Hollywood Handbook - David Wain, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: May 26, 2014

Hayes and Sean defend celebrity voice actors by creating their own vocal characters in the segment Voice Choice. Then DAVID WAIN, director and lovemaking mentor, arrives to tell the story of how he got to be director, pitch his take for the reboot of Million Dollar Arm, address what is perhaps Engineer Cody's greatest error yet, and answer questions from listeners about prom and his friendship with the rapper Jay-Z.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Yeah. Good biz. And she's like, I think I really like you. And I'm like, oh, you thought this was for real? You're an object on my scavenger hunt. Oh, yeah. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the insider's guide back hallways of this industry we call showbiz. On the red carpet line stuff, too, and what up, what up. And what up, what up to all of you. To all the listeners.

Hayes, I'm here with Sean Clements. And I'm Sean Clements, and I'm here with Hayes. We are fans of the movies first. Fans first, always. And cinephiles. And I consider myself a studier of movies. Yes, yes. And we also sometimes do movies of our own almost a school boy who's just

study a studier of the movies and just you can picture me when you listen to this picture me in my little sailor's outfit with my short pants book with the straps and just skipping and apple for teacher and oh please you know please and please give me a big kiss for doing the good grades on studying the movies. We want to talk today. We've been hearing some negativity and unpleasant chatter connected to the profession of voice acting. of voice acting. The voice actors in general, there's been some criticism out there that lately in animated films,

only big celebrities are chosen to play certain roles. The most famous example being Ryan Reynolds in Turbo, but there are others as well where the only qualification to be a big voice actor is to be a famous celebrity

in your own right. That it's not a talent specific, you know, apart from acting and film acting. Yes. That voice acting is not its own kind of field. And I disagree and I feel like that's hater stuff. Yes. People see Bradley Cooper as the raccoon in the new Galaxy Guardians movie. You watch the current Galaxy and you see this fun raccoon who looks like sort of a rascally character and he's getting into trouble.

And you think, what's the sort of cool, edgy voice going to be? And then you hear that it's Bradley Cooper and you think, oh, I think they just got the most famous person they could because he's sort of, I think some people think sort of bland. But you are jealous of Bradley Cooper. As you're saying that, as you're having that thought process, because you're jealous of him because he has more money than you are. And you're wishing you were this raccoon guy. And I'm going to tell you that wouldn't be any better. It would be more worse because what Bradley did was he really fleshed out

and brought life to this character's voice. Now it happens to sound a lot like Bradley Cooper because he is kind of a rascal. It is a skill. It is almost like giving birth. It's creating life from nothing. Harder and more painful, I think, than giving birth, but yes. And we sort of wanted to

direct but curtain like we like to do and show and it's a process it is also like giving birth because in order to get into the headspace to create that i do need to have a good fuck first and just really clear out any no any static need to have a good, rollicking fuck that just empties out the chamber. A quick fuck in the hay. And that will result in just bearing the richest fruit in terms of animated voice. So we will create characters for you.

We'll each give each other a character, and we'll show you what goes into the creation of that voice. Just start with me. Just give me a character. Okay. You will do the character of Grandpa Pop Pop. He is the champagne cork in the animated film that I'm working on that takes place in sort of a rich

man's cabinet. Maybe it's me, maybe it's not. But inside the cabinet is also I don't know. It's kind of like a concentration camp in there. And so there's

classes among the different drinks, the liquor cabinet, and Grandpa Pop-Pop has seen everyone come and go. Okay. What does he want? What are his goals? And I'm going to do my throats up while you tell me that. Well, a lot of what he does is imparting wisdom. A lot of what he does is imparting wisdom. He sees these young screw top bottles rocking and rolling and coming and going and making the same mistakes that they've made in the past. And he wants to educate, but he also knows that a lot of times you can only learn by living.

Grandpa Pop-Up. Mm-hmm. living. Okay. Grandpa Papa. Mm-hmm. Oh, venerable master, I make a drink for you to get big and

strong. Fight, great samurai warrior. Yeah, and it steps a little bit on the sake bottle character that I have, what you're doing. But I think there's room for both. And it's feeling more internment camp than concentration camp to me.

Well, I actually think those were bad too. Okay. All right. Well, conversation for another podcast maybe. But I have to respect your choice as an actor. And you did really –'t about you being famous you did really become a new character and i almost now want to write to that voice because it was so vivid for me i'd like to give you one as well please and if you want to do your vocal stuff while i while you're explaining it yes absolutely uh the character is pool moose uh he he wanders in from the woods and he gets trapped in a pool one day he realizes that

he can actually swim really well and that's it and that and that and that becomes his dream and he's adopted by a human family, and he's sort of put through the rigors of swimming against humans in big competitions. Okay, I wasn't totally listening. Give it to me again, then. It's pool moose, and he's swimming. Yes.

Hey, the only one of me that's like me is me, baby. So that's our segment, Voice Choice. We have a great guest today, David Wayne. David Wayne, he directed the new movie coming out. It's called They Come Together. It's sort of a grease riff. It's called They Come Together. It's called They Come Together. It's sort of a grease riff. It's like a grease feeling. It's They Come Together, and it comes out on June 27th.

June 27th with Amy Polino, Paul Grud, like huge big stars who are his friends. And it's all the big stars and all the friends. So please check it out. Elfie Kemper. Please, please check this one out. Watch it in the movie theater. Pay the money to see it. Yes.

It's directed by David. Stop piracy. David Wayne, who's going to be right here when we come back on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So, I say to Lucy, oh, you just pop the hood and I'll take a look.

Right. I pop the hood, look inside. Vivian Vance is in there eating the engine. No. She thought anything that is hot is meat hey welcome back to hollywood handbook an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz uh we're very excited about our guest today david wayne is here oh hey i was trying to think on the way here. I was driving here in the car, and I was trying to think about how we first met you. How did we?

I wouldn't even can remember that far back. Yes. So, he's texted me about this, and I'm racking my brain. I'm going, how do I? Is it at that club? We did party at that club, but I think the first time we met was at that tantric fucking workshop yes okay where you were doing that uh that i conflated them because i remember it was at the fucking workshop but i knew that you guys were partiers i could tell that of the people

there we employed it at the club everything we took away from the workshop. Yeah. Well, I do, as you guys know, a lot of work in back rooms of clubs. A lot of the bouncers around Sunset Strip or whether it's New York, they know who I am and I can get in. I can get bottle service. And on a given night, I could probably hit four or five clubs. Wow. So, I mean, we were talking about how we met. I know. Is Marquee not as good as it was, or am I losing my mind?

Marquee is shit. Thank you, yeah. I mean, yes, I spent, I logged my hours there. I logged my nights there, but I think. They seem to be doing, correct me if I'm wrong, they seem to be doing kind of an ethnic thing. Yeah, and I feel bad because i'm friends with nikki i feel bad saying like it's great i'm into the multicultural thing but enough's enough i like i like trying it

i'm glad i tried it i'm glad i checked them all off but yeah it's great it's great i love it for a lot of people for me it's like okay i get it i got it yeah move on the sex stuff i remember first like it made such a difference for me. The real breakthrough for me, I remember in that course. It's so much easier to make it go for longer if you don't have an erection. Yeah. Yeah. That's been the most useful thing for me.

If you go in, what I've always found, especially with my wife, is if you go in what i've always found especially with my wife is if i go in soft then begin the foreplay once you're already in there yes it's a whole different thing it's like making oatmeal by boiling the water with the oatmeal already in the pot then it's a different consistency that's good clean living. And our little nickname for that workshop, of course, was Professor Xavier's School for the Gifted. Yes, you remember that. We're nerds. You can admit it.

If I didn't know any better, I would say it's like an X-Men spoof or something. Yes, yes. But, I mean, obviously, you wouldn't do that. No, but. I was beast for, I remember. I think I had a cyclops sticking out of my pants. Let's see the front of my wiener as the one in the center. Oh, wait a minute.

Now I get it. And ew. I just got that. Ew. We do gross out laughs. I don't know what you guys are on

when you come up with some of these things. But whatever it is, it's like, where do I buy it? Yeah, and you'd want to just eat it. Yeah.

Or whatever it is. Somehow you guys tend to come just eat it yeah or whatever it is i mean somehow you guys put it into like put it in come up with some of these things and i'm like it's so wrong right or it's just on the edge of wrong do you know what i mean do you like to do that that's where we do stuff yeah stuff i'll get my work i try to i'm like what's like the wrong thing and then i won't do it but i'll go like just start there you back up from that how do i make this right exactly i put it in in reverse and i back up just until the beeps start getting like maybe one second apart then i'll stop obviously but then it's right there it gets the audience just to that point and then you just get their your their beak wet little glimpse into

the kind of uh car you're you're driving these. I have a modern car with the beeps, and I'm not afraid to say so. Never be ashamed of that. David, you used to do play acting. Okay. And you would play these characters, these insane characters. Yeah. But since then, you've've transitioned and how did you be director you know i just at a certain point it's like okay you're doing the acting and then and i've

it's like one i i was a star of many movies in in earlier decades and then at a certain point it's like it's time it's time for me to be director. And I would go to the director, whoever it is, if it's Steve Spielberg or Dick Friedkin, and I would say, hey, I should be director. And then at a certain point, they're like, yes, you should be director, and we want you to be director. And then I just took the seat. Yeah, and movies is being director's medium. And that's true.

Well, I mean, look at Truffaut. Yes. I mean, look at even Bergman. Oh, my God. Yes. And even going as far back as D.W. Griffith. I mean, these are directors that will come at you not just with their pictures and their words, but they'll give you like this in-your-face, no-holes-barred, visceral, visual, I want to be about something. Yeah, yeah.

And that's why. Can you speak on that? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess I could. Okay. For example, take a movie, Stagecoach. You've got the horses and you've got the stagecoach, but it's the interpolation between them and that is filmmaking. And you kind of blew by, it's not just their pictures and words, but isn't that a big part of what is movies no

it's the music yeah and it's the thank you some of the uh it's a lot of the the marketing is part of it i mean you know half the time people are like oh movies movies no it's the marketing right like i won't today i they won't i can't make a movie unless there's a Twitter feed, a Facebook ad. That song, Happy, I don't know if you guys noticed. Did you know that was from a movie? No. You mean, don't worry, be happy. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. I love that song. There is a happy song from the gentleman with the hat. Oh. The big tall hat. Mike Myers. Okay, yes.

Cat in the hat. I love it. And I think that hat is so funny. And I could just talk about it and reference it for days. And I don't think it would ever stop bringing me joy. Well, it's big. Well, it's big. It's unusual.

Can I just, you teed it up, so I have to say it. Do you think it would not get old hat? Okay, okay. Okay. You heard me say old hat? well no fair i'm sorry i had to go there that's okay but it's weird this yeah okay but we'll cut that out huh cody all i'm saying is you i was standing there at the uh at the driving range you put the t in front of me. You handed me a club. You balanced the ball on the tee. The ball on the tee, yeah.

I had to take a swing. Yeah. We bagger-vanced you. Are you on the links a lot these days? You mentioned bagger-vance. I did. He's a friend, so it's just easier if we don't get into all that stuff. He's a friend of yours. Yeah. And so it's easier if we don't get into all that stuff. He's a friend of yours.

Yeah. And so it's easier if we don't mention his roles. That sounds like you don't like Bagger. It's easier about that. Like you don't like Bagger. No, no. He just happens to be a good friend. So if we're going to get into that, it's just-

It's hard for you. It's easier to not- It's tough to not touch on it just in case there's anything that gets said. In case anything gets sort of salacious or if we're starting to get into the area of making fun, I can't do that because it's a friendship

that I don't want to screw up. Oh. You know, that's all. And I didn't necessarily feel that just saying Bagger Vance was making fun of Bill. Or that it was anything salacious about it.

It's not that it is already salacious, but it's just easier. Like if we don't, because then, you know, it's like, oh, he started talking about it. Oh, did you like the movie

I liked it okay and then suddenly someone says oh how come you didn't like it a lot and then now I have to go to now Bill calls me or he texts me

and he's like what's that about and then it's like then I there's my Sunday afternoon and if we asked you to tell your most salacious story from the set

you know yeah yeah but see it's like that I don't I'm not like things like oh I tell you know out of school you know trailer blow it's like that. I don't, I'm not, I'm not like things like, oh, I tell, you know, out of schools, you know, trailer blowjob stuff.

It's not, I don't, it doesn't feel, I don't know. It just doesn't feel kosher. What if you just told, what if you gave us a blind item and you don't say who it's about? Yeah. Forget Bill Smith. Forget Bagger Vance. It's not, and we're not even talking about him anymore, but you do tell a story. But a story of somebody giving.

That's about a friend of yours, but we don't know that person. Trailer, a blowjob. This is a friend of mine, and I'm not saying who it is. Okay, great, yeah. He was starring in this movie called Independence Day. And we were on set, and I was just visiting him in the trailer. And again, I'm only saying this because this could be anybody. So I go in the trailer, and he's like, hey, let's give each other blowjobs.

Whatever. That thing. Yes, yes, yes. Whatever it is. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A movie set. So we're doing it.

You know, we're doing it for a while. Yeah. It's probably like maybe, I don't know, 80 minutes or so. So 80 minutes in, I'm having, actually feeling like I'm not going to complete. So this unnamed friend of mine. Whoever it is. And maybe it's a guy or whoever. He goes out into the area where they serve food, craft services.

Yeah. And he gets two big crullers, which are for those who are not in the business they're like donuts related kind of yeah yeah they are and they serve them on film sets which is like it's like a sweet bread yeah yes but not as heavy if a bread gets so light and sweet at a certain point it's not bread it's cake and that's that can be an issue, a semantic issue. Yeah, but they're not like cake, are they, donuts? Not – I think maybe the insides might be. But you have to take off the crust.

Anyway, I think we're diverging. Yeah. The point is, so he gets the two crlers and he he rings them on my on my my thing i don't want to say obviously on this show yeah but you know what i'm talking about yeah uh sort of like um there was an old street game called ring olivio in brooklyn where you just you throw the rings onto the stick and he did that and that was enough to get me uh more excited and then we were able to complete. And that's the funny story.

Wow. But I'm not going to say who it was. The challenge of playing a game like that, of trying to land this donut on your object in order to... And we all know what you're referring to when you say object, and you don't have to say it. It's just interesting. Physically, mechanically, it's just an interesting

story. Yes. The lying on your back. Yeah. In the summertime. For me, I was on my stomach, but yeah. Yeah, and just tossing. Yeah. Just tossing, putting just the right amount of spin so that it

just sticks the landing let's talk about reboots godzilla the spider so big right now and i don't want to spoil anything but wasn't it great they're doing very nice pieces of business. All of those. Really nice piece of business. Yes. And money. Yes. And we... Good, good, good. Yeah, yeah.

We have something sort of going with you. Yes. Right now. Right. The purpose of this show is to illuminate the darkly lit areas of show business. Transparency, like water, which we all need to survive. Everyone drinks it.

We just report ours. This is my way of giving back because a lot of people I know, they'll volunteer at a soup kitchen or what have you. And this is my way of giving back by just sharing stuff that we are doing. Yes. Well, and because anyone can hand out soup. Yeah. I mean, anyone really can, but not anyone can actually tell you the truth about when you do a reboot and when you take an existing property.

Sure. And you devise a new take on it so that it can be enjoyed in a fresh way. But keeping just enough of what we all love about it to bring the familiarity that is the bedrock and then it's what's new that is the sugar. Yes. We have this thing in the works. There's a movie in theaters now called Million Dollar Arm, a nice piece of business itself. Yeah.

It did well enough. They came to Sean and I. They said, we would like to reboot this project in the next few months. We'd like to fast track it. We'd like you to start talking to some directors. We said, who do we know who's the director right now? And we decided to talk to David Wayne about this. And we would love to hear your take yes what are you gonna bring to a million

dollar arm if they're those who didn't see the trailer didn't see the movie it's a really nice sweet story um this dystopian future where we're all out of white baseball players uh but there is still some good white people doing some good stuff, and one of them has the brave thought, could there be a baseball player? He's not. What? And for me, what's great about Million Dollar Arm as a piece of material is, and this is a movie that to me is iconic. It's part of the fabric of who we are.

It's sort of our social script that we go on. Million Dollar Arm is part of the fabric of who we are. It's sort of our social script that we go on. The Million Dollar Arm is part of that. I haven't seen it or even the trailer, but I know that for me that's part of how I can bring sort of a fresh voice to the proceedings. That's why we went to you. And so that's why my take on it is to really give it a fresh spin. Great.

And I know Million Dollar Arms, Jon Hamm is in that. Yes, we don't have Jon. No, I know. That's the whole thing. For health reasons. Oh, I see. I mean, because, well, okay. And I can always change it.

And honestly, to survive in Hollywood, you have to be able to shuck and jive you have to always adapt or die okay we don't have John Hamm I thought we could have I was going to try to basically do something different in a reboot which is to use the same original movie oh okay and that was sort of my part of my take part of my take was to actually keep the original films. With the same footage. Well, here's the interesting thing, because we have the footage of John from the first movie. Okay, well, we should look at the paperwork and make sure that that's all capiche and that it's all kosher. But I think if we can do that, then the reboot is almost like a re-release.

Yes. But in this case, it's never been done that way, where it's a reboot, but it's the same film. But okay, let's just say we don't have John Hammond, so we can't do that. Okay. But that is a nice idea, just on that. To germinate for a sec?

If it's a re-releaselease it'll be nice for fans of john who maybe miss him in like the next couple months uh to be able to have a nice memory of him from this movie they'll be able to go to theaters and remember their friend who passed okay yes at his best way did john ham pass away no no no no not Not necessarily, and yet that could be something we could look into. But this is going to be summer. Yeah. Okay. Late summer.

Mm-hmm. Late, okay. It's going to be more than seven weeks, which is what he was told. Yeah. If Jon Hamm is in his 40s, odds are against but not impossible that he would be dead by then. And I'm not to get morbid but that would do something for the video

yes and he right now last time I saw him he threw up so okay I saw him throw up and he was going

into the bathroom a lot I mean no offense to anyone but when you go in the bathroom and you throw up a lot that could that does mean

you're probably gonna die at some point anyway I wouldn't know. Well, may he rest in peace. Nice guy. Yeah. Anyway, anyway. Well, we don't want to get bogged down in that,

but let's put the re-release of the same film. Let's table that for the time being. Put a pin in it for a second. Yes. Okay, so here's my other take. If we were to do just a new version of Million Dollar Arm, that's what you're asking me. Please. Okay.

So do you know Genevieve Bujold? Yes. Yeah. She's an actress from the past. Yes. Very. And then, you know, Sally Struthers? Yes.

Yes. Oh, my. Yes. So these are both people that, I'm not going to say they're friends, but they're people that I – they'll take my calls. Oh, David. Okay. And so we have Genevieve and we have Sally and we have Sheryl Ladd. And basically these three are kind of like the modern-day Three Musketeers, but they're women and they're divorcees and they

are not taking any prisoners. They don't care what any guy is going to say. It's like, listen, girlfriend, I am out on the town. I'm going to put on my stilettos. I'm going to put on my bonobos and I am going to just let it rip. And that means their brassieres are only half on. And then I've already talked to Sally. She is completely fine with this.

Half on the side or pulled down? They're half, no, they're just very loose. Yeah. Like they're half. Exactly. Like they're just not quite on fully. And again, I've spoken to Sally. She's completely

fine with this or i wouldn't have even pitched it um and they are they're walking on on the street i mean it doesn't it can right and it depends on what permits we get that's not that important but it could be fountain or it could be vine or it could be sunset um that's assuming we shoot in la and these ladies are just not just themselves having a new lease on life. They are also a symbol for what we all want in life, which is freedom. And to me, that's sort of a different take on the Million Dollar Arm franchise. But thematically, the freedom aspect. The freedom aspect and just the idea.

The freedom aspect. The freedom aspect and just the idea. To me, I think it connects very smoothly to the Jon Hamm and the Lake Bell characters in Million Dollar Arm. We do have a commitment to Asif Manvi. Okay. Is there a way to find – is there a place for him? I do think it's going to have to be a thing where we're just going to have to see if we can pay him off or, you know, or if he wants, can, is he interested in doing something more behind the camera? Maybe he could help out with the stuff that has to be done in the office.

I'm sure. It doesn't, there's no specification as to what his job has to be. He doesn't have to be around. And he could be an Apple box. He could be an Apple box or he could be, I know that. To me, that's a good use. I could see him doing stuff in accounting too because they always need extra help with payroll and stuff like that. And I think it's – because everyone gets a check on Friday.

I mean I don't know why everyone has to get the check on the same day. So they all have to go out. So if you had an extra hand to pass out, you take half of them and I'll take half of them. Yeah, that's twice as fast. When that goes so fast. Yeah. So, I mean, that's just, obviously, I think that's stuff to be figured out later. And just in terms of incorporating pride fighting, we do have a contract with them where they are going to be featured heavily in the film.

Did you see the divorcees are kicking butt or who's choking who? Did you say pride fighting? Yeah. Oh, because when you faxed me earlier, I thought it said prize fighting. These women are, you know. I see. Well, I guess. Sally's not going to be able to do a lot of the kicking butt because she's got a little bit of a sciatic condition.

kicking butt because she's got a little bit of a sciatic condition. So if we can get a stunt woman for her, we can figure that out maybe. Because a lot of times this is something your listeners might be interested in. Say an actor is in a scene and they have to fall off a bridge. Yeah. What I'll do is I'll say hold and then that actor leaves leaves the bridge and in comes a stunt double and the stunt double looks like the actor and they jump off the bridge and then we go home beautiful and maybe that's another spot for that end dive guy that you mentioned to do the stunt stuff yes that is an interesting we put him in a Sally Struthers wig because I

don't see why he couldn't fall off something. I mean, I think that's within his talents. I mean, I don't want to underestimate him. I think he could do something like that. I do feel like that the manufacturers who did the Sally Struthers wigs, a lot of them have been out of business for the last few years. But it's a question of whether there's an aftermarket or a gray market on eBay or overseas, and we can track those down.

So I will look into that. I'll put that on my list. I don't want you to go digging into anything that's going to get you in trouble. Well, you know. If you have some kind of way of doing these things, then go ahead. What I do when these kinds of situations come up, I get on a plane, I go to Shanghai, I meet my contact. We sort of go deep into the sort of open air market.

Yes. And then we just ask around and usually something happens that, something adventurous happens and we find our man. Oh. So I'll see what I can do. Chinese. Yes. Yes.

So I'll see what I can do. Chinese. Yes. So. Questions. So we have a question segment. I guess my first question, regardless of the segment, is does it feel professional to you that our engineer brought his girlfriend to sit in on the session? I've never met her before. Yes, and were you comfortable? Did it make you comfortable or uncomfortable when a stranger came in and just sat down just while we were doing the record?

I wasn't going to say anything to you guys, but I found it to be not just discomforting to me, but a little disquieting to me. I found it to be rude. I found it to be inappropriate. Also just kind of solipsistic in a weird way. Would you speak on that? speak on that uh just the idea it's you know how you know how um hemophiliacs are have a blood too much blood situation and for me my blood is boiling here thinking about the because a recording session like this is a very precious sacred sacred ritual. And, you know, for example,

I used to spend some time in Gainesville, Florida at these clan ritual things. And if you brought in the wrong element, the ritual would be ruined. And that's how I'm feeling right now. And I'm pissed. I have a suspicion, which is that Cody is hoping to create the illusion that we are friends with him. And so he has his girlfriend enter the record midway through, assuming that we have some kind of rapport beforehand or any conversation at all.

I'm happy to dispel that right now. Cody is not my friend. And if he has gotten maybe 90% of the way to some sort of physical consummation of this friendship the two of you have and this was going to push it over the edge for you, the idea of him having these big famous friends you'd be hanging out with at parties. I would be truly crushed to find out that that was the case, for him to have lied to this woman who was his friend in order to achieve sexual pleasure. I think it's a hostile act, and it's also a hostile act towards women.

And it means, I mean, I don't know Cody well, and I would say I don't know him at all, but I can tell very easily, and this is not pop psychology, that he hates women. I love women. Oh, my God. I do. I do too.

That's my weakness, though, is like beautiful women. Beautiful women. They're in the right town. The way they look and everything. And they're people to me. Of course. Oh yeah. Beautiful people.

Wonderful. And their bodies. And their bodies. My sister knows a woman who's a lawyer. I mean, so if that doesn't show you that I understand that women can do nearly anything, almost any profession, even a lawyer. Yeah, at a professional level. I'm glad you said profession. Well, I mean, in small firms, yeah.

I think they can do it if it's a local kind of simple procedures or it's like local – Not like life and death stuff, but if it's – No, but I mean I think – Sometimes you get a big stack of papers and they're all over the place. You need something. What's going to keep these papers all in the same place together?

Certainly if they're entry-level type positions at smaller firms, I don't see any reason why not. Any reason at all. And especially if the firm has a daycare thing. Yeah. Because who's going to run that aspect? Right. And they'll need room

to pump now the real questions uh that we wanted to get into um were there's a segment that we do and i think we're getting better at explaining it to guests but it's still a little rocky. Hayes, do you want to take the reins on this one, or... You know what we could do once? We could try the song. Okay, someone wrote a song that they think explains

this. One of our listeners. So let's play it once, and if it works, great. And when it doesn't, we'll just explain it anyway, and then we won't hear the song again. This will take me a second to find. Sounds good. I look forward to hearing the song. And in the meantime, what about Obama's policies? Okay, I found it. Okay, good.

The Popcorn Gallery, it's time for it now. The Popcorn Gallery, it's time for it now the popcorn gallery it's a segment on hollywood handbook sean and hayes let the viewers ask the questions not the peanut gallery because it's about movies yeah the movies is the reason it's called the popcorn gallery and sean and Hayes letting the viewers do in all the questions. Yeah, now it's time for the Popcorn Gallery. Oh, yeah. I like the sort of jazzy influences. Yes, and that song was by Tim Treese, who I should point out is a very rich person. Rich guy.

I'm glad to hear that. Some kind of Silicon Valley guy, not the show. Definitely not going to be making money as a musician. But I mean, unrelated to that song, which is great. Wicked. So you get the idea, I think, from that song. What I took from it, lyricallyically was that something involving the viewers asking questions. Yes.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. That was just one of the themes. Very close. One of the undercurrents of the lyrics that I took from it. And what we do is the questions are in sort of a metaphorical popcorn bag. Okay.

Let's see what it would sound like if we were to reach into said bag and we'd pull out a question. I feel like why not keep a little sense of illusion for the listeners and say it is a popcorn bag. Okay. Okay. Okay. We've got this bag.

Oh, well, let's reach in and find the question in there. Yes. Okay. Hold on. First, you guys, if you don't mind, I'd like to have a soda first. And I'm going to pour it. Thank you.

Ooh, it's a camera. Well, that's appropriate because you're a director. Oh. So there was a camera in the popcorn bag. I wonder if there will be any questions about your directing. I certainly know my way around a camera lens. This question is from CorpseFuckerShitLord. Huh.

He asks, David, Two girls in my school both like me, but I can only take one to prom what should I do that's the whole question yes that's the entire I would say what I would do uh is call Jenny um you know maybe in the afternoon the day before the prom and be like, oh, hey, do you want to go to the prom with me? And then she'll say yes because she likes you. So that part's settled. Is this one of the two girls or is it a third girl?

That's one of the two girls. Okay. Then you call the other girl, Debbie, and you say, hey, Debbie. And you call right afterwards so there's no way that she would find out. And then you say, hey, I want to go to prom with you. And then so she'll go. Now you have two dates. OK, now what do you do?

Call back Jenny. And this is the classic thing. You put a clothespin on your nose. And you're like, oh, I don't feel very good. I'm sick. I can't go to the prep but it's so it's the day before so she won't be able to find anyone else to go with so there's so she will definitely not come yes now if she does choose to go stag you have to um put if you have a either a uh what do you call it what do do you call it? Not a.45, the other kind of gun.

A.33? Magnum? Oh, I'm thinking of something else. Whatever it is. The bazooka. A bazooka. A bazooka works. And then you just, as she's leaving to go to the prom, you pop those tires.

You try to get all four. And then she'll be dealing with that at least long enough for you to have a good time with Jenny. If you can get a friend to watch and make sure she has no other way to get there, by the time she does get there, you can then dispense with Jenny, whether it's in the recycling or whatever it is. What if Debbie is stacked in her bust? Okay. And Jenny. So she's like built. Yes. Okay. And Jenny. So she's like built. Yes.

Okay. She's got a shape to her. She's a fox. And Jenny is like a paperback book. Voluptuous, yeah. Buxom. With big boobs, yeah. Yes.

Okay. So Jenny is the paperback book with the big, the buxom. And then Debbie is like built, like stacked. Yeah. She's got it. And she knows how to move. Yeah. So Jenny's got big naturals, but Debbie, on the other hand,

is kind of pushing something ferocious upstairs. Okay. Okay. What I would do is I would, you know what I, what I would maybe do is tell them you're the, tell them both that you're sick, right? Then neither comes the problem. Then you go to each of their houses back and forth all night and just like go downtown on those mounds. Yeah. Yes. That's what I would do. That's right. Yeah, that's right. And then if you can just sort of get them into a situation where their brassieres are half off, then you can get a good sense of what kind of the business.

Of what's real. Yeah. The sweater meat. I think there's some more. Well, it's got this bag in. There's some more popcorn inside. Okay. Let's have another bite.

Yeah, let's see what's in there. Okay. And did you want to pop open any snacks yourself first? Goobers. Oh, what's this? My hand's on it. It's a big, round mound. Oh, is this Debbie or Jenny?

Oh, wow. He found a large breast inside the bag. That's amazing. Again, that Mark could create a sound drop. My friend Mark does these sound drops for us. And we kind of randomly choose them. He records 100 at the beginning of the month, and we give him some cash so that he can hopefully save.

And that's the sound effect of a popcorn bag and the voice inside it. It's Foley. Digging into the popcorn bag and then whoever, whatever he finds inside the bag, yeah. In Foley Studios. He must have a whole studio with like different...

Yeah, they use pebbles and a celery stick. That's great. This question is from Octodactypus. Okay. David, you recently got into some trouble after you made certain comments

about how you would have reacted if you were Jay-Z and what you would do if, quote, any woman got in my face like that on an elevator. Is that because you're a New Yorker? Yeah. Well, there's a certain – people who don't live in New York don't understand that there's a certain code of the streets in New York, especially when you're from the part of New York that I live in, which is like the streets.

Yes. Stickball. Stickball and ring-a-levio and the crullers on the cock and so on. And so basically, Jay-Z, obviously, is not my friend. But I've seen him around. I've seen him at Bungalow 8. And I've seen him. We hang.

We'll have a convo here and there. You know, we hang. You know, we'll have a convo here and there. We'll bump our elbows, you know, to say, like, we're friends. Afraid of germs. You know, and I've been to a couple of his rap shows, and I think they're terrific. I can't say I understand every word.

Sure. But I definitely. For me, it's like, N-word this, N-word that, you know. Yeah, sometimes it gets, it gets. I like, see, I like that. Uh-huh. I mean, I definitely gets it gets but i like see i like that uh-huh i mean i definitely liked i mean i don't think that was jay-z i'm not sure which one was but i liked the remake of walk this way the aerosmith song um i thought he did a great job with that or whoever it was that was him yes he was so funny in that i think it's fun when they embrace the more classic rock stuff that's that's the part that i like and i mean it seems like they're

having fun and they're not so mad that I'm going to get, like, you know, punched in the nose or something. I mean, like, Billy Joel played the Hollywood Bowl this week. I'm like, what's wrong with that, for example? So that's sort of my take on that whole scene. So I hope that kind of answers the question. While I'm looking at the bottom of the bag, and there seems to be room in there for just one more questions amount of popcorn.

Okay. Can I just quickly just grab one more can of soda? Yeah. Thank you. Oh, there's not much in here oh it's uh what is this a hand it's cold it's it's john ham's hand whoa john are you john are you okay i don't feel a pulse john john John. John. This question is from Bozos of Basketball. David, as a director, do you still need to read directions on things? No, of course not. A director, as per the title, is not someone who reads directions.

It's someone who gives directions. So, for example, only only i guess it must have been four years ago we uh we bought a tv set in our house uh it came with the directions as as most appliances do i don't know i don't have one no oh really that's very cool i is i mean that's not why okay yeah yeah i've heard i've heard of people who cut the cord. Yeah. I mean, I just don't have one. There was no cord.

Yeah, there's no cord. No cord to cut, yeah. Would you just be kind of clear? I'm interrupting, but I don't have a television. I mean, I don't have one. Okay, cool, cool, cool. So we got this television set, and you open it up, and you get all the all the stuff the remote

control i can't even picture it i know i don't mean to keep in a right but i literally am like yeah as you're saying it i'm going like what would that right you know i mean i have the money but it's just i don't it's not your thing i don't feel like i need it you know i'm not bored oh my god well yeah you know i know i hear you my english teacher used to say only boring people get bored it's true yeah or if it's or if there's nothing to do um so i uh took the uh the directions and i'm just i'm glad i'm getting back to the story because it's a really good story i took the directions and put and tossed them into the trash. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And so now it's – See, in my trash there's no TV directions. There's just like banana peels and like yogurt capsules. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm hoping you don't eat meat.

Did you see that documentary Fed Up? Oh, my God. Hello. Hello. It's like that's a rooster waking me up yeah it's seriously no i did not see it but i mean hello there's parts of the world where people are healthy yeah well you know i in in caveman days they were fine yes yeah and then and then a lot of like look at the the Renaissance. They were fine too. Henry VIII, yes, okay, but that was an exception. And back then, they would brush their teeth with just bark. Thistle, fissile weed.

And their teeth, you see their teeth. And now what is it today? Crest, coal, gas. Yes, exactly. All chemicals, all chemicals. But I just really did want to finish the story because it was such a good story. So I took the directions and I threw them in the trash. I think I said that part,

right? I said the part about how I got the TV, right? And then we took out... You didn't say how you got it. You said that you did. That was the part. Hamburger sandwich I will have sometimes. So I do eat meat. I will have a hamburger sandwich. I want to be honest with the listeners. You know, I think it's about listening to your body.

And sometimes it's like my body says, I think it's about listening to your body. Yeah. And sometimes it's like my body says, I need a cheeseburger. It doesn't mean that cheeseburger is like empirically the best food. But sometimes my body has got its own voice. Is that just cheese on a hamburger sandwich? Basically. So anyway, back to the story. I just really want to finish the story. That could be good.

I took the directions. And did I tell you the part. I just really want to finish the story. That could be good. I took the directions. And did I tell you the part how I put them in the trash? Yeah. I think I did. Well, I'll just say. You didn't say how you did it, but you did say that you did. No, it's not about how I did it. You said how.

But it's not about that. But I'll just repeat that one part just in case. It's one of the step-on trash cans? You step on the pedal and it opens? You know, I really don't know. I really don't know. But I do know that I one part just in case. It's one of the step-on trash cans? You step on the pedal and it opens? You know, I really don't know. I really don't know. But I do know that I threw it in the trash, and then it's been four years,

and in four years, any time I need the directions for the TV, I have to go in the trash can and get them. And that's how I access them because I don't need them. Yeah. And so it's like at most once or twice a week, I'll feed them out to use them because I don't need them. Yeah. And so it's like at most once or twice a week I'll feed them out to use them because I do not need them. I take it one step further and say I don't even have them. But you're not saying you actually don't have a TV.

Yeah. I mean I literally don't. So what do you just watch the TV in your room or something? Well, I mean I've talked about this before. But if you want to watch TV, you go to a nice restaurant. I see. Or your dad's room. My dad has one in his room, and I will.

So you'll walk over into there. If he's working late, I will put on one of the Spice Channel. In our house, we don't watch a lot of TV, but we allow a program on Sunday night, one program. And it has to be something that's nutritive. So it can be orchestra. It can be a documentary about science. It's basically one of those two things it has to be.

Because your wife is – she needs to learn about the world. My wife is basically on a course that I've – a course of study that I've put her on, and I teach her about poetry. I teach her about music and literature. And right now I'm teaching her about Bill Faulkner and some of that stuff. And also just I'm trying to teach her about jazz, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Count Basie,

people of that particular nature, some of the big bands, the country blues. So big of sound. Where did that big sound go? I mean, where did it go? So she's home studying right now and will be pretty much all night because I've got a big, big exam for her tomorrow. David. Yeah. I. David. Yeah.

I said David. Yeah, I was saying yeah to myself. Like, yeah, don't talk. You were going to say something. Don't do it, Sean. Thank you. And namaste. And go in peace.

And we appreciate it so much. And we loved having you please please stop I loved being here so stop and to all of you out there we'd appreciate it if you would

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and as his prize Melissa or whoever is going to apologize for kind of coming in and kind of making a weird vibe in the podcast so if you want to hop on the mic now. You can. Cody's friend and what?

Yeah. Yeah. It's Alyssa with an A. Okay. Hi, Alyssa. Hi. Nice to have you here. Thank you for having me.

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