Hollywood Handbook - Dylan Gelula and Broti Gupta, Our McSweeney’s Friends

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

The Boys welcome back DYLAN GELULA and BROTI GUPTA from the Lecture Hall podcast to write a McSweeney’s piece. Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so we're a week out at this point from curtains up and and the scene's not working mm-hmm and just to remind you it's the the Geffen. We're doing proof. And this is before people knew proof. It's before Gwyneth and Jake sort of solidified what we think of as it. We were still finding it. And we've got this big scene where we're doing all this math. And it was myself and Mary Louise.

And we're... Parker. And we're going over it and we're going over it and it's not working and it's not working and my mentor, dear friend, director, Charles Nelson Reilly, leans in and says, Sean, what if you're holding a pen in this scene now i stop why and he says well you'll be happy because you'll have something to do with your hand and the pen will be happy because it finally gets to be in a play so how did that evolve into the eventual scene where they're eating salsa yeah so obviously he go to gaia is that what it was the pen just didn't read i i mean like we're on stage and we go we need something in a bowl but it was the beginning of the solve i mean it was much like

the the subject matter of the play itself right where it was you know it was about solving this complex problem um eating a plate of salsa yeah so we were said we need something bigger than a pen wider but once i had something to do with my hands you know i found the scene and i said we could put anything in my hand so then it was a plate then the plate was empty that looked weird then we put salsa on it it was colorful it was vibrant it made the audience feel like hey something's happening on stage but then it's like is he just holding the salsa no we'll eat it we'll eat off this plate and so that really then you know was the beginning of this whole thing where obviously the rest is history. The movie is a big hit and everyone still talks about today.

You know, the movie Proof, which is based on the play that I did at the Geffen with Mary Louise Parker. The Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. The Insider's Guide. The Kicking Butt Dropping Name. The Blah Blah Blah Blah. Who gives a shit? Lecture Hall came back.

Lecture hall's here. Woo! School's in session. Lecture hall. It's back to school on April 28th. After spring break, you're back in school.

You remember how he said that thing when he was like spring break? Who said? Oh, yeah. Spring break. The guy. The guy. Franco.

Sir Franco. It's a ringtone. What did you say? Yeah, it's a ringtone. It's a ringtone, baby. Spring break. Pick up the phone. Look at all my stuff yeah um so it is it has been spring break

and uh as two guests who have permanent senioritis you've got to be looking forward to summer huh it's almost here tell me what your big summer plans are and how crazy are you two gonna go this time i'm gonna try cocaine bro this is cocaine feels great yeah i'm gonna go the other way i'm gonna take um ketamine but the way that they give it to horses not people okay okay yeah you ain't gonna schwack it no no no i'm gonna do it right i'm gonna go to a vet yeah don't they have a thing that they just put it way in the back of the horses like how they stuff a goose yeah that's what i'm gonna do okay they've got like a big like a big horse size sort of syringe looking thing and they just eject it all the way in the back of the

esophagus and that gets you going where you need to be well that'll be a cool dynamic for you too but then who's if you're on ketamine who's gonna catch brothy oh when she jumps no one that's what she

wants maybe it's time oh I didn't know she was gonna I just meant when she's like No one. That's what she wants. Maybe it's time. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know she was going. I just meant when she's like going to be running around and stuff. Yeah. When I get the zoomies. Oh, I let her do that because she gets tired and then I can. Then she goes to sleep.

Yeah. Just another case of the cocaine zoomies. Yeah. Well, then after I get over the zoomies, I'm going to try cocaine. Okay. Yeah. that's what i worry i worry that the cocaine is gonna get everywhere if you're if you have the zoomies anywhere near it yeah i know i have i have a go-gurt version it's called cocaine so okay if you're on if you're on the move it's it's a much easier way to ingest.

I will be ingesting it the way that you... You know what? I think I'm going to have some Go-Gurt this summer. Yeah, you're pivoting from cocaine to just Go-Gurt? Okay, yeah. Yeah. That's what you really wanted was the Go-Gurt. Yeah.

But I wanted people to think you realize yeah as you work through like and this is why we poke holes in everybody people come in with like sort of like a little bit of an idea and we just start prodding at it until they kind of hate their first idea and they go never mind i'll just eat some gogurt and i think you save a lot of lives that way you save a lot of lives and also can i I'm going to give you guys a huge compliment you you cut through the persona and you go straight to the person

it's true that's what we care about here with me when I'm in a relationship I go straight for the purse that's where that's where the money is I go straight for the purse. Hayes! That was really fun. That's where the money is.

That's where the money is. That's exactly where the money is. Yeah, I'll check out. I'll be running around in there. What are you going to do with that? You're going to buy so many things like movie tickets and paper clips. Honey, do you have a chapstick in here I could use? I'm going to the stationary store are you inviting people to something with my stationary nope i'm thanking everyone

thanking everyone for what my success it's so fucked up because then everyone thinks wow hayes is so generous he's he has so much time to express his gratitude meanwhile he's stealing from his own girlfriend's purse wow that's sick man i have to stand i don't want to uh like stir anything up and you're like you guys seem to have an amazing thing going not liking each other necessarily per se but like some other at least like some dynamic for sure thank you thank you

but Kevin we couldn't we were like behind on that but we couldn't get anyone or something I don't know he fucked up in some way yeah and Kevin sends a text and he writes for this thursday's recording sean could you ask brothe if she's free yeah so that yeah so that there were a couple things i'm so glad you brought up. I was hoping you were going to bring this up, Hayes.

Thank you. Because, first of all, I think I, you know, I at least, I don't know if I know her better, but I've, like, seen her more. Yeah, I feel like I was introduced to Brody, like, through Hayes, basically. Yeah. Even though I'm constantly running whenever Hayes sees me. I've got the zoomies yeah but you're running you know in a very tight

circle yeah you're able to conduct a conversation you're just basically spinning around him yeah well that's because one leg is shorter than the other that's actually me running straight ahead but also like I don't know it's just like it didn't to me it didn't make

sense well that's why i sat on it for a day and a half yeah it just i think so did hayes so did hayes oh i i'm still sitting on it i never responded to to that question specifically it wasn't that's right that's right my name was in that text but i kind of let it rest yeah and i just turned it but also in my head i'm also like dylan's been in like movies and stuff like let's get dylan yeah well i i just went like i went am i being weird in my reaction? Like, let me not text right away. Let's sleep for a little bit. And this is all due to the simple mention of my name. Well, I think it's interesting that you brought this up

and you're like, who should ask Brothi? Where am I? And meanwhile, no. No, no, no, no. That wasn't the question. That wasn't the only question for me. No. No.

The main question for me was. In fact, I asked another question on the text thread. Do we only have one spot or something? Because if it's only one... Like, Dylan's been in, like, a bunch of movies and stuff. He's been in movies. No, I mean, I was thinking Dylan's been in movies. Yeah.

I have been in movies. So let's just get Dylan. That was what I... I mean, that was what I... I assume we only had one spot. All right. All right. Listen, I know who you're used to seeing on the screen,

so let me make this more comfortable for everyone. Yeah. Brody is kind of behind the camera. This is what my TV is normally like, is that, I guess, theoretically, Brody's camera is off when I'm watching TV. Yeah, but that's not what i i responded right and said yeah are we just asking brody are we getting lecture hall lecture hall's the brand to me that's what the team is when you guys do like your ucb herald night or

whatever like lecture halls that's the team well. Well, probably Cage Match more likely. You don't just do Herald Night. You have to be on a Herald team. Which, no offense, I'm not sure that's happening anytime too soon. You actually have to go through the whole program and then usually the artistic director assembles

the team. You don't just pick, oh, we're a lecture hall, we're a package. Did you totally forget about Cage a package did you forget about cage match that's so embarrassing uh no i remember cage match um i remember it too i remember whipping some ass at that yeah i remember winning the cage match i used to go rock the vote at cage match. Voter guy. I'd say this is what democracy looks like. Yeah, this is what democracy looks like.

Were you responding to my shit? Did you just want pokey on this? Is that what we're leaving? No, Dylan. I keep saying over and over. Are you trying to bait me into the same compliment over and over again? You've been in movies and stuff. You've been in movies and stuff you've been in movies and stuff i haven't that's what the reason i'm bringing up is because i would thought it was so fucked up and weird that kevin would suggest

that just brought db on here you know i'm not like this is not on you guys this is on kevin i was tripping on that yeah i guess yes yes i thought you were talking to me no talk to kevin go ahead yeah i know i feel good about you guys are fine talk to kevin i feel good yeah yeah oh my gosh i'm so glad we're having this conversation from the from the bottom of my heart i'm this was a pure miscommunication i meant to say both, but then I accidentally remembered that you like hate headphones and might have just like forgot your name or something. But that's why I kind of left you out. But so maybe for the next one, you can use Brody's AirPods and then I would have just you. Like when you've been in movies, I have been in a couple of movies.

Sure, people bring headphones for you. People, you were like, oh, I'm kind of like somebody has a water or they're like, we're ready. Like, you know what I mean? Like, let me show you where to go. Here's what you need. Here's your props.

Well, they mic you up. I mean, they hide a mic somewhere inside your clothes. So like, you're not used to having to bring a mic. I'm not going to bring a mic to set. That's insulting. You know what I mean? You may be wearing one and not even know it right now. Exactly.

I'm like, I'm not going to insult you, Kevin, by doing your job for you by having headphones. Thank you. Well, I think we solved it. You know, I haven't been in movies. I'm not part of this whole Hollywood world. Not just movies. You have not been in anything. I have not been in movies, Hayes.

And we're not talking about the small screen. I heard you've never even been in a limo. Is that true? Haven't been in movies and haven't been in a limo is that true haven't been in movies that haven't been in a limo no even to the airport you take a limo to the airport for the i've taken well okay it it's not technically i'm not allowed to call it a limo we have to call it long car. That's right. Yeah. Limo's from the limo region. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. So I'm kind of, I'm, I'm more of like a, a woman of the people. Um, this, this Hollywood kind of coastal elite stuff is,

I just don't understand it. So I, you know, so I'm the kind of person who would bring their own air. Like I brought my AirPods to the trailer that you guys ordered for me. And did that have everything you needed? Sorry. Yeah.

Is that the right guitar? Yeah. Okay, that fit the specs. It looked like what you were asking for, but it just... Rosie props up a guitar behind her because she hopes that someone will say, oh, do you know how to play it could you play me something no i prop up a guitar behind me because i as i was explaining earlier to sean this is a threat it's a threat that you're gonna pick it up and play yeah i can at any point tonight i can reach back and it's all over for you guys because all of a sudden i'm playing the beginning

of blackbird by the beatles and through the power of music now you have captured our audience they're under your spell exactly we don't have that same ability and i single-handedly bring back radio the movie with keva gunning jr or the thing the thing okay i haven't seen that movie i recently watched the it's also still around it doesn't need to be like brought back like it's still a movie yeah is that the football one i guess radio still is around too yeah i think both are still around yeah yeah that's what people that's my dad's in that movie even my dad's in movies your dad your dad's in radio he was at the big game they said ladies and gentlemen we're filming a movie it's called radio and he's in the crowd okay so even like even bartell insurance

gets you even my damn daddy's in the movies it's like Dan Bilzerian paying to be in The Equalizer. Kevin Martel's dad paid a million dollars to be in the crowd shot of radio. I was told that there would be a close-up of Denzel Washington shooting my beard off. I'm suing the producers. This is relatable, yeah? Well, speaking of the producers,

that is exactly what I watched last night. That's what you watched. I remember you trying to bring it around to that. What's going on with that? You know, they want to... The original with Zero Mostel? Actually, no. The 2005 version oh okay don't know the more recent classics yeah um i'm not allowed to watch that yet but it's you know it's your classic sort of hollywood story of nathan lane tries to make a flop and he doesn't he makes a hit um i was kind

of hoping this would prompt more from you guys yeah i don't know we haven't even really had room yet uh i had an idea actually for what we could all do together because you guys are doing some really interesting sort of smart innovative comedy stuff and it's a little bit against the grain and we've been trying to capture that audience i think that we've been doing some kind of mainstream shit lately and um i recently found this pretty messed up website that's actually pretty funny. It's called McSweeney's. Yeah. It's not a website.

It's an internet tendency. Yeah. So I was wondering if you guys, y'alls could help us do a McSweeney's. Uh-huh. Oh, my God. Okay. could help us do a McSweeney's. Uh-huh. Oh, my God. Okay. I could use some help, too.

I submitted in 2007. I was rejected. I was told that the piece was funny, but it didn't make him laugh out loud, which I know is the bar of course for any piece of mcsweeney's content it's gotta be making you bust a damn gut all over computer computer is soaked with spit and milk. I mean, McSweeney's, the MC stands for Menace to Computers. It's Menace to Computers Sweeney's because their goal, actually, their mission is to annihilate.

It's single-handedly keeping the computer industry alive. Well, because they make them pretty durable. Now, you wouldn't have to buy a new one if you could stay off the damn McSweeneys and stop reading the funny stuff that makes you spit out your chocolate milk. And so I want to be involved in that. I think it could be huge for our brand.

And I thought, who's young who's in touch who's out there who's funny who's got some clever smartness happening uh oh lecture hall does and i thought that after kevin said sean can you please invite brothe by which he meant of course both lecture hall both then you were like what if we had leisure hall on well yeah and then i thought what if we do movies and stuff but yeah yeah or dylan would be great yeah dylan would be interesting to have right so when i read these things i go how the fuck are they thinking of this shit? Like, it'll be like the narrator of the thing is like a box of cookies or something. Like, I don't know what's happening. It's like the last cookie in the box is talking to your hand while you reach

for it or something i don't know that's pretty funny can i can i pitch something on that to make it really pop to make it laugh out loud funny just two words two words nathaniel hawthorne can you fit him into this concept or nathaniel hawthorne this is why we need you okay maybe it's like elon musk and he's like back in but it's like old times and like he's deciding to buy like uh the um like the the maybe not i don't want to lose the Nathaniel Hawthorne thing. I do want to retain that somehow. But he's buying the Gutenberg press or something. Oh, yeah. Or he's buying just a bird, like an actual bird.

A bird, the pigeon that's sending the messages around. He's just buying the bird. He's buying a really mean bird. Yeah, he's buying the bird. He's buying a really mean bird. Yeah, he's buying a bird. He's buying a foul-mouthed parrot, essentially. So would this be letters to entities unlikely to respond? Or would this be like... Which category would this be in?

Or is this a short imagined monologue? Is this a sim? Are we pulling out the sim card? It's feeling to me like a short imagined monologue am i crazy no because it's the cookies monologue right like it's the cookies or the hand i'm on the cookie thing still we're doing the cookies we can do the cookies can we tie it into like the florida stuff like the desantis stuff like i you know i just want this to like i want this to rise to the top of the inbox uh right you know what i mean right so it's like in

uh it's like uh i feel like there's something with like a box of oreos talking to a box of hydrox okay yeah okay okay god shit i mean like i don't even want to like i don't want to bring it up never mind just in my head i'm thinking like like so here i was thinking we go like super topical but like at some you know i don't know i almost feel like we could get into like decorative gourd territory with this thing okay well then okay I don't want to like speak that in it's stupid it's stupid but no no I think if you're willing to curse if you're willing to say things you don't think

you should about gourds oh is it do oh hmm do we just do that and it's but it's like about the cookies they won't like that one they won't like that one. They won't like that. They won't use it as an example of what to send. Okay.

Okay. Well, I think I got us off track with the cookie thing. Let's start from, as Hayes said, impactful topical social issues. I think the Elon Musk area was great um i'm trying to think about what else is going on i mean well if i may um he seemed like he was seemed like he was no i i'll listen i mean you know it can keep cooking for a little bit. I mean, look, I'm just excited. I just wanted to have a cadence

where if this is going to work. It's up with Zoom. I understand it's up with Zoom. It is up with Zoom. It's also when you're excited about an idea. Yeah, and I don't like my idea anymore. It was like Russia

as a rude frat guy that's funny that's pretty good I think that's really funny because I hate what they're doing what if it's like the neighbors oh it's like the movie the neighbors

yes it's the movie the neighbors it's the rude frat guys who are living next door. That's funny because you can be like, oh, like Putin's male ego. You know what I mean? Well, Putin could make a mold of his dick and sell it as like a dildo

and then like raise enough money to like buy the house or whatever happened in that movie. Right. Like that has a lot to say. Yeah. And it's like a hazing rituals happening over there and it's like excuse me hey just wanted to introduce myself i'm your next door neighbor uh-huh uh here's uh i brought some uh pecan sandies like something really specific you know now we're back in the

cookies my name's sandy yeah yeah it's like just a coincidence uh and i just couldn't help but notice you've been making a lot of noise here at night uh i i noticed you've been invading the donbass region like you know like and now we're showing how much we know about the subject you know what i mean but keeping it in a with a lightness that the movie neighbors yeah has already sort of established for us so it's like it's okay to have a little bit of fun i think and birthday yeah i noticed that you keep opening your mouth while sean is talking it's because i get i get really excited I get really excited fine to do it just not while

other people are okay it's Ace's responsibility to be like Brody Sean was talking about like I want to say like Brody started to say like not to move the goalpost or that you wanted to move the goalpost or something about a goalpost and then let's yeah let's okay let's start over let's start over things got a little

tense just now okay we've things were said are we just agreeing to start over we just we did a lot we have something kind of going already i don't i i don't agree with that the point is we want to submit something that not only makes one person laugh out loud when he reads his email but makes the world sort of look at itself in the mirror and say here is what we can fix and that's all i was gonna say that's all i was gonna say okay i was with you until the the very end the very end here is what we can fix yeah or when you were saying that's all you're gonna say i thought was you must have more that wasn't really anything at all yeah well i kind of to be something that you were like opening your mouth for so many when i was talking yeah yeah like i kind of dipped out toward the end but i was thinking about like how okay it was bad it's going to this guy's email right like

how do we get him to open the email and i was like okay that part was good he's laughing at his email i was like this is good yeah yes and then we lost it i'm saying like just taking the part that works the email part like i do we just work on the email for now yeah so i'm saying like what's important to this guy that we could threaten that he would want to open and that's funny too if it's like a fake yeah fake yeah yeah it's fake it's fake but it's like a we're saying like hey man like we're you know look outside your window right now yeah like that's us that's us in the green car parked up the block like or just like publish this publish this funny mcsweetie's piece where it's like somebody who doesn't want them to uh allow library book amnesty because they um like had had to go to all these crazy extremes you know

to pay off their library book debt and it's like the student loan forgiveness thing but it's just about but and the book is funny it's like it's like a Dave Barry book or something do we I almost feel like we're gonna end up attaching multiple pieces I thought of one what if it's like I mean it only works

it's I mean seasonal but it's like a valentine from the decorative gourd i mean like yeah seasonal is okay i mean i can't help i can't help but notice that you know whenever dylan is trying to uh that was affirming i was being affirming i was being well it did stop in what i was saying i'm glad you noticed that i'm actually really glad that you noticed because like that's actually how collaboration happens. That's how a normal person speaks in conversation like this.

So yeah, I was being really supportive because I liked your idea. So it's like Valentine's that you might pass out in school. It's Valentine's from the sock at the bottom of your laundry hamper. Yeah, that has legs. So just to get back to mine for a second. So I guess it's a short imagined monologue and it would be like, hey, if you just let everybody bring back their library books, then I'm going to look stupid for selling my kidney so that I could clear out the debt for Dave Barry's complete guide to guys. And then I'll look like what I did was unnecessary,

and that's not fair to me. So that's sort of what that would be. But the Valentine from the sock, you're thinking that the sock is in love with me? I don't know what they say. I pitched an area. It's the seasonal. I mean, I don't know what they i don't know what they say i pitched an area it's the seasonal i mean they i don't know i now i sort of do regret being so supportive because it's like you understand that it is seasonal and yet it is the completely wrong season um they probably

schedule stuff ahead of time like you know like they know what they're gonna do later in the year yeah plus we gotta give options we have to give them options because they're probably gonna take all of these right and so then they'll so we are attaching we are good with the idea of attaching attaching multiple multiple submissions okay yeah and so then the email is getting that much more important you know what i mean because like i don't want to like waste well can we work on having like 20 different attachments on an email that isn't getting read and kevin i do want i don't hear i don't hear any click at a clack yeah i need the click at a clack uh Can we work on... He's not here. Kevin's been doing a lot of changes. Changing his clothes a lot during the show.

What's that about? He's been spitting up. He makes a mess. Do you think he's been doing... He's been trying his hardest to do a one man show and he's sticking with the costume changes but everything else has kind

of gone. We're all kind of doing that. We're all kind of doing like a one man show. Aren't we all sort of doing our one man show? Aren't we all kind of doing our one man show in a way? One of you makes a really good point this week on the patreon the boys continue their screenwriter session carl and asan discuss the perfect birthday and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball check out these

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Rules and restrictions may apply. With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be easy, but you'll always be glad you did it. Kind of like this podcast, except it is easy for me. Hey, guys. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place spending and helps lower your bills you can see

all your subscriptions in one place and if i see something i don't want i can cancel it with a tap i never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think also by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small

for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking

about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketm money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys so the email is it like uh if you ever want to see your um parakeet again the specific is sublime there hey if he has a parakeet perfect all the better all the better fuck all the sweeter wait i'm reading this and i have a parakeet oh no but i'm not i don't have one what the fuck i gotta keep reading this one sublime and then the actual text is like uh like you know

what do we say at the time like like some not like something normal well i think right well i think like this kind of grabby headline where it's like hey man we can do the marketing piece but check it out we've also got the goods when you get in the body so that could be i almost wonder if that they like we got to have lists we need lists in there yeah yeah it feels like a like a piece of a list yeah i'm still guys i'm still stuck on nathaniel hawthorne okay yes i'm sorry i didn't i didn't i just i think that there's something there yeah you know like like top 26 scarlet letters it's just the oh that's the damn alphabet different letters of the alphabet and like

a funny or like exactly yeah yeah exactly I didn't go to college that's fancy that's funny that's funny that's funny even for me who you know doesn't always get stuff right you just came up with you just

said all that stuff about Snoop Dogg and gas prices it wasn't so much stuff yes but it was the commonality the commonality of of um them them being high but you know definition wise they are both um taking uh different ones is number one a i like where your head is i like where your head is i don't think it has to well i think like the twist of the piece like starts like it would number two like number two is like p or something like that well no okay yes yes in the i mean you you all know this but just being um being three of the sort of most prolific stand-up comedians

in the country right now, you know, you'll want a rule of threes, right? So I say A, B, and then something. Number two is B. So we're going all that far down the road that way. Oh, now I know what to expect. Yes. Number three is fucking J. Rock-a-bye baby until 3j it's okay sweetheart get comfy

i think you guys are correct i think you're being so funny i think this is the move i just want to throw out what if it spells something out dylan, no. What would it spell? I don't know. Something with all 26 letters each used once. You think that if you have a way to do that, I just want to watch you cook. Oh my God. I mean, it's going to take me a while, but I could.

Okay. But you can do it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I think it'd be funny. You can do that with no college at all no no no

high school no high school or college no okay well then yeah that might give you the kind of outside of the box approach like a Daniel Johnson-esque thank you I'm thinking of it in terms of like

I'm looking at the letters and going no way we can use all 26 without any repeats right uh and and spell anything certainly anything meaningful i'm working on it though you're on it as well yeah because i love one a two when we go a b i'm like jay and then do back to c for four that's exactly yes wait i thought they got off this five or all the way down to z and now i'm like now anything can happen yes now i'm just along for the ride and we could and we could still have we're reserving the right to put lmno right where they go yes yes it's like hey wait i'm back in a little bit of a groove before i get fucking clobbered by like a q well something so something just so special about this is you

know that story of um uh when gene wilder makes the decision to kind of uh seem like he's wobbling on his he feels like he's a frail old man and then he does the summer perfect yes what a choice and it tells you everything you need to know about that man right in that moment. Right in that moment, which is you cannot trust anything. Everything is on the table. Totally unpredictable.

Lying man. That is what we are doing. Playful, dishonest, whimsical, a little dangerous. That choice is what we need to find with this letter order and Dylan any progress on the word we spell

oh I'm working on it I think by the end of the episode I'll have it okay we'll check in with you then I do want to get back to the the introduction to the email yes uh what if it's like to whom it may concern and that's you by the time we're done with this email it might concern many or like you know what i mean something like great okay i forget what i said i kind of had like a i had a thing we can go up and down no like i'd like the idea of going up and down because to whom it may concern very formal that that's you dummy like we're taking we're you know

speaking more in the colloquial and we're on the yeah you know can I throw something out there? Maybe it isn't just the one email. A lot of, Oh, you know, one can be formal and then one can kind of be playful. Oh, weatherman calling for a blizzard, a little bit of an email storm heading,

uh, localized entirely in your inbox my friend school's out if we sent all the messages just like in the subject lines so you have to scroll you just scroll through your inbox and you're reading all these pieces that's a piece within itself that's a piece that structure is a piece i had the headline of the piece is help i'm trapped in the subject line that that isn't that how we live now isn't this like like how evocative is that stuff about working from home is really funny aren't you you supposed to be doing the other thing?

The word? Aren't you supposed to be doing that? Aren't you working on that project? Oh, me? Yes. I can't contribute. Okay. No, I'm not going to get there.

Can you? You tell me. You tell me. I said that to stall, to buy time. I'm not going to get there. Okay. Not going to check in at the end of the episode. I have an element.

Love it. If you have something love to be surprised. You didn't go to middle school either. No, she's losing years. No, I didn't. I just didn't say no,

no high school, no middle school, no elementary school. I mean, like you didn't go to hell. You just said you had a, you had an elementary school education, but not there.

I have an education. I made it through half of second grade. And then I was like, I'm good. Okay. Good, not great. No. I love this working from home area. Yeah.

Because we are all trapped inside the email subject. Right. That's what the Zoom box feels like, right? I mean, here's an area for us to work with. Is that a Zooming... Can I just talk to you? Hang on to this? Hang on to this?

Yeah, I'll hang on to it. I'll hang on to it. It's taken Kevin a really long time to change. If it's like a head in a pants like situation i do just want to check in we want to know if we need to call anyone to head over there and get him unstuck because it for unfortunately he doesn't have any scissors in his house and so we need whoever goes to stop at a joanne fabrics as well first so that they can uh remove him because the way he gets wedged in there where it's like i mean last time his head and his arm were through

a sleeve hole and then the sort of torso hole was wrapped over that so he he would have been in a bad way if we didn't get some i'm sure like and then you start freaking out and you start flailing your arms around he makes it worse and worse yep yeah yes um but you're okay Kev I'm back now my head was stuck oh your hair looks a little fucked up

I kind of like it yeah what were you thinking about I look Randy what were you thinking about in the sleeve uh just when i'm gonna die what did you figure out really soon at the time probably it's what you were thinking yeah when you're in there you go like could be any moment yeah yeah you know you're cutting off the oxygen to your brain everything got dark quick well yeah that wasn't that was this that was the because my eyes were closed well no but if they were that's

also part of it but yeah i have a mcsweeney's pitch do you want to hear it it might be a little too topical and i'm sorry if anyone's thing i'm sorry if any of you are learning this for the first time r.i.p comedy james corden announces he's leaving the late late show so it's a eulogy for comedy yeah this is real maybe it's the epitaph on on comedy's gravestone right are you joking or is he leaving he's joking you're not he's leaving the late late show james corden is he getting getting bumped up to the big chair doesn't seem like it he's leaving for a more prominent talk show although what hit his brand even play any earlier it's so dangerous it's it's pretty dark stuff that's why it's late late i don't know if i'm comfortable with my kid turning on the television at 11 30 and seeing some of what he's willing to put out there

some of those insults they're doing on those mics you know what maybe it's good that it's ending but it's at its at its peak you know what i mean like maybe it's good that it's ending now i just hate seeing you just like run through like all these different stages of grief yeah the responses to this i i'm comforted by the knowledge that this is not true james would not leave us with the world at war in our darkest moment when we need him more than we ever have and that's quite a bit. Okay. Here is my. New McSweeney's. Pitch. Is.

Is Zelensky and Putin doing carpool karaoke together? What does that look like? Okay. I bet. I mean. Zelensky would have to be a little funny he was a comedian is it one of those like weird who's in the car first yeah no i'm asking you like like like usually it's like someone's in the car and they're doing carpool karaoke

and then someone else comes in is it one of those who's in the car first? Right. Oh, that's a classic. That's a classic. It's got to be one of those who's in the car first. No. Who is in the car first? You know what it is?

It's not carpool karaoke. And this is a little edgy. Tank pool karaoke. Tank pool karaoke. Okay, so probably Putin's driving around in his tank. And then he goes, hey, look, somebody needs a ride. And then Zelensky gets in. And then they're like, awkward. Exactly.

And then if there are a song that like could talk about like the awkwardness or like, like what, what's the right song for them to do? Maybe they sing, uh, forget you. CeeLo's forget you.

Oh yeah. Well, I'm driving around town with the dictator like forget you and they like put their fist up at each other and then he's like hey come on that's interesting so that's definitely

McSweeney's piece maybe they sing for Good from Wicked. They sing what? They sing For Good from Wicked. Oh, I was going to say Señorita by Camila Cabello. It's Camila Cabello. But that's good. But that's a great song.

Señorita's a good choice choice senior reader could be really good we didn't start the fire i guess i there has got to be yes pandemic version we didn't start the fire yes you did wait a minute yes you did um yeah no pandemic version of we didn't start well that's its own i mean that's its own piece that's just modernized we didn't start the fire just like to the tune of we didn't start the fire and it's and it's we didn't start the dumpster fire which is basically what the whole country has been like since about forever now. Oh, Kevin, it's until summer 2023. But we have to sit with that for a year.

No. See, this is James knowing exactly how long we need to adjust to this news. In 15 months of sitting with this, that's when I'll be ready to say goodbye. He's going to do a lot of stuff now, though, because he's like, I'm going to shit. Nothing to lose now. Absolutely. I think every three months, he he's gonna do the show one less

day a week that's what happens that's what happens with all these guys that's what they do yeah but he'll be doing the most edgy out there all the shit that he was a little too afraid the most like off the rails like wild stuff he's gonna go you know what what can they even do to me because i never saw this as james's final destination honestly as much as i've loved him you know existing in this box you can't keep him in a box i mean that's what makes him that's the thing that's the thing about him is it's it's everything right it's acting it's singing it's driving he can do it all no he's triple threat he's triple threat the car's gonna have such little gas at that point that was a hate gum podcast