Hollywood Handbook - Dylan Gelula and Broti Gupta, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: February 9, 2021

DYLAN GELULA and BROTI GUPTA from the podcast Lecture Hall host an important seminar for The Boys. Check out all the new podcasts and videos at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Plus, there's 2 new Hollywood Handbook shirts available here.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast it's board meeting of the holiday company the corporation the business sorry back up which holiday or it's every holiday? It's the corporation that makes and sells all the holidays. All the holidays. All the new ones. So it's the board, it's Mrs. Claus, it's Dracula. But it's also the pirate from Talk Like a Pirate Day.

It's the Time to Make the Donuts guy from International Donut Day. Who else? Oh, all your siblings are there for Sibling Day, which is like, honestly, to me, that's my favorite holiday now. I used to like when I was a kid, I liked Christmas. Then I got kind of in a Halloween just because it's so freaky. And it's when you can really get out there and like freak out your friends. so freaky and it's when you can really get out there and like freak out your friends but now as an adult sibling day man where i just i get on the gram and i look at everyone with like their

brother who they see once a year and they're like in you know and they're little kids yes they're in a rugby shirt in a sandbox and i'm like okay yes this is actually giving me life so we're we're thinking like okay it's valentine's day coming up uh and we have i'm just sweating a lot that's why i keep wiping my face with a towel because you went for a walk in very cold weather it was yes it's 20 degrees but i realized i was running late and i had gone the wrong way and so i started running really on the way back and um now i can't stop sweating but go ahead you're at the holiday store we're at the holiday store the corporation and we're thinking like okay we need a new one of these look at galentine's day that's doing

like gangbusters big business big they did a whole tv show about that the cards that people buy for that like some of those cards make me openly weep when i'm reading them just like in the middle of a walgreens or whatever just seeing what girlfriends might send to each other on galentine's day and the depth of that friendship and those relationships and it's making me in the walgreens lie down and have a cry and get swept up with a broom by one of the employees because they because they think that i'm like a mess that someone spilled on the floor and in a way I am one of those huge like after hours like rolling machine brooms that they that they push around yeah and so they're like okay we

need one of that's galentine's day is whatever the 13th or something 15th there's another thing we need one for the 18th and I'm supposed to give a presentation and i didn't think of anything ahead of time and so i said i had to go to the bathroom i went to the bathroom i thought of something i came back and i pitched shallow hallentine's day which they were really nice about that's's awesome. Well, they should be. I mean, it's a solid idea. They were so nice. So what happens on Shallow Hallentine's Day?

Walk me through it. On Shallow Hallentine's Day, and this is where they were mostly helping fill in with pitches, which I really appreciated. You watch Shallow Howl in the morning. Oh morning oh great just get it out of the way you wake up and watch shallow how what a way to set the tone and then for the rest of the day you wonder what if you what if that is happening to you right and you don't know when you see it you're actually perceiving their inner beauty or lack thereof rather than their their physical how would you ever know is it huh i guess using the film as a my teacher you would know sometimes by how like

gravity behaves in the world. But if that's normal for you, you wouldn't know. If you'd been experiencing it since birth, you mean. To sit on one side of the seesaw and then a normal-sized person sits on... Normal-sized. No. Sorry. Gwyneth Paltrow-sized.

Yeah. Sits on the other side of the seesaw and you are rocketed off into space if that is something that like has always happened if that's always happened how would you ever know but then shallow how wouldn't be happening to you what would happen is you had been born with the mindset of shallow how whereas what happened to shallow how is that i think tony robbins shook his hand in an elevator is that what happened oh Dylan, go ahead. Go ahead. Please, please. This is a longer intro than usual just because we weren't confident

that you guys would be able to fill the whole show. We're eating, eating, eating. We can't. That's correct. First of all, hi, I'm Dylan. I feel like Tony Robbins is the one elevator.

Podcaster. Hang on. Podcaster. Podcastress. Friends with Brody. Hi, I'm Brody. elevator podcaster hang on act podcaster friends with broti hi i'm broti podcast also doing now writing the podcast is called lecture hall it's on patreon they have no machines or equipment that they do it on it's it's sort of original in that way and it's reflected in their subscriber base and then it's very minimal quality and in the quality yeah and then the conversations yeah and we'll get back to it and we'll get back to shallow hell i just want

to say i like i do i really relate to this friendship because as an actor i'm not going to be like friends with another actor no you know what i mean we can be cool like i'll be cool like if i see you like like it's fine we can be cool but i'm we're not like i'm not going to be friends with you you know what i mean well? Here's the thing. Well, because what I... Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. For every two people... I'll go after you. Yeah, okay. So I'll go first and then... I'll go after Sean. So it'll be me, Sean, and then... Great.

Kevin, are you keeping track of the order? Yeah. It's probably Sean B. It's not that hard. It's three people. Yeah. Okay, Dylan. So I think between two people, there should be one SAG card.

Yes. I wanted to say that out loud. I thought it would be like an interesting addition. Sean, do you want to take it from there? No, I'm going to take it. But honestly, what you're saying is actually cool as hell. But I'm in this spot where like, and I'm guilty of this a lot. I'm not listening.

I'm waiting for my turn to speak yeah and we actually created that dynamic but i wanted to say that for an actor to be friends with another actor okay yeah you could be cool with them but ultimately when you both end up in the same audition you got to activate that killer instinct and you have to be willing to rip their throat out in front of the casting director in order to get your job so for me it's like because i'm not in that field i could be fucking pumped when hayes man books a big role and i go shit i can't wait to watch that because even though it's adjacent to what i do yeah as a um basically a producer, I understand the language of what he's working on, but I don't have to be jealous because I'm not pursuing that same avenue. What I'm trying to get into is segment producing for Funny or Die.

I want to book the trucks. I want to use the interns, maximize them. book the trucks i want to use the interns maximize them i want to hey you know do we need another light sure fucking i can see everything we sell this for me right do we need these lights at all can we sell these i mean as for me i want to be in that funny or Die sketch. So like I I really thought auditions when you were like when you were like actors can't be friends with other actors. I obviously thought of like an audition scenario and then I realized like my entire life is an audition because like these days you don't really like go to

an audition and say like, here's my resume. It's like who you know. It's like you want to cast your friends. So like every waking moment is an audition. If you just let Dylan go because she's next. Yeah, sorry. It was my turn. Dylan didn't step on your side.'t step on your side saying the same thing that she said earlier so maybe you sort of instinctively knew that that was going to happen yeah i mean listen i was trying to maybe save us all from a little bit of embarrassment but uh this is a podcast where everyone is

vulnerable so i think that that's um no i've been wiping sweat off my face in front of you guys the whole time like right that doesn't get more vulnerable it's been a real producer move for you i can definitely see a producer doing that because it's like oh you've organized all these lights now now you're sweaty yeah on-camera talent probably wouldn't let you see them that way unless it was the what the character was going through that's right talk about sweaty characters anyone can answer um just okay everybody at the same not everyone so anyone is not everyone okay go ahead go ahead thank you dylan go ahead um i was going to say gwyneth paltrow and shallow hell yeah no that's a actually great it's the first thing i thought of as well

and some of jack black's characters yeah i mean he's not not sweaty that's the crazy thing about shallow how is like he's also sweaty yeah right and then he's coming from this place of incredible judgment yeah as is george costanza oh george costanza is sweaty he's i think he's a little nervous and that that probably you know there's like being physically sweaty and then there's also being emotionally sweaty which i what does he have to be nervous about what's he you wouldn't be nervous you're best friends with kramer he's opening he's opening the door so fast that he could really hurt you. And he could do that at any point. There's not a door you could stand by where there isn't just the looming threat of Kramer and the velocity.

And the window is right there on the other side. He could so easily just open the door so hard, smash you out the the window we saw the ac unit fall out of there the blooper reel every season was just george getting creamed by the fucking door and sometimes getting really seriously hurt they shut down production like every year because he he would be very badly injured so there was a medical team on standby but it was the whole bloopers they weren't funny like it was just like jerry says a line and then wham and george is like fuck jesus christ i mean you wonder like why by the end of the series george costanza is sort of flat like a pancake yeah that's right just sort of gradually flattened out and you were remembering shallow how dylan i

don't want to i don't want to like you were sharing some memories of shallow how i don't want to get away from that i just wanted to say that tony robbins did make a cameo in the film i think there was an elevator that is what gave him his powers yes he i don't know if he goes to a time the elevator shakes uncontrollably and then glenneth paltrow is is very fat wait what if the elevator was shaking because kramer was under it he was under it yeah he's like shaking it because he oh yeah because he heard george costanza's in the movie so he showed up on set and now just anytime somebody's inside anything he's trying to burst through in some way. That's fucked up. Wow. I never got that layer of the film.

The Farrelly brothers, man. There's always more to uncover. Those films are like giant onions to me. In what way? I think that Tony, did they make me cry? I think that Tony Robbins un undoes the shallow howl effect uh i don't know if that's what gives him the power as you put it haze well okay i just want to say like uh as somebody like i like to study like a good screenplay like shallow howl

and i just think that he would do that like they would put the sort of similar things at the beginning in the end like to bookend the sort of thematic i thought he was chasing him down to be like i need you to do that i need you to fix what you did to me i thought that was what was happening yeah but here's where i have to be embarrassed and vulnerable again which is what we do on this show and admit it's been a little while since i've seen it i think it's been almost six months and I don't have every single beat of it precise in my mind right now. And this has been a really good reminder, big wake up call for me. It's time to sit down and put some time in, Mr. Shallow Howe. Well, that's what February 18th is, right?

Right around the corner. Do you feel weird that you said time twice in that sentence? I didn't. Okay, you shouldn't. I just wanted to say you shouldn't. You know, Hollywood Handbook is a free-flowing conversation that occasionally touches on mature subjects. No, I'm glad.

Where the points don't matter and everyone gets vulnerable. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Points. I haven't seen Shallow Howl, but I have seen Kramer vs. Kramer. It shows. I'll talk about that. It shows. Yeah, I'll talk about it.

Okay. I think Meryl Streep does a great job in it. But what else? Well, you know, she's only in a few scenes. She has about 18 minutes of screen time and she won the Oscar. So that's a great job to you? Is barely even showing up for the movie? I mean, there were scheduling conflicts.

What did she have to do? I honestly hate this. What aspect of it? I hate that when Brody, who's supposed to be my co-host, talks about actors who do a good job and that I have nothing to do with and I wasn't even born yet. You notice I haven't done that to Hayes.

Well, Sean, do you like the movie Kramer vs. Kramer? Let's have Hayes answer first. Take it away, Hayes. Yeah, I think it's pretty good i think i would have been i think i could have contributed a lot yeah it's missing a lot you know how it was that improvised moment where dustin hoffman throws the wine glass against the wall as he's standing up from the table at the first kind of um meeting with meryl after she uh had abandoned them so hayes hayes i think if he was in it would have thrown every glass you see against no no no that's such a memorable moment i'm standing there

i'm not either of those characters i'm just like a third guy who's like yikes but he throws the glass and i freaking catch it and i'm like no, no. Hey, man, this is a restaurant. These aren't yours. You want to smash a glass? You do that shit at home. Obviously, you guys have something intense going on. Wow. So, hey, you would sort of like you would sort of save the day that rules.

I just put my hand up just like on face. And I'm like, no. Where are you? Because, you know, they do have like a corner table and he uh smashes it against where are you hiding during that i have just kind of nuzzled my way in there over the course of the scene and i'm like getting behind his chair and i'm like excuse me excuse me i have to check i've got to check on this corner. This corner stinks. And I'm like smelling it. So you're crouched down.

So you're crouched down. Yeah, I'm crouched down facing the corner. Really getting my nose at it. What stinks over here? Do you find out what it is? Do I find out what it is? Do I find out what it is? What's more satisfying? I mean, this is like the 70s.

I think back then it would have been like the conversation. The end of the conversation, you know, where he's like tearing the walls open and stuff. They left a lot of stuff ambiguous back then. Well, they didn't have CGI. So they had to. Right. Because what stinks.

Yeah, it would have to be something it would probably be one of the ghosts from from ghostbusters or something like that so we'd you'd want to have yeah special effects unit in they do look like they smell really bad the ghosts from ghostbusters are drawn like they smell bad absolutely stink like shit yeah if someone said that i would be surprised if someone said the ghost smelled really good well this is another spot where hayes could be really i think bill murray's funny in those movies uh hayes i know yeah was would have loved to be in there he's a waiter in the corner and he goes p you stinky ghosts you know you know what i'll say about dylan is that um i don't i

don't think she would have been in that movie. And why? Because she's not a stinky ghost. And that's a compliment. Okay, there are other female roles. There's roles that could get gender swaps. Yeah, there's that crazy dog. No, I think you would be in your own movie. During that, I think you would be in Lady Bird.

Do you think... Okay. During... Instead of Ghostbusters, she would have been in ladybird instead that's really nice yeah no actually it's kind of nice because i would have really done a lot for my career i probably wouldn't be on this podcast well hayes would have been hayes would have been at the same time and and you know in brad status which also took place in sacramento so so it's like we both are supporting our partners and we're place in sacramento so so it's like we both are supporting our partners

and we're all in sacramento well brad brad is at the beginning anyway then yeah it's a movie it's fake like the characters in the movie are there oh right right right they probably shot like exteriors in sacramento and then whatever probably los angeles yeah do you have to shoot exteriors in Sacramento and then whatever. Probably Los Angeles. Yeah. Do you have to shoot exteriors now or can you just Google image search it? You're asking me because I'm a producer? Uh-huh. You know, I'm old school. Yeah. I draw it.

Uh-huh. FOD has a funny, has a cool way of doing this where Sean will draw it. He'll draw a house with a family outside. He'll draw the sun. He'll draw a tree. And then the actors hold that up kind of next to their head. What side? right or left is there like a it depends on like which side what part of their head is ugly the image is reversed but yeah yeah it's i am wondering like you know how uh i'm not saying this is what's going on here but you know

how like a therapist will ask you to draw a house with a family to sort of indicate emotional distress in a child is that anything related to this? Well, I, you know, obviously I've never thought about it. I was mostly just like, we have to somehow generate an image of a house for this shoot that is, you know, taking place on the corner. But then like you didn't draw a mom. Yeah. Franklin, which is like a really crazy intersection. and i need to make a suburban house but when i draw it uh yeah i guess i've noticed that the family is always like killing each other yeah none of the none of them have heads oh man so are the heads like pretty like... They don't have heads. They don't have them.

Or like they're buried under the tree. No matter what your follow-up question is, it's built on a foundation which cannot stand. Okay, what do the necks look like? Are the necks like nicely sewed up? Like the head has been amputated? The necks look like spaghetti. Oh, man. sewed up like like the head has been amputated the necks look like spaghetti oh man yeah that that's that's sacramento it looks like a little spaghetti yeah one one spaghetti one little spaghetti yes oh okay yeah i like a long noodle

in terms of pastas okay kevin down boy so let's get into the show itself which is basically some sort of teaching seminar or something you do lecture hall and you tried to humiliate us it made us go on there and like tell you uh some kind of basically like wikipedia page or something yeah and uh gee how would you like it if oh i don't know somebody did that to you we do it all the time we would love to yeah yeah right we feel really good about it 100% good then do it so do it okay Dylan I picked a pretty fun topic do you want me to do you want me to start if you like it so much then yeah please start do it okay well can you not yell at my friend Dylan I'm actually so unlike you I actually you better not yell at my friend hey I actually have a machine

that actually shows me how loud i'm being and right now i'm in the high end of the of the yellow range which is normal and is actually good so if you actually had a machine that could tell you what volume is then yeah you then you can talk to me about yelling well it doesn't go the other way you can yell at brody if you want. Sorry, continue. Yeah, but that's because I mean, I'm fine. I'm fine with that because I'm sort of hard of hearing. So honestly, either you guys can yell at either of us.

At least something would be happening. Wow. Well, now I have to go into my topic. Okay. Good. Good. I'm glad. Well, my topic have to go into my topic. Okay. Good. Good. I'm glad. Well, my topic is the Westminster.

It's the Westminster dog show. Okay. Okay. I think that's my second favorite dog show. What's the first one? I love the rescue dogs. Oh, yeah. They're not allowed in the Westminster for shit.

You're not allowed to be a rescue dog. They let mixed breeds come in in 2014, but they're still probably bred. Okay, so it was an all-breed show that was hosted in New York City from 1877 to 2020 when it stopped happening. It's over now? Well, they moved it to Tarantula, New York.

That's a long dog show. That's a really long dog show. It's crazy how you can just do that like i i said something and then you like wait what is that yeah how do you do that that was crazy like i said like a span of time and you racked it like it was like one show that's so interesting how do i do that how do you do that that's like fucked up i actually never even think about that i'm worried that if he thinks about it like he won't be able to i won't be able to do it. I won't be able to do that anymore. It's just this kind of innate ability.

And it's not like I do it all the time. I don't even do it every episode. So it's like I can't really afford to like think about it too much and do it less. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, protect that.

Protect that about yourself. Yeah. Anyway, that dog show would take forever. It would take forever. That's really funny it's annual you guys it's just one a year okay um so they're required dogs are required to be on display in their assigned locations during the entire show except when shown in the ring groomed for showtime or taken outside for elimination they take them outside and eliminate them wow if you can bring the dog with me

and the dog is being taken outside to be eliminated yeah they take them outside wow I can't draw dogs I so for some reason I can't get the body shape right

it always ends up looking more like some kind of crazy giraffe yeah oh it's just i i can help their way shorter neck well the neck ends up looking like spaghetti yeah oh right no head no head yeah so how does it look like a giraffe i guess i was being generous to myself it just looks like a big mess yeah so i was being kind to myself i'm sorry no it's it's okay i shouldn't have tried so like on our show we usually like present something okay um the first westminster show took place on may 8th 1877 which is a day after my birthday which is may 7th um originally okay my wife's birthday actually is may 8th oh i could have been may 8th i was born at 11 56 p.m so were you really i was

my mom bragging about the like ability to be born on a specific date. I could have been born on this date. Yeah. If you just held on. And why would you even lie about that? Everyone is asleep. You weren't born that late at night. Bedtime is 10.

People can be born at night. No, bedtime is 10. Did you come out of there asleep? Yeah. Were you asleep when you were born? That's so late. Dylan, I actually also was born at night, but I wasn't born last

night. So I'm not exactly buying what you're selling here. Alright, alright. It was like 4pm. It was in October. Originally, the prize for winning the dog show was a pistol. Wow. Wait, given to the dog? Yeah.

It was a really like fancy gun that everybody was trying to vie for. So the way that they judge dogs is that there's like a written description of each breed that some guy just writes like his dream shepherd and then they just try to match it to that including eye shape sorry when you say dream shepherd do you mean jesus man dax i'm talking Dax Kevin's bitch I guess that was really funny hey how do you do it

this is twice now well it wound up being Kevin's crazy joke that everybody went like this is crazy what was your joke he said the sandman like which is sort of the range I was walking in, that it's like someone who shepherds you.

He's the dream shepherd. Oh, okay. I'm going to go Dax, but thank you. I'd love to find something that we could do together. So Westminster held competitions in junior showmanship ever since 1934, so you can be a child and show dogs. The winning dog becomes America's dog for the coming year and this entails uh the rain begins with a media tour i thought i thought ballpark franks

were america's dog i'm just trying to do like what hey sean you're back sean say it louder sean say it louder yeah no i will i wrote to you again you don't know how loud he's being like you like you have no way of knowing this you don't have a machine that tells you this information but we do i have two machines they're my right ear and my left ear and they're telling me that sean's a that Sean's very quiet like a mouse. And Hayes, you're very loud like a lion. Your ear's a machine? Yeah. Bro, that was a horrible accident.

And your ears got replaced with robotic machines? I went through some kind of factory assembly line because I thought it would be fun. You came out with two big machines on your head? Yeah. So the reign of being America's dog... Oh, you didn't? Yeah, right. What do you mean, no, you didn't?

I'm sorry. No, I'm not. This is ridiculous. Sean, you don't know what it's like to be a woman of color in America right now. All of you have ears that are machines? That's the issue? First of all, don't say all of you. I've really misunderstood.

Yeah, we're not supposed to do that. Like we're a monolith. There are four of us. Who's the we then? The other people like me. Okay. I think Dylan was talking about the Westminster Dog Show.

Okay. Please. Okay. Anyway, me okay i think dylan was talking about the westminster dog show okay please okay anyway the reign of being america's dog begins with a media tour and then the dog visits the observation deck at the empire state building they take him up there the new york stock exchange yeah we'll get into that we'll actually get into the gender of the winner later trust me i hope so then the new york stock exchange invites the winner to ring the bell i don't know how a dog the dog rings the bell they take him they take him up there and and what happens he just looks down like i don't know how do they know when like how do they know when it's like enough that they've been up there long enough what do they do with that prize-winning

pistol i don't know the pistol doesn't you're allowed to kill you're allowed to kill anyone you want you're allowed to shoot one person whoever you want once with the pistol i wouldn't shoot them in the head i wouldn't't kill. The dog? No, just anyone. If I had to shoot someone, I wouldn't do it in the head. Okay, interesting. It feels like you want a follow-up question. I don't. I don't.

All right. I'm going to sleep now. Oh my gosh, she's gone. She went to sleep. Okay. It's because we touched on something that she actually really believes, which is weird. She's put a lot of thought into where she would shoot someone.

I know. There's clearly someone she's thinking of, too, which is really disturbing. No, I put thought into where I wouldn't shoot them, and it's head. Who is it? Who is it? Do you want to say? Is it Tim Kaine? It's John Stamos.

Yeah. I wouldn't shoot him in the head. I wouldn't. I think he should live. No one said he shouldn't. Okay. So you're going to leave. You know he's grandfathered, right?

You're going to leave. You're going to leave the grand child without a grandfather no not without because guess what i'm not killing him yeah but he has to go through all kinds of physical therapy no not all kinds just the one this guy literally found out that he was both a father and a grandfather on the same day can you imagine the trauma what i was just thinking now brody has a gun like he's been through you've got a gun and you're gonna point at a guy who first of all his restaurant jimmy's is getting its ass kicked by bistro six dion fucking sanders is coming to town and he's gonna eat at bistro six which is a huge photo opportunity he's trying to find a way to get him to come to jimmy's oh and by the way he's babysitting his grandchild for the first time

who he just found out about today on the same day he found out about his child child so this is a lot to deal with so it's really so isn't it like a second chance at life that he gets shot but not in the head i rest my case okay so you're saying maybe it would help him if you shot him at bistro six then he's a hero no that lives that's a hero that lives that's not right he's definitely not a hero but maybe then people wouldn't go to bistro six so much because broti's there she's shooting people should we go to bistro six tonight no no brody's there. She's shooting. Let's just go to Jimmy's. She's got a pistol. Yeah. Because Brody's not allowed at Jimmy's anymore because there's a restraining order. She shot the owner at Bistro 6. Where she is still allowed.

She's still there. Yeah, I'm allowed at... Okay, here's the... I'm allowed to eat at Jimmy's, but I have to be outside. Yeah, because it's COVID. Nobody's eating outside. There's no indoor dining.

That's not because of the Westminster Dog Show pistol shooting. Yeah, it's not because you shot anyone. There's all this other stuff happening. Oh, then... Then why do I have to eat outside? Well, because first of all, you make a big mess. I don't mean to make a mess.

I always clean up after myself. No. You actually don't, first of all. You kind of just kick it around with your foot. Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize this was happening. Let me clean this up.

And you kick it around with your foot. And then you have a big backpack on with a big sloppy towel that is even messier than what's on the ground you go i'll get it i'll get it and you're just sort of like slapping it down against the pile of food that's on the ground and there's pieces of old fish falling off the towel and all this stuff and we're going like please don't help like stop helping yes i'm trying, aren't I? I guess, but it feels like you know that you're leaving it worse

than you found it. This is another reason you're not allowed to eat. You order the whole branzino. Yeah, it's a great dish. The towel is also your utensil for some reason. Yes. So that my hands don't touch the brand

zino directly but it's it doesn't it's so hard for you to like pick things up and i'm being generous even calling it a towel it's really a blanket it's like a it's a quilt it's a towel at least is like a something you would use to clean but don't clean up with the blanket you called it a towel that's why and i've you know i've fallen for it here but it's clearly a quilt i mean oh well it doesn't have like it doesn't have separate things for my fingers you know it sort of acts like a mitten but worse does it doesn't it's like a mitten, but worse. Does it doesn't, it's like a mitten without a thumb. Yeah, it's a mitten without a thumb.

And let's be honest, it's huge. The quilt is huge. It's huge. You obviously put a lot of time into it and each square is dedicated to a different erotic Pokemon. Okay,

you're just list, you're just describing my awesome quilt but this is just an answer to your question which is why do i have to eat outside it's like every restaurant is like okay you can do that but you have to do it outside okay okay street cleaning is tomorrow so you should come today and then they'll come and hose it all off i have a question for you guys do you guys ever think about how hard it is for me to eat the branzino with that quilt no we can't even see the erotic pokemon it's covered in fish heads i don't want to eat the branzino that way but what other option do i have what am i i'm not an animal i'm not going to just like like eat directly with my hands or like put my face

in it any of the quilt i just wish i i mean on at this point i just wish it was a different quilt because a lot of times there's kids eating around you and these these pokemon drawings are pretty graphic and you've changed all of the names to like different dirty names except for squirtle that one is left well that's what i started with and then you kind of build out from there. Well, here's the thing. Actually, Blastoise is also still. That's right.

Well, I started with Squirtle. And then I learned that he's actually one of these things called Pokemon. And so that's how, you know, I thought he was just sort of an independent erotic figure. Okay. Okay. But the point is, if kids see it then okay great they're learning about sexuality in a healthy way i i agree to disagree on that i like a lot of them actually look extremely unhealthy it feels as if you've got a great legs to give them various conditions how else?

Here's the thing is that nobody knows what to look for with chlamydia. And now I have, you know. I'm sorry I brought up the quill. I'm sorry I brought up the quill. What's the dog show thing? What happens next? I just keep remembering this is like the lady who came in and shot John Stamos. Yeah, no, that's not to be.

Not in the head. That's not to be forgotten no not in the head be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that always get, people stop me and they say like, hey, I trust you. I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about. But there's one language that I'm trying to learn, and that's body language.

Can Babbel teach me body language? Yes. language. So can Babbel teach me body language? Yes. Babbel now has visual in-person lessons. Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages, handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations, and that includes as little as three weeks babbles designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does

their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. And I need and have needed something like Babel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger? Because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah

and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babble's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world.

Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others, can't feel good to be others there. Continue to prove Babbel is better. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold. All of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee. Here's a special limited- deal for our listeners right now. Get 55% off your Babbel subscription but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash the boys. Get 55% off at

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With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be easy, but you'll always be glad you did it. Kind of like this podcast, except it is easy for me. Eating better is easy with factors. Delicious, ready-to-eat meals. Every fresh, never-fro frozen meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is

different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal the meal has to be ready it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons

and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the at the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy. They have smoothies and things like that. This is wrong. Reservation for two, me walking in my bedroom.

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This is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget. Sign up and save. We've done the math.

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The subscriptions are insidious. They're the scourge of our modern life. And you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged. And you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged. I know that I was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before I found out how much it was costing that they intended to send me. By the way, you'll this will shock you. Fifty four dresses. If I did not cancel. And I know i think oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses

oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 dollars a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million, most of that was the dresses.

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Hollywood ham. So look, only seven dogs. One more than once. But there's one three-time champion, and it's a dog whose name is Warren. Warren. Warren. He. Warren. He was an early 1900s dog. Hey, what if his last name is Peace?

What if his last name is Peace? Oh, like Warren Peace? Warren Peace. That's cool. That's like a Hayes-style joke. What if his first name is Elizabeth? So Elizabeth Peace? Wait, do you mean instead of Warren?

No, yeah, well, Elizabeth Warren. Okay, but that would mean... That would mean what? Do we not assume that our dogs are called by their middle name? That's all. Only three times that dog won again, huh? Yeah, and that's the most any three times that the dog won again huh yeah i know that's and that's the

most any dogs ever won warren the dog will come back and be like this dog sucks now yeah no they'll come back and they'll be like we're on to other things yeah we've actually moved on to other stuff now oh shit uh warren uh holy shit man oh wow oh you came you're back dude uh nice nice no i think we have a spot for you um hang on hang on real quick move the move the trash can yeah yeah no no no there's a platform right over here no no no no we were we were expecting you yeah yeah no no no totally totally totally yeah warren get in here warren warren's here everybody he came isn't that cool and good yeah i know he's back again yeah i don't know i don't know what the fuck he's doing here looks like shit yeah warren no give us a give us just a second yeah i'm so sorry this

is happening yeah hey it's when when sean when sean does acting like this do you feel threatened no he's giving me line readings oh this is now for me to do oh can you perform it now yeah sure warren what what the hell warren's why is warren's here you move the light move that light this is me producing so i you know it's like i make it really intense i i think back to like stuff that happened to me personally yeah i combine that with sean's line reading

sean's not an actor he's not saying like this is how to do it he's like this is the ballpark of what i'm looking for and then i'm just giving you a yes just a vibe for it you know i'm really if anything maybe like a dialect coach yeah right okay so so warren warren's okay so warren absolutely kicking ass yeah he fucking destroyed three years um warren is crush zone 5000 absolute unit um yeah but he's you know he's been dead for like 130 years um so the two of the most popular dog breeds in the united states have never won best in show because they fucking suck the labrador retriever and the golden retriever because like i feel like both of them are like lumpy and stupid like they're not gonna win like best in show they don't suck um anyway that's just like yeah stupid that's its toes no it has

like a big it has like a big like lump on its head where it points around it seems to like smell that says that's its nose part that's not a lump that's like a thing about labs that are kind of ugly the oldest winner was a 10 year old dog named stump in 2009 stump stump stump he pulled through uh late in life which is it's like never too late like i know like orson wells wrote citizen came when he was 20 to 25 but like stump won when he was 10 i've been saying this and this is for podcasting too i'm thinking when i'm like 59 60 years old that's when it's really gonna hit like this whole podcasting thing people are gonna be like yes now you're the best one um when is that 10 years ago i'm just kidding when is what um never mind

no i got it i got 2009 yeah i mean roughly can i tell you a joke i made about a labrador retriever and you can tell me if it was offensive okay what were the circumstances what's the context the context is it was my neighbor's dog he had a massive tumor on his head and it got bigger and bigger and bigger but where were you when you made the joke it was via text message to who last year to my family so they sent us a photo of the puppy kevin's family's really rich if this if this makes any that informs how you're picturing yeah he has a sister like a fancy text that you're sending very fancy text so yeah the tumor got bigger and bigger and bigger the dog died this was like 10 years ago and then

last year they got a puppy and the puppy was so small and i said oh the puppy is smaller than the tumor on lambo's head and my family said that's offensive well i guess i agree that it's offensive because you characterize it as a joke if If it was simply a statement of fact, which you believe to be accurate, I would say, I can't fault this guy. He's just saying what this is bigger or smaller than, which I know is something that you try to catalog and have had a lot of

trouble with in the past. The dog's name is Lambo. Yeah. So this is also give you a window into like this is their neighbor this is kind of like the class that kevin's family is just gonna i was just gonna ask how rich they own lambo stadium the uh the my neighbors owned the green bay packers stadium so they named their dog after the stadium after a building i guess a building's a stadium yeah no wait a building's not a stadium only stadium very almost never how would you describe a stadium what if i i came up to you

and i was like hey can you compare it's me again now you're asking me again? I'm so happy that I'm off the hot seat. I'm never the one who's talking about this stuff. This could have been really bad for me. I can't help who I'm talking to, right? So I ask you to compare and contrast a building and a stadium. What would you say? Stadium is picture bowl of spaghetti. Take the spaghetti out. Okay. Make the spaghetti out. Okay.

Make the bowl huge. Put a football inside. How big is the bowl? Can the bowl just fit a football? No, it's huge. With Paul Bunyan spaghetti? I mean, for the sake of argument. Yeah, Paul Bunyan spaghetti bowl.

Okay. Oh, that's huge. Normal football. My football. Okay. Put that in there it's tiny have a guy uh i have a bathroom boys bathroom girls bathroom um I mean, I guess how many toilets in each bathroom? 69. How many? Sean?

69. In each bathroom? Yeah. Yes? Yes. Okay. 69. yes okay 16 so yeah that i mean that's a stadium how would you do it i wouldn't that's why i'm asking you okay you would you would not you would not even describe what a stadium is no if someone came up to me, I'd say hey, ma'am. I would say no. I would say later.

Did you bring anything to teach us or you just brought tasks for others to do? Dylan did a wonderful job. Dylan taught us about stump. My last fact was that there's been the

gender disparity in winners, which I know is something that everyone's wondering. Let's do it. Let's get into it. Males have won best in show 68 times, almost the right number, to females who have won 35 times. Wow. So we have work to do. The work does not end here. The work does not end here. You're correct.

So it sounds like boys rule and girls drool but boys also drool in this case oh man is someone keeping track of how many we have listeners that do yeah we have listeners that will kind of keep keep a little score of like every time i freaking pop off like this yeah okay uh anyway that's the westminster doctor thank you thank you she did such a wonderful job no bro t yeah um here's something interesting that i brought to the table is i'm going to teach you guys a little something about the podcast hollywood handbook okay which has a Wikipedia page. Okay. Hollywood Handbook is a comedy podcast hosted by The Boys,

which is bolded in Wikipedia, by the way. Are you allowed to do that? You can't bold things in Wikipedia. Yeah, it's bolded, but there's no link. We have a bold guy. Okay. That's actually really helpful. Consists of Hayes Davenport and sean clements

um the boys consists of yeah that's it episodes generally consist of uh the two of you offering advice telling stories and doing segments. That hasn't happened at all. I know. We did actually offer a lot of advice. To who? To you. First of all, you need to get yourself a freaking microphone so you can hear how loud you're being,

which is really inappropriate. You're screaming right now. You are screaming. Can I ask you something? How could i be screaming if i have no microphone i don't know how to answer it because the question is so bad yeah the question i'm honestly with them on that what dylan no this is why women don't win the westminster dog show, because they keep fighting with each other and talking about each other behind their backs. The dogs are catty.

Oh, Sean. I don't know. It's a different animal than a dog. It's contagious that Hayes is giving me these ideas for these words. So here's a sample list of guests that have apparently been on Hollywood Handbook. sample list of guests that have apparently been on Hollywood Handbook. Donald Glover, Ellie Kemper,

Aubrey Plaza, Kumail Nanjiani, Nick Kroll, Penn Marshall. Who are any of these people? Who are these people? Those were all pretty early. This was when they were all like... We had them on the show when they were really doing stuff.

We've been doing the show a long time. So, yes, we've sort of watched them come and go. Okay. I know Kumail. So do I. He's been on my show. You guys released the first episode on October 8th, 2013, which is famously... And this is something for you all, too.

Now that you've been on the show also this is something that happens so you've seen it happen with Kumail you are you're going to very soon going to be absolutely cut to pieces you are going to get so fucking shredded and huge and this is just

like one of the side effects of appearing on the show it happens one part at a time it's the handbook to hotness pipeline yeah yeah but you are absolutely going to explode and does this only happen with south asian guests um that's so interesting i have never once thought about what part of Asia my guest is from. But you've known that all of your guests are from Asia. Yeah, I'll be like, okay, this person's from Asia for sure.

But I'll never be like, oh, it's like North Asia or whatever. I just don't really like. Yeah. So apparently you guys met while writing on the Fox program, Alan Gregory, where you quickly established a friendship and established the reality show show podcast on the Earwolf Network. such as survivor winner John Cochran or comedians like Paulette Tompkins and Anders Holm. Humorously analyzing reality shows such as The Challenge,

World's Worst Tenants, and Splash. All shows you guys made up, right? This is like no Westminster dog show for me. I don't really know how to engage with it. I already know about this stuff already. I'm already engaged by it being my entire life

and my whole life's work. And it's being kind of summarized and dismissed in a way that I actually think is... It's being celebrated. Don't say dismissed. It's being celebrated. Honestly, I get on the Zoom to escape this stuff. Yeah.

But let me... I'm on Dylan's Wikipediaipedia page right now which does talk about the podcast and it says in 2020 dylan created a podcast with brody gupta called lecture hall with guests including iowa debris and rachel senate i get that right yes okay let me click on brody's name. You can't. What the fuck is happening? Something wrong with my click. If I click harder.

I'm clicking as hard as I can. You're on the wrong wiki. I am on wiki feet. But I'm not on Wikipedia. See if you can copy it and paste it into your search bar. Sometimes I can do that. Here, I'll do it over here. Okay.

Check Russian Wikipedia, like wikipedia.ru. Won't copy it. It says... Two weeks later on October 8th, the first episode of Hollywood Handbook was released with guest Jake Johnson johnson the hosts in hollywood handbook the hosts play highly successful versions of themselves that also didn't happen presenting the podcast as an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lined back hallways of this industry we call showbiz this is like this is

like you celebrating about this it's like listing all the great guests we've had and like kind of the high hopes that we had on the beginning of the show and now this is literally what it is you're on the show you're describing but the guest now is you and this is what you're doing and so it is making me reckon with like holding my hopes for this show in in one hand at the same time as i'm experiencing the reality of what happened yeah is this why you guys did you guys write before you got onto this zoom with you know dylan has a wikipedia page i as you both have very kindly pointed out do not um not even close apparently i don't really know i didn't know they documented like kind of how

close you were yeah i didn't realize there was a scale of like how close you are or like if they suspect that you will ultimately get one, but they're saying that it's just not. Yeah, and it's pretty far. Yeah, it's not on the horizon. It's pretty far. Is this why you stopped playing highly successful versions of yourselves? Did you stop right before you joined this Zoom? It got less funny to pretend to be successful when we started fucking lapping everyone in the industry

with all of our insane achievements. It became mean to joke about like being rich and killing it. I'm doing all this. When we were significantly more successful than all of our guests, it just became like, okay, this is like now it's punching down when we do this. Yeah.

It was probably episode three or four it's like kumail right now uh joking about being strong and ripped yeah and look i'm laughing i'm afraid he's absolutely gonna pulverize me is he like really strong because i just like i'm kind of focused on like his comedy and like his screenplay and that was nominated for an oscar like you know what I mean? I don't really notice what his body looks like. Is he strong? Are you focused on that?

Yes, I just said. Are you focused on that? All right. Yeah. Have you seen The Big Sick? Go to IMDb. Pull up your computer. Go to IMDb. Check the special thanks on the IMDb

for the Oscar-nominated film that you are apparently focused on. I can't because my phone's in airplane mode because of your podcast. Mine is too. But you were just reading from the Wikipedia page for Hollywood Handbook.

I guess you had it preloaded. Oh, this is all from memory. This is just, I mean, I've been a big fan for a while so this is just information that i'm synthesizing well the reception section i'm getting charged up yeah reception the reception of your podcast and again this is all coming from my head not from the internet is that you guys have received an iHeartRadio podcast award nomination. Wow.

Boom. Bow. They added that fast. Well, this has gotten really long. I am sort of what are we are. Brody, are you done with your part? Your little joke on us. I can laugh about it.

You know, I've actually got a cool sense of humor. I don't mind getting, getting teased a little bit on my own show. I know it's fine. You know, you wanted to come and give us the business. And honestly,

I'm laughing about it. I think it's funny. I get it. This is actually the kind of shit I would do. I respect, respect. No, that's dope.

That's dope. I think it's cool. Honestly, doggy, I think it's fresh. I'm okay with it. No, I can laugh even though you,

um, you know, you came on our show and we were kind of trying to help you promote your own stuff. And it's like, where you're like, you know, using it,

um, to kind of like, kind of come in, pointing your Westminster dog show pistol at us and kind of shooting us with that. But, um, uh,

thank you. Is that so hard to say? But I, I think it's really funny. And, and so, uh, thanks.

And thanks for giving me the opportunity to laugh at myself, not take myself so seriously on this show. Do you end the lecture hall by saying, class dismissed? No, but we should. We just say, should we turn it off? And then someone else goes, yeah. But turn what off?

You don't record anything. Her ears, apparently. We record the Zoom. Their computers? Yeah. You just turn your computers off? Yeah, we turn off the computers and then we go to bed should we turn oh how do you how do you guys do it how do you guys end your show

you don't go to sleep after what's your um you're gonna find out about one second just sit tight because you're about to find out you'll see exactly how we end our show what's your what's your patreon called it's called lecture hall and people have the opportunity to pay 50 a month for it if they want to correct yeah and a couple a couple freaks do also there's another lecture hall podcast on itunes that's some guys in some sort of college and they talk about sports that's not us that's not us you're not you us. You're not in college at all. No, not at all.

God, we couldn't be further from it. Bye! Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, the boys improved their ad reads, Carl and Ahsan discussed parking tickets, and the flagrant ones are talking all things basketball.

Listen to episodes five days a week at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. Plus, there's new Hollywood Handbook shirts out today. Check out the new merch at tpublic.com slash user slash the flagrant ones. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.