Hollywood Handbook - David Letterman, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: May 25, 2015

The guys have several apologies to make concerning their recent Comedy Bang Bang appearance and Best Of episode. Then it's the premiere of the first episode of the new Rotten Tomatoes Podcast presented by Wolf Cool, followed by an appearance from rogue comedian WILL HINES to discuss the sad event of the past week and the influence of Dave.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So she gets home late, I'll add. And of course, Matilda's already in bed and sleeping. And so I say to Michelle Williams, she was a dream. Everything went well. We had ice cream for dessert. And then you know that went nicely for both of us.

We like sweet ice cream. Oh, yes. And she opens her purse and takes out a 20. I go, no, no, no, Michelle. My rate is 20 an hour for babysitting. I go, uh, no, no, no, Michelle. My rate is 20 an hour for babysitting. Because that's if your other parent, like if Serena Williams finds out that Michelle Williams is only paying $20 for an entire night of babysitting. That lowers your rate all over town. What world is that?

Of course, no, I can't ever value myself that low. And so- Unless for recommendations, if she were willing to recommend you to some other parents, I could see how then you might be willing to accept a little. But is she recommending me at their rate or is she going, I get a special rate because I'm sending so many? Well, it should be higher.

It should be higher. Honestly, if she's recommending you, then coming with that recommendation should be a premium on your babysitting. Well, and that's how I felt, too. And we did settle it out, and I do have a couple of cool—I'm babysitting Chet Hayes later this week, and I think that's going to be really fun for us because we both love rhymes. Did the song play? Yes. Oh, okay.

Or it started to. It must be because of my machine. Oh, yes. So we can just go right in? Yeah, we'll just start doing the thing even though you're not here to hear the song. Hayes is on a machine today everyone describe it welcome to hollywood handbook an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz what did that all did i finish did it did that one

come all the way through that's coming through for me brett do we have that uh yeah i got that clean thank you okay because i'm here i'm doing sky Skype from New York City, which I had to be here to do Skype because Neil deGrasse Tyson lives here, and he was able to set me up with the technology to make a computerized phone call. It's freaking me out, and I couldn't look at the screen because it was too scary to me, so I've I've pointed it squarely at Brett Brett why do people on the forums call you an s-tard oh starred it's because um have you seen this Hayes well it's because what's the ass because I've made my own mustard before and so I think that's a nice DIY home. I don't think that makes you as tarted or anything else. Hayes, what do you think? Well, that's nice.

I don't think. I hear that we're not supposed to call people any letter of that. Really? That's out of. I knew that the big one was gone off the table. But I thought that if you modified it. They're starting to get rid of the other letters as well. I thought that because I thought they don't necessarily know if you're saying it.

It's sort of like how around your dog, maybe you spell the word walk. And even comparing them to dogs, I think now lately. That's out of fashion. It's not something that we're supposed to be doing and i'm just so anything around these style people might not be a los angeles thing yet okay in new york they are telling because i was doing it a lot and they have been telling me to stop well these east coast ivy league elites are always a little bit quicker to get their feathers ruffled. But I always feel like around Brett-style people that you do want to kind of code your language a little bit. Did you say my name?

Did you say my name? No. See, that's the kind of like he knows Brett. He knows words like that. He knows walk. Yes. Oh, walk? Not yet, Brett. He knows walk. Yes. Oh, walk? Not yet, Brett.

Not yet. At commercial. So anyway, so you're in New York. You're there, of course, to cushion the blow of the very sad passing of one of America's goofiest funny men. Yes. When you know him like we do, you just call him Dave. And I think he did, something bad definitely did happen because people are talking about him in a very sad way.

And I'm here, there's sort of a laugh emergency deficit between Dave being away and new Stephen appearing. And so they need someone to sort of plug the plug, the dyke, as it were, with with with extra laughs in the meantime. So that's what I'm doing here in the in the meantime. But we want to talk about Dave. Give him his due. Yes, well, that guest segment will be mostly about that. But in the meantime, let's talk about us. Something I find almost as interesting,

if not more. Hayes and I were on Comedy Bang Bang and we got big stars now and we did do the best of episode and we're here to do a little apology about our best of episode last week yes we did comedy bang bang and uh we did an episode of all the best stuff from our show in order to hopefully be poached by another podcast network that has a higher rated show that could put us on there like um what would mark macaroni show uh something that is consistently doing better ratings than comedy big big uh uh is maybe the next step for us but we got a lot of angry letters about the best of show yes well a lot of people felt that their favorite and what they felt

were the best moments got excluded so we went to listen to some of the clips and suggestions we were sent and it turns out that pretty much all of them were just as good or better than what we'd put in the best of and i was mortified i want to say sorry from the bottom of my heart i didn't realize how good the other stuff we did was when we assembled that best you don't know when you're in it when it's when you're doing it it doesn't come out as like good or bad it's just you being yourself and it's really just sean and i hanging out and so to be like this is good like great point to me it feels like i am just being my true self around one of my closest friends and collaborators and it's so natural it's sort of if you've ever heard that david foster wallace this is water uh commencement

speech from kenyon college where the old fish swim by the young fish and say, how's the water? And the other fish go, what the hell is water? And you have to remind yourself all the time of your environment, the things that seem most obvious. When you're taking a shower and you start to sort of wonder like what it is, like what is this stuff?

Or when you're drinking it. Yes. No, all the time. And if you don't say this is water and remind yourself of what seems obvious. Then it could be something. It could be slime. You could start to think that it might be slime. Well, you could forget to dry off.

I mean, you could forget to dry off. And so then your clothes are stuck. And there are a lot of reasons to say that. But anyway, suffice to say i'm sorry this is water and yes all of our episodes are actually the best of because everything we did is apparently so good we also have an apology to make for scott ackerman um for we don't really keep track of like itunes rankings and stuff uh i can't read that stuff. Yeah. Like it's, it's not the reason we do the show. Art is not a competition. Uh, like we said, it's just a,

it's just a way for Sean and I to hang out. Uh, but I guess we were hearing that our show became number six on iTunes and we assumed, okay, what does that even mean that comedy bang bang we know you know people like we hear that people really like that show so we figured it was number one or number two after mark macaroni but that was number 11 uh and so then you start to wonder like wow like how is scott taking this like this should like is mad? I just sent him a text that said, yikes. Uh, and he didn't respond to that.

So I don't have a sense of what his attitude towards it is. So Scott, if you're listening, like most people apparently are, um, more people, certainly than your show. Uh,

if you are listening and hearing this, we're scared for you and we're worried about you and reach out to us because um we don't care and if you think it's some kind of competition art's not a competition and we just are doing this for fun it's a total fucking jerk off for us and i worry that it could only get worse because i mean right now actually it now it is number 13 and i think it has fallen two spots since the last time i checked about 15 minutes ago but i think that because it's saturday morning i think people people are eating breakfast right now and watching cartoons. Yes. And so when it goes back up into the top six,

potentially maybe even the top four, top two, uh, I worry that that could really, uh, be bad for whatever's going on with Scott because people are calling it a bump, which I don't even think is the right word for it. Because if you look at a bump, how bump shape.

Yes. It goes. Have a down. It goes up part. It goes up part first. But then it has top part. And then it goes down part. And this does not.

This is just like how on the side of America, there's like the big ocean. And then the wall of like sort of a land wall. And then it's just America all the way across. And that's sort of it's it's more like that and not a bump shape for us. It's not a bump because according to my doctor, a lot of these bumps are temporary. And so a bump is something that you can essentially put a cream on or take a pill and it goes away and closes because there's sometimes a hole in it with uh juice coming out but

this is not like that it's more like um well it's more like my big muscles which while they do sort of resemble bumps if you look they never go all the way back down because before they do get there they come shooting back up twice as high it's another one yes so that's a cool way to think of it um but anyway i'm so glad to hear by the way uh because i've been gone i didn't really know what was going on with that bump. There was a point where it was more hole than bump. No, it did, yes. But now I understand it is more bump than hole again. It went from what would be considered like a crater

to what would be considered like a volcano. And that was encouraging for everyone, for the whole team. And that was encouraging for everyone, for the whole team. And the juice went from what was almost like a hot tar, which was terrible, to more just, well, just juice, which is nice. Like fruit juice. Yes, like a – Cranberry juice? Steamed grapefruit juice.

No, cranberry is not quite acidic enough. And so we all have a lot of positive feelings about it, and the powder is working and everything, uh, is, is good. And it's, um, uh, it has invited a couple buddies along, uh, which, you know, who am I to say that, uh, you know, I, I know when I'm having a party, I want to have some friends around so I can't blame the bump for that attitude. And let's just hope that it's one of those parties that

closes before that they go that everyone goes home. Only because it is right between your eyes. Yes, well, that's where number one. There's not a lot of real estate there, too. That's where sort of the captain.

There's not a lot of space for a big party there. The captain is there. The captain is there, and some of his little cronies and teammates are spreading around, and they're all over the house over the house as it were. Um, under your hair, uh, under, yes, under and behind, uh, behind the ears and, um, down straight down from the chin, uh, from underneath the chin and sort of look like a sinister goatee of discolored flesh. So at any rate, it's going good. Everything's going to be good.

To get back on topic, everyone has been sending us snap pics and emailing us these numbers, and these numbers mean nothing to us. We love science and math, but it doesn't apply to art in any way. But it does seem like the thing that you do now in this situation is start making demands. It just seems like the next logical step when you have something that somebody else doesn't have, they want something from you, you take something from them.

And the thing that we would like now, if we are going to stay on Earwolf, is to annex the Rotten Tomatoes podcast, which I believe is still part of the network. I don't really have any evidence to that effect, but I think, Brett, is that still something that's going on? Yeah, they're on Wolf pop the like sister network well not anymore they're on wolf cool now and it's hosted by me and hayes and here's episode one and we saw mad was good car chase. I love the car chase in this movie. And I was wondering which car was going to catch the one and I couldn't always tell the cars apart and it was exploding and what a car chase. And thanks for bringing that up.

I liked the big car. I liked the feminism the small the okay i love how freaking steamed all these men's rights activists are getting over it because it's like yeah well too bad buddy and the women are driving the cars in part of this and have motorcycles and i liked how they were tough but i also liked how the girls were like really like looking like incredibly good fucking sexy yeah when you first see them they're like spraying with a hose in the desert and you can see through parts of the clothes and like fin definitely very skinny but also with a little extra fat and in the right places. In the right zones.

Yes. And, and so that was good feminism. Steffi loved that. I mean, cause we went to see it together and she loved that. A Rosie hunting town, white lady.

And she thinks that she's so pretty. And that was nice because of course in the apocalypse, yes, it's sad. Yes. You need water and gas. Yes, you have to have a robot arm. Some of you. But there's still got to be sexy babes, right?

Like, let's not kid ourselves. Yeah. For it to be good feminism, I think you do have to do that. For people who are wondering also if I'm going to be Imperatore Furiosa for Halloweenlloween i am actually going to do that because i have and that's feminist yes i have a good bald head maker uh that used to be a cvs bag but that i sort of repurposed uh to be a bald head disguise and if you really just put your face on certain parts of the ground and move it around for a while you can make that same effect the the face dark effect face and so yes the it's sort of a half black face thing and so thanks for tuning in to rotten tomatoes and my uh short

review of mad max is The Furious Road. There's something for everybody. There's babes for the women to look at. And I liked the cars. We have a great guest. And Will Hines is here. But really, our guest today is David Letterman. And if it was implied in the title of the show that he was actually going to be here,

I don't know why you would sort of interpret it that way. But he is basically, he's basically here because we're going to be talking about him. And we're so close with him. Even better than if he were here for in body ways. On Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's, um, it's doing a jib jab video of me. Sorry, can you guys hear that? Uh, a little bit. It sounds... Okay, hang on, hang? A little bit. It sounds... Okay, hang on, hang on. It sounds really funny. It's almost over.

It's almost over. Okay, sorry, sorry. That's it. Sorry. I have this... It's like a computer app I signed up for a while where it just does jibjabs of me. Yeah, no, I get jibjab emails.

Yeah, but these aren't emails. These are just for me to see of myself. So if there's a camera of me, because I'm using Skype, and if there's a camera focused on me, it'll turn my face into a jibjab video. So you're Santa Claus, or you become... oh, sorry, Will Hines is here. You want to talk, Will? Yeah, I have this too.

Have you ever done the ones where you and Mitt Romney do the Macarena? That one hasn't come up yet. I'm really excited for that, though, because people have been talking about it for a long time. Yeah, that's the best one. Have you ever seen the College Humor video where Mitt Romney does the Gangnam Style dance? The JibJab video does that same thing. Mitt Romney style? Yeah, yeah, Mitt Romney style.

And the JibJab app that I have, Hayes, I don't know if it's a different release or something, puts my face right over and I'm doing the Mitt Romney style with Mitt Romney. It's hilarious. So mine comes to me in an email. And if I do open it up, which I don't always have time to do, what I will see is it's Kim Jong-un and me. And we're doing Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega. Yeah. And he's going, you know, got a little bit of Rod security in my country a little bit of yeah a

little bit demilitarized zone in my mind don't want to watch the interview in my yeah theater it's great okay uh so that's interesting it's a little sad because i sort of thought they were just doing that like that was personalized for me but yours is personalized for me somehow. But yours is personalized for you. Yeah, but I thought the lyrics were somehow directed at me as well. They may be. Because it's my face in the video. I thought it was just kind of my video. And to know that you guys are getting the same ones is a little bit sad. I'm sure yours has some special rendering or the flash.

The wobble of the head is probably better well hey i get yours as well because i don't know if you realize this you have been forwarding every every one of the videos that you get made to your friends okay yeah i've seen yours yeah there was a find your friends checkbox that I did check, but they never sort of followed up on what that meant, and I guess it does... Yeah, I've gotten a lot of emails from you with that. Brett, do you get those?

Yeah, flooded. I get them every time. I love them. They're hilarious. I get multiple copies. That's extra weird to me because you shouldn't be on my friends list, Brett. I assume that, but then – And so that means it's something beyond just my friends

that are getting these jib-jab videos, which means it could even be my enemies. So I'm your enemy now? Which I like, actually. I'm glad my enemies are getting these. For them to see you having fun? I want them to see how well I'm doing. Yes. For you and Karl Rove

to be just having fun. Yeah. And dancing to, you know, Counting Blue Cars by Deshwala. Yeah, that's going to really make them feel, that's going to put them in their place. Hey! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook,

an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? We have a great guest today, sort of in spirit, because something happened this

past week. To be sad about. Mm-hmm. People are very sad, and to say what that thing was specifically would be i think yeah it demeans it but we know that something definitely bad happened we know it's something sad and we know who it's related to yeah and it's a huge loss uh-huh it's related to. Yeah. And it's a huge loss. Uh-huh. It's an absence. Someone who was doing something,

another not. Yes. And it's obviously a guy who had a show. Right. That's obvious. You can say that much. Is not doing it. Yeah. Or is going to,

is on vacation. Something. Hayes? doing it yeah i or is going to is on vacation something hayes i know dave is gone and that's very sad and i i we thought we should all sort of gather here on the show and talk about how he was a huge influence on us. How effective he was. And Will, I know you specifically, we know you have seen the show. Yes. And use a lot of it in your comedy, because you do comedy.

Yes, sorry, I'll give you the intro I should have given you up top. You kind of wanted to talk earlier than we wanted you to. I jumped in, yeah. Yes, so. Well, you know, I'm a'm a rogue well and that's part and and this actually is a good intro for you too yeah will is an unpredictable hot comedy property yep he flies off the handle and he dgaf

uh about social mores um and a lot of a lot of sacred cows that you may be familiar with don't exist for this particular guy. Yeah. If you book me on your show, if you have me act in your property or you hire me to perform at your live show, you don't know what you're going to get. And that's what you're signing on for when you get it. And you are something of a rogue.

I didn't know you meant it in that way. I thought you sort of meant that if you touch someone in a sexual way, you could kill them. Right. No, no, no. I meant more just like a rebellious devil may care. I didn't mean in the mutant sense. Because people said that about Dave, too.

I know he got in trouble for some kind of thing like that a couple times. Yeah, he tried to rogue a couple of people on his show. And what I think it was was more of a gambit situation where they waited for him to fall asleep, tried to kiss him, got a big shock. Yeah. And then fall down,

and then all of a sudden everyone calls the cops. I pictured it more of a sudden everyone calls the cops. I pictured it more of a Cerebro situation where Dave would strap himself into a huge metal. What's that? Cerebro is, it doesn't matter. It's like a little, it's a child's toy. Crang. Yeah.

It sounds like Crang. Crang? Sure, yeah. Okay, so it's like Crang. It's more of a good guy thing. But anyway, so yeah, I am of that same genealogy of just letting it all hang out. You know what I mean? That's where my comedy comes from.

And your new line of jeans is called Genealogy. Is that right, Will? Yeah. They're available in my Etsy store. They're handmade, custom order uh genealogy genes that uh you tell me what your ethnic background is and i just write it across the ass and haze i just want you to know since you're not here that there is the loudest conversation i've ever heard happening right outside the door to the studio uh 35 minutes before the next uh group is supposed to be here is it zach levi let me guess is it zachary levi uh it's labine it's labine okay

something in that uh in that in that crew i don't want to jinx it but I think it's Labine the volume is part of it it's part of the thing for those guys and in comes Levi and he's trying to top him and the two of them are having one of these where you each grab the higher

part of the bat thing with their voices I think they may have heard us talking about nerd stuff. Yeah, it called them. They have sort of a pheromonal response to being nerds themselves. Yes, it's something of a siren song.

So, but you know, that's the cut. That's, I gotta say, and people I'm glad, I feel like people are waiting for this show. It's been a notable absence. This show hasn't commented on what's happened this week. People are wondering what to think and feel about it,

and they're looking to this show and you guys to know. Well, because everyone knows that he was a huge influence of ours. Yeah. He changed the way I think about the stuff I do. I mean, for me, it's like everything i do is like i you know is influenced by you almost more than me really a compliment that's sort of the greatest compliment to him in a way much more than and we really did love him so much i left as much as you maybe the number one most important comedy fixture in my career. Absolutely. Without ever having to take the option of watching his show.

Oh yeah, yes. Which we had every night. I think choosing not to do that is even more of a compliment. Just the Velcro stuff alone, just like strapping yourself in a Velcro, and does he do that anymore? I think I know

what you're talking about. He put on like the full Velcro suit, he would jump on a little mini trampoline Does he do that anymore? I think I know what you're talking about. Yeah. He put on like the full Velcro suit. He would jump on a little mini trampoline and jump up and stick to like a full Velcro wall. Oh, great. Yeah. As a kid, I used to – That's what I'm remembering.

I was like 10 or something. As a kid, I used to do a couple things. One is I would drop fruit because I had trouble holding it. Now, I don't know if he does that still, but if he does, isn't that like me? And another thing I would do is if I met someone who's kind of a weirdo, I would kind of group people together and be like, let's all kind of make fun of this weirdo and how they interact. Yeah. That's very, that's very, you are hugely influenced by Dave in that respect. And if you, can I say this about being influenced by someone? We have a couple new listeners because we did have Comedy Bang Bang recently.

Nice. If you're listening and you're not sure if you like us, just ask, do you like Dave? Because we're influenced by him. And so therefore. So then you must like us.'re not sure if you like us just ask do you like dave because we're influenced by him and so then you must not the show i sorry i just want to clarify not dave's show just kind of the idea of dave we're not super familiar with the show you have to be upfront about that yeah i used to be i was a huge huge fan of uh when he was you know whatever before well you saw the show once in a taxi cab right that's right i was taking a taxi cab and god the traffic was insane i was stuck on the williamsburg bridge i was going to this really hot gig in the lower east side you know it was like nick kroll

john glazier david cross i don't remember it's a huge comedy gig i was galapagos yeah down at galapagos or maybe it was Fat Baby I don't remember one of those but I'm on the bridge and of course traffic's at a standstill so I gotta watch like the little thing and Dave's show

comes on the cab driver really likes it when you turn the volume all the way up on that so he can hear it as well he's bored they're not allowed

to use hands-free phones so that's necessary for them to enjoy their job so I turn it up all the way and yeah Dave's show was on and I was like what's this and it took me a while to remember what was going So I turn it up all the way. And yeah, Dave's show was on. And I was like, what's this?

And it took me a while to remember what was going on. I was like, who is this? And then I was like, oh, right. And then I loved it. And I connected with it. And it had a huge influence on me. Do we all want to talk about the first time we met Dave? Yes.

I would love to talk about that. Hayes, could you go? Flashback to 1961 i'm i'm waiting for the trolley outside of the um the ua lot the united artists lot uh i was doing a thing i was putting out a fire on um my three sons one of the sons had just kissed Fred McMurray on the show. Oh, no. He'd done a whole bolt of hashish. Yeah, and that show was live, so they had to use it.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And so I was there to kind of cool off the studio audience. They had done a lot of whistling and hubba-hubba-ing. and so I was there to kind of cool off the studio audience they had done a lot of whistling and hubba hubbaing I mean that breaks the codes that breaks the I mean that's such a shit show for

and so this was the summer you remember that summer where there were those horrible dust storms yeah oh god yeah after all the FDR 61 yeah yeah oh god yeah after all the um fdr stuff 61 61 yes yes yeah after the fdr stuff in 61 the dust storms wouldn't stop it was like god was getting involved yeah yeah it was too big uh and i my suit was getting very dusty uh because of this all the storms and so i i looked at this suit shine boy that was sort of

wandering over and uh i you know i said suit shine boy come over here i'll give you a we should explain after fdr the suit shine boy was a much more popular position and it's sort of yeah it's faded yes has calmed down the nation has progressed but go ahead so this boy is signing my shoot my suit and he's making all these great jokes yeah about manuel noriega who at the time that's a really progress not yeah he's not in power yeah he's not on anybody's radar because he is not at all involved in anything at that point. Yes. But he made some jokes about him

using different kinds of face creams. And he did some stuff about Mike Tyson biting somebody's ear. I didn't know who any of these people were at that point. But something about his devil-may-care roguish attitude uh had a huge influence on me from the very beginning even when i first uh met him as a child wow um so that was

my first contact with him if any of you guys would like to speak yeah i'll do this uh yeah smash cut to 1977 los angeles the comedy store i'm waiting to go on and i'm about to crush it mitzi's saying we got to put you on early the crowd is crazy and i'm like i can handle it i can handle it um and i'm and at this point my act is very traditional it's very joke based it's very like take my wife it's very much like, you know, I'm of the Dangerfield school at this time, the Alan King kind of just one-liners. I'm an entertainer. I'm an entertainer at this point, and I'm crushing it. But I don't realize how narrow I'm being. Backstage, I'm about to go on.

This guy comes up to me. And by the way, I got a great suit on, great like italian knit suit uh thin cut and i look sharp this guy comes up to me wearing khaki pants and sneakers and he looks like some bum you know except that he clearly had the glint of intelligence in his eye that i knew he couldn't have been a bum because bums are always stupid and this guy looks smart so he can't be a bum that's how they lose yeah that's That's how they got in trouble. They all start rich. Yeah.

Everyone starts rich, and then if you're dumb, you lose it. And this guy, he looked too smart to be. I couldn't figure it out. I knew something was going on with this guy. He comes up to me, puts his arm around me, and he's like, hey, why don't you try being real tonight? You know what I mean? This guy doesn't know me at all. And he comes up and says that to me.

And I was like, be real. And it it was Goldblum it was Jeff Goldblum and then behind him was David Letterman I met him and he had a huge influence on me whoa wow sorry there's a little delay that's okay, slow pan across time to an aerial view of a highway. Now, the cars are completely packed in like sardines on a road. completely packed in like sardines on a road who's there directing traffic in their orange jacket but me of course at the time i was taking charge yes i had gotten out of my rolls royce phantom this is back in 1920 yeah 19 or 20th of June last year. So anyway, I'm pointing this way. I'm waving that way.

I'm doing every signal under the sun. At some point, I feel a tap on my shoulder. And of course, I grab the arm and I instantly have this dude in an arm bar, whoever it is. And I'm like, either you announce yourself, tell me who you are, or I'm taking your arm home with me, buddy. Yeah, you just been born. And he can feel that I'm serious because it's a very intense pressure on the elbow. But he's not permanently injured at this point because I have that level of control. Anyway, he blows a little cigar smoke in my ear.

I smell the quality through my ear, and I know, oh, this is an Ashton Heritage 1968 finely aged tobacco, and I am ready to share stories with whoever the tastemaker near me is. I turn face to face with some gap tooth fucking buffoon who I like. I just instinctively like him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And he says, hey, I've noticed something when you're waving these cars.

And I go, well what what's that and he goes most stop but a few go and i go but a few go yeah and he goes what a funny name and i go funny name good pun and you don't see it coming you know that is a masterwork yes he could say but a fuco like almost nobody else in the business yes and muammar the way he said Muammar Gaddafi and I liked how he never stopped doing that either and Amy Fisher shot Buttafuqua's wife yes that is true

which is something to be remembered but not to the exclusion of the fact that his name is silly and so I always liked that about him. Yeah. And anyway, as I said, this was June of last year.

And it felt as timely as ever. Yeah. This was through meeting him. That was when I met him. Yeah. And it's influenced me to this day. Wow. Hayes, I'm going to make some enemies for our show right now.

And I know you didn't want to do that anymore. But I am going to step outside the studio and say please talk quieter because we've gotten here early before and don't we talk quiet when we do that hayes yeah well i'd like it if you'd ask them to apologize on our show oh that would be nice let me see if i can get that just a quick Apology. I'm so sorry about this, Will. Will, could you please not hurt them? I'm ready to go. I know that your instinct is to hurt them real bad.

And I wish you wouldn't just because they are part of our family, basically. I know this is supposed to be entertainment, but this is also dog-eat-dog field. Yeah. And a lot of times it really is just puffing out your chest and throwing it down. I know. A lot of times. A lot of times. But just in this one case, if you could not hurt the person who. Yes, Hayes is on Skype.

Okay. So you may need headphones to hear Hayes. Hayes, I got some of them in here, and it's some of these. Oh, great. And it's some of these funny women that are an epidemic around here. This crew. Hey. Okay, great. Oh, okay. It's a little disappointing because I did think it was Zachary Levi. funny women that are an epidemic around here. Okay, great.

Oh, okay. It's a little disappointing because I did think it was Zachary Levi, but who am I speaking to instead? I thought it was Labine, and I thought it was Levi, but instead they're going to tell you all their names. It's Lauren Lapkus and Aaron Whitehead. Stephanie Allen. We can hear you.

Hello. Okay. And Mary Holland. Okay. I could see how you would think it was Tyler Labine. It's through a door. Honestly, we just came in here to apologize to Hayes because we were being really loud. So we just wanted to apologize.

Did any of you want to say a quick thing about how Dave influenced you? Letterman? Yes. Yeah, I feel like he really inspired me to get involved with television. Growing up, I was a little spunky kid. Not a spunk. I was a spunky kid. He had that energy that really inspired me.

So for sure, that's what kept me going through all the years where I was doubting myself. Oh, okay. Yes. Does everyone just not care anymore that he cheated on his wife forever? Well, people like that he just kind of didn't give a shit about that. Yes, the fact that he broke the rules, I think, is part of what made his comedy so special. He was a rogue. Yeah, he was willing to break the rules.

He was commenting on institutions by thwarting them. Well, there's that rule, don't wear Velcro and jump on the wall, isn't there? And he broke that rule. He broke the rule of throwing paint off a building. Yep. Yes. Who said that thing about his wife? Were we forgetting that he had heart

surgery at one point? I think he could use a little sympathy here. Oh, so he doesn't have a heart? Well, we're just saying the guy's been through some trauma. It can have a lot of side effects. Sometimes after a heart surgery, you forget who you're married to or what that even means. I'm sure he didn't know.

I'm sure he didn't really understand the implications of what he was doing. I think if he knew he was going to get caught, he probably never would have even done it. Yeah, that's to be remembered. Well, but even if you don't have a heart, even if you cheat on your wife, you can still inspire a spunk kid somewhere out there. Who's doubting herself. Yeah, because I had so much doubt. And then I'd watch the show. Why?

Well, I can't explain it. It's just how I was raised, man. So there was so much doubt in my heart. But you're so great! Well, tell me that again! You have doubt? Yeah, man, because you're just supposed to. You're supposed to be humble.

And he just really taught me to just go for my dreams and not care what anyone thinks and not get braces. I think when Dave cheated on his wife, I was like, that's hilarious. I was like, that is the funniest thing. I thought it was a stupid pet trick. Me too. I was like, oh, he's hosting a talk show, but he acts like he doesn't give a shit about the talk show, and that teaches us to laugh at talk shows. Now he's like involved with people, and he's cheating on them

like he doesn't give a shit about them, and that's also funny is what I learned. Yeah, it's just a new layer to what we all really have already admitted that we like. Does he have pets? He has a son. He has a son that he treats like a pet. There was something about that, yeah.

He's one of those people that's really loving toward a pet. Yeah, and not the people in his life? Yeah, like if you saw him with a pet he'd be very like, oh look he's here. Well when I first met Dave in the late 70s and he and I were doing stand-up together he had a ton of jokes about dogs that were written by his then live-in girlfriend

Meryl Marko, but I actually gave him a number of those dog jokes. So I know that happened. So the jokes were written by his then-living girlfriend, but you gave him the jokes. That's right. She would write them and give them to me on paper. I was like, Dave, Meryl wants you to have these.

And then he would do them, and I'd be like, well, you're welcome. But if she gave them to him directly, he would never read them. No way. Well, we just wanted to say sorry for being so loud. Yes, sorry. So we're just really sorry about that. Yeah, I'm looking at Brett here. My camera's trained on Brett, and he's starting to look very nervous.

And also, like, he's trying to look very cool, I think, because of all there being girls around. It's a female energy, and it sort of very much changes the way Brett just physically holds himself. Is that so? That hat, for example, that little newsboy cap that he's wearing, he put on as soon as he heard there were going to be girls in the room.

He did not have it. Aaron Whitehead, when did you first meet David Letterman? I don't know him. Uh-huh. Say flashback to the year that you met him. Yeah, yes. And that was an influence on you?

Yeah, because I always knew what hypothetical fight we'd be in. Tell it like a movie, though. Like, we like to sort of use camera directions to describe meeting him. Most of our anecdotes

begin with the camera direction. Fade in. I do like to be told how to tell a story, so cut to Erin Whitehead in her bathroom. She's brushing her teeth. Her hair is messed up.

It's been a long night. David Letterman pops up in a thought bubble above her head. Go away, Dave. I'm trying to brushing her teeth. Her hair is messed up. It's been a long night. David Letterman pops up in a thought bubble above her head. Go away, Dave! I'm trying to brush my teeth! What's going on here? We had a disagreement! God damn it! I'm in my bathroom, Dave! That was a perfect impersonation. That impression was

wow! It was like Dave Letterman is in this room right now. Did anybody feel that? I was doubting myself right before it happened. Yeah. And now you it happened. Yeah. And now you feel better. Yes. And now you feel drunk. And now I'm spunky. On that note, we have stuff to do, so...

Please do leave. So, sorry. I gotta finish my donuts. Well, thanks so much. And wild horses, everybody. Wild horses. Wild horses. Bye, Tyler.

Hugely influenced... By Hayes. By the great man... Dave. influenced by Hayes by the great man Dave and Mary really made a point of waving to Hayes on the computer screen

I like that can I take my hat off no one asked you to put it on yeah Jesus Brad actually you know what no

no you have to keep your hat on I can't function if you're being that casual. You should be with us, Brett. You should be thinking the same way as if you were trying to impress a date. So I think you should keep your hat on. Well, I'm staring at you through Skype. It is a little bit like we're having a fancy dinner together or we're in a

bubble bath. Can we talk a little bit about Dave's infidelity? Cause I was hugely influenced by that. I'm glad that wild horses brought that up because I was like, well, as a comedian, I want to live my life like a monk, like in the purest form. And then when Dave did that, I was like, Oh, it's okay to make mistakes. You know what I mean's okay yes and not color outside the lines almost better it's almost encouraged and you can't really be funny if you don't if you don't commit huge acts of infidelity

on the people you're committed to his biggest influence on me i think was liking the foo fighters oh god yes that was huge when he first i thought it was like a fake funny band name when he first referenced them yeah uh but when it sort of became clear to me that this was a real band uh then they became my favorite band as well and that song became my favorite song yes the one the one that's on the one that's is that how it goes yes and and and will we've talked a lot about how much he influenced your comedy but we haven't talked a ton about your comedy well i first of all i'm not the focus of the show but uh yeah i'll just just for Nobody's saying that. Nobody's saying that you are, Will. Go ahead.

Well, yeah, I am the curator of a retweet account, Good Jokes, spelled with a Z, that just finds and curates the best tweets around, and I retweet them. And I'm just sort of a curator. And you strip the...

Yeah, I retype them underneath my own handle so that it's a non-denominational presentation of the humor. Like, you're not influenced by, oh, this famous person said it, I better like it. No, the joke's got to stand on its own. The joke better be good enough to be funny without you knowing that somebody else wrote it. They wouldn't want you to just be trading off their name.

It's the joke that's most important. These are real artists. These are people who are real craftsmen of jokes. Sammy Rhodes, that Christian minister, he's one of my favorites. Oz, Chris Rock. Not Chris Rock, but the guy from Australia who just retypes Chris Rock jokes. I retweet his without attribution. Do you like the fat Jewish or whatever that guy is?

Yeah, I think he's good sometimes. Men's humor. Yeah, men's humor is good. A lot of the Uberfax parody accounts I'm big fans of. Rob Delaney, which is not Rob Delaney, but this other guy who is, I think, a more radical and interesting version of Rob Delaney. I like the Rob Delaney

where the L in his username is a one. Or no, it's a capital I. Yeah, he's great. And the picture is exactly the same. Yep, he's a really good one. He's got some really good stuff, interesting stuff going on. Is there another one other than that? Yeah, there's Rob exactly the same yep he's a really good one he's he's got some really good stuff interesting stuff

going on that's is there another one other than that yeah there's rob denaney there's rob d oney there's um uh there's rob d uh there's an l which is like a unicode character that looks like an l but it's actually uh i just have the cat the capital i guy and and I'm loving when he wants – he likes Harry Bush, I think. Yeah, he'll talk about Harry Bush. He'll talk about shit in his wife's pussy, and he's really funny about it. Or he'll talk about growing a bunch of tits on his dick, and he's great. He's great. I'm like, oh, that's so great.

Like the image of tits on a dick is – tell me it's not funny. Anytime there's tits on a dick, I retweet that. I have a search actually for any tweets that mention tits and dick in the same tweet it comes up. Sometime he wants to do something gross. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

Yep. Yeah, Rob DeWunny is really great. Yes. So I'll retweet him or and uh and really these are rob de wonnie and yourself are the descendants of dave absolutely let me just say right now all credit to dave all the comedy that i do all the work that i've done the effect i had is all the credit is to dave i wouldn't have gotten into this level of comedy without being very influenced by dave and um and his great attitude which i assume he still had toward the end on his show should we do a top 10 list we got it right top

10 of our favorite things to talk about and thank d for and Dave moments on the show and people might wonder if this is so sad for us then why didn't we watch the show over the years but this should be proof that we did watch the show

we did without having necessarily seen every episode in the past 15 years it doesn't mean that I haven't seen a single episode since I was maybe 16 years old. Now, let's say for people who don't know, hey, why are you doing a top 10 list? That's a weird thing to do in a tribute. Well, I don't know if he still does this. Certainly back in the day, this was a pretty frequent, I think like once or twice a week he would do this.

Dave once did a top 10 list almost every week. And so it's kind of honoring that aspect. So we're going to say the top 10 things. And they're not things that we half remember uh from the show no these are big important memories yes that i revisit frequently number 10 suji bar and mirror jewel oh yeah huge part huge part there you got sure does he still use them did he did he keep using them you're breaking up the skype connections no good. Let's go to number nine. Number nine.

Number nine. Headwriter Jerry Munninen. Headwriter Jerry Munninen. I liked. Jerry Munninen just used to come out and do, he was like this bearded guy and he did good. That's a huge influence. Is that Biff?

Yeah, I can't. God, is it? Maybe that's who I'm thinking of. Can you guys hear me? Yeah. Now you're back. Number nine. I liked when people would have to race Paul Schaefer around the studio.

Oh, yeah. For the race Paul segment. And he would always win because only he knew what the track was for that day. Number nine, Little Jay Leno. Oh, wait, what's going on? Oh, shit. Coming in at number nine, you got to see this. He had no respect for note cards at one point.

Oh, yeah, I remember that. It was a thing he did for a while. Number nine, Abby Elliott. Number nine, that one show where he disproved the Bible. Heavy show. Huge influence. Did somebody already say Little Jay? I know on Sean that was a big influence.

Yeah, I did Little Jay Leno. Did you do Dancinitos? No, that's a huge one. Yeah, I did Little Jay Leno. Did you do Dancinitos? Nope. That's a huge one. Yeah, I'll give that a number nine. Yes, number nine. Dancinito. Yeah.

Number nine. You know, like telling a half-assed joke and then looking at the band and they do a rim shot anyway? Yeah, kind of like you know. Yeah, like you're in on it with them? That's a huge influence. Number nine, just sort of off that, just sort of knowing that the show was not good for years and years and years

and just not giving a shit. Yeah. And that was the thing that was so amazing about him was just not caring about the quality of anything he did. Number eight, rudeness. Yeah. As a virtue. Yeah.

Number four, just being creepy to a lot of the women on the show and making that charming somehow. Not as creepy as John Travolta on an award show, but just sort of like hey you shouldn't be getting away with this just because drew barrymore is giggling that's number four number number two somehow making a list proprietary yeah and the number one thing we're actually I think now that you mentioned that the

list doing is proprietary I think if we get to number one we do have to pay the shows we are a big trouble so we owe everything you have to circle back to number three okay and the number three thing that is something that we definitely do all

know and it is part of the David Letterman show. The microphones. Oh, God. Huge. The famous microphone, yeah. He used them every show. You know what else I just want to say that I think is overlooked sometimes,

but I think comedians like us appreciate this, and I think maybe regular people don't notice this as much. But the talk show is such a challenging medium that it is maybe the most difficult medium for a comedian because, you know, you sit next to famous people, and they talk, and you get to be there, and that's hard. And you have to be kind of quiet because the people who are watching are trying to fall asleep. Yeah. And so if you're too loud, they'll turn the TV off. The volume level is a very difficult thing, which Carson was the best at. No disrespect to Dave. Carson was the king of moderate volume.

Dave definitely is the rightful heir to the Carson throne, but Carson's still the king baby, and he even got his bands to be quiet usually. Yes, the band would start playing, and he'd be like, shut up, shh, shh. Yeah, Carson would just shush them. And the Doc Severinsen band was mostly oboes by the end because they're the most moderate-volumed instrument.

This week on my Twitter account, Good Jokes with a Z, I have just been retweeting old Letterman jokes. Here, I'll read a couple. Obviously, I don't attribute them, so I'm just going to let the cat out of the bag that that's where these jokes are. I mean, it was sort of a subtle homage. I was wondering. You saw them and you were wondering if that was true? Yeah, what is this? Well, do you remember when Carson died at that Letterman show?

He did Carson jokes? Yeah, and he didn't attribute those. So you're doing almost the same thing. By the end of it, you're like, oh, these must be Carson jokes because they're really dated and weird. And it was a really sweet thing that he did. And Dave, he did die. Is that right? Yeah, something.

Something bad. He died. Either that or he's like a vegetable. Yeah. What's the mood in New York about the vegetable stuff, Hayes? I don't want to ask too many questions as I'm going around. Yeah, but people have to be devastated.

Yes, people are really sad. And just like at brunch today, there was basically nobody even in the restaurant I was eating at and no waiters, no service of any kind because I think people were so upset. Yeah.

And it was closed. They told you it was closed when you showed up, right? And effectively, that's right. Yeah. Someone tried to make me leave because they were so sad about Dave. And again, I didn't want to press it too much, but the things are not great here. Well, yeah. One of the restaurants I went to this morning, and I'm not even in New York,

but to show you how far the influence reached, they told me it wasn't a restaurant. Yeah. That it was a playground. Wow. And they told me I was too heavy for the seesaw. Oh, wow. At the restaurant. How sad.

And no eggs. And no eggs. And no eggs? Wow, that is sad. I had the same experience and I went into this restaurant and I was told I'm your roommate. This is my bedroom. You still owe me money.

You're too old to have a roommate. And no eggs. No eggs in there. Oh, that's just wow that's despicable and and and and that's how sad people get but yeah i'm sorry will you were about to read a bunch of letterman and these are yeah i didn't attribute them should this be our prize for the pro version yes it should it should so who won These are for Houston. Houston, you won the pro version and here's your prize. These are just for you. These were on good... You probably already read these if you subscribed to my

Good Jokes with a Z Twitter account. Okay, first one. Hey, Paul. Have you heard about this Lost show? Boy, I hope somebody finds them. That's one. Great one. I love that joke. Hey, Paul, what's with this internet thing?

People love this internet thing. Internet thing. Hashtag internet thing. That's one. It's more than 140 characters, so you have to hit the link to go read it. Another one is, hey, Paul, boy, people really go nuts for this Madonna chick. That's one. Larry Bud Melman, you fat, old, mentally disturbed man.

Get out here. That's another one. Great Letterman joke. Do the OJ one. Oh, yeah. Hey, Paul. OJ Simpson is on trial today and um and uh i think he did it that's one of his jokes do uh do john wayne bobbitt uh right um uh hey paul uh got some bad news i went in for a

marriage counseling because i'm terrible to the women in my life, and my marriage counselor is Lorena Bobbitt. Great one. Those are classic. I mean, when you read those, you're like, all right, I remember these. Can we go? I'm sorry. Can we get one more Gaddafi joke?

Sure. It's just such a favorite. And that'll be like our big out. All right. Last one. So I was talking with, hey, Paul, I was talking with Gaddafi. And you know what he told me is important to him? He wants his MTV.

That's a way back. That is a way back one. But it's still as relevant today as it was when it was told. Bye. Bye, everyone. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com.

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