Hollywood Handbook - Devin Field, Our Pet Project

Episode Date: January 18, 2016

Sean helps straight up loser DEVIN FIELD get on the right path to become successful by throwing him into Teaser Freezer and see if he can handle the cold. Then Sean uses his character chameleon ability to become Maria Menounos and interview Devin about his real life.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Let's do some vocal warm-ups. You know, the classics. I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. Upon a slitted sheet I sit. I slit a sheet. I slit a sheet. A sheet I slit. Upon a slitted sheet I sit. Yeah. I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. And we're doing it.

And Ricky Rui is going, oh, no, I'm not going to. No, I won't do that. I won't do that. You're not going to make me say shit. And I go, Ricky, you just did. You blocked him right into it he got him good what was the one you went to do you went to do one

to sit in solemn silence an adult dark dog to sit in solemn silence an adult dark dog in a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock in a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock it's a form of it that's one's a bomb I did in high school. Yeah, that's one of the ones you did in high school. And so my guest went to high school, and that's all I'm going to tell you about him,

and that's about all he's done. He's some nobody-jerk-off-jack-shit-bullshit-motherfucker. I'll take it from you, man. And the show, and shut up for a second. And the show primarily is about helping people, and we've gotten away from that. First off, let me say the name of the show, and shut up for a second. And the show primarily is about helping people, and we've gotten away from that. First off, let me say the name of the show. The show is called Hollywood Handbook. It's an insider's guide to kicking, butter, dropping names, the red carpet,

like back line, all of the, I split a sheet, a sheet, I split a pot, I split a sheet, I said. It's almost a tongue twister to say the, no, but Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking, butter, dropping names, the red carpet, like back line, all of the industry, and I'm not going to say what up, what up. And I won't say what up, what up today because Hayes was nasty about me saying that on an episode. And I don't know if you heard that one.

Did you hear it? He was nasty about it on the episode with Tom Sharpton. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't be able to hear it because I wasn't there, but I listened. I wouldn't be able to hear it because I wasn't there, but I listened. Right. And the thing he usually says is the title I just did, which I came up with. Right. And then he's taking credit for what up, what up. Like that's this great, you know, he could say it too. You seem really angry.

I say it, you know, and he's mad that I say it. It's like, well, then you say it. We'll see who says it better. Sure. I got an inkling who it would be. Okay. He's not here. He's not here. He's in another one of his pickles.

Really? He gets into these jams where he just gets in over his head. He thought he would be able to ski out of a plane and he got stuck in one of the trees out of a plane yes he jumped out of a plane with the skis and he's sticking in the tree in the top part of it and he's fighting with a bird and he's just up there yes and you know where he is but he's there's no way to get him well i mean it's no easy way because number one don't have a plane number two i'm afraid if i jump out first of all i'm going to at least try to ski yeah because i'm up there already and it's a

good spot yeah you went all the way up there the powder's deep yeah oh gosh it's so fresh. It's like powder, I guess. It's powdery. But it looks so nice. And so I guess I could try to grab him on my way down to the mountain. Yeah. But then I don't want to get tangled up and tumble. You don't want to be stuck in the tree with that bird. And I don't want to deal with that bird.

The thing is like an owl. Okay. Like a a owl. Okay. Like a strong one. Oh. Mm-hmm. Well, how do you – I'm curious as to how you know so much about the bird and the tree and exactly where he is. Oh, he has cell reception, yeah. Yeah.

He's able to take and receive calls, but he is not able to get out of the tree. Okay, wow. You know, normally you send a fireman up there. Even on a ski resort, you would send a fireman? Well, now you've found the reason we have it. Firemen aren't around ski resorts because everything there, the snow puts it out. It's the opposite of fire.

It's snow. Anyway, we've got this guest here. He's a guy. And what we're going to do is try to help him. He's just the kind of audience we're always trying to reach out to. He's just some dumb fuck halfwit who wants to do something they probably can't even do. That's fair. And speaking of the snow and the weather, it's El Nino here

in LA. You probably heard that the drought is say is stopped. The stream in my backyard is finally running first time in years, snow caps on the mountains and we fixed it. And it's, there's been rain. And so you'd think in that weather, Oh wow. I probably want to stay warm. Is that right? Yeah. I've been trying to stay warm. Just the opposite, Devin. Devin, it's the opposite. His name's Devin. I guess you should know that. It is time to get even colder and what we're going to do is sort of throw Devin here into the deep end

for swimming. Because one thing that I love to do on the show that Hayes can't take away from me doing is this, even though he's stuck in that nasty tree, is that we love to do is get inside a very cold box. Do you know what I'm talking about? I think I know where we're headed. And it's a box where there's things that live there

that are entertainment commercials. Right. And the box is so cold you might even say that it's freezing, Devin. Like it's a freezer. And get ahead of me. We don't say the name of it until we. Like it's a freezer. And get ahead of me.

We don't say the name of it until we. And the entertainment commercials are sort of teasing you with what might be the movie. Well, don't fucking do that. And we'll cut around it. But it's a teasing element that's in a freezing thing. Got it. And it's a teasing element that's in a freezing thing. Got it. And it's a teaser freezer. And now you could have said it and that would have been okay.

Well, I didn't know. So I've never done this without Hayes, but apparently my little cousin Sam has hooked up all the sound and he's going to sort of find some of these for us. Sam, is it all good? Yeah, we're all set. And you'll just pick out one of these teasers and show it to us? Yeah, I have some top trailers for you. Okay.

And so let's just watch this and we'll just do like we always do where we sort of, we can bus on it, crack up bussing it. We can be stoked on it, pumped, and saying how it's good teaching people. Uh, we can be just watching it and reacting and we have a lot of options of what, uh, can do and make it play Sam. Okay.

It's playing. Hey, yeah, I want to shoot. Okay. Oh, it's a guy in a mask. It's a mask. Comics book.

Okay. And his mouth is... You can't see it. But he's talking. Hang on. Okay. Uh-huh. He's showing his butt.

Close up on his butt. Mr. Wilson. You've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I know. It's sad. I'm sad. He's going to a doctor. And give you abilities most men only dream of.

So, Devin, how would you say this is going so far, the teaser freezer that we're doing? I don't know. I'm just sort of sucked in to what I'm watching. Yeah, I found myself just watching it. Normally, you were talking about busting on it or telling people, learning about it. Me, I'm just seeing it. I'm just watching it. And I'm more going, when can I see this thing?

You know? Because early on, he's like, this is a different kind of superhero movie. And to me, I hear that. I go, finally. I'm ready for that. Yeah. At last, I'm ready for something like that. Because let's face it i love superhero

movies of course comic books for me were in a lot of ways my only friends other than all the girlfriends i was having sex with but that was sort of a window into a world where i could almost imagine myself totally because it's that look like my muscles and it felt like my feelings of wanting to kick butt. Yeah. So it was always constructive for me and so I was excited that all my superhero

movies get made. Yeah. But, Devin, they're all the same, Devin. I know. Is there any difference? And literally tell me if you could think of one difference between Thor and Wolverine Weapon X. Can you come up with anything? Both muscle guys.

Yeah. Yeah, I can only think of what's the same. And so for me, I'm going, can somebody make one that's different? Right, because you see so many and it's kind of like, did I see, am I watching Thor or am I watching Wolverine Weapon X? You don't know. Oh, well, I never can tell. And so then you end up buying the wrong ticket.

Well, you wind up looking like a real dickhead uh you know when your um wife's new kid walks in and he's going what are you watching and you go like oh it's wolverine ropin x and he goes and then later on somebody calls the guy for or Loki and you're going, oh, great. Now my freaking wife's kid thinks I'm a doofus and you got to show them up. Yeah. You got to beat them at something. What do you beat them at?

Do you beat them in a game or something? Mm-hmm. There's anything with strategy. Yeah. They can't really think ahead. That's exactly what I do is I introduce a game. Well, that's what you have to do. And maybe if they mean superhero movies different.

Well, if it's a different one, then I actually don't even have to bother getting the game out. Yeah, exactly. Or the puzzle. Yeah. So that's why in terms of your question of like how is this going compared to like the other teaser freezers I've heard where there's more sort of knowledge being tossed around. Yeah.

Like busting on. It's going poorly. Well, that's what I'm feeling. That's what I'm feeling is I'm going, Hayes normally drives the bus with a lot of this thing. I'm realizing how much he does with the teaser freezers. He stops it. He brings up why he's stopping it. And I'm kind of just reacting a lot of the time.

And I'm no bus driver. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we're finding out. Yeah, I guess. Sorry. Dev, that's what we're finding out. I'm really sorry.

Do we want to watch any more of this? I mean, it's called Deadpool. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yes. Not a good one? Like Slap Chop? More Shake Wade-y?

Okay. Jerk off gesture. When I'm finished, the mutated cells will heal anything whoa spike back we're making you a super slave oh man that babe you just know she's into wild stuff you said jose can say oh no indestructible Can say go. Oh, no. ...indestructible. But my face... Go.

Look at me. Whoa. No, look at him. No, I don't want him. That's really cool. This is one of the sloppy guys from Silicon Valley. Yeah, which is cool. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl,

the time has come to be a superhero, okay? Cue the music. This really is a different superhero movie. He literally said cue the music and then they started playing DMX. It's like he's friends with me. This is how I used to feel when I read comics. Right.

Guy falls down. He's being funny. Okay. And so this is almost like if I was a superhero because the guy's a little twisted. He's a little messed up. And I'm always going, why aren't they having more fun with these powers and being a little bit more snarky? Because that's what you would do.

I would. I wouldn't be so concerned with being likable. No. You'd be busting out. You'd be making jerk off gestures, talking about shake weight. Showing it. Yeah. Remember the workout thing that made it look like jerking off?

Yeah. Of course I remember. Yeah. Yeah. Well, workout thing that made it look like jerking off? Yeah. Of course I remember. Yeah. Well, is there any reason not to bring that up? No. Yeah. How's that be a central joke? I'm watching Captain America and he never once talks about a funny infomercial he's

seen. He's just saying, oh, I got to defend America. No. No. He doesn't talk about the freaking the goo that they use, like cock. He doesn't talk about any of the scrub stuff. None of the infomercials. The sham.

Wow, thank you. He's not doing that. And so – Blazing his own trail and it's sick as hell. So this hilarious bad boy actually appeals to me in a way i don't know if anything ever has so i'd say this is an unsuccessful teaser freezer yeah i feel that and so let's just jump in and see if a different movie and sam do you have that pulled up yeah we're all good okay what are we gonna watch now I think it's one of the more serious ones.

Okay. Okay. Well, that might be good because we really couldn't get in. The other one was so much fun, I think that we didn't really. I know. I haven't laughed that hard at a superhero. Yeah, right? Yes. He's laughing or I'm looking at his face and he's laughing.

It's funny. Sam, you're right. Yeah, Deadpool. Mark your calendars. February 12th that looks really good yeah okay

okay I'll try to this will have something on okay first time we met she propositioned me she seemed so sure British

British that's okay Tom Hooper anything on that basketball Tom Hooper He's so shy and mysterious. Is there something you'd like to tell me? Anything on that? On Tom Hooper? Maybe he's hooping it up when he made this. It's like string music, like cello music. Jesus.

British people look sad hold on i'm gonna call you lily i gotta say dev this is a very different movie i'm just as in trance i'm sucked right goddamn in yeah in a totally different way though the dan Danish Girl is the name of this one. Is it? And I'm looking at it, and I'm thinking, when does this fucking thing come out? Because I'm wondering if I could do a double feature Deadpool and Danish Girl. That'd be crazy. Yeah, because I'm really liking this.

You were saying the British people look sad to you. I said the British people look sad to me, and that kind of draws me right in. Well, what are they sad about? It seemed like they have a secret, because she said something about knowing everything about him. Yeah. And just from having seen movies. And having had secrets. And having never had anyone really say that to me because no one in my life has ever been trying to set up a secret that's going to be revealed soon.

Yeah, me neither. Yeah, I'm thinking that this might actually have a twist on it. I'm going to play a little bit more, but I got to say. You're sure this isn't like dead weight for the show? Because I feel like we're not jumping in on it. Just watching the teaser with the sort of dry British dialogue scenes. You can't see it at home? You don't think people are going to get much from listening to that?

I'm just trying to help you out. I'm a guest here. I'm just. Devin, why don't you let me be in charge of that side of things? Okay, okay. I want to sketch you. Okay. I'm trying to see if it's like that.

We should go out tonight. Whoa. He's putting on makeup. Dude, that chick's frigging hooters were showing in that painting. I saw them. This movie's got something for everybody. That's the guy. No, you're lying. No, you're not. This movie's got something for everybody. That's the guy.

No, you're lying. No, you're not. That can't be. The girl is the... Devin! Devin! That doesn't make sense. That doesn't make any sense, Sean. That can't be what's happening.

This guy's acting crazy. He's crazy. And he looks good. You look good. Okay, well, I feel, first of all, I don't want to go too far in to talk about anything about this because it seems like a minefield to me. It's a hot button issue.

It seems. And I'll say this, and I think I should be allowed to say this. Whatever I'm seeing looks good to me. Yeah. And I hope this comes out on February 12th because I don't want to be one day late for either movie and I don't want to drive to the movies twice. And I do want to see if the timing is such such depending on the movie length and the screen time then i can kind

of buy one ticket and deb and i go in and even if i like what do you miss the first like eight minutes or whatever of deadpool as long as i'm not missing any of the danish girl i feel like i'm okay you mean like you buy one ticket you see two two movies? Yeah. Well, shut. I mean, don't like. Sorry, sorry. Spell it out in a way where we can actually get arrested legally. I don't know. I don't know. That sounds.

How would you even do that? Well, one way you don't do is you don't freak out about it. You got to be kind of fucking chill, man. Fuck. We're going to be just getting back to the show so um so it's like the teaser freezer has never gone this badly and that's why i wanted to ask because it's like first it was like a guy who wasn't a normal superhero then it's like a guy who wasn't a normal guy well hold on there's so nothing normal i mean you know i didn't mean to these guys, whatever they like and want to do, I love it. Yeah, me too.

I think it's hilarious and I think it's great. Yeah. And it's, and you know, we're talking about seeing, so Deadpool, interesting, I've never seen a superhero be so funny. I usually see them be so brave. Yeah, sure. Strong. strong this guy ish not a superhero also being you know very brave and kind of funny yeah so i i want to apologize i guess for ruining it yeah i'll take i'll take responsibility for ruining it and i the only thing i can think is so i know that I've been part of a couple teaser features and that they've been really, really good.

Yeah, I know. Yeah. I know that you were never involved with one of those. No, I never did one of the funny teasers. So that element, from just a science point, if you read those kind of books, is telling me that the experiment is your – you are bad. I'm the variable that's ruining the Petri dish. Yeah. It's the – yeah.

The paper turned – Different color than it normally does. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, the guy knows his science. I'll say that. I don't know much else. Don't know shit else about trailers.

But the only thing I could think about Teaser Freezer is a lot of time when the good one happened, Hayes is here. So maybe we can call him and just see if he can figure out why this one didn't go well. I would love to just ask for some pointers on how to sort of bust a trailer better. Maybe what you could have done. And I would have loved to bust on some of these. Yeah, exactly. And I never felt safe. Because it doesn't feel okay to bust on something like the Danish girl.

It's a guy, it's a girl. And it's like, you can't even say, like, give me a minute. He's obviously conflicted because, you know, societ societally that's not how he should be dressing i know he has every right to do it of course of course uh cousin sam would you please call hayes for us absolutely all right i'll call him now please yes i hope he can kind of dig me out of the hole i've been digging for myself. I hope that for you too. I'm actually doing so good.

It doesn't really matter what happens on the call for me. Okay. You actually need a lot of help. High stakes. It rings when you call. Hey, he has a... I'm so sweaty. I'm sweating where it rings. Hayes Davenport.

At the tone, please rec... You may hang up or press 1 for more options. Hi, Hayes. Hi, it's Sean and Devin. Hey, hi. We are wondering if there's any kind of trick to doing the teaser freezer. We're trying to do it here and it's no Hey, hi. We're wondering if there's any kind of trick to doing the teaser freezer. We're trying to do it here and it's no good,

man. Maybe there's something that you could have told Sam to set it up or something because we're trying and we're not really finding a way in. We wind up just getting really engrossed in the teaser. Have you seen the teaser for the Danish girl? Well,

he can't respond. But what we want is call back, tell us if you've seen the teaser for The Danish Girl? Well, he can't respond. But what we want is call back, tell us if you've seen the trailer for The Danish Girl. And if you've got a way in to sort of bust in on it, that would be great for us. It's so, so cold in here inside the teaser freezer. And we really can't get out because we haven't really done any freezing of the teaser. It's my first time in the freezer and I feel just lost. We're watching them right through and we're just

and if you haven't seen the teaser for Deadpool also it looks really funny. Like it looks like fucked up but like. It's twisted dude. Like whoever came up with that shit like his head's like a bad neighborhood, brother.

You don't want to be in there alone at night. Okay. Hey, Sean's making me crack up, but seriously, Deadpool, he's not your normal superhero. No, it's different. Call us back. He and the tree, I guess, has like a noise ordinance thing where the owl doesn't let him. Probably for avalanche. Well, I don't know, but the owl doesn't allow him to take phone calls. Because it's given him his phone before, but because of the time difference,

I wasn't even thinking. I believe he's not allowed to answer his phone near the owl after a certain time. I hope we didn't get him hurt by the owl. Yeah. Because he said it was a strong owl. Owls have talons. He's in a tree with it. Yeah.

It's in charge of him. And the second you take your eyes off the talons. Shit. To check out the beak. Yeah. Natural progression of events. Yeah. That's when you get clocked with a wing.

And all the owl pieces we're mentioning are so dangerous. So please do be careful out there, kids. Anyway, let's get out of the teaser freezer back into El Nino. Please, yeah. Then we'll get more into sort of hopefully this was a good example of just what a true fuck up you are and how much you do need my help, Devin. I felt it. So in the second half of the show, when we come back, after what's sure to be a very

funny commercial. They always are. We will get... That's nice. And I'm not immune to flattery, unfortunately. Good, because a lot of it's going to be coming your way. Well, but don't be a sorry fuck

dickhead about it but like we'll get cause at a certain point it starts to feel like it's bullshit you know what I mean it's not bullshit though let me promise to you

that none of it is bullshit anyway we'll be back with Devin Field not that there's any reason to know his name with Devin Field. Not that there's any reason to know his name, but Devin Field and a little more Hollywood Handbook. Whoa.

Hollywood Handbook. So I'm horsing around with Paul Ogun. Okay. Crocodile Dundee. And Crocodile Dundee 2 and Crocodile Dundee 2 for that matter. And Willie, Wonka. Now, Paul goes to do a big shove on me. Of course, he doesn't realize I got lightning fast reflexes and I basically got eyes in the back of my head.

So I wound up inadvertently doing a pretty vicious judo throw that lands him in the chocolate river. Sure. As expected. Well, yeah, I mean, he should have expected it. He's coming at you. He's going to get tossed in the chocolate river. But I turn to Willie Wonka and I say,

Willie, can you help Paul out of the chocolate river? And he says, I'm sorry, rules are rules. You have to sort of die in his factory for any transgressions. He's been really clear about that since like day one. Yeah, well, he has, but I thought he'd make an exception. I wind up feeling like a little bit the blood is on my hands or there's no blood. Just drowning in

chocolate. Yeah. But I wind up feeling a little bit responsible and I know that also the only way for the Oompa Loompas to live is that they do have to feast on the bones of a murdered man. Augustus Gloop. Yeah, Augustus Gloop or TV Mike or whatever.

Veruca Salt. It doesn't matter. Violet Beauregard. Oh, good. Engineer Sam left. We can talk about this. We can finally talk about Engineer Sam. He seems nice.

Yeah, he actually is. Oh, shit, he's back. Anyway, what I was saying, the Wonka factory. Yeah. Yes. So I guess what I want to know is do you think I have to go do confession with a priest? Well, you didn't – all you did was the judo throw. Right, which is just a natural reaction.

You have my kind of training. That's – Almost it's the responsibility more of the training I received. Because it's – I guess it's a question of whether or not like your body is a deadly weapon because of the training you've received. Well – Do you know what I'm saying? So – And the answer to that would be obviously yeah oh yeah

that's an affirmative and then and the training was somewhat military is why i use that terminology right yeah so like in my mind that's that's wonka's house wonka's rules and you don't have to share that with your god or because i would have liked if you helped him yes and i don't yes so i think you're i think you're in the clear, man. Does it go straight to God? For me, it's just about talking to a priest. Oh, I was under the impression that you talk to a priest, he tells God. Holy shit.

And then God decides, okay. I'll tell you, if God's hair wasn't already white, I'd probably turn to white some of the stuff I've been telling those priests. Yeah, I bet. I bet, man. You'd probably say crazy shit to priests. I get messed up. I get like Deadpool style twisted in there. Can you like freaking imagine if Deadpool was in a confessional?

Oh, God. It's like, all right. It'd be like, priest would be like, can I get a bathroom break? Yeah. Check, please. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Check, please. Yeah. He goes, I hope I heard that wrong. Right. Right. Like, I hope I heard that wrong. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Careful you say that around Deadpool. Yeah. Check, please. Yeah. Can I get the check? I think I've done with my meal.

Yes. No, it's true. Can I get a water? And also the check, please. Yeah. Two things. Yeah. Refill my water, and then I think we'll just take the check. I think we're done.

That's crazy. Been there forever, and you've got to – he's probably got to take a deuce. So from the length of time of the confession. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Because he's into so much stuff. Yeah. Dude, Deadpool and a confession, that could be a really big on like one of these college funny sites or whatever. College funny?

Yeah. So, so, you're a fucking loser straight up. And I say this because I care about you. So, Devin Field, for people who don't know. Which is everyone, I think. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, and that's being generous. All right. What? Maybe potentially could be in 10, 15 years, the kind of guy who's doing a stand-up album for Gojira Records, me and Hayes' record audio company. I would love that.

It's not anywhere near happening i didn't say it was i just want to say out loud to you i would love that and and you look at him and he's got every advantage he's a white cis male yeah and he and he's quite frankly and easy on the eyes so you're going going, well, why isn't this guy, you know, why is he the sloppy guy in Silicon Valley, for instance, who we saw pop up in the Deadpool trailer, which is just another reason to see it. It's probably the main reason.

Well, no, Deadpool is the main reason. Right, fuck, fuck. In fact, even the secondary reason is it's finally a different kind of superhero movie. But that's not important now because let's stop dealing with the failed teaser freezer and start dealing with the failed actor slash comedian in front of me. So you should be kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz, which is the part I came up with. It's good. It's a good part. Yeah, some would say the difficulty factor in coming up with that

rather than just repeating the word what up to it. Anyway, so the reason I think – Yeah, what am I doing wrong? You don't know what you're doing. I know. When I look at people who have been successful they are getting interviewed okay for being famous and doing good stuff yeah they're sitting on a late night couch shooting the shit with a kimmel or they're or they're in bust magazine whoa or they're in uh

you you bought a Bust Magazine? I thought that was a magazine. I didn't think people would just buy that magazine. What do you mean? Well, it's just the way the cover is, it's just got pictures. It says Bust and it's got pictures of the ladies. Like, be more specific, Devin. What are you driving at?

Am I wrong? I thought it was a gentleman's magazine for shake weight. Well, I'm a gentleman and I've read the magazine. Like, you know, in the teaser when Deadpool said Shake Weight and then he moved his hand up and down. Okay, Devin. Apparently you're, okay, so he's got an obsession. Sorry.

With big honking frontal torpedoes. I just saw the name of the magazine, bus magazine. I didn't know that was a magazine that celebrities are interviewing for being famous. Well, then think of Fast Company if you must. Okay. I just saw the name of the magazine, Bust Magazine. I didn't know that was a magazine that celebrities are interviewing for being famous. Well, then think of Fast Company, if you must. Okay. But any of the huge magazines that define our culture. Bust or Fast Company.

Yes. Either one. Take your pick. Fast Company. I gave you two. All right. Well, you're going to need to use that one. Okay.

And really, if you want to go just by title, Fast Company, that makes me think of probably a chick in a Ferrari who's willing to go all the way. Well, now I don't know what magazine I can... And please don't shake weight in front of me as you so eloquently put it. I'm not. I mean, Christ almighty. Maybe this vulgarity is part of your problem.

It's funny when Deadpool does it because he has a sad history. He walks that line so well, and I'm just tripping all over it. But in interviews, I find these themes. And if you're sort of a student of the human experience as I am, you will identify patterns in your life, and you will be able to sort of create a hypothesis from that is who is going to, you know, be big. Oh, it's someone who has sort of these things that people have going on.

So let's pretend that you're being interviewed. And what's a magazine that doesn't bone you out, Devin? And just pick a magazine because I'm afraid to name one now. Okay. Okay. Just one that you know won't bone you out, Devin, and just pick a magazine because I'm afraid to name one now. Okay, okay. Just one that you know won't bone you out. Okay. GQ has ladies sometimes. GQ sometimes does.

Okay. Okay. Do you do a Harper's? Harper's Bazaar? All right. So for now, we're going to work on – It was the only magazine I could think of that I've never seen a picture of a lady. That hasn't gotten you boned out, sure.

And we don't need you rocking a bone for this. What we need is for you to have your head on straight. Okay. So what I'm going to do right now is kind of an experiment, and you're sort of standing in for a lot of our audience who is just sort of pathetic and sucks. You will be doing an interview with me, and I will use some of my crazy acting ability

of becoming all different characters. I have the one character who is a seal who has an itch so bad, it make him act like Stevie Wonder. Let me. You ever see when a seal. Can I hear from that guy? Because they don't really have hands. Right.

So they sort of would do that. They're like, they got an itch so bad, right? Yeah. And they're like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the sunshine of my life. Okay, yes. You know, my sherry.

Oh, my God. And they're moving around. Because to scratch their itch, what they have to do is whip their head all the way around. Wow. And roll on the rock, you know? Yeah. And that's something... Wow, yeah.

That man... Holy shit. Holy shit, you just became that seal right in front. Yes. So I'm going to be using my character chameleon ability to become the interviewer. Yeah. For the purposes of Harper's Bazaar, and I hope this doesn't bone you out. It won't.

For Harper's Bazaar, I will be playing Maria Menenos, who is someone who has done this kind of interview before. Yeah, okay. So I will be Maria Menenos. Yeah, that's fine. Does her last name sound like Neneno? Yes. Is that a part of the female anatomy where a boned out man might direct his bone?

Yeah. That's not going to be a problem. I can handle that. I can handle that. Okay. Now, when I'm being Maria, I'll ask you an interview question. Okay.

And then I will seamlessly transition into being just the Clem dog. The seal with the itch. Just the friendly Clem dog. Okay. The seal with the itch might come back. You never know when he's going to come up. That's part of what makes him so fun. I'm Boogie.

I'm a ragged woman. Yes. You put glasses on just for that one line. Fucking crushed it. So I'll seamlessly transition back into being the clam dog. Okay. And we'll talk a little bit about the interview question and the answer and what we could do to sort of get you where we need you to be.

This is great. This is so great because, like, I know you say I'm kind of pathetic or whatever, but I try to think of it, what I wrote on the Post-it note that's on my mirror is that I'm on the cusp. And then each day is a new step. Each day is a new step closer. And so this feels like five steps or something. I didn't totally follow that. So when I'm being Maria, I'll put this cup on my head.

And that will just help you to identify. That will help me out a lot. And maybe I'll talk into a cup as well. Like that's a microphone. Oh, okay. Yeah. This is really – So, Devin.

Hi, Maria. So where did you grow up? Where are you from? I'm from Seattle, Washington originally. I grew up in Seattle. Okay, stop. And the cup came off my head because I'm no longer being Maria. Yeah.

Now, that's wrong. How? You're not from Seattle. I am. Seattle is Frazier. It's Niles. It's Roz. Seattle is Frazier. It's Niles. It's Roz. It's the dad.

It's Daphne Moon. Yeah. Hell yeah, it's the dad, Martin Crane. It's Bulldog. Yeah. Yeah. And it's Eddie too. So...

And the Space Needle. It's coffee. When I think of that, I don't want you to succeed. It's coffee. When I think of that, I don't want you to succeed. Yeah. Okay. Because, first of all, I already have a lot of friends from there, as I've named. Do you really?

Frazier. Oh. Niles. Friends we all have. Yeah. What I want to know is, what's the nearest shitty neighborhood you can say that you you're from where you would still kind of know the landmarks of the stuff? I just don't know how comfortable I feel lying about where I'm – But just what is it? What would it be?

What is it? I mean, I guess if I were pushing it, I would say like South Seattle, like Rainier Beach is maybe a slightly rougher part. Rainier Beach? Yeah. It's a little bit of a rougher part of town. It's fucked up there? Like it's fucked up to be there? Well, kind of.

Historically, it's just been sort of segregated to be kind of a lesser, sort of a more impoverished neighborhood. It's associated with, yeah, crime. Probably it's not all white people. No. Okay, great. So now you're from Rainier Beach. I say I'm from there. And now I'm rooting for this guy.

Okay. Yeah, I'm going to need you to. Okay. Because think about it, man. Yeah. If I say I'm from fucking, well, take me for example. If I say that I'm just from like some fucking little suburb in Connecticut. Where I grew up, it's actually pretty nice.

Nobody gives a shit. Well, okay. And they don't know the name of the town. Yeah. But if I say I'm from Da Bronx. Okay. Now, all of a sudden,'m jenny from the block i it took you saying dub bronx and kind of tilting your head with a certain attitude for me to really see what you're and you probably

thought that head tilt was gonna bring you know go right into an old friend of ours i thought maybe someone was gonna jump up from the ocean oh yeah no yes well but knowing when to do it is part of it but uh i can't wait yeah but you have to know when um so okay uh so maria's gonna ask you where you're from and uh yep the cops are back so uh where'd you grow up where are you from well i'm from near se, South Seattle, actually. It's called Rainier Beach. Oh, goddamn. Yeah, it's kind of on the wrong side of the tracks.

That's fucking hard, dude. Yeah, historically, it's slightly harder than North Seattle. You must have really pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. Yeah, I did. I really had to make myself there on the mean streets. Tell me about your parents. What's your relationship with them? Really solid.

My father worked for Microsoft for 15 years and my mom was a professor. Stop, stop, stop. Microsoft? Yeah. That's a lot of money. No, Devin from Rainier Beach didn't have a dad who worked for Microsoft. So you got a couple options with your parents, which is good news. Okay.

They can be salt of the earth. Yeah. Great guy. Love him. God bless him. And it's like you get along great with your dad. If that's what you want. Okay.

You can't be like, you can't have a solid relationship with them you can either be that's my best friend they did nothing but sacrifice for me or they could be a real piece of shit and your whole life is about proving them wrong i said what if like they didn't support you you know yeah what it's just what if my mom or my dad is watching me with Maria Nono and is saying, hey, that's not what happened. That's not our real relationship. That's not how close we actually are. Well, they know that it's entertainment

and that Maria Nono has a certain amount of responsibility to entertain people and that she can't just hear that you've got a solid relationship and then your dad worked for Microsoft? Yeah, he worked for Microsoft Press. That's dork shit, brother. And now there's a difference between nerd shit and dork shit. We talked about that. I know, I know.

Dorks may be next, but right now it's the nerds hour in the sun. It's not their time. Nerds is what's cool. And I think if you saw Star Wars, you might know that. Fuck. And have you seen it? No. Well, that's not the answer, and Maria's not going to want to hear that.

What Maria's going to want to hear is it's you and your friend's thing. Okay. And that you have always loved it. Yeah. And then maybe that you even know the name of some of the lesser creatures, a salacious crumb. Say it with me. A salacious crumb.

Okay. Salacious crumb. Or a what? I heard a boba fett. That one is really good. That one is great. I don't know who he is. A lot of people wouldn't notice him in the movie.

Okay. Because he's actually one of the more minor characters. But he brings it and is such a cool part of it. He's just a cool character. And they actually had these things called Ewok. Let me write this down. And these guys. Scary?

No. No. But they is like bears or something. But that you're friends with. I got to see this fucking movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, me too. But what I'm saying is say you've seen it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, no, me too. But what I'm saying is, say you've seen it. Okay. Okay? No, definitely me, Maria. I got to tell you, you grow up in that bad neighborhood, and now tell me about your parents. My parents and I have a really difficult relationship.

Oh, no. They were always kind of stabbing me in the back anytime I was trying to get up at any of the Rainier Beach stand-up clubs. Oh, shit. So you did it all on your own and didn't have any support. And that is even more impressive what you've achieved. Yeah, that's exactly true, Maria. And I blew my fucking parents away. And I didn't need their help for a second.

And they're in the rear view as far as I'm concerned. Oh, yeah. Or maybe you can't even find them in the rear view. Yeah, I didn't need their help for a second. And they're in the rear view as far as I'm concerned. Oh, yeah. Or maybe you can't even find them in the rear view. Yeah, I don't even know. They're probably dead. That is really good. And are you feeling famous now and successful? I felt a confidence and a power unlike any I'd ever known.

There's no such thing as a famous, successful person who had help or had any kind of advantage. Now, here's something else I want to say. You do need your parents to have worked at Microsoft. You do need that kind of thing where basically you're going to be sort of fucking off for a while. And just like even if you're really good, there's a period where, quite frankly, unless you have some kind of financial advantage, you just can't pursue this. Well, I'm glad I did that. Yeah, you did. Yeah.

And that's great. So you do need to have that, but then you need to say you did not have that. Okay. That is so important, Devin. I got it. Just you can't, you know. I won't. Okay.

I just want to really drive that home. Now, you've done stand-up comedy. Yeah, that's right. What's an area of a kind of joke you might tell? Do you mind doing a little bit of like a bit? I know it's a lot of pressure. I mean, this is. 12,000 people listen to the show, so.

Are you serious? Well, that's the total. Total of the entire lifetime of this show? Yeah, we've made a few of them, so. But yeah, go ahead. So just any bit? That's Wolf Den numbers, you know. Is it?

Give or take. Okay. Well, I'll just get into it. Yeah. Then a little about, about myself. Well, I,

I sort of have this, this joke about how, you know, living in Los Angeles, you're surrounded by actors, you know, which, which I think is wrong.

And, right. And people usually laugh at that part because it's a funny part of the setup. So say you know people think that's being around actors is wrong recently i was at a coffee shop and i was working and uh and an actor was sitting next to me and i know he was an actor because he turned to me and he asked hey how do you spell starring as in starring in a film, right? And I feel like I'm – Keep going. Okay.

And so I thought, you know, that's the weirdest brag ever, right? Because it's like, yeah, I'm illiterate, but things are going pretty good. I'm staring in a film. Can I tell you what I'm feeling, Devin? Yeah. I'm feeling you like try and be funny. I'm feeling you try like I'm picturing you like thinking of an idea you think is funny or a funny story and then trying to do that, like perform that. Well, I feel like that's what you asked me to do.

So I'm trying to give you what you asked because you asked me to do a bit and it's uncomfortable for me to do a bit here in this context when I'm not even on a stage. I'm not even on a freak. Devin! Devin! And I'm sorry I had to become Maria for a moment. Devin! Now stop it. Put yourself together. Okay.

Now I'm going to stop being Maria just to talk about. That's just what I'm feeling is I'm feeling you trying to kind of be funny, huh? Yeah, I was. Yeah. And that is not really what is successful stand-up. So here's more what I'm looking for when I ask, give me some of your stand-up. Okay. Is for you to have some kind of problem or traumatic experience,

something wrong with you. Okay. You know, can you think of anything that's bad that's wrong with you? That's bad that's wrong with me? Mm-hmm. Sometimes I'm really afraid of home invasion. Sometimes I'm really afraid someone's going to come into my apartment in the middle of the night and stab me.

Okay. I don't know if that's something that's wrong with me. That's kind of just a mental weakness. One time in fifth grade at sleepaway camp, I got so scared after one of the chaperones read a scary story that I stayed in my bunk all night and pissed in the sleeping bag. Pissed yourself. Great.

So you're a guy who pisses yourself. But that's not something that's consistent. No, because I don't still do that. That wased yourself. Great. So you're a guy who pisses yourself. But that's not something that's consistently. No, because I don't still do that. That was one time that happened. listen to me. You piss yourself and this is perfect. So what I need you to do is,

this didn't happen at sleepaway camp when you were younger. This is a lot of lies, Sean. This happened last week. Devin, do you want to be

a famous superstar or do you want to have people like you and when you walk in a room superstar? And you want to have people like you. And when you walk in a room, they already think you're cool. And your ego gets satisfied for a couple of years. And then it sort of fades away inevitably as all people who are trying to do this wind up experiencing. And then you sort of don't have anything to fill the hole, which is the only thing you

ever actually took satisfaction out of. And now you have just nothing. Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. Of course you want that. So then listen to what I'm saying, Ian. Okay.

Okay. You pissed yourself last night. And what you do is you come out on stage and you go... It's hard for me to do... I planned on coming out here and telling you guys jokes, but I actually just want to be honest with you guys about something, which is that I pissed myself last night,

and I think I might be really sick or something, or just mentally disabled. But something's wrong and it's really wrong and then this is key when you've got them and they're listening you don't need a joke

you just change your tone of voice to show that you're okay with it that you might be okay joking around with it and I was just covered in piss, and I had to get rubber sheets for my bed. And that made for an interesting Thanksgiving. Holy fuck.

You know, and so it's like you've overcome it. You know, you're dealing with it in a way. And now all of a sudden, hey, am I rooting for this guy? Yeah. I think so. Okay. Yeah, great. So, Devin, do you want to talk to me, Maria, about pissing yourself and how brave it was to say that?

I do it all the time. That's so good. And that, to me was it it felt a little unnatural but also felt like i was slipping into a groove that was like it's my new home in a way what's so great for me is you've really got two things wrong with you one you can't stop pissing yourself and two you want to tell people about it so i really am going well anything I could do for this guy to support him, whether it's downloading his next stand-up album from Gojira Records, which really just has sort of stories about him struggling,

or going to see a movie at the Cineplex, Deadpool style, shoot him up. God, I wish. Maybe he's playing you know like fucking dude who got yeah deadpooled yeah

yeah okay great okay so I'm from Rainier Beach my mom and my dad could be fucking dead as far as I'm concerned and I piss myself

constantly and I talk about it even more yeah yeah the only thing you do more than piss yourself is tell people about it.

Okay. And boy, Devin, this interview was really good, and we're going to print it right up here in Harper's Bazaar. And so thanks. You're welcome, Maria. And hey, hope I didn't get too boned out. And she has a laugh like that. Does she?

Mm-hmm. Okay. And that was, see. And didn't that laugh like that. Does she? And that was... And didn't that feel like a great interview? It felt good. It feels like a web of lies that I'm sort of concerned about keeping up long term and sort of juggling with like the people who are in my personal life. I'm sort of wondering how to debut this new persona to them.

They just read about it just like everybody else. And you sort of like, it's like, oh, well, I fudged it, I guess, or they took my words out of context, but I guess I got to roll with it now. I mean, you blame Minono. And then when the next thing comes around, you go like, well, I had

to back up Minono's story because she big deal. Got it. And so in that way, you can kind of get into it. And who knows, maybe you end up on the league for a little while or anything. You could actually get something really good out of something like this. Okay. This has been such an eye-opening. Like just to know that this is an avenue.

And can I talk to young aspiring comedians for a second? Just to know that this is available to me, that this is something I can do, that I can watch the news and I can watch something like a mass shooting and go, I was probably there. Or, yeah, connect yourself to it in some way. Right. If not you, a relative, or maybe you were just there the day before. Right. Maybe visiting my fucking deadbeat dad in a goddamn hospital where he's dying of booze. And, Devin, now we're getting somewhere, and I'm thinking, what a funny comedian.

And now I'll go see this guy's movies because, you know, he did it all on his own, and he overcame so much. I'm fucking on one right now. Like, I feel like I could just tear down fucking everybody. Holy shit, this motherfucker's on one. And I've never seen someone so on one. Yeah, well, I'm on a fucking rampage. Let me tell you something. I feel like I'm talking to Deadpool over here.

Okay, yeah, baby. It's true, Devin. And that's not who walked in the door. No, some fucking nobody. Yeah, the guy who walked in the door was Greg the Bunny or something. Some character that also was sarcastic but just never took off. Greg the Bunny. Oh, Seth Green?

Something. And so to me, for you to go from Greg the Bunny to Deadpool in what, 48 minutes or something? Hopefully less time. That's pretty good. Yeah. And so I'm thinking this guy is really doing well. And I just hate the idea of someone trying to be judged on just their work and things they came up with and then just answering questions honestly and not creating a mythology around themselves because to me, that's not really showbiz, is it, mister? No, it's not.

It's artsy bullshit. Yeah. And I'll tear down those alt comics. It's fake pretentious bullshit. Yeah, alt. Yeah, an alternative to – Laughter. Yeah, thanks.

I wasn't going to get there. So can I just lay on you? I know you probably got to run now because you're so fired up. Honestly, I want to find a mic and a stage and just tell people what for. Just smash through the walls. I just want to point to some fucking jamoke in the front row and go, what the fuck do you do, asshole? Yeah, or maybe he's a jabroni even.

Yeah, maybe. But what does he say he does in this scenario? Oh, he's like, software. Oh, no, like your dad. And that just makes my eyes go fucking red, and I just tear it open. I go, you son of a bitch. Yeah.

You come to this place. You buy your two drinks. You look at me. You look at me? You look at me in the eyes? And you say to me I do software? Would you get the fuck out of here, you jabroni, before I dropkick you, okay? Yeah, maybe the only thing

softer than his wear is his candy ass. I'll whip it! And make him... Tell him it doesn't matter what his name is as well. So, we got a couple questions from the

Popcorn Gallery if you want to juice through any of these. And they may not even apply anymore. Yeah, big deal. Okay, so these questions are for Devin Field. And it says, hi, nobody who hasn't done jack shit. Fuck you, piece of garbage. And that's from No Horseman.

And he says, any productivity tips? Yeah, I got a productivity tip for you. man and he says any productivity tips yeah i got a productivity tip for you get off your no horse and and and quit jerking it and telling me how to live you you you pimply fuck this is what's wrong with this fucking generation man they're on their fucking phones why don't you go go tweet about it you go outside you bish put your phone down bish and and i now know how dr frankenstein actually was feeling because i have created some sort of monster yeah a fucking stage monster um and put another one in my sights okay uh um what's a good soft drink that you like? That's from Ashley Oh Ashley

Ashley wants to know what's a good fucking soft drink I got an idea Ashley How about you put down the soda And quit drinking it Cause that's what's making everyone in this country A fucking obese cow Go outside Get the fuck outside you bish

Okay and that was good Um And you are on one i'm fucking on one do you see how bright red my face is this is good should i gel my hair this feels like a voice that needs me to gel my hair when i hit that stage this might yeah that might complete the effect. Fuck yeah. Yeah. So Jeffrey Party strikes back, and that's Star Wars stuff. Is it? He said, yes, it is. Okay.

He said, flaming hot Cheetos or Andy Capp's hot fries, and why? Everyone with these fucking snacks. Everyone with these fucking snacks and sodas, hot Cheetos or whatever. Maybe you ought to put them both down and go outside, don't we think? Get the fuck outside, you bish. Dude, this is good. What do you think of that as a catchphrase?

Go outside, you bish. But I feel like all this aggressive energy is also maybe masking a little vulnerability that could come out as well. So you want me to tap in? And I did forget to say we're in the popcorn gallery. It's time for the paint. And then it's a question. Hey, it's a Deadpool sword.

Fuck that popcorn gallery. Like I need to eat more goddamn carbs. And there's some things that we don't necessarily want to go after okay there's some they're just like there are certain lines yeah i i mean it's just you know in bad taste at a certain point i'm just shooting from the hip yeah all right so let me explore vulnerability oh just another thing you maybe could have brought up to Maria Menino is like, maybe you find just the most obscure David Bowie picture imaginable. And it's just seems like I just found this fucked up picture, but then you draw a really personal connection to,

you know what I mean? Right, right, right. So it's like, yeah, it's a picture. Like having the picture is one thing. Anybody can find a picture and that's what you're going to do. But then somehow the picture is one thing. Anybody can find a picture and that's what you're going to do. But then somehow the picture is like either you took it or – It's like him with Muhammad Ali or something. You saw it the night that your – My fucking dad died.

Dad exploded. Yeah. His liver exploded because he drank all day. Yeah. 151. Perfect. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Dude, you ever light that on fire and freaking flame Dr. Pepper shot? Only when my dad was spitting it out of his drunk ass mouth. Oh, right. What a bish. Okay. Yeah. And this, you're embracing this. Yeah.

But I want to go vulnerable. I want to be, I want to hit that. So I got one more question for you, which is how fast can you do that in a Kendrick Cups song? Well, actually, that's sort of a personal story. When that movie came out, and that's the jar who asked that.

Please. When that movie came out, and everyone was doing the cups, I stayed up all night trying to learn the cups song. And as I was learning it, I was sort of focused only on that. Devin, your nose is bleeding. Just let me get through this. And I was focused on only the cups.

It's bleeding so much. I had to live a long way around and just cups. And before I knew it, I looked down and I had pissed myself. Wow. And now this guy really seemed like he's funny to me and relatable. Let's just say that made for quite a cleanup in aisle three. Changing the tone of voice. Ya bish!

So this is the new big stand-up, Devin Field, and it was really great having him on the show. And I wish that you would just like us on Facebook and go review us on iTunes. Or not, or go outside.

Go fuck yourself. And please do get the... So the pro version, I guess, is going to be Devin is going to light up one more of you. Get ready. Strap yourselves in, man. And it's going to be, I guess, Thundercock69 is going to get just lit up by you right now. And how? I just go?

Well, so he wasn't, so yeah, we weren't able to use Devin's lighting up a Thundercock 69. No, let me do it. You want to do it? Yeah, I want to light him up. Okay. Okay. Thundercock 69. Hey, here's an idea. How about you Thundercock86 yourself out of this goddamn comment thread,

go outside, go join my dad in a fucking grave somewhere. Dude, so the 86 yourself, that's like diner speak, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe you were like a busboy at a diner or something, because you had to work your way through whatever yeah let me tell you something when i was running dishes at the rainier beach cafe you know just slanging hash browns i didn't have anyone give me any fucking handouts letting me write any bullshit on any goddamn forums oh i want to say something else too so even though you did so your story is that you worked at a diner, what you actually need to be doing during that time

is probably some kind of unpaid internship, like either at a comedy theater or like a- Some kind of media company or something. Yeah, media company or anything, yeah, or for a show. That's what I did. Actually, I was an intern for The Tonight Show when Conan O'Brien was the host. Perfect, yeah, that's exactly, yes.

That's exactly the kind of thing. Yeah, good. Cool. But the point is, get the fuck out of here with your bullshit. Woo! Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Ackerman, Adam Sachs, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com.