Hollywood Handbook - Dom and The Scuzzman, Our Close Friends Return

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

DOMINIC DIERKES and THE SCUZZMAN make their much awaited return to tell The Boys about their new movie. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. row from dirty job and we're doing an extremely dirty job uh which is we're drilling extra holes into bowling balls so that we can put all five of our fingers in the bowling ball at the same time because like if you think about it the way they are now is fucking stupid. Yeah. Like, how am I supposed to hold it? Just the choiceness of this idea. Because, like, also, which ones are you supposed to do? No, yes. No, that's exactly what I mean when I say, how am I supposed to hold it? That's exactly what I mean.

There's never a thing on there that says it's these ones. There's no instructions you could be doing upside down over here like it's these two these one and it and most of the ways i've tried to do it haze it kills so what i would go possibly even farther and just have like a little grip bar in the like in the middle of the ball. So it's like not even fingers. Just put your whole hand. And honestly, there should be a hole for you to put your entire fist in the ball. Dude.

Well, one thing I initially said was like, let's just put the ball in a bag. Like, let's put it in a suitcase or something because I know how to hold that and then we'll just slide that throw that it's way bigger right so you're gonna get more of them but yeah no we we're we're talking about all this and we're drilling the holes and it's a very dirty job quite frankly because the balls are covered in grease and that was what i was wondering it doesn't like it actually sounds like one of the least dirty jobs that he has ever done it just doesn't sound very dirty to me yeah the balls are greased up and uh and why is that going up as well what uh why are they greased yeah the lanes are greased we and we and there was extra why are the lanes why are the lanes greased are you not aware that bowling lanes are greased i mean not in the way and not in such a way that

like the grease is getting all over my hands like it's just not like a little bit but not in a way that like wow my hands are so greasy okay but you said why are the lanes greased i know but like okay but this is the question you asked me is why are the lanes greased and uh well certainly and now okay just to go back to something else that i heard you starting to talk about certainly not enough to make me start throwing up the throwing up was a separate that was a separate thing okay that was a dare. You dared each other to throw up. Yeah.

As I said, it was very late. And it was so dark. And you get a little punchy when it's late. Can I ask you, were you, because I've been in sort of similar situations with you before, were you actually throwing up? Okay, well, it's so dark that there's really no way to be totally sure. But you can know for sure if you were throwing up. Right.

Well, I was definitely spitting. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names. The Red Cover Linebacker always in this industry we call showbiz. We've had some pretty huge guests lately. Let's see, Tony Hawk, Sinbad, Will Forte, Jon Hamm. Yeah, just a lot of sort of big names.

And all of them were boring to me and none of it was exciting. And none of them were actually real celebrities. And also all of them were being fake yes and doing a lot of actually coming on this show mostly to lie it seemed like yeah i felt that too david sedaris was on and was like fibbing yeah almost everything he said was a lie oh this will be useful this will be fun for people to listen to you're just making stuff up and lying meanwhile we have two of the realest cats in the game uh who are to me i i don't get starstruck very often i am always starstruck when i see this one gentleman in particular Dominic Dirkus Dominic do you want to introduce the Scuzzman

yeah hey Scuzzman here he is it's the Scuzzman yeah just trying to figure this out in these crazy times right they're crazy times

wow Sean believe it or not i thought you were introducing me for a second when you threw to me there and i thought you were actually going to give like an introduction uh dob i was thrown i was thrown i mean everyone knows the scuzz man right i mean you know hey i need no introduction man the writer and auteur of Beach Volleyball, A Real Underdog Story. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's been translated into many languages now. I think we're in 300,000 countries. Oh, yep.

That's exactly right. 300,000. All me. All me getting in there, baby. You know, I'm on that Duolingo. Google Translate. So you are your own foreign distributor and you are personally securing the markets and dubbing over the film yeah man and making every

single copy i invite some of these people over you know they can't fly so they just swim or they or they cruise in via boat to my beach, and we make the deal right there. You know what I'm saying? It's great. Yeah, they can't, of course, under the current restrictions, they can't fly, but cruise ships are open for business. So you've been receiving them at your beach. Oh, yeah.

We've been using cruise ships to kind of ship stuff around that we need. I mean, really, when you bring up kind of the current situation, Hayes, that really brought a lot of stuff that we were up to to a screeching halt. I mean, we've been we've been locked down. So you say this. We there's like a lot of. Oh, sorry. The Scuzz man and I, when when we got the kind of order to lock it down, we were actually together in his in his school school bus uh that's parked by the beach uh hell yeah this guy's bus yeah don't forget it yeah get it right yeah this guy's bus uh and so we were inside and so and so that's just where we've had to be uh for a while

now i mean it's sterile it's just he calls it the he calls it the sterile van sometimes because we use a lot of bleach in there yeah why does he call it a van in that i'm sorry not bad yeah it's a bus every other time he refers to it man is easier to say sometimes you know it's true we've started to get a real economy of words since we've been uh in lockdown well and if you got a mouthful of uh like oatmeal or something and you try to say bus and you hit that b that stuff could go flying everywhere now you got to clean up on on aisle home so uh van doesn't risk that yeah and bus sounds a lot like bust which i know becauseman is saying enough that it actually would help to have a different word. Are you okay, Skuzzman?

Sorry, yeah. I'm just like, my nose has been running really bad. He's been fighting something for a while. Yeah. Uh-huh. It couldn't have come at a worse time for us all this lockdown stuff it really it really couldn't have no i had been following you i we haven't spoken in a while but i've been seeing you on social media we're getting you know getting all amped up i guess pre-production

went really well and you were actually about to roll camera on your latest project we're rolling camera you are you are in production now. This was the issue. We were about to shoot, right? We were about to shoot a kind of spiritual. It's not actually a sequel to Volleyball, a real underdog story. It's more of a spiritual successor to it.

It's Beach Blanket Bingo Romp. That's what it's called. It's called Beach Blanket Bingo Romp. I added the romp and uh that's what it's called it's called beach blanket bingo romp i added the romp wow very evocative title yeah he added the romp i just said beach blanket bingo and he's you couldn't possibly call it that because that that is something no no he added the romp on there he threw it he tacked it on okay because he said what kind of you might people might just think it's a game of bingo like what but the wrong how would that even work oh i've played that before how do you how do you play that it's pretty self-explanatory

okay you all get on your bleach blankets and then we call out which one you're on. You might be on a Mickey Mouse one. You might be on a Toronto Blue Jays blanket. And then you put it on the board. And so we're just like, so our movie takes place in that world, you know? In the world of the guys. What's up? Bingo.

You put it on the board. You put it on your board. Does anyone have a master? So you have a master key, like a card. Oh, yeah. Well, Spellman's drawing the master key in the sand, but a lot of times it goes out with the surf, and so we're kind of unclear on who wins exactly.

It changes every day, so you got to keep up. You got to keep up with on your board. Right. And am I correct that there's like someone basically who's parasailing and calling out the various blankets? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

No, that, okay. I think I have been there for one of those games. As I recall, you won every single round. Oh, absolutely. I was defeated. It's a war of attrition. People give up. I mean, you know, but yeah, Spellman...

I'm sorry, Scuzzman, rather, is the last man standing every time. But we were... So, look, we were going to shoot that movie, right? We were good to go we had we had a great pre-production really successful we had a wrap party at pre-production posting about that yeah it was so much so many like instagram of like crushing this pre-production most successful pre-production in hollywood history and i guess i wanted a little more detail just because to me that that that part of the process is always a little a little bit boring um no we've secured

the location i mean the beach is really the only location right uh scuzz man i mean was there because i'm trying to remember we didn't add yeah that's that's what made it feasible is that we could just we just had one location that was a beach the bus was in there sometimes but you know i didn't want i didn't really want to like reveal where i live too yeah okay a big part of this has been hiding where scuzzman lives uh we don't want the kind of cast and crew to figure out it's feet away uh from the beach yeah i don't want to talk to them generally. I mean, I just, I'm sorry.

I just want to say like the way the bus is designed doesn't seem to be okay. Just the fact that you like, for example, for example, converted the school bus to instead of the stop sign that folds out, a sign that says SCUZ folds out of the front window. I mean, it's just like there's so many signals on it that you are inside

this bus. The weirdest thing is watching people try to obey that sign when we're driving. Like when it pops out, watching people try to SCUZ. Well, they put the sunglasses on. Yeah, they put the sunglasses on. Yeah, but they never do

it correctly man so he always gives them a ticket yeah but a lot of people have been upset at me for giving out those tickets but i don't care okay so you're protecting your privacy we're protecting our privacy but so we anyway we have our raid we have our pre-production wrap party. Right. And I'm hungover. I mean, I am just like it is just legendary. And I'm waking up. Yeah. Scuzzman always makes sure I have a nice, healthy hangover. Yeah, I make sure he does whatever he needs to do.

Yeah. Just just takes water away from me. Add sugar to whatever I'm drinking. It's it's important to him that I feel it the next day. OK, so you wake up. And I get the news. We're on lockdown. And not just that, the beaches are shut.

I mean, that's the real part that got the scuzz man. I mean, he draws a lot of his energy from the beach. Yeah, I thought of you guys right away. I mean, immediately when I heard the beaches were shut down, I said, oh, scuzz man. It was the worst moment of my life i couldn't believe it he actually felt it in his body before the governor announced it like he we were walking in the in the bus and he and then he just grabbed you're walking in you took a walk inside the bus

we went down the aisle yeah that's right we went on a stroll to the walk inside the bus. Up and down the aisle? Yeah, that's right. We went on a stroll to the back of the bus. And then he just clutched his chest, not where his heart is, lower and on the other side. Okay. And then he said, it happened. The beach is closed. And I said, what are you talking about?

I can see it right here. But no, sure enough, we turned on the news. There it was. I often feel those pains and i know that something is going on you've been feeling a lot of other pains too oh oh yeah but this is different i some are like pains where i know i'm in i'm in bad health but some of them i know i'm getting a premonition that one was about the beaches fuck wow it was fucking it was the worst day i want it sorry i wanted a little about the actual clutching you said it wasn't where his heart was it was lower it was on the other side and lower

yeah and on the other side of what his his uh like the opposite side of where the heart is right but on the opposite side of his body on his back behind on his back and lower and lower he clutched his chest but really on his back yeah kind of on my back okay hello i mean it's a it's a rib i mean it's a he's he's holding his rib could be could be sorry if i said that confusing. I thought, yeah. But so then from that moment on, we stayed in the bus. We were in the, we did not leave the bus. We stayed in the sterile van and we just waited it out.

I mean, I went outside because there are errands that need to happen. Well, I was going to ask, yeah, because uh again you're so active on social media which i really think is is cool and it's been a great way to stay in touch with you since you don't um your data plan is you don't seem to be able to receive calls or texts i can't receive calls or texts uh my data plan has one megabyte a month and that goes so fast. But my social media, you know, yeah, I just hop on Wi-Fi. But yeah, I've been doing a lot of errands. I mean, Scuzzman, we got to get groceries, you know, like eventually we got to do something. And that is important. And I think a lot of people have been going on grocery runs but i it seems like scuzzman is assigning you sometimes to do other um other errands that feel a little less essential just like for example

referring to getting groceries as like going to the movies and like memorizing that movie in your brain so you could then go share it with scuzzman i mean movies that you remember are not groceries uh yeah i guess i could see that interpretation i mean i do carry the movie in my head home and and and kind of like unpack it so to speak and load it into the fridge which is scuzzman's mind. That's what we've always... Okay. Well, I was surprised, too, that you said there was really only the one location of the beach because I thought, surely there must be a hospital scene in the movie because Scuzzman has been having you go

and count the doors in every hospital in California by touching them. Well, he's worried that there won't be enough uh we've been hearing about these shortages in hospitals and they talk about the icu beds they talk about like all these other things the ventilators nobody talks about the door shortage yeah what about what about the doors man yeah are these private hospital bed like you have no kind of way of knowing right if there are no doors then like what's the euro yeah you're exposed to just anyone but i feel like you could still count it from afar i don't know if you need to physically get i guess you want to make sure it's not a hologram is this right uh yeah that's

right yes spell excuse me oh yeah i've been tricked by hologram is this right uh yeah that's right yes spell scuzz man yeah i've been tricked by hologram doors before and you know what i've said not anymore and not even in this pandemic i need to know so i tell dom to go out there and fucking do it scuzz man i'll say too that those doors that did confuse you weren't holograms they were the automatic sliding doors that you didn't give time well they're gone like you reach out and they're gone so what what is a hologram if not that you reach forward and there is nothing there but yeah sean you're right i mean the last grocery run i i went up and and touched uh i think it was 250 hospital doors uh which sounds like a lot but you know really uh isn't it's not that probably

not enough yeah no but i met a ton of i met a ton of people a lot of a lot of i got a lot, but really isn't... It's not that many. Probably not enough. No, but I met a ton of people. I got a lot of questions, which I didn't expect, about my presence there. You're there to do research. You're there to ask questions. Yeah, I said, I'm there to count hospital doors. And they said, are you from the city?

They didn't know. I mean, I was dressed in a suit with a clipboard, so I think they thought, okay okay this guy maybe should be here uh well that's got to be flattering that they took such an interest you said a suit you mean a wetsuit yeah a wetsuit a wetsuit pictures a wetsuit a clipboard um and i always made sure that there was water dripping off me just so just because that way if you're confronted like because i knew i wasn't supposed to be there if you're confronted and and you're getting soaking wet you just be like sorry can we do this in a second i need a towel right and then you book it to the next door that makes more sense i guess than like a dry wetsuit yeah dry wetsuits terrifying like what's that

explains a little bit you know you were just like maybe at the ocean. Yeah. But, I mean, you know, the Scuzzman, a lot of what I've been doing has been, I think, keeping us safe. It's been giving him a lot of peace of mind. Because I don't think I have to tell you, Scuzzman's kind of predisposed to a lot of conspiratorial thinking. Sure. You know, as soon as this happened, you were like, I knew it. I knew it. And I was like, oh, oh get ready i know what's

coming next yeah and then you never said what it was well you like are talking about like keeping him safe and stuff i do want to point out that he is sick these are allergies okay yeah allergies like people don't know that there's a difference people really don't know there's a difference i mean you you can try uh i've tried explaining it to people but okay i'll think it's you know covid 19 but man no no way i've been meeting with so many people there's no way i could get it you've you've been meeting with so many people there's no way i could get it you've you've been meeting with so many people right you've been having a lot of are these like work meetings yeah these are work meetings uh you know generals you've been taking generals i've been taking a lot of generals and people are

people are real responsive you know because they basically want to go to the beach now lately. So, yeah, I oblige them, and, you know, I'm happy to do it. It's sort of a service for me to meet all these people. Gus Guzman, you were saying that there are a lot of safety precautions you have for the set so that you actually will be able to safely start filming, which different people talked about this i mean tyler perry's been saying like he's tyler you know yeah i'm so worried about this us just you know uh excuse me i feel like we should push no way man well the

thing you sent me that was that was so uh you are you thought i would find very impressive was that you vowed to test the temperature of every single person who enters or leaves set by kissing them on the forehead. Yeah, exactly. I've done this before. There's been a lot of research that I've conducted myself. And basically, I can tell if you're hot or cold when I put my lips to your head. Really any part of the head. Forehead works best. He's identified a lot of cold people that way.

Most people are cold. Is it possible, Guzman, that you are running at such an extraordinarily high temperature that when you put your lips on someone else's forehead, they feel freezing cold to you? You know, I thought that because I'm at the beach all the time and I'm in the sun. But actually, no. No, it's not true. I'm glad we put that to bed.

actually no no it's not true i'm glad we put that to bed this idea i mean i'd love nothing more than to reopen and and to just like shoot the movie that we had in our head but i i i just feel like i just feel like i mean i think the temperature thing's a good idea i think that'll kind of take care of of that you think that is a good idea yeah i mean i think i think taking the temperature is a good idea i i think that maybe if there's a line where the scuzzman's doing the kiss thing and then maybe we have the forehead thermometers kind of in another line after that uh as like a just as a way to check up on on what you're doing you could double check that way that's fine by me okay that would make that would make Okay. That would make me feel a lot better. And if you get tired of kissing people on the forehead,

maybe we just don't do that part. I actually like it. I don't get tired of it. It's fun for me. And it's doing something, helping society, really. Well, it is. People walk away really charmed by the kiss. I don't know if you've seen someone get kissed on the forehead by Scotsman,

but I'm just worried about the scenes we have in the movie. I mean, there's a lot of, did you guys read the script? I sent it to you, but my- We can, do we want to read a little bit of it? We can take a look at, yeah, we can, yeah, go over some scenes. Because I was curious as i started reading it how you would execute these in a safe way yeah obviously there are a lot of crowd scenes and um uh scenes that call for closeness physical contact so i i'd be i'd just be curious how

you intend to do it or if there's uh a plan that makes sense because it can be useful for the entire industry if you have figured it out yeah I mean I'd love to maybe we can just read the scene and yeah see if there's a way we can tackle the execution of it I can do stage directions if you guys just want to like pick up characters as we're reading

Skuzzman you want to read Skuzzman yeah exterior overhead shot tiny beach not a grain of sand is visible for the mass of bodies below the bingo man rolls his bingo bowl rolls and pulls out a bingo button a button it reads right hand san diego padres right hand san diego padres filling in a piece the mass of people all start writhing around placing their right hand on different beach blankets idris elba the actor enters hello hello boys okay mind if i mind if i I get a blanket and play. Hey, man, do it. Sure thing, Idris.

Hey, um, may I kiss you? Oh, geez, Idris. Big star like you, that'd be an honor. Or were you talking to me or him? Well, now I'm not sure which I'd prefer. Originally, I was talking to the Scuzz Man. Boy, I'd be real offended if you don't kiss both of us now. Well, you know what?

This sounds like a perfect time for a triple kiss. Triple kiss. Ready, go. Boy, that was a good kiss. God, you blessing me with that kiss today makes me want to pay it forward and kiss two more people. Idris Elba. And I just want to point out that Sean's character is young Haley Joel Osment. So Idris Elba, the actor, the scuzz man and young Haley Joel Osment, each kiss, each engage in a triple kiss with two other couples on the beach.

Within 30 seconds, the entire beach has been kissed. Well, my work is done. It's great to see you, Scuzzman. Good luck in the bingo. Good to see you, Idris. Hey, we're still calling bingo if you want to stay for it. Really? You wouldn't mind if I stayed?

I mean, I guess that would be nice. I thought you were still mad at me because of cats. Oh, I am still mad at you, and I'll find a way to get you back. But for now, let's just enjoy the beach. The bingo man pulls out a bingo button that says bingo bingo everyone on the beach cheers they won

so I'm glad you started with the last scene first. Yeah, I mean, have you shot this? We shot the part where the beach looks like, we shot the drone shot. We got the helicopter drone shot from way, way up. Yeah. Why is the beach so tiny?

That was Scuzzman's idea. He likes the idea that in the grand scheme of the universe we're all so tiny and kind of like grains of sand form a beach you know like that right yeah i like tiny things i like miniature things you live so close to a great big beach it seems like you you had to build a smaller beach just to shoot this. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the part where I was getting all the sand out of the regular beach to make it look smaller. But this scene is a good example of what I'm worried about.

Was part of the pre-production was getting the sand off the beach to make a smaller beach? I'm telling you, it was the best pre-production. It was so successful. I mean, these guys worked so hard. We had that wrap party. It was so much fun. It's a locations department.

It was the locations department that did Catch Me If You Can. And that's so many locations. Oh, my God. So many. And so they just had to get the sand out of there. Famously a movie of many locations. They're in France. They're on planes. He's all over. I mean, yeah. And so they just had to get the sand out of there. Famously a movie of many locations. They're on planes.

He's all over. Well, they're trying to catch him. He's going everywhere. And he keeps switching locations, which makes it so hard. Yeah. I mean, that's what I think of when I first think of a lot of locations. Anyway, I... Eating better is easy with factors. when I first think of a lot of location. Anyway, I... Hollywood Hamburg.

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memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook. Scuzzman, I don't think your plan for how to keep the kissing safe is going to work. He wants saran wrap over face. He thinks putting saran wrap over everyone's face will do it.

And I think it will either suffocate or... It's not the sound the sneeze makes. It's the sound after that I'm on. The recovery sound that... Often that happens before I have to go kiss them. I mean, Scuzzman, are you willing to maybe look at this kissing scene? Maybe it's like a high five they do. Even before that, like bingo as it's normally played.

I mean, what you're describing, it seems more like Twister. It was a Twister instruction to put their right hand. And just little things too where it's like right hand san diego padres and then the next day's reaction is everyone starts putting their right hand on different blankets it's like wouldn't they all be putting it on the same blanket the san diego padres one i guess maybe there are like a few different san diego padres blankets you know it's like but say Yeah, there's different logos. So, you know...

That's a good note. We should say that. Yeah, all right. All right. I'll take that note. Wow. This is the first note I've ever gotten through.

Yeah, Scuzzman's become way more receptive to notes. Apparently. In lockdown. Hey, you gotta be... You gotta think outside the box and you gotta be willing to, you know,

to stretch yourself and do things you might not do before these times. So that's. Yeah. OK. We can clean up the bingo a little bit, maybe explain the rules, maybe make it all either bingo or all either twister and kind of keep it consistent. I think that could that could maybe help that part. I'm worried about the kissing, though. The triple kiss. Now we can move on to the triple kiss. And also the fact that it is a pretty good mathematical demonstration of exponential growth.

Just how quickly this beach full of people has all been kissed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't on our minds when we wrote it it but it kind of is something you could take away now i know i get when you're writing it it's just a really cool scene right but it's just the payoff yeah we do have to reflect a little bit now as we're as we are dealing with as scuzzman so eloquently put these times maybe we do want to change it to not a kiss and I know

you suggested high fives Dom but I gotta say I'm not super comfortable with that either maybe it's just knowing looks yeah Scuzzman had pitched eskimo kisses um yeah okay i saw i still want some sort of human contact uh if we can really get in there at some some level

so eskimo kisses i mean you take your shirts off and you touch nipples if you're guys and guys guys girls girls because we can't we can't have the other thing happen you're saying you cannot have mixed gender nipple contact in this movie and I mean that's not the type of thing that Scuzzman would have said before locked in I mean Scuzzman needs to be all about

he really has changed in a way that like and I wonder if this is like some kind of symptom he's softened a bit yeah and uh he used to not care about nipples touch like yeah dude chicks and dudes let's do it he used to say all the time and i gotta say if you're taking that out of this like you're saying you can't have it in this scene my first thought was because it is happening in so many other places in the movie that was why you didn't want that because there is mixed gender nipple touching on basically every fourth page yeah and then and scuzzman has had a real epiphany about he started feeling real bad about that and lockdown starts feeling like that's sending a bad message. Right.

About nipples. It's just, it's sending a bad message about personal space. And what people should be expected to do, what they want to do. I've got to come to jesus moment about it is it is it young hayley joel osment to like is that to explain the concept of like paying it forward i just like yes yes how how do you intend to execute that well it's it's young hayley jill osmond i think we pictured him being like two and a half years younger than he is now okay right our scuzz man or how did you how old how old did you picture uh yeah uh yeah this just shy two two years younger than a little okay now it's a little less than two years come on you want it the other way

last time we talked that's why we went two and a half alright one and a half sorry I'm having trouble breathing come on let me go check on the hospital door so he just turned 32 last month so he is either

just over just in his 30s or just shy of his 30s well what we don't want is for him to be a little kid doing the triple kiss that's what we don't want yeah if there's any confusion in that area like that's we should clear that up definitely when you say young hayley joel osmond people absolutely read that as him being a little kid yeah I mean that really was he obviously became famous as a child actor so when you say young I think that is what people picture oh wow well that scene must have grossed you guys out I mean it does end up being I don't know it just kind of ends up getting lost in a few different things i guess i didn't have time to be grossed out i had so many questions and like the promise to take revenge on

idris elba like wait he said i thought you'd be mad at me and then scuzz band says oh i am mad at you and i am going to get you and and then and then he just goes but for now let's play bingo and then and then you all get bingo and the movie ends i thought it felt like something was being set up at first but i i and now the timeline is a little confusing to me because idris elba has done cats he thinks that's why scussman's mad at him yeah and yet hayley joel osment is 29 and a half or possibly just over 30 but either way of an age where cats has not has not come out yet maybe that's in production uh yeah i'm sure it is i i think earlier in the script we say it's in production but but maybe again, I mean, this

is great to hear stuff that's like not clear that we should kind of like, you know. Okay. I'm remembering now that is a whole scene where you guys talk about cats being in production. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it feels like a throwaway. And then later and it comes back and is great.

And it pays off. It pays off. It did. It was confusing. I don't know if it felt like a throwaway because it is it is several pages do we want to read it i guess yeah the scene where they yeah the scene where they uh talk about cats okay exterior mocap beach what Idris Elba is outdoors in a mocap suit

in front of a green ocean okay I guess that kind of makes sense scuzz man watches from afar he's really pissed come back to bed scuzz man Watch this from afar. He's really pissed. Come back to bed, Scuzzman. No, I can't.

Idris Elba's messing up over here. Scuzzman, would you just take those big, beautiful nipples and come back to bed and put them up against mine? Okay. I'll do it for now, but I don't know if this is the right thing to do oh me ow oh my oh no ignore him ignore him scusman why are you so upset that cats is currently in production you're letting it ruin your whole day and this is going on a week now that cats is currently in production and then you somehow let this take over your entire life it shouldn't affect your mood this much i just don't know

why they're still in production my cavities not there i just want to point out that the the character for the the that sean is playing it's the dialogue it says who is this yeah do you guys have any ideas we're looking we've been through so many people that this could be we're so stuck on who this could be I mean who

it seems to be a woman who wants Scuzman to make Scuzman's lover it is contextually but who like it's just as a hard character to suss out like i don't know what kind of what kind of what kind of being is it really you never know okay it's not a human being it has nipples i don't know i don't know if it is or not i guess cats as you often say, cats have nipples too.

Cats have nipples too. Yeah, cats have nipples. Can you milk them? That's what Scuzzman always says. And that's not exactly what it says in the movie. Cats have nipples. Can you milk them? But I guess now this is tying into the movie Cats. Maybe this is what's making you so upset about it. I mean,

most of the notes you have taken so far are, are clarity notes. And I do think like the connection between the line cats have nipples too, which is not the line and meet the parents. Yeah. That's kind of close. That's how we get there, though.

If Cats Didn't Have Nipples, you wouldn't have that scene at all. It's very close. It's basically the joke. Cats Have Nipples, can you milk them? You can say it the same way. It's the same thing. Yeah. Cats Have Nipplesipples fucker yeah hey cats have nipples fucker can you milk them so you do like that uh-huh is it possible

that like you are mad at idris elba in cats because of the way like the nipples are presented on the cats but what's weird about that to me is it's still in production you don't even know yeah you don't yeah we don't know we've been we've hit these walls too he doesn't know about the movie so why is he mad because that's the other thing who's this woman like just in the world and who and why is scuzzman mad at idris elba why is he by himself shooting now i've heard idris and idris i've never heard oh i don't know adris adris is that what i said yeah shit why is it outside yeah like why is he doing it there why is he apparently like rehearsing for the movie just right out in front of scuzzman's bus balcony and it seems no it seems like they are actually shooting it based on like

some others like this is this is something called mocap beach where they do motion outdoor motion capture stuff yeah well i guess the simple answer is because that's where scuzz man is we need scuzz man to see him shooting and then we we had a justification i think which was that he found the studio too cold and address elba found it too cold address which makes sense oh address found it too cold okay i wonder if again this is scuzzman projecting on things that he feels because of his core body temperature being so high. Scuzzman, you got to wipe your forehead, man. There's a lot of sweat.

Oh, now I sort of wish that had stayed on because it's wiped off. What's underneath is some of the scuzz. Yeah. because it's wiped off. What's underneath is not. Some of the scuzz. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't taken my swim today. You got me up. You got me up. You got me up way earlier than I'm up usually.

It's noon. Normally Scuzzman takes a sunset swim. A sunset swim. To start his day? Yeah. Scuzzman's nocturnal now he says the he says the coronavirus is like it's more of a daytime thing uh and uh so he tries to kind of stay out at night and okay so that's why this was all going to be night shoots in order to protect people from the potential of getting sick we're shooting but for a beach movie to take place only at night well we're shooting range we're shooting night

for day so it's it's it's night for day on the beach so like obviously it'll be completely really yeah we're gonna need some lights and man the pre-production came through on that they got us the lights that we needed those guys were were killers, and they deserve that party. They are the best in the business, our crew. We love them. I was just so amazed. I was playing with those lights and flicking them on and off. Don't play with those.

Well, he uses them to regulate his temperature in the bus. I know, but he's so wet. No, no, no. It seems dangerous. No, no he's so wet. Nah, nah, nah. It seems dangerous. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. No, it's cool. They're big lights. They're bright. I just never see the lights

that I get a kick out of lights. And, uh, man, those things, they really came through on that. Yeah, it's really the best in the business. Scuzzman, you've been experimenting with bleach, right? Still? Yeah, it's one of our safety precautions.

I've been trying to see if I can... He's got an idea to keep the set sterile. Have you seen one of those fans that blows a water mist that people can kind of go stand in front of and it's kind of a nice like ah yeah so he wants to hook up a bleach container to that and have and just basically have there be a gauntlet of those you have to kind of walk through together so i i mean one of the things on the list he sent me was that it just said crafty how about bleach sandwiches which to me this is just another new danger that we're dealing with because even if no one was getting infected

if you are feeding the entire cast and crew bleach sandwiches they're going to get sick well scuzzman tell them what's in a bleach sandwich. They might be confused. Yes, that's true. I guess I didn't look up. Yeah. What's in it? Bleach. Okay.

Then I take back my apology. Cheese. Cheese. Wait, is the bleach the bread? No, I freeze it. I freeze it and then I put it on a sandwich and then I melt cheese over it. And then it's really wet. It's an iced bleach between two slices of bread.

Why do you freeze it? Well, in order to get it on the bread. To get it on. Otherwise, it just makes the bread all soggy and it's not. But then you've got to eat it real quick. But then you're about to melt it. You're melting cheese on it. Not if he eats it first. Not if I eat it real quick but then you're about to melt it you're melting cheese on it not if he eats it first not if I eat it first it's crunchy

and uh hey I've been eating them I've been feeling super great I'm just noticing I thought this was a mistake but the script on some oh no he's grabbing his heart but on the other side so those are his kidneys i just

want to say what he's grabbing his kidneys that means something's going to be announced about the beach excuse me is something going to be announced about the beach i feel like it's going to be it's going to be open and tiny. The governor is going to reopen the beach and make it tiny. An even smaller beach? God, well, he listens to his body. I mean, you know. Hey, you're going to thank me when that happens in a couple days.

You're going to thank him that you were prepared. I mean. I do just want to say, what I'm noticing on the script now is that sometimes, not all the time but the title at the top of the page says bleach bank it bingo Rob and

bleach I get but why does it say bank it instead of blanket we only had one L for the title page yeah and so and so it had to go it had to go there and i think we're leaning more towards making it bleach bank it bingo at this point i mean given some of the notes you had on on some of the stuff at the end i think it'll be easier right well bingo is still there which is that's true yeah that was the main issue and romp is there we're trying to find if we see if we can find another l

but we can't we can look on the computer for another l i mean i keep trying that was the one thing that pre-production could not i mean they, they did so good. I don't want to hold up the one thing they didn't do. I'm really mad about that. Yeah. Well, you gave a toast at the party, at the

wrap party from pre-production that was almost entirely a tirade about the missing L and how no one was able to find a second one. And just, you know, person by person pointing at them and screaming in their face about it. You're just normally so cool. The way you have changed to be both gentler in some things about nipple stuff, like nipple contact, but so angry in other ways. I mean, it's just like...

Unfortunately, a lot of that crew wasn't going to be joining us for production after that wrap party. I mean, they're terrific, but yes, Guzman really got in their face. Did you fire them? Of course. rap party i mean they're terrific but yes guzman really got their face of course after yes guzman's in each of their face point and saying where is it where's the l give it to me i know you fucking have it and well he picked up peewee the sound man and turned him upside down by his ankles and tried to shake the l out of his pockets and peewee iswee's an ironic name. That's a big guy. That's a big guy. Huge guy.

So Scuzzman really did a number on him. I was so mad. I don't know where I got the strength to do that. Who's that? It's a real ego bow for Pee-wee. That one was a little gentler though I'm worried that we haven't heard the

recovery sound yet. That's what I always wait for. And I also have to remind him about it sometimes, too. Because if he doesn't do it, then that's a huge problem. It's going to get backed up. Yeah. It's just involuntary. It was a delayed one, though.

Oh, great. Still going. The noise is still going yeah yeah yeah it'll calm down it'll calm down a little it's just so sad that someone who exists almost exclusively outside is so susceptible to uh to allergies yeah yeah that's what that's what I was saying. Allergies are not supposed to happen outside. Okay, that's not what I was saying. Not what the point was, yeah. But it's okay. Hollywood Handbook.

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so what we want to talk about today with sorry you said harry's or harry i said harry's we always talk about harry's first and then we talk about you clean harry uh who are sort of our new noted mask i don't know no taken for this campaign talk about harry's first what we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently great a ridiculous or fun situation that you were in okay recently that's the prompt and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i mean i've had things happen to me that i suppose you would find funny okay but that you didn't find funny and and you have no not really and you have things that have happened that you would find

funny but the rest of the world would not. Yeah. I guess I'm interested in that one. That I would find funny? Yes. But that others would not find funny. You seem to think that you have a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous that is not. I ordered a scented spray

for my pillow to help me sleep at night like a lavender scent okay and uh they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that. Funny or ridiculous. But you do. I just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the shipping warehouse. Harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable overpriced shaving products. Clean Harry on the come up. Decided to do something better instead of charging the same stupid high prices harry's found their own way to double cent bottle

beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands except go baby exceptional products honest prices i don't is there a bogo as part of this because i don't want to be like talking about no but that's what happened that are no but i clean harry punk harry's two bottles buy one get one their deodorant their lotion their body wash their hair gel all very high quality products they all smell great german engineer blades made in their own factory they stay sharp longer you get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at harrys.com slash the boys highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find funny? Yes, sure, but that you didn't. Yeah.

So you're attuned to this stuff. I got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on. And you know that that was something other people would find funny based on the responses you were getting. A lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my legs started spinning around

and flipping me over. What happened was I was holding my laundry basket with both hands and I saw, ooh, still a sock left in the dryer. So I stuck my foot in and tried to pick it up with my little toesies. I wear sandals. Punk. And as I'm pick it up with my little toesies. I wear sandals. Punk.

And as I'm picking it up, I just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between. There's like slats in there and stuck inside there. And then I don't know who, somebody pushed the button or what, but it turned on

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That's harrys.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set. Hollywood handbook it's it's i i just can't wait for scuzzman to get back on the beach so he can be re-energized i think a lot of this change that you're talking about in his character is kind of like changes that have come about because of beach withdrawal no sun he hasn't he hasn't really gotten to run the sand through his hair he hasn't gotten to you know why not oh you got rid of you got rid of a lot of the sand that's right it's only the little beach so we have to preserve that sand tidied out he would scoop up almost the entire beach where he'd run the sand through his hair sand through his hair the the waves through his feet and just kind of he hasn't been able to do any of that is the water somehow tiny as well did you get rid of a lot

of water as well or i'll tell you they were the best in business we had the water wrangler from titanic and he was okay now that was sectioning off uh i mean basically we dammed up part of the ocean i mean that's there's no real way to these are both leonardo dicaprio movies but i will say when i think of like water movies yeah tit Titanic does come to mind more obviously than Catch Me If You Can is a movie with many locations oh it's not it's not it's not wrong he's everywhere he's he literally flies all over the place I don't know what they're having trouble catching him Hayes no I understand he's in like Florida and like New York all sorts of yeah and I yeah and I don't have a better option but just like what I think of Catch Me If You Can

it's just like it's a location movie yeah it's a kind of Carmen Sandiego journey yeah oh god we have a lot of work to do I tell ya we have a lot of writing these sessions are so important

to get the we got a lot of valuable information I gotta are so important, you know, to get them. We got a lot of valuable information. I got to go hop on that public computer and get to work. So you're saying you guys have to go? No, I don't have to go. I don't have to go. It definitely is sounding like you. I wasn't rep.

I'm trying to think. No, I'm trying to think about us moving forward with the script. Sorry, you mentioned a public computer dump? Yeah. Going to go use a public computer. Scuzzman insists that I use public spaces just to suss out what's going on. He doesn't believe a lot of the news and what's going on out there. Okay, well, I think libraries are definitely closed.

Where can you even go now? I mean, you have to be a hospital well yeah the hospitals well they are stingy with their computers man you try to hop on one of those things and first of all it's like not even like an operating system i'm familiar with there's like yeah it's just like all about patient id numbers and stuff and so we had to load some programs on final draft yeah you had to put final draft on a hospital computer. I had to walk in there dressed like a janitor with a flash drive in my pocket

and rejigger one of their computers. An important one, as it turned out. A real key computer. You posted this as well and that outfit I saw was a wetsuit, but you're carrying a mop. That's right. And the mop was helping me

keep myself wet too uh so that so that just in case anyone comes upon me it's like nah man i'm just i'm sorry i'm on the real deal man real deal no bullshit here uh let me get off this computer real quick uh but um but yeah once they kicked us out there i've just made my own computer public it's just on a card table on the sidewalk um and so i kind of go i go use that um and uh you had a computer before when you were going to use the hospital computer uh yeah well it's it's old oh it's so old it's old okay it's just so. And they make you update the operating systems, and then the computer doesn't work. And I think it's rigged to make me buy a new one. It's rigged.

Okay. Oh, yeah. I'm skeptical about it. And this is maybe one of, this sounds like one of Scuzzbiz. I came around on this, yeah. I came around on this Scuzzman. Okay, it's a pretty harmless one, I guess. I kept screaming over his shoulder saying, it's a pretty harmless one, I guess.

I kept screaming over his shoulder saying, it's rigged, it's rigged. Come on. Go get out of that hospital. You gotta touch those doors. Scuss man, are you feeling like you're gonna wanna go with me to the hospital one of these trips and maybe have him take a look like we talked about? Ugh, nah. Okay. I still don't... to the hospital one of these trips and maybe have him have him take a look like we talked about yeah nah

okay I still I still don't that is something I will never come around on his hospitals yeah so you wanted him to count the doors but you never would be willing to go through one of them

I guess he that makes it easier if you know where the doors are to not ever pass through them by accident he wants to see pictures of all the doors he's not going to walk through and uh i can't begrudge him that exactly yeah i just want to know that they're there because i'll never get to experience them it's you know kind of it's a typical writing partnership each of us kind of picks up the we kind of fits each other's weaknesses and strengths and compliments each other that way that's that's been a nice part of seeing scuzzman in this kind of lockdown situation he's a real protector he's been very protective of me and that's been really

nice yeah you get a place to live on the bus i got a place to live on the bus you keep it on top of the bus sorry on top of the bus in my sleeping bag okay yeah he gave me a sleeping bag for my birthday my birthday was at the beginning of the lockdown and i couldn't call my family uh or uh why oh your data data plan my data plan yeah i mean i called him real quick but And I couldn't call my family or anything. Why? Oh, your data plan. Your data plan. My data plan, yeah. I mean, I called them real quick,

but maybe that was more alarming for them to get a quick hang-up phone call from me on my birthday and never get to talk to me. But yeah, Scuzzman gave me a sleeping bag that works great on the roof. Yeah, I'm just so happy to have him during this. It's nice. So what's next? I mean, you him during this. It's nice. So what's next?

I mean, you are in production. It's unclear. It seems like you're saying you do still have a lot of work to do. But cameras roll tomorrow, yeah. Oh, it's tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow we're opening up. We're starting with some of the easy scenes. You've shot some drone stuff.

So it sounds like you got a lot of people together on tiny beach shot just drone footage did not get anything else so you have to bring them back or anything no sound we gotta get we gotta get adrese over here um we gotta get yeah there's a lot of hurdles and there's a lot of people and i think excuse me we should be prepared for a lot of these craigslist guys you've been in touch with the, maybe not show up tomorrow. They might not come. And what, what do we do if that happens?

You know? Well, uh, I'm hoping that they're going to come because I, uh, I gave him a pretty, I wrote, I read them the riot act.

This is what I love about. This is what I love about... This is what I love about Gusman when you present something to him like, hey, we should be prepared for the fact that they may not come and what do you want to do in that case? And his response is, I'm hoping they're going to come. Yeah, a lot of times what he wants to do is hope

and that's nice. It's a nice feeling. Hey man, I take no for an answer. I'm not prepared for that. You were saying you got mad at them. You read them right out. Before it seems like they did anything wrong. Oh, you should have seen him at the wrap party.

I mean, he got into these guys. These Craigslist guys were invited to the wrap party? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just so we could meet them all and get eyes on them. You were chewing them out at the wrap party prior to filming a frame of them. Yeah, that's right. They know who's boss.

Or who could be boss if they were to get or accept the gig, yeah. Damn, guys, I wish the movie didn't sound so fucking good or I'd tell you not to film it. I'm worried it might not be safe. At the same time time i haven't seen a good beach romp like this escapism yeah it's yes it's exactly what the country needs what scuzzman told me is like yeah exactly like america needs to laugh we need to laugh he's he's been saying this whole time i need okay the movie i to say, is not funny or written that it is

intended to make people laugh at all. The movie's not funny, but I think laughing at like, man, I finally saw a movie. Like that type of laugh. They're not going to laugh at it. Like a nostalgic laugh. I was confused too. That was crazy the past

couple months, but now I get to watch this movie and be outside. So they'll laugh before it or after. Either way, they'll laugh. But during, I expect them to be kind of stoic and taking it in and just being along for the ride. I mean, I think you should be prepared for them to be fairly disturbed during a lot of what's happening. Oh, right, yeah. I mean, the triple kiss, I think, is going to be fairly disturbed during a lot of what's happening oh oh right yeah i mean the

the triple kiss i think is going to be romantic it's going to play romantic in context yeah that's romantic that's one of the lighter scenes i mean i think that we've kind of read the two lightest scenes okay i've been kind of brooding on the balcony uh outside this guy's bus it's his lover calls him back to bed uh the triple kiss stuff that was sort of like you know there's there's some romance there but so much of it is just um scuzz man butchering a whale carcass that washes up on the beach yeah and then and then barbecuing it for all of the for all the uh the guys playing bingo who don't want to eat it. I mean, they are forced to eat it.

He's making them eat a whole whale. And honestly, it feels like a Bella Tarr movie. It does. Like a what? Bella Tarr. I mean, the takes are so, so long. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of one scene.

You watch him butcher a whale in real time and serve it to uh to the the people who are excited i wanted to show everybody how good i am at doing that i yeah that's a real skill of the scuzzmans that we not that you are good at it i just want it from reading the script just just how good you are yeah just to show them how good you are. Yeah, just to show them how good I am. It's how I grew up. It's how I lived my life. And the amount of good you are at it is not very. Yeah.

Not bad. No. You've done it. You're not particularly good at it. But this is how good you are, and you want to show us. Yeah. I want to show just just how capable i am which is just you know just what it is again yeah it's just the tone like it's it's something in the

delivery of it when you say i want to show just how capable i am it sounds like you're saying like because you are very capable but you want to show them exactly the amount of that you are very capable but you want to show them exactly the amount of you are capable which is you know not particularly right okay oh gosh we're in agreement i just wanted to be something i've learned and i just want to i just want to show it to everybody that's how i can't do it oh i am not excited to go nocturnal for this shoot man have you ever eaten whale meat no we don't know who you're talking to is it maybe

chef Kevin chef Kevin I know he's eaten whale meat how do you know that do you know that I can just tell by the cut of someone's jib I can just see it in his face and his eyes. Both? Both at the same time.

He's got that whale glimmer, which you get by cooking meat. And you know what the great thing about it is you don't have to be very good at it. It just cooks. The thing about butchering and cooking a whale is you really don't have to be very good at it. You could just... It just cooks. The thing about butchering and cooking a whale is you really don't have to know much at all. I mean, you just... What's the first thing you think you have to do? Hack something off that whale and put it on the hot surface?

Cook it. And it just cooks, it sounds like. It just cooks. Apparently, it just cooks. Cooks. I'm hoping the whale meat will be okay for the actors to eat on the day. That's another concern I have that's separate from any kind of virus. So much of our concerns have been virus related.

Did pre-production take care of that for you? I mean, it was your gang. They were great. I mean, they delivered. We had the whale wrangler from Big Willie and he... From Big Willie? No, not Big Willie. Free Willie.

Free Willie. It was Free Willie. Sorry. willie and he uh from okay willie no not big willie free willie free willie it was free willie sorry you're the whale rigger from the big it's a better title it's a better title than what than what they had he's huge it should have been called big whaley and that's a fascinating guy because early in his career, he loved whales. He wrangled them. And now he's an expert in butchering and cooking them for crews. But yeah, I'm sorry, it's Free Willy, not Big Willy. That was Will Smith's kind of rap persona like in the late 90s. And I just fucked it up.

Free Willy style. Free Willy style, yeah. I fucked it up. Free Willy style. Free Willy style, yeah. Free Willy is something I like to whisper to myself when I pull my fly down. Now you told me, Sean,

that you wanted me to end on the funniest joke you'd ever heard? That you would do like a hand signal which you did just do that was like that it was time to end. what you had what you did just do that was like yeah that it was time to credit credit where credit is due that joke is borrowed from an episode of murphy brown um that's what i yeah but you wanted me to get out before i said hey

i'm gonna reference to murphy brown there's something yeah it was something where it's it's candace bergen when free willie was you know in the theaters or had recently been in the theaters candace bergen um has given a hard time to her producer miles grant shod i think it was something where he'd accidentally exposed himself somebody walked in on him and she and she said something about uh is scuzzman a screening of free willie scuzzman has left yeah he'll be right back he just stepped into the other he went on a walk real quick to the he went on a quick stroll to the back of the bus okay his microphone just reappeared okay scuzzman what happened where'd you go? Oh, the... Yeah, my battery was getting low. Bye.

Hollywood Handbook. I'm a horny girl wolf. This has been. Earwolf. I'm a horny girl wolf. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. Ooh. That was a HeadGum Podcast.