush our hair but we do it alone exactly in secret right we go in the basement and we brush our hair for an hour or two at 4 a.m. Then we go back, pretend to be asleep. Then when our wife wakes up, we go like, oh, I just woke up too. Funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's so, it's so honestly. Kevin almost stepped on my dog just now. Please be very careful of my dog. He's very sweet. Kevin, can you apologize to Sean? Sorry, Sean. And can you apologize? Yes, to Bosh.

Yes, thank you. And Kevin and Devin are wearing the same shirt today. Whoa. And are you wearing Spencer's gift shirt underneath or no? No. What's on your T-shirt, Kevin? Solid gray. Solid.

It's fitting. Okay, so we figure okay so we're over my hair right guys yes um casting stuff do we want to get into more let's talk about it Max Greenfield Beth Behr Cedric the Entertainer let's get these motherfuckers in

the foot place okay oh wait is that okay so on just take a whole nother show and bring them on boom not the whole thing I don't know if we eat everybody do we take them from the neighborhood Okay, so just take a whole other show and bring them on? Boom, not the whole thing. I don't know if we need everybody. Do we take them from the neighborhood? Bring them over to the good place. The foot place.

Do we? Well, and let's talk about who are, you know, let's talk about the expendables on the show now. Who's kind of on the chopping block for you? To me, it feels like we're such a, a group, you know, like a, like an ensemble.

It would be hard to take any one, you know, that's, it's hard for me to see. So you want to get everybody not, don't want to take any one person. You basically want to mow down the entire. I love that.

Yes. Like they'd be so sad if just one of them were gone. We already know you can play them all. Yeah. You know what I mean? Which I, that's very, you know, not too subtle to be like, hey, I think these guys are pretty replaceable. I think we have one person who can basically do everything they're doing. This is better.

Yeah. Well. Think about that. I don't know. That's hard. It's hard for, again, like on the inside, it's hard to see that. So that would maybe be like you guys saying it. Yeah.

Well, and I, i well let's talk about our credit on the show okay creator creator both of you yeah created by were you good with that creator by creator by creator by yeah the holly the holly food and food i don't want to use this name of this show separate because this is this show this is kind of just like a jerk off thing oh I thought this was like your thing it's unfortunately become a lot of my thing but it is a jerk off joke

okay because I thought this was like your whole identity almost I can see how that it would look like that from not like if you have a doing other stuff or yeah from having nothing else take hold in any way that this would seem like my primary thing and the income from it becoming more necessary becoming yes in fact the way that I lived. So I see how that mistake could happen. But in fact, I'm so much more than this show.

And that's what, honestly, that's what the foot place could be for you guys. Yes. Ever heard of being nominated for an Emmy? No. No, I haven't. They won't let us hear about it. That's where they're doing the secret Instagram thing,

around that weekend and nominating time. My feed just goes completely dark. Orange tiles. Yes, orange tiles. It just becomes orange tiles. For mine, it's like a home improvement screen wipe comes up. So it's like a saw comes and saws a hole in the middle of my Instagram feed and it just drops out. For just that whole sort of like time period?

Yeah, for like a month. What are you looking at in that month? You know what I mean? I'm just waiting. I'm just opening it up and being like, it's going to come back. Because at this point I go, this has happened before. It's cool. And they have got the four-year consideration billboards and stuff.

I see them every once in a while. But they have people to distract us from those when we're driving and stuff. So if you're driving. They'll have a guy jump in front of the car. Jesus Christ. Or karate kick the car. Right. Have you ever injured any of those guys?

Or is it... They're like... No, they're... Yeah, they're like professionals. They've been nominated for stunts. Yeah. They know karate. Yeah.

John Wick's people maybe? Yeah. Well, John Wick's people, those... Some actually became directors. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know if people knew this, but like those guys were actually doing stunts before they were directing. Oh, were directing the movie John Wick.

Okay, okay. Yeah. Wow. And that is also a movie, and this is like a... This is TV. And we're talking about Emmys, which I'm not allowed to know about this, but you are supposed to. Yeah, no, I do. I honestly wasn't sure what you knew.

John Wick is not the Emmys. John Wick's not the Emmys. John Wick's not the Emmys. Okay. I'll say that almost 100%. John Wick's not the Emmys. And you can absolutely quote me on that. John from Cincinnati, the Emmys. That's the Emmys.

John Wick, not the Emmys. Dear John? Dear John. The Emmys. The Emmys. Dear God, not believe Jerry Burns took home the hardware for that one. Ten years running, Jerry Burns had the fucking Emmys stacked on stacks. Well, I want you guys to, you know, feel that buzz.

And I think this would be... I kind of have burrowed myself into a protective little corner where I talk about how the award shows are meaningless and art shouldn't be a competition. So I am nervous about getting... Tough to go back. Even a whiff of the Emmys or even the stupid Golden Globes. Right, right, right, right.

If I get anywhere near that, I feel like- People will be like, okay, we've heard you say- Yeah. And let's face it, if I do somehow accidentally end up in that- Like sort of- Sphere, it ain't gonna last. You really- somehow accidentally end up in that sphere, it ain't gonna last. And I will have to be retreating back to the corner of

award shows are stupid, art is not a competition again very soon. What happened with the Golden Globes this year? Did you get a nod this year? We got a nod. I didn't specifically. But you didn't specifically? But Kristen Bell got a nod. And you're pissed?

No, I was happy for her but the show didn't bring home the hardware? the show oh no so you agree that they're fake?

yeah yeah well they're clearly fake art shouldn't be a competition yeah art shouldn't be a competition but you know what

yes art shouldn't be a competition and this one is fake yeah and this one's majorly fake but a show that has that I heard about

for the first time when it was nominated for an Emmy one, when it was nominated for a golden globe called the Kaminsky method, the Kaminsky method at long last. How can I just say, it's his do. Do we want to, um,

Kevin, do we want to cut out Darcy saying that she hadn't heard of the Kaminsky method before? Cause it was so, it's like so embarrassing. I was just picturing people hearing this and being like, oh my god, Darcy hadn't even heard of the Kaminsky Method. Well, it just shows what rarefied

area you're living in over with The Good Place because all the people, the real people. Chicken lunch types. What do you think they're watching while they eat chicken lunch? Yeah, they take off their hard hat, they dig into a chicken lunch, sitting up on that steel beam. Old reruns of the Kaminsky Method.

Yes. And they watch the Kaminsky Method. From what season? What season did it happen? Season 1A. 1A. That didn't even get a full release. Oh, it didn't?

No, I don't think so. What happened? 1A didn't get it? No, I think 1A was like people found it online. And you just heard of it at the Emmys. Or Golden Globes. I don't know. They're all the same to me.

They're all phony. The gold trophy. Right. The freaking millennials. But then can you imagine what it would feel like to be nominated and how it would change? Oh, gosh. That would be so fun. It's me. I'm there.

How would you post about it? Oh, wow. Probably tongue in cheek. Yeah. The morning of. I'm going tongue in cheek. Something like, oh, this will be a great new toy for Bosh. Oh, yeah. That kind of tongue in cheek? Oh, yeah. I remember being at a

mutual friend's place and they asked me if I wanted to see their Emmy. I have a guess. I'm keeping it in the kitchen cabinet. I don't even know where to put this thing. Oh, okay. I thought it was going to be in the freaking bathroom. No, that is great. I thought it was going to be a freaking

doorstop. Oh my god. It was closed in the kitchen cabinet because it was just like, I don't even know. Where do I even put it? And honestly, I wouldn't even have seen it if they hadn't expressly offered to open the cabinet and show it to me and then also done that to multiple other people that even know. Where do I even put it? Honestly, I wouldn't even have seen it if they hadn't expressly offered to open the cabinet and show it to me and then also done that to multiple other people that I know. Sean, just because this is

for your ears and not your eyes, will you just mouth the person's name to us? I have a guess. Let's talk about the theme song for the foot place. What's the music right now on that show? Do, do, do, do.

It's very simple. I'm just feeling it as you're doing it. This guy named David. Waking up. Okay, so I'll do that again. Yeah, I can. Do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do. They'd be like Pablo. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- It's not Chicago South, South, South That's the motto Come a million on a crib and then re-model

So I think I think this is now Starting to feel more like something The chicken lunch people can enjoy But do you really think we could use that? Because he says the word bitch I had my concerns even just repeating it.

While you were saying it. Uh-huh. No, this is how we take it back from some of these guys who we're mad at. Right. We take their content

and we just use it. Right. When we've been doing that we've been singing some of the songs of these guys on the show recently. That we're kind of pissed at.

Yeah. Because we're just like it's ours now? Yes. And we're stealing and it's allowed. You're allowed to steal from bad guys. Again, you don't wake up woke. That is what Ocean's Eleven did. That is

11, 12, and 13. Yeah, they were stealing from the bad guys. And eight. Thank you. Yep. And I'm saying eight first now every con has its pros and that is very good that is so true very clever yeah i mean i think we could probably talk to them about a new you know opening theme song the guy david schwartz who wrote it it's pretty short right yeah there's a lot of room yeah because I noticed that you have to do so much show after the song. Right.

But if you get that song beefed up a little bit. Beef. It's food for dinner. It's food for dinner. Chicken lunch, beef dinner every day for these guys. Mm-hmm. I don't even want to talk about breakfast. Oh, God.

Beef. about breakfast. Oh, God. Beef. It's beef breakfast. But then think about what we used to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight snack. Grime. Grime. Grime.

Nothing but grime. No, it's the truth. It's not. Breakfast, lunch, and fucking dinner. Did I say that? No, Colin Farrell said it in the sex tape. It's a famous line from a Colin Farrell sex tape. Was he talking about going down on the girl?

Oh my God. Yeah, he gets in there and he looks right at the camera and he goes, breakfast, lunch, and fucking dinner. Oh my damn God. I may have once worked on a show where someone watched the entire video in the writer's room. Okay, that's going to get you in trouble these days. But those were the times. We were eating grime. Yeah.

We were licking grime from the corners of the showers. Yeah, you wish there were showers. And that's what I was saying before. That's how we would grill the hot dogs is we'd turn the shower on really hot. Yeah, but I'm almost like, call that boiling. Why do you call it grill? I guess we wanted to seem like

it was like an outstore, like barbecue kind of thing. And boiled hot dogs, not as appetizers. Yeah. I used to eat a frickin' hot dog straight out the fridge. Mm-hmm.

Oh, we all did. Yeah, I remember you chomping on that. And it would come out of like, you had it, so it I remember you chomping on that. And it would come out of like, you had it, so it would come out of the ice dispenser. So you would put your cup, the thing. Yeah, and it would squeeze out the hot dog tube. You'd get two of them at a time, tip the glass back, and then go, hot dog walrus at your service. And there'd be these two huge hot dog tusks coming down.

But that was the time. That was the time. And honestly, it's like nice to even be reminded of that. Because I thought that was funny as hell. And I feel like that's kind of like what started my whole career. You know what I mean? You guys were like, okay, this girl's different. No, it was freaky as hell. And just you being willing to take that risk of becoming a hot dog walrus, which is not necessarily the most traditionally feminine thing to do.

It's not. Is she in there somewhere? Is there anything left of her? God, I wish. Right? She's dead. She's, it's like, did I murder her? Did you murder her?

Not you, but like men. Like the people. Yeah. Okay. Oh, men. Yeah. I mean, I wish, but I mean, I dream of her. I still have dreams of her, but man,

she's fucking dead. Now it's just like, money, money, money, pay me, pay me. You know what I mean? Give me free facials. Let's talk about money and free facials. Hell, let's talk about gluten hair extensions.

I believe that if we get enough publicity to this Food for Less, that they'll let us dip into the register almost every episode. Really? Yeah, just for essentials. Okay, like chicken lunch, for example? Well, the chicken lunch is example okay so we're talking well the chicken lunch is actually there

oh that's true so I'm thinking a lot of the crew were just getting chicken lunch wait that's actually true we don't have to worry about like crafty or any sort of catering

you got the rotisserie right there yeah you didn't even need plates jeez the superstore had it all figured out oh yeah superstore is

light years ahead we're gonna look back on that except the kind of stuff they were saying, that was the only mistake. The stuff they're selling in the Superstore is like Frisbee. Can't eat a Frisbee, freaks. No. It could be a plate.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. If they had food. So if we could sort of cooperate in this way. Yeah. Is this a cross? No. Is it a crossover thing?

No. Okay. I'm listening. Yeah. So I'm listening. So I'm open to learning about my own show. Right. Oh, are you being sarcastic? No.

Oh, you're being serious? Hey, look, this is a collaboration. I could see how the way he said it, like, oh, yeah, tell me about my own show. But he really does want to learn about it. I don't have control over my tone of voice. Everybody knows that. So, crossover, crossover, J crossover. I think what could be cool is Backstrom. Wait, go on.

Coming to the show, coming to the food place. He's a total dick. Backstrom? Yes. He died because he was murdered by... See, this is the thing. You can take all these characters

and just be like, oh, they're in heaven. Right. It's so easy. Which is the thing that people... It's like, the writer's room for The Good Place has it so

fucking easy yeah it's all every episode is just like these guys die it's like okay yeah exactly like you can like the drama's built in right because death well yeah mourning people's deaths oh yes death can be very dramatic. The way I do it. So, Backstrom can be there. And really, let's talk about what are other famous TV characters that have died. Okay. Right. Brian the Dog from Family Guy.

Okay, Brian the Dog from Family Guy. Mr. Hooper. That's right, Mr. Hooper's dead. What I'm wondering is... Basketball. That's why they call him that Because the dude could hoop Yes there's a hoop Yes there's a hoop set up in the frozen food section

I wish he was still alive You could have him on your freaking podcast But he died in the 80s Well this podcast is not my main thing This one? Yeah But what I wanted to say about Brian the dog is, can we do a whole story about service animals

and dogs being allowed in a place that serves food? And, you know, is he maybe an emotional support animal or something? And Mr. Hooper trips on him, try to do a crazy 360 dunk. And now we're into what I like to call the story center. Okay. And so that's just one episode. That's just one scene.

Wow. This is going to be packed so full. There's so many opportunities. And that's again, that's like what we're missing on The Good Place is like,

they just, it's like, give me something to watch. You know what I mean? Please. Tony Soprano's mom. You could do the thing that they did basically which is just have her come in and have just her mouth moving and be like tony

that's a great that's a great idea because we have plenty of footage yes right so now it could be like you know kirsten bell like she could say the name oh yeah absolutely eleanor charlie sheen from two and a half men did he die he die? He's dead. They killed him. Yeah, they killed him and replaced him with Wallace. That was Ashton Kutcher's character. Yeah, yeah. So, Charlie's dead. You think Ashton's dead?

Did he die on the 70s show? It seems like he was about to. The way he was living so fast. Yes, at least we can assume now that that character is dead. Okay, I got one. Ready for this? Hit me. The cast of Lost. Okay. least like we can assume now that that character is dead okay i got one ready for this hit me the

cast of lost okay the delivery was primo and that was so so she is still alive in there because that is what i remember to be your normal i believe the hot dog walrus delivered that line you guys thank you so much for bringing her back oh my god that's what this episode was really about um no yeah if you really watch the show and examine it some of them are dead some of them are dreaming okay and some of them are the imagine the like imagine dream characters of the dreamers. Okay. So there's John. Right.

John is a dreamer. Really? Yes. And all the clues are there. And everyone else is dead. Okay. So John's the dreamer. Wait.

John's having the dream. Yes. A little bit of like a Newhart situation. Newhart and Devin is really into that reference. So between Newhart and Dear John, I have a concern about your reference. How old are you? Oh, girl.

I fear that you're becoming exposed. Hi, Carly. I can see why maybe the hair guy thought he should get a couple extra hair things in there. I know. Because you might be 100 years of grace. Sorry. I'm sorry. It's okay, but I'm just concerned for you.

Well, Devin liked it. We can plug it. Of course Devin liked it. We can plug in. Of course Devin likes it. What's that supposed to mean? Buddy. Unfortunately, you know what it means. Yeah, we'll just plug in you saying like, Russian doll. Yes, okay.

Yeah. Just plug in this. Say Russian doll. Say, okay, we can stop Making TV shows now Okay Russian Doll Okay We can stop

Wait Russian Dolls Let's get it clean Yeah It's just Russian Doll It's not Russian Doll Okay One doll

Okay so just room tone Really quick Russian Oh Here we go And Russian doll We can stop making TV shows now

Bitch Okay Please don't say bitch Yeah Because We have it once in the theme song already Yes And that

We're on the feds about Okay We're gonna Okay Russian doll. We can stop making TV shows now. And it was so hard for you to not say, bitch,

that now it almost felt empty. Is there something else we could say on the end of it? Because it feels unfinished. Okay, okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Maybe instead of bitch

You say something more playful like Snatch Adams Okay Okay let's see What is it? Okay Russian doll We can stop making TV shows now

Boobs McGee Okay I mean i specifically wanted snatch adams i thought you said something like i thought yeah no i mean that's on my end of play on patch out of the boobs mcgee i i don't i don't know who the person is that you're referencing i'm sure there is somebody yeah i guess i don't know who it person is that you're referencing. I'm sure there is somebody. Yeah, I guess. But I don't know who it is. I was just looking for like. I guess even saying something like it, you could have said like crappy Gilmore or something.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Okay, so, okay. But. So, how about this? Okay. Surprise me. Okay, sure. Play with it.

Make it your own. Okay. Okay. Russian doll. own okay um okay um russian doll uh we can stop making tv shows now uh billy so we're committed to that we're so close going we can stitch this together. Hold on, hold on. Okay. We can start making TV shows now, Billy Fattison. Oh, phew. Yeah, yeah.

Bye. Bye. Hollywood Hamburg. That was a HeadGum Podcast.