Hollywood Handbook - Demi Lardner and Tom Walker, Our Sick Friends

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

The Boys talk to DEMI LARDNER and TOM WALKER about Demi's new show, and make one of them physically ill in the process.Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast This is a headgum podcast. This is a gross out show now. It's all my gosh. It's going to have to be. I mean, with with, with, uh, with these two on it. I mean, like, no offense. Like, whatever.

I, I'm not a huge fan of body horror in like the, the movies that have been. been trending lately. I like it even less in just a couple I know. You know what I mean? Like it's even it's even less appealing to me when it's just like you appear to want to like transmogrify yourselves in some way that's going to gross me out. Yeah, I think what I would do is something that I was thinking that would be cool to do is put Tom under a really, really heavy anesthetic and then install a zip in the front of his body and then wait until it completely heals and then when it's healed then I take him out of the coma and then I walk up to him and unzip it be like ha gotcha this is exactly this is what a great example of exactly what I was

thinking of yeah not not something I want but wouldn't that be like that clip would go so good for you guys to get that and you're like on the in the grid being like oh oh Oh, no, that's just wrong. But it'd have to be a clip because the full episode would be so long. You know what I mean? So it's like a clip, if people go,

hey, I like this clip, maybe I'll go check out the show and then they're bored to tears. It's so much with just Tom in a coma healing. Yeah, well. I think you guys would make that fun. I guess, yeah, we can vamp a little bit.

We could riff. Can a rift. Boy, coma's all. funny word, isn't it? I love, oh, my God. Coma. Yes. I love riffing, by the way.

It is so much fun to me to riff. Let's, before we just like launch into like start riffing, if that's what you're like actually pitching doing, can we like if that was a real pitch, like if that was an actual pitch. I can't tell with you guys. If it was just a bit, then fine. But if that was an actual pitch, you were making. It's the time difference. And it's also just like there's.

there's a cultural thing happening I don't know ever whether you're actually suggesting something or whether you're and you wouldn't say this but you have some version I guess of taking the piss are you taking the piss

would we say taking the piss I yeah I reckon there's a there's a chance we could maybe do you say that yeah do you do y'all say that I think like mucking about drinking the piss

mucking about, mucking about, I can't always tell if you're mucking about or not. But as you were saying, let's not get into the riffing immediately if that was even a real suggestion. I'm happy to get it started, but I do think we should all sort of weigh in on like what we're each proposing to have this episode not, just to go differently, just to be a little better than what happened last time. Maybe we could all make a promise to each other, right? I'm happy to jump in and say what I... One of our behaviors. What would benefit me for this episode? And then everyone else is free to say, like,

how I can contribute to help their experience go better than last time. For me... That's a really cool idea, Hayes. And I'm happy to get it started just because, like, I'm the one who brought it up and, like... Well, why don't you get us started? I just jump in and get it started. If I could jump in here, why don't you get us started and, you know, give us a sense of, you know, we'll all have a good, I think, roadmap then to what, I don't know what you guys would call that, but to sort of say, to sort of see like how we can then structure our feedback and make kind of a promise maybe to everyone else in the Zoom about what the episode is not going to feature from any of us.

And everyone is free to react. It's just like one thing this goes without saying, I think we just should let each other talk. Because none of even the discussion of the promises we're making, none of this is going to work if we're not letting each other talk. I mean, it like it seems obvious to me, but I do feel like that it has to be said. And it seems like it has to be said. I'm with you. I would say like I and I agree we should let each other talk. At some point that Sean was brandishing a knife.

Yeah. And I think brandishing is kind of brand. Whoa. He was doing a brandishing to you. Hey, yeah. Hey, don't speak to my fucking man like that. Okay.

Right. Yeah. You do not. You know he was never seen. He was brandishing. You'll know. You'll know when he's brandishing at you. Okay.

It was clearly, I don't know. But it was brandishing in a way that I couldn't. Okay. Okay. He was holding the knife. He was moving it in a way that I couldn't if he was looking at me as a threat or if he was looking at the camera

to see what moves he was doing. Everyone thinking they're somehow being threatened. You're like a billion miles away from me. You're inside a little screen. What do you think I'm able to do with this knife? It's flattering, honestly, at this point. Everyone is so scared. Other Tom did the, like literally the exact same thing.

And about the knife as well. Also, and that's Tom Coddy. was like totally insane about when Sean picked up the knife and started holding it not literally just holding it he was making me the sounds he was making the sounds the brandishing sounds he was going shahsha he was going shah brandish on ABC Brandish on ABC Brandish on ABC family brandish on a no we don't we don't we don't have you don't you don't Yeah, sorry. That one is the one I do.

Just sending my wife's a picture, this Roach. Demi is charging away because she's scheduled a delivery for this time, I think. Or maybe she's doing something else. Harriside looking good, Tom. I know there's no complimenting you in front of Demi because then I have to like. She'll intercept, yeah. yes like to give her a nicer compliment on the side of her hair but it's looking clean doggy thanks man i just got a i just got a haircut yesterday hairside looking a lot of people have been

talking about hayes haircut being good too tight i wish he opened up if i could get those hair sides on like you can't see the back but that's all i really got going on is the back if we could find some guy that has a good other side and front. Yeah. Sean left too. I took a picture of this roach for my wife that wandered into my office here. And because I've seen, this is now the third one I've seen.

In the past like month, like they're not everywhere, but I'm like something is happening where they're here. I don't have like food in here or anything. So I don't know what is happening. Should we talk about the time of it all? Sorry, just while we, I mean, I want to take advantage of like the, like, this moment that we have to actually like, I mean, like, when else are we going to talk about just like the Demi of like the whole. I think we might look. And to just to put a point on it, I think we might be in for a bit of a longer time without Demi because she has charged off holding her stomach and moaning. So I think, I think. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You said she scheduled the delivery. I don't know.

Wait a minute. She's moaning and holding her stomach? Charred off. Is she holding her stomach and moaning? I don't think she's pregnant. Not anymore. Happy to be surprised. But she is, I believe she may be undergoing some kind of some kind of fun clip for us.

What a massive body horror clip. A sort of I didn't know I was pregnant episode. Yeah, we can probably get that happening in the, the back of the shot here. But yeah, I'm... The knife is... The knife is... Back shots.

You're like back of the shot here. So let's say... Let's say Demi... You're right. Let's say Demi does come back. Sure. Left it wide open. Let's say Debbie does come back.

my thing is like we have these couples on right we had lily and dude we and you guys fun thing in the thing right i'm sure like Dave and Allison have certainly been making the rounds would love them to find their way to my door at some point right kind of all I mean these people are addicted to promo you see the photo of me with them Hayes no oh Kevin you gotta show them this pick

did you send it to us hang on speaking of Dave and Allison you guys are gonna like this this is a good so they even did promo they even took a picture with Sean yeah this is good

this is good this is a good one hang on so you know I don't know how well you can see but oh yeah Nice. God forbid I find the lens.

You know what I mean? This is the premiere of their movie. And I'm just looking right down the barrel of the camera, giving them a big smile. You mind if someone in the second row kind of bowls out for a second here? Oh, my God. What if it's me and Dave are in the movie together? Do you ever think about that? Yeah.

That's just, that's just, Demi. The sky. Debbie, we were, oh, my God, Demi! They didn't like when it was just me. They didn't. Nope. I, I'm sweating a lot, and I threw up.

And I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. This is on the episode that they started off saying they didn't want it to be the gross episode. I know. sorry guys just not quite our humor but you know it happens we have a lot of these

how about it but when she maybe next time when she bends over the toilet to throw up I can get in some back shots Jesus Tom what the fuck are you talking about is that no why are you bringing that up totally unprompted and maybe hopefully when I bend over the toilet and I throw up

and I get some back shots maybe the wiener can come out of my mouth the whole way said that then he could piss into the toilet. Yeah, what about... I'm gonna fucking throw up again. Now you'll be taking the piss, yeah. Why did she open by saying she's sweating a lot? Yeah, that seems less interesting than the vomiting.

Now, that I actually... I'm sweating a lot, but it's like, I'm not gonna talk about it because it's just a little warm inside my stuffy garage. So people have, just to point it out, people have weighed in on the past when we've had... someone eating a single potato chip on the podcast or taking a sip of water. People will say I have a sensitivity to that. Yes. Like, please do not do that again. Yeah. Yes. No one has weighed in so far. I thought of that too. I decided not to. No, I'm not going to do it either. I'm not

going to do it either. But no one has made their views explicit, uh, pro or con on somebody audibly throwing up, uh, just out of frame in a way that I can hear on another continent. I'm not, so I'm guessing the mic is probably picking it up as well. I'll just kind of, I'll just kind of keep my, keep the old. finger on the moot button here has this been going on all day tom or this just started just now this started right now uh okay yeah and maybe we can circle back to the notes i don't know maybe we're is it like all this stuff with the show tom like is that what this is or we like

is the show too stressful is it's just taken over huh i think demi has a thing where uh you know which a lot of us do us creatives where she's actually and she had just this checked out by immunologist, she's allergic to praise. Yeah, yeah. And the poor thing, she's been getting so much of it with the release of, well, you hate to be patronizing but her little show.

Yeah. But that's what it is, right? Yeah. It's hers, which is great. And it's little. That's little. God damn, if it's not a show. It's teeny types. Sorry, just going to mute. If it helped,

If it helps, Tom, we were not praising the show, would she get really sick? This action, this could just be really good. They weren't saying anything positive. I think there's been a misunderstanding. And if that's what's causing this, then just let her know, we weren't planning on it at all. I wasn't even thinking about checking it out. I think she would have to be running maybe the highest fever in recorded human history to think that you guys were saying something positive, unguardedly positive about the show.

So that's not a problem. Don't worry about that. Yeah. About that little show. Mm-hmm. I've been seeing you doing some interviews like with some of the bakers on the baking show. And it seems like it's unauthorized. It is.

I host the Great Australian Bakehold. This guy went off. He's a wall. I'm a Maverick. I went off script and I went, you know what? What if I make my own social media content with these bakers? What if I actually use them to wear my whistle,

get, you know, three to five followers? Probably the biggest opportunity you've ever gotten, and then you're just going to go ahead and immediately start breaking the rules. They don't want a bad boy on this kind of show. No,

but they need one. And I'm more than happy to give them what they need. They need one. K-N-E-A-D. yeah that's right they're baking and look who's back shots it's my wife she's demi Debbie Debbie you look terrific so proud of the show you honestly if I didn't know that you just finished throwing up three or four times

I would have no idea really you're glowing positively glowing I know me I go through something like that I look like hell no you know a lot of times I won't even get back on the podcast Mike right away

a lot of times that makes sense yeah but you don't think I'm too pretty to be successful at comedy there right Demi you're in you are a sweet The game has changed Demi you know like the creator

They don't put everyone in a box anymore. Oh, you're the goofy neighbor. Oh, you're the leading man with stubble. They just go, oh, you know what? The daddy gang. Everybody's just a person. It's a daddy gang. It's a person, Demi.

Think about daddy gang. Hang on. I'm going to think about daddy gang. What? Oh, my. What? I don't know. What?

No, I'm thinking about it. They don't have daddy gang. What's daddy gang? We don't want it. Hey, hey, you don't worry about it. We don't need you to have daddy gang. They probably call it peepaw game or something like that. They got some other fucking word for this shit.

Everything. We're switching every damn word. Do we feel okay now that we're all here? Do we feel okay getting back into the conversation about? Demi, can I say something? Obviously, no one's ever planning on becoming violently ill. Yeah. But what a day to be wearing a towel.

We were talking before the show started about how you're clothing was actually sort of a towel poncho. It's a towel poncho, yeah. You could not have drawn it up better in terms of an outfit to have when you're going through what you're going through, which is we got some tummy trouble. You can just smear yourself on the seat afterwards. I can smear myself. I can spread myself. I can have a mess parade. I can do, I can base, you know, do you know what I mean?

And it's fine because of the town. I wish I didn't, but yeah. Yeah. Hollywood Handbook. Ever feel like managing your business finances is a full-time job on top of your actual full-time job? I haven't, but I know a lot of people do feel that way. But I can even like at home, I can hear them being like, yeah. Oh, yeah, I feel like that.

But, like, I don't think they actually do. I haven't felt that way. It's a great question for the audience because I hear about people. feeling that way all the time. For me, I guess my actual full-time job feels like a full-time job. Right. And then managing my business finances, I guess also feels like a full-time job on top of your full-time job. So I guess it is exactly the feeling. Yeah, I guess as I break it down, I think I read it wrong or maybe I just answered too fast. Well, I did, I mean, I also did until I started using Found. Found is a business banking platform that

lets you effortlessly track expenses, manage invoices, and prepare for taxes. So should I say I don't feel that way anymore because I have found? You should say I made kind of a meal out of saying I don't. You should say I did feel that way. I did feel that way. Yeah. Or I mean, yeah, me, yeah, I felt that way until I started using found. You can even set aside money for different business goals and control spending with

different virtual cards. Yes, that part. And now, but you shouldn't say me too to that. What do you mean? That, well, I'm like, in my head of. like shouldn't he say me too to that also but like that's not you like you should i shouldn't say hey i've got virtual like i shouldn't tell them anything about virtual cards that i'm doing i don't think so i don't think i'm going to do anything with virtual cards today i've saved so much

money because found helps me identify tax writeoffs and i've saved so much time that i can now devote to chasing new opportunities and doing the work i enjoy found money found money but that was a good place to say me too i do that too and i do it as well oh and by the way other small businesses are loving found too yeah as and so am i this found user said found is going to save me so much headache it makes everything so much easier expenses income profits taxes invoices even it saves money too it doesn't just save headache and found has 30,000 five-star reviews just like this we use it to manage our finances for our job and you should too yeah open a found account for free

at F-O-U-N-D.com found as a financial technology company not a bank. Banking services are provided by Pyrmont Bank, member FDIC. Don't put this one off, join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances will found. And I have two. So I'm just going to

jump back in to like starting the dialogue that we were discussing earlier. Because you were going to kick us off with that, weren't you? I'm happy to be the one to do it to just jump in. And everyone else is free to way in as well. I'm literally just speaking to just like get the dialogue

going. Sure. I would love to and this is actually becoming more relevant by the second so I'm like really glad we're having this conversation. Like I feel like there's a reason this stuff is kind of surfacing right now. Can you actually not talk to each other? Can you not ask her if she's doing a girl and talk to please? Don't

offer water. Don't sort of comfort her like that. Yeah. Just neither of us have a partner in our Zoom screen. I'm so it's making me still like insanely jealous. Yeah, and just please don't rub my back like you're doing and trying to make me feel better okay, because it's like is distracting for other people.

Yeah, but just disrespectful to us. That's my bad. Some of us who have never had our backs rubbed. Oh. Oh, no. Yeah. Back rubbs. I'm always rubbing everyone else's back. Yeah. But I'm at the

very end of the massage train, as it were. What? What, Tom? Like rub one out on rub one out on their backs or something. Like, is that what it is, just like rub their, if that's what it is, just let me know.

Did you become obsessed with? You keep talking about this all episodes? Just trying to fit in, sir, just trying to fit in. Mm-hmm. One, like,

like, like the thing that's kind of like, and sort of percolating for me is this question of like, fit in what? Just trying to. Is that what it is, Tom? Is it like fit in like what,

Tom? The busy or whatever. Like, I want to fit in the back. I want to fit in the back. Yeah. I want to. Yeah.

Percolating in what some kind of fucking wet hole. Some kind of something. Just let me know. Just let me know if that's what we're doing. He's trying to have a constructive, you know, communication session where we kind of lay out some ground rules for the episode that make it enjoyable for everyone. Provided we're actually able to like let each other talk, which like I tried to establish. If we had gotten to start, I don't know if you would have mentioned it explicitly, but I think implied would have been, we don't throw up all over the show. We don't.

Right. We don't throw up all over the episode. It didn't think we need to. It's different than last time. It is different than last time, but not in the way that we were hoping. And I guess we will going forward have to be like, and we don't throw up when we're doing the show. Like, that's not something we do on the show. We come on the podcast when we're feeling the picture of health.

Yeah. is just like go throw up. We scheduled a delivery. The first thing he said was she scheduled a delivery. Is that what you were throwing up? And it was delivering the contents of her stomach to the bottom of a toilet bowl. Well, there was kind of a perfect storm where, you know, our buzzer was ringing and then Demi was throwing, it was like charging off.

And I was like, oh, she's going to sort of the buzzer. That's not what the perfect form was like at all. That's literally not. If you've seen it, they're outside the whole time for one. so nobody's ringing a buzzer there was a different release over here and there was a guy

ringing a buzzer in a lot of it yeah probably yeah it might have been a bell ringing on the ship storm ahead goodbye baby

go lay down boing bling bling go lie down and just can't resist just like giving directions and let me guess

by the way the buzzing here's how I would do it baby just have fun in the space okay just find your fun in the space okay i love you giving notes so okay oh and that's supportive

like like always has to involve himself yeah and now and now when it goes well he's responsible doing it yeah and if it doesn't go well i'm so glad i could help you with that i could see that you're nervous off bro i just think that it's good for me to get in there and just help out. Sorry. Do we think, do we think she's coming back just like while we have this

the opportunity like, you know, like the dummy of it. Do we have a little more time to actually talk about this stuff? Yeah. Yeah, no,

I don't think she's coming back this time. I think she's probably done for this one. This one's, we were going to promote the roof is waving this one out. This time is personal. This is the third one in the franchise where things get dark.

Yeah. This is like we're going to as caban now. right yeah the kid is that the little kids have now become there these are yeah they've grown with the audience to the point where they can deal with some pretty adult themes yeah the good news is that she's not throwing up anymore the bad news is that the silence is asking more questions than yeah you'd think it's like oh good she stopped moving but it was it was nice to hear but it's not always good when it's not always good when your partner's top moving. It's often

bad. There's a couple versions of that that are something bad. Yeah. There's one, there's a good one, which is they're just so relaxed and comfy. Yeah. There's a couple other bad ones. Yeah. There's

a couple. Do you guys mind if you talk amongst yourselves for a second? No, she would not want you to do this, Tom. She would not want you to go. No, I know. She doesn't want me. She wouldn't want me so condescending. I know it's not

what you attend. Yeah, you're right. It's so patronizing. She's literally a whole ass grown up adult woman. And she was just fine before you came along. I know you think that little thingy between your legs is the end all be all that,

you know, solved her whole entire life for her. She was actually doing just fine. Well, and if you, if you, buzzer was ringing now before you again. I do. That's wrong. She wasn't doing fine at all.

She's still doing pretty bad. So sad. Wow. It's literally so sad to hear. That's what you think. You only have your own perspective and that can be a real handicap when it comes to understanding other people. So I'm just scared to think of how many of these notes I've already acted against. what i so well hey do you want to kick us off or do you want to talk about something else like yeah since i like might actually be able to talk now that she's gone yeah sorry the thing that i would like to bring up that has been messing up our episodes with couples and has been making everything so fucking weird because like we don't talk like it's just hanging over the whole thing we don't

talk about it is are they going to kiss or not yeah well they kiss during the the episode. And I don't care if you do. I don't care if you don't. I just want to know right now. But go ahead. I just want to know ahead of time

if it's going to happen. And I just want to say, especially with what's going on, I think it would be nice. Because she's probably feeling right now a little like untouchable. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like she grosses you out or something. judgment right where it's oh no he's not attracted me because i'm throwing up so much and that's a really low place to be you know and so for you to say i accept you in your womanhood in your personhood flaws and all in sickness and health eh and just and just lay a big deep smacker on there boy confidence soaring i wouldn't be surprised if it fucking cured or i and and on camera for everyone to see. You know, like, yeah, this is my partner. I'm proud of what we have.

Because Hay said, I don't care if you do. I don't care if you don't. I do care if you do. And I insist. Okay. Well, I guess I'll try and get her back up here. What I'll say is, Willie and Tim didn't. Some kissing voices, mate.

It was not. Oh, sorry. She's calling from the next room. What's that, babe? I don't know if he knows Lillian Tim. No, no, not right now, baby. we're still working something out, but they want me to kiss you. They want me to give you a big, deep kiss.

Make noises so that she, like, gets a taste of what it's going to be like, maybe. How the kiss would sound, yeah. Like, uh, oh, oh, uh, uh, mm-hmm. That's a really good kiss. Oh, you don't like that, Hayes? Yeah. But everyone's different. It was more, like, almost words.

Oh, she's falling silent. So either the kiss is done or Something else has happened You don't like that one? What would she yell at about? Her show? Yeah. She's always yelling about that thing.

Say the name of the show, something penis pump. Yeah. So you want to win a penis pump. So you want to win a penis pump. So you want to win a penis pump is the name of the show. It's a no I don't. Kevin. Can we just have the logo posted?

Actually, I don't. but specifically I want the one from Austin Powers yeah I'd want to win that piece of movie history yeah just a little piece of movie history most successful comedy's ever made I think this is the logo here

not that Kevin that's Tom no it's not it was Kevin Kevin Kevin if you don't if it's happening on this screen where you are the producer. It's you.

You're producing us. You're producing Tom. You're producing the show. And I think if someone is sick and throwing up on your show, it'd be nice if you actually went over there and went into the bathroom and sort of held her up, dangled her over the seat by the back of her shirt. The peas look a little strange in this word. Is that someone making a muscle upside down?

Thank you. Yeah, Demi? Check my texts. All right. it looks to me and that's just a good reminder for any of us yeah we have to be on our phone more

can you tell them can you tell then that my kiss sound would be a smek smek yeah smick smack smack smack smack

smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack I mean this is like a radio play of an orgy right now. This is... This is...

This is veritable mimetian. This is our most erotic episode yet, which you wouldn't have thought necessarily. You took the words right out of my mouth. I was simply here thinking this was memetian. Smec. Very memetic. Yeah, the peas do look like... Well, I need not say it.

The organ that dare not speak its name. I understand that that's the intention. It looks to me... I read this. I'm reading so you want to win a Cunus Cump. Okay, but that's... I had a similar issue. I didn't immediately

translate it. Right. And when I see something like that, like I actually could use a Cunus Cump. And so, like, to me, it's selling me something. I don't assume that you're not actually going to deliver on. I think it's a Canis Cump. And I do, which is, of course, Latin.

for hound yeah for hound cump so I go oh so you want to win a hound cump yes please which is something yeah you've been like saying you kind of need so for me

a cunus comp or even a canis cump you're that's something I need but what you're actually giving me is the thing that I literally need least of anything right you've got enough penis pumps of every single thing on the planet like literally the last at the bottom of a list of everything in the world

organized by whether I need it that penis pump from the show is on the bottom least useful thing to me possible could not even even less applicable to my current situation can we I don't know okay I can't even imagine what would be done with it can we no yeah I said quigg can we hear about It would be devalued instantly by me even being here. Is the one without a hat, not quigg? Quig. Quig, can we hear about the, uh, what your situation is?

Oh, right. Yeah, I'm going to tell you my situation. It's a fucking idiot. What a stupid asshole? Let me tell you, pal. We've already got one person throwing up at this show. Oh, hey. I was like, let me just tell you about my situation.

What the fuck? Sorry, I didn't realize it was like that. I did, well, I didn't know usually in conversations you like ask questions. Did you want to do the show? At some point, I must have, right? You asked me about the situation? Well, no, I just, I, the situation came up and I was like, oh, maybe I was reaching for, I'm a drowning man reaching for a rope, find out it's a

water snake, I don't know what, you know, you try and just look for something to talk about. Hang yourself, you're already drowning. I'm not trying to kill myself. Then why are you drowning yourself that

no, I'm not drowning myself. No, the rope would be to I'm desperate and so I'm desperate and then I see a rope and I think, well, anything's better than what I've got going on right now. So I'll use the rope to dry the water or something. Like, it's not, it's not that

dry, bro. I figured the rope is like attached to something, so I'll be able to pull on it. The ropes are going to be out as useful to you as a penis pump would be to haze or myself. Okay. Speaking of a rope. Could not act. It doesn't even

begin to express the uselessness. Of the penis pump. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that. So you want to win one and I just go, no, I don't. No, I don't.

Is that what I'm supposed to, is that how I'm supposed to react? If that's what I'm supposed to do, that's great. Just let me know because if I'm supposed to say, actually, no, I don't. Yeah. I'm going to show you guys the image that Kevin, this is the image that Kevin just sent to the group chat that's me and Demi and Kevin. so that's that's a picture of Bella Swan Kristen Stewart from Twilight lying in bed sick from her vampire pregnancy

and that's you and Demi and it's Kevin as well yeah yeah that's all that person is all three of you no I think he's saying that I think he's saying that that's Demi not everyone who drowns is trying to kill themselves

is there something about me is there something about me that you're like oh if this guy's in peril he's happy for honey honey it ain't about you I've spent no time trying to get inside your head yes not only is it not I probably can already see what's going on from the side of your head by the way not a damn thing of it is okay maybe Demi should change her name to semi

because that's how much of the episode she's done. Part of it. Think about that. Yeah, she's a guest, semi, semi-guessed. I don't know if she should be actually in the naming convention of the episode. Wow. I don't know if she should be. I don't know if she should be.

mentioned as being on this episode. And that's not something I want. Please don't strike my wife from the record. I am trying to set the expectations for our listeners in a reasonable way. And I think if we say that we've got Demi that like all the, you know, people who want a penis pump, not me by the way. Okay. That we thought they were going to tune in and hear their hero are going to be pretty

disappointed and I just don't want to deal with that kind of backlash because we've had people like wander in to episodes like I wish I hadn't said naming convention I wish I had said naming convention what well it wasn't it wasn't right it wasn't right I understood it and now I'm embarrassed that like I affirmed it so much no I mean it It was like, it sort of. I thought it was so good. That's really nice. Yeah, like you got to remember that when you shit on your idea,

you're also shitting on the people who backed it. Everyone's all the way to it, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the listeners who did like it and of the ones who didn't, keep it rings of yourself, keyboard warriors. But it's not like, you know, we've been so lucky to not even have to consider this in the past,

but we have, we have people wander in. It will, like, see outside, like, we, yes, we know the people outside the room as well. It's not just the people in the room that we're friends with. And so they'll wander in and, like, the show gets like a shot in the arm, like, new life injected to it from someone wandering in. Are we going to put that person in the naming convention? No. Oh, the episode?

Invention. Of course not. They wouldn't go in the naming convention. And we have had that shot in the arm from somebody wandering in. and really juicing up the show. This is not that. This is someone leaving the show. And completely taking the air out of the entire proceeding.

And sometimes that happens. Her presence has certainly felt more now. Yeah, I would say she's more present in this episode than any other one. Like, we're still talking about her. It's, it's Nolan-esque the dynamic of the, like, the, like, the, like, the, specter of the lost wife. Yeah, okay. Driving the character forward.

Is it not Nolan? It's me. It's Nolan-esque, yeah. It's an engine for the episode. Yeah. And maybe at the end we'll get her back and we'll give her a nice big kiss. It's the crucible through which the episode must pass. Nice big kiss.

Could it be a big... Big nice kiss I was feeling the same Hey big nice kiss You know what I mean Okay all right Nice big kiss I've seen A big big nice kiss

On a podcast episode Between a married couple Okay I can try and work that out for you Yeah What was the name of the church You got married in Oh well we didn't get married in a church

Sir We got married in a We got married in a place called the yeah sorry uh the vanguard in newtown which is a it's a it's a it's a it's a place that the uh shrek based burlesque show shrek lesk started and then outgrew um and so i'm supposed to think that it's like cool to like not get married in a church do you want what do you want me to say i whatever you want like i'm oh i'm scared i'm scared of you because you didn't get married in a church well we didn't get married in a church but we did we

we basically actually like paper married I'm like shivering I'm scared to you guys because you're so dangerous that actually does make sure it makes it feel dangerous yeah they're so punk rock they got married next to a van with a guard outside of it making

sure no one came in to try to stop the ceremony you want my hair to like stand on it like make my hair stand straight up I shiver I'm so scared who we got a guard because I met someone that didn't get married in a church God the hair

Someone's trying to steal the van. Nobody wants your fucking van. I didn't, I'm not in a van. We're not in a van. We just, we had, we literally said it was called the vanguard. The vanguard is like not, yeah, but that's not the, it's one word. It is a bar, basically. We got married in a bar.

It's hyphenated at the least, no? No, it's one word. Because the guard, so you had to, instead of a priest, you had a van. guard Hollywood Handbook Hollywood Handbook Can I just I just want to

like and this could totally be a coincidence it's just something I'm noticing it's like literally my job to notice things last episode we did Demi was in a room with us and

this is the first time I've seen the two of you sitting next to each other and she literally threw up instantly. Happy to answer this one. I stink so fucking bad, dude. So that's, that was like my neck.

We weren't in a room with you. Yeah. I was gonna like try and make it an unrelated question. And he was like, oh yeah. And just like something I thought of. Are you like, you like you stink like,

you like smell like. Like yucky poop or something? Like yeah. I mean, yeah. There's not really another better word for it. Me over here. I smell like poop took a shit

wow yeah hello and yeah and he and he did say that all right that was supposed to be a big laugh line

that's totally unfortunate working on the levels working on the levels yeah just we didn't get the all right that should be good my problem with it was it seems like if

it's my job to imagine things, so I'm like, well, if it's, have you got two jobs? If it's sticky when things not working out at the, when, noticing things factory? When a human does it, then maybe when people does it, maybe when I get on my, I get on my e-bike and I, I get on my e-bike and I notice things after a big job of, what's the e-bike doing in here? You know, it's like, it's like, it's like the side hustle. That's like your side gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He uses, he drives around. an e-bike, rides around an e-bike.

It's like a class, puts him in his big backpack. Like a class thing. I'm like a delivery guy and it's just like someone else you like look down. A class might be fun. Maybe you can learn how to ride that bike. Mm-hmm. No,

he's saying class. No, so I don't even know how to do it. Yeah. Like something you have like. I don't like to talk about that. There's like the bike people or whatever. There's me a TV show host.

Yay. My TV show host wife. And then there's the bike people I don't like to think about that barely even exist to me That's not my shoe Less significant than the roach that Sean took a picture of earlier in the episode

Descender's wife to say I did see one I do yeah but I do take photos of E-bike delivery drivers delivery riders whenever I see them I say Ugh Wish a cleansing rain would just wash all these away Yeah can we get someone to come in here And treat this area

Mm what are you going to say when they find out at the baking show about the penis pump show? I think that they have a healthy disinterest in literally everything that happens in my life. And I really appreciate that from them. I would at least. I think we should. run it a couple times just in case that changes in case you perform well enough that they start to take an interest right if they start to see is this a safe investment for us you think that's

maybe this guy quickly before we yeah before we re-reup this thing the the closest thing I got to a vetting was one of the producers told me they did um I believe they said uh I tried to listen to your podcast and I didn't get it and that was kind of the the closest we got to kind of them them looking into me I I would just love to write if you don't want to run it we don't I'd love to we could run it yeah that'd be great it's okay because that could change who's gonna be who who's the guy like who's the main guy like they I guess in in the UK they have Paul Hollywood and so is Is it, like, could you guys have a guy who's, like, named after?

Who's our Paul Hollywood? Yeah, I mean, well, the kind of analog to him is Darren Purchase over here in Australia. On the Great Australian Bakeoffs. Darren Purchase. Darren Purchase. Some of these wares. Darren Purchase. I go looking for me.

He's got a city name in there, no? Some of these wares are talking to me like, dare and purchase. It was really beautiful seeing you spot off. homonym and literally like lick your lips. Mm-hmm. You're like, that kind of sounds like something else. Here comes the hayst man. Extreme sports store.

They go, why are you here? Darren Purchase. Yeah. So the. And what's he like? Just like what's he like real quick? Give me a little bit of what he's like. Sure.

He's a, he's, he's an English man. He's, uh, he's very, I would say, cheerful. incredibly knowledgeable about about all types of banking and does he have a sound they had to send someone in from the home office

they couldn't let you guys had to let yourself they had to send someone from HQ we're not going to have no grownups we kind of respect an English accent greater than our own

right okay yeah does he have a boss does Darren have a boss yeah guess his boss is like the head of the network like um everyone's got a boss right who's the head of the network uh that'd be well the guy who oversees us is um Howard and then he's overseen by I believe a a shadowy oligarch um way up the top okay Howard yeah so Howard would be the person

who'd be you know we I think we need to look into this penis pump show I think that would probably be Howard. Well, yeah. Well, I think Darren's going to come to talk to you about it, right? Hayes? Yeah. It's Darren's going to be Howard for sure. Yes. Okay. Darren's going to go and then I'll be Howard and Howard will be there too.

Okay, great. I'll be I guess I could either be Tom or Natalie. I'm Tom most of the time, but okay, let me okay, so I just got to I just got to go. I got to go. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Bim Bim Could you come over here for a minute Bim Oh sorry Yeah I

Bim what are you Why are you ignoring Darren It's rude Are you busy or is it Like do you do you have Do you have something else you do you have a Something else you do you Because you're not responding

Would I say your name Yeah sorry no my um my my wife is just just getting some text from my wife about the health crisis she's in uh no yeah sorry she loves the written word huh i remember she wrote me a little note the last time that we were doing the show she really wants to communicate with the show through uh written every every means other than just sitting at the mic and actually talking and talking which is such a big part of podcasting these days she's multimedia yeah yeah no sorry um yes yes Bim here.

And I do think, by the way, I just want to like add like the go ahead. Thumbs up on not in the scenario. It, not correcting the name, your name is Bim from now on. Yeah. And in the scenario that Demi is throwing up, I think this is like, this is like good to work with what we have. Yeah. Yes.

I'm going to want to make this as real as possible. Bim How's the view from down there? Right? That must be cruel with how he said it But I don't quite understand the sentence itself But from the tone like a dog I can recognize that I've been crueled

Okay I should only I'm just going to find Darren again Sure Should only take a second Bim I was noticing that your

is it your wife is that where you you uh yeah what is it Bim sorry we both noticed this Darren we both noticed she's bisexual thank you

bisexual all right so is there a word for like for a wife but that who is that what's the bisexual word for wife Oh I'm just putting it together Bim

by man though I'm not you're the bye-bye man but it's B-I-B-I that's interesting so all right that's helpful don't make me think about the

bye-bye man again don't do that but Howard might do that yeah it's probably a fan sorry there's a groan coming from the next room oh so it uh it showed up on me feed

that your boss sexual that your boss sexual wife as a show called So you want to win a penis pump Let me just say this Bim No I don't

Oh Can I just say how I am No I don't Because we just add If there's one person on earth Who needs a penis pump Less than me and Sean If there is

It's Howard. Okay, yeah. And actually, can I take my reaction? I just would love the chance to take that reaction to the news that they've found out that Demi has that show. Could I just take that one more time? Let's get it again. Oh, I notice that your bisexual wife as a show called So You Want to Win a Penis Pump. What?

Okay, what do we think about that? Who? Interesting. She's behind your back making the show. Yes. Yes. that way I have plausible deniability I can leave her in the dust

this is gold that is so smart what I say no from the next room baby I'm working on my career this guy's got to deal with his marriage the bye by man over here I also go and have a conversation I think how could also work

how how she made a show but she's so small or like Sally Field And Mrs. Doubtfire, if you want to watch that as a reference point where she goes, the whole time, the whole time, the whole time, the whole time, like she's mad. That's good. She's up, she's surprised, and then she's pissed off.

She's like, you're watching her go through every version of it right there. Yeah. The confusion, the betrayal, right? The rage. What? She made a show called, so you want to win a penis pump? What? What? What?

You use... Like one in there where it shows them I think it's funny, maybe? Like, I'm joking. Okay. I must be joking. Darren, come on. Darren, come on, dude. There's no way that's true.

I wish he was joking. I wish he was joking, Bim. I wish he was joking. God, that'd be a funny joke if he did that. Ooh, that'd be funny. It'd be making a joke more and more. him never in my life I want to be joking more oh now I'm really imagining the scenario where he's joking boy that'd be a pleasure we should do this joke on someone else later because

this unfortunately is a real scenario but as a joke it could really work okay but this is real no I mean yeah so sorry that was the under unspoken thing. What he was saying, like what he was saying, we should do it later, like he wishes it was a joke. Right. Yes. The underlying sentiment of that was,

but I'm still. I don't know what's going on. Yes. What? It is? Oh, yeah. Oh, O'Plums. I don't know what.

I don't know, fellas. This is all news to me. I don't know about O'Plums. Who's she taught? Or is that like a baking show? Is that like a baking show thing? I thought. Try it out.

It's the baking show. Yeah. We use plum jams. Sometimes. And when, and, um, when, when, when, when, when, when can we want, watch Cunit the Cunus Cump? Uh, Cunus Cump is available on the Grouse House YouTube channel over, uh, on YouTube. New episodes are coming out every, uh, Monday or Tuesday, depending on which time zone you're in. And that's, and that's Auntie Donna.

too. Yeah. Auntie Donna gave and other Tom is there because everyone is like oh like when I bring you guys up and I basically am saying it's all the same guy

people are like they're actually different guys but now you're also telling me that this is all the same guy the same thing right? We kind of yeah we have Tom Cardi on it who you had on an episode

and then of course Auntie Donna who you know them from before they funded it Kevin, is Kevin somehow, like, behind all that everyone is like, you're all friends with Kevin? And so you like made, like, he, yeah, like, is this him somehow? Kevin is kind of the unifying force for sure. He inspires all of us, but we knew each other beforehand.

But seeing Kevin's like what he's capable of, I mean, it really makes you want to make your own thing, you know, build something. And that's what we've done here with this community, with this crazy little group of misfits. We've built something. I mean, it's something that I'm really proud of. And I think Denny's really proud of it's called. Yeah, it's called Grass House. It's called Grouse House. And I'm not involved.

I was just, I was trying to get my name in it. But it's, yeah, it's Auntie Donner's production company. I didn't do shit. Hey, man, we're not, that, that'll help. We're not Darren and Howard. You don't have to pretend not to be involved. Okay. We're your buddies.

Yeah, obviously you're getting involved in them. Tom, Tom. I wonder where she got the idea for a penis pump. She was looking at my gnarled little thing thinking I'd do anything to change this in any direction. Longer, wider, shorter, straighter, I don't care. But it can't stay the way it is. Bye. Hollywood Hamburg.

That was a hit gum podcast. Hello, I'm Joe Marcus Sirey. I'm Russell Daniels. And we're the co-hosts of The Downside. Now on Headgum, we are a safe place to complain, be negative, Kvetch. We don't like toxic positivity. No. Because it's toxic.

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