Hollywood Handbook - Edgar Momplaisir and Jacquis Neal, Our Culture Kings Friends

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

The Boys welcome Culture Kings hosts EDGAR MOMPLAISIR and JACQUIS NEAL to the Earwolf family. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm not going to. I can control it because I'm not going to spend money on nobody. Oh, you're not going to get shit. Yeah, I'm not going to get anybody anything. Like no presents or anything? No presents, no birthdays. Isn't gifts your love language? It is, but I'm trying to change my love. I'm trying to find new ways to love. You can't change your love language. It's a part of you.

It's like a nature versus nurture thing. I don't believe that. I believe I can become words of affirmation. I don't think you can become words of affirmation. Say some nice shit about me. Okay. You know what? You have been dressing a lot better lately.

That's mean. That's not mean. That's mean as shit. I'm just saying I can see that you've made money this year. Man, you used to be poor and ugly as shit. But you looking good now. Did you see Steph Curry's penis yesterday? I did. I also did, and i'm mad at myself i'm mad because i searched for it yeah but i didn't search for his penis i just

searched for the memes and then i came across his penis like i specifically put steph curry penis So it was me and Sonic. Ah, Sonic. Sonic, the two gentlemen. The gentlemen, yes. Sonic, the Sonic boys. And we were talking tots, talking tater tots. We have a little show called Talking Tots where we just discuss different ways that you can prepare

Tater Tots. Shows. Yes. And it's more shows, the more shows the better. Which is why, obviously our new thing it's a little early for this, but our New Year's resolution is to infiltrate all the other shows on the network, especially the new ones that don't know any better.

The new ones that this is a thing in our contract. It's sort of a primus nocte thing. When a new show comes in, we are allowed to infiltrate it at any time, especially when it seems to be drowning.

Yes. A show is so audibly underperforming. That's crazy because we just started. I need to talk about a penis on a show. To stoop to the level of discuss a penis

on the show. And I go, okay, these guys are desperate. That's desperation. And it stinks. And say a penis. Right now is time when Oh, come on. And say a penis. I mean, listen. Right now is time when I would eat breakfast.

And so you can have a penis? And sausage for breakfast. I mean. And then I'm going to talk about a penis with my friends. I'm sorry. Okay, but I'm confused because usually when I talk about penis, it makes me want. You let him discuss what happened? I'm sorry.

And with his friends. He was telling a story before, if you remember. So we're doing a show. Okay. New Tater Tots show. Just because what people don't realize is these Sonic guys have to be in that car all year round.

And you think, oh, that's fun. They do these commercials and it's like, those commercials are 30 seconds long. Yeah. What about the other 23 hours, 59 minutes and 30 seconds of the day every day that they have to fill? Because imagine somebody comes by and they see the Sonic guy's car and there's nobody in it.

There's no one inside it. It's Sonic. What kind of advertisement is that for Sonic? Imagine. I couldn't tell you what the Sonic guy called it. The food made them go to the bathroom? An empty car. But kind of advertisement is that for Sonic? Imagine. I couldn't tell you what the Sonic guy The food made them go to the bathroom?

An empty car? But the Sonic guy what? The what? You couldn't tell me what their car looks like? I couldn't tell you what their car looks like. That's true.

I've never seen a full shot of the car. I've seen the interior. Yeah, but I've never seen a full shot of the actual car. Well, you'll recognize the car when you do see it because TJ Jagodowski

and Peter Gross will be sitting inside possibly doing the show about different ways you can prepare tater tots with me, your co-host Sean Clements. So you're allowed inside the car? No, that is part of the issue for the show is the sound is not great because

I'm outside and the windows are up. And that has been a challenge. But also, there's something cool sonically about the... Sonically. Wow. I swear to God I didn't plan that. No, I know.

I swear I didn't plan that. No, I felt it. That's fucking awesome. I felt that one. That's so fucking cool when that happens. That's improv. That is improv. That is improv.

This is why scripted entertainment is dead That is improv. This is why scripted entertainment is dead. This is why. No, Parks and Rec started it. They started improv. No scripts. They had scripts, but they were more of like a guide. If you want.

You can see that in Chris Pratt's performance. Oh, yeah. You can clearly see that he was like, I'm not doing the script. Because his character is supposed to be very serious, very grounded. Yes. Very nasty. Very nasty. He's supposed to be talking about penis at breakfast time.

This kind of stuff. And instead, he has a funny band and he's sweet, he's in love. Falls into holes. Fall in a hole, break leg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The show, this is now Hollywood Handbook. It's an insider's guide. Did you guys not have a theme song?

Deal with it. I mean, no theme song? We usually do. We talk first and then our theme song comes in. And then it comes in. What? You know, that's how we do our podcast. Yeah.

That's how we do our show, Coach. Things are going to be a little different. Okay. Here at Earwolf how so? are they gonna change us? are they gonna change us? yeah they changed you

the song is at the front it's the fucking corporate structure yeah it's the freaking Yankees we're the Yankees now? welcome to the bigs we were time to shave

the talking off the front of the episode I can't have a mustache of conversation no shave the talking off the front of the episode. I can't have a mustache of conversation? No. Not even. This ain't the Tampa Bay Muskrats anymore or whatever. Damn, we wasn't even in the majors.

We was in the minor leagues. Well, it's the Yankees now, baby. And this is Insider's Guide. And we are talking to, and we all have these names, don't we? That we give ourselves. My sweet friend here is Senor Clem Dog

Get a Bone. I am, of course, His Holiness the Handsome Hazeman, Mr. Borrow Your Girl. We don't steal here. She will be returned, and all the better for the journey. And you have these names which are the cultural kings. The cultural kings.

Talk a little bit about why you say that. That's a good question. It is a good question. I think it I think we just picked four names and that was the best one out of the four. What's the others? Black Talk, I think, was one of them. Just a terrible name.

It was a very bad name. I can't remember the other ones. Is it Play On Back Talk? It was a Play On Back Talk. Was it? Or possibly even Smack Talk, like in the chat of your Yahoo Fantasy League. Or like the WWE program smack talk. My nerd.

No, it's the chat. Okay. All right. The AOL chat? No, the Fantasy League. It's on Fantasy. AOL doesn't have Fantasy League. I don't do Fantasy League.

In the chat, yeah. And you can talk smack to your homies. Yeah. And if you're beating their ass, man, in a game, go ahead and drop a little friggin' nastiness on them. And just let them know, hey, check this car. Yeah, you don't have to go to their house anymore.

I can just type my shit. Remember you used to have to go wait in their driveway for them to get home? And when they were across country, it was real tough. Because you'd have to cancel plans, you'd have to... And then for us, you can't just have a random black dude standing in your driveway. No, you'd have to come up with an excuse of why you were there.

So you're probably taking on some sort of a job as a plumber or a satellite installer. You needed a uniform. Also, you could say, check the score. Speaking of satellite, one of the advantages of the Yahoo Fantasy Smack Talk chat, the government is not listening. Really? They're not?

No. It's a way to exchange encoded, encrypted messages. Because I'm on ESPN and the government's always checking it. The shit you could plan in the Yahoo Fantasy Smack Talk chat. Is that where it all is planned? Yes. You have to disguise it as smack. You have to begin it with like, hey, bitch.

Yeah. Yeah. Stuff to make them tune out. Yeah. So how would this be? Hey, check the score. Oh, So how would they go? Hey, check the score. Oh,

notice some of these numbers in the hollow tree. The blueprint is behind declaration of independence. Let's go get it. Yo, yo shit suck. Meet me at United Airlines at 4 p.m. At LAX. Wear very light clothes.

All right. I get it. Love languages. Oh my god. So now y'all want to talk about what we was talking about. In a better way. Do it the right way. It actually is an interesting topic if you discuss it properly.

What's everyone's love languages? Apparently mine's are gifts, but I'm trying to change it. Mine's hygiene. That's good. Is that one of the five? Are there five? There's only five. There's five. What are they? It's gifts, words of

affirmation. Modern furniture. No. Isn't it? Like an Eames chair? No. That's like language. See, that's the problem is that we're getting mixed up between love language and like language. Spaghetti sauce, one of them? That's like language.

That's like language, too. That's like language. Okay. How many of those are there? There's 17. 17. Oh, okay. Spaghetti sauce, modern furniture.

And Eve Furniture is one of them. Okay. So, all right. Wow, maybe I've never been in love. I've only been in like with everyone. Because there's also wood tap language, which is also very different. Talk about that. Wood tap language is which is also very different. Talk about that. Wood tap language is like

very good at spelling. Oh, okay. And you would tap that? You would tap that. When you see them handwrite the word entrepreneur without checking? Yes.

You go, I would tap. I'm impressed by that. Who the fuck can spell entrepreneur without checking? E-N-D-R-E-P-R-E-N-E-U-R. Did you say D? And I would tap. I'm impressed by that. Who the fuck can spell entrepreneur without checking? E-N-D-R-E-P-R-E-N-E-U-R. Did you say D? And I would tap that. Sorry to get everyone horny at breakfast.

Listen, yeah, it's breakfast time. We can talk about penis, but we can't be horny. Not until 11.30. Interesting where you draw your lines. Edgar. Yeah. What is this love language of yours? Words of affirmation.

Okay. He needs to be confirmed. So give me an example. So like if I do something for you, I don't need you to like do something. For me? Yeah. Buddy, you can't do anything for me. I mean, okay.

You think you could do something for me? Check the scoreboard. What you trying to say? What you really trying to say? Check the fucking scoreboard. He's going to do something for me. Okay. Which I'll plan it.

Thanks. Appreciate it. Well, that's it. There you go. You just gave him awards of affirmation. So you're in love now. I'm in love. Yes.

Wow. Yes. That's so easy. What are the other ones, though? There's love, gifts, acts of service. Acts of service. Oh, you do know.

No, that's just the one I know. And acts of service, amazingly, is what your wife, Steffi Graf, is so good at. Yes, that's what... Oh, wow.

She has one of the fastest acts of service. The service box, yeah. She has the service box. No, her act of service, yeah. Was just absolutely demolishing the service box. Just painting the corners of the service box. Are you guys doing good?

We are not doing well now. But there was a time. Is that a subject we shouldn't broach? You know what? I should talk about it more. I'm not allowed at the house. It's time to talk about it. Yeah.

Obviously, I told a story a few weeks ago about really the last time I saw her was that I drove my big old pickup truck onto her lawn, put on the high beams, drank about 50 beers, and tried to get a look at her and whoever that man was inside the house with her. And you couldn't see? I couldn't see too good, but also everything was pretty blurry from the 50 beers. Sean, can I give you some notes on your approach? I just feel like you went in there very obviously, and if you had probably gone in as perhaps a satellite worker or, you know, a postman

or something, you could have probably gotten a better look, but you went onto her lawn with your truck, with your high beams on. She's just my wife. That's fair. I mean, yeah, but there's no better way. I think it's more, I would say it's more disturbing for me to pretend

to be a satellite worker to get into my wife's house. Depends on what side. What about George Clooney's satellites? Oh, yeah, the ones that track. George Clooney is watching Sudan. satellite worker to get into my wife's house than to drive up on her mom with a big ass pickup truck. What about George Clooney satellites? Oh, yeah. The ones that track.

George Clooney is watching Sudan. Yes. And for like noble purpose. Noble reasons. Yes. So what if you borrow George Clooney's

Sudan satellite for a bit? And I go over there to go, hey, can I set this up? Yeah, you need to watch Sudan. If you was my, if you was my, if you was my husband, I would let you in to do that. Oh, my God. This is so nice.

Even with my man. These are words of affirmation, I think. Is this crossing over into just being told that if I were your husband, I would be allowed to watch Sudan in your house? You are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm feeling in love all of a sudden. Well, listen, guys. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And I'm feeling in love all of a sudden. Well, listen, guys, that was our goal. By the time we walk out of here, we're all going to be in love. Goals. Goals.

Hashtag goals. Hashtag goals. Wife goals. Hashtag podcast wife goals. What's, uh, okay. So this show, you're being the cultural kings and what's the different things

that you do on there? Segments is so important, can I just say. We must have segments. It must be very clear what a segment is. We got to have segments here now, too? Oh, yeah. I don't like how much they're changing us.

Yeah, you got to have segments. We put them in afterwards. We decide based on what we're talking about. Yeah. And then we'll have Kevin put in later, like, now it's time for the penis reprimand and then we'll reverse engineer it

based on what we were saying that sounds like a lot of work for Kevin it does he just says like five words that's still more work than we make people yeah we don't make our producers do anything who's your producers? Matt Apodaca.

Matt Apodaca. That's our producer. We treat him well. The black spot, the kiss of death of a podcast. Is Matt Apodaca? Damn, nobody told us that. The Apod That curse. I did hear that Spanish

Aki Presents got cancelled because he was their producer. Damn, they gone now? Yeah, well, first he had us try to fix the show. What were you guys' notes to Spanish Aki Presents? More Spanish. More Spanish? Can we get a little more Spanish? Okay.

It's in the fucking title. I mean, what's the appropriate amount of Spanish for them? You want me to put a percentage on it? Yeah. 100%. So any English. No English at all. So it should be El Español, a key percentage.

So this is like a very successful bit that we did in the episode. Okay. All right. That's fair. That's a good name. All right. Well, all right. Let me ask you guys this.

What should, because we, here's what we do. We don't do segments. No. So if we are the cultural king you're the pros here so you deliver a pizza and you're like enjoy and it's just a big circle and it has no piece no cut

just reach in and grab a hunk and everyone have to eat it all take it at the same time with their hands and hold it up and eat in from the outside but let me ask you, would you prefer a small little square or would you prefer a big ass slice that you control

what you get? But a circle is not a slice. But it's a whole piece and that's good. How many squares can I have? Six. Six squares. Six squares. Versus what, did you say a big-ass slice?

Maybe I'm a square. Sign me up for the first one. Sounds good. Jesus. They're small squares, though. I like the square kind because I like my finger to be in the cheese when I'm eating. I don't like when my finger is on bread. I like my finger to be

all the way in the cheese. I fold it. I'm allowed to fold it. I'm allowed. Do you eat it with a fork? Eat my pizza with a fork and knife. Fork and knife. That's a little song I would sing sometimes if I was going to eat my pizza with a fork and knife.

Does that answer your question, Hotshot? It did. It did. No segments. No segments. So let me just tell you a little thing about being considerate. very hard for you to go on other shows and for that show to like do a parody version of your show when there is no segment to like construction idea around. We have one segment that we do at the end of our show.

And this is called being polite. Consider it. Thank you. It's queen of the week. Yes. Okay. And in five seconds, you have to think of a woman of color that you want to,

that you want to shout out for that week. Meghan Markle. Okay. That's a good... And potentially an actual queen. Yes. Potentially an actual queen. So, it makes it hard for you to do the show in the future.

Because everyone will be less correct than that one. Yeah, he fucked up our segment. Yeah, that really fucks us. That fucked up. You got one, that really fucks us. That fucked up. Yo. You got one, Sean? Margot Merkel. Normally, you can't have the same one.

Same one? No, you can't have the same one. But we just said that's the right one. But no, but no. But there may be multiple right ones. You got to tell us. Margot Merkel. That's the same name.

No, I know. Okay. Putting a cap on the Number of shoutouts that women of color Can receive I don't know It's not necessarily the America I live in But

Just one for Meghan Markle Okay Alright we got another one We got another segment And it's called Would You Rather Oh yeah we do a Would You Rather. Okay. Okay, we know about this.

Should I hit him with the classic one? Hit him with the classic one. Give me the big one. Here's a classic Would You Rather from Culture Kings. I'll ask both of you this. All right, Would You Rather. This is crazy. Okay, I'm ready.

Keep building it up. No, no, no, don't start it yet. Keep building it up. Let me tell you start it yet keep building it up let me tell you no no i'm not ready yet keep keep like you know this is gonna be crazy but when we get the right frame of mind when we get to the end of this question you're gonna be like that's the question you access okay and well and i'm gonna be like how do i answer you might not want to answer okay but i want an answer okay all right here we go here it is would you rather have sex with a goat and nobody ever thinks you did no matter what

yes no not lebron james an actual billy goat. Oh, Bill Wennington. Yes, number 34 of the Chicago Bulls from 1994 through 1998. Bill Wennington. Notice, like, you know. No, no, no. Is Jordan winning all those rings? Is he doing it by himself? I'm sorry.

There were other guys out there? There were other guys I'm sorry. There were other guys out there? There were other guys on that team. There were other guys on that team. And we needed our backup center. We needed our backup center. You're right. Or would you rather not have sex with a goat, but everybody thinks you did, no matter what you say?

Everybody's going to think you did. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, wow. I could make it cool. And I have to pick one. You got to pick one. You got to pick one. Absolutely, 100%.

I would prefer that everyone see me have sex with a girl. If I'm going to be guilty, I'm going to do it. Like, if I pick the second one and everyone thinks I did, no matter what I said, I know that's the case, then I'm doing it for cash. Oh, you're going to make a business out of it.

Please, goals. Come see. You know what? You kind of modified my answer because now I want to have sex with a goat in front of everybody, but have everyone walk away thinking that I didn't. Yeah, it's like a gaslight. You didn't see that. of modified my answer because now I want to have sex with the goat in front of everybody but have everyone walk away thinking

that I didn't. Yeah. It's like a gaslight. You didn't see that. Well, he wouldn't be willing to do it in front of us. And I do it in front

of everybody. I'd go wild. Exactly. They go like, there's no way that he's really doing it. There must be some kind of mirror

or something. There's a mirror. There must be a mirror in the goat's ass. And my dicks is hitting up against the mirror. It must be, and it looks like it's going inside the goat. And think of what you can get away with while you're doing this. So while the goat is on there, you just walk into the bank,

and you just get all the money. Yes. And technically, while that's happening, everything you're doing, nobody will ever believe you did it. No one can understand that it happened. Yeah, exactly. So the only challenge is not to bust too fast. Well, damn. And what a challenge it is because just the sheer excitement of knowing that you can get away with anything.

It's sort of like being in the Yahoo Fantasy chat smack. But in real life. In real life. That's so fucking sexy. Yeah. No, that's juicing me up with horniness as well. Before 1130? Even before 1130.

So you were talking about penis earlier and Steph Curry penis. And you're searching for it. We were searching for the memes. We were searching for the memes. But there's a meme about his penis. So then you see his penis eventually. You could say We were searching for the memes. We were searching for the memes. But it's a meme about his penis. So then you see his penis eventually. You could say we were searching for the memes. And did you see it?

I did see Seth Curry's penis. We did see it. I don't know if it was his. It is. Well, the Warriors are saying it's not his. I think it's his. They're famous for altering medical reports. They are.

They also said it wasn't Kevin Durant's leg. Similar to what they did. Oh, yeah. After Durant got hurt, they're like, that's not his leg. Come on. reports there they also said it wasn't kevin durant similar to what they did oh yeah after durant got hurt they're like that's not his leg no come on what are you talking about he hurt his hand cut to his leg explodes his leg explodes on live television that's his hand guys be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that i always get people stop me and they say like hey i like i i trust you i know like you when you endorse a product it's something that you

really use and care about but there's one language that i'm trying to learn and that's body language so can babble teach me body language yes babble now has visual in-person lessons part of their quick 10 minute lessons that they do for other languages handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks babbles designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something

they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i I'm like, am I supposed to pull over and get out of the car? Or just do it out the window as I'm going?

That's what I've been doing. That seems dangerous. But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, Accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others. Can't feel good to be others there.

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and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys hollywood handbook this is so interesting because we also have a show called the flagrant ones yeah that is unaffiliated with this network yeah and it's so you talk about this would you rather concept and we actually did that first a really good one even before this show we did it last week. Hardwood You Rather.

It was called Hardwood You Rather. And it was a really successful segment. It wasn't necessarily about having sex with goats, but we still found a way to have fun. Do you want to play? You teach us.

We're here for you to teach us. I know normally people will teach you. We're just pulling content that we've already done from other episodes of shows. Okay. Would you rather have, hard would you rather have, on your basketball team, Anthony Davis or Lewis? And now Lewis is a guy who every shot he takes from inside half court, he hits. Okay. He will hit it.

Okay. If he can get the shot off. Okay. He's very small. He's 5'3". Okay. He's slow as well. He's unusually slow.

Okay. Slow release. So if he can get the shot off, though. If he can get it. His release is not fast. So he can be blocked. Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, he will probably get blocked a lot.

Okay. With every shot. Every shot. You're a coach of a team. Okay. You could have Anthony Davis. He's good. Okay.

Or you could have Lewis. Let me ask you this. Can I? I just want to clarify. When I say every shot, it's good. Okay. Or he could have Lewis. Let me ask you this. I just want to clarify. When I say like every shot, it's like 99%. It's not like a superpower. He's just unbelievably good. But he has to get it off.

Insanely accurate. He has to get it off. He would be the best shooter the league has ever known if not guarded. And it has to be like a shot. He can't just like underhand. Well, and I asked this, and in fact, he can. Yes, he can. just like underhand well and i asked this and in fact he can yes he can it takes him a long it takes him even longer to underhand it than it does to shoot you're gonna see that coming by the time it okay who else is on his very likely to get who else is on this roster

that's a good question i mean it's your's your team. Okay. Because if I could get people... You're the Indiana Pacers. Yeah. Okay, because if I get some solid screens, I could get him open. This is something we talked about. And I do want to clarify, he's not coming off those screens with a lot of... So he's...

With much burst. He is physically the worst athlete of all time. Certainly that the NBA has... Well, it depends how you define athleticism. I mean, the guy hits 99% of his shots inside a half court. But that's skill. That's skill. That's not like athletic burst. Okay. Right? Because you have people who are phenomenal.

It's definitely not burst. Kenneth Farid is a phenomenal athlete, but a terrible shooter. Alright, is Kenneth Farid even in the league still? He is busy right now. And the thing is, his schedule just has been insane. Oh, don't say October through June.

Oh, no, I'm so busy. No, it's July. Not for him. I'm taking Lewis, the manimal. You have to take Lewis. One thing we discussed was perhaps the rest of your team, as I think you were sort of leaning towards, could sort of

form a barricade around it. It's a new sport. With Lewis, I can create a new NBA. AD is dope, but he's just playing the same game that we all play. But this is a bad plan, because what if... I mean, there's going to be one time where he gets a miss and the other team is going to easily get the rebound

because everyone's just standing around him. On defense, it's a big challenge. Yeah, well, can I take it to the other side of the court? How is he, is he just useless on the defensive side of the court? Great question. No, he shoots about 30. Oh, on defense. On defense. Yes, absolutely.

He's useless. Completely useless. He's useless. Well, so you're playing five of them. And also, you can try to hurt him. The other team. So you get bad boys pissing him? He would get hurt pretty easily.

The other team can beat him up. He's very fragile, Lewis. But even if he's hurt, he's shooting like 85% from three. What about from the line for some freebies? How is he from the line? But even if he's hurt, he's shooting like 85% from three. What about from the line for some freebies? How is he from the line? 99.9%. Okay, so then if he were to get fouled during one of these long releases, that would be to my advantage.

Yeah, yes. He could probably only sustain two or three fouls. Two fouls a game. Yeah. Before he breaks a collarbone. Before he's got to go to sleep for a while I'm going with Anthony Davis

you are I'm still gonna go with Lewis you cannot miss a shot ever I'm still gonna go with Lewis I'm gonna go with Lewis

we need to have Lewis out there and it's just it's not interesting he deserves a spot Anthony's minutes without LeBron are not encouraging

who are some queens lately that you guys have been shouting Minutes without LeBron are not encouraging. Who are some queens lately that you guys have been shouting at? Queens, yeah. That we've been shouting out lately? We haven't done a segment. Wow. No more queens. We've shouted out Kirby. Eggo.

Eggo. Lacey. Oh, it's all your friends? Lacey. We've had... I mean, you know, Issa Rae. Eggo. Eggo. Lacey. Oh, it's all your friends? I mean, you know, Issa Rae. Eggo. We had... Ayo? Oh, we shot at Ayo.

We had Ayo first. We had Lacey. People mentioned Kirby to us for a while, and then she got too famous. Don't want to do the show. Yes. Yeah. And should not do the show. No.

She did the show. Yes. Yeah. And should not do the show. No. If I was in her life in a significant way, I would recommend her. Don't do the show. But who would you be in her life? Let's fantasy play it. I'm Eve. Oh, wow. Would you rather be in Kirby? I'm Eve.

I'm obsessed with my job. She's in the show Killing Eve. I know. Okay. Everyone's looking at me like, what the fuck? So that's who I would be in her life. Yeah. You would be Eve? You would. Okay. Everyone's looking at me like, what the fuck? So that's who I would be in her life. You would be Eve? Yeah. Oh, that's fun. So she could kill you?

No, she's not doing that, is she? She's looking on the computer. I don't know, maybe season three, we'll see. Do you watch it? At times it implied that she was a betrayer. Well, because what's she doing on the computer all the time? Yeah. My wife and I were watching my wife is carrying? Yeah. My wife and I were watching Killing... My wife is Carrie Ann Moss.

My wife and I were watching Killing Eve, and Kirby was on there, and I leaned over and I was like, she was maybe going to be on our podcast at one point. Oh, man. Bragging. I bet that worked. Yeah.

Who would I be in real life? I think you could be like the plumber. I could be like the satellite guy. Oh, the satellite guy. The satellite guy, yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah.

That scenario. Do British people watch satellite? Oh. Is that something they don't have in Britain? I don't know. They have Sky. The main one is called Sky. Sky 1, yeah.

Yeah. And that's where the satellites are. So I would have to assume yes. Okay. Not DirecTV, though. It's not Direc. Because it's controlled by the government, right? Television?

Mm-hmm. Oh. No Yahoo chats over there. They're fantasy. Yes. So satellite wouldn't work. What just happened for you with the glass? That's the first time that's ever happened.

That's the first time anybody's ever hit the microphone? Yeah, and this is why I continue to podcast. It's because I think I've seen everything. And then somebody hits their water glass on the microphone. I thought every possible movement had been made. No more surprises in podcasts, they say. I just every possible movement had been made in the studio. No more surprises in podcasts, they say. I just did the last surprise.

Well, is it the last? I don't know. I could come up with some other shit. Yeah. I look to you. You're the future of the network. Alright. Do not let Josh see you bang the microphone like that.

Who's Josh? Josh? Oh, God. All right. Do not let Josh see you bang the microphone like that. Okay. All right. Who's Josh? Josh? Oh, God. You got to teach us. We don't know shit. I hesitate to explain. Is the person an engineer in the show?

What's up, Josh? Engineer Ryan is clapping. Can I just say, I'm so glad that Ryan could just have this hour to just enjoy as an audience member now and not have to participate. He's so happy. His feet are up. He's having a blast. Yeah.

It's wonderful to see. Just so relaxed, and he's just got a real positive energy. Engineer Ryan said that he wouldn't be on our show anymore. He requested to never talk on Mike again. That's real bold for an engineer. I mean, not really. They generally don't talk. Nah, but I don't know Ryan at all. I respect him as a person.

I think that he's a great guy. I thought I did. I thought I knew Ryan more than at all. Wait a minute. Is Ryan actually he's engineering our show too now, right? Is that right, Ryan? Oh, shit. Good luck. Well, no. Ryan doesn't talk on this show. Ryan! Ryan, don't even try. Ryan, as your new host, we are allowing you to...

Ryan springs for the mic. What's up, Ryan? Nice to meet you, Ryan. How are you guys doing? It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, Ryan. No refunds, Ryan. Nice to meet you, Ryan.

No refunds, pal. You know, you came prepared to talk on this, and then they just took over our show. Matt can speak for Ryan. I like that. Matt, Matt can speak for Ryan. I like that. Matt, can you speak for Ryan? Yeah, Ryan says hello and he's excited

to work with you guys. Hey, Ryan, where are you from? Ryan's from Denver. Oh. Boulder, Colorado. Oh, Boulder. Oh, okay. Same thing.

I took a guess and I was almost right. Thank you, Ryan. Ryan, it's so nice to meet you. It's great to meet you guys. How do you know Engineer Devin and their friends? Are you pen pals? What? Devin's from Boulder also. Oh, shit's so nice to meet you. How do you know Engineer Devin and their friends? Are you pen pals?

What? Devin's from Boulder also. Oh, shit, I'm talking to you now. What the heck? What the fuck, man? That's not the fucking rules, bro. Damn, everybody getting messed up. Is this what y'all do over here?

Y'all break fucking rules? Hey, whoa, hold on, Edgar. No, it's not. That is not what we do over here is break fucking rules thank you for keeping me at check my love language

is stern talking to's that's a like language man we keep telling you that's number 13 of the like languages of the like languages it's stern talking to's you just are like right now

alright you guys have surpassed to love. What's the other two? There's gifts and there is words of affirmation, acts of service. What's the other two? Humping. Humping? It's got to be humping.

It's humping. I mean, sex is a love language. Let's be real. Getting jacked off. That's a like language. Sex is love. Getting jacked off is like. Wow.

Okay. Wow. You've never been loved by someone who was jacking you off? You're like, I like you. And then just like start. Yeah. That's how it normally happens. Okay.

Reaching, reaching to the kingdom. That's what they do. That's what you're the kings of. We're the kings of jerking off kings of the kings of jerking off the cultural kings of jerking off we didn't want to say it right away we wanted you guys to figure it out wow culture is like a petri dish

the breaking bad pilot narrow it down for me the second one where Skylar's like jerking off Walt while she's betting on eBay I like that scene and I thought that Walt was a little bit

of an asshole for not being happy that like you know what I mean like she's multitasking that's okay he's getting jacked off while she's bidding on eBay

you know what maybe I haven't seen this breaking back yeah I was gonna say this actually I don't remember this I don't remember this part at all

I remember he had cancer yeah I think maybe that does happen. It's not the thing that I remember most strongly from the pilot, but it's pretty long. There must be some other stuff. And he's in his underwear for part of it. There's no way I've seen everything that happened in it.

Yeah. Even if I've watched it. That's crazy, man. Yeah, I wouldn't be pissed about that. Yeah, she's multitasking. Well, it's just like, you need to be like, full attention. Yeah, that's crazy.

It depends on what she's betting on, though. What if she's betting on something and it's a bidding war and she... That's exactly what the scene is. It's a bidding war? Yeah, and then she's doing well, she's doing well, and then she's excited and she goes, yes! And he thinks that she's excited for jerking him off, but she's excited because she won something on eBay. What's she bidding war yeah she's doing well she's doing well and then she's excited and she goes yes and he thinks that she's excited for jerking him off

but she's excited because she wants something on eBay what's she bidding on I don't know Conan Bobblehead the Funko Pops probably

Skylar collects Funko Pops collector's items also artists even if it wasn't in there the first time artists will go back in and add segments and just make little tweaks

and this is the magic of streaming television which is like you can go in there and anyone can edit it what's the I don't know yes you can no it's true I know you're all TV people can it's on the computer

if it's on the computer that means you can go in and add your own stuff if you want to I love languages deep faking masturbation scenes now that is a love language that's the fifth one I knew there was another one that is it

I fixed the ending of Lost oh what happened well the one that everyone doesn't like I got rid of it and then I added fixed the ending of Lost. Oh, what happened? Well, the one that everyone doesn't like, I got rid of it and then I added in the ending of First Wives Club where they're all singing in the restaurant. What are they saying? This will be... This will be... What is it?

This will be... That's the end of Lost now. Oh, wow. I think I like that. And Jack singing. Who's Eddie Jackson? Jack. Jack.

Is that a Lost character? I didn't watch Lost. Okay. Sorry, guys. I'll see myself out. I didn't watch it. This guy was trying to tell me about Lindelof before the show. Jack gets that nickname because of a certain talent that he has.

So now that I think about it, those scenes might have also been gone and put it later because they couldn't have showed about ABC at the time. Yeah, there's no way, right? But now that they're on Hulu, they can show them.

Yeah, they went back in and added some stuff to explain why he has that name, a certain talent that he has. Yeah, a specific talent. So I should watch Lost now? You should. Because I never wanted to,

but this is what it's about. You're going to love it. Okay, so you are a cultural king. And you never even wanted to watch Lost. One of the most impactful cultural shows of the last 21st century. And to me, that is so interesting. And I'm just crunching the numbers here, and this doesn't add up. Let me tell you something, guys.

Let me tell you something. Yeah, go ahead. Tell me something. We're still learning, all right? We don't quite know what we are yet. School is in session. Yeah. So, like, there are things.

The college boys. Where to who? The college boys. College boys. I don't want to go back to college. But you just say you're always learning and school is in session. Yeah. Can we go to, like, after school?

Like, what's after college? Go to after school. There's no after school at college. You didn't have that section of college where you're playing Power Rangers while you're waiting for your mom to pick you up? There's no after school program at college. Are you sure? Are you sure? There's a lot of programs at college.

I know, but it's just not... I took D.A.R.E. class after college. No, it's not like that at college what then what was i in i don't believe you i don't believe you tricked maybe what no i remember like we would do gymnastics and then we'd all sit down we'd watch an episode of power rangers we'd get fruit snacks and a juice box doesn't even really sound like regular school no this is what happens at historically black college college it is yeah? Yeah, that's what we're getting confused on. You guys are talking about regular college.

We're talking about historically black colleges and or universities. Okay, and we should have clarified that. We should have clarified that at the top. Okay. That's right. When you're watching Power Rangers after college. Yeah, after I call it. After school.

Drinking juice. Yeah. after college yeah after I called after school drinking juice yeah didn't you ever wonder like you know it's sort of they always start out fighting

just like punching and kicking yeah then they get in the machine yeah then they put all the machine together yeah

then they would call they would like blow a flute and the freaking big dragon would come in and blow up the thing. Just fuckin' bring the dragon. Just start with the dragon. Start with the flute. Just fuckin' do the flute. And have the dragon.

Cause that's where we're gonna see this after a number of weeks in a row. There's rules to this. We've established you guys break the fuckin fucking rules. You can't just go there. You have to punch and kick first. Now I know what Sean's sex life is.

You go to the dragon blowing up shit first. You got to work your way there, baby. Excuse me. No, Sean, I can hear it now. I can hear it now. Excuse me. I can hear it now. You play the flute first.

No. No. No. Excuse you, in fact. I think we it now. You go to the, you play the flute first. No, no, no, no. Excuse you. In fact, I think we know where you went wrong, sir, sir, sir. It's okay. You can process you sir this is our show calm down Sean calm down let it out they don't know what they're doing

Edgar and his friend the cultural king it's Jacky's it's Jacky's you guys have been sitting on that because you didn't want to get it wrong for the past 35 minutes but it's Jacky's

normally we do a very complete introduction of all of our guests Jacky's and his friend yes yes yes yes Edgar complete introduction of all of that, I guess. John Keyes and his friend. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Edgar. If you say so. You have no idea

what my sex life is like. But just imply otherwise. On our shared podcast, the Hollywood cultural handbook Kings is so disrespectful. It makes me want to try to your house with my big ass pickup truck, turn on the high beams, blast the radio drink about 50 beers here's where your plan goes wrong okay i live in an apartment okay and there's nothing to drive up to

so you and i would never see snow tires your truck has snow tires yeah Yeah. Yeah. And chains. It's got chains on it. But you would have to drive through the building to get to me. Okay. Is there a courtyard or anything? You're going to destroy a lot of shit. So there is a courtyard. There is a courtyard. That's a yes.

There's a courtyard. That is a yes on the courtyard. There's a courtyard. Wait, I want to know Where you got them snow tires at Costco No no no no no They revoked my membership No that makes sense

Well I had sniffed out Sort of the Way to scam Costco You know those chickens Are a loss Lee That's just to get you In the door Those roasted chickens So if that's all you buy you know, those chickens are a loss, Lee. That's just to get you in the door, those roasted chickens. So if that's all you buy, they're never making any damn money off you.

Especially if you buy them all. Yeah, if you buy them all and eat them on site and then say they made you sick. Oh, okay. And they revoke your membership. Telling everyone else that they made you sick. So if you buy their product and their product makes you sick. Oh, okay. And they revoke your membership. Everyone else said they made you sick. So if you buy their product and their product makes you sick and you let people know, they will take your membership away. Yeah, so it doesn't seem like a very good company policy, which is part of what I said to Costco. But they went ahead and they stamped out the star on my membership card and they just said, no more. No more for you.

Wait a minute. My father used to make those chickens at Costco. No, he did. Yeah, he did. Ain't your father a nurse? My father's a nurse who makes chickens at the Costco. Okay. Which one?

The famous chicken nurse of Costco is your father. Yes. Chicken Nurse Mom Plaisir. Chicken Nurse Mom Plaisir. chicken nurse of Costco is your father. Yes. Chicken nurse mom plaisir. Unlikely. Chicken nurse mom plaisir. There's no way chicken nurse mom pleasure is your dad. Come on. Pretty far-fetched. Come on. I remember one Christmas

he came home and he said, boys, I can't get you any gifts. Why? Because a man came in and bought all the chickens. You know what? Right around that same time. Wait, his salary is tied directly to the chickens? Is that an employee of Costco?

And it's inversely proportionate to how many chicken people are buying? It is inversely. The more chickens that stay on the shelf, the more my father makes. Oh. Hmm. That maybe has something to do with why my mom came home. It's like when people stop going to Costco for the chicken, they also stop coming for the gas. Mm-hmm.

And my mom likes the gas. Your mom is a gas nurse meal. She is. No, she's not. She is. No, she's not. When people stop going for the chicken, they stop coming for the gas. And even though it's at discount rates, they like well if we ain't gonna go for food

then why are we going for the gas and she also came home and said Jackies I can't buy you any more presents and I'm an only child okay well you ruined Christmas wait you became an only child

because of the the gas she had to give back her three other kids she had to give back my other brothers and it's just me now she traded them for for money She had to give back her three other kids. She had to give back my other brothers.

It's just me now. She traded them for... For money. What? Guys. Does your show have a theme song we can hear ever? Sure. We can talk about that. This is going to be a real share.

Does it have one or not? It has a new theme song. It has a new theme song that has not been released yet. But what an opportunity to do it on someone else's show. Yeah, why not? It's in the process of being made. Oh, we don't have it. We don't have it. Can we hear the old one?

Do we have the old one? Yeah, we can have the old one. It's on our Twitter. It's actually, we just retired it. So it's on our Twitter. Ryan, what are, what are we in the Dropbox? Walk us through your process, Ryan.

But don't talk. Ryan wants you to know that he is digging into their shared Dropbox where he's going to pull up the file and then play it. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. If there's anything else you want to know about Ryan, just please ask me. What's his love language?

I think fucking. Yeah, that makes sense. No, no, no. We already said it was... So crass. Nasty. So crass, the way he said it. Hey, welcome to the Culture Kings podcast, the podcast that I don't host. But it is hosted by my good friends Edgar Montplaisir and Jockey Snail.

Very good guys. These guys are just going to talk about pop culture, sports, and a lot of shit. Let's put away for it. Podcast, but like a mosh pit. If you're asking to stop, don't start shit. We're talking sports to politics, to back and forth, to plead the fifth. And now I'm coming back for more. Blank, blank, really big blank.

Basky out with the clowny thing. With the comedians, with the clowny thing. So you better bow down as the coach kings. Welcome to the culture kings, ladies and gentlemen. What the fuck is up? Jaquese, did you see Steph Curry's penis on Twitter? I did. I did.

And I searched for it. Did you search for it? I actually searched for it. I was looking for some memes, and then I just accidentally came across it. And I was like, oh shit, it's Steph Curry. It was a little cricket. It had a little bit of a hook in it. It had a little bit of a hook.

It had a little bit of a little bit of a hook almost like his layup huh this can't be happening guys we can't do this what what what sorry we heard the theme song and we just jump in well it might be nice if you defended him. Okay, well. This can't be.

I can't be doing this, you know. It's not. What? What? It's after breakfast now. Yeah, but. Right now you're fucking with my money. Oh, shit. Oh, money. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I completely. Sean. No, Sean. I completely, every morning, while I'm taking a shit, I read Deadline. Every single morning.

And I read so much Deadline that I forget. And Sean, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot. Stephen Curry and Will Arnett team for basketball comedy at Fox. You pull that up. Sean Clements will write the script and executive produce alongside Arnett and his Electric Avenue topper Mark Foreman. Curry, Jerron Smith, Eric Payton, and Janelle Lindsay of Curry's and Analyst Media. Wait, I can see your phone screen. It's evaporating oh no

the words are fading away like like Marty McFly's brother do we fuck this up for you

I guess we'll find out bye