Hollywood Handbook - DeadBlossomJesse and Luke Taylor, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

The Boys help DEADBLOSSOMJESSE and LUKE TAYLOR launch their new podcast, Stores.Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Agent Nate Russo returns in Oracle III, Murder at the Grandview, the latest installment of the gripping Audible original series. When a reunion at an abandoned island hotel turns deadly, Russo must untangle accident from murder. But beware, something sinister lurks in the grand view's shadows. Joshua Jackson delivers a bone-chilling performance in the supernatural thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Don't let your fears take hold of you as you dive into this addictive series. Love thrillers

with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Listen now on Audible. ["Dead Washem' Jessie"] Dead Washem' Jessie. Don't do like a voice. Do like a cool voice. Do a, wait. Don't do a voice or do a cool voice? Just trying to make it sound cool.

Well, he did almost like a Sean Connery thing. I think that's sort of like the- Sean Connery as James Bond. That's like the epitome of cool. Whatever the fuck you want, man. What the fuck you want me to do? Whatever you want, we'll do. Italian.

Look, you've been podcasting for all nine days. Dead Blossom, Jesse! Right? Cool. Like, Crip Keeper. You like that more than he did? I like that a lot more. Well, I'm just thinking, dead makes me think of like, death? I'm kind of a twisted more. Well, I'm just thinking, dead makes me think of like death.

I'm kind of a twisted guy. So I hear dead and I immediately go to this sort of macabre, morbid kind of gothic place. And then I go, well, who embodies that? Probably the Crypt Keeper. And it wasn't a perfect impression, but. I thought it was really good. I thought it was really good. It was close.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably make a joke at that time too, Crypt Keeper probably make a joke about Mayim Bialik. He would, he'd go, dead Blossom? A very special episode. Six must have killed her.

Six was Blossom's friend on the show. Sure. Right. Maybe Tony relapsed. Tony was her brother who was sober from- You've killed her. And Six was Blossom's friend on the show. Sure. Right. Maybe Tony relapsed. Tony was her brother who was sober from her alcohol. Thank you for filling. I think that we're probably the exact age difference where I don't know anything about Blossom.

So this is how I think. Crypt keeper doing Joe from Blossom. It's in Jesse's name. So it's not really important to me, I guess, that you know. Gotcha, right. Excuse me, excuse me. Just grab this for me real quick and get this on camera. So Lorne, this is Cripkeeper doing Joey from Blossom.

Cool. Wow. Wow. Wow. Lorne has the show on kinda while he's studying. Yeah. Right. And so like on the- He's cramming for finals.

So Lauren is getting his doctorate. Really? Yeah. Do you know in what? Taking a sip of drink. Big drink. No problem. Just let him finish. Yeah. No problem. Finish this whole drink please.

Yeah. Piss porn? Am I wrong? The study of- It's never too late to learn. Is it an MFA or is it a, it a, well, you said doctorate, but I guess you could do. Yeah.

Is it in the performance of or the study of? All I know is his doctor name. They have you pick a doctor name when you become a doctor and his doctor name is Doctor Flash and Splash. So. Right, right. Okay. I think there's some.

That sounds performative. But it also might be you would assume he'd probably also done the research on it. Mm hmm. Well, he's studying. I just said he's studying. You're right. Sorry. And but he listens to the show while he's studying. So, he's it's kind of like background noise for him. So, you have to be like, Lauren, like when we want to deliver something to get him to look. Should we do a voice for dude as well? Cause we introduce him with the voice.

I'm not. Okay. Watch this. I have it. Oh, good. Luke, Luke, I am your podcast host. Come on now. Or Luke, I am your tailor. Luke, I am your tailor.

Yes. Let out the sheaves. I'm gonna let it out a little bit. Yeah. This is the last time you were in. You know? Hey, we're all getting older. Yeah, yeah, I like that.

I mean, you seem stunned. I'm not stunned, I think it's just, I felt like that yours, his was a little more inspired, you know? Like Luke. Have you heard that before, the Luke thing with the Star Wars attack? They all hate their own voices, I guess. I work with them for that.

Well, I just, I know, yeah. It's not my own voice, just to be clear. Well, I did Cryptkeeper for him. Cryptkeeper is so good. He did John Henry James Bond. Let's just get this out there. The Cryptkeeper was fucking awesome. We all liked the Cryptkeeper.

I did. And so I kind of- So is there something? You just, it felt a little A to A. Well let me go A to C. Without the Sean Connery one. So I was almost doing like the Terminator talking to you if you really go back and listen to what I did yeah it was a little more like the Terminator. It was much more like the Terminator. But saying the saying the Star Wars thing. It's hard to do the effect with your voice for me. Right. Come with me if you want to podcast. Luke. You guys so.

I like that. You're new to this. Yeah. The show's called Stores. That's right. It's out now, Jesse Farrar is the first guest, which I guess is something we're doing now. I mean, we just had some other people that had

him as the first guest. Yeah, those birds. Yeah. Uh, you. The thing about JF is that. Please, please, please, please. Okay. I'm sorry.

Uh, this, and I swear to God, I'm helping you. I understand. From like from yourself. I'm here to listen. And I've listened to your show. I know this is like a problem. This is a growth area. Sorry, it's not a problem area.

A growth area is letting people talk. It's on my list. He's listened to the show and I gotta tell you guys, that's on my list. I gotta check this show out. It's in the queue. Yeah. That's a compliment.

That's a compliment. Oh my God. I can't wait to listen. Obviously I've been crazy lately. I don't want to go into my own thing. The queue is getting so long. It's getting rather thick around the middle. The queue's, it's bursting.

I worry I'm going to come over one day to feed him and stuff and it's going to have tipped over. Right. And he's going to be. I'll be trapped under the queue. What a way to go though. Yeah. With all these.

Like when you're in a grain silo and it just sort of swallows you over time. You remember the Burgess Meredith Twilight Zone where he finally has time to read the books but he breaks his glasses. Something like that is gonna happen to me with my podcast view. Yeah.

I guess my AirPods will, you know. They'll fall out and scatter. Malfunction. Like in the, yeah, the electromagnetic pulse or whatever. Or they'll run out of charge. That's, yeah, I mean, we, yeah. Well, let's pitch on it for a little bit because you guys seem to wanna like workshop it.

Yeah, yeah. What could happen to them? Run out of charge. You're something with your ears. Well, the speaker, yeah. Just to be clear, in the Burgess Meredith Twilight charge. You're suddenly with your ears. Well, the speaker, yeah. Just to be clear, in the Burgess Meredith Twilight Zone. Nothing's wrong with his eyes. His eyes don't explode.

No. Right. They don't shatter like glass. There is something wrong with his eyes. Yes, well. You can't see. There is something wrong with his eyes, but not as a result of the disaster. That's not like a turn of eventses the thing he uses to augment his vision and to be able to enjoy the written word

Yes is damaged. So that's why the air pods felt like a Closer, but okay, right. I'm similing what about the speaker on your phone though? Like that's not really accounted There's no equivalent to that in the original So I don't it feels like you'd have to cover that. Then I could listen to it just. There's another alternative way. We've been talking a lot about diegetic versus non-diegetic sound on the show lately.

So that's interesting. It kind of sort of dovetails with this conversation a little bit. The show has a bonus. A Bluetooth speaker. Bonus episodes already. Yeah. Huh? That's right. Video feed as well as things fully loaded. Yeah. Got all the, all the topics from, from the word go. Yeah. Yeah, well we thought we would, you know, come out strong, come out of the stroke. We want people

know we're serious. Okay. Yeah. And people are saying they listen to the one episode and they say. I'm getting fucking, does this room feel stuffy or something? It's their ambition. I swear to God. I feel the exact same thing. When you're doing something

it's making my whole mother. I don't wanna. I just see all this shit, it's like Mickey Mouse shit. You look around. It's like I'm in fucking Disney World. I see the podcasters. And maybe it's more like you're at Knott's Berry Farm

because I do feel like you go to Disney World or Disneyland and there is an air of- I can't go to Knott's Berry Farm anymore. Why? The roller coaster hurt my ass really bad last night. The old one. Have you guys been to Knott's? It hurt his ass so much he got in trouble.

You gotta get rid of this guy. I mean, I was complaining a lot. Hey, to answer your question, Luke, I have knots. I have knots. I have knots in there. Now that's right, right. Well, it's a good place. So you put on an hour and 45 minute episode

for number one. Is that too long? And then instead of allowing a customer right to say okay I'm gonna sit with this can I say something they're not customers they're friends anyone who supports and is part of I believe that everyone listen to your show is your friend at this stage there are no customers right we're pre-revenue on this thing and what's And what's the nature of the bonus show? We'll get to the main feed, but how was it additive to the main feed episode, which is about stores?

Right, and the first bonus episode is entitled The History of Candy. Okay. And candy is something they sell at the store. I didn't even think of that, but that does make sense. Well, the first store is JCPenney and Penny Candy is Penny Candy. I definitely don't think they thought of that. They weren't connecting it to the concept of stores at all.

That they were catching up to in the moment and you can feel it. This is news to me. And Pat's our producer, we already have a producer. If you're listening to this, if you're hearing this, please add that into the description. Penny, JC Penny Candy to go along with this week's episode. I just think this is worth mentioning on the main feed

as we talk about podcast producers that we were speculating on who Mark Maron's final guest would be and Kevin thought the most exciting thing would be if he interviewed his producer. In a very genuine way, I'll probably talk to his producer. I think he hadn't said anything else the whole day.

Had been silent all day. He's like, I think it'll be his producer. And they'll kind of talk about the wild ride they've been on making the podcast as equal partners. I'll put 50 bucks on it. I'm that confident it's gonna happen. Okay, wow. And it's time for me to put my money where my mouth is.

Always becomes about money so fast, like everything. I'll put 50 bucks on my dad's insurance money on it. All right, dog, let's do it. I mean, let's talk about the money. You've got a producer already. No advertisers yet. No, not yet. How big a hole are we comfortable digging

before we start to look up? That model's kind of evaporating, the old Silicon Valley kind of just burning capital and just assuming that you're going to ultimately be able to monetize it. Well, we're almost not interested in profit, right? Yeah. We're interested in the art. It's the art. It's the art. That's making more sense. Well, it's not just interested in profit, right? Yeah

Form it's like if this exists and we can continue to Exist within it then that's its own, you know, that's enough. They're like ecosystem not being interested in profit is fine How interested are you in debt? Yeah, because there's profit and no profit. Because what I would say, I would say like existing. There's a whole world down there. Right. To exist within sort of your voice and tone as it were. Right. You don't need to be making a show.

Mm-hmm. So what would you do instead of making a show? Just hang out. Yeah. Just kind Just hang out. Yeah. Just kind of hang out. Not try and make any. Yeah, I haven't gotten a lot of good responses

from that personally. That is, yeah. I have reviews of that. Okay, so this is a pivot. Well, it's funny. The show is attempting to solve a problem. Yeah. I wasn't getting that.

That's interesting. I'm getting, yeah. Friendship didn't really work for us. Was not really, it was not too compatible. I was getting getting that. That's interesting. I'm getting, yeah. Friendship didn't really work for us. It was not really, it was not, it was not too compatible. I was getting bad response. So the thinking is, like a lot of stuff that you are not having a good experience with, the thinking is what if we throw some money behind this?

Exactly. What if we could pay six dollars for it? Maybe that will make this failed venture more successful. Maybe if it feels intentional. Right. You know what I mean? There's something elusive. Or like ironic in some way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean know what I mean? Or like ironic in some way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, what I'd love to do is just like,

break out the pen and paper and just like go note for note through this, through the show. Cool. And then like see what we, see what you all think. I mean, I'm sure you've listened back to it. I'm sure you have. Obviously, me I'm sure you've listened back to it. I'm sure you have. Obviously, me and Luke, obviously we have listened to it. We listened to all our episodes and we know, yeah,

we're very familiar with it. You have one episode. So just for when we're talking about like episode numbers. I'm just so shocked, like starting with a bonus episode. It's to wet their whistle though. I mean, I actually think it's pretty good business. Sorry. I don't know what you think wedding a whistle is.

It's the wet their whistle. Wedding a whistle. No, no, no. Wedding a whistle is just getting people interested in something. It's not satisfying their demand and then flooding them with, with more of it. You are throwing a whistle in the ocean.

I've never heard of the second episode are throwing a whistle in the ocean. I've never heard of the second episode of a podcast being a bonus episode. Guy walks up to you, wet whistle. Gives you a wet whistle. You're not sucking on that thing? Come on. So you think whistles are for sucking on, huh?

It probably makes an A noise. It's not necessarily the noise. You would need to suck on it first to get the water out. It feels dangerous. I guess I wasn't even, to be honest, I wasn't even thinking about the noise. Just, you know. Yeah.

Oh my God, this thing just. The whistle, the whistle. It's a fucking crazy noise. I had, yeah, I didn't. I was just sucking on my whistle and it like shrieked at me. Mm-hmm. I swallowed the little ball inside. In a cartoon, they would like try to make you think that that would like somehow make

you whistle when you like burped or whatever. Uh-huh, yeah. But it wouldn't actually do that. No. No way. It's not the little ball just being in there that. No, no. You have to swallow the whole whistle. There's a hole in there. Sure. Even that probably isn't actually do that. No way. It's not the little ball just being in there. You have to swallow the whole whistle. You have to swallow the shirt.

Even that probably isn't going to work. There's like a system of airflow. There's a design to it that is not. You don't think if a whistle got stuck in your esophagus, that the air went through? I'm not talking about the whistle getting stuck. I'm not talking about the whistle getting stuck. Sorry.

Put a little ball inside the whistle. Oh, OK. OK. OK. Yeah. Whoa. Hollywood handbook. Guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills Whoa. Hollywood handbook. you subscribe to our Patreon. I have asked Kevin to discuss with Rocket Money,

them reaching out to our subscribers to increase their Patreon bill. It makes sense, I'm Dexter type. If you're able to negotiate one way, that just means you have these kind of business negotiating skills. So primarily what they do, for people to understand is,

they find your own subscription. Sometimes even if there's a subscription that you you know are still beholden to or want to keep, they'll be able to lower the rates for you, which means they're able to change the number of what people are paying and they lay out change it the other way. They lay out your total financial picture, including the bill due dates and paydays, and they help bring some of your numbers down, I'm saying, can you lay out ours and make it go up? Good, put it up. Just the other way.

And I think that probably just think about, to the Rocket Money people who've been a little bit resistant, think about the tactics that stymie you. Think about the tactics that stymie you. Think about the tactics that stymie you when you're trying to lower the bill. You do it to them, to our subscribers. And then you say,

what if I've already signed up for Rocket Money to lower my bills? And it's like, well, they'll work it out. They're gonna be calling each other. They're working with us. They're a partner with us on this. Right. So like, partner with us on this. Right. And you've got them, so our guys are gonna be, I guess, fighting?

I don't know. Yeah, everybody's all, you know, it's all together. It's all one big soup. Rocket Money's five million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Imagine that that's, we're getting that. Five million members save $500 million. So quick back on the napkin math, that's over a hundred million dollars per member. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash the boys today. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys, rocketmoney.com slash The Boys today. That's rocketmoney.com slash The Boys,

rocketmoney.com slash The Boys. Rocket. Okay, so the prompt is talking about something that you're known for. Okay. Why don't you say something that you're known for and then we'll connect it to. Not having a rash.

You're known for not having a rash? I'd rather not be known for having then we'll connect it to not having a rash. You're known for not having a rash. I'd rather not be known for having a rash punk. You would rather not be known for having a rash. I would prefer that I wasn't known for having a rash punk. So you would like. Oh here comes clean hairy, wonder if he still has that big rash. So you would like to be known. Not what I want.

You'd like to be known for not having a rash? I like, here's what I prefer. Here comes Clean Harry. I'm certain he doesn't have that rash. Punk. I guess I say punk, they wouldn't. I mainly say punk. They probably just...

They wouldn't say punk. Ended on rash. But you might be saying punk. Hi, punk. You were saying punk after the quote. Okay. Hey, Harry's has body wash. I really am. Harry me or Harry the company?

Harry the company actually. Thank you punk. Do you have body wash? Oh, that's why you were asking. You don't know. Oh. Stone, notes of charcoal and lime. Spring, notes of lemon and basil.

Fig, notes of cedar and orange. Oh, that's really different from my body wash. What are you, what's, okay, what's your body wash? Poison ivy. So this is how you got the rash. You made a body wash that. So it's a poison Ivy notes of poison Ivy and poison Ivy. Redwood notes of evergreen and time and wild lands notes of Sandalwood and Cyprus.

I do have that. Oh wait, you said Cyprus? Yeah. No, I don't have that. What did you think I said? Sumac poison poison sumac. Poison sumac. It feels great in the shower.

It smells great. Smell kind of follows you in a nice way throughout the day. Dang, Harry's eating my lunch. My favorite new body wash, no offense to this other one. And the scents are made by a family owned luxury French fragrance house, feels and smells like the swanky $30 brands, it only costs eight bucks. You know them for their shape,

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I think would be horrible, would make things. So keep it no lather. Try Harry's body wash today for just $8 at harrys.com slash Hollywood eight dollars at harrys.com slash hollywood that's harrys.com slash hollywood for a sniff. I'd lather be using Harry's. For a sniff of this incredible body wash. Be known for smelling amazing shower with Harry's. Bunk. bunk okay so Kevin do we have this thing queued up can I just say I just want to thank you guys for making the time to do this oh my god I'm actually no are you

kidding no I've been listening and I have I've been listening for 16 and a half minutes is when the so long you came in and it's my favorite podcast and I've been listening for so long and you guys have really affected like the way that I am. Do not talk over, sorry, it's just really confusing when you're talking over your own. Well, that was me speaking, so that actually kind of is how it works. Yeah.

I just wanna say that's very nice and it's a credit to Kevin, but I was thinking as we were on here and we've talked about like JF being a guest on your show and also on Libby and Charlotte and their show. And then we also have had somebody else in the same vein recently. Oh, well the guys, Brian Quimby.

So like, and I went on their show and we're in this new ecosystem. And it feels very clearly, and by the way, love having you. Right. It feels like so obviously a tear down from where we used to be. Totally.

But it feels sustainable and like we are still in the game. You know that guy? You know what I mean? Like we used to guest on like Comedy Bang Bang and shit. We go, oh, there's new people coming in. And now we guest on and have guests who just like, I guess heard that episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Like 10 years ago.

And are sort of still, yeah. And now we have Scott Aukerman on the show, and I'm like, oh, like sweating, like, oh, Scott Aukerman's here, you know? Like that to me is like rarefied air now. Yeah. I would say the experience of booking the show was somewhat shocking to me. I'm sorry about that, guys. Because, well, no, I just mean how like quickly because Kevin basically was like hey

Do you want to do this and then and then I was like oh yeah sure and he'd like he was like can you do it tomorrow? Shouldn't be yeah Let me talk to the guys if I can get you vetted in some way Maybe you put out a second episode that's not a bonus right right let's get something going But it feels like those things are almost like hand-holding right it's it's what you said the moving down a tier and then the easter Which we got on the show or maybe Related it feels a little bit like You know how Peter is like taking the blood of all those like younger people like he like connects

Yeah, the blood you want a first like connects. Yeah the blood. Are you on a first name basis with him? He like takes the blood to. Yeah. Yeah. Well he like pays for a lot of the shows. Yeah. Oh okay. He just told us about that, yeah.

It feels like that a little bit to me where it's like, it's great, like it's making us younger. Which is great. But we wouldn't have to do it if we weren't like kind of fucked up. Yes. And like getting kind of fucked up. Yes. And like getting kind of nasty.

You know what I mean? If we had, yeah, kind of handled our initial run at this thing correctly, we wouldn't need the blood. Right. We'd be healthy. Nice to have, but not great to need it. We wouldn't even be here if you had handled the run correctly.

Right. Like with this, we wouldn't have made it here. That goes so far without saying. Okay, yes. But you are here. Yeah, but the benefit of this is now you get to meet all of Kevin's friends, which is, I mean, how fun is that? Yeah.

Have you guys done podcast simulator yet? Yeah, I did it. Okay. I was busy. Kevin's sloppy seconds here on Halloween. Jesse was asked. A look on Jesse's Okay. I was busy. Kevin's sloppy seconds here on Halloween. Jesse was asked. A look on Jesse's face. I said.

He was asked. He got asked at not very far. And he said yes, then I got busy. Yeah. Stepped on my thing. God damn it. Also, I got busy. Oh, sorry, sorry, yeah.

I got busy. What did you get busy with? Having COVID. Oh. Contracting COVID-19, so. Jesse, I got busy. What did you get busy with? Having COVID. Oh. Contracting COVID-19, so. Jesse, I'll just say thank you so much for the kind words. Just for me, if I'm going on a show that is an inspiration to me,

the first thing I say wouldn't be, hey, shut the fuck up, don't do that voice. Don't do a voice. You come on the show, we do the thing we're most famous for, our characters. Yes, our hilarious characters. The menagerie of characters we invite into the studio every week. And I get one, I get three words in.

And I get a, can you shut the fuck up with the fucking voice? Also, Luke was so quiet when he was complimenting the show and saying what a thing it was. I mean, I don't know the show. I mean, I've listened to it, but it's like, you want me to blow smoke up your ass? Luke went viral on the HapHack hat.

I did. It's my vocal world. I didn't know what it was, but I went viral on it. Okay. No, I don't need smoke up my ass. I need a big wet whistle shoved in there. I can respect that you guys have been doing this a long time. Yeah. Wow. I can't really. Wow. Ten years of fun. Fun. And I'm excited to hear your

guys notes. Jesse said, well, let's say ten years of fun. But ten of it has been fun. Jesse said- Fun's been spaced out. Yeah. You know, we're going get, you guys are gonna give us, like, Jesse said, you're gonna go on with these guys, they're titans of the field, or were, and you guys are gonna give us, you're gonna tell us what to do better. I'm trying to.

You guys are running out the clock on me. It's been, I mean, I marked when we started talking to us. It's been 16 and a half, now we're at 22. I interrupted it to kind of get into just like, just to do a little state of the union for us on like where we're at in terms of like, I'm trying to think of the equivalent. But that became necessary because of what they were doing.

It's not at this level, you know what I mean, but it is like, oh, it's like, oh, I was in the Beatles, now I'm in the traveling Wilburys, you know what I mean? It's just like, it's still fun.. Now I'm in the traveling Wilburys. You know what I mean? It's just like, it's still fun. And you're only in the traveling Wilburys because you were in the Beatles. Yes. What if you ever say you're in Wings though?

I mean, it's not the Beatles, but you're in Wings. Yeah. At some point, I think someone might say that the stuff they're doing is actually better now than what they were doing before, but they will say actually. Yeah, yeah. It'll be like such a heterodox.

But it's not that, because we weren't the Beatles, it's not a good equivalent. But we're also not the traveling Will Berries though. And not even close, because we weren't starting from there. So I'm even trying to think of what it, you know what I mean?

You don't think it would be Linda McCartney? No, I mean, because it's more like, I mean, and this again is still elevated, cause it's more like, I mean, and this again is still elevate, but it would be like, is it Jeff Lin? It'd be like, we were in ELO and now we're in the traveling Wilburys. But that's kind of almost better

because you're with all these. Well, maybe it's like how the Beatles, like Ringo is in the Beatles and then he was the voice of Thomas the Tank Engine. Yeah, but we weren't in The Beatles, so I was trying to move away from The Beatles. The Beatles are very popular. Right, so is Thomas, is.

Can we please? Yeah, but it's not a good example. I never thought I'd be so desperate to hear this show. Welcome everybody to the inaugural episode of Stores, a podcast where we visit some of your favorite stores, chain stores, all across America. And dare I say at some point, maybe beyond. What?

If we work, if we grind. Luke pointed at you like you might. Go to Tim Hortons in Canada. Or like 7-Eleven. Yeah, but in Japan. In Japan. Do you pause it? Yes.

I mean, if I were you, I would love this moment back. I would love another swing at this. Take two at the intro. Just the examples that we're using, talking about global stores, I mean, what's in everyone's head as they're listening to this is this like, this lawn's been mowed, it's doughboys.

Right. Right. You had an opportunity to say it's not doughboys, it's stores, it's notboys. Right. Right. You had an opportunity to say it's not doughboys, it's stores, it's not restaurants. Yeah. Well. But then that was undercut somewhat. Instantly. By the first example you give being a restaurant

that the doughboys have done. I mean, I might guess. 15 times, 25 times. Minimum. Yeah. They're there right now. And those are actually friends of ours. So, and they've given us their blessings. Actually, now that's a good useimum. Yeah, they're there right now. And those are actually friends of ours, so, and they've given us their blessings.

Actually, now that's a good use of actually. Now actually is coming in strong. I guess we thought about it and we said- Actually buckling under the weight. We didn't want to call attention to it. Look, we're not idiots, we understand. There's a similarity. Then why did you? Then why did you? We didn't think to call attention to it. Look, we're not idiots. We understand. There's just a boy in me. Then why did you?

We didn't think about it until, I guess, yeah. Can I say something about our tone of voice at the beginning of our very first episode? We both sound like we are out of breath. Like we just sort of walked up a flight of stairs. Yeah, I know the feeling. Yeah. But now, I mean, comparing that even to this morning,

we've got a few weeks under our belt. A little guy in there, the little greatest showman that we all have inside. Yeah. You know, when the lights go on the first time, you're like, ready buddy? Yeah. But, hey buddy, where'd you go?

Wake up. You know, that's what I'm, wake up buddy. Wake up, that's right. Is he okay? Hey, wake up buddy. I'm holding a mirror under his nose. Come on. See if there's any fog.

I'm still trying to think of the right example of our life cycle. It's gonna take, I wouldn't put pressure on you to do it right now. It's gonna take a long time. Is this closer? That's a lot of work. That's doing the work.

It's like you're Breckenmire, you're on Franklin and Bash. Yes, okay, yes. Right. Yes. Then, then you're on Men at Work. Yeah, sure. So you went from a, you went from like a TNT.

Something that some people knew about. Light dramedy. Yeah. Or it was kind of like, these guys. Something that some people knew about. Light dramedy. Yeah. Or it was kind of like, mention this kind of a joke. Yeah, a little bit funny, but still, you know, it's like, what's a show?

Yeah. And now you have like a TBS sitcom that you're like a part of like a five person ensemble on. But you're the main guy on it and then like these other people are. Yes, but the, but you went from being like, oh, Mark Paul Gosselaar is back on TV and he's my buddy and you know, uh, and Kumail's there. And now it's like, that's right. And you're watching, you see someone like Kumail on set and you're like, you're, you're, you're, you just know you're watching him on the way by.

Yeah. And then you get there for right now. So that would be, yeah, the early days of Hollywood handbook, then you get to men at work and you're like, okay, now I'm like, I'm kind of the main guy, but I'm introducing like the, you know, a guy who did one season of Buffy or something now is like my best buddy.

Yeah. The dude from Las Vegas. Yeah. is here and it just starting to feel like oh oh okay I'm still in the game nice to be working can I try can I try one I think I might yeah I different do it or no no it's different sort of like where you guys are at oh you've what you've given me. Yeah. Okay. Do you remember, Cheers, of course. Yeah.

And then there's Frasier. Sure. Arguably even more important in the Zeitgeist than Cheers. I hear the argument. Yeah. And then maybe where you guys are at, is it a hypothetical world where they tried to give Eddie the dog his own show?

Right. Hero dog. Eddie the dog his own show right mm-hmm hero dog he's a hero in the show you that's nice he could be a villain his dad's a cop Eddie the villainous dog Eddie's dad is a cop yeah this phrase the old man I mean really what we're doing is the new Frazier yeah right oh we're just still doing Frasier. Yeah. But it's, but nobody likes it anymore. And there's all new people around a bunch of the people that were there and everybody liked our talent. Let's use our, our, our, our creativity to see if we can come up with a better example for what you can like plug back into that. I also don't want to go too hard on Luke for stepping up

in that moment. Thank you. Because- I'm trying to just- What I noticed from dead blossom Jesse is that he was laying there like a dead blossom. Well, Jesse then came in with 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven.

Which I'm struggling to come up with a worse example of a global store that you could go to. Luke, once again. It's in many different countries. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 7-Eleven is in many different countries. Luke once again steps up and says, yeah, well, we could go there in Japan.

That's because he understood what I meant. The reason that I brought up 7-Eleven was because it has a cultural significance in Japan that it doesn't have here. Well, I'm glad he understood what you meant because no one listening did. Raise your fucking voice. Because you didn't make it clear.

Why don't you raise your fucking voice, Sean? I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. Because it's not getting through to you. You're going, I said something and my good friend who was in the room with me understood. Yeah, and he cleaned up your fucking mess as well. And he had to, because you didn't do it. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way you you're

treating me right now. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, uh, I'd like to be your worst enemy then because hang on. Yeah. Because, uh, then I wouldn't have to get spoken to by you with any kind of intention and care, which is actually all I'm doing.

I'm trying to help you. Can I take a swing at this? And the kind of help you would give, I don't want. Can I say something about- Wait, wait, wait. I just want to- Go ahead. Like, just a small edit on that one.

Please. Say that again. Set me, set me up again. What did I say? He said, I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy. I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy the way you're talking to me right now. Well, I would and I am. See, that's clean.

That's really good. Really short. Okay, let me do it again. Should I set you up again? Yeah. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way that you're treating me. Oh yeah.

That's even shorter. Yeah. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way that you're treating me. Oh yeah. That's really clean. Yeah. So what if it's me? I would say like for an example of an international store, I would say or a store in Japan that we don't know even the name of right because it's it's from Japan, right? That's what you're explaining. That's what you can go and tell people about experience All right, your pitch instead of saying 7-eleven. Yes, I should have said or somewhere in Japan. I don't know. Yes, that's exactly right Yeah, yes, okay, or unless you know a Japanese store, which clearly you don't Don't they have like crazy vending machines? Yes!

Or a machine. How about one of those crazy vending machines? That's not a store. I agree with you, you're not gonna like need to be reaching for like vending machines as stores. You're not gonna get to like episode 900 and be like, okay. If we ever get to- Do vending machines count? We gotta do something new.

That's, we know we've, we should have already moved on in our careers, I think, if we get there. I think it would be valid to do it. If you were going international, you were going global, and you were saying like, here's something that's different about this other culture from ours is that there,

some of the stuff that we think of as only available in a store is actually something that they would get from a vending machine. Okay. Okay. But again, I agree with you. It's not gonna come up. We're not gonna get there. Right.

First of all, you're not gonna go to Japan. You're not welcome there. You're not allowed at Knott's Berry Farm. You think they're gonna let you into Japan? Knott's Berry Farm. I never heard it with that emphasis before. Would you want to? I'm allowed in Japan. How do you want to know? I just I just interesting. Sorry, I didn't mean to grind it.

Hollywood. Hollywood. Play more of this show. Yeah. And I just want to make sure that everyone knows that Luke basically took the reins for the intro, but we're both in charge. I wondered about that too. We're both the same amount of in charge. I wondered who named him president of the podcast. What process was involved there?

Turns out there was none at all. Equal partners, right? We're both in charge. We're both in charge. Which of the podcasts, like- Can I say also, talk too much the same. Talk too much the same. The same. The both of us?

The same cadence? Luke has a tiny bit of mulch in there. Yeah, right. Just like a little bit of like wet loam. Yeah. Just a little though. You gotta crank it up. I think you could dump some more in there.

Use the shovel that you're digging your financial hole in and put some of that extra mulch you got in the back of the throat. Like this? I think you need more in there. I want to get more in there. Like are you talking about some cool fries? I can also tweak away from,

I mean I can tweak away from Luke if that would help. I would turn up the dial on your thing which is kind of a Peter Griffin almost affectation. Obviously not as charming, but with that sort of sound, that tone, I would lean into that harder. You, I want on a pack a day minimum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need you smoking.

Smoking. Yes, buddy, please. And snip that you. I really need you smoking. Smoking. Yes, buddy, please. Smoking. And snip that filter off before you get in there. Everyone in my life, and sorry, I just was reeling for 20 seconds. Everyone in my life.

Unless you're trying to turn it down now. Mm-hmm. Everyone in my life tells me I sound like Peter Griffin and then I'm acting like Peter Griffin. You have heard that before? I mean, it's unmistakable. Just from everyone I've ever met in my entire life. That's all. It's- And a bunch of strangers that have only seen me. And the Peter Griffin voice,

it's interesting because it's not like a New England guy voice. No, it's a Peter Griffin voice. It sets, you know how there was like the transatlantic accent of like the high society person and the like, like turn of the century. It's theatrical. Yours is like the dumb guy version of that right like that was like the old movie Shmo. Yeah. You know it was not a character that existed in the world. It's not like a three stooges. Yeah. Can I tell you how amazing it is how they are stumbling on all of this stuff completely independently. It's really stooge. Can I tell you how amazing it is, how they are stumbling on all of this stuff completely independently?

It's really quite amazing. You have to know that these are the two things that he is used as a cudgel against in the most. It is Peter Griffin and the Stooges. It is my entire life. I mean, really, it's about these things. But isn't that beautiful, Jesse? Isn't that beautiful?

It's like they are wrecking, it shows how symbolic and how clear it is. It's very pure, isn't it? I wrecking, it shows what a, how beautiful, like how symbolic and how clear it is. It's very pure, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I guess so. I guess I, yeah. You're an oaf. Okay.

So I think I would really oaf it up, like going forward and- Yeah, can I say this about Peter Griffin? He actually has moments of striking intelligence. Sure. I think that's what Quagmire, but don't, we don't like Quagmire. You ever see that clip of Quagmire talking to Brian?

Where he like- You're gonna have to narrow it down. Yeah. He's talking to Brian a lot in the show. He lays into Brian about the way he acts. Oh, fuck. And I've- And totally takes down Brian.

It's like a TikTok and it'll have like- Oh, Brian gets read for film. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I've seen it and there's like words printed on it that says he wasn't expecting that. Yes.

Yeah. And then there's a ton of scanner going back and forth across the frame. It seems like it might be inverted and kind of squashed a little bit. And all the comments are like, dead ass, he did not have to go that hard. Yes.

Or just a skeleton emoji. Yeah, I have seen that. Skull emoji. That's good. Skull. So I actually think, so like, if you were to take Hayes' no, and you did like a duh, that's not it.

It's more leaning into the voice that we're talking about where when he's giving examples, he goes like Tim Hortons, you go, yeah, or 7-Eleven, boss. And it's like, and he has to go like, yeah, I guess if it was in Japan, like you knucklehead. So it'd be you going like- I'm Mo.

You're Curly and Larry. Okay. Saying cheese it at the end of the episode. Yeah. Right. The coppers have come in. Let's cheese it, fellas. Why I oughta. That is actually feeling like a really classic

comedy dynamic where I know what both of your roles are. Right. Why I oughta. That is actually feeling like a really classic comedy dynamic where I know what both of your roles are and I have a reason to be listening. Yeah, you're already on the ride, so you just get to enjoy it. Yeah. It's just easy. Okay.

I think you wanna make people comfortable. I mean, we've been criticized for having similar voices. That makes me think you enjoy having your ass hurt really bad when, like, like you're talking about the ride. How bad his ass got fucked up on the roller coaster. The seat had a bump under one of my cheeks. It had like a weird hump.

It's an old coaster. They're supposed to be kind of sunken in. And you're saying on one side, it was actually kind of puffed out. There was a lump. Yeah. Wow. From age.

Yeah. Convex. So that's what happens with age on the seats. I guess if the roller coaster's going down so fast, it's popping up. It'd be like, here's how intense our roller coaster is. It's making the butt pop out. Pop out.

Pop out. It's wind is going against it so hard where the plastic is being melded upwards. Exactly, wind going through. Yeah. Not this crazy. Kevin. Right. The. Right.

The same amount. I'm just saying like, well, I was trying to do that to help you because you've already done so much work and I have a natural ability to do that. I think we could have cut that down a little bit. And that's a note for Pat, I guess. Okay.

Like we talk about taking air out of the episode. There was literally a gust of wind. We've been telling Pat to put more in. So that was one of his snouts. Oh, so that was actually, that was foley? It adds a gravitas. Yeah. Okay.

To what we're saying. Cause then you're like, cause so much of podcasting, it's just this in, in, in one ear out the other, you're at your, you know, spreadsheet job. But you take a pause and we're like, hold on. If you want a table, Luke, because you just have this cam. Right to your dick that's kind of been like I kind of forgot is it full or you haven't open it yet no it's it's mostly empty okay I just I didn't want to like I was worried if I kept grabbing it I would knock it over okay

morning we can get you a table is it drinks that they have for a moment because it is it is early for them to be it's 10 a.m. and what we have here is a. Getting absolutely yacked off. A lemonade. A spintre of tea. Tea. It's good. And a mint, is that a mint?

Yerba mate. Mint yerba mate. We wanted to bring our A games. These guys are interesting. Yeah. There's more than meets the eye here. Huh. It's international too, the year Romantic.

It's very globally inflected. Well he's the one who had the Japan specifically, knew the name of a country right away. He's our globe walk. Knew the name of a country. Our globe walk, that's right. He knows all that stuff. Let's hear a little more.

Can I show you, so Luke keeps mentioning that I have this notebook full of things, and this was basically just like. Can I just stop it real quick? I never heard it get mentioned. I didn't either. And I, and the episode, I think we've gotten like maybe 20 seconds in.

If that. And so like, I'm pretty sure it hasn't come up yet. He said Luke keeps mentioning it. Mm hmm. Now maybe it got mentioned once. Luke said, I wonder, I wonder if it was, and you guys are used to the visual element. Luke said, you've done all this work. And then he goes,

pfff. Right. And I wonder if during that noise, he was gesturing to the notebook, but that's not mentioning Jesse, is it? Yeah, Luke keeps mentioning. Well, don't you, okay, can I? Well, he was mentioning it at off-pod,

I suppose is what I meant. Yeah, so as the listener,, don't you, okay, can I? Well, he was mentioning it at off pod, I suppose, is what I meant. Yeah, so as the listener, I don't know that. Right. Right? And so when you say it, it kind of takes me out of it a little bit. I hate the way you look at me, man. It's making me, like, furious.

Again, listen. When you look at me, it's like the drums of fucking war in my ears. And it's like something, something primally is telling me that takes me what he does for a show that he liked. His favorite show. It was, now it was.

And then I, you know, you get in the room with someone and it's a whole different thing, right? And it's like, you were enjoying everyone else's pain all this time. Well, and what I love about it is it'll never happen to me. Yeah.

It won't be me. My favorite thing about the show. That it's, and what I love about it is it'll never happen to me. Yeah, it won't be me. My favorite thing about the show. We'll just vibe out. That it's not me. We're just gonna get along. It's not gonna happen. I'm the exception that proves the rule. That's my favorite phrase.

Let's go around and say our favorite phrases. Later, later, wait. We got Luke's knocked out. I don't know, I don't exactly know what it means what can you say uh later just a little bit later in the episode you have a phrase uh an interesting phrase about forgiveness can you say uh what it was asking for like ask for permission ask for permission for hold on well that's me remembering ask Ask fermentation.

Yerba mate, kind of a fermented drink. Yeah. He ferments yerba mate. Is it? He's gonna take, that's why he hadn't opened it, he's gonna take it home and pour it into the jug. Yeah. I'm making my own four loco.

With the three X's on it. Make it mood shy. I believe the phrase was, and correct me if I'm wrong, Jesse, is it ask for, or don't ask for permission? It is better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission. Yes. Was that it?

So we recorded this a while ago. Yeah. And I think you're all all I think you're both wrong play more anxiety things just just for me before the podcast started just to write some just just to keep my mind occupied okay here's what I have written down here's the big notebook that you were just And Jesse's here for this part? Yeah, yeah. No, sorry. You are dead blossom Jesse.

Now this is another no. Right. Jesse is Jesse Farrar. Oh, oh. That's hard to- No, you have seeded the territory by making yourself dead blossom Jesse or DBJ. I support your ambition to become Jesse

and make him something. J.F. We call him J.F. Or. You did, yeah, you did call him J.F. immediately and I went, oh, okay, let me translate this from what I know, which is that he is Jesse and you're not. But I am Jesse.

That's my name. In our lives, at least, okay, I think about my life. That's the name my mother gave me. I'd push him onto your territory and make him Red Bosom Jesse. Right. Cause we know everyone knows what he's packing under there is a bright red from swelling bosom.

Yes. Yeah. You can feel the heat coming off. So then you're just Jesse and he's red bosom Jesse. Red bosom Jesse. I've never heard it said, I always thought bosom. Red bosom Jesse, red bosom Jesse. You've never, I mean, you see his, that's a bosom.

A bosom. Yeah. What do you think he's doing to it to get it so red? Letting bugs bite it all over and over again. That's what it is? Yeah, it's just a little bit of a penis. I've never seen him use it. That's my guess.

There is a, in the back of, when he's streaming on Twitch, there's a glass chamber in the background that you can see that has two portholes. Oh, okay. And it's full of insects. It's almost like Austin Powers' penis pump, but it's just for his bosom. And it's like of insects. It's almost like Austin Powers' penis pump, but it's just for his bosom. And he's like maybe hooking up his bugs.

And there's bugs inside there. There's bugs in the Austin Powers one. And again, I have- Is there not? No. I gotta rewatch that. Good movie. I gotta rewatch that. Funny. This penis pump isn't full of like insects.

What does it need to be? Cause that uses bugs. Yeah. I'll take your word for it, I guess. I do have to rewatch it, cause in my mind. I didn't have my face pressed to the screen on the pump. You know, I'm just like trying to enjoy the movie. I guess it wasn't like causing frame by frame to go through the pump.

Like how does the pump work? I'm not walking down in the movie theater to the front of the screen, getting a ladder out. Renting a theater just for you. You don't invite your friends and you go in there and you get up close and you see. You climb the ladder and you press your face right into the pub, get my famous notebook out.

Penis pump moment wasn't exactly the Zapruder film for me the way it was for you guys, but. Fat bastard was in the second one too. So he wouldn't be able to do that. You need to be on my side. I'm just saying, I'm just saying So he wouldn't be able to do that. You need to be on my side. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, you wouldn't be able to hug Fat Bastard. You could have hugged not even many of me.

You could hug Scotty, you know? Scotty. All right. But I know even that's the same. You're thinking of Scotty Don't. But is it Scotty Don't? His son's not in the first, Seth Green isn't in the first one?

No, he isn't in the first one. He's in the first one, yeah. But the way you're saying Scottie is from? Scottie. Yeah. The first one was Zip It. Zip It, Scottie. Zip It? I mean, we're laughing just thinking about it.

God damn. You haven't even seen the movie in 20 years. Holy shit, man. It's like. So I noticed that Jesse hasn't been allowed to speak yet. What do you mean? Me? I guess we can do that whole sequence again. Jesse is Jesse Farrar.

Right. You are dead blossom Jesse or DBJ. Right for now. What's sad is I was legitimately confused. That wasn't trying to further the bit. So thank you for clarifying. That's why we call him JF. Sorry. Okay.

Yeah. You know what? Goodbye. Oh. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast.