Hollywood Handbook - DC Pierson, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 10, 2014

Sean and Hayes start the show off by discussing a trend in media lately that they love: rando humor, or comedy that comes out of nowhere! Then, close friend of the show DC PIERSON joins the guys to walk through the evolution of video, share some exclusive tips for what to do when going to auditions, and chat about learning lines, Disneyland, and how to one-up your competition in the waiting room.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And then somebody goes like, do you know who that is? That's the Dalai Lama. And I was like, I don't care if it's fucking the Dalai Barbie Dalai, you know, like just get the fuck out of the line. Hey, welcome to the show. Hollywood Handbook. What up? What up, everybody? An insider's guide to kicking button, dropping names in the red carpet lined back hallways of this industry we call showbiz.

and dropping names in the red carpet lined back hallways of this industry we call showbiz this is a show where we talk about movies making them tv doing it film writing acting doing producing doing directing every part of industry in the holly Hollywood showbiz stuff and also just lifestyle stuff about the town and things we like and don't like and people we know plus music sometimes plus also some stuff with music and entertainment at large live theater we get digging into sometimes I mean that's what the show is today on the show we want to talk about we like to talk about trends sean and i look at trends and we notice them and we anticipate them and one of the trends that we're seeing a lot that we like is random humor i can't get enough random humor. I think that it's just that sweet spot that they've been tapping into lately

where they really hit you with a WTF up the side of your head and you're left just shaking, laughing and shaking your head and going, how did they come up with that? That came out of nowhere. It's so rando. Because comedy is about? Surprise. gonna say it yes okay do it again comedy's about it's about surprise and the uh the surprising thing about stuff that's random is that it's out of nowhere and you don't know like how they come up with that stuff.

And leave it to the pros because I've seen some shitty attempts at YouTube to do random humor and don't do it there. It's for commercials that we watch and people actually get paid to do this shit. Relax. And that's sort of what we want to talk about. Random humor in the wrong hands can be very unsurprising and therefore not actually that comedy. Random but predictable and not funny and so it's not good. And so we have a segment that we really love to do on the show where we talk about some of the things that you have to remember when you're being random and when you're doing comedy in a random way.

And we went through a bunch of names for it. Rando Rules. That's So Rando. But I think what we landed on is Evan Rando. It's a tribute to our friend Evan Dando. Evan, of course, is lead singer of the Lemonheads. If you haven't listened to it, it's a shame about Ray in a while.

Give it a spin. It really is a classic 90s pop song. He had that cool Mrs. Robinson cover. Not the candy. That's not songs. No, but when we're with Evan, we are frequently watching the commercials he doesn't like to fast forward the commercials because he loves to see what's rando that's gonna

come on and his last name happens to rhyme so sorry marlon rando but uh we had to go with evan because we're a little closer with him uh he didn't pull any weird shit where he sent some fucking indian to do the Academy Awards. And I'm one of the Native Americans, so I can say that. That was so... Remember? Yeah. That was rando.

That was pretty rando. Yeah. That was Marlon Rando. If you don't know what I'm talking about, look up, just Google, like, Marlon Rando Sacagawea or some shit, and you'll probably fucking find this weird garbage he tried to pull on our movie Celebration. Just Google like weird freak bitch at the show. Yeah, fucking deer skin, fucking feather uniform, freako. Hanging out for what?

Yeah, for what yeah to trying to yeah for what may i ask trying to rub elbows get numbers from fucking robert downey jr some shit in quotes yeah and yeah google that shit you'll find the fucking thing i'm talking about makes me so mad as one eighth native american that she embarrassed us like that because you send for like when you're want to parlay with the other tribe you send the chief or the or the rain stick man you don't send send a medicine man too you don't send a squaw no and that's just not how it works and of course marlin doesn't know that no because he surprise surprise actually isn't that in touch with the earth and that's unfortunately probably why he died

now let's get into what's rando and what's not evan rando shall we what's rando we watch these commercials and we watch we watch computers and we watch all this stuff and the the thing one of the the rando rules the thing that's so rando that we love when we see it is stuff about riding unicorns dude unicorns aren't real so the fact that you see a unicorn but not just that somebody's riding it somebody's riding it. Somebody's riding it. And it's like something, usually if you really want to step it up, something should be coming out of its butt. Oh, right.

And they're casual about it. The person's riding it and they're not saying, hey, I'm riding a unicorn. How'd this happen? What they're saying is like, pass me the Skittles. Yeah, and what is usually coming out of the unicorns but if you're really doing a good rando is rainbows yeah rainbow shoots out or like sometimes money it flies up you know flies impales a leprechaun on the horn and then you go like okay so if that's one thing that's real then the other thing's real

too and it's killing it it's so funny or like sometimes in the animal space uh two different animals are fighting each other and that can be also super rando oh yeah um and then they talk to each other uh-huh you cannot do that so rando if the animal's sitting there it's like the last thing i expect is he's gonna talk what yeah like a ninja bear oh god i'm laughing at the bear does a samurai sword move and then he says like hiya or anything i'm just like okay just roll me up and and put me in the casket already because I'm just dying laughing. And it's like, you know, I see that and I'm buying those cookies. Yeah, and I've got to eat them too.

And I would say one thing that's major rando that I have been loving lately is like a Lou Ferrigno. Yeah, like a weird celebrity that's so fucked up that it's like where okay where have you been or like a mr t or like a guy who's like pretty tough and oh yeah but what he's doing is like having a tea party with like a fucking uh teddy bear oh yeah if it's a fucking tough wrestler and he's doing something that like a pussy would do like a real little bitch and he's fucking doing it like it's okay i'm like rando enough to see him but to have him doing something rando hello surprise i'm laughing and then at that point i'm like i'm gonna use this car insurance um and in the same world as like maybe an actor we forgot what if your like commercial is like a like basically looks just like a tv show that hasn't even been

on for like years yeah and if it's something so corny and fucked up like baywatch and it's like uh this sucked but you guys know that like it sucks so bad it's like, uh, this sucked. But you guys know that. But it's so good that it sucks so bad it's the best. Yeah. And I love sometimes how stuff is bad and that makes it just so funny and good. So funny, dude.

Oh, and it sucks. It's awesome. It's so awesome how bad and it sucks. Really good. That's one thing you could do that's rando and you know what we'll be saying uh i think i'm gonna use that kind of tractor next time here's one thing that is about as rando as it gets if okay so right now it's 2014 So if like people are using like a credit card, but it's like whatever, the 18th century, it's like a Viking or a knight. Oh, dude.

They didn't have those back then. And them being like normal guy, like trying to be like normal guys and like trying to hang out with like a hipster anything anyone from any era being in the modern stuff yeah dude yeah ultimate rando because a k-man a knight a shakespeare guy Freaking, I said Shakespeare guy. Freaking Moon Man. Eskimo. Yeah. Chinese dude. Anything. Like a pirate.

Or a fucking bug. Like a fucking, you know, big crawling bug. Yeah. Like from any time. Dinosaur Man. Oh, yeah. And what about some of those commercials that are like don't even seem like they're about the thing you know dude at that point the product reveals rando

what's rando is the thing that you're you made yourself rando and then you can buy something that's rando dude that's the bravest kind of commercial okay it's like you paid money for this but i love it it's just like a good small movie about whatever like uh gangsters you know drinking coffee and then at the end it's like oh by the way like use our soap it's like oh yeah i think i will because it's fucking hilarious that's a really good way to be rando and i don't that's not on youtube you're not a soap company you know you're just some fucking teenage punk who thinks you could do something rando get out of here yeah it's not like like it what's so good about being rando is it makes it seem like it's something

you can just do like without going to school or like having money and stuff but it's actually really hard to do good it is because those specifics have to be thought of and then everyone has to agree that they're rando, a wizard, a cowboy. Okay? These are the kind of things that are very, very rando, Evan. It's like you think you have a great idea for something rando in a video where you're going to marry a pizza or something, and that example is good, but you wouldn't think of that. You know? It's not. you wouldn't think of that. You know?

It's not. We wouldn't think of that. We can't think of a bad one. We can't come up with an example for something that's not good rando. Because we are actually wired in this totally twisted, fucked up way. Where it's maybe even only we appreciate these commercials. I feel like no one's talking about them. Think of the bad version of that.

Like if you had like a genie that could like summon like a shoot laser beam. Yeah, that's really good. God, I can't. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Okay.

What about, I can't. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Okay, what about Okay, you're on Jupiter but you're like looking for your pet raccoon. Oh, dude, that's so random. Yeah. That is really good.

You know, just you try something. You're around like a microphone um well you know just you try something like uh a microphone uh that squirts pee on you see that's really random okay well anyway you guys just think of what you would think of you just think of something we don't need to give you an example whatever you you thought of while you were trying to keep up, that's the example. Just fill that in.

Or even what you thought we were going to say at the end of whatever I said the microphone was going to do or what you would have someone doing on Jupiter, obviously looking for a pet raccoon or being friends with a walrus, doing a square dance with a walrus. That's very good. But what you would have thought of is probably a walrus. That's very good. Yeah.

But what you would have thought of is probably not that good and definitely not that good. Evan would love these, by the way. He would do that laugh he does when he sees something that's so random. Go haw, go haw, go haw, go haw, go haw, go haw, go haw. Yeah, and his whole body is just like, he's just rolling around. Yeah, he rolls around. We have to put down a mat. We got a great guest today.

D.C. Pearson is here from the movies and comedy. And he's here to talk to us about the business. Coming right up on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Oh, yeah. I can't sleep without a humidator. You have to have it. You've got to have it.

And also, like, I get my eight glasses. You know? I just wake up with a mouthful of water. Or else you're pure toxins. Yes, and I swallow it. And also, like, I get my eight glasses, you know? I just wake up with a mouthful of water. Or else you're pure toxins. Yes, and I swallow it, and then I'm just good for the day. Thank you. Hollywood Handbook. Hey, what up, what up?

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Speaking of kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Speaking of kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz, we have a great guest today who does exactly that. His name is DC Pearson. Hey, guys. Movies, TV. Movies, TV.

Shows. Commercial shows. Magazines, commercial shows. Magazines. Web TV. Books, phone shows. How do, commercial shows. Magazines. Web TVs. Books, phone shows. How do you... We know how.

How do you do it? Yeah, but tell... We know how. Yes, we know how you do it all. It's funny you mentioned Web TV. I miss that platform. Oh, such a good platform. Yeah.

Oh. What are some of your favorite platforms? Some of my platforms, some of my favorite platforms I think that jump out at me are uh internet so big now uh web yes that's starting to be that's starting to get some steam uh verizon vcast it was a thing on flip phones oh yeah 2006 kind of like pre you could get like video on your phone was like not really super big. It was like, oh, on your flip phone, you can get like, you know, mobisodes of Charmed. You could only get, oh yeah, well, because there was one point too where you could only get like 10 second videos. Yeah, and that to me, I feel like that's more than what you need. That's why I feel like Vine is such a great thing.

Well, it seemed almost twice as long as what I wanted to watch a lot of the time. And Broadcast.com, if you remember Broadcast. That's a great portal. It was such a great... Well, now it's my favorite way to get to the Yahoo homepage. You just punch it in and it takes you right to Yahoo. Redirects. Yes.

Well, when I'm watching my Crackle shows on Sony Crackle... There's a reason that Crack is in the name of those. Yes, because they're so addictive. Like Snap, Crackle, Pop. Because they that Crack is in the name of those. Yes, because they're so addictive. Like Snap, Crackle, Pop. Because they're so addictive. Like Rice Krispies. Yeah, like Rice Krispies is addictive and so are the Sony Crackle shows.

I just know that I'm in for fun. What about players? What are some of our favorite players? Oh, okay. Listen, bottom line, it's no coincidence it's called Real Player. Yes. When you open a video in Real Player,

it's like you're inside. You're seeing the video. Am I wrong that they've never really improved from Winamp? I mean, am I crazy? For the Winamp, I like. Yeah, FTW for the Winamp.

That was a great visualizer on there. I was like, yep, that's what Radiohead looks like. Comedy Central player is very good. I love the way that website works. When you go and you get to see a lot of commercials. And then it'll stop. And then it'll stop. And then it stops. And then you get up to 40 seconds of content.

And then the commercial will break in during the content, which is weird that they stop it. On other shows, it's weird that they stop the show and then do the commercial. On the commercial player, you just get the commercial, and then, oh, I've got to hear the end of that sentence. The thing I like about a lot of TV networks' websites is, like, I want to go to a place where I'm like, yeah, a lot of other websites, places like Google have figured out, like, quote, unquote, how to make websites.

But I like the feeling that somebody whose main love was not designing websites built this thing from the ground up. Somebody like me. I feel like I could have done it. When I'm on Comedy Central, a lot of times, let's say, I think I want to see half a Patrice O'Neill stand-up joke. But what I really want to see is like a commercial for Broad City or three commercials for it. What's good about web advertising now is you can associate, like say, take the Geico ads with the talking paintings, the ones that talk.

They talk to each other as a cat. It's a great spot. The paintings are friends, yeah. It's a great spot. You can associate those ads that play every time you watch a video with the feeling of getting ready to watch your video and, like, not being able to yet. Yes. That's what I want for my brand, that anticipation and the desire to do a different thing. Have you guys noticed this though?

That you never are buffering during the commercials, but you're always buffering during the content? Is that suspicious to you? I mean, I think whatever it takes for you know to have like for corporations to have verticals yeah oh yeah i love when people complain about commercials it's like uh that's what pays for the fucking show pays the bills we're all selling soap guys we're just selling soap and that's the bottom line that's that's that's like a pretty savvy thing uh speak on soaps what kind of soaps do you like um as far i mean i don't personally my girl and i we don't use soap in our home because soap is actually corrosive yeah it

actually rips your skin off a thing that was developed by companies to literally sell so they were like what's a thing that doesn't exist and then they were like soap well you need those oils and they're like yeah let's create the... Yeah, you need those oils. Exactly. There's a reason they're called essential oils, because they're essential. And if you use soap, you get rid of them. It's like, oh, let's be less oily. It's like, no, let's be more... Let's be less oily in the Mideast and more oily on ourselves.

Yes. And I do use soap, but it's sort of, to me, because it's so dangerous. You know? It's sort of like an extreme sports. Well, yeah, you have to have something. You know what I mean? It's a rush. It's like, okay, yeah.

You gotta do something that's bad for you. Yeah, I can't have gluten, can't have, you know, stuff like that, but I can every now and... Yeah, you can, like, indulge in, like, oh, no, my oils. Yeah, no, it's something to celebrate with is just to get that soap out and just feel the adrenaline

when you know you shouldn't be doing it well dc we didn't just bring you here to talk about soap we brought you here to talk about auditions now some people think auditions take place in the audition room but you know that the real audition happens in the waiting room outside. Yeah. I mean, you think about like a bullfight. Where does the real bullfight take place? Does it take place?

In the cape. What? I'm sorry? The guy's got a cape on. The guy does have a cape, but it doesn't take place in the cape. Right. That's what he's saying. Speaking of which, the cape is definitely.

No, I'm saying that's what he's saying speaking of which the cape i'm saying that's what people think yeah right yeah the cape is a scheme that i definitely miss for sure that show you guys remember that that scheme on nbcu.com yeah the cape yeah he got a cape made him a superhero so good um i feel like superheroes have really come alive on television i feel feel like that's their medium that cries out for them. But yeah, so, but a bullfight doesn't take place in the ring. Like, that's what we're all watching, but it really takes place back. Or in the cape, yeah. No, it doesn't take place in the cape

or the ring. And by ring I do mean the arena. I don't mean like the movie. I don't mean the movie. Okay. For sure it doesn't take place there. Yeah, but people think that. Some people do. Some people think it takes place in the original japanese version ring ring goo yeah yeah it it takes place no thanks not for you the original version no thanks give me naomi watts and a nice bag of kettle corn

so the audition really like in in, in the waiting room, that's where everybody is jockeying. If all you're doing in the waiting room is waiting, pfft, brother, you got another thing coming. Yeah, you're missing most of your opportunities. Yeah, for real. Like, people just sit in the waiting room, and I see a lot of other, you know, my fellow artists on their phone.

Let's walk through. From the beginning, you walk in the door, people are looking at their scripts, like, kind of trying to read their lines. Let's walk through the process. People are looking at their scripts trying to read their lines. I walk in the door. I've just come from a beautiful Santa Monica day. I've come from

east to go there. I've come from Venice or further Venice. I come in and I walk in the room, I walk over to, there's like a sign in sheet that's going to be on a table. First of all, you should very useful. Yeah. Super useful. Um, you should, but yeah, useful tool, like for them to keep track of who's coming in, but also a useful track for you to keep track of who your competitors are and also establish a little bit of dominance.

So you walk in the room, you should look around. And even if, let's say you're going in for, I don't know, an AT&T commercial, if there's like a giant neon sign, like flash, literally flashing AT&T commercial audition here today, you should still be like, is this the AT&T thing? Because you got so many things today. Yeah, exactly. And you don't know which one of them you might have gone to. You just started spinning the wheel of your day and you've landed on one of the many things that you've done.

You've probably been reading for a pilot in front of Larry Charles. You've probably been auditioning for an industrial that's going to teach Apple employees how to make cleaner iPad screens. You've probably had a development meeting on a script that you wrote that's about a meme. You know what I mean? You might have had a meeting on your... Like You Mad Bro. Yeah, You Mad Bro or I... When's that movie coming out?

When's that movie coming out? I mean, God willing, God bless, we'll have sold an angry Ashley Wagner gif, the movie, to DreamWorks SKG. Actually, just DreamWorks K. I just sold it to that part of the company, the Katzenberg scheme. So yeah, you should walk in.

Is this the AT&T thing? That's going to force somebody to like look up and interact with you. Now you have, you put them on their heels. You should be wearing, you know, a lot of, a lot of people are like, oh, you should dress up for like what the part is like, what's the role? Like, oh, you should dress up for a farmer, doctor, whatever, clown. I don't know. But you guys, I don't have all that stuff.

That's the costumer's job. Okay? That's for when I get on. That's when I get to the fitting. And I'm like, which of this stuff am I going to wear? So you should always be wearing like a really old jean jacket. Like super, super old. What about a cowboy hat?

It depends. It should be like distressed and it should have a Coachella-related story that goes with it. All of your garments should have a story. For example, these jeans that I'm wearing were dug up in Chile. They were actually naturally occurring. As long as you found

it. I didn't find it. I purchased them. Somebody should have found them. Nobody made them. Nobody made, yeah. If you have clothes that somebody made. That's unethical. It's, I mean, karma? Is it not a thing?

No, it's a thing. Now, just quickly, would you like to do a little sort of play acting game? Sure. I like the opportunity to perform here. What if, let's say, I'm going to pretend that I didn't write the script so I don't already know the lines, which is basically never the case, and I'm going to be sort of going over my lines quietly to myself, and you be you coming into the audition room. I be me, also another auditioner.

Okay, cool. This phone's so big. This phone is so big. This phone's so big. Hey is so big this phone's so big hey bro where did you study uh what me yeah where'd you study oh uh uh juilliard yeah i know i recognized you from there it It was a trick question. I also went to Juilliard. Oh. Hey, what's up, man? I'm Sean.

Hey, what's up, dude? DC. I should say it like he already knows. Right. But I'm doing him a courtesy. I don't want to make him look bad by having to be like, you know, oh, I already know your name. I want to say it, but I want to say it in kind of a tossed off way.

Right. And then they'll probably say, yeah, know your name. I want to say it, but I want to say it in kind of a tossed off way. Like, you know, and then they'll probably say, yeah, my name. Yeah, exactly. There's a thing that you can do where you can act like someone is totally your equal and your bro and somebody that you know really, really well. But you can, but while still being intensely condescending. And I think that's really, really important. Yes, I think that is too. And I would almost say you might want your voice to be even

louder. Oh, my voice? Yeah. I find that I kind of let the room start to tune into me and what I've got going on. And then that's when I really crank the volume up. You know what I mean? It's like, if I'm speaking quietly, you're going to lean in. But then once you're leaned in, boom, turn up the volume. Right. That's right. We start quietly. And then once you've got me engaged, then it becomes for everyone, you know? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That that's what people don't understand. It's not just that we're all like jockeying for a position in the waiting room. The waiting room is a show and the host, if you show up and there is no host, you look around, nobody's hosting the show

congratulations you're arsenio you know what i mean and to that end like for people like sean and i we are in the casting office and we're not that's why when you walk into the like to the door they bring you in for the audition it just takes you outside because the real audition was in the waiting room exactly and we were watching for someone with leadership qualities to be on our show. We cast leaders. Even if they don't have a kind of like police station style smoked glass mirror that the people casting the commercial

are merely using to observe the waiting room and then they're not really doing anything in the audition room because that's not really where the audition happens literally. You should want to come into the audition room with an energy off of the waiting room like they should hear people like laughing they should hear somebody when you walk into the audition room be like that guy you know what i mean like you should really come in with like and almost like they're watching a sitcom on which you are both kramer and like somebody way cooler than kramer and they've never seen it before but they

immediately know like that's the dude I always say if you can't control the attention of a waiting room full of actors trying to learn their lines how can I expect you to control the attention of the

millions of fans who are going to go see my movie and TV shows so that's why I if you to control the attention of the millions of fans who are going to go see my movie and TV shows? So that's why I, if you'll see sometimes in movies, they'll show an audition and the guys are looking at a monitor of sort of the person auditioning as if that's the audition. No, that monitor is showing the waiting room. It's showing what they just did in the waiting room. Yeah. When you're reading the lines

in there uh i already know the lines exactly everyone knows their lines we were all born we don't learn anything thank you only remember speak on so i don't learn my lines i only remember lines that i had forgotten that i knew so like you know if golden corral is running a special right now where you can get 7.99 unlimited steak and or brisket, and I'm looking at those, I'm not learning the lines. I'm remembering. Oh, right. They will have that now.

Is that real? Can you do that? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just something that it's a way to look at learning, but it's also true. No, I mean the deal. Oh, unlimited steak and brisket and or brisket. I mean, look inside your heart.

You know already. Why is it and or? Who picks or? I think that it's just a way to save money. Because it's unlimited. If it's unlimited. If one's better than the other. I think that you have to catch the waitress, or not the waitress, but the girl at the counter that you're paying.

She'll be like, okay, great, you wanted the steak or br at the counter that you're paying, she'll be like, okay, great, you wanted the steak or brisket? And you have to catch her and be like, steak and brisket. That's just kind of a way for them to maximize their verticals. It's like a cat and mouse kind of special that they're running. Another thing that I wanted to talk about is when you see someone that you know in the waiting room. And if you're doing it right, there should

always be someone that you know in the waiting room, because this town is like a family. It really is. Like a small family. It's small. It's a small world. I was on It's a Small World, like the ride the other day. Because, you know, me and some of my guys really like to go to Disneyland.

Because we're still basically kids. Yeah, exactly. We're still kids. And that's really important to remember. Dude, I love Disney. And I get to go for free. So it's like, I have the silver pass, so it's like, why not?

Well, I'm losing money to not go. Just go after work. The other day, I was in my car and I realized I wasn't at Disneyland and therefore was wasting money and I started screaming. What did you scream? So we were... Oh, man! Fuck! Okay, i think i was behind you fuck you know that kind of stuff um but i actually really

don't ever get that angry because i find that negative emotion is like poisonous yeah exactly seriously you got to surround yourself with positive people and positivity and there's no room in life that comes back to you self-reflection or like if somebody brings me a salad and there's a hair in it i'm gonna be like this was meant to be and then i will actually yell at them and send it back but that's because they tried to bring negative feeling into my life via that hair yeah so i was at disneyland and i was on that ride it's a small world and i was like this is way bigger than hollywood you know what i mean hollywood's which is like a family of like something bad happened to a bunch of the grandparents and so they're mostly gone.

It's like the single mom and- Yes, the hip single mom who got pregnant as a teen maybe. Right. So she's still pretty hot. She does have like a grandma who you can tell is like seven years older than her. Right. And is actually pretty good looking for a grandma yeah and also total guilt am i right bros and also you can probably get a lot of b stories about her

learning how to hashtag the grandma yeah you know what i mean she doesn't quite get it but she's getting there yeah um so yeah so if i see somebody that I know, it's really immediately important for me to engage with them. I immediately engage with the men that I know first. And, you know, it's just like, what's up? What's up, bro? Oh, dude, how you doing? Sweet. Like we, you know, and then we're like, I haven't seen you since. And whatever I haven't seen them since should be something where we were both paid.

A job. Yeah, exactly. Yes, always mention a job. Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since that, you since that $4 billion Microsoft campaign. That was a huge campaign. Dude, they ran that for so long. We're both telling things we already know.

Did you get that other check like a year later when they put it on the web? Dude, that saved my ass. That kind of thing. They were about to take away my Yamaha, but no. That kind of stuff. And then with the women there's usually like a weird well well yeah but that's I'll get to that in a second but with it with the dudes what you should do is you hang on hey yeah please do you guys know you got do you

guys refer to your your girlfriend your significant other you never say that right you always say girl girl right we all do that right yeah like my how's your how's your girl like if he's like how's my girl because if I say girlfriend that means oh, we might get married someday. And I'm not about that. I'm not about traditional labels. You know what I mean? Like that's so last century. It's like you're, you know, we don't mate for life.

And even once you are married, I think girl is still the opposite. Oh, yeah, totally. Well, it's like if we were married, we should have been married like by Joe Rogan in like a Vegas adjacent DMT ceremony. And it wasn't about like husband, wife. It was about like partners. But one of us has like a real macho thing going on. So I bet she wouldn't say like your boy. No, no, no.

She would use your full name. Yeah, exactly. She would be like my, my partner, my DMT, my Joe Rogan DMT partner, DC Pearson. From and then list my credits. But she shouldn't have to, but she will. But when she lists my credits, she should list the name of a giant movie that hasn't come out yet, but everybody's aware of because it's a hot project. So I'm like, Sean, if he's in the waiting room, he'll be like,

how's your girl? And then I will pull out my, my latest iPhone and I will have like pictures of my girl like doing activities. A, looking smoking, B, doing activities. Right. So it's like, how's your girl? It's like, so good. We were just at. Exactly. X thing where you would be in a bikini. Yeah, exactly. We were just in Ibiza. And the guy's like, oh, that's great.

I went to that festival that they have there. And you're like, oh, you got to go on the off season. That's really when it's like popping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you let them know. You go like, oh, yeah, I used to go to that festival. Right. It got shitty

is a strong is really strong and that's what it's about it's about strength and um in all things and so yeah you you and if let's say i say a vacation destination that you haven't been to you should always be like yeah you have you've been there and it's so shitty or you like know it so well that you're like oh yeah totally uh did you see Miguel and you're like I don't know him and you're like yeah um and then likewise like you should know it better than than he does and likewise if um let's say that I've been I say a place like oh we were in Nepal and you haven't been there and you're like oh I haven't been there. And you're like, oh, I haven't been there. It should, the idea of someone not having been there should cause me to be like unable to speak. Like, let's do a role play. I'll say, I'll say we were just in Nepal. You say we haven't been there and then I'll react. Okay. It's going to be hard for me because I have been there.

That's what, that's what the craft is. And I do mean the movie. Um, so yeah, so, uh, my girl and I were just in Nepal. um so yeah so uh my girl and i were just in nepal oh i sorry i need a second nepal what i mean yeah like i just got like kicked in the throat by a young jackie chan because you haven't been to nepal and the idea of anyone not having been anywhere is stupid make sense oh i get it a lot times I'll, I'll sort of pull one of these. I'll go, um, try telling me you haven't been to Nepal. Okay. I'm going to, okay. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to make it my own though. Yeah, please. Um, so, uh, I was just in Nepal. Do you like it? Whoa, haven't been to Nepal. Awkward!

Right, yeah. But what's your favorite part of it? Oh, you were serious? Oh. Uh... That's okay, man. Hey, uh... I gotta fucking make a deuce. And then I'm Splitsville, you know?

If I'm watching in the casting office at that point and I hear you go say you gotta fucking make a deuce, I don't know if I send everyone else home. Man, is it just to be polite? Do I just kind of rip through the rest? home, man, is it just to be polite? Do I just like, I'm like, yeah, that guy's probably so good.

That probably, that guy's diet probably like creates so many beneficial bacteria to his body that he's probably making fucking sick deuces. What is it like when you see, I got on this train a while ago, like when you see one of the women and now I'm sort of like, Oh yeah, you should, you should,

but it's like someone probably that you have boofed. Yeah. Well, undoubtedly Hollywood's like a about it. But it's like someone probably that you have boofed at something. Yeah. Well, undoubtedly. Hollywood's like a family. It's a lot like a small family. A small family where they all boof each other. Well, because it's so small. It's so small.

Yeah, exactly. There's not a lot outside of it. There's like an energy. It's one of those families where there's like an energy that everyone either has boofed, but now they're cool. Right. Or they're on their way to boofing. They're gonna, or they just would.

Or they would, yeah. Or there's kind of a sort of unspoken agreement, like we would, but we're both in. We would again. Yeah, exactly. Totally. Hotel New Hampshire. Too scary?

Go ahead. Yeah, so it's a similar thing like we should acknowledge each other like oh my god I haven't seen you since we both did you know

I don't know that Jason Reitman stage reading of Baby's Day Out or something so funny it's so funny how bad it is

that movie it's just like sucks it's so funny oh god it's so funny. Oh, God. It's so shitty and sucks. I love it. I love it. I watch it.

So, yeah. So, you should see her and we acknowledge each other like, oh, I haven't seen you in a really long time. And then you should be like, oh, are you you know, you should there should just be a real energy like I think we already covered it like you should have either

we definitely had sex at some point or we would or we're probably about to and you should be like you look like dynamite you know what I mean like you're mad yeah you're fucking pissed you're like. Yeah, you're fucking pissed. You're like, God damn.

Fuck. You're like, my fucking corneas are puking right now. Yes. Definitely sexualize them for the rest of the room. And do it with a seemingly innocent compliment. Right. It's positive. But make it very clear. Yeah, exactly.

Fuck, girl. Fuck. Yeah. So it's, you've boofed. Uh-huh. You could boof again. Exactly. And right now you're thinking about pulling the trigger on it.

And then I'll often go, how's your girl? Because a lot of the chicks that I i'm fucking wit do both do both styles yeah and if that was a guy it would be gross oh but it's a chick so it's fine it's fine legalize it yeah legalize it you know i have no opinion on that no i don't mean like i do not homophobic i think every i love everyone we're all just sort of of on this big round starship called Earth, just trying to make it. I just mean when girls do it, it's fucking so smoking hot, though. So fucking hot. Make that, legalize that being the law.

Exactly. Yeah. You have to do that. When two women are into each other sexually, it's more for me than for them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Because they don't actually like each other.

They like the attention they get from me of liking each other. But what they really want is to get filled up. Some of them take it too far. Yeah. I think they should legalize everything. Like, as a, you know, I'm a libertarian, and I say, you know, like, not even, no more states and stuff, just like...

I think something that's super important as, like, a conversational topic is because kids will come up in the room, like, oh, people that have kids, how's your kids? Oh, my God, dude, so great. You know, how's Jinden? How's, you know, uh etc etc etc and if you like my girl and i don't have kids um because we haven't even had our joe rogan dmt ceremony yet

but like it's really important that you know how you would raise your kids and that it be like super interesting like you got to have a real like strong take on parenting like i don't want to see the plain old like parenting like mom dad oh we when they're bad we say no don't do that like i want to see like a real strong reinterpretation i should see like the parenting equivalent of like a crazy impressionist painting that's a good talking point for audition waiting rooms is what unconventional style of parent you'll be. For sure. For sure. What kind of music

do your kids like? I can't wait. I already have like 90 The Pixies baby teas of various. I don't even listen to The Pixies. I just think like, what? That kid's in Seattle in 1993? What's going on? But I think my girl and I have discussed, we're going to, I don't know listen to the Pixies. I just think, like, what? That kid's in Seattle in 1983? What's going on? But I think my girl and I have discussed,

we're going to, I don't know if you guys have heard about this style of parenting that's really popular in Hollywood right now. I can't think of exactly what it's called, but basically you treat babies like they're adults. And I think that that doesn't... They are. Exactly. They are.

They're little adults. They really are just basically like you if you couldn't speak or hold your head up in the air. But some people can't even do that. Like a rattle. What's a rattle? A rattle was invented by grownups, not by babies. That's our phones now. Our phones are our rattles.

It's the same thing. Seriously. That's too true. So I feel like that's already coming down. We all hold them. Well, we're holding them. They're holding our attention. Okay.

We're talking into them. You know. Texting on them. Apps on them. Apps on them. Rattle apps. It's the same thing. Do you guys know about Waze?

Have you heard about Waze? Dude, Waze is insane. Like, sometimes I just put in, like, the direction of where I want to go, and then it takes me there in, like, a totally different way than I normally have been, and then that's when I'm like, it is about to turn. And then, does that give you something to say about how you got there? Oh, for sure. Oh, baby.

Alexis Bledel is the voice of my Waze right now. But I just wanted to say really quickly, I think that that style of parenting is already passe because I've heard that at least half of the cast of How I Met Your Mother ascribes to it. So that's already over. Radner and company. What my girl and I are planning on doing

is Benjamin Button parenting, where we immediately raise our child like he's an old, old man. And then as he ages like he's an old, old man and then as he ages he's like younger. So like when he's zero, we'll treat him like he's 80 years old and we'll like argue with him and be like we need to put you in a home. You can't take care of yourself anymore.

When he's like 10, he'll be like 70 and we'll be like he's still got it going on. You know, etc, etc on up the years. And when he's 40, he'll be 40. That will be the one time he when he's 40, he'll be 40. That will be the one time he'll be as actual. That'll be nice.

Yeah, I'll be into that. When we're still parenting him. Less stressful. Now, thank you for coming in, DC. And rate us on iTunes. Please rate us on iTunes. Please do like our Facebook page. And talk to us on the forums.

Talk to us on the forums. We won't necessarily talk back. No, we won't necessarily talk back or even see it. But, you know, go ahead and try. And please buy the pro version. What is the pro version giving away this week? The pro version is DC... Who's that person?

Gautier? week the pro version is uh dc who's a person uh uh um goatee um andy niece bought the pro version this week uh again again the prize is dc pearson reacting to your name on an audition sign-in sheet. So it's Andy Neese. Andy Neese? One word. Chops. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich

and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. Earwolf Radio. Boom. Dot. Com. Oh, oh, oh. The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.