Hollywood Handbook - Deadpool, Our Close Fiend

Episode Date: February 22, 2016

Sean and Hayes start with their political roundup, then welcome guest KARAN SONI to discuss all things Deadpool, including funny things Deadpool did to him on set, Deadpool's lunch, and possible new humor techniques for Deadpool.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. and Ken goes, I think this thing is going to fill up and overflow. And JWoww goes, you're being paranoid. Sure enough, my foot feels warm. And it overflowed because Snooki had lined it with a garbage bag. I guess so we could clean up when we left,

but to me, the whole point of digging a hole to piss in is like, it could just go in the ground. Now, like, from the way you described it, and that she had lined it. You always have all these questions after the, it's like,

this story couldn't be more clear. What? What do you want? I wonder if anyone actually dug, because it seems like you would just pee on the ground. You wouldn't have to dig a hole if you were just all going to pee together. And so I wonder if this is, was it in like a, a, a bathroom? This might be, you describe it as like this hole, but it might be like a toilet. You think Stookie put a garbage bag into a toilet? Well, that makes as much sense to me as a hole. Well, it's very clear to me you want it to be a toilet, A's. But unfortunately, I told the story right the first time.

It was a hole where there used to be a tree stump. There used to be a tree stump and they... I reached down into the center of it. You know how the center kind of rots out and there's a hole? I grab it like it's a handle. I rip the tree stump out of the ground, threw it over my head. So there was already a hole in the tree stump though.

I guess, yeah. So why would you feel like you had to make a new hole? Because if you've ever seen a tree stump, and it's very clear to me now you haven't, the hole in the middle of it is really not big enough for four people to all straddle and take a pee in. So maybe that's why?

If you even think with even your brain. Hey. Hi. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz yeah and you know there's gonna be the president again and so we want to talk about our political roundup time finally we have a lot of thing to say.

New opinions. And opinions that are different from some of the ones that we had before. Some of them are the same. Some of them are slightly different versions of the old ones. Some of them are totally new opinions. And the reason that you come to this show is we don't do what every other show does, which is just live inside this echo chamber of the same opinion. You just heard from the one guy. Now the other guy with the different haircut said it.

Fuck that. It's real. It's in your face. It's fresh perspectives. And it's got, surprise, a little bit of thought behind it. Yeah, and it's not hot takes because people are mad about that it was like everyone's got everyone's got to have a hot take oh trying to go viral this whole generation only cares about going viral and so people are mad about hot takes so this is not

what that is it's just these are just our opinions straight up we're just being straight up lukewarm room temp takes so sean you wanted to talk about your opinion about the election as a comedian oh god well i'm of two minds because haze i am a comedian and i'm generating funniness and so in a way as a comedian i almost want to have the man named Donald Trump win the prize. Think of the jokes. Because of the jokes you can make of him. I'm already thinking of jokes. Stuff and you're, I'm, oh God, I have a hundred jokes.

A whole book. Just from now. And I could sell so many books of jokes if he becomes president. And so as a comedian, I just want to ride this wave of, I've made so many funny jokes about him already, how he could say you're fired to like the prime minister of Japan. Or to his own hair.

To his hair. He fires it. You're fired from his own hair. To his hair. He fires it. You're fired from being my hair. And imagine he's doing the cobra strike with his hand. You're fired from being my hair. In his mirror. And that

impression is also really coming along. And the hair gets up and walks away. So that to me and before it does it goes meow. Remember? So to me, and before it does, it goes, remember? So to me, I go, I go, oh baby, there's a lot of fresh dough to be made for a guy like me who is, let's face it, a comedian. for a guy like me, who is, let's face it, a comedian. But as an American citizen,

maybe I don't want to think with my comedy mind and just only get the jokes. Because part of what's so funny is, this guy's not the best guy for the job. And so as an American citizen- That's the biggest joke of all. Yes, that he think he could do it. I make good deals. You're fired, hair. So I think that as an American citizen, I, of course, don't want that because I have to think win the vote, which is one of the other guys or something.

So that's our political roundup. Obviously, I want Ted Cruz. Obviously, I want Ted Cruz because if you've seen – I don't want Trump. He's bad for the country. Obviously, I want jebediah bush because the police clap that's and imagine the jokes just think of the jokes that's good for me as a citizen and comedian i know he knows how to lead because he has same last name as someone I know did president. And so at that point I go, well, he already basically has had the job and please clap. Think about the jokes. That's a book right

there. I'm so sorry. I tried to end this before that. Go ahead. Well, now I feel scared about it and get now because what if you have another opinion? No, my idea is I don't want to have you have tried to end it. I want you to end it on that, but I don't want to have said Ted Cruz or just some other guy. I want to only go into, I do the Trump thing, and then I go, obviously I want Jebediah Bush. That was the first, because I'm coming up with it as we're talking. So that's the first thing I came up with and then it ends just short just like you said you want delete I want to delete a lot of it and then it ends short like you said where you go that's a political roundup because I think that's funny to end it fast like that like that's the

whole thing okay but I just wanted to take another crack at what my button would be. We can do that. I can sort of picture it. You might have to explain it to me on the phone later. I can't. I mean, I don't have the talking part of my phone anymore. The bottom part broke off. The bottom piece where you do talking,

and people call me, I can answer and I can hear. It's so frustrating because. You can't say hello. Well, I can't say hello. I can't say anything. I can't say no, don't do that. Yeah. If they're saying, I'm going to.

I'm about to smash the car that's exactly what I was gonna say they were gonna do that's fucking spooky so that's our political roundup we gotta do the ad and then Karin Sony from Deadpool

is gonna come here talk about Deadpool Stingray stung the talking part out of my phone. On Hollywood Handbook. So NHL All-Star Weekend Celebrity Shootout. Sure. I'm in the net.

Coming at me is Sandra Day O'Connor. She goes left. She goes right. She keeps sort of drifting right into the boards. Like maybe she didn't choose to go right? Yes.

The boards sort of turn her back around, though, luckily. She glances off them and is now heading back toward the net. Luckily for who? For the show. just for the audience. Because I want this to go well for her, too. She's coming in slowly, but I've tried to be scared. I'm acting scared. I'm kind of shivering.

Also, you want to be in a position to make a spectacular save. Well, in this case, I'm sort of considering, like, I could get a lot out of this relationship with her, you know, if I let this thing go by me. Just in terms of the age of consent stuff that you've been angry about? There's that. There are lots of different rules that are confusing as all get out. Extremely confusing and arbitrary, totally arbitrary. Like, if we're going to make it a number, if it's going to be a number, why this number? Why not let you pick the number?

Why don't we make it, you know, why isn't it 90? Why isn't it 10? Here's your thing. Why don't you let somebody who's actually tried all the numbers pick the number? Because somebody who's just like thinking about it. Sitting in their ivory tower.

Exactly. Yes. So, she's coming in and I, I scream like that I'm scared forever,

you know, for the show. And I'm like, don't do it. And then I let her, I could tell that she's not going to shoot, so I sort of like step aside and just let her glide into the goal. Slowly drift into the goal.

Yes, the whole thing. And I sort of like, you know, stop her from going in too hard. And the little red light goes off and everyone goes crazy. And then I got all my rules changed about the age of consent and the big sodas and all that. Oh, gosh, yeah. Finally, we can have our big sodas back. What a frustrating thing. And we can have any big soda we want in the movies.

Hey! Hey! Speaking of the movies. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. And I came up with that part that Hayes just said, but it's his, he does it well, and I never have given him a hard time about that. I've never said like, hey, I actually invented that and Hayes is getting all the burn off it. I just go, hey man, he says that well. But anyway, there used to be a part that I said here. There was a thing I would say at this part of the show after he was finished with that.

I don't do it anymore because it really chapped his ass, I guess. But you're not. He thinks he invented. He thinks it was harder to invent saying what up twice than an insider's guide to kicking a button and dropping names in the red carpet line industry. The question is not the difficulty of the invention. It's what has taken off. It's very rare that I see a hashtag of your thing.

They're both on a t-shirt. That's true, but I think one is on a t-shirt. Not because of it, but because it's part part of the logo we got to talk about the movies every time every time we're here we got to talk about all the big movies movies okay look today the big movie is deadpool everybody's got to see it everybody buys a ticket oh but hey and sean you wouldn't be able to get a great guest who actually was part of deadpool oh fuck you what a dumb time to say that right before we are gonna introduce our guests you're really gonna have to cram it now very stupid of you yeah whoever

said that you fucked up very bad timing wow i've never seen someone make a mistake like that in an argument with me i'm relishing this moment we have karen sony and nora dunn remember um hi karen hi america karen it's so interesting that that's your name because that's sort of what you were doing in the movie. You're doing that in the movie, aren't you? You're a car in a route. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Typecast.

Am I right? Speak on that. Yeah. Yeah, I drove a car. Yeah, I drove a movie star in a car on a real freeway with fake cars surrounding me. So stakes were high. What was fake about those cars all around you? They would always move at the exact same point

and stop at the exact same point. And that's fake? Yeah, that's super fake. But that's a real, isn't that what a car does? They were also being driven by robots, so I guess that was the fake part. So if I punch one of those cars, I go right through it? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. They're Hollywood cars. Mm. Yeah. But on a real freeway. That's a hard question to answer. What else? What else? What else?

What else? What else? It was Canada. I drove in Canada. Mm. Speak on that. Yeah. Vancouver.

Great place. Clean. Clean. Very white. A lot of white people. A lot of attractive white people. Mm-hmm. With German shepherds. In the Clean. Very white. A lot of white people. A lot of attractive white people with German shepherds. In the movie, you mean. Yes, exactly.

In the movie. Yeah, yeah. Only white people. If you watch closely, that's all you'll see. Deadpool lives in this alternate universe of just white people. Listen, Karin, we'll talk about Other Space for just a little bit. You were on that show. Yes.

And we have friends who were on it as well. Yeah, I know almost everyone. Yeah, but they don't matter. Because it's true because what we really like and what we want to know about is the man himself, which is your friend Deadpool. You mean Ryan Reynolds? No, we want to know because now he is Deadpool and he's going to host SNL and won't that be so funny? At long last, Deadpool is going to host SNL.

Did you guys sign the petition? Well, I didn't sign it so much as I started it. Oh, it's you? And I think you're wondering how to get so much traction. And I used basically all my Hollywood favors because the Merc with a Mouth must be heard. Do we want to talk a little bit about some of the sketches we think Deadpool should do on SNL?

Yes. Like just because I think some people go like, well, what would that even be? And it's like so easy to come up with really good ones. I have one. Yeah please. I think he would be very good in the sweaty balls sketch because he would show up they'd be talking about the sweaty

balls and he'd be like he'd show up and be like excuse me you guys talking about like somebody's dick? Like balls on somebody's dick over here? He would be making everyone look embarrassed for accidentally talking about the sweaty balls. Because so much of that sketch is that they're just talking about a cookie. Yes, he'd be making everyone embarrassed.

I say Deadpool and the Californians. Yes, wouldn't that be funny? Okay, and you're partial to that because you were in traffic with Deadpool. Yeah. So then I can just show up in there. And he would say, for a direction, he'd be like, so next you go up your button around the corner. Oh.

Instead of just like the normal street names they do, he would say- Narcy. Up your button around the corner. Yeah. I wouldn't mind seeing Deadpool as Joe Biden. Just the cold open. So he's in full uniform, and I guess he has kind of a wig on top of his...

He goes, oh, it's a sad day. There's been all these school shootings. And he goes, and it's sad because they didn't have a big gun like this. And he fucking Deadpools out and just blasts everybody in the audience I mean that's pretty

sick right that's gonna be a good sketch that he'll do yeah and that's just three sketches off the top of our heads oh my gosh

and now do you want to tell the story of your Deadpool glass oh yeah so and Engineer Ryan if you could get pictures of what

I'm drinking when we talk about something that's in the room. Hang on, let me get my hand untangled from this cord, the weird thing I do. So, this glass, if you want to feel tough, but you just want to drink water, you don't have a lot of options in today's glassware world. But I was able to go to the Arclight Hollywood on opening night,

one of the few participating locations that had a special deal where- And listen, I will say, a lot of people were scared of this movie, and so they decided to go with a group or a friend or a romantic partner or something. Not the case for me. I went to the movie by myself in the dome,

which is the smallest you can feel, I guess. And the very first showing, 7 p.m., really the night before it opened for most people. And I went in and first I went to the bar at the Arclight. And I said, I held up a little picture of a tweet the Arclight had put out that said, it said like, I should find the tweet, but it said like something about, you know, Deadpool Glass. You know exactly what it said.

And I held up a photo and I went, excuse me, do you have this? It was like, if you buy a brewski, you get a free Deadpool glass. Do you have this? I don't want the brewski, but I do want the glass. And they said, I'm sorry, sir, this is a private event. Because it was opening night for Deadpool,

so you weren't allowed to go into the bar area if you weren't part of the, were you there for that? No, no. Okay. Well, you should have been invited.

So I couldn't get in and they went, but we have them at all the concession stands. And I said, well, the movie's in the dome and it starts in a few minutes. And they said, okay, well,

uh, they'll have it at the concession stand at the dome. I said, do you promise? And then I went over there, and I waited in this line, and the movie, I didn't miss any of the movie, don't worry, but I did miss some of the previews because I had to wait in this long line, and I got up at the front, and I went, excuse me, do you have this?

And I held the tweet up. And they went, uh, no. And I said, well, and they said, you would have to go to the bar to get that. And I said, well, I was just at the bar and they told me that I could go to any concession stand. And so I'm at the concession stand and I don't, and I'm late for the movie now. And I just waited in this whole line. And he went, I'm really sorry. We're not set up to serve alcohol.

And so we don't have the like beer glasses. And I went, okay, well, that sucks. Pop a pretzel in a water, please. And then I went and I watched the whole movie. And then, but. Now I'm scared. Are they going to have the glass when I get out? So I went all the way back to the bar and I said,

well, here's a funny story for you. Because I think you'll remember you talked to me before and I asked if you had this. And she looked at the photo and she goes, yeah. And I go, and you said you didn't and then the concession stand said that you did and that they didn't have it. And she went, oh, okay. Maybe try the concession stand downstairs.

And I said, really? She said, yeah. okay. Maybe try the concession stand downstairs. And I said, really? She said, yeah. So I go downstairs. What do you think they said to me at the concession stand downstairs? Upstairs. Yep. They only have that at the bar. At the bar.

First I waited in line. Can I just say I'm so glad knowing this that I can look at your glass as you're telling this story. It's a relief for the end of the story. And I know that this is going to end with you getting a nice glass that has Deadpool on it. It says bottoms up hashtag Deadpool. So I went I waited in line. I got to the front.

I held up the tweet. Buy a Brewski, get a free Deadpool glass. Do you have this? No, it's only at the bar upstairs. I said, well, let me tell you something. I went to the bar upstairs and they sent me to the dome concession stand. And then they sent me back to the bar.

This is the fourth place I've been to to ask about this glass. And so don't tell me you don't have it. And I know you're set up for alcohol because I just saw you serve somebody a glass of wine at the Arclight movie theater. And he went, okay, hold on. Let me talk to someone. And then he went and talked to someone.

He came back and went, it's at the bar upstairs. I don't know what to tell you. So I went upstairs. Thank God the private event's over. I walk into the bar. I see a guy in front of me who's got four Deadpool glasses. He's buying them out. I go, do you have this?

He goes, yeah. I go, I don't want the beer. I just want the glass. And he goes, well, you have to pay for the beer. I go, okay, but I just want like a soda water. Goes in the back, comes out, gives me an empty glass, doesn't fill with anything and walks away. Did you pay?

Yeah. How much? You still paid? 12 bucks. No. No, you didn't. But you thought, they probably thought that you wanted it for like your sick son. Which is like, no, you're cool.

It's for you. Wait, yeah. You don't think the Merc with a Mouth could appeal to anyone? And side note, I got this Deadpool figurine, and Ryan, you may want to get in on this. That's worth a lot more than $12. And that was free. Yeah.

At the show. That was just coming out of the movie theater. If you look, this is an iconic moment in the film. It opens. He's sitting sort of with this paper on the side of the bridge. Well, no. It actually opens. Karin's at the front of the movie.

But if you put him on the edge of the glass that I got, it kind of looked like he's reading a newspaper taking a dump. I was thinking that would be good. So we'll have some extra pictures this week, Ryan. that I got, it kind of looked like he'd read a newspaper taking a dump and Ryan getting in on quotes on that. I was thinking that would be good. So we'll have some extra pictures this week, Ryan. I'm scared to drink this water now. Anyway,

I know that story was long. Yeah, that's it. It was pretty long. Well, listen, now that we've heard about a Deadpool glass, what if we heard about the actual Deadpool, and did you make friends with him? Did he do funny stuff to you? Pranks on set, always a question.

That's what I meant. That's actually what I just said. Surely the level of, well, surely the level of prankage had to be, you to be high voltage. Yeah, he slept around with half of the crew. Him and the script supervisor. He is horny, isn't he? He's very horny, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's one of the side effects of what he has. Yeah, he's very horny. He hit on a lot of us, actually. Because he swings all ways. He gets on a lot of us, actually, because he swings always. He gets done in the butt at one point. This is true. This is true. And it's funny.

He gets, yeah, he gets his butt done it with, and it made me laugh. And I'll say this. The Merc with a Mouth, you just think he's a wiseacre cracking wise, but actually what you're telling me is he's using his mouth sometimes to eat pussy. I don't know if that's exactly what I said, but... Well, I believe I'm quoting you. Okay.

Sure, yeah. I believe he did that at some point. But he's got the mask on. He's got the mask on, yeah. So it really must be sort of a almost a motorboating motion which we are all about. Yeah, you can absolutely generate

friction with a mask and really that's the core of what sex is. So when Deadpool's pranking you do you ever feel safe? Yeah, because I know it's Ryan Reynolds. It's all in good fun.

Yeah, you keep using that name. And what doesn't make sense about that to me is he's talking about Ryan Reynolds in the movie. Yeah, so I know they're not the same. Well, you know, he's being meta. He's actually cutting him down to size a little bit don't we think he's being meta world peace basketball player and which doesn't make extra sense to me because ryan reynolds is somebody else completely different

well it's ryan reynolds is in the suit it's him, so when you're saying meta, do you mean Kafka-esque? Yeah. Sort of. That's pretty meta, yeah. Are you a Kafka fan? I'm more of a fan of things that are Kafka-esque

than I am so much a fan of Kafka himself. What's an example of Kafka? Something Kafka-esque. Yes, the post office. Oh, I'm unfamiliar with that. We're not sponsored by stamps.com or else we'd go into a whole riff.

But we do do free ads for them on other shows. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the post office is Kafka-esque, isn't it? The level of bureaucracy and the sort of just where are my boundaries and what's happening and what are these rules? It's a lot like the age of consent. It's arbitrary. It's random.

And can you dig into that first, please, Karin? Into the meta? Nope. The post office nope the stuff with these all these rules you know like who's to say what's okay this is allowed this isn't allowed now it's allowed it wasn't allowed last week like what who cares right i mean uh yeah i guess but you gotta have some rules right to function in society. But see, what's so interesting to me is that you're friends with Deadpool and that you would say something like that.

Because, like, he would disagree with that. His opinion's got to be different from that. Because he believes that rules are made to be broken and that he has no respect for any of the restrictions that society is trying to put on him with what he can say. Yeah, but then he's selling out by being in a studio movie. What's up with that? Right, but he knows he's in the movie, current. He knows he's in the movie, and he's talking about it, and he's making fun of it. He doesn't even like it.

Nice chunk of change, you know? I mean, he's not above sort of taking what he could get from the system and then sticking a thumb in their eye being like, Oh, by the way, I didn't like the other Wolverine movie. Yeah, he's taking it down. He's making fun of the movies. And when we say he's talking about Ryan Reynolds, don't you feel like he's cutting him down to size a little bit? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I mean. By talking about how handsome he is. In some parts, but also talking about how maybe some of the movies that he's making are not doing that great. Yeah, Green Lantern. You said it, Karin, not me. Yes, he did say that. We didn't say that.

Brutal. Green Lantern sucked. See? I knew it. I knew that he had rubbed off on you a little bit. Yes, I figured you cannot avoid getting infected by some of Deadpool's irreverence. It's contagious, baby. Now you got me thinking some fresh stuff I want to say.

What else did he do that was crazy maniacal? He doesn't eat lunch. Wow. He brings his own lunch. Okay, so it's like the times that most people want to eat, he won't eat? Yeah. It's like we would work, and they'd call for lunch, and he'd be like, nope. Funny lunchbox?

Hello Kitty lunchbox? Exactly. Babies? Yeah. Like for babies? Yeah, yeah, nope. Funny lunchbox? Hello Kitty lunchbox? Exactly. Babies? Like for babies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, baby girls. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. From Japan. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Imagine? And then what's he got in there? Funny food, Go-Gurt. Sunscreen.

Sunscreen. Good stuff. He's really sensitive on his thing. A lot of stuff that squirts out and you can kind of go like oops probably 90 funny 90s capri sun um boku yeah he's the big juice box yeah he's doing some richard lewis riffs yeah capri sun Yeah, probably got Squeeze It. It's all stuff that blasts out everywhere. So he can squeeze it and be like, this never happens. You know? Yeah.

I'm sorry. I usually don't blow it that fast. My load, that is. Yeah. Yeah. That's an exact quote. Yeah. It's like you get such a sense of the man.

And that's something that most movies don't give is people are occupying this role they're not being themselves what i love is deadpool is not scared to be himself yeah my only fear was that he is so he loves anarchy so much that he could very well invade the theater, smash the screen, or invade this very podcast. That didn't happen at your screening? Well, I had my eyes closed for a good deal of it, so it may have. And is it also possible that he introduced the movie and that you were outside waiting for your glass? It is possible he kept moving the glasses.

That's very interesting. Well, because we know that he's actually the glasses that's very interesting that he well because we know that he's actually the one that did the tweet and since he loves anarchy and chaos that he would find the actual tweet yes please i don't think it's gonna get us anything but yeah i mean is that a real question because you seem to be doing it already. And my answer would be, let's at least discuss it. Okay. Because I just don't know if the, I mean, the fact that it had the word brewski in it. I don't think it did. Oh, okay.

So it's less interesting. It's less interesting than what I said. But now I'm just so fucking curious. Okay. As a counterpoint, I personally am not very curious what that tweet says, but I would love to hear from other people in the room. Karin, do you have an opinion on whether he should find the tweet? And he is looking for it now.

I feel like it's too late to give up at this point. And Engineer Ryan? What's my opinion on this? Yes. Yeah, let's find it. Okay. Engineer Ryan. Okay, Engineer Ryan, do you want to say why? Yes, this will be a good way to use the time that it takes for

Sean to find this tweet. I am nowhere near this tweet. Engineer Ryan. Are you on the Arclight Twitter? No. Ah, yes. You found it. Nope. Oh, yeah.

This is really not very good. Okay. Checking out at Deadpool tomorrow night? Head to the bar. God damn it. That's what I did. Head to the bar and receive this souvenir glass with purchase of beer. Deadpool.

Oh, this is good. This is what I was showing everyone. It's a poster and it says, Deadpool, this is what awesome tastes like. That doesn't sound like Deadpool tweeted that. Deadpool on draft. And then it says says while supplies last. It should have said while supplies last. No, it says while supplies lasts.

Oh, that's funny too. Yeah. That's Deadpool then. Misspeaking. It's funny when people get their plurals wrong. And then you guys don't want to know about the participating locations, do you? Brian. Yeah, I'd like to know. Okay, Culver City, La Jolla, Chicago, Bethesda, and Hollywood.

Very selective. Yeah. That glass is going to be worth a lot. You spend any time in Bethesda, Karin? I can't say I have. So close to DC. Now, did you have a picture of the glass before you went to find it? Well, what I had a picture of was Deadpool with his fist around the glass. He's holding it, and I'm thinking, imagine that's me. And the mistake I make is thinking that the glass is making him look cool when really he's making the glass look cool. Right. Oh, yeah. Right.

So here I am, the same fucking jabroni I was last week, and I just got a glass that I saw look cool next to Deadpool. Instead of I'm being like Deadpool. I feel more like him. I feel less like him because it's so clear how different it is when I'm holding the glass than when he did. I'm not going to cry. Your eyes are pretty watery.

Welling up, yeah. Yeah. But I don't think that qualifies as crying. Right. I think that's just having a few tears. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you have this? The tweet that I saw? It says this participating location. It does make a cool noise when you pour it in there. Yeah, there's something special about it. Should I have done that next to the mic? No, I think it came through. Okay.

And I don't want you to have to drink that really fast. You don't want me to chug this whole Oh, Hayes doesn't think I can chug a whole glass of water, everybody No, I was just saying I think you can do it But I was saying that I don't want you to Because I think You think he thinks I don't have the fucking stones

I think you will probably try to go too fast And make a mess Oh, please Oh, please. Oh, he's doing it. He's taking a lot of pauses, but it's happening. I can't watch. It looks like it hurts. Almost done.

Yes. Yes. Wow. And now listen to this pour. Is somebody else going to have to drink that one? I can't have any more today. How do you feel? So good. What's one more Deadpool story?

All right, do you actually have him on your phone? Only email. Okay. Yeah, he doesn't believe in texting. What's his email address? I can't share that. Come on, that's got to be funny. Probably has 69 and 420 in it. It's RyanReynolds at Hotmail.com.

And is that a joke? Is that a joke on Ryan Reynolds? Yeah. Being a hot male? Yeah. Oh, there we go. I didn't even put that together. Oh, my God.

There's a lot of stuff that you have to see it again to figure out. Yeah. Like when he says like that came out wrong or something, you have to go watch it again to be like,

why did that come out wrong? And then the second time you realize it's because it was gay. Oh, okay. Did you not get that the first time? Karin's not picking up on that.

He doesn't know what you mean. I have no idea, yeah. When he's like, I'm so mad at you, I'm going to get inside you. And then he's like, that came out wrong. And then I'm like, why was that? Yeah, that seems like a reasonable threat. Right. And then I have to watch it again and be ready for it,

be anticipating it and listening into it, remembering that it is coming out wrong. Well, and that's why I'm excited for the Blu-ray so that I can pause and I can pause. Pause. I can pause and dissect moments that maybe are whipping past me. Now, he makes a lot of jokes, Karin. Right.

And some people will say that some of the things he's joking about, that's inappropriate. Don't go there. That's over the line. But for me, I think that you can't really put boundaries like that on humor, and you should be able to joke about anything. Do you agree that anything can be a joke?

I think if Deadpool says it, it can be, yeah. Do you think he could have made even more jokes if he used a humor technique that I've learned through listening to some of these other podcasts they do on the network? Oh, I'm so curious.

What's the technique? So let's – I'm going to give an example. Okay. So what's a topic you might not want to make a joke about? Say abortion clinic. Abortion clinic. Yeah, that's over the line, right? You can't make a joke about that.

Like – but check this out. Urberschen Clinic. Now it make a joke about that. But check this out. Urberschen Klinik. Now it's a joke. And literally anything is a joke as long as you just sort of say it in a goofy way. I didn't think that was very funny. Well, Deadpool's not doing it. We've established the difference between Sean and Deadpool. Yes.

Got it. That's been a focal point of the discussion. So what you're supposed to be doing as you're checking it out is imagining what Deadpool would do. And it's Deadpool. With humor techniques like that. Got it. So the technique, just to be clear, is just a silly voice.

Well, minimizing it. But it's also, I think, pronouncing a word in a way that's stupid. Right. Sure. I guess that makes some people laugh. Some popoloof, you know, like you do that. You just completely changed the words. Well, it's not, changed the words well it's not

that's another it's not even the same right but it had been said close enough like you know what i'm doing and now we're and now we're cracking up would you want a deadpool movie where everyone just talks like that the whole time admittedly i'm not the best at it i'm glad you realize but i but i know that it is a rich vein for comedy. And I have gotten a good amount of mileage off mispronouncing things. But there's people who've taken it to an even greater level. And what I'm saying is that's out there for us. Right.

If Deadpool were here, you would hear rich vein. And I guess you would maybe do something with like Rich is like short for Richard which could be like Dick and so like a Dick Vane ha see? so maybe we just stick with what works

with Deadpool I'm not saying this doesn't work rather than acknowledging that anything could be a joke. Exactly. Right. Okay. But like maybe we just let him work a little harder. So

only thing, okay, and then harder and it would be like a hard dick. So only things that can sound like they could be about a dick can be a joke to you and to me I'm going like, let's find some of these sacred cows and let's make them sucred coos. Yeah, let's not do that.

You don't like it. Okay. Well, we have to try sometimes to know if something doesn't work. So on the topic of what else you want to see Deadpool do, what do you want the sequel to be about? Oh, gosh. Could he be kicking butt and fucking?

Again, sure. That's it. More of the same. None of my other superheroes that I like fuck. Yep. None of them get busy. I don't see them. None of them...

Drill in a chick. None of them seem to even be hor't see them. None of them. Drill in a chick. None of them seem to even be horny. Yeah. Which is fake. They're not horny. It's fake. It's fake. I'm sorry.

You don't get big, ripped up, cut up muscles like that if you don't want to employ your horniness. None of them come. Right. Which is unsafe. None of them ever right which is unsafe none of them ever say when something came out wrong oh yeah

you'd have monster blue balls if you're friggin Cyclops yeah Beast Beast's balls

already blue and that's something Deadpool would have something to say about Nightcrawler probably Mystique yeah also. Mystique. Also blue. Mystique's blue.

So like, think about it, man. Yeah. I love talking comics with my comic friends. Remember when we weren't allowed to have friends that liked comics and we had to be alone? Yeah, the 80s. Yes. Mm-hmm.

Pre-nerd... Nerds taking the throne. I love having the throne. Do you feel like Deadpool maybe is almost betraying comic culture because he's not a nerd, because he is so badass? I mean, I feel like that's why the Punisher never caught on. I never saw that. Never saw that movie. I'm not talking about the movie.

Oh, it's a comic. Talking about the character. Oh, I knew that. Yeah, I know all about that. Well, he was a little too self-assured, I think. A lot of what I like in superheroes is they doubt themselves like I do. And just to point out another thing about the putter, sure. I never saw him bust a nut.

No, I don't know where he finishes. I never saw him bust a nut. No, I don't know where he finishes. I never saw him grab two juicy melons. Not even one. No, that's true. I never saw him checking out a butt. And so it's kind of hard for me to wrap my head around what motivates this guy. Yeah, what kind of butt is he

into? Yeah. I assume a sweet one, but I don't know until I actually see it on screen. What kind of butt is he into? That came out wrong. Oh my god, it's Deadpool! Deadpool's invading the podcastading the podcast you came into the

podcast i came to visit i came to visit my friend darpinder i was balls deep in a latte down the street and i thought why don't i visit my little friend from the taxi cab okay hello darpinder hi mr pool hey darpinder yeah i want to apologize for calling you my little brown friend in the movie. Just kidding. No, I don't. You kill me. I thought it was funny, and I'm glad I did it. I'm scared.

Oh, Mr. Poole, this is Sean. He's your biggest fan. Hi, I love a lot of your stuff. I have your glass and your figurine. You have my stuff, huh? Why did you get me into Kate Upton's bra? Oh, my God. I'm sorry, clarify?

You have my stuff. That came out wrong. Oh, this guy. No, hold on. Wait, what do you mean? No, what do you mean? Okay, yeah, but then what was the Kate Upton's bra thing? What did that mean? I'd like to get into Kate Upton's bra thing? What did that mean?

I'd like to get into Kate Upton's bra. So why, how did that come off you have my stuff? I'm horny. She doesn't stuff. I can't help my sexual urges. Yeah, but that's fine. Everyone is horny. But what I'm saying is that didn't make any sense.

It's another. You said you have my stuff. Why didn't you get me into Kate Upton's bra? It's another thing that I want to see. I get it. No! I don't think you do. Then you explain it, Karin. Deadpool, shut up

for a second. What did he mean? You know, he wants to get up in there. Of course, yes. Yes, he wants to get up in there of course yes yes he wants to get up in there because he's gonna so do you so do i so does engineer ryan but we wouldn't say that off of you have my stuff he wants to get into her stuff good okay and if i said get into her stuff then that would make sense but i said i have your stuff he said you have my stuff why didn't you get me into kate upton's bra what is deadpool you want to talk

again i'm just i'm thinking about tits oh this guy what are you guys talking about we're talking about new comedic techniques for you hashtag winninghtag winning. Oh, yeah. Hashtag tiger blood. I can't stay mad at you. Boom. Do you guys have any questions for me? Sure. Did you ever see Green Lantern, Mr. Poole? I did see Green Lantern.

I'm trying to make up a sexual turn to this. Take your time. Just give me one second and you guys talk about something else. Okay. It's going to be 75 degrees. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I did see a Green Lantern in the Hulk's pants. Ha!

That fucking rules. That was awesome. Man, I didn't expect it to be that good. Give me another one. Okay. Hang on. I must have something to ask him. Something that seems like it would be difficult for me to make into a conversation about a dick.

Abortion clinics. Ur-bersion clinics? Oh, it works. make into a conversation about a dick uh abortion clinics abortion clinics i should have trusted you that was amazing smells like honey boo boo's pussy in here oh my god um amer America runs on Duncan. Okay. Give me five or six minutes. Yes, give me five minutes. Okay.

I really do almost have something. Yeah, no, I know. I just have to think of somebody named Duncan who's famous, not Duncan Trussell, famous, not Duncan Trussell. And then it's going to be like America runs on that person,

Duncan something's dick. Right, okay. And I don't want to tell you how to do your job. America runs train on Tim Duncan. Is that not good? I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but I would say that there's got to be something in the area of

Dunkin' Donuts makes like coffee and tea, and dunking your balls in somebody's mouth is teabagging. That's teabagging them? Yeah. So like hashtag teabag. Great. Okay, so we've got the punchline yeah but what's before that yeah america runs on duncan my balls in your mouth hashtag tea bag oh yes yes give me more more this is the only thing i like to do hugh jackman hugh jackman yeah that one's right there

for us right yeah there we go there's so many to do with that i almost think if we really start digging in yeah between huge jacked man jacking off uh it's all too much. That came out wrong. Yeah, exactly. And I know that he's Wolverine because I know I'm in a movie. Okay. It's kind of my thing. I love, yeah, acknowledging. But so what if I just said Gesundheit? Let's say Darpinder sneezed, and then I go, gazoon tight.

Gazoon tight? The gazoons in Kate Upton's bra are making my pants tight. It works? Yeah, that really- See, and so now you know what the other one was about. Okay, so the first one was all setting us up- For this callback. for this callback later. It was a call forward in a way.

Wow, that's satisfying. Unconventional narrative structure. It's kind of my thing. So I just have to ask, were you the one who kept hiding this glass from Sean when he went to the arc lab? Oh, yeah. I had a story that was long but long.

I've got a story that's long in my pants. I'm sorry. Did you actually want me to pay attention to what you were saying? No. But yeah, if you hid the glass, I had trouble getting the glass. I haven't hid the glass but I've played Hide the Salami.

Gets old after a while no it doesn't I guess I'm done with it I guess I'm done with it that's what I said after playing hide the salami yeah but I just meant the like your thing you're doing I said after playing hide the salami. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

But I just meant the, like your thing you're doing now. Yeah. I'm saying I'm finished enjoying it. And I know that you can make that about being done having sex or whatever it is. Or jerking off. Yep. That's. We, yeah. And we hit a real peak at one point.

Yeah, the call forward. That was great. Yeah. Hit a peak at one point. Yeah, and that's coming or climax. Yeah, or the peak, I guess, could be like a boner. Like a boner. Rest is a mountain peak or something.

That's fair, too. A boner is like a mountain as well. Okay. In my pants. All's fair too. A boner's like a mountain as well. In my pants. Oh, right. We're just going to, I guess, wrap up here. I'm going to go jerk

off. Okay. At a certain point, I'm concerned just because the compulsion to tell me that either you... I'm ready to come. ...can't jerk off, like that's an option for me. They're like, that's why you need to tell me so much.

Yeah. That it's what you do, or it's like jerking off for you is all about having told me you were going to, and that's the only way you can enjoy it. Who's this asshat? Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, Karin, thank you so much for coming in. you were going to and that's the only way you can enjoy it who's this asshat yeah alright well um thank you so much for coming in

thank you so much for coming in I'm sorry about your friend Deadpool no this is a lot it's a lot Hayes also had to leave he didn't say goodbye but he did leave the studio but it was really great

having you. I think we taught people a lot about Hollywood. Sorry, I had to leave for a second. I just saw Deadpool outside, so I guess Deadpool was here for a little bit. Was he jerking off? I saw him kind of trying to jerk off.

And being kind of mad. He was kind of like petting his crotch area. Sort of trying to figure off and being kind of mad. He was kind of like petting his crotch area, sort of trying to figure it out. Yeah. Yeah, you didn't miss a lot. And he seemed upset. It's hard to tell because of his mask,

but he's able to really convey a lot of emotions even though he can't make facial expressions. He wears a red suit. I hide the blood. So, you guys, this was fun.

Can't wait for Dead Tool? Dead Tool. Yeah, it's out there now. And also, just, it's been great catching up. Everyone, I mean, probably most people know Karin as Kevin from Bad Friends.

Right. The famous pilot presentation. Yes, the seven-minute pilot presentation. That you wrote. Yeah, from a few years ago. That we still have hopes for. We haven't heard an official pass on that. It's been two years.

It's been two years. And I think they maybe are waiting for the right moment to spring it on society. But I don't know about that. That was great. You should move on. I think that was great working with you on that. And then no, I don't want to get tied up in something else because what if they call me and go, now we want to do it. So I do have to keep myself open. But anyway, is there – are we doing a pro version? Yes, but we have to do it from trying to remember somebody. Okay. Number one Chiba Hawk?

Number one Chiba Hawk. Karin's going to give you some advice on how to smoke bud. All right. Put some Netflix on. Get in your couch, literally in your couch, and just rip it out. Uh-oh. And that's going to help you. So like us on Facebook.

Rate us on iTunes. rate us on iTunes, write us some nice reviews, and don't be afraid to talk to each other on the forums. And go watch Deadpool, come on. And go see Deadpool, baby. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby. That was a HeadGum Podcast.